Portal:Religion
Religion generally involves the following or worship of a creed or deity in which one has optimistically attributed supernatural powers. "True Believers" are often labeled as schizophrenics or having some other neurological disorders in certain scientific-minded and rational circles, although the loudest among them tend to be derided for their poor fashion sense and general smelliness. According to a secular understanding of history, religion was invented by tribal chieftans at least two million years ago in order to control and exploit their fellow tribal members, and it was going strong in the Western World until that separation of Church and State nonsense. In the third world, it's business as usual. God is often portrayed as a giant bearded man in the sky that flies around granting wishes, although some religions would prefer you not portray him at all.
The Ark of the Covenant is a moderate sized piece of Acacia wood furniture, referred to in the Bible. It's basically a large, ornate storage box which employed the use of two poles in order to carry it - allowing the Israelites to haul Moses, Aaron and God's stuff around. Chariots had been invented by 3000 BC, so the lack of a couple of wheels in the design suggests it contained a mystical force-field capable of defying gravity and being used as a secret weapon. After leaving Egypt pursued by Pharaoh's bill collectors, the Israelites may have had some sort of encounter with aliens, sub-edited out of the Bible, or detoured via Atlantis - see paperbacks in any bookstall with a Legends and Mysteries section. But the official version is the Ark's construction was commissioned by God and the winning bid was received from Moses & Sons, Makers of Fine Furniture®. After its manufacture, God communicated with Moses through the speakerphone on the Ark's cover.
Pious Christians Against Shellfish (often abbreviated PCASF) was a radical American religious group active from 1981 until 2003. The group’s primary cause was—in the words of founder Rev. Michael Fordworth—the “holy crusade against shellfish, people who eat shellfish, and shellfish eaters,” all of whom, according to the group, were “destroying America and eroding family values” by either consuming or pushing for the consumption of shellfish like Lobster, Crab, and Shrimp—something that is expressly forbidden in the Bible.
BNEI BRAK, Israel – Local conservative rabbis are sick with worry, anxiety and unease at the increasing popularity of practical, comfortable fashions; more so even than the worry, anxiety and unease that causes their usual kvetching. After much bickering they have responded with the tact, sensitivity and delicate touch for which fundamentalists of all stripes are known; by burning down stores that sell offensive clothing and spraying bleach on women that Rabbi Yosef Elyashiv refers to as "...those nasty whores with their whore legs, whore skin and whore bulges. Whores!".
Throughout this tight knit Israeli city, recently hung posters urge women to buy only appropriate Tanakh-approved clothing. The notices, approved by local ultra-Orthodox rabbis, forbid women from wearing anything that could possibly be considered sexy, including skirts cut above the ankle, open-toed shoes, toed shoes, and shirts that reveal all, part, or none of a woman's cleavage. Red colored clothing of any kind is also forbidden, as a girl in a red dress is <expletive> hot.
- A slice of toast seen on the face of Jesus (Pictured)
- Devoutly gay man feels conflicted after admitting attraction to Christianity
- Pope John Paul II posthumously wins Monsignor Universe beauty contest
- Global faith crisis after miraculous resurrection of Madalyn Murray O'Hair, America's "most hated woman"
- Outrage over practice of throwing virgins into volcanos in India
- Meditated Buddhist monks accused of sleeping on the job
- The Heavens rejoice as Dow Jones market index surpasses 14,000
- Shock as God admits: "I experimented with evolution"
| “ | It's the smart way to get out. | ” |
— Oscar Wilde on Jehovah's witness protection program
| ||
- ... that the Bhagavad Gita is the inspirational tale of a man embracing wanton acts of violence towards his loved ones?
- ... that the core of Zen Buddhism is to be as inscrutable as possible?
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