International Baccalaureate
 | |
| Headquarters | Hell |
|---|---|
Emperor of Nerds | John Goormaghtigh |
Budget | 666,666,666$ |
- Not to be confused with Hell.
The International Baccalaureate program, or International Baccalaureate Organization, otherwise known as IB or IBO; is a non-profit organization regional biome whose inhabitants' income is generated off the sole pain and suffering of the people living there. Despite quite the fancy name, schools offering International Baccalaureate courses are often described as a living hell by its inhabitants, which usually go rogue after years of just existing.
Schools hosting an IB curriculum typically do not care about the mental or physical health of the inhabitants. Just like their sexual organs, the inhabitants' sanity is almost always short-lasting and always has an end, though the end is never definite for some users of the course as they try to salvage their precious, ever-fleeting sanity by masking the pain and torture - that is, being a certain state of mind, called optimism. Unfortunately for those people, some schools have never heard of this kind of behavior, and thus ban anything unusual in an attempt to keep a civilized environment, leading to depression and some more depression.
The IB biome isn't really regional; you can find it anywhere in the world that sucks ass. Note that KCIS is one of the few places with IB that are documented in Uncyclopedia as IB schools often try to keep a low profile.
Luring the victims[edit | edit source]
An International Baccalaureate ecosystem contains specialized hackers, which break into a potential victim's house and install security cameras, without the security. One could even call them stalkers.
When a victim is identified, they are drugged and brought to the Office, where they are then further interviewed and then drugged once more, for safety measures. The excessive drugging may take a toll on their brain health, which in turn leads to confused masturbation (which is just accidentally doing the stuff), which in turn causes their genital organs to slowly shrink and fall off, which is probably the reason to the ever-lasting insanity in these unique habitats.
The Office is typically where the principal (absolute idiot in English+ speak) inhabits, however circumstances may vary across schools. When potential victims of the IB course are taken to the Office, they are given an exam, though the results of the exam do not determine if the person is eligible to sign up for the International Baccalaureate program as they are just a simple ploy to lure students in.
Once a victim is caught, they become part of the IB environment and is unable to physically leave until they turn the age of 18; however by then the inhabitant will likely already be brainwashed by then and go through the synthetic, man-made process of missing school.
A quick overview of daily life in IB[edit | edit source]
The inhabitants of the International Baccalaureate program speak various languages, however most of the inhabitants prefer to refer to themselves as students. Occasionally at times, these so-called students exhibit behavior that could be similar to that of a regular society; having an economy, language, and even hierarchical statuses. Recent discoveries have just shown that students somewhat bear the ability to speak English, though attempts to communicate have been drowned in messages of romance and homework.
Most International Baccalaureate ecosystems give inhabitants some leisure time to enjoy themselves. Names vary across environments, however the most common among schools are lunch, dinner, recess, etc. During this time, students have been shown to produce more serotonin than Finland has ever shown, and coincidentally is the time where they socialize the most. IB language is always difficult to understand as it is always filled with corny in-jokes that no one knows, not even the speaker. They just exist for the sole purpose of existing.
The hierarchy of some International Baccalaureate ecosystems can be complex, yet filled with many little holes. To generalize, most environments' hierarchy goes as following:
- Teachers (lowest status)
- Students
- Manager of the teachers
- All-knowing principal
- The proper principal (highest status)
(This is just a simplification.)
Contrary to popular belief, teachers are actually at the bottom of the hierarchy. This is because in such a hostile environment, the upper classes unrealistically try to make the ordeal of living slightly better, manipulating the teachers and somehow still making the place shittier than The Great Mighty Poo, essentially simulating the ups and downs of Real Life™. And yet somehow, they are not sued for copyright infringement.
Behavioral patterns[edit | edit source]
To put it simply, the seemingly complicated behavior of the animals inhabiting IB can be generalized into a concept formerly known as emergence. For the English speakers, it just means a couple dumbasses come together to become a seemingly smart being. The upper classes in IB are neither both; just off the chart... negative-wise.
The common behavioral patterns between the 4 hierarchical statuses (or specimen) are as follows:
- Students spend 99% of their time relaxing; that is, performing the action that is lying one's head down on a piece of plastic-crap alloy called a desk
- After noticing this common behavior, the teacher will open their mouth and move their vocal cords in such a manner as to form a vibration in the air molecules called an insult
- This action is repeated by the egoistic group of species known as the manager of teachers, the principal and the proper principal.
During the leisurely occasions, all 5 specimen prefer to walk around the environment and blabber nonsense about the answer to the Great Question of Life, The Universe, and Everything, with students reporting that they could never find out the question.
Note that inhabitants of an International Baccalaureate ecosystem typically only know one word: party. This can vary among species.
The above conclusion was a complete guess with our predictotron, which we didn't steal from Mario.
A bit of history[edit | edit source]
1968: The first International Baccalaureate ecosystem was created by a mad scientist under the name of John Goormaghtigh
Late 1968: The experiment goes awry and the IB ecosystem begins to spread
1969: Scientists had just discovered that the micro-ecosystem had developed intelligent life forms, and had the power to modify human DNA
1980: Countless deaths occur, unrelated to the IB curriculum
1996: IB begins "recruiting" students
2001: An IB school, specifically KCIS crashes one plane into the Twin Towers in NYC, America in a desperate attempt to gain students
2001 (a bit later): A second plane is crashed into the Twin Towers, unrelated to IB
2001-2005: IB remains low-profile after the commotion, disguising itself as a friendly program
2005: The first article on IB is created on Uncyclopedia, which uncovers the dark secrets from this organization
2012: As a plot to hide its true nature, a spy from IB sends said article to VFD, succesfully hiding the truth
2024: The beans are spilled and this article is written again; let's hope this time it isn't sent to VFD too...
