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Jerry Lamon Falwell, Sr. (August 11, 1933 – May 15, 2007) was an American fundamentalist Christian pastor and televangelist. He was the founding pastor of the Thomas Road Baptist Church in Lynchburg, Virginia in the Christian (big "C") nation of the United States of America. He founded Liberty University in 1971 and co-founded the Moral Majority in 1979.
Falwell led services at Thomas Road Baptist Church, a megachurch in Lynchburg, Virginia from 1956-2007. His Christ-centered leadership lead to the expansion of the church, with it eventually reaching gigachurch status... (more...)
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— Sarah Michelle Gellar on Baphomet.
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EARTH, Sol System -- The Rapture, long awaited by people who don't want to hang around to see how it all turns out, finally occurred this morning, catching even the most militant biblical literalists by surprise. At approximately two o'clock (GMT), various body parts of pious citizens across the globe simply disappeared.
"Yeah, my bad." apologized the archangel Michael at the post-Rapture press conference. "It's a numbers thing, you see. We'd initially planned for 144,000 male Jewish virgins 'plus guest'..." (more...)
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Abu Hamza • Adam • Adam and Eve • Adam Smith • Agnostic • Allah • Angels • Angry Atheist • Anti-Baker • Anti-God • Anti-Muhammed • Antichrist • Azathoth and Nyarlathotep • Baal • Bahá'í • Baphomet • Baptists • Bible Thumper • Bibleman • Bill (son of God) • Bill Bennett • Brian of Nazareth • Brian Tamaki • Cat-tholic • Cliff Richard • Cthulhu • Cyborg Jesus • Cyborg Judas • Dark Lord • Demons • DinoJesus • Ed MacMahon • Ehtheists • Eucharist • Evil Jesus • Father Christmas • Fred Phelps • Ganesha • Gay Jesus • George Hammond • Gnostic • God 2.0 • God Steiger • God/Funny version • God/Unused • God: The Interviews • God-Fearing Republicans • God-Fearing Republicans • Gods • Great Permissive Dude in the Sky Who Lets Us Do Whatever We Want • Gumby • Guy Fawkes • Heretic • Hermaphrodite • Hezbollah (Humanitarian Movement) • Hieronymus Bosch • His Holiness, the Dalai Lama • Ignatius of Loyola • Jamshid Bauerdinedshad • Jebus • Jedi • Jehovah • Jehovah's Witness • Jehovah's Witnesses • Jeohovas witness • Jerry Falwell • Jesus 2.0 • Jesus and the Miracle 5 • Jesus Christ - Alcoholic • Jesus Fucking Christ • Jesus Hasselhoff • Jesús • Jew/Classic • Jew • John Travolta • JR "Bob" Dobbs • Judas Eukaryote • Kaspar Hauser • Keanu Reeves • Khalil Gibran • Loki • Martin Luther King Jr. • Maximus the Lesser • McJesus • Mentalist • Mexican Jesus • Moloch • Monk seal • Monk • Mormons • Muslim • Nega-Pope • Nun • Odin • Pagan • Pelé • Pope Anacletus • Pope Linus • Pope Peter • Protestant • Quakers • Ramayana • Rambo • Ramtha • Raptor Jesus • Ray Comfort • Republican Jesus • Robert Tilton • Saint Augustine • Saint • Samurai Lincoln • Santa Claus • Satan • Shirley Phelps-Roper • Shirley Temple • Søren Kierkegaard • St. Belia • St. Bernard • Stan • Sweet smoking Jesus • Tao jones • The God Couple • The Holy Ghost • The Holy Goh • The Holy Rock • The Holy Spirit • Theist • Thetans • Tooth Fairy • Walpurga (saint) • Wild Jews • Zombie Jesus
Afairyism • Agnosticism • Allah's law • Aniassism • Apatheism • Anti-Semitism • Atheism • Atheism (religion) • Atheist Doctrine • Bassism • Beer • Bonerism • Bracketology • Buddhism • Catholicism • Celestial Teapotism • Christianism • Christianity • Colloquialism • Colonialism • Confucianism • Confusionism • Courtnology • Creationism • Darwinism • Determinism • Discordianism • Duckism • Eastern Unorthodox • Eggnogsticism • Eleven Commandments • Fecundism strategy • Freeslam • • Godwins Law • Goth • Greek mythology • Hebrew • Hinduism • Holy Bible: Revised Liberal Edition • Holy Bible: Revised Neocon Edition • Homosexuology • Horoscopes • httpism • Islam • Jainism • Jesus theory • Jewish Dietary Laws • Jizzlam • Judyism • Kabbalah • Linguistic Creationism • Ludism • Lutheranism • Magic Pantheism • Magnetism • Monotheism v 4.3 • Musicology • Neo-Confusionism • New atheism • Oprahism • Pantheism • Papercupism • Patellaology • Pieism • Ponyism • Protestantism • Quakerism • Qu'ran • Rick James Version of the Bible • Sack Religion • Sadism • Santaism • Santanism • Satanic Bible • Science • Scientamish • Scientology • Scientosophy • Soonerism • Sporkism • Stalinism • Supercalifragilisticexpialidociousism • Tao • Televangelism • The Book of Moron • The gospel according to Jim • The Tao of Pooh • Theology • Torah • Totally Torah: Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers. • Totally Torah: Genesis • Unitarian Universalism • Veggiestrology • Voidism • Walkentology • Whitism • Wicca • Wikipedianity • Zombie Christianity
A proper Christian burial • Armageddon • Baptise • Chronikkah • Creation • Cthulhu Day • Damnation • December 21, 2012 • Doomsday • Easter of the Living Dead • Exorcism • First Communion • God v. Nietzsche • God v. Nietzsche • God vs. New York • Holy Week • Mass (church) • Passover • Premarital wanking • Presentation of the Lard • Reincarnation • Religious relic trading • Sacrifice • Salvation • Sermon • The Flood Trial • The Great Flood • The Rapture • The Second Coming • War on Science
A.R.C. • Bible belt • Cheetahs Gentleman's Club • Christian Right • Church • Church of Architect • Church of Awesomeness • Church of Buffy • Church of Golly • Church of Later Day Saints • Church of Michael Jordan • Church of Nihilism • Church of Ross • Church of Sony • Church of the facts of Saint Jobs and the Holy Apples • Church of the Ironic Cheesecake.Inc • Cult • Cult of Apple • Cult of Relativity • Dark side • Dashboard Confessional • Episcopal Church • Family First Party • First Fundamentalist Church of Skepticism, Reformed • Grammatical Pantheon • Great Commission Ministries • Holy Market • Intelligent Design By Committee • Kansas Board of Education • Landover Baptist Church • Manic Street Preachers • Moomon Church of His Spaghettiness • Mosque • Mosques • Mount of Venus • Neon Genesis Evangelion • Ninja-Pirate Assembly of God • Phantasy Star Online • Purgatory • Reformed Church of Alfredo • Salisbury Cathedral • San Andreas Fault • Seventh Day Adventist Church • Society of Jesus • Soul market • St. Peter's Basilica • Stairway to Heaven • Talibanland • That 700 Club • The Christio-Religio Ladderal Hiearchy • The Church of Ass and Nipple Slips • The Church of SharkJesus and the Latter Day Sharks • The Church of Tyra • The Church • The Fundamentalist Church of Megan Fox • The Second Coming Project • The Vatican • Theocracy • United Church of Awesome • Worshippers of the Absolutely Amazing Electric Jellyfish • Wu-Tang Clan
| Name: | Abraham | Lao-tse | Buddha | Jesus | Mohammed | Charles Darwin | Bobby Henderson | David Icke | L. Ron Hubbard | Zod | That Guy You Hate |
| Co-founders, Pretenders, Prophets: | Moses | Peter, Paul, & Mary, Martin Luther |
Ali, Abu Bakr, Umar, Uthmar | Richard Dawkins | Cast from V | Tom Cruise, John Travolta |
That old woman next door | ||||
| Religion(s): | Judaism | Taoism | Buddhism | Christianity, Catholicism, Protestantism, approx. 1000 more sects and spin-offs | Islam, Sunni, Shia, Sufis, Alawis, Druze, assorted bizarre desert sects | Atheism, Theory of Evolution | Pastafarianism | D.ick-eism | Scientology | --- | That thing, you know, with the thingies! |
| Miracles (approx.): | 20 | 1 | 7 | 200 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 (honest) | 0 | 0 | Somewhere between zero and infinity |
| Covenants & Promises: | Milk, honey, and eternal life | Being one with the universe | Reincarnation, Nirvana | Eternal life | Eternal life, 72 virgins for bonus level | Freedom of thought | Pasta, stripper factory, and beer volcano | Liberation from alien lizards | Deliverance from wealth, friends and sanity | You will kneel before Zod. | Whatever it is you get |
| Enlightenment (kW): | 1.5 | 150 | 200 | 1.6 | 1.25 | 180 | 100 | 0.001 | -10 000 | 0.045~1.334 (varies inversely to proximity to Superman) | I don't remember |
| Wives (approx.): | 2-3 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 9-30 | 1 | unlimited | 0-1 (no reptiles) | 3 (so far) | All women are property of Zod. | What? |
| Followers: | 30-40 mln. (approx.) | 60 mln. (approx. + Ben Hoff and Winnie the Pooh) | 375 mln. | 2.1 bln. | 1.3 bln. | 500 mln. | 120 bln. (without earthlings) | 360 tln. (+3 earthlings) | 42 | Lex Luthor, Bizarro | Those guys who do the stuff |
| Violent followers: | 2.0% | 0.1% | 0.1% | 2.5% | 2.6% | 0.000001% (NB: It should be noted that the late Adolf Hitler has nothing to do with True Darwinism, just as the late Osama Bin Laden has nothing to do with True Islam. (Smiley)) | 0.01% | 3 | 60% | 100% | I forget |
| Overall result: | GOOD | GOOD | TH'WEET! | NOT BAD | COULD DO BETTER | POOR | EXCELLENT | SHIT | COULD DO BETTER | POOR | IT'S PURPLE! |
| Value for money: | FAIR | FAIR | FAIR | GOOD | COULD DO BETTER | EXCELLENT | EXCELLENT | EXCELLENT | EXCELLENT | COULD DO BETTER | WHY ARE WE SHOUTING? |
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Catholic Church Cat-tholic A Letter for Paedophilic Priests Are you a heretic? Blessed Trinity Catholic High School Communion Confession Cross Manufacturing Crusades Dashboard Confessional Does the Pope shit in the woods? Excommunicate Festivus Great Mormon-Catholic War HowTo:Be a Good Catholic Indulgence Is the bear a Catholic? Mortal sin Roman Catholic Sausage Festival That Catholic Thing Bishop Catholic Priest Doctor of the Church Remarkably large nuns Altar boys Antipope Zombie Pope Ignatius of Antioch Ignatius of Loyola Maximus the Lesser Saint Peter Thomas Aquinas Virgin Mary Pope Anacletus Pope John XXIII Pope John Paul II Pope Benedict XVI Pope Francis (more…) Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch Holy Sponge Opus Dei St. Peter's Basilica Vatican Boys Punishment Squad Vatican City Vatican City and weapons of mass destruction Vatican Special Forces Catholic Church to ordain reptilian priest The Pope annoys everyone and nearly starts a war The Pope Finally Came! Pope gives up Catholicism for Lent Pope 'too old to attract altar boys'
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This article forms part of the series on Scientology | |
| Beliefs | Space Opera ~ Xenu ~ Thetans ~ The Sacred Movements of Goa Tse ~ Emo Hitler ~ Anonymous | |
| Concepts | The Force ~ Clear ~ Hodgepodge (the hidden truth) | |
| Practices | Kitten Huffing | |
| People | L. Ron Hubbard ~ Tom Cruise ~ Lestat de Lioncourt ~ Chef ~ Will Smith ~ Captain Caveman ~That Creepy Scientologist "Charity" Fund Collector Guy | |
| Enemies | You ~ Me ~ Oprah ~ South Park ~ YTMND ~ 4chan ~ The Holiday Hawk ~ Appliantology ~ Walken! ~ Rick Astley ~ Pacman ~ Horses ~ Italians ~ Anonymous | |
| Fear their wrath, and beware their contrived names. If you are still confused about which one you want, you were probably much better off with Original Jesus. | |
| Monster Jesii | |
|---|---|
| Jesusaurus Rex: The tyrant Jesus...lizard | Save yourself from Werejesus! |
| Raptor Jesus: Nazareth Park is frightening in the dark | And they said Jesus rode on a Mule...Nyah!:Llama Jesus |
| Attack of the 500 foot Jesus: Demolishing non-blessed skyscrapers -- New York, watch out! | This Jesus loves your brains...: Zombie Jesus |
| Munchie Jesii | |
| Jam Jesus: With a name like 'Jam Jesus', it has to be good. | Savour the Saviour: Cheese Jesus |
| Jesus Juice: An Energy Drink...IT'S GOT ELECTROLYTES! | Finally, something on a stick the whole family can enjoy!: Sweet Jesus on a Stick! |
| Other Jesii | |
| MicroJesus: A teeny, tiny Jesus that forgives all of your teeny, tiny sins. | Will never lift a finger for you, no matter what you believe!: Placebo Jesus |
| Fear their wrath, and beware their confusing names. If you are confused about which one you want, it's probably Original Satan. | |
 Original Satan: The one who fell first.
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The Scourge of Europe: EuroSatan
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| Satan Claus: Ensnaring unsuspecting dyslexics looking for Santa.
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Satan's apprentice: Prince of Darkness
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| Satan Bunny: Beware his cuddliness.
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The scariest Satan: Antichrist
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| Crankypants Satan: Invented toddlers and Disco
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The most incomprehensible Satan: Anti-Christ
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| Space Satan: aka Bat Fuck Satan
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Satan of gaming: Sega
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| Hellmo: Satan of Sesame Street
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Satan in command of enemy forces in War on Terra: Bambi
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| Satin: Is his name a typo?
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Satan's younger brother: Stan
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| Dick Cheney: Republican Satan.
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Satan's socialist alter ego: The Devil
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| GLaDOS: Futuristic Satan of portal
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Satan of video gaming: EA
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| The Seven Deadly Sins |
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Greed - Wrath - Gluttony - Pornography - Envy - Indifference - SPAM |
| How can you even think of such things? |
