Portal:Religion

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal
By far the holiest portal you will ever find.
Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded man in the sky that flies around granting wishes, but there are some variations.
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The Ark of the Covenant is a moderate sized piece of Acacia wood furniture, referred to in the Bible. It's basically a large, ornate storage box which employed the use of two poles in order to carry it - allowing the Israelites to haul Moses, Aaron and God's stuff wherever they wandered. Chariots had been invented by 3000 BC, so it's kind of silly that a couple of wheels weren't employed in its design. After being chased out of Egypt by chariots filled with Pharaoh's bill collectors, the Israelites had no excuse for not employing the invention of the wheel but experts believe it was just another example of God wanting things done the hard way - as usual.  (more...)
Article Credit: DrStrange View All
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File:Jerry Falwell portrait.jpg

Jerry Lamon Falwell, Sr. (August 11, 1933 – May 15, 2007) was an American fundamentalist Christian pastor and televangelist. He was the founding pastor of the Thomas Road Baptist Church in Lynchburg, Virginia in the Christian (big "C") nation of the United States of America. He founded Liberty University in 1971 and co-founded the Moral Majority in 1979.

Falwell led services at Thomas Road Baptist Church, a megachurch in Lynchburg, Virginia from 1956-2007. His Christ-centered leadership lead to the expansion of the church, with it eventually reaching gigachurch status...  (more...)

Article Credit: Modusoperandi View All
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The Messiah, goes to Heaven for three days, to let his Father borrow His glue gun.
Image Credit: Drunkenshark
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Quote of the Week

“To think I kissed her (or him) there--and there--and there!”

 Sarah Michelle Gellar on Baphomet.

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Highlighted News

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EARTH, Sol System -- The Rapture, long awaited by people who don't want to hang around to see how it all turns out, finally occurred this morning, catching even the most militant biblical literalists by surprise. At approximately two o'clock (GMT), various body parts of pious citizens across the globe simply disappeared.

"Yeah, my bad." apologized the archangel Michael at the post-Rapture press conference. "It's a numbers thing, you see. We'd initially planned for 144,000 male Jewish virgins 'plus guest'..."  (more...)

Article Credit: Modusoperandi View All
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More Religious News

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Further Reading

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Did You Know...

 God is pissed off?
 Jew souls are made out of bucky balls?
 the Shinto religion encourages rabid badger juggling?
 Religion is the longest running joke ever?
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Tomcruiseanimated.gif This article forms part of the series on Scientology
Beliefs Space Opera ~ Xenu ~ Thetans ~ The Sacred Movements of Goa Tse ~ Emo Hitler ~ Anonymous
Concepts The Force ~ Clear ~ Hodgepodge (the hidden truth)
Practices Kitten Huffing
People L. Ron Hubbard ~ Tom Cruise ~ Lestat de Lioncourt ~ Chef ~ Will Smith ~ Captain Caveman ~That Creepy Scientologist "Charity" Fund Collector Guy
Enemies You ~ Me ~ Oprah ~ South Park ~ YTMND ~ 4chan ~ The Holiday Hawk ~ Appliantology ~ Walken! ~ Rick Astley ~ Pacman ~ Horses ~ Italians ~ Anonymous
CRLHladders.jpg
Top Rung, the Holy Trinity:  God, Jesus, & the Holy Spirit, opposed by Satan

Middle Rung, the Holy Triforce:  Mrs. God, Jesús, & The Holy Goh, opposed by Stan

Bottom Rung, the Holy Tripod:  Gah, Jeez, & the Holy Rock, opposed by Santa

After a Few Drinks:   Gerin Oil, Jazz, & Hollywood, opposed by Stalin




The Seven Deadly Sins

Greed - Wrath - Gluttony - Pornography - Envy - Indifference - SPAM

How can you even think of such things?
242 Day.jpg Divine Retribution
Smite | Damnation | Flagellation | Flood | Death of Your First Born | Frogs | Pestilence
Fire and Brimstone | Famine | Cancer | Papercuts of Doom | Damaged goods | Reaganomics
Spontaneous Combustion | Decapitation Disease | Brainsplurge | Marriage | Melenoma | Pedicornwallification