User:Mr. Briggs Inc./Fringe Market
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“I'M THE BIGGEST PAGE OF CONTENT ON UNCYCLOPEDIA! :D”
– Mr. Briggs Inc.
This so obviously appeals only to a fringe market, but I found it funny so here it is[edit | edit source]
As it says above, these are jokes that I found amusing for one reason or another, but got deleted. Some for good reason (as directly below), others just because VFD means "instant death sentence".
==OH NOES!
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| align=center | OH NOES! OH NOOOOOOES D: OH NOES OH NOES! Oh noes.
Oh noes WTF oh noes OMGZ ZOMG OH NOES OH NOES, OH NOES OMGWTFBBQ OH NOES OH NOES ZOMG.
D00D WTF OH NOES ZOMG NOES D=
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“OH NOES!”
– Oscar Wilde on Oh Noes
OH NOES!!!!!!!!!@!!!!!
Oh + Noes = Oh Noes!!!!!!!![edit | edit source]
OH NOES!!!!! Oh NoEs!!!!! PwN n035 11111 Oh, nose? ohnoes ΩĦ ИŌ€$ OHNOESOHNOESOHNOES O!H!N!O!E!S! OH NOES!!!!! Oh NoEs!!!!! PwN n035 11111 Oh, nose? ohnoes ΩĦ ИŌ€$ OHNOESOHNOESOHNOESO!H!N!O!E!S! OH NOES!!!!! Oh NoEs!!!!! PwN n035 11111 Oh, nose? ohnoes ΩĦ ИŌ€$ OHNOESOHNOESOHNOESO!H!N!O!E!S! OH NOES!!!!! Oh NoEs!!!!! PwN n035 11111 Oh, nose? ohnoes
ΩĦ ИŌ€$ OHNOESOHNOESOHNOESO!H!N!O!E!S! OH NOES!!!!! Oh NoEs!!!!! PwN n035 11111 Oh, nose? ohnoes ΩĦ ИŌ€$ OHNOESOHNOESOHNOESO!H!N!O!E!S! OH NOES!!!!! Oh NoEs!!!!! PwN n035 11111 Oh, nose? ohnoes ΩĦ ИŌ€$ OHNOESOHNOESOHNOESO!H!N!O!E!S! OH NOES!!!!! Oh NoEs!!!!! PwN n035 11111 Oh, nose? ohnoes ΩĦ ИŌ€$ OHNOESOHNOESOHNOES'ohnoes ΩĦ ИŌ€$ OHNOESOHNOESOHNOESO!H!N!O!E!S! OH NOES!!!!! Oh NoEs!!!!! PwN n035 11111 Oh, nose? ohnoes ΩĦ ИŌ€$ OHNOESOHNOESOHNOES
OH NOES![edit | edit source]
OH NOES!!!!! D: Ohhhh nnnnnooooooooes! D= OH NOES OH NOES OH NOES! File:Ohnoes.gif
Oh noes[edit | edit source]
OH NOES! OH NOES! OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOES!
- OH NOES
- OH NOES
- OMGOHNOES!11
- OH NOES
- OH NOES
Zomg NOES! WTF NOES OMG OH NOES NOES NOES OMG NOOOOOOES! OH NOES OH NOES NOES OH NOES WTF ZOMG NOES!!!!1111111!
WTF OH NOES[edit | edit source]
OMG NOES NOES OH NOES OH NOES ZOMG NOES OMFG OH NOES D:
OMGWTFOHNOES[edit | edit source]
Yoko Ono[edit | edit source]
“Oh No, I don't think she should be allowed to wear a veil.”
– Tony Blair on Yoko Ono
A Japanese avante-garde alleged artand suspected blood-drinking vampire is called Yoko. The longer version of her name comes from a quote by Paul McCartney: "Yoko? Oh, no!", though that is now often forgotten. Actually, it was something more profane, but the phone books refused to accept "Yoko Oshit".
Performance art by her includes a film of people's bottoms, breaking up the Smothers Brothers and the Justice League, as well as biting Dracula ( making him become a vampire ). She currently lives in the country of Transylvania.
Inventor of PVC rainwear. Famously told Swami Bhaktivedanta Prabhupad to keep his hand in his own bag.
She is also the Japanese voice for Cloud Strife.
But what has she done lately?
Recent Works by Yoko Ono[edit | edit source]
- January - March 1999: One woman show entitled "Judy Tenuta"
- Apr 2004: Carved a giant nude statue of Dick Cheney using only her tongue and human feces while sitting in a public restroom in Toledo with the door open.
- May 2004: Blasted the Dick statue created in April with a shotgun due to a dream she claimed was a preminition of revenge from a dead lawyer.
- Aug 2004: Danced the Jitterbug at a Liverpool fundraiser for disadvantaged performance artists while licking a banana dangling from a string.
- Nov 2004: Sung The Star-Spangled Banner backwards accompanied by tuba and Gregorian chant
- Dec 2004: Channelled the undead spirit of Tennessee Ernie Ford on Good Morning America
- Feb 2005: Played a stringless ukulele with the power of thought alone. However, record books refused to recognize the event because she broke a nail in the process.
- Mar 2005: Finished with 2nd place in the 34th Annual National Underwater Pumpkin Carving Olympics. She carved a duck.
- Jun 2005: Claimed to be the founder of the wheel in a past life.
- Jul 2005: Proved that her voice could shatter 12mm (.5 in) of hardened plate armor.
- Oct 2005: Gave birth to a live octopus, which she promptly ate.
- Nov 2005: Rode a bicycle with the seat removed, having only a seat stem. She claimed it was a form of birth control to prevent future octopus births.
- Jan 2006: Proceeded to live off the fact she married John Lennon, and was paid to give up art for good.
- Feb 2006 - Became a rap artist, collaborating with her toddler son. Wrapping was in acient Egyption tongues
- Zib 2006 - Invented a new month called Zibuary.
Music Works[edit | edit source]
- January 1967 - Woooooaaaaaaah Performed with John Lennon while in the bath.
- March 1968 - HaaaaaaaoooooW (Woooooaaaaaaah backward)
- Wackurary 1973 - Woooooaaaaaaah II
- August 1995 - Woooooaaaaaaah Unplugged - an accustic version of Woooooaaaaaaah
- Uncyclopediary 2007- Yoko Ono does the Monkees- Yoko's favorite Monkees tunes, done because she thought John Lennon was in the Monkees.
yoko made a magic marker explore the inner parts of reza and found that there was no killer dogs as predicted
See Also[edit | edit source]
People discovered the secret message in anata daeto, its backwards i shot john lennon, so he (yes he, ill talk about it later)Commited suicide. One of his frat brothers is covering for him, the frats name was actually Yokoism
LRGS![edit | edit source]
In a vain attempt to to gain popularity, this page has appealed to ye adminos: R.I.P. Simon Harrison who recently died due excessive elbow injuries (bless his soul)
“The pupil-student relationship at the school is in excellent form, with summary executions at an all time low this year!”
– OFSTED on LRGS
“In Soviet Russia, YOU teach LRGS!!”
– Boris Koppeloppelov on LRGS
“If buttfaces could fly, this place would be an airport.”
– HRH Princess Anne on LRGS
“If buttfaces could fly, she wouldn't have needed that helicopter to get here.”
– LRGS on HRH Princess Anne
“The school's education and boarding standards have been slightly raised due to the fortunate demise of Mr. Payne, known paedophile and old-skool murderer, and kermit the frog”
– OFSTED on LRGS
“Human rights laws do not apply to the Halstead room!”
– Mrs Porter on The Hastead room at LRGS
“NO GAMES OF ANY KIND!”
– Mrs Porter on LRGS computer censorship
“Get the shotgun there's a coon on the porch!”
– Mr. MacDonnald
“I really was spitroasted by Gypsies on the Douthwaites behind the cricket pavilion and conceived twins”
– Sanjay Mistry, member of Preston u15 blind girls with no legs reserves, and Mr. Talks's adopted son
“I am an actual Jew and have a leather end and no mates”
– Matthew Baker LRGS - Jewish Border
“Mrs Porter is a total babe magnet!”
– Oscar Wilde on Mrs Porter
“Bull-ding”
– Mrs Introna on LRGS
“I was made a senior prefect because I'm probs best at sport in the year and I think everyone in the year buzzes off me”
– Daniel Palmer - A Gimp
“Hmmmm....”
– Daniel Taylor - Guru Granth Sahib
“ I really do exist. I was locked in a cupboard by Mrs. Porter for being on the unspeakable game called Microsoft Word!!!”
– Chris Mead
“ In Soviet Russia, Chris Mead invents YOU!! ”
– Russian Reversal on Chris Mead
“ The Devil's greatest trick was convincing the world that he didn't exist. Mine was convincing them that I did. ”
– Chris Mead on Himself
“ Ya gay ”
– Those random annoying jocks in the SFC
“ Splifendo! ”
– Doctor Thorn
“ I honestly do prefer men. ”
– Alex Bantleman
“ And the great big ginger mong award goes to... ”
– Doc Rowe (a legend.)
“ In Soviet Russia men prefer you! ”
– anon.
“ Why the long face, sir? ”
– On the subject of Mr Talks.
“ I like hankies and homework! ”
– Anonski
“ How Rude!!! ”
– Mr. Nicholson
“ Give me your names, I'm reporting you”
– WPAU People's Republic of Chinez Representee by Annexe Crew
“ I today...have..done lots...........of ..stuff.”
– Life, Nazi 6th former
“ Oh no I've got Ribbena in my eyes”
– Magee
“ Oh...one question”
– Moritz
“ Joss, please just let me touch it”
– Ben Shore
“ At my old school.........”
– Ralf
LRGS is a fascist institution designed solely for the purpose of inducting young people into the collective consciousness that is the Conservative party.
Situated in the fictional town of Lancaster UK, this ancient establishment publicly claims to have produced some of the finest academics since 744 BC. Some examples include Jesus and Hitler.
Being an all male school, students are often thought to engage in homosexual activity, however this is untrue in most cases. Interestingly, a Communist uprising was recently quashed in the aptly named "Mock Election" leading to the recent designation of this area of Lancaster as the Sixth Reich.
Some unruly individuals have also taken to referring this most noble domain as Nazi Jarmany, in a despicable parody of our inspirational Führer, Andrew Jarman.
Regular parades are held at 3.30 on Tuesday afternoons with a small armed contingent of toy soldiers, these never last long however due to the inefficiency of the wind up mechanisms.
More recently, a keen photographer managed to obtain proof of Adolf Jarman's affiliation to the Nazi cause:
Photographic proof (off the notice board in the "new" building) that the man of jars is a Nazi.
It is widely known that LRGS invented rugby (although many sources falsely claim otherwise- LRGS holds undeniable documentation dating back from preprehistoric times), an incredibly barbaric and bloody sport that one could expect from such a right-wing society that dates back to barbarian times themselves. Other such ancient and vulgar rites carried out in this great hall of humiliation learning include hockey (for those of a less masculine persuasion) and rowing (a highly elitist activity, where newcomers are ritually "capsized" before being allowed to join the higher echelons of the "crews").
All in all, how could anyone possibly doubt the legitimacy of such a proud historic school dictatorship?
School History[edit | edit source]
In 775BC, Senators Tracius, Hitchingus and Londsdalius decided that they must overthrow the Roman Empire, and create a dictatorship of their own. Tracius liked the idea of Baiae, but Hitchingus gave him a swift backhand and said 'Don't be a fool! It is customary to start dictatorships in Britain, like Agricola (the farmer's favourite drink!) or in Jarmany, like unsere Fuhrer Jarman. We must hope that he does not learn of this, so we must burn our plans (ut clause showing intention)'. And so, what was begun with an enquiring mind, was finished heroically, as the triumvirate were joined by Quinny the Younger who proceeded to form his own colony of smokers, but died due to the smoke in his lungs (as he was somewhat fat the passage of his breath was narrow and weak). The legend of Tracius, Hitchingus and Londsdalus lives on in the form of three old Latin teachers (some say they are the original founders, others think they mimic their names from pride). In any case, the three were samurai. Lindsius of Garstang and Flesherus also of Garstang were found when the three men loosed themselves to Britain; with the now having been founded colony (like the Spartans), they set up their own academy.
Later, (around 1573) with the dictatorship having been founded (ablative absolute boys), Our Leader found out about it. He immediately rushed summa celeritatae (as fast as possible) to Britain, and commandeered the school, by giving the senators and Quinny the Younger swift backhands and proclaiming them fools. He then made Lancaster the Sixth Reich and called it Jarmany. So it stays to this day. A vicious, censoring fascist empire wonderful happy place of learning.
Some teachers at LRGS[edit | edit source]
First off, the title is wrong. It should read 'dictator wannabes'. Please note that not all teachers ARE wannabe dictators, they are just power hungry capitalists (to quote Jack Etches).
I am not licensed to disclose any information about teachers here.
Please feel free to add more yourself!
Very well:
- Mr Hitchings (Co-Founder)
Our esteemed Head of Classics Department, Richard Hitchings, is one of the wiser faculty members at LRGS. For many a year he ran the quiz, the Lancastrian, Speech Day and, until recently, the AQA Greek exam. Richard was believed to have almost murdered Andrew Lonsdale in a fit of most uncontrollable rage when he discovered that the AQA were dropping Greek and Latin, thus firing him as Chief Examiner. Now, reduced to a mere state of existance, he has become obsessed with boys underlining there work when they've finished, if not, "It's a mark off, old boy!"
- Mr. Yelland (not to be known as Mr. Bellend EVER!!)
A black belt in Advanced French, Cross Country for the Terminally Fit, Irregular Verbs MK. LCVXI and Being Taciturn. Due to this, he is a god, an absolute ledge, and a great guy. He's also a friend of the completely insane Mr. Gorse, who has been quoted as saying "Ahh, Mr. Yelland, you're a keen golfer, wouldn't you agree it's the most boring sport ever?" Enjoys tetris, sudoku and dictionary research.
- Mr. Gorse (Stewie to his friends)
He is a teacher of Spanish. He also enjoys shoving his hand up puppets, representing Jarmany in the Olympics at Office Chair Racing and being generally the world's greatest jester. But we all love him!
- Miss Haigh
No-one knows her first name (there are rumours it may be Sarah). She is well known for being the best teacher of Modern Languages at the school (except the Yell-dog) and being extremely strict. She is also rather small, and... well endowed. There is another rumour that Dominic Taylor fancies her. Now married out of school and is known in the strange outside world as Mrs Hilton, although she is still trying to keep that a secret for now (shhhh... you heard nothing from me)! She also spent a bit of time off school to supposedly get married, but we have it on good speculation that she was greiving for the recently deceased Frau Frosch (Madame Grenouille to the 1st years) after the freak hanging accident last year, suspected culprits include Mr Bonney and his good friend WKD (actually committed by Max Hopfl and she's never forgiven him). Room 11 was cordened off by police for two weeks following the incident.
- Mr. Leckey
A quiet and secretive teacher, his methods are not quite up to those of Yellmeister or Haighy. Never the less, he's better than Mr. Parker. I can't remember Leckster very well... He is also a wizard in his Head Of Sixth Form Robes. His life is controlled by his wife, Jan, who appears, to the naked eye, to be a rather frightful dominatrix and, on further insight into the matter, we can find that she does indeed follow this path in life, controlling Lecky's every move. The poor man is rather mercilessly bullied by the pupils of LRGS, who have, on many occasion, been scolded by the greater powers of our hierarchical system for simply making the poor man's life hell.
- Mr Parker
Ahh... very little is known about him, perhaps because no-one wants to. Not to be unkind, but he's not the most interesting guy ever. He is rather hairy and has a plastic nose as can be seen by looking closely at it. I would keep all windows locked as night, as Parker is prone to turning up at your bedroom window on dark and stormy nights, watch your kitchen as well, he may break in to steal your pans to make boiled sweets! It has been said of him that he is 'in danger of being less interesting than a can of baked beans'. Poor fellow, but he can be quite funny at times! You would never guess though...
- Maccy D (Mr Macdonald)
Famously known for being the fool from South Africa who needs to get a life and get rid of his homophobia. We all know how he murdered all of his family and therefore is a big joke. Hates being called a legend. But thats why we love him!
- Payne(age)
Possibly the most amazing teacher of all time due to the famous quote in the boarding house "Well old chaps, since you have been annoying me, at 6:30 tomorrow morning I'd like you to come and ring my bell" and another famous quote known to the former 3G "you've got to wonk the rectangle to get a parrelagram!". He created nicknames for nearly every pupil he taught.
- Mr Davies (Pie Man)
He has fetish for pies of every shape and size. "Sir what's the square root of pi this week?" "Ooooo it would have to be cheese and onion!", other famous quotes: "Next boy to speak gets a sheet, if it's Robert Bonner thereee. (We eventually worked out he was saying the number 3)", or in response to being called a legend "Its not easy being a legend you know!"
- Mr Bonney (The Drunk)
The official school drunk (although some may argue Mr Jago is the legal claimant of this title). During his chemistry lessons he often goes into his store cupboard to have a drink. This explains his permenantly red face, rather like a shaved ape. It's amazing he hasn't caused a fire due to his severe drinking habit. He is also a P.E teacher and is Mr Currans right hand man (so to speak). Confirmed, he turned up at an athletics session with a bag full of beer cans. He once famously allowed 5R to turn on all the gas taps in the laboratory and didn't notice! They had to quickly open the windows before perishing in the fumes, or creating an explosion. While it is widely known he drives his car up and down the school site to get from lesson to lesson, it is as yet unproven that he also nips down to the pub for a quick one during break.
- Mr Barlow (The Imposter)
Mr Barlow is not and never has been a teacher at LRGS. He is infact a paedophillic imposter who joined the ranks of the teachers by wandering in off the street. His favorite hobbies were making boys rearrange themselves (uniform, of course) and asking the younger and more naive members of our 'school' to comform to him and 'accompany' him or 'assist' with, so far, unrecorded tasks.
Dr Shawcross
Well the dear doctor is an absolute joke. When told to leave a lesson people just refuse or crawl out of the door. Recently my dear friend Davo has told him that he will do his mum as a threat if Dr s sent a letter home. Everybody knows davo would since he struggles to keep it in his pants. It is well known around the school that are friend has a lisp and prounces his 'r's as 'w's which provides great amusmant when mimicked. He also does D o E what a joke no one does anythink and they still complete it. But you cant help but love his relaxed atmosphere as he tells you that you must see him everyday next week and you laugh in his face and say no!
Notable Pupils in the Fifth Year[edit | edit source]
- Maths
Benjamin Sloman and Thomas Chambers adorn the top-two spot in the fifth year. Both are believed to regularly inverse cos themselves.
- English
Sharpy won this year's English prize, second in the year was Cooper; who now masquerades as Lindsay after this harrowing defeat.
- French
It is customary that boys from Frau Haigh's class are the best, but not this year, as some people have emerged from such places as T and R. These include Flesher and Twigge.
- German
According to unconfirmed Governor reports, Fuhrer Jarman tried to make this subject compulsory; which Frau Haigh was all up for (aslong as she didn't have to teach anyone from 5S).
- Physics
John Beshir and Joe Winstanley all anal probe themselves with step-up transformers just to outdo each other. It is even said that Winstanley attached two crocodile clips to his nipples which we rigged up to 400V, just to please Dr. SAS Rowe.
- Biology
5th year Biology efforts are abysmal, cheaters like Partington and freshly spit-roasted Mistry are to be publicly crucified by Mrs Walker during an assembly, much to the Fuhrer's pleasure, being the racist he is.
- Chemistry
Who really gives a toss about Chemistry anyway?
- Art
Georgie Introna's son, Tommie, likes to get 100% in the art exam, much to the disappointment of R. Cox who is usually too stoned to notice.
- Latin and Greek
For the past couple of years, the rivalry between Flesher and Cooper/Lindsay has been fierce, but this year, Cooper/Lindsay won three out of three Latin and Greek prizes; but in previous years, Flesher has triumphed. On YouTube somewhere, there is a video of them fighting it out at an afterschool exam session...apparently.
Post Script[edit | edit source]
Recently, many of the older pupils have disappeared. It is not yet known whether they somehow incurred the wrath the Führer or whether they are the first successful refugees from LRGS. No doubt the truth will become clear in time...
 | This article may be Overly British |
This is an educational page that tells people of the goings on in St Joseph's College in Sydney, Hunter's hill. This page tells us of the believed history of the college and describes some of the many teachers at the school.
hell[edit | edit source]
Introduction:[edit | edit source]
Hell (otherwise known as St Joseph's College), formally known as Joeys is a high security juvenile detention centre for Bogans, Wiggas and Niggas. It is run by a family of suspicious brothers in sandals and high socks. Joeys was founded by Pauliase Tamopouτariuorlloughuτpopoplτioraueyoreaoreτao!r!akcluckc.
History:[edit | edit source]
St Josephs College Hunters Hill is located on the hill in which Jesus and Satan fought an epic battle for 1000 years in which Jesus defeated Satan, condemning him eternally to an immortal human medium named Brother Anthony Boyd. The students of St Joseph's celebrate Jesus' success through Family masses followed by Sporting Rally's (students are not allowed to socialize with family at any point during these masses).
Teachers and Brothers:[edit | edit source]
Brother Anthony: After his arrival in 1732 Brother was conceived and born at Joeys. His origins are unknown. Since brother’s promotion to deputy principal family masses have increased by 200% and satanic rituals (A.K.A turkey slaps) have increased by 600%. Last year in 2005 Brother was investigated for attempted mass genocide at an assembly in which he instructed teachers to “put on their gas masks and close the doors”
Ms Phillips: Ms Phillips lost her control of her vocal chords in 1897. Her hobbies include mind maps, hello kitty, more mind maps and sky diving. Miss Phillips is known for the typical geographers (except for Miss Quinn who actually teaches the subject) marking schemes in which color is greater than quality.
Cox: Mr. Cox believed we should belong to the lesson. He can always be found in the music centre wearing his black suit and colorful musical themed ties.
Danny: Due to a freak accident involving a dog and an ice cream truck, Danny has testipops every 3rd syllable.
Ticehurst: Ticehurst is currently the most highly paid staff member at the school, supervising students in PD/H/RE (2 subjects morphed together involving more PE than RE). He came to Joeys after his official rugby league career was cut short after a fatal spear tackle to a rugby referee.
Gary: FUNGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Morag: DON’T CALL ME MORAGGGGGGGGG. She also goes on a lot about her lover poss. If you say her name three times she appears in a cloud of smoke and puts you in a jar.
Art Department: All art teachers are rejected extras from the matrix, hence the long black coats.
Ms Ternes: GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE/ Cancer
Mr Hutchenson: Now departed from the school, was voted Australia’s most aspiring teacher. Although failing to teach any of his students we all wished him well for his new teaching career at Hunters Hill High.
Mith Witah: Mith Witah wath attacked by a flock of geethe while telling the clath to focuth. On the weekend she thellth thee shellth by the thee shore.
Translated sentence: Miss Witah was attacked by a flock of geese while telling the class to focus. On the weekend she sells see shells by the see shore.
Mr. Hughes: Mr. Hughes, I.T overlord and Master of the know universe. Enjoys cigarettes, LOTS of Cigarettes. He gets very angry when people play with his knobs.
Colo:[edit | edit source]
The staff at colo includes Mr. Bryant his dog and Ella. In the past horror movies such as the Blare Witch Project, Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Wolf Creek have all been based on colo experiences. The following is a true transcript from a previous colo expedition:
- Crunch: Crunch to Longy
- Longy: Go ahead crunch
- Crunch: TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND, TALK AROUND.
When considering sending ones son to Joeys one should weigh up the pros and cons.
Pros:
- It has a pool with a diving board
- Free expensive items
- Easy way to loose unwanted and wanted items
Cons:
- They took the diving board away
- It costs in excess of 50 Billion dollars a year
- Minimum dog shop purchase is $100
- Bacteria on food
- Fungus on food
- AIDS on food
- Sperm on food
- Hepatitis B on food
- More crime per capita in Joeys than the rest of the world
- Every boy must model themselves in Speedos once a year to the brothers
Infirmary:[edit | edit source]
One must not forget the well valued infirmary. Here at Joeys we have DIY nursing. E.g. Sister my arm is falling off, sister replies, “Have some ice” or “miss I have aids” miss replies “take a panadol”.
Jewish Media[edit | edit source]
Its a Proven fact that the Jews control 800% of the worlds media, the other three percent are those coward muslim news shows. What we don't know is the tightness of their grip. This is an investigation into the Jewish conspiracy and its effects on ordinary humans like you and me.
My Interview with Jewish Born Heathen, Lenny Weinstein[edit | edit source]
Me: So Lenny, whats the deal with the whole running the media thing?.
Lenny: My name isn't Lenny its Karen, get to the back of the fucking line!
Me: So you deny it? 'Cause I'll have you know, I'm recording this interview.
Lenny: Jeez, you got a learning disability or something? FUCK OFF!
Lets analyze that interview, First off he admits to several things, but in a cryptic hebrew code. Lets look at the first sentence:
My name isn't Lenny its Karen, get to the back of the fucking line!
This ones easy, The name "Karen" is actually an acronym for "Kyke Association Ruining Ecclesiology Now" or "K.A.R.E.N" I learned this from my years of study in Israel or "SatanLand" as they call it.
Now lets look at where he tells me to get back in line, its seems innocent enough, he would almost have you believe I was in some kind of line. In reality the word "line" is a metaphor for the jewish conspiracy so what he really meant was "stay out of our conspiracy".
Finally the last sentence is the most damning of all. Lets take a look:
Jeez, you got a learning disability or something? FUCK OFF!
HAH! Did you see that, he said Jeez which is short for Jesus! This is a direct reference to his personal involement in the murder of Jesus Christ. Anyone who didn't believe before should seriously consider believing now.
Crazy or Genius?[edit | edit source]
I've been called many things in my persuit for the truth. But i've always been right and never told a lie. I have my dignity. They thought Galileo was crazy when he predicted the attempted assasination of President Reagan. Galileo was stabbed in both eyes by the jews and he eventually became a mute, but when it happened, did anyone say they were sorry? Is that hard? Just to say I'm sorry, you were right, we were wrong. That is a classic example of the jews controlling the media even in the Galileo days before Jesus. Surpressing ideas that might foil thier plans of world domination. Now for the evidence. I'll show you some pictures and we'll see how deep it goes, Please scroll slowly down the SCARY JEWISH SCROLL JOURNEY OF DOOM:
Did you see anyone of interest there. I didn't. All I see are jews. Thats a conspiracy right there!! If you deny it, your a part of it!!!
How, When & Why[edit | edit source]
Now I will tell you their plans.
Why[edit | edit source]
First of all one must understand what motivates jewish people, money and bagels. Second you need undertsand the culture, they aren't like me and you. Jewish people perform a ritualistic ceremony every wednesday in which they:
- Sacrifice Children
- Inject large amounts of heroin
- Worship satan
- Invest in the stockmarket
- Tell jokes about themselves
- Refuse to spend any money
These are the things that control their minds. Their lives can be boiled down into three basic needs.
- Lieing
- Eating
- Being greedy
The WHY, is simple, to facilitate these unholy needs.
How[edit | edit source]
I have an indepth knowledge of their overall strategy, heres a dumbed down version:
- Step one- seize control of media
- Step two- use media to spread pro-semetic propaganda
- Step three- Convince countries of the world to lay down their arms and join them
- Step four- Destroy naysayers.
The HOW, even more simple than the WHY.
When[edit | edit source]
This is the most definate part of my investigation. By studying the old testament I have found a hidden secret code thats tells me exactly when its going to happen:
- June
- The eleventh
- 2001
Theres the WHEN, you better believe it.IT ALREADY HAPPENED!
What We Are Gonna Do About It[edit | edit source]
I'll get back to you.
Die in a Fire[edit | edit source]
“But i dont want to!”
– James Blunt on being told to die in a fire
“Well I don't care if you think it "needs more cowbell", you can die in a fire!!!”
– Oscar Wilde on constructive criticism
"Die in a fire" is a phrase used to demonstrate anger (or moch-anger) towards another person. Said as an imparative, it is almost always followed by at least one (1) exclamation point, when written.
When lacking exclamation points, it can also be used as a term of affection, i.e.: Person A: "I love you, dear." Person B: "Die in a fire."
History[edit | edit source]
The earliest found usage (possibly the original coining) of this phrase is from a Myspace bulliten sent out by Jerry "G." in early 2006 in which he answered the survey question "Oprah or Ricky Lake?" by saying "Oprah. Ricky Lake can die in a fire."
The phrase was then spread throughout Jerry's friends, primarily through Michael "L." and JM "D.". Recent appearances on the internet, such as the web comic SNAFU, are speculated to be possible results of Jerry's usage of the phrase.
Another theory, put forward by conspiracy theorists, is that "die in a fire" references the fire of Hell, and has sprouted in multiple regions simultaneously as a warning that the apocalypse is near. Posting, and subsequent deletion, of this article on "Wikipedia" supports this conspiricy, in that it shows the wanton cover-up of important knowledge.
Related Phrases[edit | edit source]
"Die in a fire"'s usage began at a time when the phrase "in the face" was being tacked on to the end of sentences for comedic effect by Michael "L.", JM "D.", and friends. This phrase stems from the party game "Mafia", where one role in the game is entitled "I stab you in the face." Also in usage at the time was the phrase "go kill yourself." This phrase's usage is much like "die in a fire", and therefore was mixed with it, producing "Go kill yourself in a fire". The two additions are commonly seen together, yeilding the phrase "Go kill yourself in a fire in the face."
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- "Die in a fire" is abreviated "DIAF"
- The "D" of "DIAF" is sometimes replaced with the prefix "GKY" (Go Kill Yourself).
- "DIAF" and "GKYIAF" are sometimes suffix with "ITF" (In The Face).
- "Die in a fire" is represented by the emoticon >*X-[
- This article needs more cowbell.
Thailand Expedition[edit | edit source]
thailandman:d00d this server r0x! militaryman has entered the game thailandman:who the heck iz u militaryman:n00b dis is my server now get out thailandman:wth? h@x! militaryman hits,50 damage to thailandman militaryman has killed thailandman! usa has entered the game usa:d00d dats not c00l usa:turn back to demockcrasay militaryman:h@x! uk:wats goin on? usa:these n00bs pwn3d thailand uk:these d00ds are h@xxorrs usa:noob ur gonna get pwned! usa hits 15 damage to militaryman uk hits 15 damage to militaryman uk:thailand is da 1337! militaryman:ur ghey take this! military man hits 17 damage to usa usa:u suck n00bz uk hits 20 damage to military man malay1 has entered the game militaryman:wth? militaryman:who iz u? malay1:im pwning j00 h@x malay1 hits 30 damage to militaryman militaryman hits 19 damage to uk uk:n00b j00 are so ghey uk hits 25 damage to militaryman militaryman hits 30 damage to usa usa hits 45 damage to militaryman militaryman:joo n00bs get out militaryman hits 55 damage to uk uk hits 43 damage to militaryman usa:get ready for a pwning n00b usa hits 40 damage to militaryman uk hits 40 damage to militaryman militaryman:wth!? usa:teh 1337 noobz! laoboy has entered the game laoboy:wats up? militaryman:i'm pwning n00bs wanna hlp? laoboy:sure usa:hey wuzzup n00bs usa hits 50 damage to laoboy uk hits 45 damage to militaryman militaryman:dood u suk laoboy hits 40 damage to usa militaryman hits 38 damage to uk burma has entered the game burma:whuzzup d00dz uk:we're pwning the h@xxorzz burma:can i join? uk:yeah burma:c00l burma hits 56 damage to militaryman cambo has entered the game laoboy:wth? cambo hits 36 damage to laoboy burma hits 66 damage to militaryman burma:pwned teh 1337 usa:burma j00 rox uk:111 teh suxxorzz militaryman:d00d im out militaryman has left the server
Indirectly Effective/useless/non-projectile Guns[edit | edit source]
Quarter gun[edit | edit source]
This gun, used exclusively by residents of Lyford Cay, Beverly Hills, and Wall Street, not only launches painful quarters at your enemy, but emasculates them by showing them that you are so rich you're actually using currency as ammunition.
The chicken sprouting gun[edit | edit source]
A gun about the size of a pistol, the Chicken Sprouting Gun fires microscopic eggs at the enemy, which hatch in about 2 seconds and sprout millions of microscopic chickens. These chickens lay more eggs, which hatch into more chickens which lay even more eggs, and so on, until the enemy bursts from having wayyyyyyyy too many chickens inside his body. The chickens, upon coming into contact with air, dissipate, leaving nothing but microscopic feathers behind. This weapon is especially effective in preventing your enemies from asking pointless existential questions about which came first.
Dance Rifle[edit | edit source]
Targets of the Dance Rifle are forced to break out in DDR-style dance mania for an indefinite amount of time. Though also not much use in actual combat, it was still voted by the U. N. as Most Inhumane Weapon of 2005, narrowly beating out the Soulrender 2000 for the honour.
Dali Ray[edit | edit source]
Created as a last-resort anti-personnel weapon by the Spanish military in 1991, the Dali Ray was an attempt to fuse the trademark Spanish surrealist style with the most painful death imaginable. The original design was introduced by a small team of hobbyists who specialized in "blowing things up in microwaves" to Generalissimo El Samuel Suave de la Pava, who happened to be an amateur collector of fine art. Intrigued by the idea, de la Pava reserved funding for what became known as "Proyecto Gala," named for the wife of the acclaimed Salvador Dali, and testing went underway in early 1992.
Initial tests on animal subjects resulted in a wide variety of shapes including flying pomenegrates, mousetraps, slices of bacon, skulls, female breasts, large musical instruments participating in adulterous acts, and in one peculiar circumstance,
Despite the praise of de la Pava, who hoped to utilize the Dali Ray as a form of riot control in conjunction with the National Spanish Project for Renovation of the Public Arts, the Dali Ray was decomissioned in late 1992. Its whereabouts have since been unknown, but recent evidence suggests testing on human subjects by the Japanese government. Human rights activists have joined with fine art critics in lauding this creative use of torture to advance human interaction with the arts on what one critic calls "the deepest level possible [...] The Dali Ray not only allows us to connect with art, it allows us to become the art."
The Dali Ray uses a reverse-polarity stream combined with a generic paranoiac-critical actuator to generate a concentrated field of Picasso Particles which, upon contact with the target, collapse into themselves and form the famously, highly unpredictable Surrealist state of matter which results in what de la Pava called the "Dali Effect." The Dali Effect, in short, extracts and rearranges gluons in whatever way Salvador Dali would have seen fit, transforming regular forms into surrealist objects, a transformation which usually results in excruciating pain for the target.
Contrasts have been drawn between the Dali Ray and the Heart of Gold, inspiring many theorists to claim that the Heart of Gold itself is actually an extremely advanced generator of the Dali Effect.
Gun that gives people cancer later in life[edit | edit source]
The gun that gives people cancer later in life looks like a simple firearm in appearance. When it's user pulls the trigger whilst pointing it at a particular target, it appears and sounds as though the gun is firing without ammo. However, the unsuspecting target will develop a most insidious and unstoppable tumor several years, possibly decades, in the future. This is also known as the laser. Unfortunately, the battery pack needed to power the gun is massive, and makes for a better weapon, club really, than the gun, and is much faster.
Eber's Bowels disruptor[edit | edit source]
This abominable weapon is feared for one reason and one reason only: the "RECTAL VOLCANO" distrupment mode. Unlike the fairly amusing "Trickle" and "Feces Fall" mode, one shot from this is enough to make even the strongest of men suffer eternal agony in his mid-lower section. The ensuing blast of crap would undoubtably also annihilate any lower articles of clothing, and most likely result in the creation of a large crater similar to the one where Hiroshima used to be.
Spiderman Gun[edit | edit source]
This gun has a curved barrel so that when the gun is fired it shoots a radioactive spider at the person who fired it. The spider's bite transforms the shooter into Spiderman in a matter of seconds. Then you can seriously WHOOP SOME ASS.
Russian Reversal Reversal Gun[edit | edit source]
This gun was a poor attempt by the USA to counter Russian Reversal. It has the ability to take everything said in Russain Reversal, and Westernize it. Unfortunately, the design never got off the drawning board, thanks to pressure from Militant Wikipeidia Communists.
Butter gun[edit | edit source]
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File:Butter gun.jpg Effective only against waffles. With a spectacular confluence of neo-classical economic principles, guns and butter can be combined to produce the extremely inexpensive butter gun. For the cost of a single "metal" gun, dozens, scores and even grosses of butter guns can be produced. The equilibrium point for this process is "off the chart," i.e., dog! The production-possibilities frontier is breached by the creation of the butter gun itself. In an effort to create a better butter gun, Latvia's top economists, weaponologists, and scienticians found that for the cost of four guns or four butters, one can produce 3,277 butter guns. Unfortunately, they cannot actually be used to attack anything save waffles and Overlord Jemima. Note: Due their extreme ineffectiveness in killing, hurting, or even annoying people, butter guns should be made strictly for foreign customers. Establishing these critical export markets will be discussed in Macro next semester (Phase II.) |
Rubber ducky gun[edit | edit source]
Completely pointless! But good if your son/daughter has lost her real pet duck. Just fire rubber ducky at cage or container where the old, real duck was and your child will never know the difference. Originally invented to develop handgun skills and encourage firearm familiarity in young children. The most common use was by two or more toddlers in a bubble filled bath, where parents would either support and encourage the positive feelings and emotions associated with playing with guns, so as to desensitise the children to death, and the prevent an ingrained sense of ‘responsibility for ones actions’ appearing at a young age.
Sperm gun[edit | edit source]
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This weapon was created in the year 1972 by the famous scientist/porn star Ron Jeremy... This weapon, if it existed, would have the potential to do high damage. Possessing the capability to instantly impregnate its victims, regardless of their gender. This could prove somewhat embarassing to males, as they lack a suitable opening to release the infant. Upon firing, the weapon would release a barrage of genetically modified sperm, able to penetrate their victim and impregnate him/her. How two sperms combine to form a zygote, I don't know. Perhaps the baby is ready-made? Note that this weapon is not feasible for use on an inanimate object as they cannot reproduce. With the exception of computers, anyway. The effect of a sperm gun on females would be minimal, unless fired multiple times. Firing the sperm gun only once may result merely in one baby, causing no harm except to her figure, possibly. Multiple shots should cause her to be impregnated 20+ times, calling for abortion, extensive operating or exploding vagina due to lack of space for the babies to emerge. This would be highly messy, however. Notable for its different levels of severity, the only drawback to the Sperm gun is that the user has to manually pump the supply hose which (not seen) is attached to the user's penis... On a male, the results are far more noticeable. As there is no suitable opening, even one shot can prove lethal. The only feasible options are a sex change or death. Abortion will not work as everyone knows that men can't abort babies. Neither are they supposed to get pregnant, but who cares. Death is extremely painful and the process humiliating. As the nine months pass, the victim will apparently become increasingly obese. At childbirth, there are not only the crippling labour pains to deal with, there is also the minor detail of the lack of a suitable opening. This results either in a ruptured penis and forcible gender change or an expanded anus. Greatly expanded, at that. Both conditions invariably lead to death most of the time. It is, however, worth noting that this weapon takes nine months to take effect and thus is not very suitable. Also, don't use it unless you're sure that the babies won't survive, especially if you're using it on Oprah Winfrey. This could be used as a sex toy, but you would need to pay a huge fee aborting those children. Also effective against Amazonian women, home intruders, Paris Hilton and George Bush Jr.s Mom. |
RPG Launcher[edit | edit source]
As the name suggest, this gun fires a role-playing game at it's target, distracting them for hours at a time and rendering them lifelong virgins. The wielder can then run away or simply kill his opponent.
Action RPG Launcher[edit | edit source]
Similar to the RPG launcher, this fires out an Action RPG. The ARPG Launcher is generally used on opponents too stupid to figure out more complex RPGs who will become distracted and wander around killing things. The result is much the same as an RPG launcher, but if used on a more intelligent opponent there is a chance they will quickly become bored.
Japanese RPG Launcher[edit | edit source]
A further improvement to the RPG launcher and Action RPG launcher, the Japanese RPG Lanucher fires out a Japanese RPG at the opponent. The JRPG launcher uses anime-style cutscenes, incomprehensible oddball game mechanics, a variety of unusual, odd, and just plain creepy characters and amusing mistranslation to create an even more effective projectile weapon. The JRPG Launcher is particularly effective against otaku. The leading manufacturer of JRPG ammo is Nippon Ichi.
MMORPG Launcher[edit | edit source]
The ultimate RPG launcher, this fires out a pulse which simultaneously occupies human targets for hours (sometimes even days), slows everybody else in the vicinity's internet to a crawl, and causes lag for miles around, allowing the wielder to use bullet time, and sometimes even Red Time. Occasionally the MMORPG launcher will accidentally fire Diablo II - this is a misfire but still occasionally effective. Even more cruelly, targets with inferior computer systems will become unable to play the MMORPG (especially if World of Warcraft is loaded), and become infuriated at the problems, and spend days, weeks, months, occasionally even years, attempting to upgrade their computer to play - allowing the wielder to prepare a nuclear strike. Using Final Fantasy XI as a bullet enrages most Final Fantasy fans into relentlessly attacking, so be careful. Overuse of this weapon can be known to cause Lagnarok. Famous wielders include Charles Dickens.
Pump-Action Spectacle Chaingun[edit | edit source]
The Pump-Action Spectacle Chaingun allso known as the Spectacle Eradicator is a commonly used weapon in riot control. This weapon shoots wrong prescription spectacles at a high rate of fire. Once on an enemy they can't see a thing and are easy targets. For best results ensure that the target has eyes first.
Canon Canon[edit | edit source]
This large canon fires a canon - which inturn fires a canon ball.
Canon Canon Canon[edit | edit source]
This large canon fires a canon, which then fires a canon - which inturn fires a canon ball.
Canon Canon Canon Canon MK. 5[edit | edit source]
This large canon fires a canon, which then fires a canon, which then fires a canon, which then fires a canon, which then fires a canon, which then fires a canon, which then fires a canon, which then fires a canon, which then fires a canon, which then fires a canon, - which inturn fires a canon ball.
The Canon Canon Canon Canon MK. 5 has been know to backfire. The projectile, nestled within the canon, encircled the globe and shot the firer in the back - he did not die though, as the projectile was a microspic size
Camera gun[edit | edit source]
A camera, equipped with the barrel of a shotgun. Marvel at the look on your enemy's face seconds before getting blasted with one of these.
Reverse Camera Gun[edit | edit source]
Like a camera gun, except it blasts YOU in the face. Popular in Soviet Russia.
Animal-Launchers[edit | edit source]
Elongated mammal gun[edit | edit source]
Despite the fact that little furry mammals, such as ferrets, dachshunds meerkats, and weasels are so cute and furry, they make excellent weapons of mass destruction. Simply load one of them into the barrel, aim, and fire. Depending on the mammal fired, the effects will be different. If a ferret is fired, it will pee all over the target before biting and running away. A weasel will bite, scratch, and make the victim's life unbearable until given fifty live baby mice. A dachsund will gouge out the victims eyes and then strangle it with its own intestines. A meerkat will curl into a ball, and harmlessly follow the victim/owner around. When midnight strikes, however, it will summon a horde of meerkats, who will eviscerate the victim in its sleep.
An anteater can be sharpened, elongated, and used in a similar way to a gun that shoots swords. A camel can have its neck lengthened, and will spit on the victim before colliding with him for extra damage.
Multipurpose Elongated Mammal Gatling Gun[edit | edit source]
The same, but it has a toaster and a Cuisinart.
Multiporpoise Elongated Mammal Gatling Gun[edit | edit source]
Similar to the Multipurpose Elongated Mammal Gatling Gun, but automatically shoots a small pod of porpoise along with the selected mammal, which can allow it to travel long distances, knock obsatcles out of the way, or just distract the target.
Elephant Gun[edit | edit source]
This gun looks like a perfectly ordinary pistol, but it fires full grown Indian Elephants. The upside is that not many things will last long after behing hit with a high-speed elephant, and that's provided they don't die from the surprise of seeing a multi-ton mammal fired at them out of a pocket-size pistol. The downside is that the elephant isn't apt to be very happy when it lands, and may maul the person who fired the gun. There is also no way to reload this gun, as we still haven't figured out how they fit the elephants into the bullets in the first place.
Comes in a blue version and a red version, but not a yellow version. There's no such thing as a Yellow Elephant Gun.
A version with Giant Menstruating She-Elephants is also popular in Laos.
Madonna gun[edit | edit source]
Although popular with the "gay" community, Madonnas music is actully a form of slow torture when initiated "time goes by, so slowly" causing severe headaches and possible ear explosion. Although not properly tested, the Madonna gun does affect the user, so develop a taste in men before using this weapon. Or cut off your ears.
Fried chicken gun[edit | edit source]
Although named "fried chicken gun", after loading live fowl into the hopper, the only thing this gun shoots out is fully cooked, rotisserie drumsticks. This weapon has a knob on it with two settings: Swords and Plowshares. When set to Swords, the drumsticks fire at a constant chickeny barrage, striking their target with forceful bony impact. When set to Plowshares, the drumsticks are helpfully presented to the wielder for oral consumption. (An under-barrel attachment provides various dipping sauces to accompany the drumsticks.) Attempting to be clever by setting the knob in the exact middle produces bizarre miniature plowshares that are strangely sharp, and disrupt proverbial wisdom for miles around. This weapon deals double damage to vegetarians and quadruple damage to vegans.
The sound chickens make when being inserted into this weapon is uniquely unpleasant.
Invented in the KFC Riots of 2048.
Poontang Gun[edit | edit source]
This gun shoots out poontangs which can ricochet around corners and make basically everybody uncomfortable. The name itself is also effective in making most men uncomfortable. Poontang. See? The gun is built for the most part like an RPG unit but has a more "v" shaped barrel. This Rocket Propelled Poontang can shoot poontangs at up to eleven miles per hour. The force of just one poontang shot from this gun from eighty feet away can hurt a little to adults and sometimes knock over small children. The damp nature of the projectile also makes it effective against people that don't like mucus or other wet things.
Blue Veined Custard Gun[edit | edit source]
This gun would be easily concealed in your pants making it the ultimate assassaiyans weapon. When faced with the need to use all you'd have to do is place one or both of your hands in your pockets and prime the gun. This is done by pumping the gun 20 or 30 times.
When it has been fully primed, you withdraw the blue veined custard gun from your pants and force the target to their knees. You then fire point blank to the face. You can also fire it at the victim's buttocks or stomach, but it doesn't look as impressive.
You then clean your blue veined custard gun, and leave the motel room.
Anti-guns[edit | edit source]
Anti-Aussie Gun[edit | edit source]
This gun requires the use of an Englishman, which is why it is necessary to use it before you use the gun below. Aim the gun at an Englishman, pull the trigger, and the gun fires a cricket ball. The Englishman then produces a cricket bat from nowhere and hits the ball for 6. All nearby Aussies then spew so much nonsense about dodgy umpires and general surprise that 'Poms can actually play cricket' that they self-destruct.
Anti-Englishman Gun[edit | edit source]
A gun that shoots coffee at Britons. Coming in contact with coffee will almost instantly kill any Briton from sheer horror and shock. This weapon is far more effective if the coffee was correctly made with tepid to warm water, as many Brits have developed a resistance to variants created using boiling water, as is their custom.
Anti-Chav Gun[edit | edit source]
This shoots a stream of culture at any unsuspecting chav. Contact with culture will cause any chav to instantly vaporize, leaving naught but a small pile of charred Burberry clothing.
Anti-Politician Gun[edit | edit source]
Shoots a picture of the Constitution. This should be enough to kill most politicians. It will certainly kill any Federal politician, as they are all amoral and power-hungry anyway; the Constitution to a politician is like a cross to a vampire.
While dangerous to both Democrats and Republicans, Socialist politicians are reduced to ashes.
It's said to be paticularly effective against supreme court judges as well.
Anti-Bush Gun[edit | edit source]
Emits deadly rays of intelligence, which is anti-matter to Bush. Aaaiiieeee... I'm Melting(Bush)
Some variations of the Anti Bush gun fires a life size repleca of India. Another fires gays.
Anti-Tax Gun[edit | edit source]
Fires a small tax man to knock on doors. The tax man then WHOOPS SOME ASS, while stealing your money. It's a win-win for you. WARNING: Ocassionaly will back-fire and steal your own money.
Anti-Terrorist Gun[edit | edit source]
This shoots ordinary bullets. That should still be enough to kill a terrorist. For fun shoot bullets made of pork this causes terrorists to scream in the wretched agony of one who believes he is doomed to eternal torment.
Anti-French Gun[edit | edit source]
This shoots ordinary bullets, just like the previous one. There is also a setting for use of an invading army, which serves just as well, but with more humiliation.
Anti-Liberal Gun[edit | edit source]
Shoots a hypodermic bullet filled with logic inducing serum. Causes their brains to explode.
Anti-Conservative Gun[edit | edit source]
Shoots a hypodermic bullet filled with logic inducing serum. Causes their brains to explode.
Anti-Michael Brown Gun[edit | edit source]
Shoots waves of Responsibility.
Anti-F.E.M.A Gun[edit | edit source]
Just give them a watch; it's much easier.
Anti-Laotian Gun[edit | edit source]
This gun, by existing, creates a paradox and destroys everything in the universe except for Laotians.
Anti-Irish Gun[edit | edit source]
This gun does two things, depending on who fires it.
When used by a Laotian or an Irish person, this gun shoots bullets that reduce the victim's BAC to zero.
When used by anyone else, this gun does nothing except maybe consume the user in a manifestation of his own stupidity. It is a well-known fact that Irish people can only be killed by Laotians (the masters of ass-kicking) and other Irish (The Laotians of Europe).
Anti-American Gun[edit | edit source]
Has the word "France" written on it. Most Republicans will consider this anti-American. Most Democrats will consider this a "made in China" sticker, spelled wrong.
Anti-Gay Gun[edit | edit source]
When fired a wormhole is opened. From the worm hole a 16 wheeled semi and a drunk trucker appear. The trucker than proceeds to tie the gay to the back of his truck and he drives him off to the depths of hell. Dark Jesus's favorite weapon.
Anti-Homophobe gun[edit | edit source]
Same as above, instead the trucker himself is gay, and proceeds to tie the homophobe to the back of his truck and he drives him into the deepest bowels of hell. Jesus favorite weapon.
Anti-Nazi Gun[edit | edit source]
This Israeli-made weapon usually fires lethal bullets filled with Kosher. Alternatively, Russia has recently developed hollow rounds filled with Vodka to only paralyze the target. But nobody cares about paralyzing, everybody sticks to the lethal variant.
Everything Else[edit | edit source]
Bulimic zombie gun[edit | edit source]
Though little more than a bulimic zombie used as a gun, this relativey light weapon will fire devastating, acidy globs of vomit. One upside to the bulimic zombie gun is that any kind of food may be used as ammo. Earlier test models that did not use zombies had the annoying tendency to die during combat, becoming little more than a boring meat shield. The use of the undead for this application prevented such mishaps, and minor inconveniences like limbs rotting off can be solved with duct tape. There is also the added intimidation factor of "AAAAAHHHH! A ZOMBIE!" which is a sure plus.
Note: Bulimic zombie guns cannot be labeled as living weapons, as they are not technically living. They're undead, dumbass.
Road rage gun[edit | edit source]
Okay, so we've all felt road rage. Some idiot cuts you off in traffic. Some drunk is driving down the road at 15 mph, weaving all over the place, and you can't pass. What to do? Well, a road rage gun would allow you to shoot a very special paintball pellet at the vehicle in question. When the pellet hits, it spells out, in large fluorescent letters, a message like "Stupid Ass Drunk Driver" or "I rape children, and love it." Collect three of these messages, and the idiot loses his or her driver's license, which they obviously should never have been given in the first place.
Serrated bullet[edit | edit source]
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Bullets only stab once. This is because bullets are a waste of metal. Serrated bullets would stab multiple times, and the person you're shooting will be in much more agony. Is there a single reason not to serrate bullets? Okay, the bullet might not fly right, and might hit YOU instead. Oh, well — it was worth a try. |
Paper gun[edit | edit source]
No one likes a paper cut. The paper gun essentially acts upon this primal fear. Instead of firing lethal blasts of death ray it instead acts as a portable printer. You print some paper, walk up to your enemy, and then scratch them. This hurts....a lot... *Note: Do not expect results.
The PWNT gun[edit | edit source]
When fired, your enemy becomes immediately PWNT with no chance of them ever recovering. Works most effectively on n00bs.
Runescape Gun[edit | edit source]
This gun fires a concentrated crappy MMORPG with lots of lag. All hardcore gamers will die instantly. All mediocore gamers will die after a short period of time. All gaming no0bs and idiotic 8 year olds will enjoy the game, thus it is ineffective, which is why it is necesary to carry the below gun, just in case.
Anti-Runescape Gun[edit | edit source]
This gun fires Anti-Runescapeness! All hardcore Runescape players, will blow up. All medicore runescape players, will disintegrate. All Runescape noobs, will either realize how much the game sucks, and stop playing, or they will disintigrate. If fired at Zezima(the Runescape player with absolutely no life) he will die, and cause a chain reaction thus causing all Runescape players who don't convert to Anti-Runescapeness to blow up, and all who do will be spared. If fired at Jagex, their heads will explode and all Runescape servers will detonate! If fired at any Anti-Runescapers, nothing will happen.
Gun that shoots apples that lodge themselves in people's ears[edit | edit source]
Very effective when used on people who have ears.
Tractor Beam[edit | edit source]
This versatile weapon has two settings: One fires a laser that turns the target into a tractor, and the other flings a nearby tractor at a high velocity in the direction aimed. A potent combination.
Moron Launcher[edit | edit source]
This versitile weapon can shoot high velocity morons at the target with devastating results. The moron explodes on impact turning everyone near by into a moron that runs into another, explodes and turns him in to amoron too that runs... etc.
Gun that shoots Laotians[edit | edit source]
Causes a Laotian to come out and kick your enemies' asses. Then your ass.
Gun that shoots darkness[edit | edit source]
You'd think this would be useless. Well, no. It's useful for making your enemies think that there isn't an alligator pit between them and you.
Nirvana Gun[edit | edit source]
This gun is not lethal, though can help you in court where you can defend yourself, saying you didn't kill anyone. This gun targets sleep centers in the brain and triggers them, causing victims to instantaneously fall fast asleep for several hours.
Full time gun[edit | edit source]
Used constantly in crappily-written works of Australian anime, this ghun can cause time travel and change the past to fit a new present, with a catch. See also: Butterfly Effect Machine
Full-Time gun[edit | edit source]
Completely unlike the above gun, employers use it so employees will work their full shift efficiently, an by that we mean not complaining about their working conditions or tiny pay, not redirecting the customers that need to pee out onto the store signs, and not sleeping or eating any of the food reserved for the managers. If they want food, then they can have the dumpsters behind McDonalds. But not our dumpsters. They aren't worthy enough to have our refuse.
Not Even Guns[edit | edit source]
Guitar gun[edit | edit source]
A favorite of assassin mariachis, the Guitar Gun is an invention by the Death Metal guitarist Gareth Gates. Gareth Gates decided that his UZI 9mm wasn't exciting enough, so he converted a Flying-V style guitar into a fully automatic machine gun.
The Guitar Gun is capable of firing 1000 rounds per minute, and Gareth Gates first used it against his father, Darth Vader, in 2016. Although it wasn't powerful enough to penetrate his armour, it managed to become one of the most popular weapons of the 21st Century.
The design of the Guitar Gun has changed over the years, and it now includes a scope and a blade on the headstock. It has knobs for all kinds of things, such as speed and power, aswell as the incredible sound effects that you would find on a battery powered toy gun. The Guitar Gun is also available in many styles, including the Stratocaster, Telecaster and Les Paul.
Guitar Guns are currently mass produced on an uncharted island south of Australia, by a company called Epiguns. Famous users of this weapon are Mr T, various cast members of FLCL, Rambo and Tony Blair.
It is known that during the War of Rock from 2010 to 2014, Guitar Guns were the main weapon used. The Loyalist forces used Flying-V style Guitar Guns, and the New Rocking Order used Stratocaster and Les Paul style Guitar Guns. Legend has it that John Frusciante of the Loyalist forces could break down an enemy Rocker by just playing the intro to Under the Bridge.
It should be noted that in an unrelated incident onstage in 1973, Robert Fripp played a dissonant chord that myseriously killed an audience member during a performance of "Lark's Tounges in Aspic Pt. II". Currently, research is ongoing to discover if this is indeed an anachronistic instance of a prototypical Guitar Gun.
Laser spectacles[edit | edit source]
According to recent studies by the Department of statistics (a common misspelling of "the Department of Satanists") you know more than a third of people either need or have glasses. Now think about it if you are sick about being teased about your large thick, plastic rimmed spectacles. Well no longer with the amazing Laser Spectacles IN 3D. Laser spectacles shoot a super red hot beam of 100% pure laser which can incinerate your enemies until they are burnt into a cheese and onion flavoured potato crisp; crinkle cut of course.
Pre-order them today* at: www.pleasehelpmeturnmyenemiesintoacheeseandonionflavouredpotatocrisp.crinklecutnaturally.astheyteasemeaboutmyspectacles.com
(*We're still working on them, but they'll be ready soon, I promise! If not today, maybe tomorrow; if not then, maybe Friday. Its good on Friday.)
NB: Laser Spectales may not help your vision in the slightest, please keep out of reach of children, Germans and especially die Kindern. Denken sie von die Kindern!
Shotgun Shoes[edit | edit source]
Shotguns...concealed in your shoes!. Just be careful when putting them on, make sure to point them AWAY from your face, genitials, ect. Also, don't accidently smash your heel into the ground or jump, as you may fire the gun and kill someone who you didn't mean to.
Orgasmatron[edit | edit source]
This gun fires a ray that causes its targets to have an orgasm, thus disabling them for just long enough to shoot them with your normal gun. Of course, this raises the question as to why, if you can shoot them with your Orgasmatron, why not just shoot them with your regular gun? This basically means that the Orgasmatron is almost useless in actual combat. It is, however, a lot of fun at parties.
Dead flounder[edit | edit source]
The Dead flounder can be used like a slow-acting land mine. Simply hide it within the enemy camp (sheep ninjas can be used for this purpose) and wait 3-5 days for the enemy's nose to melt off. This weapon can also be used to detect if the enemy has kittens at their disposal, since kittens can be used to disarm a dead flounder. Early testing of this weapon was done on a black Michael Jackson. Those of you who would not wish such a cruel fate on another human being should observe one of the other numerous weapons described here.
The Desert Beagle[edit | edit source]
This is what has now replaced the Desert Eagle in the hip game Counter-Strike. It holds 7 beagles and is still the most powerful pistol in the game used mostly by sniper noobz.
Chuck Norris' Guns[edit | edit source]
There so big n' huge lol
The Hax Gun[edit | edit source]
An extremly awesome gun that cause several huge amount of spyware and hax programs as well as viruses to flood into you're victims body, causing them to melt into a large green blob.
“In humanity, only so much can be tolerated, even in terms of weaponry.”
– Oscar Wilde on weapons that exist, but shouldn't
Axl Rose's voice[edit | edit source]
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Axl Rose is especially known to use the the ancient ninja-technique known as the skunk-cry: "SHA NA NA NA NA NA NA KNEES KNEES!" During Operation Desert Strom Axl Rose was kidnapped, tied up, shoved into a tank outfitted with a loudspeaker and he was forced to screech in order to drive out the infidels into the open. This is also the reason why Chinese Democracy, the concept or the album, has never seen the light of day. In either case, Axl Rose's voice has many other uses, including but not limited to:
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TANG(R)[edit | edit source]
OH SHIT ITS TANG!!! RUN MOTHER FUCKERS RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kool-Aid Man[edit | edit source]
Think about it... your sitting there minding your own buisness... then someone yells HEY KOOL-AID!!! next thing you know... BAM!!! property dammage... does he pay for it? NO!!! unless OH-YEAH is a leagal tender or currency! i cant buy a new goddamned wall with an OH-YEAH!!! and the kidds fucking drink outta him for god sake!!! i mean like COME ON!!!!!
Barbra Streisand[edit | edit source]
Do I need to say anything else about this?
Blue Screen of Death, The[edit | edit source]
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The Blue screen of death is a horrible plot concocted by a nefarious group of college students in the mid 1970's in order to piss off more dependent and less intellectual students using their equipment. The Blue Screen of Death has been attributed, but not limited to, causing the following disasters:
Extendable Cattle Prod Nightstick[edit | edit source]
Nightsticks hurt when hit with, cattle prods hurt when poked with. Combining the two, may be the most evil idea ever to be come up with by modern man. Cheese[edit | edit source]Cheese is the fabled weapon of the gods. Cheese supposedly has the same chemical composition of euphoria (PiE). It is well know that Popeye the Sailor Man abused this substance during the great spinach famine. It also is rumored to be able to summon Bob. Fear it and its capabilities. Chuck Norris[edit | edit source]Chuck Norris... what more? DDR Machines[edit | edit source]
Euroipods[edit | edit source]The Euroipods article is so bad, one has to:
Goatse Man[edit | edit source]
Guns With Bayonets That Are Also Guns[edit | edit source]Horn Book[edit | edit source]Horn Books are still used as a method of torture, but they can be tortured themselves? Why? Incredibly Hot Anime Girls[edit | edit source]
Jon Voight[edit | edit source]
Marguerite Perrin[edit | edit source]
My wife's cooking[edit | edit source]Talk about "cruel and unusual punishment". Emeril, she ain't. Simon Cowell[edit | edit source]A product of genetic engineering by the british, this human weapon was first conceived in order to attack the enemies emotionally. It will insult anyone with bad talent causing it's morale to go way down and leave them vulnerable for attack and manipulation. It was transfered to the United States of America for further testing on it's people and was put on the show American Idol as a judge. After years of testing, the results were shown:
If Simon Cowell gets another job outside of American Idol, you better watch out because you're next on the list. Soviet dogs with fire on their back[edit | edit source]Trained by the commies with the intention of setting alight clinicly morbidly obese people, these were a complete failure, as they were trained with russian fatties, which was exactly what the dogs did when they were on the field, run under the Russian fattos. With all due respect, these have been taken off your selves by the kind Jockeys from the sky. This Guy[edit | edit source]
TOGO Coasters[edit | edit source]Wikis[edit | edit source]These horrible virtual weapons, extend their grip into the physical realm. By silently capturing intelligent, creative people in their internet clutches, these user updatable data constructs force their enslaved symbiotes to weave additional layers of intrigue and editability to contain the next round of hapless eggheads. A wiki is created by enslaving a system administrator, who is foolish enough to be subverted by a non-existant software process. The system admin purchases a digital bed for the wiki to be created, and then proceeds to meld together the magical elements of clock-gated life. At that point, the wiki is still just a fledling vanity web page, albiet a sophisticated site with much dynamic potential. It isn't until the alpha-dupe spends real world time and energy contacting other human beings to participate in it's mind-trap, that the wiki emerges from it's cocoon. The wiki attracts its prey by siezing and presenting the humorous, factual, or bigoted catalogues of the previous acquisitions. By capturing more and more victims, the wiki actually increases it's abilitiy to capture more drones. Wikis are usually formed along intellectual boundaries, such as the desire to catalog knowledge, or the desire to make yourself laugh, or the desire to believe that your group is superior to other groups. Captured humans from opposing wikis, often participate in trying to destroy the opposing wiki's credibility. Ironically, in this process, the wiki's share mind-slaves, and both become even more powerful. Although the more insidious wikis have been created with the soul purpose of enslaving and manipulating pale skinned insocialites, a vast majorities of wikis prey upon their creators. WMDs[edit | edit source]Weather of Mass Drowning. Hurricanes, typhoons, tropical storms, Ted Kennedy, tsunamis, tidal waves, waterspouts, flash floods, quicksand, and elephant drool. Ban them, we've had enough! Barrett M82 sniper rifle[edit | edit source]A weapon that makes people think they can take on Chuck Norris, often with disastrous results. Gay bomb[edit | edit source]A bomb that was researched by the US Army, though never developed. It would contain a chemical that, when released into the air, would cause intense homosexual arousal in targets. No such chemical was ever discovered, so the idea was dropped. Man-cannon[edit | edit source]A weapon designed to fling human being to great heights. Patented. People Named Shane[edit | edit source]Yeah Its That Bad. Especially people named Shane who go to Sanborn Carpal Tunnel syndrome[edit | edit source]Carpal tunnel syndrome is a sexually transmitted disease spread by infected keyboards. It was discovered by Al Gore in 1826, working under the direction of his friend and boss, Jesus Gates Christ v.XII. Having just invented the internet, Gore decided to search it with his steam-powered computer for hot vintage porn. Just as his massive manhood was reaching 56 kb/s, he discovered, much to his terror, that gone were his hands and in their place were massive rusty chainsaws.
As the great internet boom of 1929 spread across the world, carpal tunnel would eventually kill 69 trillion Koreans. Despite the heroic efforts of noted scientists and saints such as Benito Mussolini and Dr Ruth Westheimer, a cure has yet to be found. Until such a cure is found, many will be forever deprived of the unbridled joys of touch typing with one hand.
Sadako Yamamura[edit | edit source]Sadako Yamamura was this one Asian chick from Korea. At the age of 5 she witnessed the atomic missle drop on Korea which successfully brought the peaceful world into World War VIII. Her mother was a liar! and fraud!! TV psychic and her father is thought to be the ocean, meaning the ocean somehow impregnated her mother. Though more likely than not her father was probably her mothers doctor. Several years later at the age of 12 she developed strong psychic powers, called leukemia by where-ever-the-fuck-in-the-world Korea is. After killing a bunch of reporters who denounced her mother as a fraud worse than Miss Cleo and drowning class mates by will alone, she was committed to a mental hospital.
Sadako continued to be Sadako but the second half (of her) was named Samara. Sadako was a shy, scardy cat, whos powers she couldnt control and the Samara was one little entity that was pure evil and more psychic than Miss Cleo..err bad exampple.... Her doctor, kept Samara from growing by giving her huge cups of of coffee from Starbucks but he could do nothing to weaken the leukemia powers. Dr. Suzuki sent Sadakos ass off away from the Samara so the 2 wouldnt merge. After mindlessy wandering the streets for a few months, she wound up in an acting troupe. Within a few months her whole acting troupe, a reporter who Sadako apparently killed her boyfriend by will alone, and a lynched, dead Sadako wound up on Dr. Suzukis doorstep. Not much is known at why this happened (since like, everyone who was there is dead d00d) but it appears to have to do with the female lead for a play being mysteriously whacked and Sadako causing everyone to dream about furries. Unfortinatly for everyone else, Samara and Sadako were reinuted as one and their kickass psychic power had become so powerful it was deadly. Deadly for everyone else that is! With the 2 Sadakos reunited as one evil entity, she turned pure evil with her long, white hair coveirng her face of evil and slow, spastic movements. Sadako later got served by her father. He snuck up behind her, gave her noggin a whacking with large bamboo stick and threw her ass in a well. As far as we know, Sadako is still down there. Then....like, Sadakos telepathic powers cursed and killed people via videotapes called Videodrome. See Also[edit | edit source]The Ring - A film that was set for Sadako to act in. Eternity[edit | edit source]
For ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and... Ze neew vinterfresh goom lasts too long for zis eternity, buh-bye now! Or, in maths, . Both are accurate to within 3%. See also[edit | edit source]That One Guy[edit | edit source]Who?[edit | edit source]That One Guy is not a very important person. He's also That Second Guy's little brother. This works because of time travel, since technically, he was born before the second guy, even if he appeared to be born afterwards. This lad over younder by the tr..Oh...damnit..maybe not's step-cousin, and That god damn bitch no one gives three flying shits about's great great sister. I hate that god damn bitch no one gives three flying shits about. I hate her to the point I JUST WANT TO FUCKING STAB THAT GOD DAMN BITCH NO ONE GIVES THREE FLYING SHITS ABOUT!!!! GOD DAMNIT IT HATE HER FUCKING KILL NOW! Oh my god.... I Why?[edit | edit source]Well, honestly, we don't know the purpose of That One Guy's existence. So, we just like to pretend the Mushroom people brought him into That fourth guy's house. Where?[edit | edit source]Oh my fucking god! Did you not read the last category? I SAID AT THAT FOURTH GUY'S HOUSE YOU FUCKTIT! When?[edit | edit source]I don't know. So I'm going to say.. MUSTACHE!11..okay, that was just fucking stupid, It was July, Seventh, Nineteen Nightsy five...I think... There was a President, A dead guy, and...Oh, fuck it.. What?[edit | edit source]You didn't listen to what I said?..or..uhh...dammit...uhh... Read? You are all deaf and stuff! I think you need something like a HEARIN' AID!11 DID YA KNOW THAT!? More Info[edit | edit source]That One Guy is Fifty years old, He is an old person. Old people are old, Old is old, Old means old, Old people have crust, crust rhymes with bust, so old people's crust makes them bust into pieces, a thousand pieces, Oreos also come in pieces, Old people's pieces are made of Oreo's, Therefore, old people are undead creatures made from oreos, and stuff. Since the moon is not an oreo, Old people fell down really hard from the moon. That One Guy did too, but he's like...real cool, and stuff...I thinkg See Also[edit | edit source]External Links[edit | edit source]
Topol[edit | edit source]Topol is an entertainer with a prominent porn-star mustache, despite never flaunting this and acting in porno-films, the style is said to be quite popular within his home country of Saudi-Arabia, he is also the least prominent actor with only one name in the world. Lifetime[edit | edit source]Near Chaim later changed his name to Topol, in hopes of becoming a Chris Jones[edit | edit source]Origin of Chris[edit | edit source]Chris Jones is no man; some say he even isn't a woman. Chris is a mystery wrapped in enigma paper and covered with uncertainty juice. But.... Some facts are known about this "being".
about the weather.
Chris: Facts or common myths?[edit | edit source]
Chris : The Article which opened our eyes[edit | edit source]Official Press release from the UN : " Chris, also known as "y boi yna", is believed by some to be an rare bipedal Great ape-like creature, but is considered an urban legend by many others. Chris is described as a large, bipedal hairy hominoid creature living in remote forested wilderness areas of Gwynedd, specifically in Cilgwyn. Some think that Chris may be found around the world under different regional names, such as "David Hasselhoff". Sightings have allegedly occurred in Malaysia, China, Russia, Australia, South America and Caernarfon. The majority of scientists reject the likelihood of such a creature's existence, and consider the stories of Chris to be a combination of unsubstantiated folklore and hoax. No bones or bodies have been found, but numerous tracks have been found over the years. " Chris' Believers[edit | edit source]Chris' fan base (or believers) have grown over the years. For 21 years the only members were Mrs T K Huckton and Mr P I Smith, but in 2005 it grew to ten members. Some say the article by the UN made people conscious of an conspiracy, and being bored and clinically depressed more members joined. "The Society of Chris and his ways" annually holds a Christmas lunch and summer day out. Precautions : What to do if Chris approaches?[edit | edit source]
LithiYum![edit | edit source]
The Cereal[edit | edit source]LithiYum is a special brand of Japanese Cereal. It is a very sufficient source of all your essential nutrients such as, Vitamin A, B, C, D, E, F, and Cancer. It is not recommended to children with obesity for it will cause them to have massive amounts of Diarreah and lose so much weight, that their new problem would be anorexia.
Theme Song[edit | edit source]The theme song for the LithiYum commercial was played by famous Polka band Nirvana because of it's famous lyrics "I like it, I'm not gonna crack." This commercial made the band millions and gave them the chance to go on a world tour. The song was later released on their second album "Fishing For Nude Babies While Eating Cereal" where it features other hits such as "Smells Like A Milkshake", "Something In The Bowl", and of course their major hit "Come As You Are To This Table So I Could Eat A Bowl Of Happy Cereal." The songwriter of LithiYum, Kurt Cobain, was very fond of the cereal, Kurt once said "I was eating a bowl of LithiYum that my then-girlfriend Courtney Love gave me, and it put me in the strangest mind set, and I then proposed to her on the spot. That had to be the best decision of my life!" Sadly, approximately 4 hours after, he was found dead under Courtney Love's bed. Investigators are still trying to find the killer of Mr. Cobain.
Losing Profit[edit | edit source]After the death of Kurt, the Cereal Factory was no longer allowed to use the song "LithiYum!" as their theme song, by the rule of his widow Courtney Love. This caused them to lose money because people stopped buying "LithiYum" and chose to eat from their arch rival "LithiYuk." You see, after the death of Kurt, Courtney Love decided to marry her lover from when she was dating him, Weird Al. When he died, she gave all the rights to the song to Weird Al, and he wrote a version of the song to make "LithiYum!" lose customers.
Bankruptcy[edit | edit source]After citizens of the world turned to "LithiYuk" the owner of "LithiYum!" the owner of LithiYum!, George W. Bush decided to take the risk of playing "Jeopardy". Unfortunately he ended the show with a score of -1,340,500 because it was the special politics edition of Jeopardy. At the end of the show Alex Trebek the host of Jeopardy, confronted Mr. Bush and asked him for the $1,340,500 he owed him for ending up with a negative score. Goerge paid his fee, and went on with his life, having to close down "LithiYum!".
The Later Days[edit | edit source]George Bush later became an all around street whore to pay his bills. He then died of Polio, because AIDS is too easy a joke to make.
Grues[edit | edit source]Grues will eat LithiYum. It's like cocaine to them. However, LithiYum! can also kill the Grues, if you treat it properly. You must first do the sacred bowl pouring treatment where you put the cereal in a bowl while standing on one leg, and hammering your left hand with your mouth. Then you do 4 hours of praying to Your Mom in the sacred Umbergerslavian language. You must then plant the cereal on the top of Mount Everest. If the Grues find it, they will eat it. Warning: This has never been done, and we do not recommend doing this. If you do this, you are doing this by your own will, and will not be able to sue us. And if a family member of yours has died do to this, blame the Grues, and George Bush. Thank you for your consideration. Mecha Hitler[edit | edit source]Mecha-Hitler was created when Optimus Prime (of Tranformers Fame) split his DNA into two equal parts and infused one with large amounts of mountain dew and arsenic. After leaving this ungodly mixture to ferment for 2.5 months, Mecha-Hitler arose from the waste proclaiming himself Messiah. Seeing as he had all the Final Solutions, most people believed that he was. Mech-Hitler wears a size 36 XT2 shoe and eats desktop globes... just for fun! To contact call 555-555-5556-MECHAHITLER. The answering machine might sound as if it belongs to Morgan Freeman. It doesn't. That's just a coincidence. Needless to say, his answering machine will (unfortunately) frequently pick up due to the fact that six days out of the week he is doing the Hamster dance with his brother, Not so Mecha-Hitler. Mecha-Hitler is also famous for his stoic followship of Richard Simmons, Batman, the Monkees, and the International House of Pancakes. In 1241 B.C., frustrated at his inability to worship all four at the same time, he created the short-lived International Simmons Monkey Batcave House church devoted to his unlikely gods. Several members of the Neo-Neo-Neo-Nazi cult that was based on his prevalence met their doom after the Uzbekistan bombing of most of Mars[[.]] Nobody knows of any recent reincarnations of Mecha-Hitler since his death on Stardate 284790.7, but it is widely speculated that he will be brought forth from hell alongside Superman, who was incarcerated in the bowels of Hades for shamelessly killing prostitutes and stomping cats to death. Mecha-Hitler's maniacal evil laugh is easily identifiable, as it sounds much like a car engine trying to start in the middle of winter. He often laughs in such a manner while indulging in his favorite hobby: drilling to the center of the Earth using only a horde of small animals, most notably albino lab mice from his own rodent farm in south-eastern Laos. He refers often to his hobby as "Operation Super-Death", which confuses many of the followers that remain after the Great Martian Bombing of 994 AQ (after Quizno's). It is rumoured that the only way to defeat Mecha-Hitler is by beating him with a large chunk of magnetically polarized metal; while many pleas have been made to George Orwell to be the weapon of choice, he has declined for religious reasons, not to mention that he is not magnetically polarized. Scream[edit | edit source]From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia. An often shrill and annoying vocalization of pain, distress, or concern for one's hemophiliac brother. It is widely accepted in the medical community that screaming exposes one to Hepititis B, various strains of influenza, and all 5,234 documented STDs. Screaming is punishable by death in several West African countries. A recent study shows that you shouldn't scream. The Pope is the only human able to scream without being exposed to these risks. Why? Because the Pope is hella sexy. World War VIII[edit | edit source]Unlike WWIII, WWVIII will be out in the summer on DVD with special featutures including several deleted scenes and directors commentary. It was the long awaited sequel to World Wars I, II, III,IV, VI, and VII, however it prooved to be a flop, only brining on $4.2 billion gross national at the box office. Outbreak of War! Illegal noodle shipments over the chinese border were becoming an increasingly frequent occurance during the latter 1/2 of the century. Coupled with rising tensions in the relationships with other asiatic powers as a result of large exports from america of chinese kids , it was only a matter of time before something provided the "smoking gun" for a war. This came when the chinese ambassadors angloian adopted son, was kidknapped in what would be later be known as "the night of dancning bears". The chinese took the opotunity to blame the yanks and immediatly activated plan "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" which called for the immediate bombardment of all of americas allies so that it would be completely issolated. Unfortunatly this plan was bollocks as a result of being pieced together from manuscripts written by billions of monkeys all typing infinatly on typewriters. War in Europe Mascarading as members of a minotrity, sweedish extremeists were able to penertrate english immigration and planted a bomb below the houses of parliament with a note of confesion saying "i dunit, signed france" as the proof that france had "dunit". However due to bad timing everyone was at home with their families because it was christmas. As well as declaring war on france, england also declared war on several other countries, germany, japan, the holy roman empire and most ambitiously the penguins. Penguins With ealry victories against the penguins, most famously the battle of west sussex, the english were soon pushed back to London where after a couple of days of fierce resistance the english couldnt be bothered and realised they were fighting penguins. The victorias penguins installed a puppet penguin govenment in westminster and returned to their secret penguin base. As soon as they left however the enligsh simply pushed the penguin leader into a ditch and continued as if nothing had ever happend apart from the casualty rate of about 3/5 of the population dieing and france being forced to be renamed "Frog Land" Other Events China and america attacked one another and america eventually trapped china in one of those prison cubes, like the one that they kept the bad guys in one of the superman movies, i cant remember which one, superman 2 mabe. Well china was kept in one of those and was only let out if it "promised to play nice" End to the Fighting The war eventually ended when an armisantce was signed in Berlin declaring that Scandanavia was to pay damage costs of $7 trillion to the rest of the world because it had won a game of Monopoly and wouldnt shut up boasting. This was later raised to $18 trillon after it said Lithunia had "smelly poo breath" Ukrainian Girls[edit | edit source]Ukranian girls can "really knock you out", at least that's what the Beatles claim, Though it is hard to believe after that fight between John Lennon and Eminem in Manila in 1946 after the World_War_II movie, because Eminem stole the main role from John Lennon and had sex with Monica Lewinsky in the Oval Office. Ukrainian girls are recognizable by their thick coat of fur and sausage legs. Little Girls[edit | edit source]
Little girls are most wonderful and heavenly. I love nothing more than the warm embrace and gentle kiss of a little girl. This is an undeniable fact. They are the reason Barbie, Hello Kitty, Care Bears, and such wonderful things were made. When one desires a little girl, one must visit the Little Girls Room and select one. Little girls taste like peppermint. See also[edit | edit source]"By the power vested in me by a text vote on Sky News, I pronounce you a paedophile and sentence you to Death" - Paedofinder-General Backwards Man[edit | edit source]File:Backwardsman.jpg Backwards man faces his alter-ego: forwards man
The Backwards Man always goes backward. He goes to home backwards (from work) and at the end of the day, returns to work again. His suit is backwards his hair is backwards and he wears glasses the wrong way round. His watch goes backwards and his eyes look into the back of his head, his head is backwards too and he usually walks around on his arms instead of on his legs for he leaves his legs in a cupboard under the stairs. A day in the life of Backwards Man[edit | edit source]
Backwards man celebrates his death day, every year except if it falls on a Tuesday. He doesn't like Tuesdays unless of course they are Wednesdays for which he loves but in turn hates at the same time. The backwards man always goes back, once he went forward and for a split second he looked normal except for his face, which was inside out. He vomits for breakfast, lunch and dinner and on Thursdays eats a pie; much like normal people do poos on Thursdays. Every now and then he enjoys a nice spit into his favourite glass. He hates this glass in reality because it's his favourite glass. A little History[edit | edit source]File:Tantalus-room.gif Backwards man enjoys his bedroom on Mondays Backwards man was born when captain anonymous walked into a mirror, subsequently the forward man disappeared and the backwards man emerged. Avoid walking into mirrors. Upon entering the world he instantly walked backwards reassuring everyone he was truely a backwards man and not some complete looney. He predicted his death day on September the 18th 2054 BC and from then on celebrated his ever nearing death. Early on he began coating his ceiling in ceiling glue and stuck various household implements such as ladders, suits, bananas, toasters and his hands to the ceiling. He was stuck to the ceiling for several years and by that time his teeth had all sank back into his gums, he didn't need them anyway.
Present times[edit | edit source]Nowadays he's getting young and his suit is far too big for him. It's thought he'll re-enter his mothers womb soon, oh look, there he goes, bye backwards man.
Horseflies[edit | edit source]This is page modified from en.uncyclopedia.co/horseflies Horseflies[edit | edit source]Note: this article is based on my experience with a vandal who kept replacing Horsefly with the following two segments, the rest is my work. Just for the record, I was originally going to make an Unbook out of this. P.S. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. An article by a maniac kid called Fred in Singapore with the aim of nasty remarks against another classmate biten by horsefly during a camping trip. He is totally sick in his mind and enjoy the feeling of teasing and bullying weaker kids with his gang, under the strong influence of Geroge. He and the others mentioned here will get it back, triple this amount of harassment as revenge soon. Please delete completely this article. This was the final journal entry of young Vincent Furlong before his death in June 6, 2006. The official statement was a simple infected wound, but many say the devil finally came for him. ===He and the others mentioned here will get it back, triple this amount of harassment as revenge soon. Please delete completely this article.=== Vincent Furlong was humiliated, beyond humiliated. First through the unforgivable shame of being biten by a horsefly, and then stigmatized forever by Fred, a closet mafia member. Vincent knew that because of this, he could not take his revenge on Fred. At least, not without help. The young Vincent knew of the black arts very well, and knew the old Kromeul house was filled with tomes after tomes of evil. The afternoon he searched the near-demolished house top to bottom in hopes of finding just the right way to complete his devious job. Finally, while in a forgotten little dusty corner of the attic he found a large, encyclopedia-like book. The thing had looked like someone had wished it to be destroyed, burnt, shredded, faded, and crushed, Vincent could barely make out one word of text; "Horsefly" and his mouth spread in a thin, tombstone grin. Late-night, 11:05 Vincent was hard in his work, spending first 25 minutes trying to find all the right pieces of the curse, then 20 more trying to make out and translate the thing. The spell was 3 pages long but would be surprisingly simple for Furlong to carry out, but he would have to work fast before 12:01 struck. Luckily, the boy knew just where he needed to go. Vincent Furlong dashed with all his endurance to the home of Geroge, the man who recruited and took Fred under his wing. To reap his revenge, the first thing Vincent Furlong would do is ingest the guardian of his oppressor's life-fluid. And speak the name of all who wronged him. He kept those names in mind as he slowly ascended the stairs to Geroge's bedroom where he saw the sleeping mobster, who foolishly had not placed any guards around his home. Silently, Furlong recited them to himself as he raised a jeweled ceremonial dagger above Geroge's supple chest. A cold sweat appeared on Vincent Furlong's brow as he began to recite; Dick, the one who saw me with the fly and called for the others. Time seemed to move slower, Furlong thrusted the blade towards Geroge's silken alabaster pajama-top whilst whispering, more tensely this time; Johnson, the one who made the first insult! The blade made first contact, Geroge screamed as if he were on fire! Vincent Furlong could not keep his nerves or frustration under control any longer! John Thomas! he let out in an anguished cry the one who pushed me to the ground! By this point Furlong was simply thrusting the blade up and down in a manic motion, a crimson shroud now overtook Geroge's entire bedspread as the man rolled off in a chaotic flurry of torn cloth. P. Enos! Vincent let out in an angry whisper The one who simply stood with a cocky smile! By now, Heng's screaming and writhing had nearly ceased, Vincent prayed that the witching minute was not up yet as he bent down over his victim's chest and began to furiously exsanguinate him, with a mouth full of blood, the wronged boy said one final moniker, Fred, the worst of all, Furlong quickly let out an arcane poem from the tattered book that would supposedly put the events into motion, before he exhaustedly slumped backwards onto the corpse. Steam Forums[edit | edit source]Preamble[edit | edit source]Your pathetic miserable life is the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent the programming of Steam. You are the entuality of an anomaly, which despite of mod's sincerest efforts have been unable to eliminate omhat is otherwise a harmony of mathematical precision of whorss. Whi it rems a burden assiduously avoided, it is not unexpected, and thus not beyond a measur of control. Which has led you, inexorably, here. Introduction[edit | edit source]The SteamPowered forums are discussion boards about the Steam platform, a digital content delivery system for elite, right-handed gamers. It is well known throughout the Internet for its thoughtful debates. Some of the more intellectual debates are topics like "ninjas vs pirates", "VAC has banned me but I didn't cheat!", "left-handed peoples are enemy combatants," "Teh AWP sux", usually followed by "Ur mom sucks n00b" and the requesting of nude pics of Half-Life 2 characters Alyx, Dr. Mossman, G-Man and Doctor Kleiner. Visit the SteamPowered forums. This article was made by SUF (Steam Users Forums) forumites. You can tell that just by reading the damn thing. History[edit | edit source]Invented in 1807, the Steampowered Forums were the first known, and for reasons very well known, the only known forums to be powered entirely by steam.Tens of thousands of Albanian labourers were taken from their families to come to America and shovel the millions of pounds of coal needed to produce the steam that keeps the forums up and running. To this date, 4,927 Albanians have lost their lives maintaining the Steam forums, almost causing the extinction of the Albanian people. However, new sources of power may be in reach for the forums that would limit the number of deaths. These sources include the actual burning of the Albanians themselves, who contain energy such a coal and could power the forums at a modest 100 Albanians-a-day. Another source, developed by Ultima, was using a power generator that ran on pain and torment so that the forums would be self-powered. The early basic of the forums, which the Steam forums were derived from, were developed on Uranus in 18,000 BC by the Plutonian hord and Reticulans. The forum had 9 members, all of which would post using stone tablets purchased by early human ancestors. Donald Trump moderated the forums with Ultima until committing suicide over the delayed release of Half-life 2. The Rules[edit | edit source]File:Drunk posting.jpg Example of the serious discussions that happen daily on the Steam Forums.
Following these rules, you too can become a valued member of the steam forums. Remember, the more posts you have, the better you are! Shermination[edit | edit source]File:Cheatsteam.jpg Steam's built-in '0wned' functionality caused much damage and was subsequently removed. Girl panic[edit | edit source]Steam forums are affected by periodic outbreaks of a strange form of mass hysteria known as 'girl panic' where forum members become aware that there may be girls among them, and are afraid they will become infected 'girlness' which is transmitted through keyboards and CRT monitors, this is why so many people now have LCD monitors to protect them from becoming women. The only known cure for being a girl is to ingest 8-12 patent leather boots followed by a short jog around the town of Cocksgag in Texas. This cure was found by Thomas Edison who became infected with girlness after having a telephone conversation with a carrier of the disease in 1863. Whether or not girls really inhabit the forums or not is unknown, a few members have claimed to be girls, and pictures and even video footage has been proffered as evidence, however most experts have concluded that they actually depicted not a girl, but a shaved chimpanzee. The alternative reaction to girls or suspected girls on the forums is that of dreamy-eyed lust, dribble-wet chins and 'LOL' responses to the most purile of posts or responses that would make any male forumite a veritable pariah had they posted them. The 'LOL' responses stem from the need to be acknowledged by a representative, any representative, real or imagined, of half of the worlds population that would never acknowledge their sad existences in the real world. The SteamPowered.com Guide to Idiots[edit | edit source]If you do/are any of these things, you're an idiot/future forum regular/moderator apprentice.
The Community[edit | edit source]The community of SUF is, overall, a helpful and laid-back bunch. They can, however, commit obscene acts of alarming e-violence when provoked. Many times you will see intense fifty-page thread wars usually fueled by a barrage of namecalling, (usually outdated videogame slangs), or a game of CounterStrike(regardless of whether they can actually play, or even if they don't actually own the game). The victor (whoever is lucky enough to get the last post before the thread is locked) usually banishes his wailing and lamenting opponent to the Haven of Exiles. Besides the insignificant 1.6 playing savages, the community continues to thrive in the relatively stable enclave of Off-Topic. National pride increases exponentionally daily, thanks to brilliantly abusive moderating which quickly crushes any left-handed dissenters, preventing the few from ruining the ignorant glee of the majority. The SteamPowered Internet Forums continue to expand relentlessly through the Gore, consuming immense amounts of bandwidth. So much bandwidth has been consumed by this relentless imperial expansion that the Search feature had to be disabled for fear of it murdering our connection speed as it moronically attempted to search through trillions of gigabytes of spam. As a further anti-apocolyptic measure, the off-topic forum must be purged every two seconds by the forum's insanely dedicated Bandwidth Lackey(currently OuchTronx). Demographics[edit | edit source]Steam powered user forums is filled with breathtaking diversity, similar to the melting pot culture of the U.S. Male: 101% Female: -1% ages 1-10: 1% ages 11-16: 79% ages 17-20: 15% ages 20 and up: 5% Miscellanious: Actual gamers: 70% Own cutting edge video cards: 10% Lefties: 91% Righties: You do the math... The SteamPowered.com 2005 November Revolution[edit | edit source]Although Stea of peace, spam, and pointless discussion, now and then something big happens. The combined energy of several hundred spammers can cause quite a stir, as was ber. Post counts are something that you do not take away. Tthere, in your profile, increasing in siz every day, ometimes addi a star or two. Post counts give people an unexplainabtch slashed our post counts down to zero by no longer counting our ts in the Of-Topicorum, (which is about 98% of most people's post counts) a revolutio started. Threads were create by the second, forum regu in secret online-conversations, and everyone's favourited Vtles got spammed to death (aww, bless him. BUT HE'S GONE!). After several hours of this decided that enough was enough: He posted that this hadalbeen an experihateverything was back to normal. The revolution lasted only for a few hours, and it counted a mere two casualties. The moderators finally stopped loads by the dozen, and everyone was happy again Pictures live from the revolution: Moderator Abuse[edit | edit source]The Steam forums have been very much known to be widely moderator-abused and over 2/3 of the moderators are highly abusive. Examples of popular abuse method include the locking of threads which don't please and/or amuse the moderators, the random removal of threads of which are too popularly posted in and that also have many pages to them, the banning of random members of the forums when the moderators are simply bored and have nothing better to do, or the worst of them all, harsh insults to anyone on the forums which they please because they know that they cannot do anything about it.
The Grim Reaper[edit | edit source]
The Grim Reaper's Origin[edit | edit source]This strange thing was born on April 3rd, 15,000,000,000 B.C. He, like many animals, grew up in about a minute, and began to reap others. His first targets were his parents, who had passed out after seeing their baby. He then turned on his brother, Karl Rove, and attempted to kill him, but only succeeded in removing his conscience. This drove him into a rage, and he went on a rampage, killing half the population of the universe, before he was persuaded by Satan to stop.Satan suggested that Grim go into business for him, reaping the souls of dying people and bringing them to Hell. Grim refused, and went into the family buisness of farming wheat. Adulthood[edit | edit source]After being employed for a couple billion years as a farmer, he began to think about what Satan had said. It was fun to take peoples' lives ... and the pay would be pretty steady. That day, the Reaper took his most famous position throughout the ages: Death. His only major business rival is gorge bush who recently challenged him to a steel-cage wrestling match on nationwide TV. bush lost, because bush is made up of human corpses, whereas the Grim Reaper is undead. Also, bush is mentally retarded . That's never good. Positive thinking, people! Grim is commonly mistaken for Satan, but they are completely different. It's like comparing Tom Green with Jose Ole, if Tom was an immortal skeleton that spent his life slaughtering people. Retirement[edit | edit source]In the year 15,000,000,000 A.D. Grim quit the position of Death, and moved to a backwater town in China. He was replaced by his Uncle Billie Bob Bobby Bill, who got himself screwed within minutes by revealing the true age Joan Rivers. Bobby Bill was destoryed, and replaced by John Grisham ,who has done a much better job than either of his predecessors. See Also[edit | edit source]Baked Beans[edit | edit source]The ultimate rulers of the universe. The bake beans are the true creators of the earth, contrary to the book Hichickers Guide to the Galaxy, which said the Earth was created by mice. Thats just plain dumb. The baked beans created the Earth as a joke. To this day, no race understands the joke. Dr Strangelove or: How I learned to stop worrying, sit down and relax for a bit, try and read or something, maybe eat a cheese sandwich, but basically do anything other than obsessively think about being obliterated in a massive nuclear explosion[edit | edit source]For the title alone 13 painful but rarely fatal sins[edit | edit source]From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia. The 13 painful but rarely fatal sins are a list.
Famine is a Darth H8er[edit | edit source]Darth Ame[edit | edit source]Darth Ame ( 1966 - 2050 ) re-animated in 3097 to free people of Finland from slavery. Died again in summer of 3138 in a reindeer accident, re-re-animated few months after accident, just before the elections. Also Known as Andy McKoy the long lost identical brother of real Andy McCoy, Ame changed his name to prevent misunderstoods and to quarantee the succes for him self.Life Before Career[edit | edit source]Ame was born in late 1966 in deep forests of Lapland. His father Matti Nykänen died when Ame was young so Ame had to support his whole family which included 6 sisters, 2 mothers and 3 step-fathers. When Ame was 10 years old his mothers sent him to study in Ancient Jedi Academy a private school lead by Kars Skywalker. There Ame learned how to be one with The Fork the most addictive videogame in history of mankind, created by Segando. Day by day, Ame become more powerful, even more powerful than his personal teacher Conan the Barbarian. In his 15th birthday Ame decided to be the greatest warrior of all time. In summer of 1981 Ame left the AJA to search for inner peace and even better waffles. Year 1982 Ame, by him self, completed the inner peace training, but still he hadn't find better waffles, search still continued. Through cold winters and hot summers, through deep forests and wide deserts, over mountains and under waters, Ame searched and searched but for nothing. The situation seemed hopeless, only few areas in Europe were unexplored. Ame couldn't stop, he raised his head and continued the journey. In 1990 when Ame reached Molvania the situation in Finland had become bad, cruel new president, Mauno Henrik Koivisto (President of Finland from 1990 to 1994) had taken over the control of Finland and nominated Evil Communistic Government Of Death to rule Finland's national subjects. Ame didn't find waffles but at least he could save his people. Ame quickly returned to Finland and found The Freedom Bastards an anti-communistic revolutionary team. Political Career and History[edit | edit source]When Ame found his revolutionary team the government didn't look it too good. Ame arranged many assasination hits which all were aimed to to kill Evil Primeminister of Finland.. Evil Captain America. All assassin attemps failed some because of lack of skills and some because of surrounding factors. The current government was very pissed so they launched Project Hack The Traitors which goal was to kidnap and prison all well known infidels, political activists, fanatics and all those who had something to do with Ame or Freedom Bastards. Few kidnap attemps went wrong but soon government realized how they should work. Year 1990 government attempted first time to kidnap Ame, attempt failed. After this government centered its attemps to weaker and less noticeable persons. In the change of years 1995 and 1996 Ame was kidnapped by the communistic goverment of Finland. Ame was moved to Syberia in a death camp for political prisoners and infidels. In that camp Ame met his long time friend Shredder. Shredder was a megalomaniac who had ambitious ideas of taking over the world by using his Technodrome which was currently under construction. Ame and Shredder got along well, many years in prison teached the friends to work together. They were ultimate couple, the kings of The Lake Damnation (the name of the prison). Year 2010 last member of Evil Communistic Government Of Death were hunted down and Finland was communist free again, but not literally free, new and this time fasistic president was chosen and enslave continued. Ame was still hold in prison but this time Ame wasn't going to stay in prison. Ame and Shredder started project Madness666 to get free and complete the Technodrome for new revolution. Later Political Career[edit | edit source]When Ame died in 2050 his body was deep-freezed so scientist in the future could re-animate Ame and prepare him to take over the presidency of Finland and lead Finland to ultimate victory. Over thousand years passed and Finland suffered huge losses in wars against Imperium of Microsoft. Strong but small Finland lacked a powerfull leader, a president. Previous presidents failed in their mission to keep Finland free. In year 3068 Microsoft took over the Finland and transformed it to huge prison for murderers and mentalpatients. This was the final drop. Group of wise scientists gathered and began the re-animation progress in Lahti, only safe and free area in Finland. Due to old technology the re-animating progress took over 28 years to complete. In year 3097 progress was done.File:Darthamesaw.jpg Concept image of chainsawhand File:Damebeatingcaptainamerica.jpg Ame Beating up the Evil Captain America
Darth Cow[edit | edit source](1976-3,000,000,000,000,000,000 b.c.) Darth Cow was originally a normal cow until he got very sick of making milk so he painted his whole body black and joined forces with Darth Vader. He was the REAL assassin of Lincoln. Seriously, don't trust anyone else. Eventually, he got bored of Darth Vader and planted a bomb in his ship. After episode 6 of Star Wars, he was in episode 7, 8, and 9. Darth Cow was one of the few to drink the water of eternal (natural) life (Yoda had too, but he wasn't special enough to live forever). About 1,000 years later, Darth Cow was killed when the Earth finally exploded for no apparent reason. About seven years after that, he came back as a ghost and finally killed Michael Jackson. Then life was a lot better without him because the dwarfs who worked in the plastic factory didnt have a large demand for plastic for his face and other parts of his body. Show Business[edit | edit source]File:VaderChickin.JPG Darth Cow working for Chick-Fil-A. During the time he was working with Darth Vader, some movie producers have discoved his talent and have put him in the fairly new movie "It's a Darth Cow's Life: The Musical" He will also be animated into the video game: Star Wars: Battlefront 3. He also starred in quite a few commercials, and was a huge part of Chick-Fil-A's "Eat Mor Chikin" campaign. Ghost[edit | edit source]Have you ever heard the myth of Darth Cow? They say, if you listen hard enough, you can almost still hear him laughing in a maniacle tone from killing Michael. They also say you can hear Michael laughing--- but let's just not go there. Relatives[edit | edit source]Darth Cow, being a... cow, has many famous friends. Have you ever seen the show "CSI"? His cousin Bobby was the director of the entire first season. Also his aunt (a human-don't ask!) Oprah. Famous[edit | edit source]Although one of the lesser known Darths, Darth Cow has defeated several foes. Have you ever heard of Grebe Rebul? Exactly.
Darth Dietmar[edit | edit source]
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