Portal:Religion
Religion generally involves the following or worship of a creed or deity in which one has optimistically attributed supernatural powers. "True Believers" are often labeled as schizophrenics or having some other neurological disorders in certain scientific-minded and rational circles, although the loudest among them tend to be derided for their poor fashion sense and general smelliness. According to a secular understanding of history, religion was invented by tribal chieftans at least two million years ago in order to control and exploit their fellow tribal members, and it was going strong in the Western World until that separation of Church and State nonsense. In the third world, it's business as usual. God is often portrayed as a giant bearded man in the sky that flies around granting wishes, although some religions would prefer you not portray him at all.
God (who also goes by the aliases Yahweh, Allah, Jehovah, Jah, Adonai, and Elohim to evade debt collectors) is the Supreme Being of three major faiths, and a few dozen sex cults. His preferred pronoun is THE LORD, but He will also settle for He. He is perhaps best known for creating all of existence—with the exception of Himself, unicorns, the Loch Ness Monster, the Inca Empire, Bigfoot, and devil's food cake. God is burdened with the unfathomable responsibility of sustaining the vital equilibria that allow life to continue, such as answering prayers, committing genocide, committing mass infanticide, starting wars, ending wars and making stars twinkle. Despite this responsibility, God Himself shoehorns these important tasks into the corner whenever an important sports game or horse race is on, as He is the universe's most notorious compulsive gambler.
The Church of God the Wholly Incompetent is a Christian church based mainly in North America and Western Europe. Adherents believe God is omnipotent but generally unqualified for His role as deity, citing the Great Flood, the Roman Empire and their own personal failings as proof. Worldwide membership was 30.5 million in 2006.
The sect has been controversial since its foundation, and faced persecution in several countries for its allegedly heterodox views. The church (whose followers are known as "compies") believes in a "fractured Trinity", holding that Jesus is the Son of God but "got in over his head" when he let himself die on the cross.
BRISTOL, England - George Fasarta, the Bristolian who claimed to have found God, has been charged with ‘Wasting Police Time’ by local police. Excitement spread all around the Christian world last week, as it was reported that Fasarta, a 42-year-old baker from the north of the city, had definitely located the Almighty who had been missing/presumed dead for almost 2000 years. But now police say they believe Fasarta was simply an attention seeker who repeatedly changed his story.
"His directions to God’s supposed location kept changing every time we asked him," commented Detective Superintendent Bob Watcher. "In his initial statement, he simply said that God was everywhere. When we asked him to be more specific, he pointed out the window and said 'in the trees' before further announcing, 'he's in this room, he's in the air that I breathe, he's in me, he's in you.'"
- A slice of toast seen on the face of Jesus (Pictured)
- Devoutly gay man feels conflicted after admitting attraction to Christianity
- Pope John Paul II posthumously wins Monsignor Universe beauty contest
- Global faith crisis after miraculous resurrection of Madalyn Murray O'Hair, America's "most hated woman"
- Outrage over practice of throwing virgins into volcanos in India
- Meditated Buddhist monks accused of sleeping on the job
- The Heavens rejoice as Dow Jones market index surpasses 14,000
- Shock as God admits: "I experimented with evolution"
“ | If you don't agree with absolutely everything I say that means God hates you and you are going to Hell. | ” |
— Fred Phelps on everyone
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- ... that Jewish cuisine is classified as a biohazard and is a violation of international law to serve to POWs?
- ... that Voidism, or Śūnyatā, is a concept in Buddhism, Hinduism and Jainism which most Westerners tend to a-void?
- ... that every society has the same fundamental creation mythos: a giant snake pooped out the universe?
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