Portal:Religion
 Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal By far the holiest portal you will ever find.
|
Highlighted Article
 |
The Ark of the Covenant is a moderate sized piece of Acacia wood furniture, referred to in the Bible. It's basically a large, ornate storage box which employed the use of two poles in order to carry it - allowing the Israelites to haul Moses, Aaron and God's stuff wherever they wandered. Chariots had been invented by 3000 BC, so it's kind of silly that a couple of wheels weren't employed in its design. After being chased out of Egypt by chariots filled with Pharaoh's bill collectors, the Israelites had no excuse for not employing the invention of the wheel but experts believe it was just another example of God wanting things done the hard way - as usual.
| Archive | Article credit: DrStrange | (more ) |
Highlighted Entity
 |
Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the official mascot for the Church of Later Day Saints, a satirical parody of the Roman Catholic Church (as if the Catholics weren't funny enough). He is essentially the same as regular Jesus, only he happens to be blonde and 100% pure, red-blooded American (not to be confused with Stephen Colbert). Disgruntled fans consider him an Expanded Universe addition only, and discount that Jesus ever had blonde hair, since he was a Palestinian Jew and all.…
| Archive | Article credit: Kevin1078 | (more...) |
Highlighted Image
 | |||
|
Jesus survived 40 days in the desert, thanks to his trusty automatic weapon.
|
Quote of the Week
“To think I kissed her (or him) there--and there--and there!”
– Sarah Michelle Gellar on Baphomet.
Highlighted News
 |
EARTH, Sol System -- The Rapture, long awaited by people who don't want to hang around to see how it all turns out, finally occurred this morning, catching even the most militant biblical literalists by surprise. At approximately two o'clock (GMT), various body parts of pious citizens across the globe simply disappeared.
"Yeah, my bad." apologized the archangel Michael at the post-Rapture press conference. "It's a numbers thing, you see. We'd initially planned for 144,000 male Jewish virgins 'plus guest'..."…
| Archive | Article credit: Modusoperandi | (more...) |
More Religious News
Further Reading
DIY and Carpentry Tips by Jesus Christ• God's Guide to Parenting• Pudgic Bible• The Autobiography of Jesus of Nazareth• The Nearly-Chaste Mormon's Guide to Quitting Masturbation•
Third Epistle to the Thessalonians
Did You Know...
Topics Needing Expansion
Abu Hamza• Adam• Adam and Eve• Adam Smith• Agnostic• Allah• Angels• Angry Atheist• Anti-Baker• Anti-God• Anti-Muhammed• Antichrist• Azathoth and Nyarlathotep• Baal• Bahá'í• Baphomet• Baptists• Bible Thumper• Bibleman• Bill (son of God)• Bill Bennett• Brian of Nazareth• Brian Tamaki• Cat-tholic• Cliff Richard• Cthulhu• Cyborg Jesus• Cyborg Judas• Dark Lord• Demons• DinoJesus• Ed MacMahon• Ehtheists• Eucharist• Evil Jesus• Father Christmas• Fred Phelps• Ganesha• Gay Jesus• George Hammond• Gnostic• God 2.0• God Steiger• God/Funny version• God/Unused• God: The Interviews• God-Fearing Republicans• God-Fearing Republicans• Gods• Great Permissive Dude in the Sky Who Lets Us Do Whatever We Want• Gumby• Guy Fawkes• Heretic• Hermaphrodite• Hezbollah (Humanitarian Movement)• Hieronymus Bosch• His Holiness, the Dalai Lama• Ignatius of Loyola• Jamshid Bauerdinedshad• Jebus• Jedi• Jehovah• Jehovah's Witness• Jehovah's Witnesses• Jeohovas witness• Jerry Falwell• Jesus 2.0• Jesus and the Miracle 5• Jesus Christ - Alcoholic• Jesus Fucking Christ• Jesus Hasselhoff• Jesús• Jew/Classic• Jew• John Travolta• JR "Bob" Dobbs• Judas Eukaryote• Kaspar Hauser• Keanu Reeves• Khalil Gibran• Loki• Martin Luther King Jr.• Maximus the Lesser• McJesus• Mentalist• Mexican Jesus• Moloch• Monk seal• Monk• Mormons• Muslim• Nega-Pope• Nun• Odin• Pagan• Pelé• Pope Anacletus• Pope Linus• Pope Peter• Protestant• Quakers• Ramayana• Rambo• Ramtha• Raptor Jesus• Ray Comfort• Republican Jesus• Robert Tilton• Saint Augustine• Saint• Samurai Lincoln• Santa Claus• Satan• Shirley Phelps-Roper• Shirley Temple• Søren Kierkegaard• St. Belia• St. Bernard• Stan• Sweet smoking Jesus• Tao jones• The God Couple• The Holy Ghost• The Holy Goh• The Holy Rock• The Holy Spirit• Theist• Thetans• Tooth Fairy• Walpurga (saint)• Wild Jews• Zombie Jesus
Afairyism• Agnosticism• Allah's law• Aniassism• Apatheism• Anti-Semitism• Atheism• Atheism (religion)• Atheist Doctrine• Bassism• Beer• Bonerism• Bracketology• Buddhism• Catholicism• Celestial Teapotism• Christianism• Christianity• Colloquialism• Colonialism• Confucianism• Confusionism• Courtnology• Creationism• Darwinism• Determinism• Discordianism• Duckism• Eastern Unorthodox• Eggnogsticism• Eleven Commandments• Fecundism strategy• Freeslam• • Godwins Law• Goth• Greek mythology• Hebrew• Hinduism• Holy Bible: Revised Liberal Edition• Holy Bible: Revised Neocon Edition• Homosexuology• Horoscopes• httpism• Islam• Jainism• Jesus theory• Jewish Dietary Laws• Jizzlam• Judyism• Kabbalah• Linguistic Creationism• Ludism• Lutheranism• Magic Pantheism• Magnetism• Monotheism v 4.3• Musicology• Neo-Confusionism• New atheism• Oprahism• Pantheism• Papercupism• Patellaology• Pieism• Ponyism• Protestantism• Quakerism• Qu'ran• Rick James Version of the Bible• Sack Religion• Sadism• Santaism• Santanism• Satanic Bible• Science• Scientamish• Scientology• Scientosophy• Soonerism• Sporkism• Stalinism• Supercalifragilisticexpialidociousism• Tao• Televangelism• The Book of Moron• The gospel according to Jim• The Tao of Pooh• Theology• Torah• Totally Torah: Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers.• Totally Torah: Genesis• Unitarian Universalism• Veggiestrology• Voidism• Walkentology• Whitism• Wicca• Wikipedianity• Zombie Christianity
10,000 days• Amen• B4• Bad Religion• Barbie doll worship• Beatlefication• Belief• Black Metal• Bonsai• Brahmin• Canonization• Change• Christian Metal• Christian Science• Confession• Coprophilia• Deviled eggs• Devilution• Divine Retribution• Eris (Space)• Evil• Existence of God• Existence• Faith• Feng shui• Freedom of Expression• Freedom of speech• Fuck it• Garden• Genesis• Global Panic• God Hates Australia• God Hates Fags• Godboost• God's masturbation• Heck• Heresy• Holiness• Holy• Holy cock• Holy Grail• Intolerance• Jewish History• Jewry• Karma• KoShare• Kosher• Malevolent Design• McWorship• Meaning of life• Mega Drive• Miracles• Multi religion switching• Necrophilia• Nintendo Eightfold Path• Nun accelerator• Occult• Organised religion• Original sin• Plan B• Playing God• Praise The Lord• Prayer• Prophecy• Schroedinger's Jesus• Seven ages of man• Sin• Soul• Spiritual• Splenda• Stigmata• Ten Commandments• Ten General Commandments of All Humanity• The Seven Not-So-Deadly Sins• The Ten Commandments Of Jedi Order• The Ten Commandments• The Ten Plagues of Egypt• The X-Files• Thee• Trinity• Virtue• Unintelligent Design• Yet another Jew trick
A proper Christian burial• Armageddon• Baptise• Chronikkah• Creation• Cthulhu Day• Damnation• December 21, 2012• Doomsday• Easter of the Living Dead• Exorcism• First Communion• God v. Nietzsche• God v. Nietzsche• God vs. New York• Holy Week• Mass (church)• Passover• Premarital wanking• Presentation of the Lard• Reincarnation• Religious relic trading• Sacrifice• Salvation• Sermon• The Flood Trial• The Great Flood• The Rapture• The Second Coming• War on Science
A.R.C.• Bible belt• Cheetahs Gentleman's Club• Christian Right• Church• Church of Architect• Church of Awesomeness• Church of Buffy• Church of Golly• Church of Later Day Saints• Church of Michael Jordan• Church of Nihilism• Church of Ross• Church of Sony• Church of the facts of Saint Jobs and the Holy Apples• Church of the Ironic Cheesecake.Inc• Cult• Cult of Apple• Cult of Relativity• Dark side• Dashboard Confessional• Episcopal Church• Family First Party• First Fundamentalist Church of Skepticism, Reformed• Grammatical Pantheon• Great Commission Ministries• Holy Market• Intelligent Design By Committee• Kansas Board of Education• Landover Baptist Church• Manic Street Preachers• Moomon Church of His Spaghettiness• Mosque• Mosques• Mount of Venus• Neon Genesis Evangelion• Ninja-Pirate Assembly of God• Phantasy Star Online• Purgatory• Reformed Church of Alfredo• Salisbury Cathedral• San Andreas Fault• Seventh Day Adventist Church• Society of Jesus• Soul market• St. Peter's Basilica• Stairway to Heaven• Talibanland• That 700 Club• The Christio-Religio Ladderal Hiearchy• The Church of Ass and Nipple Slips• The Church of SharkJesus and the Latter Day Sharks• The Church of Tyra• The Church• The Fundamentalist Church of Megan Fox• The Second Coming Project• The Vatican• Theocracy• United Church of Awesome• Worshippers of the Absolutely Amazing Electric Jellyfish• Wu-Tang Clan
Bible Adventures• Crisis in Infinite Jerusalems• Cthulhu v. Japan• Holy Habits: Lingerie for Nuns• HowTo:Be a Good Catholic• HowTo:Believe in ALLAH!• HowTo:Find God• HowTo:Start a Religion• If Jesus had lived in America• Is the bear a Catholic?• It takes a good Muslim to work out good Islamic jokes• It's hard out here for a pimp• Jew Beanie• Lo Pan's Razor• Macintosh is Satan• Oh my God! You're going to Hell!• OMG!• Passion of the Christ• Passion of the Christ 2• Reasons to become an atheist/The Dead Serious Scrolls Version• Reasons to become an Atheist• Requiem Republicam• Shroud of Napkin• Space Opera in Scientology• Ultimate Question• Unfomercials:Religious Leader Trumps• Unquotable:God• What was God thinking!?• Wheel of Deities• Why?:Join a Satanic cult• Why?:They Hate Us?• XBible 360
Cell division• Discalced Carmelites• Doom .0068• Duct tape• Fitna• Fourier Transform• Gah• Gerin oil• Gud• Hardline• Hedgehog• Hedwig and the angry inch• Herpes• Hi-fi• Crisis in Infinite Jerusalems• Horn Book• Hyena blazing• Intelligent Falling• Irreducible complexity• ITSCON• IWETHEY• Klestosapharot• Male Reproductive System: Attorney At Law• Mazda• Megatron• Mono• Mose• N00bl3ss3 0bl1ghey• New Clothes, (Emperor's), The• Noddy• Pascal's wager• PgUp• Picnic• Poutine• Rapist• Red Scapular• Shinto• Sith• Smart• Smeg• Socialist Alternative• Solid Gold• Stem cell• Taking Back Sunday• Teacher• Technocracy• Tehran• The Baker• The Divine Comedy• The Force• The History of The World, Condensed Into One Uncyclopedia Article• The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy• The Hitchhiker's Guide To Uncyclopedia• The Midnight Sun• The Pilgrim Fathers• Threesome• Tibet• 'Til Eulenspiegel's merry pranks• Tourette's Syndrome/Amish• Tsathoggua• Twenty two• U2• Uncyclopedia:Bad Right Wing Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense• We Are Scientists• Walpurgisnacht• Xenu• Yad• Yah-Weh-Oh!• Yenta• YHWH• Yiddish• You have two cows/19• YWAM• Zephyr• Zoroaster• Zoroastrian• Zucchini