Windows Vista Pirated Edition

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Vista Pirated Edition 16;9 Screen Format.png

“My computer came with Windows Home Basic, which is really shit. But after downloading Vista Pirated, I have Windows Vista Ultimate, and I didn't pay a cent! which is exactly the same!”

“I love Windows Vista Pirated Edition! Instead of having to spend my hard earned m0n3y on supporting Microsoft's shitty operating systems, I can get it for free on virtually every torrent site”

“I myself, can not believe that something so good could be released absolutely free on any torrent site. I am touched that someone would even bother pirating the work of other programmers my work ”

One day, a pirate by the name of Close-the-gates decided that Windows Vista was too much of a rip off and decided to create the revolutionary Windows Vista Pirated Edition. Following in the footsteps of Windows XP Pirated Edition, Windows Vista Pirated Edition comes precracked and preactivated and provides a much easier way of acquiring the OS. Please note that as a side effect, your computer may turn into a Dell and spontaneously combust.

History[edit | edit source]

Due to the major success of Windows XP Pirate Edition, Close-the-gates (as he is know in his close circle of H4X0Rs) has created the successor, Windows Vista Pirated Edition (no one actually knows how the "d" ended up at the end of the word pirate).

Improvements[edit | edit source]

Windows Vista Pirated Edition is designed to be less bloated and annoying and is based off Windows Vista Ultimate. The genuine version of Windows Vista Pirated comes with a Dell BIOS emulator, which emulates the shitty BIOS that is required to run the Windows Vista Operating System without getting a BSOD in the first five minutes. Despite this, you will definitely get a BSOD in the first hour of use, so it is recommended that you buy yourself a copy of Windows BSODcare. This revolutionary technology proactively prevents BSODs from occurring, but at $US100 a month, it doesn't come cheap. Unfortunately, pirates have not been able to reverse engineer the encrypted BSOD bypass technology to create a similar system. Therefore, it has been suggested that you should only use your Windows Vista (Pirated or not) machine for half an hour at a time. Using it for prolonged periods of time will cause cursing and lost data.

Features[edit | edit source]

Several useless and/or annoying features of Vista were removed by Close-the-gates, and some new features were added.

  • Windows Genuine Disadvantage (incorrectly labeled Windows Genuine Advantage) has been removed and disabled by default in most versions of WIndows Vista Pirated Edition.
  • Windows Product Activation was stripped out, as many users were being asked to reactivate every reboot, because of alterations in their computers' Space Time Continuum function, causing Windows Vista to have a cry about illegal piracy, blah, blah, blah.
  • Windows Pirate Notify was added to strengthen the use of Windows Vista Pirated Edition as a tool to access pirated content. Whenever an update to your installed pirated software is found, the computer will automatically go to The Pirate Bay and auto update your software to the newest pirated version.
  • Windows Proxy Update, which avoids the need to have a legitimate copy of windows to download updates.
  • Windows Chuck Norris wallpapers are also available along with Bruce Lee wallpapers and screensavers.
  • Every copy of Windows Vista Pirated Edition comes with the Doctor Who - The Force Unleashed game bundled with the OS.
  • The BSOD is replaced with a fullscreen picture of shit.

Fate of Windows XP Pirate Edition[edit | edit source]

As a lot of people do not want to move to the bloated Windows Vista platform, a lot of people will not upgrade to Windows Vista Pirated Edition and will instead decide to keep Windows XP Pirate Edition, even though Windows Vista Pirated Edition has reduced the size of the operating system by reducing all of the useless garbage (ie. 75% of the operating system). This is understandable, seeing as lot of people aren't willing to take the risk, seeing as Microsoft's Instant Search killed their hard drives (instantly after booting into Vista). Because of this, Windows XP Pirate Edition will still be in active development and will no doubt be way better than the updated version. Go figure...

Windows XP Pirate Edition vs. Windows Vista Pirated Edition[edit | edit source]

This is the hottest debate in the pirate community at the moment. Whether to get Windows XP Pirate, or Windows Vista Pirated. Pirates are having trouble deciding whether they would prefer continuous security threats (such as viruses, spyware, etc.), or the continuous onslaught of Useless Annoyance Control dialog boxes asking whether to "Continue" or "Cancel". For god sake, we already know we want to CONTINUE!!!

Windows logo Because we're worth it.


• Detect "non-genuine" products

• Gather user information and credit card numbers

• Cripple core system components

• Deploy legal team

• Launch civil litigation


Estimated time:

Forever, or if you give me a cookie, I might shorten it to an hour.



Installing Windows has never been easier easy


All you need to do is phone your local Microsoft Customer Representative, write down a very long set of numbers, type it all in, get an error message, phone our Customer Representative again, adjust a few things, get another very long set of numbers, type
it all in again, install a few drivers, activate Windows again, lather, rinse and repeat.




v • d • e


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