Portal:Religion
Religion generally involves the following or worship of a creed or deity in which one has optimistically attributed supernatural powers. "True Believers" are often labeled as schizophrenics or having some other neurological disorders in certain scientific-minded and rational circles, although the loudest among them tend to be derided for their poor fashion sense and general smelliness. According to a secular understanding of history, religion was invented by tribal chieftans at least two million years ago in order to control and exploit their fellow tribal members, and it was going strong in the Western World until that separation of Church and State nonsense. In the third world, it's business as usual. God is often portrayed as a giant bearded man in the sky that flies around granting wishes, although some religions would prefer you not portray him at all.
A Bar Mitzvah is an Aramaic term referring to a paternalistic Jewish religious ceremony dating back to ancient times. The purpose of the ceremony was not known until recently, when it was discovered Bar Mitzvahs were a way to exclude others in the community by pretending you knew something they didn't. Under the guise of "becoming a man," the 13-year-old Bar Mitzvah boy -- aka BM Boy -- would see how long he could make up gibberish words. This is because the only source of entertainment is watching the BM Boy blush while his voice cracks. The origination of the term Bar Mitzvah is not exactly known, but there are many interpretations. The word bar is often thought to have come from the sentence, "How long has grandpa Moishe been having sex at the 'bar'?" A secondary interpretation comes from Polynesia, where a bar is a rigid rod used during Limbo. The bar symbolizes a Jewish mother's unbending refusal to have her male child weasel out of completing this ceremony.
Pious Christians Against Shellfish (often abbreviated PCASF) was a radical American religious group active from 1981 until 2003. The group’s primary cause was—in the words of founder Rev. Michael Fordworth—the “holy crusade against shellfish, people who eat shellfish, and shellfish eaters,” all of whom, according to the group, were “destroying America and eroding family values” by either consuming or pushing for the consumption of shellfish like Lobster, Crab, and Shrimp—something that is expressly forbidden in the Bible.
BRISTOL, England - George Fasarta, the Bristolian who claimed to have found God, has been charged with ‘Wasting Police Time’ by local police. Excitement spread all around the Christian world last week, as it was reported that Fasarta, a 42-year-old baker from the north of the city, had definitely located the Almighty who had been missing/presumed dead for almost 2000 years. But now police say they believe Fasarta was simply an attention seeker who repeatedly changed his story.
"His directions to God’s supposed location kept changing every time we asked him," commented Detective Superintendent Bob Watcher. "In his initial statement, he simply said that God was everywhere. When we asked him to be more specific, he pointed out the window and said 'in the trees' before further announcing, 'he's in this room, he's in the air that I breathe, he's in me, he's in you.'"
- A slice of toast seen on the face of Jesus (Pictured)
- Devoutly gay man feels conflicted after admitting attraction to Christianity
- Pope John Paul II posthumously wins Monsignor Universe beauty contest
- Global faith crisis after miraculous resurrection of Madalyn Murray O'Hair, America's "most hated woman"
- Outrage over practice of throwing virgins into volcanos in India
- Meditated Buddhist monks accused of sleeping on the job
- The Heavens rejoice as Dow Jones market index surpasses 14,000
- Shock as God admits: "I experimented with evolution"
| “ | YARRR! Avast ye maties, thar be our messiah! | ” |
— Any pirate on Captain Jesus
| ||
- ... that the theory of Intelligent Design can be easily debunked by looking at a platypus?
- ... that God's answering service is experiencing high-volume, please call again later?
- ... that every society has the same fundamental creation mythos: a giant snake pooped out the universe?
-
Art
Peak pretentiousness -
Business
Money, money, money! -
Comedy
The science of funny -
Culinary
Food for the soul -
Film
Enter the Matrix -
Games
Recess time -
Gay
A gay ol' time -
Geography
Get lost -
History
Factually wrong -
Literature
Literally illiterate -
Internet
A series of tubes -
Music
Rock on! -
Politics
Politically incorrect -
People
The people's portal -
Religion
Speak of the Devil -
Science
Playing to be God -
Society
We live in one -
Technology
Breaking stuff easier -
Television
Turn your brain off -
Theatre
To be or not to be -
Video Games
Better than sex -
Zoology
Beware of furries -
Portals
Meta-Portal -
Community
The Community -
Main Page
The Uncyclopedia
