Suit

“How do I get someone to believe whatever I say, even if it’s utterly false?”

~ Wear a suit

“How can I get special VIP treatment guaranteed to me that goes against policy?”

~ Wear a suit

“How can I convince someone to buy some worthless junk from me for a lot of money?”

~ Wear a suit

Putting on a suit all the time has the ability to make you president. More than once, that is. Even if you deserve to be in prison.

A suit is a set of clothes, usually a matching jacket and pants, that are worn together, usually with a shirt under the jacket. The purpose of a suit is deception. If you are wearing a suit, you do not have to tell the truth. You can lie all you want. And whatever you say to anyone, they will believe you.

Many suits also have inner pockets inside the jackets. These are great places to hide things you don’t want others to know you are carrying. And if the inside of one of the pockets tears, you are in luck because you now have access to the inside of the lining, a great place for hiding more stuff.

How a suit works

A suit works by having an effect on the eyes of others. You can have something for sale that is worthless, but you can make it look like it is worth a lot of money. The prospective buyer would not be interested, but the suit has a magical effect, and all of a sudden, that buyer suddenly wants to fork out their credit card and get themselves into a lot of debt just to have what you are selling.

A suit can also shield its wearer from arrest by the police. If a police officer sees a man wearing any other type of clothes, he might become suspicious of that person for any reason and slip on a pair of handcuffs. But if one is wearing a suit, the officer does not imagine they could be an embezzler of billions of dollars or of classified documents.

Types of suits

Men’s suits

Men’s suits are composed of a jacket with a long collar, two or three buttons in front, and some matching decorative buttons on the sleeves. The jacket is usually of a neutral color, such as gray, blue, or brown, or of a pattern such as pinstripe or plaid. They come together with matching pants and sometimes a matching vest.

The suit is usually worn together with a button-down shirt, most commonly white or light blue or some other pastel color, and a tie. Altogether, this is the expectation how men are supposed to dress at certain jobs, such as lawyers, accountants, reporters, and politicians.

“ You got that long hair, slicked back, white T-shirt, and I got that good girl faith and a tight little skirt”

~ Taylor Swift

Suits do not look sexy. If a man wants to make himself attractive to women, the best thing he can wear is a T-shirt. T-shirts make men look youthful and full of energy and pair up well with women wearing miniskirts.

Women’s suits

A women’s suit is a jacket paired with a matching pair of trousers or a skirt.

There are many different types of women’s suits. Some are worn with a blouse underneath, some the jacket is the shirt. When the bottom is a pair of pants, it is known as a pantsuit. Pantsuits are popular among women wanting to be President of the United States.

Women’s suits are typically worn by women in traditionally male occupations, including lawyers, reporters, and politicians.

Tuxedo

A Tuxedo or “Tux” for short is a suit made from a penguin’s skin. Tuxedos are very cheap and can be purchased for less than a loaf of bread. But many people think they are expensive. For this reason, they have become a choice of clothes for weddings for the groom and guests alike. It is called “black tie,” even as the accompanying ties come in many colors.

Space suit

A space suit makes its wearer not look human

A space suit is a special kind of suit worn by astronauts and by children who dream of being astronauts, although nearly all those children never will be one. Space suits are out of this world, literally.

A space suit consists of a bubble over the head and the rest of it is all white except for some buttons. Most of the buttons on the space suit serve no actual function. Just like the buttons on the sleeves of a men’s suit, they are there just for show.

Without a space suit, survival on Mars would not be possible.

Bathing suit

“How do I get on the cover of a magazine?”

~ Wear a swimsuit?

women in swimsuits on the cover of Sports Illustrated

A bathing suit, also known as a swimsuit, is a suit that is made for getting into the water. Or for sitting by the beach or swimming pool.

For men, bathing suits, also known as speedos, are a simple pair of shorts. And they are so useful, they can also be worn as a pair of everyday shorts together with a T-shirt. They can be worn for all types of activities, including gardening, mowing the lawn, running a marathon, grocery shopping, ice skating, or jury duty. Older ones that are no longer useful for any of these can be your next pajamas.

For women, bathing suits also cover the torso, with the exception of bikinis, which are also a pair of shorts and a bra. Bikinis and other women’s bathing suits are also useful for a lot of other purposes, including cleaning your house, washing dishes, care of infants, attending church, and working as a shrink. Women’s swimsuits are very popular magazine covers, so much that they enabled 81-year-old Martha Stewart to make the cover of Sports Illustrated.

Lawsuit

A lawsuit is a suit worn by a lawyer. It has two sides to it, a plaintiff and a defendant. These two sides fight against one another, and only one of them will win. The winner will be determined by a judge and/or a jury. The loser will have to pay the winner an amount of money they never had and never will have, and because of this will have to surrender every last penny in their bank account and their apartment and all its contents.

Jumpsuit

There are two types of jumpsuits that exist. They are very different things, but they are both called jumpsuits.

There are fashion jumpsuits. They are mostly worn by women. They are one-piece outfits consisting of a top and pants in a single garment.

And there are prison jumpsuits. Prison jumpsuits can be one or two pieces, and they are usually orange or black and white striped. Prison jumpsuits are worn by prisoners in order to let the public know they belong in prison if they escape.

Cleaning a suit

Most suits are made to be dry clean only. You cannot just throw it in the washer and dryer. Buying a suit is a commitment to spend at least $100 a year on having it cleaned by a professional dry cleaner. If you wear suits every day at work, that means you spend at least $500/year on dry cleaning.

Things to hide your ugly body with that you think make you look pretty

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