User:RAHB/Talk Archive 18

This page is an archive. The contents have been moved from another page for reference purposes only, and should be preserved in their current form. Discussion or voting on this page is not current. Any additions you make will probably not be read. The current version of this page can be found at User talk:RAHB.

Talk Archive 1 (2/28/07 - 7/6/07) • Talk Archive 2 (7/6/07 - 9/8/07)
Talk Archive 3 (9/8/07 - 12/8/07) • Talk Archive 4 (12/8/07 - 5/18/08)
Talk Archive 5 (5/18/08 - 7/12/08) • Talk Archive 6 (7/12/08 - 8/20/08)
Talk Archive 7 (8/20/08 - 12/3/08) • Talk Archive 8 (12/3/08 - 2/19/09)
Talk Archive 9 (2/19/09 - 5/25/09) • Talk Archive 10 (5/25/09 - 10/26/09)
Talk Archive 11 (10/26/09 - 12/9/09) • Talk Archive 12 (12/9/09 - 4/25/10)
Talk Archive 13 (4/25/10 - 8/26/10) • Talk Archive 14 (8/26/10 - 8/13/11)
Talk Archive 15 (8/13/11 - 1/30/12) • Talk Archive 16 (1/30/12 - 7/12/12)
Talk Archive 17 (7/12/12 - 1/10/13) • Talk Archive 18 (1/10/13 - 7/11/13)
Talk Archive 19 (7/11/13 - 8/15/14) • Talk Archive 20 (8/15/14 - 5/27/18)

That new article.........

That article created by an ip - Muse - doesn't look too bad. I'll do some more work on it, as I think it's actually quite a good attempt at sophisticated dry humour, and therefore shouldn't be deleted. Just to add, I'm not a fan of that band, just interested in what the article was about as I had heard of them...--Isyoumadbro (talk) 21:47, 11 January 2013 (UTC)

Love how these guys stole the VLC logo!--Isyoumadbro (talk) 21:55, 11 January 2013 (UTC)

Well, the VLC logo is just a construction cone. And that is also just a construction cone. And they're different construction cones. And it's a construction cone because the page is "under construction." I don't know why VLC uses a construction cone, though. Maybe VLC is always under construction, too.

As for the article, you can do as much work as you want on it. That's why I put the construction tag there instead of deleting it. Fix it up nice, though. "Sophisticated" and "dry humor" aren't exactly the terms that came to my mind when I read the page, but you have the opportunity to show me otherwise. YOU HAVE MY AXE! -RA HB 22:05, 11 January 2013 (UTC)

It isn't my article - you can delete it if you want - I'VE ADDED A BIT THOUGH...--Isyoumadbro (talk) 22:14, 11 January 2013 (UTC)

CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR TEH INTERNET!--Isyoumadbro (talk) 22:15, 11 January 2013 (UTC)

I'll leave it for now. If nobody edits it for a week the construction tag expires and it shows up on a maintenance list. -RA HB 22:41, 11 January 2013 (UTC)

UnTunes:Freedom!

Just came to remind you-if you have the time, record the audio plz. Lord Scofield Stark 15:43, 12 January 2013 (UTC)

Ah, reminder much appreciated. I can probably get to it tomorrow. -RA HB 01:51, 13 January 2013 (UTC)

Scratch that. I've been stricken with a nasty case of flu. >_< I'll get it done as soon as attempting to sing doesn't feel like taking a huge piece of piano wire to my throat. -RA HB 18:48, 14 January 2013 (UTC)

Unsignpost - 20130119042144 gibberish asdf

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

Jan 19th, 2012 • Issue 182 • Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.

The Return of Not Jedis, but rather Old Users

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

Not this kind of old.

No, we do not mean users with ages soaring into the atmosphere. Well, I hope so. Because 80 year old users would be weird, just saying.

However, users who had currently quit the Wikia back up to years ago have now returned, and maybe all will return. Why did they leave? Protest mainly, or traveling the world. The world is big, however, so that could explain things.

Some sysops have returned, including MoneySign, Tom mayfair, MadMax, etc.

On the hand of the those who aren't admins, TheSlyFox sneaked back into the site, ColinAYB has returned, and even Acmed2 has returned after his rage quit in September of 2012.

So basically, what is to be said for here is, well... Uncyclopedia attracts quality writers that write from the heart, which Wikia wouldn't allow. Everybody, here's a life lesson: Down with Wikia!

Argument on swastikas is fading

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

Recently, I have raised a master debate on HGA's (who desires to be called HGA instead of his actual username, so don't call him ~~Aimsplode~~ by his actual username ever! You can read about the reasons here, where he also made a speech that made many children cry in appreciation of its beauty. If I may quote the great Aimsp-er, HGA himself:

“

I love the swastika. I find it bold, and very rigid, just as Hitler intended (usually, only the Nazi-stylized version, such as this). It's almost mesmerizing how beautiful such an object can be. That is why I use it as my person identification symbol. I want to be associated with this figure. If I didn't, then hell, I wouldn't be using it.

Another reason is my facination with the Nazi Party, and Hitler: the order, regimented society, propaganda. He was a fucking genius, Hitler. He wrote all his own speeches, made his own tours, just to keep the public in a trance. He had human psychology to an art. He new how to run his coun try perfectly. His only blunder was attacking the Russians, which was caused by his lust for world domination too quickly. If he had kept pounding the British, and had a little more patience, surely he would have won. This lifestyle, rise and fall, rage and grace, interests me to no end. I love spending time picking apart the various aspects of Nazi society, and Hitler's life. A few of my views fall in line with Hitler's, but nothing substantial. I would not be massacring people, of course: that only make conflict. And in this day in age, it is impossible to pull off such a feat as him in such secrecy.

”

So there ya have it, folks: HGA ≠ Nazi. However, he does think Hitler was a good person. He dicked with some admins and now he's infibanned. Hmmm...

So hopefully, Kip's influence off my original forum will die down and stop influencing others. Like Joey's instinct to respond, as seen here: Joey Number's sig.

However, DO NOT confuse these mock threads with this response seen here, as Socky has a very good point. Go vote now!

Select User of the Week
This week, there was a tie between Frosty and MadMax, who both raped the recent changes log like there was no tomorrow. Keep up the good work, fellas!

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

17:39, January 17, 2013 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Sir Peasewhizz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 20 seconds ‎ (Very serious, very formal testing)

05:39, January 16, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 70 minutes ‎ (I did 1 better than you. Suck it leddy!)

12:40, January 15, 2013 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.169.90.254 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (You want everybody on Uncyclopedia to have lotsa sex? What a nice thing to say.)

10:08, January 13, 2013 Tom mayfair (Talk | contribs) blocked MadMax (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 seconds ‎ (Break Time! . .. ... .... ..... Okay, get back to work.)

Biopic of the Week
This week, when we spoke to Sir Peasewhizz via teleconference from his executive jetliner as he was cruising 45,000 feet above the Bay of Bengal, he appeared to be lounging on a settee constructed entirely from nude women and the pelts of animals which he'd personally made extinct. It made us wonder if he was compensating for something, such as the fact that he's 14 years old, or that he has no girlfriend, or that, as a girlfriendless 14-year-old, his extracurricular activities likely consist of taking potshots at the family cat with ropy streams of jizz. (Just guessing, of course. The alcohol and STDs killed our recollection of our teenage years.)

Sir Whizz, who joined the wiki last year as Kamek98, got acquainted with the other fresh talent, nominated a few articles on VFH, and wrote a couple of articles himself before promptly being bollocksed by SPIKE, whose helpfulness towards newbies knows no bounds. And by "knows no bounds", we mean "doesn't exist." In spite of this, Sir Whizz stuck with Uncyc like gum on a brand-new shoe, and is currently doing his best impression of a puppy, sticking his nose into everything, leaving puddles of drool everywhere, and actually running off with the UnSignpost, which we would be grateful for, if we weren't too busy shaking our fists at him for having initiative.

Sir Whizz informed us rather ostentatiously that he is unable to make a major monetary donation to the New Uncyclopedia because, as he put it, "I just bought a new electric guitar." He went on to show us the guitar, a one-off Gibson Flying-V with ebony inlays, a solid-platinum humbucker, and the autographs of Jimmy Page, Eric Clapton, and Jimi Hendrix done in gold-leaf along the neck. It's good to see that Sir Whizz has his priorities in order—"Axes before taxes", we always say, and as this quip immobilized long-time IRC lurker RAHB with an uncontrollable fit of giggle-spasms, we believe it is quite excellent, and intend to repeat it at every available opportunity until Judgement Day.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~

I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 04:23, 19 January 2013

How's the flu coming?

You know I ask only because you're my friend and I care about you. Lord Scofield Stark 11:52, 19 January 2013 (UTC)

Heh. Flu's mostly gone now, but I just tried singing along to the song I was listening to and I heard a raspy noise that my mouth hasn't ever made before O_o Gonna need to give it a couple days until my voice is back up to strength. Gives time to practice it though. -RA HB 01:33, 21 January 2013 (UTC)

Get on chat

Pretty please? Or feature something. Then get on chat. Please?-- ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 00:45, 20 January 2013 (UTC)

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The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now Delivered Trendily Late!

January 24th, 2013 • Issue 183 • Better sign it.

The spam finds its way

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

Nobody could have expected the return of the spam. I'm just kidding. Everyone knew it was going to happen. Recently, Ly has made it so editing is more open to those who aren't "users" and with that, came the inevitable spam. Probably the first major bit of spam came from a user who was putting a troll face in 400px on many pages (including category pages). I alerted Lyrithya on IRC and she blocked the user with a time of infinite. I had already put the user on Ban Patrol. Yes, Ban Patrol. We need to kick it into gear now. Like it once was. We want more of it.

The everyday troll causing harm to the defenseless like me and you.

So please, get your spam spray ready, the Ban Patrol ready to penetrate, and your anti-spam mind in motion. That is an order!

The Cold War Update

By Meganew

Well, ladies and gentlemen... It has begun. For those of you who don't know, (you should all know, it has been a few weeks) the great internet humor wiki known across the world as Uncyclopedia has officially split, since January 5th to be precise. While there are those who remain loyal to the original (now completely Wikia-owned) Uncyc, others have left and formulated a site of their own, "Free Uncyclopedia," if you will. Every Saturday, starting this week, I will give an update at Uncyc Cold War on the current situation, sharing details with the populaces of both sites on any updates pertaining to the current split. Post on that page's talk page if you wish to give your input as a Wikia Uncycer or a Free Uncycer.

Some of you may wish to know how this started... It all goes back a very long time ago, when a man named Chronarion sold the original Uncyclopedia (uncyclopedia.org) to Wikia for beer and hookers, the company originally created by Jimbo Wales as a hub of wikis for various specific subjects. Over the years, Wikia did many things to Uncyclopedia, including domain name updates, restrictions on hardline levels of satire, and most notable of all, the censoring of all unclad racks on the entire site. The final spark was (according to Frosty, one of the Free Uncyc leaders (Sannse we're ratting you out), a heavy demand over adding a North America-only suicide prevention hotline to the suicide page. Regardless of the circumstances, members were tired of Wikia, and as such left the site to formulate their own variant. Frosty would then go on a rage to revert all booby pictures and give us nudes once again.

If you touch the red zones in just the right way... it will cause an explosion.

A primary difficulty for years was the fact that there was no original domain name that a new Uncyclopedia could be built on. Uncyclopedia.org was in Wikia's hands, after all. Incapable of simply leaving, a domain name ([en.uncyclopedia.co]) was eventually found, and the move was made by the majority of writers and the like. The inevitable struggle between these two wikis will prove to be most interesting to watch as it plays out.

Until next week, keep on trucking!

UnVoyage - journey around the world without leaving your seat, the ultimate travel experience for lazy people!

By Yrtneg

Uncyclopedian Yrtneg has created a new project - UnVoyage. It's a parody of Wikivoyage. It's a fake travel guide with pages like "Space", "Hell", and etc. Now of course, we're all going to forget about it before six months, but who cares. Go ahead and add some pages! Bitch. Right now there's nothing but who cares. Uncyclopedian Carlb suggested making pages like "Titanic" and "the moon". The main page is at UnVoyage and it's pretty fucked up. Go check it out!

Select User of the Week
The select user of the week for this edition of USP is RAHB, because he was the only one who would pay attention to VFH. Be ashamed all you neglecting other admins! Just kidding, the VFH is dead. So go vote.

Newsroom Random Article of the Week

UnScripts:Dragon Ball Z: The Missing Episode Transcript

Random Word of the Week
Gap - The thing that your mom should close between her legs.

Important Tip of the Week
Don't hump donkeys.

Check out these pages!

Can we find them?

From our logs:

09:27, January 23, 2013 Jack Phoenix (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.214.47.130 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (<span style="font-size: 901px; overflow: none; position: absolute;">FUCK</span>)

15:57, January 22, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Yrtneg (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (All but admitted to being User:TheBorrower on IRC.)

15:54, January 22, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked TheBorrower (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (This is fucking stupid for about five hundred reasons.)

00:48, January 22, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 91.207.8.30 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Spam, Maps, Pams, Amps.)

23:40, January 21, 2013 TKF (Talk | contribs) blocked SirPeasewhizz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 4 hours ‎ (since he asked nicely. but seriously man)

23:26, January 21, 2013 TKF (Talk | contribs) blocked SirPeasewhizz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 18 hours ‎ (for god's sake man, i literally just told you to stop flooding VFH)

16:51, January 21, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Wiley812 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Nobody cares about your gay products.)

22:53, December 8, 2024 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked EugeneKay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 17 minutes ‎ (Gayer than Christmas: Asked to be banned.)

17:11, January 19, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 208.54.35.212 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Piss poor attempt at a scam)

Featured Article of the Week
The featured article of the week is: UnNews:NONSENSE WATERMELON CATASTROPHE

Biopic of the Week
This week, we spoke with the hot admin that offers 69ing upon request via IRC. Yes, IRC.

We asked him what his favorite thing to do was... he replied doggystyle or the Reverse Manatee. We asked him what he was doing to help the site. He replied; "Continuing to manage our social media presence, reforming project layouts to adhere to Wikimedia's formatting, and managing our e-store and donations. Also acting as our PR contact but the press isn't interested."

When we asked him if he does all these while performing the cowgirl over the top squeezedown twister-ma-jigger down-town position. He said yes, on occasional basis. He also says, "Occasionally it can get tedious so I sometimes must defer such responsibilities to a third party."

Then we asked him if he was aware the term rape can also be called a struggle snuggle. He said "Yes, and I think it's a shame that liberal political correctness has infiltrated almost every inch of our culture."

Then we asked him what he thought of Obama snaggin' our guns. He replied, "He'll get my guns when he snatches them from my cold, dead fingers, which I only have 7 of because of a loose firing pin on my Glock. Ehh, make that 6.5 actually."

Nice.

Then we asked him, "for the bright young users who migrated here and are very active, where do you see them going on this site? Any advice? Any tips? What they should do to become a better user? etc."

His advice was heart-touching. "I haven't been looking at our new users, but I encourage them to keep editing and refer their friends to do the same. We hope to have cash prize contests again so I encourage them to stick around for that and other exciting things to come. One tip I could recommend is to not be a dick. Most users are very likable once you talk to them through another medium such as IRC or Skype, so don't take the editing or wiki politics personally. And they can just read all of my articles instead of the HTBFANJS. My articles are a guide and inspiration for humor."

There you have it everybody! Hotadmin4u69!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~

I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 05:03, 24 January 2013

Olipro

Finally! That guy has ignored everybody in his life >.<-- ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 21:26, 25 January 2013 (UTC)

Um....what? -RA HB 21:51, 26 January 2013 (UTC)

He doesn't talk to anyone anymore! lol-- ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 21:53, 26 January 2013 (UTC)

Oh...okay. -RA HB 21:57, 26 January 2013 (UTC)

Get on IRC.

We need some RAHB time!-- ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 00:02, 28 January 2013 (UTC)

VFH Zombiebaron

Don't vote per the user. — (talk) (contributions) Jan 28 2013 01:15.

Joke nomination. Joke vote. -RA HB 01:18, 28 January 2013 (UTC)

Oh k. —

(talk) (contributions) Jan 28 2013 01:31.

Good find

The 1875 page is very good, and is by the same author in 2007. This is the folly of not keeping close watch on either Forest Fire Week deletions or whatever reason it got shitcanned:

10:29, February 11, 2012 Thekillerfroggy (talk | contribs) deleted page 1875 Dunedin beach baseball riots (Vigilance.)

I'm glad the author knew it was good enough not only to keep around, but to feature. It's like the "Camera obscura" page I keep trying to feature, a guy left it after it tricked people at an acedemic site and some of them thought it was real, he had to move it, and luckily chose uncy to plant it. Aleister 12:25 28-1-'13

I could see how it could be thought to not be an attempt at humor and therefore deletable. You have to squint your brain a little bit to realize what it's doing. Somebody might read through it not totally concentrating and think it was a WP copy-paste or something. Glad he decided to bring it back, though. -RA HB 12:50, 28 January 2013 (UTC)

Yep, to me that's some of the best satire, dry, intelligent, and well written. On the camera obscura thing I nommed it and people kept saying it should be funnier, so I added some stupid humor, then emailed the author and asked him if it was alright, and he said yes and told me the story of the page. I added some more to it, but it still failed VFH two or three times. Thanks again for finding this new one. Aleister 13:12 28-1-'13

IRC

There was mass spamming and I tried every trick in the book to get an admin to come and nobody answered...--Sir Peasewhizz de New York 00:04, 30 January 2013 (UTC)

Unsignpost - 20130131002159 gibberish asdf

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now with 20% more ninjas!

January 31st, 2013 • Issue 184 • We're delivering it to your door anyways!

First month of the Real Uncyclopedia, a sexy & successful one

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

January is over, and to sum things up; the Real Uncyclopedia is doing well. Along with the move, we had multiple features, new users, successful donations, the opping of Bizzeebeever, the new ability to check users, the return of TheLedBalloon and Dawg, etc., a new Uncyclo-project called UnVoyage, new gadgets, name changes, a new poopsmith, more boobies, and even edits from a V6 IP address! Last but not least, the USP is getting done. With contributions from ZB!

...and here's Slender dancing in celebration!

So thank you all and we hope to see more joy in the months, years, decades, centuries, and even galactic light-years to come!

Social media

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

Recently, a new addition has been made to Uncyclopedia's Social Media Team. None other than the one, the only, the fabulous Sir Peasewhizz! Sir Peasewhizz has already updated the only Twitter you should care about, found here. He has also been made part of the staff for the official Uncyclopedia Facebook, found here. And if you're not following these precious and incredible feeds, then shame! Make time!!!!!...please? Thank you. Thank you.

Select User of the Week
The select user of the week for this edition of USP is Zombiebaron for carrying out the VFD orders. Or should we say, he ate them?! No? No?

Newsroom Random Article of the Week

Nerds vs. Geeks

Ask Zombiebaron

Zombiebaron, are you actually gay? (asked by Frosty @ 22:29, 27 January 2013): No.

Zombiebaron, is Frosty actually gay? (asked by Kip @ 22:56, Jan. 27, 2013): Yes.

Zombiebaron, is your mom actually SO GHEY? (asked by RAHB @ 23:19, 27 January 2013): Everybody's mom is SO GHEY. Giving birth is the most homosexual thing anyone can do.

I was going through my boyfriend's text messages and found that he had told his ex that she was a "sexy fox" that "anybody would be lucky to have" and he still expects me to sleep next to him tonight and I don't know how to feel. What do I do? (asked by ColinAYB @ 19:30, Sunday 27 January 2013): First off, stop reading your boyfriend's text messages. Those are private. But here's what you should do: use his phone to text that slut all kinds of sexy stuff. Then meet up with her and have some amazing lesbian sex. Then just break up with your boyfriend and move in with her. That'll teach him!

where do I keep my keys hidden? (asked by Madclaw @ 22:11, 27 January 2013): Supergeeky1's rectum.

Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!

Important Tip of the Week
When you fart, say "I smell popcorn" so people can easily take a good old whiff of it.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

22:01, January 29, 2013 Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) blocked 176.249.132.5 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (SPAAAAM)

03:40, January 27, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Mr-ex777 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 minutes ‎ (Not banned enough yet: Seriously that's the best I got.)

21:06, January 26, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Kip the Dip (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 4 minutes ‎ (I found this)

06:24, January 25, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (lol check ur irc logz)

05:52, January 25, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) resurrected RAHB (Talk | contribs) (Hawkwind. That is all.)

05:27, January 25, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked RAHB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (SUCK MAH FAT JUICY BONER DICK)

05:25, January 25, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) resurrected Frosty (Talk | contribs) (SUCK MY DICK)

05:06, January 25, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 300 minutes ‎ (The plankets and pillon are where it's at)

05:05, January 25, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) resurrected RAHB (Talk | contribs) (Too sexy to stay banned.)

04:46, January 25, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked RAHB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (tkaing advntage of my drinkinbg)

02:55, January 25, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) resurrected 2600:100D:B126:3798:0:0:0:103 (Talk | contribs) (Very kind chap who politely asked on IRC to be unblocked. I, personally, also think he's sexy.)

01:32, January 25, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 2600:100D:B126:3798:0:0:0:103 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Whatever you are on... You need to be off it.)

21:41, January 24, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) resurrected Yrtneg (Talk | contribs) (Said he was sorry...)

20:32, January 24, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Yrtneg (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (That page you created about Aimsplode wasn't very nice >.>)

Featured Article of the Week
The featured article of the week is: The things your family doesn't know.

Biopic of the Week
This week we spoke with the new, the mega, the Meganew! Done via IRC, we spoke with him. He had some nifty things to say for us this week during his interview!

When we spoke with Meganew, he said his intentions to for Uncyclopedia was to ~~fuck it up~~ keep the control stabilized whilst putting his leadership to keep Uncyclopedia as one of the top sites located on the internet! His favorite part of this plan is that he is going to use his leadership ability. He said this will be done as a result of an obvious supporting from the member-base in his political movements.

Meganew is eager to show you the Uncyclopedia Civil War thing he is doing too.

His last input was on what he thought of the first month of the Real Uncyclopedia's running. He said he thought it was rather interesting, and he is very ecstatic to see where where the new site goes over the next few years!

So there you have it folks! Give a good old round of applause for the talented Meganew!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

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I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:24, 31 January 2013

Vfh

Any chance of killing the old articles? There are 3-4 over 30 days old. Thanks! Leverage (talk) 09:53, 1 February 2013 (UTC)

I actually prefer to remove them based on their health rating. I don't like removing an article with a +10 score just because it's been up for a month. I still don't understand why people think that having an article up for vote for a long time is a bad idea. Anyways, yeah, I removed the low health ones now. So, fill it to 20 with new ones please :D -RA HB 07:02, 2 February 2013 (UTC)

OK cool, it's your gig. I wouldn't suggest anything over 10 should go, but I think some of the pre-forking ones have got all the votes they will get. I'll get on the filling up soon. Leverage (talk) 10:19, 2 February 2013 (UTC)

Yeah, there's some I'll probably remove tomorrow if they don't make progress before I wake up. Or, later today. Whichever it is. -RA HB 11:03, 2 February 2013 (UTC)

IRC

I have some ideas for the thing we were talking about.--Sir Peasewhizz de New York 21:36, 3 February 2013 (UTC)

FUCK MY LIFE

I'M OUTTA WEED D: --Master Wangs CUNT and proud of it! 10:24, 6 February 2013 (UTC)

That's a damn shame. I've still got some crumbs of resin lying around. The flavor is remarkably strange when it's rolled up in a cigarette, just FYI. -RA HB 21:57, 6 February 2013 (UTC)

Thanks for your vote on the soap guy. Grammar is either not my strong point on occasion or something was there on purpose. I've got an old pipe that contains a chamber where you put some of MasterWangs weed and let it sit there where it collects the resin, then one day when MasterWang is out of his weed he remembers it's in there, and smokes it. Resin, by the way, is my real life real name (named after my grandmother). Aleister 10:16 11-2-'13

The mystery and the majesty continues to unfurl : D -RA HB 22:12, 11 February 2013 (UTC)

WAIT. Hang on there. No wait. Sorry. I thought this heading said "FUCK MY WIFE". My bad. Everyone carry on as they were. Mr N

00:46, Feb 12

Well, you know what they say... -RA HB 02:29, 12 February 2013 (UTC)

Unsignpost - 20130207013217 gibberish asdf

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The periodical without any junk in its trunk!

February 6th, 2013 • Issue 185 • There is news in this thing.

GLORY! GLORY! WINNNERS! WINNERS! WIINNERRRRS!! YAYYYYY!

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

Aye! Yes, it is true. January is now over. So we're into to February 2013, where the second month of the new site is bound to be kickin'! Am I right or am I right? Well, here's some news that you can get excited for. With the conclusion of January 2013, we have the 2012 Year Award winners implanted into the sexy body of Uncyclopedia History and boy do we have some happy users out there! After a close competition in each category, (which wasn't rigged at all!) behold the users whom gained more "jazzy-ness" from the conclusion of the voting!

A trophy for winners!

First off, the Writer of the Year is none other than the killer... the froggy... TKF! TKF won Writer of the Year 2012 with 8 for votes and a baby-slapping 15.5 features tallied for the year twenty-twelve. Coming in second place was Funnybony with 5 votes and 14 features in 2012! Xamralco came in third with 3 votes for and most of his 2012 features being Top features of the month!

Second off we have Uncyclopedian of the Year. The winners of UOTY 2012 is a tie between the recently opped in January '13 and quite picture-n-tech master; Bizzeebeever. Who did he tied with? Oh, just the newly opped in September of 2012; the young Australian divinity Frosty! Both had 9 for votes! Coming in 3rd place was Romartus, an admin who chose to stay with the old site, who received a pretty good 6 votes for. Good competition boys!

Third off is Potatochopper of the Year (AKA Radical-X of the Year). Who is this winner? Going for the double crown after winning the Uncyclopedian of the Year along with Frosty, is Bizzeebeever! Great pictures man! Great pictures! Not only did he win by an impression-pushing 8 votes in his favor, but he was so good he scared away competition! He was the only nominee and obviously nobody else was nominated because everyone knows that BB would crush his competition. We're not kidding...

Another trophy for the winners!

May the fourth be Gobshite of Ultimate in 2012. Being the only two gobshites nominated, the two tied and were written down in ~~shame~~ Uncyclopedian history. Who were these fine young users? Only your very own Zombiebaron and Olipro!

Now we have the month awards for January 2013. Categories are: n00b of the Moment, Uncyclopedian of the Month, Useless Gobshite of the Month, and the Foolitzer Prize for January 2013! What? You're wondering why Writer of the Month wasn't mentioned? Well, um... nobody nommed anyone worthy and actually there was only like 3 votes. And the most someone got was one vote for. So make something happen for February's Writer of the Month this time around! GO! GO! GO! ~~POWER RANGERS!~~ The same with Potatochopper of the Month, what up with that? Huh? Huh? TELL ME.

Y, who received 5 for votes won the NOTM for January of 2013. There was a tie for Uncyclopedian of the Month, the MoveCabal and Sir Peasewhizz both mustered up the minimum 5 for votes to hold co-ownership of the January 2013 Uncyclopedian of the Month award-title-thing. For the Useless Gobshite of the Month, Zombiebaron won with 6 for votes, being the only nominee. With 3 for votes, Bill Melater won the January 2013 Foolitzer Prize! Also being a single nominee in a category.

Well, congratulations to all winners of something, something! Keep on being aggressive, because a few categories have been already entered by users in a February 2013 campaign! And for the Year Awards, see you again in January 2014 and right here with the winners in February 2014. And also, voting records can be found right here and over here.

Cold War Update 2

By Meganew

Well, I didn't update this Sunday, but that's my fault. Anyways...

After a serious level of contention on VFS, a conclusion was reached, one that I personally feel was poorly made. Instead of allowing Wikia Uncyc to "reap what they sow," as the old proverb goes, ChiefjusticeDS felt he simply had to intervene. As such, he eliminated Aimsplode's nomination and permabanned him from the site.

Admittedly, I was in favor of aim becoming an admin, but not for the reasons everyone thinks. I'm of the opinion that you should suffer the full rewards or consequences of your choices. With the populace having voted for Aimsplode, despite Chief's attempt to eliminate his nomination twice before his permanent termination of it, it's only fair that the Wikia site gets a Nazi as an admin. That's what they want, so that's what they'll get. It's like vandalism: Sure, you can vandalize Uncyclopedia all you want, but you'll suffer the consequences of that. In that case, a ban.

As someone who considers himself to have a more traditional view of things, I fully believe that ChiefjusticeDS had no reason to stick his nose in the business of the userspace. Were Aimsplode to have proven himself to be a good admin, he would've stayed. Were he to have been of poor quality, his employment would be terminated. Point is, either way, they would've got what they asked for.

Speaking of Aimsplode, he's been doing a good job of terminating all proof of his existence elsewhere on the internet. From Habbo to Deviantart, and even I can haz cheezburger, he has tried to terminate his existence from the web. Perhaps there is more to this pseudo-Nazi then any of us know...

Another update, another day. Keep checking back on your daily USP for the next update on the Uncyc Cold War.

Cheers!

Ask Zombiebaron

Do you watch children's cartoons anymore? (asked by Cat the Colourful @ 09:39, 31 January, 2013): Yeah, all the time. Right now I am watching the DCAU, currently I'm on the second season of Superman. Batman: The Animated Series is seriously awesome.

How much Zombiebaron could a Zombiebaron Zombiebaron if a Zombiebaron could Zombie Baron? (asked by Methamphetamine! @ 2013-01-27 18:55): A whole bunch.

Why am I such a faggot? (asked by Y at Jan 29 2013 00:38): Both of your parents are faggots.

I spilled cocaine on a math assignment that I handed in to my teacher, and now I'm afraid that she's addicted to giving out homework. What do I do? (asked by Colin "All your base" Heaney @ 10:07, Friday 01 February 2013): Buy more cocaine.

What is the meaning of life? (asked by Sir Peasewhizz @ 00:31, 31 January 2013): Life is meaningless. The only thing that is certain is that we will all one day die. Except some of us don't stay dead.

Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

20:16, February 4, 2013 Dawg (Talk | contribs) blocked 189.62.23.61 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Inserting nonsense/gibberish into pages: Blanker/gibberish inserter.)

05:11, February 4, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Page blanking troll 2 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 years ‎ (You are undoubtedly the most pathetic vandal ever. See you in another 5 years???)

22:48, February 1, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 2.216.151.169 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (That thing you did... Don't do it again)

05:44, January 31, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) resurrected RAHB (Talk | contribs) (To be fair, I would have blown you but I didn't want my breath to smell like whiskey and old socks.)

05:14, January 31, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked RAHB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (refsuing to giev me head transpaciifically)

05:14, January 31, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Ljlego (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (wlecome baxck and a heartty FFUUUUUUUUCK you (im really duruk btw))

Featured Article of the Week
The featured article of the week is: UnNews:Delicious New Zealand bird set for extinction by 2023

Select User of the Week
The select user of the week for this edition of USP is Frosty for coming up with a quite sexy idea to solve an issue with VFH. Give him some love! Yeah... that's nice.

Newsroom Random Article of the Week

UnNews:Walkers warned of "killer ticks"

Important Tip of the Week
When you are in France, assuming all the girls aren't wearing any underpants is rude. Dang flabbit, keep it to yourself!

Biopic of the Week
During this edition of the USP's Biopic of the Week, we will look at the chat with the one and only Kip the Dip, whose 6th Uncycloversary will be coming on the 13th.

USP: So, what's it feel like to to have been wasting your life for a total of six years? Did it go by fast, or was it like Xtreme Paint Drying Sports?

Kip: Xtreme Paint Drying is exactly how I would describe Uncyclopedia in a nutshell.

USP: And what part of these six long, hard years was the most fun? What about the worst? Was there a time where you just could have killed someone? Was there a time where you could have had an orgasm just because of something cool happening?

Kip: That Mr. Winkler controversy was pretty fun, because that's one of the major classic dramafests of which I actually got to take part. My worst time at Uncyclopedia was definitely my first year when I epitomized dipshitttery. Receiving serious infinibans from the likes of Famine, Hinoa and Zombiebaron was soul-crushing. My best time, however, would be when I finally won UotM. It felt like I had finally broke out of my shell and became a valued member of the community. The fact that it took place at Christmas time only enhanced it, as I shine brighter than the Rockefellar tree in December. Reflecting back, I wouldn't trade my experience at Uncyclopedia for anything. Except money, fame and love.

USP: What do you think made yourself an original standout/figure in the Uncyclopedian history?

Kip: Taking Uncyclopedia seriously while never taking myself seriously. Secondly, Bizzeebeever recently described me as the Dr. Frankenstein of in-jokes. I have a talent in taking the silly and low-brow to high places.

USP: What would your advice for the newcomers to arrive in the future be?

Kip: Don't fuck it up.

There you have it folks, Kip the Dip! And don't forget to congratulate him on his six long, hard years!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~

I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:34, 7 February 2013

It is the day of USP love, Valentine’s Day

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

February 14th, 2013 • Issue 186 • Happy Valentine's Day, motherfucker.

Returning users and Grammar Nazis

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

Grammar Nazi insignia.

Recently, we have seen the return of many passionate members of the community, which have seen the return of Uncyc daylight upon arrival. Was that a run-on sentence? Idk... anywaaaays. So the point is, Ljlego has returned recently, and so has Dawg. I bring these two in particular because Ljlego and Dawg have revealed over the IRC hints that they wish to stay here, on the new site. Ljlego was looking to get an Uncyclopedia cloak, while Dawg just plain out said he was interested in staying. To sum it up, yay more returnees! Go Jesus! Oh yeah, and you can join the Proofreading Service. This is basically the Grammar nazi equivalent to the Poopsmith Lounge... only less dead and slightly more squeamish.

The old site wants us... sexually?!

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

Lol, no. Just kidding. But hasn't it come to most people's minds that maybe, possibly the Wikia's members are curious to what is going on in here (Bitches, alcohol, and partying) and might come sneak by? Well, first off Chief banned BB on the Wikia and set up a spam account here. BB found out that Chief was the account owner of the vandalizing account and banned both of them. Though Lyrithya unbanned Chief. W.O.W. Gay.

Keep your eyes open, boys. Or not, it's not like they mean harm. What do you take me for? Pulixer? lol no.

Great Hall of Shame Updating of '13

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

Happy Valentine's Day!

Okay, so most of you ungrateful bastards won't update your Hall of Shame entrees yourself. Well, did you even see that forum link? It even said "SIGN HERE FUCKERS". Yeah, that's right. Please, go update your Hall of Shame entrees and/or help me update those who don't update their HOS entrees. Man, that was pretty awkwardly worded. However, still. This task isn't easy. Much help is needed. USE THE EFFIN' FORCE, I KNOW THERE'S JEDIS WITHIN OUR RANKS!!

BUT SERIOUSLY.

Ask Zombiebaron
Sorry, he's not giving advice on Valentine's Day. We don't need little pregnant babies because ZB told you cut a hole in the condom for maximum results. He'll answer next issue and the ones after that. Or we'll kill him.

Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!

Biopic of the Week
This week, for the Biopic of the Week we did a short 3 question interview with SG1 via IRC. Behold;

USP: What is your favorite article?

SG1: User:Supergeeky1

USP: When did you sign up?

SG1: 2009

USP: What was your favorite year here?

SG1: 2009

There you have it folks! Plus, SG1 refuses to confirm this interview was real, even though it was. She's so weird...

Check out these pages!

UPDATE YOUR HALL OF SHAME AND SIGN HERE, FUCKERS

HE'LL MISS ALL THE SAVINGS!

The Incompetent Writing Competition. Category entrees are here

Judges can sign up here. Like you want to do that

Read this. Why? Don't ask!!

This is highly illogic-epedia!

Grammar Nazi recruitment.

Would you like to go the nurse, Sir Peasewhizz?

Well, then. If it's considered "ignorable" than why not?

From our logs:

21:18, February 11, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) to an expiry time 6 minutes (I noticed you blocked me or 5 minutes, so I am doing you one better!)

21:17, February 11, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 minutes ‎ (I noticed you blocked me or 5 minutes, so I)

08:52, February 11, 2013 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (Demonstrating the use of the block form)

23:21, February 9, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked I think Zombiebaron loves dick in his butthole (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Gayer than Christmas: Not being Zombiebaron)

02:36, February 9, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 210.157.20.86 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Gayer than Christmas)

19:51, February 8, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 174.98.30.117 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (wut)

03:21, February 8, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 211.201.143.146 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (That thing you did was silly)

21:18, February 7, 2013 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) resurrected ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) (Ha ha ha funny.)

21:07, February 7, 2013 Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ ((Good luck, ChiefjusticeDS. I liked you too, but you're the one violating Rule 2, and while this block is essentially meaningless, let me just say... enjoy eternity. (DO NOT UNBLOCK))

20:54, February 7, 2013 Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for Brigate Marroncinostellate (Talk | contribs) to an expiry time infinite (Serious wanker. I know who you is.)

18:47, February 7, 2013 Dawg (Talk | contribs) blocked 174.138.213.95 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Inserting nonsense/gibberish into pages)

15:35, February 7, 2013 Hotadmin4u69 (Talk | contribs) blocked Brigate Marroncinostellate (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Wanker)

01:18, February 7, 2013 TKF (Talk | contribs) blocked Wakkoswish123 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (yeah dont blank content)

Featured Article of the Week
The featured article of the week is: Amnesia: The Dark Descent

Select User of the Week
The select user of the week is a tie between Dawg and Ljlego. Both returnees have dedicated their lives ~~against will~~ to work for the best community out there, Uncyclopedia!

Newsroom Random Article of the Week

UnPoetia:Unexpected alphabet

Confucius says

He who put face in punch bowl get punch in nose.

In order make egg roll, push egg.

Man deaf on one side looking forward to happy new ear.

Man who reads women like book prefer braille

Man who smoke pot choke on handle.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 01:34, 14 February 2013 (UTC)

Crikey! It’s a rare, wild UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!

February 21st, 2013 • Issue 187 • Burn.

Cold War Update 3: Drama!

By Meganew

Well, this one's a bit late, but still important. Illogicopedia has considered moving their hosting over to the Free Uncyc servers, netting a nifty anti-Wikia deal. As well, a series of "hate bans" occurred recently, involving ChiefjusticeDS banning people on the Wikia site, and a sockpuppet of his being banned on this site.

More info will be available when I find out.

Cheers!

Robot invasion

By Dawg

Slender! What are you doing? Slender! STAHP!

It has come to the attention of this fine news source that Uncyclopedia is being overrun by robots, displacing tens of writers on a daily basis. After we realized they might be useful (in spite of lacking a sense of humour and soul), we captured and trained a couple of them to deliver the UnSignpost for us. To appease these ravenous automatons, we were forced to switch to categories from our archaic signup list. You may have noticed a new template on your page, which should be placed on the page you wish to have your UnSignpost delivered, where it will be dropped at the bottom (as always). Please refrain from petting the robots, as they may bite (we're working on that with them).

One of these 'bots (as we call them) was easier to train and has assisted us in huffing literally hundreds of old (pre-2011) User: and User_talk: pages for anonymous IPs. They're now working deep in the bowels of the site removing crap categories and fixing broken stuff.

The one attached to Dawg has the painfully unfunny name of DawgBot, and the one attached to Sir Peasewhizz is suspiciously not a bot at all. He's the... the... OH GOD NO. HE'S THE SLENDERMAN. AHHHHH!!!

DEATH TO BRONIES IS AT HAND? OR IS IT THE DEATH OF THE INTERNET???

By Mr-ex777, buster of gheys

Will this message be the discovery of the century????

Well, I was cracking codes in wingdings this day and I found the message at the right when I typed "MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC" In ALL CAPS in wingdings. This magnificent message, according to our codecrackers, might mean that the death of the Internet is caused by bronies. This message starts with a bomb and a Jew star, in which the bomb represents October 10, 2010 while the Jew star represents the money-makers of Hasbro. Then it is followed by a sadface, a palm, 2 snowflakes, another sadface, and a finger pointing left. This might mean that 2010 is the winter and sorrow of all franchises, caused by cooperate corruption and...bronies. Both can be read as: "In the day of the bomb, all franchises will be corrupted". The third sentence is pointed flag, flag, skull, Jew star and computer, which might represent the death and conquest of the internet. The fourth sentence is a finger pointing right, a sun, a finger pointing left, a skull, a thumbs down finger, a water drip, a palm, and a pointed flag. This possibly represents that a dawn of death will rise, all the straight men will fight, and finally the dawn of death will make them bleed. The fifth sentence is palm, water drip, bomb, two fingers, one finger, palm and thumbs up. This might represent that we are currently on a countdown to demise. HOW TERRIBLE IS THAT?????? Fortunately, there is good news. The good news is that the same might be used against the bronies, and if this happens it might read as: The bomb had set by the Jews and franchises are corrupted. But now, we will conquer over the terror. they might fight the dawn but they will bleed. The bronies are on the countdown to demise.

This is a two sided prophecy. nevertheless, The war against faggotry will eventually prevail.

Aleister snags the Hall of Shame lead with 67 features!

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

This is Aleister's stoner monkey.

As of February 19th of 2013, Aleister (formerly Aleister in Chains) leads the Hall of Shame with 67 features. Which article robbed Soggy's and Aleister's tie at 66 features? None other than probably the most boring material to work with, but it happened; UnBooks Biography:The guy who invented soap! Go read it! And also, you must go read the rest Aleister's features. Or else. You can access them here. Remember, we're watching!

Ask Zombiebaron

Dear, Zombiebaron, please explain the 2nd law of thermodynamics in six words or less. (asked by RAHB): Hot stuff is thermodynamic, that's it.

Zombiebaron, mares eat oats, and does eat oats, and little lambs eat ivy. A kid'll eat ivy too, wouldn't you? (asked by Aleister): Yeah probably, if I was really hungry and there was no real food.

What is the meaning of undeath? (asked by Socky): Nothing means anything. Everything just is. There is no meaning of undeath.

Zombie, what is your favorite weight-loss diet? (asked by Simsilikesims): Life is short, eat whatever you want. Don't change your diet to conform to society's outrageous standards of outward beauty.

Hypothetically speaking, say you and I were to suddenly decide one day to sail the Mediterranean Sea in search of various treasures, and hypothetically, we crash our boat on a deserted island. Now... hypothetically, we try to signal for a rescue for any planes passing by, but hypothetically, that proves uneventful, seeing as this island is buried under massive amounts of fog. However, we are able to setup a hypothetical shanty campsite using nothing but bamboo and wood we've collected from fallen trees, and eventually (but hypothetically), we're even able to create a water purification system after our supply of bottled water runs out. But one day, while attempting to catch fish, we discover this hypothetically deserted island is not deserted at all. In fact, it happens to be populated by a completely hypothetical tribe of cannibals who are fresh on our trail. Hypothetically, we must build a raft and escape the island. After two weeks of evading the cannibals, we finally manage to build this raft and we set sail once again. Hypothetically speaking, of course. Sadly, we only manage to make it less than a mile from the island before a giant hypothetical wave forces us to crash and endure the cold, murky waters. Hypothetically, we're able to swim back to the shore but because of the time we spent in the water, I've contracted a hypothetical case of pneumonia. What's worse is that we've hypothetically used all of our Kleenex supplies in our old water purification system, meaning I'm left with a very runny nose and no hypothetical way of treating it. My question is, will you let me blow my nose in your butt cheeks? (asked by Supergeeky1): Sure why not.

Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!

Check out these pages!

Top 10 2012 Featuring Dates VOTING - Either first 10 days of March or first 10 days of April.
Yes it does, Pease, yes it does.
This isn't funny! - It is to me! AHA!
HMC2013? What is that sorcery?
Let's play a game - IN BED!

From our logs:

10:02, February 20, 2013 Hotadmin4u69 (Talk | contribs) blocked Sir Peasewhizz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 69 seconds ‎ (Put this in your USP and smoke it.)

00:27, February 18, 2013 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Kip the Dip (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 40 minutes ‎ (Well, since you asked.)

13:17, February 17, 2013 Hotadmin4u69 (Talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) (')

03:20, February 17, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (You hath been fought. You lose!)

Featured Article of the Week
The featured article of the week is: Saw

Newsroom Random Article of the Week

Secret Moon Base

IRC Log of the Week
[12:57] Mr-ex777 HERO: faggotry is the biggest sin.
[12:57] HERO no
[12:57] HERO its one of them
[12:57] Mr-ex777 HERO: of the internet
[12:57] HERO you damn skippy
[12:58] HERO turns into a black cat and jumps on Mr-ex777's head. Looks down in his face."Meow?"
[13:00] HERO Stays on Mr-ex777's head. Just sits there.
[13:02] Mr-ex777 HERO: Jews did wtc? nope, YOU did WTC
[13:02] HERO ?
[13:02] Mr-ex777 they just mistook you as jew

Select User of the Week
The select user of the week is again, Dawg for lots of hard effort in deleting outdated pages!

Confucius says

If you wiggle your pinky up and down inside your ear, it sound like pacman.

Rock and roll make good half breakfast.

Girl named Paige Turner love to read.

Dieting is wishful shrinking.

Sexy typist will bang on keyboard.

Biopic of the Week
This week we spoke with RAHB over the IRC. We did a Q&A of 3 questions.

USP: First question. If you had to fuck a Muppet, which Muppet would you fuck and why?

RAHB: Lola because I bet she could turn me inside out with those lips. Wait. Is her name Lola? The one with big lips and no eyes? Janice. That’s the one. Yes, Janice.

USP: Second question. If you could kill any musician, which musician would you kill?

RAHB: If I could kill any musician I would kill the first musician ever, just to see if it would have any effect on the development of music beyond that.

Like, if I went back in time and killed Ugg before he found out he could make a percussive sound out of two rocks, would today's contemporary music be entirely recorded in reverse? Who knows?!

USP: Third question. Do you come here often, baby?

Only when I get a tip that there's some good zombie dick hanging around.

And there you have it, folks! RAHB!

Nothing is happening here at all. So stop looking. Wait, look at this picture!

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SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 00:36, 21 February 2013 (UTC)

Willst du mein Arsch editen?

Hi man, it seems I still have a remnant of the self-imposed exile: I cannot move articles. I rote an UnNews + would like to move it when ready. Also, how do you edit UnNewses so that they appear in the right places? I fergit. -- Style Guide 09:19, 26 February 2013 (UTC)

Oh dear, must be an issue with auto-confirm restarting when logging in at the new site. I'll take care of that right now and put you in the confirmed group. As for appearing in the right places I think the important thing is to put them in the category for the day they were written. I can't remember how to do that, not having written an UnNews in almost five years, but the appropriate templates should be plainly visible in the code for any UnNews that shows up on the UnNews page. -RA HB 10:27, 26 February 2013 (UTC)

Still no sightings of the move thingy anywhere. Of course I can just copy/paste the whole thing on a new article - but I'm in no hurry. The news will stay news. -- Style

Guide 17:54, 26 February 2013 (UTC)

Oh, if the tab for it isn't showing up that's probably because of the new skin. I used to be visible by default on the top of the page, now it's to the right of that start thing (which is the watchlist button), and if you hover over that little down-pointing arrow, one of the options that comes up is "move". I have no idea why the vector skin insists on doing that, but if you prefer the older way then it can be changed back to how it was before in the preferences menu, on the 'Appearance' tab, by selecting Monobook. -RA HB 22:42, 26 February 2013 (UTC)

Brilliant. No wonder Zombiebaron called me a faggot when I tried to ask him on IRC yesterday. Wait - he had to anticipate my question then. Maybe I really am a faggot in that case! Hooray! -- Style

Guide 06:46, 27 February 2013 (UTC)

Fantastic! It makes me want to sing!

-RA HB 06:52, 27 February 2013 (UTC)

Leck mich im Arsch?

I was just wondering if you know where I could find the answer keys for the tests in those books...you know the ones? The PDFs? Yeah. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, Feb 27 '13 3:31 (UTC)

I believe it means "Lick my ass". More importantly, had to look around for em but it turns out I've got the answer keys in .doc format. I'll shoot 'em your way next time I see you on IRC. -RA HB 04:52, 27 February 2013 (UTC)

...could you get on IRC sometime in the next two and a half hours? You lazy bum? :D ~ BB ~ (T)

~ Thu, Feb 28 '13 1:18 (UTC)

Anothers issues

This also pertains to the SoS project, but since you're one of the most likely proponemenstruats to join me in the good fight, I give it to you straight (if that attribute can be applied to me any longer): I just wrote a threatening UnNews. It does parody something some other people do on some site a bit similar to this one, doesn't it? How about we keep that up a bit and use it as one vehicle to promote articles that are worth reading but not necessarily feature material (or rather, not voteworthy to the majority {or even more rather, ones that would be sores in the eyes of some people elsewhere})? Also, the links in the said UnNews are now a bit random - so if you have knowledge of articles that suit it better - or are otherwise better - do switch them. I just put something reasonable there for the time being. -- Style Guide 07:31, 27 February 2013 (UTC)

Ah, I see what you mean. That is an excellent idea. A way to use the concept of the larger idea, make a funny, and highlight some of the second echelon of Uncyc articles all simultaneously. Excellent! As soon as I think of the right things to link to in that article I'll put them in. At the moment I'm drawing a blank. -RA HB 08:05, 27 February 2013 (UTC)

I'll start a newspiece for, maybe, late next week in my userspace of spades. Something about how the purge is not going right and still there remain this, this and this article, and more threats. Join at that one if the idea appeals to you. I'll be away half next week - I guess it will be done by that. Link: User:Multiliteralist/Purgenews2. -- Style

Guide 08:17, 27 February 2013 (UTC)

Wahles

Also, checkky out the recent UnNews. I think the whale/Dylan connection should be milked a bit further. Protest from the industry? Greenpeace interference? Many possibilities. -- Style Guide 09:56, 27 February 2013 (UTC)

Responded on the SoS page. I might try to work in the "we have paid scientists working on this behind closed doors" angle, amongst others. -RA HB 02:19, 28 February 2013 (UTC)

Surprise, Motherfucker, USP

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

February 28th, 2013 • Issue 188 • When life gives you lemons, sue for damages.

A Note to Our Readers on Accuracy

By The Editor

Sir Peasewhizz's mother. An example of accuracy and truth-in-advertising.

We Here At The UnSignpost™ bear a strong commitment to accuracy—in fact, the UnSignpost is required by law to print at least one truthful statement per issue in order to retain our status as a tax-exempt organic fish-cannery.^[1] We believe that our track record speaks for itself: in our nearly 45 months of existence, the USP has printed only 243 retractions, a full 20% of which were not ordered by a court.

It was with some consternation, therefore, that we discovered a massive error in our reporting. In recent weeks, former USP editor and general mensch ChiefjusticeDS was repeatedly identified by the UnSignpost as being a "putrid puddle of poodle puke", and also as having been "perm-banned" for vandalizing the new Uncyclopedia with sockpuppet accounts. While the first statement remains an object of controversy, the second one could not be further from the truth. ChiefjusticeDS is one of the least-likely vandals in the history of Uncyclopedia; furthermore, our research indicates that he is not actually aware of the new Uncyclopedia, and while his lawyers apparently are, he is currently blithely executing his sysop duties on the old site, much as a mother elephant seal mournfully attends the corpse of her crushed pup.

We would like to take this opportunity to apologize profusely for any inconveniences this erroneous reporting has caused anyone. While we have traced the original mistake to confusion on the part of our correspondents (who are possessed of more eagerness than brains), the final blame must lie at the feet of our fact-checking department; we intend to take them thoroughly to task for their laziness and inattention, just as soon as we figure out how to fire people who don't exist.

On a related note, we would like to issue the following corrections and clarifications:

On page 43 of last week's Lifestyle section, an article titled "Fun snacks for kids" erroneously identified nitroglycerin as a "delicious pudding substitute". According to the American Society of Nutritionists, nitroglycerin is unsuitable for children's meals, as it contains dangerous levels of saturated fat.
The last name of U.S. House of Representatives Speaker John Boehner does not rhyme with "butt-pipe", as was reported in last week's Capitol Review section.
The full-page infographic in last week's Health News section erroneously read "a teaspoonful of honey makes the medicine go down, makes the medicine go down, makes the medicine go down". A copy-editor accidentally substituted the words "honey" for "semen" and "medicine" for "prostitute". We apologize for the inconvenience.
Libel and copyright lawyers are not composed entirely of "snot". Any statements to the contrary (including emails and anonymous missives tied to bricks) should be construed as merely opinion.

↑ This is a lie.

Upcoming PLS

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

So, even if it has felt like a long past couple of weeks, bring your spirits up! We can help, because there is the PLS coming up soon. So yeah, I know this is short. But it's longer than you. HA! HA! HA!

No, but seriously. Consider doing the Poo Lit Surprise or ELSE.

Ask Zombiebaron

Dear Zombiebaron, how do I get girls to have sex with me? (asked by Colin "All your base" Heaney): Very carefully.

Dear Zombiebaron, how would you describe the live-action Avatar: The Last Airbender movie 5 words or less? (asked by Sir Peasewhizz): I have never seen that.

Zombiebaron, do you sell propane and propane accessories? (asked by TheKoromoAmae): No.

Do you believe in demons? (asked by Lyrithya): I believe that we can neither prove nor disprove conclusively the existence of demons. It seems likely, however, that demons are merely characters invented by the human mind as a personification of our own evil desires and impulses, as a story to scare children, and as a sexual fantasy for octogenarians.

I'm sick of you! I'm gonna get you, Zombiebaron. I'm gonna get you! How do you like those particular apples? (asked by Roman Dog Bird): You still owe me $20 and I told you last time that half an apple is not real money.

Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!

Check out these pages!

In the UnNews!

Indeed, Quvenzhané Wallis is a cunt - February 26th
Seth MacFarlane awarded honorary membership to the KKK - February 25th
Relief as stolen Banksy returned - February 24th
Dangerous new teen trend: energy drinks - February 23rd
Sony fears that the Playstation 4 will disappoint - February 21st
College student sues self for plagiarism - February 21st
Uncyclopedia huffs Britney Spears' grocery list - February 19th

From our logs:

21:13, February 25, 2013 Legoktm (Talk | contribs) blocked Miwa (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Just stop.)

11:13, February 24, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Neo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (You are dumb)

05:36, February 24, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 186.5.116.114 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (u have aids)

20:27, February 21, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) resurrected Kelton2 (Talk | contribs) (Repented for his sins. Is also getting me hot.)

Biopic of the Week: Strainj1
The Biopic of the Week is usually written by a USP correspondent, but the interview with this week's subject yielded a paragraph so excellent that we couldn't possibly do better. Although we could certainly do worse. Strainj1 is one of our "newer" users (we think, although he has probably been here since 2009—we can't be bothered to check). In his own words:

“

I'm from Gympie, which is quite clearly the center of the universe. My real name is Nils, which to be honest a quick Google search with that fact and my username would probably lead FAR too easily to my full identity. My surname is VERY Asian sounding, even though my entire genealogy is Northern Europe (Danish and Dutch mainly) - feel free to say as much about vikings as you like, because I'm totally like one. As far as dependents go, I own a small dog, and an awesome purple party house, complete with and a discoball and laser lights controlled by a party switch. My parents' immigration status is all good - however my dad did just marry a Ugandan woman, and my sister is a statistical mathematician in Switzerland. But that's all legit yeah? I meanwhile coast through life in a full time job that is more varied than the colours on the walls in my ridiculously multicoloured toilet. I'd also like to state that every statement in this paragraph is NOT a lie.

”

Confucius Say

Unborn twins are womb-mates
Installing fan can be a breeze
Heck is where those go who don't believe in Gosh.
Couple who sleep in water bed start to drift apart.
When man go to court, he put his fate into hands of people not smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Featured Article of the Week

Charlie Brown

Newsroom Random Article of the Week

Proof

IRC Quote of the Week

<SirPeasewhizz> I have gay ass lice

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 03:52, 28 February 2013 (UTC)

Wikipedia is not Wikipedia.

Do you think you could help me out on this one? SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 01:35 3.06.13

I thought I heard the Imperial March. USP time, everybody!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!

March 7th, 2013 • Issue 189 • You may now start the sad music.

TKF has taken his leave

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

This is the great TKF.

“

lol tkf is gay
— The Zombiebaron

”

If you haven't heard the sad, sad news; TKF (formerly Thekillerfroggy) has announced his departure from Uncyclopedia as an Uncyclopedian, Admin, Bureaucrat, Legend, and Hero in the afternoon of March 2nd. With it, his reason; not enough writers who enjoy it for the fun and enjoy others work as well as he doesn't want to write anymore nor does he need to. He feels this has taken him from a shitty high-school writer to something he had gained confidence in.

Of course, he wishes us good luck and knows we'll boom with excellence in the future.

He would like to thank MadMax, Zombiebaron, The Thinker, Ljlego, So So, Dr. Skullthumper, Mhaille, The Woodburninator, TheLedBalloon, Cajek, Procopius, Mordillo, One Eyed Jack, Heerenveen, Bonner, Hyperbole, THEDUDEMAN, and Modusoperandi. He states Uncyclopedia and his own writing wouldn't have existed if it weren't for these users.

He also has to admit his respect for Lyrithya, Frosty, Bizzeebeever, and Xamralco for leading the new guard.

He wishes for Leverage to continue writing because he's good at it. He states "Humbucker, we barely knew ye."

He left this for Sir Peasewhizz:

"Peasewhizz, sorry man, you've got the energy and passion but you've got a long way to go to develop your talent and rein in your hyperactive aspects. You do remind me of myself from 2006, which is to say you've got a little bit of something goin on here but it needs to be toned down a LOT. Writing-wise, you need an editor. You would benefit the most from pee review coming back. Which gives me an idea: how about instead of Pee Review, we just have writing partners or something? I dunno. But back to the point: focus less on all of the bullshit "community" stuff, stop nominating your own articles, and go back and edit all of your older things. Become embarrassed by what you wrote 3 months ago, I still do with my own articles. Read them out loud. Get better before you get bigger."

This is also his heart.

He also states he will NEVER FINISH 18TH CENTURY BIIIIIIIIITCH!

But Frosty thinks he will return, as he states (and believes) "Once an Uncyclopedian, always Uncyclopedian".

February 2013 Award Winners... also, YOU'RE DICKS!

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

As a wise man once said, (yesterday) "Whatintheworldofgaysex?! It's already March?" To answer that question, well, yes. You see, FEBRUARY 2013 HAS DIED. So... I guess we shall show you all the award winners of the month of February this year.

We only had two categories with ~~cheaters~~ winners this month. What are these ones, well goddamn it let me finish! They were Uncyclopedian of the Month and n00b of the Moment.

Want a plate? It is a trophy, made out of pure plate. You can eat cookies on it.

The noob of February 2013 was none other than Hoof Hearted. With a score of 5 obtained, this user has passed the ultimate liftout course and went on to claiming this sexy title. Still up there, ready to take March by the balls, is ProfessorScience. Hoof Hearted, however, has left ProfessorScience a strong against vote stating that the humor ProfessorScience gives out was hard to find funny. Sorry, but THAT WAS MEAN. I mean, such n00Bz voted against more than once in this month's Noob of the Moment contest.

And guess who was the UOTM? DUH! None other than MadMax, whom we all knew would win. However, we boggled and offended that this guy only won once before claiming this month's UOTM title. Wow. Not cool, bros. But hey, does his 2007 Uncyclopedian of the Year title override this? Well, fuck, now I'm trying to figure that out. Thanks for putting my head into a crisis-like state. I love you for this.

Ask Zombiebaron

Why does How It's Made give me a boner? (asked by RAHB): I think the real question is how could the perfect combination of Lynne Adams's terrible monotone narration and the shine of mechanically precise cold polished steel not give you a boner. How It's Made is basically porn.

How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man? (asked by Colin "All your base" Heaney): If he's already a man why should he care what I call him.

hOW COME WE NEVER SE EZOMBIES POOP IN ZMOBIE MOVIES?!?!!1 THEY EAT STUF FALL THE TIME BUT WE NEVER SEE THEM POOP! (asked by Bizzeebeever): Because movies aren't real life.

Dear Mr. Z, does life start at conception, or when the child takes its first walkabout? (asked by Aleister): In the fourth dimension life has no beginning and no end.

Why won't my porn download? (asked by WeinribŽivojinović): Just stream it.

Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

22:31, March 4, 2013 Legoktm (Talk | contribs) blocked Legoktm RICCHIONE secondo noi perché ha cacato il cazzo è un vero stronziuti e noi diciamo la verità (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (lol)

20:45, March 4, 2013 Legoktm (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 115.25.216.6 (Talk | contribs) to an expiry time 2 years (You are editing on a gay proxy. As such you are banned, sucks don't it? Spam, eh? More like WHAM, amirite?)

20:04, February 28, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) resurrected Mike the Great (Talk | contribs) (lol naw I suck cocks)

20:03, February 28, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Mike the Great (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Needs to be unblocked as part of the test. I still don't see any malted milk balls.)

19:49, February 28, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Mike the Great (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 minutes ‎ (Is conducting some sort of test. Personally, I hope it involves malted milk bals.)

00:30, February 27, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.59.28.95 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Block, just a block: Hello and bye (don't come back pls))

IRC Log
<derpyy> I'LL CUM TOO MUCH AND DIE!
<UncycBot> <derpyy> I am very happy for you.
<derpyy> This damn pussy of yours is also just a pussy! <UncycBot> <derpyy> Oh now I see.
<derpyy> FULL THROTTLE EROTICA!
<UncycBot> <derpyy> That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about dicks car.
<Frostee> derpyy is gay like UncycBot
<UncycBot> <Frostee> I think derpyy is a lot of things.
<derpyy> My vagina hungers!
<UncycBot> <derpyy> Where did you get your vagina hungers?
<derpyy> THE LIPS OF MY WOMB ARE CONGESTED WITH BLOOD AND SUCKLING ON THE TIP OF HIS DICK LIKE A BABY BEING PAMPERED! <3

Biopic: In Their Own Words
This week, we are debuting the UnSignpost's "Biopic: In Their Own Words", which is to say, we are so incredibly lazy that we can't even make up our own bullshit anymore. In fact, we are so lazy that we debuted this feature several weeks ago, but were too lazy to announce it until now.

This week, we are profiling lazy IRC lurker and occasional editor Colin "All your base" Heaney:

“

I'm originally from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The first article that comes to mind as a favorite is Inebriated's The fact that you don't want a poodle. I'm 18 years old, I turn 19 on April 2nd. Politically I veer left like I'm driving drunk. If hip-hop and rap music were classes in high school I would be valedictorian. I sometimes do drugs. My favorite book is Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Arrested Development and Firefly are the best shows ever. On the site I don't do a hell of a lot besides write articles about 9/11 and related topics. I've goatse'd the main page not once, but twice.

”

So There You Have It! Colin is a terrific guy who enjoys urban music, weed, and timeless Internet memes. (For future reference, Colin, we're in ur base, killin all ur doods.)

Confucius say

Business can mean bad or good. When it is none of your business it cannot be either
AIDS do not help body
First crush feel heavy, second crush feel heavier
Math class is full of drama. There are so many problems to work out
A group called Balloons sings pop music

Random Article of the Week

This week, we shall have five random articles BECAUSE WE CAN! Mmhhhmm. Son.

Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 20:36, 7 March 2013 (UTC)

So I hear that you're Zappa reincarnated

Also, penis. ~ 12:33, 8 March 2013 (UTC)

Speaking of reincarnation! How the devil have you been, and have you returned to take me back in your loving arms and caress me every night? Ooo, baby, yeah. Caress me e-ver-y night. Also, Jew Jew Jew Jew Jew Jew Jew Jew Jew :D -RA HB 12:41, 8 March 2013 (UTC)

I have come back to take you to The Vatican. They have a need of you there (the college of Jews have decreed that your resemblance to Jesus might warrant you an automatic conclave approval. Congratulations, your holiness! missed you too :) ^[1] ~

12:45, 8 March 2013 (UTC)

I knew this day would come. I prepared the opium den. It's just as you left it, except for a few years worth of more bodily fluid stain buildup of course. -RA HB 10:01, 9 March 2013 (UTC)

Did you remeber to clean the freezer ? --~

12:03, 9 March 2013 (UTC)

There's a freezer?....uh oh... -RA HB 21:13, 9 March 2013 (UTC)

UU! /me runs hysterically towards the freezer ~

13:54, 10 March 2013 (UTC)

I don't know. Since every member of my family is a Zappa fan (with me and my dad the most Zealous), I would be convinced that some guy in my family (maybe me) is Zappa reincarnated. User:Matthlock/sig2 01:21, 12 March 2013 (UTC)

I'm convinced that Walter Cronkite is Zappa reincarnated. I realize that that allows for a lot of overlap, but, moo'ah. -RA HB 03:10, 12 March 2013 (UTC)

Actually, my big brother Donny (who's 28) was listening to Zappa in the womb. Literally. While my mom was pregnant with my oldest brother, she and dad went to see FZ in concert. True story. User:Matthlock/sig2 03:43, 12 March 2013 (UTC)

Donny who loved bowling. Goodnight, sweet prince. -RA HB 03:45, 12 March 2013 (UTC)

Good night Rob. And don't worry; I'm not hiding in your closet right now as you sleep. User:Matthlock/sig2 03:47, 12 March 2013 (UTC)

I'm not sleeping, Donny is :D -RA HB 03:49, 12 March 2013 (UTC)

Oh I see. Sorry. I thought you lived on the East Coast, and you were saying "Goodnight" because it's almost midnight. Yeah. User:Matthlock/sig2 03:52, 12 March 2013 (UTC)

I live on the west coast, but I also usually stay up until like four in the morning :P -RA HB 03:54, 12 March 2013 (UTC)

Party! I remember one night I stayed up all night. It was the night I watched Taxi Driver. Man, did that movie send a psychological chill up my spine. Brrrrrrrr. User:Matthlock/sig2 03:56, 12 March 2013 (UTC)

That's grounds for a psychological electric blanket. -RA HB 04:03, 12 March 2013 (UTC)

Yeah tell me about it. User:Matthlock/sig2 04:05, 12 March 2013 (UTC)

Shall we wrap this up by giving the customary salutation to RHAB's penis? ^[2] ~

15:00, 12 March 2013 (UTC)

That would be acceptable, but the salute has changed a little bit. Now, after the third pirouette, instead of reaching one's arms upward in the shape of a phallus and yodeling the third verse of Pussy Head Man From Outer Space, the participants must dish up a generous helping of coleslaw for sacrifice to the worm'd Gods. Also wearing a schoolgirl's uniform is mandatory now, but that might not effect you seeing as you always enjoyed wearing one before. That was the inspiration for that addition. -RA HB 19:19, 12 March 2013 (UTC)

↑ also, penis
↑ also, Penii

You molester

Madclaw @ ^talk

Moe & Lester

I changed my "mind" about the UnNews/comedy police bit. We'll be needing a separate interview - the main thing goes on so long and manages to be funny throughout so I don't think we'll truncate it for readability. If you come up with names, locations, whatever details about the interview bit pleeze drop them on my talk page. I don't think this needs to go in SoS because it's only 2 articles, probably. Oh yeah and images - if you have some in mind drop them in. -- Style Guide 11:40, 12 March 2013 (UTC)

Also --- I hesitate a bit --- but would it be OK to switch the "John Cleese mask" for something else? I don't actually get blisters of it but somehow I prefer to keep these imaginary worlds intact from outside comedic influence as much as possible. Yours, very very sincerely, -- Style Guide 12:01, 12 March 2013 (UTC)

Forget the above. The morbidity thing more than makes up for it. You cle(a)ver bastard. -- Style

Guide 12:07, 12 March 2013 (UTC)

Ahahaha, cleaver. But, it may server well to use one of the other Python's names, none of them having been spoken by anybody since 1975. -RA HB 19:25, 12 March 2013 (UTC)

This, then, should be made into two articles: the main body with the headers and shit into a mainspace article, the intro and outro into an UnNews. I'm a bit off so pleeeeze edit and move it for the benefit of all. The logo, I think, into both articles, and the images (+ more images for neatness' sake) into the main space article only. -- Style

Guide 10:11, 13 March 2013 (UTC)

Okay, very good. I'm up at an actual reasonable hour this morning so I should have time to get around to it today. -RA HB 16:23, 13 March 2013 (UTC)

Can I have some salad with my UnSignpost?

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

March 14th, 2013 • Issue 190 • It's a "sa-lad".

Salad.

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

SALAD

I like salad, you like salad, we all like salad.

No, seriously. Salad.

By RAHB

Yes, salad. It has come to my attention that Uncyclopedians are simply not consuming enough of it. Ladies and gentlemen, we here at the Unsignpost implore of you, we beg you, to eat more salad. Why should you eat more salad? Well you only need to look at the facts to find the answer:

Salad is delicious when garnished with a honey-baked ham.
Salad is the number one cause of anti-cancer in America, having been documented in over six million cases.
Salad is an excellent nutritional source of salad.
Salad fought in World War II so you didn't have to.
Salad invented Uncyclopedia.

But clearly, this is not all that salad is capable of. Clearly a great cosmic injustice is being done by not mentioning salad's tremendous influence on the Russian space program, 80% of whose members consume salad on a regular basis, some more than once a day. But that's not all. Several tremendously influential figures in scientific history, including Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawking, Carl Sagan, and Billy Mays, have admitted to having consumed salad at least once in their lifetime, sometimes even while doing important scientific things! Sexy sweet Mary, it's true!

This is not a picture of salad.

In fact, most major celebrities (the attractive ones, you know) are regular salad masticators. Lady Gaga, for example, may be best known for wearing a meat suit, but she is also well-known for eating salad. If by "well-known", you mean "she does it and nobody makes much of a fuss." Same goes for the salad eating.

Salad is known to have cured countless diseases, voted tremendously in favor of liberal politics, saved at least three dolphin from inconveniently placed tar deposits, fixed a plethora of flat tires on the side of United States interstate highways, eliminated the existence of internet memes, punched Adolf Hitler in the face, gone toe-to-toe with John Wayne in a cage match, and given a lustrous sheen to the coats of some of the world's prettiest felines.

In conclusion, salad is a super kool dood, and you should all totally eat him. With dressing if you prefer. Or with croutons, tomatoes, cabbage, olives, pickles, black pepper, onions, imitation crab meat, bacon bits, hard-boiled egg slices, ham, salt, vinegar, jalapenos, bell peppers, sweet peppers, pickle relish, anaheim peppers, bhut jolokia peppers, serrano peppers, crumbled cheese, raisins, avocado, apple slices, blueberries, cottage cheese, shrimp, basil, melon slices, meatballs, turkey gravy, chicken gravy, beef gravy, bacon grease, grease gravy, gravy grease, Bavarian cream, chocolate ice cream, M&Ms, a t-bone steak, bicycle spokes, flapjacks, fried eel, a pair of half-torn tennis shoes, matches, poisonous jellyfish, mushrooms, pimento, a piston engine, a choir boy, whale bones, grocery store food samples, grocery store samples stolen out of the freezer section, grocery store employees, psychedelic pop records, dinosaur fossils, ancient manuscripts, sweet potatoes, Iranian snails, Ukrainian birds, Welsh humans, beets, Saturday morning cartoons, elves, cayenne pepper, salt, mangoes, studio musicians, grapes, whiskey, grated cheese, sliced cheese, a cow, Hormel chili, the tiny oval tomatoes that always roll off the plate or launch away when you try to fork them, potatoes, all of Uncyclopedia, a British nanny, or lettuce. But nothing else.

Ask Zombiebaron

Is salad a heavy metal? (asked by RAHB): Salad is the heavy metal. All other heavy metals are ranked on the hS (How Salad) scale.

Salad salad salad, salad, Salad salad salad salad. Salad salad (salad salad, salad) salad! Salad: salad? (salad salad Salad): Salad!

If you had to fuck one salad which salad would you fuck and why? (asked by Zombiebaron): I would fuck the caesar salad at the all-you-can-eat buffet near my parent's house. Best salad I have ever eaten.

My wife wants to toss my salad but I am afraid of lettuce. What should we do? (asked by Zombiebaron): Sometimes when I make a salad I use pickles instead of lettuce.

If you could give one piece of advice to a young amateur trying to break into the world of professional salad craftsmanship, what would that be? (asked by Zombiebaron): Salads come in all shapes and forms. Be original, make a salad that represents you.

Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will salad them!

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

22:57, March 9, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Eat my barf and piss frosty u'r a load of crap die eating vomit dirty idiot (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (hawhawhaw)

22:54, March 9, 2013 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) resurrected Eat my barf and piss frosty u'r a load of crap die eating vomit dirty idiot (Talk | contribs) (I actually thought this guy had potential! Give the man a chance dammit!)

22:51, March 9, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bugger off you frosty with an ice pop in your ass (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I can do this all day if you wish)

22:49, March 9, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Eat my barf and piss frosty u'r a load of crap die eating vomit dirty idiot (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Fuck off)

00:40, March 9, 2013 Legoktm (Talk | contribs) blocked Lego-KLM (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Unacceptable username: Spelled incorrectly.)

22:52, March 8, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Pablo Manitoba (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Please donate to Uncyclopedia!)

07:31, March 8, 2013 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 112.111.160.35 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (piss off)

Yes, folks! Mordillo's back! ZOMG!

IRC Log Of The Century
<ghostninja> my eyes then gaze upon Olipro's dual-genitalia
<ghostninja> i quickly get wet again
<Hotadmin4u69> understandable

A picture of someone who we assume greatly resembles Multiliteralist.

Biopic: In Their Own Words
Multiliteralist here looks like spongy potluck in potluck in the field in homo? Are you wonder how tomatoes ghost it up? AHEM He has also worked tirelessly toward reviving both UnNews and the art of surrealism since his recent return to Uncyclopedia, which makes us just positively horny inside. Just think of all the olives! We interviewed the legendary taxidermist this week in order to find out what makes him tick.^[1] He had the following to say:

I'm a rugged Caucasian male from the Caucasus mountains. Everyone secretly wants to get laid by me. My personal philosophy is this is OK. My purpose at Uncyclopedia is to leave and come back again after a cooling-off period, again and again. Crimean war fucking sucked.

This is particularly enlightening in the case of AHEM the modern anti-vice table in front of abortions yet closing remarks about remarks are they became:

Closing remarks are for pussies.

Fleasy. Get a pies.

↑ As it turns out, the source happened to be a small wall clock that inexplicably follows him around, hovering in the air, everywhere he goes. Scientists are debating what this means to the future of space travel.

~~Confucius~~ derpyy say

Confucius say that would say hello FreeDOS could
Confucius say about Jesus I sure say Nascar
Confucius say blacks say "let's Save me"
Confucius say me. big say that other internet
Confucius say it as well yeah say about Area on
Confucius say say about
Confucius say that could simply say taht has a
Confucius say about the whole say whos all of the

Random Article of the Week

Salad

Feature of the Week

BladeRunnerway Bride

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 11:45, 14 March 2013 (UTC)

Wait a minute

RAHB, you live on the west coast? Really? So do I! What state? User:Matthlock/sig2 21:34, 16 March 2013 (UTC)

California. -RA HB 23:31, 16 March 2013 (UTC)

Damn, just like I thought. I was hoping you lived in Oregon so we could maybe hang out together. (Remember the band I was telling you about?) User:Matthlock/sig2 03:33, 21 March 2013 (UTC)

Hmm, oregano... Wait what? Well you guys even have the luck to live on the same country |:/ USA - Finland-trip is just so fucking long :( Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz

05:55, 21 March, 2013 (UTC)

I live in Finland. The Woodburninator

Minimal Effort ™ 06:49, 21 March 2013 (UTC)

...you said what? F-f-f-fucking Finland? omg I didn't know! :D

Or... are you just joking and trying to rule my day? :/ If that's the case...

Woodie lives in Finland woohoo!!! Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz

11:13, 21 March, 2013 (UTC)

He's lying. He doesn't even look Finnish. He does act a bit like a Finn, though: sulky, prone to violence when you least expect it (two months after the insult, drunk, and probably against someone else) and so forth. But I think he's lying. Style

Guide 12:21, 21 March 2013 (UTC)

XD Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz

13:08, 21 March, 2013 (UTC)

No, not really. No one lives in Finland. You are all alone. So very alone... :( The Woodburninator

Minimal Effort ™ 14:51, 21 March 2013 (UTC)

That being said, in the unlikely scenario I am in Finland, I'll look you up. One of my best friends is currently visiting his girlfriend in Sweeden. So, if I'm ever visiting him while he's visiting her, we will be so close, you and I. The Woodburninator

Minimal Effort ™ 14:53, 21 March 2013 (UTC)

Dead drunk on the cruiser between Helsinki and Stockholm. Oh yeah. -- Style

Guide 16:01, 21 March 2013 (UTC)

Wow, Woody! Your friend has a Swedish girlfriend? Damn! Is she hot? I bet she is. User:Matthlock/sig2 23:20, 21 March 2013 (UTC)

Yes, and yes. She is a gamer that happens to be a former model. So... Jackpot? The Woodburninator

Minimal Effort ™ 23:28, 21 March 2013 (UTC)

Oh hell yes. I thought that stuff only happened in fake UnNews articles. User:Matthlock/sig2 23:48, 21 March 2013 (UTC)

I love that article. Incidentally, I'll be going to Washington in a couple of months. Mostly for visit, but I'm clinging to hopes that I might actually be able to stay. I'll probably be passing through Oregon. I probably won't be stopping though, because it's Oregon, and not Washington, and also the friends I'm going with probably don't want to stop to meet some guy I know on the internet. -RA HB 04:17, 22 March 2013 (UTC)

Oh, RAHB, I'll be visiting California for a few days next month. Where should I go?! The Woodburninator

Minimal Effort ™ 05:55, 22 March 2013 (UTC)

Go to San Francisco, or West Los Angeles, or even San Diego. If you play music then the Guitar Center in Hollywood is a must-see. Just don't come to the Inland Empire because it's complete shit and there's nothing here but drug addicts and dirt. -RA HB 05:57, 22 March 2013 (UTC)

^ And RAHB. :D Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz

11:38, 25 March, 2013 (UTC)

Well, naturally : ) -RA HB 19:48, 25 March 2013 (UTC)

Wow. Inland Empire. Isn't that a David Lynch movie? User:Matthlock/sig2 19:18, 26 March 2013 (UTC)

Yes. David Lynch did make a movie called Inland Empire. -RA HB 23:39, 26 March 2013 (UTC)

I love David Lynch. But back to our main topic. Well, now you know I live in Oregon so in case you do actually want to meet me and my bandmates, you'll know where to find (I'll tell you what town if you tell me your gmail). However, if we do - God be willing - ever meet, I need to know, What color is your teeth? Sorry...I'm a bit of a teeth racist. I don't like those dirty yellows. User:Matthlock/sig2 19:55, 27 March 2013 (UTC)

My teeth are the color of Whale bones. -RA HB 06:28, 29 March 2013 (UTC)

Minus the sand. User:Matthlock/sig2 19:21, 29 March 2013 (UTC)

And the whale, for that matter. -RA HB 23:34, 29 March 2013 (UTC)

Yeah. After all, a ton of people have mixed race teeth. Half-white half-yellow. Even Americans do. Especially hippies. All respect due. So I'm not horribly bothered by it. As long as your teeth aren't as yellow as Heath Ledger's Joker, I'm good. User:Matthlock/sig2 19:30, 30 March 2013 (UTC)

Happy Monkey Topic

Your topic for the contest is Archimedes . You have 36 hours to write the article (until Friday 03.00 UTC/Thursday 9pm EST). If you want to make it unbook, unreview etc. you can very slightly alter the title. Remember the judging is on creativity and originality more than anything else. Have fun. In the mean time Happy Monkey is leaving various surprises all over your house. --ShabiDOO 14:52, 20 March 2013 (UTC)

Sexy. This should be suitably difficult to try to accomplish in 36 hours. Challenge accepted. -RA HB 15:03, 20 March 2013 (UTC)

PS nice topic you submitted. Im sure youll do great. There are so many places you can take Archimedes! --ShabiDOO 15:35, 20 March 2013 (UTC)

I'm building some good ideas for it. I think this will work out nicely : ) -RA HB 15:37, 20 March 2013 (UTC)

People like the UnSignpost because it’s hot! It has the best graphics and everything. Marcus, USP! Step yo’ game up!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

March 21st, 2013 • Issue 191 • Marcus. USP. Step yo' game up!

More ~~cabal~~

By Y

If you haven't heard, the "lovely" and "beautiful" Jew / ~~Cabal runner~~ named Mordillo, who left in 2011, has decided to return. It's not official yet, he's just made a couple of edits, but WHO GIVES A DAMN. Let's just say he's back. We will now have our (nonexistent) cabal back with our favourite Jewish Uncyclopedian, ~~kakun~~ Mordillo. Let's give him a big round of applause. And remember kids, there is no cabal.

Bringing back the Old School FA

By Sir Peasewhizz

This is a picture. My little brother did it. He hates you. With love.

Yes, we're doing it. We're doing it. We're doing it, if you know what we mean. And not only is it great that we're bringing it back since the 99th issue of the UnSignpost (8 issues from 100th anniversary of the section departure), but it makes it extra special that it's Why?:Your cat died making it on the big screen for its return! This, we swear, was not an incident of Sir Peasewhizz^[1] taking advantage of his abilities during the construction of the USP this week. And we're totally not promoting propaganda. Sillies.

One of the ten (to make your chances of guessing correctly less) following articles will be the Old School FA of the Week in next week's issue, can you guess it? Probably not, but we'll let you take a crack at it anyway: Commercial, A Man Getting Hit in the Crotch 800 Times, Sideboob, Kwanzaa, Romance of the Three Kingdoms, Riddle, Fox News, Red Lobster, Stratego, or Snow angels. You have a 1/10 chance to get this correct. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Peace <3.

↑ Wow, self-reference much?

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

By Y

If you haven't already heard (which you probably have), RAHB started a vote to give bureaucrat rights to MadMax, the awesome admin. In a 14–0 vote, Dawg gave him the rights on the 16th. Now, this obviously raised the age old question - what is MadMax's use of this user right?

Ask Zombiebaron

I've got $12 and I'm looking to party (asked by Colin "All your base" Heaney): At the LCBO they sell a 12oz bottle ("mickey") of this stuff called Alpenbitter for $19.55. It is 40% and tastes like strange candy.

Is Zombiebaron related to Che Guevara? (asked by Joe9320): I am over 300 years old. So, uh, no I am not related to Che Guevara. But if I was it would totally look exactly like this classic featured image.

Zombie, you being an internet celebrity and all; have you ever given an autograph to anyone's boobs? (asked by Cat the Colourful): Not yet. It is definitely a goal of mine though.

Zombiebaron, how old were you when you first molested your priest? (asked by Hotadmin4u69): Old enough.

Ooo, baby, won't ya give me your love tonight? (asked by RAHB): Yeah man! If by "love" you mean "make dick jokes on IRC", and by "tonight" you mean "every night".

Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!
NEXT WEEK! A SPECIAL BONER EDITION!

Confucius say

Good to meet girl at park, but better to park meat in girl
Couple who engage in battle have a "war"nderful wed-dying
Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time
Man who raises angry chickens eats raging cock for dinner
Man who have sex in psych ward... fucking crazy!
Man who go to Vatican to visit pope... Vatican't

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

13:33, March 14, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) (ERROR: USER IS TOO SEXY TO BE BANNED)

13:31, March 14, 2013 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (I'm not a noob, I'm simply not Zombiebaron. *Hail! Hail*)

06:33, March 14, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 193.44.1.86 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Wankstain)

01:47, March 14, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.200.243.166 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (fuck off and dont ever return ty)

21:55, March 13, 2013 Legoktm (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiemoron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Not being Zombiebaron)

IRC Log Of The Week
<Kippy> You know chaos theory and/or the Butterfly Effect? What if it could cause ripples through the spacetime continuum? Like, say, I farted while peeing and retroactively caused the Holocaust.
<Strainj1> hahaha
<Strainj1> it probably did
<Kippy> :O
<Kippy> A sandwich caused one of the World Wars, so I'm not ruling it out.
<Strainj1> probably a pastrami and cucumber sandwich
<Strainj1> they're evil

Biopic: In Their Own Words

SKIZZERZ IN ACTION.

Skizzerz takes the seat in the the one and only Biopic of the Week, only available on demand! Well, before we start, you need to know that Skizzerz's natural habitat is on the IRC and lurks within the darkness! So, that'll be a reason you don't know who he is if you are stupid and are one of those who don't! Here's what Skizzerz had to tell the press:

Uh, well I'm a college student who likes computers, wikis, video games, and girls. Over the years I've been mostly hanging out on Uncyc's IRC chan and not really editing much (read: I only edit when Zombiebaron tells me to). My favorite article is probably the one where it tells you not to click any links, and my favorite year would probably be 2013 because we (finally) left Wikia.

And this was his closing remark:

Don't expect me to be any more active because of this, I have the title of "resident lurker" to uphold after all! :P

And there you have it! Skizzerz!

Old School Featured Article of the Week

Why?:Your cat died

Originally featured on 13 December 2012

Rick, this is a bad time. A very, very, very bad time. I'm so sorry. But, hey! Listen. You can't be mad at me. You shan't be mad at me! Even though you hired me to babysit your cat, it was not my fault! Now the reason why Mr. Snickermuffins died is not one that could be easily taken for truth. But, in this case, it was what happened. I swear! What are you doing Rick? Stop searching for evidence and knifes! DAMMIT RICK! RICK! I can explain! Just stop panicking, Rick! God dammit! Rick. Listen. (Full article...)

Random Article of the Week

Elizabeth Weir

Feature of the Week

Nillion

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 02:27, 21 March 2013 (UTC)

Feature something

:D Sir Pease whizz Biblio HOS Awards 01:48 3.26.13

Oh yeah. The VFH vote average is like...pretty low. I'm gonna let it sit for a day. -RA HB 02:04, 26 March 2013 (UTC)

Get righting you sucker of cawk!

This is for the first piece. The horror revealed in that otherwise cheery graveyard.

This is for the second piece. A poor dead clown on the autopsy table, revealing his mysterious anatomy.

-- Style Guide 09:02, 26 March 2013 (UTC)

Oh god, yes. God, those are brilliant! I have to get writing now, the sucker of cock that I am. Son of a bitch, those are excellent. -RA HB 16:05, 26 March 2013 (UTC)

I imagined we would have to give an excuse for using an artist's representation... how about "we forgot the camera"? Style

Guide 17:08, 26 March 2013 (UTC)

Ahah yes. That will work. -RA HB 18:01, 26 March 2013 (UTC)

Yo, see you 'round

As per IRC discussions a few days back, I have stuff to do in meatspace and probably won't be doing much here during this spring any more. Kiss everyone's cock for me. If you still have my e-mail address (I think I lost yours when my cunt-puter fucked itself up the arse) send me some male. -- Style Guide 22:02, 26 March 2013 (UTC)

Alright, will send some. Ugh, after I find something more comfortable to sleep on than...this thing that I've been sleeping on. Whatever it is. -RA HB 23:38, 26 March 2013 (UTC)

Also, that cunt decoration HowTo is now ready, just waiting for a good newspiece to boost it. -- Style

Guide 18:51, 27 March 2013 (UTC)

I'll get together with Kippy on that one and see if he'd like to collab it. Agh, the first of April is approaching much sooner than I anticipated >_< -RA HB 19:39, 27 March 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost’s BONER TIME!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper 4 out of 5 Dentists Agree On!

March 28th, 2013 • Issue 192 • The USP that'll make good penis jokes!

News From Under The Cabal's Desk

By Hotadmin4u69

UnNews has its own Facebook page now and the podcast that Zimulator used to run has been relaunched here. We already have 45 subscribers!

Happy Monkey Competition 2013

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

HMC 2013 for the win!

On March 20th, we started the 2013 Happy Monkey Competition/Happy Monkey Competition 2013 and had 13 users sign up to participate in the competing bit. The 13 competitors were Aleister, Puppy, Acmed2, Zombiebaron, Kelton2, Leverage, Sir Peasewhizz, Scofield, RAHB, Cat the Colourful, Madclaw, IFYMB!, and MrN9000. Leverage, Kelton2, Madclaw, and Puppy never wrote anything. Maybe they were sleeping? Do people do that for 36 hours straight? I believe so.

People scoring 70 out of 100 points (passing GPA :D) were Aleister (with Second conquest of the moon as her topic), Sir Peasewhizz (with Ding dong ditching houses as his topic, but later changed it to an UnBooks), IFYMB! (with his UnReview of the Crimean War) and Zombiebaron with his book about meeting his enemy on that one day. He scored 97 out of 100 points, which is quite considerably erotic.

So, for once, we ask you! What did you think? Did you love it? Did you love the HMC this year? You better have, or we'd be sad.

Thanks
Shabidoo,
Multiliteralist,
Y,
Sarah Baldewijns
(judges)

And kudos to Shabidoo for hosting the 2013 Happy Monkey Competition, and his friend Sarah Baldewijns for judging assistance!

Did you hear MY CHEM BROKE UP I'M SAD NOWWW

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

IT WAS MY FAVORITE BAND AHHW WYAYYWHEYH WHYYYYYYYYY GODD?!! WHY?! I'm just gonna kill my-!

Ask Zombiebaron - BONER EDITION

Why does porn give me a boner? (asked by RAHB): Porn tricks your penis into thinking that it is time for sex.

Why does porn give RAHB a boner? (asked by Cat the Colourful): Because he lies to his penis.

Yeah, why does porn give RAHB a boner? (asked by Multiliteralist: Because he lies to his penis.

Do brains give you a boner? (asked by RAHB): "Brains" has multiple meanings. Yes to all of them.

Why does ANTHROPOMORPHIC COCKSUCKER ask so many irritatingly sexual questions? (asked by Moose): Because they are funny.

Why haven't you answered that RAHB/boner question yet? (asked by Multiliteralist): I was waiting to answer all the boner questions in one huge omnibus edition.

Why is Moose so frustratingly sexually frustrated? (asked by Colin "All your base" Heaney): He doesn't dip his nutsack in whiskey on an hourly basis like the rest of us.

Why do irritatingly sexual questions and frustration give me boners? Yes, more than one. (asked by RAHB): Because you have evolved into a higher realm of sexuality.

What's my problem with women? (asked by Matthlock): They can smell your hymn.

Yeah, why can't Mattlock get a boner? (asked by RAHB): He needs to dip his nutsack in whiskey more often.

Why didn't you answer that one yet? It's the most relevant of the bunch so far. (asked by Multiliteralist): ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

Does anybody else find it ironic that question number 69 is about my boners? (asked by Matthlock): No.

Does anybody else find it erotic that question number 69 is about Matthlock's boners? (asked by RAHB): I heard that Frosty jerked off to it several times.

Why can't RAHB quit going on about Matthlock's boners? (asked by Multiliteralist): RAHB likes boner.

Why this forum turned into a 'Ask Zombiebaron questions about other's questions'? And why am I asking this? (asked by Cat the Colourful): Because all of you are too lazy to actually come up with something original.

Or am I just a time paradox? (asked by Cat the Colourful): Nope, everyone is lazy.

If Cat is a time paradox, does he still get boners? (asked by RAHB): Yes.

There really are a lot of boner-related questions. What is a boner? (asked by Moose): A hard penis.

And how do I get one? (asked by Moose): Very carefully.

Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!'

Check out these pages!

VFP you assholes - Penis?
An IP's opinion on Uncyclopedia - THIS IS A DICTATORSHIP YOU SHALL BE DESTROYED LOL!
New User names - Player.
Spanish website goes with adds - I believe it's spelled with only one D. Sorry, I'm a Grammar Nazi. Top in my graduating class. Bi-atch.

From our DICK logs:

14:59, March 27, 2013 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 178.141.80.239 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (DAAS FYHJG SDF F GGF GGGSDSA)

06:45, March 27, 2013 Legoktm (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 5.254.133.90 (Talk | contribs) to an expiry time 6 months (I do not like green eggs and spam.)

06:45, March 27, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 5.254.133.90 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I do not like green eggs and spam.)

21:33, March 24, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Shemap Wolvan (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 years ‎ (THANKS FOR THE VALUABLE CONTRIBUTIONS!)

21:38, March 23, 2013 Hotadmin4u69 (Talk | contribs) resurrected Zana Dark (Talk | contribs) (Been a year but let's see if she will even return.)

17:19, March 22, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 151.230.196.240 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Test drive getting banned)

IRC Log Of The Week
<SirPeasewhizz> lol
<derpyy> lol HOLOCAUST denial is gay
<Kippy> BEAKING NEWS: THE SITE IS BACK UP
<Hotadmin4u69> HOMOSEXUALITY

Biopic: In Their Own Words

THIS IS HOW CRAZY RAFAEL REALLY IS! CRAAAAAAAAZZYYY!!

In this issue on this given week, we interview the very crazy one: Very Crazy Rafael! This man is commonly more seen lurking around IRC and hasn't made his user page yet. So red links are his thing. But this is what this CRAZY Rafael had to say to the press:

I found the Wiki on July 17, 2008. I am Brazilian, so I'm user of the Portuguese version: "Desciclopédia." My first article was about Jerusalem, translated from the English version. My best article is about the game: Grand Theft Auto IV. I'm male, I'm 18. I am practicing law.

And this was his closing remark:

The project wiki has a great potential, you just realize that it affects your life, when you edit daily.

And there you have it! The very crazy; Very Crazy Rafael!

Old School Featured Article of the Week

Sideboob

Originally featured on 9 April 2010

Sideboob comes into play when a fashionable upper-class woman wants you to lust after her breasts, but can still live with herself in polite society. Sideboob, which is a peek-a-boo look at the side of either one or both breasts, aesthetically enhances any situation in which it appears. In fact, in our virtual/material/antropological world, good Sideboob is usually so attention-grabbing that all of the other objects of attraction in the vicinity can only brood silently, start the toe tapping thing, get into the arms crossed pose, and then storm out. That is the power of Sideboob. (Full article...)

Random Article of the Week

13 year old intelligence

Feature of the Week

Still life

Confucius say

Man who split wood is Tiger Woods.
If there was a tiger in woods, doesn't that mean Tiger Woods?
Large penis hurt girl? Hurt pussy.
Insert new password, penis.
Too small. Need a new one.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 21:54, 28 March 2013 (UTC)

Fixed it

I fixed up UnDebate:Is it the size of the ship or the motion in the ocean? Sir Pease whizz Biblio HOS Awards 19:55 3.30.13

Sweet. I'll take a look after I have a shower. -RA HB 03:12, 31 March 2013 (UTC)

DON'T BAN DA GENIAL VANDAL AND CONTINUE LISTENING TO ME. JACK ON!

By God, that is an excellent idea. -RA HB 04:25, 3 April 2013 (UTC)

From my toes to my tongue, I second that! Sir Pease whizz Biblio HOS Awards 04:42 4.03.13

You have multiple tongues? That must be exhausting. -RA HB 04:46, 3 April 2013 (UTC)

No, but you know what's exhausting? This guy wasted a perfectly good user name. PS I'm about to Quasi feature some shit! Or... no? Sir Pease whizz Biblio HOS Awards 04:47 4.03.13

Luckily we have server thingies that can do stuff to things. THINGS! Also yeah, Quasi featuring stuff would be awesome. So long as it fits the Quasi feature rules. But I don't remember what those rules are or where to find them : / -RA HB 04:50, 3 April 2013 (UTC)

I found it with one of my three tongues. The other two are resting. "QFA is given to articles that have a score of at least 50% of the score of the most recent feature at the time of removal from VFH" ... Although with the current voting levels I don't think anything which does not get at least say... 6? votes it should not get QFA. 6 is a number I pulled out of my arse. RAHB probably thinks 7 is better, as that is how many penis' he has... Mr N

19:23. Apr 4. 2013

We could always meet half way between my penises and your arse, at 6.5 : D -RA HB 19:37, 4 April 2013 (UTC)

Not the first time there has been a meeting of penises on Uncyclopedia. Mr N

19:43. Apr 4. 2013

And it certainly won't be the last. -RA HB 19:45, 4 April 2013 (UTC)

Can you interview someone for the Biopic?

I can't do it now. But I'll be back later to deliver it before turnover time. Sir Pease whizz Biblio HOS Awards 17:21 4.04.13

Yeah, no problem. -RA HB 17:22, 4 April 2013 (UTC)

This isn’t an April Fool’s Day Prank! This is the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.

April 4th, 2013 • Issue 193 • April showers bring February flowers. Wear protection.

We are so, so sorry

By Snippy

Move, bastard, move!

Yes, it's true. After only three months of sickly sweet freedom, our "Free" Uncyclopedia has broken. As the main page announced only days ago, our brief period of independence has come to an end, and it is now time to reconcile with the welcoming - if brutally oppressive - arms of Wikia. Or, in the bittersweet, tear-wrenching words of RAHB; "All will be assimilated into the bliss of the Grand Wikia Empire. Those who resist will be disposed of." Amen to that!

Maybe years in the future, we will even look back and say that the day we repented was the day that everything changed for the better. A date that will surely go down in history for Uncyclopedia: April the 1st.

... Wait, April the 1st? You guys fucking got me again, didn't you? Oh, wow.

(Thanks to Kip the Dip for the awesome April Fools Main Page!)

Easter!

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

The Easter Bunny!

So... what did you do this Easter Sunday? Did you even celebrate Easter? Did you see any bunnies in your house hiding eggs? Laying eggs? Making you "special candy"? I know I sure did! If you're not doing anything next year 'round, you could do some of these things; ~~kill a baby~~, do nothing, watch baseball, make a sandwich, skateboard, eat soup, and worship ~~Satan~~ Jesus! Happy Easter from the UnSignpost! Ruining your lives since 2008!

Ask Zombiebaron

Will you answer this question? (asked by Hotadmin4u69): Yes.

Why Hotadmin4u69 stole my question? (asked by Cat the Colourful): Manifest Destiny.

Why did ^ those two do what I was just about to do? (asked by Multiliteralist): Because none of you are creative enough to come up with cool questions like "Is eating my own poop kosher?" (The answer is "It depends on what the poop is made out of")

Does salad have inherently supernatural qualities? (asked by RAHB): Yes. If you eat enough salad you will turn into a supernatural dirty hippie. It is magic.

Do zombies like salad porn? (asked by Lost Labyrinth): Everybody likes salad porn.

Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!'

Confucius say

Man who make mistake in elevator is so wrong on many levels.
Man who fish in other men's well often catch crabs.
Man who hauls donkeys, hauls ass.
Ching chang ding dong.
War no determine who is right, but rather who is left.

Random Article of the Week

Pendle Hill

Feature of the Week

Get-rich-quick scheme

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

21:25, April 2, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Frank Zappa (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I will always remember the day that I blocked Frank Zappa from uncyclopedia :D)

21:36, April 1, 2013 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked This Is The End (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (The cabal wishes it)

19:24, March 30, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 221.130.18.183 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (this IP has aids)

21:37, March 29, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a goose ‎ (Making up silly block reasons just to get in the USP)

19:17, March 29, 2013 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Sir Peasewhizz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 12 seconds ‎ (I've had it with these motherfuckin' UnSignposts without my motherfuckin' name linked in them. Put this ban in the ban log plz. ; D)

11:23, March 29, 2013 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked Malamammais (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (<-- I'm with stupid.)

01:53, March 29, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.203.83.90 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (suck my dick or get the fuck out)

IRC Log Of The Week
<SirPeasewhizz> Oh god UncycBot is funny
<UncycBot> SirPeasewhizz: Great. I am a Christian.
<SirPeasewhizz> I'm lying
<SirPeasewhizz> He's stupid
<UncycBot> SirPeasewhizz: Please tell the truth.
<CatTheColourful> hahaha

Biopic: In Their Own Words
This week, we traveled to Saskatchewan to visit the ancient and revered Taiwanese sheep herder Lon Chang Eee, to ask him about his rich and storied life experiences traveling the Earth and meeting its various peoples. Unfortunately, he was not home. So instead, we interviewed Madclaw. When we arrived, he was naked and entirely covered in mustard, prompting us to ponder why we didn't come to him in the first place. He told us this about himself:

"My prick is a biohazard. One......................... two................................................ three....................................... four............................................... five............................................ six............................................... seven............................................... and a half................. inches. And due to the large amount of pubic hair you almost can't see the genital warts."

Speaking of my prick I once tried to thrust it into a grapefruit but due to the PH value of it my dickhead kept feeling a burning sensation. Fucking grapefruit give you crabs kids, unlike Grae-fruits, they give you AIDS."

He also told us that the most exciting thing he had ever stuck in his butthole was "A French hookers tiny dildo when I 69'ed her".

We can all learn a great deal from this man, who apparently also has something to do with a Star Trek fan site or something.

Old School Featured Article of the Week

History of Google

Originally featured on 6 May 2009

Since it became the world's most popular search engine, many people imagine that the Google™ corporation of California™ is a young company. However, this is not the case. Google was first registered as a trademark as long ago as 1894 and has been in business ever since, though it is only in the last decade that it has achieved the international fame that it now enjoys. (Full article...)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 18:24, 4 April 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost Time, Folks! I repeat, UnSignpost Time!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

All your readers are belong to us

April 11th, 2013 • Issue 194 • Chicago Cubs 0 (HAHAHAHA! GET IT? THEY SUCK!)

Oh boy is my cat a horny bastard!

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

I love you.

Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boooyyy! My cat is a horny bastard! Seriously! My cat won't shut up! He's always chewing on my chords, meowing, biting my laptop's corners (of the screen) and interrupting my Yankees baseball game! Seriously, what should I do? I wanted to write something interesting today for the UnSignpost, but I have to deal with this cat situation! His name is Max by the way. Somebody help me! My cat is horny! HORNY!

I love Mila Kunis

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

I love you.

I love Mila Kunis. I'm sorry, but I really do. She is my girlfriend. I'm not kidding. Why would I lie to you? I LAUGH. This is serious, just like the whole website. Serious matter.

I love this woman.

I love you baby.

Seriously, lots of love.

Ask Zombiebaron

What do brains taste like? (asked by Simsilikesims): Everybody's brain tastes different based on what sort of stuff they think about. My favorite is people who think about pizza.

If beans are such a musical fruit, how come they can only play the trombone? (asked by Modusoperandi): Beans believe in quality not quantity. Why play multiple instruments when you can just play one really really well.

Have you seen Iron Sky? XDD (asked by Cat the Colourful): Yes! I finally watched it a few weeks ago and totally forgot to answer this question. I highly recommend this movie to all fans of my column. Two words: space nazis.

If you mixed a Zombiebaron, an Olipro and a Mr winkler, what would be the ultimate outcome? (asked by Lost Labyrinth): The superior Zombiebaron DNA would devour the other two and you would get a clone of me.

Dear, Zombibaron [sic], is professional wrestling fixed? (asked by RAHB): I didn't know it had been broken.

Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!'

Confucius say

Life is like butt hair. Short and full of crap!
Elvis not dead. He is doing the Jail House rock in HELL!
Man who finger girlfriend during her period, caught red-handed!
He who laugh last think slowest!
Man with hand in pants feel cocky all day long!

Random Article of the Week

Pants Anderson

Feature of the Week

UnNews:Bellicose Uzi kills Lebanese gangster’s ex-wife

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

21:24, April 9, 2013 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a salmon ‎ (Possibly discriminating against Wiccans.)

21:13, April 9, 2013 Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Using "W***a" in a block reason. Irony.)

10:31, April 9, 2013 Hotadmin4u69 (Talk | contribs) blocked TanyaArne (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Abusing multiple accounts: Fuck you too.)

10:30, April 9, 2013 Hotadmin4u69 (Talk | contribs) blocked BrookeTra (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Tired of these bot created accounts with names. What happens when the real Brooke Tra tries to join Uncyclopedia? Nothing, because you stole her username you faggot)

22:35, April 8, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Wanda The Monkey (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Have a nice day)

02:10, April 5, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) (Banning me for nearly 2 years over a link on a subpage that I haven't edited in over a year seems a bit much)

01:52, April 5, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 667 days ‎ (mentioning Wikia in a block reason)

22:28, April 4, 2013 Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 666 days ‎ (A HARD-LINK TO WIKIA???? ZOMBIEBARON?!?!? ZOMBIEBARON!!!!)

13:12, April 3, 2013 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 151.230.138.106 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (:()

IRC Log Of The Week
<Dex> Shut up, Kip.
<derpyy> Shut the things got up, because we watch Dexter PORN
<Dex> And leave that poor IP alone.
<Kip2> That's my ghost, you idjit.
<Tigerman_> Idjit?
<Kip2> Yeah. That's a slang word, right?

Biopic: In Their Own Words
This week, for the Biopic we went to the extremes of MAGIC BUS RIDES! Ladies and gentlemen! The magical MagicBus! YEAH! This is what he had to say for us at the UnSignpost! And yes, the ride was magical! I came. But you don't want to know that. That's icky stuff. Here's what MagicBus had to say:

Hello, I'm MagicBus. I have a mom and a dad. I also have one cool sister and three very annoying brothers. I am Christian and I believe in God. My favorite colors are blue, green and black. I am currently attend high school and I'm in 11th grade.

I will try my best to kick the 5-time champion and the 4-time champion out of NASCAR. My favorite football team is the Buffalo Bills and I extremely hate the Cheaters. I also like many rock bands from the 60's, 70's and 80's and wish Justin Bieber to hit puberty and to stop kissing his girlfriend. I also love to play the drums and I play them like Keith Moon of The Who. My favorite NASCAR driver is David Ragan. And this was his closing statement, which came extremely magically:

I'm MagicBus and I approve this message!

There you have it everybody! The magical, the transportation daredevil, the hip MagicBus! Yes, cheer. Cheer. Harder, louder, faster stronger. Now twist. One more time. Okay stop! Hammertime.

Old School Featured Article of the Week

Minecraft

Originally featured on 30 August 2012

Minecraft is a sandbox-building independent video game written entirely in Java, created by Swedish professor Markus "I-can't-make-circles-or-other-shapes" Persson.

Persson began on the project after he decided that he had a deep yearning to create a game that was more boring than real life. Instead of, you know, making something that would actually benefit the world. At the time, he probably thought the project as small, insignificant. Little did he know that his creation would soon amass a mighty army of sheepish gamers that would never have a relationship or even know a life outside of Minecraft.

The game is mainly comprised of extremely pixelated blocks, gardening tools, inconsistent gravity and 12 year olds who will spend every waking moment at this little game. (Full article...)

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SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 00:36, 11 April 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost, late and lazy!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

April 19th, 2013 • Issue 195 • Fresh shredding material for your kitty's claws

I apologize, dudes!

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

It seems last issue, I had a minor outbreak about my about my cat's out-of-control horniness. But my love for Mila Kunis still stands tall.

I apologize, bitches and dudes.

Here's a picture of broccoli.

Broccoli, guys!

Wait thoughhhh!

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

Do you think Katy Perry is hot?

Sure thing.

Ask Zombiebaron

If we were to crash several small meteors into Mars as to build up its mass slightly and we then syphoned some of the greenhouse gases from Venus' atmosphere and enveloped Mars in it, would Mars become habitable? What about Venus? Would it cool down enough following the removal of the greenhouse gases? (asked by Dexter111344): Yes.

I made a movie called "iRape". How do I promote it in theatres? (asked by Hotadmin4u69): Very carefully.

Questions? (asked by Cat the Colourful): Yes please.

How many walruses could you (as in, YOU, Zombiebaron) put in a bathtub with doughnuts on their tusks? (asked by Strainj1): You haven't defined all the variables. How long do I have to complete this? Over the course of several decades I could probably slowly kill and transport hundreds of walruses.

Is it the heat, or is it the humidity? (asked by RAHB): The heat. Heat causes humidity.

Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!'

Confucius say

She who whisper secret, whisper one word. "Secret". Literally.
Man with four balls cannot walk, wrong baseball, you wrong!
Man who called gay while happy has boner?
This week, USP at least percent effort
The above quote barely make sense.

Random Article of the Week

Vasily Tolstoy

Feature of the Week

Drawing

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

07:46, April 15, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.244.172.142 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (a sad little man that needs some time alone with his right hand)

02:49, April 11, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Wakkoswish123 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (I am remarkably certain that I gave you the civility speech. Correct me if I'm wrong.)

02:37, April 11, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) resurrected Mr-ex777 (Talk | contribs) (Sang the My Little Pony theme song. Clearly shown a change of heart. His heart is all furry now. Which makes it less useful in cardiovascular processes, but strangely cute.)

02:28, April 11, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Mr-ex777 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (What he's doing is seriously so not blanking. You're an idiot.)

IRC Log Of The Week
<gaybo_the_clown> the anime came first
<gaybo_the_clown> like everything in japan
<gaybo_the_clown> it's based on anime
<SirPeasewhizz> \wp Date Masamune
<gaybo_the_clown> I'm not even sure japan exists
<gaybo_the_clown> I think it's just from cartoons and fucked up porn
<gaybo_the_clown> like king arhur

Biopic: In Their Own Words

Sorry, we're too lazy.

Old School Featured Article of the Week

Hollywood tour

Originally featured on 28 March 2010

Welcome on board everyone, or as our German friends would say, "Hello!" I'm Stephen Baldwin. You may recognise me from the front of that pamphlet you're holding. This is Stephen Baldwin's Excellent Tour of Hollywood, On a Bus, driven by Me, Stephen Baldwin. I bet you didn't know I was a bus driver! Well, things aren't so flash in the movie business lately. Hold my whiskey... thanks. God, I'm Irish!

Let's all buckle in and get started. Actually, I couldn't afford seatbelts. Whenever I'm not talking -- not often, I assure you! -- feel free to ask me questions about me! I'll respond by talking about myself. Now I know you folks are probably wanting to see the sights -- and you will! But mostly, I'm just going to talk about myself and drive past them all at 60 miles an hour. (Full article...)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 01:41, 19 April 2013 (UTC)

we am excuse but please dont cancel operah by pitto & criuti we need for public spam please dont be ricchion

hallo we need pubblicity for spam because we are the best italian songs in the world. please we am excuse but dont cancel work and operah because it is the pericle and risky could not see noster songs in the world and be a ruin 4 the world help us pubblicitating spam of songs by mr pitto e mr criuti ciaoz and not be ricchioni. --Scampmomma (talk) 03:57, 19 April 2013 (UTC)

No. -RA HB 04:09, 19 April 2013 (UTC)

Happy 420

Now, while we're on this subject, I'd like you to know that I'm writing an article on Jerry Garcia. But I don't really know much about the man to make it humorous. If you could contribute to this article, I'd appreciate it. However, I want to cover the stuff about his death if that's okay with you. User:Matthlock/sig2 19:31, 20 April 2013 (UTC)

Excellent, I'll try to contribute what I can. I'm not great at writing articles about people, especially ones I idolize, but I'll do my best :D -RA HB 19:41, 20 April 2013 (UTC)

Okay. That's all I'm asking. But don't get read of any of the stuff already. Especially any of the nine-finger stuff, I think that's hilarious. User:Matthlock/sig2 23:26, 20 April 2013 (UTC)

The 2 Days Tardy USP!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.

April 25th, 2013 • Issue 196 • Good morning... just kidding.

Writers are writing! VFH is getting a boost! HOW DO I KEEP IT IN MY PANTS?!

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

Lol. Voting.

Whilst I sit, watching a Yankees Classics rerun-David Cone's Perfect Game, I become bored. Yes, bored. Sorry to break out the truth stick. So let us talk, paper to reader. Why do you give such gay faces when I say that? Is it that you don't like me? You don't like me?! THE UNSIGNPOST PAPER?! Well then you can just rip me the FUCK UP! Just kidding... I enjoy living.

It seems that Votes for Highlight has received a blow. Er, a boost. You fucking pervert. Gawd! Anyways, good job ladies on taking VFH (around 6 votes per article) and pushing it somewhere else! (10.03 votes per article as of Friday, April 19th)

And you guys are writing! FUCK YEAH!

PLS

By ~~Snippy~~ Nobody

The 12th Poo Lit Surprise will commence on the 26th of April. Judges sign up here. Writers could win a fortune. Mark you calendars.

Ask Zombiebaron

Ain't I clean? Bad machine. Super cool, super mean. (asked by Colin "All your base" Heaney): So fresh and so clean.

Howcome you never change your signature? (asked by Y): It is hard to improve on perfection.

What is sex? (asked by Sir Peasewhizz): The Latin word for the number six.

What kind of username is 'Zombiebaron'? (asked by THC420): My kind of username.

Is it true that you don't pick the best questions but the easiest ones instead? There have been rumours. (asked by Multiliteralist): I pick the best questions and then I make them look easy.

Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!'

Confucius say

He who say thy is out of date and should go on dating sites
These are still corny joke givings
And the racist accent-wording is corny too
5+5=10
That is fucking random
That was explicit!
You explicit! FOO!
We all explicit at times
Agreed
Disagreed
Wow gay
FROSTY
Gets hit by cars?
This isn't suppose to be a conversation column
Fuck...!

Random Article of the Week

Tremors

Feature of the Week

Public domain

Check out these pages!

Buenos tardes... tsk tsk... and repetitive. This was in the USP not long ago...
Hey look! A PEE REVIEW! DAMN! I JUST DID IT! YES I DID! I JUST PUT A PEE REVIEW IN THE FRICKIN USP! - I'm so naughty! Wait, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

From our logs:

01:16, April 19, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Cindy889915 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 years, 6 hours, 32 minutes and 24 seconds ‎ (Please come back in 3 years and try again)

23:45, April 18, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Papapage (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (SPEAK ENGLISH)

21:07, April 17, 2013 Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) blocked QUARTETTO DEI RICCHIONI con Legoktm e Zombiebaron e Bizzebeever e Sir Peasewhizz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (that's nice)

19:10, April 17, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 96.49.73.175 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (u do gay thing, u banned now.)

IRC Log Of The Week
<RAHB> Sure, as soon as I finish watching How To Irritate People
<SirPeasewhizz> lol
<RAHB> Clever flick, incidentally :)
<RAHB> Got most of the Monty Python cast pre-Flying Circus
<SirPeasewhizz> hahaha

Biopic: In Their Own Words
For this week's Biopic, we turned our attention to Denza252, because he is the master of Biopic'n! Here's what this dude had to say! Behold:

I am denza252, I am an aspie adhd suffering bipolar schizophrenic, soon I will be an uncyclopedia administrator and I have big plans for this wiki, I am a southern baptist christian and my favorite Star Wars character is Quinlan Vos, I am gonna murder SPIKE for impersonating me

And this was Denza252's closing statement:

is that enough?

Yes. That is enough. Superb, in fact! Everybody, give it up for Denza252! Woo, woo!

Old School Featured Article of the Week

Tojo Books

Originally featured on 16 March 2010

THE STORY OF THE MOST FAMOUS INTERNATIONAL BOOK WAR -- NOW IN PAPERBACK!

Intrigue! Perfect binding! Warehouse Fires! Price Cutting!

The members of the board hushed as President Roosevelt strained to rise and speak. Finally, leaning unsteadily against the mahogany table, the president spoke:(Full article...)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 01:05, 27 April 2013 (UTC)

Spacety

An artist's representation of the NASA experiment that was deemed too expensive. Why doesn't NASA buy more black ink for their artists? Everyone knows space should look black. Oh fucking shit. What's being done with our tax dollars?

There you go. -- Style Guide 16:48, 1 May 2013 (UTC)

Ahahahah, that is excellent. -RA HB 19:34, 1 May 2013 (UTC)

Thanks

Lo, and thanks for featuring the St. Peter's Square page. That was a surprise when I checked in a few minutes ago. I made some edits to the leda paragraph after reading it on the main page, and maybe take a look and if you think it's improved possibly exchange the lede on the front page. Thanks again, and good to be on your talk page once more. Aleister 13:39 8-5-'13

No worries, Al. I took your modifications and replaced the original in the template. Let me know that I got it all in there. Nice to have you on my talk page again : ) -RA HB 19:53, 8 May 2013 (UTC)

cy

Lyrithya has already been poked about this and she suggested I bug you instead. The cy: shortcut should produce an interwiki to http://cy.uncyclopedia.org.uk/ (Welsh Uncyc), but instead it's a redlink. Could you please go to Special:Interwiki and add cy: back? I understand it was removed because the project was too small, but it's got 50-something articles (not sure how many exactly - I think the counter is having problems refreshing), 1 active admin and 2 semi-active ones, so I think it deserves to have a working interlanguage shortcut. This seems especially true in light of the still-working shortcuts sco: and dlm: which lead to, respectively, wikis with 5 and 7 articles. This is far fewer articles than on the Welsh site. If cy: has been disabled due to a risk of interlanguage spambots, no worries; there's a Captcha filter on creating pages and adding external links, and I can always revert and/or block the offending spammers. I notice spambots aren't filtered out as well on Scotypedia as on Celwyddoniadur because the last edit I ran across in their recent changes had a very suspicious looking edit summary. I also doubt that anyone has reverted it since I checked yesterday.

Thanks for reading, Llwy (scold|hover) 19:08, 9 May 2013 (UTC)

Just out of curiosity, I visited sco:Special:RecentChanges and turned up a mass of IP spam/junk edits. I reverted every single one except for what was done to sco:Talk:Main Page; the entire page history consisted of useless IP stuff, so I just blanked it. What a mess. Anyway I think you get the point; there is no valid reason I can see for not re-enabling the Welsh interlanguage shortcut. Llwy (scold|hover) 19:21, 9 May 2013 (UTC)

Compelling arguments! I'd be adding it back in right now, but it appears Lyrithya forgot that only bureaucrats and sysadmin (which is a different group from regular admin) can edit the interwiki table. Actually, it appears that I forgot that as well. I definitely remember editing the table a few months ago so we must have changed it around somewhat recently. I'll ask one of the sysadmins right now to look at it. -RA HB 03:54, 10 May 2013 (UTC)

I added the interwiki. -- The Zombiebaron 04:02, 10 May 2013 (UTC)

Three cheers for Zombiebaron! -RA HB 04:06, 10 May 2013 (UTC)

Thanks much! Llwy (scold|hover) 18:35, 10 May 2013 (UTC)

Can I ask you a question?

I'm just setting camp on Last.fm. Could you explain to me how I can start my own library? I know how to use Grooveshark and Spotify, so if you could compare it to those, that would be better. User:Matthlock/sig2 03:47, 15 May 2013 (UTC)

Actually, I think I got things taken care of on my Last.fm channel. Never mind. User:Matthlock/sig2 23:39, 15 May 2013 (UTC)

Yep, looks like you've got it working now. Right on. -RA HB 00:02, 16 May 2013 (UTC)

This might sound out of line but can we be Fuckbook friends? .....I mean, Facebook friends. Can we Facebook friends? (I'm already Facebook friends with Frosty and Cat the Colourful, you're my third favorite user to talk to.) You can send me a private email to matthlock5@gmail.com explaining your real name and where I can find you. Thanks. Not trying to be a stalker, just trying to be good to my best buds. User:Matthlock/sig2 18:08, 18 May 2013 (UTC)

Oh wait a second, your Facebook info is on your Last.fm page. Well, I sent you a friend request! Also, I noticed that you've been listening to Joy Division on Last.fm. No way! They are one of my absolute favorite bands! I'm serious. It's a real tragedy what happened to Ian Curtis, although out of his self-destruction came another good thing: New Order. User:Matthlock/sig2 18:26, 18 May 2013 (UTC)

Alright, request accepted. And yes, good deal Joy Division. I only just discovered them last night, but I find them very pleasant to listen to. Haven't gotten around to New Order yet but I'm planning on it after that. -RA HB 21:40, 18 May 2013 (UTC)

Wow. I've been listening to Joy Division since when I was seven. My big brother Donny introduced me to a lot of stuff, and I can't thank him enough for giving me the musical knowledge I have today. User:Matthlock/sig2 00:34, 22 May 2013 (UTC)

I was just never all that enchanted with the new wave scene for some reason. In the past year I started to warm up to it after following its connections with certain other styles of the times. I try to listen to at least one group I've never heard before every day or so. Last.fm has helped out a lot with that. -RA HB 05:05, 22 May 2013 (UTC)

Joy Division is more post-punk than new wave, but whatever. I respect your choice of listening to one group that you haven't heard before on Last.fm every day. I'm trying that too. I've been a lifelong fan of R.E.M., and while listening to the R.E.M. radio state on last.fm, I learned about this Welsh band I never heard of before called Manic Street Preachers. I fell in love at first lesson. My newest favorite band now. User:Matthlock/sig2 17:56, 22 May 2013 (UTC)

Ah, very cool, the Manics are an awesome group. I think last.fm might have been how I found out about them as well. And yeah, I suppose Joy Division do fall more into the post-punk area, although one of their big draws is really that they don't fit neatly into any category entirely. Whatever they are, I've certainly enjoyed them. -RA HB 23:10, 22 May 2013 (UTC)

Yes. And also Joy Division is unlike any other band due to its intelligent use of Nietzschean and Kafkaesque themes in their lyrics. No other band really uses themes like those. User:Matthlock/sig2 15:32, 23 May 2013 (UTC)

Plenty of other groups did that sort of thing, it's just nobody's ever probably heard of them. What I've found in researching music over the years is that a lot of things are going on and have gone on, much more than any one person can actually fathom, in music's history. There are undiscovered diamonds of music history forever doomed to be obscured by a shroud of dust, but that could excite and titillate any given person beyond their wildest dreams of what they thought music was capable of. Last.fm will certainly help with that overtime. -RA HB 02:20, 24 May 2013 (UTC)

Yeah. My big brother has a CD compilation of Nigerian rock music from the '70s. And in the booklet for that CD, it said something that the history of music is like an orange, and the more we peel, the more undiscovered richness in its history can be found. Or something like that. It's a blur. But it was something along those lines. User:Matthlock/sig2 14:51, 24 May 2013 (UTC)

Wild. That's a great analogy. Well, a good analogy. Well, it gets the point across anyway :P -RA HB 01:05, 25 May 2013 (UTC)

My big brother Donny introduced me to a ton of music like I said before. I can tag you in my 'Niggas In Paris' status on Facebook if you want to see how eclectic he made my musical tastes. User:Matthlock/sig2 17:10, 25 May 2013 (UTC)

I'll take your word for it. I stopped caring about comparing sizes of musically eclectic penises a long time ago. -RA HB 02:20, 27 May 2013 (UTC)

That's what I love about these conversations. I never know what you're gonna say next. User:Matthlock/sig2 14:38, 28 May 2013 (UTC)

Stay tuned! After the break RAHB swallows an entire small East-Asian fishing village! -RA HB 14:59, 28 May 2013 (UTC)

That sounds ruff! :D Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz

15:25, 28 May, 2013 (UTC)

You think that's rough, you should have seen the Norwegian circus troupe from last week! -RA HB 15:58, 28 May 2013 (UTC)

Wow. How many people are in a Norwegian circus troupe? User:Matthlock/sig2 16:03, 28 May 2013 (UTC)

Depends on the time of the year. -RA HB 16:12, 28 May 2013 (UTC)

How about May? User:Matthlock/sig2 16:14, 28 May 2013 (UTC)

No RAHB is wrong. Depends on how many survived the winter. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz

16:19, 28 May, 2013 (UTC)

Good point. After all, Cat lives closer to Norway than any of us. User:Matthlock/sig2 16:21, 28 May 2013 (UTC)

Oh yeah, almost forgot that :D Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz

16:23, 28 May, 2013 (UTC)

Well, we all forget where we're from sometimes. It's fun to pretend you're something you're not. Like sometimes I like to speak with a 'strayian accent, m8. Strewth! User:Matthlock/sig2 16:24, 28 May 2013 (UTC)

ahahaha :D Tell me, why you're never on irc? I've never seen you there :O Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz

16:42, 28 May, 2013 (UTC)

I don't have internet at my house, and the library somehow doesn't let me use IRC. Sorry. Once I get internet, I'll join. User:Matthlock/sig2 02:14, 29 May 2013 (UTC)

You'll be doing love making derpyy. She's in the She's from the lesser wiki the one on all just best. bot. -RA HB 05:48, 29 May 2013 (UTC)

Huh? User:Matthlock/sig2 14:39, 29 May 2013 (UTC)

Have a chat with derpyy on irc and you'll understand Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz

14:43, 29 May, 2013 (UTC)

And then you'll also simultaneously not understand. -RA HB 15:17, 29 May 2013 (UTC)

It's like what David Lynch said. "If everything is real...then nothing is real as well." User:Matthlock/sig2 15:29, 29 May 2013 (UTC)

QUICK TO THE IRCMOBILE!

WE NEED YOU -- The Zombiebaron 00:18, 16 May 2013 (UTC)

The IP Party of Uncyclopedia

Thank you for faking an interest. Please join! —Adopt-A-Noob

Can you close and update the top 10 of april?

Pease and thank you Sir Peasewhizz ... Biblio . HOS . Awards 21:07 5.18.13

I was about to try just now and ten I realized that I have no idea how to do that :/ -RA HB 21:41, 18 May 2013 (UTC)

Here. I'm magical. Like a fairy. Or a pixie. Which one is no help at all? Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 02:24, 19 May 2013 (UTC)

Do it pease and thank you :D

Sir Peasewhizz ... Biblio . HOS . Awards 18:45 5.19.13

But that would ruin my average! Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 02:20, 20 May 2013 (UTC)

You must help me.

i got muted by freenode staff And now i cannot pm any admin or resoloution in freenode. please unquiet me.--WELCOME TO UNCYCLOPEDIA HELL!!!! 13:56, 21 May 2013 (UTC)

Moron, RAHB is sleeping. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz

14:02, 21 May, 2013 (UTC)

I don't know if someone else did it already or not, but I think it's fixed now. -RA HB 21:16, 21 May 2013 (UTC)

Eh, on a similar note... WHO DIED AND BANNED ME AGAIN IN IRC? I mean, I thought this was cleared up. And Hotadmin or someone unbanned my IP, now its just that kiwi is still banned. So could you wrassle up some action to fix this grave injustice? PWEASE? (I'll give you another pic of one of 'em girly looking boys ya like in IRC) --The Slayer of Zaramoth DungeonSiegeAddict510 10:25, 4 June 2013 (UTC)

krypton.

My sweet rahb. Coúld. You please take down krypton. Id. Rather not feature it with 5 againsts. It jeeds work. Chaaaaaaaaaars. --ShabiDOO 19:19, 1 June 2013 (UTC)

Well alright, if you say so. -RA HB 04:30, 2 June 2013 (UTC)

Thanks sweetie-poo! I'm tingling all over with RAHB-fab! --ShabiDOO 15:12, 2 June 2013 (UTC)

Settle down, dear. The neighbors are watching. -RA HB 22:24, 2 June 2013 (UTC)

HOT DIGGITY!

You sure have a shitload of sections. Let me make that list bigger. Anyways, hi, whats up. I'mma be here as DungeonSiegeAddict510 , instead of Denza252 from now on. So I thought I should let ya know. --The Slayer of Zaramoth DungeonSiegeAddict510 10:21, 4 June 2013 (UTC)

Since you are partially responsible...

-- Style Guide 07:21, 7 June 2013 (UTC)

Week-old news two weeks late: The UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!

June 6th, 2013 • Issue 198 • Back and ~~better than ever~~ still pretty adequate.

News Roundup At The OK Corral

By RAHB

Yes, we've returned. Yes, we're still incredibly good looking.

Here we are, we are not dead. Ignore the fact that the staff is entirely changed from last time. We did not murder them. And we definitely didn't murder Sir Peasewhizz. Because that would be just terrible. What we did do, however, is listed below:

Recently Uncyclopedia's esteemed writing competition, the Poo Lit Surprise took place, and the outpouring of entries would have been overwhelming if it had happened. The meager number of entries we did receive seems to have done the trick though, as it has kept the judges confounded and overwhelmed for several weeks past the judging deadline now. We suspect that they are toiling away, scrutinizing every fine detail of the pieces entered, to ensure that the Uncyclopedian people are guaranteed results of the utmost quality. And we certainly did not murder Legoktm. That would be just terrible.
The monthly awards pages have been vigorously steam-cleaned and you can hardly notice the stains anymore. Archival and blurb'ing is under new management. So vote now for your favorite writers, noobs, Uncyclopedians, potatochoppers, morons and everything else! It's also time to vote on the Top 3 of May, and don't forget about VFH, VFP and VFD. And, perhaps most importantly of all, VOTE FOR SANDWICHES! The future of Uncyclopedia depends on it.
An insidious stream of buttsex farticles relating inexplicably to Doctor Who and Mr-ex777 has recently taken over Uncyclopedia's mainspace. There is no reason to be alarmed, this is just another of the strange series of ways in which the BBC is celebrating the 50th anniverary of the popular long-running science fiction series. They've also recently dressed mating animals in Doctor garb at the San Diego Zoo, anonymously left replicas of the Eleventh Doctor's sonic screwdriver inside various cakes and chocolate bars, and spray-painted Matt Smith's penis onto several trains and bus stops, in hopes of building up hype for this Novemeber's big event.
This week we were treated to the triumphant return of one of our most beloved image manipulators and an all-around great gal, Sonje! She's already taken to clearing out the backup at Image Request, helping out with the projects of a few delirious madmen and laughed heartily at the antics of a certain unnamed IRC Markov bot. Go welcome her aggressively on her talk page so that she doesn't leave to work on her Master's degree again!
IFYMB! is a poopsmith now because I said so.

And there you have it. That is literally everything that happened on Uncyclopedia since the last UnSignpost. It may have seemed like not much information, but really we just used a sort of wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey device to cram a hell of a lot of data into a very short space of time. This is part of the UnSignpost's new technological advances that will make us a constant competitor in the world of wiki-news in the future. Please, tell your friends. Please. Seriously, please.

Also, Wikia still sucks (just in general). But please don't murder them. That would be just terrible.

Ask Zombiebaron

When does the next UnSignpost come out? (asked by Moose): Right now!

Does UnSignpost even happen anymore? (asked by IFYMB!): Yes!

Is USP neutered? Ever? (asked by Cat the Colourful): We tried once and it bit off Dr. Skullthumper's left hand. He had to completely relearn how to masturbate.

Can frogs be neutered? (asked by IFYMB!): Anything can be neutered.

Yeah when is the next USP? (asked by Multiliteralist): Right now!

Can I ask two questions? (asked by Multiliteralist): In this special edition of Ask Zombiebaron, yes. However your third question ("Or three?") cannot be answered in this issue. You will have to wait until next time to learn the answer!

Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

00:06, May 31, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 123.202.12.124 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (I'm still intrigued about this "blood of the number one scorer" that you keep mentioning. Is it an album or something?)

22:02, May 30, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 61.180.49.18 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (That edit summary was so METAL)

12:36, May 22, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 209.221.90.250 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Thanks for coming back after your last ban! See you in 6 months!)

10:02, May 15, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Arcom0911 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (If you're gonna bully kids at your school at least have the balls to do it somewhere they might actually see)

17:00, May 8, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 208.54.35.187 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Oi! You! Stop titting around!)

IRC Log of the Week
[23:46] <ifymb> Sounds very scientific
[23:47] <RAHB> Oh, it is
[23:47] <RAHB> Trust me, it totally is
[23:47] <RAHB> We have test tubes and everything
[23:47] <ifymb> Lab coats?
[23:47] <ifymb> You gotta have lab coats
[23:48] <RAHB> Yeah we've got lab coats
[23:48] <RAHB> Well
[23:48] <RAHB> We've got one lab coat and we just sort of share it
[23:50] <ifymb> what, you all have a patch
[23:50] <ifymb> all you all fit in one?
[23:57] <RAHB> Well, sometimes, if we've had too much to drink
[23:57] <RAHB> But usually we just rotate it around
[23:57] <RAHB> Whoever's using the test tubes gets to wear the coat

Biopic: In Their Own Words
This week Sonje returned to our ranks after nearly two years of inactivity. We were intending to do a Biopic: In Their Own Words on her for this issue of the UnSignpost, but we got lazy, and then we got drunk, and then we started trying on other people's clothes, and then things got really hazy, and now we don't have a biopic for this week. We promise to do it next week though. We totally promise.

Random Article of the Week

Anal Twitmas

Ask Zombiebaron Some More

How do zombies fit in well with everyday society? Gayness? (asked by Lost Labyrinth): We wear wigs.

Coke or Pepsi? (asked by Colin "All your base" Heaney): Coke.

Who touched me? (asked by Hotadmin4u69): A trucker named Paul. He roofied you during your school field trip to Washington DC.

Is the only card you need the Ace of Spades? (asked by RAHB): Of course.

Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them even more!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Tue, Jun 11 '13 2:34 (UTC)

Hi! Hi!

Please accept, as promised, this year's supply of de-pantsified ninja-stars. Or maybe they were pantsed, in the sense of having pants added, seeing as they are actually wearing more pants than typical ninja stars? Whatever. SPAM SPAM SPAM!

Also, if you're around and not dead, I'm on IRC. ~ BB ~ (T)

~ Thu, Jun 13 '13 0:21 (UTC)

I almost died. True story. -RA HB 06:41, 13 June 2013 (UTC)

Pointless obligatory spampost --The Slayer of Zaramoth DungeonSiegeAddict510 06:47, 13 June 2013 (UTC) (this isn't even my sig anymore...)

Fuck you picture

I realised that I uploaded over a old photo after it said that I uploaded. Sorry. -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 15:43, 13 June 2013 (UTC)

No worries, was a quick fix. -RA HB 15:46, 13 June 2013 (UTC)

Yo cockload

I'm a leave town for some weeks starting this friday. Keeping up with music; gonna send you some if I finish anything good during vacation. Write something so I'll have image requests when I come back. -- Style Guide 06:05, 19 June 2013 (UTC)

You

Complete me RAHB. --ShabiDOO 13:59, 19 June 2013 (UTC)

And this is why commas are important. The Woodburninator

Minimal Effort ™ 14:19, 19 June 2013 (UTC)

Valentines day is only 9 months away. --ShabiDOO 11:22, 20 June 2013 (UTC)

Every day is valentine's day. -RA HB 18:39, 20 June 2013 (UTC)

Gasp! Sigh. Uff. Hmmmmmmmmm. Yeah. --ShabiDOO 00:23, 21 June 2013 (UTC)

I can tell by you onomatopoeia that you were not expecting this gesture. I must retreat to the gesture room to plan out another. -RA HB 00:25, 21 June 2013 (UTC)

Unicorn burger anyone? IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 00:26 21 June 2013

Unicorn burgers are not allowed in the gesture room! You know they stain the carpets! -RA HB 00:27, 21 June 2013 (UTC)

But, but you can have... discount! Discount eh, whatdoyasay? IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 00:29 21 June 2013

...Okay, leave them on the desk. -RA HB 00:42, 21 June 2013 (UTC)

Ahhhhh, I knew you were a unicorn guy from the minute I laid eyes on you. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 00:43 21 June 2013

I resent that sir, I am not a unicorn gay! I only occasionally have sexual relations with male unicorns for scientific purposes! -RA HB 00:57, 21 June 2013 (UTC)

"Scientific" he says. Oh, RAHB, you are so very kinky. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 01:01 21 June 2013

Science is delightfully kinky. -RA HB 01:03, 21 June 2013 (UTC)

Take a page out of Matt Smith's book, and you'll see for yourself. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 01:05 21 June 2013

COLONS! :COLONS EV:ERYWHERE! (Because I have nothing useful to say) --The Shield of Azunai DSA510 Insight into the mind of an aspergian: 01:07, 21 June 2013 (UTC)

Duly noted. -RA HB 01:11, 21 June 2013 (UTC)

Thank you --The Shield of Azunai DSA510 Insight into the mind of an aspergian: 01:12, 21 June 2013 (UTC)

All three of you. Complete me. --ShabiDOO 11:14, 21 June 2013 (UTC)

But there are more than 3! --The Shield of Azunai DSA510 Insight into the mind of an aspergian: 17:35, 21 June 2013 (UTC)

Whoooooooah....blblblblblblblble..yum yum yum yum yum....aeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !!! --ShabiDOO 20:28, 21 June 2013 (UTC)

Denza floats away--The Shield of Azunai DSA510 Insight into the mind of an aspergian: 01:08, 22 June 2013 (UTC)

Someone needs to make a Game of Thrones article

Seeing that I had not watched that show yet I am worried that I'll screw up. Though calling it a board game might sound nice as its premise. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Aussie CUN|IC Kill | 02:32, 24 June 2013 (UTC)

Yeah, I don't know anything about Game of Thrones. Like, at all. So I'm probably not the best person for the job :/ -RA HB 02:44, 24 June 2013 (UTC)

One of the many articles in need of a parody, I'm afraid.

|Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Aussie CUN|IC Kill

| 13:23, 29 June 2013 (UTC)

Doesn't matter; I just made a potatochop:

|Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Aussie CUN|IC Kill | 11:01, 7 July 2013 (UTC)

New USP

I've starteed one over here. Add some stuff if you like. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 23:41 26 June 2013

Oh god XD

It's a shame you weren't seeing the birth of #uncyclopedia paradox. derpyy and snerk started chatting with each other after me and Mr-ex777 spammed a... little...they've been talking to each other for ten minutes or something. Really awesome :3 Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 09:06, 5 July, 2013 (UTC)

Ok so now this has been on for almost 2 hours... Still really wonderful :D Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz

10:56, 5 July, 2013 (UTC)

Also, check uncycstats :) It's really changed the last time you were there. I'm top 1 on almost every emoticon-parts. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz

10:57, 5 July, 2013 (UTC)

AHAHAHAHA, the shit is still on. I've created a paradox. I'm proud of myself. But... it should end soon. Derpyy is already repeating :D :D :D :D :D's so it's anther hour or so. I can read the emoticons, you know. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz

12:40, 5 July, 2013 (UTC)

Oh noes, I think I broke derpyy. She isn't answering to any call. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz

12:47, 5 July, 2013 (UTC)

And now netsplit happened. Damn. She's lost, I tell you. We lost our nonsense-babbler. How sad. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz

12:47, 5 July, 2013 (UTC)

O_O YIKES! netplit is attacking everybody! Almost half of the crew just flew out of because netsplits. Uh oh. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz

12:53, 5 July, 2013 (UTC)

inb4 ddos is confirmed. Also, lewl, bot paradoxes are sexy. --The Shield of Azunai DSA510 Insight into the mind of an aspergian: 18:38, 5 July 2013 (UTC)

Dammit, I missed the greatest IRC event of the century! But it's just as well, I probably would have orgasmed to death. -RA HB 19:02, 5 July 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost is back

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!

July 7th, 2013 • Issue 199 • Still fashionably late.

The PLS results

By Anton

This is needed to know stuff.

The thirteenth edition of the PLS was held a while ago (in May). If you would like to know the result, we (me) decided to make life easier for you and give you the result of the contest, so you don't have to go all the way to the PLS page (one click).

Just to remind you, all in all there were 4 categories and, therefore, there were supposed to be 4 people who got the first place and other 4 who got the second. However, this was not exactly what happened, as there are 6 writers who ~~came from nowhere and~~ won the second place, therefore diminishing the amount of prize money that others got.

And so, here are the results! We (everyone) congratulate Zombiebaron for writing the Best PLS article "The Uncyclopedia's Owner Manual" and IFYMB! for his second best article "UnScripts:The Treaty of Minaj-Black" (these two articles got featured after)! We also congratulate the winners of all the other categories: RedHot ("My Dinner"; the best noob article), TheMillionRabbit ("Hold Your Wii For A Wee contest; the second best noob article) and Tmchale ("Searching for Topological Degeneracy in the Hubbard Model with Quantum Monte Carlo"; the secon second best noob article), Zana Dark ("Disturbed"; the best rewrite), Tmchale again ("Ludwig Wittgenstein"; the second best rewrite) and IFYMB! again again ("Opposite Day"; the second second best rewrite), Zombiebaron again ("The Last Unicorn in Vinnitsa"; the best potatochop) and finally Dexter111344 ("Ghost in the Trench"; the second best potatochop)! Thanks to all the participators and judges!

The Uncyclopedia App

By Anton

There has recently (a certain amount of time before the latest UnSignpost issue) been a lot of talk about creating an Uncyclopedia App as well as an Uncyclospecies. The idea consists in producing and selling the app which will transform all the human beings who use them into Uncyclopedians. The majority of the users (about 50% of those two who really participated) found this idea great (think that it is funny to talk about) and maybe even began working on it (asked someone else to think about it). Nothing else is known about them, as they disappeared soon after the first experiments were held.

The main problem this project has is that, in fact, nobody knows how to create an app. In addition to this, there is no money, as most of it was spent on Ferraris, that were supposed to bring more money but didn't. Finally, some people think that it might be harmful for the environment (nobody cares).

The project is currently being discussed (some users still post random spam on the forum) and with a certain probability the app is going to be created in nearby future (it is never going be to created but some people do think about it). Anton (talk) 12:51, 6 July 2013 (UTC)

Ask Zombiebaron!

Who is your real identity? Before being a zombie? (asked by Y): Before being a zombie I was just a regular person that nobody had ever heard of named Burt Reynolds.

Dear Zombiebaron, is it true that you own Mike Nesmith's original wool hat? (asked by RAHB): No, that is not true.

Is uncyclopedia supposed to be stupid? (asked by Lyrithya): No, it's supposed to be funny.

Will you make me an admin again, Bureaucrat Zombiebaron? (asked by Ljlego): Yeah.

Or three? (asked by Multiliteralist): Nope.

Ask Zombiebaron questions and he will probably never answer them!

Check out these pages!

Top VFH competitors:

1989 (8.5:2.5)
Probability theory (7:1)
George H. W. Bush (4.5:0)

VFH Highlights of the week

UnNews:Islamic controversies ruining 9/11 celebrations across the country (13:1)
UnScripts:The Treaty of Minaj-Black (11.5:3)
The X-HEIRS (8.5:0)

IRC Log of the Week
<Madclaw> "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn"
<ifymb> ahh yeah

Kippy has joined #uncyclopedia

<Kippy> BUTT POOP!!!!
<Madclaw> where else would poop come from silly
<Madclaw> well except for SPIKE's mouth that is

UnNews of the Week
UnNews:Uninformed Westerners unsure who to support in Egypt

Millions of uninformed idiots in the Western world have been left "completely unable" to decide who to support during the current Egyptian crisis, an UnNews report can exclusively reveal.

When asked his opinion, Todd Layman, 22, an English major, said "Alright! Arabic Spring Part Deux! Democracy now!" However, when we explained that the Muslim Brotherhood was the party elected by the democratic elections which the Arabic Spring provoked, Layman asked us not to print his reaction.

Random Article of the Week

An article that contains nothing but my potato chip situation

IFYMB! Mystery

I fight your mom, Batman! (guess by Multiliteralist)

I found you milking boners (guess by RAHB)

I Forgot Your Milkyway Basket? (guess by Cat the Colourful)

I Fucked Your Mom's Brother (guess by DungeonSiegeAddict510)

I fornicated your mom's bonobo (guess by Hotadmin4u69)

Infinite Flying Yellow Monkey Battleships (guess by Zombiebaron)

Incestuous fellatio, your moronic butt! (guess by Multiliteralist)

I fucked your mom's bitch! (guess by Hotadmin4u69)

I believe it is pronounced just the way you spell it. (guess by Moose)

Guess, guess, guess!

Contributions to UnSignpost

Contributors: IFYMB!, Anton, Zombiebaron

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Enjoy your buttsex! IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 10:16 7 July 2013

[1] This is a lie.

[2] so, penis

[3] so, Penii

[4] As it turns out, the source happened to be a small wall clock that inexplicably follows him around, hovering in the air, everywhere he goes. Scientists are debating what this means to the future of space travel.

[5] Wow, self-reference much?

[1]

[1]

[2]

[1]

[1]

User:RAHB/Talk Archive 18

That new article.........

UnTunes:Freedom!

Unsignpost - 20130119042144 gibberish asdf

How's the flu coming?

Get on chat

Unsignpost - 20130124050125 gibberish asdf

Olipro

Get on IRC.

VFH Zombiebaron

Good find

IRC

Unsignpost - 20130131002159 gibberish asdf

Vfh

IRC

FUCK MY LIFE

Unsignpost - 20130207013217 gibberish asdf

It is the day of USP love, Valentine’s Day

Crikey! It’s a rare, wild UnSignpost!

Willst du mein Arsch editen?

Leck mich im Arsch?

Anothers issues

Wahles

Surprise, Motherfucker, USP

Wikipedia is not Wikipedia.

I thought I heard the Imperial March. USP time, everybody!

So I hear that you're Zappa reincarnated

You molester

Moe & Lester

Can I have some salad with my UnSignpost?

Wait a minute

Happy Monkey Topic

People like the UnSignpost because it’s hot! It has the best graphics and everything. Marcus, USP! Step yo’ game up!

Feature something

Get righting you sucker of cawk!

Yo, see you 'round

UnSignpost’s BONER TIME!

Fixed it

DON'T BAN DA GENIAL VANDAL AND CONTINUE LISTENING TO ME. JACK ON!

Can you interview someone for the Biopic?

This isn’t an April Fool’s Day Prank! This is the UnSignpost!

UnSignpost Time, Folks! I repeat, UnSignpost Time!

UnSignpost, late and lazy!

we am excuse but please dont cancel operah by pitto & criuti we need for public spam please dont be ricchion

Happy 420

The 2 Days Tardy USP!

Spacety

Thanks

cy

Can I ask you a question?

QUICK TO THE IRCMOBILE!

The IP Party of Uncyclopedia

Can you close and update the top 10 of april?

You must help me.

krypton.

HOT DIGGITY!

Since you are partially responsible...

Week-old news two weeks late: The UnSignpost!

Hi! Hi!

Fuck you picture

Yo cockload

You

Someone needs to make a Game of Thrones article

New USP

Oh god XD

UnSignpost is back

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