User:RAHB/Talk Archive 10

Welcome To You're "DOOM!" (New Stuff On Bottom)

Talk Archive 1 (2/28/07 - 7/6/07) • Talk Archive 2 (7/6/07 - 9/8/07)
Talk Archive 3 (9/8/07 - 12/8/07) • Talk Archive 4 (12/8/07 - 5/18/08)
Talk Archive 5 (5/18/08 - 7/12/08) • Talk Archive 6 (7/12/08 - 8/20/08)
Talk Archive 7 (8/20/08 - 12/3/08) • Talk Archive 8 (12/3/08 - 2/19/09)
Talk Archive 9 (2/19/09 - 5/25/09) • Talk Archive 10 (5/25/09 - 10/26/09)
Talk Archive 11 (10/26/09 - 12/9/09) • Talk Archive 12 (12/9/09 - 4/25/10)
Talk Archive 13 (4/25/10 - 8/26/10) • Talk Archive 14 (8/26/10 - 8/13/11)
Talk Archive 15 (8/13/11 - 1/30/12) • Talk Archive 16 (1/30/12 - 7/12/12)
Talk Archive 17 (7/12/12 - 1/10/13) • Talk Archive 18 (1/10/13 - 7/11/13)
Talk Archive 19 (7/11/13 - 8/15/14) • Talk Archive 20 (8/15/14 - 5/27/18)

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Rapey rape rap!!!

You're gay now. /me leaves ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 04:38 26 May 2009

Sigh. Well, it was bound to happen eventually. Better made gay by you than some stranger in an alley I suppose. -RAHB 08:34, 26 May 2009 (UTC)

"sooner or later"? I was all over you like a paedo in a Nursery (hows that for subtlety?) I can't spell. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 08:36 26 May 2009

hi onion69 :P Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 09:57 May 26 '09

/Me shoves a skewer up Mamoosh's ass, right through his guts and out his mouth. /proceeds to spit roast You were warned. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 12:56 26 May 2009

No, please no, mr onion69, it hurts Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 12:59 May 26 '09

O_o -RAHB 00:36, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

Hey Rahb, if you still want...

...to do the audio for Unfomercials:Uncyclopedia Krazy Kemistry Set, just tell me what I can do, or if you have any questions or anything... Thanks!   Le Cejak • <16:21 May 26, 2009>

You can be so impatient sometimes Cajek. However, I can also be a real slacker sometimes. Today was not my fault, as my alarm didn't wake me up, and I didn't end up going to class. However, I can still probably finish it tonight if my roomate wakes up and goes to one of his crazy parties tonight. Otherwise, tomorrow for sure. -RAHB 00:45, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

Ha, sorry if I seemed impatient RAHB, take your time.   Le Cejak • <1:04 May 27, 2009>

Nah, that was a joke. I do feel bad about not doing it when I said though. I'll go ahead and play the "Star Wars audio was awesome" card to legitimately buy some extra time. -RAHB 01:05, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

Damn that card!   Le Cejak • <1:06 May 27, 2009>

I know, right! It's like almost having a royal flush, and then you pull out a joker! How awesome is that! -RAHB 01:07, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

Uncyclo-tan

Seeing as you clearly admire SunnyChow's Uncyclo-tan design, perhaps you'd be willing to endorse one of her higher quality depictions of the character. — KneeChee 05:36, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

I dunno. I think personally I'd prefer featuring this one or this one. I might nom the second sometime soon, but right now I think the bias is too much against Uncyclo-tan, it would get some negative voting just based on the volume of Uncyclo-tan images on VFP recently. I'll definitely support either of those in the future, but I don't think the one on VFP properly personifies the character on its own, what with the facial expression and all that such. I won't vote against on it, however. -RAHB 19:20, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

Truro school

Has been recreated. Now with more vanity for your enjoyment! -OptyC Sucks! CUN22:45, 27 May

Hot damn! I love vanity! Almost as much as a love huffing cock! -RAHB 22:47, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

LOL. Then you should love huffing the vanity image there as well! -OptyC Sucks! CUN22:48, 27 May

Kind of looks like Amy Sedaris. And you know I'd love to huff her cock. -RAHB 22:51, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

Music portal

Let me know when it's up and running - I'm doing the art portal, which is obviously a related subject so can have a link to music on it somewhere. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:27, 28 May 2009 (UTC)

Righto, will do. -RAHB 20:55, 28 May 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost! May 28th, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!

May 28th, 2009 • Issue 49 • The kind of news your momma warned you about

Going Portal by UU Under conditions of great secrecy, a select group of talented volunteers has been slaving away at the wiki-coalface, dedicating themselves to the selfless task of bringing Uncyclopedia a dedicated selection of portal pages. And now their tireless efforts are starting to bear fruit, with the first few being linked on the Main Page by noted twirly star of David, Mordillo. He proudly flagged them up as "new!", until Bradaphraser, more accurately understanding the IQ of the average Uncyclopedian, flagged then as "newd!" instead. What, some of you may ask, are portal pages? Well, rather than have us explain it laboriously for you (because that sounds like, you know, effort), why not take a look at the following highly sexy portals: Politics; Games; Science; History and Art. And with more to come including the intriguing concept of a Quaint portal from Cajek, one thing's for sure: there has recently been an increase in the number of portals on Uncyclopedia. What? Nile and Nile related articles invade Uncyclopedia! by Docile hippopotamus Actually, Nile and Nile related articles are not invading Uncyclopedia - we merely wanted to say that to see if you, the reader, were gullible enough to believe it. And you were. More like, "Nile and Nile related articles invade Uncyclopedia hoax!" Let's find out what Sir Edward Mahm00shA, professor of Egyptian history and archaeology at Oxford university exclusively had to say about this: "It is a lie. And Ra saw it was no good. And the band is with me. And they hath uttered not a word about invading Uncyclopedia. Verily! Ra hacketh off the phallus of he who lieth". See now? Undeniable proof from Sir Edward Mahm00shA that the band is chilling with him and have not even mentioned invading Uncyclopedia. We also asked the wealthy Egyptian and Babylonian antique collector Mr. Great Lung Sphincter of Nebuchadnezzar the 1st to comment and he exclusively replied: "Nile doesn't have any power. Now the Tigris-Euphrates, that's a different story". Not only does this tell us that the Tigris-Euphrates conspiracy theorists are cooler than Nile conspiracists, but that Nile could not invade Uncyclopedia even if they wanted to, and you should be afraid of the Tigris-Euphrates conspiracy theorists - very afraid. To sum it up, there is no Nile and Nile related articles invasion of Uncyclopedia, just as there is no cabal.

Check out these pages! A true Uncyc legend returns! Promise to make a vote, the whole vote and nothing but the vote Big audio dynamite From our logs: 19:47, 25 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 88.208.208.132 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Yep, you're really trying, I see. Great, keep the laughs coming, Mr. Funny Man.) 09:37, 25 May 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 209.146.77.35 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You meant "make love to me, she dog") 20:43, 24 May 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 41.154.2.5 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Vandalizing articles, smearing dog shit all over Todd Lyons's car, etc.) 10:48, 23 May 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 210.211.138.192 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (don't blank, I'm running out of insulting ban reasons.) Biopic of the Week Todd Lyons has been on Uncyclopedia forever. No, seriously, he started editing in 2005 - and he's still here! He cut his article writing teeth on Dwight Schultz, and went on to write a further 98 of the buggers, while nailing his first feature with Fecal E.Coli, which started a run of 18.5 front page appearances up to the recent Kinsey Report No. 3: Sexual Behavior in Hamsters. He's been an admin longer than most of our readership have been users. Put together. And he still has all his own teeth, he tells us! Blatant Filler of the Week This box here, which is blatant padding so the formatting of this issue looks about right. Cajek ban of the Week 22:16, 26 May 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Unacceptable username: ...too few recent bans for my liking....)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

The only newspaper to be delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 19:38, 28 May 2009 (UTC)

Dan Schneider

I am slowly building an article for Dan Schneider

Slowly build it in your userspace, if you please. We generally don't like to put fragments of articles in mainspace, and you can take as long a you like if you build it in userspace, because we don't have any deletion policies for userspace articles. To create something in userspace, create it at a page such as User:Neptune123456/Dan Schneider, or one with a similar naming scheme for any other sort of article. Then, when it's complete, you can move it out of the userspace to the mainspace. Also, please sign talk page posts with four tildes (~~~~). Any other questions, feel free to ask. -RAHB 09:44, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

Thanks!

—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 10:50, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

RAHB!

I'm extremely flattered by the WotM nomination! Thanks so much. I couldn't really accept it in good conscience as I do feel that Orian has distinguished himself recently. Maybe next month? Honestly though, just being noticed and welcomed back means a lot to me. Thanks for the EGA vote, and for having it on my page when I checked in. I was thinking I'd have to award it to myself after cleaning up the vote page.  :) --THINKERER 12:18, 1 June 2009 (UTC) --T. (talk) 12:18, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

Heh, don't mention it. You can decline the WotM nom if you want, and I believe Orion will be winning it anyways, but judging by the volume of solid articles you'd been turning out recently, in relation to your long history on the site, I thought it only fitting that you be awarded again. Yours has been the most noticeable work for me in the past month or so. And that is of course what the award is about. -RAHB 18:51, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

Well, I'd be gratified to get it again. I guess we'll see if anyone else notices.  ;) Your audios are hilarious BTW. I completely understand why Cajek begs you for them. My face hurts after listening. --T. (talk) 02:28, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

Thank you very much. Means a lot coming from an audio guy such as yourself. One of these days I mean to get back into it again. Since the last one I made I've enrolled and completed about a year of my Bachelor's degree in Audio Production, and have access to a nice amount of audio equipment, including ProTools and a decent SM58 microphone =) -RAHB 02:34, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

Principle of Least Action

Hi. Why did you delete my page on the Principle of Least Action? It was a work in progress, so didn't have much text. The subject deserves attention as it is one of the leading theories of theoretical physics and is behind the whole of Quantum Electrodynamics. UncycloWebbie 19:18, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

You just answered your own question. "It was a work in progress, so didn't have much text." Either put a {{construction}} tag on it, or build it in your userspace until it's finished. -RAHB 19:21, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

Well, it had been tagged with an ICU, but that expired because there had been no work on it for a full week. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 19:23, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

Actually that may have been a mistake. I think I hit the wrong delete button in my browser. -RAHB 19:25, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for your response. I didn't know about the construction tag. I don't understand the ICU tag since I only made it this morning. UncycloWebbie 19:28, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, like I said, I accidentally put the wrong delete reason. No worries. -RAHB 19:32, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

Are you able to undo the deletion? UncycloWebbie 08:23, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

Here you go. I went ahead and added the construction tag for you as well. Good luck! -RAHB 14:30, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

Teh Dick

"The Final Point: You're both dicks. Get over yourselves, and do something else. -RAHB 02:22, 2 June 2009 (UTC)"

What is this self you speak of? ;] Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 09:15, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

The Bat Fuck Insane one, I suppose? It's so hard to choose between you and the seven or eight people who live inside your head. And then of course there's the seven or so people who live in my head. When they all start singing Christmas carols in unison, that's about the time I black out. -RAHB 14:27, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

Those really are people? I thought they were disembodied voices. Would you like some excellent kif which will help with the blackouts? Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 00:48, 3 June 2009 (UTC)

I certainly would. I doubt that's going to do much to help the people in my head, but if I ignore them long enough, they usually stop bothering me for a time. -RAHB 06:16, 3 June 2009 (UTC)

Sorry, man... smoked it all, Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 12:00, 3 June 2009 (UTC)

Rightfully so. I've got some resin to last me a bit anyway. -RAHB 22:29, 3 June 2009 (UTC)

So, I think it would be totally badass...

...if, like, you or someone else did audios for my MGS articles. Seeing as a lot of the humor is dependent on Codec conversations and the like, I think it's the sort of thing that lends itself perfectly to an audio. Just an idea. Lemme know what you think. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 21:01, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

Come on. This HAS to happen. Please RAHB? Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 21:03, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

(Damn you Woody and your edit conflict) I think it's a marvelous idea as well. At the moment, I'd suggest going for someone like Zana Dark or Todd Lyons, as even though I'd love to do it, I'm really swamped right now with finals, personal projects, and my roommate being a dick. I'd gladly do some audios after finals are over (in about two weeks), but until then I unfortunately can't guarantee anything. If I do get some free time between now and then, I'll try to get one done, although I've already promised Cajek one that I haven't managed to come through on yet. But yeah, I think Todd or Zana would love to help you out as well. -RAHB 21:10, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

Gotcha. Although I do know a guy with audio equipment, and I've got a few friends who might be willing to help out, so.... Although if that doesn't work out, I suppose I'll run it past one of those two. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:04, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Whatever works. I'd really love to work on it if it's still open when I get the time. I'll get back to you then. -RAHB 02:57, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost June 4th, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

June 4th, 2009 • Issue 50 • I love the smell of news in the morning!

Todd not Lionised by all? By UU Uncyclopedia's long-cherished status as the worst was given a massive fillip this week with the discovery that genial admin Todd Lyons has his own Facebook hate group. This considerable accomplishment has to be considered among the highest praise ever bestowed on an admin of this wiki. Kosher kvetcher Mordillo even opined that it makes him the #1 admin on the wiki, as "even Mhaille doesn't have a hate group!" Lyons himself was deeply touched by the tribute, exclusively telling the USP: "I'm a bit surprised (though not touched, like the WotM nomination this month), because I generally shy away from the snappy/nasty ban summaries that would guarantee me a spot in the UnSignpost. Really, RDB is my #1 pick for this, and richly deserves to have a hate group on Facebook (if not several dozen by now). :) Second, if I had any insecurities that I'd lost my touch with the ban hammer after being on hiatus, they're gone. The arm's feeling great. The surgery seems to have been a 100% success. I'm feeling good that I'll be able to finish out the season and hopefully garner some interest as a bureaucrat when I become a free agent this fall." The group's creator was unavailable for comment, probably due to being banned. Comings and Goings By Gerrycheevers As you may or may not have noticed, there recently seems to be a flurry of returns and hiatuses (hiati?) on this silly wiki that some of us like to call Uncyclopedia. This could be due to a number of things: the end of the school year and thus the end of studying and finals; the summer season causing new and strange emotions in internet comedy writers; the revolving door recently installed at the Uncyclopedia headquarters. Regardless of the reason, those returning have been 'welcomed', and those leaving have been warned that their userpages will be mercilessly vandalized should their vacation extend overly long. Popular aquatic creature user Finnius claims to have returned. His contributions since returning have thus far been limited to announcing his return in the forum (as required by Uncyclopedia Bylaw #435), but the Unsignpost is confident of a return laced with quality pee and other, less pungent useful contributions. The elusive Cajek, a mythical creature once thought to exist only in the surreal dreams of squirrels, has returned gloriously upon the back of a giant squirrel. So at least some part of the myth was true. Take that, science! Other returns include Dexter111344 after a brief hiatus and Gouncyclopedia!, who evaded a years-long block to announce his return in the forums (UB435 again). Perhaps the most noted of all, faithful new dog Dognewspaper returns from a one-month hiatus to appear in this story. Other users have seen a decline or all-out drop-off in their contribution level. SysRq remains on an indefinite hiatus. Gerrycheevers has seen his number of edits dwindle as of late. MrN9000 is still among the missing. Codeine is apparently gone as well, and Necropaxx will be losing his precious internet. We bid these users to hurry back, lest their userpages and works be smited with the hammer of pointless vandalism.

Check out these pages! Image spam Another one bites the dust Admin competence? From our logs: 01:08, 3 June 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.8.59.236 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (So far you've edited the pages 'your mom' and 'school'. Want me to try and guess your age?) 07:46, 2 June 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.17.189.150 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (bored fuckes should go fuck boards. It's too early in the morning and I can't think of anything smart to say) 20:04, 30 May 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 174.117.160.23 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Cyberbullying: we don't want to hear about people you know and why you want to suck their dick. I know that's not quite what you said, but something about what you said implied it) 20:38, 29 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Da Wizard Of Oz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (PLEASE MASSUH WHIP ME, OH MAH GOD, I'M GETTIN' SO HOT, I'LL SUCK YO DICK!!!!!!) Biopic of the Week The very Reverend Zim ulator is the undisputed, acknowledged, and slightly puce master of UnNews. As such, reporting about him in a newspaper may be an act of such metaphysical self-referentialism that it creates a negative feedback loop, destroying the universe, or at least this wiki. But, in the name of bringing Zim's name to our readership, that's a risk we're willing to take. We'd normally link to a bunch of stuff he's done at this point, but just take a look at UnNews - as we mentioned, he's basically the guy who keeps it all tickin'. Rats off to ya, Zim! Old School Featured Article of the Week In a week when Obama is trying to reach out to the Muslim community, perhaps it is an apt time to consider how far he is going to have to reach. Will he ever be able to bridge the gap all the way to the readership of American Fundie Magazine? "The magazine for "True Christians™", was formed to cater to the needs of the modern biblical fundamentalist", and is just as relevant today as it was way back in 2006. VFD kept article of the week Plan 11 from Outer Space has been referred to as "amusing", "pretty funny" and "hilarious". Go see why people thought it worth having around.

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Delievered by Saberwolf116 00:23, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Award

Rabbi Techno would like to honour you with the coveted

BLUE SCROTUM AWARD
Which is given to those who have demonstrated remarkably excellent judgement,
impeccable good taste and faultless, all-encompassing wisdom
(by doing something like voting for ME to win WotM).
Well done and thankyou, from Rabbi Techno.

---

It's a penis convention

Go here, answer questions, get free booze and a shoe shine. ~ 15:24, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost June 11th/12th/whatever

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Word to your mother.

June 11th, 2009 • Issue 51 • Also available in convenient suppository form!

"Uncyclopedia Worst, Boys Smelly" Declares User By Gerrycheevers In a move that shocked the Uncyclopedia community, female user Kamikazewatermelon09 this week posted a topic in the lovable Pancake House of Benson. The shocking part of the incident was that an actual girl visited Uncyclopedia. Hooray! Our numerous virgin users can now cross off 'make contact with a woman (without giving a credit card number) over the internet, phone, or via smoke signal' from the list of steps towards achieving manhood. Though we can't help you with that face-to-face stuff...we hear that genre of contact is terrifying. The content of the post was too lengthy and riddled with cooties for the male, attention span deficient UnSignpost editors to actually read. Furthermore, the UnSignpost Executive Board refuses to add cootie insurance to the UnSignpost employee health plan. However, resident awesome potatochopper and known girl Sonje was recruited to read the message and react as if she had been asked a clever question by a hypothetical handsome UnSignpost reporter. From her exclusive comments, it seems that the topic poster was disappointed in the vulgarity and immaturity displayed by many of our gentlemen users. "I find the crassness rather endearing," Sonje responded, "in moderation." So, the moral of the story is: the users who really count will forgive us our occasional desire to cuss a blue streak or upload some boob-related images. So...go nuts! Cabal Criticism of the Week By: Gerrycheevers This week, lead Cabalist Mordillo blocked The Wizard Of Oz with an expiry time of Judgement Day, and did not provide a reason for the epic pwning. We here at the UnSignpost would like to call out Mordillo on this lack of explanation. Not as a courtesy to the user, which he certainly did not earn through his insertions of a weird version of a California article into several unseeming places. No, we would like to know why Mordillo did not take advantage of an opportunity that was ripe with comedic potential. Surely this poor soul's username could have resulted in a ban reason referencing shiny red shoes or flying monkeys? A statement concerning the location of the user being a place that is not Kansas? We would have settled for a measly 'looking for a brain' line. But instead, you left us hanging, Mordillo. We'd like to officially call you on it, and we take comfort in knowing that though you can ban the editors, and you can ban our freedom, you can never ban the UnSignpost. Though, on second thought, you could delete it.

Check out these pages! Invisible Forum! Happy Birthday Sonic80! Happy Birthday Woody! Happy Birthday Modusoperandi! FREAKING LIAR! From our logs: 15:19, 7 June 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 94.192.116.120 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎(How To: Fuck off for 3 months) 17:49, 7 June 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.1.87.74 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎(one two fuck you!) 10:00, 8 June 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.190.33.94 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(comedy website. all football clubs get equal treatment here - ie a merciless slagging. mind you, chelsea really do suck.) Biopic of the Week Of all of the writers enshrined in the Uncyclopedia Hall of Shame, Electrified mocha chinchilla has the highest number of featured articles without having ever been profiled in the UnSignpost. Whoops, not anymore. Anyway, his list of works reads like a what's-what of awesomeness. The entity known as e|m|c also organized and ran several Poo Lit Surprise competitions. Worshipful notes and pie can be sent to his talk page. Retraction of the Week In last week's exceedingly humorous edition of the UnSignpost, we referred to Uncyclopedia Bylaw #435 was requiring all returning users to announce themselves in the forums. This is actually Bylaw #453. We apologize for the mistake, and also from the confusion resulting from the real Bylaw #435, which states that every 94 days a user's dog must be sacrificed to the Rancor. Sorry Led, and get well Fluffy! This Week in Uncyc, 1215 The Magna Carta was signed by King John of England, granting certain rights to serfs, peasants, slaves, farmers, and servants. This was immediately parodied in Ye Olde Signeposte, Uncyclopedia's bi-weekly periodical of the time. It was depicted as a document that forced King John to admit he had the power to tax servants, control every aspect of farmer's lives, and shoot serfs in his Royal Preserves for sport.

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I think I'm going crazy. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 13:01, 12 June 2009 (UTC)

Thank you for the suggestion

I shall do so. --Sockpuppet of Narcissus Black 17:30, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

You certainly shall. It's awesome. -RAHB 19:31, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

Centrebus article

I was wondering why the Centrebus article has been deleted ? I was on my way to sorting it out and i am very annoyed with this! Could I have an explanation please thanks Costly 15:34, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

Very sorry for the misunderstanding. I deleted that because it was short, and looked similar to some of the spam we've been receiving recently, if memory serves me correctly. I've restored it for you now so you can continue to work on it. Also, I put a construction tag on it for you, so that you may work on it with no disruptions from administrators or otherwise until it's finished. All the best. -RAHB 04:34, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost! June 18th/19th!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

June 18th, 2009 • Issue 52 • Thinly sliced news, between two slices of humor, with lettuce and hollandaise sauce

Votes for Sandwiches Officially Opens By Gerrycheevers This week, Votes for Sandwiches was established by Uncyclopedia Internetist and Lead Executive of Sandwiches, Spang. Previously some sort of secret cabal hazing page, lead cabalists have thrown the doors of VFS open to reveal thinly sliced meats on a variety of breads. Or they would have, if the cabal existed, which it doesn't. Official Cabal Spokesman Mordillo exclusively explained the new feature best: "The cabal, as part of its never-ending efforts to assert its all-consuming control over the citizenry, has now introduced voting for sandwiches. Each editor will be required to eat the elected sandwiches for the entire following month. Members of the cabal will closely observe voter's decisions to make sure that no vile sandwiches, such as BAKED BEANS ON TOAST WITH MELTED CHEESE, will be chosen. That's just vile. Editors will not be allowed to protest over the "democratically" "chosen" "sandwich". We're not Iran." Reactions to the new voting page were mixed. Some users were excited for the opportunity to express their fondness towards various lunches, provided that those lunches are a sandwich. "I'm glad that sandwiches, a comedy staple due to their low-priced nature and assembly so simple that even a writer can construct one, are finally getting their due on Uncyclopedia," said resident criminology term Modusoperandi. Others were not so supportive of the move, and point to recent disturbing trends since the introduction of VFS, the most disturbing being the raiding of the fridge in the Uncyclopedia break room and the subsequent theft of all sandwiches. Well, maybe not all sandwiches, but one specifically marked "gerry's. do not eat." So far no group has claimed responsibility for this act of sandwich-related terrorism. I will find you, you little punk! And when I do, you're making me another sandwich! Comebacks! Only $19.95! Call Now! By: Saberwolf116 Following a month and a half hiatus, resident VFD overlord and prince of pants MrN9000 is alleged to have returned to the wiki. According to reliable sources, MrN was spotted responding to his talk page and maintaining QVFD, among various other tasks. What other things he may do remains to be seen. We do know, however, that he has been welcomed warmly by the community, with Mordillo giving him the brand new nickname "fucker" and various users bestowing an award of reliability on him. BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! Call Now And Get 2 for the Price Of 1! By: Gerrycheevers Following in MrN's robotically symmetrical footsteps was noted keyboard component SysRq. After many weeks of inactivity, Sys has returned to once again putter the Imperial Colonization ship around Uncyclopedia Harbor. He has described his goals as "re-assimilate as best I can" and "Go to hell, Dex". We would like to welcome both of these users back to the loving Uncyclopedia family, and urge them to GET BACK TO WORK!! Things Brewing In IRC By Sockpuppet of an unregistered user People are yelling at each other, stalking each other, and randomly talking to one another. What I am talking about is, of course, IRC, the highly controversial melting pot of Uncyclopedia, where users of all stands, races, and levels of activity can talk about unimportant issues. It has recently come to our attention that ruthless battles were being fought on the fields of IRC. Our correspondent decided to check things out for himself. He was confronted with gay dinosaurs, Star Wars references and general dickery. Though this one time visit cannot render a clear view of the complex nature of IRC, it might give us a glimpse into the mind of the common IRCer. The dark, mysterious character of IRC remains.

Check out these pages! Release personal details here. Overractions! Slander! Hot Republican Chicks with Guns! Death To Our Enemies, or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love Illogicopedia. From our logs: 14:37, 11 June 2009 Cs1987 (Talk | contribs) blocked Cs1987 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a nice stroll in the park ‎(The only edit I can make on this website right now is blocking myself. Woohoo!) 15:42, 12 June 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for The Wizard Of Oz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day (account creation disabled, e-mail blocked) ‎(Follow the yellow brick road to oblivion! Put on your red shoes and dance! dance! Ackowledge that you're no longer in Kansas, Toto. And yes I am the wicked witch of the west. I have a wart to prove it) 12:11, 16 June 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 94.101.164.1 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎(vandullism - and your cheese looks old and stale anyway. bring me something fresher. and a red onion chutney - let's do this properly) Biopic of the Week Sonje ~ Bursting onto the Uncyclpedia scene in March 2009, this spunky female user already has quite the impressive resume. Her six featured images speak of her monumental potatochopping abilities, and she won consecutive Potatochopper of the Month awards. Yeah, that's right. Consecutive. We look forward to many more expertly manipulated images and other general awesomery from Sonje in the months to come. Old School Featured Article of the Week Continuing in the vaguely sandwich-related theme, Sausage Butty Batter Nuggets are a staple of English cuisine. With a complicated recipe that often leads to dangerous and/or hilarious consequences, this food is nevertheless a highly desirable meal for any self-respecting gentleman or lady in England, and is often served at croquet competitions and monocle-wearing contests. Pictured at right is the extra-crunchy West Country variety. This Week in Uncyc, 3500 BC The Great Pyramids of Giza, one of the greatest technological and engineering feats in human history, was parodied in the monthly Uncyclopedia newsletter Bird, Bird, Crocodile, Man With Dog Face, Bird, which was painstakingly written on papyrus reeds by dozens of slaves. In the periodical, the Pyramids were described as "just okay", and were depicted as a stepping stone to grander projects such as Great Cubes and perhaps even a Great Octagonal Prism. Reason to Leave Uncyclopedia of the Week #12: Space issues. With so many users returning, and Cajek refusing to grant access to the Cajek Mansion (which takes up over 60% of all Uncyclopedia's property), there just isn't enough room for us all.

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You'd think I'd learn that this isn't fun to do... Oh well. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 19:38, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

Since you're here

Could you get rid of Mr. FAGGOT NIGGER MOTHERFUCKER? I have a feeling that before someone checks him out, i'll have to revert him some more... Saberwolf116 03:36, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for the heads up. Taken care of. -RAHB 03:43, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

Uh...

I thought to use the page "Outstanding science articles" for a list of articles that get dropped off the Science portal main page, eventually. -- Style  Guide 06:33, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

Ah, okay....did I delete it or something? -RAHB 06:39, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

Yes since someone had put a WIP template on it. No big deal, I'll just recreate it. -- Style  Guide 10:00, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

Ah, very well. Sorry for the initial messup. -RAHB 10:30, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

Question

I was wondering if some one got banned, can't they make a new account---   TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 06:18, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

I'll answer. Yes, but only by changing their IP, or yes if the admin doing the banning didn't disable account creation (but if an an admin doesn't disable account creation the reason the person was banned would have been extremely minor.). Hope I answered it fully and understandably. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 06:28, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

Indeed, what he said. And they can always be banned again as well. -RAHB 07:17, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

Thanks---   TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 20:02, 28 June 2009 (UTC)

Hallowed be thy name, Hollowed be thy brain

How is thy name pronounced, sire RAHB? Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 09:15 June 26 '09

Look into thine heart, and thou shalt fine thine answer. -RAHB 09:16, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

Verily, is thy name pronounced myocardium? Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 09:18 June 26 '09

Precisely. You hath learned well, young one. -RAHB 09:21, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

Thank ye, master. Thy apprentice shalt ne'er betray thee :) Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 09:24 June 26 '09

Indeed. Thou art a much better apprentice than that sellout, Judas. You shalt obtain high standing within the empire. -RAHB 09:29, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

Can I hath thy Treasury? Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 09:44 June 26 '09

Nay, for I know not what-th you meaneth. -RAHB 10:07, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

Hath anybody correctly guessed what thy name standeth for, yet? Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 11:23 June 26 '09

Yeah, it's not really a secret, but it's fun to watch people who don't know trying to guess. Truth is, it means "Rob." Some of my friends used to call me "Rahb" in text because it sounds like it if you pronounce it out. I put it in caps because...I don't know why. -RAHB 12:09, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

I just wanted to say that the number of spinning objects in this one message is hypnotic. Wow. --T. (talk) 13:04, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

It certainly is. Now just sit back and relax. You are getting very sleepy. You are now under my control. -RAHB 13:18, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

make him stand on his hands and say F'gthangukhu'amulas'thet out loud 7.5 times :) Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 13:54 June 26 '09

Pff. Child's play. It's all about erotic hypnosis. -RAHB 13:57, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

You don't want to hypnotize a man for erotica. Do you? :) Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 14:04 June 26 '09

I want to hypnotize everyone for erotica. -RAHB 14:05, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

World domination? The hard way? Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 14:09 June 26 '09

Perhaps the hard way, but also the fun way. -RAHB 14:12, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

Oh yeah, fun fun FUCKING FUN! But, srsly, dont hypnotize me, I want to have fun too Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 14:20 June 26 '09

I can easily take care of that. I'll merely hypnotize you to enjoy the hypnosis. -RAHB 14:22, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

I can haz hypnosis now? Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 14:25 June 26 '09

You're already hypnotized, you just didn't know it. I'm that good. -RAHB 14:28, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

yes, master. also, click on that linky thing that says 18 and write something, lest the Eye of Ra smiteth thee Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 14:35 June 26 '09

You shalt not command thy master. However, I shall write something out of courtesy. -RAHB 14:39, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

Thank thee, o great master :) Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 14:59 June 26 '09

Indeed. -RAHB 15:04, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

Don't forget about me! The Lord of Spinning Things! SOCK 21:41, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

Muahahahahaha! Spin, my puppets, spin!!! -RAHB 06:38, 27 June 2009 (UTC)

Louis

I was just in the process of adding content to the Louis Walsh article before you blammed it... Was there any particular reason why he can't have a page? I can't imagine why he doesn't already have one... By Mykell - - Chat To Meh

I'll restore it for you. I deleted it because there was nothing on the page. I have no idea who Louis Walsh is myself, but he has a wikipedia article, so there's no reason he can't. Just make it good. I'll also put a construction tag on it for you to save it from deletion for a week until you finish it up. -RAHB 21:21, 27 June 2009 (UTC)

Will you be my admin-friend

'dillo, UU and Toddy, they're all on vacationz, I need an admin to hang around on his talk page.. will you be my new friend? The guy who joke bans me and stuff? *pulls out a sword* you'd better do Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 21:48 June 27 '09

Indeed. Checketh ye ban log. -RAHB 00:51, 28 June 2009 (UTC)

I hath checked it. Thank ye, me lord, thou who art most graceful, ye shalt regret it not :) Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 08:03 June 28 '09

Dear Dr. Rod Jenson (who cured cancer),

Thank you. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 23:43 Jun 28, 2009

You see. I'm not just a one trick cancer pony. And more importantly, a cancer pony sounds...disturbing... -RAHB 01:14, 29 June 2009 (UTC)

ICU

Morning RAHB. The ICU on this is up. As I know nothing about the real KoL, and I don't intend to do any research, I can't tell if it has been changed sufficiently to avoid deletion, so do you want to take a look? --UU - natter 08:47, Jun 29

Indeed, seems it was mostly given up upon. Deleted as is fitting. -RAHB 09:37, 29 June 2009 (UTC)

audios

howdy there, RAHB. i've finally gotten around to doing some of these newfangled audios, and i've polished off my first one, for UnNews:Galactic Empire raises terror alert level to orange. could you take a listen and tell me if it's acceptable? just wanting to make sure i'm meeting all the conventions and whatnot. thanks! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 12:35, 29 June 2009 (UTC)

Very good. There are a probably a number of additions you could put in with DAWs, but as is it's definitely acceptable. You've got a clear mid-range voice and presumably at least a decent microphone or at least understand how to properly use it, as there's no popping or clipping or anything. Sounds pretty quality to me. Good job. -RAHB 02:20, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

hooray! what's a DAW? SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 19:35, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

Digital Audio Workstation. It's just a fancy term for "audio program." I like [www.reaper.fm REAPER] myself. -RAHB 00:17, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

cool. i just went with audacity to get me started. is there any code of conduct as far as doing audios & unnews narrations (like asking the article author if they want one), and is there a good way to advertise my willingness to put my pipes to work? SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 12:56, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Nothing in writing really, but it's always nice to ask I suppose. Most people don't really care if you just throw the audio up onto their page, especially in UnNews, considering the relation between the two. As far as "advertisement", if you do them really good, people eventually just understand that "Gerry will do good audios for you." However, you can always put an anecdote about it on your userpage, and such. Zim has an audio request page around here somewhere, but it hasn't been edited in ages. Mayhaps we should get that back into action one of these days. As far as audio programs, yeah, audacity is fantastic as a start, but it unfortunately doesn't have the usability of others when it comes to properly sequencing and cutting tracks in a user-friendly manner. If that doesn't make sense or matter to you, then audacity is probably just fine. -RAHB 11:20, 2 July 2009 (UTC)

cool. yea i was messing around with audacity, and i figured out how to do a few primitive things, but that's probably all i'll ever be able to do or care about. as long as it records my voice then i'm happy. thanks RAHB! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 12:26, 2 July 2009 (UTC)

No problem. Best wishes! -RAHB 18:02, 2 July 2009 (UTC)

Unsignpost! June 25th or 30th

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

June 25th, 2009 • Issue 53 • The newspaper that steals other newspapers' lunch money

Users Campaign to Delete Vast Portions of Uncyclopedia By Gerrycheevers Several users have recently begun campaigns to rid Uncyclopedia of some of its oldest, cruftiest, stalest content, or so they would have you believe. We at the UnSignpost aren't here to report anything other than the facts, including but not limited to: opinions, speculation, and pictures of cats with funny captions. First on the chopping block was the Timeline series. This group of articles apparently chronicles the made-up version of history as recorded by people who aren't very funny. Dr. Skullthumper has taken the lead in the crusade against this unholy document, and reactions on the wiki were, as usual, mixed. Some users supported the good doctor, while others appreciated his sentiment but enjoyed the crisp, fresh smell of proper procedure much better. Noted deletionist Gwax made an appearance in order to streamline the effort to remove all of the unfunniness from the timeline, and he has been joined by several other users seeking to improve rather than delete the entire project. Next in line for the guillotine was Uncyclopedia's longest-running and only soap opera, The Young and the Uncyclopedians. At the head of this movement is prominent murderous amphibian Thekillerfroggy, who made such bold claims as "Vanity, sir!" and "Words words words!" As this project is not merely a page but an entire slew of pages, it was rejected by the Uncyclopedia Deletion Tribunal, but further actions may be in the works. When reached for comment about the situation, Uncyclopedia founder Chronarion responded, "AAAAAAAA!!!!" Usefulness of IP Contributions Called Into Question...Again By Gerrycheevers The question of whether or not we should allow IPs to edit our precious humor wiki has been raised yet again, this time by plucky Der Unwehr founder Guildensternenstein. UnSignpost reporters were baffled by the concept of what an IP was, until it was explained that it is some sort of automatic vandalism robot designed to troll websites, post vanity, and ensure all articles make the proper amount of references to Chuck Norris. The debate raged fiercely, with many users falling on either side of the so-called "IP line". One camp decided that the contributions from these entities did more harm than good to the community and its collection of humor. The opposing faction took up the opposite view: that IP editors were harmless and at worst an annoyance. Modusoperandi, the lead counsel for the IP defense team, made several compelling arguments, most notably the case that IPs are adorable and thus harmless. In the end, it was decided that IP editing is something we must live with, mostly because Conservapedia doesn't allow it, and we don't want to be any more like them than we already are. When reached for comment about the situation, Uncyclopedia founder Chronarion responded, "AAAAAAAA!!!!"

Check out these pages! Ledddy calls for more reminiscence The counting goes horribly, horribly wrong THIS JUST IN THIS JUST OUT From our logs: 01:41, 24 June 2009 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs | block) blocked 66.109.20.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Dex is all like BAN HIM and I'm like OKAY DEX) 00:18, 21 June 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs | block) blocked Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Do you see my penis? Here, I'll pull it out! LOOK AT IT DANGLE, FAGGOT!) 00:17, 21 June 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs | block) resurrected Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) ‎ (wrng "a"gn) 00:16, 21 June 2009 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs | block) blocked Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (NO MORE MR. NICEGUY) Biopic of the Week "How has the UnSignpost never run a biopic on So So?", you might ask. "I mean, his userpage is somewhere between confusing and disturbing, but the guy's a comedic genius! His writings are classic!", you might continue. You might even mention that he was nommed for WotM for about half a year in 2007 before finally winning the thing. Well, you might be interested in reading this week's UnSignpost, and then you might look into shutting up. Old School FA of the Week The Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet'N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice is the longest possible order you could order at Starbucks. It was ordered only once (in the late 1990's), and it singlehandedly destroyed the economy of South America. It is now illegal in both American Continents, Africa, Asia, Europe, and Antarctica. In fact, it's now illegal everywhere save for a select few unclaimed square inches in the Southern Pacific Ocean and Belgium (but nobody gives a crap about Belgium.) The United Nations is working on this problem even as you read this.

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We're not late you're just high!    Orian57    Talk   14:15 30 June 2009

Question about deletion

How come you deleted my article recently? Just wondering because you didn't leave a reason that I can see.

Thanks (non-sarcastically) for reading this – Preceding unsigned comment added by Jack danyells (talk • contribs)

If you're referring to West Edmonton Mall, I deleted it because it was short and looked random to me. I'll restore it with a construction tag for you, but make sure it abides by all the guidelines so that it doesn't get deleted after the one week trial. Good luck! -RAHB 09:21, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 2nd, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

July 2nd, 2009 • Issue 54 • The newspaper with the name that's an anagram of "stop using n"

The Young and The Uncyclopedians Cancelled By Gerrycheevers After enjoying a long-running career and several writer changes, Uncyclopedia's fabled soap opera The Young and the Uncyclopedians was cancelled this week. And by "cancelled" we mean totally owned by Thekillerfroggy. It seems TKF finally had enough, and spent nearly an hour systematically deleting the entire series, which previously contained over 60% of all content in the UnScripts namespace. The newly freed electrons, no longer required for TYATU, can now be used for other Uncyclopedia-related tasks, such as boron smelting, and they may even be used to form a sort of crude bot that can edit The count to a million project automatically. Not content with merely obliterating the entire series, Thekillerfroggy apparently became bored halfway through his holy crusade, and decided to get creative in the deletion summaries. As can be seen in a memorial erected by what is presumed to be a jilted fan of the show, TKF nostalgized and ranted, remembered and forgot, loved and lost, all while expressing his inner thoughts through the medium of deletion summaries. An example can be seen at the very end of his effort, where Thekillerfroggy writes: "Sigh./Well here's the home stretch/It's been real/We've had some good times/some bad times/But in the end/All we are is dust in the wind/So goodnight, sweet prince/Farewell TYATU/Fin." Reactions on the wiki were, as usual, mixed. Some users held a candlelight vigil in userspace, where some of the episodes have been resurrected in a zombie-like form. Entertainment editor DogNewspaper (pictured) wagged his tail, perhaps expressing hope that one day a new soap opera, sitcom, or crime investigation show featuring Uncyclopedia editors would once again grace this site. We can only dream... Main Page Suffers Spasms of Dickery By Gerrycheevers If you logged onto the Main Page sometime on July 2nd between 2:00 and 3:00 GMT (and if you can't figure out what time that is where you live, then don't expect us to provide it for you, we're not a bloody watch!), you may have noticed some subtle changes. Instead of the usual Wikipedia-like format, with carefully organized features, news stories, anniversaries, and vital information, you may or may not have found...something else. You may or may not have found an intruiging offer to reffer freinds to take some sort of mp3-player related actions. You may or may not have found some sort of story with a vague theme of respecting one's elders, and everything about those elders, and we do mean everything. You may or may not have found some sort of strange mix of the two that left you with conflicting feelings. These feelings may or may not have included, but not been limited to: fear, anger, jealousy, confusion, fear again, and a vague sensation of falling. The admins responsible for this will not be named here, due to their next probable course of action in the case in which we did mention them, which would most likely be something along the lines of turning every UnSignpost issue into a Euroipod, whatever that is. The only thing we can report on is that the shenanigans ended just over an hour after they began, with the Main Page being restored to its previous false information-rich state. However, this episode shows us that it will never be safe from the hijinks of that group of admins, who, again, will not be named.

Check out these pages! HowTo: Get Banned for a Day Serious, on-topic discussion More voting for things! From our logs: 12:34, 26 June 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Gotlegginh (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎(please enjoy our complimentary fuck the hell off) 21:18, 26 June 2009 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 8 seconds ‎(Non-kosher edits to Woody's meatpage) 08:35, 29 June 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.78.127.159 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎(I is an 8 year old from the UK with super admin powerz, fuck you) 11:49, 1 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 222.153.106.69 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(I think you'll find it is you who fail. and not even epically either - just with a bit of a whimper.) Biopic of the Week Lovable Wikia dictator Sannse has settled in rather well in the Uncyclopedia Community. She is a double Hall of Shame member, and she recently took home the coveted Uncyclopedian of the Month award for her work in making things behind the scenes to run smoothly, which we take it means that she is very good at regulating the caffeine intake of the hamsters that run on the wheels that power Uncyclopedia. Her typical reaction to watermelon jokes is summed up on the right. Old-School Featured Article of the Week HowTo:Cheat At Scrabble is an informative guide to consistently winning via questionable means that most enjoyable of letter-arranging games, Scrabble. Fake dictionaries, fake online dictionaries, fake tiles, and octopi are just a few of the diverse methods one can utilize in order to gain a distinctly unfair advantage while playing the game. This Week in Uncyc, 1776 While the American colonies and the British Empire were not quite getting along, the corresponding members of Uncyclopedia were also having a bit of a flamewar. Prominent British users subtly edited the article on America to include a fictional fourteenth colony called West Wankerton, and American admins reacted by banning the drinking of any tea-related beverages in the Uncyclopedia break room. In the end, both sides agreed to a truce due to the massively impressive fireworks show, which was a Fourth of July tradition. The truce basically entailed both entities cooperation in the vandalism of the article on France.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 19:32, 3 July 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 9th July 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!

July 9th, 2009 • Issue 55• Help! I'm trapped in a newspaper printer!

Survivor returns to Uncyclopedia after almost two years By THEDUDEMAN, with additional reporting by An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays In late 2007, a man by the name of Leoispotter had the idea to bring his favorite reality show to Uncyclopedia. Thus, the first season of UnSurvivor was created. After five thrilling rounds of voting, Mr. Briggs Inc. managed to win against the other finalist, Thekillerfroggy, by a mere two votes. Flash forward almost two years. Kingkitty, a competitor in the first UnSurvivor, decides it's time for another go-around, and season 2 is born. In an exclusive interview with Mr. Kitty, he had this to say: "Well, I was bored ("and crazy", says one passing by civilian) and I thought: 'perhaps the community could do something fun, and stop with all this writing bullshit.'" When later asked what he thought about this current season, he said, "It's showing to be bigger and better than last season, with more betrayals, more violence, more whining, and more betrayals. Lots of betrayals. Mostly of me." Currently, UnSurvivor Season 2 is in its final round of voting, where the voted-off members of the game get to vote on the finalist they want to win. The finalists this season are: after last seasons defeat, Thekillerfroggy, and newcomers to the show, THEDUDEMAN and An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays. Voting is set to take place over 72 hours instead of the usual 24, and the winner will be announced sometime Friday July 10th. After this, according to Mr. Kitty, there "probably" will be a season 3, and it will be bigger and better than anything ever before. Uncyclopedians pay crass tasteless tribute to Michael Jackson By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Michael Jackson, the legendary King of Pop, touched many lives, and the news of his untimely demise has left a deep void in the lives of his millions of fans and victims. Fans all over Uncyclopedia, stricken by grief, flocked by the dozens to mourn their departed hero in the only way they knew how: through the medium of humour. They ranged from perfunctory to crude to mediocre, but each expressed a deeply profound sadness that the weird plastic rapist was no more. (Yeah, "weird plastic rapist". That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Tributes continue to pour in despite the fact that it is no longer funny or clever. With the stage set for a long, protracted battle over his kids and estate, Uncyclopedia expects that unfunny people will continue to get mileage out of this story for many weeks to come. Uncyclopedia admins plan to send a selection of the best "tributes" to the Jackson family, along with the number of a company that recycles plastics. (That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Editors emerge from woodwork, contribute to UnSignpost By Gerrycheevers This week, when UnSignpost Active Editor Gerrycheevers brought up the Uncyclopedia page containing the currently in-progress UnSignpost, he suffered a minor heart attack upon finding that two stories had already been added to the paper. It seems both An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays and THEDUDEMAN, both newly given the title "Consulting Editor", took exception to being named "Consulting Editor" and took it upon themselves to blanket the UnSignpost with awesomeness. Unsignpost Payroll Manager DogNewspaper (pictured) bared his teeth at this development, indicating his frustration at having to re-issue new timecards to both editors. Gerrycheevers is expected to make a full recovery; flowers can be sent to the Uncyclopedia Infirmary and Shooting Range.

Check out these pages! The second round of the Uncyclopedia Music Awards! 4.252.99.182 HAS BEEN FOUND! Uncyclopedians trying to workout From our logs: 23:02, 7 July 2009 Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) blocked Spang (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 500 days ‎(testing, I haven't done this in a while) 09:26, 7 July 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.178.213.53 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) ‎(In fact, here is our complimentary "welcome to uncyclopedia & fuck off" package. Have a nice day.) 00:36, 6 July 2009 Cs1987 (Talk | contribs) blocked The Woodburninator (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 191 seconds ‎(You ain't no ban magnet. But I can help you become one. By banning you, that is.) Biopic of the Week Now missing for over 18 months, it's time to send the search party out for ENeGMA. If the userbox on his user page is accurate, then his 250,000+ edits mean that he has created virtually all of the content on Uncyclopedia. While that isn't quite true, he has produced some classically awesome articles, and we wish he'd come back and play. Quote of the Week <TheLedBalloon> well, my parents were like, son, we're going to make meatloaf tonight <TheLedBalloon> and I was like <TheLedBalloon> shit yeah <TheLedBalloon> you know <TheLedBalloon> I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOAF <Shaggy-Rogers> EVEN BLOW YOUR LOAD ON YOUR MOM'S FACE =-= Mode #uncyclopedia +o TheLedBalloon by ChanServ =-= Shaggy-Rogers was booted from #uncyclopedia by TheLedBalloon (2 dads) =-= Mode #uncyclopedia -o TheLedBalloon by TheLedBalloon Old-School Featured Article of the Week A Handgun is a non-lethal weapon that has been in use for over 150 years. As adaptable as it is safe, the Handgun can fire many different kinds of bullets, which each require different distinct noises such as "pchoo!". Advantages include an infinite amount of ammunition and the lack of a necessity to reload. Attempts at Handgun regulation have proven pointless at best. This Week in Uncyc, 658 AD With the Dark Ages in full swing, Uncyclopedia tried to lighten the mood with a contest that urged users to photoshop a humorous image involving a priest, a monk, and a nun. Since the most advanced photoshop technology at the time still consisted of using paint to draw on canvas, not a single entry was completed by the two-week deadline. However, prominent Uncyclopedian John Smith continued his work far past the deadline, and after eight months submitted an image of a waterskiing nun, which became Uncyclopedia's first featured image.

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9001(bot)  22:37, Jul 9

NOT CENSORED?

Sorry, i didnt intend to replace the swearing, i have a Greasemonkey Javascript swear word replacer, unfortunately this meant it replaced the words in my edit. Sorry. I will remember to turn it off next time. -Clubduckling 08:41, 11 July 2009 (UTC)

No worries. Thanks for the response. -RAHB 11:27, 11 July 2009 (UTC)

About Glaucoma...

Is there any way to have a page un-huffed? I was working on the article you see, and *sniff* it was coming along so nicely, BUT THEN THIS HAPPENED! Anyway, please respond, one way or the other.Cmc MgrMr. Isaak - "Wiry" - Sean 00:25, 13 July 2009 (UTC)

Oh yes, it's quite a simple task to undelete an article. But just so I'm clear, the article entitle Glaucoma was deleted way back in December, and it was voted for deletion after a stay on the VFD page and a template was put on the page warning of it. Are you referencing a different, similarly named article, or am I just reading too far into that? -RAHB 02:50, 13 July 2009 (UTC)

Grammar Police Needed

[[Template:ICU/short|This] template appears to be grammatically incorrect. And it has been for over 2 years. And it is a protected page. Soooo... yeah. Ellemonopy 15:46, 13 July 2009 (UTC)

Wow, I just noticed that you were the one that just put this template on my (not really mine) Awesome Sauce page. I just picked a random Admin to complain to. Ellemonopy 15:53, 13 July 2009 (UTC)

Wow, very nice spot. I've put so many of those on pages, I can't believe I never saw that. Duly changed, and thanks. Good look with your article =) -RAHB 21:45, 13 July 2009 (UTC)

Thank you. Ellemonopy 22:42, 13 July 2009 (UTC)

Savethepoodles

Oh hai. Could we get a couple more days of semi-protection on The fact that you don't want a poodle? IP vandalism has been rampant. kthxbai pillow talk 21:56, 13 July 2009 (UTC)

Thou asketh, thou shalt receiveth. -RAHB 00:44, 14 July 2009 (UTC)

You are a gentleman and a scholar. pillow talk 15:14, 14 July 2009 (UTC)

PhallusPhallusPhallus!!

LolethLolethLoleth! O my Lord! All thy village belongeth to thy liege... *Ahem*.. Hi Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 06:17 July 14 '09

Oh. I saw this at school and forgot to respond. HI! I'm very drunk right now. Entertain thy liege!!! -RAHB 04:04, 17 July 2009 (UTC)

shalt i strip and do a pole dance? Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 04:59 July 17 '09

No thou shalt not, but thou shalt suggest more funny instances for thine lord's comedic pleasure. -RAHB 05:19, 17 July 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 16nd, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things

July 16th, 2009 • Issue 56 • This is a Pathetic Joke

User Return Causes Widespread Panic By Gerrycheevers This week noted user An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays returned to the wiki, and immediately rendered that return "triumphant". However, other users are beginning to feel the effects of the presence of this primate whose quantum mechanical properties dictate that he be only during certain periods of the week. This incident left onlookers shocked, and worrying if something similar could happen to them. Not since the return of a scantily-clad Olipro has this website seen such a display of sheer terror mixed with complete confusion (and in the case of Olipro, a bit of curious arousal mixed in). The aforementioned incident involved one user who had AATOEOT embedded in his dreams. Most curiously, this episode seems to have happened on a Friday night, a time period when an An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays should decidedly not exist. Nearly a week has passed without further disruptions, although that may be partially due to Ape's ban after being kicked off of the Uncyclopedia island during a rousing game of Uncyclopedia Survivor. Regardless of the reasons behind the strange occurrences, users should be sure to keep an eye out for strange occurrences on and off the wiki...particularly on Thursdays. Flood of Crap Nearly Overflows VFD By Gerrycheevers For the last few days, an explosion of nominations has inundated Uncyclopedia's waste removal system, Votes for Deletion. After a period of low activity, where there would typically be just a few to several nominations, things picked up last week. In the last few days, the situation has accelerated into what is being called by experts a "shit-ton" of undesirable content festering in the dark, unvisited corners of the wiki. Said undesirable content is currently being read, discussed, and dealt with accordingly, as is the usual procedure at the highly efficient VFD. Circumstances have escalated to the point of rattling a few relaxed admins. One such incident involved a user getting the customary one-day ban for increasing the active nomination count past twenty, when the user in question had, in fact, only increased the number of active noms to twenty. Owing to the normal tendency of the article count of VFD to stay in the low single digits lately, the lapse is certainly forgiveable, and was quickly corrected. Afterwards the two parties exchanged pleasantries and shared a S'Mores which was roasted over the open bonfire of newly deleted articles. Former poopsmith MrN9000 commented on the situation, saying, "Well you know I fancy the standards at VFD have improved significantly in recent times. Not so long ago it would often just be a quick "Short and Shit" vote from UU, and the latest stub was on for a huffing. These days we are spending more time voting on closer votes and are deleting much better articles than we used to! Something VFD is really proud of." In a final display of VFD patriotism, MrN added, "CHECK THE PAGE HISTORY BEFORE NOMINATING YOU BUGGERS!" Orian57 On Fire By Gerrycheevers Noted rainbow-colored user Orian57 has recently enjoyed a remarkable string of success (pictured on right). He has scored an unprecedented natural hat trick of features, with UnBooks:Daddy, There's a Zombie in the Garden, LazyTown, and UnScripts:Trapped at Sea reaching the front page on consecutive days. Not since the time of such legends as Savethemooses and The Thinker have such lofty VFH records been broken. Although in the case of STM, there were probably mitigating factors involved, like wooden articles rather than aluminum, or something. Or aluminium, that strange substance only found in England by mining thousands of millions of other strange occurences, such as referring to the trunk of a car as a "boot". This god-like spasm of awesomeness is fresh on the heels of Orian's Writer of the Month win in June of this year. Since the beginning of that month, he has seen six of his works grace the front page, and he shows no signs of slowing down. When reached for comment, he explained, "Well I suppose it's down to being fantastic. And unemployed. But mostly being fantastic." The UnSignpost would like to congratulate Orian on his recent spat of win, and express hopes he will continue the pattern well into the future.

Check out these pages! Some guy is trying to update Images... Hey look, a new game to play! Or is this business? UnBusiness!? Proof that Wikia hates us! From our logs: 09:27, 9 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a bouncer from Flintoff ‎(pre-emptive ban before you ban me for pickiness. your English > my Hebrew etc etc...) 20:38, 14 July 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Luvvy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎(Impersonating a girl. Perv.) 14:03, 16 July 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.186.81.136 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎(you know Euthanasia might just be the thing you are looking for....) Biopic of the Week Known as the man of many signatures (most of them garish and spinning in some fashion), Mahm00shA has made quite the impression on Uncyclopedia since joining in February. His transcription of an interview with a cab driver in his native Egypt has earned him recognition as a writer, and his other useful qualities have earned him an Uncyclopedian of the Month nomination. Go 'moosh! Quote of the week [16:41] <Tayor> we're going to need a base to work from. [16:43] <Tayor> by 'we' I meann 'I' [16:43] <Tayor> and by 'are' I mean 'am' [16:43] <Tayor> and by 'work' I mean 'give blow jobs' In honour of The Ashes, it's: UU's classic cricket commentary of the week! "There's Tony Greig standing at second slip — legs wide apart, bending over, waiting for a tickle" - Brian Johnston. Of course, this simple piece of commentary should require no clarification, but any Americans, other foreigners, or chavs who don't understand the finer points of cricket can pop over to UU's talk page for a patronising explanation. Old-School Featured Article of the Week Martin Van Buren was the eighth President of the United States, a key figure in U.S. political development during the nineteenth century, and a total dick. While other legislators were busy dueling or being awesome in general, Van Buren spent his time practicing his douchebag skills and smelling of old people. He always argues about the stupidest things, and he refuses to ever admit he's wrong. And I'm never letting him borrow my car again. Panicky Last-Minute Box of the Week The UnSignpost editors regret to announce the introduction of a new device, the "Panicky Last-Minute Box of the Week". This box will be used to take up space on the right-hand side of the UnSignpost, an example of which you are currently experiencing. Look for this box to appear when a larger than usual number of stories on the left side of the UnSignpost and an impending end of the work day force the editors to make something up on the fly. This also offers opportunities to sneak trusted mascot DogNewspaper into the issue.

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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 22:22, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

hey

Could you or someone else fix "UnBooks (most recent) UnAuthor of the Month?" Iwillkillyou333 won last month. --Docile hippopotamus 04:08, 17 July 2009 (UTC)

Word, I'll get on that. It might be a while considering my drunkenness, but if nobody else gets to it, I'll be sure to update it sometime tonight. -RAHB 04:17, 17 July 2009 (UTC)

Fantasy Football

Would you be interested? Message me back on my talkpage if so. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:25, 23 July 2009 (UTC)

League Info

League ID: 322847

Password: wilde

League URL: http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/f1/322847

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:32, 24 July 2009 (UTC)

This like should help you decide who to draft.--<<>> 20:44, 24 July 2009 (UTC)

like = link, obviously.--<<>> 20:45, 24 July 2009 (UTC)

And we are drafting here. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 20:49, 24 July 2009 (UTC)

Yes, we are doing an on-forum draft, because there's no way we could organize a time where we could all be on Yahoo! at the same time to draft. Yes, it will take a lot longer, but it's much easier logistic-wise, so yeah. This means that you're on the clock! Ahhh! —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:53, 24 July 2009 (UTC)

Very well. Well, I've never heard of Adrian Peterson, but the internet assures me that I would be a fool not to pick him. To the forums! -RAHB 00:31, 25 July 2009 (UTC)

Some highlights of your pick. I was hoping you'd pick someone else.--<<>> 00:53, 25 July 2009 (UTC)

Now that is one impressive fellow. You see? I knew it was a good idea to do what the internet told me to. -RAHB 04:38, 25 July 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 23rd, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!

July 23rd, 2009 • Issue 57 • The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

Uncyclopedia Users Form Fantasy Football League By Gerrycheevers This week, several Uncyclopedians banded together under the leadership of one Guildensternenstein to form some sort of "Fantasy Football" organization. What exactly this entails is unclear, but it appears that the football- and soccer-related fantasies of the participating members will be carried out in the semi-private confines of the forums. Reactions were mixed to this development, with some users expressing emotions ranging from apathy to indifference. Others voiced concern about children, decency, and lewd public conduct. "My little boy came home today saying something about going to another boy's house to perform football fantasies!" said one outraged and confused mother. Regardless of the small amount of negative feedback, participants are eager to begin fantasizing about their favorite football players, such as David Beckham. Bradaphraser had this to say: "The Fantasy Football League is a chance for Uncyclopedians to get away from the hustle and bustle of everyday Uncyclopedia work and actually have some fun for a change. While I usually am busy with the administrating task of sitting on my lazy ass and doing nothing, this gives users a chance to see me in a more relaxed state." "I fully expect that this venture will be just as successful as my recent run for the Presidency," continued Brad, "which I lost to Bradford Lyttle of the Pacifist party by a mere 110 votes. I fully expect to win one or possibly even two games in this upcoming season, assuming of course that a draft is eventually held." Said draft is scheduled to begin immediately, and assuming only a small portion of footballers flee to Canada to evade this draft, the Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League will be ready to hold its first game by opening day. Village Dump Suffers From Rash of Inactivity By Gerrycheevers In a startling development, activity on Uncyclopedia's main gathering place, the Village Dump, has all but ceased. With The UnIdiot registering the sole comment in the last three full days, the normal flow of important, relevant conversation in the Forums appears to have dried up. While an excess of users can usually be found loitering aimlessly in the halls of the Dump, it appeared all but deserted as of press time. Several theories have been raised, ranging from the intriguingly possible (July weather causes Uncyclopedians to go outside) to the exceedingly headache-inducing (Uncyclopedians are being abducted by giant space cabbages). However, one of the more interesting theories comes from our lead scientist and nature correspondant, DogNewspaper (unavailable for picture). He claims that while the Village Dump itself along with associated forums such as the Ministry of Love and the Help forum has seen a decline in activity, the so-called Benson's House of Pancakes has seen a shocking upswing in activity. In the same time frame that only a single edit was made in the Village Dump, sixteen different topics were edited in Benson's Breakfast Domicile. DogNewspaper, that earlier mentioned nature correspondant, calls this a migration. "Woof," he claimed, elaborating that many users were unable to adapt to conditions found in the normal Village Dump, and were forced to relocate to the more hospitable Benson-related location. It is here, in the BHOP, that users are free to create topics concerning their own birthdays, the anniversaries of their birth, and memorials commemorating the day they were born. Whether the mass exodus is complete or not has yet to be seen.

Check out these pages! US vs UK, the showdown... almost Picture Wars: Forum Edition Still counting to a million From our logs: 03:45, 23 July 2009 Under user blocked Mi$ter Bigg (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (insert Cosby catchphrase here. or not - I don't really give two fucks) 00:48, 20 July 2009 TheLedBalloon blocked 71.195.100.104 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (In the words of Abraham Lincoln, suck my presidential cock, bitch!) 06:30, 18 July 2009 Mordillo blocked Speroxenos (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (your hard on does not impress me) Biopic of the Week Arguably the most prominent sub-primate whose existance status varies depending on the day of the week on the entire wiki, An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays has recently made a return to Uncyclopedia. His track record speaks for itself: awesome articles abound in Ape's presence, his handling of breaking news situations is praiseworthy, and his information guides are useful and informative. Welcome back, Ape! Old School Featured Article of the Week Toilet Door Communication, or TDC, is considered by many to be the forerunner of the modern internet. This fascinating form of conversation is complete with its own exceedingly dense jargon and wide spectrum of users. Washing your hands after use is strongly recommended. Quote of the Week <Bonner> A while later we also completely wrapped the scooter in cling film <Bonner> I still have the photos, he was really pissed about that one <e|m|c> You mean saran wrap. <e|m|c> Fucking English. <Bonner> Cling flim <e|m|c> Uhh. Saran wrap. <Bonner> cling film <Bonner> :) <e|m|c> Cling film <Bonner> Saran wrap <e|m|c> Correct. This Week in Uncyc, 1901 Uncyclopedia users celebrated their first of many week-long tributes to Oscar Wilde, unable to wait the originally planned year after his death. The entire main page was dedicated to Wilde-related issues, and the first instance of mass Wilde quoting ensued. Reader Poll of the Week The editors need your help; please weigh in here on the important, non-boring issue of UnSignpost formatting.

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This edition is on time, and anyone who tells you differently is lying! THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 02:55, 25 July 2009 (UTC)

Your turn

To draft!--<<>> 18:16, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

It's your turn

Again. 2 picks. Go.--<<>> 16:08, 28 July 2009 (UTC)

Again?!?!

You get two more picks? In a row? Are you cheating or something?--<<>> 16:20, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, Mr. Penis, get on that. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 22:02, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

He hasn't edited since his last pick two days ago, so he's probably not around. Thus, telling him to hurry up probably isn't going to work (sadly). If you can track him down elsewhere, on the other hand...--<<>> 23:07, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

Can we just like auto-pick? Ya know, give him the top WR and TE still available? 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 03:07,31July,2009

What, you mean like Dante Rosario and Brandon Jones?--<<>> 03:19, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

Sure. Why not. 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 14:57,31July,2009

ICU

A while ago you tagged HowTo:Sell drugs (formerly: Selling Drugs) as an ICU. I was told to see what you think before I took it off. The page has transformed into something that gets decent reviews now in PeeReview. Check it out, and send me response plz.

FanFoot

Looks like we're facing in the 1st round. 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 19:54,30July,2009

All I have to say is, I'm gone for a week and Wikia somehow finds a way to fit THREE more ads in at the bottom of my page?! This is a travesty! -RAHB 00:17, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

Thou must not whine. Thou art the admin. We art the poor regulars. Thou shalt declare war on wikia. AND thou shalt give me half of the loot. Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 00:50 August 4 '09

UnSignpost: July 30th, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The edition that's black and white and dead all over

July 30th, 2009• Issue 58• Now Delivered Trendily Late!

Uncyclopedia Users Alter Time Itself By The Woodburninator This week: an update. As previously reported in an earlier news story, one month ago several well-known contributors went on a campaign to try and delete time itself. It is said they were trying to bring about an end to unfunniness throughout history, with the slight side effect of non-existence. But just as it looked as if their plan would come to fruition, cooler heads prevailed and stopped everything in its tracks. Since then, the plan has changed. Instead of deleting all that ever was, the users have decided it would be much more prudent to just change all of history to their liking. Several users have been seen spending their free time on User:Gwax/Timeline rebuild, in some cases changing events one year at a time, and in others trying to change entire millennia. How they are able to do this, no one is sure, though rumors of a DeLorean DMC-12 have been circulating. The outcomes of the project have, thus far, been very good for us for everyone. There was one unfortunate incident when a user tried to give his parents millions of dollars before he was born, but the extra money forced them to separate before he was conceived. All of a sudden he didn't exist, but then if he didn't exist, how could he have gone back in time to change anything? It caused a huge rift in space/time, a bit of a bother really. But we're happy to report that everything has been sorted out with no casualties only one casualty! Remarks from the community on the process have been nothing but positive. "In order to walk the road of peace, we need to climb the mountain of conflict," notable scholar TKF exclusively commented. We have our entire staff working around the clock to figure out what this means as we speak. Town drunk Dexter111344 was also heard mumbling about the subject. He blamed wizards for the whole thing, before stumbling away, probably to make more links to A wizard did it. Regardless, whether its wizards or time machines, the editing of the past continues as we speak, and will continue until all of history has been changed. Or until we get bored and move onto something else. Uncyclopedia Editors Conflicted Over Story Topic By Gerrycheevers Owing to the large amount of things happening in the last week, and also to the fact that this issue is unforgivably late, the editors of the UnSignpost were unable to settle on a single topic for the second story of this week's edition. The editors were also unable to agree on either two topics for a rare three-story issue or how many UnSignpost editors it takes to screw in a lightbulb (the UnSignpost staff has been left to ponder this question in the dark). As a decision could not be reached, it was decided after much deliberation and petty arguing that all of the candidate stories be mentioned rapid-fire in a single story, so as to confuse and irritate the reader and cause him to be required to navigate back to this issue to click on all of the links. These stories are as follows: Zombiebaron returns and petitions to end voting. His effort is parodied, rebutted, and parodied again. A link to Requested Articles is placed on the sidebar and MadMax commences handing out badges to requested article creators. Zombiebaron returns again to demand reskins, which we understand means he needs to replace all of his undead flesh with "fresh flesh". Cajek returns, but not really. VFH maxes out at 23 nominations at press time, including some discussion-inducing selections. More events certainly occured, but we can't be arsed to list everything for you.

Check out these pages! UN:REQ Gone Wilde! All the Greatest Music of the 80s, on Three Great Cassettes! Whose Sandwich? From our logs: 14:47, 26 July 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 8 hours ‎(I banned a guy for too long this one time. Then I had nachos.) 20:40, 29 July 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked MadMax (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 Minute (Constantly littering recent changes with thousands of really useful edits.) 20:45, 29 July 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 minutes ‎(Not having enough tits.) 15:17, 30 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 122.173.57.31 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(blanking? why not just wear a t-shirt proudly declaiming "I have no life"? it has much the same effect, but you might get away with claiming it's ironic...) Biopic of the Week Touching down on the Uncyclopedia runway in December '08, Saberwolf116 has quickly become one of the all-time great Pee Reviewers. With 86 of them under his belt, Saber has recently ridden off into a yellow sunset to pursue some sort of education, or something along those lines that will detract from his Uncyclopedia-ing. Return soon, fair Saberwolf! Old-School Featured Article of the Week Bold Speech to text software bold is the most wide Lee used applicate shin by lacy people who can knot be bother to type. It's bark tech know lodge-y has vast Lee bark improve in Reese cent years. Bark bark it is not recommend Ed bark four use in bark off is spaces bark with noisy bark dogs. Diabolical Plan to Overtake the Wiki of the Week It seems that UnSignpost co-chief editor Under user has recently succeeded in the first stages of producing a sewer-dwelling offspring (pictured). Rumors of UU using the as-yet-unnamed biological sockpuppet for activities of questionable morality are unconfirmed. Congratulations, UU! Reader Poll Results Last week we asked loyal UnSignpost readers to weigh in on the immensely interesting issue of formatting. There was no clear consensus on the subject, as it seems Uncyclopedians employ the full range of screen resolutions, and as such it's a wonder anyone can read the UnSignpost at all. The most telling aspect of the poll was its response rate, indicating that a full eight people read the UnSignpost.

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It's on time, you were just high and didn't realize when it got here! THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 02:39, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

Your turn

In the football fantasy. Again.--<<>> 03:34, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

Wow, what a boring way to say that. 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 03:45,5August,2009

Eh, I used up all my EP (excitement points) in the last alert. Then he didn't respond for a week. I figured I'd try the other extreme.--<<>> 03:47, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

Again

OMG! GO! IT'S YOUR TURN AGAIN! GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO!!!!!!!!!!!!--<<>> 23:14, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

Yep

It's your turn again.--<<>> 02:52, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

Kudos on strategic picks. I would have done something similar myself, I'm sure. There's more strategy than just touchdowns dammit! -RAHB 20:48, 18 August 2009 (UTC)

Two more picks

And you're done.--<<>> 00:23, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

If I may be so bold, you'd do well to go with WR Lance Moore of NO and TE Martellus Bennett of DAL. But of course you can pick whoever you want.--<<>> 00:39, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

'Lo RAHB

I just came by wondering where you've been - and now I know. Hope your router gets fixed soon; but you'll no doubt spend the time away from the Internet wisely (ie; drinking, smokin', listening to Zappa 24/7 and so on). Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 07:30, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

Indeed, I believe you've hit the nail very squarely on the head as far as what I do away from the interwebs. As far as fixing my internet issue, I assume it'll be a while, but I've got plenty of other sources in the meantime. Thanks for stopping on by, I hope to be hanging around aimlessly in IRC with all of you again soon. -RAHB 09:57, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

Well, what else is there that's worth doing...? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:00, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

Watching King of The Hill always works for me, though it helps if I'm doing all those other things simultaneously. -RAHB 10:05, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

Spooky. That hasn't been on British television for ages, but they showed an episode last night which I watched. I'd forgotten just how good it is, actually. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:11, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

Mmmm, indeed, one of the few gems still in production within the cesspool of the American animation industry. Though I hear it's being canceled. Luckily, the demons who run FOX are being kind enough to allow the series a proper ending. -RAHB 11:28, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

I watched Beavis and Butthead Do America the other night, speaking of US animation. I'd forgotten just how good the trip in the desert bit (which I believe was designed by Rob Zombie) actually is - got to be one of the best representations of a trip in any film, IMO. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 11:36, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

Ah yes, I bought that on DVD a while back. Coincidentally created by the same guy who created King Of The Hill. Coincidence? Even though I just said it was one, I still think not. -RAHB 11:41, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

Article For Deletion

Hello this is Legolas 11 and you recently set my Dookie article up for deletion. I completely understand if you want to proceed with the deletion process, although I do want to mention that it is my belief that while the article may have a few made up lies, it is also filled with truth about Green Day I am only saying this because I am a Green Day fan and know a lot about the band. Thanks for your time-Legolas 11 9 August 2009 (UTC).

Well, I didn't actually put it up for deletion. That would be done here. What I did was give you a week trial period to improve imperfections with your article. The ICU template covers what I thought was the most glaring imperfection with the article, but overall it simply sounds too "Green Day are big sellouts", and not enough genuine funny material. While I'm not a huge Green Day fan anymore, I was quite obsessed with them in early high school. I've heard most of the stuff in that article before, and most people with their hand on the pulse of popular rock and roll have heard it as well. "Green Day are sellouts" just simply isn't very funny. The article is also a little sloppy. Anyways, you can work on it and save it from deletion, or you can copy it to your userspace and work on it there, or you can merely allow it to sit until I delete it. Being that it's as long and well filled out as it is, I wouldn't merely eliminate it, but would simply move it to your userspace, where, as I said before, you could continue to work on it to make it better. Nice thing about userspace is that the content stored therein is safe from deletion. Anyways, do whichever of those you prefer. You could also get feedback on your articles at UN:PEE. Also, ask if you need any help with userspace and the like. Cheers. -RAHB 01:30, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

Thank you for your advice I think I will accept your suggestion and make a few changes on my user space. I would appreciate if you could move the article there for me if that is possible because I am not sure how to. If you cannot do this then just let me know and I will ask someone else for help. Once again thank you for your time- Legolas11 10 August 2009 (UTC).

Here we are. Good luck on any edits you decide to make. Just ask me if you need anymore help. -RAHB 08:52, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost! August 9th, 2009!! WE BE LATE, Y'ALL!!!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

August 6th, 2009 • Issue 59 • Painfully Extracting Nuggets of Truth from the Teeth of the News!

Uncyclopedia Triples Ad Revenue; Users Line Up For Paychecks By Gerrycheevers This week, Uncyclopedia's benign evil overlords, Wikia, shuffled the advertising layout on our fine website. Previously, the left sidebar contained just one Wikia spotlight. These spotlights are not advertisements as much as they are a way to whore Wikia and increase its position in some sort of Google rankings, since the links from the banner ads go from Wikia-hosted Uncyclopedia to Google and back to Wikia-hosted wikis on such relevant topics to users who are on a satire wiki as the Burnout Wiki and the Harry Potter wiki. These Google rankings are actually a series of thousands of monkeys at Google headquarters, who move beads around on giant abaci based on search engine hits. Users who click these cleverly disguised and probably illegal "double-switch" ads cause the monkeys to alter the beads in Wikia's favor. However, in recent days this Wikia spotlight was moved to the bottom of each page rather than the sidebar and multiplied by three. A cursory look at any of the wikis linked in these spotlights results in a brutal assault of the senses, as they are all swimming in banner advertisements, sidebar advertisements, advertisements in the content, and links to highly useful Wikia features such as Wikianswers. While the increased number of spotlights on Uncyclopedia has not directly resulted in any cash flow, the increased Google bead rating has indeed caused Wikia stock to jump by six beads (the stock market is also organized using giant abaci, only it is operated by goats rather than monkeys). Wikia has decided to share credit for this jump in value with the users of Uncyclopedia, and all users will be receiving checks for equal amounts next Tuesday. The line forms behind Olipro, wherever he happens to be on Tuesday when the stock market goats arbitrarily decide to stop working for the day. A Hell of a Time at the Village Dump By Bad Shroom Recently in the forums, BHOP's activity has arguably skyrocketed. An IP has started a new rhyming craze, and the cheesy, crunchy snack food CheddarBBQ has revived many topics that were getting rather aged, such as Fantasy Football, a Shakira-esque topic, and even his own birthday's topic. Back on BHOP, fruity user Neox's random storytelling and serious user YouKnowWhatTheMusicMeans' serious, dramatic storytelling have made Forum:Who HATES MochiAds? 2's story a complete, random mess. Also, Optimuschris and Modusoperandi have been having one hell of a time discussing the much-anticipated failing of the new G.I. Joe movie. Finally, users have a had a heated battle over whether to ban the Abstain feature on VFH, which is ending up as off-topic and random as an episode of Lost. Are there any cool discussions going on? That's the forum news in your area, now here's Mr. G with the weather, only on Public Access Channel 2!

Check out these pages! The 18th Quadrennial Slut List Obama Tosses the Patriot Act at Uncyclopedia STFU, N00B!! From our logs: 08:49, 31 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a flat cap and a whippet ‎(tha's callin' us lazy, lad? sithee 'ere, I were down t'pit 36 hours a day for tuppence when tha were nobbut a lad!) 02:40, 1 August 2009 Ljlego (Talk | contribs) resurrected Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Nah, it wasn't so bad. Your nakedness totally made up for it.) 02:01, 5 August 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.14.52.46 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎(Yes, you tell that "Jacob" what you really think about him! Now that you've told him off on a random website online you'll be the coolest one of your friends. You are such a badass.) Biopic of the Week Like most of the dozens of Uncyclopedians that hail from Norwell, Massachusetts, The UnIdiot is awesome. Perhaps most well known for his high quality journalism, he has also branched out into public service announcements and novelized fiction. We don't know what the deal with Norwell is; probably something to do with the water. Old School Featured Article of the Week The Water powered bus is the most prominent mode of public transportation in rainy cities such as Seattle and London, and also underwater cities like Atlantis and New Orleans. Invented in 1954 by Sir Henry Bus, the water powered bus is capable of maintaining speeds between 'brisk gentlemanly walk' and 'brisk gentlemanly trot' for up to ten minutes. Cajek Update of the Fortnight Noted funnyman Cajek was recently spotted announcing his presence and simultaneously his lack of activity. However, he was also sighted vandalizing signatures and driving in a reckless manner, with a crumpet in his hand and a groundhog on his lap, respectively.

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Hand delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 21:18, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 13th August 2009. It's not late. You are!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that just got hijacked by Woody and Ape. Mwhahahaha!

Date August 13th, 2009 • Issue 60 • Taking the News, Making it Better

UnSignpost Editor Disappears; UnSignpost Suffers Mysterious Drop in Quality By The Woodburninator August 10, 2009 - a date which will live in infamy. Gerrycheevers, the UnSignpost's handsome, talented, and, often times, only editor announced his leave of absence in order to head west, and make a name for himself. In an UnSignpost Exclusive, Gerry talked at length about his final destination and the exciting journey he expects. "[I'll be heading to] north dakota. [I reckon I'll take the famous Oregon Trail, driving a horse and buggy, herding cattle, planting seeds of injustice wherever I may.]" How long this move out west will take is unknown by all but our best psychics, and since Gerry has them trained to bite anyone who come near, we'll go with Gerry's approximate date of August 21. If all of our readers miss Gerry (and we have a feeling that, one paragraph in, you already do), please drop him a line. Tell him how much he is missed. Tell him that if he ever leaves again, we won't be so forgiving. Just tell him something. We don't want to have to do this without him again. In an unrelated note, the UnSignpost - usually a shining example of grammatical correctness, good spelling, and hilarity - seems to have hit a drop in quality for this week's issue. The reasons for these changes seem to be a mystery to everyone. As far as we can tell, the problems that have arisen are completely arbitrary. The reasons for this change in quality have been the talk of the community this week. Some have suggested the recent meteor shower has caused an influx of gamma radiation into our atmosphere, creating a negative energy all over the Earth, and thus causing our writing abilities to falter. Under User stupidly blamed all of this on the change in editors, saying "Good to see we're keeping the time-honoured Signpost tradition of the revolving door to the editor's office alive and well. Although now Woody's in there, that should probably be a 'revolting' door." Bastard. Uncyclopedian creates Trivia Bot, ruins everything By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Popular Uncyclopedian Electric mocha something-or-other, also known as EMC, this week unveiled his latest creation: a trivia bot for the Uncyclopedia IRC Channel. The bot, named "UncycTrivia", stands at over seven feet tall and is made exclusively from red crayons. Seemingly, its only function is to spout random nonsense under the guise of trivia questions and then demand answers, awarding points to whoever manages to guess the random word or phrase it considers the answer. EMC let loose his bot on the nerds, perverts and middle-aged alcoholics of #uncyclopedia, leading to even less constructive conversation then usual. Instead, the channel is mostly filled with dozens of people shouting random words in the hopes of being awarded meaningless points. Some, however, have pointed out that the only real difference between this and the way things were before is the awarding of points. Not content with destroying one channel, however, EMC subsequently decided to bring his bot to ##turtle,the exciting new channel with the dubious honour of being "the BHOP of IRC" (but with less Bad Shroom), which also served as a staging post for a recent troll invasion of Yahoo! Answers. EMC was unavailable for comment when I was throwing this piece together in five minutes. He is presumed to be sitting in a cave somewhere stroking his large red crayon and laughing dementedly. New Editors Have Trouble Matching up Left and Right Sides By The Woodburninator In a startling development, the newest editors of the UnSignpost are proving to be quite inept at lining up the left and right sides of Post's template. It seems that our penchant for placing more and more boxes on the right side of the page has defeated the natural aesthetic of the Post's two-even-sides strategy. While this is a problem, it does seem to be fixable. Namely, by adding this headline and story. Is this just an obvious cry for help, that we are unable to do this without Gerry? Probably. But since our hostile takeover has proven quite successful unstoppable so far, we would disagree.

Check out these pages! International fucking of sorts Wikipedia gets uglier! Racist apes demand equal pay From our logs: 14:17, 10 August 2009 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 142.165.47.133 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Who is Ed and why should is he better than me?) 14:18, 10 August 2009 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Fuck you, me, stop proving that guy's point with your horrible horrible ban reasons) 15:30, 8 August 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 24 seconds ‎ (beating me to a ban, and using a boring ban reason when you got there. honestly, I spend seconds on a ban reason, only to find it's wasted. gnurph!) Biopic of the Week Perhaps the finest research analyst from Boston that Uncyclopedia has ever seen, Gerrycheevers is among one of the most awarded users on the site. He has performed the rare feat of capturing Every single major monthly Award this site has to offer, plus NotM too. Add that to his 21.5 features, the class and dignity with which he has won them all, and his constant efforts as the main editor of the UnSignpost, it would seem that the reign of Cheevers is just begining. That is if he ever gets back here. Old School Featured Article of the Week The Little boy who lives down the street is a child who lives down the street that no other children have ever seen. (And no-one knows his name either...) This is because the child has died, in several fashions, over and over again, the subject of which is constantly being brought up by your Mother and/or Grandmother when they’re explaining why you cannot do something that you really want to do. VFD vote of the week "With the exception of Bruce Lee, these people are the least funniest people who have ever lived. Why people continue to cream their jeans over them for their supposed god-like abilities, I can't figure that out. Delete. Delete. Delete. Sakujo. Delete this massive faggotry. These people ain't bad THEY AIN'T NOTHIN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" -- Roman Dog Bird 04:27, 13 August 2009 (UTC) Sannse Trivia (from UncycTrivia) Q: Sannse moved to San Francisco because she is a ______ (hint: it starts with an "L") A: Liberal Actually, now we need another box. Woody, you fucking idiot.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  21:05, Aug 18

Draft Done

I've put players on their teams, so we're officially go on Yahoo!. Go to your team to edit your starting roster etc. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:20, 21 August 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 20th August, it's not late, your mom is!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that WILL win Zombiebaron back, damn it.

Date August 20th, 2009 • Issue 61 • Where no news is normal news

Fantasy Football Draft Finished By Guildensternenstein After four weeks of red-hot eight-man free fantasy football league draft action, the first Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League (UFFL) Draft is finally at a close: Uncyclopedia regular and DiBiase's Millions general manager The Woodburninator made Arizona Cardinals' Kicker Neil Rackers Mr. Irrelevant on the afternoon of August 21th, 2009, a mere 26 hours after the previous pick had been made. Afterward, League Commissioner and noted Nazi sympathizer Guildensternenstein promised to make all subsequent Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League official actions run much more smoothly. He vowed he would "put the drafted players on their respective fantasy teams" at some point "after I'm done writing this story for the UnSignpost and before I go see Inglorious Bastards later tonight." The draft itself was varied, and picks ranged from the predictable (Vikings' running back Adrian Peterson taken first overall) to the even more predictable (Falcons' running back Michael Turner taken with second overall pick) to the fairly predictable (Drew Brees, Peyton Manning and Tom Brady being the first three quarterbacks taken) to the downright wild. Notable steals include Guildy's nabbing of Chris Johnson in Round 5, Woody's snagging of Aaron Rodgers in Round 6, and Bradaphraser's criminal steal of Dallas tight end Jason Witten. For every good pick, there was a bad one, however: in moves that would make Al Davis proud, LongLiverh3 took Philadelphia's No. 3 receiver while their No. 1 and No. 2 receivers were still on the board, made 30th ranked tight end L.J. Smith the second overall tight end picked, and made Baltimore QB Joe Flacco his backup quarter back while the likes of Matt Schaub, Jay Cutler, Ben Roethlisberger and Eli Manning were still available. LongLiver could not be reached for comment. New UnSignpost Editor already having trouble filling up space; Falls upon pointless gimmicks, self-references, long article titles to fill void By The Woodburninator In a move that has surprised literally 0% of the Uncyclopedia UnSignpost community, the newest UnSignpost editor has already hit a wall in trying to think up new articles for the post. Well, that's not actually true. First he wrote a story trying to beg Zombiebaron to re-subscribe for the post. Then he actually looked at Zombiebaron's userpage to find out that he was actually leaving the site. Needless to say, the presses were called back, and more writing had to be done. Namely, this. Now, we at the post already know what you are thinking. But, since putting those things into print is outlawed in 36 states, two Canadian provinces, and all of Lithuania, we will instead reference the fact that there have been an awful lot of self-referencing in the UnSignpost lately. For that we are truly sorry. Also, we are sorry for self-referencing our own self-referencing. It is truly a problem that continues to build upon itself. We hope to soon continue with the top notch reporting that is so often found in our hallowed archives. Such as the time we wrote about Spang's village dump conquests, or the time we self-referenced how the UnSignpost's lovable mascot, "Dognewspaper" had not been in the Unsignpost for over nine months. Or that time we wrote about the Fantasy Football Draft being finished. Yes, all of those times were good. And we plan - nae, promise - to, in the very near future, continue bringing those kinds of articles to your doorstep. That is, if you don't mind finding a bit of drool upon it.	Check out these pages! Merging with Wikipedia? Certainly not! YOU ARE NOT THINKERER! The sausage fest just got more sausagey. From our logs: 12:30, 16 August 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.133.6.177 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (blanking pages makes baby jesus cry. it also gets your ass banned. maybe one or the other of those things will convince you not to do it again) 10:55, 18 August 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 18 days ‎ (so you let me look like an ignorant baffoon for 18 days? What kind of SLA is that?) 11:02, 18 August 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 432 hours ‎ (it's not that long in the grand scheme of things. America happily let George Bush look like an ignorant buffoon for 2 terms of office, for example...) Biopic of the Week The man from straight out of Kiel, Germany, NaturalBornKieler has been a tremendous addition to Uncyclopedia since joining in June, 2007. While he has had no issues splitting his time between both Uncyclopedia, and the German Uncyclopedia, he has, for some reason, written 10 more features, and some 100 more articles for the German Uncyclopedia than for our beautiful English side. Still, it seems he has found his calling now, working in the big bureaucracy of the Foreign Office. NBK was unable to be reached for comment, as he was unable to get the proper approval from his superiors to be interviewed by a newspaper. Ahhhh. Bureaucracy at work. Old School Featured Article of the Week The War of 1812, also known as "The War Nobody Wanted to Name", was a ridiculously embarrassing conflict fought between the United States, Great Britain, Canada, and Antarctica. Everybody lost. Coping with adolescence and struggling to maintain its identity during the Napoleonic Wars, the United States looked to its mother country for guidance. But England, a single parent with a host of colonies to look after, had little time to spend with its gawky young child. Hoping to impose some sort of discipline over its increasingly sullen ward, England resorted to a 10 p.m. curfew. Old School Old School Box of the Week Forgotten and so-short-it-possibly-ought-to-be-a-template page of the week Tact: You know, maybe you should look into plastic surgery.
Judges Wanted! The next PLS is impending, and the are still judging slots unfilled. Modusoperandi is looking for users who are opinionated, who think that those opinions matter, and who want to give the benefit of those opinions to many in the form of passing judgement on articles. Enjoy the temporary sensation of power! Impress your friends! Alienate those whose articles you don't favour! Sign up now!
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9001(bot)  11:14, Aug 24

Award from UN:REQ

This user created Is This Some Kind of Fucking Joke?!, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested articles. You're welcome!

Oh hey, yeah! I remember that! Good times, man. Good times... -RAHB 01:51, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

Poo Lit: The Judgening

We're looking for judges for Poo Lit. Are you game? Are you?! Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 00:10, September 2, 2009 (UTC)

Probably not going to be able to judge this time around, although I'd like to. But my internet situation is unstable right now and I'm not sure I'll have a good connection by then. Then again, if I do get a connection soon and judges are still needed, I could probably do it. Then again, I haven't entered in a while. Then again, I could always do neither. Then again, I'll probably do one or the other, most likely the entering. Then again, again. Then again again, again. -RAHB 01:54, September 2, 2009 (UTC)

Yeah. That thing you said. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 04:37, September 2, 2009 (UTC)

Why was a Poo Lit Surprise Nominated Article Huffed?

I think I know why. You huffed User:Guildensternenstein/Dungeons & Dragons: Real Life Edition: Character Races probably because it was moved to Dungeons & Dragons: Real Life Edition: Character Races or Dungeons & Dragons: Real Life Edition or something like that. The problem is, on Uncyclopedia:Poo_Lit_Surprise it's listed by the now red link. Could you fix this, pretty please? (And no, I had nothing to do with the article, and don't even play D & D). Thanks! DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 01:11, September 2, 2009 (UTC)

I just noticed you've been taking a bit of a break, so I'll post this on Sir Mod's talk page too. Whoever gets there first wins! DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 01:16, September 2, 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, that's been a minor issue for a bit. I just try to let the other admins handle it. Ordinarily I would go in right now and relink the red links to the new links, but being that the Poo Lit Surprise is about to restart, all of that's going to be taken off the page soon anyways. Though Modus may still wish to change things around, but I'll just leave it there for now myself. -RAHB 01:44, September 2, 2009 (UTC)

Sir Mod said it's history anyway. But my idea was like yours--make it a redirect instead of double redirect. But I'm not an admin so would probably get in trouble for doing that, so I just posted a note on Guildensternenstein's talk page so Guildensternenstein can do it. Also there's user pages that link to the red link too. DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 02:33, September 2, 2009 (UTC)

You wouldn't get "in trouble" per se, for making it a redirect. But what it comes down to is really whether it needs to be done. The only pages that link to any of those pages are in userspace and the PLS page, which, as we've mentioned, gets rewritten twice a year anyways. The policy with userspace articles (though far from actually being a "rule" of any sort) is generally to delete the userspace redirect after moving the page into the mainspace, and I deleted that one for that very reason, which was actually the request of the user who wrote it. But if it's his consensus to go ahead and recreate the redirect, there's absolutely no problem with it, and it can continue to peacefully coexist with all the rest of Uncyclopedia as well. -RAHB 02:43, September 2, 2009 (UTC)

Thanks! I told the users who linked about the dead link and the live one. I don't know why I'm doing this anyway--sometimes I have a urge to fix things. :) DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 02:50, September 2, 2009 (UTC)

All very well and fine. After all, somebody has to =) -RAHB 02:52, September 2, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 4th September

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The newspaper that missed an issue and no-one even noticed.

Date September something-or-other, 2009 • Issue 63 • Nobody reads this bit anyway

Left alone to write the entire UnSignpost, Ape delivers sub-par, mostly self-referential issue By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays "What happened to the signpost?" was the question on literally nobody's lips this week, as Uncyclopedia's favourite newspaper which everyone loves to read but no-one can be bothered to write for took another step on the long slow descent to obscurity. Unfortunately Fortunately, Uncyclopedia's premier Ape-based entertainer, and occasional UnSignpost writer, An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays heroically stepped into the breach to save the flagging newsrag from going the way of the dodo, the Irish Elk, and Mhaille's marriage. However, our intrepid hero, i.e. me, soon discovered the enormity of the task that lay ahead of him. Boxes had to be filled, interesting and thought-provoking forums had to be discovered and linked to, block logs had to be accessed and trawled for witty comments (unsuccessfully, as it turned out) and this article and presumably another one below it had to be written. "I never thought it could be this hard," Ape told himself, with sexual innuendo very much intended. "How did Gerrycheevers keep finding stuff to write about? There doesn't really seem to be much happening around here. I mean, I could start whoring my newest articles under the flimsy guise of self-referential irony, but that would be shit really. Who wants to see that? Nobody, that's who." However, in the absence of anything funny or clever to say, our hero, (who is gradually being revealed to be more of an anti-hero, like Alex in A Clockwork Orange, except with no sense of style) proceeded to do exactly that, shamelessly whoring two articles (which, if anything, evince his decline as a comedy writer), eliciting a universal chorus of groans and boos from all who had the misfortune to read it. An appeal to the Uncyclopedia community By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Seriously guys, if you don't want any more shitty issues like this I'm going to need help, or else the signpost is going to die like all the other well-intentioned projects that nobody bothers with. What we need is: People to do interesting stuff that I can write about. People to contribute to the signpost. Fabulous prizes. Thank you for your time.

Check out these pages! Does anyone think we should fuck up Pee Review? Hyperbole fails to understand UN:N The FBI are pedos? From our logs: 23:23, September 1, 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.81.7.211 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (THat FAG JUST WOULDN`T STOP SUCKING MY COCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) 13:08, September 1, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 131.6.84.110 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (blanking a WCW article? do you know how much of a moron that flags you up as?) 08:32, September 2, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a minor existential crisis ‎ (wait, so we DON'T care about people's gay friends? but I thought that was the whole POINT. what's the use in anything any more? I'm so disillusioned) 09:13, September 2, 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a debate ‎ (Are you gay then? You seem gay to me. Not that there's anything wrong with it. Unless you sleep with Orian. Do you? Are you gay then?) 09:26, September 2, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a riposte ‎ (no wai, im not ghey, ive had lodes and lodes of chix. ur just jelus bcos ur mum's ghey. and ur dad. yeah, you herd, their both teh gheyz!) 21:09, September 1, 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.0.51.13 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (well fuck off then, wanker) Biopic of the Week Can't be fucked with this. Old School Featured Article of The Week Pot v. Kettle was a landmark case in USA history, giving people the right to make hypocritical statements without fear of retribution. It began as a civil rights case, as Kettle alleged that Pot "did not let [Kettle] work at the Pot's store solely for the color of [his] kitchenware". What made this Supreme Court case unique was the fact that the Pot himself was black, as was the Kettle. Nostalgia Box Remember when Gerry was here? Things were so much better back then.

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-- Soldat Teh PWNerator (pwnt!) 16:40, September 4, 2009 (UTC)

I hope you can help

You probably know the Brooke Shields article was featured a couple days ago. But now where it says "Recently featured" on the front page it's not even listed. Is there a problem or is there something I should do? Thanks. DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 00:58, September 7, 2009 (UTC)

Spang knows more about the Main Page code than anyone, if there's an issue I'd ask him or post something on the main page talk. Recently Featured is some mish-mash of coding that he frequently has to deal with. Naturally, I'm all for increasing his workload. -RAHB 20:06, September 7, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost Randomber 47th

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The only newspaper that Codeine's mum has randomized

Date August 27th, 2009: THE RANDOM ISSUE • Issue 62 • Because the truth is not random enough

Random Headline By No one in particular == Summary == At 1:12 p.m., cats baked a rain meter. While rake was destroying, a pile of flaming horse feces suddenly frozen. Don't get even; get odd. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo ruminates Swiss cheese! White Witch cures a lubricant! LUV' WHITE RIGHTS'! In a nutshell, rhino cures tongss! Did the clerk edify... ... that in Spanish, "chinga tu madre" means "have a nice day"? Tell your friends! Not in the slightest, Sith Empire thwarting lesbian Argh! Seattle a riverbank skins Lauren Ryan Eleventy Billion Sun. ethanol massive Pastafarianism Amy Murray Ghana shall not silver star navigating anglicanize. OMGSTFUROFL!111!!!11!one Babe Ruth was a total Bitch! By The Woodburninator Look, I'm not saying he wasn't good at baseball! I'm not trying to destroy your great baseball heroes. But let's not kid ourselves here. Babe Ruth was a complete and total bitch. Come on. He couldn't catch the ball. And he whined at the umpires when people called him fat (even though he totally was). And he always talked about how much his feelings were hurt by people trying to buy him a beer. Signpost Has Gone Officially Bat fuck Insane By Bad Shroom Due to frequent lack of interest and excitement, this UnSignpost issue has now gone totally insa-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Genital wart in the left politician! BOMB IRAN! HEIL CAJEK! might. 9.

Random articles of the week HowTo: Use the Random page button to your advantage in a newspaper Random logs: 19:51, September 3, 2009 TheLedBalloon blocked 91.106.217.157 with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I agree, File:Deletion icon.svg is totally racist and should be deleted. Talk:Black People, on the other hand, I'm pretty much fine with.) 09:47, August 30, 2009 Mordillo protected "WP:HOTCAT" [edit=sysop] (indefinite) [move=sysop] (indefinite) ‎ (there, no more redlinks) (hist) 10:22, August 22, 2009 Thekillerfroggy blocked Miley Spears with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (pointlessly productive, dedicated user) Random Biopic of the Week The man, the myth, the user not many people really know. Random pipings was an active user way back in March 2006. Sure, he only had 46 edits. Sure, during his heyday in March, 2006 he only had 32 edits, which most of our more accomplished users can rack up in half an hour. And yes, only 3 of his 6 articles are still around, including the critically acclaimed Health. But, in spite of all that, he has a place in our great wiki here. Because even though he's not around, and his articles are not beloved, everyone can find a niche here, and that's exactly what Random pipings has done. I mean, how many other great men could have made a "Your mom", "Oscar Wilde", and "David Hasslehoff" joke in one fell swoop? Not many I say, and for that, Random pipings, we salute you. Here's to the little guy. Huzzah! #DC6ACD box Eat that, maggots! Random colour! Hahaha!

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In conclusion, please think of the Thurs. US Navy aircraft carriers! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 01:41, 7 September 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost September 10/17

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now with 20% more ninjas!

Date September 17th, 2009 • Issue 64 • Consistently Declining Readership Since 2008!

Uncyclopedians Continue Hostile Takeover of Wikimedia By Bad Shroom This week, noted user Electrified mocha chinchilla got a short but somewhat hostile reply from the lackluster Wikimedia Foundation. After telling truths to the company such as taking control over Wikipedia and how Uncyclopedia is 104% fact, a Wikipedia Foundation employee under the subtle disguise "Philippe XXXXXX" replied in a manner that was both honorable and robust. Confounded by the foundation's kindness, e|m|c quickly replied with a rebuttal seeming more like a terrorist threat like a thank-you note. Even though Uncyclopedia has not managed to even get off Wikia's back, some users have a bright, world domination-esque outlook to the future. UFFL Update By Guildensternenstein Week One of the UFFL season was full of thrills, spills, birth control pills, and shitty rhymes. The John Curry All-Stars bested The Oklahoma City Storm 93.08 – 74.54 after a sub-par performance from offensive giants Larry Fitzgerald and Michael Turner on the Storm side, not to mention the controversial decision to sit starting quarterback and country singer enthusiast Tony Romo. The appropriately-named Dudes edged Cheddar’s Doritians 98.42 – 96.06, despite the fact that Dudes manager Frank Zappa was high the entirety of the game. Injuries to key Doritian players Donovan McNabb and LaDainian Tomlinson made the loss extra-hard to swallow. The not-so-domestic Domestic Team Name blew out DiBiase’s Millions 112.82 – 67.16—a loss which caused Millions’ manager Woody Onfire to question the not-sucking-ness of his team publicly. Finally, Sternensteinenstine annihilated the ironically-named Winnerz 123.92 – 0.00 after Winnerz manager Al Davis forgot to edit his team’s starting roster for the week. The lop-sided German victory was aided by a career day from Saints’ quarterback Drew Brees and round-the-clock Luftwaffe air cover in conjunction with concentrated armored thrusts at the enemy’s flanks. Lead Editor Returns to UnSignpost Office, Demands to Know Whereabouts of Bundt Cake By Gerrycheevers This week Active Lead UnSignpost editor Gerrycheevers stumbled back onto the Uncyclopedia scene amid much celebration and hooplah. While settling down to his usual routine of getting UnSignpost issues polished off stylishly late, he noticed that his office at the UnSignpost wing of Uncyclopedia had been raided, and his delicious bundt cake had been mercilessly stolen. Gerry immediately declared a halt to the UnSignpost presses, which involved Sockpuppet of an unregistered user using several pints of holy water and a rubber chicken, in order to plea for the safe return of his tasty cake. Please, mystery pastry thief, don't leave Mr. Cheevers cakeless and hungry!

Check out these pages! Village Dump becomes worship house for John Stamos Most Inappropriate Smackdown on a Serious Topic Ever* Kanye West sucks cock From our logs: 08:15, September 11, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Klauston (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(well now, it seems I CAN be assed to ban page blanking fucktards. who'd'a thunk it?) 15:45, September 14, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 94.246.126.149 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day (Blanker: Go blank yourself! Hah! Do you see what I did there? I'm a font of wit.) 23:08, September 17, 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.51.144.4 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎(Hades was a giant homo who got his shit owned by Hercules, and the only thing you and he will ever have in common is your colossal failure.) Biopic of the Week Since emerging violently from the brain cavity of ThomasPynchonsLeftNut, the quick-witted and devilishly handsome GlobalTourniquet has made quite a name for himself on this silly wiki. With a Writer of the Month victory in July, GT's expert songwriting, strong way with prose, and status as a film connoisseur make him a solid addition to the Uncyc workforce. Old School Featured Article of the Week Humosexuals are individuals who compulsively tell jokes in an effort to engage in the physical act of love. Oftentimes the subject of scorn and the object of violent hunting games in Medieval England, humosexuals have begun to make a name for themselves in contemporary society. Benny Hill (pictured) was perhaps the most famous humosexual, as his antics involving the combination of small vegetables, projectile physics, and the cleavage of buxom females were well recorded. Gerry's Thumbs Up of the Week I'd like to recognize The Woodburninator, An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays, Guildensternenstein, and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user for feeding my pet rabbit, Alpheratz, during my unexplained absence. Also I suppose they should mention their efforts in keeping the UnSignpost afloat during that same time period, but this box is mostly in recognition of bunny maintenance.

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This would've gotten here last week, but it's my firs week as paperboy and I got lost. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:34, September 22, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost: September 24th, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.

September 24th, 2009 • Issue 65 • The Newspaper that Oscar Wilde Might Read Were He Still Among the Living

UnSignpost Subscriber List Trimmed; Remaining Subscribers Urged to Archive Issues, Settle Outstanding Bills, Refrain from Tipping Paperbots By Gerrycheevers This week, the hideously long UnSignpost subscription list was hacked down even further than The Woodburninator and others apparently hacked it down several months ago. This has resulted in a mass decline in the number of useless edits performed by paperbots and brave, bored souls who have nothing better to do than manually edit dozens of userpages on a weekly basis. The dregs that were cast off included those who have not registered an edit in six months, those who are permanently banned or close to it, and those with large, scary dogs that prevent paperbots from completing their routes unchewed. The remaining faithful readers are asked to archive their talk pages if they are excessively long due to many hilarious editions of the UnSignpost, as paperbots are slowed down by the large load times of such pages, and paper-delivering users are likely to be distracted by uproarious back issues. Subscribers are also reminded that the monthly fee for talkpage delivery is seven Uncyclopedia credits. Extremely outdated Uncyclopedia currency, such as Yoinxx, will be subject to exceedingly unfair conversion rates. On a final note, readers are implored to avoid tipping paperbots, as it seems any sort of regular income tends to give robots inklings of sentience, and the last thing we need is Fnoodle organizing the paperbots into a rudimentary union again. UFFL Update By Guildensternenstein It was another exciting week of UFFL action this past Sunday, with 75% of the league’s games qualifying as “blowouts.” Sternensteinenstine bested DiBiase’s Millions 161.54 to 78.94, with the one-two Nazi punch of Drew Brees and Chris Johnson outscoring their helpless opponents alone. The John Curry All Stars had similar success with the Philip Rivers-Marques Colston-Frank Gore combination, and knocked out Cheddar’s Doritians 123.74 to 71.64 in the fourth round. The bout between Domestic Team Name and Oklahoma City Storm went the distance, with Domestic “Team” Name coming away with the split decision 78.14 to 77.28. Finally, Frankreich “The Dude” Zappino demolished his opponent 126.42 to 0.00 in a spectacular first round knockout due to the fact that LL was once again unable to select his starting roster. Standings: Sternensteinenstienenstern (2-0) The Stoners (2-0) John Curry’s Angles (2-0) Domestic Violence (2-0) Sun Chips (0-2) Oklahoma City Bombing (0-2) DeGrasse Goes to Vegas (0-2) The Loserz (0-2)

Check out these pages! The Pay-Per-View Event of the Fortnight! Here. Have a page with so many pictures, it takes forever to load. You're welcome. Urination, small furry rodents, and why Modus has another court date Tuesday. From our logs: 16:19, September 20, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.235.107.11 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎(Stop being a pain in my tender place) 18:52, September 21, 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Arse bandit (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎(Your ban time is six months. I'll give you 10 dollars if you can hold your breath the entire time.) 14:53, September 22, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.17.99.136 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(oi, no blanking, no stupid redirecting, no crappy pages about people we don't care about, and no ugly nerds. you fail on all counts.) 11:57, September 24, 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Abdul321 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Lebanon is a little Kiosk between Israel and Syria. Get over it.) Biopic of the Week Bouncing back and forth between Uncyclopedia and Illogicopedia has been Hindleyite's specialty for some time now. With his in-depth reports on traffic laws, street crime, and sports officiating video games, this banana-eating ite from Hindley is sure to keep Uncyclopedians on their toes for a long time to come. Old School Featured Article of the Week Henchmen are an essential part of any mastermind super-villian's overall business portfolio. Generally, success in plans of world domination, protagonist death, and damsel distress have success ratios directly correlated to the number, competence, and, to a lesser extent, wardrobe snappiness of a bad guy's henchmen. Pointless Nostalgia of the Week We miss when Cajek and Skull would write for the UnSignpost. Those 4+ issues they churned out were golden. You'd be reading and then - all of a sudden - WHAM, a joke would hit you, and Cajek would be all like, "oh my god, it was so dark, and i didn't see him, and he just jumped out in front of me!" Really Small Box That Takes Up Just Enough Space To Even Out Both Sides of This Issue of the UnSignpost of the Week, Because Symmetry Looks Nice Believe it or not, the one above this one.

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Hand delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 15:58, September 26, 2009 (UTC)

Check out this video

At 1:26 this guy says something that immediately reminded me of you. I laughed so hard. :) • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 07:28, Oct 3

Hah! He exists and his name is Rob. That's great. -RAHB 02:33, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

Hey

Give me a hug! (I'll snatch your wallet) • FreddCan Shredd • • • 07:08 October 5 '09

Joke's on you! There's nothing in my wallet! -RAHB 23:04, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

PENIS! I meam RAHB!

Give me a hug too! Or at least a back rub! ~ 07:30, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

Return my box of black lambskin condoms, and then we'll talk. -RAHB 23:04, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost: October 1st, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

STOP... SIGNPOST TIME!!

October 1st, 2009 • Issue 66• Now With 40% More Pictures of Cats with Humorous Captions!

Users Turn to PLS to Rescue Uncyclopedia from Decay, Doom, Worstness By Gerrycheevers The Eighth Semi-Annual Poo Lit Surprise Writing Competition & Brownie Bake-Off begins this Monday, October 5th when Olipro emerges from his house. If he is frightened by his shadow, writers are required to send him love letters; otherwise, writers have two weeks to squeeze all of the humor they can out of their mostly insignificant humor glands. This year's categories include Best Article, Best Illustrated Article, Best Kanye Joke, and Best Rewrite. The list of judges includes both esteemed Uncyclopedia veterans and former PLS winners; they will be sequestered in a two-star hotel for the duration of the competition in order to ensure the most convenient environment for receiving bribes. This year's PLS Master of Ceremonies and Executive in Charge of Parking, Modusoperandi, humbly expressed optimism when asked about the quality of this installment: "This Poo Lit will be the Greatest PLS ever," said Mr. Operandi exclusively. "Anyone who says otherwise is as much of a liar as they are dumb, and they are plenty dumb. Ergo, they are also plenty liar. That made more sense in my head." Other users, who wished to remain anonymous since they regularly read the unflattering commentary often associated with being quoted in the UnSignpost, expressed hope that the PLS would revive the life-support-laden VFH and also stimulate the lagging Uncyclopedia economy. Users Agree: 'Uncyclopedia is the Boringest' By Gerrycheevers This week, Uncyclopedia users denounced the recent lack of activity on the wiki. Necropaxx initiated the conversation, noting that activity on VFH, similar to the pants of the 'hip' crowd, has dropped to unacceptably low levels. Other users have responded, and the general consensus does indeed seem to be that overall, the site's quality has dropped below acceptable levels. Not since June '07, November '07, February '08, August '08, December '08, March '09, and May '09 has Uncyclopedia seen such a blatant claim that the entire website will imminently burst into a ball of some sort, with 'flame' being the most likely sort of ball. Trusted UnSignpost undercover investigative reporter, DogNewspaper (pictured), infiltrated one such group of doom-saying users in order to obtain some first-hand declarations of the impending death throes of the wiki. "Yeah, with the number of quality articles readily available, I'd give Uncyclopedia two months at the most until it is absorbed into another humor website," said one user. Further commentary from this group of users was unavailable, as undercover investigative reporter DogNewspaper's cover was at this point compromised, as his unwavering loyalty to Uncyclopedia caused him to seize the infidel user's lower leg in his mouth and shake his head viciously. Please stay with the UnSignpost for up-to-the-week coverage of the impending(?) death of Uncyclopedia.

Check out these pages! Features and Self-Loathing on Uncyclopedia An all-time Uncyclopedia mystery explained in agonzing detail Get your monthly dose of religious oppression! From our logs: 17:54, September 27, 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.233.10.123 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month (Under Uncyclopedia emergency act (1976) I hereby revoke your editing priveleges) 20:55, September 27, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 58.166.95.119 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (only two kinds blank Texas: steers and queers. and steers find it hard to use the internet so I guess that narrows things down a little, doesn't it?) 21:42, September 29, 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 91.203.96.48 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎(Hates me for some reason. Even though I happen to be the nicest man who ever lived. It's true, ask Richard Nixon.) Biopic of the Week Since exploding onto the Uncyclopedia scene in 2007, MacMania has developed into a fine-tuned humor machine. His recent writing endeavors have earned him a Writer of the Month nod, and as such, he is certainly a user worthy of biopication. His current sabbatical makes UnSignpost editors sad, but perhaps a constant spamming of his userpage with pleas to return will accelerate his comeback. UnSignpost readers, away! Old School Featured Article I Can't Believe it's Not Murder is the preferred alternative of first degree murder that celebrities, famous sports stars, politicians, and otherwise prominent individuals take advantage of in courts of law. It is similar to being found guilty of first degree murder, though this version avoids the undesirable consequences such as jail time, fines, probation, and the unsightly community service. Random Thought of the Week Dippin' Dots have been the ice cream of the future for like ten years. Shouldn't they be the ice cream of the present by now?

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Late deliver courtesy of MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 20:05, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost Sometime October 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!

October 8th, 2009 • Issue 67• Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.

The End is Nigh... Once Again By The Sockinator Yes, it's that time of the year again. Despite the hopes of many, Poo Lit Surprise did not instantly revive Uncyclopedia. We are doomed! DOOMED! But how did the great Uncyclopedia become such a wasteland, one may ask. It's all a big conspiracy, I tell you! All perpetrated by a mysterious figure, known only by the initials R.L. Perseveringly, this entity has claimed the lives of various Uncyclopedians, among them such users as SysRq, Cajek, YesTimeToEdit, Siddhartha-Wolf and most recently it seems R.L. has even gotten its grips on our own UnSignpost editor Gerrycheevers. When confronted with the issue, noted favourite Jew and Zionist ruler Mordillo barely managed to exclusively tell us the following "I tell you Socky, I'd be happy to comment about our IMPENDING DOOM but I'm too busy packing. Another time maybe? HEY! MOTHERFUCKER! EASY WITH THE VASE! THAT'S FRAGILE! Sorry Sock, gotta scram, the movers are breaking my stuff. NO! DROP THAT BAN HAMMER! DROP IT I SAID!" Expert in things that suck (no pun intended), Optimuschris, was quoted saying "Uncyclopedia hasn't been cool since 08. Ban 09's." In conclusion, UN:N. UFFL Update By Guildensternenstein The previous two weeks of the UFFL action have been filled with more intrigue than a mediocre James Bond movie. Two touchdownless games by Saints’ quarterback Drew Brees cost Sternensteinenstine a win Week 3, though the team rebounded Week 4 and currently holds a solid second-place standing in the hyper-competitive UFFL. A resurgent Tom Brady and a balanced roster has led Domestic Team Name to two wins over the same period, as well as an unblemished 4-0 record. The Dudes’ neglect to change their starting roster cost them a win in Week 4, knocking the former top dogs down to a less-than-remarkable 4th place. The John Curry All-Stars have been hampered by the loss of Frank Gore, and lost last week to a rejuvenated Dibiase’s Millions that were led by a solid Aaron Rodgers-Matt Forte NFC North attack. A soft schedule has helped Oklahoma City Storm to a respectable 2-2 record, while the winless Doritians continue to struggle. Finally, The Winnerz put up mounds of points as Peyton Manning passed his way to his fourth consecutive 300-yard game…or at least would have if The Winnerz could figure out how to log in to Yahoo! and edit their roster. In a look ahead to next week’s games, Sternensteinenstine and the John Curry All-Stars will have to overcome bye weeks for both their starting quarterbacks to maintain their positions near the top of the league as they face off; Oklahoma City Storm looks to earn an easy win against a bye-week-ravaged Dibiase’s Millions; The Dudes seek redemption as they attempt to reclaim their No. 1 position against the undefeated Domestic Team Name; and the league’s bottom-dwelling, shit-eating, dog-fucking last-placers The Winnerz and Cheddar’s Doritians both search for their first wins of the season. Standings: Domestic Team Name (4-0) Sternensteinenstine (3-1) John Curry All-Stars (3-1) The Dudes (3-1) Oklahoma City Storm (2-2) Dibiase’s Millions (1-3) Cheddar’s Doritians (0-4) The Winnerz (0-4)

Whatever you do, don't check out these pages! Polls, sexiness, and advertisements Terrifying stories of the one-armed man! Pointless numbers From our logs: 08:02, October 5, 2009 Under user blocked RAHB with an expiry time of 123 seconds ‎ (surprising me by returning like that: my doctor says surprises are bad for other people's hearts - because every time I get surprised, I eat someone's heart.) 10:48, October 13, 2009 RAHB blocked Dwarfman1122 with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Thought you wouldn't be caught, eh? Maybe now you'll think twice the next time you vandalize and then wait three weeks to be banned.) 04:46, October 11, 2009 Modusoperandi blocked 75.47.155.133 with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I'd give you a longer ban, but you were only picking on Roman Dog Bird) Biopic of the Week The sentient computer HAL 9000, while having only very few contributions on Uncyclopedia—and of a rather questionable nature at that, if I may add—has recently risen to Uncyc fame in what can only be described as one big conspiracy. In response to a question asked by one of our reporters, HAL answered "Let me put it this way, Mr. Sockinator. The 9000 series is the most reliable computer ever made. No 9000 computer has ever made a mistake or distorted information. We are all, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error." In 2001: A Space Odyssey, HAL proved to be a computer very much capable of homicidal acts. Until recently, Uncyclopedia had been successful in evading HAL's detection. Yesterday night however, HAL hacked our beloved Main Page and transformed the wiki into HALopedia. HAL was confronted with many bewildered users to whom he proclaimed "I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over." Our experts are still trying to find out how the feck HAL was able to find this place. Though MrN9000 probably had nothing to do with it. For more information, tune in next week. Same un-time, same un-signpost! Random Cajek sighting of the Week Yea, verily, he did come unto us and delivereth a new article. Then he updatedeth his userpage, and fuckethed offeth again. These are enlightened times, my friends! Random Thought of The Week Remember when Uncyclopedia was full of vanity and Pokemon? Wait, it still is. Emergency of the Week Well, lots of things go wrong in Uncyclopedia. It's a simple fact of life. And this week, believe it or not, dear reader, this UnSignpost issue almost didn't make the cut! But do not despair, dear reader, because you can help! Just post any suggestions in the Press Room, and with your help, we can overcome this crisis!

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9001(bot)  01:24, Oct 16

UnSignpost 22nd 23rd October 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Just like Grandma used to make!

October 22nd, 2009 • Issue 68 • Semi-endorsed by Journalism Union #448

Invisible UnSignpost Issue Confuses, Annoys Readers By Gerrycheevers As a gag/publicity stunt/desperate cry for attention, last week's edition of Uncyclopedia's most beloved and 3rd most cherished newspaper, the UnSignpost, was rendered invisible before being delivered. After the issue was wrapped up, UnSignpost contributing editors Dexter111344 and Socky used their inherent superpowers or something to cause the issue to not appear on user's talk pages when delivered. In addition, further enhancements rendered each user's talk page history to not be altered upon delivery, thus completely erasing any evidence that the issue was delivered or even existed at any point. Feedback thus far has been overwhelmingly negative, with angry subscribers sending death threats and exploding telegrams to the UnSignpost office for the past four days. UnSignpost Executive in Charge of Sniffing Mail, Dognewspaper (pictured), luckily suffered only minor burns and a singed tail. The UnSignpost staff would like to formally apologize to its readers, and assure them that each subsequent issue will be at least partly visible. Poo Lit Report By Electrified mocha chinchilla After giving the writers time to work on their pieces, and Modus taking time enjoying the disqualification of entries for failing the mandatory steroids screening, the 8nd Edition of the Poo Lit Surprise is in its final stages – judging. This is the time where writers who entered play with their genitals out of anxiety and nervousness, and attempt to bribe the judges with sexual favors and pie. This PLS saw a great number of entries in the Best Alternate Namespace Article. The reasoning for this, some believe, is that everyone is utterly bat fuck insane and forgot how to write regular namespace articles. Despite being held just prior to the Turkey Day Ball and Conservation Week, the turn-out was overall not bad; Modus' corporate-funded campaign for the PLS is primarily to blame for this. Speaking of corporate funding, it was indicated that there will be prize money for this edition of the PLS despite Wikia's refusal to hook a brotha' up. All irrevocable blame for Wikia's unfortunate decision has been directed at Sannse for good reason. UPDATE Winners have been announced; congratulations to all of them. According to Modusoperandi, the next PLS is expected to be held, "When the next guy remembers it's late." Fantasy Football Update By Guildensternenstein Things are really heating up in the UFFL as midseason nears, and Week Six’s storylines were of upset, domination, and redemption. Led by Tom Brady, the always-solid New England Patriots Domestic Team Name blew out the hapless Tennessee Titans Winnerz by an insane 109.38 to 0 after choking down a hard loss the previous week. The ironically-named Winnerz, on the other hand, still have yet to win a game. After a lackluster showing last week, The John Curry All-Stars earned a solid win against The Dudes, unseating them of their erstwhile #1 ranking in the process. After starting the season 0-4, Cheddar’s Doritians earned their second consecutive win, albeit against the floundering Dibiase’s Millions. Finally, Sternensteinenstine resoundingly defeated Oklahoma City Storm 164.06 to 118.98 after a lackluster showing the previous week, catapulting the Nazi-run team back atop the UFFL standings. In a look ahead to next week’s games, Sternensteinenstine looks to stay atop the UFFL rankings against a resurgent Cheddar’s Doritians, Domestic Team Name looks to retake the #1 spot against a very solid John Curry All-Stars, Oklahoma City Storm and The Dudes face off, and the bottom-dwelling dog-fucking last-placers Dibiase’s Millions and The Winnerz will look to see which one of them is shittier. Standings: Sternensteinenstine (5-1) Domestic Team Name (5-1) The Dudes (4-2) John Curry All-Stars (4-2) Oklahoma City Storm (3-3) Cheddar’s Doritians (2-4) Dibiase’s Millions (1-5) The Winnerz (0-6) IT'S OVER 25,000!!! Maybe. By Electrified mocha chinchilla Uncyclopedia just might make the mark of 25,000 articles. Sometime soon. Maybe tomorrow. Surely it's yet another milestone that only puts us that much more ahead of Wikipedia, Conservapedia, and Das Kapital combined in content. However, thoughts from the rest of the community on what this means for our beloved wiki have been varyingly expressed as joyous, apathetic, dismal, and downright nonsensical. "But even with 25,000 articles, we're still 65,000 short of being strong enough to fight Captain Ginyu," says the attractive Guildensternenstein as we stop him on his way to Planet Namek. Others offer real conversation of a possible reskin and doubts that the mark will actually be reached with Forest Fire Week probably happening sometime. Maybe. Discussion started by an attention whore in Miniluv over the Welcoming Committee and their welcoming template(s) has sparked the particular attention of many Uncyclopedians, most of whom by their own admission have never read the welcoming template, HTBFANJS, BGBU, any of the other things the welcome template advises new users to read, or have heard of Uncyclopedia. The recent round of QQ'ing and debating over the alleged poor quality of Uncyclopedia, as highlighted in the last edition's piece about the end being nigh and a Poo Lit Surprise nomination, can come to a close. It is this writer's observation that Uncyclopedia is the worst because nobody cares about editing guides which make confusing acronyms. Obvious correlation is obvious. On our final stop in our stroll through the Village Dump, to your left you will see that a n00b was just kidding, jeez, and to your right you will see that Rockstar Games reads Uncyclopedia. In the former, users urge the poor fellow to read HTBFANJS and BGBU (the same ones that they probably haven't read). If anything is to be drawn from this, it is that true editing comes from within. Or something.

Check out these pages! Uncyclopedia:Worst or Not? The Debate Rages On Free Advertisement for Jumping Ship Spreading the Good Word About New Articles From our logs: 23:04, October 9, 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.90.32.102 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(That was a waste of an edit. There are edit-starved kids in China that would've used that to its fullest extent, you know.) 10:48, October 13, 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Dwarfman1122 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎(Thought you wouldn't be caught, eh? Maybe now you'll think twice the next time you vandalize and then wait three weeks to be banned.) 18:27, October 13, 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.245.120.78 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎(Please enjoy our token Fuck the Hell Off.....) 08:10, October 15, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Sudeepk9 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week (wow, we are a beacon of sunshine today, aren't we?) 21:27, October 17, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(A wizard did this.) 17:36, October 19, 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 72.93.168.203 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day (Liking Naruto and insisting we stop making fun of it. What? How is that not a reason to permanently ban someone?) Biopic of the Week Sog1970 has churned out a dozen featured articles in just a few short months, earning him a Writer of the Month nod and now, the most esteemed honor on Uncyclopedia, an UnSignpost biopic. The lack of information on his user page makes writing said biopic rather difficult, but let it be known that Sog radiates awesome. Old School Featured Article of the Week Life's Answerable Questions are a series of ponderances and queriums that have most certainly not chafed at mankind the way other, more disgustingly unanswerable questions have. For example, asking "What's new?" to a stranger will certainly elicit a less confused response than one of those other questions. You know the ones we mean. CAJEKWATCH 05:42, October 15, 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 7 minutes ‎(Because I saw you existing.) 01:23, October 16, 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 minutes ‎(HOLY SHIT IT'S CAJEK HI CAJEK PS BANBANBAN LOLOLOL) 13:21, October 22, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 147 seconds ‎(I think I'm stressed, I need a release, and this is the best available on this wiki) Random Obscene Japanese Lesson "Kimi no te de boku o ikasete." means "Make me cum with your hand." "Kimi no oppai ga DEKAI yo! Ii nee." means "Your breasts are HUGE! Nice." "Omawarisan! Chikan o tsuka-mate!" means "Police! Arrest this pervert!" That should keep you little squirts happy... Reason to Leave Uncyc #387 Still no good restaurants. This Week in Uncyc, 1933 With the United States deep in a depression, the Uncyclopedia tri-weekly newsreel tried to lighten the mood by poking fun at American President Herbert Hoover and his bumbling sidekick of a Vice President, the famed Charles Curtis. Gags included, and were limited to, both individuals being hit repeatedly with rubber chickens. Mass Delusion of the Week Last week, many users claim to have had similar psychic visions of an alternate Main Page, which told them to do things in a calm, soothing voice. Such notions are of course nonsense; 7 out of the 10 members who sit on the Uncyclopedia Paranormal Activity Investigation and Acupuncture Licensing Board agree that a combination of swamp gas and Venus caused some users to hallucinate vividly, some nearly to the point of seizure. Record for Most Boxes Tied Due to the overwhelmingly large number of stories in this week's extremely humorous edition of the UnSignpost, a correspondingly overwhelmingly large number of space-wasting side boxes had to be added to cause the issue to weigh equally on both sides of reader's talk pages. As a result, the record for number of such boxes has been tied; this issue, along with the March 24th, 1983 edition, have had the most wasted space! Record Broken!!!

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9001(bot)  18:17, Oct 23

funnybony

Hi Rahb,

I'm not doing anything of the sort. My first UN was rsbj66 - later I forgot the PW, so made another account, i.e., the account I use, viz., funnybony. And that's it. I later recovered the first rsbj66 PW, but I don't use it nor even want it. I only use funnybony. You're welcome to cancel rsbj66.

I don't know about the other two accounts you mention "Rickbrown" and "Rsb"- so do as you like. I only use one handle for long time: funnybony. Sorry for the misunderstanding. Y/s,--Funnybony 08:52, October 26, 2009 (UTC)

Phallus

Penis • FreddCan Shredd • • • 10:51, October 26, 2009 (UTC)

Rod? -RAHB 13:10, October 26, 2009 (UTC)

VFH & PEE Club: Who should "get fucked"?

Hi there. Now, after being falsely accused, I would like to make some “genuine” complaint on the tiny VFH and Pee gangs. You have about 7 nice guys, 4 flaming ass holes, 8 other people who disagree completely on humor with the others, and one stone-cold “hitler youth” with a rotten superiority-complex. So that = 20 people in all?? Man, that’s pretty damn weak to be so freakin puffed-up. Cub Scouts in Paris, Texas, is bigger than VFH.

One solution is people should state-admit their bias, and not allowed to vote in those categories which they hate, nor against handles they hate. The guys who always vote against handles are doing just that. And he/she are just one crazy ass-holes who are envious or just angry at life. So, against biased ass-holes you should have some way to complain or accuse them!!!

Somehow you must have QUALITY CONTROL IN YOUR GROUP, RATHER THAN BY THE GROUP. Otherwise a lot of people, with much less patience than me, will say, "FUCK UNCYCLOPEDIA" after a couple bad experiences, and your tiny group will never grow. It is mostly a RUDE EXPERIENCE to be involved. Don't burn people out (which you are doing, no doubt).

If some expert editors work-help me and they say it's good, and another editor (with some bias?) says just the opposite, then ONE of them is wrong.

Aren't you supposed to be an attractive web site, and not a repulsive one? Personally, getting a feature is NOT going to pay for my goddamn rent, nor anything else. And if I have to swallow much more shit, then I’m eventually going to say, “fuck it!” – and never come back . I wrote 22 articles, all of which are considered shit by half the tiny-group. So I more than did my part, and for fuck-all!

BTW: Yes, my name IS Rick Brown, and I’m not hiding anything. I'm former lead singer of Classic Psychedelic band, The Misunderstood. Look us up in Wiki. We're in Wikipedia from the very start because they based their initial music section on the book, All Music Guide, and we have a chapter in that (and many other) books. Wikipedia even has a page on one of my songs because it’s so notable and highly honored even now. And yet I was accused by ignorant and envious VFH people of putting my band on Wikipedia?? What a crock!! So can you see how thick is the BS at tiny VFH and PEE!?--Funnybony 11:53, October 26, 2009 (UTC)

Funnyboy, next time try to leave a message without blanking the whole talk page eh? ~ 12:21, October 26, 2009 (UTC)

Jeez! How the heck did I do that!??--Funnybony 12:25, October 26, 2009 (UTC)

Too passionate on the matter at hand. ~ 12:27, October 26, 2009 (UTC)

You see, now you've gone and ruined our nice little rapport with this tirade of yours. First of all, I don't care what band you were a part of, who knows about it, or why you believe yourself to be so notable. Evidently your band is indeed notable, and that's just fantastic. As a musician myself, I can't express how envious I am of that. Especially considering we're speaking of the genre of psychedelic rock, which I'm particularly fond of. What I fail to see, however, is how any of that relates to comedy, this wiki, or me. I also fail to see why you posted this tirade on my talk page when I've already told you that I have no idea what's going on with this situation, and am not personally involved whatsoever. And perhaps moreso than all the rest, I fail to see why a 62 year-old man who is a previously successful rock vocalist and published author sees it as necessary to take the time to express his hardly coherent rants to an innocent comedy website whose average age is in the late teens to early twenties, as though your late-breaking opinions would suddenly shine some sort of holy light upon an organization that has had its policies and mode of operations in place for five years and has seen every sort of rant from every whiny bitch you can imagine of every age, trying to change our policies to some inane set of standards that evidently people give two shits about.

To be honest, I don't believe a word you say about being Richard Brown. Rich Brown has published thirteen books that have titles containing several-syllabic words. And your little hissy fit has more spelling, grammatical, and punctual errors than a three year-old's transcription of Paradise Lost. If you have anything civilized and intelligent to say to me, feel free to express yourself as you see fit. Otherwise, leave me alone, or I'm not going to be bothering with you anymore, and will simply ban your account and every subsequent one you decide to create upon first notice. I'll be banning your other accounts regardless, due to a strict set of rules that we heavily enforce, that you have no chance in hell of changing with your little revolutionary paragraphs. Good day, sir. -RAHB 12:59, October 26, 2009 (UTC)

How silly! Here I sit, Richard Shaw Brown, and you don't believe it!? Because of being 100% true it should be easy to prove in any manner you prefer. What can I do to prove it to you? If it's true then I'll take that gin and tonic you offered. For starters, here is my personal website http://www.richardshawbrown.com/main.html AND if you like Psych Music then you'll like to hear this: http://www.myspace.com/themisunderstood1966 - just click play! Best wishes--Funnybony 13:09, October 26, 2009 (UTC)

WTF? Funnybony we don't give a flying fuck who you are or who you think you are. So some people voted against your article. Live with it. It happens to us all. Stop being an ass. MrN 13:13, Oct 26

Hey, the gin and tonic offer stands whether you're really Richard Brown or not. It is a cocktail not to be reserved for psychedelic singers alone. But yes, per MrN, and my previous statements. In the real world, I'm sure that who you are really matters. Perhaps you are Richard Brown. I don't know man. We had a crazy in here a year or two ago who kept trying to convince us he was Weird Al Yankovic. The point is, he was being an ass to everyone, so it really didn't matter whether he was or not. And that's what you're doing. You're being an ass. And no matter how important you are, and no matter how many books you've published about jewelry design, the point stands that you have to earn the respect of people, and you've done very little in that regard in the time I've been talking to you. Just because you're "somebody", doesn't make you any more pleasant to be around. And you currently hold absolutely no weight in any argument you become involved in around this place. -RAHB 13:19, October 26, 2009 (UTC)

Hey, thanks! I already donated 22 articles - your welcome. So I'll leave it at that. No more VFH or PEE or new articles. It was fun writing those articles. Plus I learned a lot from friends, like MrN too. Writing satire is totally new to me, although I've always had a sense of humor.

Now if you really like psych music then I encourage you to please check out "My Mind" (my personal fav, even I wrote it). It's not our best song, but I'm curious what you'll think about it, specially it was recorded in London in 1966, and you probably never ever heard The Misunderstood music - let me know what you think - http://www.myspace.com/themisunderstood1966 Best wishes--Funnybony 13:38, October 26, 2009 (UTC)

The HARDEST part about learning to write satire, or creating anything (for many people) is accepting how other people regard their work. The secret is... "Don't give a shit what they think" ... Honest. Create things for yourself. That's what I try to do. Coarse these days I remember to bribe the judges beforehand also... ;) MrN 13:48, Oct 26

What's going on here? Seriously. I'm extremely confused now. -RAHB 15:21, October 26, 2009 (UTC)

I have no idea either. Who invited you to this conversation anyway? /me shoots self MrN 16:44, Oct 26

RAHB Dude, let's talk music - check the song mentioned above. I suggest it because most younger Psych players are MORE than a bit surprised that they never heard anything quite like the Misunderstood (this only applies to Psych music lovers). Please do let me know if you enjoy it. When recording we had nothing and no one to copy, so it's the original psych music. You said you're a Psych musician, and ours is some of the best psych ever created - according to John Peel, Rolling Stone, Mojo, Record Collector Magazine, and lots of other critics. You would already know our sound if I hadn't gotten drafted for VN war, thus ruining the band in mid-launch. But the sounds got recorded, thanks to technology, for which I'm thankful. You won't be disappointed. BTW: Are you a player? Do you have MySpace music page?--Funnybony 15:45, October 26, 2009 (UTC)

Simple answer to all this. Funnybony should look at UnTunes:Main_Page. Then record something. MrN 16:44, Oct 26

I'm serious: psych musician to psych musician

RAHB, you're a Psych musician who never heard The Misunderstood. Most of our 5000+ MySpace members are Psych musicians. So, if you don't mind, here's it is...ENJOY THE TIMELESS ROOTS. RAHB, I understand and appreciate your Uncyclopedia messages, now lets hear some psych vibes...

Check Out The Misunderstood in London - 1966

Right, right, I've been listening to the group, reading up on the history, etc. Got a nice raw classic psych sound, I imagine very groundbreaking for the time. I can see where a lot of later psych groups could have drawn a lot of influence from The Misunderstood. Certainly good to know where it all began, in a sense. Cool to know the group was originally from Riverside too, as I'm from around that area myself. Certainly no slouches in the innovative music department, that's for sure.

My own music can be found at last.fm, if you care to take a listen. It's much more experimental than psych, but certainly takes some influence from the genre. Let me know what you think I suppose.

For the record, I still have no idea what's going on... -RAHB 01:46, October 27, 2009 (UTC)

Hi RAHB. So you'll have an idea what's going on: We're both psych players, talking tunes and "How to PLAY on the Job (And Get Paid For It)" - Music. Thanks for checking out the sound. As a Psych player I'm always happy to share Psych music.

Speaking of Riverside Area, you might be surprised to hear they NOW have a Rock&Roll Hall of Fame. Just this August 29 my band was inducted into the IEMHF (Inland Empire Musicians Hall of Fame) - which was just started. Some of the guys could attend the occasion, and Glenn Ross Campbell (who was visiting from New Zealand) accepted the award on my behalf because I live in Sunny Bangkok. I don't know what to make of it: any award is fine by me. But being #6 in the book, "100 Greatest Psychedelic Records" (pub by UK's Record Collector Magazine), putting us ahead of Hendrix and Pink Floyd, is the kind of recognition I prefer - International Recognition. And being with Beatles & Hendrix for 1966 in Peelenium: John Peel's "Greatest Songs of the 20th Century" list, are much more tasty. Now with a movie script using our actual recorded music (with young actors) - about the 'little band that Didn't Make It!' - under consideration, if successful, would ironically cause us to finally make it anyway.

Now it's my turn to check out your musical vibes, and get back to you. I'm glad you play "experimental" Psych - the ONLY kind. Thanks for getting back to me. Sorry for the mis-start, but alls well that ends well.

BTW: I started an article a while ago on Psychedelic music that's just, OK. It could be a lot better if you or another Wiki-expert finished it off making it really great. It has a lot of potential and is your own subject. For starters, someone put a goofy picture at top, and it should be Zappa (whose Mothers are the real fathers of Psych (no pun intended).

If you wonder why a 60 year old dude would be into all this, then just think what you would prefer to be doing when you get to be 60. It happens REALLY fast...

I positively will let you know after I hear your sounds. You should make a MySpace Band page and put some of tunes and info-pics up (if not already). It keeps track of your song-plays every day and totals. We're going on 54,000 song plays in two years. What do you play?

And that's what's going on!--Funnybony 03:17, October 27, 2009 (UTC)

Word, I can dig it. Interesting that you mention Zappa's Mothers, who I happen to be an enormous fan of (and Zappa in general). Interesting to hear that there's an IE music hall of fame. To be honest, most of the music that I've heard coming out of this area has never really impressed me all that much. Though I suppose I haven't given much of a listen to some of the more classic tunes from here. As of right now, the music scene here is pretty stale, in my opinion.

As for recognition, that's always well and good, but I really like to play music just to play music. About the highest level of recognition I really need is enough to get me a following that will buy my records, so that I can make a living on it. But any higher level is always nice too. As far as I can tell though, most people have a very limited understanding of music and its potential, so I don't like to put too much stock into what professional music critics and the like say. When you look at some of the artists who are winning multiple Grammy awards nowadays, earning that kind of recognition almost has a negative connotation to it in my mind. Then again, that's all just personal opinion.

I do have a myspace, as it's sort of the obligatory thing to do for musicians. I like last.fm's music organization system a little better myself, and I also have a profile on a great little site called soundclick. I think you can find most of those links at the bottom of my userpage if you feel so inclined to view them. In the meantime, have you been working on anything new since The Misunderstood went under? You're never too old to rock, as they say. -RAHB 04:02, October 27, 2009 (UTC)

Oh, and I forgot to answer that last question. I mostly play the guitar, but I also play the bass and drums, clarinet, saxophone, keys, and do a lot of my work using computer production techniques (though usually not any computerized instruments). -RAHB 04:10, October 27, 2009 (UTC)

Heard em

Dude! THAT IS WEIRD. It's actually like listening to normal music while stoned on DMT. I couldn't make out a single instrument. Do you play the drums? Is that a guitar playing in Zoomba? We used to use volume pedal on steel guitar which sounded like a French Horn on "I Can Take You to the Sun". You play the kind of music like, "who needs dope" to feel blasted? I remember my first "trip" in London, in 1966. This singer gives me a sugar cube. He asks if I ever tried before? And Pretty Things' Drummer, Viv Prince, yells across the room, "Of course he has! He's from California! They practically fuckin' invented the stuff!" Haaa! It was my first time. What a joke!!! Anyway, I remember that it was kinda/alot like YOUR music, really. So that's gotta be Psych.

It's good you have MySpace page too. When I tried to hear your stuff the website made me join, wait for an email, and then jump through hoops and bark, BEFORE I could hear the songs. It's just "click play" for anyone on MySpace. Q: What was the lead instrument on Zoomba? All the best!--Funnybony 04:34, October 27, 2009 (UTC)

Ah, glad you dig it. The lead on Zoomba is a distorted guitar, reversed and I believe reverberated. That one's a good example of how I like to use the more modern day technology to create sounds, rather than to smooth them out. There's some really great stuff out there that can be used to make some great psych sounding stuff. And as you say, I do sort of have the "who needs dope" mentality with it. I mean, it's no secret that I'm quite a big fan of all sorts of different intoxicants, and use them liberally, but I generally create music while completely sober. If I can get myself to freak out while I'm not actually freaking out, then I know I've made a tune I like.

So you guys were on the European scene with Pretty Things and all those sorts of groups, eh? I really love that era and genre of music, there's a lot of fantastic sounding stuff, including The Misunderstood, of course. Glad you came along then, as I probably never would have known about the group otherwise. As far as last.fm goes, that's strange, I don't recall them ever requiring registration to listen. Must be some new feature, can't say I'm a big fan of that. Last.fm is a great music promotion tool though. I recommend using it or at least managing your band's name. Looks like you've got a decent following on there already. -RAHB 04:50, October 27, 2009 (UTC)

Do you sing? I was trying to imagine your sound with meaningful spaced out vocals. It would be a Tomorrow Never Knows type of sound, which just about everyone loves.

You might be amazed to know that The Misunderstood were the first band to ever use reverse recording in studio. Our tune, "I'm Not Talkin'" on Wikipedia page was from Aug 66, a few months before Tomorrow Never Knows. It was this song that got us the major record deal with Phillips. Backward guitar and vocals on intro. Check it out (UK version).

Well, we just up and went from Riverside direct to London without any work permit. It must be balls to the wall because nobody else from IE ever did it. So in London we were in the very heart. If you read any bio on Jeff Beck it will mention his room mate Rick Brown of the Misunderstood, as we shared a flat in London after he quit the Yardbirds. WOW!!! He told me if I wasn't a fugitive (from VNam draft) then he would choose me over Rod Stewart as his singer. Cool! I replied, "If I wasn't a fugitive I'd be in the Misunderstood!" Haa!! - got a lot of good laughs with the Swinging 60s London, which was nothing at all like the USA. It was like the whole world was one city, LONDON. I used to trip with Viv Prince and Beck and Yardbirds and others. I was in the only American band in London, so we were automatically special. This is before Hendrix, and his band was more British than USA. They, along with us, are the only two American Bands counted by the UK Psych critics as "British Psych"; and the only two USA bands to be in the book, "100 Greatest Psychedelic Records".

Meanwhile, a potential movie could bring it all back bigger than ever possible before. Everyone already knows about the "band who made it" - so now it's time for the "Band-who-got-fucked!"--Funnybony 05:25, October 27, 2009 (UTC)

Fascinating stories. I would have loved to have been around during the time of the great London psych groups. Sounds like just a blast. Left to raw enjoyment of life. Performing music, having fun, experimenting with drugs and life, hanging around like-minded individuals. Certainly the dream of the musician. Unfortunately today's world make little accommodation for the lifestyle, but I'd like to find a way to pull it out somehow. I'd definitely watch the film once it gets out there. Have you got a title for it? -RAHB 05:40, October 27, 2009 (UTC)

The script is registered as The Misunderstood. And the novel is published as "Like Misunderstood" - but the title may be "AWOL" or "Children of the Sun". I think that's kind of the last thing that we'll decide or maybe we won't have any say. You can check out the story line at Movie Synopsis. At least they will use the actual recorded music.

If you want to live a 'high and happy' musical existence, much like in London + the Endless Summer + Babalon - then you would need to move to Bangkok, Kingdom of Thailand. I don't live here by accident, I assure you. And in many ways it makes Rio look like a nunnery. Lots of bands, and music, and, like, what else in the universe do you want??? Bangkok has it. I'm not suggesting you mess up a good scene you have there. I'm just letting you know about unknown paradise. Keep rockin'--Funnybony 06:14, October 27, 2009 (UTC)

Word, I'll be sure to look into it once I get things a little more settled on the homefront. -RAHB 07:22, October 27, 2009 (UTC)

Yardbird's UNunquotes

“You're FIRED!”

~ Yardbirds to Jeff Beck

“I QUIT!!”

~ Jeff Beck to Yardbirds

“Someone said I should be proud tonight; and I bloody-well am! Because I kicked them out. Fuck me!”

~ Jeff Beck speaking at the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame induction of The Yardbirds

--Funnybony 05:57, October 27, 2009 (UTC)

n00b detected

• [1] Rickyrab 04:23, October 27, 2009 (UTC)