Portal:Religion

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The Religion Portal
He knows what you did last thursday

Religion generally involves the following or worship of a creed or deity in which one has optimistically attributed supernatural powers. "True Believers" are often labeled as schizophrenics or having some other neurological disorders in certain scientific-minded and rational circles, although the loudest among them tend to be derided for their poor fashion sense and general smelliness. According to a secular understanding of history, religion was invented by tribal chieftans at least two million years ago in order to control and exploit their fellow tribal members, and it was going strong in the Western World until that separation of Church and State nonsense. In the third world, it's business as usual. God is often portrayed as a giant bearded man in the sky that flies around granting wishes, although some religions would prefer you not portray him at all.

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Atomic Mass is the church service held every Sunday for Christian Scientists. Pioneered in 1951 by Nobel Prize-winning chemist Glenn T. Seaborg, it is a highly modernized service that combines centuries-old Christian tradition with contemporary scientific concepts. Contrary to most uses of the name "Mass" for Christian services, Christian Scientists are not in fact in full communion with the Roman Catholic Church, retaining the name instead because of its scientific connotations.

Prior to the introduction of the Atomic Mass, Christian Scientists did not have a standardized Sunday service. From the founding of The First Church of Christ, Scientist in Boston in 1879, each other church was founded separately, without any influence from each other. Despite this, their liturgies were strikingly similar.

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Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the official mascot for the Church of Later Day Saints, a satirical parody of the Roman Catholic Church (as if the Catholics weren't funny enough). He is essentially the same as regular Jesus, only he happens to be blonde and 100% pure, red-blooded American (not to be confused with Stephen Colbert). Disgruntled fans consider him an expanded Universe addition only, and discount that Jesus ever had blonde hair, since he was a Palestinian Jew and all. Shortly after his death, Jesus walked (his airline miles had expired) to America and brought his zombie wrath to the Indians, who called themselves Native Americans.

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There is some confusion as to whether Jesus actually rode a raptor, or had a pack of attack raptors.
Religion in the News
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BRISTOL, England - George Fasarta, the Bristolian who claimed to have found God, has been charged with ‘Wasting Police Time’ by local police. Excitement spread all around the Christian world last week, as it was reported that Fasarta, a 42-year-old baker from the north of the city, had definitely located the Almighty who had been missing/presumed dead for almost 2000 years. But now police say they believe Fasarta was simply an attention seeker who repeatedly changed his story.

"His directions to God’s supposed location kept changing every time we asked him," commented Detective Superintendent Bob Watcher. "In his initial statement, he simply said that God was everywhere. When we asked him to be more specific, he pointed out the window and said 'in the trees' before further announcing, 'he's in this room, he's in the air that I breathe, he's in me, he's in you.'"

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Did You Know?
  • ... that Walpurgis Night (or Walpurgisnacht) celebrates St. Walpurga, patron saint of stinky women?
  • ... that the Heaven's Gate cult was actually a covert group of Star Wars superfans who wanted to make Star Trek look bad?
  • ... that Walpurgis Night (or Walpurgisnacht) celebrates St. Walpurga, patron saint of stinky women?
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