User:RAHB/Talk Archive 13

Talk Archive 1 (2/28/07 - 7/6/07) • Talk Archive 2 (7/6/07 - 9/8/07)
Talk Archive 3 (9/8/07 - 12/8/07) • Talk Archive 4 (12/8/07 - 5/18/08)
Talk Archive 5 (5/18/08 - 7/12/08) • Talk Archive 6 (7/12/08 - 8/20/08)
Talk Archive 7 (8/20/08 - 12/3/08) • Talk Archive 8 (12/3/08 - 2/19/09)
Talk Archive 9 (2/19/09 - 5/25/09) • Talk Archive 10 (5/25/09 - 10/26/09)
Talk Archive 11 (10/26/09 - 12/9/09) • Talk Archive 12 (12/9/09 - 4/25/10)
Talk Archive 13 (4/25/10 - 8/26/10) • Talk Archive 14 (8/26/10 - 8/13/11)
Talk Archive 15 (8/13/11 - 1/30/12) • Talk Archive 16 (1/30/12 - 7/12/12)
Talk Archive 17 (7/12/12 - 1/10/13) • Talk Archive 18 (1/10/13 - 7/11/13)
Talk Archive 19 (7/11/13 - 8/15/14) • Talk Archive 20 (8/15/14 - 5/27/18)

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♥♥♥ I love you. ♥♥♥

The reason for this being that I get to use this new and shiny template to say hi!! Yes, this does indeed mean I lied to you -- you smell and no one loves you. Anyways, you look like you could use a buddy. We're all good friends around here, so here's some important stuff to help you out!

WELCOME.

• Beginner's Guide - this has lots of really cool stuff in it. I think.
• Our Vanity Policies - why we don't care about your grandmother, your gay teachers, or your dog.
• How to Be Funny and Not Just Stupid - how to be loved, even though you smell bad, and occasionally experience the uncontrollable urge to dance to 80's music.

If for some reason you you still want to find out more, these will help a bunch!

• About Uncyclopedia and The Five Pliers of Uncyclopedia
• How to Get Started Editing on Uncyclopedia
• Help Pages

One more thing! When you do stuff, remember to sign your name using four tildes or just that weird looking sign () button at the top of the little edit box thingy. Anyways, I've gotta go practice being a fairy princess. Love,  

I hope they like my articles here. Maybe one day I'll even get to be an admin! -RAHB 13:21, April 25, 2010 (UTC)

Don't dream too big. The admins hate users with the username "RAHB". Sorry, you'll never make it. Ever.--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 15:04, April 25, 2010 (UTC)

CRUSHERBOT

Thanks RAHB. He totally would have gone on a CRUSHING RAMPAGE BEEP BOOP BEEP if he noticed. --Flammable 12:53, April 25, 2010 (UTC)

My penis keeps turning CRUSHERBOT on. Sorry about that. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 00:53, April 26, 2010 (UTC)

My article

How come you put an unfinished template on my article? It was actually finished. --SadisticWolf 15:29, April 25, 2010 (UTC)

Well, it's very very short. And it's a list. And it says in itself that the author couldn't be arsed to think of anything else. And it's pretty much one huge name drop. So I figured you may like to expand on it. Perhaps some paragraphs, pictures, other angles, and more original jokes. Try reading UN:BGBU and HTBFANJS, and maybe take a look at some of our featured work for inspiration. Generally, a really short article has to be really great to stick around, and I know a few admins who may have deleted it instead of putting the template on it. Think it over for a while, try to come up with something more in depth, and see what you can get going. Nothing personal, it's just Uncyc policy. -RAHB 06:51, April 26, 2010 (UTC)

Oh. I had some writer's block so I thought I'd finish up quickly. I'll get better, I promise - I've been reading articles recently. Also, can you delete Steve Berry and gender neutrality? I give up on them, they suck. --SadisticWolf 16:38, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Look!

I have a pretty new sig! Love,  

That is pretty. Does it come in vanilla scent? -RAHB 07:59, April 26, 2010 (UTC)

I THINK IT'S LESS BLURRY THIS TIME. Love,  

Taylor Swift

I forgot about the expiration date on there, so do you mind sending it to my userspace?--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 03:10, April 29, 2010 (UTC)

Er, sure thing, but you know the only content was "Taylor Swift is a Country singer." -RAHB 22:00, April 29, 2010 (UTC)

Oh, forgot. Never mind--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 22:07, May 1, 2010 (UTC)

No worries. -RAHB 23:59, May 2, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 1 May

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost: Special Weekend edition

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

April 22nd 1st May, 2010 • Issue 85 • Insert penis joke here

The launch of a new and exciting weekend edition. Maybe. By PuppyOnTheRadio "Where is my signpost?" was the cry heard from the world wide masses this week. "There should have been an issue on the 22nd and on the 29th, and nothing seems to have been done about it." Fear not, gentle reader, for the signpost will not go gentle into the good night. We have instead taken a brief hiatus for no reason that we could conceivably come up with, and now we are back in a blaze of glory. For those who are unaware of our proud history, the next issue, coming out this Thursday, will mark the (roughly) 2 year anniversary of the creation of the UnSignpost, the unperiodic periodical started by Dr. Skullthumper and Cajek. The good doctor, at the time of the first issue, was asked what his feelings were towards creating the first formalised forum for spam within Uncyclopedia. It was from this that we now have the immortal words "Those assholes better appreciate this. They'd BETTER." Now, two years on from those words of wit and wisdom, the UnSignpost is still struggling going strong. There have been varied reports as to why the USP has not been released. One suggestion is that regular contributors just "couldn't be bothered writing." Others have suggested that it comes down to the unwillingness of the head editor, who was recently heard to say "I'm so against... this... again... (E)xistence is far more than (it) deserves." One of the more probable reasons for the lack of issues may be that the news has now gone viral, and is available more readily through facebook then it has been previously. One facebook semi-regular, who bears a remarkable resemblance to a Silent Bob inaction figure, has said of this development "Excuse me, but I think your geek is showing." Dexter111344 supported the move to the social networking site by saying "I won't be joining as I don't intend to ever make a Facebook." Another possibility is the number of users now communicating via UnSkypelopedia. When asked for a comment, EMC said "OH FUCKING CHRIST I'VE CUM" Dr.Skullthumper, however, said "I started both of them.", and then wished to make reference to some forum or something. Ethine, however, was somewhat more constructive, informing this reporter that "Since it's getting close to summer, we'll likely have more calls, as most people's schedules are slowing down. As well as calls, we have the neat little chat thing at the bottom, where everyone sexually harasses each other when calls aren't going." Despite several attempts, I still haven't been sexually harassed. One reason why users have not been as distracted recently is due to the enormous amount of work going on at PEE review. At present there are articles waiting for review which have been there for over three weeks. For all those who are looking to get the review process back and alive, please pick up an article for review today. Your time and investment into this proud tradition can create the next great article, like the recently featured A wizard did it or the recently nominated UnNews:Windows 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 came out, hailed by some as "the most profound and groundbreaking article to hit Uncyclopedia in over 50 years" Another reason why many users may be distracted is the number of collaborations that are currently in progress. Of those there is Tim Burton, being cleaned up by the team at ΥΣΣ, lead by the fantastic Skinfan13. Also starting to make some ground in the spread of reliable information is the team at Multiliteralist/Summit of Spin, lead by the wonderful Multiliteralist. And of course, coming out blinking from seeing the light of Discordianism is the ever faithful Imperial colonization, lead by everyone's favourite canine, RDB PuppyOnTheRadio. And of course, another reason might simply be that the team here at USP are all running around arranging bake sales to assist with Poo Lit Surprise, the bi-annual competition that actually gives prizes to the winners. The most likely explanation, however, is that nothing newsworthy ever happens on Uncyclopedia

Check out these pages! UnNews:Windows 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 came out Looks who's out of the closet. The most profound and groundbreaking article to hit Uncyclopedia in over 50 years From our logs: Flammable blocked 86.171.18.85 with an expiry time of infinite ‎(YOU ARE SO COOL SO COOL AWESOME LOL) ChiefjusticeDS blocked 91.195.183.211 with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(Ah, that may be true, but you are a wanker, so it evens out) Olipro blocked 92.4.117.223 with an expiry time of infinite (YOU EVER BEEN FUCKED IN THE ARSE WHILE WATCHING A YANKEES GAME?) Mordillo blocked 217.28.207.226 with an expiry time of 1 week (time's up! you need to go to the toilet to do some poopy!) RabbiTechno blocked 91.195.183.213 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎(Cyberbullying. Matthew R. would like to point out that while he may be gay, you are banned) Olipro blocked YOUR TOO SLOW! with an expiry time of infinite ‎(your spelling is shit, it's spelt "YOU'RE" ... so that means you're a fucking retard) ChiefjusticeDS blocked God-Is-Cool with an expiry time of 40 days ‎(Blessed be the Uncyclopedia admins for they shall lead us to the promised land, also bye bye!) Mordillo blocked God-Is-Cool with an expiry time of 40 years (It took them 40 years not 40 days you bloody heathen) Biopic of the Week What can anyone say about Maniac1075. There are rumours that he is not an individual, but rather a multinational conglomerate of authors who do nothing but write quality articles on an extremely high rate. Or at least on an extreme high. However you look at it his contributions to date have been fast and furious. There is definitely something odd with him at least. If nothing else, he has a scarily in-depth knowledge of the world of professional wrestling. In fact he has been nominated as both Writer of the month and Potatochopper of the month. There is a particular school of though that says that these fields here should be filled in with any old garbage in order to ensure that both the left and the right hand sides of the USP are of the same length. While we appreciate this sentiment, the truth is that the USP is known to be constantly at bursting point with information that we can't fit into one column, and so this right hand column is essential for the stuff that we can't fit elsewhere. SCROTUM The above section is not a prime example of the statement in the section above. Please feel free to ignore it.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Brought to you by fucking magic. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 09:51, 1 May 2010

Hello

Get on Skype you sexy bunny --++ 06:22, May 9, 2010 (UTC)

All in good time, my lovely little lemon tart. -RAHB 06:23, May 9, 2010 (UTC)

Yoga

Can I have yoga back, Funnybony and I are going to work on it very soon. Thanks. Aleister sans chains 17:56 10 5 MMX

Viola. -RAHB 18:04, May 10, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks! Al des chain 18:14 10 5 MMX

Glad you liked my article

You're right. Somebody needs to review it already. Thanks for the ego boost! Also, the fact that you're on last.fm is beautiful. I'm a fan User:Mrthejazz/sig 23:53, May 11, 2010 (UTC)

It's excellent. I've been a huge fan of your zaniness for quite some time, but I only just recently found your subpage with your listed articles. From what I've seen in three years, you don't get near the praise you deserve for your work here. Hopefully a listing on the Hall Of Shame can change all of that. And last.fm indeed, do you have an account on there? -RAHB 05:45, May 12, 2010 (UTC)

Frankly, I didn't know I had any fans. Thank-you! It really means a lot. Yeah, I have an account. I haven't been able to hear any of your stuff lately though, because of computer problems. When I have the resources, I'll have to check your stuff out. Thanks again! User:Mrthejazz/sig 04:15, May 13, 2010 (UTC)

Do it to it. I'd have to imagine you have many fans like me who assumed you already knew how awesome you were. Or maybe not. Maybe I'm the only one. I am, after all, a complete and utter loony bird. /me sprouts wings and burrows into the ground -RAHB 04:17, May 13, 2010 (UTC)

Just letting you know my Jack Black article is now up for VFH! An enthusiastic YES! would be greatly appreciated. User:Mrthejazz/sig 02:17, May 16, 2010 (UTC)

Funky! -RAHB 23:13, May 16, 2010 (UTC)

(Me jumping up and down excitably)User:Mrthejazz/sig 03:45, May 18, 2010 (UTC)

Now get a skype account, ya crazy! :D -RAHB 04:49, May 18, 2010 (UTC)

I don't have a webcam. User:Mrthejazz/sig 04:53, May 18, 2010 (UTC)

Do you have a mic? That's all you really need. Or you could just be silent and just type into the chat. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 04:56, May 18, 2010 (UTC)

No mic, but I could type. I'm not sure how these things work. FINE! you win! FINE FINE DOUBLE FINE!User:Mrthejazz/sig 04:57, May 18, 2010 (UTC)

Do I hear a triple fine?! Going once, going twice. Sold! To the man with the bushy eyebrows! -RAHB 05:07, May 18, 2010 (UTC)

OH MY FUCKING GOD

TWIN PEAKS IS THE MOST BADASS SHOW EVER --++ 21:56, June 5, 2010 (UTC)

Get

...your hair cut and get a job, you hippy bastard. That is all. -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Taken in to account. But only if you stop caring about football and get an accent with less inflection on certain syllables, you limey wanker. That is all. Now how the hell have you been? -RAHB 00:16, June 19, 2010 (UTC)

I'm fine thanks, and you? How are you side projects coming along? -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Doing well. Mostly working on music nowadays. Thinker and I have stopped working on comedy together, and I'm very close in the area of finding a job. Meanwhile I'm making plans to move up toward San Francisco area later in the year and try to perform on the local circuit. That or move to Minnesota and sell a line of potato salad hats. -RAHB 08:34, June 22, 2010 (UTC)

The UnSignpost Is Not Dead!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

Jun 24th, 2010 • Issue 86 • Oh yeah, the UnSignpost, I remember that...

Conservation Week Approaches By UU Fancy watering Uncyclopedia's forestry? Want to be a good conservationist? Fancy taking up the rewriting sword of justice, and righteously smiting the dragon of shit writing? Actually, the hell with that, do you want to take a bunch of bad articles, and make them suck less? Then you, my friend, are in luck! Conservation Week 2010 starts on July 5th, and actively encourages users to scour the wiki (perhaps through judicious use of Special:Random, or possibly through exploration of Category:Rewrite or Category:Ideas or even Special:Lonelypages), find lame articles that they consider are taking up the very space which could be occupied by something less sucky, and then using their skill and judgement to turn those articles into shining examples of comedic writing. As this is a competition dedicated to simultaneously reducing the number of useless articles on the wiki and increasing the number of good ones, some naysayers believe it to be completely pointless - Uncyclopedia is the worst, they say, and no amount of well-intentioned competitions can change that. But were it to exist, the Cabal would probably beg to differ. They may call it something like "a genuinely good thing", and "a ray of hope, signalling that occasionally, even the most worthless dreck may be redeemed". So if you think what your userpage is missing is a template called the "Greasy Mechanic Award", then prepare to rewrite like you've never re-written before. Just don't forget to make your new version better than the original. Something summarizing the events of the last month or so By PuppyOnTheRadio It has been said by one of our esteemed administrators here at UnSignpost that if it wasn't reported in the UnSignpost, then it didn't happen. As there has been no UnSignpost produced for the last few days, due to one of the editors having a real life, and another one being lazy, there are several things that didn't happen. Yes, the loss of the UnSignpost for so long sent a shiver down the spines of many an Uncyclopedian. So much so that one member of the community decided that it was timely to look at a new way to produce the UnSignpost. One such idea was to release a monthly periodical in the place of USP. Although there has been several attempts by this reporter to obtain a quote from said insurrectional community member, to date no response has been heard. As part of the ongoing struggle to maintain our independent stance from Wikia, several members decided that it would be a wise idea to create a way to cash in on the popularity of the site. As such the UnShoppe has been created, where you may purchase any one of a number of Uncyclopedia-related pieces of merchandise. So far all purchases have been made by the individuals who created the store. However, if you are looking for the place to buy a shirt that shows that your nipples have been featured, that a wizard did something, whatever it was, and that you have an in-depth knowledge of who Dan Kwon is. There was a competition. Congratulations go to mrthejazz, who got the pun. Imperial Colonisation has taken a brief hiatus after the new head of IC became the old head of IC. He was an Australian, and his example has inspired the entire nation so much that the new head of Parliament for the country is now the old head of parliament. Congratulations go out to the new new head of IC. A strange bandwagon has been created by a drunken Bonner, who has challenged all and sundry to ask him anything at all. As such there are various forums dedicated to asking regular Uncyclopedian members things. These previously were known as user talk pages, but who can stand in the way of progress? And that's all that didn't happen. Although now it's listed in UnSignpost that means it actually did happen. Which suggests that by editing UnSignpost I have the power to change the past. If I could change anything about the past, what would it be? I had sex with a real person!

Check out these pages! Modusoperandipedia? Fuck... Uncle Dex needs ideas for business cards Wait, we seriously have a store now?! From our logs: 06:22, 23 June 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 153.107.33.152 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (and you are the living proof that school kids are idiots) 00:12, 23 June 2010 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked LRC (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (The purpose of redirects is to redirect someone to a page that is related to the original page, not separated by six degrees of bullshit logic. Try again.) 09:52, 21 June 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 153.107.33.158 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Back after your last block and still loving the penis, have a bit longer to think about that) 15:02, June 17, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 243 seconds (I hear the UnSignpost may be returning, so I'd better make sure I put up at least one decent ban this week so I can get in it!) 05:38, June 17, 2010 PantsMacKenzie (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.109.125.137 (Talk) with an expiry time of a million years ‎ (multiple vandalizations of keitei) Old-School Featured Article of the Week UnMysteries:J'accuse Thank you all for meeting me in the Accusing Parlor tonight. If you're wondering what "j'accuse" means, and why I ran screaming it through the whole house, it means "I accuse" in French, and it's what people say when they accuse people of murder. I trust you know why we're all here. After I was mysteriously invited to this party, and after people started mysteriously dying, I decided to put my internet degrees in Criminology, and Criminography, to good use. But to accuse people of homicide, I have to start at the beginning. International Sporting Tournament of the Week The Swedish Orienteering And Firing A Rat From A Cannon Championships. The World Cup? What's that? Missed anniversary of the week Some time in the last month or so, the UnSignpost completely failed to celebrate its second anniversary. Hey ho. Two years of missed deadlines, desperate filler boxes, flimsy biopics, hand-deliveries and pale imitations of journalism - is it even worth mentioning? Probably not. Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #347 The standard of desperate filler boxes in the UnSignpost remains as low as ever. Oh look - a monkey!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

A new UnSignpost issue, another template spammed onto your talkpage, enjoy! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 13:36, 24 June 2010

Fantasy Football 2010

It's back! Go here. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:50, June 29, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks!!! <3

Thanks you!

Awwwww, thank you for votin' for me!

Look! Now I can look at pictures of small animals and feel serious, because you voted for me. So thanks! <3

Love,  

All the news that's unfit to print!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!

Jul 1st, 2010 • Issue 87 • More news than something with less news than us

Things getting boring on the wiki? Time to write at speed! By UU Dullness. Boredom. Shit not going down. That's the place Uncyc found itself recently. And we needed a spark. An idea. Something out of leftfield to galvanise the troops, plaster stupid smiles on faces across the wiki, and inspire joy unconfined in the community. We're still waiting for that, but until it arrives, Skull's hour-long writing contest will do nicely. Shamelessly pinching Cajek's idea of time-limited writing competitions (which brought us such classics as HowTo:Sexually Stimulate an Ant, lest we forget), but putting his own distinct spin on it, Uncyc's own mad Doctor challenged Uncyclopedians to write an article in a single hour that would survive VFD. Given Uncyclopedia's well-known exacting quality standards, this promised to be a tough task, but a surprising number of people were up for it. And so it was that a frenzy erupted across the wiki, and baffled Europeans and other users not around at the time awoke the next day to a slew of brand new articles, not all of which ended up being deleted. They liked the idea so much, they held their own a couple of days later. When asked to comment on his brainchild, the commotion and excitement it had caused, and the size of his penis, Dr. Skullthumper exclusively told us "Sure. I'll get on that. I swear". Things getting boring on the wiki? Time to start pointless drama! By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Giant evil multinational wiki-hosting conglomerate Wikia won a major victory last month, when a rebellion by a small but dedicated band of anti-capitalist radicals was brutally put down by a bunch of fascistic Wikia-collaborators. Or at least, that's what happened in the heads of Carlb, Roye7777777 and CartoonistHenning after they nailed their anti-Wikia manifesto to the metaphorical door of Uncyclopedia's metaphorical Wittenberg Cathedral. The 1,000-word anti-Wikia tract, despite the shocking and previously unknown revelation that Wikia was not in fact the wiki-hosting charity that it claimed to be, but rather a commercial company, failed to ignite a spontaneous revolt against Wikia among the Uncyclopedia community. A heated and sexually-charge discussion ensued, with strong arguments offered by both sides. However, it seems that some people were unable to grasp the enormity of the revelation that Wikia's motives were less than altruistic. Eventually, the thread descended into an all-out flamewar and a waaaaaaaaaaaaaahmbulance was called to treat the injured. "We may have lost this round," Carlb told UnSignpost reporters "but it is only a temporary setback. One day, the tyranny of Wikia will be no more. Our revenge will be the laughter of our children." It is rumoured that Carlb, Roye7777777 and CartoonistHenning will employ Black Bloc tactics at the next Wikia conference in an attempt to escalate the struggle against Wikia oppression.

Check out these pages! Tell me about your mother Fantasy (American) Football is back! (Oh yeah - I went there) Open the podcast bay doors, Skull... From our logs: 09:07, 30 June 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Ahmedatefa (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (don't do that....or I shall have to spank you) 20:31, 27 June 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked SadisticWolf (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 minutes ‎ (I don't "rape" I "cockify". There's a difference. ) 16:01, 25 June 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Dexter111344 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 500 seconds ‎ (I'm not a poor version of Oli, I'm a mediocre and far more irritating version) Biopic of the Week What can be said about Ethine? Well, she's been lurking IRC since about December 2006 and only made an account after being forced to by emc. She has been sexually harassed by long forgotten users and by ones you only wish you could forget. She recently took up the job of fighting vandals, reverting idiots, and trying to get new users flogged. For some reason, this was enough to get her the Uncyclopedian of the Month award. Or it could have just been because of her hands. Her young, sexy, oh-so-soft hands... By the way, she actually likes talking to you freaks over Skype. Go talk to her. Ask her about her open invitation to everyone to come to her house. You won't even have to bring your own rope, either. Old-school featured article of the week Hi, my name is David Cameron and I'm the Prime Minister of The United Kingdom. You can call me Dave if you wish, not that I'm trying to tell you what to do. "David" is fine. My mother calls me David and she's a lovely woman, so either way it's cool. This is my own personal uncyclopedia article. I've created this, because I feel that in this modern age of ipods and nanos, it is important to connect with young people and do it in the medium and language that they understand, L.O.L.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeGameBoy 12:05, July 1, 2010 (UTC)

You thought I forgot?

Thanks! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 14:45, 1 July 2010

Welcome to Uncyclopedia!

Signpost: normal service resumed

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper 4 out of 5 Dentists Agree On!

Jul 8th, 2010 • Issue 88 • Hand-stitched for comfort

Conservation week: how's it going, and what is it anyway? By Under user The 6th bi-annual Conservation Week is now in full swing, and once again bugging people by lasting for a fortnight. So far there are around 12 rewriters signed up (depending on if Joe9320 is serious about pulling out because he got reverted) to rewrite getting on for 30 or so articles. That's a fair old commitment to improvement. But then, that's kind of the idea, isn't it? Conservation week has been running since autumn 2007, starting life in Jocke Pirat's userspace, and spending a confused few hours being called the rewrite-a-thon in an early attempt to get around the whole week-fortnight thing. The first iteration was a resounding success, and about 38 people signed up to rewrite over 50 articles (with Zombiebaron hilariously missing the point and going on a deletion spree instead), making the current iteration look like it has some work to do. However, there was no quality control at the outset - if an article was rewritten in any way, that was deemed good enough. Some of those early articles may well have been made worse, we just don't know (or can't be bothered to check). Quality control arrived later on, when erstwhile gentleman editor of this very organ Gerrycheevers stepped up to run the first 2009 CW, and ran the rule over all the rewrites personally, so that the attendant award was only bestowed on those doing quality rewrites. That task this year falls to Dexter111344, who has promised to be "harsh but harsh". Probably. So, with a prize on offer to the person with the most high quality rewrites, and plenty of time left in which to do said rewrites, the only question left is: "why haven't you entered yet"? We asked this question of one completely random user, and he exclusively told us "because I'm busy writing this week's issue of the UnSignpost, duh!" Image Request: A Retrospective By UU Time to focus on a sometimes-overlooked corner of Uncyclopedia: UN:PIC, otherwise known as Image Request or Radical X's corner. Named for the once and forever king of image manipulation on Uncyclopedia, the near-mythical RadicalX, this page has been responsible for some truly memorable Uncyc images over the years. And some of Pokémon characters superimposed on the crucifixion - hey, whatever floats your boat. Established in March 2005 by a user called Machinecurse, this page has been the domain of most of the legends of Uncyc image manipulation at one time or another - as one 'chopper has left, another has arisen to take their place, in some kind of Potatochop Royal Succession stylee. Or something. Whatever, the likes of Paulgb, Zombiebaron, Seeker, Sonje and, more recently, KneeChee27 and MeepStarLives have slaved over hot image editing software to fulfil the esoteric image requirements of the Uncyclopedia populace. The response time has always varied on the page, as it largely depends on how active the 'choppers are at the time, how achievable the requests actually are, and how polite the request is. But for those with a little patience, it is undoubtedly a useful resource in the ongoing quest for that perfect image of Mario and Master Chief riding Pikachu down the Death Star Trench run. Or something. Have a look at the gallery to see some of the more recent work.

Check out these pages! Yes, it's fucking political... I, er, won't survive? Everyone's a winner baby From our logs: 03:03, 5 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Skinfan13 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Paradox block for breaking a rule on an award with no rules) 21:47, 4 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Aidan2613 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (The revolution is dead. God save the queen) 18:15, 2 July 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.154.122.248 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (I hope the next 48 hours pass as swiftly and painlessly for you as the hundred years war) Biopic of the Week In North Vancouver, born and raised, at city fundraisers and bake sales are where he spent most of his days... Some of you may or may not remember Shandon, nicknamed "Doughboy" by the electorate in Vancouver after his notorious political scandal which nearly erupted Canadia into anarchy. This is unlike his nickname on Uncyclopedia, "Doughperson", which is based on Shandon's gender neutral writing style and gender neutral username having led many to believe that Shandon has no gender. He recently moved to America, and after doing so was named "Worst Canadian Export", a title he took from Bryan Adams but recently lost to Justin Bieber (Shandon's only chance of reclaiming the title is Bieber's looming appearance in North Korea which many hope will be the end of him). After becoming the first person to ever pick up a chick from the Uncyclopedia IRC, Shandon is now living the American Dream. So what's the nick all about? Shandon, from Silverlock by John Myers Myers. NOT Shandon from Isle of the Dead by Roger Zelazny (another terrible book). Old-school featured article of the Week A civil war is a form of warfare known for its kindness and civility, in stark contrast to the other tactics such as scorched earth which are entirely too dirty for upstanding gentlemen. Civil warfare is a strategy that has outlasted many minor fads in warfare such as Germany's Blitzkrieg Bop, the British Redcoat's Stand In a Line and Shoot or the French Foreign Legion's Surrender. Its longevity as a tactic can probably be attributed to a few things, namely the incompetence of modern military tacticians compared to those of the past and the universal human need for cordial smiles and small talk, even during battle. The inevitable return of Cajek ban of the week 12:30, 8 July 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day (not returning to Uncyc in a proper and timely fashion)

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Oh dear god, am I really doing this again? --UU - natter 10:48, Jul 9

Thanks, dude

Thanks for reverting my drivel page.And now, here's your punishment: AAAAAAA!. Sorry, but it's fate. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 00:00, July 15, 2010 (UTC)

Heh, as much as I love your zaniness Zim, it was actually Andorin_Kato who reverted your page. I just banned the dude. -RAHB 00:09, July 15, 2010 (UTC)

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Jul 15th, 2010 • Issue 89 • Made with 100% recycled vuvuzelas

The 40+ club expands By UU Once, many years ago, having 40 featured articles seemed an untouchable goal - a mystical, far-off land that none would ever reach. These days, it seems almost passé, as Mhaille has joined Modusoperandi in that territory, and Hyperbole (counting works by his various drunken sockpuppets) is half a feature away from becoming the fastest person yet to reach that magical figure. We asked them all for quotes, and Mhaille exclusively told us: ""Go eat more shit, fuckers"...obviously I am excited to have reached the BIG 4-0, and am delighted that enough of my peers deem the quality of my work good enough to have reached that figure, although I have to say I'm a little pissed that at least 10 other of my articles are feature-worthy and are constant overlooked (lengthy bans will ensue, I'm sure), I am equally as proud of my featured images, as well as many of my other contributions that I hope that my peers feel have augmented the work of others. That I am still here after five long years, and still contributing says something about Uncyclopedia itself. What that is, I wouldn't like to speculate. But sometimes you have to in order to accumulate. Apparently." Which is such a long quote we're going to need at least one blatant filler box in the right-hand panel. Bastard. Meanwhile, Modus exclusively told us "It's not that myself and Mhaille have written so very many great and fantastic pages that have, and will continue to, entertain the people for years to come. It's just that Mhaille did. "I" am one of his many sockpuppets. He writes as "Modusoperandi" when he needs a page without a "foreign" accent. Look around. There are a bunch more Mhaille sockpuppets here, too. Hyperbole, for one. Mhaille is like a wet Mogwai." Which is more concise, and therefore OK. Finally, Hype exclusively commented: "I'd like to say thank you to Uncyclopedia for voting to feature my many excellent, high-quality articles, including the drunken insistence that you accept a diseased poodle, the song about having sex with sporting goods, and the blatantly racist tirade about having to wait too long for a Pee Review. Writing 39.5 features has been literally the most important accomplishment I will ever have in my life. I look forward to continuing to service each and every one of you in the future." Which was nice of him. So, the burning question now has to be: who will be first to 50? Modus obviously has the lead, but Mhaille is writing in greater volume than he has for some time, and if Hype keeps up the pace, he's probably a good bet. But they're not the only candidates - Sog is coming up the rails rapidly, and could reach the 40 mark even quicker than Hype - could he overtake the lot of them? The only thing certain is that with these guys around, Uncyc should be assured of some half-decent articles amongst the dross. World Cup over - Romartus struggling for UnNews inspiration By UU The climax to the World Cup may have been a little ugly, unsatisfying and under-whelming (hmm, sounds familiar somehow), but it raises a question so far not addressed by the mainstream media, namely "what is Romartus going to write UnNewses about now?" The scourge of Junior Uncyclopedia has discovered his muse in the planet's biggest sporting event, and has been cranking out UnNews articles on the subject at an alarming rate. Now, without Jabulani balls, biting tackles and Messi long shots to inspire him, what is there to inspire him to maintain such prolific standards? Suspicions abound that the Tour De France is passing him by, he seems far too English to care about the various draft and transfer shenanigans in the NFL and NBA and the like, and as the only story to emerge from golf's Open Championship so far is Tiger Woods changing his putter (wow, someone hold me back), that seems unlikely to unleash his inner news-hound. With a worrying lack of global sporting tournaments on the horizon, will we have to wait another 4 years for the next Romartus article splurge? Stay tuned to UnNews to find out!

Check out these pages! Please not Stephenie Meyer, Please not Stephenie Meyer... Lazy journalism. Which is something we never indulge in Kicking on with another bandwagon From our logs: 23:47, 14 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.8.150.140 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Oh, shut up for about half a year, will you? Thanks, dear.) 15:47, 13 July 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) resurrected Under user (Talk | contribs) ‎ (a song originally written for Celine Dion? Have you no standards?) 14:47, 13 July 2010 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 294 seconds ‎ (CUZ I MISS U BABY AND I DUN WANNA MISS A THING.) 14:39, 13 July 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Don't want to cloooose my eyes, don't want to faaaaaall asleep.) 06:18, 13 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Keeh69 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (I block with the power of a thousand vuvuzelas) 19:16, 12 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 77.164.176.221 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (you can't even spell "racistic" properly it's "RASISTICS") 01:01, 12 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.68.108.4 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Only because I can't appoint you an admin.) Biopic of the Week Fnoodle was the UnSignpost's first ever paperbot, something we could frankly do with more of. One of the many creations of fiendish evil genius Dr. Skullthumper, it also managed to singlehandedly upset approximately two-thirds of the wiki by running a huge spellcheck operation, maliciously changing "teh" to "the" on every single page - which seemed to put an awful lot of panties in a bunch, judging by teh number of complaints on Skull's talk page in the aftermath. Old-school featured article of the week The Adventures of Baron Ringpiece were composed as a series of short tales, published between 1840 and 1848 by William “Wacky” Thackeray, better known for Vanity Fair Magazine, and his novels Penispenispenis and The Virginans, and details the life and adventures of Redman Barry O'Malley. Thackeray always considered the work to be unfinished, and had intended to add several more chapters, turning the tale from one where the hero works towards success to one where he gains his dreams only to lose them. Cajek ban of the Week 10:04, 9 July 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day (account creation disabled) ‎ (I really don't do this as often as I should)

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—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 09:50, 16 July 2010

Read all about it! The UnSignpost rides again!

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In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!

Jul 22nd, 2010 • Issue 90 • Suddenly, Signpost!

UnNews hits warp factor Whore By Zim That bastard child of Uncyclopedia and WikiNews, UnNews, is in full-on whoring mode. Tired of being relegated to the bilge hold of Uncyc, staff have collectively and to a man, woman or it, decided to resort to the time-honored tradition of whoring themselves for attention. 2010 is shaping up to be a record year for lots of stuff, which I am too lazy to actually reference. We've had lots of cool coding happenings, resulting in a facelift to the Main Page, and a really cool navigation bar giving access to a plethora (well, 7 sections in fact) of sections including Sports, Comics, Editorials, and special coverage of the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Contributors to UnNews of note are Funnybony, SPIKE, Romartus, Modusoperandi, Mordillo, Multiliteralist, PuppyOnTheRadio, Happytimes, Matt lobster and MrN9000 (when the bugger's here). Apologies to anybody I've missed. The Newsroom, home to nefarious plots and odd ideas, has once again become an active core of resistance against Uncyc's unofficial policy of ignoring us. Always leading edge, UnNews is acquiring a stable of notable personalities for a new series of Uncolumns called "Reductio ad Hitlerum", a guest column that invites persons of note to do an article for us, usually under threat of blackmail. Discussion here, first RaH column here by guest Sarah Palin. Techno gets Mhaille'd By UU The most exclusive and coveted award on Uncyclopedia, the Mhaille award for excellence, has been presented for only the 14th time in 4 years, and the first time in first time in a year, to the suitably humbled RabbiTechno. The award is, unusually on vote-happy Uncyclopedia, not decided on by voting, but is bestowed at the sole discretion of feature-monster, bureaucrat, whoring legend and token Liverpool fan Mhaille, according to his own criteria. Looking down the list of previous winners - Shandon, ENeGMA, Tompkins, Zombiebaron, Prettiestpretty, Savethemooses and the rest, it's pretty clear that the good Rabbi is a) in good company, and b) not going to be here much longer.

Check out these pages! Whoops! Andorin did it again Vote for less voting! What's a "Braydie"? From our logs: 06:03, 22 July 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.236.215.111 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Cyberbully - also apparently believes women to have penises and is thus either aged under six years or is a Lady Gaga fan. Either way, unsuitable for Uncyclopedia) 08:04, 19 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.167.1.63 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (returning blankist. Nice to see you again chap.) 06:06, 17 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.171.137.61 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I get my dubious software from Synaptic package manager, thank you.) 01:45, 17 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.32.64.51 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (yo article so fat) Old-school featured article of the week A shopping list purports to be a simple item used to detail all items required on a given shopping trip. However, recent scientific studies have revealed its true purpose: it is a key element in a game of oneupmanship between couples. The lists are carefully compiled in a secret code known only to one half of the couple, the objective being to confuse, baffle, and otherwise annoy the other half to the point of submission. The ultimate aim is to get the other half to admit to being an abject failure, and to concede intellectual superiority in the relationship indefinitely, or at least until next Tuesday. Cajek ban of the week brings you - Cajek's first ban! 15:06, 20 September 2007 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (When an admin archives a VFD, voting is closed.)

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--ChiefjusticeGameBoy 13:47, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

Lol

I saw you blocked me for 5 days, and I was like "Oh crap". You kinda scared me a little. :P Thanks for shortening it- my life would kinda be empty without this place, as I have nothing better to do all summer.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Saturday, 03:37, July 24 2010 UTC

I could've sworn this was TKF's talk page...--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Saturday, 03:59, July 24 2010 UTC

We get our curtains from the same furniture store. -RAHB 08:35, July 25, 2010 (UTC)

But do they match the drapes? -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Mister Penis

I don't know if you still use the same email, but I've send you a message. Did you get it? ~ 07:41, July 29, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for letting me know, I never check it for some reason (got to get some sort of widget or something, grumble). I'll be shooting a response your way in a minute. -RAHB 07:47, July 29, 2010 (UTC)

You sir are a gentlemen, a scholar and possibly the greatest penis wielder in the Western Hemisphere. ~ 08:31, July 29, 2010 (UTC)

So long as you remain in the east, I'll be defending that title for years to come. -RAHB 08:58, July 29, 2010 (UTC)

Question

When I do find a page on Special:NewPages that is low quality, what should I do next?--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 18:10, July 29, 2010 (UTC)

List it on the QVFD, under the most recent header. Then it will be BURNED! -RAHB 23:51, July 29, 2010 (UTC)

(Or alternatively, burninated.)  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  30 Jul 2010 ~ 04:37 (UTC)

ICU

You put my article Just Shank 'em! in ICU, but it's done and it's not supposed to have links and stuff...it's meant to be a cheesy song that short...i guess you don't like it or something :(...I'll be in a corner...alone...upset...with this nudey pen...and some tissues...--Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 23:44, July 29, 2010 (UTC)

Lol, nudey pen. I'll take the ICU off, but you should probably move it to UnPoetia. Or something like that. -RAHB 23:50, July 29, 2010 (UTC)

Unused pics

Hi, and thanks by the way. Please be selective with the unused images, I go in there quite a bit to both use pics and to place pics on other pages. And many of them are actually used on pages but they are listed there for some reason. Be kind to the unused. Aleister 3:35 30 7

Yeah, I'm making sure to look through the "links to" list on each of them. I'm only deleting the ones that are very generic, easily replaceable, or ones that I know we have duplicates of elsewhere on the site. Thanks for the concern. -RAHB 03:38, July 30, 2010 (UTC)

Ah, I should have trusted. Time to log off, and find a bit of food lying around the floor after the dog has rejected it. Then I'll fight the war on drugs for awhile. Cheers.Aleister 3:43 30 7

You're almost as bonkers as I am. Sexy. -RAHB 03:46, July 30, 2010 (UTC)

You're both almost a sexy as I am. Bonkers!  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  30 Jul 2010 ~ 05:09 (UTC)

Well none of you are even close to my sexiness, so i win. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 05:11, July 30, 2010 (UTC)

I can whistle Dixie out of my nose if adequately congested. pillow talk 05:46, July 30, 2010 (UTC)

That "Football" thing

If I've got it right, it's your pick. And I've already started building the team that will prop up the table all season. Yeah. --UU - natter 09:36, Aug 2

Contest Today

Happymonkey called for a writing contest which will start at 2:00 UTC (10 p.m. eastern time in the United States and other weird countries). Contestents will give each other an exact name of an article at app. 9:59 eastern time, and then we will write until 11:15 (3:15 UTC). We need at least one judge who will look at all the articles, say nay, or yay, or something, and tell us whatever they want to. Please sign up on Happymonkeys talk page, as participant or judge(s), and then we can pair people up around 9:30 eastern and let them know who they will give their page title to. (Inspired by DrSkullthumper's contest of a month or so ago). Aleister

It's Your Turn, Mr. Penis

Just dropping by to let you know that it's your turn in the draft, just in case you missed UU's message. So, um, yeah. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 20:03, August 2, 2010 (UTC)

Woop, sorry about that. I didn't have the draft forum watched yet. I'll be making my pick within the next couple minutes. -RAHB 22:44, August 2, 2010 (UTC)

I remember you...

Following me home. Taking those pictures. Getting a restraining order? Remember all that fun? On another note, here's an official hi. It appears I'm sorta back. What exactly does your username stand for? - [13:14 4 August 2010] TheYet•Talk

It stands for "Roooooooooooooooooob!" Which is how I say it. I wonder whether the restraining order is still in effect after your absence... -RAHB 15:35, August 4, 2010 (UTC)

I dunno, I'll have to ask the judge, I guess. And, funny, I've always pronounced your name "rar-b". But I believe this conversation has already been had, some time ago? About how you pronounce users' names. For the record, I pronounce Cajek as "Cah-jeck". Really Awesome Hymen Butcher. Equally, Racist And Hedonistic, Bitch. Raped A Horse Before? I hope you're not following my blatherings. - [18:11 4 August 2010] TheYet•Talk

Rape And Homophobic Beatings. -RAHB 03:55, August 5, 2010 (UTC)

Really? I pronounced it "R-A-H-B", like it stood for something. I feel so wrong. (FOr the record, I say "Cay-jeck")--HM (T) 04:36, August 5, 2010 (UTC)

Eh, everybody thinks that. The caps are for yelling though. RAAAAAHBBB!!! That's what people used to say. Then I had to sign up for this Uncyclopedia thing and said "fuck it. That's a good one." All stems from the simple one syllable anglo name Rob. Boring perhaps, but you were perplexed by the possibilities of what it could possibly stand for, I'm sure. So in some silly way, I win. -RAHB 05:52, August 5, 2010 (UTC)

You don't just win, you own us now RAHB. And I guess then, I'm sorta pronouncing it right? I'm pronouncing in a British accent but I suppose that sorta comes out as "Rob" in a thick American drawl. Rar-b. - [11:26 5 August 2010] TheYet•Talk

UH-MUHR-EH-KUH! -RAHB 14:06, August 5, 2010 (UTC)

Exactly. That country. - [15:02 5 August 2010] TheYet•Talk

You essay! You essay! --UU - natter 09:02, Aug 9

It's new and it's news! It's the latest UnSignpost!

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The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!

Aug 5th, 2010 • Issue 91 • I love it when the news comes together

VFD minimum time limit introduced By UU Yes, folks, it's actual news this week. We know, next week will see normal service resumed. However: following a forum discussion on the dump that impressively managed to avoid any real drama, it has been decided that, to avoid any articles being deleted without a proper window for debate, all nominations on VFD will remain open for a minimum of one day. Further to that, the minimum score required for deletion is in the process of being clarified, so that either a score of at least +5 in favour of deletion will be required before the trigger-happy admins fire up their huffing devices, or 5 keep votes will automatically exempt an article from deletion. One of those. Probably. The number 5 seems certain to be involved, whatever the outcome. Hopefully, this will ensure that BUTT POOP is never deleted again. At least, such is our understanding. Sorry about that. We will now follow this with an article with no relation to news whatsoever, to try and make it up to you. Uncyc Fantasy Football draft off to racing start By UU Those with a passing interest in sports might notice that Uncyc's never-popular Fantasy Football league is about to embark on its second season, and has begun the draft process necessary to create the teams that will be taking part. So far, the results have surpassed the expectations of all except noted optimist Bradaphraser. Three days in, and seven of the record fourteen competitors have picked a single player each, making this the slowest process since BP started trying to cap that goddamn oil leak. This year's competition promises to be more open than the last, including as it does Joe9320, who admits to knowing nothing about the sport, preferring AFL, and noted British namby-pamby "soccer" fan UU, who has somehow agreed to become an Indianapolis Colts fan for the duration of the season. Hence his adding a picture of what he is assured is the awesome Peyton Manning into this very article. With the likes of the here-one-week-gone-for-a-month Gerrycheevers also involved in the process, it could well end up taking long enough to be ready by the start of the 2011-12 season.

Check out these pages! You're new, aren't you? I have this way of telling Fighting the good fight: a beginner's guide Someone returns, creates forum From our logs: 07:55, 3 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Ethine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1000 seconds ‎ (I'm seeing the words "Added category!" when I sleep now) 14:44, 29 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 195.74.132.170 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (I'm sure Emma is a really nice girl when you get to know her. Ask her out for some coffee or something. And when you guys fuck, don't post about that here either.) 00:14, 28 July 2010 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.9.0.0/16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (I got bored, so I decided to block 2/3 of Norway. Bug an admin in IRC and they'll unblock you, maybe.) Biopic of the Week Some user was just some user who created Uncycloversity, Unquotable, and had the world's greatest departure message from Uncyclopedia. Despite only having been at Uncyclopedia long enough for everyone to cry when he left, Some user brought a plethora of knowledge to Uncyclopedia. He taught us all how to find our inner sockpuppet and be humble, the former of which has duped countless users into earning lengthy bans and the latter of which was laughed at out of confusion and then soon forgotten. He also taught us all about the laws that protect one's anonymity on the internet, reminding us that the internet is a safe, anonymous world. Fact: every time a person uses a proxy, God makes a rainbow. Sexy 'Crat of the Week Mhaille is quite possibly the reason why all sysops on Uncyclopedia are assumed to be sexy. Going by his South Park likeness here (have you added yours?), his excitingly furrowed brow speaks of smouldering hidden depths, his trim goatee teamed with his unkempt hair hints at the animal nature he so barely keeps in check, his narrowed eyes show he's always ready for action... Face it folks: the man drips sex. Being banned by him is actually illegal in twelve American states as being too erotic.

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—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 15:43, 5 August 2010

It's your turn

Football!--<<>> 14:07, August 8, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, it seems when you've had your turn, you're supposed to tell the next guy it's theirs. So I just had my go, so here I am, telling you. The guy who was supposed to tell me, whoever that was, didn't. Anyway, it's your go, in case that wasn't clear. --UU - natter 08:50, Aug 9

Balls. I thought the football fairy was the one doing it. -RAHB 09:01, August 9, 2010 (UTC)

Well, when you've finished snickering at my ill-informed choices, you may unveil the next stage in your tactical masterplan. ---UU - natter 09:03, Aug 9

All of our choices are ill-informed. That's why it isn't our job to do this sort of thing. Regardless of that, I will crush you all and suck the living blood right out of your hearts. -RAHB 09:11, August 9, 2010 (UTC)

UU, you're playing an American football game? I'm disgusted with you. —TURD WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [11:56 9 August 2010]

It's part of a plan to see how random, un-informed choices fare against people who think they know what they're doing. Plus, it seemed like fun. And I'm learning. I already know that RB doesn't just stand for right back... --UU - natter 12:16, Aug 9

Oh? What does it stand for then?! —TURD WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [13:17 9 August 2010]

Reginald Buck. He was a well-known deep-field filleter for the Sacramento Macho Names back in the '70s who bevelled a record 147 jar pouches in one season, and an entire position on the field is now known by his initials in his honour. Or "honor", as I should say, given my new transatlantic knowledge. --UU - natter 13:44, Aug 9

Jeese. I like have no idea what language you're talking...I believe they call it American. You've become one of them! —TURD WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [13:49 9 August 2010]

'Tis your turn to pick players playing positions you've never heard of on teams you are uncertain exist.--<<>> 12:22, August 11, 2010 (UTC)

Don't lump me in with UU. I'm an Uh-Murh-Ken, god dammit! -RAHB 01:10, August 12, 2010 (UTC)

OK, Mr Penis, you're up! --UU - natter 08:23, Aug 12

Serious question

What does your name stand for, anyway? Rape And Happy Birthday?--<<>> 21:29, August 12, 2010 (UTC)

Wow, I really wish it did. That's the best one I've heard yet. It's just something internet text people used to call me back in high school. "Rahb" sounds like "Rob", and if you put it in caps, it makes it LOUD! -RAHB 03:35, August 13, 2010 (UTC)

It's your turn, Rob.--<<>> 21:57, August 15, 2010 (UTC)

Poke

I got home and want to talk about "Frank Zappa's penis." Get on Skype! Love,  

Hold on while I wipe a tear of joy away at the fact you'd like to talk about a subject so dear to my heart.....okay, that's done with. TO THE SKYPE-MOBILE! -RAHB 04:37, August 16, 2010 (UTC)

Do your thang

Yer up again. I doubt I'll have picked anyone you give a shit about. --UU - natter 08:51, Aug 16

I was wondering whether to choose Braylon Edwards, or that guy with the awesome name you picked. So you've effectively made my decision for me. Thank you. -RAHB 08:52, August 16, 2010 (UTC)

I have to say, names is one area that your football pisses all over mine. We get Wayne Rooney and John Terry, you get Drew Bees, that guy whose name I'm never gonna type again, and many more. You win. Incidentally, I note I'm still the only one with a kicker. Is kicking that small a part of the game? ;-) --UU - natter 09:01, Aug 16

It sort of goes by a game to game basis. The idea is that kicking is the last resort in a football team's offense. You get four downs per ten yards, and if you don't convert past the ten yard mark on your fourth down, the other team gets the ball. So if you don't think you're going to convert your fourth down, and you're close enough to the goal posts to make a field goal, it's usually a better strategy to take the three points for the kick (a touchdown being worth six), rather than turn the ball over and not have anything to show for that drive. It's a very important part of the game from a strategy standpoint, but the way the fantasy points are set up, a kicker isn't usually going to make the biggest difference in any given week. In the actual live sport, however, kicking can strongly influence the game. A number of games come down to a one or two point deficit with very little time remaining, and a kick in the last few seconds can win it all. There's also uses for kicking that don't involve actually scoring, such as every quarter begins with a kickoff to the team who is supposed to start that quarter with the ball, and that on fourth downs where your team probably isn't close enough for a field goal, a punt is usually executed, which involves free-kicking the ball in the opposite way to try to start the opposing team's next drive as far from the goal line as possible. How good your kicker is can greatly influence the field position of the opposing team, and ultimately dictate the flow of the game. But when playing fantasy football, these factors aren't normally included because their affect on the game is abstract and very hard to quantify. The other thing with fantasy football is that even if you have the best kicker in the league, he may be a member of a team that is either very bad offensively, or so good that whenever they get close to the goal line, they usually score a touchdown and there's no need for the kicker (although after every touchdown there is a short kick for an extra point, so that can also factor in, because every touchdown gives the kicker another chance to score for their team). Then there's the whole onside kick thing, and that's basically when you kick the ball short on a kickoff with the intent of your own team recovering in order to nab yourself another possession. Overall I have no idea why we named the sport "football". I think it was some sort of spiteful gesture towards the British or something, because we were so proud of inventing our own sport. I'd really name it something more like American Rugby. -RAHB 09:34, August 16, 2010 (UTC)

I think that is the single most helpful and comprehensive reply I've ever had to a question on Uncyclopedia. Thank you. Are you sure you're feeling alright? --UU - natter 09:39, Aug 16

Dickslol? -RAHB 10:16, August 16, 2010 (UTC)

Lol indeed. --UU - natter 10:25, Aug 16

That is a wonderful analysis of the kicking game. It is vaguely reminiscent of my many explanations of the game. I think you could have an article there. We could call it handegg.--<<>> 11:23, August 16, 2010 (UTC)

Handegg, yes, that's the one. Of course football is about being Manly Men Manliness Manly Men Man Eating Frozen Beer And Hitting Crossing Guards With Fallen Trees Man Men, so a name like "handegg" makes the players feel like their testicles are the size they actually are. It's not a coincidence that Americans chose a landmass that has a giant dick hanging off of it. -RAHB 21:50, August 16, 2010 (UTC)

GO!--<<>> 22:00, August 19, 2010 (UTC)

I made the league

It's on Yahoo!. Here are some important things to know:

• League ID: 512953
• Custom League URL: http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/league/uncyclopedia_2010
• Password: guildy

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 21:33, August 19, 2010 (UTC)

Excellent -RAHB 23:11, August 19, 2010 (UTC)

Ruddy hell! It's the UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

Aug 19thish, 2010 • Issue 92 • Does anyone actually read this bit?

UnReviews - get involved! By UU UnReviews is the latest portal-style page on Uncyclopedia. The brainchild of Skinfan13, and first introduced to the world via this forum, it gathers together all of the reviews that are not pee-related on the wiki into one handy place - verily, it's the page of the future! And it needs YOUR help! Yes, good idea though it seems to be, it does lack one fairly insignificant ingredient - there aren't actually all that many UnReviews to fill it up with. So how can YOU help? Well, we would have thought that was obvious, to be honest, but as we're dealing with Uncyclopedians here, we'll make it a little clearer: write an UnReview! You could go down the road of Modus's magnum opus UnMovie Review: The Dark Knight, and make a movie review, you could get all cultured on our asses, and go Shakespearian, or you could review something else entirely. The choice is, quite literally, yours! Something helpful this way comes By UU Need a hand making your page more awesome? In need of a formatting injection, or some kind of audio enhancement? Well, help may just be at hand. MeepStarLives has decided to create a one-stop portal for all requests of this nature. If this actually works, it could be something beautiful, quite frankly. TKF has already started the ball rolling with a challenging audio request which is likely to be an early acid test for the project. If you have a Casio keyboard and some decent audio skills, get across there and get this thing working! So, how can you get involved? Well, if you are skilled at adding awesome to pages in some way, watchlist the page, check it regularly, and stop hogging your wiki-fu to yourself! If you are in need of added awesomeness on your page, pop in a request and see what happens. If nothing else, it'll make Meep feel good about himself, and that's what it's all about, when you get right down to it. Right?

Check out these pages! Did the leprechaun tell you to burn things? Finally, something worth voting on! Classy! From our logs: 06:45, 12 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 66.110.140.189 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Don't blank pages, take drugs, or steal cars) 03:16, 9 August 2010 Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) blocked Roman Dog Bird's Vag Stank (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (probably a troll, although the username could totally be a coincidence) 16:26, 8 August 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Hyperbole (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (taking top spot on the Hall of Shame.....might consider the need for a longer ban.....) Biopic of the Week Perhaps some of you remember Sir Cornbread. I barely do. I do remember how he made the Village Dump smell pleasant...well, as pleasant as the wafting, mixed aromas of stale cornbread and garbage can be. During his tenure at Uncyclopedia, Mr. Cornbread only had two features: rap and The Putz Who Stole Hanukkah. We're certain that if he would've stuck around he'd have 68,027.5 features, putting everyone else to shame but not rubbing it in our faces because I vaguely remember him being a nice guy or something. Now, this sounds ridiculous because Uncyclopedia only has 25,000 or so articles at present, but trust me on this one: this guy could write. Like many great writers, Sir Cornbread wrote about topics he knew a lot about: hermaphrodites, unoriginality, ape-shit craziness, Thais, and was working on an article about ape-shit crazy Thai hermaphrodites. But as is usually the case with all great writers on Uncyclopedia, only the good die leave young early. The ones who stay are just kidding themselves.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeGameBoy 11:51, August 20, 2010 (UTC)

Vote4This

Vote for HowTo:Kill Yourself In Just 5 Minutes! Here's the link:

Uncyclopedia:VFH

DO IT NOW! Reply.

--AchmedTheDeadTerrorist 13:26, August 20, 2010 (UTC)User:AchmedTheDeadTerrorist

Please do not whore to me. If I find your article and think it is funny, I will vote for it. I don't need your self-promotion here, and it's not going to make me want to vote for your article anymore. Also, Jeff Dunham isn't funny. -RAHB 04:05, August 21, 2010 (UTC)

I'm surprised he hasn't been banned yet... —TURD WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [10:39 21 August 2010]

goretti

what was wrong with goretti the campanologist ? – Preceding unsigned comment added by Phrage (talk • contribs)

Partially what is wrong with this talk page message. There's absolutely no reason to put a million spaces in between everything, and there is reason to use proper capitalization. The other issue with the article was that it was very short, was almost identical to the Wikipedia page, had no humor, made no attempt to describe what was going on, and made no attempt at any jokes. In the future, please sign your talk page messages with four tildes (~~~~) and don't put any spaces between the margin and your statement (for an example, click the edit button and view this message that I'm leaving. Notice how I do both of those things that I just said and it looks nice and tidy). You can try the article again and put a construction tag on it if you'd like, but you'll need to expand it beyond what it was, and add some funny. -RAHB 09:17, August 21, 2010 (UTC)

```` wear a hat when you stalk to me in future I FiNd imProper capitalization more Washington -your knowledge of Irish humour and irish politics could be stored on a dust that'S all she mote ```` take a million paces back and fall over a tall stiff ```` you one eyed man-bug from UnCleotopaedophilia no wait bug eyed cyclops from Unbicylefeedy ya oh tish pooey 1111 Phrage 10:31, August 21, 2010 (UTC) can you put the article back and i will stick up a construction sign and go to work to make it longer and phuck you with it ? Phrage 10:35, August 21, 2010 (UTC)

You have to prove yourself to have a grasp of the English language before you can go rewriting its rules. I wish I understood any of what you said, but your lack of capitalisation, punctuation, grammar somewhat got in the way. And if you're lucky, you might get your article restored to your userspace... —TURD WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [10:36 21 August 2010]

And yes *cough* I shouldn't be here, this isn't my talkpage.... —TURD WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [10:38 21 August 2010]

Your own grammar is at fault in the imperious and anti-Joycean decree above. I wish you understood too, but wishing ain't fisting and your anal approach to language makes you walk funny. Are you a leading light of the John Birch Society ? If so then what are you doing on a parody site ? Read up on inverted commas and transitive and intransitive verbs and keep up those sphincter spasm avoidance exercises.

Alright, yes yes, you're Irish or something. I get it. You're still not funny, you're just ridiculous. Regardless here's your article in userspace. Don't choke on it. -RAHB 20:30, August 21, 2010 (UTC)

The point of grammar is to make sentences easier to understand for the reader. There's no point in having grammar and punctuation that you can't understand. I mean you're welcome to speak Gobbledegook but no one will understand you. "wear a hat when you stalk to me"? Also, "your knowledge of Irish humour and irish politics could be stored on a dust that'S all she mote"? I think that it is especially important that you are understood when you are insulting someone, otherwise what's the point? It seems to me like you're being smart for the sake of being smart. In fact the way you're using grammar and insulting people seems contrived and look-at-me-I'm-clever. —TURD WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [20:50 21 August 2010]

riverrun and whatnot etc etc etc etc. Sir MacMania GUN—[20:54 21 Aug 2010] PS also Joyce was better and more bearable when he made sense and didn't try all of these extravagant orthographical experiments and didn't loop back to the beginning only to start with silly words like

Indeed. —TURD WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [20:55 21 August 2010]

Also, are you a leading light of the James Joyce society? If so, I apologise, but you've lost us. Sir MacMania GUN—[20:58 21 Aug 2010]

Would it not be trailing light or something? Or looping light? Or `light`leading`? —TURD WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [21:00 21 August 2010]

YesTimeToEdit -all language is contrived and a performance even that of pompous and mistaken editors such as yourself> The Captain Kirk entry contains thousands of commas as a brilliant comment on Shatner's delayed speech acting style -are you going to rush off with your ruler and your pencil skirt and try to change that? I think you need a time machine to go back to be Sub Editor in charge of Grammar on the 1951 London Times. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Phrage (talk • contribs)

Not all language is contrived. And, ironically, you are the pompous one, to appear from nowhere and claim that your usage of the English language is so superior to mine. 1950s? I don't know what world you're living in, I'm simply going about my business, using the currently accepted language. I don't see the point in using statement grammar. I didn't understand it and so your grammar failed in its primary objective. As for pencil skirt? Erm? I am a "Mister" and so - at least in my understanding of English - a man. As a man I am not particularly fond of wearing skirts. You seem to me like a Joyce fanboy, who is obsessed and idealises the writer. Of course his work is very interesting, but it's not exactly appropriate in this setting, is it? Your use of such abnormal English seems similar to name dropping. Congratulations, you've read 300 pages of Joyce, or whatever. Unless you want to simply talk to yourself, you've got to understand that here - Uncyclopedia, over the internet - we have to be able to understand each other. I don't write in beautiful flowing descriptive language, because I'm not writing a novel, and I don't write with lots of jargon because I'm not writing some technical manual. £10.50 could be written as /10/50£, but it isn't, because that's wrong. It's wrong because no one else does it. It's all very well being individual and standing out, but the equivalent of "/10/50£", in grammar terms, means nothing to me. Now, can you stop your childish and rather awkward insults before some poor soul finds this conversations, mistakes it for something they might want to read, reads it and looses their sense of humour, permanently. Grammar is grammar is grammar. Boobs would be a far more interesting topic. Why don't you go read that, actually? Tell me if it's funny. Comment on how you like the grammar. Oh, and as you don't know me, I'd rather you didn't make assumptions about my character. Alternatively you can call me a grammar Nazi and liken me to Hitler and such like and probably make my day. That is all, dear sir. Actually, I lie, P.S. Penis. —TURD WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [22:03 21 August 2010]

Try and tell me that that Captain Kirk entry doesn't annoy you. AAAA, AA AAAA AAAAA, AAA AAAAAAA'A AAAA AAA AAAAAAAA AA A AAAAAAAAAAAA AA AAA AAAA AAAA. AAAA, A'A AA A AAAA AA AAAA. Your pseudo-Joycean grammar/orthography might suit an entry on Finnegans Wake, but when people discuss things they tend to want their message unobscured.

Also, Godwin's Law, YTTE, and the conversation's over. Sir MacMania GUN—[22:08 21 Aug 2010]

Yurp, Godwin's Law! —TURD WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [22:14 21 August 2010]

If you want people to help you, Phrage, you could try not being a dick. It helps.--HM (T) 23:35, August 21, 2010 (UTC)

Boobs? Penis? Nazis? And you think others are childish Um Ok. Dicks ? Does that law not say the mentioner of the Nazis has lost the argument ? Oh never mind Phrage 23:44, August 21, 2010 (UTC)

That right there is exactly what I'm referring to! Don't be so rude. This fight helps no one.--HM (T) 23:48, August 21, 2010 (UTC)

Godiwn's Law does state that the first person to make references looses. I've lost. And i'm throwing a Loosing Party. Phrage, your superior grammar and argumentative skills triumphed! Now, you're invited to my Loosing Party. There shall be boobs and dicks, whichever you prefer. There shall also be Nazis. But, I'm afraid to say, there will be lots of commas, speech marks, full stops and question marks. Helpme, you're invited too. —TURD WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [23:50 21 August 2010]

Shame you are only semi-retired you pompous patronizing pufter -who asked you to butt in your tuppence worth ? go find someone else to go anal on Phrage 23:55, August 21, 2010 (UTC)

You're a cute one, aren't you? You just hate everybody and are ready to throw insults at said number of bodies for the slightest of comments. —TURD WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [23:59 21 August 2010]

As a matter of fact, I am gay, so saying that to me is like saying to a straight guy "Go have sex with a woman". Nobody asked me to butt in- but nobody asked you to be an ass. Or asked you to violate both of Uncyclopedia's rules]. You can't tell me what to do. I'll make a point wherever I feel it's needed whether you approve or not. Get over yourself or get out.--HM (T) 23:59, August 21, 2010 (UTC)

People say even that all the time as profanity. Think about it. Sir MacMania GUN—[00:07 22 Aug 2010]

For someone who writes beseechingly about the evils of cabals you seem to still get your kicks out of running with the other nuns here -the stated aims of this site are humour and parody not chiding while hiding. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Phrage (talk • contribs)

Perhaps you should look into situations before passing judgement on other's responses to said situations. Although, I'm sure you can't exert that much effort. Besides, it might make you intelligent. Now that would be weird.--HM (T) 02:43, August 22, 2010 (UTC)

Seriously, have you just memorised a whole load of insults? I think you should stop spewing them everywhere, you're embarrassing yourself and cluttering the page. And HELPME: Correction, he has violated all three. Do you see him dancing? I don't. —TURD WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [00:03 22 August 2010]

Gays are often witty -(some of my best friends are fags) and i can appreciate a waspish bon mot as well as the next guy but the anal I am referring to is mental and exhibited thankfully by very few. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Phrage (talk • contribs)

You say YTTE's lost from Godwin's Law? Where's your Godwin's Law now? (see the edit summary) Sir MacMania GUN—[00:07 22 Aug 2010]

I did not notice that. Hah. I guess I'll have to call off the Loosing Party. —TURD WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [00:11 22 August 2010]

Collectively you are acting as tiresomely as last years veterans in a summer camp ragging on the new guy.Phrage 00:08, August 22, 2010 (UTC)Go write something funny ! What's the last thing any of you wrote that merits a giggle ?Phrage 00:08, August 22, 2010 (UTC)

Again with your contrived insults! I understand that you are trying to sound more intelligent than you actually are, but by continually spewing far too lengthy abuse, with too many adjectives, you sound - frankly - stupid. —TURD WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [00:11 22 August 2010]

YTTE wrote Why?:I'm In court, Mum and I wrote UnScripts:Good Cop Inanimate Cop both not too long ago. Sir MacMania GUN—[00:12 22 Aug 2010]

Mac, you whore! And I have no idea why "court" is not capitalised. —TURD WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [00:18 22 August 2010]

too many adjectives ! hahaha i used one: "funny" -which is supposed to be the purpose of this site -one that seems to have eluded you girls. Greenwald trumps Godwin but you guys are more Grizzwald or even Jizzwald. Phrage 00:21, August 22, 2010 (UTC)

"Collectively you are acting as tiresomely as last years veterans in a summer camp ragging on the new guy". I don't see "funny" anywhere (either the word or the meaning of the word). I assume you mean "last years' "? My suspicion is that you can't string a vaguely coherent sentence together and so justify that with "modernism" and the like. This argument is at least keeping me entertained, I suppose. So, play on! But, please, please, could you not at least try to make your insults less generic? Less like you're trying to sound clever? I mean while you're at it, you might as well have a go at my mum, no? —TURD WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [00:28 22 August 2010]

A child rape and a story about Lego being from Denmark ; perhaps I was being too obscure for you again :Phrage 00:32, August 22, 2010 (UTC) I asked when did you last write something funny ?

Didn't you know that child rape is sexy? Just so you know, Phrage, I've decided that your level of asshattery no longer deserves serious responses. As such LOL EAT COCK! Etc. —TURD WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [00:37 22 August 2010]

I thought this site was supposed to attract the witty and observant -the"Collectively" entry you are referring to, which saddened you with too many adjectives has no adjectives But I am not a cruel man - I suspect your neighbourhood community school may run a remedial special ed grammar class for slow adults - you might even get a free travel pass to attend. Phrage 00:39, August 22, 2010 (UTC)

Unless you count new and summer -should I explain them to you Phrage 00:44, August 22, 2010 (UTC)

"Collectively" entry? New and summer? I don't know what you are talking about. I'm referring to this here conversation. What you said here. And see, we all like profanity and porn at Uncyclopedia. I just can't get enough, personally. I like your subtle use of irony in suggesting that I need grammar classes. Do you think I could trade my free travel pass in for BOOBIES? —TURD WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [00:45 22 August 2010]

"asshattery" -how very Joycean ! but be careful -confederacies of dunces gather here very quickly to smother any words they find too flashy or non conformist Phrage 00:47, August 22, 2010 (UTC)

are you all hummericans ? is it 'cos I is from yurrup ? we presume that because there is some overlap that we speak the same language but here is evidence to the contrary apart from twain and bill bryson there is a lot more prairie than priory, it's ok --i understand now, it be a colonies thing.Phrage 00:56, August 22, 2010 (UTC)

Did they all go for cheeseeburgers at once ?Phrage 00:58, August 22, 2010 (UTC)

I think he's going with the "sound like a rambling idiot" strategy, now.--HM (T) 02:45, August 22, 2010 (UTC)

YTTE's British, and I won't reveal my nationality, but I certainly don't identify as American. Sir MacMania GUN—[02:46 22 Aug 2010]

May I just say at this point that I am terribly sorry that this massive conversation was carried out without its host. Deepest apologies. Sir MacMania GUN—[02:46 22 Aug 2010]

Oh God a Brit, a rambling hillwalker who talks in the third person, and a Yank who 'wants to be something else but it's a secret' -who are these people ?

even the guy shoving Lego into a nine year old rectum had some chutzpah – Preceding unsigned comment added by Phrage (talk • contribs)

I'm an expatriate—wasn't even born in the States. It's been shown that I speak Correct English and East Asian languages (well, only one fluently). Perhaps that should convince you I'm not a "Yank" ... Sir MacMania GUN—[03:39 22 Aug 2010]

But if you are in need of an American to target, I think our host may very well be one, judging by the way he spells his name. Sir MacMania GUN—[04:10 22 Aug 2010]

Let me make this very clear. The next time I see an argument of any sort like this going on on my talk page, especially one this unbelievably idiotic, I'm going to ban the lot of its contributors for an undisclosed period of time. I'm not wearing my angry hat, but I'm wearing my "what the fuck are you doing?" hat. This is my talk page, and I don't like to be associated with this sort of pointless bickering, about nationality, language, what people's perceptions of humor and good art are. Take this sort of shit to your own talk pages or to a forum, or better yet, meet up in person and hash it the hell out. I realize that in this particular instance, things slipped out of control fast (probably), and I would have stopped this sort of thing had I been here at all while it was going on. I also realize that this Phrage fellow is not the sharpest tack in the drawer. I'm not angry at anyone, I'm not going to ban anyone, but I want to make it perfectly known that I do not want myself and my talk page associated with this type of discussion, a directionless flame-torrent that is hardly even coherent, has ended in no sort of progress whatsoever, and ropes me in by association. Phrage, you were being a bit of a dick. However, Yettie and Mac (who I've never actually had the pleasure of talking to. Pleased to meet you, sir) egged Phrage on far more than necessary, and while all that may be fine, I simply don't like that sort of thing going on on this page. I've restored the article and that should be the end of this.

Glad to see you gentlemen. Stop in any time for a buttered scone or some such. Though you'll have to show up early to tell me exactly what a scone looks like so I can pick them up at the grocery. -RAHB 05:57, August 22, 2010 (UTC)

lol wtf is going on --Roman Dog Bird 06:04, August 22, 2010 (UTC)

I dunno. Something with potatoes and funny words I think. -RAHB 06:36, August 22, 2010 (UTC)

Is there not a site like that ? with funny words and a jigsaw potato as its emblem  ? called Uncle Cyclops or Recycled Paedophiles or some such ?

Uncle Cyclops! Hahahahahah! -RAHB 08:12, August 22, 2010 (UTC)

Uh, yeah, sorry, thought this was getting a bit long. Do you want this whole conversation moved to the article talk page or something? Because as you said, er, this is your talk page. Sir MacMania GUN—[13:53 22 Aug 2010]

Nah, don't worry about it. I actually got a little out of hand in my message myself, I was just sort of overcome when I saw this. I'm not actually going to ban anyone for posting on my talk page. And what happens on a talk page is the history of that page, so it's fine, I'll leave it here. Sorry if I scared anyone. -RAHB 19:49, August 22, 2010 (UTC)

*emerges from behind the sofa, trembling* Uh...uhhh...I think I may have er made a mess of your carpet. It's just you were pretty scary... —TURD WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [20:03 22 August 2010]

ON MY TALK PAGE?! CLEAN IT UP OR I'LL BAN EVERYONE! -RAHB 20:06, August 22, 2010 (UTC)

Is it wrong that I'm aroused? *goes to get the mop* —TURD WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [20:08 22 August 2010]

I have to say something nice to make myself look less bad...uh..uh....I love you.--HM (T) 20:07, August 22, 2010 (UTC)

You all are commanded to be aroused. You're all masochists, of course? -RAHB 20:12, August 22, 2010 (UTC)

Naturally. And helpme, how about a love cookie? Express your love in cookie finery! For only €19.19! Buy now or regret opportunity for whole life! —TURD WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [21:29 22 August 2010]

Fucking buttered scones.

How do they work? - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 08:57, Sunday 22 August 2010 -

Can we have happy scones please? They look like...well scones...—TURD WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [09:56 22 August 2010]

Correct me if I misunderstand the purpose of a scone, but would it be prudent/possible to put a frosting smiley face on one? That would do the trick. -RAHB 19:52, August 22, 2010 (UTC)

FUCK YOU

How DARE you insult me like that you dickhead, I ought to fuck you up - seriously? what makes you so damn high-and-mighty? You got a problem with me? fine - no need to be an aggressive asshole about it.. fuck you. --Frogmanic 19:51, August 22, 2010 (UTC)

Hit me with your best shot. (FIRE AWAAAAAAAAAAAY!) -RAHB 19:53, August 22, 2010 (UTC)

I've just been edit conflicted three times so HAH! Admin protect, bitches! Also, I forgot what I was going to say. -RAHB 19:59, August 22, 2010 (UTC)

Sorry, that was me. I reverted him because I think he's that troll guy we've had recently, but then I read the whole section and decided to leave it up to you.--HM (T) 20:04, August 22, 2010 (UTC)

He's almost certainly a troll. If you could link me to which one you're referencing, I can do all the necessary sadistic admin things to him. Otherwise, I lolt. -RAHB 20:07, August 22, 2010 (UTC)

There was a forum about him here, where Andorin called him "Papa-Smurf". Of course, the forum gave him the attention that trolls crave, so it was decided that we do nothing except what we always do.--HM (T) 20:10, August 22, 2010 (UTC)

Oh, he's that guy, is he? /me rolls up sleeves -RAHB 20:23, August 22, 2010 (UTC)

I hate that guy, as for that guy I'm not familiar with his work. —TURD WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [21:28 22 August 2010]

He's hardly even a threat compared to that guy. He's the worst. -RAHB 21:59, August 22, 2010 (UTC)

Don't even get me started on that guy! —TURD WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [22:21 22 August 2010]

Good morning. I swallowed a bar of soap on Saturday and was foaming at the mouth ever so slightly here- sorry to anyone i snarled at,bit,or who contracted rabies or Irish Spring disease from multiple bites. Specifically the apparently usual suspects(YTTE,HM,SirMcM, and our host RAHB Roy whose mole,ginger hair, lazy eye, and ponytail i am willing to overlook for now) who in retrospect, with the exception of the occasional goad and Noob pit trap , were only trying to help. See you on the barricades.⦿⨦⨀ phrage 11:20, August 23, 2010 (UTC)

Swimming! Thank you for acknowledging my mole. I had it custom made. -RAHB 18:37, August 23, 2010 (UTC)

If you squeeze it does yummy mexican mole sauce come out  ? that must be so cool and make you very popular at ethnic parties and with girlfriends.But as Hannibal Lecter says all good things must come to an end and i have presumed upon your hospitality long enough- there must be a turkey slice somewhere that needs a south of the border garnishing. ⦿⨦⨀ phrage 21:08, August 23, 2010 (UTC)Oh and whoever changed one of my signature eyes to a black eye on Saturday -THAT was funny.

DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL FOR MAKING ME LOOK AT THAT!

GOD SHALL SMITE THEE AND THOU SHALT BURN IN EVERLASTING DAMNATION FOR THE SACRILEGE THAT IS POPEYE PORN! Also, it's your turn in Fantasy football. Hurry, because I just told UU it was his turn, and he's got an itchy trigger finger.--<<>> 03:01, August 24, 2010 (UTC)

Tell him to keep his fingers away from dirty, dirty prostitutes. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 03:52, August 24, 2010 (UTC)

Now, does "away from" necessarily have mean "not inside of"? Because... -RAHB 06:21, August 24, 2010 (UTC)

I'm not entirely sure. I am sure that it's your go, though. --UU - natter 08:25, Aug 24

I'm like a bullet! -RAHB 08:30, August 24, 2010 (UTC)

Hey man, what's up.

Hey, RAHB. I was just wondering how did you get a picture on the upper left corner of where the Uncyclopedia logo is? Can you give me some tips on how to do that? Please reply. --APR 14:01, August 24, 2010 (UTC)APR

This code: {{nologo}} <span style="position:absolute;top:-40px;left:-198px;z-index:1;">[[Image:Zappa01bl2.png|200px]]</span>. The {{nologo}} bit obviously gets rid of the logo and then hte span bit positions the image where the logo should be. Put your own image where RAHB's got [[Image:Zappa01bl2.png|200px]] and voila! —TURD WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [17:58 24 August 2010]

Yes, what he said, that's exactly how. Also, a tip on uploading whatever image you upload, it's best if it's a square (400px by 400px for example) or somewhat square-like, and if it's 400px or smaller. I think anyways. I have no idea how that thing works but I copied it from somebody else. Yettie probably knows more about it than I do. -RAHB 22:45, August 24, 2010 (UTC)

Football

Your turn again.--<<>> 21:31, August 26, 2010 (UTC)