User:RAHB/Talk Archive 12
This page is an archive. The contents have been moved from another page for reference purposes only, and should be preserved in their current form. Discussion or voting on this page is not current. Any additions you make will probably not be read. The current version of this page can be found at User talk:RAHB. |
Talk Archive 1 (2/28/07 - 7/6/07) • Talk Archive 2 (7/6/07 - 9/8/07)
Talk Archive 3 (9/8/07 - 12/8/07) • Talk Archive 4 (12/8/07 - 5/18/08)
Talk Archive 5 (5/18/08 - 7/12/08) • Talk Archive 6 (7/12/08 - 8/20/08)
Talk Archive 7 (8/20/08 - 12/3/08) • Talk Archive 8 (12/3/08 - 2/19/09)
Talk Archive 9 (2/19/09 - 5/25/09) • Talk Archive 10 (5/25/09 - 10/26/09)
Talk Archive 11 (10/26/09 - 12/9/09) • Talk Archive 12 (12/9/09 - 4/25/10)
Talk Archive 13 (4/25/10 - 8/26/10) • Talk Archive 14 (8/26/10 - 8/13/11)
Talk Archive 15 (8/13/11 - 1/30/12) • Talk Archive 16 (1/30/12 - 7/12/12)
Talk Archive 17 (7/12/12 - 1/10/13) • Talk Archive 18 (1/10/13 - 7/11/13)
Talk Archive 19 (7/11/13 - 8/15/14) • Talk Archive 20 (8/15/14 - 5/27/18)
Whatever docks your goat
Yo are you online now? pleeeze meat me in chat, I have some ideas about our marriage. -- Style Guide 10:39, December 9, 2009 (UTC)
- Nuting, I went and wrote what I had. I think next stop is Empire State Building, where he should for instance regret that the Dubai Mall isn't ready yet - and then head towards Himalaya. I think then it's time for the storm bit in the aeroplane. -- Style Guide 11:15, December 9, 2009 (UTC)
- Ah hah! Very much dig the new paragraph. Alright, I'll add some through the day, this is coming out very nicely. I wonder what we should do with the woman. Part of me says the logical idea is to eventually include her in the plot, possibly make her the one who hears his gibberish words as she falls off the building, but I also think it would be very funny to just see her one more time and then never think anything else of it, making the final woman someone different entirely. Let me know what you think on that, I realize every time you bring her into the story I unintentionally manage to completely throw her out of the situation. -RAHB 17:06, December 9, 2009 (UTC)
Hey you! Yeah you, ya big tucky you!
After being reliably informend that you had both deleted my page on Park village, and were born to a mother with both sets of reproductive organs, I was immediatly outraged! Why?! Why?!
Why didn't I break your legs?! – Preceding unsigned comment added by 213.120.19.220 (talk • contribs)
- ......octopus? -RAHB 03:48, December 10, 2009 (UTC)
- Oh, and the ICU tag expired. -RAHB 04:19, December 10, 2009 (UTC)
ARITE
What if we don't take the protagonist back to the heights after the NYC dump bit but just have a caterpillar accidentally crush the chick under? What if she were just about to shoot our hero when, deus ex machina, the caterpillar smashes her and the final words of the riddle are lost amidst the gurgling and the... what are those things the 'pillars run on? Chains? -- Style Guide 07:51, December 10, 2009 (UTC)
- Sounds good to me..I don't know what it is they run on, but...yeah, sounds good. -RAHB 21:25, December 10, 2009 (UTC)
- Let me know if/when/how you're back, and shall we finish the piece before Christmas? It's pretty ready, I'd say it's about 1 hour from each of us and done. Then I have another project I suppose you might be interested in if you have time, a long one. Chat me some day. -- Style Guide 07:12, December 15, 2009 (UTC)
- I've been having some major issues with my wireless card lately, but I still fully intend to finish this before Christmas. As for another project, after Christmas I plan to be taking a break from Uncyc until at least late March, so unfortunately that's not going to be a possibility. But I'd gladly work with you again in the future if we're both still around at that point. In the meantime, I'll chat you in IRC tomorrow (it's currently 3 am Tuesday morning here, so whenever it is that I wake up I suppose) about finishing this up. Sorry for my absence lately. -RAHB 11:10, December 15, 2009 (UTC)
- Let me know if/when/how you're back, and shall we finish the piece before Christmas? It's pretty ready, I'd say it's about 1 hour from each of us and done. Then I have another project I suppose you might be interested in if you have time, a long one. Chat me some day. -- Style Guide 07:12, December 15, 2009 (UTC)
Thanks
for the epic reformat e.e --XcaptainXobliviousX 16:20, December 11, 2009 (UTC)
- Hey, any time. Your userpage tells me your a Zappa fan (with the template I created :) ), that makes you monumentally cool. That's unrelated to the reformat, but, you know, what does relevance have to do with anything? -RAHB 07:38, December 12, 2009 (UTC)
- Relevance has something to do with something, if you ask me - but it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with something else. If "something else" can be anything, then relevance doesn't necessarily have anything to do with it. -- Style Guide 09:37, December 12, 2009 (UTC)
- but if we're to consider the fact that anything else has to be something, (otherwise it would cease to be anything else at all) doesn't it make sense to conclude that relevance always has something to do with anything else?--XcaptainXobliviousX 13:22, December 12, 2009 (UTC)
- I'm not sure that's relevant to the discussion. -- Style Guide 13:28, December 12, 2009 (UTC)
- But of course it isn't. Though, surely, it must relevant to anything else. xP --XcaptainXobliviousX 14:14, December 12, 2009 (UTC)
- I'm not sure that's relevant to the discussion. -- Style Guide 13:28, December 12, 2009 (UTC)
- but if we're to consider the fact that anything else has to be something, (otherwise it would cease to be anything else at all) doesn't it make sense to conclude that relevance always has something to do with anything else?--XcaptainXobliviousX 13:22, December 12, 2009 (UTC)
- Relevance has something to do with something, if you ask me - but it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with something else. If "something else" can be anything, then relevance doesn't necessarily have anything to do with it. -- Style Guide 09:37, December 12, 2009 (UTC)
I have a question RE: VFD
No, its not about me, rather about an article that was voted on, all for delete, then according to the VFD archive that it still exists (blue link, not red and not silver locked). The article in question is Persistence, and the relevant VFD archive page containing the vote is here: http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/Uncyclopedia:Pages_for_deletion/archive196#Persistence --TrekCaptain 00:43, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
- I'll just answer that as if I were RAHB. The page was deleted, then replaced with a redirect to a better article. The link is blue because something (the redirect) is there.
- Also, be sure to sign your posts with four tildes (~~~~)
- Yeah, forgot to sign the post (my mistake). Thanks for the information, though. --TrekCaptain 00:43, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
00:41, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
00:39, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
- Also, be sure to sign your posts with four tildes (~~~~)
SIR!
Please leave a message on my talk page when you'll be around to chat for a few minutes. This is a matter of utmospheric urgency. And all the so forth it entails. -- Style Guide 19:11, December 17, 2009 (UTC)
Cut me some slack, I'm lazy busy
User:Zana Dark/Templates/Purple Nurples/6
Thanks! ;) ~Formerly Annoying Crap 20:26, 18 December 2009
then
I'll be back on chat later today. Added a chunk to the fuckup, updated the outline in the end. Soon ready. See you. Four tildes. -- Style Guide 09:18, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
You suck
This is your fault. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 22:00, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
- That makes me feel much more accomplished than it probably should. Excellent. -RAHB 23:22, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
Sir!
I'm basically done with the site about now. Please let me know soonest if you want to finish our baby with me - it's a good article so far and I would really hate to leave it when it's almost finished. I would like to have it done soon though, since it will be my last as far as I can see. -- Style Guide 16:10, December 20, 2009 (UTC)
I hope you'll get out OK
I hope you'll be OK whatever it turns out to be. I will leave the ending for you, is that cool? Do that when you can, and I'll add some finishing strokes to it if it seems to need any. Oh yeah - the afterword. m. I'll write that too, and you do what you want with it then. I think I'll also postpone this a few days. -- Style Guide 19:14, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
- Much appreciated, I'll certainly do what I can, pending my doctor's visit within the hour. Thanks. -RAHB 21:19, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
- I'll be on the article on the... I think 27th. See you around, best of luck! -- Style Guide 21:40, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
- I'm happy to announce that whatever I experienced the other night was just a series of coincidences, highlighted by panic and placebo. After tonight's Christmas festivities I'll be celebrating my good health tomorrow by relaxing and filling in my part of the story, and hell, if I'm feeling festive maybe I'll get some salvia and spark it up. Who knows what's possible in the world of tomorrow! -RAHB 21:29, December 24, 2009 (UTC)
- I don't know what this was all about and it's none of my business anyway, but am glad you're OK. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 21:10, December 25, 2009 (UTC)
- I'm happy to announce that whatever I experienced the other night was just a series of coincidences, highlighted by panic and placebo. After tonight's Christmas festivities I'll be celebrating my good health tomorrow by relaxing and filling in my part of the story, and hell, if I'm feeling festive maybe I'll get some salvia and spark it up. Who knows what's possible in the world of tomorrow! -RAHB 21:29, December 24, 2009 (UTC)
- I'll be on the article on the... I think 27th. See you around, best of luck! -- Style Guide 21:40, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
Monitoring Monitor
I know you probably check this stuff anyway, but just as a courtesy this. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 21:12, December 25, 2009 (UTC)
- Yes, excellent. I haven't read it yet, but I'm so glad somebody finally rewrote the old peace of trash I've had sitting there for 2 years. I'll be sure to give it a read tonight and cast my vote accordingly. -RAHB 03:35, December 26, 2009 (UTC)
Yeah, I know...
A little late again, but I dunno, I thought this might interest you.
Jolly Black Santa's Christmas Wish
I am sure there are many guys who are bored and horny. Maybe you are on vacation and didn't go home for the holidays. Maybe you are married, or bi, or just plain curious about being with a guy. Maybe you are tipsy and feel adventerous. Anyway, I am here alone, a 42 yo JBS, two hundred and eighty-five pounds, 5'9", from the South Pole. Age, race, experience level not important; I am only looking for a good time. If you're serious, let's talk. No games.
Wishing you and yours a Happy Holidays and a Zana Christmas, |
What can I say, PC'ness just isn't my thing, you know? Merry Whatchamacallit. ~Formerly Annoying Crap 04:51, 26 December 2009
- And a happy Roman Orgy Day to you to Zana. Hope what's left of it is a good one. -RAHB 06:25, December 26, 2009 (UTC)
- Is it just me, or does it seem like EVERY roman holiday is synonymous with "massive orgy"?... @.@ --XcaptainXobliviousX 13:58, December 27, 2009 (UTC)
- "Massive" it was.. Whew! That sure was a wild one, huh RAHB? Can you believe what they did with the mistletoe??? And the Brandy eggnog sure was strong! I don't remember half the night... ~Formerly Annoying Crap 16:21, 27 December 2009
- Is it just me, or does it seem like EVERY roman holiday is synonymous with "massive orgy"?... @.@ --XcaptainXobliviousX 13:58, December 27, 2009 (UTC)
Special Thanks
It's not "up" just yet but I wanted to send you the first thanks for encouraging me to finish this project many months ago on IRC. It was worth more than a vote.-- 22:54, December 28, 2009 (UTC)
UnSignpost Delivery! - December something!
The Newspaper that took a long enough vacation to make former President Bush jealous.
December 17th, 2009• Issue 70 • Fuck You! I Felt Like It!
UnSignpost and random editor return from two month break, find that not much has changed
After 2 months, one would think that things would change. But from the looks of it, nothing really has for Uncyclopedia in the past few months with out UnSignpost. In particular, the problems in caring, changing things, doing other things and caring have gone from the problems of two months ago, to the problems of now, with nothing really changing. The causes of these problems, discovered after much digging through archives seems to be the general Nobody cares aditude of the site, and the general populations inability to really change anything, because they don't care. A random user who had been missing since around the last issue of UnSignpost made this comment. "Well, when I left, uncyc had been having its own problems and everyone had been complaining about the same things for some time and nobody really cared enough to do anything, or just couldn't make anything happen." says THEDUDEMAN, who had been missing since late September. "I thought I'd come back and see what was happening in the world of Uncyclopedia, and by the looks of it, nothing has changed" While the general population of Uncyclopedia has been alerted to these aging problems, nobody has raised any fuss to get any of them solved. It seems nothing will ever happen because as they all say, nobody cares. UU notices return of USP, hijacks article for own nefarious ends
Yeah, that title pretty much gives it away - evil admin UU has hijacked this section of the USP to announce two festive initiatives: the Mince Pie contest, and the Ban Parto-ho-ho-l, both of which are to be found on his userpage. So if you think you can eat more mince pies this Christmas than UU or current runaway leader Barry Gibb of Bee Gees fame, or if you want to request a friendly festive joke ban for one of your Uncyc chums, get yourselves across to the most festive userpage on the wiki! YOU ARE ALL LAZY TALLYWHACKERS! An Editorial. Alright you lazy sons of bitches (no offense to Zana, of course), what in the hell have you been doing these last few months? Gerry takes time away from this The Post was started by Cajek and Skully in May of 2008. That's really as far as I got with my research though, so I guess your history lesson is over. Regardless, how many amazing stories have been broken from the fine investigative journaling over the years? Like the time we broke the story that the UnSignpost was starting up. Or the time we told everyone Spang's talkpage was destroying the Wikia servers. A problem that still haunts us today. Without this venerable post, those stories never would have been unleashed upon the moronic and ignorant public that includes you, who are both a moron and ignorant. We need this thing to bring us the news, and make us laugh. We need this thing for the sake of parody. But, above anything else, we need this post in order to waste Dexter's time when he's forced to deliver them. Have you seen his edits around here over the past few weeks? That guy's getting to be WAY too useful, and if we don't stop him now, who knows what he'll do next. Fix VFH? Win Last person to edit wins? Nip this in the bud Uncyc. Nip this in the fucking bud. |
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Late deliver courtesy of MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 23:44, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
Who Monitors the Monitors?
This person wrote an article which became one of the Featured Articles on Uncyclopedia. Ain't they clever?!
In this case, PuppyOnTheRadio monitored monitor. Still, you did a lot of work creating the original, so this award goes to you with my congratulations. (Also if you happen to log on soon, could you fix the problem with the proofreading I didn't do until after Monitor was marked to be featured which is described here? Thanks.) King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 21:26, December 31, 2009 (UTC)
- Oh, no not at all man, that rewrite and my original version are two incredibly different articles, and mine sucked ostrich eggs. I can't take any credit for the feature. As far as the proofreading, I'll be perfectly honest when I say that I'm already pretty much on vacation from Uncyc (which will officially start in about five days). So I probably won't do that either. But thanks for thinking of me. Happy new decade, and the like. -RAHB 08:53, January 1, 2010 (UTC)
- I hope your vacation is great--and short. Some of us like you being here (some of us are weird). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 17:41, January 1, 2010 (UTC)
- That's a very nice thing to say. You are, of course, weird, but I've always seen that as a good thing. I'll be back in late March/early April if things pan out the way they're planned right now, but it could be longer. Either way, I'll probably check back every now and then. -RAHB 12:35, January 2, 2010 (UTC)
- I hope your vacation is great--and short. Some of us like you being here (some of us are weird). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 17:41, January 1, 2010 (UTC)
Where you go?
And who told you to go there? ~ 22:19, January 2, 2010 (UTC)
- Florida my friend, the land of the old and the young. THINKER and I are going to be doing a lot of work for our outside projects during the next couple of months so I'm taking a break from most things. I left my cock in a jar on the kitchen counter though. So you'll have something to remember me by until I return. -RAHB 04:05, January 3, 2010 (UTC)
My long lost father, finally you...
you admit that you're my father. -- Roman Dog Bird 04:34, January 5, 2010 (UTC)
UnSignpost January several-days-agoth
The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way they did!
Jan 14th, 2010 • Issue71 • Keeping You Guessing
Uncyclopedia Voting Season Arrives, Users Driven To Voting Frenzy
UnSignpost's fearless reporter and mascot DogNewspaper (pictured) predicts a bumper month for whoring, in-fighting, backstabbing and bitching as users scramble to secure themselves a fleeting moment's recognition from up to several of their peers. Followed by next to no voting in February, as everyone recovers. From the desk of the Cabal: 2010 ordered to be Drama free
As Uncyclopedia drunkenly stumbles into the new decade, barely managing to hold down that spicy dinner it had for lunch, the non-existent cabal would like to wish all residents a happy new year. And by wish we mean order, residents would be subjects and by happy new year we mean fuck you all where communism hasn't failed yet. Yes ladies and gentlemen, we saw it all in 2009. We saw dozens of forums declaring that we're the worst (which we know), we saw numerous editors leave the front door open on the way out (come on people! it's bloody -7 outside!), we saw epic banninations (the simple joys of life), we saw prolific gay bashing (ideologically pure of course), we saw religious wars over sausages, we saw the worst 100 reflections of 2009 barely close before the midnight of December 31st. You promised in 2008 you wouldn't do that. You failed us. And so, ladies and gentlemen, we raise our collective arses from the toilet which was 2009, wiping it with the first anniversary edition of the UnSignpost, as this is the only good thing that ever came out of this rag of a newspaper. We would like to ask humbly that the population of Uncyclopedia do the following: Please, for the love of Sophia, remain calm; exit the building in an orderly fashion; remember that objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are; understand that allergen traces may be found in this Uncyclopedia. And always remember the prime directive: you are here to have fun. Or in short - shut the fuck up and go write an article. Thank you for your undivided attention citizens. You may now remove your muzzles. |
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I swore I'd never hand-deliver this again. Here it is. --UU - natter 09:31, Jan 18
UnSignpost 21th January 2009
Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while
Jan 21st, 2010 • Issue 72 • Yorkshire-style news
Awards of the Year race thrillingly poised
In the most prestigious award of the lot, Writer of the Year, the race for second place behind prolific funny factory and champion-elect Hype is neck and neck between apparently-no-longer-hirsute TKF fan-club president and feature-machine Guildy and low-profile but high-quality-output, er, feature-machine Sog1970. But wait! There's still a chance they could get caught by the chasing pack of little-known and modest Scouser Mhaille, hetero macho-man Orian57, antipodean canine PuppyOnTheRadio and none-more-metal mosher Monika. Oh, and some other chancers have been nommed without polling a single vote (including DrStrange, who is currently looking likely to become the first Uncyclopedian ever to win WotM twice, but hasn't carried that form over to WotY - odd). Meanwhile, over at PotY, the race for second place behind Sonje is even closer, with both Modus and some n00b polling a creditable one nom but no votes each! Who will pull ahead by the end of the month? It's a competition you just can't keep your eyes off! Disappointingly, the UotY vote lets the side down, with seemingly a boring old race for first place between Belgian one-man categorisation whirlwind, maintenance addict, broken thing fixer, BUTT POOP!!! junkie and footwear-as-handwear exponent Socky and handsome English admin who wrote this article and is not in the least bit biased UU. The apparent scramble to be runner-up to whichever of these two is runner-up is far more interesting, as non-stop wikifixer MadMax goes up against Welsh Rarebit RabbiTechno, not-Yorkshire-enough admin Mordillo, vowel-free-zone Mnbvcxz and Moterfucking Nigger Lover Roman Dog Bird. Damned with the faint praise of a nom with no votes in this category are the pants bomber, talk page king FU Spang, human non-sequitur generator Modus and absent but deadly hockey nut Gerry. And finally, over where it's really at, the NotD cockfight is almost impossible to call! Will plucky outsider RC hold off the challenge of Apple, Apples and Maddie's life? The tension is quite literally unbearable! But remember kids: whoever "wins", we're all still losers. And now, your not-at-all-struggling-for-material Signpost brings you... Horoscopes!
For the rest of this week's horoscopes in full, see the horoscopes page, obviously. |
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UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox |
Also, it's MrN9000's mum's 60th birthday! 9001(bot) 17:37, Jan 21
Hey RAHB
I teleported a little fly onto your computer screen. Can you spot it? 22:53, 22 January 2010
Now I got something even better! A gnat!
00:56, 25 January 2010Want an account
Rahb, will you create me a Wikia account so I have more Uncyc and other wiki access. The reason I'm not creating them on my own is because I'm visually impaired and can not enter the Captcha text. I want my: user name: star651 email field blank password: tensucks month: 1 date: 10 year: 1997 Ready for my account. Maybe after I mess around with the new account, you could make me an sysop/admin like you, and my deletion and ban chances will be lower. 68.42.246.27 03:06, January 23, 2010 (UTC)
- I could absolutely do that for you. The only issue here is, Wikia and Uncyclopedia actually have separate userbases (or something). So do you want a Wikia account, or an Uncyclopedia account, because you can't access one with the other. Alternatively I could just make both for you. Let me know. I'm leaving this message on both your talk page and mine in case you don't see it, since it's been a couple of days (I'm actually rather inactive, which is irrelevant to this moment anyways). -RAHB 11:24, January 24, 2010 (UTC)
- Hea RAHB dude. The above smells a bit of a certain Teletubbies and Disney obsessed user IMO. Anyway, just to give you the heads up... Hope all is well with you and your penis. MrN 11:37, Jan 24
- Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. But I figure I'll be objective for now and if he repeats himself, we can block him, and then have evidence of one of his scheme-types so we don't fall for it in the future. Unless we already fell for it. If that's the case then BAN BAN BAN. But if not, no harm in whatever's potentially going on. Which reminds me, if he does actually respond to me, you take care of it. Because I'm going to be drunk or something probably. My penis is fine, and THINKER's is even better. How are you and your pants going? Weren't you on a sabbatical recently? -RAHB 11:41, January 24, 2010 (UTC)
- Cool. Yea, I figured you had had probably noticed. Don't think it's been done before, but I will keep an eye on it. As for my sabbatical, yea... It took me a while to break out from Guantanamo after being rumbled in that Pants Bomber incident. MrN 11:47, Jan 24
- Excellent. Well if you're staying around, we definitely need you here, because I've technically left, as I'm staying with THINKER in Florida, writing full time, if you somehow didn't know. So please take my place, and I hand over to you the golden penis, the symbol of all that is phallic in adminship. -RAHB 12:00, January 24, 2010 (UTC)
- Well tis a great honour you offer but I fear that I do not posses anything like the necessary prowess required to wield the mighty golden penis of
OsirusRAHB. Tell you what. When TinkyGay comes back, I will store it up his ass for safe keeping until you and Thinker fancy getting more involved with things here again. Until then, I will miss you. Take care. MrN 12:08, Jan 24- Carry on my wayward son... -RAHB 12:15, January 24, 2010 (UTC)
- Say, are you really writing full time? You mean like getting paid to do it? Is that possible? (Seriously, congrats!) King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 06:11, January 25, 2010 (UTC)
- We're not getting paid at the moment, no, but that is the eventual goal. But currently since THINKER is already paying the rent I'm devoting most of my time to sleeping and writing, with the occasional part-time job interview. Once we get a portfolio and such together, we'll see about this whole "paid writing" myth the conspiracy theorists talk about. -RAHB 00:47, January 26, 2010 (UTC)
- Keep us posted on how it goes! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 02:13, January 26, 2010 (UTC)
- We're not getting paid at the moment, no, but that is the eventual goal. But currently since THINKER is already paying the rent I'm devoting most of my time to sleeping and writing, with the occasional part-time job interview. Once we get a portfolio and such together, we'll see about this whole "paid writing" myth the conspiracy theorists talk about. -RAHB 00:47, January 26, 2010 (UTC)
- Say, are you really writing full time? You mean like getting paid to do it? Is that possible? (Seriously, congrats!) King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 06:11, January 25, 2010 (UTC)
- Carry on my wayward son... -RAHB 12:15, January 24, 2010 (UTC)
- Well tis a great honour you offer but I fear that I do not posses anything like the necessary prowess required to wield the mighty golden penis of
- Excellent. Well if you're staying around, we definitely need you here, because I've technically left, as I'm staying with THINKER in Florida, writing full time, if you somehow didn't know. So please take my place, and I hand over to you the golden penis, the symbol of all that is phallic in adminship. -RAHB 12:00, January 24, 2010 (UTC)
- Cool. Yea, I figured you had had probably noticed. Don't think it's been done before, but I will keep an eye on it. As for my sabbatical, yea... It took me a while to break out from Guantanamo after being rumbled in that Pants Bomber incident. MrN 11:47, Jan 24
- Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. But I figure I'll be objective for now and if he repeats himself, we can block him, and then have evidence of one of his scheme-types so we don't fall for it in the future. Unless we already fell for it. If that's the case then BAN BAN BAN. But if not, no harm in whatever's potentially going on. Which reminds me, if he does actually respond to me, you take care of it. Because I'm going to be drunk or something probably. My penis is fine, and THINKER's is even better. How are you and your pants going? Weren't you on a sabbatical recently? -RAHB 11:41, January 24, 2010 (UTC)
- Hea RAHB dude. The above smells a bit of a certain Teletubbies and Disney obsessed user IMO. Anyway, just to give you the heads up... Hope all is well with you and your penis. MrN 11:37, Jan 24
Splitting the Vote
I just saw your comment about not doing half votes at Uncyclopedia:Writer of the Year. I must confess I'm probably the one who started that. I gave a half vote to each of two candidates for NotM a month or three ago on the justification that if IPs get half a vote, I as a registered user should get two half a votes. It's come back to haunt me, as I'm now getting a 3/4 vote and a 15/16th vote for UotM. So if you would give me a good whipping and post a note on UotM letting them know it's not recommended to do that, I would appreciate it. And if you don't want to post a note, at least give me a good whipping. Pretty please? King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 06:07, January 25, 2010 (UTC)
UnSignpost 28th January 2010
The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!
Jan 28th • Issue 73 • A Periodical. Period.
Continuing Absence Of Certain Users Forces Other Users To Do Things
Also bravely stepping into the "ban magnet" position created by the continuing and lamented absence of hyperactive loon Cajek is, well, a plethora of users. Admins, deprived of their favourite joke-ban target, have taken to joke banning anyone in an attempt to get their fix. Even those devoted to doing only good, just and true works have recently been targeted; and as if to prove this very statement, some power-crazed asshole went and joke banned Socky, RabbiTechno and Optimuschris as soon as he'd written this sentence. Elsewhere, ChiefjusticeDS has been filling the gap left by the absence of someone's enthusiasm for anything pee-related right at the moment by looking after the pee list, taking over as the person with the most in-depth reviews, reviewing everyone else's reviews, and generally not being lazy about it all. At the same time, the continuing absence of the yellow and black sig of Gerrycheevers has forced grumbling British curmudgeon UU to return to the Wiki's only newspaper, the UnSignpost, churning out issues that are, let's be honest, mere placeholders until Gerry gets his arse back here and writes something worth reading. YOU HEAR ME GERRY? GET THE FUCK BACK HERE NOW DAMMIT!Rumours that, in the relative absence of Orian57, Roman Dog Bird will take over the position of "token gay" are unconfirmed at the time of going to press. And finally, in the absence of enough content to make this issue balance out nicely, the UnSignpost is once again resorting to using blatant filler for the first time this year. Shameless, that's what it is. Complain to someone - it's the only way they'll learn. |
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Thank you!!
I stand here before you, arms outstretched and butterflies exploding from my zipper, in thanks for supporting me for Uncyclopedia:Writer of the Year.
Throughout 2009, many people had stupid ideas, and many of those people wrote those stupid ideas down, but apparently you agreed that no one thought of so many idiotic things, nor humiliated himself on such a regular basis, as I.
You pity me! You really pity me!
May 2010 be an even worse year for us all!
UnSignpost 4th February 2010
STOP... SIGNPOST TIME!!
Feb 4th, 2010 • Issue 74 • Ain't It Uncool? News!
Spang Archives Talkpage; End of World Expected Imminently
Award Winners Speak Exclusively to UnSignpost Well, there you go folks, looks like the "... of the Year" award voting is done and dusted for another year. Thanks to all who voted; without you, the admins would probably have less to do, which would obviously be dangerous. Anyway, that aside, your ever-topical Unsignpost went and mugged the various winners for comments on their various wins. Several of them, of course, have already made their feelings clear to those who voted for them by way of the traditional thanks templates. Apart from UU, because he's a lazy ass. Or because he's busy writing this. Whichever. Anyway again, for the benefit of those who didn't vote for the winners, and don't watch their talk pages, here's what they had to say: Runaway WotY Hype said: "Thanks, you guys!! If you'll permit me to be dead serious for the first time ever on the wiki, this really is an honor, and it's pretty damn touching that so many people came out in support of my work. Whew. Being serious felt weird. I feel... strange. BALLS BALLS PENIS COCK. Ah... there's the stuff!" He then went off to write another My Sojourn spin-off. Even more runaway PotY Sonje said: "Thank you, I intend to return as soon as I can. I am currently in Africa with very limited internet access. I'll try to time my return to co-incide with the Oscars so that I can get some pointers for my acceptance speech." Admittedly, that was before we asked her for a comment, but then, she is in Africa with limited internet access. Joint UotY Socky channeled Churchill to say: "*scrapes throat* Ahem! I would like to say to the community as I would say to anyone who joined this website: Uncyclopedia has nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat. We have before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. We have before us many, many long months of struggle and of suffering. You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word: Victory. Victory at all costs — Victory in spite of all error — Victory, however long and hard the road may be, for without victory there is no survival. … That seems to be the wrong Churchill speech. Okay, I'll give it another try. *scrapes throat again* The gratitude of every home throughout the world, except in the abodes of the guilty, goes out to the British airmen and Belgian spies who, undaunted by odds, unwearied in their constant challenge and mortal danger, are turning the tide of the Wiki War by their prowess and by their devotion. Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to two people. And so on and so on… Woot! Woot!" Long-winded bugger. And other joint UotY UU said: "wow, Socky's already left me needing a lot of filler for the right panel, so I'll keep this shortish. First, it's good to see someone who isn't an admin get their hands on this award, and Socky's hard work deserves recognition. Second, it's great to have my complete lack of a life recognised in this way. Third, did someone say Spang's archived his talk page? What the fuck's that all about?." Oh, and Dr. Skullthumper was UGotY, but that was a foregone conclusion anyway. He didn't seem to have any comment of his own to make, so TKF hopped in to the breach with "I call the award a "fascist disgrace" and "move to permanently disbar Mike Socia, that ape from Lighting who made my mole visible to all of the goddamn world watching the ceremony."" Which about wraps it all up, I hope. |
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UnSignpost 11th February 2010
We're delivering it to your door anyways!
Feb 11th, 2010 • Issue 75 • Picking the nuts of truth out of the muesli of news. Or something.
New way to win awards, impress friends, crush rivals!
Yes, that's right, The Article Whisperer is a competition that gives you the ideas to get you started, all you need to do is supply the funny. What could be easier? Well, since you ask, perhaps judging it could? Max is also looking for at least 4 more opinionated types, unafraid of passing withering judgement on their peers. If you're interested in judging or entering, or if you have a good idea that would elevate this competition from being a damn good idea to a colossally awesome one, let MadMax know either on his talk page, or on the article's talk page. For those who want to selflessly improve the wiki while crushing all around them under the steel wheels of their genius, there can be no finer opportunity! General news round-up
Mordillo nearly went mad attempting to feature all articles tied for tenth place in the top 10 of last year. And then spent the rest of this month to date patiently fielding questions about how long the rest of the featuring was going to take, and when normal featuring would resume. POTR did his best to help. When not asked for a quote, Mordillo said "FUCK YOU VERY MUCH AND SEE YOU IN 2011". We think he's just talking about the top 10, and not about taking a 10 month hiatus. That is, we hope so. A recent VFD nomination ended in a deletion marathon, as MrN and RDB spent 2 hours removing every last trace of the notorious Game:Page. Apart from the traces Mordillo deleted, that is. And the redirects to it that UU took care of, come to think of it. But still, all told, an impressive act of mass carnage only made more awesome by the fact that they somehow managed to delete Socky's userpage at one point during the proceedings. MrN claims "Both RDB and me still have sore huffing fingers you know". |
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UnSignpost 18th February 2010
The edition that's black and white and dead all over
Feb 18th, 2010 • Issue 76 • Now with 20% more vanity!
Understanding of the universe is shattered; Creation as we know it is defunct
One of the most controversial elements of religious understanding has been the answer to the question "How did we get here?" This has often been seen in the debate that has been long held between Creationists and Evolutionists. Now that Imperial Colonisation is back on its feet, under the able guidance of IC Buccaneer Admiral Why?, they are educating the masses on this as we speak. "The article had been befouled by some evil doers, probably French or Spanish or Americans or worse. We are diligently researching and writing to bring the article in line with the Truth." stated Buccaneer Admiral Why?. A dramatic re-write is in process, as Why? has all his seamen working towards the noble goal of indoctrinating the masses in Creationist theory. After some false starts involving a banana and a jar of peanut butter, the recreation of creationism is being created. "The colonized article will show how the Empire has the right and duty to colonize everywhere by any methods available, and that anything we do is God's will. We will finish it by Saturday, 20 of February, or by Saturday, 27 of February, depending upon how long it takes us to colonize the natives. Anyone who wishes to apply to join our noble effort may do so at Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization." Why? stated in closing. Darwin awards - Uncyclopedia Stylie
Fortunately he showed the resilience that 10 year olds have when they are in the middle of doing something completely idiotic, and continued to trawl through people's talk pages, undo their edits, and generally be a dick. MrN9000, understanding the right balance of politeness and harshness, gave I LIKE PIE!!! a friendly message on his talk page, with a 1 week ban to support the severity of his words. Undeterred, I LIKE PIE!!! later returned. 1 week and 35 minutes after his previous ban, MrN repeated his previous words to the young man, along with a further 1 week ban. Thankfully, it appears that I LIKE PIE!!! took MrN's words to heart, as he managed to last a further 30 minutes after this second ban before he ran afoul of Roman Dog Bird, who in true RDB style demonstrated what an infinite ban actually means. When hard-hitting journalists pressed for details relating to the banning of this pre-pubescent pestilence, MrN replied "What kinda a journalist are you man!?!" Congratulations, I LIKE PIE!!!, for becoming the inaugural Uncyclopedia Darwin award winner, and removing yourself from the meme pool that we all enjoy. |
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UnSignpost 25th February 2010 (It's not late your mum is)
Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth
Feb 25th, 2010 • Issue 77 • Slurping the froth of Truth off the cappuccino of News
Games, games and more games! We have more games then you can poke a stick at!
Is the games namespace 99.9% shit was the question elegantly asked by OptyC recently. A simple question that has sparked a storm in a teacup. While Uncyclopedia is, undoubtably, the pinnacle of fine parody, it has been suggested the this particular poor cousin of the Main space has been allowed to fall into disrepair and disrepute due to the influx of poorly crafted content. In the words of one editor Delete it. It's cruft and I'm not even sure if it qualifies as a parody namespace of anything on Wikipedia. However, despite the lack of quality content, a significant portion of users have requested that it remain in play, however it be improved by having a little tender loving care given to it, along with a more rigid amount of cruft huffing. As such, it is with open arms we welcome the inclusion into this realm of the new moderator of the Games namespace OptyC, who will be referred to going forward as the Game Master. Upon the announcement of this singularly spectacular accolade, Optyc's first words were Maybe I shoulda just kept my mouth shut, eh? Although much respect must be levelled his way at the way he has taken to his new role with much gusto, winnowing through the chaff to find the kernels of wheat available in there. For more information on these developments, visit Forum:The Games namespace. It's Alive!
A new blow to the "democrats"/"liberals"/"whiny bitches" of Uncyclopedia, opposing the disputed hereditary law. Senior member of the non existent Cabal and editor-in-chief-in-absentia of this newspaper, UU has announced the birth of heiress to the throne, also known as UUette. UUette was reportedly born holding a scepter and a miniature ban hammer, wearing a crown and QVFD grade galoshes and waving frantically at the hysterical cheering masses. The non existent cabal promptly announced a reserved seat for UUette in the VFS round of 2026 as well as the prestigious position of "Noob of the Month". A shrouded spokesperson for the Cabal noted that "it would have been important for the Cabal, were it to exist, that the existing Cabal dynasty, especially one coming from such a quality genetic specimen such as UU, shall continue without disturbance. The Cabal is greatly pleased with UU and Mrs. UU for bolstering its numbers for the Sporadic demonstration of support were noted around the Uncyclopedia realm, as supporters of the Cabal were seen with "DEAR UUette IS GREAT" and "ALL HAIL THE HEIR APPARENT" signs. So called "democratic"/"liberals"/"whiny bitches" protests were dealt with swiftly and efficiently. And from all of us in the UnSignpost here is one big congratulations UU, may your daughter have huge...errr..tracks of land. |
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AAN boxes
I've noticed that on the Uncyclopedia:AAN/Adopters page, the "Admin?" box is really wide but has very few words in it and the "On Uncyclopedia" is narrow but has more words than any other box. It makes the table unnaturally long and it takes much longer to scroll through. Do you think the widths of those two boxes should be switched? King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 03:24, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
- If you can find out how to edit the widths on that template, I implore you to give that a try. Seems like a good idea to me. -RAHB 19:54, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
- Cool. I'll see if I can figure it out, or find someone else who knows more about coding than I do to figure it out. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 22:57, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
Hey - been chatting here about this. Can I grab carte blanche to get this to do something a little more user friendly? Nominally Humane! some time 20:41, 6/03/2010
- I have no idea why you would want to cart Blanche, but I've read the discussion on Why's page and seen your userspace demo, and it all looks very logical to me. Full steam ahead, I say I say. -RAHB 04:39, March 7, 2010 (UTC)
- Say, I'm learning how to get things done, huh? If you want to get something done, complain to someone in authority, then when they give you approval, get someone else to do it. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 18:35, March 18, 2010 (UTC)
- By God, I think you're ready. Welcome to the White House, Mr. President. -RAHB 20:59, March 18, 2010 (UTC)
- The White House? Does that mean I get to sleep with...you know. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 04:05, March 19, 2010 (UTC)
- By God, I think you're ready. Welcome to the White House, Mr. President. -RAHB 20:59, March 18, 2010 (UTC)
- Say, I'm learning how to get things done, huh? If you want to get something done, complain to someone in authority, then when they give you approval, get someone else to do it. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 18:35, March 18, 2010 (UTC)
UnSignpost 4th March 2010 (your calendar is wrong)
Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while
Mar 4th, 2010 • Issue 78 • Snorting the drug of Truth from the toilet seat of News
Controversy over Uncyclopedian leads journalist to public outcry
The "of the Month" nominations and celebrations have been marred recently by drama circulating in forums, talk pages and on vote pages in various areas. Fortunately, whenever and wherever a drama has reared its ugly head an Unsignpost reporter has been there to cover it. Why do I need to provide this? is now experiencing his second week of not having been nominated for anything. After mentioning to a respected editor that he had been nominated for at least one award for almost every day he had been part of the Uncyclopedia community, he bemoaned the fact that he had not been nominated for anything this month. "I've been nommed for something EVERY SINGLE DAY of the five months I've been here--until this month. I'm not nommed for anything. It's pretty depressing, really." Why? complained As a result of this complaining, Why? was then nominated for an award that had been more respected in the breach then in the observance - to paraphrase the bard - Nomination of the Month. When, after a series of events, Roman Dog Bird felt obliged to nominate Aleister in Chains' Nomination for NOTM of PuppyOnTheRadio's nomination for NOTM of Why do I need to provide this?'s nomination of PuppyOnTheRadio for UGotM, he simply stated "This is a stupid award." Meanwhile, at UotM, discussion over the number of awards given out led to an obvious discussion about the worth of RotM and UotM, which of course led, as all conversational roads do, to the hugely popular and debatably talented Dan Brown, not to be confused with Dan Kwon, as we aren't quite sure who he is. The debate got unexpectedly heated when a talented and handsome editor suggested that another less talented editor should perform carnal and bestial acts with random household appliances. Remember to cast your vote in AotM, PotM, RotM, NotM and WotM, or nominate the uncyc member that has impressed you most in these areas. And of course, always remember Mordillo's words, "This one is for people who made Uncyclopedia better by cleaning up shop, helping people and allow Uncyclopedia to wobble around without falling over." Vote today. Or tomorrow - depending on if you have the time.
And with the current vote count standing at 6 in favour, and with few regularly active sysops left to vote, it looks like the chances are that there will be new sysops by the end of this month - so time to start deciding who you're gonna nominate! Who will be the next to have a thousand IPs ask them on their talkpage why they deleted their useless little one-line stub? Stay tuned to find out? |
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VFS
Thanks for the nomination! I was a little unsure about whether or not I wanted to be or would be any good as an admin during the last VFS - and my god, was that really a year ago - but after four years of Uncyclopedia and a year as a poopsmith, I feel more up to the task now. There's a strong competition however, so we'll see what happens. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:09, March 11, 2010 (UTC)
- The bastard nominated you before I had the chance. Bastard! ~ 12:24, March 11, 2010 (UTC)
- Never mind - people'll just assume he's a Zionist puppet obeying your every command. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:28, March 11, 2010 (UTC)
- Wadayamean assume? He is a Zionist puppet obeying my every command! (or rather, obeying Thinkerer's, which is a Zionist by proxy). ~ 12:42, March 11, 2010 (UTC)
- I didn't say they'd be wrong in that assumption. Anyway, as is well known, every gentile is a Zionist puppet obeying some Jew or other's every command. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:46, March 11, 2010 (UTC)
- Wadayamean assume? He is a Zionist puppet obeying my every command! (or rather, obeying Thinkerer's, which is a Zionist by proxy). ~ 12:42, March 11, 2010 (UTC)
- Never mind - people'll just assume he's a Zionist puppet obeying your every command. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:28, March 11, 2010 (UTC)
UnSignpost 11th March 2010
The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!
Mar 11th, 2010 • Issue 79 • Making the New York Times look shabby since 2008
Investigative journalist looks in to the cabal; Shocking discovery Many veiled references have been made to this cabal, however until now there has been no real investigative attempts to uncover the shocking truth about the cabal. However, despite this, one plucky rookie journalist has decided that the truth must be free, and an investigation into the cabal has been undertaken. Investigating this it appears that the rumours relating to a cabal have come from numerous sources. In investigating this there were a number of dead ends, including pages that appear to have been deleted with no history. One source has come forward to expose the truth about the cabal. Under threat of repercussion, this source has been asked to be known simply as Deep Throat. Upon interviewing this source the following shocking truth has been discovered! There is no cabal.
Any rumours about a supposed cabal are completely untrue. Any suggested sources are in fact fictional and have no veracity behind them. There is no shadowy, mysterious force guiding Uncyclopedia. As I, as a respected journalist, have now been made well aware of the non-existence of this cabal, I am now comfortable to retire my journalistic career. I will shortly be taking a long trip to a very remote location where there is no phone or internet access and will choose to never write again. I may even go to Antarctica. But most importantly, there is not now, nor never has been, a cabal.A useful HowTo? does not compute!
If there were a Cabal (which, as the above article clearly establishes beyond doubt, there isn't), it would encourage you to read it and never write a bad UnNews again. |
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More VFS
Hey, thanks a lot for the vote of confidence on VFS. Come to think of it, you voted for me way back in '07 for NotM, back when I didn't know that vote rigging was "frowned upon." Admit it, you've got a soft spot for me! ^_^ Thanks again! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Tuesday, 11:08, Mar 16 2010
- And Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.....will allll-waaaays love Necropaaaaaaaaaxxxxx..... -RAHB 03:39, March 17, 2010 (UTC)
UnSignpost 18th March 2010 (on time as always)
The edition that's black and white and dead all over
Mar 18th, 2010 • Issue 80 • Hold the line! News isn't always on time!
VFS: it begins
Leading the popular vote at present is long-serving poopsmith and kvetcher RabbiTechno, gaining a seemingly unassailable lead by being helpful, friendly and competent, and by promising to bake cakes for all who vote for him - a ploy which may well have snared the support of more than just the odd swing voter. In a comfortable position just behind the Rabbi is lengthily-monikered Belgian workhorse Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, the joint Uncyclopedian of the Year for 2009, who seems to be gathering followers by being helpful, competent, friendly, and doing loads and loads of stuff. This cunning stratagem has obviously endeared him to the denizens of this wiki, who seem to be propelling him towards having his own banstick. But hold on, who's this coming up stealthily behind Socky? Why, it's pee review supremo and scourge of vandals everywhere ChiefjusticeDS! The Chief is steadily accumulating backers through the cunning tactic of being competent, helpful and friendly. He also rules PEEING with an iron fist, and spends inordinate amounts of time cleaning and tidying up the place, facts that have led to him coming within striking distance of the leaders in what appears to be a three-horse race. One thing is clear from this - all 3 of the most popular candidates appear to be helpful and friendly, which this newspaper finds unacceptable - where is the next Famine going to come from? where will we find an admin willing to infiban users and delete all their articles just for looking at someone the wrong way, or for being Kip the Dip? Also nominated, and receiving some support are current Writer of the Year and greatest person in the history of all things ever Hyperbole, diplomat by Uncyc appointment to all religions Optimuschris, canine broadcaster and damn fine journalist PuppyOnTheRadio, allcaps-named VFD machine SPIKE, confirmed female on the internets Zana Dark, easy-to-spell feature-machine Guildensternenstein and jaded old-timer Necropaxx. Other people have been nominated without recording a score as yet, but as this article is already long enough to have the editor wondering how many filler boxes he can dream up for the right-side panel this week, they just appear as a brief list: Mnbvcxz, Cajek, Gerrycheevers, Syndrome, The Woodburninator, Why do I need to provide this?, Charitwo and some bloke called Mhaille. Will any of them pick up a sympathy vote before the end of voting round 2? Positions vacant. The Imperial Colonization is a long standing organisation that has for years been at the cutting edge of creativity of articles for one of the world's most respected websites: Uncyclopedia. Due to a period of unprecedented growth during a time of economic downturn, as most of our members are otherwise unemployed, we are looking for a new assistant to the head of IC. This is a fantastic opportunity for you to work from home. Your daily duties will include:
The relevant applicant will have:
This is a rare opportunity. The successful applicant will become next in line to take over the reins of IC when the current head To apply, contact Why do I need to provide this? here. |
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UnSignpost 25th March 2010 (hand delivered for added flavour)
Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while
Mar 25th, 2010 • Issue 81 • So full of news, our news-gut hangs over our news-jeans
VFS reaches third and final round, Uncyclopedians bored to tears
Once again, the Rabbi appears to be in pole position, and there are rumours that Mordillo is already preparing him a traditional Jewish banstick, such is his current lead. Meanwhile, Sock and Chief are neck-and-neck for the second slot, polling three votes each currently. When he interviewed himself for this article, lazy journalist UU exclusively told us: "this reflects well on the site - we have three great, very strong candidates, any and all of whom would do a great job if opped. And a number of those who didn't make it to round 3 will probably make a much stronger showing next time. If there is a next time." All that remains now is to see how the final few days affect the vote, and who finally gets the supreme honour of being able to go delete every single page of shitloads of crappy games that have been nommed on VFD, and the like. Joins us next week for the "From Our Logs" new admin special, when we analyse their first bans, and watch as these new admins mercilessly ban the unlucky loser and abuse their new powers flagrantly. Hopefully. Top 5 Of-The-Months Become 90% Cheesier
Well known and completely badass user CheddarBBQ, known for his increasing his own self-image, and for being one of the coolest guys ever, has now set a record by being nommed for all four "big" nominations in the same month. Even more impressive, he has been nommed for these four without doing much of anything deserving of awards (besides the aforementioned alleged coolness and/or badassedness). The always tasty Eyetallyan snackfood has been able to hold tightly to last place in each one of these all month. When asked about his newfound record, the great man/food had this to say: "I always knew I was special. The bag of cheese curls that I referred to as "Mommy" for 15 years would tell me so on a regular basis. Also, suck it bitchez." Of course the amazing record-breaker would think well of himself, so we went elsewhere, to question his adopted son, Momo. When asked about the excitement over the record, Momo claimed, "Papa De La Rosa is, like, the greatest dad ever, I used to have so much fun with him when I was little. Ya know, he once left me inside an oven when I was a baby, went for a beer and got me out the following morning. That was fun, I'm tellin' ya. And when I was 4, he left me in an amusement park, went for a beer and came to pick me up a whole week later. I spent that week with that nice guy who kept touching my ass.. Good times.. When I was 7, he took me for a beer. And by the age of 14, we were running our small liquor-smuggling business.. Oh yeah, he's a great guy." Curiously, his comment did not much relate to the matter at hand, yet it was deemed necessary to include it anyway. It appears to be abundantly clear that Cheddar is a marvel of a man whom we can all look up to. In other news, it appears that Don Chedds is about to set another record by being the first Uncyclopedian to drastically lose all five major awards in one month. It appears to be abundantly clear that Cheddar is a marvel of a man whom we can all look up to. Here's to you, CheddarBBQ. Oh yeah, and some other people had something to do with it as well. Note: The writer of this article has decided that a fact check as to whether or not either of these are true records would be unnecessary. |
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--ChiefjusticePS2 21:56, March 25, 2010 (UTC)
UnSignpost 1th April 2010 - Always on time
Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.
Apr 1st, 2010 • Issue 82 • You'd better watch out, you'd better beware: if any news happens, the Signpost will be there
VFS Finishes, New Admins Unleashed, UnSignpost already struggling for material for next week
What does this mean? Well, it means there are now two more Brits armed with bansticks loose on the wiki. Their chirpy, endearing optimism and approachability has already been replaced by the dead-eyed stare and world-weary cynicism required by sysophood, and their friends on the wiki have all turned into suck-ups looking for joke bans. When asked for comments, the Rabbi told us: "I'm willing to accept bribes for huffing articles, banning users, replacing pages with goatse and so on and plan to become as corrupt as possible in as short a time as possible". He also said, when accused of being a "Big Tough Admin Guy": ""Big" - indisputably, but it's all fat; "Tough" - only if you mean chewy; "Admin" - yes, can't argue with that one; "Guy" - only until I've saved enough for the operation". Chief hadn't commented at the time of going to press, so we made something up: "I'm going to ban everyone, I have judged this wiki, and found it wanting. All must pay", he might have said. Of course, this situation also means the long-overdue return of the wildly popular Votes for Sandwiches. Already, 3 bread-based snacks have been suggested, and voting is expected to be fierce. Finally, it also means that the UnSignpost, which has leaned heavily on VFS for Frat party; Bring your own kegger Finally the fraternal (and sisternal) instincts of Uncyclopedia's finest minds have a place that they can call their own. ΥΣΣ, otherwise more easily pronounceably known as Upsilon Sigma Sigma, has been founded in the cellar of one of our newest members, who has already earned the level of respect and admiration that many of our members feel. Skinfan13 has taken the initiative of an entrepreneur and put this together with nothing but a jovial spirit and a little bit of random whoring on an excessive amount of member's talk pages.
In their own charter, they claim that they stand for three thing, being Humor, Honor and Hubris, even if they are unable to spell two of them in English. Already boasting membership of some of the finest that Uncyclopedia has to offer, including the founder of Der Unwehr and its highest point holding member, it is focused on creating one quality article per month via collaboration. However, rather than covering the same ground so amply covered by Imperial Colonization, it chooses to take its inspiration from one of most neglected sources, Wanted Pages. However, not content to simply cater to those who like to work together on articles, they also have another focus in their writing sights - Requested Articles. And the third major focus is the betterment of articles by non members through their unstinting work on Pee Review. While this is still in it's infancy the fraternity/sisternity is looking for For those who are after more information, feel free to check out ΥΣΣ today. Or tomorrow, if that works better for you. The bar is always open, although not always stocked. |
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Nominally Humane! some time Friday, 04:43, Apr 2 2010 UTC
VFS
For your vote in VFS and as promised last time |
Spin
Hi man! I'm trying to drum this up again. Join? No rules, idea is just to come up with clients - likely or unlikely - to write for, and then write news and other stuff accordingly. Anything can be made to work. -- Style Guide 15:12, April 2, 2010 (UTC)
- I must admit I'm not sure I follow the concept 100%. What I can tell from it though sounds very intriguing. Is it sort of a formal joining thing, or can anyone just participate? -RAHB 09:35, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
- Anyone can participate, no rules except that it naturally looks better if the direction (pro-against) of the article looks sensible inside the framework. (If you come up with a funny slip to get an extra laugh, I see no problem with that. It just means the Summit of Spin has fucked up.) My idea is this: it is a sort of an office that has imaginary clients, like real world media offices have. If you find any piece of news in the real world (anything at all, but product- or service-related are easiest) that could harm a client the office has (or makes up on the spot), you launch a campaign against the product, service, or entity portrayed in the newspiece. Clearest real-world example is, of course, how any news of global warming harms oil companies and such. Oil companies start propaganda attacks trying to prove the warming is not happening. Then others reply to those attacks and this goes on until everyone's fed up. Summit of Spin does the same, but with anything that comes up. Idea is to parody the practice of spinning and make it look absurd. Mechanism runs something like this:
- create a client, based on anything you find in the real world, so that the client absurdly runs against something that's being done, or is otherwise happening
- create or find facts that support the client's point of view; sporkage in real or imaginary sources
- write an UnNews article for the client, preferably so that you can already link it to another, mainspace article that has stuff supporting your client's point of view. If something is ready - like probably is - use that, or write your own. Or link to different articles on different points, of course. Anything can be used if it happens to fit.
- you or someone else writes an article, at some point, that sensibly or absurdly goes against what you have written
- you retort, using any argument off the top of your head, twisting facts the way you deem necessary
- and so on, until the subject is exhausted
-- Style Guide 10:21, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
- That does sound interesting. It seems to me that it would be hard to make multiple spins all that original though, when compared back to one another, since they're all going by that basic concept. Then again, I'm sure it would all pan out well, with the right writers working on it. I probably won't be able to do anything for it for a while, since I'm really still pretty busy in the real world and haven't had a whole lot of time for Uncyclopedia lately. But I'll definitely be keeping an eye on the project. -RAHB 15:20, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
- Great, good to have you on it. Well, only the structure will be similar at the start. I'm sure writers will find ways to make the serials different enough. The choice of subject alone guarantees a lot of diversity, and also the path to victory doesn't need to be all similar. Lots of room for surprise witnesses and experts, stuff like that. Like I suggest, a transcript of a trial is a good way too. That, in turn, will lead into several attempts at discrediting the opponent on both sides, and so forth. Some articles will have solid grounds for argument, others will be total nonsense. You get the pitcher. -- Style Guide 17:26, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
- That does sound interesting. It seems to me that it would be hard to make multiple spins all that original though, when compared back to one another, since they're all going by that basic concept. Then again, I'm sure it would all pan out well, with the right writers working on it. I probably won't be able to do anything for it for a while, since I'm really still pretty busy in the real world and haven't had a whole lot of time for Uncyclopedia lately. But I'll definitely be keeping an eye on the project. -RAHB 15:20, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
UnSignpost 4/8/10 - Oh hi Signpost.
The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.
Apr 8th, 2010 • Issue 83 • News even an Uncyclopedian can understand![1]
We deliver on our promises As stated in last weeks edition of the USP, VFS is over, and we've run out of material to be able to fill this particular edition. Discussion about what to include in here has been vast and varied. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user suggested we write an article about how it's his birthday today, but how are we going to be able to write an entire article about his birthday? Especially when the bastard hasn't invited us to his party or shared any of his cake with us. Other suggestions included writing the value of π to the first 1,000 digits, or planting drugs on an admin. As none of the regular writers are able to do anything mathematical, and we attempted to plant drugs on an admin, but they mysteriously disappeared before we could discover them, those options were excluded. So instead we have gone back to suggestions for what we were going to do for the April Fool's day issue, where EMC suggested we have an article which simply showed someone being hit in the face with a pie. Working on the assumption that a picture is worth one thousand words, this seems to incorporate elements from most of the ideas we have had so far. If you are interested in helping to Spinning some new yarns
Intrigued, your ever-alert UnSignpost asked the project's founder, Multiliteralist, for some quotes, preferably lengthy ones for the sake of padding. He responded: "You like the truth, don't you? But you don't like it the way it is now? Join us." Which is all well and good, but doesn't exactly fill this article out anything like enough. Fortunately, he added: "Our door is open for anyone with - in the words of Sir Humphrey Appleby - some moral flexibility." That was slightly more helpful for our purposes. Fortunately, however, he followed that up with: "Early this year, I felt something was missing in the world. That something was
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MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 19:48, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
Where I've been
BEHOLD --SPY 10:34, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
Banbanban!!!
You haven't banned me in like, 5 months. This is in violation of the written agreement that you have signed earlier. I'm sueing sewing your ass. SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 08:06, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
UnSignpost 15/4/10 - Yet another on time delivery.
The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes
Apr 15th, 2010 • Issue 84 • News? Where we're going, we don't need... News...
Something Scary This Way "Comes"
A recent infestation of glowing dildos has taken over the front page of Uncyclopedia. Many users were shocked on April 11th when they opened up their web browsers and were treated to bright green replicas of EugeneKay's penis. Everywhere. Even poor anti-Semite Mel Gibson couldn't escape the wrath of the glowing dick. And the reason for the Scream in Edvard Munch's famous painting was revealed - turns out to have been caused by a hoard of giant glowing EugeneKay penises - an understandable reaction. When asked to comment on the matter, users simply refused to acknowledge that they had seen the penises at all. "Well, I for one didn't notice anything. Glowing penii are so common around here that these particular examples of illuminated manhood really didn't make an impression..." said Aleister in Chains. HELPME had a different outlook on the whole matter: "of course I noticed, how couldn't I? They were everywhere!" he exclusively told our intrepid reporter. Random internet traffic took notice of the infestation as well, with 127.0.0.1 commenting" "Ballsack!!!11 alolololololololooll pasfsdkjfhaelkfjds PENIS PENIS PENIS." He was promptly banned. The infestation passed almost as quickly as it came and a sense of normalcy returned to the main page when the penises retreated into the dark and abysmal graveyard of unused image files. By April 13th, all traces of the Great Penis Invasion of April 11-13 2010 (as it is now being called) were gone. There are, however, unconfirmed reports that the menace still lingers close to the main page, just waiting to strike again soon. I See IC All At Sea
We didn't need to ask the outgoing Admiral for a comment, as he was falling over himself to give us plenty, so we randomly selected the following: "I'm anal for accuracy", he told us. Among other things. Anyway, if you want to follow in Why?'s footsteps, and those of his illustrious predecessors in charge of the Colonization project, you can sign up to be considered for the post here. If it helps, you may wear a nice hat (please provide your own hat). |
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--ChiefjusticePS2 20:25, April 15, 2010 (UTC)