Portal:Religion

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal
By far the holiest portal you will ever find.
Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded man in the sky that flies around granting wishes, but there are some variations.
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The road to hell is paved with creamy dairy goodness.
The Seven Deadly Sins are both seven and deadly. Whoever has the highest five-sin combination is immediately struck down.

...AND THE DEADLY SINS OF SEVEN BE:

  1. Nose-picking. This is considered the evilest of all sins. Nose-picking is a surgery method employed by Jerry Q. Donaldson, who is actually Satan (don't tell anybody). The punishment for this in hell is bathing with your grandfather.
  2. Kitten huffing. Pretty self-explanatory. The punishment for this in hell is being forced to listen to Boy Bands sing the oldies. (more...)
Article Credit: Andorin Kato View All
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Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the official mascot for the Church of Later Day Saints, a satirical parody of the Roman Catholic Church (as if the Catholics weren't funny enough). He is essentially the same as regular Jesus, only he happens to be blonde and 100% pure, red-blooded American (not to be confused with Stephen Colbert). Disgruntled fans consider him an Expanded Universe addition only, and discount that Jesus ever had blonde hair, since he was a Palestinian Jew and all. (more...)

Article Credit: Kevin1078 View All
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Cheese Jesus
Jesus loves Wisconsin, as seen in the movie Dogma.
Image Credit: Zana Dark
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Quote of the Week

“Dickness is a side effect of being human.”

 Roshi Rev. Zim_ulator on the human condition.

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Highlighted News

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EARTH, Sol System -- The Rapture, long awaited by people who don't want to hang around to see how it all turns out, finally occurred this morning, catching even the most militant biblical literalists by surprise. At approximately two o'clock (GMT), various body parts of pious citizens across the globe simply disappeared.

"Yeah, my bad." apologized the archangel Michael at the post-Rapture press conference. "It's a numbers thing, you see. We'd initially planned for 144,000 male Jewish virgins 'plus guest'..." (more...)

Article Credit: Modusoperandi View All
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More Religious News

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Further Reading

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Did You Know...

… good Muslims only get 61 virgins after taxes?
… Bahais have the best bud?
… good Muslims only get 61 virgins after taxes?
… Religion is the longest running joke ever?
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Top Rung, the Holy Trinity:  God, Jesus, & the Holy Spirit, opposed by Satan

Middle Rung, the Holy Triforce:  Mrs. God, Jesús, & The Holy Goh, opposed by Stan

Bottom Rung, the Holy Tripod:  Gah, Jeez, & the Holy Rock, opposed by Santa

After a Few Drinks:   Gerin Oil, Jazz, & Hollywood, opposed by Stalin

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How can you even think of such things?
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