User:Aleister/Yoga

Hatha yoga: Dudes mastering conscious control of their muscle system. Comes in handy when you've gotta kick the ass of the guy eyeing your ride.

My name is Vinnie. My homies call me Swami Vinnie, but you know what a Swami is? A freakin' job title, that's all. And when you meet a teach like me what I learns you is the yoga of the streets. No more and no less.

Well, awhile back, some of the freaks and junkies who don't hang with me, so whatdotheyknow?, put up a ten dollar bet that I can't teach ya internet creeps nuttin. So listen up.

Yoga doesn't mean yougurt or nuttin like that. It means union, and some of the crew insist it's an ancient path to consciousness and assimilation which does its best to learns you proven techniques to quiet and control your muscles, emotions, thoughts, and decision patterns. Most of the crackheads around here believe yoga is that thing ya take down at the Park District to learn how to shape yourself into a pretzel, or to flash your talents to the pick-me-up babes over to the clubs. Ya, right. Most of the street crowd are like the rest of humanity, walking around with these oversize egos and uncurious minds. So to shut down their big egos, and enlarge their tiny minds, I gotta teach them to enter bliss. Ya think that's easy when all most of them want is a half-eaten Mac from the dumpster, some smokes, and a bottle of MD 20-20 to sooth the pain and block out the voices? Well the first thing, like this old yogi broad I know who lives in back of the pizza place says, is "If you take one step towards God, She takes 1000 steps towards you". So that's what ya gotta do.

Did you take it? No, Dude, you have to take the first step

Then She takes 1000 steps towards you.

Well?

Waitin'. I'm waiting here.

Yoga Sutras of Patangali

OK, you took it. Or I'll pretend you took it so as to not waste anysmore of my time. So let us begin.

The first thing you've got to find out about yoga is that it's all in the mind. That's right. Sounds so easy that a child can do it. Well, no they can't. It's a rare child that wakes up when they're awake. By the time they come outta the womb they already have so many trauma memories in their muscles, which will tell them what ta do the rest of their lives. Then when they inner-act with the 'vironment and everything in it, theyz restrict their universe even more. Jamokes! Some of them catch themselves doing this and start to expand their points-of-view, stretch out their inner space, and obtain freer movement within it. Lots of cats know how this is done, but Vinny No Thumbs - that's what the boys at the precinct house call me 'cause I once stopped using my thumbs for two years - I'll pass along one or five exercises to give you a few handles to grab onto. Then once you grab and move yourz brains images and emotions around by yourself, and not with just the old patterns driving the meat, you'll be wearing some pretty nice gang colours to go with your dance bucko.

Exercises of the street

[[to do: In-between thoughts, attention on space, tense and untense, cotomies, more)

Finding bliss under the $50 trampoline at WalMart

When a mind is one even while you walk in the marketplace, and the great sage that makes the grass green is playing a game of pick-up sticks while Buddha takes side-bets, then you have reached the place in which you know which Beatle played bass and realize that you are the Beatle that played bass. Collapsable universe on one level. Expanding to fill all space on its flip-side. You wanna expand your mind? Just knows that it already creates everything ya looking at and have ever expereinced. Then kinda like an unrare diamond, everybody else has got one too.

Why Muslims don't yoga

This is a trick question. Some muslims do, but they usually call themselves Sufi's. And the thing is about religion, all of the "great" religions - they don't usually count Scientology or Wicca among those but they shoulds - have a few tiers of learning. Like at school, some of the kids were Professor Quiz-Quiz and some were in special ed with the lumpkins, but most of us were in the middle somewheres learning how to add with one eye while trying to catch a glimpse of skin above the knee with the other.

Jews and yoga

They call theirs Kabbalah, and like the rest of them you have to really know which Kabbalah teach is the real thing and which one is sucking off Madonna's tit. You can tells by the kabbalah diagrams and what the labels explains to ya. Free as a bird or stuck where you think sand can hold ya still.

Yoga babes

Men and women can be yoga babes, most of them already are. They have it at their center which knows itself to be, but you have to talk to it directly because of all the garbage it's ride has to carry around. Junk bonds and the like.