User:Captian Douche Bag/Firestorm
Firestorm[edit | edit source]
The concept of the firestorm is to create a big firey laser to fire at your enemies. The concept & Idea was first made by Henkel de Abattoir. Using capitalist plans (that Henkel stole) Henkel gave Darth Vader plans to build the firestorm aboard death star. Unlike the American's Shit cannons this is powered by Ions & Plasma, which makes the dismembered body parts easy to rid of; considering that they are burned away in the big Shoop Da Whoop style like laser it is, however, a red laser. The command to activate the laser is a very hard to learn code pronounced like: "I AM FIRIN' MA LAZOR!"
Thus in being highly complex Gerhard Schreider, a mad man scientist (like Henkel), whom also made G-series nerve agents kindly helped Henkel in getting the arse kick-u-lator working. It powers the laser using Arse kicking energy of which creates tremendous amounts of Kinetic energy, which use ancient black holes with big pistons to power a motor. See the arse kick-u-lator generator.
Devolpment[edit | edit source]
During development many crabs pissed on the circuit boards of the guidence system. After this Sponge Bob Square Pants never saw me again.....Henkel misses the fun they had....threesomes with "big titty ladies" as he would say. After a while the plans to make shit appeared on Uncyclopedia's highly intellectual & informative site. Shortly after though many douche bags from Wikipedia said:
"There are insufficent citations in your article. We will vandalise this."
Shortly after Henkel launched a cruise missile at the hypocryptical douche bags. This sparked the first use of the Firestorm weapon. After the dark side had ordered more cookies they looked at buying a big ass weapon to but on a big ball. Henkel stated that:
"Darth, you can borrow Numatic's Dildos any time ;)."
Shortly after however the big mysterous monster shat on Henkel's head & said:
"NO! WE NEED BIG POO POO GUN TO BANG BANG PUSSY AMERICANS OUT OF SPACE SHIP PLACE!!"
Then Henkel sold the plans for a box of special Dark Side cookies & the first death star had its big poo poo gun (Firestorm). Darth Vader shat on the Americans & said:
"My shit cannon is bigger than yours! BOOM! Join the dark-side we have cookies >D"
This page was then created.
Universal Reception & News[edit | edit source]
Chuck Norris has implemented the firstorm into his famous "3rd fist". His chin says "Hi"
The Fukushima Nuclear power Plants (Reactors 1-3) partially melted down due to a misfiring test of the Sub-Orbital Defensive platform which house a firestorm weapon belonging to Universal hero Captian Douche Bag. The local area was destroyed as a earthquake & tsunami resulted after the weapon engaged. Hello Kitty drowned as a result, as well as DasBoschitt (Creator of Gmod Idiot Box) leaping with joy as Reanamon is now dead.
Mr.Blobby paid $5mill to have a hand-held variant of the weapon researched
A possy of drunken russian pilots said: "Big weapon good! IT BLOW SHIT UP LIKE YOUR MOTHER BLOWS MY COCK!" As a result Vladamir's mother is now refered to as 'The Henry Hoover' after the engineering marvel of Numatic International (Numatic are currently under investiagtion for squandering money for buying dildos)
A particle cannon accident was perceieved to first be an offensive strike against the Empire after a TAI fighter patrol was destroyed.
References[edit | edit source]
What the fuck are these?! Oh yeah.
Darth Vader, 2513-02-11,02-3991H Optimus Prime System "My Shit cannon is bigger than yours! BOOM! join te dark-side we have cookies >D"
Comments[edit | edit source]
Please add to this if you have had any experience with the firstorm & big poo poo guns. The intergalatic space bunny thanks you
a Captain Douche Bag invention & is protected by Kiss-Ass (patents) numbers:
5UcK mY H41Ry C0cK & y0Ur M0m 1S L0053