User:Swindontownfc/Swindon Town F.C.

“You're so shit, you're so shit, you're so shit we scored”

~ A Swindon Town Chant

“I like burgers with mayonnaise”

~ A Swindon Town fan trying to explain why he likes Swindon

“When your in row z and the ball hits you on the head thats Pericard, thats Pericard”

~ A Swindon Town chant about their best striker

Swindon Town FC are a team from the West Country in England. They play in a field which used to be home to several pig sties hence 'swine' in 'Swindon'; this is a source for endless amusement among the populace, notably those with diminished mental capacity. Swindon Town play a game called football however the players don't appear to have realised this since putting the ball in the back of the net seems fairly low on their list of priorities. Their proudest moment was when in 1993, after a mix up with Swansea and a dyslexic or two, Swindon were promoted into the Premier League. Unfortunately star player Jan 'under' age fjort-of-t 'meaning of life yet', surprisingly didn't score the ambitious 1,000,000,000 goals he promised and as a result Swindon were relegated to the surprise of absolutely nobody.

Swindon Town has something of a rivalry with a team which is even worse than they are, possibly. That team is Oxford or 'dat uni for dem posh peeps innit' as the people from Swindon say, that is when they are not drinking Special Brew or beating each other up in seedy drinking pits.

The Ground

A funny caption goes here

Most people wouldn't want to go there, especially when football is being played. This is mainly because it is in a place that even makes Scunthorpe (which most people find 'fishy' at times to say the least) seem like a haven where all that can be heard is birdsong.

Then there is the magic roundabout which is in effect a roundabout within a roundabout within a roundabout seven times over allowing you to go the wrong way on it. It was designed to keep out the peasants from Swindon Town FC but in the end it just locked them in.

Fans

Swindon Town fans claim proudly to be "The third most cleverest" fans in the country after the Dyson fan (which may I point out is pretty slick) and that one which people use in japan (you know, that paper one). Most fans are normally massively overweight due to the huge amount of grease, fat, salt, sugar, cyanide and uranium in the burgers they sell at the county ground. However they share a common hate for the "Poxford scum". It is unclear whether this is a horrible disease that they dislike catching or the Oxford fans, we may never know. The manager Called Paul Hart 'Breaker' is not named so for his amazing looks, nor his talent at managing, nor his amazing kindness, nor the five pounds he gave me to write this, it is in fact because he, yes he hates this 'poxford scum' and goes about beating them up with his baseball bat affectionately known as Stanley in his favourite hunting ground of Witney. This story got out when an Oxford fan hired by the show, rogue traders was promptly smacked in a restaurant. Recently the youth team manager Paul Bodin was hired as manager because Paul number one's 'Harty' displays were commonly described by his critics as 'horrible negative relegation football'. Bodin is an ex-Swindon player and has a particular intrest in the youth team which is somewhat suspect in my eyes. At least he isn't as bad as their rivals, Oxford United's player who rammed a banana up a players arse. Also hooliganism has been rife with fans getting somewhat over excited by the mix of beer and rubbish football with groups such as the peace loving organization that is aptly named, STAB.

History

Swindon Town are, unsurprisingly, from Swindon. They were formed by a man called Stanely 5000 years ago to restore the balance of fail on this earth (which is ironic as he succeeded in doing so). Swindon Town are one of the biggest failure since Adolf Hitler told his colleagues to get rid of all the juice. Here are some little known facts about Swindon Town. Tickets cost one and a half worms, or a coupon in the abortion clinic (especially popular since the Chavs moved in), anti-depressants for the game are readily available at the club shop, its name is almost impossible to say back to front and The average IQ of a Swindon supported can be represented by the equation cosx(pi/3) = [144^y]sin(pi/6) given that y = [(3^.5)/2][cos(pi/3)]

Swindon once won something apparently, it was a cup and it was rather shiny but unfortunately for Swindon it was the English league cup in 1969 which is famous for being the cup that nobody wants especially in that year as the squad later became known as the 69ers. In 1995 playing for Swindon Town FC was officially labelled as a disability and all players got £500 a week which they all spent on sheep and lemon juice (together they make an interesting candy floss). Their mascot is a fat Bloke called Stanley in a tiny Robin suit.

In the 1960s to posh up the club they got a Rolex but got it in Red and white so it looks like something on the front of your local Lidl. They later got Floodlights for the pitches but all the water put off the players.

Players

Paul Hart after Swindon score a goal

• Phil 'in' Smith- He only plays when Luck 'ass' is not in form and says he takes inspiration from the legendary goalkeeper, 'el signore roberto de la green'
• David Luck 'ass'- He plays in goal, finds the net marginally better than anybody else.
• Paul 'Cad'iss- He is from Glasgooo, ennit?
• Amanananananankwaah- He has a name you don't know how to say but he's rubbish anyway Amananaankwaah
• Andy Frampton- He is from that area of peace we call Milwall, lovely.
• Scott Cuthbert- This defender is bald, looks like Andy Frampton's clone but isn't and has the ears of Shrek. As a result they have won local beauty contests together for many years.
• Lescienal Jean Francois- This person is deceptively French, despite the fact, he isn't...
• 'Inter' Milan Myson- This guy is more injured than, than, than, ummmm... well he never plays cus he is always injured and has a great name for footie chants.
• Michael 'Every' Rose 'Has its thorn'- He is the best player in the world, in fact Messi has a poster of him on his wall.
• Alan Shee man- If he didn't have a beard his name would be hilarious but then again its quite funny as it is.
• Simon Ferry 'cross the Mersey'- Crazy,Scottish and has a quiff like Jedward... I thought I had seen it all.
• Michael Timlin- This player has a quiff that makes Elvis look normal, unfortunately hair does not pair with talent.
• David 'JESUS' Prutton- He looks like the love child of Jesus and a Gypsy. Hair Comb not included.
• Callum Kennedy- Some say he is a relative of an ex-president of the USA, the rest say he isn't.
• Jonathon 'where is the goal' Douglas- This guy couldn't find the net in a fishing boat.
• Matt 'Not so' Rich ie- He may be smaller than you and me, he looks about 5 foot three but he is faster than a bee (thats dead)
• A lan'd far far away' O'Brien- He is blatantly having an affair with the physio, either that or he needs to go to specksavers.
• 'Big' Vince Peri 'credit' card 'details please'- He sacrificed a career at Juventus to become a player at Swindon, turns out it was a con involving some email from a Nigerian prince and Swindon aren't as good as he thought.
• Mike Gorilla- sounds like a gorilla, looks like one, plays like one.
• Elliot Bunyon- hes a spotty fella.
• Thomas 'Dross'evi- He is an international... for Togo, the best team in the world.
• Alassane N'Diaye-'will always love youuuuuu'