Portal:Religion
Religion generally involves the following or worship of a creed or deity in which one has optimistically attributed supernatural powers. "True Believers" are often labeled as schizophrenics or having some other neurological disorders in certain scientific-minded and rational circles, although the loudest among them tend to be derided for their poor fashion sense and general smelliness. According to a secular understanding of history, religion was invented by tribal chieftans at least two million years ago in order to control and exploit their fellow tribal members, and it was going strong in the Western World until that separation of Church and State nonsense. In the third world, it's business as usual. God is often portrayed as a giant bearded man in the sky that flies around granting wishes, although some religions would prefer you not portray him at all.
Faith is a group VI reverse transcribing DNA virus that is responsible for the human mental disorder called religion, which is the chronic form of the lesser affliction called gullibility. Symptoms range widely among the diseased and can include headaches, nausea, suggestibility, lack of reason, hallucinations, paranoia, euphoria, depression, and genocidal tendencies. Humans are the only known host of the virus. Other animals may not have the necessary brain capacity for self-delusion. The "Faith" virus commonly enters the human vessel via the optical and auditory systems. It is then carried via the blood to the brain where it infects the neurons of the cerebral cortex in the region of the frontal lobe. New findings indicate it could also infect the sex glands, the seminiferous tubules (in males) and the ovaries (in females).
Q: What did Jesus mean when He said the meek will "inherit the earth"? Am I supposed to be doing something to prepare? If so, what? — T. L.
A: First of all it's important to realize you are not alone in your worry. As you probably well know, it was during His Sermon on the Mount that Jesus said: "Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth" (Matthew 5:5). This has caused no shortage of anxiety on the part of the meek, who are given to being rather squeamish in the first place.
BNEI BRAK, Israel – Local conservative rabbis are sick with worry, anxiety and unease at the increasing popularity of practical, comfortable fashions; more so even than the worry, anxiety and unease that causes their usual kvetching. After much bickering they have responded with the tact, sensitivity and delicate touch for which fundamentalists of all stripes are known; by burning down stores that sell offensive clothing and spraying bleach on women that Rabbi Yosef Elyashiv refers to as "...those nasty whores with their whore legs, whore skin and whore bulges. Whores!".
Throughout this tight knit Israeli city, recently hung posters urge women to buy only appropriate Tanakh-approved clothing. The notices, approved by local ultra-Orthodox rabbis, forbid women from wearing anything that could possibly be considered sexy, including skirts cut above the ankle, open-toed shoes, toed shoes, and shirts that reveal all, part, or none of a woman's cleavage. Red colored clothing of any kind is also forbidden, as a girl in a red dress is <expletive> hot.
- A slice of toast seen on the face of Jesus (Pictured)
- Devoutly gay man feels conflicted after admitting attraction to Christianity
- Pope John Paul II posthumously wins Monsignor Universe beauty contest
- Global faith crisis after miraculous resurrection of Madalyn Murray O'Hair, America's "most hated woman"
- Outrage over practice of throwing virgins into volcanos in India
- Meditated Buddhist monks accused of sleeping on the job
- The Heavens rejoice as Dow Jones market index surpasses 14,000
- Shock as God admits: "I experimented with evolution"
| “ | Eh, it's fine, really. No big deal. I'm not offended. | ” |
— God on Apatheism
| ||
- ... that Jewish cuisine is classified as a biohazard and is a violation of international law to serve to POWs?
- ... that every society has the same fundamental creation mythos: a giant snake pooped out the universe?
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