Portal:Religion

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The Religion Portal
He knows what you did last thursday

Religion generally involves the following or worship of a creed or deity in which one has optimistically attributed supernatural powers. "True Believers" are often labeled as schizophrenics or having some other neurological disorders in certain scientific-minded and rational circles, although the loudest among them tend to be derided for their poor fashion sense and general smelliness. According to a secular understanding of history, religion was invented by tribal chieftans at least two million years ago in order to control and exploit their fellow tribal members, and it was going strong in the Western World until that separation of Church and State nonsense. In the third world, it's business as usual. God is often portrayed as a giant bearded man in the sky that flies around granting wishes, although some religions would prefer you not portray him at all.

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His Noodliness, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is the ultimate truth in this universe. It is the central point of worship in the religion commonly known as Flying Spaghetti Monsterism or Pastafarianism, according to which it is 'The' Creator and Overseer, watching our lives and our world, changing them as it sees fit, by use of his most holy noodly appendage. Incredibly, this ancient religion was not well-known until its rediscovery in 2005 by graduate student Bobby Henderson. He shall live on forever in the afterlife next to the Beer Volcano. Due to this incredible rebirth, Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is now one of the world's most edible and fastest-growing religions. The Flying Spaghetti MONSTER is called such only because of his distinctly non-human form; we were not created in his image, not by a long shot.

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American Fundie Magazine (often written in all-caps as AFM), the magazine for "True Christians™", was formed to cater to the needs of the modern biblical fundamentalist. By "modern" they mean "well before the Enlightenment", or as it says at the top of the Editor's page, "Because God Loved the Dark Ages". The publishers of AFM felt that the views of America's oppressed Christian majority weren't getting out, so the magazine was started just for them. By "just for them" they mean the extreme right edge of American Christian society, the edge that knows an appropriate Scriptural quote for any occasion but chooses to ignore the useless and foolish good bits like forgiveness and humility and instead focus on the "I'm chosen, so "F" y'all" nature of the Old Testament.

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"Non presti attenzione a questa cosa", or "Pay no attention to this trinket."
Religion in the News
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BNEI BRAK, Israel – Local conservative rabbis are sick with worry, anxiety and unease at the increasing popularity of practical, comfortable fashions; more so even than the worry, anxiety and unease that causes their usual kvetching. After much bickering they have responded with the tact, sensitivity and delicate touch for which fundamentalists of all stripes are known; by burning down stores that sell offensive clothing and spraying bleach on women that Rabbi Yosef Elyashiv refers to as "...those nasty whores with their whore legs, whore skin and whore bulges. Whores!".

Throughout this tight knit Israeli city, recently hung posters urge women to buy only appropriate Tanakh-approved clothing. The notices, approved by local ultra-Orthodox rabbis, forbid women from wearing anything that could possibly be considered sexy, including skirts cut above the ankle, open-toed shoes, toed shoes, and shirts that reveal all, part, or none of a woman's cleavage. Red colored clothing of any kind is also forbidden, as a girl in a red dress is <expletive> hot.

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  • ... that the core of Zen Buddhism is to be as inscrutable as possible?
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