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Prolonged exposure to no clothes may turn you into one of these, act fast

Do you get nauseous at the thought of clothing, does this make your hands get clammy and make your mouth dry? Does it make you want to make out with a sea gull? Does your heart feel like it’s about to punch you in the face at the very thought of not being nude? Do your legs turn into rubber bands while wearing pants? Well then my friend, you have vestiphobia. Symptoms It gives you feelings of dead, Over whelming thoughts, Rapid bowel movements, Tunnel vision Or even worse? Crabs. With some councilling you could have:

  • Diminished fear and anxiety in a few light years (about 50)
  • Absolute anonymity and media coverage.
  • Clothes.

How It’s Caused[edit]

Vestiphobia is generally caused by a negative experience like choking on a pineapple, Or being attacked by a severed head. You attach the negative emotion to clothing, like you attach a belt to pants…ohh wait, you don’t wear pants. Sorry, we here by inform you that we take back our former statement about pants. Anyway… The greatest risks are:

  • People with a general tendancy to join nudist colonies.
  • People characterized as ‘high’.
  • People suffering from anal deficiency.

How It Works: Getting Past The Fact That You Have Vestiphobia (Deal With It!)[edit]

It comes down to redirecting your conscious mind. On the surface, you know your Vestiphobia is logical. But it has persisted because your subconsciousness has attached the idea of clothing to negative emotions and or a Toothbrush. Eg.- itching or flaking of your clothes (because you think you’re batman) Until now, doctors have described your condition as having not a methodicalogicalousnessvarotion. For programming those vesitions. We’re here to give you that merthorforargrathorpigeonnessous. This in laymen’s terms means that in the back of your cupboard there is a guitar and a failed karate suit.

How To Overcome Your Irrational And Weird Fear[edit]

We don’t actually “treat” Vestiphobia. Nor do we “care”. You are the one with the problem, not us. We simply are walking you through the door with at least a pair of thongs and or information about your fear of clothing. There is a process to fixing your Crabs, I mean…your pigeon flu, I mean.. vestiphobia. By pushing you down flight of stairs, overcoming your fear by teaching you there are worse things in the world then clothing. And that you wouldn’t be in the hospital right now if you atleast wore some clothes. Break the motorcycle of negative thinking. Even famous people have suffered with Vestiphobia Famous people like your mum, greased up deaf guy and that crazy hobo down the street have been through the same thing and have words of encouragement, like “its fabric! It won’t kill you” and other inspirational words like “put some clothes on you freak!’

Words From Our Sponsers[edit]

  • Above all don’t feel alone, naked people always have each other.
  • Eat my shorts
  • The cake is a lie
  • Chuck Norris doesn't have Vestiphobia
  • Vestiphobia attracts Cupboard Grues
  • In Soviet Russia, Vestiphobia has you
  • And reading this article results in immediate loss of "the game"
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