Portal:Religion

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The Religion Portal
He knows what you did last thursday

Religion generally involves the following or worship of a creed or deity in which one has optimistically attributed supernatural powers. "True Believers" are often labeled as schizophrenics or having some other neurological disorders in certain scientific-minded and rational circles, although the loudest among them tend to be derided for their poor fashion sense and general smelliness. According to a secular understanding of history, religion was invented by tribal chieftans at least two million years ago in order to control and exploit their fellow tribal members, and it was going strong in the Western World until that separation of Church and State nonsense. In the third world, it's business as usual. God is often portrayed as a giant bearded man in the sky that flies around granting wishes, although some religions would prefer you not portray him at all.

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The 500-foot Jesus (also known as “Big J.C.”) is an enormous machine of destruction, and a possible metaphor for some kind of religious-atomic bomb.

The Attack of the 500-foot Jesus will begin on a Tuesday, not far from the Independence, Missouri bus stop you normally pass on your way to work. At approximately six seconds past six minutes past six hours into the day (that's 06:06:06, derived from the number of the beast), 500-foot Jesus will rise from the depths of a nearby underground train station, cracking the ground as He rises up. He will carry two train carriages all the way to downtown Kansas City; the carriages which will then be thrown into the two tallest buildings in the vicinity.

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The Church of God the Wholly Incompetent is a Christian church based mainly in North America and Western Europe. Adherents believe God is omnipotent but generally unqualified for His role as deity, citing the Great Flood, the Roman Empire and their own personal failings as proof. Worldwide membership was 30.5 million in 2006.

The sect has been controversial since its foundation, and faced persecution in several countries for its allegedly heterodox views. The church (whose followers are known as "compies") believes in a "fractured Trinity", holding that Jesus is the Son of God but "got in over his head" when he let himself die on the cross.

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Cathulhu
Religion in the News
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BRISTOL, England - George Fasarta, the Bristolian who claimed to have found God, has been charged with ‘Wasting Police Time’ by local police. Excitement spread all around the Christian world last week, as it was reported that Fasarta, a 42-year-old baker from the north of the city, had definitely located the Almighty who had been missing/presumed dead for almost 2000 years. But now police say they believe Fasarta was simply an attention seeker who repeatedly changed his story.

"His directions to God’s supposed location kept changing every time we asked him," commented Detective Superintendent Bob Watcher. "In his initial statement, he simply said that God was everywhere. When we asked him to be more specific, he pointed out the window and said 'in the trees' before further announcing, 'he's in this room, he's in the air that I breathe, he's in me, he's in you.'"

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Did You Know?
  • ... that every society has the same fundamental creation mythos: a giant snake pooped out the universe?
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