User:RAHB/Talk Archive 4

Talk Archive 1 (2/28/07 - 7/6/07) • Talk Archive 2 (7/6/07 - 9/8/07)
Talk Archive 3 (9/8/07 - 12/8/07) • Talk Archive 4 (12/8/07 - 5/18/08)
Talk Archive 5 (5/18/08 - 7/12/08) • Talk Archive 6 (7/12/08 - 8/20/08)
Talk Archive 7 (8/20/08 - 12/3/08) • Talk Archive 8 (12/3/08 - 2/19/09)
Talk Archive 9 (2/19/09 - 5/25/09) • Talk Archive 10 (5/25/09 - 10/26/09)
Talk Archive 11 (10/26/09 - 12/9/09) • Talk Archive 12 (12/9/09 - 4/25/10)
Talk Archive 13 (4/25/10 - 8/26/10) • Talk Archive 14 (8/26/10 - 8/13/11)
Talk Archive 15 (8/13/11 - 1/30/12) • Talk Archive 16 (1/30/12 - 7/12/12)
Talk Archive 17 (7/12/12 - 1/10/13) • Talk Archive 18 (1/10/13 - 7/11/13)
Talk Archive 19 (7/11/13 - 8/15/14) • Talk Archive 20 (8/15/14 - 5/27/18)

---

Have a not-shitty Christmas!

	Heya, The Led Balloon here, wishing you merry Christmas, or any other holiday you feel like celebrating. Just remember what it's all really about: NO WORK, NO SCHOOL, FREE STUFF!!!
	Here's to hoping your school(or work) calendar for December doesn't look too much like this...

Merry Christmas, - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 00:22, Dec 17

Bloody Pagans

Pagans, the Whole Lot of Yous Premier Tom Mayfair has been a naughty boy this year, but he still deserves a kiss from under the mistletoe. His external organ is fair game.

STUFF THIS DOWN YOUR STOCKING!!!11!!!!!!!!111111111111111111!!!111112!!shiftoneshiftone!!!!!111111111

	Yo you, yes you, I'm talking about you! It's that time of year again. Yep, time to spend hundreds of dollars on loved ones, dress up your house and raise your hydro bill and, most of all, time to fill each other's talk pages with templates that took us 2 minutes to make. SO STUFF THIS DOWN YOUR STOCKING!!!! and have a happy holidays!
	...or a Chappy Chanukkah, Kwanzaa, Boxing Day, Tet, Ramadan, Festivus, or whatever you so decide to celebrate in order to get more gifts. Enjoy! Admiral Enzo Aquarius-Dial the Gate

For your archive :P

It's that time of the year again.

Merry Christmas. Here's a template.

Hey, it's the thought that counts.

Right?

...

RIGHT?!

~

Jacques Pirat, Esq. Converse : Benefactions : U.w.p.

17/12/2007 @ 22:05

Been bad? Been really bad?

Remember: Keep the "X" in X-mas Santa checks his list to see who's been naughty and who's been nice. And naughty always makes out better at X-mas

Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 01:34, 18 December 2007 (UTC)

Merry Christmas soon!

Uncyclopedian wishes you have a merry Christmas and a happy New Year's!

Marshal Uncyclopedian! Talk to me!

Merry somthing or other

Merry Holiday type thing, or somthing 2007 Capercorn would like to hope that your holidays are not as bad as this poor guy's. Have a Merry Christmas, Hanukkah, Yuletide and/or Kwanzaa, or whatever strange holiday you celebrate.

--Capercorn FLAME! what? UNATO OWS 08:08, 23 December 2007 (UTC)

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas. ~ Mitch

-- Mitch 13:17, 24 December 2007 (UTC)

Merry Xmas!

~ Merry Xmas RAHB/Talk Archive 4! ~ Ye Olde Luke

--YeOldeLuke 08:00, 26 December 2007 (UTC)

Thanks

--Æ 00:45, 1 January 2008 (UTC)

Help out a noob in need?

You and Thinker wrote that page about Chicken Soup for the soul, right? Well, there's this noob down in the help forums who's working on a similar article, maybe you could help him out? I asked thinker, but he didn't respond.... Cheers, - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 01:33, Jan 1

Man. I would love to help you out man. But I am very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very veru =very veyr veryver very very very very evry every very every very evry very very very very very veyr drunk man. COITUS!!!!!!!! -RAHB 11:24, 1 January 2008 (UTC) 12

Happy National Hangover Day! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 16:35, Jan 1

God dammit! I'm gonna be celebrating this all day! =( -RAHB 17:42, 1 January 2008 (UTC)

Just wondering

While I agree that I don't deserve WotM for writing just one article (and tidying up a previously written one), I'd just like to ask what part of my writing you've found to be "low quality". I'm not being defensive or anything, but I just would like to know for my own benefit. Thanks. (PS Thanks for voting for Innovations in Comedy a few months ago. WINK) -- » Sir Savethemooses Grand Commanding Officer ... holla atcha boy» 17:43, 3 January 2008 (UTC)

Ah, well maybe not so much very low in quality as much as slightly undeserving in some cases. I really went off there for a while on that award page, which is something I shouldn't have done, but I think I was more or less trying to prove a point (one which escapes me right now) to Ggarfield. Your latest feature, the one with the really long name, I didn't necessarily find to be of low quality in its own right, just maybe less good than lots of your stuff that I have found great on the site. So in reality, I don't think anything you've been writing is of low quality, just some of it here and there (and maybe more recently) hasn't been the highest possible quality. Which can naturally be expected of anybody who is a human being of course, not every work by every person can be 200% spectacular. Here and there, there have been articles in general where I've said "that certainly does not deserve feature," but now that I think of it, I don't think I've ever really said that with you. So I do believe I myself definitely went a bit far there, although I know you're hardly the type of guy who would take much offense to it, but sorry for any contention, misconception, or contraception whatever else has an "ention" on the end of it.

On a lighter note, I did find Innovations to be pretty good. Hence I voted for it. Hence it got featured. Pretty quickly in fact, if I remember right. Anyways, there's no point in me carrying out this highly repetitive comment for any longer, just know that I have nothing against you, or the general scope of your writing. Cheers! -RAHB 20:31, 3 January 2008 (UTC)

Alright, neato. Just wondering. Peace out homey. -- » Sir Savethemooses Grand Commanding Officer ... holla atcha boy» 20:39, 3 January 2008 (UTC)

Indeed. And in true ironic fashion, I just read your chips article and laughed the ever-loving ass off of myself. Good day to you sir. -RAHB 20:42, 3 January 2008 (UTC)

Breakings Ups

I gave Eugene a bunch of Ninjastars, so I thought I'd drop by and publicly thank you for your work on that article, thing. Do you get a bunch of ninjastars though? NO! Why?

Because you know what I think about you as an Uncyclopedian, a humorist and a person. Something templates just don't do justice. --THINKER 06:56, 10 January 2008 (UTC)

A noble "Get Out Da Vote!" campaign

Hello there, <insert name here>! According to our research, you voted for this on VFH. Thanks again for your vote! Well, turns out it's up for Top 10 of 2007! And if you liked it then, you like it now, right? Please consider donating a small portion of your 10 votes on making a starving child happy again! Thanks! -- » Sir Savethemooses Grand Commanding Officer ... holla atcha boy» 00:16, 16 January 2008 (UTC)

GTFO!

SHOW ME YOUR TITS! Thanks for voting my tits to the front page. -Zana Dark

Thanks for Voting

GopherKiller has given you a free ticket to ride Superman Tower of Bloody Severed Legs for voting on UnNews:Six Flags to sell severed legs in gift shop.

Have Fun! Remember, avoid those rednecks at all costs. They want your legs.--GopherKiller Questions? Comments? 14:45, 20 January 2008 (UTC)

Watson! Come Quick!

I need you (to click here)! I don't think it's really long enough, but I don't know what else to say. HALP! --THINKER 21:26, 23 January 2008 (UTC)

Added more, plus image. --THINKER 19:38, 24 January 2008 (UTC)

Now your getting it. I liked it to begin with, but it seems more complete now. And keeping with the theme of giving somebody serious and reasonable argument followed by a "you wouldn't understand" type comment is a nice overall tone for it. I think it's ready as is, but it could probably still be heavily improved upon. -RAHB 20:34, 24 January 2008 (UTC)

More heavy improvements?! Jesus, you crack that whip hard white man.. I'll see what I can do. :) --THINKER 20:46, 24 January 2008 (UTC)

Faster! Faster! I said I want this to be a SPARKLING tribute to my personage! How can it sparkle if it's made of fucking CONCRETE!....ugh, just tear it down and start over with a precious stone of some kind. -RAHB 20:48, 24 January 2008 (UTC)

Thanks RAHB!

CONGRATULATIONS! Your vote for Grass in the Mist II has earned you a romantic evening with Gizelda, this year's winner of Africa's "Sexiest blade of grass of the year" award!!! Enjoy yourself, and good luck figuring out how to have sex with a blade of grass!

Weeeeeeeee! --THE 18:18, 25 January 2008 (UTC)

Hall of Shame

Congratulations, you are now officially among the Elite of the internet's largest humor wiki. You could put that on your resume, kid. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 01:18, 29 January 2008 (UTC)

Woohoo! Finally, something to impress those guys at the law firm I've been trying to get into! -RAHB 01:20, 29 January 2008 (UTC)

THINKER Loves You

Who am I kidding; I've got nothing good to say about you.

Anyway, thanks for the WotY vote, Watson. --THINKER 05:40, 2 February 2008 (UTC)

I love you too Sherlock. -RAHB 06:38, 2 February 2008 (UTC)

Frankly my dear...

Prettiestpretty thanks you for sucking-it-in and voting for UnBooks:Gone With d' Wind. Fondly, PP

Hugs, Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 22:00, 2 February 2008 (UTC)

Rough Pubs

Rabbi Techno is sending you this undoubtedly delicious beer to say thanks for voting for Rough Pubs! From Rabbi Techno

Christopher Meloni Thanks You!

Chris doesn't have a fancy graphic for you, but we hope you still a ceept this as thanks for making his dream come true! Thank you again for helping get Why?:Does Christopher Meloni not have an emmy yet? featured!--Dr. Fenwick 18:10, 20 February 2008 (UTC)

Late Thanks

OUI! Necropaxx's belated thanks go with you for voting positively on Siege of Bordeaux. Remember, les français ne sont jamais au dessus de dérision! Translate it yourself, je suis trop de fatigue.

• • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 01:00, 2 March 2008 (UTC)

Shomer fucking shabat!

After months of poop handling and getting a wee bit tired Your UotM vote acted as Red Bull. Nasty, bad smelling and revitalizing. I now regained the strength to handle some more poop. Thank you! No, seriously, thank you

Brigadier Sir Mordillo GUN UotY WotM FP UotM AotM MI³ AnotM VFH +S

Sweeeet!

Thank you very much for the Golden Shower. I do my best to give quality reviews, and from this gift, I feel much better, and have a stange smell following me around everywhere! Again, thank you!

Javascap 18:57, 18 March 2008 (UTC)

Yo

Thanks so much for the pic, RAHB! Good to have ya back. :) - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 23:39, Mar 21

No problem buddy, good to be back. I'm really diggin' that article by the way. -RAHB 23:40, 21 March 2008 (UTC)

Thanks :D - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 23:45, Mar 21

Say, d'you think it's VFHable? I was thinking about it, do you think it's ready? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 02:39, Mar 22

I was about to say make it a little bit longer, but another look over it tells me it's actually about the right length. I think it's good to go, so if you'd like, I'll throw it on VFH and we'll see how it does. -RAHB 02:43, 22 March 2008 (UTC)

Oh yeah, one thing. The second thoughts section. I think it may work better if he were say, writing a letter to his parents or something, or at least if the section wasn't titled "second thoughts." It seems a bit too redundant as the title, and then going right into exactly what you expect him to say at that point. -RAHB 02:45, 22 March 2008 (UTC)

Ah, good point, I agree completely. What do you think now? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 03:10, Mar 22

Consider it nominated. And "salutations, meatparcels" cracks me up every time I read it. -RAHB 03:12, 22 March 2008 (UTC)

Ridiculously late thankings

	BOO!! Ha ha ha, I gave you a bit of a scare, did I? That's alright, studies show that scares are an important part of the camp experience. By the way, thanks for choosing Lake Spooky for your summerly dose of fun-fun-fun!
	Thanks for voting!

Thanks for the suggestions, nom, and vote, - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 21:44, Mar 29

Hurrah, you're alive!

Congratulations, my son! Unlike that naughty little friend of ours, the Big Bad Wolf, you have survived Ash Wednesday! As such, you have been awarded this "Get Out of Hell Free" card. You may use it only once*; use it wisely. Keep in mind there are over sixteen thousand recorded ways to sin, and the list is growing all the time. And God's just itching to practice his aim, if you get my drift. Have fun**! *Not valid for "the biggies," such as homosexuality or masturbation. Sorry. **Not actually allowed, it's only an expression.

Sir Skullthumper, Kun ☯ Petition »

Tanks

Campaign Leaflet thanks you for the vote.

Unfortunately Campaign Leaflet can not keep any of the promises it made campaigning as the $10 offered by the Pizza place down the street was just too good an offer not to fold for. But still, $5 Pizza - thats tonights dinner for YOU!

--Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 07:27, 15 April 2008 (UTC)

Didn't even know what hit you, huh?

Hey, Punk!

You voted to get the UnScript featuring the most violent detective in the world to the front page to blow some heads clean off a few newbie shoulders. I'll keep this brief considering that I've been sitting on my ass for the last minute talking to you instead of carving holes into that punk Dexter.

So thanks for the vote.

~

Jacques Pirat, Esq. Converse : Benefactions : U.w.p.

17/04/2008 @ 03:10

`lo

So what that you didn't like about the MSN piece? Anything that can be improved? Thanks. ~ 19:02, 22 April 2008 (UTC)

Well, overall it was rather predictable. Other than that it seems weekly phrased, as though I know it's trying to sell me on something and yet the salesperson got up on the wrong side of the bed and could only think about getting home and getting back to the right side of the bed throughout his whole day, so much so that his performance was lacking and he started to care less if he actually made a sale. Other than that tiring metaphor, it's a solid idea, but the execution just needs to be strengthened up a bit. However, I did tell myself on that particular article that I was going to reread it (as me and that salesman seemed to be having a similar day) and I went back to brush myself up on your request for information. As it stands, I think I'll be changing my vote to abstain, because I like a lot of the little bits that make up the support of the article, in comparison to the main jokes themselves. With a little more push, I think it would work just fine as feature, and I wouldn't object at this point to seeing it featured, but there's just something in the delivery that's tugging at me to not vote for yet. -RAHB 23:08, 22 April 2008 (UTC)

UnLegends:The Land Where The Sun Shines Not

Just listened to it. I REALLY, REALLY, LIKE IT. I couldn't stop smiling and giggling. Mightydandylion (talk) Fk 00:58, 24 April 2008 (UTC)

Awesome! That is what I like to hear. And coming from such an esteemed reviewer of humor. Any particular parts that could use improving or anything, or is it just fine as is? -RAHB 01:02, 24 April 2008 (UTC)

Ah! You're too kind! Unfortunately, I'm just flitting in and out of Uncyc for the next week or so: I'd love to give you a more thorough answer than "It's excellent and enjoyable." but I hope "It's excellent and enjoyable." suffices. Kudos again for the great listen! And good luck on VFH! Mightydandylion (talk) Fk 14:47, 24 April 2008 (UTC)

Holy shit, coming home from a shitty day at school and finding it at +4 on VFH definitely brought my spirits up. Thanks for the nice comments MD (that's an abbreviation, I hear they're all the rage), and thanks for the vote on VFH (another abbreviation from what I understand, though nowhere near as cool). Cheers! -RAHB 23:47, 24 April 2008 (UTC)

Thanks for the vote

You voted Tony Visconti, It means a lot and I hope this will be the first of many Features:-)--Sycamore (Talk) 21:40, 27 April 2008 (UTC)

thx

FOOM Thanks for voting for Why?:Burn a Furby? on VFH. Now get out there and incinerate some of those suckers!

– Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 19:13 Apr 28, 2008

because I doubt you read the failed-VFP archive...

I gave you a hug. So there! -- The Zombiebaron 02:44, 5 May 2008 (UTC)

Hug noted, captain. I'd hug you back, but I don't want things to get too cozy around here. I am a proud heterosexual, afterall. -RAHB 07:49, 5 May 2008 (UTC)

Psh. I don't see your userpage linked in that article, do I? -- The Zombiebaron 23:14, 5 May 2008 (UTC)

HAH! Think again, Mr. Jenson! -RAHB 07:57, 6 May 2008 (UTC)

Oh. Very clever. Very clever indeed. -- The Zombiebaron 13:24, 6 May 2008 (UTC)

'ello there.

Thanks for your support(ish) for my most recent failure. I'm curious what you think of this similar article I wrote in much the same vein. Personally I like the Nazi one better, but I think the second one has a bit more of teh funneh that you were looking for. Thanks. -OptyC Sucks! CUN22:39, 6 May

Thanks for your comments. The problem I'm having with both of the articles is finding jokes that don't change the overall feel of the article. I want the narrator for the Nazi article to be upbeat and cheerful and for the Driving one I want to give the impression that everyone the narrator's bitching about isn't actually doing anything wrong. I'm gong to work on 'em over the next week or so but if you have any ideas I'd love to hear them. -OptyC Sucks! CUN23:20, 6 May

UnSignpost: May 8th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.

May 8th, 2008 • Issue 1 • Yankees: 5

UnSignpost Unleashed on UnCommunity Unless you were blinded or high during the time you read this newspaper's title, you know that Uncyclopedia finally has UnSignpost! For too long, Uncyclopedia has been devoid of talk page spam, such as thank you templates and welcome messages. To rectify this, Dr. Skullthumper, a local doctor and zombie specialist, and Cajek, one of the last members of the light-blue-ish species of Cajeks, have created a newspaper in the latest exercise in futility to hit the site since Forum:Count to a million. Skullthumper and Cajek spent 15 hours working on the first edition, not including writing time. Said Skull, who was trying to sleep until we interviewed him, "Those assholes better appreciate this. They'd BETTER." News has reached us that friendships were strained during the production of the first issue. Skullthumper, whose hospital room we broke into, said "F**king Cajek. I will NEVER forgive him for what he did to me! Oh, see you guys in the office Monday." The Uncyclopedia Signpost has a world-wide circulation of more than 3, with plans for further issues. Uncyclopedia F**king Doomed Uncyclopedia, a humor wiki that you're on right now, has thrown itself into a state of chaos and is on the verge of collapse. Unless someone either writes more or writes less, the wiki that we have come to know and love (like that retarded cousin that comes over during Christmastime) will vanish. Unless it doesn't, in which case someone's going to be very disappointed. Codeine, Save the Mooses, and a bunch of other people we've never heard of give the site 6 days to "clean up its god damned act." Because the site is doomed, the local WikiNewspaper, UnSignpost, will soon print its last issue. Cajek, one of the editors, said of the event, "No we're not closing down you bunch a 'tards! You're the worst reporters I've ever seen! DON'T YOU DARE PUT THAT IN THE FIRST ISSUE!" Local psychics have set Uncyclopedia's Doomsday for next Monday, around teatime. Upgrade On Wednesday, Wikia upgraded to MediaWiki version 1.12. While these reporters don't have any idea what that means, new features seem to include: Broken <choose> tags! That's right, even more signature-breaking action! Russian Roulette usergroups! So you thought you had rollback rights, huh? Whoops! Not anymore! Wikia is reportedly looking into making new features such as accidentally dumping the database for Shits and Giggles™. These reporters would like to thank Wikia for working so hard to keep our beloved wiki running, and would also like to say "FU WIKIA", preferably in caps. Pee Review Does Goodly UN:PR is nearly empty due to many diligent reviewers who have little else to do, and don't know how to write articles themselves. Uh, unless they're reading this right now, in which case they rock! YesTimeToEdit starts a cult One of the newer cults, YesTimeToEdit's Cow Moo Cult is our... CULT OF THE WEEK! With a base located in the jungles of Nebraska, YTTE's cult makes all the fun things you want, like polygamy, sodomy, and, in YTTE'S case, polysodomy, legal. Sadly, unlike more Eastern-y cults, it does not practice Kung Fu. But you can bet that if it did, it wouldn't just use it for defense. ...Damn namby-pamby bastard Easterny cults. YesTimeToEdit's eternal nemesis, NoTimeToRevert, has not announced plans to start a cult, but probably has one in secret just to be a dick. That guy is such a dick. Rcmurphy nominated for Noob of the Month again Thekillerfroggy is sucked into the black vortex of tradition as he takes another whack at a dead horse and nominates long-time noob Rcmurphy for the honor of Noob of the Month. Mr. Froggy had this to say to "reporters": "I figured that, since RCMurphy, one of the oldest members of the site, was in fact NOT a noob, that this little gesture would give the community a giggle. You see? Because he, like, isn't a noob."

Check out these pages! What you probably missed on IRC (and were happy you did) Help Fnoodle link up Uncyclopedia Uncyclopedia At-A-Glance Kalir's Epic Story Irony in the forums From our logs: Codeine huffed "Man With no Name" (You don't need to create redirects for every case permutation of your title) Codeine huffed "Man with no Name" (in fact, it's quite irritating) Codeine huffed "Man with no name" (and, frankly) Codeine huffed "The Man with No Name" (a complete bloody waste of your time and mine) Codeine huffed "Man with No Name" (but hey, welcome to Uncyc anyway) Codeine huffed "The Man With No Name" (now read BGBU) 07:16, May 6, 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 29 minutes ‎ (Admins are immune to autoblock, duh. And if autoblock tried that shit on a janitor, why, we'd just superblock his ass.) 14:47, May 5, 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.108.96.22 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (The Jonas Brothers, eh? Sounds like some kind of shitty boy band. One week to go out and buy a Led Zeppelin album. Oh, and stop blanking.) Biopic of the Week Dr. Skullthumper ~ With a degree in HTML and Wikiology, Dr. Wolfgang Amadeus Milhouse Mozart Jonathan Willy Wizbang Skullthumper, along with Spangle Gay Glittersprinkles, is full of all sorts of techie knowledge for the wandering newb. He enjoys walks on the beach, holding hands, and heroin. Lots and lots of heroin. ...Except replace "heroin" with "rubber duckies". Hey, we just wanted a bad-boy reputation! ...Obviously we failed. Quote of the Week: " very very hilariously strong against" - Everyone on Everything. Spacefiller of the week: Did you know that Grand Theft Auto has had more than 700 different spinoffs, including Grand Theft Auto:Antarctica Oscar Wilde LOLOLOLLL and Grant Theft Auto:Crime Scene Investigation:The ReReckoning:Time of Darkness? No, you didn't. Dumbass. Disclaimer of the week: UnSignpost is not responsible for any lost property while reading. Any lost property found while reading UnSignpost is property of Dr. Skullthumper and Cajek, irrespectively. Any lost property lost while reading UnSignpost is your own damn problem. Week Box of the week: Definitely the Grand Theft Auto one. I peed my pants. Seriously. Somebody should give these guys an award. I was all screamin' n' shit, "Oh yes, YES Dr. Skullthumper or Cajek! Slather me in your humor juice!" The other people in the library, and my psychiatrist, said I was weird, but it was totally worth it.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:16, 8 May 2008 (UTC)

Excuse Me Kind Sir!

Can you adopt me from the streets please! I have two articles if that helps. --Nothing 09:29, 8 May 2008 (UTC)

Nothing would make him happier, I'd imagine. -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

So, what's the deal with this guy? A general menace from what I've gathered. -RAHB 03:12, 9 May 2008 (UTC)

Thx

Somebody has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

Much appreciated. — Sir Manticore 07:24, 9 May 2008 (UTC)

Man, I loved that show. Why did they take it off the air?!....oh and much obliged sir. Just doing my civic duty, or something. -RAHB 07:30, 9 May 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost Sunday Edition: May 11th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.

May 11th, 2008 • Issue 2 • Scene XII

Wikia staff finally locates blockage in the Internet tubes: Spang's talkpage After endless days of searching itself, Wikia has discovered the source of all its problems. "It's not DPL," Wikia's local sexy janitor, who wished to remain anonymous, told reporters. "It's not those damn ParserFunctions either, or forums, or even Chuck Norris." When asked what the real cause of Wikia's distresses were, our source remained tight-lipped by stapling his mouth shut. Which was probably a bad idea, considering he ended up writhing in pain on the floor, bleeding all over the nice Wikia rugs. Thankfully, the UnSignpost has a trained doctor on its staff, who was sensible enough to call for medical help. After the sexy janitor was revived, he said "rar." When further questioned about the source of all Wikia's woes, he finally admitted it was Spang's talkpage. "Uncyclopedia user "Spang"'s refusal to archive his talkpage is slowly clogging up the arteries of the Internet," says a technical forum at Wikia. "The talkpage in question has already managed to crash all three of the computers in Australia." Upon being asked to archive his talkpage, Spang reportedly said, "No." When Uncyclopedia was asked to comment, the site had this to say: "FU SPANG". UnSignpost Releases First Issue May 8th, 2008: Uncyclopedia develops a new fungus... a newspapery one. "Through all the shockporn and Oscar Wilde references, we made it!" Founder Dr. Skullthumper said at a recent press conference. At the conference in Skullthumper's backyard, editor-in-chief Cajek, wearing a traditional light blue Mongolian Toga and screaming at birds, had more to add. "I would like to thank all the writers involved. Thank you, you gods of men. You captains of the human experience." Police are investigating the use of strong hallucinogenic drugs during the making of the first issue. So far, the investigation has reached the top of the Unsignpost empire, when detectives found Dr. Skullthumper forcing his staff to squirt automotive door-lock de-icer up their noses to "enhance the creative joo-joo." Local police then ordered the paper to rescind two award-winning articles from its May 8th release. Two of the most hardened criminals on the UnSignpost staff, Meatbone and Spider, are currently planning revenge. When asked if UnSignpost was, like the Daily Show, the Onion, or Uncyclopedia, popular enough to parody itself, Cajek said "No. Obviously not. We can't say we suck yet, or else people would be like 'yeah, they do suck!' We have to wait until people like us. Then, when they read us making fun of ourselves they'll be all like 'this paper ROX!'" In the meantime, the paper promises to not make fun of itself, and will stick to meta-parodying instead until "someone important says it's okay." Heavy metal music found to be beneficial when reverting vandals Ever find yourself stuck awake at three in the morning (EST), fighting a few vandals with no admins around? Studies show that your choice of music might influence how you revert. In a study involving Squiggle, RAHB, Cajek, Fnoodle, Dr. Skullthumper, and Starnestommy, in which they fought diligently for Uncyclopedia through the night, heavy metal music was found to be the best for the purpose of "ass-kicking". After sprinkling some magic over the statistics, they automatically became true. Cajek's Corner By Dr. Skullthumper Today, we're going to make a standard Uncyclopedia article, Cajek-style. You will need: Annoying text. Preferably some blinky things and <big> tags. A sense of humor. Something to complain about for a page or so. Now, we'll combine the elements together into something that might be called an "article". In reality, all you have to do is whine for a good few pages of text, then sprinkle the annoying elements - sparingly. Add headlines and split up paragraphs to disguise your rant as a well-formatted article, and you're done! Next week: Whoring your article Skull's Skullery By Cajek Hi kids! Today, we're going to travel with me, Dr. Skullthumper, through a normal day at Uncyc! 9:00am: Complain about Wikia. Post new topic in Village Dump about Wikia. Troll Special:Recentchanges. 10:42am: Troll talk pages. Post new topic in Village Dump about some random techie shit. Bother some guy. Revert some guy's edits. Get some guy banned. 10:44am: spend thirty minutes on IRC talking to an admin saying how that guy was my best friend, and I never meant to hurt him. 12:10pm: Vandalize some guy's userpage over and over again. 4:92pm: Forget what I was doing. Start over. 5:19pm: Enact wild scheme to make Uncyclopedia that much weirder. End day.

Check out these pages! Self-reference jokes alive and well! Get your Starnestommy sig space while supplies last halp halp halp halp halp halp halp halp halp halp halp halp Game portal Kip the Dip unbanned From our logs: 02:49, May 7, 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 213.233.101.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Fun fact #12341: Cyberbullies have a miniature penis) 11:03, May 8, 2008 PantsMacKenzie (Talk | contribs) huffed "Wigger" ‎ (You people make me hate my life.) 11:04, May 8, 2008 PantsMacKenzie (Talk | contribs) huffed "Lee Jorde" ‎ (I mean, seriously. I have better things I could be doing than wading through cruft. But I do it anyway.) 11:06, May 8, 2008 PantsMacKenzie (Talk | contribs) huffed "Handcuffs" ‎ (Book 'im Danno!) Biopic of the Week Drama ~ Considered the most controversial user on Uncyclopedia evah, Klaus Drama is going strong, getting on average 50 people banned per week. Having studied acting for 40 years and written his own Dadaist version of Hamlet (entitled "offensive nob"), Klaus has much experience making people nervous and uncomfortable. With his life-long boyfriend Jizz Rick (who demanded to be in the second issue of UnSignpost) Drama is conquering Uncyc one shouting match at a time. Reason to Leave Uncyc of the Week #53 Too many users leaving. Horoscope of the Week Scorpio ~ Expect gains and/or losses in business affairs this week. Oh, and tell that f**cker John that UnSignpost's registered horoscopologists told you he's the one stealing food from the employee fridge, and that if he doesn't stop, the writers of this horoscope will come to his house on Brickwood Lane and trash the damn place. Reason to Leave Alternate Universe Uncyc of the Week #97 Although the alien admins were nice at first, they're starting to lay eggs in our more important organs and eating our more favorite children. Sympathy Biopic of the Week Optimuschris ~ An American user born in mumble mumble, Optimuschris, author of HowTo:Become Stupid in 21 days, is an up-and-coming young Uncyc user, according to, like, lots of people. Whereas he was really friendly before, now, because he appeared in the UnSignpost, "OptyC" has gotten a huge ego, and refuses to "hang" with you. Feeding Trolls of the Week: "I actually made an account just to point out that you accuse ED for being "1000% Unfunny" for having a page for Chuck Norris when you have a link to your very own Chuck Norris page in the article. If you go through UC and just read a random article you probably aren't going to laugh no matter how hard the author tried (and failed, lulz). Encyclopedia Dramatica just wants to fill this goatse-challenging gap that you created with things that are actually funny, liek mudkipz. Plox 2 b nt hating us 4 bein funny kthxbai." - Uncyclopedia on its rival. Quote of the Week: "I feel like throwing myself into the goatse challenging gap we created. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" - Mordillo on the recent Goatse gap crisis

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 04:31, 11 May 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: May 15th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Words n' Shit!

May 15st, 2008 • Issue 2 3

The Bible Finally Catches a Break For years... or whatever... Conservapedia has attacked Uncyc for being too liberal. Today, Uncyc publicly derobes itself, and reveals its patriotic side. From now on, "Uncyclopedia" will be renamed "Falwellapedia" in honor of the late pastor, Jerry Falwell who died May 15th, 2007. Unsignpost spoke with the founder, Modusoperandi, in his isolated forest bunker. "I hate how the liberals treat us!" Modus shouted, along with his two followers. "Don't they see that when they make fun of us, the lord rolls over in his soon-to-be-resurrected grave?" The conservative propagandabot Fbooble is scheduled to "purge the site of any left-wing statements" by the end of the week, soon after it gains self-awareness and joins the Republican party. "HUMANS, CLOSE YOUR NOISE HOLES AND PAY ATTENTION!" Fbooble proclaimed at a recent press conference. "THE DEMOCRATS AND ALL THOSE OTHER LIBERALS ARE NEARING THE END." Fbooble, whose titanium wristwatch glistened in the afternoon sun, held up a copy of the Falwell Children's Bible near the conclusion of the conference and said "ALL PRAISE JEBUS, AND HIS INVINCIBLE ARMY OF DISCIPLES!" Although Fbooble is unclear on the details of religion right now, it promises to become ultraconservative when it does. Not all Uncyc users are happy with the transition. Although we could not find anyone who actually called themselves a liberal, we did manage to vandalize a hybrid just to equal the score. Unsignpost promises a lucrative year via advertising revenue for the Republican National Committee and a weekly "Republican of the Week" section. Changes by Fbooble will include replacing all swear words, such as ****** and ***********, with the word "daffodil," and deleting all articles. Shockporn deemed unworthy will be replaced with this image, and quotes not from the bible will be deleted with extreme prejudice. All non-American users, such as that one guy are to be called "fags", also with extreme prejudice. HTBFANJS Most Linked Article How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid, one of the hallmarks of Uncyclopedia, has reached the top of the heap. Mordillo, an administrator who will be the least offended when we attribute absolutely false quotes to him, recently said of the page "Finally! Although I've never read it, I hear it's full of fatherly, patronizing advice for those newbs that write those articles I'm constantly huffing!" Mhaille, who has the most linked-to userpage on Uncyc, was slightly more angry at the recent news. "I'm only in 10th place? What the f**k?" While spying on Mhaille from under his bed, the news staff heard language that no human being was ever supposed to hear. Thankfully, the staff was smashed on Listerine, and may have just made up the entire event. Mhaille commented that "No, they didn't make it up, and if they do it again they had better bring enough Listerine for everyone." The user responsible for the 36,000+ links to How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid wishes to remain anonymous, but said to our reporters through a wiretap "I just got too carried away. I wish I could take it back, but I can't, and that's no reason for threatening my family in this way! Oh jeez, I hope you get this message, Uncyclopedia. All right, I'm hanging up now, and I hope you're not angry. *BEEP*" UnSignpost Releases Second Issue May 15th, 2008: Uncyclopedia has developed an open wound... a newspaperish one. Riding high on their success, Dr. Skullthumper and Cajek have "deployed their golden parachutes" and are "planning to pack up our shit" and "get the hell out of here." Wearing his trademark solid gold sweatpants, bought with the advertising from the first and second issues of Unsignpost, Dr. Skullthumper said "It was fun, I guess, but now it's time to move on. Like a wild hyena, Unsignpost has left its mark. There are no more stories to cover: no more people to attribute fake quotes to." Cajek, munching on a shish kabob of bald eagle babies, had nothing to add except maniacal laughter as he threw thousands of dollars into the air. Unsignpost, bankrupted by the two owner's antics, is planning to make the paper a paid subscription, unless something kooky happens, in which case it won't. In addition to subscriptions, Unsignpost is having a luau at Mike's house to raise money. "Oh, it'll be soooooo exciting!" Mike said. ...You know Mike. Anyway, Mike continued, "There'll be a silent auction, and a limbo contest, and a pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey! Oh! So exciting!" With the proceeds, Unsignpost hopes to add a "Week Box of the Week of the Week" section and a mascot. Maybe a shark. Protein folding: The latest in computer entertainment The editors of the UnSignpost strongly encourage the community to sign up for Uncyclopedia's Folding@Home team. Started in 2005 by rcmurphy, Codeine, Flammable, Paulgb, gwax, Mhaille, Carlb, Naughtyned, DrakeGTA, and RadicalX, the signup page has since gathered more cobwebs than new users. By joining F@H, you will get a free program that uses any extra unused CPU power to perform complicated calculations in the background. "Well that's great," you say. "So I'm helping compute protein folding, a never-before-possible situation to model on computers, and thus helping cure some of the most misunderstood diseases to strike humankind as well as advancing the knowledge of the human race into parts of science that were up until recently perceived as impossible. So what's in it for ME?!" You, yes you, will get the excitement of watching proteins fold in your very own home! "Wow!" exclaims part-time F@H user Dr. Skullthumper, "did you just see that? Did you just SEE the way that blue thing collided into that gray thing? Oh man, it was amazing! And in super-slow motion, too!" Other users have given the program similar reviews, describing it as "utterly transfixing" and "better quality entertainment than mitosis!" You, too, can join in the fun and the frenzy of the world of those wacky proteins - while saving the world!

Check out these pages! MrN makes it Over 9000 René Descartes "That's disgusting! Where can I get a copy?" Spang tries to break Wikia again; fails, settles for MediaWiki instead Jar of dirt, possession thereof That Gray Thing on the Back of Your Screen The first ever WikiBand! From our logs: 22:23, May 9, 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.71.223.144 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Don't add crap to pages(take that as literally as you want to, btw).) 07:26, May 11, 2008 One-eyed Jack (Talk | contribs) uploaded a new version of "Image:PASex.jpg" ‎ (Pineapple-shaped sexual aid. Stoled off the Internets for higher purposes. The end justifies the means, as Stalin said.)) (Huff log); 11:39 . . Spang (Talk | contribs) (hacked up "Blood": 102 revisions restored) Biopic of the Week Under user ~ By the great Lord Harry, pippings all! Numpty numpty numpty, loo fag wut? Tea time, London, England, Britain! Aluminium, football, dustbins up the dual carriageway, chaps with bad teeth, wot wot? I write long things wit' humoUr! In short, my good numpties: Don't f**k with England. ...even though I'm actually from Idaho. Crossword of the Week Across 5. Uncyclopedia is facing a _ _ _ _ _ _ challenging gap. 12. What happens if you mess with Unsignpost's writers. 14. Uncyclopedia is _ _ _ _ ing DOOMED. 19. Dr. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ is the one with the lame techie articles. That other guy is pretty cool, though. Well, the crossword thinks he's cool, anyway. Answers next week! ...maybe. Shape of the Week Octangle ~ After thousands of years of being the forgotten cousin of the triangle, and the bastard child of the rectangle and octagon, the Octangle has made a re-emergence. Appearing 20 (secret) times on the $100 bill, the Octangle is our... shape of the week! Doomsday of the Week Monday, around tea time: Uncyclopedia will suddenly shut down due to too many unfunny articles. Users will shake their heads in disgust, pity, anger, sadness, anger, defeat, pity and anger. The last article written will be Grand Theft Auto:Siberia Chuck Norris LOLLLOLOLOLLOO by User:SqueezeMeGently, and the last article featured will be Rough Gay Wolf Sex by User:TheAntiUncyc. User of the Week, not to be confused with Biopic of the Week: FUCK MY TIGHT LITTLE ASS ~ Although blocked infinitely, FUCK MY TIGHT LITTLE ASS was a boon to the community. We at User of the Week don't see any actual contributions from FUCK MY TIGHT LITTLE ASS because they were blocked infinitely, just in and/or before their prime. Which begs the question: Who is the real monster here? Certainly not FUCK MY TIGHT LITTLE ASS. ...Go quietly into the night, FUCK MY TIGHT LITTLE ASS, for we shall never forget ye. HanSolo's Weapon of the Week: ARCTIC WARFARE MAGNUM: It's a damn sniper rifle. No explanation needed. (not recommended for use on admins -ed) This Week In Uncyc, 1957 Week of May 15th, 1957: Recreated as a warning system for nuclear attacks, the megacomputer Uncyclopedia kept the Ruskies at bay. With its 5 megabyte database and kung fu grip, Uncyclopedia was a force to be reckoned with. This Week In Uncyc, 1765 Week of May 15th, 1765: The proud warship H.M.S. Uncyclopedia, christened earlier that week, began patrolling the Atlantic for Napolean's fleet. With a crew of 90, a Surface-to-Air missile battery on deck, and the world's first Lolcat, Uncyclopedia was a force to be reckoned with.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 01:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)

Yump

The preceding title bares no relation to the following message. Thanks to you for signing my guestbook the cows can now complete the final offensive into Mother Uncyclopedia. The glorious homeland will be recaptured!

Excuse me for one of the most random messages I've ever left! Thanks for signing my guestbook! - 18:44 15 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

FUCK YEAH!

FUCK YEAH! Congratulations for voting for Washed Up 70's Rock Band! We know all of our fans out there appreciate us, and wish for us to continue making music! Also, each and everyone of you will be receiving a free copy* of our new album, Last Chance to Make Money Before We Die! *Not actually free. Or an album. You'll be lucky if you even get half a song.

Thanks for the vote - UnIdiot | | Talk | Contribs - 18:58, May 15