~ Captain Irrelevant on kitchens
The Kitchen is a room in your house where food is stored and prepared for human consumption. It is also the natural habitat of domesticated women who know whats good for them! The kitchen also may be a place where overprotective pet owners prepare home cooked meals for their kitten which they place in dainty glass stemware to make pussy happy. Strike the crystal glass twice, and dinner is served!
How do I find the kitchen?
We recommend the process of elimination. You can not judge a kitchen by its size, it can be small or large. If that doesn’t provide you with enough clues, here are some more:
- Does the room have a sink in which water may be drawn? If no, look around some more, if yes, proceed;
- Do you see a toilet of similar item for the removal of human waste? If yes, you have found the bathroom, so you’ll need to look somewhere else, if no you may be getting warmer;
- Do you see a machine for washing clothes and or a Bendix? If yes, you have found the laundry room, if no, then you might be getting even warmer;
- Do you see a stove? If yes, then you possibly have found the kitchen, if no then continue your search – and –
- Is there a Maid or Cook around preparing food or smoking a cigarette, then you have definitely found the kitchen.
- Ask Chuck Norris
- Ask your more penis inclined friend
What will I find in the kitchen?
Most people will find at least several things, a stove for heating foods, a sink for cleaning foods and washing dishes and refrigerator. If you do not see a refrigerator, check under the large thing against the wall that is covered in news clippings, magnets and business cards, it could be a refrigerator that is incognito. There also may be cupboards in which you may find things to eat, or things that you (or cook) can combine to make food to eat. Chances are, no my mistake, you will always find a woman, whether it be your mother, your wife or an albino Siamese Chinese slave girl.
You may also find a Radar Range, or Microwave oven. These ovens cook food using nuclear power. If you stand too closely to them while they operate, your eye will explode and your testicles (or ovaries if you are a female) will wither and die. In some rare cases, standing next to a microwave could give you super powers.
You will also see a table and chairs – this is called a Dinette set. The dinette set may be a bit on the whimsical side, but this is to be expected.
On the window ledge, you will also find a half full glass of thick cloudy water with an avocado pit partially submerged. This is someone’s idea of gardening.
Does anyone live in the kitchen?
If you do not have a cook, or a maid, then chances are your mothers kitten lives in the kitchen.
Other things live in your kitchen as well. Insects, such as ants, spiders,dead bodies and silverfish actually have domain over your kitchen. Periodically, they join together to form a chain that results in the door being opened. When this happens, they invite vermin into your kitchen which provide entertainment when your mother (and sometimes your father) hop about and scream.
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|Far Far Away|