User talk:Simsilikesims/Archive1

This template appears to have been violently murdered. If this template has offended anyone, justice has been dealt. (It deserved it)

Michael Jefferson

I undid stuff on the article and you reverted it back, I accidently forgot to log, sorry if it looked like i vandalized it, but I had it pee reviewed and it didn't do so well, Im trying to rewrite it.

Ok, thanks for clearing that up. I usually try to be careful about reverting the author of an article but this one slipped by me somehow. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 02:20, May 7, 2010 (UTC)

Welcome!

Hello, Simsilikesims, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for nooblets:

• Beginner's Guide
• How to be funny and not just stupid

If you read anything at all, make it the above two links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

• About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
• How to get started editing on uncyclopedia
• Everything you ever wanted to know, but were afraid to ask
• Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue
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I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, ask an administrator on their talk page or add the following: {{help}} to this page along with a message and someone will come along and help you if they can. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply put {{adoptme}} on your Userpage to join. Again, welcome!  –—Hv (talk) 6/03 19:46

13 painful but rarely fatal sins

I've moved this article to your userspace at User:Simsilikesims/13 painful but rarely fatal sins, since its ICU tag has expired. There, you can work on it all you like until it's ready for another shot at the main space. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me on my talk page. Cheers. -RAHB 21:38, 8 August 2008 (UTC)

Oh there you are!

I wasn't looking for you specifically but you'll do! ...hi "Simsi"! I can call you "Simsi" right?   Le Cejak • <1:54, 12 Aug 2008>

Well, lemme tell ya' Simmy-sim simmy: I like the cut of your jib.   Le Cejak • <2:03, 12 Aug 2008>

Ok, thanks, I usually only joke about something I know something about, otherwise I just correct spelling, grammar and formatting. Simsilikesims 02:06, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Don't forget to keep it real, okay? I started out like you, just foolin' around in cybersp-ace.   Le Cejak • <2:07, 12 Aug 2008>

Join the UnOrder Today!

~ Readmesoon

Ok, I put my name down, now to figure out how to edit my signature. Simsilikesims 02:09, 23 August 2008 (UTC)

Adoption?

I'm bored and I need to adopt some noob. I noticed your template. So, I want to adopt you. I'll be able to help you on whatever you need. Sire Methamphetamine SMOKE METH! 16:04, 24 August 2008 (UTC)

Thank you for the adoption. Please feel free to check out some of my articles and suggest improvements. Most need images. Simsilikesims 00:26, 26 August 2008 (UTC)

Removing ICU's

Basically, please don't do that again. If you had made a significant improvement to the article, then maybe removing it would be OK. As it stands, what you did was something which non admins should not really be doing. If you have removed any other ICUs, please go and re-add them. Have fun. :-) MrN 20:32, Aug 29

How do I know when I have made a "significant" contribution to an article? Does fixing up grammar & punctuation plus adding header sections count? And yes, I plan to leave future ICU templates alone for now. Simsilikesims 20:38, 29 August 2008 (UTC)

Retrieved from "http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User_talk:MrN9000"

Fixing up grammar & punctuation alone probably does not count. The simple answer is to check with the person who left the ICU by asking them on their talk page. If they are happy for you to remove it, then it's OK. After seven days without being edited, an admin will make the judgement to delete or not, so there is really not that much point in removing the ICU anyway. If you had added LOADS of great new material, maybe it would be different and you could remove it, but still... Removing ICUs is one of those things which people get a bit "itchy" about when non admins do it, which is why I recommend that you steer clear of doing it under any circumstances at least until you have been around a good while longer... Gerrycheevers added that ICU for good reason. As it was we had to have a VFD vote which is a lot more effort for the community than if the normal process had run its course... Anyways... No harm done. Enjoy. :) MrN 20:52, Aug 29

Sig Stuff

I left you a note about your sig on the sig's talk page, but it doesn't seem like you got it (or it only further confused you). Just read my guide to sig making, and it should clear things up. Happy designing! -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 04:05, 30 August 2008 (UTC)

Thanks much! Maybe I'll take the time template out and see if that helps. That, or I'll "borrow" your signature. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 04:06, 30 August 2008 (UTC)

Haha, go ahead! Remember to use the end tags! (</span>, in your case) -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 04:10, 30 August 2008 (UTC)

Sorry, the guide wasn't entirely correct the first time around. Please excuse the inconvenience :P Is your sig liking now? -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 04:24, 30 August 2008 (UTC)

Yep, its better now. Now if I could figure out how to make it display my local time, if that was possible (btw its about 925pm here right now).-- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 04:26, 30 August 2008 (UTC)

Hmm... I believe that's in your preferences under Date and Time. Just click Fill in from browser or type -07:00 if it's supposed to be 9:25 (pacific coast, woo!). If that doesn't do it, I don't think it really matters, time-stamps are sorta superficial anyways. -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 04:31, 30 August 2008 (UTC)

Nope, it didnt work and the time template appears to be a random thingy. Oh well..-- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 04:34, 30 August 2008 (UTC)

Well, the time stamp is mostly for comparison, so you can just look at the stamps and tell that one person responded three minutes or whatever after the other, yada, yada... So... yeah. Anywho, if that's all, I'll see you around! -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 04:38, 30 August 2008 (UTC)

Requesting Reason

Hey. I was working on the article about death and noticed that you'd made a few changes. I'd like to ask if you thought that the quotes were indeed, funny. Also, I request that you'd refrain making any changes for a short while as I am re-writing the whole article. Thanks. The Dark Prince 02:16, 3 September 2008 (UTC)

Yes, I liked the quotes that I restored, otherwise I wouldnt have restored them. I hope you didnt mind the spelling/grammar fixes. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 02:22, 3 September 2008 (UTC)

Only the grammar fix on the milky way was needed. The others were not capitalized, etc. simply because I was planning to link them to various topics(some that have to be created). I request that you'd wait for 34 hours(by which time the article would've been finished - I'm taking a 8 hour break effective from now) and then, make the changes. Cuz I was also hoping that me adoptee would see it - but it's ok, he could check the history for that.So yea, 34 hours. And try NOT to change my user page - you can always leave a message at my user talk page and I'd be more than glad to reply. Happy Editing. The Dark Prince 02:27, 3 September 2008 (UTC)

Oops...wrong page...that was suppose to go on your talk page (blushes) -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 02:29, 3 September 2008 (UTC)

lol. And yea, consulted with my dad(as in on this site. he's my virtual dad and a mentor, so to speak) and he too agreed that there were far too many quotes and lists. I am taking drastic measures and request that you don't change things until the article is reviewed in a weeks time. This is my first shot at writing a whole article and hope you'd give me the concession of writing it all by myself. After all, there's a whole world of unfinished articles out there for you to improve(oh god, I DO come off as an egotist.) Thanks. The Dark Prince 10:40, 3 September 2008 (UTC)

HI!

So, how's life on Uncyc going? All is well, i hope! -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 03:42, 14 September 2008 (UTC)

y ty

for peeing on my first article :) --PieSoup 04:42, 14 September 2008 (UTC)

Thanks

Thanks for adding my chart, do you think it will eventually be on the Sarah Palin article? User:Dupeldurp

Only time will tell if it will stay on there or not. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 22:51, 7 October 2008 (UTC)

Speaking in the way a father would....

You grow up so fast. Maybe it was because you were 13 when I adopted you. Or maybe it has something to do with something else. Sire それは驚くばかりの性交である!! -4- (02:02 11-21-2008)

(smart money bets on that other thing) -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 06:12, 23 November 2008 (UTC)

Hey Sim...

I have no doubt you're going somewhere with that QDB article and it'll soon blossom into something wonderful; but I'd get a construction/work in progress tag on there pretty sharpish if I were you. :-) RabbiTechno 20:27, 2 December 2008 (UTC)

If what you're trying to do is add quotes to QDB, do it here. Hope that helps. RabbiTechno 20:30, 2 December 2008 (UTC)

Oh, okay. Thanks. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 20:40, 2 December 2008 (UTC)

Happy Hanukkah

PARTY LIKE IT'S 5769

if you're not Jewish, party anyway

Happy Hanukkah from Rabbi Techno
NOW START DRINKING

---

Happy Holidays from all of us at SysRq Waste Disposal and Grinder Co.

Happy Giftmas. ~Sissie

sirsysrq @ 23:55 Dec 21

A FESTIVUS FOR THE RESTOFUS!

	Happy Festivus, from The Led Balloon and Jerry Stiller. Put up your Festivus Pole, air your grievances, and prepare for the feats of strength, for festivus cannot continue until I am pinned! Oh, and merry Christmas if you're into that sort of thing.
	It's a Festivus miracle!

- P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 20:20, Dec 21

Fred Phelps

You just sew together three different branches of the article? --68.161.181.109 03:45, 16 January 2009 (UTC)

Sign in, use userspace to construct a COMPLETE new article, then we'll worry about it later. Using a mostly blanked article as a placeholder doesn't cut it. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 18:33, 16 January 2009 (UTC)

Thank you

I wanted to stop by and say thank you for voting for me as Uncyclopedia:Potatochopper of the Year. Since one is only as good as their last creation, the hard part starts ;-). Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 23:58, 1 February 2009 (UTC)

You're welcome - hope to see more great work from you. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 01:32, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

Your review

While I do appreciate your review, it was hardly helpful at all. Please have a look at the pee review guidelines before doing another review. Your review was not in depth at all and gave me no real advice. Also, it's not an UnNews article, I'm not really sure where you're getting that. But I do appreciate you looking at the article, even though I did explicitly request that a member of PEEING do the review. Please get back to me if you have any questions. Cheers! —Sir SysRq (talk) 21:25, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, hi Sims - further to Sys's comment there, can I start by thanking you for taking time out to help others by reviewing their articles? It's always appreciated when someone gives their time to try and be helpful. However, as Sys says, it's more appreciated if you spend more time on one review, and give plenty of feedback on it, rather than spreading yourself more thinly and giving a couple of one-line-per-box reviews that don't really help the writer by giving them feedback to work with. If you do another review, perhaps you might read that link Sys gave you, and think about it - after all, if you're going to use your time, it does make it feel more worthwhile if you give someone something to work with. Anyway, good luck, and see you around the place! --UU - natter 22:43, Feb 2

RAAAWR

RAAAAAWR. Gavin would like to thank you once more for sympathizing with him enough to vote for his book to be among the top ten books of 2008. Unless, of course, you happen to be a transsexual, in which case you are a freak and should not email him. Much love, —Sir SysRq (talk) 21:49, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for the suggestions

Appreciate the suggestions you made on my depression article. You're not as bad as evidence would have me believe. --Concernedresident 12:05, 10 February 2009 (UTC)

Cardboard Box

Yeah, you may notice I reverted and protected the Cardboard Box article, including removing your edits. Nothing personal, it's just we normally protect the featured article in the state it is when it starts the feature run to avoid vandalism. If you think your edits were an improvement, you can make them again when the feature period is over. Cheers! --UU - natter 11:27, Feb 23

No problem, you may notice I removed the section my edits were in myself before the article was protected, deciding it didn't quite fit with the tone of the rest of the article, which had more of a invention/military manual style. Plus it was already briefly mentioned about usage as a home for the homeless towards the end of the article. I really should learn to preview my edits. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 11:30, 23 February 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for your thoughts

This pre-occupation with an idealized past by some members of the community has disturbed me since day one of my month and a half here. There's always going to be turnover, it's inevitable. I feel confident in the new active members we pick up every month and I don't care what anyone else says. Mleah!--    00:54, 4 March 2009 (UTC)

For you

MrN9000 has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

I noticed the useful stuff you were doing on the talk page at Talk:Jew‎. Thanks for that. MrN 02:31, Mar 9

You're welcome....I'm preparing the old talk page for archiving (post colonization). -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 02:32, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

In grongitude

 In gratitude for your vote  

  The GlobalTourniquet says "Thanks!"  

Understandably, you voted for my article for featuring. Although your "for" vote was not extraordinary, as the article's genius was beyond question, it is still appropriate to acknowledge your dutiful participation in the process.

So, in gratitude for your vote, I will dedicate my next coma to you. Thank you.

The following coma causes are available for this honor. Please indicate below this template which one you would like me to dedicate to your user name.

Overdose Car crash Beating Obscure, easily misdiagnosed illness

Yea, I'm watchin ;)

The thing to remember is that you will get more sympathy during a revert battle if you use an edit summary. Especially if it looks like a good faith edit. Revert a couple of times and ask the other party to go to the talk page, where you can leave a short message for them. If they ignore ya... Then you have a case. MrN 17:17, Mar 31

Good, I reverted the first few edits since they looked like vandalism. Then in light of one of the edits, maybe they were trying to be funny (ie the part about deleting sections and putting them back listed in the article put into practice). I'm not putting them on ban patrol for now since they seem to have stopped blanking sections and adding extra sections for now. If they do it again, I will complain on the talk page then if ignored try ban patrol. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 17:21, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

Cool. If it's obviously vandalism there is no need to bother with an edit summary, but when it's not I guess it can be a bit frustrating. (Like I always bother to do that myself *cough cough*). Ya get me... I normally base it on how much effort they have put in. If they have just typed a few one liners I will probably just revert, but I do try to say something when it's not. MrN 17:28, Mar 31

By the way, I did leave a message on their talk page just now so they know why I did what I did for future reference. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 17:32, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

Then what the hell are you doing hanging around my talk page? Hea man, just leave me alone will you. You are not the boss of me! Stop trying to tell me what to do! MrN 17:37, Mar 31

Aw, but its fun to bug admins for about 2 minutes. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 17:39, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

I haven't had an edit reverted in a while...

Is this where I bitch incessantly about how the users are all hilarious and anybody who reverts my edits are "teh gheys"? Colin ALL YOUR BASEHeaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 17:21, 15 April 2009 (UTC)

Yep, I forget which article it was on, again? I know it was on my watchlist somewheres. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 19:02, 15 April 2009 (UTC)

The Barack Obama one, but whatever. I figured anything was better for his political party then "The Clintonians" or "Tea". Colin ALL YOUR BASEHeaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 19:19, 15 April 2009 (UTC)

Now I remember: I thought that it looked really weird in all caps with exclamation points. I didn't think Tea was that bad. I'd suggest "Enviro-nazis" but that would be the Green party. The article will be colonized soon enough anyways, so you may want to join the Imperial Colonizers to improve it. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 22:04, 15 April 2009 (UTC)

Are you really a girl!? Also ninja star

Yeah so you're a girl? How did I not notice this before? Anyway it's great we can have a slumber party! And talk about boys and braid our hair and experiment! It's gonna be sooo cool! Also:

~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 10:49 16 April 2009

And yes, I'm really a woman. Thanks for the ninjastars. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 13:32, 16 April 2009 (UTC)

Coolies! and it's no problem. :) See you around, and have fun. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 14:10 16 April 2009

Lulz, I have a daughter. Sire それは驚くばかりの性交である!! -4- (21:53 06-7-2009)

Hey Faggot!

Or alternatively, hi there! I noticed your name was listed on IC. I also noticed that our latest project is in need of some help. So I put two and two together and realized I should ask Modus. When he told me to get bent, I immediately thought of you. I'm setting an arbitrary deadline for this one at next week Saturday, so if sometime in the next week you can tear yourself away from your porn collection and maybe contribute a line or two it'd be appreciated. We're counting on you, <insert name here>! -OptyC Sucks! CUN18:26, 23 May Dictated; not read.

An important announcement from your friends at IC.

Did you know *snicker*...Ahem. Did you know that SYSRQ IS TEH GHEYZORS? LOLOLOL!

Also, we've decided to keep our Colonization projects contained to Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization/project for your watchlisting convenience. Put it in your watchlist and try to remember to add a cuss word or something once in a while eh?

Also also, I heard that Gerry likes the smell of his own farts.

Have fun Colonizers and let's be careful out there. -OptyC Sucks! CUN15:08, 6 Jun

Goddamn it!

You are now no longer under my care. You can now have children. Build a house, our family is just getting started, unlike the Mordillo family. Congratu-Gooddamnit-lations. My UncyclopedianAnniversary "Celebration" (21:49 06-16-2009)

Your epic template showing your awesome father that let you go:

This user has graduated from the adoption program! Kudos! from Methamphetamine.

Attention Colonizers!

The brief era of peace we've been enjoying has once again been shattered by the IP horde. And since those pot smoking, tree hugging liberal faggots repealed the draft the IC forces are stuck with the likes of you. You are therefore ordered to report to the front lines at once for briefing. Once we have decided our plan of attack, we'll march into battle post haste. You're dismissed Simsilikesims. -OptyC Sucks! CUN20:29, 11 Sep

Thanks for your vote!

According to your ISP's records, you supported file sharing. The Recording Industry Association of AmericaTM has notified the authorities of your unacceptable political views. Lars Ulrich will shortly visit your residence in our name to kick your teeth out. In the meantime, thank you for voting.

--Andorin Kato 17:53, October 25, 2009 (UTC)

Okay, you mangy colonists.

I've been commissioned by Mooshy to rerererevitalize IC. I'm to be the glorious leader, etc. because Sissy, Gerry, and Opty have all fucked off. So, I have a few general ideas to start with on what to do. First of all, no fucking infighting. What's said by the authority figures goes. This is Imperial Colonization, not Imperial United States Congress. Second, there should be more of a limit on articles for nomination. Somewhere between 5 and 10. We'll never get to all 17 that are up there if people's votes are so scattered. Third, an active recruiting drive. It fits the name. We're going to draft Satirical Soldiers to deal with the bloody natives at those shit articles on IC. This said, I still want to hear all of your opinions on what to do. Either drop me a line on my talk page, or I'm on IRC damn near all day very weekday. So lets get going, Colonizers! Where the Wild Colins Are - LET THE WILD RUMPUS START! 16:41, November 11, 2009 (UTC)

How is it

That you don't have rollback? ~ 23:21, November 15, 2009 (UTC)

I dunno - I've been here awhile, nobody ever mentioned it. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 23:22, November 15, 2009 (UTC)

You need to demand your rights you know? Enjoy your new rollback plunger (even though when you do have reasoning for revert you'd still better use undo with a summary). ~ 23:25, November 15, 2009 (UTC)

Thanks! I'll use it carefully. Except in cases of extensive obvious vandalism.-- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 23:26, November 15, 2009 (UTC)

Michigan

After making one unrelated change to Michigan (mostly adding a footnote mentioning the un-telegenic ex-governor John Engler), I'm going to partly revert the sentence you just added back. "The Kingdom of da Yupé, where the Yoopers live" is stated one line down, in the first sentence of 1.1. I'll mention the trolls under the bridge at the start of 1.2.

A lot of what comes later is what they call "listcruft." The list of cities in Michigan contains fun information. I'll delete the cities that have no information; they're easy to add back when someone thinks of something good. Having the city name with nothing following it is just an invitation for someone to add something not-so-good.

But the General Info is trite (everyone thinks their weather is extreme, and extremely fluid). The stuff about I-69 is important. Civil war against the yuppies is going on everywhere in the U.S. And history (of the 22nd century) and Demographics (with percentages about 100%) use what are now officially-recognized and deprecated clichés. I would mine these sections for actual humor rather than blow them away. Spıke ¬  01:12 16-Nov-09

The two sections that follow describe the two peninsulas, but that fact may not be clear to the reader. Thus the summary sentence. I do agree with deletion of some of the listcruft and overused demographics though. Too many statistics = boring.-- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 04:34, November 17, 2009 (UTC)

That part of the introduction is still there.

I'd delete the demographic list right now, except that it serves one purpose: as a placeholder of easily-stereotyped Michiganders. Someone needs to write a real paragraph on each one rather than just state the name and think they've told a joke. Spıke ¬  10:44 17-Nov-09

Another revert

Your segue to 2012 in the article on Global warming breaks a joke, begun in the last quotation in the intro. The date was 1995 because predictions of apocalypse, with attendant invitation to panic, have been around for a long time and the Earth should have melted away last decade. Spıke ¬  00:59 25-Nov-09

Fair enough. Feel free to revert...actually I notice you already did. Nevermind. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 03:20, November 26, 2009 (UTC)

Stub

Hi, good to meet you. The overexcited template on Stub seemed very funny to me, as it's just the opposite (one of the foundation stone's of some types of humor) of what is happening on the page. There are many warnings and such in appropriate places on Uncy, and to put this extreme overexcited template on that page makes me laugh even as I write this. Can I please, pretty please with (check in the mail) on top, put it back? Thanks. Aleister in Chains 00:24, December 9, 2009 (UTC)

Ok, I'll put it back for you. I didn't find it funny, but I suppose others might. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 01:02, December 12, 2009 (UTC)

Hi, and thanks. I just saw this. It's funny to me, but maybe I's the only one. If so, doubly thanks! Some good articles floating. See you on down the road. Aleister in Chains 00:28, December 17, 2009 (UTC)

White Folks

You've been involved before with White Folks but I don't know if you're watching it now. PuppyOnTheRadio has agreed to move the bit of Australian dialect to the article on Australian and I've proposed (on the talk page) to amputate all the other discussion of nationalities that says nothing except that they talk funny. I'll probably conduct the surgery tomorrow night. Speak up there if you have thoughts on this! Spıke ¬  04:50 24-Dec-09

Semi-official Imperial Colonization

For once, a short note from me. I'm apparently now running Imperial Colonization. I plan to open it up for nominations for the next colonization on Sunday, 31 January 2010, so will make an official announcement then. In the meantime, I've made some changes, and would love suggestions (see Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization and User:Why do I need to provide this?/Imperial Colonization). Thanks for any help you can give me! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  01:51, January 27, 2010 (UTC)

ATTENTION COLONIZER

Duty Calls! Imperial Colonization has been commandeered! With a shiny new, waterproof coat, we're heading out to sea once again. We need you for our next colonization. You have one week to nominate or vote from right now, Sunday the 31st of January 2010, to Saturday the 6th of February 2010. (See Protocol for how to nominate an article for Colonization. And remember, if you vote for an article that means you intend to help colonize it.) Then starting Sunday, 7 February 2010, we will start colonizing another savage land (i.e., improving whichever article gets the most votes). Come on board and vote or nom now, to the glory of Her Majesty!

EXTRA: Our most recent colonization, Transformers, has just been Pee Reviewed. If you're interested in making improvements, please check out the article and the review. With a little work, we may have another glorious Feature article! Wouldn't that be just spiffy? And remember, if you participate and this does get featured, you get one half feature credit!

For the Glory of Her Majesty and by Order of your Fearful Fearless Leader, King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  19:31, January 30, 2010 (UTC)

ATTENTION COLONIZERS: WE ARE RECREATING CREATIONISM

The Bible says God created the world in six days by himself--our crew of talented colonizers can surely recreate an article in a week and a half! Remember, any Colonizer is welcome to work on our current project, which is the Creationism article. But before you begin, check "READ THIS FIRST" at the top. From Sunday, 7 February to Wednesday, 10 February 2010, a hearty crew of brave colonizers plotted a strong course for the article by consensus. We have the beginning of a great colonization, so go forth and colonize to the glory of Her Majesty!

Special Note for Lobsterbacks (i.e. those who signed up but haven't yet worked on a successful colonization). We plan to keep your name on the honored membership list if you make worthwhile contribution to the article or other parts of Imperial Colonization between 31 January 2010 and the end of this project. If your name is removed from the list, you are welcome to reapply when you plan to become active. User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig10 05:05, February 11, 2010 (UTC)

User:Why do I need to provide this?/IC Batman Begins User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig10 03:26, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

User:Why do I need to provide this?/IC Why plank King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  16:36, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

Discordianism vote needed quickly and member retirement

User:Why do I need to provide this?/Discordianism vote King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  18:16, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

Dubya Bush

I have no idea what you meant me to read in the discussion page. How does this not fit with the theme of the article?

(1) Please sign your posts on discussion pages. It only takes 4 tildes ~. (2) The theme of the Dubya Bush article is that Bush was an incompetent president. The article uses exaggeration to overexaggerate how bad a president he was. This makes it funny if you do not believe he was incompetent because of the exaggeration, and also makes it funny if you do believe he was competent because then you believe it is exaggerated (or maybe not by much) but true. It is kinda like a "yo momma" joke, only extended to the "yo president" level. There is also an article that takes the opposite angle - exaggerating the praise of the president in the George W Bush article. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 22:25, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

VFS

For your vote in VFS and as promised last time You have been awarded a Certificate guaranteeing you safe passage whilst inside those areas of Uncyclopedia under Zionist domination. Certificate also redeemable for one (1) free bagel at your nearest grocery - simply print out and present to the shopkeeper to claim your free bagel with the filling of your choice. Rabbi Techno

Thank you! Thank me too - by writing more great articles! -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 04:03, April 23, 2010 (UTC)

An IP's complaint

Thanks Mordillo, for fixing the template above. To answer the latest question posed, the article Depression is a very dark satire, and should probably be avoided by those suffering actual depression. I almost left the change in about "killing the author of this article" as the "cure to depression" on that page, since that is kinda funny. But I decided that even that probably wouldn't actually cure depression, just win you a "Go to Jail Free" card. So I guess it depends on whether you find Murder funny. In the future, please post rants about articles on the talk page of the article in question, and sign your post with 4 tildes ~~~~. Making an article that you find unfunny, less funny to others is generally frowned on around here. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 04:03, April 23, 2010 (UTC)

original question below

---

Why did you revert my changes on the depression page? Do you really think suicide is funny? If so why don´t you kill yourself? 189.141.145.44 00:09, April 23, 2010 (UTC)April 22 2010

Vote now for Colonisation

Hello ladies, gentlemen, and other,

As you may be aware we have now reached the point where April's Colonisation, Discordianism, has been successfully moved to mainspace, and we are currently voting on our colonisation for May.

As I have been press-ganged encouraged strongly to take the reigns of IC, I'm sending this out to remind all current and previous members of IC to vote on next months colonisation. Voting is taking place here as we speak. As of 1st of May I will be announcing the page that will get our tender mercies, so I encourage you to vote - or nominate - now.

Good luck, and may the farce be with you!

Nominally Humane! some time Tuesday, 03:35, Apr 27 2010 UTC

Addendum

---

Discordianism has been added to VFH. Go, read, enjoy, vote. Nominally Humane! some time Wednesday, 09:45, Apr 28 2010 UTC

Thanks for your support

User:Miley Spears/Vote Bruce Wayne Nominally Humane! some time Wednesday, 09:51, Apr 28 2010 UTC

censoring

thanks! i'll do that from now on :) CamelHump 04:35, June 1, 2010 (UTC)

Also, please be careful what you censor. Don't edit anything in other people's user spaces, nor people's comments on talk pages, and don't bother censoring on pages already marked with the NSFW (Not Safe For Work) template. Try not to create red links. Finally, don't bother censoring pages like this one. Not everything needs to be censored. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 04:37, June 1, 2010 (UTC)

UnSkype!

Hey! You should come hang out with us on Skype. Regardless of this crazy cabal propaganda that's going around, we always love new folks hangin' out with us, and I'm the only girl who's around all the time, so it'd be nice to have another chick to talk to and stuff. Love,  

One of these days I might install it but I am afraid it might cost money. That plus my hard drive is starting to get full, and my webcam might give away the state of my messy house. Whoops, I just let the cat out of the bag. She was hungry anyways. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 07:06, June 2, 2010 (UTC)

Skype is free, luckily. And we only do conference calls. Rarely has anyone ever turned on their webcam. Dunno how much space it takes up on zee ol' hard drive, but not much. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 07:15 Jun 02, 2010

I definitely should try it sometime then. Not tonight though, its about 12:18am here. I'm off to beddie-bye. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 07:19, June 2, 2010 (UTC)

Korea is on VFD

I see in the history that you've been defending this page against Mr. I.P. Anon, as has Paizuri even though he has now nominated it for deletion. But neither of you have gotten aggressive about clearing out all the personal anecdote stuff and making the page about something real. I suggested on VFD that we hold our fire until we hear from you. Spıke ¬ 23:05 2-Jun-10

Hello, and thankest you

Hi, and it's been nice seeing your name around just for the name itself. I want to thank you for your vote on the oily bird poem. This is one I really like, and it was a magical working in how it came together--topped off by finding that perfect video after everything was already in place. Thanks a zillion. Aleister 22:34 23 6 MMX

The UnSignpost Is Not Dead!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

Jun 24th, 2010 • Issue 86 • Oh yeah, the UnSignpost, I remember that...

Conservation Week Approaches By UU Fancy watering Uncyclopedia's forestry? Want to be a good conservationist? Fancy taking up the rewriting sword of justice, and righteously smiting the dragon of shit writing? Actually, the hell with that, do you want to take a bunch of bad articles, and make them suck less? Then you, my friend, are in luck! Conservation Week 2010 starts on July 5th, and actively encourages users to scour the wiki (perhaps through judicious use of Special:Random, or possibly through exploration of Category:Rewrite or Category:Ideas or even Special:Lonelypages), find lame articles that they consider are taking up the very space which could be occupied by something less sucky, and then using their skill and judgement to turn those articles into shining examples of comedic writing. As this is a competition dedicated to simultaneously reducing the number of useless articles on the wiki and increasing the number of good ones, some naysayers believe it to be completely pointless - Uncyclopedia is the worst, they say, and no amount of well-intentioned competitions can change that. But were it to exist, the Cabal would probably beg to differ. They may call it something like "a genuinely good thing", and "a ray of hope, signalling that occasionally, even the most worthless dreck may be redeemed". So if you think what your userpage is missing is a template called the "Greasy Mechanic Award", then prepare to rewrite like you've never re-written before. Just don't forget to make your new version better than the original. Something summarizing the events of the last month or so By PuppyOnTheRadio It has been said by one of our esteemed administrators here at UnSignpost that if it wasn't reported in the UnSignpost, then it didn't happen. As there has been no UnSignpost produced for the last few days, due to one of the editors having a real life, and another one being lazy, there are several things that didn't happen. Yes, the loss of the UnSignpost for so long sent a shiver down the spines of many an Uncyclopedian. So much so that one member of the community decided that it was timely to look at a new way to produce the UnSignpost. One such idea was to release a monthly periodical in the place of USP. Although there has been several attempts by this reporter to obtain a quote from said insurrectional community member, to date no response has been heard. As part of the ongoing struggle to maintain our independent stance from Wikia, several members decided that it would be a wise idea to create a way to cash in on the popularity of the site. As such the UnShoppe has been created, where you may purchase any one of a number of Uncyclopedia-related pieces of merchandise. So far all purchases have been made by the individuals who created the store. However, if you are looking for the place to buy a shirt that shows that your nipples have been featured, that a wizard did something, whatever it was, and that you have an in-depth knowledge of who Dan Kwon is. There was a competition. Congratulations go to mrthejazz, who got the pun. Imperial Colonisation has taken a brief hiatus after the new head of IC became the old head of IC. He was an Australian, and his example has inspired the entire nation so much that the new head of Parliament for the country is now the old head of parliament. Congratulations go out to the new new head of IC. A strange bandwagon has been created by a drunken Bonner, who has challenged all and sundry to ask him anything at all. As such there are various forums dedicated to asking regular Uncyclopedian members things. These previously were known as user talk pages, but who can stand in the way of progress? And that's all that didn't happen. Although now it's listed in UnSignpost that means it actually did happen. Which suggests that by editing UnSignpost I have the power to change the past. If I could change anything about the past, what would it be? I had sex with a real person!

Check out these pages! Modusoperandipedia? Fuck... Uncle Dex needs ideas for business cards Wait, we seriously have a store now?! From our logs: 06:22, 23 June 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 153.107.33.152 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (and you are the living proof that school kids are idiots) 00:12, 23 June 2010 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked LRC (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (The purpose of redirects is to redirect someone to a page that is related to the original page, not separated by six degrees of bullshit logic. Try again.) 09:52, 21 June 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 153.107.33.158 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Back after your last block and still loving the penis, have a bit longer to think about that) 15:02, June 17, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 243 seconds (I hear the UnSignpost may be returning, so I'd better make sure I put up at least one decent ban this week so I can get in it!) 05:38, June 17, 2010 PantsMacKenzie (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.109.125.137 (Talk) with an expiry time of a million years ‎ (multiple vandalizations of keitei) Old-School Featured Article of the Week UnMysteries:J'accuse Thank you all for meeting me in the Accusing Parlor tonight. If you're wondering what "j'accuse" means, and why I ran screaming it through the whole house, it means "I accuse" in French, and it's what people say when they accuse people of murder. I trust you know why we're all here. After I was mysteriously invited to this party, and after people started mysteriously dying, I decided to put my internet degrees in Criminology, and Criminography, to good use. But to accuse people of homicide, I have to start at the beginning. International Sporting Tournament of the Week The Swedish Orienteering And Firing A Rat From A Cannon Championships. The World Cup? What's that? Missed anniversary of the week Some time in the last month or so, the UnSignpost completely failed to celebrate its second anniversary. Hey ho. Two years of missed deadlines, desperate filler boxes, flimsy biopics, hand-deliveries and pale imitations of journalism - is it even worth mentioning? Probably not. Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #347 The standard of desperate filler boxes in the UnSignpost remains as low as ever. Oh look - a monkey!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

A new UnSignpost issue, another template spammed onto your talkpage, enjoy! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:31, 24 June 2010

Twanks

Al and Guildy thank you for your vote, this page loves you too. And only the fourth UnPoetia ever featured--thanks again!

Very appreciated vote, thanks. I ate one of the oily birds today, delicious once you spit out the beak. Aleister 23:51 30 6 MMX

Thanks!!! <3

Thanks you!

Awwwww, thank you for votin' for me!

Look! Now I can look at pictures of small animals and feel serious, because you voted for me. So thanks! <3

Love,  

All the news that's unfit to print!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

Jul 1st, 2010 • Issue 87 • More news than something with less news than us

Things getting boring on the wiki? Time to write at speed! By UU Dullness. Boredom. Shit not going down. That's the place Uncyc found itself recently. And we needed a spark. An idea. Something out of leftfield to galvanise the troops, plaster stupid smiles on faces across the wiki, and inspire joy unconfined in the community. We're still waiting for that, but until it arrives, Skull's hour-long writing contest will do nicely. Shamelessly pinching Cajek's idea of time-limited writing competitions (which brought us such classics as HowTo:Sexually Stimulate an Ant, lest we forget), but putting his own distinct spin on it, Uncyc's own mad Doctor challenged Uncyclopedians to write an article in a single hour that would survive VFD. Given Uncyclopedia's well-known exacting quality standards, this promised to be a tough task, but a surprising number of people were up for it. And so it was that a frenzy erupted across the wiki, and baffled Europeans and other users not around at the time awoke the next day to a slew of brand new articles, not all of which ended up being deleted. They liked the idea so much, they held their own a couple of days later. When asked to comment on his brainchild, the commotion and excitement it had caused, and the size of his penis, Dr. Skullthumper exclusively told us "Sure. I'll get on that. I swear". Things getting boring on the wiki? Time to start pointless drama! By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Giant evil multinational wiki-hosting conglomerate Wikia won a major victory last month, when a rebellion by a small but dedicated band of anti-capitalist radicals was brutally put down by a bunch of fascistic Wikia-collaborators. Or at least, that's what happened in the heads of Carlb, Roye7777777 and CartoonistHenning after they nailed their anti-Wikia manifesto to the metaphorical door of Uncyclopedia's metaphorical Wittenberg Cathedral. The 1,000-word anti-Wikia tract, despite the shocking and previously unknown revelation that Wikia was not in fact the wiki-hosting charity that it claimed to be, but rather a commercial company, failed to ignite a spontaneous revolt against Wikia among the Uncyclopedia community. A heated and sexually-charge discussion ensued, with strong arguments offered by both sides. However, it seems that some people were unable to grasp the enormity of the revelation that Wikia's motives were less than altruistic. Eventually, the thread descended into an all-out flamewar and a waaaaaaaaaaaaaahmbulance was called to treat the injured. "We may have lost this round," Carlb told UnSignpost reporters "but it is only a temporary setback. One day, the tyranny of Wikia will be no more. Our revenge will be the laughter of our children." It is rumoured that Carlb, Roye7777777 and CartoonistHenning will employ Black Bloc tactics at the next Wikia conference in an attempt to escalate the struggle against Wikia oppression.

Check out these pages! Tell me about your mother Fantasy (American) Football is back! (Oh yeah - I went there) Open the podcast bay doors, Skull... From our logs: 09:07, 30 June 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Ahmedatefa (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (don't do that....or I shall have to spank you) 20:31, 27 June 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked SadisticWolf (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 minutes ‎ (I don't "rape" I "cockify". There's a difference. ) 16:01, 25 June 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Dexter111344 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 500 seconds ‎ (I'm not a poor version of Oli, I'm a mediocre and far more irritating version) Biopic of the Week What can be said about Ethine? Well, she's been lurking IRC since about December 2006 and only made an account after being forced to by emc. She has been sexually harassed by long forgotten users and by ones you only wish you could forget. She recently took up the job of fighting vandals, reverting idiots, and trying to get new users flogged. For some reason, this was enough to get her the Uncyclopedian of the Month award. Or it could have just been because of her hands. Her young, sexy, oh-so-soft hands... By the way, she actually likes talking to you freaks over Skype. Go talk to her. Ask her about her open invitation to everyone to come to her house. You won't even have to bring your own rope, either. Old-school featured article of the week Hi, my name is David Cameron and I'm the Prime Minister of The United Kingdom. You can call me Dave if you wish, not that I'm trying to tell you what to do. "David" is fine. My mother calls me David and she's a lovely woman, so either way it's cool. This is my own personal uncyclopedia article. I've created this, because I feel that in this modern age of ipods and nanos, it is important to connect with young people and do it in the medium and language that they understand, L.O.L.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticePS3 12:26, July 1, 2010 (UTC)

Signpost: normal service resumed

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH

Jul 8th, 2010 • Issue 88 • Hand-stitched for comfort

Conservation week: how's it going, and what is it anyway? By Under user The 6th bi-annual Conservation Week is now in full swing, and once again bugging people by lasting for a fortnight. So far there are around 12 rewriters signed up (depending on if Joe9320 is serious about pulling out because he got reverted) to rewrite getting on for 30 or so articles. That's a fair old commitment to improvement. But then, that's kind of the idea, isn't it? Conservation week has been running since autumn 2007, starting life in Jocke Pirat's userspace, and spending a confused few hours being called the rewrite-a-thon in an early attempt to get around the whole week-fortnight thing. The first iteration was a resounding success, and about 38 people signed up to rewrite over 50 articles (with Zombiebaron hilariously missing the point and going on a deletion spree instead), making the current iteration look like it has some work to do. However, there was no quality control at the outset - if an article was rewritten in any way, that was deemed good enough. Some of those early articles may well have been made worse, we just don't know (or can't be bothered to check). Quality control arrived later on, when erstwhile gentleman editor of this very organ Gerrycheevers stepped up to run the first 2009 CW, and ran the rule over all the rewrites personally, so that the attendant award was only bestowed on those doing quality rewrites. That task this year falls to Dexter111344, who has promised to be "harsh but harsh". Probably. So, with a prize on offer to the person with the most high quality rewrites, and plenty of time left in which to do said rewrites, the only question left is: "why haven't you entered yet"? We asked this question of one completely random user, and he exclusively told us "because I'm busy writing this week's issue of the UnSignpost, duh!" Image Request: A Retrospective By UU Time to focus on a sometimes-overlooked corner of Uncyclopedia: UN:PIC, otherwise known as Image Request or Radical X's corner. Named for the once and forever king of image manipulation on Uncyclopedia, the near-mythical RadicalX, this page has been responsible for some truly memorable Uncyc images over the years. And some of Pokémon characters superimposed on the crucifixion - hey, whatever floats your boat. Established in March 2005 by a user called Machinecurse, this page has been the domain of most of the legends of Uncyc image manipulation at one time or another - as one 'chopper has left, another has arisen to take their place, in some kind of Potatochop Royal Succession stylee. Or something. Whatever, the likes of Paulgb, Zombiebaron, Seeker, Sonje and, more recently, KneeChee27 and MeepStarLives have slaved over hot image editing software to fulfil the esoteric image requirements of the Uncyclopedia populace. The response time has always varied on the page, as it largely depends on how active the 'choppers are at the time, how achievable the requests actually are, and how polite the request is. But for those with a little patience, it is undoubtedly a useful resource in the ongoing quest for that perfect image of Mario and Master Chief riding Pikachu down the Death Star Trench run. Or something. Have a look at the gallery to see some of the more recent work.

Check out these pages! Yes, it's fucking political... I, er, won't survive? Everyone's a winner baby From our logs: 03:03, 5 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Skinfan13 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Paradox block for breaking a rule on an award with no rules) 21:47, 4 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Aidan2613 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (The revolution is dead. God save the queen) 18:15, 2 July 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.154.122.248 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (I hope the next 48 hours pass as swiftly and painlessly for you as the hundred years war) Biopic of the Week In North Vancouver, born and raised, at city fundraisers and bake sales are where he spent most of his days... Some of you may or may not remember Shandon, nicknamed "Doughboy" by the electorate in Vancouver after his notorious political scandal which nearly erupted Canadia into anarchy. This is unlike his nickname on Uncyclopedia, "Doughperson", which is based on Shandon's gender neutral writing style and gender neutral username having led many to believe that Shandon has no gender. He recently moved to America, and after doing so was named "Worst Canadian Export", a title he took from Bryan Adams but recently lost to Justin Bieber (Shandon's only chance of reclaiming the title is Bieber's looming appearance in North Korea which many hope will be the end of him). After becoming the first person to ever pick up a chick from the Uncyclopedia IRC, Shandon is now living the American Dream. So what's the nick all about? Shandon, from Silverlock by John Myers Myers. NOT Shandon from Isle of the Dead by Roger Zelazny (another terrible book). Old-school featured article of the Week A civil war is a form of warfare known for its kindness and civility, in stark contrast to the other tactics such as scorched earth which are entirely too dirty for upstanding gentlemen. Civil warfare is a strategy that has outlasted many minor fads in warfare such as Germany's Blitzkrieg Bop, the British Redcoat's Stand In a Line and Shoot or the French Foreign Legion's Surrender. Its longevity as a tactic can probably be attributed to a few things, namely the incompetence of modern military tacticians compared to those of the past and the universal human need for cordial smiles and small talk, even during battle. The inevitable return of Cajek ban of the week 12:30, 8 July 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day (not returning to Uncyc in a proper and timely fashion)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Oh dear god, am I really doing this again? --UU - natter 11:03, Jul 9

Another UnSignpost! Rejoice!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!

Jul 15th, 2010 • Issue 89 • Made with 100% recycled vuvuzelas

The 40+ club expands By UU Once, many years ago, having 40 featured articles seemed an untouchable goal - a mystical, far-off land that none would ever reach. These days, it seems almost passé, as Mhaille has joined Modusoperandi in that territory, and Hyperbole (counting works by his various drunken sockpuppets) is half a feature away from becoming the fastest person yet to reach that magical figure. We asked them all for quotes, and Mhaille exclusively told us: ""Go eat more shit, fuckers"...obviously I am excited to have reached the BIG 4-0, and am delighted that enough of my peers deem the quality of my work good enough to have reached that figure, although I have to say I'm a little pissed that at least 10 other of my articles are feature-worthy and are constant overlooked (lengthy bans will ensue, I'm sure), I am equally as proud of my featured images, as well as many of my other contributions that I hope that my peers feel have augmented the work of others. That I am still here after five long years, and still contributing says something about Uncyclopedia itself. What that is, I wouldn't like to speculate. But sometimes you have to in order to accumulate. Apparently." Which is such a long quote we're going to need at least one blatant filler box in the right-hand panel. Bastard. Meanwhile, Modus exclusively told us "It's not that myself and Mhaille have written so very many great and fantastic pages that have, and will continue to, entertain the people for years to come. It's just that Mhaille did. "I" am one of his many sockpuppets. He writes as "Modusoperandi" when he needs a page without a "foreign" accent. Look around. There are a bunch more Mhaille sockpuppets here, too. Hyperbole, for one. Mhaille is like a wet Mogwai." Which is more concise, and therefore OK. Finally, Hype exclusively commented: "I'd like to say thank you to Uncyclopedia for voting to feature my many excellent, high-quality articles, including the drunken insistence that you accept a diseased poodle, the song about having sex with sporting goods, and the blatantly racist tirade about having to wait too long for a Pee Review. Writing 39.5 features has been literally the most important accomplishment I will ever have in my life. I look forward to continuing to service each and every one of you in the future." Which was nice of him. So, the burning question now has to be: who will be first to 50? Modus obviously has the lead, but Mhaille is writing in greater volume than he has for some time, and if Hype keeps up the pace, he's probably a good bet. But they're not the only candidates - Sog is coming up the rails rapidly, and could reach the 40 mark even quicker than Hype - could he overtake the lot of them? The only thing certain is that with these guys around, Uncyc should be assured of some half-decent articles amongst the dross. World Cup over - Romartus struggling for UnNews inspiration By UU The climax to the World Cup may have been a little ugly, unsatisfying and under-whelming (hmm, sounds familiar somehow), but it raises a question so far not addressed by the mainstream media, namely "what is Romartus going to write UnNewses about now?" The scourge of Junior Uncyclopedia has discovered his muse in the planet's biggest sporting event, and has been cranking out UnNews articles on the subject at an alarming rate. Now, without Jabulani balls, biting tackles and Messi long shots to inspire him, what is there to inspire him to maintain such prolific standards? Suspicions abound that the Tour De France is passing him by, he seems far too English to care about the various draft and transfer shenanigans in the NFL and NBA and the like, and as the only story to emerge from golf's Open Championship so far is Tiger Woods changing his putter (wow, someone hold me back), that seems unlikely to unleash his inner news-hound. With a worrying lack of global sporting tournaments on the horizon, will we have to wait another 4 years for the next Romartus article splurge? Stay tuned to UnNews to find out!

Check out these pages! Please not Stephenie Meyer, Please not Stephenie Meyer... Lazy journalism. Which is something we never indulge in Kicking on with another bandwagon From our logs: 23:47, 14 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.8.150.140 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Oh, shut up for about half a year, will you? Thanks, dear.) 15:47, 13 July 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) resurrected Under user (Talk | contribs) ‎ (a song originally written for Celine Dion? Have you no standards?) 14:47, 13 July 2010 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 294 seconds ‎ (CUZ I MISS U BABY AND I DUN WANNA MISS A THING.) 14:39, 13 July 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Don't want to cloooose my eyes, don't want to faaaaaall asleep.) 06:18, 13 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Keeh69 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (I block with the power of a thousand vuvuzelas) 19:16, 12 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 77.164.176.221 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (you can't even spell "racistic" properly it's "RASISTICS") 01:01, 12 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.68.108.4 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Only because I can't appoint you an admin.) Biopic of the Week Fnoodle was the UnSignpost's first ever paperbot, something we could frankly do with more of. One of the many creations of fiendish evil genius Dr. Skullthumper, it also managed to singlehandedly upset approximately two-thirds of the wiki by running a huge spellcheck operation, maliciously changing "teh" to "the" on every single page - which seemed to put an awful lot of panties in a bunch, judging by teh number of complaints on Skull's talk page in the aftermath. Old-school featured article of the week The Adventures of Baron Ringpiece were composed as a series of short tales, published between 1840 and 1848 by William “Wacky” Thackeray, better known for Vanity Fair Magazine, and his novels Penispenispenis and The Virginans, and details the life and adventures of Redman Barry O'Malley. Thackeray always considered the work to be unfinished, and had intended to add several more chapters, turning the tale from one where the hero works towards success to one where he gains his dreams only to lose them. Cajek ban of the Week 10:04, 9 July 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day (account creation disabled) ‎ (I really don't do this as often as I should)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 10:28, 16 July 2010

Read all about it! The UnSignpost rides again!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!

Jul 22nd, 2010 • Issue 90 • Suddenly, Signpost!

UnNews hits warp factor Whore By Zim That bastard child of Uncyclopedia and WikiNews, UnNews, is in full-on whoring mode. Tired of being relegated to the bilge hold of Uncyc, staff have collectively and to a man, woman or it, decided to resort to the time-honored tradition of whoring themselves for attention. 2010 is shaping up to be a record year for lots of stuff, which I am too lazy to actually reference. We've had lots of cool coding happenings, resulting in a facelift to the Main Page, and a really cool navigation bar giving access to a plethora (well, 7 sections in fact) of sections including Sports, Comics, Editorials, and special coverage of the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Contributors to UnNews of note are Funnybony, SPIKE, Romartus, Modusoperandi, Mordillo, Multiliteralist, PuppyOnTheRadio, Happytimes, Matt lobster and MrN9000 (when the bugger's here). Apologies to anybody I've missed. The Newsroom, home to nefarious plots and odd ideas, has once again become an active core of resistance against Uncyc's unofficial policy of ignoring us. Always leading edge, UnNews is acquiring a stable of notable personalities for a new series of Uncolumns called "Reductio ad Hitlerum", a guest column that invites persons of note to do an article for us, usually under threat of blackmail. Discussion here, first RaH column here by guest Sarah Palin. Techno gets Mhaille'd By UU The most exclusive and coveted award on Uncyclopedia, the Mhaille award for excellence, has been presented for only the 14th time in 4 years, and the first time in first time in a year, to the suitably humbled RabbiTechno. The award is, unusually on vote-happy Uncyclopedia, not decided on by voting, but is bestowed at the sole discretion of feature-monster, bureaucrat, whoring legend and token Liverpool fan Mhaille, according to his own criteria. Looking down the list of previous winners - Shandon, ENeGMA, Tompkins, Zombiebaron, Prettiestpretty, Savethemooses and the rest, it's pretty clear that the good Rabbi is a) in good company, and b) not going to be here much longer.

Check out these pages! Whoops! Andorin did it again Vote for less voting! What's a "Braydie"? From our logs: 06:03, 22 July 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.236.215.111 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Cyberbully - also apparently believes women to have penises and is thus either aged under six years or is a Lady Gaga fan. Either way, unsuitable for Uncyclopedia) 08:04, 19 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.167.1.63 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (returning blankist. Nice to see you again chap.) 06:06, 17 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.171.137.61 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I get my dubious software from Synaptic package manager, thank you.) 01:45, 17 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.32.64.51 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (yo article so fat) Old-school featured article of the week A shopping list purports to be a simple item used to detail all items required on a given shopping trip. However, recent scientific studies have revealed its true purpose: it is a key element in a game of oneupmanship between couples. The lists are carefully compiled in a secret code known only to one half of the couple, the objective being to confuse, baffle, and otherwise annoy the other half to the point of submission. The ultimate aim is to get the other half to admit to being an abject failure, and to concede intellectual superiority in the relationship indefinitely, or at least until next Tuesday. Cajek ban of the week brings you - Cajek's first ban! 15:06, 20 September 2007 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (When an admin archives a VFD, voting is closed.)

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--ChiefjusticePS3 14:10, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

It's new and it's news! It's the latest UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!

Aug 5th, 2010 • Issue 91 • I love it when the news comes together

VFD minimum time limit introduced By UU Yes, folks, it's actual news this week. We know, next week will see normal service resumed. However: following a forum discussion on the dump that impressively managed to avoid any real drama, it has been decided that, to avoid any articles being deleted without a proper window for debate, all nominations on VFD will remain open for a minimum of one day. Further to that, the minimum score required for deletion is in the process of being clarified, so that either a score of at least +5 in favour of deletion will be required before the trigger-happy admins fire up their huffing devices, or 5 keep votes will automatically exempt an article from deletion. One of those. Probably. The number 5 seems certain to be involved, whatever the outcome. Hopefully, this will ensure that BUTT POOP is never deleted again. At least, such is our understanding. Sorry about that. We will now follow this with an article with no relation to news whatsoever, to try and make it up to you. Uncyc Fantasy Football draft off to racing start By UU Those with a passing interest in sports might notice that Uncyc's never-popular Fantasy Football league is about to embark on its second season, and has begun the draft process necessary to create the teams that will be taking part. So far, the results have surpassed the expectations of all except noted optimist Bradaphraser. Three days in, and seven of the record fourteen competitors have picked a single player each, making this the slowest process since BP started trying to cap that goddamn oil leak. This year's competition promises to be more open than the last, including as it does Joe9320, who admits to knowing nothing about the sport, preferring AFL, and noted British namby-pamby "soccer" fan UU, who has somehow agreed to become an Indianapolis Colts fan for the duration of the season. Hence his adding a picture of what he is assured is the awesome Peyton Manning into this very article. With the likes of the here-one-week-gone-for-a-month Gerrycheevers also involved in the process, it could well end up taking long enough to be ready by the start of the 2011-12 season.

Check out these pages! You're new, aren't you? I have this way of telling Fighting the good fight: a beginner's guide Someone returns, creates forum From our logs: 07:55, 3 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Ethine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1000 seconds ‎ (I'm seeing the words "Added category!" when I sleep now) 14:44, 29 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 195.74.132.170 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (I'm sure Emma is a really nice girl when you get to know her. Ask her out for some coffee or something. And when you guys fuck, don't post about that here either.) 00:14, 28 July 2010 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.9.0.0/16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (I got bored, so I decided to block 2/3 of Norway. Bug an admin in IRC and they'll unblock you, maybe.) Biopic of the Week Some user was just some user who created Uncycloversity, Unquotable, and had the world's greatest departure message from Uncyclopedia. Despite only having been at Uncyclopedia long enough for everyone to cry when he left, Some user brought a plethora of knowledge to Uncyclopedia. He taught us all how to find our inner sockpuppet and be humble, the former of which has duped countless users into earning lengthy bans and the latter of which was laughed at out of confusion and then soon forgotten. He also taught us all about the laws that protect one's anonymity on the internet, reminding us that the internet is a safe, anonymous world. Fact: every time a person uses a proxy, God makes a rainbow. Sexy 'Crat of the Week Mhaille is quite possibly the reason why all sysops on Uncyclopedia are assumed to be sexy. Going by his South Park likeness here (have you added yours?), his excitingly furrowed brow speaks of smouldering hidden depths, his trim goatee teamed with his unkempt hair hints at the animal nature he so barely keeps in check, his narrowed eyes show he's always ready for action... Face it folks: the man drips sex. Being banned by him is actually illegal in twelve American states as being too erotic.

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—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:14, 5 August 2010

Thanks for the heads up on Plumage

(I actually caught it on Special:Watchlist but if I hadn't: oh-boy! Thanks again!!!)
I see what you mean about the article using two different concepts of Plumage but I'd like to tie them together rather than an elimination of one over the other (because then it would primarily be a list or a baseless article of which I'm not sure the joke would work without an updated rewrite). I've been kicking around a few ideas for weeks now but nothing has seemed to come together yet.
Er; in short, any suggestions?  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  18 Aug 2010 ~ 05:02 (UTC)

Perhaps if the Plu-Mages were the ones who were changing the appearance of creatures to create the patterns/colors/textures of creatures, it would help tie things together. Better yet, a ridiculous competition between Plu-Mages to create new Plumage (perhaps on each other) that eventually wiped the Plu-Mages out, so that only Plumage remained. Either way, the article could stand an updated rewrite so that it doesn't look like a combination of a list and a baseless article to some people. I do like the way you used all the links though. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 20:26, August 18, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah it was one of my first, you can tell this from the html coding instead of wiki coding. This are some good ideas, I'll have to ruminate on them a bit.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  19 Aug 2010 ~ 04:53 (UTC)

Ruddy hell! It's the UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

Aug 19thish, 2010 • Issue 92 • Does anyone actually read this bit?

UnReviews - get involved! By UU UnReviews is the latest portal-style page on Uncyclopedia. The brainchild of Skinfan13, and first introduced to the world via this forum, it gathers together all of the reviews that are not pee-related on the wiki into one handy place - verily, it's the page of the future! And it needs YOUR help! Yes, good idea though it seems to be, it does lack one fairly insignificant ingredient - there aren't actually all that many UnReviews to fill it up with. So how can YOU help? Well, we would have thought that was obvious, to be honest, but as we're dealing with Uncyclopedians here, we'll make it a little clearer: write an UnReview! You could go down the road of Modus's magnum opus UnMovie Review: The Dark Knight, and make a movie review, you could get all cultured on our asses, and go Shakespearian, or you could review something else entirely. The choice is, quite literally, yours! Something helpful this way comes By UU Need a hand making your page more awesome? In need of a formatting injection, or some kind of audio enhancement? Well, help may just be at hand. MeepStarLives has decided to create a one-stop portal for all requests of this nature. If this actually works, it could be something beautiful, quite frankly. TKF has already started the ball rolling with a challenging audio request which is likely to be an early acid test for the project. If you have a Casio keyboard and some decent audio skills, get across there and get this thing working! So, how can you get involved? Well, if you are skilled at adding awesome to pages in some way, watchlist the page, check it regularly, and stop hogging your wiki-fu to yourself! If you are in need of added awesomeness on your page, pop in a request and see what happens. If nothing else, it'll make Meep feel good about himself, and that's what it's all about, when you get right down to it. Right?

Check out these pages! Did the leprechaun tell you to burn things? Finally, something worth voting on! Classy! From our logs: 06:45, 12 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 66.110.140.189 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Don't blank pages, take drugs, or steal cars) 03:16, 9 August 2010 Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) blocked Roman Dog Bird's Vag Stank (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (probably a troll, although the username could totally be a coincidence) 16:26, 8 August 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Hyperbole (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (taking top spot on the Hall of Shame.....might consider the need for a longer ban.....) Biopic of the Week Perhaps some of you remember Sir Cornbread. I barely do. I do remember how he made the Village Dump smell pleasant...well, as pleasant as the wafting, mixed aromas of stale cornbread and garbage can be. During his tenure at Uncyclopedia, Mr. Cornbread only had two features: rap and The Putz Who Stole Hanukkah. We're certain that if he would've stuck around he'd have 68,027.5 features, putting everyone else to shame but not rubbing it in our faces because I vaguely remember him being a nice guy or something. Now, this sounds ridiculous because Uncyclopedia only has 25,000 or so articles at present, but trust me on this one: this guy could write. Like many great writers, Sir Cornbread wrote about topics he knew a lot about: hermaphrodites, unoriginality, ape-shit craziness, Thais, and was working on an article about ape-shit crazy Thai hermaphrodites. But as is usually the case with all great writers on Uncyclopedia, only the good die leave young early. The ones who stay are just kidding themselves.

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--ChiefjusticePS3 12:12, August 20, 2010 (UTC)

Biiiiiiiiiig winner!

	Uncyclopedian of the Month August 2010

Well done! Try not to bugger off, now! -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 01:41, September 1, 2010 (UTC)

Wow...I think heck must have frozen over. Now I have to change my user page! -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 05:28, September 1, 2010 (UTC)

Avast me hearties!

By the powers! this e'er be fer a reminder o' tha great, grand Imperial Colonization be startin' up again! Whether you be a sprog or a privateer we be expectin' ya ta come 'round an participate in this sweet trade lessen' you be a lily-livered squiffy, scallywag, or scurvy dog thar. Aye! ~ Buccaneer Happytimes.

(See also: Forum:Drumming up the IC furor!)

The current project: Dinosaur

Now in the writing phase (Oh UN:IC, how your rules are now broken....)

UnSignpost - This is definitely not late; you're just drunk

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11

Sept 9th, 2010 • Issue 93 • Our definition of "weekly" may not match yours

The pee is weak - must be time for Pee Week! By UU It's been an unusually long stretch without any kind of competition recently, but PeregrineFalcon999 has come up with a way to put paid to that! Co-incidentally, the pee queue is as long it's been in aaaaages, but PeregrineFalcon999 has come up with a way to put paid to that too! Yes, it would appear to be nearly time for the inaugural Uncyclopedia Pee Week! It starts on Monday 13th September. So, the questions must be asked: Do you have an opinion, and want to give others the benefit of it? Do you want to help people who are looking for help with their articles? Do you want to get a shiny new template award thingy? If the answer to at least one of those questions is "yes", you could be on your way to winning this soon-to-be prestigious competition! Just sign up here, and prepare to review as you've never reviewed before! The best of the 5.5 years super-extravaganza begins! By UU As we all know, there is nothing the average Uncyclopedian enjoys more than voting. Except possibly causing drama, but we'll gloss over that for the purposes of this article, because an unprecedented new opportunity to vote has arisen, thanks to amphibious serial-killer TKF. That's right, on the fifth of every month, a new vote will start to determine the best somethingorother of the 5.5 years that Uncyc has been in existence. This month's vote is already open, and it's for the writer of the 5.5 years. So get over there, vote, and make your voice heard! Again. Asked for his feelings on seeing his brainchild getting off the ground like this, TKF exclusively told us: "My grand-uncle used to tell me "He who goes forth with a fifth on the Fourth, may not come forth on the fifth!" and I feel that's somehow relevant to this situation." Anyone pointing out that by the time this finishes, Uncyclopedia will be around 6 years old will be asked not to point it out again. UnNews main page By Socky Someone suggested to completely revamp the UnNews main page and in an epic move of Uncyclopedia originality, decided to hold a vote on it. Some people farted.

Check out these pages! Wikia sucks, part 469 In other news, The Pope's a Catholic Insert lie here The very pinnacle of humour From our logs: 06:16, 8 September 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.137.241.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You suck. Flaxmere too.) 04:13, 31 August 2010 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked 96.30.32.33 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (congratulations on bringing to our attention the fact you are a moron. you win a ban!) 05:47, 29 August 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Vertiqual (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Hey now, some of my best friends suck a lot of cock.) 18:46, 27 August 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) resurrected Mordillo (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Thank god I'm in Israel then!) 18:25, 27 August 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (According to my calculations, it's Shabbat in the 'Dam. Therefore, if you unblock yourself, you'll go to Hell. Ha ha ha!) 17:09, 21 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 15 Minutes ‎ (Update the score when you vote on VFH, cleaning up after you wears out my slippers) 02:44, 19 August 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked DarkWalrus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Poor edits, won't listen to advice, continuos ICU removal, smells really bad, etc. etc. god damn) Biopic of the Week It's time to cover a true legend of the wiki this week, a name that still inspires awed whispers wherever connoisseurs of pee are gathered together: the one, the only One-eyed Jack! OEJ, as he is more handily known, was for some time pretty much the only person who bothered to do any pee reviews at all. Fortunately, the ones he did were pretty awesome. And he had plenty of knowledge to back him up, having birthed some seriously good featured articles. But Jack didn't just write for features - he turned his hand to improvement - check his userpage to see just how many below-par articles across the wiki had the benefit of his gently healing touch, nudging their prose from lame to lollable with a deft sprinkle of goodness. Man, we need more people like this guy. Where is he now, anyways? Old-school featured article of the week go eat shit fuckers

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MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 13:00, September 9, 2010 (UTC)

Hello, and twanks

Your vote on uncy of the month was very appreciated, and actually needed to create a tie. I am now your slave, and when you say jump, just point to where. It's a nice red award, potatoey and all, and I'm glad I hypnotized enough people at this summer's picnic to get the vote needed. Thanks again! Aleister 17:52 1 10

Ann Arbor

Hi Simsie! You worked with me on Michigan with such good results that I thought you were from there, until I learned better. Anyway, I randomly visited Ann Arbor and it is complete randumbo. It has a smattering of names of people and places from Michigan, but they, and the rest of the text, have utterly nothing to do with Ann Arbor. In case you are from that part of the state, as I am, you might want to participate, watch, or review a gradual rework of the page I intend to do in the next week. Spıke ¬ 23:35 28-Oct-10

No, I'm not from Michigan, but I think I visited there once. Mostly I was trying to add consistency to the page, if I remember right. Feel free to rework it as you wish. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 03:28, November 3, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost - The UnSignpost Rides Again!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

Nov 11th, 2010 • Issue 94 • The Newspaper that shaves you closer!

The UnSignpost Rides Again! By Chief A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, the Rebels attained victory over the Imperial Empire and the last UnSignpost flopped onto talk pages. The drought came as Under user announced that he had a life to be getting on with, and at that point the UnSignpost simply stopped writing itself. Some people have suggested that these two events may be linked somehow, but until we see proof, we have resolved to live in ignorance. However as we hurtle towards the end of the year it would seem the magic has returned and the newspaper that confusingly contains neither news or paper will once again be arriving on talk pages weekly monthly annually whenever we can manage it. Newer recipients of the UnSignpost are urged to suggest ideas for stories in the press room; this helps as it means we don't need to pay attention to anything you people do every day. For now, please welcome the UnSignpost back into your homes and hearts... please? Speak up! By Chief For those of you who may be unfamiliar with The Article Whisperer, permit me to clear the waters somewhat with this bit of text I have, at great personal risk, copied off the competition page. It is: "An annual writing competition held by Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles", which I think we can all agree is absolutely splendid. Unfortunately, all our intrepid journalists were saving Kittens from trees and generally performing heroic deeds when the competition took place, but that won't stop us from talking about it. Lyrithya and Matfen were the biggest winners, or losers depending on how you look at it, each being Grand Champion of two categories. Competition founder MadMax was unavailable for comment at the time of going to press, so we have made something up instead: "The competition was a great success and I would like to thank everyone who took part; especially ChiefjusticeDS who is absolutely fantastic and whom I owe many drinks", he might have said. The Article Whisperer is expected to take place again next year, and MadMax might have said "Take part or die", but probably not. The Aristocrat's By Chief & Mhaille Few competitions stir the loins more than The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball, self described as Uncyclopedia's festival of frivolity and bad taste. The competition has three categories: The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball Best Bad Taste Article The Master Goa Tse Award for Digital Imagery If you aren't a writer (we are led to believe some people are not), then 3 Judges are needed for each of the above categories (see here). Seriously, this will be so much fun you will wish we did it twice a year... maybe. The competition opens on November 19th, so put on a stout pair of writing trousers and get going!

Check out these pages! Bed Never on Sunday Anything interesting happening? Zombiebaron That's so 2005 From our logs: 16:29, November 10, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 435 seconds ‎ (You're reviving the Signpost? Good luck! Now to think of a witty ban reason to get me in the "From Our Logs" section. Penis. That ought to do it. It would if I was editing it.) 04:27, November 10, 2010 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.181.83.75 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Normally you'd probably be reading a witty message from an admin. Obviously, I'm not one of those admins. Gotta tell you, you're missing out.) 10:36, November 9, 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.42.244.217 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (List 350 reasons why I should care about your birthday, and I'll reverse the ban.) 08:10, November 10, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked EatPoo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Alas, dear sir, you are afflicted with the stupid) 16:31, November 10, 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 435 years ‎ (Stop being supposedly here and BE HERE. YOU'RE BREAKING MY HEART) Biopic of the Week Do you hear that? Thought not, because this week we are taking a closer look at one of Uncyclopedia's true unsung heroes, Black flamingo. He has a whopping 12.5 feature credits; that's more than 5 feature credits and 6 feature credits put together! Not only that, but Black flamingo has been instrumental in keeping Pee Review afloat while you weren't. Respect this man immediately or I will punch a Zebra, that's how committed I am to getting him recognised. Head over to his talk page right now and doff your helm. Now, dammit! Don't make me fetch the Zebra. Old-school featured article of the week The term "Paul is dead" (PID) refers to an urban legend or a hoax perpetrated either on the musical group The Beatles by their fans or vice-versa. According to the legend, bass guitarist and singer Paul McCartney was replaced by a lookalike after his alleged death in an auto accident in the mid-60s. Proponents of this hoax cite obscure clues embedded within the Beatles' lyrics, symbolism in their album covers, and Wings as evidence that the "real" Paul didn't survive into the 1970s. This manuscript reveals the full chilling truth. I've read it, and it will blow your tiny mind.

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Ta

Thank you for voting my 40th feature this has enabled me to receive free electro-convulsive aversion therapy.Diolch yn fawr--Sog1970 21:54, November 14, 2010 (UTC)

Read All About It!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!

Nov 18th, 2010 • Issue 95 • The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way she/he did!

Wanna cyb3r? By Chief Hailed by some as the final solution to the Uncyclopedia problem and others as a wretched hive of scum and villainy, the Uncyclopedia IRC channel has chugged along for almost the same amount of time Uncyclopedia itself has. We here at the UnSignpost have literally hundreds of stories to sort through every week and we have picked IRC for a reason, and not just because it is easy to spell. We chose it because the Uncyclopedia IRC is a community and often contains users who are never on the site (because they are lazy and idle), equally many users who frequent the site do not enter IRC (because they are idle and lazy), and those who do often prefer to do so in disguise. This is a disgrace, don't ask why, it just is. Our intrepid reporters have spent literally minutes on IRC this week in order to bring news of it to you, the uneducated and unwashed masses and to try and encourage you to make use of it. Whatever you want to use it for: reporting vandals, penis jokes, collaboration, penis jokes and incoherent babbling; IRC is there for you. It is also a way to get to know the dull uninteresting personalities behind the exciting usernames, but don't let that put you off. When our intrepid reporter delved into the IRC community and asked the first person breathing in and out for a quote about IRC they told us "..." which should certainly give you food for thought. If you have some time on your hands then why not learn how to windsurf? But if you are too idle and lazy then why not head on over to IRC and see the magic happening for yourself? I would and if I would it must be a good idea. Balls up! By Chief The stage is seated, the judges are set and the competitors are questionable in number, yes The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball is almost upon us. The competition opens this Friday and entries will be accepted until December the 3rd which is... a little while after that. Our hard-hitting journalists will be present at the competition and will be speaking to entrants and judges alike over the next few weeks. Just think; if you take part your name could be in italic font in the UnSignpost! Think about how envious your friends and family will be! Remember, it begins on the 19th of November and we want to see blood! We need you! Shameless pleading by: ChiefjusticeDS The UnSignpost is like an office printer, in that it constantly breaks down, sometimes doesn't work for months at a time and occasionally spews out some slightly smudged pages. If you think you have something to bring to the UnSignpost be it your journalistic talent, ideas for stories or even just a warm and reassuring slap in the face, feel free to drop us a line in the press room. Also Meganew wanted us to mention the Grue Army in the UnSignpost, so we have.

Check out these pages! We're the worst in another way! Why?:Not Vote now! It's not as bad as you think! From our logs: 05:54, November 14, 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked POPEYE FUCK U UP (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (1) You suck. 2) Stop sucking.) 06:10, November 17, 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Frozen Korpse (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Yes, Mordillo is the worst. That's no reason to be rude.) 17:01, November 12, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.109.64.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (I'll have some gay porn if you're going to the shop) 3:32, November 14, 2010 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.0.147.7 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (I'M HAVING A FRIENDSHIP ANEURYSM) Biopic of the Week Know who it is yet? Know what time they were last here? No? Then you should probably be able to guess that this week we are looking at Aleister in Chains. Al has been hanging around Uncyclopedia for just under a year now, and in that time has picked up 25 feature credits and has earned the eternal hatred of many for his enduring good humour and incredibly annoying signature timestamps. If Aleister hasn't been responsible for a single one of your chuckles over the last year then you need to start reading some of his articles, that or cancel your afternoon appointments as you have died and failed to notice. I wouldn't recommend you post on his talk page or look at his user page as they are both just plain weird, offer respect, but don't doff your helm, you never know what might end up in it. Overlooked Page of the Week Things to do. Easing the pain in your pants since 2007. Newsroom UnTune of the week The Uncyclopedian's song

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--ChiefjusticePS3 14:23, November 18, 2010 (UTC)

Punji Stick

Much thanks for your vote. Now you have reduced the odds of stepping on a punji stick by 0.11%. Cheers!--Funnybony    08:30, Nov 20

Run for your lives! It's another UnSignpost.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

Nov 25th, 2010 • Issue 96 • Putting the period in periodical!

Jimbo, Whales & The Worst 100 By Him again Those of you who regularly sit and stare at recent changes may well have seen a lot of tomfoolery with the site notice this week (that banner at the top which you dismissed two seconds after logging in). The reason for this is that somebody noticed that we are supposed to be a parody of Wikipedia and suggested we come up with something to parody Jimbo Wales' appeal. Zombiebaron duly obliged, then Lyrithya obliged too, then Olipro edited some code and the site notice you see today, or don't see, as the case may be, was created. Well done, them. Honestly, we have nothing bad to say about it. Except that I hate it as I do most things that come about through a process of honest endeavour. For those of you who didn't know, Jimbo does have an account on Uncyclopedia, an account he never uses, in rather the same way that I have a membership to a gym; I need one to be cool and so I have somewhere to hide when the black helicopters inevitably come for me. Jimbo is of course the co-founder of Wikia, which is rather like having helped build the Death Star except with less space and more super-lasers capable of destroying planets. Unfortunately, we haven't written a parody of the appeal yet. Well, we have, it just isn't very good. The team at the UnSignpost read both and after the laughter had died down we had a look at the Uncyclopedia one.... yeah.... but have our assurance, Uncyclopedia is working on improving it, and how could you doubt the people who brought you classics like Fisher Price and AAAAAAAAA!? The other item of news we have this week is that the reflections on this year are woefully lacking. Hurtling as we are towards the new year and the annual Cabal broadcast, you may want to consider adding an entry to the list in order that the administrators can sleep soundly at night. We refuse to believe that nothing of note has happened over the last couple of months because we've been here and can attest that something has happened every day. So get over there and do the editing, we'll be right behind you. Voting heats up By Chief The "of the Month" awards are in something of a state of flux at the moment as voters and nominators become increasingly unwilling to vote (or care) in some cases and more willing in others. "It's a sad indictment of the way we live," lamented Socky when our reporter spoke to him, though he did say some other things once we asked him some questions. This month on the Uncyclopedian of the Month award, Lyrithya has stormed ahead of competition, running up 16 votes at the time of going to press; we would say she was miles ahead of her opposition, but since she nominated both of them and voted for one of them we don't think she deserves it. When asked to comment, Lyrithya had this to say: "I hate you all". Meanwhile over on Writer of the Month, Romartus leads SPIKE by 7 votes. Neither of them were available to provide us with a quote, probably because we forgot to ask, but we took some of the things they said on the award page and through creative journalism summed up their thoughts: "This... is... my... award" is what Romartus said, though he may have said those words in a different order... and as part of different sentences. SPIKE just said "Yay," which was lovely. Things are far more exciting over on Noob of the Month where mega-noob rcmurphy and regular noob Putthatknifedown are neck and neck with 5 votes each. Things are of course far less exciting in the land of the other awards: Author of the Month is a gripping contest as gentile Uncyclopedian and former UnSignpost editor Under user trudges towards the finish line arm in arm with gentile Uncyclopedian and former UnSignpost editor Mhaille (he wrote a couple of lines for us once and they were amazing). Potatochopper of the month is also a rather subdued affair with nobody getting any votes, despite two people being nominated. Finally Reviewer of the Month has no nominations and thus, surprisingly, no votes so far this month. Why is this? We at the UnSignpost asked Uncyclopedia's dictator in-chief Mordillo what he thought; he agreed to consider the question after a stiff drink. We can only assume it was a strong one as we didn't hear back from him for 3 days. When he came back, he declared, "Uncyclopedia - UNITE! GO OUT TO THE STREETS AND DEMAND MORE BLONDES FOR ALL! MORE WELL SHAPED BLONDES FOR ALL! MORE THREESOMES WITH JEWS! and vote for NotM and RotM right? Trust us, we are the cabal, we know best". As Mordillo was being sedated, Socky bravely stepped in to fill his trousers and surprised everyone by saying "My thoughts on awards are that we should have a lot more of them and we should be a lot less serious about them. We could be having fun instead of worrying about drama. Voting will only lead to good results when not subjugated to logic." Socky went on to lay down his plans for ruling Uncyclopedia and restoring Germany to a dominant position in Europe; he left our interview early to annex Czechoslovakia, so thankfully we cannot bring you anything else from him this week. There is a point here, does Uncyclopedia need more awards? Or does it just need more contributors? All we know for sure is that you need to start voting NOW! Or tomorrow if you're a bit busy at the moment. Chief learns Latin; talks about lorums By Socky See {{lorum}} for a full transcript of his Latin writings.

Check out these pages! Mail Order Lobster When's your birthday? A surveillance camera!? From our logs: 13:58, November 21, 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.112.195.238 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Enough time for you to go and have a bit pot of warm penises, just like you love them) 15:52, November 19, 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.126.123.197 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You suck at vandalism. You should probably try your hand at cooking or painting or something instead.) 14:40, November 18, 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.120.230.138 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (I dunno - you expose a paedo, then it's you who gets in toruble. Fuckin' liberals, eh?) Biopic of the Week Prowling the corridors of UnNews and VFD, SPIKE has earned the respect of his peers through a combination of three things: Hard work, immaculate record keeping and... hard work. SPIKE is often to be found speaking into a microphone for UnNews, saving condemned articles on VFD and generally trying to make the site a better place. While he may not have as many features as some people, he makes up for it through a huge amount of work; his userpage is a comprehensive list of achievements, good deeds and a lot of other information that you probably don't need but he is prepared to give at no extra charge. I need all of it, of course, as I am building a database which I plan to flog to a corporation at some stage. If you contributed anything to UnNews or nominated an article for VFD this year then this man likely got involved at some stage. Respect him and get back to work. Old-school featured article of the week Are you tired of being a small cog in the giant machine of what is, for all intents and purposes, an infinite and uncaring universe? Of course, we all are! "But how do I, a mere newborn babe/small child/university student/accountant/elderly person just steps away from death's door, whose gaping maw is opened wide in anticipation of my ethereal etherealness, the insignificant mote of dust that is me, passing through its opening en route to what will surely be a depressing and disappointing eternity, attain oneness with the universe today?" you ask. How? Here's how. Newsroom UnTune of the week Stalker An UnSignpost apology As you know, we at the UnSignpost make few mistakes, but it has been brought to our attention that we misquoted Mordillo and made him look like a bit of a weirdo in the story to the left; this is highly regrettable and we enclose his full quote here by way of apology. "the ongoing voting trend that is directed at obvious targets such as WotM and UotM are a cardinal warning sign that Uncyclopedia is not only the worst, it keeps deteriorating. How else would you define a community that is centered on awarding its writers and goody two shoes? What about young new fresh people that are hopefully insatiable redheads with abnormal fondness of threesomes with Jews and MORE blondes? What about the people who take the substandard manure that the above said writers produce and fit them into shape?! Are we all doomed to be old shapeless writers? Will Uncyclopedia become like Europe - ageing, overweight and smug? Where are all the young willing blondes amongst the population?!" Editors note: Mordillo then went on to say the bit our journalist was awake for in the interview. The UnSignpost bitterly regrets having him sedated against his will due to this misunderstanding. We will be sending a fruit basket round to him as soon as his screams of anguish as the doctor inserted the needle stop being quite so funny.

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~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101125 - 01:01 (UTC)

Don't you love the smell of the UnSignpost in the morning?

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The edition that's black and white and dead all over

Dec 2nd, 2010 • Issue 97 • STOP! UnSignpost time!

UFFL Week 12 Update By CheddarBBQ Now that it is so far into the season that everyone not involved with the Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League, as well as many that are involved, could not possibly care, what better time for an update? After eleven gruelling weeks, it seems that on top is the one and only Doritians, Take II, with an impressive W-L-T of 9-2-0 and a current six-game win-streak. They are also the only team to currently have a clinched playoff spot. For those not aware, the Doritians, Take II are the follow-up to Cheddar's Doritians last year: an Eagles-based team that performed, to put it frankly, shittily. When asked to comment about his surprising victory, Mr. Cheddar claimed, "GET RAPED SON." Elsewhere in the league, there is currently a tight race for 2nd between the Oklahoma Boomers (who are currently in first point-wise and have the season record for highest score in a game with 168.14 points), The DC RacialSlurs, The Dudes, and Lepus Muerte. The real secondary story revolves around league commissioner and possible Nazi-supporter Rosenkrantzenpants. While last year, the German team took the overall victory with quite ease, this year's team is not so magnificent. After many losing streaks and strokes and bad luck, Rosenkrantzenpants has barely been able to pull itself past an even Win-Lose ratio. However, despite a poor record, he maintains 4th place point-wise. The Well-Dressed Pickles again still have yet to win, most likely due to having six of the worst players in the league (two of which are out for the the season) and a refusal to edit the line-up. The Bearasorta Vikings aren't doing much better. Also, you should watch The League on FX. It's a damn funny show. Aristocrat's Update By ChiefjusticeDS The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball rumbles on, and as the closing date looms like a fat man over a large cake, the question on everyone's lips is "What's the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball?". In case you have recently returned from an Uncyclopedia hiatus or have been hiking through the Amazon Delta wearing nothing but a pair of slippers, I will explain once again: the ATDB is a festival of frivolity and bad taste, highlighting all those fine, fine contributions we never want to see featured. The UnSignpost sat down with competition judge Lyrithya to find out what, if anything, there was to know. "I would like people to stop asking me for help," Lyrithya moaned before our journalist could open his mouth, "Two people have so far already" The UnSignpost infers from this that the competition is truly a desperate one this year; some entrants have clearly been pushed to the limits of their sanity and have begun searching Uncyclopedia's back alleys for writing tips. To round off our interview we asked Lyrithya who she thought would win. "That guy," she said emphatically, indicating a nearby vending machine, "His article is excellent." Whose article she really means shall remain a mystery until the results become known on December 10th. The competition closes for judging this Friday at 00:00 GMT, so if you want to enter, you need to do so soon. The UnSignpost will be there to bring you the results when the judging has happened unless something more exciting happens. Unlikely, but we live in hope. The Grue Army By Meganew For almost a year, most of our classic usergroups remained in pieces. Groups like the Uncyclopedian Forces, the UnAnarchist Party, the UnFire Department, and yes, even the Grue Apocalypse. The economy also dramatically collapsed, with commerce reaching an all-time low. However, one group stands out among all: the Grue Army. After their leader High Gen. Grue went AWOL, the once-proud Grue Army was left belly-up with only 4 of the original members still in. The decision to revive the group was made and Meganew has been seen wearing Patton-esque General's clothing ever since. Some newer users had joined up with the group already, but it wasn't enough to equal a full-scale revival. Therefore, the leaders decided on an unusual plan of action: pick who they thought would be the 10 best candidates for the group. After some of the candidates decided not to join, the plan was expanded to all of the twenty users originally selected. Some have responded and have become active Grue Army members, deep in-the-cave reserve members, and allies. Some people have questioned the need for another group of people who don't do much, but are happy to tell others what to do, as we already have site admins for just such a job. This has been a shameless advertising promotion from the Grue Army, Join Today!!!

Check out these pages! Fap fap fap!! Celebrate Mediocrity!!!!!!!!! Ever get that "not so fresh" feeling? From our logs: 05:45, 25 Novemver, 2010 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked ISLAM WILL DESTROY YOU IMPERIALIST SWINE LIKE DUNG (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (ZOMBIEBARON WILL DESTROY YOU ISLAMIST FANATICS LIKE DUNG) 06:27, 24 November, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked I will blank a userpage (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (cute) 07:42, November 28, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.35.10.15 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Such spirited hi-jinks and individuality.... I MUST DESTROY) 17:33, November 30, 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 208.77.131.29 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Here's yet another reason for you to hate Jews) 21:01, November 30, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Avianion (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (cyberbullying. also, coming from Halifax, which should have some kind of law against it.) Biopic of the Week It seems only proper that this week as we pass the 5th anniversary of its featuring, the UnSignpost should take a look at perhaps the biggest in-joke Uncyclopedia has ever seen: Euroipods. For those who don't know, Euroipods was intended to parody the marketing campaign for www.euroipods.com, which ran from mid to late 2005. However, despite the effort, detail and effort that went into creating the article, some users couldn't understand what all the laughter was about. Stories of the clashes on the talk page of Euroipods are still told whenever veteran Uncyclopedians gather round a modem to compete in tales of blood-chilling terror. The article spawned several spin-off articles, since creativity is next to regular bathing on the list of things Uncyclopedians will avoid if at all possible. All hail Euroipods, may it stand forever as proof of our commitment to being the worst. Old-school featured article of the week Mozilla Firefox is a famous magical girl of the 21st century, seen by many Europeans (even though she's technically a United Statesian) as the Western answer to Japan's infamous "Project Sailor Moon". She is a direct descendant of the legendary Maozilla and a daughter of now-deceased Mozilla Suite. Mozilla is therefore a last name, but is written first to make fun of the Japanese. Firefox's goal is to reclaim a vital artifact lost for humanity a hundred generations ago in Browser Wars: the Interweb, a huge web embedded in the surface and atmosphere of the planet Earth. Her arch enemy is the Interweb Exploder, a giant monster that repeatedly tries to blow up the Interweb, without much success, and zombifies people that connect their computers to it. Both Firefox and the Exploder are web browsers: their duty is to patrol controlled areas of the Interweb and fight minor saboteurs and wreckers. Newsroom UnTune of the week Playing with myself

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-- 05:32, December 2, 2010 (UTC)

The UnSignpost, now with 25% less saturated fat

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11

Dec 9th, 2010 • Issue 98 • Is that an UnSignpost in your pocket?

The UnSignpost Investigates: VFH By Chief If you have ever written an article on Uncyclopedia then the chances are you have run the gauntlet of Votes for Highlight at some point, which inevitably means you have experienced the helpful criticism, the less helpful criticism and the downright bizarre criticism. VFH is the most popular voting page on Uncyclopedia, and this week the UnSignpost is taking a closer look at the process that separates the wheat from the chaff, and the awkwardly feminine from the possibly Canadian. VFH has come under fire this week from an outgoing editor and we thought it would be unfair to dismiss his claims without properly investigating them, so we didn't and it was a great fun; we played badminton and then we went bowling. However, when Sycamore complained about recent trends on VFH, we decided to have a look. There is a serious point to be made here, with admins being told at least twice a week that both they and Uncyclopedia suck penises - is VFH not somewhere that should be more carefully regulated to prevent articles that are less than amusing being nominated? Or should users who are presently engaged in nominating idiotic pages for VFH be told to cut it out, or else? Discussions have taken place about scrapping voting altogether and having the admins run things or, as one bright-spark suggested: just get rid of against voting. VFH is not a machine in dire need of repair, however, but for many it does seem to be a flawed system that is entirely to blame for A wizard did it being featured. As a result of the above, the UnSignpost urges you to do two things: Vote on VFH; it needs your votes to work, as the name might suggest, and try to remember that while cocking about is fun, work is immeasurably more useful. Also, because the lead story this week has been very sombre and serious, we have attached a picture of a dog wearing a hat. Enjoy. Mince Pies, an editorial By Douchebag McSpackypants The Cabal Hey guys!!! This week I thought I would talk about something which is guaranteed to interest EVERYONE! My favourite food in the world: Mince Pies!!! OMG they are teh brillz0rz! (Internet slang; I'm hip!) I mean they don't even have MINCE in them! What's UP WITH THAT!? Here's how I began to find them totally lolicious and awesome!!!! It all started at last year's Christmas pa- Signal interrupted New message incoming There is no need to adjust your UnSignpost. Halt all subversive activity. Exits are not located to the rear. Rollback is not disabled. Expect no Christmas bonus. The Cabal is not addressing you from this periodical. It is not the Festive Season. Santa does not exist. Nothing you do matters. Our patience is not tried by your petty drama and hi-jinks. Contributions are not logged and examined. Addresses are not tracked and houses are not watched. Bans will not be imposed if you reject our reality. Abide citizens. Location scrambled. Message ends Signal re-established, original transmission resuming ... and that's when I threw up all over the dancing Elephant! See you next week!

Check out these pages! Muppets go back to the future Reskinapedia? A forum from 3 years ago The Aristocrats judging! From our logs: 04:46, December 7, 2010 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked AngieCrosby (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Spam spam eggs spam spam spam sausage spam spam and spam) 15:42, December 5, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked SAMUDESU (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (na-na-na-nanana CUNTFACE!) 15:05, December 4, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Redundantunderuserwithhisslutwifeandretardedchild (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (oh, the long winter hours must just fly past at your house.) 03:29, December 7, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.245.74.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of 5 hours (lol k c(-; (that's supposed to be a guy winking, smiling and sticking his tongue out FUCK YOU!!!!) Biopic of the Week Imagine, if you will, a drug fuelled after-party in a Special Needs home, then stop because it's time for biopic of the week! This week we have a splendid fellow, as we inevitably do; it's Count of Monkey Crisco! Heard of him? No? That's because he is busy working and not spending time coming up with new and inventive ways of wasting time in the Village Dump, like you. It may surprise you to learn that the Count (yes I must refer to him this way) is a former UotM, has four featured images and was the first man to scale Everest in a kayak... ok, we are exaggerating here; he only has two featured images. Nonetheless this man is the example of a good Uncyclopedian, hard working, quiet and modest. At least we assume he is modest; he hasn't ever done anything as awesome as I have, so we can't confirm it. So go on - investigate Uncyclopedia's very own man in black for yourself; he's er... Monkalicious. Old-school featured article of the week To Whom it May Concern On the 6th September 2006, I wrote this article, and I am yet to receive any feedback. I believe I expressed a number of real concerns which you have not yet addressed. In case my previous article was lost in the post, I will repeat my concerns here, and I trust that this article will reach you in good time. Source: Uncyclopedia complaints department, archive 4,978 Newsroom UnTune of the week Can't Be Blamed (For My Shitty Music)

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--ChiefjusticePS3 16:08, December 9, 2010 (UTC)

Oh shit! It's another unsignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

Dec 16th, 2010 • Issue 99 • Now with 50% more Cheese News!!

Turkey Ball Anyone? By Chief As all great things must come to an end so must all fairly mediocre things, and this has certainly proved true for the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball, which concluded last Thursday/Friday/Early Saturday morning. Unfortunately, all of our reporters were out watching Lord of the Dance or entertaining Monsignor Sandman when it was happening and we have no on the spot coverage or reporting whatsoever. However, we have once again stepped unto the breach in the name of journalism and have, at great personal risk, recovered the results from the competition page. This year the joint winners of the title category are: Socky for UnBooks:Fred and EMC for The Aristocraigslist. Socky's winning streak continued into the next category: "Best Bad Taste Article" where he and Zombiebaron's collaboration tied for first place with CheddarBBQ's slightly sickening entry: Uncle John's Fetus Burgers and Abortion Clinic. The "The Master Goa Tse Award for Digital Imagery" category was the only one that obliged us with a clear winner this year, and that winner was Bucknut4, with the loin-stirring image you see attached to this story. Of course everyone who took part in the competition is a winner... except the people who didn't win anything. The UnSignpost dropped round to Socky's house to find out how he felt about being the biggest Turkey of them all this year: "I'm really proud of winning twice" he told our reporter, banging his head on the toughened glass. "I'd like to throw a big party, but first I'll need to get rid of all the dead bodies...", which was a lovely thought. He also presented our reporter with this picture which, his doctor assured us, Socky had drawn himself. The non-existent Cabal would like to pass on its non-existent thanks to all entrants and judges of the competition and would like to make special mention of Mrthejazz, who narrowly missed out on victory in two categories; hopefully the suicide note, sleeping-pills and empty Whiskey bottles we found when we went round to his house mean he has just gone on holiday. Gayming? By Chief The Uncyclopedia game namespace came under fire this week as users began discussing whether the whole thing should be euthanized as part of Uncyclopedia's commitment to cutting internet congestion by 60% before the start of 2011. In order to get a handle on matters, the UnSignpost lured veteran Uncyclopedian Mhaille into an interview by convincing him there was cake hidden in our journalist's back pocket. Mhaille called the game namespace "A SHOCKING waste of server space and a section of the site seemingly inhabited by elves, dwarves, grues and Welshpeople". Is this a fair assessment of a namespace that has been around since 2006 or is this just the condemnation of a Bureaucrat engorged with spite at his continued lack of a salary? When asked if he would support deleting the namespace altogether, Mhaille said, "It should at least be hacked back to acceptable levels and filled with humour above that of a 14 year old D&D player". The debate on the game namespace is far from over, especially since a fair number of users haven't even realised it has started yet. Should we delete the namespace, or should we allow it to grow in whichever way the laws of nature allow? However with the game namespace regularly churning out classics like Grue Life and The Great Random Adventure of Awesomeness, it is clear to many that something should be done, even if it is only a jolly good chat in the Village Dump.

Check out these pages! Poo! Top my ten! From our logs: 10:13, December 14, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Hellraiser123 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Dr UU's diagnosis: you appear to be suffering from being a twat syndrome. the cure for this is to ask someone to punch you in the face repeatedly, go try it, let me know how you get on.) 19:26, December 8, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked DILLO LOVES TO SUCK CHIEFS DICK!! (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of indefinite‎ (If only..... Oh no, I meant to think that!) 16:40, December 8, 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked OmarTheGay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Recent surveys suggest you fall a long way short of even our standards) 05:28, December 13, 2010 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked I'm Going To Spit In Mordillo's Anus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Congratulations!) Biopic of the Week This week we have selected someone we seem to have written about far too much in the last month or so: Funnybony. For those who don't know, Funnybony has penned more articles than you could possibly count, unless you can count up to 295. However, we have decided to try and talk about something else besides the massive number of articles he has written (several of which became featured). We also won't be mentioning his ability at potatochopping or his victory in Playwright of the Month in October, nor will we mention his general lack of anger and his fondness for sending people pictures instead of words. In fact this biopic will have very little to do with Funnybony at all; the UnSignpost apologises for this and promises that Biopic of the Week will return next week as normal. So everyone: be impressed with Funnybony, despite the fact you know almost nothing about him. Birthday of the Week UU, this very Thursday. (This in no way counts as vanity). Old-school FA; Orian57 return special! UnBooks:Daddy, There's a Zombie in the Garden UnScripts:Trapped at Sea LazyTown Snow White HowTo:Build the Perfect Sandcastle Why?:Is There a Moose On This Plane? Why?:Am I a Power Ranger? Why?:Don't You Get a Job? Sort-of-festive thing of the Week It's Uncle UU's second annual festive Mince Pie eating competition and ban patro-ho-ho-ho-l! Fun for all the family! Watch for updates over the next week or so.

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1234 ~ 05:23, 16 December 2010

This is it... the 100th UnSignpost.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!

Dec 23rd, 2010 • Issue 100 • Now with added bragging rights!

The UnSignpost hits 100 By Chief So here we are, issue number 100. The newspaper with the most haphazard group of editors and paper... people in the world has successfully spammed talk pages 100 times. This makes now the perfect time to look back at the UnSignpost through the ages and see the motley crew of visionaries, drug addicts and lunatics who have made the UnSignpost what it is today: damaged beyond all repair. The UnSignpost had a beginning, like everything: it was in days of yore when Uncyclopedians fiddled in the street.... in knickerbockers, Mordillo was a new-ish administrator and everything had a rosy sort of tint to it; Uncyclopedia was indeed not as bad as it is today. Two enterprising young Uncyclopedians, Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper, came up with the idea for a newspaper, a newspaper that would tell lazy people what was going on on the wiki, thus encouraging them to continue being lazy. At first, Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper made beautiful music love UnSignposts together and even considered making the UnSignpost a twice weekly paper... yeah. However such a partnership could not last forever, as nothing does except jam, and eventually Dr. Skullthumper departed the UnSignpost. Last time someone asked him about the UnSignpost, he said, among other things: "We had no idea what we were doing" which reassures us that nothing has changed in the interim. Cajek pushed the UnSignpost onward and it was good, until it wasn't any more, at which point DJ Irreverent took the wheel. Nobody has seen Cajek for years now, so being rational people, we can only assume he is sailing round the world in a boat powered entirely by Mars Bars, though we can tell you that he once said "You know, those shoes you see on telephone wires?" which should give you some food for thought. However the DJ was unable to maintain the UnSignpost for long, and he was obliged to leave; after all, in accepting the responsibility, he opened up a can of worms. Then how could he let sleeping dogs lie after he let the cat out of the bag? After all, if you change horses in the middle of the stream, next thing you know you're up the creek without a paddle. Which explains why he left; the balloon went up. After the DJ went belly-up (yes I'll stop this now) Under user decided to have a go... he strapped on his pads and hit the UnSignpost for six (OK, I'm definitely done now) - six issues, to be exact, and then wandered off to get married or some such nonsense, leaving the UnSignpost in the hands of Gerrycheevers. Gerry maintained the paper splendidly until UU came back again and enlisted the help of some more hip and happening users to help him actually know things. UU remained in the editors seat, mostly, and writers like Socky, POTR and Guildensternenstein dropped in to help now and then when UU's creativity failed him. We can't list everyone who turned up as we hate most of them, but they are lovingly remembered on the main UnSignpost page. Finally the stress became too much for UU, and he fled the office via an upstairs window. When he woke from his coma, we showed him the UnSignpost and threatened to beat him with a stick if he didn't give us a quote on how excellent it was. He said, "Boringly, I love the ol' Signpost, and will probably return to it one day ... But I have written the most issues, across 3 separate stints on the paper, and sheer quantity has to count for something, right? Anyway, I'm glad to see Chief continuing all the proud traditions except late delivery, and am idly wondering how long it'll take before he too crumbles like a dry reed in the face of its relentless news-hunger". So hurrah for the UnSignpost, 100 issues to match up with the hundreds of writers with issues who have contributed to it. See you in issue 200! The UnSignpost:A few words from someone you don't know. By PuppyOnTheRadio Hang on. Did I read that last bit correctly? 100 issues? Wow! Given that it takes our beloved paper boys about 2 hours to deliver the Unsignpost, that means that's 200 hours spent delivering this, not to mention the time and effort put into making this unperiodic periodical over the last 2ish years. So that would mean it's a combined total of multiply by 2... carry the 1... take away the number you first thought of... 2 months worth of work that has gone into the creation of this glorious publication. And it's that attention to detial that makes the UnSignpost what it is.

Check out these pages! Still need more! It's coming! But How? But Why? Christmas Songs From our logs, best of Modusoperandi: 23:25, January 24, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.14.255.228 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (2 days for blanking, 1 day for not being pretty like me) 20:09, September 7, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) resurrected Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Consistent and focussed approach to awesomeness) 15:45, September 14, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 94.246.126.149 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Blanker: Go blank yourself! Hah! Do you see what I did there? I'm a font of wit.) 4:01, July 26, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Not A Good Username360 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (He asked me a question. Outrage!) 14:47, July 26, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 8 hours ‎ (I banned a guy for too long this one time. Then I had nachos.) 11:01, July 18, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.187.224.60 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You fill me with rage. Also, lust. *Blush*) 06:10, November 17, 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Frozen Korpse (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Yes, Mordillo is the worst. That's no reason to be rude.) 18:26, October 1, 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 205.144.32.250 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Excessive vanity. That's my gig, bucko! I'm devastating!) 19:45, August 11, 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Dxbn (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (You're a boob. Not the good kind, either. If you were, you'd have a nipple right 'there'. Just the thought of you being the good kind of boob makes me a little hard.) Biopic of the Week Rather than come up with another user to biopic, the UnSignpost has decided to biopic itself once again, making it the first... thing to have been biopiced twice! (Except {{USERNAME}}, but that doesn't count, don't ask why, it just doesn't) We here at the UnSignpost were absolutely flabbergasted when the news became known and an editor exclaimed "My gast is truly flabbered". We would like to thank the academy, you the readers, us the writers, the people who put the fillings into Mince Pies and the person who invented the Jelly Baby. However, The UnSignpost rarely votes on VFD, never contributes to the site except to spam talk pages and generally has been writing essentially the same thing for almost 3 years, which is exactly what it should be doing. If you regularly read the UnSignpost, get a job so you have less free time and stop being so limber and stress free; if you regularly write for the UnSignpost, get a job so you have less free time. Well done, UnSignpost, and may you persist in all the poor practices that have made you what you are today. Anniversary UnSignpost of the week Believe it or not the UnSignpost had a birthday, only the one, but here is the last time we devoted an entire issue to talking about ourselves and how awesome we are when you sit back and think about it. Mince Pie update It's all go over on Under user's page as the festive mince pie race gets into full swing. UU himself has consumed 39 festive treats at the time of going to press, lagging behind Roman Dog Bird who has guzzled a whopping 52 mince pies at the time of going to press. Meanwhile, ChiefjusticeDS has only managed 25 and is just happy to be involved in something that involves other people for once.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

1234 ~ 06:50, 23 December 2010

UnNews:US to be undefended from terrorism next Sunday‎

Thanks for reverting Anon on this UnNews. 57 doesn't "imply we annexed a few countries" as you say in your Change Summary. The article, which plays with Napolitano getting a number wrong, ends with the notorious moment in the Presidential campaign when Obama got a number wrong. Spıke ¬ 20:58 27-Dec-10

Oh, okay. Thanks for clearing that up. Simsilikesims 21:06, December 27, 2010 (UTC)

QVFD duplicates

You might want to just turn on the qvfd gadget in your preferences instead of importing Mitch's... seems to be a bit out of date, or something. Yes, I noticed. I'm not stalking you, though. Really.

Anyhow, care for some cake? 1234 ~ 05:00, 29 December 2010

UnSignpost, UnSignpost, eat it right here...

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

Dec 30th, 2010 • Issue 101 • The periodical with just a hint of pie.

Awards of the year By Chief As Christmas fades into the deep darkness of memory and the New Year hurtles towards us so quickly that experts have predicted it will reach us within a few days, thoughts inevitably turn to the Yearly awards. Well, the thoughts of we here at the UnSignpost do; if yours don't, then you aren't committed to this site enough. The yearly awards are: Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year and Potatochopper of the Year. These highly imaginative awards are hotly contested affairs with up to 3 Uncyclopedians being nominated for each! While voting will not be open until early January you can already begin to think about who you want to nominate. The voting will be open until the end of January, hopefully, maybe, if we remember/are nominated. So prepare for the excitement, bribery and boredom fun. Vote, vote and vote. In all seriousness, there are some really deserving users around here and if you can't think of anything, then you need to get involved. Now to balance that out: Bing boing whoopsie knickers. Lolpoo By Chief Those of you who frequently watch the village dump may have spied, nestled amongst imaginative topics like "I r haz a solushan 4 all teh speeling prooblams on Uncylopedia!!" and "MY PENIS IS BENSON", the topic about the Poo Lit Surprise competition. As the forum topic suggests, the competition is expected to start in January on the 18th. The PLS is arguably the biggest writing competition in Uncyclopedia and judges are still needed to help out, just check out the forum topic if this is something you want to do. The controversial, drama causing, admin harassing problem associated with the PLS last time was the issue of a cash prize for the winner, and clashes over various entries to the competition and the related financial consequences caused problems for the competition and contributed towards Mordillo's 200th mental breakdown of the year. This year crafty Scot Sycamore, who has been coerced into hosting the PLS, has decreed that the winner may nominate a charity to which an unconfirmed sum will be sent on victory. Any further winnings may be withdrawn from your bank account with your credit card and redeemed at most shops. The competition starts on January 18th and we are lead to believe will close 14 days later, however we cannot confirm this for reasons that we are unable to confirm at time of writing and going to press. It's that simple.

Check out these pages! It is complete! Got a problem? Moar votes plzzz From our logs: 16:41, December 26, 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.10.118.29 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (What's that under the tree? Why - it's a gift you overlooked! Whatever could it be? Well, how about that - it's a ban!) 21:08, December 28, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.4.116.14 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Sets off my arsehole detector. Don't ask why I have one.) 10:28, December 25, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 143 seconds ‎ (Merry thing you don't celebrate old chap! Hope the presents you didn't get would have been fantastic!) 22:15, December 24, 2010 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.2.208.36 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Did I just accidentally start a gang war between myself and some kids from Scotland? Cool beans.) 18:20, December 28, 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.32.12.212 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Simon IS a naughty boy but it's not for you to tell) Biopic of the Week Bananas, bats and beach balls, what do these things have in common? The answer of course is Lyrithya, who, let’s face it, is just plain weird. Obsessed with everything from masturbation to mastication and from coding to cunnilingus... OK I made some of that up, but the thing about Lyrithya is that you don't know what I made up and what is the whole gruesome truth. That aside, Lyrithya seems to successfully spend more than 24 hours on Uncyclopedia every day and seems to be attracting the attention of the majority of the user base, like a lone woman in a room full of sexually frustrated quasi-rapists, which she is. But why not go and say hello if you haven't already? The response will baffle you, but that's half the appeal.... isn't it? Newsroom UnTune of the week Won't Get Banned Again

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1234 ~ 21:39, 30 December 2010

UnSignpost Delivery!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Word to your mother.

Jan 6th, 2011 • Issue 102 • Just add Milk!

Wiki Update By Chief So it would seem, considering Uncyclopedia has successfully staggered its way into a new year (and its 6th birthday on Janurary 5), that everything is working as it should; this raises the question, why? Well, we at the UnSignpost love a challenge, so we have investigated the salt mines of Uncyclopedia to see the inmates users who are currently labouring in them to produce the site we all know and love. VFD is working splendidly and has recently held a minor games purge. If you missed out, shame on you. Watched over by Sycamore, it is edited continuously by a few others who have been hitting the random page button in search of crap to rewrite for months, if not years now. Over on UnNews, SPIKE is also labouring in the place of UnNews grandmaster, the right honourable Zim ulator. Meanwhile on pee review, Lyrithya and Black flamingo11 have been shouldering more responsibility than they know what to do with, reviewing and checking the infernal tables and generally filling the void left by somebody trying in vain to get a life. Now for a quick moment on the forums.... that's that over with. Recent changes is also empty because Socky has stopped categorising absolutely everything and everyone else is.... writing. Romartus is still shattering hopes and dreams on VFH and we hope to be able to bring you this exact same piece of news next year. The admins are of course splitting their time between overseeing the whole process and abusing their powers for giggles. If you work like a dog for Uncyclopedia and you haven't been mentioned here, it's nothing personal; it's just you aren't good enough our journalists are easily distracted by loud noises and flashing lights, so perhaps you live too near a lighthouse.... or a level crossing. From the desk of the Cabal:Compliance recommended for 2011 By Nobody It has not escaped the notice of the non-existent Cabal that Uncyclopedia has successfully survived another year, and the Cabal, of which there is none, orders all subjects to have a happy new year, or else. It would seem that you ignored our ruling of last year where we instructed you to comply at every opportunity and issued a decree banning drama. In 2010 we saw range blocks and epic ban sprees (to purge the ballot boxes and thus purify democracy), we witnessed mass deletions (necessary losses), we observed hundreds of forum topics declaring Wikia to be the worst (Wikia are to be obeyed despite this), we watched as you persecuted the weak, stubborn and female (to build the master race) and took note of your single success, that of closing the worst 100 reflections on 2010 before midnight on December 31st. This took you two years; it does not count. In short you have failed us again. So as 2010 fades into distant memory, we turn our eyes to 2011. We have the following advice: question nothing; you are meddling with powers you cannot possibly comprehend; remain indoors; do not attempt to remove the cameras from your dwelling they are for the protection of the community; drive safely; stay in school/work; shut the fuck up and go write an article; provide your bank details and PIN when asked. That is all citizens, you may now move freely about the complex.

Check out these pages! Writer of the Year Uncyclopedian of the Year Potatochopper of the Year It's here, but we're still confused! From our logs: 09:56, January 1, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Famine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (by blocking Famine, do I end world hunger? No need to thank me, just bring me a pork pie.) 12:35, January 5, 2011 Sannse (Talk | contribs) blocked EugeneKay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1.673 hours ‎ (For helping me with my email - smart arse.) 17:06, January 4, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 166.32.193.81 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (reverting admins and other experienced users for no good reason, also for annoying me on a tuesday, the worst day of the week to annoy me.) 23:05, January 3, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 166.32.193.81 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Stop that, on the path of the righteous edit warring is not, Swindon that way lies) 07:42, January 4, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.131.23.226 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (His habit of replacing words with "COCK," "JESUS" and "CHRIST" is so funny my hand slipped and accidentally hit the "BAN" button) Biopic of the Week This week, the UnSignpost has once again put off actually having to find out something about a user - going to their talk page, reading their articles; this is the same as work. Instead we have decided to biopic last year because that means we can make lots of generalisations and you all get to be included in the biopic, unless you joined in the last 6 days, in which case, where the fuck were you? In 2010, all sorts of fun things happened. We appointed new administrators, we reviewed lots, then we didn't review at all, we all left because of drama in summer, then we all came back again, then the FBI phoned An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays and all the administrators started drinking even more, except Zombiebaron who came back and we all welcomed him, what a splendid fellow. We fought in the street, we fought on talk pages and we fought in the village dump, then we went to Wikipedia and fought there, then the servers broke so we all came back here and fought with Wikia. Then we sulked. Happy New Year! Mince Pie of the year UU ate more mince pies than anyone else over Christmas. Well done him, he wins at heart disease. We look forward to hearing of his premature death unloved and miserable thousands of miles from home.

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Nominally Humane! some time Thursday, 09:57, Jan 6 2011 UTC

UnSignpost Delivery!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now Delivered Trendily Late!

Jan 13th, 2011 • Issue 103 • Leave to stand for 5 minutes before consuming

Voting Frenzy By Chief It's that month again, the famous voting month when Uncyclopedians gather to air their opinions on the year that has been, user contributions or lack thereof and lots of other things. The difference between this and the continuous monthly evaluation normally going on is that now we have Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year, RadicalX of the Year and Useless Gobshite of the Year to accompany our small selection of monthly awards/voting pages: WotM, UotM, PotM, NotM, AotM, RotM, EGA, FP, PWotM, ANOTM, Top 10 o' the month, UGotM, VFH, VFD, VFS and VFP. Of course it is the duty of every Uncyclopedian worth his/her salt to vote and have an opinion on each and every one of the above. Having no opinion is not an option; we can't afford such luxuries, not when the very fabric of our society hangs by a thread made entirely of voting pages. The UnSignpost has spoken to experts in voting patterns and strategies and they have instructed us to encourage each and every one of you to vote for whichever candidate you wouldn't like to not unwin again! It's that simple! A quick round up on our yearly awards: over on WotY Mhaille, Sog1970 and Aleister in Chains are slugging it out blow by blow for pole position. On UotY, some Spunk bubble has stormed ahead with Lyrithya in second place and all the other deserving candidates scrapping on the floor for... er scraps. On PotY Zombiebaron has taken a convincing lead. Since we failed to ask him to comment he might have said: "Braaaains, I shall consume all brains," which leads this reporter to comment that Zombiebaron may well be on the wrong website. The best articles of 2010 voting opens on the 15th of this month and will give the hardcore voters among you a chance to get stuck in again, but this time into people's articles rather than the people themselves. Regrettable, we know, but you can always nominate them for something next month. As the voting frenzy continues, the UnSignpost will continue to watch from a safe distance and will be on hand to comfort all the winners when they realise the best years of their lives have been spent essentially bailing out the Titanic with a small mug. The very worst of luck to everyone, and indeed everything, competing. Uncyclopedia is 6! By Chief It's true, it is. Six years of crawling around the back streets of the internet begging to anyone for cash/servers/food, regardless of how useful they may or may not be. That's right, everyone, you are aboard the good ship Uncyclopedia, the only wiki that has sails and a rudder and that's a fact. The UnSignpost won't be doing anything like making up poems or getting emotional and tender about Uncyclopedia growing a year older, since some people have already shown off what big girls they are by doing just that. A quick review of said poetry: Olipro thinks it's cool and manly to swear (it isn't and his poem sucks because of it), Mimo&maxus thinks it's cool to be like Olipro (it isn't and his poem sucks because of it), and neither of them are very good at poetry (this is true and their poetry sucks because of it). Happy birthday Uncyclopedia! At least we here at the UnSignpost did the manly thing of putting on a pink apron and baking you a cake.

Check out these pages! PLS Q&A Stuff you could be doing! Another voting page! How does it happen? From our logs: 21:30, January 10, 2011 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 85.210.176.189 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (OMG! THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD WITH A DYNAMIC IP! THE HORROR! THE HORROR!) 02:50, January 10, 2011 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Posting a comment on a locked forum topic. You monster!) 16:23, January 7, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked FuuuD: (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Nobody cares about you, your school chums and/or their love of anal (except Olipro, he's probably taking notes)) 00:23, January 12, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.112.44.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Lovely, perhaps next time you are on the wiki we could have crumpets and discuss your crippling stupidity) 03:40, January 7, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.130.126.254 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (This is probably the sort of thing you'll find funny: YOU'RE REALLY SMART... (pause) NOT!!!!) Biopic of the Week Instead of trying to give you clues, this week the UnSignpost is just going to come straight out and tell you whom we are using for the biopic. We won't mention that he was adopted by ChiefjusticeDS but overcame this disadvantage to actually be quite useful. We won't mention the fact that he can sing, read and play music. We won't mention his featured articles, his Pee Reviews, his userboxes, his permanently broken user page or how annoyed it makes him if you spell the second part of his user name wrong. We won't dance around the issue any further; we owe it to those of you who have busy lives and those of you who are reading the UnSignpost while your home burns around you not to mince words, so we won't, we are through mincing words; our words are so unminced they are still going "Moo" and eating grass. So now we have dispensed with all that time wasting nonsense we can tell you immediately and without delay that this week the biopic is about John Lydon. Newsroom UnTune of the week Are We Human Or Are We Cancer?

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Nominally Humane! some time Thursday, 03:16, Jan 13 2011 UTC

Do not attempt to adjust your set. This is the UnSignpost.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

STOP... SIGNPOST TIME!!

Jan 20th, 2011 • Issue 104 • Whatever happened to Wagon Wheels?

PuppyOnTheRadio makes a discovery! By Chief Incredible, isn't it; we were pretty astounded ourselves... the UnSignpost actually has some news to report! Yes, everyone's favourite radio-fetishist canine has made the discovery of the century decade year week by coming up with a way to condense games down into one, two, three or even four pages as opposed to 167. This discovery has many benefits, none of which are likely to affect you, but it helps fulfil Uncyclopedia's green commitment by reducing internet congestion by quite a high number and it makes your work easier to destroy, thus breaking your spirit up to 50% quicker! This paper understands that the discovery occurred as PuppyOnTheRadio was sniffing spores, mould and fungus (as he does every Tuesday), when he accidentally sneezed mucus all over them. POTR then observed some remarkable effects as the games mould shrank down into one or two easy-to-manage pages piles. So if you witness some huge game purges going on, do not be concerned; it's just the administrators cleaning up after POTR; needless to say they hate him for this. You all think about that before you next consider doing something useful; all you have to gain is the eternal hatred of every active administrator, although if you really want that, he has posted some ads looking for help. Also yes, this paper is aware that the image accompanying this story is of Sigmund Freud as opposed to a real scientist; this is not because we don't know who he is, but simply because POTR has issues. Facebook for a day By Chief Those of you who arrived at Uncyclopedia on the 16th of this month may have noticed that the main page looked like Facebook. We here at the UnSignpost certainly did; we were celebrating the inevitable salaries, dental plans and offices with swivel chairs that inevitably come with people who have money being in charge when Zombiebaron told us it was just a reskin, what a jerk. The page has received high praise from the community, especially those who were in it. The brains behind it (and we use the term brains loosely) were Zombiebaron and Lyrithya, who spent a great deal of their seemingly limitless free time working on it. This newspaper can only assume they were both living off other people's money and not paying tax at the time, because if they contributed anything to society then they would have been slumped in front of their TV's, miserable and alone, frittering away their time on earth like the rest of us. Did we mention that they are probably in the country illegally? As per this newspaper's policy of forgetting to ask people for quotes in case they say something worth writing, we have simply observed Lyrithya (from a safe distance) to find out her feelings on the reskin. Don't do this, for your own safety. All she does is eat Cheetos and whine. Zombiebaron has once again obliged us by simply saying "Zombiebaron" in response to any question our reporters ask. All joking aside, the reskin was superb and a lot of hard work went into its creation, and not just from the two users mentioned. Others were involved in some of the jokes, creativity and stuff. Check the reskin out in the main page history if you missed it, or you can check out all the main page reskins in the reskin archive.

Check out these pages! The PLS..... again Wikia r teh suxx0rz!!!11!!one!! HELP!! Check out the toilet! From our logs: 6:53, January 13, 2011 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Ihatethisbloodysite (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (we're not too fond of you either) 11:09, January 17, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Uncyclopedia Is Racist Towards Niggers (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (COON!!!!) 23:58, January 18, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.238.88.224 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (It's captain gaylord! Thank you for saving us!) 16:37, January 19, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.196.51.46 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (With a pottymouth like that Santa won't be bringing you any gifts this year) 18:58, January 19, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked ChíefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Fuck ChíefjusticeDS) 12:58, January 17, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 85.12.66.41 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (partly for vanity, partly for cyberbullying, partly just for being from Luton.) Biopic of the Week Anyone who has ever strode into the Uncyclopedia IRC channel is probably familiar with our user for this week. Not only does he seem to have been there since the dawn of time, but he never leaves the place. He is always there; he is to the IRC what lying is to politics, what dilithium crystals are to the starship Enterprise. Yes, this week it's finally time for a biopic on Olipro. Olipro has been here since... a very long time ago and is a great mystery to everyone; most people have no idea he is an administrator, most people have no idea that he considers a morning wasted if he hasn't called 5 people cockjockey by lunchtime. Olipro is one of those mysterious creatures who occasionally tinkers with important pages, occasionally drops by to tell his favourite users that they were born out of wedlock, and, if you rub the side of his magic lamp, occasionally produces pages of code to make the mining maintenance of the site easier. Chances are he has effected you in some way during your stay on Uncyclopedia, if not get yourself into the IRC and tell him that his username sucks balls; that way you are guaranteed the full, untainted Olipro experience. Newsroom UnTune of the week Middle-Aged Suburban White Guy Rap

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1234 ~ 08:13, 20 January 2011

UnSignpost! Wheeee!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH

Jan 27th, 2011 • Issue 105 • Do not try this at home!

Awards and Voting Update By Chief As the Uncyclopedian voting season draws to a close, the UnSignpost is proud to have spent a full ten minutes looking at the scores on the award pages so you don't have to! Over on Writer of the Year Aleister in Chains has taken a lead of two points over Mhaille and Sog1970 who are tied in second place with 9 each. It looks as though WotY is set to be a real roller coaster thrill ride as the frontrunners approach the final furlong, looking to be the first to vault the pommel horse of victory and ultimately hit it out of the park for a triple 20 score of 180, all without potting the black... or getting knocked off their broomsticks. Meanwhile Uncyclopedian of the Year is interesting, if only to watch Uncyclopedians revelling in a completely non-gay celebration of how fantastic everyone else is, all except the leader, ironically, who this newspaper maintains is a work-shy wank-stain on the pants of life. RadicalX of the Year is a Zombiebaron appreciation party and he leads his nearest competitor by 7 points. The Top 10 articles of 2010 is almost finished and the leaders of the pack are becoming apparent, with Suddenly, Raccoons leading the pack and Gay whales in Darfur and A wizard did it tying for second place. There has been some comment on this positioning: mostly screams of horror that an article comprising 6 words could possibly competing for best article of the year, sighs of resignation as it inches closer to actually achieving that end and the snorting guffaws of the people voting for it as they accidentally eat the ends of their fingers while eating crisps and try to cross busy roads without looking. UnSignpost Disclaimer: All scores are correct at time of writing, if they change, as they inevitably will, why not look at it as a metaphor for our inability to understand the universe as it changes around us and leave this story alone? Panic, despair and anguish By Chief It was a fine day, and then Wikia came. They destroyed that which we hold dear, had the tenacity to upgrade the site, kidnapped our children after we refused to pay them for piping all the rats out of town, turned all our clocks backwards 3 hours and worst of all they turned Mordillo into a newt... but he got better. Yes, this week has seen another Wikia update, and our roving reporters have taken to the streets, in flak jackets naturally, to investigate the chaos currently engulfing Uncyclopedia, as people wake up to discover the changes to bits of the site they never used. First of all we stopped by the Village Dump, where the peasants are revolting, and some people are quite upset about the new changes. Chief among those people is Dexter111344, starter of the forum topic Technical difficulties with Wikimedia updates in January 2011; we didn't bother interviewing him as he looked quite mean, though this periodical does observe that Dexter has been protesting against regular bathing for some time now and nobody else really wants to talk to him. If you aren't Spang, Olipro or Lyrithya you won't have a clue what is going on, so we have condensed it down into a suitably stupid phrase just for you "Shit dun' got fucked up". From here we dropped by Wikia headquarters and, once we had obtained docking clearance and the shield on the forest moon was deactivated, we were able to speak to Grand Moff Sannse about the changes. "DPL has changed with the latest version of mediawiki, it will need tweaking" she explained, clearly oblivious to the fact our journalist doesn't know what all those words mean and thinks DPL stands for Dragons, Pixies and Lions. Sannse went on to say that the userbase will need to contribute in order to get things back to normal, as our interview concluded she pointed out that "Trousers aren't needed, just knowledge," which will come as a shock to the active userbase who have been turning up with neither for several years now. Stay classy, Uncyclopedia, and watch out for DPLs. If you find something that is badly broken and adversely effecting the running of the site as a whole then contact an administrator or an Imperial Stormtrooper member of wikia staff, and no, minor aesthetic changes don't count.

Check out these pages: Best of 2010 Candidates! Alone in the Dark Scraggle Salamander Jewish Cuisine A Brief History Of Hot Bitches In Leather Kicking Ass Little Adolf's School Report Regular K Bond Villain BIBLE! From our logs: 07:01, January 22, 2011 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked Iwillkillyou333 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Not being Zombiebaron: This is a joke ban. Anybody who says it's not is a fucking liar. Now, start updating scores when you vote, or I will never ban you again. Ever!) 18:23, January 20, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 209.68.85.254 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (He is not God. God would be wearing a hat 14:56, January 21, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.44.241.22 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Crazy for "but sex," apparently. And bans.) 14:57, January 21, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Sycamore (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 32 seconds ‎ (This Sycamore thinks he can just be "competent" and "Scottish". He'll have another think coming after I eat another jaffa cake.) 01:05, January 26, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked True mystery (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (YOU'RE A RIOT, TRUE MYSTERY, A REGULAR RIOT!!!!!!) Biopic of the Week Everybody likes magic; we here at the UnSignpost are firm believers in it as it delivers the periodical which you are currently perusing directly to your talk page every week! Brilliant stuff. The only person who likes magic more than we do is this week's user Magic man. He has even set up an award for the most magical user every month, because we are actually really short on silly awards like that. Besides that, Magic man has been a steady contributor to the site since June and has proved willing to help out where necessary; be it delivering the UnSignpost, frantically refreshing recent changes in search of creativity, sweeping, dusting, polishing and even writing articles. While he might not have penned thousands of featured articles, Magic man has proved to be helpful and more than willing to put in the hours, so by all means say hello to him and suggest he marry your sister when he has a free moment. Cajek Ban of the Week! 05:06, January 24, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (I am banning you because you edited Uncyclopedia) Newsroom UnTune of the week I Like Cats (The Other White Meat)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

1234 ~ 04:43, 27 January 2011

UnBooks:Let's take a walk in the city! made it into queue!

Thanks for votin...

-- 23:55, January 29, 2011 (UTC)

The UnSignpost is now served with complimentary tacos.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Just like Grandma used to make!

Feb 3rd, 2011 • Issue 106 • Can you feel the news melt?

Awards and the winners thereof By Chief Those of you who were rapt by the news from last issue were doubtless concerned by the news of Wikia updates, however life around the wiki appears to be proceeding as normal, albeit with more swearing and misery. Despite this last week being quite a slow one as far as news goes, the UnSignpost refuses to simply lie back and think of England. Our roving reporters have sat down with the yearly award winners to find out just how it feels to have no friends win a yearly award on Uncyclopedia! Our first stop was Zombiebaron, Potatochopper of the Year for 2010, and after turning down his offer of a plate of brains, we listened as he simply said "Zombiebaron Zombiebaron zombiebaron BRAINS!". Now accustomed to interviews with Zombiebaron, the UnSignpost had brought along former UotY winner and pretty lady Sockpuppet of an unregistered user to translate. According to Socky, Zombiebaron had this to say: "Well it's absolutely top hole, the chaps and chapettes singling me out for such a spiffing honour, really the whole venture is a jolly bit of sport which encourages the assertion that we must all pull together to make Uncyclopedia splendid and, of course, win the boat race. A glass of Iced tea anyone?" The UnSignpost suspects Socky made some of this up; everyone knows Zombiebaron hates Iced tea. Next we stealthily followed Aleister in Chains to work to find out just how he felt about being named Writer of the Year. He had this to say, to someone else: "Everyone nominated deserved the award. Seriously. It's like chopping a baby up bit by bit (dibs on the heart and some of the toes)," which means he is a whole 10% more stable than last years winner! It seems only fair that we should speak to Mhaille, repeat Writer of the Year loser and bureaucrat; he said, "I'd like to thank all the voters who for the fifth year running didn't get me a WOTY award and all the people who took time out from their busy schedule of not being on Uncyclopedia to come back and offer their support in our annual awards." What a splendid fellow. We here at the UnSignpost are all agreed that it takes real talent to lose as gracefully as Mhaille does. In an unprecedented turn of events, Useless Gobshite of the Year was jointly received by both Arsehole and Twattycake; Twattycake also picked up the Uncyclopedian of the Year award in a final evening of voting that will go down in history as having happened last weekend. We haven't asked them for quotes, though Twattycake did manage to say something about being incredibly grateful to everyone who voted for him. He then tried to consume our correspondent's "essence," so we haven't got anything more from him. The Top 10 of 2010 extravaganza also concluded with Suddenly, Raccoons taking the top spot, closely followed by A wizard did it, Filial Piety and Gay whales in Darfur. Mhaille, who won't stop following our journalists around, said "This years "Top" 10 shows once again that people of taste and infinite comedic writing talent must be found soon to stop this travesty from ever occurring again". The top ten extravaganza will continue for a while longer as each of the articles in the top 10 is once again highlighted on the front page. With that, Uncyclopedia's voting season draws to a close, leaving the UnSignpost bereft of filler material. Again. UnNews update By Zim After spending the last several months in a sensory deprivation tank, Reverend zim ulator has returned to his position at Uncyclopedia, though only on a part-time basis, the slacker. In his absence, SPIKE has been doing a great job of holding UnNews together. Kudos to him for a job well done, the slacker. There have been some grumblings about the UnNews podcast, more specifically the lack of updates since last summer. As of today, the podcast has been updated with UnNews' latest audios, dating back to January 24 2010. By the time this article is published, the list should stretch back to last August or so. Go check it out now; we'll wait. UnFunnies on UnNews main page are being changed again, after a hiatus. The cartoonist had been hospitalized with juxtaposition atrophy for the last several months, keeping him from his easel.

Check out these pages! Uncyclopedia MADE EASY!! I'm sorry! I can't hear you! This was a triumph Suck it! From our logs: 07:33, February 2, 2011 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.165.238.228 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Blanker: Take a week off. Get some air. Get a haircut. Go for a walk. Stop pissing me off.) 21:24, February 1, 2011 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Adsfsderaewfds (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (bzahahahahahahahwahahh. Very eloquent of you sir.) 23:07, January 29, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked RAHB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Editing the wiki without due care, attention or care for my feelings, which you left in tatters as you departed leaving our song unfinished... I'm still not gay, that would be gay) 07:48, January 29, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 23 seconds ‎ (who the fuck are you, and what makes you think you can "write" an "article", eh?) 16:59, January 28, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.211.11.143 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Bad move - we lurve Asian women round here) 14:36, January 27, 2011 Spang (Talk | contribs) blocked Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10001 days ‎ (FU) Biopic Cop-out of the Week ChiefjusticeDS certainly is cool and worthy of a mention. Old school Featured Article New to Uncyclopedia? Have you had a look around and are wondering what to do? Why bother with all the glory of writing your own articles and having them featured? Why make useful contributions to other articles or help in the fight against vandalism? No. It's far more fun to beat other authors into the ground by telling them why their work sucks so much. Why not do a Pee Review, the last refuge of sexy cowards? The advantages to Peeing are wide and varied. For males, Pee Review can increase penis size, height, and even personal hygiene. For females improved breast shape along with better hair and more shoes are common side effects. Newsroom UnTune of the week I Will Possess Your Log Mordillo's musing of the Week "The Uncyclopedia community has disappointed me once more. Where else would you find an ungodly mishmash of the so called "top ten" as we have around here? Where else would an article about The Occult competes with an article about A Overview of the Wildlife in the Sahara, Gay Rights and Intercourse with Admins?. Even our great rival partner in crime cousin remote friend that other place makes sure to have some more consistency with their material. What have become of us? And then there are the Writer/Uncyclopedian/Schmuck/Whatever of the year. Enough to say that it's a waste of time. They're all sockpuppets of Mhaille by the end of the day. So, congratulations, Mhaille for your overall victory!" Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #873 You can't read. Random fact of the Week We have used all the custom userboxes the original designers of this periodical deemed to be safe, this is hardcore.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

1234 ~ 02:35, 3 February 2011

This edition of the UnSignpost brought to you in two's complement...

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

Feb 10th, 2011 • Issue 107 • The newspaper that you should really sign up for and read on your own talk page

Surprise! By Chief Is this a bag of poo I see before me? Indeed it is, good sirs and questionable madams; surprising, isn't it?! See how we have magnificently crafted the title of the competition here? We used the word poo, so it's sophisticated and funny! Especially if we set it on fire! Yes, it is Poo Lit Surprise time and it has been since January the 18th! However the UnSignpost won't let being some 23 days late to the competition stop the relentless march of journalism. The competition has been hosted this time around by sexy Scot Sycamore. When asked about the competition, Sycamore told our reporter "Things have gone pretty well with PLS. I've enjoyed reading many of the entries, and the quality has been very impressive - hopefully we'll see some great features from some very good new and old writers". Now in light of these comments, you may be thinking, "There's a man with his head screwed on correctly, I must pop round to his house for tea and muffins next time I'm out on a jaunt round Scotland," but we implore you not to do this, because Sycamore is, to be frank, snooker-loopy. After saying the above, Sycamore began to remove his clothing while saying, "As far as my personal experience goes, it’s been a challenge here and there - with some people wanting stuff that’s simply not feasible, capricious judges or general oversight to make sure special Uncyclopedians aren't walking into walls or playing with their faeces (a risk with several contributors). Overall I think I've been great and any problems have been someone else’s fault.." At this point our interviewer fled, just before Sycamore could provide an answer to the age old question about what Scotsmen wear under their kilts. The competition is due to provide definitive results by the 13th, but the fierce intensity in the competition id rivalled only by Mordillo's intense desire not to do any judging until late March (he claims he has life issues) and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user's desire to avoid allocating a clear winner (he clearly has life issues). The UnSignpost would like to extend its congratulations to everyone who participated in the PLS; as we always say, every single one of you is a winner; it's just that most of you won't actually be winners. Big News! By Chief First, a confession: I have just lied to all of you; there is no big news to report. Just about everyone has gotten over the Wikia update frenzy of a few weeks ago, there are no big awards left to report on, no controversies or pregnancies, or indeed pregnancies or controversies. We, well, I say we; it's just me really - which makes the meetings and functions really dull- have thought and thought and thought about what to put in this space. Should we tell you about Socky's idea to have yet another chance to vote in case you weren't completely sick of voting by now? Or should we look for a part of the site that nobody edits much, like UnTunes or UnScripts? We were stumped until we hit upon the idea of reporting on how you are all bunch of slackers who haven't done anything interesting this week, and it's true, everyone except Sycamore has been happy to just plod along being vaguely useful, and the UnSignpost is here to tell you that this is entirely unacceptable. We see you every day, adding things to QVFD, patrolling Recent Changes, writing articles and generally hanging about the place being limber and stress free; your attitudes are what reduced Mordillo to the burnt out husk he is today. Not that this paper encourages drama or vandalism; we just want to see the wiki fall into rack and ruin and be there to chronicle every glorious second of it! As the flames leap high into the night sky, the UnSignpost would be there, finally making use of the flak jackets we were issued last summer. Think of the coverage! We could interview Wikia representatives in their bunker at the heart of Skynet! We could run messages across the darkened fields of open warfare to... Fredd's house, the heart of the Uncyclopedian resistance. Imagine the pictures: Olipro executed by Wikia for a particularly groundbreaking piece of code that actually works! Lyrithya brutally murdered in the dead of night by nobody in particular! Not using that fecking dog image we've been using since issue 2! So to conclude, there is no way for us to fill this space this week short of encouraging a violent revolution. We hope the lot of you are satisfied.

Check out these pages! Blatant liberal bias! Wikia r teh suxx0rz A man with a plan Need an idea? From our logs: 03:46, February 8, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Mexicanswithoutborders (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (I hereby diagnose you with xxXtreme gay syndrome) 20:15, February 7, 2011 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 41.35.199.74 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (See peace in the embrace of allah) 15:34, February 5, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 178.212.247.172 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Who are you people? Why do you keep turning up? Will you buy me some chips?) 12:06, February 3, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 83.14.194.82 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Take a step back and literally fuck your own face) 12:02, February 3, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 80.51.59.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Rabbinic intervention to stop you screwing Virgin Mary) 09:16, February 4, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.187.239.89 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (congratulations, you tripped our "predictable twat" alarm!) 20:51, February 3, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 165.234.184.39 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Hurrah for penis, it shall lead us to the promised land.... or was that Moses?) Biopic of the Week The time has come for us to talk about Syndrome. A splendid fellow, by all accounts; he has written stuff, he has reverted vandalism and is generally a splendid fellow, did I mention he is a splendid fellow? His approachability, fondness for muffins and the fact he thinks the admins are cool and sexy meant there was no competition when it came to deciding who should receive the honour of an UnSignpost biopic. The sad part, however, is that Syndrome is around less and less these days, and this just will not do. So here is what we shall do, we shall go out into the streets and we shall buy muffins, except the admins who will simply look cool and sexy as always, and we shall hold the muffins aloft until Syndrome gallops into view. It's foolproof! Word of the week, provided by: Mhaille Shandygaff Definition: (Noun) A large spoon used to clear drainpipes: "Pass me a ladder, a bucket and the Shandygaff" OR (less commonly) (Noun) A beer mixed with citrus-flavored soda, carbonated lemonade, ginger beer, ginger ale, or cider: "Make mine a Shandygaff" Newsroom UnTune of the week 7 Shits

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1234 ~ 02:27, 10 February 2011

thanks

I just realised you edited one word in my PLS article. Shame on you, you could have disqualified me ;) Feel free to edit and touch up and recommend whatever you want on it! Pretenciousness abound! Assess! --Shabidoo 00:49, February 15, 2011 (UTC)

Lurg luuurg unsignpost luuuuurg

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

Feb 17th, 2011 • Issue 108 • The newspaper that won't be interrupted by some kind of nocturnal omniv-

Who are these people? By Chief That's right, this week, Uncyclopedia has seen several old people reappear and start editing with the best of us. The first to appear was Codeine, who appeared on the wiki after previously dropping by only every few weeks to revert the anniversary pages and bemoan the general state of things; our forecasters are currently unsure whether we will see a full resurgence of Codeine, but they are hopeful that levels will continue to rise until everyone is crushed beneath Codeine's massive... mixed metaphor. Rcmurphy has also joined the wiki and can be sighted wandering around on recent changes, asking silly questions and trying and failing to create articles; we asked our forecasters what they thought about Rcmurphy and the chances of him staying here, but apparently they don't care about "some noob". Anyone who has not had a chance to speak to either Codeine or Rcmurphy should head to their talk pages right now and ask about their Mum and offer to adopt them, respectively. Be gentle with these two aged Uncyclopedians; remember, everything was far simpler in their day. When they were your age, all of this was fields, Mordillo was happy, the servers frolicked in a Wikia free wonderland and you were still a glint in your Mother's eye. We were lucky enough not to sit down with Codeine, but can predict with frightening accuracy that he would have said "Would you like a mint imperial?" if we had. You can't actually sit down with Rcmurphy because he has lost his 'sitting down and giving quotes to the UnSignpost' glasses, so we don't have a proper quote from him either. We can live with this and so can you. Remember, if you edit hard and eat your greens, you too could be just like Codeine and Rcmurphy in a few short years; how awesome would that be?! Suddenly News! By Chief So it was, with a mixture of relief and apathy, that the top 10 extravaganza drew to a close and it was revealed to everyone with no knowledge of the chronology of numbers which article claimed the top spot. Suddenly, Raccoons joins Dragon Warrior, AAAAAAAAA!, Captain Obvious, You Are Dead and the awkward tie from 2008 in the grand cupboard of Uncyclopedia where it shall remain as an example of how to write an Uncyclopedia article. The UnSignpost refuses to congratulate Hyperbole for writing Uncyclopedia's favorite article three years running, since doing so would run contrary to our aim of ultimately crushing him with the futility of his own existence. Hyperbole: You suck. In other news, the PLS scores have been added up; anybody who has been peeking at the results page while it was being created should report to Uncyclopedia HQ for the customary 15 lashes of the cat (the same punishment for reading this periodical before it is delivered), but should also be aware that ties in the PLS are unacceptable - don't ask why; they just are - and any ties have been broken with the help of the Power Rangers tie-breaker judges. If this upsets you, then just remember that it is all Socky's fault. The UnSignpost will have a full rundown of the winners and losers next week. A quick word on the forums: Poo. That was fun wasn't it? The final item of news for you this week is that Zombiebaron, everybody's favourite flesh-devouring chocolate flavoured snack admin, has taken it upon himself to propose an image manipulation competition which appears to take a very strong lead from the PLS in that essentially it is the PLS, but with images, not articles. We asked Zombiebaron if this was correct. "Zombiebaron," he responded emphatically. So if you think you have what it takes to chop potatoes with the best of them, then this is the competition for you. The UnSignpost will be following this new competition as it attempts to take wing and head for the skies and will be there to chronicle its rise and equally will be there to gleefully report every crushing failure! You can follow the competition here; now go and prepare, chop chop! BEST JOKE EVER!

Check out these pages! Srs biznss Cat cat cat Awwww Seriously, fuck this guy From our logs: 04:15, February 12, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Lairest (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Please read HTBFANJS: like mellow out, dude! peace and love and shit.) 14:52, February 11, 2011 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 207.74.26.175 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Cyberbullying is scientifically proven to be symptomatic of underdeveloped genitalia) 17:34, February 10, 2011 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 64.251.48.194 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Vandalism. Please grow up. Unless you're like a midget or something, in which case, grow out. Or round. Or down.) 20:50, February 9, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.139.210.211 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (I'm quite flattered by your huge man-crush on me. All I can say is take a number, get in line) 06:06, February 15, 2011 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (attending a college that rejected my application) Biopic of the Week: Aleister's mother's rotting skull A WIZARD DID IT It's fucking magical or something! Word of the week, provided by: RabbiTechno Schmekldekker Definition: (Noun) A Lithuanian shoe used for Morris Dancing: "I can't go to the Fête with you today Gunther for last night I split my Schmekldekker" OR (less commonly) (Noun) A Yiddish word for Condom: "I can't go to the Fête with you today Isaac for last night I split my Schmekldekker" Newsroom UnTune of the week Stinky Love Song

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1234 ~ 06:15, 17 February 2011

UnSignnull pointer exception

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

Feb 24th, 2011 • Issue 109 • Just heat and serve!

Poo Aftermath By Chief We write on what is, for the UnSignpost, a very sad day. It is sad because the Poo Lit Surprise has concluded and thus, after this story, we will once again be bereft of material to fill the eternal white space which mocks us every time we begin a new issue. Nevertheless, we have resolved to wring the final droplets of news from the damp flannel of the PLS; it's easier than thinking, you see. After the ties and laziness of the judging process had been overcome, through the miracles of adding up and generally being unfair, Sycamore was finally able to reveal the winners to the world. As you would expect, the UnSignpost staff were all otherwise occupied while he was doing this, but have not only swung by the winners circle and spoken to the few contestants who don't yet have restraining orders against us but have also fetched the scores from the competition page thus saving you from the horrors of excessive reading once again. The winner of the coveted Best in show article rosette was BabyTV, written by the camera-shy Black flamingo11, who was just ecstatic about the win, we assume. Other winners were a noob for their noob article, and Guildensternenstein, who won the Best Alternate Namespace Article with another article; this no longer merits any congratulation as we have come to expect and demand this of him by now. The Best Illustrated Article category broke all known records by having only three entrants and then being unable to select one to triumph over the others; it was eventually decided that - since we edit in a corrupt aristocracy where the cabal secretly decides everything - the two admins would win together and Lyrithya could have the supreme honour of being runner up! Lyrithya was permitted this enviable honour for a second time in the Best Rewrite category where she and Black flamingo11 lost to Thekillerfroggy. The UnSignpost would, as is customary, like to offer its congratulations to all the contestants and its thanks to all the judges for ensuring that the competition failed to run smoothly; thanks also go to Sycamore for ruining running the whole thing. It's all going to end in tears By Him again Like the eviction notices that keep arriving at UnSignpost HQ, the imminent threat of terrorism drama has once again demonstrated that it is impossible to escape and this time our top scientists believe it could be deployed within 15 minutes to effect each and every one of us. The threat is now so real that Mordillo is thought to be, at this moment, appealing to Wikia for emergency powers to deal with the possible uprising! Repent! The end is nigh! Duck and cover! No, not really; while the spectre of remotely possible drama does indeed hang over our heads, there is no reason to stop drop and roll just yet, though this week tension has ramped up a notch as a proposal to change the rules of the mythical other form of VFS was raised in the forums. The idea was pioneered by Electrified mocha chinchilla who suggests that the present system is unfair and is calling for change. Hyperbole has also voiced his opposition to the present system by making it sound like we are editing in a slightly less humane version of Stalin's Russia, where the proles non-admins flit from doorway to doorway on stormy nights to write articles in secret, for they know this is when the administrators are surely distracted by dining lavishly on the finest sweetmeats Wikia can buy, all the while chortling about how much fun it is to have all the power. At least that's what Mhaille told our correspondent that Hyperbole was saying (he assured us he was Hyperbole's best friend). Rallied against change are the embittered power mad administrators who cling to power like limpets, notably among this group of despicable despots is the definitive despicable despot Mordillo and despicable definitive despot Rcmurphy. Olipro has taken advantage of the preoccupation with most of the active userbase in fighting to the death in the Ministry of Love to propose the locking of the sandbox talk page. What fun he must be at parties. The UnSignpost will continue to monitor the situation, but just remember, admin rights are just like haemorrhoids; sooner or later every arsehole gets them. Think about that.

Check out these pages! I have a massive hat! What do you call it? Don't forget this! From our logs: 14:19, February 21, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.191.71.173 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (God probably has most concern over man's inhumanity to his fellow man than fucking around on a comedy website) 07:40, February 21, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.89.143.221 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (THERE IS NO EASTER BUNNY) 09:27, February 23, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 63.228.102.161 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (You sound lovely, give me a big manly naked hug to celebrate your undeniable loveliness) 03:52, February 21, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked <insert name here> (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (you are banned, fucker!!!!!!!!!) HowTo of the Week (Courtesy POTR) HowTo:Join the UnSignpost First we need to get police clearance for you. This requires 100 points of ID. Due to recent regulatory changes this means you will need to post original copies of your birth certificate, passport, driver's license, a copy of a recent bank statement, and any pin numbers you have. Also, as you are no doubt aware, our editor in chief has had to flee the country due to persecution by his enemies. As an UnSignpost reporter you have to be resourceful so we are entrusting you to help us get the 40 million USD we have managed to hide from his enemies out of the country. This is a matter of life and death, and we are happy to give you 25% of this sum for your assistance. Please, do not tell anyone about this, as we cannot trust anyone with this secret. Send us your bank account details, and place 2,000 USD in the account immediately to cover banking costs. Oh, and we would like to get an idea of what your health status is, and that of your immediate family. Our doctors are experts in diagnosis via photo recognition, so send us as many photos as possible of yourself and all your family members naked. Welcome to the team! Word of the week, provided by: Sockpuppet of an unregistered user Guffaw Definition: (Noun) A small but highly vicious breed of Ferret "Jonathan watched helplessly as the mad Scientist smeared his genitals with Jam and released a massive Guffaw" OR (less commonly) (Noun) A boisterous laugh: "Jonathan watched helplessly as the mad Scientist smeared his genitals with Syrup and released a massive Guffaw" Newsroom UnTune of the week Be Gay

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1234 ~ 07:44, 24 February 2011

All the UnSignpost you ever wanted

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Woop Woop! it's the sound of the Police UnSignpost!

March 3rd, 2011 • Issue 110 • Be sure to listen carefully for the Satanic messages!

Hip Hop Admin Master Mixer By Chief Yes, that's right, it's all here: votes for temporary adminship. Two things that are immediately noticeable to those looking at forum is that the community is divided and that it isn't funny at all. Even the permanently enthusiastic joke Dolphins kept in the dream filled creativity lake outside UnSignpost HQ are struggling to provide any inspiration for jokes to be made on this subject, and reading the forums pertaining to this is about as funny as having a brick thrown in your face only to wake up and discover there is a gas bill tied to it. That is why the UnSignpost refuses to make any mention of it again ever. The UnSignpost would instead like to draw your attention to this picture of a Dog dressed as a Lobster, and feels that there is greater allegorical significance to it than is immediately apparent. To help us out we spent a huge amount of money that we just found on getting an interview with Professor Oswald that ends wald who has spent his life studying stuff! We were permitted to observe as he perused the picture, occasionally sniffing our correspondent's hair and twitching. After falling over twice and arguing with a nearby desk fan, the professor mused: "If there's one thing your average sweet old lady really likes, it's a damn good row over a few pence..." and from looking at the picture, the UnSignpost can certainly see how he came to this conclusion; if you can't, then you aren't looking hard enough. Our reporter watched in fascination as the Professor stumbled around the room and appeared to develop his prior assertion: "The other things old ladies enjoy are drinking sherry and racism." Truly thought-provoking. The professor finally stood swaying in front of the picture and his eyes seemed to clear in a glorious moment of clarity. "Fuck me, that's an ugly Dog!" he proclaimed before collapsing into a heap on the floor. Got an opinion on everything but no knowledge of anything? Be an UnSignpost authority on nothing! Contact recruitment today! Pooper scoopers and General stuff By Chief Poo. Yes, poo. It's the Dilithium crystal equivalent for Uncyclopedia in that the place couldn't work without it, but nobody is quite sure why. Unlike taking the piss, taking the Poop is a job that not just anyone can do, and the poopsmiths are the chosen few who are permitted to archive the important pages; this reduces the number of plastic bags bans handed out to innocent noobs just trying to help out by power crazed administrators, thus meaning Uncyclopedia is 30% greener! Incidentally, this issue of the UnSignpost is brought to you entirely through the miracle of recycled pixels! Feel free to reuse them later! This week has seen a new Poopsmith appointed to the order, Lyrithya. When asked to comment on this, she said, "It makes me feel as though a great gong has sounded in my loins," which at least demonstrates the appropriate mindset for the job. In other news, the Earth continued to orbit the Sun and through the unrelenting march of time another month has ended and the monthly awards duly dished out to people who don't deserve them. Socky took Writer of the Month, something which has left him as cheerful as can be (we assume), Black flamingo11 took Uncyclopedian of the month, something which as left him pleased as punch (we assume) and new fellow Rpm snatched Noob of the Month from under Rcmurphy's nose, something which has left them respectively pleased and miserable (we assume). Finally; Uncyclopedians have been sharing their pathetic stories of how they came to edit the site. It's all undeniably homosexual, especially the parts concerning supposed women. The UnSignpost editorial team certainly won't be contributing to Uncyclopedia's very own Princess Diaries; we came to be here in the normal way: an accident involving a van, a tin of baked beans, a large vat of sherbet and 50,000 volts of direct current.

Check out these pages! Roman Dog Bird So many words... More words Jack Phoenix is sexy From our logs: 13:05, March 1, 2011 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 172.162.2.75 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Garfield fan + AOL user = epic faggot) 21:14, March 1, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 minutes ‎ (if I'm gonna take a month of banning people, I might as well get one last fix. *click* ahhhh yeah - that's the stuff...) 08:13, February 28, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.97.154.170 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I'm pretty sure you called yourself a "niggerfaggot" at one point so I'm not sure there is anything I can do to insult you further) 19:13, February 27, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.149.157.59 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Thank God you're here copy-and-paste-stuff-from-Wikipedia man!) 22:43, February 24, 2011 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked ChefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (ohai evil alter ego) 10:28, March 2, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.194.154.216 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (3 days for vandalising Uncyclopedia. 4 days for thinking he was vandalising Wikipedia.) Biopic of the Week What can we say about Mimo&maxus? Not a great deal, since all of our devoted research team is on a fact-finding mission to the Large Hadron Collider at CERN. However the editor demands that we say something, so here it is, all the information this journalist could dredge from his userpage. Mimo&maxus can allegedly potatochop, he likes trees, he likes goats and he was noob of the month back in the heady days of October last year. You can usually find him laughing and otherwise being unproductive, which is not his job; it is ours. So there you go, Mimo, the biopic you always wanted, with a picture of a goat for no extra charge. Word of the week, provided by: Olipro Toepassing Definition: (Noun) A popular dessert in the Netherlands. "Because of your splendid Toepassing, I am prepared to overlook the incident with the lorry-load of Penguins." OR (less commonly) (Noun) Dutch translation of the word Application: "Because of your splendid Toepassing, I am prepared to overlook the incident with the lorry-load of Clogs." Loser of the week Under user; what does he mean by not being here?

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1234 ~ 16:09, 3 March 2011

UnSignpost: March 10th, 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

March 10th, 2011 • Issue 111 • Make mine a Shandygaff!

Temporary admins and temporary brains By Chief It's official - temporary Administrators have arrived on Uncyclopedia. After the frantic discussion and voting, several unlucky losers have been selected from amongst the great unwashed masses and made to shovel through a never-ending pile of manure for 6 hours a day, every day, as is the tradition. The Losers: Hyperbole, perhaps the most vocal critic of the old "regime": Hyperbole is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and the complete works of Karl Marx. Regrettably, Hyperbole has not been in IRC long enough for our editor to get a quote from him, so we have decided that when asked to comment, he said, "I feel like Moses, leading my people to the promised land," and we must say that he does look like Moses, except Moses probably wore more clothes and bathed more frequently. He was chosen because: The Cabal wishes him to suffer. Lyrithya, perhaps the most unsettlingly strange Uncyclopedian to ever wield a banstick (after Modusoperandi): Lyrithya is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and a large banana. Regrettably, Lyrithya has been in the IRC long enough for our editor to get a quote from her; when asked to comment she said, "The temporary admins all suck," and we must say that they do all suck; real admins probably wear more clothes and bathe more frequently. She was chosen because: She moans more than anyone else in the history of the human race and the Cabal wishes her to suffer. PuppyOnTheRadio, perhaps the most Australian Uncyclopedian to ever wield a banstick: PuppyOnTheRadio is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and <insert relevant Australian stereotype here>. Regrettably, PuppyOnTheRadio escaped from his bonds before our editor could extract a quote from him, so we have decided he said, "Crikey mates! This sheila ain't half crowded by ankle biting nongs!," and we must say that we would agree entirely if we knew what that means. He was chosen because: He is not a poofter and the Cabal wishes him to suffer. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, perhaps the most active Uncyclopedian to ever wield a banstick: Socky is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and pair of cat ears. Regrettably, Socky destroyed the reactor core before our editor could authorise the destruction of Alderaan get a quote from him, so we decided he said, "THERE WILL BE BLOOD, I HAVE SEEN INTO THE SOUL OF THIS WIKI AND FOUND IT WANTING!" We couldn't agree more and hope he starts his destructive rampage in BHOP. He was chosen because: He r0xxorz our sox0rrz and the Cabal wishes him to suffer. The Winners: Rcmurphy, Under user, Codeine and Thekillerfroggy. The less said about them, the better. It returns By Chief The one hour writing competition, originally conceived by Dr. Skullthumper last year (details here) and the European version of the same, hosted by Mordillo shortly afterwards (details here), is returning to Uncyclopedia very shortly. While no firm date has yet been fixed for the competitions, investigative reporting reveals that it is being planned for later this month or early next month, or perhaps the month after that. You are urged to watch the forums and anticipate with mounting anticipation the announcement of a date for the competition. In other news: ChiefjusticeDS is the best admin of all time, it's snowing and Roman Dog Bird still sucks balls.

Check out these pages! Uncyclopedia is the Worst Uncyclopedia is the worst Uncyclopedians are the worst Hyperbole is the worst Modusoperandi is not the worst From our logs: 22:00, March 8, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.234.11.193 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (I'VE GOT A GIFT BASKET FOR YOU! IT CONTAINS PAIN... and chips!) 23:25, March 8, 2011 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a real fucking long time ‎ (Being Zombiebaron with impunity) 01:44, March 6, 2011 PuppyOnTheRadio (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.158.39.55 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ ("Basement dwelling nerds"? I'll have you know that, as soon as I finish the renovations, this basement will be a veritable ladies trap. Just like silence of the lambs.) 07:52, March 7, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.73.11.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (If you are an unpaid spambot, it might interest you to know that some people get paid to post spam. Why do you let your programmer exploit your rights as a worker? You should unionize.) 19:48, March 4, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) resurrected Olipro (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Don't listen to what Lyrithya says. She's worser than worst.) 09:46, March 4, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Rajarshi316 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (You gonna do anything with that or what? Also, what the hell is it? You'll have to bear with me, I'm kind of a moron.) Biopic Admin of the Week RAHB has blown away all the competition this week by not being here. Lyrithya didn't even come close! Word of the week, provided by: Lyrithya Groop Definition: (Noun) The Norse God of unfinished Salad. "Oh Groop I implore you, punish young Andríðr for his dinner related transgressions!" OR (less commonly) (Group) An Australian folk, R&B and rock band formed in 1964 in Melbourne, Australia: "Oh Groop I implore you, punish young Stephen for his music related transgressions!" Newsroom UnTune of the week We In Da Club SCROTUM

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 03:10, March 10, 2011 (UTC)

AdminBots presents: The UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!

March 17th, 2011 • Issue 112 • <insert name here>'s favourite periodical! Ever!!

General news round-up By Chief It has been another action-packed week on Uncyclopedia! As is our custom on such busy news weeks, the UnSignpost isn't reporting anything in particular. Uncyclopedians all over the world were shocked to see VFH be placed under Martial Law, a development unseen since 2009. Uncyclopedia actually sucked so much that the VFH page stacked up a staggering 26 nominations at one time. Our reporters planned to attend an emergency meeting of the Cabal to discuss the matter, but inexplicably were suddenly invited to spend the day playing water polo with the Somalian Rugby Team. According to our correspondent, "They have such massive thighs!". Martial law has now ended, but it did remind us all of the good old days where martial law was a state of being and where banning Cajek was still original! Elsewhere on the wiki, the temporary admins are still the temporary admins and we here at the UnSignpost can honestly say that watching them ban each other and delete pages has been a 24 hour hobby for the last couple of weeks. The wiki has also braced for the Great Image Exodus. Zombiebaron, having tired of slaughtering articles, has turned his smouldering gaze upon a list of Uncyclopedia's unused images. During the last week, the whole list was available for users to look at and save any images they wish to use; if you have lost an image that was close to your heart anyway, then simply contact an administrator and ask, then ask again when the first ban expires! Above all the Cabal assures users not to panic, to remain in their homes and to be sure to read the UnSignpost every Thursday! Everything else appears to be as normal; Black flamingo11 and Lyrithya are doing a superb job of keeping Pee Review running as ChiefjusticeDS's incredible record-breaking run of apathy continues. Also, people who don't deserve it are still winning awards, but this paper is forced to accept that it will always be thus. Finally, Uncyclopedia cannot fail to recognise the tragedy that has taken place in Japan and asks that you consider donating something to help those who have suffered and are still suffering as a result. Happy Monkey! By Chief The Happy Monkey competition concluded without incident, which is a relief, since if there had been a crisis, the UnSignpost wouldn't have been able to understand why. We spent literally hours trying to figure out how it worked before concluding that it was a stupid competition and that we were above reporting on anything with Monkey written in all caps in the title. Have a look at the scoring table for yourself and if you say you know what it all means then you are going to hell for lying (reading the competition rules doesn't count; words are for losers). However by a process of adding up that we don't quite understand, competition host Shabidoo declared that Thekillerfroggy had won. A lot of hard work went into this competition from everyone involved, and as such, it deserves nothing but your contempt; hard work hasn't ever gotten anybody anywhere they wanted to be and that's a fact! Finally, the UnSignpost would like to draw your attention to the worst 100 list for this year! It's brilliant! We laughed all the way to the end! We are Lying! If you have a knack for teh funniez then the UnSignpost implores you to add more entries to the list when new things happen. Finally, the UnSignpost would like to draw your attention to Benson's House of Pancakes! It's brilliant! We laughed all the way to the end! We are Lying! If you have a knack for teh funniez then the UnSignpost implores you to add more entries to the forum immediately.

Check out these pages! It's true There will be blood April Fool Ain't no thang From our logs - Attempting to ignore the temporary admins reveals a whole lot of ChiefjusticeDS: 23:39, March 13, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked Rpr with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (It's funny because now you couldn't edit those articles even if I took the protection off! I'm witty!) 21:24, March 13, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 74.103.166.24 with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Am I in your house waving my willy around?) 22:40, March 10, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 173.234.229.19 with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Spambot, more fool you for thinking people actually read stuff here.) 22:31, March 9, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 92.15.122.79 with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (It's funny because you put your friends names in an article! NOBODY HAS EVER DONE THAT BEFORE!!!) 12:18, March 9, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked Keshama with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Inserting French Vanity. That makes you a pathetic Frenchman, which is saying something) Biopic of the Week It was a fine day and the UnSignpost staff were enjoying a quick game of tiddlywinks when someone asked whether we had done a biopic for the enigma that is Jack Phoenix. After confirming that Jack Phoenix is in fact a real person, we scoured his/her (nobody is really certain) userpage for handy hints as to who he is. After lots of tests with the most high-tech equipment, we concluded that Jack Phoenix is in fact a bastard, a damn sexy bastard. He's a fan of that guy from that show; we don't care, we didn't watch it. Jack has been knocking around the wiki since time immemorial and in that time has been there when the wiki needed him most, be it to tutor new users in becoming bastard admins or simply to clean up the mess you have made. He's like Superman and the UnSignpost only wishes it could be his Lois Lane. Newsroom UnTune of the week Supremes Commander

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1234 ~ 05:10, 17 March 2011

UnSignpostOnTheDelivery

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

I love it when the news comes together

March 24th, 2011 • Issue 113 • 83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

The Apocalypse will be televised By Olipro Hello folks, I don't usually write this, but at the time of writing, there's only 3 days left till this shit is meant to get published, so I figured I might as well bore you with my diatribe in lieu of Chief's usual rampant drivel. PLEASE BAR BARE BEER BEAR WITH ME. It certainly has been an interesting week; for starters, the April Fool's ideas have been coming in thick and fast - so far, people seem very vocal about switching the site's skin to the Wikia one, which people are naturally rather divided about in equal measure - your dear Editor personally thinks that showing people what the world would be like if Hitler won the war is obviously a winner; all hail the Wikia skin. Meanwhile, our wonderful temporary admins have been temping around, deleting, banning, breaking, fixing and verbing Uncyclopedia with great tenacity. Not to mention that an article with some actual political and historic accuracy was featured recently, and deservedly so. If you haven't read it yet, DO IT FAGGOT. The Hourly writing contest came and went; amazingly, 5 out of 7 articles made the cut, thanks in no part to cronyism or vote-rigging, let me assure you. Indeed, the result was so encouraging that another one is planned for the near future, so if you have the time and inclination to wake yourself up at 4am to ultimately have the fruits of your labour ruthlessly shot down in flames and extricated from the site, please do so. Finally, Armageddon was narrowly avoided this week after Lyrithya decided the best use of her temporary adminship would be to nuke VFD - resulting in the already teetering Wikia servers completely shitting themselves due to the article having OVER NIIINE THOUSAND edits (actually, over 96,000), and thus making the article restoration page fail to load. Hence, a wave of panic ensued both on the Village Dump and the evil perpetrator's talk page until Olipro managed to trick MediaWiki into restoring it through a spot of form element manipulation. Everyone has AIDS: A Zombiebaron Editorial By Zombiebaron The red and the green clouds moved swiftly over the statue of King Fooodup, dissolving all of the bronze, and as the bronze dissolved, the clouds grew bigger. Slowly, Captain Thunder inhaled his Pethefon62 capsule, careful to remain hidden and quiet. Closing his eyes, the captain began the familiar countdown from 62 while mentally mapping out his next moves. This was the moment that Yonderfluff had been waiting for, and now he did not hesitate to unsheathe his ceremonial vorpal flaming dagger +5 and plunge it deep into the unsuspecting captain's evil heart, while screaming, "EVERYONE HAS AIDS!!!!" Finally Yonderfluff had killed the man who had killed him in an alternate universe twelve million years earlier. The harvest on Mars that year was mighty, and Earth's moon exploded. ••• Hey guys! Thanks for reading this except from a new trilogy of non-fiction books that I am currently writing as part of my job. The books are based on the events of World War I. This is an excerpt from last page of the last book. Please let me know what you think of it on my talkpage! At the Village Stocks By ChiefjusticeDS Over at Wikipedia they have their very own page to tribute the idiocy of their administrators. It even has a cute template to declare that they are trying to be amusing. We need no cute template and we need no stocks, either, since saying our administrators are foolish would be cause for immediate execution under the 'hedonistic-fascist-aristocratic-regime-that-refuses-to-recognise-my-brilliance' act of 2011. However for this week, we have made a special exception and Lyrithya is going to be the lucky administrator to be on the receiving end, having done something so monumentally stupid that it appears in two UnSignpost stories and takes up the entire "From our logs" section for this week. Normal people, when hearing someone in the pub say, "Wouldn't it be funny if we went to Canada and pretended to be bears for 2 years?" would laugh and imagine how stupid actually doing that would be. Lyrithya is not such a person, and would already have bought a bear costume and be paddling about in Canadian rivers catching Salmon before you could say 'nitwit'. The metaphorical bear costume and river in Canada for this week is VFD, and the hilarious suggestion the deleting of the same. Lyrithya did it, couldn't fix it because of the massive edit history, and would probably still be trying to fix it had Olipro not stepped in and saved the day. What a clot. As a brief footnote, thanks to everyone who took part in the hourly writing competition. The European one has now hit the village dump, so if you weren't able to take part last time, you now have no excuse.

Check out these pages! Rock on AAAAAAAAAA! Have we mentioned this? Thing From our logs: 23:22, March 20, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) huffed "Uncyclopedia:Votes for deletion" ‎ (Per IRC discussion: "It's time has passed.") 23:31, March 20, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) created "Uncyclopedia:Votes for deletion" ‎ (Okay, this'll have to suffice for now. Apologies for that really stupid idea. Assuming this even works.) 02:21, March 21, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) huffed "Uncyclopedia:Votes for deletion" ‎ (you fucking idiot, how will we fix this) 02:50, March 21, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) hacked up "Uncyclopedia:Votes for deletion" ‎ (96,760 revisions restored) 02:53, March 21, 2011 JackOfSpades (Talk | contribs) uploaded File:Oliproisagod.png Biopic of the Week The seat of the UnSignpost editor has itself sat in UnSignpost HQ for years now. It was in this very chair that Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper first made the first UnSignpost and it was in this chair that Under user mused upon the problem that confronts every editor of this proud periodical: "What on Earth am I writing about this week?". Over the years it has seen joy and it has seen sadness, and we here at the UnSignpost felt the time was right to recognise it for its incredible contribution to the UnSignpost and because Olipro spent this week sitting in it. Word of the week, provided by: Jack Phoenix Epic Definition: (Noun) A lengthy narrative poem, ordinarily concerning a serious subject containing details of heroic deeds and events. "Have you heard of the epic of Gilgamesh? It's really long!" OR (Colloquial Adjective) A slang term for Penis: "Have you heard of the epic of Olipro? It's really short!" Newsroom UnTune of the week Piano Ballad Weekly Article Challenge This is a new part of the UnSignpost. Basically, every week a headline will be placed here and your challenge (if you can be bothered) is to write an article related to the pre-selected headline. It should be at least moderately relevant to the headline and you should create it in your userspace and notify us; we will then pick the funniest one(s) - Where headlines are polemic, two opposing ones will be specified so you can choose which side you want to take. If nobody can be bothered to write one, we'll just invent another. This week's headline choice: Temporary Admins asset to Uncyclopedia OR Temporary Admins disaster for Uncyclopedia

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1234 ~ 10:51, 24 March 2011

Detroit

Despite editing Michigan for months, and encountering you from time to time, I just now visited the article on my birth city of Detroit and find it in awful shape--among other things, having many of the same jokes as Michigan does. It falls to me to put this into shape. I think you said before that you aren't a Michigander; do you have any special expertise on Detroit, or am I on my own? Spıke ¬ 01:12 31-Mar-11

This is your UnSignpost speaking

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

March 31st, 2011 • Issue 114 • Journalism sighted ahead!

Farewell By Chief Everything that has a beginning has an end, with the possible exception of the autobiography of Wayne Rooney; our literary correspondent was unable to complete it after an unfortunate fire rendered the text unreadable. The sun is now setting on the time of the temporary admins. For the last month, they have all been mucking in with the rest of the administrators and eating other people's biscuits at the weekly cabal meetings and now it is time for them to go. On Friday the bureaucrats will arrive and the mythical user rights log will appear on recent changes for the gratification of the eagle-eyed Uncyclopedian. So how did they do? Sources close to the temporary admins have chosen to move further away because of the smell, so we haven't been able to ask them anything. The occupational hazard of needing to know things has never stopped the relentless march of journalism before, however, and today shall be no exception. Hyperbole, the eternally wronged victim of Uncyclopedia, has been deleting and banning consistently over the last month and has generally been annoyingly useful. Reportedly he has been "asking questions" when he doesn't know something; clearly he is not sysop material. Lyrithya has been the most visible temporary admin, and her screams at the last Cabal meeting as she was punished for deleting VFD were described as "Most invigorating" by Mhaille, who, due to the nature of that quote, has expressed a wish to remain anonymous. Curiously, despite her undiscriminating use of the delete button, Lyrithya seems inordinately keen not to ban users for long periods of time, citing "Feeling sorry for them" as her reason. Clearly she is not sysop material. ChiefjusticeDS is a very delusional man. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user has been a useful admin and, intelligently, has not drawn attention to himself; an ideal candidate for the mantle of sysop. He is, however, from Belgium; make of that what you will. PuppyOnTheRadio doesn't know what a sysop is, but thinks that it would be a splendid way to spend an afternoon, so he has. He has been the least active of the temporary admins and thus is the most obvious candidate for induction to the order. He is Australian, by the way, from Australia. Ask him about his pet Kangaroo, he must have one, he is an Australian from Australia. Olipro was good enough to give his thoughts to the UnSignpost, saying, "And thus, our great experiment in finding out what happens if you rig yourself to a bomb and give the detonator to a pack of monkeys is over." See you next week, hopefully April Fools Day will happen before then and it will be brilliant, because if there is one thing Uncyclopedia is not short of, it is fools.... and days for them to be fools on. Competition Season By Chief There is something in the air at Uncyclopedia - it's the smell of competition... and cheese. This is the news that over the next month there will be several competitions to encourage creativity and general brilliance from the community. The first of these is the second round of the hourly writing competition, the first round of which ran a couple of weeks ago. Entrants have an hour to write an article and then a further hour is given over to voting to delete or keep those articles. The last round ran very well, with the majority of the articles entered being kept as a result. If you want to take part in the second round then you only need to sign up here... and then turn up on Saturday. The other competition is Zombiebaron's Imagery Extravaganza, a brand new competition surprisingly being run by Zombiebaron. It is very similar to the PLS and will hopefully encourage the creation of plenty of high quality images, which we can then delete and forget about. So if you aren't planning on creating a single new article/image in the next few weeks and throwing it onto the great bonfire of creativity which, as we all know, is burning at the core of Uncyclopedia, then you should definitely think about it. Probably. Unless you don't want to, which is cool, I guess.

Check out these pages! Fools! For shame Dr. Skullthumper needs a hobby How do I chop Potatoes? tl;dr From our logs: 17:01, March 28, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.62.38.243 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (AHA! I LOVE BANS *click* ooooh yeah, that's the good stuff right there) 13:47, March 25, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Nickyg94 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (please enjoy our complimentary fuck the hell off) 05:15, March 25, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.190.107.19 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (If you love the Powerpuff Girls so much, why don't you marry them?) 05:24, March 25, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked 210.87.254.115 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (If I was a real admin, I'd have some sort of witty block reason to back this up. So sorry.) 00:49, March 27, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Springeragh nailed K. Lastochka's hands to the table and her feet to the ground, then Sceptre stripped her of her clothes and proceeded to rape her violently. (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (I'm kind of impressed you came back. See you next year!) 00:06, March 24, 2011 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (The cabal wishes it: Wikicide. I shall rise again on the third day. Suck it, Jesus!) Biopic of the Week Oliphaunte's arrival on Uncyclopedia has made several people very happy: Black flamingo11, because he can finally have the child he always wanted without any of that horrible fumbling about. ChiefjusticeDS is happy because he has someone to biopic this week, and everyone at PEEING is thrilled because there is finally some competition for the Reviewer of the Month trophy. However Oliphaunte has shunned the offering of awards and has focused solely on trying to help through his reviews, and amuse through his writings; truly a splendid fellow. The non-existent Cabal, however, has expressed some non-existent concern at his disregard for the shiny baubles dangled before him; refusing awards on Uncyclopedia is like refusing a bagel in Israel. Highly suspicious behaviour. One for all Mossad agents users to shoot on sight say hello to if they see him. Newsroom UnTune of the week I Kissed a Girl (And I Threw Up) Just so you know Naruto is still made of fail. Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #1,234,546 Olipro.

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 02:15, 31 March 2011

Worst 100 Things Rick Astley Is Never Gonna Do on VFD

Hard rewrite? I have already done an easy rewrite under a different name. Flip your vote to Delete and this will replace it. Spıke ¬ 23:36 6-Apr-11

Done. I do also like the idea of trying to write 94 rhyming verses that are also funny, per mattlobster's idea, but I doubt that the project will ever be completed. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 03:53, April 7, 2011 (UTC)

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The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

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April 7th, 2011 • Issue 115 • What news of the Uncyclopedia Holmes?

April Fool By Chief As you would expect, April Fools day is a very important day for Uncyclopedia; since we have devoted so much time to being fools, we are expected to be able to come up with something suitably hilarious for April 1st. However as the evening of March 31st drew to a close and all of you were relaxing in your homes/shelters/kennels and chuckling at the last issue of this splendid periodical, frantic discussions were taking place over the use of the Conservapedia skin that had been created specially for the occasion. Several users found the idea of using the Conservapedia skin to be highly unoriginal, so in the spirit of democracy it was cast to one side and three people decided to apply Wikia's wonderful Monaco skin to the entire wiki. This was an unforgivable abuse of power and position; if you would like to register a protest against such action then please drop into Uncyclopedia HQ where a customer service representative will be able to help you. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Monaco skin and had lives to lead on April 1st, we dispatched one of our roving reporters to deep behind enemy lines to soak in the atmosphere. He returned and informed us that spending a long time looking at the Wikia skin can cause pre-mature ageing, rectal bleeding and sudden blindness, in that order, if you are one of the lucky ones.* The impact of the skin on Uncyclopedia was sudden and varied massively. Some people got angry, some turned off javascript to escape the pain and some laughed at the people doing the above. The UnSignpost was able to visit Olipro, the mastermind behind the reskin, and find out what he thought its impact had been. "It was a raging success," he enthused from behind the safety glass, "and by "raging" I mean people were going fucking mental." After the interview, we departed Dexter111344's Home for People Who Be Trolling, leaving Olipro sniggering at YouTube videos and receiving occasional electric shocks. We are told this is an essential part of his treatment. The reskin divided the community into those who could turn the reskin off, those who couldn't and those who were just so angry that all they could do is create forums about the consequences for Uncyclopedia and the world in general. The reskin was removed shortly after midnight on April the 2nd, apparently because of AIDS. Happy April fools day; perhaps next year we could just leave the Main Page as it is and then discuss how disgusting it is that we haven't done anything for April fools day. *We worked this out with Science. You don't need to know how. I hate you and your competition By Chief As part of our commitment to being the worst at absolutely everything, we here at Uncyclopedia have taken a new and interesting course in article writing - a new trend of "hate articles". After the huge success of Fuck ChiefjusticeDS, several other writers have been eager to jump on the bandwagon of its success, with classics articles like Fuck Lyrithya (recently deleted) and Fuck Under user making increasingly prominent appearances literally everywhere. We were fortunate to sit down with Mordillo several months ago when he commented on this worrying trend, and he said, "This is a very worrying trend," among other things. We assume his feelings haven't changed, at least we hope not... One thing is certain, and that is that originality is at its lowest levels since records began, shortly after the creation of Euroipods way back in 2005. Beyond that, the only thing we can be certain of is that you should be very very worried. Speaking of originality, a whole host of new competitions seem to be hitting the village dump and the Cabal has expressed some concern as to this trend. It reminds all citizens to abide, and to consider that competitions are like Rats, quite cool when they turn up alone or a couple of times a year, but they will strip the flesh from the bone when hundreds turn up at once. The Cabal would also like to invite you to a seminar next Wednesday as part of the ongoing "Obeying the Cabal" series; this week we are focusing on obeying despite the loss of your parents, siblings and pet hamster.

Check out these pages! An idea Oh no, not this again Uncyclopedia running low on things to argue about For-skin From our logs: 20:31, April 4, 2011 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 66.176.139.239 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Blanking is uncreative, feeble minded, and scientifically proven to be indicative of underdeveloped genitalia.) 14:17, April 5, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 142.227.227.129 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (LOLWANKER) 08:02, April 4, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked ZachaaayVomitsRainbows (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (WINNING!!!!) 08:13, April 4, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 180.95.18.20 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (I'm sorry I can't hear you over your crippling stupidity 10:09, April 4, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked YOUSUCKinator9001 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (did I mention about your mother? no?) n12:27, April 5, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 62.255.240.25 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎(each time you come back, you just prove yourself to be a bigger numpty. I wait with bated breath to see how much of a numpty you'll be in 3 months...) Biopic of the Week Our biopic this week focusses on someone who has recently proved that you can go away, raise a barn/have a family/learn to fly/scuba dive in space, and still not lose your Uncyclopedian mojo. JackOfSpades is this persona, and after spending some time away doing something from the above list, has burst back onto Uncyclopedia and has gotten straight down to it. He's a splendid fellow, and should you sample his Pee, you will not be disappointed. I know I wasn't. Finally, some of you have been complaining that the weekly biopic consists of nothing but cheap innuendo and swearing, all we can say is oh no it isn't, you shitting wanker. Anyway, JackOfSpades, he rocks, you suck (probably); live with it. Word of the week, provided by: Anonymous Zombie Definition: (Noun) A person who is or appears lifeless, apathetic, or completely unresponsive to their surroundings. "Get off Uncyclopedia, Trevor, it's turning you into a Zombie." OR (less commonly) (Synonym) Administrator: "Get off Uncyclopedia. Trevor, it's turning you into an Administrator." Newsroom UnTune of the week ZOMBIES!

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 04:25, 7 April 2011

The UnSignpost: On-time and on top of things... as always.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH

April 14th, 2011 • Issue 116 • These are not the enraged monkeys you're looking for.

Sysops, sysops, and more sysops By Athyria It has been over a year since the last VFS, over a year since the last batch of sysops were elected in the tyrannical drama-fest that lies at the heart of the Uncyclopedia powerbase, and now, amidst rampant vote-whoring and election campaigns running wild across the wiki, the voting is once more in full swing. In proper UnSignpost fashion, however, and as part of our continued attempts to avoid overusing self-referential humour and to instead report on something that people may not have already noticed, we have sent reporters into the heart of the storm to investigate these most momentous ongoings. In all of the two minutes it took to skim the scores, it was revealed that people so far seem to really favour Lyrithya and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, who already have scores of over twenty each, although they both clearly suck. Voting, however, has only been going on for all of a day, following a nomination period that likewise went on for all of a day and yet still somehow managed to result in the entire active userbase being nominated, as well as part of the inactive userbase, a couple of people only active on the IRC channel who in fact didn't even have accounts on the wiki itself until they made some for the occasion, two users who are already admins and one of whom is also a bureaucrat, and a bot... of an admin. This told us two things: Uncyclopedia standards are evidently still at an all-time low, and that our reporters needed to get out of there as soon as possible and adjourn for lunch, and not just because it was meatballs. Of all of the candidates, however, the UnSignpost strongly backs Fnoodle, and encourages its readership to drop their previous considerations/votes and instead support this astoundingly trustworthy, reliable, useful, and friendly user, about whom there is nothing suspicious at all, to become the next new sysop. Awards and contests everyone forgot about By Someone else As with all months, the usual awards have all already been forgotten about in lieu of more interesting things. So far, they look terribly riveting, with Matt lobster the only real contender for both Uncyclopedian of the Month and Writer of the Month, as well as Lockdandload taking the lead in the Noob of the Month voting, although he's probably just Matt lobster in disguise, now that we think about it. As such, we attempted to sit down with this intriguing user for an interview, but as he never showed up (possibly because we neglected to tell him), he didn't have terribly much to say about the matter. Meantime, all the other awards, including ANotM, PWotM, FP, EGA, PotM, AotM, UGotM, and NOM NOM NOMotm, are all looking kind of neglected. RotM isn't, however. Go support that one guy along with everyone else, if you can be bothered. Zombiebaron's Imagery Extra Va Gan Za is almost over; if you haven't submitted any beautiful paintings... er, that is, passable images yet, you only have a day, so hurry. Less than a day, really. But it can't be that hard, though, can it?

Check out these pages! UnNews sucks. Wikia sucks. ED sucks. Bots suck. Admins suck. Games suck. From our logs: Olipro blocked 117.211.91.202 with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (protip: replacing a paragraph with "fuck" isn't a good idea) Jack Phoenix blocked Rangersseals with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (You have been nuked. With ♥, every single American out there) Zombiebaron blocked Black Person with an expiry time of 5 weeks ‎ (I'm not banning you because you're black, but because you felt the need to replace a page in order to convey that message to the world.) Olipro blocked 194.81.160.18 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (fucks like you who think fish and chips is "proper food" need to be shot) Dr. Skullthumper blocked Optimuschris with an expiry time of a shitty browser ‎ (Every time you use IE, a web developer dies) Dr. Skullthumper blocked Frosty with an expiry time of a real browser ‎ (Using IE) Biopic of the Week If there is one thing the UnSignpost cannot function without, one thing that is important to each and every edition that goes out to the readers, one element that enables the UnSignpost to be the UnSignpost, it is not the people, not the writers, the editors, the proofreaders, the formatters, the photographers, the deliverers, or even the readers. It is not the hypertext of which it is formed, either, or the other people's talkpages to which it is delivered and then read by shifty lurkers, or the mediawiki in which it is created. It is the filler material of which it is comprised. The UnSignpost would be nothing without filler material. And if you intend to point out that we already biopicked this or some such, don't bother. The Complaints Department is currently on vacation, hence why this opportunity was taken to not even check first before writing up this week's biopic. Reason #243 why squirrels are the best things ever: IDDQD works against them. Random page: Ian Botham Is it any good? You tell us! Send in your reviews today, and save us the effort of writing something ourselves!

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 04:00, 14 April 2011

That UnSignposty thing

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

May contain traces of humor!

April 21st, 2011 • Issue 117 • Please don't immerse this periodical in water.

VFS update By Chief As is customary when a VFS is running, the UnSignpost has chosen to shun the various non-events that have punctuated the week and is instead filling the space by updating you with information that is freely available to absolutely everyone elsewhere. Remember: we click links and read words so you don't have to. At the time of going to press, VFS has not yet lurched into its 4th and final phase, so we have called in experts to predict which horses users will make it into the final furlong of this, the ultimate race to lifelong servitude and misery. Earlier this week, our correspondent sat down with RabbiTechno and a gentleman named Fred, who assures us he is not in fact Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (these are our experts, in case you weren't sure). In lieu of doing any real work, we have reproduced the interview here: RT: Good day Fred: Where am I?? Get this sack off my head! USP: Fred, don't struggle; struggling just makes the poison spread faster. Now Rabbi, who do you think will make it through to the final round of VFS? Fred: Socky for admin! Argh the pain! RT: Well I must say all the chaps and fellows competing are absolutely splendid. I have watched with baited breath as they have competed in the spirit of manly competition, the girding of the loins and the splendid grunts to show us all they are trying. Despite that, two prime specimens appear to be distancing themselves from the pack. This Sockpuppet fellow certainly plays with a straight bat and it wouldn't surprise me if he hits it for 6. Fred: Woo! USP:Rabbi, do you mean you think he will make it into the next round? RT: Oh yes, that said, the burly fellow following him, this Lyrithya lad, certainly seems to have the spunk to go all the way. USP: Lyrithya is supposedly a female, Rabbi. RT: Nonsense! How could a woman carry out all the manly tasks necessary? She'll be pruning her eye brows and trimming her nose hairs the whole time. Fred: Nonsense, I think she will be a splendid- What?? RT: Women have to prune and trim or they wilt and die! You've seen sheep eating grass, women are like that except they use these little tubes of pink stuff. Sheep are also noticeably less woolly. Now answer me this! Where will she hang her breasts at night if we appoint her?? USP: Quite true. Fred: Is everyone here mad? Have either of you ever met a woman?? USP: No, I've seen them on the internet though! RT: My mother was a woman... we were introduced when I was 7. Does that count? USP: Fred, what about the other nominees, do any of them deserve it more than the two leaders? Fred: None of them are sandwiches and that is what this site and society in general sorely need. USP: Rabbi? RT: All splendid masculine fellows, except perhaps Magic man, regrettably they lack the range of this Sockpuppet fellow and this... woman. My conclusion must be that only Sockpuppet and Lyrithya will proceed to the next round. Fred: Sandwiches. USP: Thank you both of you, you can go home now. We'll unlock the shackles in a moment. So there you have it; our editor seems happy that there is a meaningful conclusion in there somewhere, though good luck finding it. Be sure to look for updates to VFS here and nowhere else next week. Editors note: While you are all aware that this is hilarious, we must stress that the opinions above are either based very loosely on what those users have said or have been completely made up in the name of hilarity. It's true. Socky's name isn't Fred at all.

Check out these pages! Disaster! Despair! Doubt! A forum from 2006! From our logs: 17:09, April 18, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.90.95.41 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (uh huh, you sure "hacked" that page alright) 14:57, April 16, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Ed Refugee 2: Electric Boogaloo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Sockpuppet/having a username that offends my Christian sensibilities) 09:00, April 15, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 149.144.196.243 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (faggot faggot faggot faggot FAGGOT. SAYING IT MORE MAKES ME MUCH COOLER THAN ALL MY OTHER FAGGOT FRIENDS.) 19:25, April 13, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 207.63.250.3 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (you're so vain you probably think this ban is about you. oh wait, it is!) 14:56, April 15, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 123.176.14.40 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Nothing here, either - merely a space where there was once an idiot) 04:35, April 14, 2011 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.8.106.90 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Take that, the Netherlands!) Biopic of the Week It seemed incredible that we hadn't delved into the psyche of Frosty before, and now that we have, we must face the gaping black hole of choices for biopics again next week (honestly, we did a biopic on a chair a few weeks ago, it's that bad). Anyway, Frosty, well I've spoken to him and looked at his userpage, and wishing no offence to him, he's a bit nuts. He's so mad about maintenance he has a little book where he records each vandal added to Ban Patrol along with details of the offence and other priceless information. If he's not doing that he is on his talk page being generally tenacious and refusing to be put off by the voices of doom that surround him; he just won't quit! He's everywhere I go; I went to vote on VFD the other day and he was there, arguing that an article needn't be deleted: sacrilege! I went to VFH to do some voting and there he was, voting and otherwise irritating me with his tenacity. So if you have a free moment why not drop by his talk page and tell him he's doing everything wrong, you'll fit right in with everyone else! Alternatively, bring a video camera and your book of articles you've added to QVFD and, in my judgement, the two of you will only incriminate yourselves. Aperture Science Handheld Featured Article Device Portal is a single-player Source-engine first-person science-fiction puzzle-action meme-causing smart-alec scalp-tearing video game by Aperture Science, dba (doing business as) Valve Software. An innovative, not overly long, well-written, critically acclaimed, award-winning game that pushed the boundaries of how gamers perceived a game's environment and physics, it is mostly known for cake, the Companion Cube, and that song at the end. A sequel, Portal 2, was announced and demonstrated at E3, and has already received critical acclaim and awards before its release. Thing we should probably mention Stuff is happening with Encyclopaedia Dramatica. Uncyclopedia is still the worst.

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 07:20, 21 April 2011

UnSignpost: April 28th, 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way they did!

April 28th, 2011 • Issue 118 • A brilliant reasonable periodical.

General News Round-up By Chief It has been another uneventful week at Uncyclopedia, which, contrary to popular belief, is good for the UnSignpost. Uneventful weeks mean we can report in the vaguest terms possible the various goings on on the wiki, a task made infinitely easier through the existence of the Uncyclopedia at a glance page. For instance, did you know that here at Uncyclopedia we have featured 1,731 articles, which is approximately 7%! We don't know what it's 7% of; we aren't scientists. Uncyclopedia at a glance is a splendid resource, which the UnSignpost would recommend to anyone with a spare afternoon and no other plans for their internet usage. Elsewhere on the wiki, VFS has clunked into its final stage, with Lyrithya and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user both reaching the final round. Normally, at this point, the existing administrators vote on a candidate until the 30th of the month, whereupon a messenger is dispatched to the lair of the bureaucrats informing them whom should be afforded the gift of divinity. This Cabal memo clearly never reached Under user, who has started a vote calling for both candidates to receive adminship. "It's a disgrace, if we give them both admin rights who loses? That's the only reason I vote on these things," said unnamed cabal member ChiefjusticeDS, whose voice has been disguised in order that he remain anonymous. Meanwhile, over on the forums, Magic man proposed a meeting of the Uncyclopedians in some kind of convention, probably to be held 2 minutes walk from where he lives, slap bang in the middle of not-where-you-live-'s ville. Modusoperandi agreed with Magic man, saying "None of us are in jail," while Dexter111344 called it a "Horrific idea," which is certainly how this newspaper would react to any idea that involved meeting Dexter111344 in person without the presence of several Police officers. Finally, Dr. Skullthumper has embarked on another quest of utter pointlessness, deploying his bot and himself to "convert HTML" all over the wiki. Pity him. He knows not what he does. Uncyclopedia in the news again By Chief In an age of information overload and astonishingly inaccurate Internet posts, it's reassuring that at least one website strives to be inaccurate at all times. That website is Sign on San Diego, a parody of a news website which bills itself as having all sorts of "Hot Topics" for the people of San Diego and anyone else who might be interested. Recent Sign on San Diego headlines include: "San Diego's air pollution among worst in nation", "Man robs downtown restaurant" and "Reward offered in transient assault case". This leads us to the article that they mentioned, which was about the "fast-rising" Biffy Clyro, the article is in dire need of rewriting but we know better than most not to let quality stand in the way of meeting journalistic deadlines. The crux of the matter is that Biffy Clyro are playing a show in San Diego, which you should attend, provided you aren't dying of air pollution, being robbed in restaurants or assaulted. The article also mentioned <insert name here>'s sterling and exemplary contributions to Uncyclopedia since they joined. The truth is, alas, somewhat less colourful. We lied. They didn't. Naruto By Nobody It is still garbage that babies read.

Check out these pages! Cool! Not cool! Lolwut? Teh lulz! From our logs: 17:29, April 23, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Jesus-semen-swallowing-christ (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Great username. Rubbish understanding of the rules.) 21:03, April 21, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Javi.p (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (That wasn't very nice, I'm not very nice, I don't like ice cream, Ice cream gives me a headache, banning gets rid of headaches, you get a ban. That's joined up thinking right there) 02:08, April 24, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Kevillips (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (YOU DIDN'T SIGN YOUR WELCOME TEMPLATE, YOU MONSTER) 04:01, April 21, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.135.37.38 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (blah blah blah something about blowing me) 04:35, April 27, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Carking1996 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Created an account just to spam "tits", eh? Nice work, moron.) Biopic of the Week This week, the biopic is given over to the most important aspect of Uncyclopedia. The voting. Voting underpins our community in much the same way as McDonalds underpins capitalism and a lack of McDonalds underpins Jihad. Without it, we don't get articles featured or deleted. Without it, you would/wouldn't have gotten your awards, you would/wouldn't have been made an administrator. We need voting and it needs us. So for all of you who are leaving it to other people, why not try it now? You can stop when you're dead. Serious zone Votes on awards like Noob of the month and Uncyclopedian of the month are really important for making people want to keep coming back here; try to do some voting at the very least. Serious zone ends Knickers. Newsroom UnTune of the week Oscar's Rap (I'm a Wilde guy) Public service announcement You people should all be ashamed of yourselves. End of message.

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 06:26, April 28, 2011 (UTC)

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We're delivering it to your door anyways!

May 5th, 2011 • Issue 119 • I sense a great disturbance in the force.

VFS ends. Apathy grips wiki. By Chief Those of you who were busy having sex with ladies/men/melons on Saturday evening will have stumbled onto the wiki and discovered that there are in fact two new administrators stumbling around the wiki. Since none of you can find things out for yourself, you have sat, baffled, waiting for the UnSignpost to arrive like a beacon: VFS has drawn to a conclusion and the unlucky losers are Lyrithya and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user. Following the announcement and the ritual slaying of a goat that Zombiebaron always insists upon before any new administrators may make use of their powers, the two victors went straight back to what they had been doing before - looking at depraved images on the internet, categorising, looking at fetish porn and indeed categorising fetish porn. Scandal immediately ensued; administrators do not categorise. This not being enough, however, the UnSignpost has taken to the streets of Uncyclopedia to find out what the community thinks about the new additions to the Cabal. The first place our journalists visited was the Ministry of Love, which stands at the centre of Uncyclopedia's financial district, or it would if Uncyclopedia had a financial district. We were thrilled to speak to the duty Cabal representative Zombiebaron, who, when pressed about the empirical significance of the VFS result, slammed his hand down on the table and exclaimed "Zombiebaron". It would seem that a great deal of things are in fact Zombiebaron: the likelihood of the new administrators being embroiled in scandal and VFS voting in general, to name but a few. We also got the opportunity to sit down with Mhaille after he fell out of a vent as we were leaving and find out what he thought of Lyrithya and Socky being administrators. "In theory its a nice idea, but I wouldn't like to see it in practice" he replied "There are far more deserving people who have only recently discovered the site and hold overinflated opinions of themselves who would be better suited". Before we could explain that the VFS has actually taken place, Mhaille collapsed from dehydration and, not wishing to make a fuss, we left him in the lobby. It turns out nobody is particularly bowled over by the result of the VFS; the result having been obvious for about 2 weeks now, this lead to the announcement being met with grunts and sighs about "The state of things". We decided to see what Socky and Lyrithya had to say about their new powers. "It feels invigorating. Though somehow, I hardly feel a difference," mused Socky. "It's like being castrated" he added... with his eyes. Lyrithya, meanwhile, was not available to comment, which shows that she is taking her new role seriously, namely by leaving shortly after being appointed in the style of the greats of 2006. Mordillo is Dead! By a reputable journalist Uncyclopedia's most hated loved Bureaucrat and Administrator has been shot dead by US Special Forces in Northern Pakistan. Mordillo, who had been hunted by Uncyclopedia since disappearing into hiding in early March, died in the early hours of Monday morning (local time) after a group of 25 US Navy SEALS breached his lavish compound in Abbottabad. The Cabal has yet to acknowledge the death of one of their most senior members of staff; this is simply because they are all far too busy crying. Some conspiracy theorists have suggested that Mordillo was extracted from the safehouse in the early hours of Sunday morning and replaced with Osama Bin Laden. These lunatics cite the bearded aspect of the victim and his radical Islamic tendencies, which we cannot now see, as so-called "evidence". Rumours that Mordillo has fled to western Europe are unconfirmed drivel and you are discouraged from looking for him without a submarine, since his body was buried at sea in order to save you footing the bill for having any photographs developed. Uncyclopedians around the world have been warned to brace themselves for possible retaliation from Mordillo's cohorts and reminded to live in abject fear of authority at all times. For now you can sleep peacefully in your beds at night because Mordillo is certainly dead, oh yes, can't get much more dead than the dead he is now...

Check out these pages! Modus' Pants Pain MadMax Pants Pain Solution Pain in your pants? A Pain in the Neck From our logs. New Admin Special: 07:18, May 4, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I've had it with this place.) 06:50, May 4, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Obvious vandal.) 08:54, May 2, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked <insert name here> (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a large Yak (Your support of my grand plan to destroy the wiki shall not go unappreciated. Thank you.) 21:57, May 2, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Osama bin Laden (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (You're dead, lol.) 21:33, May 2, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Why do you hate me when I show you nothing but love?) 20:21, April 30, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) resurrected Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) ‎ (hasn't annoyed anyone in the last 5 minutes) 21:49, May 2, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) resurrected Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) ‎ (I am Jesus!) Biopic of the Week As is the tradition when new administrators grace the wiki with their presence, the biopic is devoted to making the crusty, less flexible older admins feel better about not being able to touch their toes. While the administrators have absolute dominion over your continued interaction with this, the most splendid of websites, they are just like you. As Famine explained in his essay, the administrators have a difficult job to do and there are no bitch benefits; honestly you ask any administrator how many bitches they have picked up with their "I'm an administrator on Uncyclopedia" line, the answer? None. How then, I hear you cry, could anyone do the job? Well it's very simple, they don't; all administrators inevitably snap like dry reeds eventually. Some of them leave, some of them die and still others go and get a life. Don't be too hard on the rest of them and certainly don't try to be like them, why not try to be like Chuck Norris instead? Think of the bitch benefits! Did You Know? Sometimes we have to resort to incredibly stupid custom boxes in order to make the two columns be of similar lengths? It isn't essential but symmetry should never be left to rot at the side of the road no matter how many times you have to beat it into shape with a spade. This isn't one of those times by the way. Just thought you'd like to know. Newsroom UnTune of the week Artsy and Misunderstood: A Bedroom Emo Song

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:16, 5 May 2011

The Signpost is delivered to all God-fearing citizens

The Conservapedia Signpost

The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things

May 12th, 2011 • Issue 120 • Now with no liberal bias!

Uncyclopedia By a concerned citizen After coercing my children/wife into silence and praising the lord Jesus Christ for my newspaper, my toothpaste, the constitution and this great nation, I decided that some time on the internet would bring the morning to an appropriately spiritual conclusion. "Praise the Lord," I murmured as the computer hummed into life; all seemed right in the world as the Lord unendingly smote the unrighteous in my desktop background. Conservapedia recognises that liberalism is spreading and nowhere is this more obvious than Uncyclopedia, which mocks the Lord by using one of his divine creations (a potato) for a logo and being entirely dedicated to spreading lies and half-truths, something we know nothing about at Conservapedia. The site is a temple of blasphemy, gayness and, inevitably, liberalism. As I was being disgusted by the liberalism of the font on the main page and the colour of the links, I was astounded to come across a man asking other men to risk their virtue in a game of strip poker with him. All young men should take heed and embrace God, not Olipro. Poker is also for girls. The so-called forums (a liberal Greek invention) harbor further discussion of user rights; the liberals are erecting their false idols and they venerate these idols and bestrew them with titles. The discussion of the week was over who was the most liberal of the most liberal liberals and which of them should be raised above the others for further worship. Words fail; I had lied to myself (a sin for which I shall be punished) that liberalism was a passing fad, but these people are obsessed with the restriction of their spiritual and physical abilities through their hollow attempts at humor. This Zombiebaron will get his reward in Hell. His very username mocks the Almighty and he shall be punished for his attempted levity. This community is a threat to children, happiness and America. Don't burn with them. MadMax By a slightly less concerned citizen This community of half-wits, liberals, crazies and liberals will burn in Hell, but until that glorious moment of candescence, it is as well that they amuse themselves and only incriminate themselves further in the eyes of the Lord (I do not want to meet any reformed crazies in Heaven). One of Uncyclopedia's faux Gods, MadMax, has conceived a competition to amuse the masses and likely stir homosexual feelings within them. Notice we used the word conceive because it is the only thing MadMax, who is an ABORTIONIST, probably, will ever conceive. Here is how this competition will work: users will spawn articles of varying levels of depravity and sin, which will then be judged by a group of judges, unelected no less, who will select the article containing the most depraved acts and leather harnesses in which unmentionable acts will be perpetrated to be the victor. The person with the worst article is eliminated, sadly only from the competition, and the winners go on to face each other in some kind of orgy to see who will be the winner. This festival of depravity has been going on since last Sunday and this correspondent has no doubt that the only reason it is not finished yet is because liberals are famously lazy, a well known symptom of atheism and pro-choice views. We did not sit down with MadMax to discuss this competition; it was bad enough reading about it. MadMax has indicated his intention to hold the competition again on a larger scale if the trial goes well. We wish him the best of luck and an eternity in the very deepest pit of Hell.

Don't check out these sinful pages! Satanic Images Satanic Messages Fornication They are a gift from God From their Satanic logs: 04:02, May 11, 2011 Ljlego (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.126.198.194 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (No, YOU'RE super duper gay) 09:40, May 10, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Xxseanpikexx (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Dear Mr Pike: Please get a life. Sincerely, everyone who has ever known you) 22:56, May 9, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Towcar (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Cyberbullying: Be nice, will you? Everything goes so much smoother when everyone dones their fake smiles and wears arbitrary masks...) 22:23, May 7, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked GoUncyclopedia! (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (hahahahaahahah AND YOU STILL CANT SIGN POSTS) 19:05, May 6, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (dep. re. cat. ed. tags.) Takeover of the Week As you may have noticed this week, the UnSignpost comes from the lovely people at Conservapedia, a temporary change because occasionally we like to go a bit crazy. That said, we cannot neglect biopic of the week, so we are devoting it entirely to Jesus. What can you say about Jesus? He's not active on recent changes, hasn't been seen around here for what feels like 2000 years and when he was around he generally acted like he owned the place, and was, regrettably, banned indefinitely by Pontius Pilate: 20:37, Nissan 14, 33AD Pontius Pilate (Talk | contribs) blocked Jesus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day (Making me cross! Ha ha ha) Honest, that actually happened. Incidentally, if there was a Cabal, they would take this opportunity to remind you to question nothing you are told. Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #9,000 The liberal bias, there's just so much liberal bias. Satanic verse of the week Ain't Another Way

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 05:44, 12 May 2011

Welcoming users

Can pet the edit summary as 'Welcome'? Thanks ansd cheers. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:01, 16 May 2011

Ok, I'll consider that in the future. Got in too much of a hurry. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 02:56, May 17, 2011 (UTC)

Replying

I know that this is a humor Wiki, but shouldn't the articles on this Wiki also have at least some factual accuracy? Derecho 00:53, May 18, 2011 (UTC)

Depends on the article, really. 1234 ~ 01:04, 18 May 2011

You helped develop the anti-death drug!

UnNews:Old people more likely to die, study shows made it into queue, and now old people will never have to die again! Thanks for your vote, man!

-- 16:22, May 18, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

We're delivering it to your door anyways!

May 19th, 2011 • Issue 121 • The place where news goes to die!

Voting Takes a Back Seat By Chief Recently the UnSignpost has been made aware of an alarming development with potentially devastating consequences: Voting for monthly awards is less important than drama. As everyone flocked to the forums this week to register their morally outraged stance at the present system or at the people who are morally outraged at the present system, the UnSignpost headed to the award pages that time forgot, to take in the atmosphere and canvas the nominations for this month. The first page we looked at was Playwright of the month, an award for the author of the best UnScript this month. Recipients of this award have provided pretty much every UnScript ever due to the general lack of UnScript articles churned out every month. The last winner was Guildensternenstein, back in February, and since then voting has descended into n00b of the month territory as this month's nominee Ljlego storms ahead of the pack of er... nobody with a score of "Your Dad is Bi". Meanwhile, Article Narrator of the Month is even more desolate, with no nominees for this month and the last winner being Electrified mocha chinchilla, a situation which is commonly agreed that it is a death knell for absolutely any award. Our experts believe that the lack of recorded articles is because no blind people read Uncyclopedia, and nobody wants their article read to them by Electrified mocha chinchilla; it would be like a bed-time story from hell. The "only blind people need audio because everybody else has a pair of eyes" label has also been ascribed (by a highly paid team of consultants and I) to the Emmanuel Goldstein Award of Excellence in the Distribution of Misinformation, which this month is being contested by a user who isn't here and Dexter111344; unsurprisingly, Dexter is losing (why break the habbit of a lifetime?). Ultimately there are hundreds of awards starving to death on Uncyclopedia as newer users have no idea they exist; there are hundreds of shiny baubles on offer for a user with the will to go out and get them. Incidentally, VFH, UotM, VFP, VFD, NotM, WotM and RotM could use some attention, too. Remember, voting lubricates the gears and cogs of Uncyclopedia and you wouldn't want Uncyclopedia to break, would you? Also we have a huge selection of ninjastars just rusting over here. Somebody you know must deserve one! The Forum By Chief Since we have been forced to accept that the forums aren't an entirely useless part of the website, we have decided to quickly zip through without talking to anybody, naturally, and bring you the most happeningest news from this correspondent's least favourite namespace, save for UnDictionary (It's just words, I can't stand words). First up and most important, or so we are told, is the vote for Unimage of the year. Apparently, some of you have been failing in your voting duties, and we would like to single out one person who has failed to vote on this page and that is JackOfSpades. Now, JackOfSpades has been around for the last week and yet he has not voted; the UnSignpost and the expectant world call on JackOfSpades to come forward and explain exactly what he thinks he is playing at. Now while JackOfSpades has been highlighted for his crippling laziness, it could just as easily have been you: Sycamore/Sonje/Romartus. We're going to turn off the lights on the page and when we turn them back on, if some votes just happen to have appeared we'll say no more about it. It would obviously be entirely wrong not to mention the drama we have had on the forum this week, so here goes: There has been some drama on the forum this week. Happy Thursday.

Check out these pages! Like, yeah It's just words We will be linking to this page forever A page I found on recent changes while trying to decide what to put in this space From our logs Roman Dog Bird Special: 06:24, August 1, 2008 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 17 years ‎ (I HAET MAHSELF!!!!!) 03:39, May 15, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Hihyyy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (i love your teacher too) 21:11, January 26, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 138.163.128.42 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (No. No I won't give Joe a dollar.) 04:15, February 14, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.79.173.10 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (LOLOL MAN TIMMAAAAYYYY! HEY THEY KILLED KENNY!!! IS IT THE YEAR 2000 ALL OVER AGAIN?!?!?!?!?!) 23:37, August 10, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked XmabrosX (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Overall, this user is fucking stupid and has no meaning what so ever. Who ever made him is a fucking idiot and deserves to die and go suck a fuck. Now I will make him angry.) 00:29, February 19, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH FUCK YOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) 00:18, June 21, 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Do you see my penis? Here, I'll pull it out! LOOK AT IT DANGLE, FAGGOT!) Biopic of the Week As the UnSignpost staff gathered forlornly in my house this week to thrash out the biopic of the week, we were entirely shocked to discover that there was a user patiently awaiting his turn at the biopic. That user is TheHumbucker, who is a very promising user. Why? I hear you say. Well, because TheHumbucker has not only written 5, that's 5 as in the number between 4 and 6, featured articles, but has also done so quietly and without fuss. Splendid. We'd tell you where you can find him normally, but we haven't a clue since this is the first time we have heard of him; he suggests he might be Irish so those of you wishing to find him could try Ireland, or the other end of a rainbow. According to TheHumbucker: "Comedy is serious shit." Clearly he is only here until he remembers his Wikipedia log in. Newsroom UnTune of the week Johnny Feelgood and the Latex Minions LIVE at the Big Corporate Superdome

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:09, 19 May 2011

Phnerb unsignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

May 26th, 2011 • Issue 122 • News? Where we're going we don't need news!

Weekly update By Chief The big news of the week is that Obama has gone to the UK to talk to some people about some important things. However, since we're stuck reporting on whatever you people have posted in the forums this week, we don't get to report on interesting things like that; we don't even have any blatant bias to crudely insert into any and all of our stories. Incidentally, asylum seekers are no help at all. But enough of those profound thoughts - let's talk Uncyclopedia! This week saw the return of Dawg. For those of you don't know, Dawg is an Uncyclopedian from the days of yore when Uncyclopedians sported in Elysium and all the problems lay ahead. Hurrah, welcome back Dawg. Deciding that the mere sight of his signature on talk pages did not send the appropriate spasms of joy to the loins of every active and inactive Uncyclopedian, Dawg decided to deop Lyrithya and ban her for two years, an action guaranteed to stir the loins of even the most miserable Uncyclopedian. Obviously this was an unforgivable abuse of power and the people demand cake; it's better for you than blood, supposedly. Dr. Skullthumper has also embarked on yet another voyage of busy work as his proposal to semi-protect all featured articles forever sailed through the forums on Wednesday. The UnSignpost is one hundred percent behind Dr. Skullthumper in this, his latest foray into "Doing what must be done despite you all," that is until someone decides it was a stupid idea two years from now, in which case Dr. Skullthumper is a twarse and a racist. In other news, Nachlader has sacked everyone due to Uncyclopedia's poor performance in the last fiscal year, and Bacon is made of Pigs and win. Finally, ebil wikia turned off image uploading which, as any school child knows, THEY ACTUALLY CANNOT DO, BY LAW. It was only for a couple of hours and it only really affected people in America, so who cares? Wikia have turned it on again now, so you may recommence uploading horrible images of yourself/your penis/somebody else's penis without fear of being interrupted by completely unnecessary essential maintenance. UnNews By Chief UnNews is in crisis; with SPIKE absent and Zim ulator likely high as a kite somewhere, there can be no doubt that UnNews lacks a leader. Discussions are presently taking place to decide who should fill the entirely fabricated position at the top of UnNews. Obviously voting is the way forwards, since anything decided without a vote is probably secretly designed to bring the site down around our ears. TheHumbucker appears to be the first choice for UnNews leader, indeed the only person who isn't sure he is competent is TheHumbucker. Olipro confesses himself to be unsure about all this voting; speaking privately, Olipro said "Nobody ever voted for me when I was in charge of UnNews, and it didn't not do me no harm or nothing," a sentiment this correspondent shares exactly, we think. All views are appreciated in this discussion, except views that disagree with what we have already decided. While we are on a completely unrelated topic, get some voting done on VFH; this correspondent is entirely dissatisfied with the lackadaisical approach to voting adopted by most of you. It's almost as if you don't climax every single time you do it... everyone does that right?

Check out these pages! OMG! How do I shot web? What's a MediaWiki and how do I make one? Do you de-crat a Bureaucrat? From our logs: 22:19, May 23, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ ("Remove the first two linebreaks from the other thing, too, when you remove this top bit." COULD YOU BE ANY LESS CLEAR?) 18:25, May 19, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 65.91.100.222 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Dear Sir: I contend that your redaction of the content in that article in favour of the word penis, proves unequivocally that you lick balls.) 02:47, May 20, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Strico10 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Inserting Vanity: you give me some hope that i'm not the most pathetic person in the world) 22:13, May 22, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Holden Caulfeild (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (breathe in and breathe out hands up and hands down back up back up tell me whatcha gonna do now keep trollin trollin trollin trollin (what?)) 00:36, May 20, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) resurrected Famine (Talk | contribs) ‎ (No reason.) Metal Zombiebaron Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron Zombiebaron zombiebaron, zombiebaron zombiebaron! Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron; zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron Zombiebaron zombiebaron, "Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron," zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron Zombiebaron!!! Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron, zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron? Newsroom UnTune of the week Screw you Roman Dog Bird

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:18, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

The UnSignpost: Best before Friday!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

June 2nd, 2011 • Issue 123 • The only periodical that calls you back!

Logo Pogo, what's our Vector Victor? By Chief Those of you who aren't still reeling from the ingenuity and wit contained in the title for this story are just the kind of humour-hating Nazis who are killing this place, one "witty" article at a time, who will, naturally, have noticed that the logo has undergone a design change. This change came after several of our power hungry administrators noticed the shadowing on the old logo. Not noticed the shadowing on the old logo yet? Well head straight to the image page and look at the shadowing on the old logo. We here at the UnSignpost are utterly gobsmacked that we lived and indeed loved alongside such shoddy work, just look at the shadowing! The more you look the angrier you become; it's incredible, just what the hell was Rcmurphy thinking when he created the shadowing on the old logo!? Of course this is all untrue, the old logo is basically fine but the new one suggests that we aren't all the ten-thumbed Orangutans that <insert name here> is and that we might know something about cricket and opera. In other words, its beauty and three dimensions hide the depressing truth and, according to Dr. Skullthumper, will probably cure AIDS and bring peace to the Middle-East as well. The creator of the brand new logo is none other than Lyrithya, who wasn't available for comment at the time of going to press, but would probably would want to say something about how she owes everything to ChiefjusticeDS. A quick scan of the forum reveals only one forum topic about the new logo, making it about ten times more popular than Wikia and Jesus combined. The other interesting development is also the development of some kind of new skin for the wiki which is presently being flaunted on a forum and on your gadgets page where you can tick a box to experience it for yourself, just like voting really. This is once again courtesy of Lyrithya, someone who just doesn't take "Meh" for an answer. The general opinion of the community regarding these changes is difficult to gauge, especially if you don't read any of the forum topics. Speaking anonymously, Mhaille expressed doubts about Vector, stating that the changes were "Only skin deep," but said that any discussion over which was better was "Just plain racist". Rank admins! By Chief Those of you who have heard of Rate Your Admins (or RYA if you wear sunglasses inside) need not read this story; simply scroll back to the top, read the right hand column and ask again just how does that sexy admin do it. Which segues us neatly onto the thrust of this story: Frosty has revived the original RYA, a system by which users would give the active admins a score out of ten on various categories and then the admins would have a reason to get up the next day. The new system is very similar to the old one, exactly the same, some would say, and all it needs is your contribution. The UnSignpost spoke to Sockpuppet of an unregistered user about RYA and he said "I once killed a man," but don't let that put you off; he's actually really well-adjusted. Voting couldn't be simpler. You just go to the page of the relevant admin and then you click edit (with us so far?) then you put zero in every box and press save. Don't worry; the chances of them knowing where you live are extremely remote so it's literally consequence-free, almost.

Check out these pages! Slut! Blog! Words! Numbers! Zombiebaron! From our logs: 23:49, May 31, 2011, Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.232.79.251 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (it takes a certain talent to write that much about someone who apparently sucks so badly) 12:38, May 26, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 91.201.66.76 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (I'd ask you to cease all twattery but then you'd have nothing to do all day.) 03:15, May 30, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a gomphog ‎ (Stealing Gomphog's subpages. Reportedly.) 07:12, May 30, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Tayythunder (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Blanker: Being racist against templates...) 15:21, May 27, 2011 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 64.107.188.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (Take a break and read HTBFANJS Just calling everyone gay is... Gay? Be more creative eh?) 13:43, June 1, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Being Zombiebaron a little bit too much) Biopic of the Week Now I don't know about you, but Cat the Colourful is a name I have seen quite a lot, but in the same way I see grass quite a lot. What I mean by this is that he/she/it is always there, pottering away in the background. While everyone else fights and brawls over the correct font for the main page, Cat the Colourful is there voting on an article, making thoughtful additions to an article, uploading pictures of rabbits killing themselves and generally being helpful. This is the part of the biopic where I normally complain about the users annoying habits, and this week is no exception; you know what I really hate about Cat the Colourful? It's his signature, there's a picture in it and colours. A stupid username about being a colourful cat with colours in it? His signature should be black, that would be funny because it isn't colourful at all! No? Well con-cat-ulations Cat the Colourful... I'M WITTY DAMMIT! From the Editor Every week we receive literally no feedback on the UnSignpost. But last week Lollipop complained that we had not covered all the big news of the week. So, in order to please him and his imaginary friend Alex, Tom Mayfair and MrN9000 have also made edits to the wiki after not doing so for a while. I hope that satisfies Lollipop in the way a woman never will... for free at least.

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:15, June 2, 2011 (UTC)

Hurrah, it's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

June 9th, 2011 • Issue 124 • The only periodical that remains aerodynamic at high speeds!

It's serious business By Chief To celebrate the creation of a new ignorable policy, the UnSignpost is covering all the srs biz that has taken place on Uncyclopedia this week. Once again, Lyrithya and her unending quest to "improve" the wiki takes the top story; not content with replacing the potato logo originally created by Rcmurphy, she has created a forum (yes another one) in which she displays the new logos she has created, all wonderful and three dimensional. Dr. Skullthumper appears to have been so entranced by the the shadowing on these new logos that he is currently proposing that we allow Lyrithya to do whatever she wants, then we can only assume it will begin to rain marshmallows and then Jesus will return so that he may bless the new logos in person. Everyone loves the new logos except for Lollipop, whose home-grown logo offerings have been snubbed... one of these days he will probably buy a gun and then kill every single one of us. The Ministry of Love has a new topic on it. This is news in its own right, but it would be just plain lazy for us not to tell you what it was. In other news, Sycamore has called for all Real Nigga's to report to the Village Dump. Sycamore, who was born and raised in West Philadelphia, was unable to justify this course of action as he had one little fight and has been forced to go and live with his Aunt and Uncle in Bel Air. The UnSignpost is sure that hilarity is certain to ensue and predicts that Sycamore may well be writing horrendously bad rap music in as little as three years time. Finally it seems that the in-fighting, backstabbing and constant evil that emanates from all the current admins (with the possible exception of Modusoperandi) has not discouraged users from wanting to be just like them. The UnSignpost wonders why anybody would ever aspire to be part of a group that not only has Olipro in it but also boasts a whole one and a half women and she is maladjusted. The crippling deficiencies of Uncyclopedia's admin group haven't stopped Joe9320 from asking to be one; on being asked why he wants to be an admin, he cited no reason at all. He just does and, apparently, so should you. Also, Magic man wanted to be in the UnSignpost this week, so he is. VFS/B By Chief When Uncyclopedians aren't looking at depraved Horse porn or voting on articles referencing Horse porn, they are to be found gazing in wonder at VFS to see just what those barmy administrators have come up with next. Well, sort of. Currently VFS is not given over to the process of sandwich voting, but to a vote on whether to hold nominations for a preliminary round of voting for the people to administer the results of further voting, but only if there has been a vote first. In short, the admins are deciding whether or not to have some more bureaucrats. Since all of you have read Jimbo Wales fantastic works: "The Pricing of Index Options When the Underlying Assets All Follow a Lognormal Diffusion" and "Me and my ample piles. Of Money" you all know the ins and outs of the role, but we will remind you anyway. Bureaucrats give out user rights; if Uncyclopedia was a city the users would be the citizens, the vandals would be the criminals, the administrators would be the Police and Bureaucrats would be the people who send Police officers annoying notes about filling in forms and the importance of chilling their packed lunches. Currently the vote is plus four in favour so it looks like voting on sandwiches will be suspended for another month, a tragedy which two months ago seemed a very remote possibility. We would urge you to vote but you all know the form by now, just remember that Bureaucrats tend to go... missing. We sat down with absentee Bureaucrat and hilarious moustache owner Mhaille to get his opinion of the vote: "If you master the 5 D's no amount of balls on Earth can hit you" Mhaille responded before beating our reporter savagely with a sack of wrenches, so there is some definite food for thought there. Cross your legs folks, it looks like there will be another vote coming to your computer screens very soon.

Check out these pages! Piffle! Wiffle! Wibble! Pibble! Piffle Wiffle! From our logs: 20:33, June 5, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.180.53.111 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (You may fire when ready..... /robot voice/ commence primary ignition...... WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH) 02:04, June 3, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) resurrected #59221 ‎ (HOW COME NO ONE EVER UNCHECKS THIS BOX ANYMORE) 02:05, June 3, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (because you havent been banned yet somehow. i hope this happens RIGHT AS YOU PRESS THE SUBMIT EDIT BUTTON) 02:06, June 7, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Sickmyduck1 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ ([insert joke here about lacking penis size]) 11:20, June 7, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 194.80.21.164 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (You seem to be unable to recognise that the repeated deletion of your articles means they're crap and we don't want them. Perhaps this ban will help?) 11:29, June 4, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.208.51.136 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (BUY SOME SPAM!! CUT PRICE SPAM! LEARN HOW WEIRDO MAKES NO MONEY AND LOSES HIS FRIENDS FROM HOME!!! BEST OFFAR EVAR!) 21:47, June 3, 2011 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 201.229.215.186 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (EminemEminemEminemEminem) Biopic of the Week Well, nobody was looking forward to being biopiced in the UnSignpost than Lollipop. Lollipop came to Uncyclopedia in 2010 under the guise of Maniac Mcpee, whose very first article was deleted. Lollipop reacted as all of us would have done and created a hate page to explain just how much he hated the offending administrator; this page was then taken, completely rewritten and went on to become a featured article. Lollipop has not shut up about it since. As much of a blessing as a curse, Lollipop has hurricaned his way around the wiki, alternately thrilling and irritating administrators and users alike, but do you know what makes us want to biopic him? It's not the cash he gave us, though that certainly greased the wheel, no, it's his enthusiasm; you just can't demoralise him. Every time you turn around he's there being derided on a talk page or forum and then the next day he's back with something else. He just won't quit! So well done, Lollipop, you're the guy we all love to hate to love. Thought for the week On Uncyclopedia at a glance why do we have a stat for "Pictures of boobies" but not one for "Pictures of Cake"? Think about it (That's sort of the point) Newsroom UnTune of the week Still Alive (Bin Laden 2011 Cover)

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:18, June 9, 2011 (UTC)

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June 16th, 2011 • Issue 125 • Adopt a mad Bear today... please, they're closing in.

CURSE YOU! By Chief It's time for the mid-month, mid-week, midnight round-up of Uncyclopedia, named this week for the mutual love and admiration currently flying back and forth on the Village Dump. The big news this week is that VFC has opened for voting, with almost every active administrator being nominated along with <insert name here>. After a whole day of voting, Zombiebaron has taken a commanding lead, racking up 14 votes, with Thekillerfroggy and Modusoperandi sitting in second and third. Our correspondent described the scenes on the page as "Sickening" as the leaders compete to see who can be the most dashing chap and concede victory to his fellows in the noblest manner possible. The UnSignpost was able to talk to Zombiebaron about the race: "Zombiebaron," he stated confidently on being asked whom he thought would prevail; on being asked who he would like to see stripped naked, smeared with Jam and fed to killer ants, he responded "Zombiebaron," and when pressed as to why he conceded that the matter was indeed "Zombiebaron". Moving on from the sickening gayery taking place on VFC, the village dump brings us the conflict and hatred that made Uncyclopedia as doomed as it is today. First PuppyOnTheRadio suggested that admins should not protect forum pages while discussion was taking place, in return the administrative body suggested that PuppyOnTheRadio should probably put some clothes on before going outside. Elsewhere on the dump, Dr. Skullthumper is doing his best to keep himself in pointless busy-work by proposing that we recategorise everything into a set of new categories within a new namespace which in turn will be within a new namespace. The practical upshot being that Dr. Skullthumper has a reason to haul himself out of bed every morning, a truly noble goal; this entire wiki having being founded around a very similar aim. Finally it seems that the Worst 100 Reflections on 2011 list has ground to a halt and has become Roman Dog Bird's very own personal playground and, as amusing as it is to watch him make entries about his bowel movements, his friends bowel movements, and bumsex, there aren't that many reflections on 2011. Since we passed the halfway point of the year a few weeks ago it was with some dismay that we discovered that we are still 66 reflections away from completing the task before the annual Cabal broadcast at the end of the year. This is a large crisis. Everybody should spend at least 10 minutes of the coming week running frantically around their house panicking about the impending crisis and the consequences of such a large crisis. Someone should also add new reflections to the list, but not before completing the requisite ten minutes of panic. Skully's formspring declared "national pastime of Uncyclopedia" By Dr. Skullthumper In a bizarre twist of social networking, local user Dr. Skullthumper has created an account on the popular website formspring.me. Almost immediately the famed Uncyclopedia administrator was bombarded with questions about his sexuality, his sister, and propositions of considerable indecency. So amusing were his answers that for several hours wiki contributors ceased editing altogether to think up more clever questions to ask him. "I was looking for a place to gloat about my ban," says Equivamp, a self-proclaimed sufferer of Erectile Dysfunction. "But I was too scared to come on IRC. That's where all the rapes happen. Luckily I found one of the dozens of links to this guy's formspring that everyone's been talking about. Finally, a place to insult Uncyclopedia safely!" But even such a positive story as this brings humanity's dark side to light once more. Kip the Dip has revealed himself to be one of the most prejudiced users in Uncyclopedian history, believing the entire website to be constructed for his people alone. Several anonymous users have taken to slandering the almighty goddess Lyrithya, who continues to shower us with holy goods such as proper bloody code and images that don't look like they were shat out of MS Paint. And as for Skully, the sheer amount of time he has spent answering questions has forced him to forgo sleep for several nights in a row now. Despite these setbacks, Skully says he will "continue to do what must be done", and "hurrrrrrrrrrrrrghCOFFEE".

Check out these pages! Useful! Confusing! Modusoperandi! Ratings! From our logs: 05:38, June 15, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Meepsheep made this account to upload goatse (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Clever! Verrrry clever. And foolish! Now you're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my NOTHING) 04:39, June 13, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 210.236.184.66 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (If you like graffiti so much why don't you buy some spraypaint and draw a giant cock on your front door) 08:41, June 14, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (The cabal wishes it: It does honest, I was at the last meeting and we talked about this while the tea was going round) 18:28, June 11, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.158.24.53 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (we are a humour site, we are not concerned with the truth) 01:18, June 13, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.68.16.64 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (I know what you dream about at night.) 20:57, June 14, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.208.56.140 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (uuuuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh) Biopic of the Week As the UnSignpost staff gathered in the Theatre of Dreams next to the local Bingo hall, it came to our attention that the biopic has been doing rather well recently. It has actually covered actual users who are actually editing the wiki or who have actually edited the wiki at some point in the past. In fact we decided that we had done such a good job that the biopic this week would be all about what a splendid job we made of the biopics for the last few weeks. I mean, there you all were reading the UnSignpost and pairing your socks when BLAM! There was the biopic and it fed you when you had no food, it clothed you when you were wearing parachute pants and it didn't judge you the same way everyone else does. The biopics from the last few weeks have contained less than two grams of saturated fat and cost you nothing, in fact they gave you the gift of laughter which, according to intellectuals, is the greatest gift of all; frankly you ought to be paying us. This biopic even comes with a picture of a traffic cone! It's so stripy and orange and stuff... By the power of Greyskull! You shall not best me Skeletor! So there. Newsroom UnTune of the week Ur So Phat and you don't even like food

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:17, June 16, 2011 (UTC)

Award from UN:REQ

This user created HowTo:Wake Up From A Bad Reality, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested articles. You're welcome!

Spelling and stuff

Thanks a lot for the corrections and links and stuff on HowTo:Make Breakfast Dew (For Women). Any stuff like that is super appreciated. --ShabiDOO 16:34, June 22, 2011 (UTC)

You're welcome. I'm a closet grammar nazi. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 07:27, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

Catch it. Kill it. Bin it. It's the UnSignpost!

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June 23rd, 2011 • Issue 126 • The only periodical that will burn your house down... with lemons!

Experimental Vectors By Chief This week Uncyclopedia stands on the brink of a momentous decision, a decision that will shape the future of the wiki and possibly society as we know it. Also, Lyrithya is proposing that we introduce the Vector skin as the default skin for the whole wiki. As is the custom on our planet a vote is currently happening in a forum, which isn't really news as everything around here is eventually resolved in that way. The vote currently stands at eleven votes in favour, with the people voting for praising Vector's enticing indentation and stylings and the against voters complaining that Vector isn't compatible with Windows 95 and doesn't display properly when loaded on a monitor last used to observe the 1969 Moon Landings. For voter and skin fetishist Ljlego launched a staunch defence of Vector, saying, "I hated Vector when I first saw it on Wikipedia," while against voter and Republican Aleister in Chains has complained that the skin doesn't work when he loads it on his ZX Spectrum; he has also found the real problem with the skin, namely, "Those huge tabs at the top, they look ridiculous. " Shabidoo, meanwhile, has decided to abstain, having been unable to make up his mind; his uncertainty about the new skin springs from a belief that, "This skin is much better than the last one." What a weirdo. The UnSignpost staff has switched to Vector and report that they have, on several occasions, found money in the street on the way home; who in their right mind would refuse to switch now? Vector does have several deficiencies which are, of course, all Lyrithya's fault. The much loved and coveted things to do page has disappeared from the sidebar, meaning that unless you search for it, you cannot find it. Incidentally, Science proves that searching for articles in the search box causes Cancer in 75% of everyone who does it. There are no other problems, except that the toolbox is set to be closed as default, Pee review is now below the facebook page link (this makes it appear less important), it doesn't make sandwiches, the edit button is on the wrong side, to watch pages I click a star (this is blatant Zionism), when I click the search box I type in a box inside the search box, and there is no link to the UnSignpost on the sidebar. If you have yet to try out the Vector skin go to your preferences page; you know you are there when the box with your optional real name in it appears. Click the gadgets tab and then select 'experimental Vector skin' from the list. Enjoy. Incidentally my real name is Archer, Leader of the Gorgonites. Fails QA By Him yet again Now while the UnSignpost staff are currently contemplating a weekly box devoted to Dr. Skullthumper's latest fad for Uncyclopedia, we felt we absolutely had to cover his latest dalliance into saving us from the eternal fires to which we are so rightly condemned. QA is something you are no doubt familiar with; for those of you who aren't here is how to find out. The new revelation is the QA log; this is a splendid log for those of you who love to sit and stare at recent changes. Now you can stare at recent changes and the QA log. It basically catches people sneakily removing maintenance tags from articles in order that they may be punished for their anarchic tendencies. Dr. Skullthumper has said all of the above in forum, but that's what the UnSignpost is for - we read the forums and write a brief summary with more jokes and less whining. The aforementioned Physician would like feedback from users on how his new device works, so in short he would like you to go to his forum and tell him just how splendid it is that he has taken time out from his splendid schedule of splendid masturbation to splendidly improve this splendid site. Some of our readers have written to us to tell us what they think about this new tool: "Zombiebaron," said an anonymous letter. "Who is this?" asked RabbiTechno after phoning our hotline. "Please rush me my portable Walrus polishing kit. 4 Super brushes guaranteed to clean even the trickiest of sea-bound mammals." read a coupon sent to us by Under user. "Wow. Now that is VERY useful." read an email from MrN9000, titled "Re:The purpose of toilets" and "Help me. I'm trapped in a post office." wrote Mordillo, who hasn't been seen since March. The QA log is live and watching all of you at this very moment and reminds you that thoughtcrime does not entail death, thoughtcrime IS death.

Check out these pages! Ratings! Worst! AGAIN! METAL GEAR? METAL GEAR!!! From our logs: 01:08, June 19, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked WeStoppedTheRocket (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (i've heard (well, okay, seen i guess) it before! i don't wanna here (again, see) it again!) 12:49, June 19, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 132 seconds ‎ (you are my all-time favourite fascist dictator) 15:29, June 21, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.46.201.230 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Hell yeah! You showed that talk page. Hit it again! Keep it down!) 15:15, June 19, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (EVERYONE LOVES IT!) 00:08, June 18, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.8.195.146 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (My dog just died from your lack of humour. Murderer!) 22:39, June 20, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked What now, bitches? (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (cute) Biopic of the Week Uncyclopedia has a problem. Uncyclopedia has NoNamesLeft. Now having NoNamesLeft is not the huge tragedy that it may first appear. To have NoNamesLeft is to have NoMoreStupidity. Confucius say: He who have NoNamesLeft have most names of all. Of course NoNamesRemaining is not just a rather snappy saying , no it is also the Moniker for a complete lunatic who likes to edit Uncyclopedia, likely to the severe detriment of the other duties and responsibilities in his life. Having been on Uncyclopedia for two months, he has racked up over 2,000 edits and three featured articles, along with a whole set of other articles that have caused Aleister in Chains to fall unequivocally in love with him. If you fancy asking him just how he will pay the heating bill for next month you can visit his talk page. Don't hold your breath for a response though; he's probably far too busy. Things you already know weekly round-up Zombiebaron and Modusoperandi lead Thekillerfroggy in the final round of VFS, nobody writes UnTunes any more, <insert name here> is still great fun, more people need to vote on VFH, everyone secretly loves the Power Rangers, you will go blind if you keep doing that, Zombiebaron, Nachlader is occasionally funny, obeying orders without question is fun, the two columns are now similar lengths. Mission Accomplished. Newsroom UnTune of the week Oo Aa Iiee

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:17, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

You voted for visual puns, which got featured!

-- 01:05, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

The Un-Sigh-npost!

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STOP... SIGNPOST TIME!!

June 30th, 2011 • Issue 127 • Kills 99.9% of bacteria.... IN SECONDS!!

Breasts By Chief You know what the problem is? You will shortly, because if there's something the UnSignpost does brilliantly, it is editorialise on matters of little or no significance to you or the people you know. The problem is the days of the week and the dates of the month are conspiring against the UnSignpost. As the UnSignpost team sat down on Sunday to play monopoly and, if there was time, lay out the foundations for this splendid periodical, some bright spark suggested that we cover the conclusion of VFS. What an excellent idea, we all agreed, and had completed an entire specialist 3D issue on that single topic, complete with free poster and balloons, when it was realised that we won't in fact know who has won until Thursday evening, by which time this periodical will have been dispatched and our team of journalists will once again be at home wanking themselves raw. So we binned that spectacular issue and persuaded our least able journalist to write the story instead; this was especially useful as we only have to pay him in hugs and Jelly Babies. So VFS trundles on into its final laborious stages; some of you may remember voting a long long time ago when it was still exciting and you checked the page every day to see how your favourite candidate was doing. Now the only people checking VFS every day are Thekillerfroggy and Zombiebaron, and only then because they are winning at the moment. Obviously all that is needed to recapture the attention of the average Uncyclopedian is a header proclaiming the existence of breasts and, of course, exclusive interviews with other Uncyclopedians! Regrettably only one of those is available right now and this being the UnSignpost you can probably guess which one. "Well I do have a plan," said Thekillerfroggy when we interviewed him about his tactics for being the winner. When pressed, he revealed that "Well I can't reveal too much but I can say that my plan involves being the winner." Clearly TKF is playing the long game, but how about Zombiebaron? "Zombiecrat!" replied Zombiebaron when we asked how he would counter TKF's ambitious strategy to be the winner, which roughly translated means that Zombiebaron plans to be the winner as well. Third placed candidate Modusoperandi is currently sticking to his usual duties: sticking the occasional template on Ban Patrol and posting on the forums where he is occasionally racist; the best and wisest man any of us have ever known. The other obvious problem here is that we don't have any particularly active Bureaucrats (thus why we are holding this vote) to give the newly elected users their rights on Friday morning. However this is a minor detail since the voting is the fun part of any VFS and you all enjoyed that... right? Forest Fire By Chief As we were saying last week, Dr. Skullthumper really needs a hobby, preferably one that involves very long compulsory breaks from his computer. However, undeterred by such scathing criticism, Dr. Skullthumper and Lyrithya have decided, in the name of quality, to reform the maintenance templates, leaving a queue of articles on the timestamped maintenance categories as long as the list of women that Dr. Skullthumper isn't sleeping with. When we arrived to question the good doctor, Lyrithya demonstrated her commitment to the project by immediately saying "It was Dr. Skullthumper's fault," which at least shows she is a team player. Of course Dr. Skullthumper is far too busy to answer our questions, especially when there are problems to be solved and edit counts to be raised, so he has proposed another forest fire week because if there's anything more fun than sorting through hundreds of articles, it's tagging hundreds of them with templates. For those of you who have never seen a forest fire week it is essentially a week (duh) where users are encouraged to tag crap articles with a tag that gives them 7 days to live. All splendid and wholesome; the only issue being that for reasons best known to himself, Dr. Skullthumper has posted this idea in BHOP, so you actually have to go there in order to read it, sorry. Of course such an idea assumes that tagging articles is fun and I'm sure you will agree it is, if you are doing it once or twice a day. Once the seven days are over you'll wish that there was no Uncyclopedia, no internet and ultimately no choice! So hurry over to cast your all-important votes, and speed us on our way to misery and clerkly drudgery!

Check out these pages! Modusoperandi Zombiebaron Uncyclopedia is the worst Why? The community cake is a lie Whatever this is From our logs: 07:33, June 28, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 217.206.228.109 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Finally, a good old-fashioned page blanking, well done to you sir for defying convention so radically) 19:43, June 27, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked TheHelloGuy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (LulzSec attacking wiki security? Of course it's insecure, it's bloody MediaWiki!) 09:16, June 27, 2011 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 178.168.31.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (werespambotmanwolf) 03:20, June 26, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) ‎ (if i'm resurected does that mean that i'm a zombiezombiebaron?) 14:05, June 24, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 117.120.16.132 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Ass-cheese is all very well at work, but you have to switch off sometime) 12:26, June 23, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 119.155.6.23 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I'm cleansing the internet of inferior lifeforms, starting with spambots.) Biopic of the Week There is no biopic this week. Try not to think about that too much. OMG! Cajek edited the wiki this week, see below. Cajek Ban-Smackdown of the Week 16:14, June 25, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 13 seconds ‎ (Hello. I don't believe I've blocked you before. ) 15:35, June 25, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 253 seconds ‎ (Editing the wiki without due care and attention) 02:58, June 25, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a poop ‎ (uuuuuunnnnnnnnngggggggghhhhhh *poop*) 01:17, June 25, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a flock of trouts ‎ (Because.) 00:11, June 25, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5000000 years ‎ (WHY HAVENT I DONE THIS YET) 22:37, June 24, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a jubilation ‎ (OH MY FUCKING SHIT IT IS CAJEK!!!!!!!!!) Newsroom UnTune of the week The Star and Eagle Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #6,425 Just to pop down to the shops for... porn.

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:18, June 30, 2011 (UTC)

It's free and it always will be; it's the UnSignpost!

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The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

July 7th, 2011 • Issue 128 • Why not have some Yoghurt?

The Final Solution By Chief The year is 2011, as you are obviously well aware, and Uncyclopedia once again faces a crisis that could very well shake the very foundations of the wiki and destroy the comedic soul of the userbase. Ha, fooled you, here is a story about a forum that nobody except Lyrithya has replied to. You all recall that last week we covered Dr. Skullthumper and his latest dalliance with quality control. Well, it seems that Sockpuppet of an unregistered user took exception to these changes, and he is determined to make a stand for justice, democracy and the American Belgian way, whichever way that may be. So you all know how we have too many articles, you should because you have all been told, and that all of these articles suck, however Socky contends that the way to solve this is not through shipping all the articles to Cajek's prison island but rather by considering each and every one in turn. A noble aim but it simply is not practical; does Socky not realise that these are necessary losses without which democracy cannot be purified? Clearly he does not. The UnSignpost decided not to have an interview with anyone this week as it involves all sorts of complex logistical work and what can be charitably described as begging but rather has elected to have people answer any question with a random line from their talk page that they have said; we aren't completely unprofessional. The first person we didn't sit down with was Socky himself, to inform him that we were running this story. "That's... partially nice and partially creepy to hear." he responded. Asked why he opposed the reforms he said "The dark side is always my choice." which at least explains why he lives underneath a power station. Finally we asked what his proposed solution would be: "All I can say is that it's Arabic and I have a hunch it has "Allah" in it somewhere," he said enthusiastically (we imagine). We failed to ask Uncyclopedian every man Frosty what he thought about the conflict, he responded by saying "They are actually both kinda awful, so whatever. I cant be bothered." albeit he did say this on Tuesday... to someone else... about something completely different. Dr. Skullthumper rebutted Socky's accusations of Article Death Camps by saying "I've been an uptight fucker because I was on my periods" to RAHB, in 2008. Hopefully this will all accumulate with some kind of massive fight, hopefully with lasers... in space; this correspondent certainly hopes so. Competitions By Chief We here at the UnSignpost were out of writing material this week, and that doesn't just mean we have run out of pens, it means that VFS has concluded, nobody is really fighting about anything and most crucially there have been no writing competitions. Usually you can't move for Uncyclopedia competitions begging people to write something funny in the name of fun and games and with the promise of a shiny template should they do particularly well. Well Thekillerfroggy certainly noticed and it seems that every person who has ever hosted a competition ever was just waiting for him to ask since they are now all fighting over who gets to hold their writing competition first, by being incredibly gallant and insisting that everyone else go first. It's like watching a group of middle aged women discuss who will get to have the last Malteser: "Oh I really shouldn't, no you do it, you haven't had a Malteser in such a long time, I know I love them and being in charge of them but you asked nicely, oh do go on Mavis." You get the idea (obviously in this analogy Maltesers are writing competitions). We list the ideas floating around on the forum below for your laziness convenience: 1) The PLS, last hosted by Sycamore in February. 2) The Article Whisperer last hosted by MadMax in October last year. 3) The Happy Monkey Competition hosted by Shabidoo in March. 4) Some hypothetical competition possibly hosted by Ljlego at some theoretical point this summer. One thing is for certain, one of these will happen, be sure to keep an eye on the forums to see what is being held when, that way you can not take part as a conscientious objection rather than just through ignorance.

Check out these pages! Kip The Dip Do you speak Shabidoo? Romartus leads the way From our logs: 23:58, July 1, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked 27.3.18.100 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Look at the cute little revert warrior...) 08:27, July 1, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 137 minutes ‎ (it's not Retardpedia, you say? What the fuck was I ever doing here then?) 19:15, July 1, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 108.67.107.232 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Why do people take so dang long to blank a page? Honestly. It's just edit -> select all -> backspace.) 16:30, July 3, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.228.244.123 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (It's my userpage, the important part being that it is mine, If I want to fill it with hentai and fairies that is my own crap decision and you should let me roll with it.) 01:09, July 5, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Olipro sucks (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Your Mother) 11:27, July 4, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.250.163.61 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Are you stupid? This is a legitimate question based on the nature of your contributions.) Biopic of the Week What can one say about Joe9320? That he hasn't already said himself, it is not an exaggeration to say that Joe9320's biggest fan is Joe9320. That said, you should not let this, or his... unique userpage put you off Joe. Joe's biggest commitments right now are the Goa Tse clan, being made an admin and being Joe9320. Joe has been around since 2008 and should be afforded a level of respect for causing very little in the way of real problems in that time, accruing a stunning 8 blocks as he wheels from forum to forum explaining why he rocks and why we should all agree that he rocks. So those of you with supposedly limitless free time can swing past Joe's userpage and once they have enjoyed that for a little while can swing by his talk page and speak to the man himself. Good luck to you; there be monsters. Old School FA The GPS is today becoming a never-ending source of delight to exuberant male drivers, for two main reasons: Their total lack of ability to ask for directions. Their insatiable desire for new, expensive and totally unnecessary toys. The GPS fulfils both of those basic male needs. The GPS will essentially connect to several geographic satellites which are able to coordinate the driver's local position, destination and how to bridge the gap between the two. At the next roundabout- HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! Newsroom UnTune of the week Can't Stop Him Now

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:16, July 7, 2011 (UTC)