User:CheddarBBQ/arch7

Place Your Requests For The Almighty CheddarBBQ!!!

September 26, 2009 - April 11, 2010

Highlights include:

• Arguing over names and Egyptian prostitutes (4)
• Mid-flight checkup (20)
• I become friends with Ohnogodnotagain (48)
• Friendly chat about murder (54)
• Guildy complains about his football team's suckingness (60)
• UnSignpost: I helped! (69 lol)

RAAAAAAAPE!

Nice meeting you! —Pelozurian (talk) 23:28, 11 April 2010 (UTC)

Wow. Nice timing. Where the fuck is Socky? It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 23:31,11April,2010

Fuck Socky? Yes please.--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 01:08, April 12, 2010 (UTC)

Is there a difference between fucking a sock and masturbation? Nominally Humane! some time Monday, 02:52, Apr 12 2010 UTC

No, but don't forget that underneath the sock is an unregistered user. —Pelozurian (talk) 02:58, 12 April 2010 (UTC)

Where am I, whats that sound? AHH!

PEEEEEEEEE

thanks for pissing on my shit -- Sir SF13 (Talk) GUN WotM RotM FBotM VFH SK Maj. ΥΣΣ 21:04 EST 11 April, 2010

[[File:{{{image}}}|link={{{link}}}]] CheddarBBQ

Awesome. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 01:30,12April,2010

OH, BTW, yeah, since whoring is encouraged in this whoring zone, VOTE Earth for March Top 3!!!!!111!!11one11!!!eleven!!!!! -- Sir SF13 (Talk) GUN WotM RotM FBotM VFH SK Maj. ΥΣΣ 23:37 EST 12 April, 2010

Thanks

I kept this woman locked away the whole time I wrote Sideboob, and when I let her out she ran to the beach like she owned the damn thing. Thanks for your vote, it really helped secure the pics and the written drivel onto the front page. Appreciated. Al sans chains 13:49 12 4 mmx

Namechange

Dude, why don't you change thy username to something cooler, italian and food-unrelated? SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 15:02, April 12, 2010 (UTC)

1. I'm not jumping on the whole name-change bandwagon
2. There is nothing cooler than Smokin' Cheddar BBQ Doritos.
3. CheddarBBQ is a kickass name

It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 19:13,12April,2010

What ever, dude, it's your name, not mine. On an unrelated sidenote, email me your phone number so that I can stalk you properly call you up some day or another. I want to hear your real voice, you know. SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 22:12, April 12, 2010 (UTC)

Are you kidding? That would be insanely long-distance/ It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 22:18,12April,2010

I'm changing my name to Jimbo Wales, and then will buy this place and turn it into an ad site for liquid soap. Jimbo Wales 22:21 12 4 MMX

Chedd: Why? Are you in Italy or the US? Either way, I can afford it.

Al: Jimbo already has an account here. So no, change it to Robert Murdoch or something, it'd be easier. SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 22:37, April 12, 2010 (UTC)

I don't doubt that you could afford it. You're Egyptian, so you have, like, ancient gold or something. I can't afford it though. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 22:58,12April,2010

Haha! No. I just have an excess of 100something pounds in "extra balance", accumulated over the years. I just want to get rid of them, and the only way is long-distance calls. :) SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 23:03, April 12, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, I figured it was something like that. Ya know, if you REALLY wanted to spend it, you could always mail me a couple of Egyptian prostitutes... It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 23:06,12April,2010

They'd suffocate on their way, or something. SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 23:09, April 12, 2010 (UTC)

You could poke holes in their boxes. Or kennels, or whatever you use. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 23:12,12April,2010

They'd die from dehydration, or something. SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 23:19, April 12, 2010 (UTC)

You could give them their usual salary in booze. Just make sure to put it in sippy cups, so they don't drink it all too fast. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 23:24,12April,2010

They wouldn't be able to use their hands while confined to a 1x1x1 box. Also, they'd choke on the booze. SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 23:31, April 12, 2010 (UTC)

Go all hamster bottle on that bitch. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 23:33,12April,2010

She'd choke. Listen man, why don't you just come over here, get done with them, and save me the trouble? SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 23:37, April 12, 2010 (UTC)

The whole point of the prostitutes is for you to be able to spend your money. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 23:40,12April,2010

I can spend it without shipping whores to the US or Sicily or whereverthehellyouare. SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 23:54, April 12, 2010 (UTC)

Buy yourself a bag of Smokin' Cheddar BBQ Doritos. With how rare they've been, they have to be worth at least $5,822 a bag by now. Also, go vote. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 23:58,12April,2010

Pee review

Your pee review is done. It looks like the work of a moron, I must admit, but within the body of the review is wisdom and a way to data-load. If I were a christian I would run from you, for fear of damage to my immortal soul. Al sans chains 00:30 14 4 mmx

Wow. You suck at Pee Reviews. LOL JK OMGLOLOLOLOLZZ It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 00:33,14April,2010

I corrected your table failure. M=miscellaneous. Don't put words in the score box, please. You read UN:PRG yet?--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 00:34, April 14, 2010 (UTC)

I suck at the format of my first pee review, but look within for the kernels, say the Chinese laundryman. Al the peer reviewsorus a few minutes later

I'm kind of confused by what you meant with the link comment. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 01:04,14April,2010

UnSignpost 15/4/10 - Yet another on time delivery.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!

Apr 15th, 2010 • Issue 84 • News? Where we're going, we don't need... News...

Something Scary This Way "Comes" By Skinfan13 A recent infestation of glowing dildos has taken over the front page of Uncyclopedia. Many users were shocked on April 11th when they opened up their web browsers and were treated to bright green replicas of EugeneKay's penis. Everywhere. Even poor anti-Semite Mel Gibson couldn't escape the wrath of the glowing dick. And the reason for the Scream in Edvard Munch's famous painting was revealed - turns out to have been caused by a hoard of giant glowing EugeneKay penises - an understandable reaction. When asked to comment on the matter, users simply refused to acknowledge that they had seen the penises at all. "Well, I for one didn't notice anything. Glowing penii are so common around here that these particular examples of illuminated manhood really didn't make an impression..." said Aleister in Chains. HELPME had a different outlook on the whole matter: "of course I noticed, how couldn't I? They were everywhere!" he exclusively told our intrepid reporter. Random internet traffic took notice of the infestation as well, with 127.0.0.1 commenting" "Ballsack!!!11 alolololololololooll pasfsdkjfhaelkfjds PENIS PENIS PENIS." He was promptly banned. The infestation passed almost as quickly as it came and a sense of normalcy returned to the main page when the penises retreated into the dark and abysmal graveyard of unused image files. By April 13th, all traces of the Great Penis Invasion of April 11-13 2010 (as it is now being called) were gone. There are, however, unconfirmed reports that the menace still lingers close to the main page, just waiting to strike again soon. I See IC All At Sea By UU It has come to the attention of our ever-vigilant reporters (largely because Why? has been bugging us to write a story about it) that Why? has decided to stand down as Admiral of Imperial Colonization, the organisation that somewhat amusingly styles itself after British Imperialism, but uses American spelling. We didn't need to ask the outgoing Admiral for a comment, as he was falling over himself to give us plenty, so we randomly selected the following: "I'm anal for accuracy", he told us. Among other things. Anyway, if you want to follow in Why?'s footsteps, and those of his illustrious predecessors in charge of the Colonization project, you can sign up to be considered for the post here. If it helps, you may wear a nice hat (please provide your own hat).

Check out these pages! The seed of a good idea It's a surprise, it says so in the name... Tell Uncle Dex everything. Everything... From our logs: 17:54, 14 April 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.185.215.1 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (On the charge of flagrant asshattery while in posession of an internet connection, I find you incredibly guilty) 20:05, 13 April 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I never gave you an inaugural joke ban? I blame you.) 23:03, 12 April 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.55.13.71 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (And the LORD said unto me: "Go ye, and smite the page blankers; they are as shit upon My heavenly sandal") 14:44, 11 April 2010 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 79.73.5.86 with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (You sound clever, and therefore I am blocking you to ensure that your talents are not wasted on us.) 21:19, 11 April 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked EugeneKay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a random ban time ‎ (chose your own adventure) Biopic of the Week Continuing our glorious occasional tradition of bio-ing people who haven't contributed for months and half the newer members of the wiki will never have heard of, let's have a look at Andorin Kato. An Uncyc stalwart since 2006, Andorin was voting on VFD, QVFDing stuff and writing good articles when most of today's active users were in short trousers (they're still in short trousers, of course, but it's been a while). In true on-the-ball Uncyc fashion, this hard work was recognised when Andorin was made UotM in November 2009. He was less than thrilled. The nostalgic return of Cajek Ban of the Week 11:39, 14 April 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (About time I did this. It's been a good two weeks and I haven't done yet.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeWii 20:34, April 15, 2010 (UTC)

Huff

Thanks for you vote to let the Giant Jew Band loose on humanity. You don't know what you've done and the havoc you've caused, but we're grateful for it! Giant! Jew! Band! Thanks again, Al des chain 21 4

I assume it was both of those redirects you no longer needed...? Let me know if you need either unhuffisated. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 17:52, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

Emo Thanks

You made an emo girl happy! Because of your vote you gave, you have earned a kiss from that happy emo girl, as well as being spared from an mean emo's wrath.Iwillkillyou333 is also happy he made this nice, depressed template as a nice thank you. Now go get that emo girl's number, and take her to watch a warehouse fire. Fun, isn't it?

--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 02:30, April 22, 2010 (UTC)

Holy crap that's awesome. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 02:53,22April,2010

Thanks!

'FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN'

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article.

I, like, appreciate your support, or something.

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 05:15, April 22, 2010 (UTC)

---

Alice

I'm just following Skin's timetable to get this up on pee review, but this doesn't leave out anything. Alice should be included, and I think we should leave the page off of mainspace until all of us are happy with it. I think the whole page needs more funny, way too literal and factual without the funny. But there is lots of time left to add in/take out, and if you want to do Alice, type away. I didn't see it, so I'd be of no help with that one (I would like to expand Beetlejuice a little more, for example). So what we'll do is get a pee review, hopefuly by someone with a neutral eye and good critique skills, and then we start that next rewriting phase of the process. Make sense to you, or would you suggest something different? Alice at the palace. Aleister in Wonderland 2:32 23 4

I knew you'd do that for the sig. I'm psychic. Also, Alice is the 1st Disney Digital 3d movie I've ever seen (in fact, the first movie I've seen with the non-red/blue 3d) It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 02:36,23April,2010

Psychic? How many fingers am I holding up (you have to pick something between zero and two!). What card am I holding in my hand? What am I holding in my hand? Please run with Alice. The best 3D I've seen was that Beuwolf film a couple of years ago, awesome, sitting in the second row center. Avatar didn't do it for me 3D-wise, but a good film. Did you see Beuwolf? (I didn't like it as much until I moved to my traditional row, 2nd, but more in the center than I like). Al holding one or no more fingers up 2:42 23 4

Never saw Beowulf, saw Avatar in 2d. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 19:16,23April,2010

The Tim Burton page is mainspaced, and we should put Alice in under "9". Please go ahead and write it (you may be the only one of us who saw it, I didn't at least). Good catch on Ghosts, thanks. I didn't even think of Binky and the rest. Added a reference into the Haunted House section, and while I was in that section put in some good edits in areas I felt just a little uncomfortable with, so thanks again. Now, Chicken, if we get Skin's ok on that it looks like the next page. I'm gonna go save it for the collab, and would suggest we just work in mainspace on the page with a construction tag. Sound okay? Al sans chains 20:24 27 4

Yep. I'll get on Alice as soon as possible (get it, get it?) It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 20:28,27April,2010

I knew one Alice I could tell tales about. Saw you poked the ghosts up a notch, thanks! Appreciated. Hey, you know why nobody's done chicken yet? When you search for it it goes right to Category:Chicken and not to an empty page! Have never seen that before here, but all the better. I'll ask an admin to open it up for us, stick a construction tag on, and if we so decide we have a wide-open field to chase the chickens around in. Eggy. Al sans chains 20:40 27 4

Mmkay. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 20:50,27April,2010

Pacman porn

Nominally Humane! some time Thursday, 01:54, Apr 29 2010 UTC

:D It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 02:01,29April,2010

Timmy Burton

Thanks for your vote on ghosts. This fine citizen of Ghostland wishes you well, and wants to let you know that Puppy likes the idea of a ghost contest too. Booooooooo, and thaaaaaaaaanks Booooooo! 23:01 30 4 MMX

I just finished masturbating to the Pac-man porn, so give me a moment to clean up. Ok, that should do it. Nice ride! Did you see the Tim Burton review came in from Black Flamingo? I left a note on the Tim talk page, so now another step to take. I checked with Puppy to see if he could do an edit sweep and Puppyize the page. If you could go through it again and step on some toes too, we just have to tie-it in more, add a bit more funny, etc. Will see what Puppy thinks. My mother is sucking cocks in hell right now, so I've gotta go get in line. Later, Al sans chains 11:14 30 4

Did you just ask me if I saw the review yet? You do know I was one of the first people to comment on it on Flamingo's page, right? It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 19:08,30April,2010

Jeez, you get around faster than a horse on a fast track. Puppy may help with the edits, which would be nice. I'll go read the Black Flamingo talk, lots of irons in the fire and six have melted already. Al enjoyinghismotherinhell 22:58 30 4

Photochopper!!!

You won! That is so cool. I am literally more happy about you winning than my win. Yay! Al sans chains!!! 00:02 1 5 MMX

I did? It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 00:47,1May,2010

UnSignpost 1 May

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost: Special Weekend edition

The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!

April 22nd 1st May, 2010 • Issue 85 • Insert penis joke here

The launch of a new and exciting weekend edition. Maybe. By PuppyOnTheRadio "Where is my signpost?" was the cry heard from the world wide masses this week. "There should have been an issue on the 22nd and on the 29th, and nothing seems to have been done about it." Fear not, gentle reader, for the signpost will not go gentle into the good night. We have instead taken a brief hiatus for no reason that we could conceivably come up with, and now we are back in a blaze of glory. For those who are unaware of our proud history, the next issue, coming out this Thursday, will mark the (roughly) 2 year anniversary of the creation of the UnSignpost, the unperiodic periodical started by Dr. Skullthumper and Cajek. The good doctor, at the time of the first issue, was asked what his feelings were towards creating the first formalised forum for spam within Uncyclopedia. It was from this that we now have the immortal words "Those assholes better appreciate this. They'd BETTER." Now, two years on from those words of wit and wisdom, the UnSignpost is still struggling going strong. There have been varied reports as to why the USP has not been released. One suggestion is that regular contributors just "couldn't be bothered writing." Others have suggested that it comes down to the unwillingness of the head editor, who was recently heard to say "I'm so against... this... again... (E)xistence is far more than (it) deserves." One of the more probable reasons for the lack of issues may be that the news has now gone viral, and is available more readily through facebook then it has been previously. One facebook semi-regular, who bears a remarkable resemblance to a Silent Bob inaction figure, has said of this development "Excuse me, but I think your geek is showing." Dexter111344 supported the move to the social networking site by saying "I won't be joining as I don't intend to ever make a Facebook." Another possibility is the number of users now communicating via UnSkypelopedia. When asked for a comment, EMC said "OH FUCKING CHRIST I'VE CUM" Dr.Skullthumper, however, said "I started both of them.", and then wished to make reference to some forum or something. Ethine, however, was somewhat more constructive, informing this reporter that "Since it's getting close to summer, we'll likely have more calls, as most people's schedules are slowing down. As well as calls, we have the neat little chat thing at the bottom, where everyone sexually harasses each other when calls aren't going." Despite several attempts, I still haven't been sexually harassed. One reason why users have not been as distracted recently is due to the enormous amount of work going on at PEE review. At present there are articles waiting for review which have been there for over three weeks. For all those who are looking to get the review process back and alive, please pick up an article for review today. Your time and investment into this proud tradition can create the next great article, like the recently featured A wizard did it or the recently nominated UnNews:Windows 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 came out, hailed by some as "the most profound and groundbreaking article to hit Uncyclopedia in over 50 years" Another reason why many users may be distracted is the number of collaborations that are currently in progress. Of those there is Tim Burton, being cleaned up by the team at ΥΣΣ, lead by the fantastic Skinfan13. Also starting to make some ground in the spread of reliable information is the team at Multiliteralist/Summit of Spin, lead by the wonderful Multiliteralist. And of course, coming out blinking from seeing the light of Discordianism is the ever faithful Imperial colonization, lead by everyone's favourite canine, RDB PuppyOnTheRadio. And of course, another reason might simply be that the team here at USP are all running around arranging bake sales to assist with Poo Lit Surprise, the bi-annual competition that actually gives prizes to the winners. The most likely explanation, however, is that nothing newsworthy ever happens on Uncyclopedia

Check out these pages! UnNews:Windows 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 came out Looks who's out of the closet. The most profound and groundbreaking article to hit Uncyclopedia in over 50 years From our logs: Flammable blocked 86.171.18.85 with an expiry time of infinite ‎(YOU ARE SO COOL SO COOL AWESOME LOL) ChiefjusticeDS blocked 91.195.183.211 with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(Ah, that may be true, but you are a wanker, so it evens out) Olipro blocked 92.4.117.223 with an expiry time of infinite (YOU EVER BEEN FUCKED IN THE ARSE WHILE WATCHING A YANKEES GAME?) Mordillo blocked 217.28.207.226 with an expiry time of 1 week (time's up! you need to go to the toilet to do some poopy!) RabbiTechno blocked 91.195.183.213 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎(Cyberbullying. Matthew R. would like to point out that while he may be gay, you are banned) Olipro blocked YOUR TOO SLOW! with an expiry time of infinite ‎(your spelling is shit, it's spelt "YOU'RE" ... so that means you're a fucking retard) ChiefjusticeDS blocked God-Is-Cool with an expiry time of 40 days ‎(Blessed be the Uncyclopedia admins for they shall lead us to the promised land, also bye bye!) Mordillo blocked God-Is-Cool with an expiry time of 40 years (It took them 40 years not 40 days you bloody heathen) Biopic of the Week What can anyone say about Maniac1075. There are rumours that he is not an individual, but rather a multinational conglomerate of authors who do nothing but write quality articles on an extremely high rate. Or at least on an extreme high. However you look at it his contributions to date have been fast and furious. There is definitely something odd with him at least. If nothing else, he has a scarily in-depth knowledge of the world of professional wrestling. In fact he has been nominated as both Writer of the month and Potatochopper of the month. There is a particular school of though that says that these fields here should be filled in with any old garbage in order to ensure that both the left and the right hand sides of the USP are of the same length. While we appreciate this sentiment, the truth is that the USP is known to be constantly at bursting point with information that we can't fit into one column, and so this right hand column is essential for the stuff that we can't fit elsewhere. SCROTUM The above section is not a prime example of the statement in the section above. Please feel free to ignore it.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Brought to you by fucking magic. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 11:18, 1 May 2010

April USS Collab

ΥΣΣ Collaboration: Tim Burton

This person was a principal contributor to the April, 2010 ΥΣΣ Collaboration, helping Upsilon Sigma Sigma create Top 50 Requested content.

---

Thanks for all the hard work last month! -- Sir SF13 (Talk) GUN WotM RotM FBotM VFH SK Maj. ΥΣΣ 22:05 EST 1 May, 2010

Thanks!

'FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN'

Thank you for supporting my recent UOTM campaign.

One day, you will force me to change this box, possibly with a weapon.

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:20, May 3, 2010 (UTC)

---

So true. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 02:22,3May,2010

Sandstorm, and your opening pic

Your opening pic on the top of this talk page, WTF? Nice.---Thanks for your vote on Sandstorm. An IP and some jerk, both who came into Uncy for a one-time edit, a no vote, are likely the same guy. Grrrrr. Your comment about the colour of that one section, the gold seemed the closest to the colour of sand and it matches the photo right above it. To me it seems to fit well, even though it's hard to read. If it really bugs you more than I like it, let's change it to tan, which is a boring sand colour but would work too. YMSCIHMF. Al sans chains 00:15 15 5 MMX

Yeah, it sucks when you get stuck with assholes like that. As for the text, I see what you mean, I was just looking at the pic below it. An extremely bright tan (which they unfortunately don't have) would be the best, but you can go whichever way you like. As for the pic, yes, it's amazing. Someone sent me a message before asking if I knew what movie that was from. I was like "No, but I'm going to use that for fucking everything from now on. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 00:20,15May,2010

You could do a whole page around it. "Sperm, the Serial Killer Whale" or something. Thanks for the colour Okay, I do tend to listen to comments on VFH, it's like another pee review imnho. YMSSpermIHMF. Al sans chains 00:25 15 5 MMX

Thanks for your vote on Warm piss Sandstorm. If you take enough sand, mix it with beer, then piss on it, what do you get? Vatican Ale! Appreciated. Al des chains 15:59 21 5 MMX

Frat news

I totally love that opening gif. Skinfan ran off again, studies and duties, he's in Hungary now (maybe he can travel to Italy and you guys can wine and dine). He foolishly put me in charge again, and I'll do my best. Will keep Chicken open to work on until it gets into real good shape. And at the same time we should put another page up too, for variety and to keep to a one-a-month thing. Would you be ok with Taco? It's one Paizuri can get his teeth into. Or do you have another in mind. Is there one you would love to work on? That's the important thing. OK, more soon. Al des chains 17:10 2 6 mmx

Taco's fine. But my upcoming weeks are busy, don't know how well I'll be able to help. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 02:26,3June,2010

Ah, Taco. Paizuri declares it so. And since it is a frat, if you have things to do in the next few weeks, we will all help you. Al des chains 3:38 3 6 MMX

Puritan Poetical Thanks

'FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN'

Thank you supporting my recently featured article.

You're sexy.

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:31, June 7, 2010 (UTC)

---

And yes, I would like to suck on you testicles. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:31, June 7, 2010 (UTC)

Sir?!? Excuse me sir???

Are you enjoying the flight? Can I get you anything? Fluff your pillow? Cook your taco? Adjust your seating, airflow, overhead light or oxygen? Ok then, I salute you!  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  12 Jun 2010 ~ 05:08 (UTC)

thanks says the kite

THANK YOU for voting on Hello there! I'm a kite, and I will ruin your day! You are the BEST! I will kill you. What? I didn't say anything.User:Mrthejazz/sig 02:18, June 18, 2010 (UTC)

Say there, what the hell you think you be doin' on my property?! Go on now, git! It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 02:32,18June,2010

Danke

	YOU'VE BEEN HOZED!!! Listen to your doom!
	Rev_zim has performed a Hozing on your soul; apparently you've done wrong in the eyes of doG. Take off, eh?!.

Thanks for reading, considering, and voting on my article, HowTo:Be Reverend Zim ulator. In truth, the smite vote on your part is valid, although being taken off my shit list should not have factored into your reasoning. Now I have to go and make a shit list page for myself just to put you on it. That takes a chunk out of my day, you know? I hope you appreciate it. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 21:45, June 21, 2010 (UTC)

Ha, I like to joke in the comment section. I smited for the same reasons as pretty much everyone else. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 18:25,25June,2010

The UnSignpost Is Not Dead!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way they did!

Jun 24th, 2010 • Issue 86 • Oh yeah, the UnSignpost, I remember that...

Conservation Week Approaches By UU Fancy watering Uncyclopedia's forestry? Want to be a good conservationist? Fancy taking up the rewriting sword of justice, and righteously smiting the dragon of shit writing? Actually, the hell with that, do you want to take a bunch of bad articles, and make them suck less? Then you, my friend, are in luck! Conservation Week 2010 starts on July 5th, and actively encourages users to scour the wiki (perhaps through judicious use of Special:Random, or possibly through exploration of Category:Rewrite or Category:Ideas or even Special:Lonelypages), find lame articles that they consider are taking up the very space which could be occupied by something less sucky, and then using their skill and judgement to turn those articles into shining examples of comedic writing. As this is a competition dedicated to simultaneously reducing the number of useless articles on the wiki and increasing the number of good ones, some naysayers believe it to be completely pointless - Uncyclopedia is the worst, they say, and no amount of well-intentioned competitions can change that. But were it to exist, the Cabal would probably beg to differ. They may call it something like "a genuinely good thing", and "a ray of hope, signalling that occasionally, even the most worthless dreck may be redeemed". So if you think what your userpage is missing is a template called the "Greasy Mechanic Award", then prepare to rewrite like you've never re-written before. Just don't forget to make your new version better than the original. Something summarizing the events of the last month or so By PuppyOnTheRadio It has been said by one of our esteemed administrators here at UnSignpost that if it wasn't reported in the UnSignpost, then it didn't happen. As there has been no UnSignpost produced for the last few days, due to one of the editors having a real life, and another one being lazy, there are several things that didn't happen. Yes, the loss of the UnSignpost for so long sent a shiver down the spines of many an Uncyclopedian. So much so that one member of the community decided that it was timely to look at a new way to produce the UnSignpost. One such idea was to release a monthly periodical in the place of USP. Although there has been several attempts by this reporter to obtain a quote from said insurrectional community member, to date no response has been heard. As part of the ongoing struggle to maintain our independent stance from Wikia, several members decided that it would be a wise idea to create a way to cash in on the popularity of the site. As such the UnShoppe has been created, where you may purchase any one of a number of Uncyclopedia-related pieces of merchandise. So far all purchases have been made by the individuals who created the store. However, if you are looking for the place to buy a shirt that shows that your nipples have been featured, that a wizard did something, whatever it was, and that you have an in-depth knowledge of who Dan Kwon is. There was a competition. Congratulations go to mrthejazz, who got the pun. Imperial Colonisation has taken a brief hiatus after the new head of IC became the old head of IC. He was an Australian, and his example has inspired the entire nation so much that the new head of Parliament for the country is now the old head of parliament. Congratulations go out to the new new head of IC. A strange bandwagon has been created by a drunken Bonner, who has challenged all and sundry to ask him anything at all. As such there are various forums dedicated to asking regular Uncyclopedian members things. These previously were known as user talk pages, but who can stand in the way of progress? And that's all that didn't happen. Although now it's listed in UnSignpost that means it actually did happen. Which suggests that by editing UnSignpost I have the power to change the past. If I could change anything about the past, what would it be? I had sex with a real person!

Check out these pages! Modusoperandipedia? Fuck... Uncle Dex needs ideas for business cards Wait, we seriously have a store now?! From our logs: 06:22, 23 June 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 153.107.33.152 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (and you are the living proof that school kids are idiots) 00:12, 23 June 2010 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked LRC (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (The purpose of redirects is to redirect someone to a page that is related to the original page, not separated by six degrees of bullshit logic. Try again.) 09:52, 21 June 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 153.107.33.158 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Back after your last block and still loving the penis, have a bit longer to think about that) 15:02, June 17, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 243 seconds (I hear the UnSignpost may be returning, so I'd better make sure I put up at least one decent ban this week so I can get in it!) 05:38, June 17, 2010 PantsMacKenzie (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.109.125.137 (Talk) with an expiry time of a million years ‎ (multiple vandalizations of keitei) Old-School Featured Article of the Week UnMysteries:J'accuse Thank you all for meeting me in the Accusing Parlor tonight. If you're wondering what "j'accuse" means, and why I ran screaming it through the whole house, it means "I accuse" in French, and it's what people say when they accuse people of murder. I trust you know why we're all here. After I was mysteriously invited to this party, and after people started mysteriously dying, I decided to put my internet degrees in Criminology, and Criminography, to good use. But to accuse people of homicide, I have to start at the beginning. International Sporting Tournament of the Week The Swedish Orienteering And Firing A Rat From A Cannon Championships. The World Cup? What's that? Missed anniversary of the week Some time in the last month or so, the UnSignpost completely failed to celebrate its second anniversary. Hey ho. Two years of missed deadlines, desperate filler boxes, flimsy biopics, hand-deliveries and pale imitations of journalism - is it even worth mentioning? Probably not. Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #347 The standard of desperate filler boxes in the UnSignpost remains as low as ever. Oh look - a monkey!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

A new UnSignpost issue, another template spammed onto your talkpage, enjoy! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 15:26, 24 June 2010

This is bugging me

How the hell do you get your sig to change like that. It's like once I see the sig, and next thing i know, you have a different sig. WTF?--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 06:01, June 26, 2010 (UTC)

{{User:CheddarBBQ/sigs}}. Use the <choose> thing. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 13:50,26June,2010

Thanks a bunch.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 16:03, June 26, 2010 (UTC)

Fantasy Football 2010

It's back! Go here. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:36, June 29, 2010 (UTC)

Bout time. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 15:21,29June,2010

Well-Oiled Thanks

I'd like to thank you, on behalf of myself and Aleister, for voting for our article. Thanks. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:35, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

HA. YOU DIDN"T USE THE FUCKING TEMPLATE. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 02:57,30June,2010

All the news that's unfit to print!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Word to your mother.

Jul 1st, 2010 • Issue 87 • More news than something with less news than us

Things getting boring on the wiki? Time to write at speed! By UU Dullness. Boredom. Shit not going down. That's the place Uncyc found itself recently. And we needed a spark. An idea. Something out of leftfield to galvanise the troops, plaster stupid smiles on faces across the wiki, and inspire joy unconfined in the community. We're still waiting for that, but until it arrives, Skull's hour-long writing contest will do nicely. Shamelessly pinching Cajek's idea of time-limited writing competitions (which brought us such classics as HowTo:Sexually Stimulate an Ant, lest we forget), but putting his own distinct spin on it, Uncyc's own mad Doctor challenged Uncyclopedians to write an article in a single hour that would survive VFD. Given Uncyclopedia's well-known exacting quality standards, this promised to be a tough task, but a surprising number of people were up for it. And so it was that a frenzy erupted across the wiki, and baffled Europeans and other users not around at the time awoke the next day to a slew of brand new articles, not all of which ended up being deleted. They liked the idea so much, they held their own a couple of days later. When asked to comment on his brainchild, the commotion and excitement it had caused, and the size of his penis, Dr. Skullthumper exclusively told us "Sure. I'll get on that. I swear". Things getting boring on the wiki? Time to start pointless drama! By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Giant evil multinational wiki-hosting conglomerate Wikia won a major victory last month, when a rebellion by a small but dedicated band of anti-capitalist radicals was brutally put down by a bunch of fascistic Wikia-collaborators. Or at least, that's what happened in the heads of Carlb, Roye7777777 and CartoonistHenning after they nailed their anti-Wikia manifesto to the metaphorical door of Uncyclopedia's metaphorical Wittenberg Cathedral. The 1,000-word anti-Wikia tract, despite the shocking and previously unknown revelation that Wikia was not in fact the wiki-hosting charity that it claimed to be, but rather a commercial company, failed to ignite a spontaneous revolt against Wikia among the Uncyclopedia community. A heated and sexually-charge discussion ensued, with strong arguments offered by both sides. However, it seems that some people were unable to grasp the enormity of the revelation that Wikia's motives were less than altruistic. Eventually, the thread descended into an all-out flamewar and a waaaaaaaaaaaaaahmbulance was called to treat the injured. "We may have lost this round," Carlb told UnSignpost reporters "but it is only a temporary setback. One day, the tyranny of Wikia will be no more. Our revenge will be the laughter of our children." It is rumoured that Carlb, Roye7777777 and CartoonistHenning will employ Black Bloc tactics at the next Wikia conference in an attempt to escalate the struggle against Wikia oppression.

Check out these pages! Tell me about your mother Fantasy (American) Football is back! (Oh yeah - I went there) Open the podcast bay doors, Skull... From our logs: 09:07, 30 June 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Ahmedatefa (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (don't do that....or I shall have to spank you) 20:31, 27 June 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked SadisticWolf (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 minutes ‎ (I don't "rape" I "cockify". There's a difference. ) 16:01, 25 June 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Dexter111344 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 500 seconds ‎ (I'm not a poor version of Oli, I'm a mediocre and far more irritating version) Biopic of the Week What can be said about Ethine? Well, she's been lurking IRC since about December 2006 and only made an account after being forced to by emc. She has been sexually harassed by long forgotten users and by ones you only wish you could forget. She recently took up the job of fighting vandals, reverting idiots, and trying to get new users flogged. For some reason, this was enough to get her the Uncyclopedian of the Month award. Or it could have just been because of her hands. Her young, sexy, oh-so-soft hands... By the way, she actually likes talking to you freaks over Skype. Go talk to her. Ask her about her open invitation to everyone to come to her house. You won't even have to bring your own rope, either. Old-school featured article of the week Hi, my name is David Cameron and I'm the Prime Minister of The United Kingdom. You can call me Dave if you wish, not that I'm trying to tell you what to do. "David" is fine. My mother calls me David and she's a lovely woman, so either way it's cool. This is my own personal uncyclopedia article. I've created this, because I feel that in this modern age of ipods and nanos, it is important to connect with young people and do it in the medium and language that they understand, L.O.L.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeWii 12:20, July 1, 2010 (UTC)

You thought I forgot?

Thanks! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 14:47, 1 July 2010

I couldn't help but notice...

...that you're a fan of Zero Punctuation on facebook. Have you ever seen this piece of mine? You just might like it. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 18:38, July 1, 2010 (UTC)

Stalker. But no, I don't think I've seen that. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 18:46,1July,2010

Pretty good. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 18:59,1July,2010

I put it up for highlight last summer when I wrote it. Unfortunately, not many people were aware of the awesomeness that is Zero Punctuation, and it failed. Do you have any suggestions on how to improve it, being familiar with it the subject and whatnot? —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 20:46, July 1, 2010 (UTC)

Well, I love the metal introduction thing. No specific improvements. Seems like you captured him pretty well. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 20:57,1July,2010

Unsurvivor

We've been lumped in the same team, so here's the article we're working on. If you can help out, great. If you can't make it for whatever reason, fuck off. 24 hours, GO GO GO GO.

And no, nobody died and made me king. --nachlader 00:23, July 5, 2010 (UTC)

Cracker Barrel

So I actually took the time to implement your suggestions today for Cracker Barrel. Thought I'd let you know. I'm going to self-nominate it for VFH soon, maybe right now. We'll see. -- Sir SF13 (Talk) GUN WotM RotM FBotM VFH SK Maj. ΥΣΣ 18:08 EST 5 July, 2010

Cool. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 00:32,6July,2010

Signpost: normal service resumed

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The edition that's black and white and dead all over

Jul 8th, 2010 • Issue 88 • Hand-stitched for comfort

Conservation week: how's it going, and what is it anyway? By Under user The 6th bi-annual Conservation Week is now in full swing, and once again bugging people by lasting for a fortnight. So far there are around 12 rewriters signed up (depending on if Joe9320 is serious about pulling out because he got reverted) to rewrite getting on for 30 or so articles. That's a fair old commitment to improvement. But then, that's kind of the idea, isn't it? Conservation week has been running since autumn 2007, starting life in Jocke Pirat's userspace, and spending a confused few hours being called the rewrite-a-thon in an early attempt to get around the whole week-fortnight thing. The first iteration was a resounding success, and about 38 people signed up to rewrite over 50 articles (with Zombiebaron hilariously missing the point and going on a deletion spree instead), making the current iteration look like it has some work to do. However, there was no quality control at the outset - if an article was rewritten in any way, that was deemed good enough. Some of those early articles may well have been made worse, we just don't know (or can't be bothered to check). Quality control arrived later on, when erstwhile gentleman editor of this very organ Gerrycheevers stepped up to run the first 2009 CW, and ran the rule over all the rewrites personally, so that the attendant award was only bestowed on those doing quality rewrites. That task this year falls to Dexter111344, who has promised to be "harsh but harsh". Probably. So, with a prize on offer to the person with the most high quality rewrites, and plenty of time left in which to do said rewrites, the only question left is: "why haven't you entered yet"? We asked this question of one completely random user, and he exclusively told us "because I'm busy writing this week's issue of the UnSignpost, duh!" Image Request: A Retrospective By UU Time to focus on a sometimes-overlooked corner of Uncyclopedia: UN:PIC, otherwise known as Image Request or Radical X's corner. Named for the once and forever king of image manipulation on Uncyclopedia, the near-mythical RadicalX, this page has been responsible for some truly memorable Uncyc images over the years. And some of Pokémon characters superimposed on the crucifixion - hey, whatever floats your boat. Established in March 2005 by a user called Machinecurse, this page has been the domain of most of the legends of Uncyc image manipulation at one time or another - as one 'chopper has left, another has arisen to take their place, in some kind of Potatochop Royal Succession stylee. Or something. Whatever, the likes of Paulgb, Zombiebaron, Seeker, Sonje and, more recently, KneeChee27 and MeepStarLives have slaved over hot image editing software to fulfil the esoteric image requirements of the Uncyclopedia populace. The response time has always varied on the page, as it largely depends on how active the 'choppers are at the time, how achievable the requests actually are, and how polite the request is. But for those with a little patience, it is undoubtedly a useful resource in the ongoing quest for that perfect image of Mario and Master Chief riding Pikachu down the Death Star Trench run. Or something. Have a look at the gallery to see some of the more recent work.

Check out these pages! Yes, it's fucking political... I, er, won't survive? Everyone's a winner baby From our logs: 03:03, 5 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Skinfan13 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Paradox block for breaking a rule on an award with no rules) 21:47, 4 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Aidan2613 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (The revolution is dead. God save the queen) 18:15, 2 July 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.154.122.248 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (I hope the next 48 hours pass as swiftly and painlessly for you as the hundred years war) Biopic of the Week In North Vancouver, born and raised, at city fundraisers and bake sales are where he spent most of his days... Some of you may or may not remember Shandon, nicknamed "Doughboy" by the electorate in Vancouver after his notorious political scandal which nearly erupted Canadia into anarchy. This is unlike his nickname on Uncyclopedia, "Doughperson", which is based on Shandon's gender neutral writing style and gender neutral username having led many to believe that Shandon has no gender. He recently moved to America, and after doing so was named "Worst Canadian Export", a title he took from Bryan Adams but recently lost to Justin Bieber (Shandon's only chance of reclaiming the title is Bieber's looming appearance in North Korea which many hope will be the end of him). After becoming the first person to ever pick up a chick from the Uncyclopedia IRC, Shandon is now living the American Dream. So what's the nick all about? Shandon, from Silverlock by John Myers Myers. NOT Shandon from Isle of the Dead by Roger Zelazny (another terrible book). Old-school featured article of the Week A civil war is a form of warfare known for its kindness and civility, in stark contrast to the other tactics such as scorched earth which are entirely too dirty for upstanding gentlemen. Civil warfare is a strategy that has outlasted many minor fads in warfare such as Germany's Blitzkrieg Bop, the British Redcoat's Stand In a Line and Shoot or the French Foreign Legion's Surrender. Its longevity as a tactic can probably be attributed to a few things, namely the incompetence of modern military tacticians compared to those of the past and the universal human need for cordial smiles and small talk, even during battle. The inevitable return of Cajek ban of the week 12:30, 8 July 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day (not returning to Uncyc in a proper and timely fashion)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Oh dear god, am I really doing this again? --UU - natter 10:59, Jul 9

Yet Another Worthless Award

AMAZING FREE GIFT!

As YOU voted for BIBLE! to be featured on the front page,
this FRAMED, VERY RARE and HIGH COLLECTIBLE
JESUS AND LINDSAY LOHAN
issue of the magazine is YOURS TO KEEP!
Generations to come will thank you for this wonderful keepsake.

---

Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 11:27, July 9, 2010 (UTC)

You, personally, averted the Apocalypse

Post Apocalypse made it in to cue, thanks to you. Now there is no chance it will happen.

Much thanks--Funnybony    15:48, Jul 15

Another UnSignpost! Rejoice!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Better sign it.

Jul 15th, 2010 • Issue 89 • Made with 100% recycled vuvuzelas

The 40+ club expands By UU Once, many years ago, having 40 featured articles seemed an untouchable goal - a mystical, far-off land that none would ever reach. These days, it seems almost passé, as Mhaille has joined Modusoperandi in that territory, and Hyperbole (counting works by his various drunken sockpuppets) is half a feature away from becoming the fastest person yet to reach that magical figure. We asked them all for quotes, and Mhaille exclusively told us: ""Go eat more shit, fuckers"...obviously I am excited to have reached the BIG 4-0, and am delighted that enough of my peers deem the quality of my work good enough to have reached that figure, although I have to say I'm a little pissed that at least 10 other of my articles are feature-worthy and are constant overlooked (lengthy bans will ensue, I'm sure), I am equally as proud of my featured images, as well as many of my other contributions that I hope that my peers feel have augmented the work of others. That I am still here after five long years, and still contributing says something about Uncyclopedia itself. What that is, I wouldn't like to speculate. But sometimes you have to in order to accumulate. Apparently." Which is such a long quote we're going to need at least one blatant filler box in the right-hand panel. Bastard. Meanwhile, Modus exclusively told us "It's not that myself and Mhaille have written so very many great and fantastic pages that have, and will continue to, entertain the people for years to come. It's just that Mhaille did. "I" am one of his many sockpuppets. He writes as "Modusoperandi" when he needs a page without a "foreign" accent. Look around. There are a bunch more Mhaille sockpuppets here, too. Hyperbole, for one. Mhaille is like a wet Mogwai." Which is more concise, and therefore OK. Finally, Hype exclusively commented: "I'd like to say thank you to Uncyclopedia for voting to feature my many excellent, high-quality articles, including the drunken insistence that you accept a diseased poodle, the song about having sex with sporting goods, and the blatantly racist tirade about having to wait too long for a Pee Review. Writing 39.5 features has been literally the most important accomplishment I will ever have in my life. I look forward to continuing to service each and every one of you in the future." Which was nice of him. So, the burning question now has to be: who will be first to 50? Modus obviously has the lead, but Mhaille is writing in greater volume than he has for some time, and if Hype keeps up the pace, he's probably a good bet. But they're not the only candidates - Sog is coming up the rails rapidly, and could reach the 40 mark even quicker than Hype - could he overtake the lot of them? The only thing certain is that with these guys around, Uncyc should be assured of some half-decent articles amongst the dross. World Cup over - Romartus struggling for UnNews inspiration By UU The climax to the World Cup may have been a little ugly, unsatisfying and under-whelming (hmm, sounds familiar somehow), but it raises a question so far not addressed by the mainstream media, namely "what is Romartus going to write UnNewses about now?" The scourge of Junior Uncyclopedia has discovered his muse in the planet's biggest sporting event, and has been cranking out UnNews articles on the subject at an alarming rate. Now, without Jabulani balls, biting tackles and Messi long shots to inspire him, what is there to inspire him to maintain such prolific standards? Suspicions abound that the Tour De France is passing him by, he seems far too English to care about the various draft and transfer shenanigans in the NFL and NBA and the like, and as the only story to emerge from golf's Open Championship so far is Tiger Woods changing his putter (wow, someone hold me back), that seems unlikely to unleash his inner news-hound. With a worrying lack of global sporting tournaments on the horizon, will we have to wait another 4 years for the next Romartus article splurge? Stay tuned to UnNews to find out!

Check out these pages! Please not Stephenie Meyer, Please not Stephenie Meyer... Lazy journalism. Which is something we never indulge in Kicking on with another bandwagon From our logs: 23:47, 14 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.8.150.140 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Oh, shut up for about half a year, will you? Thanks, dear.) 15:47, 13 July 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) resurrected Under user (Talk | contribs) ‎ (a song originally written for Celine Dion? Have you no standards?) 14:47, 13 July 2010 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 294 seconds ‎ (CUZ I MISS U BABY AND I DUN WANNA MISS A THING.) 14:39, 13 July 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Don't want to cloooose my eyes, don't want to faaaaaall asleep.) 06:18, 13 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Keeh69 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (I block with the power of a thousand vuvuzelas) 19:16, 12 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 77.164.176.221 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (you can't even spell "racistic" properly it's "RASISTICS") 01:01, 12 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.68.108.4 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Only because I can't appoint you an admin.) Biopic of the Week Fnoodle was the UnSignpost's first ever paperbot, something we could frankly do with more of. One of the many creations of fiendish evil genius Dr. Skullthumper, it also managed to singlehandedly upset approximately two-thirds of the wiki by running a huge spellcheck operation, maliciously changing "teh" to "the" on every single page - which seemed to put an awful lot of panties in a bunch, judging by teh number of complaints on Skull's talk page in the aftermath. Old-school featured article of the week The Adventures of Baron Ringpiece were composed as a series of short tales, published between 1840 and 1848 by William “Wacky” Thackeray, better known for Vanity Fair Magazine, and his novels Penispenispenis and The Virginans, and details the life and adventures of Redman Barry O'Malley. Thackeray always considered the work to be unfinished, and had intended to add several more chapters, turning the tale from one where the hero works towards success to one where he gains his dreams only to lose them. Cajek ban of the Week 10:04, 9 July 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day (account creation disabled) ‎ (I really don't do this as often as I should)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 10:22, 16 July 2010

The template that I'll never change

'FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN'

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article.

I, like, appreciate your support, or something.

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 01:45, July 20, 2010 (UTC)

---

The League

It comes back September 16th. I'm excited. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 19:05, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

Really fucking excited. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 19:48,21July,2010

Well I'm super mega hyper excited. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:03, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

Well I came. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 16:17,23July,2010

Read all about it! The UnSignpost rides again!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!

Jul 22nd, 2010 • Issue 90 • Suddenly, Signpost!

UnNews hits warp factor Whore By Zim That bastard child of Uncyclopedia and WikiNews, UnNews, is in full-on whoring mode. Tired of being relegated to the bilge hold of Uncyc, staff have collectively and to a man, woman or it, decided to resort to the time-honored tradition of whoring themselves for attention. 2010 is shaping up to be a record year for lots of stuff, which I am too lazy to actually reference. We've had lots of cool coding happenings, resulting in a facelift to the Main Page, and a really cool navigation bar giving access to a plethora (well, 7 sections in fact) of sections including Sports, Comics, Editorials, and special coverage of the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Contributors to UnNews of note are Funnybony, SPIKE, Romartus, Modusoperandi, Mordillo, Multiliteralist, PuppyOnTheRadio, Happytimes, Matt lobster and MrN9000 (when the bugger's here). Apologies to anybody I've missed. The Newsroom, home to nefarious plots and odd ideas, has once again become an active core of resistance against Uncyc's unofficial policy of ignoring us. Always leading edge, UnNews is acquiring a stable of notable personalities for a new series of Uncolumns called "Reductio ad Hitlerum", a guest column that invites persons of note to do an article for us, usually under threat of blackmail. Discussion here, first RaH column here by guest Sarah Palin. Techno gets Mhaille'd By UU The most exclusive and coveted award on Uncyclopedia, the Mhaille award for excellence, has been presented for only the 14th time in 4 years, and the first time in first time in a year, to the suitably humbled RabbiTechno. The award is, unusually on vote-happy Uncyclopedia, not decided on by voting, but is bestowed at the sole discretion of feature-monster, bureaucrat, whoring legend and token Liverpool fan Mhaille, according to his own criteria. Looking down the list of previous winners - Shandon, ENeGMA, Tompkins, Zombiebaron, Prettiestpretty, Savethemooses and the rest, it's pretty clear that the good Rabbi is a) in good company, and b) not going to be here much longer.

Check out these pages! Whoops! Andorin did it again Vote for less voting! What's a "Braydie"? From our logs: 06:03, 22 July 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.236.215.111 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Cyberbully - also apparently believes women to have penises and is thus either aged under six years or is a Lady Gaga fan. Either way, unsuitable for Uncyclopedia) 08:04, 19 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.167.1.63 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (returning blankist. Nice to see you again chap.) 06:06, 17 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.171.137.61 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I get my dubious software from Synaptic package manager, thank you.) 01:45, 17 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.32.64.51 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (yo article so fat) Old-school featured article of the week A shopping list purports to be a simple item used to detail all items required on a given shopping trip. However, recent scientific studies have revealed its true purpose: it is a key element in a game of oneupmanship between couples. The lists are carefully compiled in a secret code known only to one half of the couple, the objective being to confuse, baffle, and otherwise annoy the other half to the point of submission. The ultimate aim is to get the other half to admit to being an abject failure, and to concede intellectual superiority in the relationship indefinitely, or at least until next Tuesday. Cajek ban of the week brings you - Cajek's first ban! 15:06, 20 September 2007 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (When an admin archives a VFD, voting is closed.)

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--ChiefjusticeWii 14:04, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

Sorry

I really had to take a piss, and your article was the only thing around that i could write my name in piss with...so i did, sorry --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 03:22, July 27, 2010 (UTC)

You said "you can tell you put some time into it." At the top of the page, I said the article was written in one hour. Thanks anyway though. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 17:44,27July,2010

You caught me :P...i say things like that to make the writer feel better and to be freindly. If you want, ill try to do a more in deapth review and i will critisize more if you want me to critisize more :P. Thing is im new to reviewing so I'm just trying to get the hang of it. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 18:56, July 27, 2010 (UTC)

No, I want to try to get someone else, so that I can get multiple perspectives. It's usually the most effective way. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 19:58,27July,2010

Upsilon Sigma Sigma July Newsletter

Well guys, its been exactly 5 billion years since I last did a newsletter and I thought doing one would be a good way to get everyone back into the fold for August. Big things on the horizon for August for Upsilon Sigma Sigma.

First thing's first: Welcome to our newest brothers, Maniac1075 and Happymonkey39! Hopefully you guys will stick around and become regular contributors to our little project here!

Secondly, unfortunately there wasn't really a July collaboration. That's partly my fault from being absent most of the month because of work. The June collaboration, Taco, that got roughly finished and reviewed around mid-July will be our collaboration for both months. Go ahead and head on over to the collaboration page to vote on whether we send the article to mainspace or not and be sure to nominate an article for the que, also found on the collaboration page.

Third, some asshole (cough MadMax) redirected weird to odd, but bad news for him; we're doing weird as our collaboration for August anyways. This one is going to be epic guys, like Tim Burton epic. I'd like an 'all hands on deck' turnout for this one. We'll begin sometime around August 1 or second. I was thinking the approach for the article should be from the perspective of a high school misfit who's unaware how weird he is describing other kids as being weird. or something... Once the collaboration page is up and running we'll hash it out on the discussion page.

Lastly, and I know I constantly pound this, we all need to start doing requested articles individually. This is supposed to be a big part of USS, but our frat has morphed into mainly a collaboration group. Lets try and focus on those individual requested articles over the next few months.

Looking forward to ramping this thing back into gear with you guys in August!

Founder -- Sir SF13 (Talk) GUN WotM RotM FBotM VFH SK Maj. ΥΣΣ 21:37 EST 28 July, 2010

Somewhere in the Enrichment Centre...

You voted for this?

Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU! How does tha—
Er, GLaDOS?
What is it?
You do realise that you're regurgitating quotes from the original game.
Is there something wrong with that?
As a matter of fact, yes, GLaDOS, there is. Quite a few of us are waiting for the new, creative, inventive quotes that are to come in Portal 2, and actually are sick and tired of people who regurgitate quotes and memes from a two-and-a-half-year-old game.
You're right. I can't become just a soundboard of tired old quotes.
Exactly.

Thank you for helping us help you help us all.
*sigh*

---

Thanks for voting for Portal! Sir MacMania GUN—[13:46 1 Aug 2010]

I LOVE THAT. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 15:05,1August,2010

Draft

Your turn, I autopicked for Joe. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 14:32, August 4, 2010 (UTC)

It's new and it's news! It's the latest UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.

Aug 5th, 2010 • Issue 91 • I love it when the news comes together

VFD minimum time limit introduced By UU Yes, folks, it's actual news this week. We know, next week will see normal service resumed. However: following a forum discussion on the dump that impressively managed to avoid any real drama, it has been decided that, to avoid any articles being deleted without a proper window for debate, all nominations on VFD will remain open for a minimum of one day. Further to that, the minimum score required for deletion is in the process of being clarified, so that either a score of at least +5 in favour of deletion will be required before the trigger-happy admins fire up their huffing devices, or 5 keep votes will automatically exempt an article from deletion. One of those. Probably. The number 5 seems certain to be involved, whatever the outcome. Hopefully, this will ensure that BUTT POOP is never deleted again. At least, such is our understanding. Sorry about that. We will now follow this with an article with no relation to news whatsoever, to try and make it up to you. Uncyc Fantasy Football draft off to racing start By UU Those with a passing interest in sports might notice that Uncyc's never-popular Fantasy Football league is about to embark on its second season, and has begun the draft process necessary to create the teams that will be taking part. So far, the results have surpassed the expectations of all except noted optimist Bradaphraser. Three days in, and seven of the record fourteen competitors have picked a single player each, making this the slowest process since BP started trying to cap that goddamn oil leak. This year's competition promises to be more open than the last, including as it does Joe9320, who admits to knowing nothing about the sport, preferring AFL, and noted British namby-pamby "soccer" fan UU, who has somehow agreed to become an Indianapolis Colts fan for the duration of the season. Hence his adding a picture of what he is assured is the awesome Peyton Manning into this very article. With the likes of the here-one-week-gone-for-a-month Gerrycheevers also involved in the process, it could well end up taking long enough to be ready by the start of the 2011-12 season.

Check out these pages! You're new, aren't you? I have this way of telling Fighting the good fight: a beginner's guide Someone returns, creates forum From our logs: 07:55, 3 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Ethine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1000 seconds ‎ (I'm seeing the words "Added category!" when I sleep now) 14:44, 29 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 195.74.132.170 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (I'm sure Emma is a really nice girl when you get to know her. Ask her out for some coffee or something. And when you guys fuck, don't post about that here either.) 00:14, 28 July 2010 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.9.0.0/16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (I got bored, so I decided to block 2/3 of Norway. Bug an admin in IRC and they'll unblock you, maybe.) Biopic of the Week Some user was just some user who created Uncycloversity, Unquotable, and had the world's greatest departure message from Uncyclopedia. Despite only having been at Uncyclopedia long enough for everyone to cry when he left, Some user brought a plethora of knowledge to Uncyclopedia. He taught us all how to find our inner sockpuppet and be humble, the former of which has duped countless users into earning lengthy bans and the latter of which was laughed at out of confusion and then soon forgotten. He also taught us all about the laws that protect one's anonymity on the internet, reminding us that the internet is a safe, anonymous world. Fact: every time a person uses a proxy, God makes a rainbow. Sexy 'Crat of the Week Mhaille is quite possibly the reason why all sysops on Uncyclopedia are assumed to be sexy. Going by his South Park likeness here (have you added yours?), his excitingly furrowed brow speaks of smouldering hidden depths, his trim goatee teamed with his unkempt hair hints at the animal nature he so barely keeps in check, his narrowed eyes show he's always ready for action... Face it folks: the man drips sex. Being banned by him is actually illegal in twelve American states as being too erotic.

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—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:05, 5 August 2010

Happy Birthday

What, no "18 years of Cheddar" forum topic this year? Happy birthday man. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 05:11, August 7, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, I forgot all about it. Didn't even make myself a new sig to celebrate. Appreciated though. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 05:24,7August,2010

Your turn in the fantasy

Just sayin.--<<>> 01:42, August 8, 2010 (UTC)

Desean Jackson

It's your pick. Also, Desean Jackson is still on the board. Also also, because of autopicks and how the players are rated, I don't think he'll be around when you pick next. So basically if you plan on taking Desean Jackson you should do it now. Finally, when you make your pick, message me back on my talk page, as I'm autopicking for Joe. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 01:45, August 8, 2010 (UTC)

Your Turn Again

Now that a full third of the members are being autopicked for, this thing is moving along quite nicely. (It might be a bit early for Kevin Kolb or LeSean McCoy. Just saying.) —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 14:19, August 9, 2010 (UTC)

Well, with the loss of McNabb and Westbrook, I doubt my team will be Philly-dominated again. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 20:23,9August,2010

Hurry! It's your turn AGAIN!--<<>> 22:08, August 10, 2010 (UTC)

A Flagon

A Flagon for you x

Hi, Ched B.B.Q! I sent you this because you liked it so much.--Ohnogodnotagain 23:38, August 10, 2010 (UTC)

We are now friends. :D It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 00:16,11August,2010

Oy!

Both Steve Smiths are taken. Try again.--<<>> 01:03, August 11, 2010 (UTC)

I came by to tell you that same thing. Yeah. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 01:37, August 11, 2010 (UTC)

oops. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 02:52,11August,2010

Yeah, someone picked your player under a different name. Sorry (I swear, we're not intentionally confusing you...)--<<>> 03:12, August 11, 2010 (UTC)

Whoa, deja vu. I think this exact thing happened last year... It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 03:30,11August,2010

You're Up

Yeah. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 14:16, August 13, 2010 (UTC)

Up again. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 14:36, August 19, 2010 (UTC)

I made the league

It's on Yahoo!. Here are some important things to know:

• League ID: 512953
• Custom League URL: http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/league/uncyclopedia_2010
• Password: guildy

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 21:36, August 19, 2010 (UTC)

Ruddy hell! It's the UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

You'd be crazy not to listen!

Aug 19thish, 2010 • Issue 92 • Does anyone actually read this bit?

UnReviews - get involved! By UU UnReviews is the latest portal-style page on Uncyclopedia. The brainchild of Skinfan13, and first introduced to the world via this forum, it gathers together all of the reviews that are not pee-related on the wiki into one handy place - verily, it's the page of the future! And it needs YOUR help! Yes, good idea though it seems to be, it does lack one fairly insignificant ingredient - there aren't actually all that many UnReviews to fill it up with. So how can YOU help? Well, we would have thought that was obvious, to be honest, but as we're dealing with Uncyclopedians here, we'll make it a little clearer: write an UnReview! You could go down the road of Modus's magnum opus UnMovie Review: The Dark Knight, and make a movie review, you could get all cultured on our asses, and go Shakespearian, or you could review something else entirely. The choice is, quite literally, yours! Something helpful this way comes By UU Need a hand making your page more awesome? In need of a formatting injection, or some kind of audio enhancement? Well, help may just be at hand. MeepStarLives has decided to create a one-stop portal for all requests of this nature. If this actually works, it could be something beautiful, quite frankly. TKF has already started the ball rolling with a challenging audio request which is likely to be an early acid test for the project. If you have a Casio keyboard and some decent audio skills, get across there and get this thing working! So, how can you get involved? Well, if you are skilled at adding awesome to pages in some way, watchlist the page, check it regularly, and stop hogging your wiki-fu to yourself! If you are in need of added awesomeness on your page, pop in a request and see what happens. If nothing else, it'll make Meep feel good about himself, and that's what it's all about, when you get right down to it. Right?

Check out these pages! Did the leprechaun tell you to burn things? Finally, something worth voting on! Classy! From our logs: 06:45, 12 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 66.110.140.189 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Don't blank pages, take drugs, or steal cars) 03:16, 9 August 2010 Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) blocked Roman Dog Bird's Vag Stank (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (probably a troll, although the username could totally be a coincidence) 16:26, 8 August 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Hyperbole (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (taking top spot on the Hall of Shame.....might consider the need for a longer ban.....) Biopic of the Week Perhaps some of you remember Sir Cornbread. I barely do. I do remember how he made the Village Dump smell pleasant...well, as pleasant as the wafting, mixed aromas of stale cornbread and garbage can be. During his tenure at Uncyclopedia, Mr. Cornbread only had two features: rap and The Putz Who Stole Hanukkah. We're certain that if he would've stuck around he'd have 68,027.5 features, putting everyone else to shame but not rubbing it in our faces because I vaguely remember him being a nice guy or something. Now, this sounds ridiculous because Uncyclopedia only has 25,000 or so articles at present, but trust me on this one: this guy could write. Like many great writers, Sir Cornbread wrote about topics he knew a lot about: hermaphrodites, unoriginality, ape-shit craziness, Thais, and was working on an article about ape-shit crazy Thai hermaphrodites. But as is usually the case with all great writers on Uncyclopedia, only the good die leave young early. The ones who stay are just kidding themselves.

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--ChiefjusticeWii 12:06, August 20, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks there

For voting on my Propaganda article, no fancy templates, but I thought I'd say thanks anyways:-)

--Sycamore (Talk) 15:56, August 21, 2010 (UTC)

And thanks for your wasted but welcome vote on Uncy of de months. Very appreciated. And I still laugh everytime I watch the ghost whale shoot the gun. Aleister 18:18 23 8

Yeah, no problem. And it is rather addicting to watch. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 19:16,23August,2010

Tis the season for you to pick now, fa la la la la, la la la la.--<<>> 23:32, August 23, 2010 (UTC)

Spread the joy, and pick again! —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 14:58, August 24, 2010 (UTC)

The following preview is the only thing standing between you and the feature presentation, bwahahahahaha

Thanks for the vote! Sir MacMania GUN—[19:51 26 Aug 2010]

What you said Here

Think about it. Do you honestly think that's a good idea? Oh yeah, I'm back from my vacation in your mom's room, thats technically why I've been missing.--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 00:06, August 30, 2010 (UTC)

I said a lot of things there. Gotta be more specific. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 00:36,30August,2010

The "There is one person that has yet to make their team on Yahoo! " section--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 00:48, August 30, 2010 (UTC)

Oh, about sneaking into your home at night and sadistically disembowling you? It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 00:54,30August,2010

I'm pretty sure it was a play on your name, Iwillkillyou333.--<<>> 00:58, August 30, 2010 (UTC)

Maybe, but even so, that mission would end in epic failure--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 01:00, August 30, 2010 (UTC)

It actually wasn't a play on his name, because I didn't know who it was when I wrote it. And I'm a pretty expert disembowler. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 01:03,30August,2010

That's what the last guy said before he had a nice helping of AK-47 bullets and a chainsaw for desert--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 01:07, August 30, 2010 (UTC)

Yummy! It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 01:09,30August,2010

Yeah, and red wine too! HE even gave some to me. We had a good time! Oh, and we both killed a guy in the most gruesomness way possible.--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 01:12, August 30, 2010 (UTC)

Oh, red wine, yes! White wine sucks. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 01:28,30August,2010

No shit. Yay red wine--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 01:33, August 30, 2010 (UTC)

UFFL 2010 Kickoff

The draft is over, the NFL regular season begins Thursday September 9th, and everyone is geared up and ready to play some fantasy football(!).

This season promises to thrill and intrigue, and as the Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League has grown from just eight all the way to 14 teams, each one vying for a shot at the championship, except maybe Neox's team. With all this excitement, however, comes questions. Will Rush and Kick FTW, the UFFL's first team based in Britain, be able to compete with the league's American teams? Will Cheddar's rebuilt Doritorians be able to play at the same high level as last year now that their roster is down from 50% Eagles players to just 30%? Will evil Nazi overlord and reigning league Champion Guildensternenstein be able to defend his league championship now that Top-3 players at the quarterback, running back, wide receiver and tight end positions didn't fall into his lap this year? Only brutal, primal, visceral, cerebral combat on the fields of Yahoo!'s fantasy football league servers can determine these questions.

That all being said, everyone should take note of two things:

• this is a link to the league--go here to do stuff, like select a starting roster (which, believe it or not, is important).

• this is the forum where we'll talk about the league and post banal sports banter (which, believe it or not, is even more important).

Good luck, gentleman. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 16:05, September 4, 2010 (UTC)

Very inspirational. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 20:14,6September,2010

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The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!

Sept 9th, 2010 • Issue 93 • Our definition of "weekly" may not match yours

The pee is weak - must be time for Pee Week! By UU It's been an unusually long stretch without any kind of competition recently, but PeregrineFalcon999 has come up with a way to put paid to that! Co-incidentally, the pee queue is as long it's been in aaaaages, but PeregrineFalcon999 has come up with a way to put paid to that too! Yes, it would appear to be nearly time for the inaugural Uncyclopedia Pee Week! It starts on Monday 13th September. So, the questions must be asked: Do you have an opinion, and want to give others the benefit of it? Do you want to help people who are looking for help with their articles? Do you want to get a shiny new template award thingy? If the answer to at least one of those questions is "yes", you could be on your way to winning this soon-to-be prestigious competition! Just sign up here, and prepare to review as you've never reviewed before! The best of the 5.5 years super-extravaganza begins! By UU As we all know, there is nothing the average Uncyclopedian enjoys more than voting. Except possibly causing drama, but we'll gloss over that for the purposes of this article, because an unprecedented new opportunity to vote has arisen, thanks to amphibious serial-killer TKF. That's right, on the fifth of every month, a new vote will start to determine the best somethingorother of the 5.5 years that Uncyc has been in existence. This month's vote is already open, and it's for the writer of the 5.5 years. So get over there, vote, and make your voice heard! Again. Asked for his feelings on seeing his brainchild getting off the ground like this, TKF exclusively told us: "My grand-uncle used to tell me "He who goes forth with a fifth on the Fourth, may not come forth on the fifth!" and I feel that's somehow relevant to this situation." Anyone pointing out that by the time this finishes, Uncyclopedia will be around 6 years old will be asked not to point it out again. UnNews main page By Socky Someone suggested to completely revamp the UnNews main page and in an epic move of Uncyclopedia originality, decided to hold a vote on it. Some people farted.

Check out these pages! Wikia sucks, part 469 In other news, The Pope's a Catholic Insert lie here The very pinnacle of humour From our logs: 06:16, 8 September 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.137.241.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You suck. Flaxmere too.) 04:13, 31 August 2010 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked 96.30.32.33 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (congratulations on bringing to our attention the fact you are a moron. you win a ban!) 05:47, 29 August 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Vertiqual (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Hey now, some of my best friends suck a lot of cock.) 18:46, 27 August 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) resurrected Mordillo (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Thank god I'm in Israel then!) 18:25, 27 August 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (According to my calculations, it's Shabbat in the 'Dam. Therefore, if you unblock yourself, you'll go to Hell. Ha ha ha!) 17:09, 21 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 15 Minutes ‎ (Update the score when you vote on VFH, cleaning up after you wears out my slippers) 02:44, 19 August 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked DarkWalrus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Poor edits, won't listen to advice, continuos ICU removal, smells really bad, etc. etc. god damn) Biopic of the Week It's time to cover a true legend of the wiki this week, a name that still inspires awed whispers wherever connoisseurs of pee are gathered together: the one, the only One-eyed Jack! OEJ, as he is more handily known, was for some time pretty much the only person who bothered to do any pee reviews at all. Fortunately, the ones he did were pretty awesome. And he had plenty of knowledge to back him up, having birthed some seriously good featured articles. But Jack didn't just write for features - he turned his hand to improvement - check his userpage to see just how many below-par articles across the wiki had the benefit of his gently healing touch, nudging their prose from lame to lollable with a deft sprinkle of goodness. Man, we need more people like this guy. Where is he now, anyways? Old-school featured article of the week go eat shit fuckers

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MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 12:56, September 9, 2010 (UTC)

That picture...

At the bottom of the USS homepage... is absolutely fantastic!-- SirSf13 (Talk) CUN RotM FBotM VFH SK Maj. ΥΣΣ 1404 EST 10 Sept, 2010

Why thank you very much. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 19:27,10September,2010

Hey, Mr. BBQ

Is there any chance I can take Ahmad Bradshaw off your hands? I would like to trade for him. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 03:35, September 24, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, uh... no... would you like Marion Barber? It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 10:58,24September,2010

Bahaha.... Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 17:12, September 24, 2010 (UTC)

Another crappy dust-gatherer to shove into the cupboard and forget about

Lose Weight™ the Bulimic Barbee™ way!
In recognition of your fine decision to vote for Bulimic Barbee™ to become a Featured Article™ on Uncyclopedia™, the Crappel Corporation™ (USA™) are pleased to award you a FREE six month membership of their Lose Weight™ the Bulimic Barbee™ Way weight loss program.
To demonstrate the benefits of our Diet™, please enjoy these delicious Lo-Cal™ Bulimic Barbee™ Potato Crisps™!

(Please Note: By accepting this FREE Introductory Gift™, you have agreed to sign up for a further two years on the Lose Weight™ the Bulimic Barbee™ Way program (priced at just $3000 per month) once your six month free period has expired.)

---

Trade

I sent you a proposal. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 22:08, September 29, 2010 (UTC)

I noticed. Problem is, Lance Moore is worse than the crappy WRs I already have (not counting Jackson). It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 22:09,29September,2010

What if I gave you either Kevin Walter or Malcom Floyd for Bradshaw? (As it so happen, all three players have scored roughly 38 points apiece thusfar, making this fair-as-can-be on paper.) —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:35, September 29, 2010 (UTC)

Hmm... still don't really think so. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 23:49,29September,2010

Really? Seeing as you'd be getting a guy that's a #2 receiver for a #3 running back, I'd say that's pretty good compensation. (Also, you have to think about how screwed you're going to be in terms of WR when the Eagles have their bye.) —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:51, September 30, 2010 (UTC)

Do the right thing, Cheddar, do the right thing. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 19:47, September 30, 2010 (UTC)

I'm really gonna have to think on this one. When the Eagles BYE week comes, I lose all 3 of my starting WRs (it's also the Giants BYE week). Even with your WR and a recovered Gonzalez, I'll still be down a WR. I'm pretty much screwed that week no matter what I do. If only I were facing the Well-Dressed Pickles... It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 19:51,30September,2010

I sent you another proposal--Brandon Lloyd and Kevin Walter for Mario Manningham and Ahmad Bradshaw. Not only do you get a massive upgrade at WR--either one of those guys is more valuable than Manningham, if you ask me--but this solves your bye week issue as well. Plus I get my running back, of course. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 22:55, September 30, 2010 (UTC)

Yes, the trade will help me out a ton in Torture Week, but Manningham's more valuable than Walter in my opinion, and it'll most likely hurt me in the long run. You sure you don't want Marion Barber? It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 23:58,30September,2010

How is the #3 receiver in an okay offense better than the #2 receiver in a great offense? Also--and this pretty much goes without saying--but those Yahoo! "projections" have this odd tendency of being totally fucking wrong about 97% of the time. And even if I did make out by as much as that screenshot claims, here's the thing: he'd be my third RB, so he'd be on my bench all but about three weeks the whole season, same as if you had him. Kevin Walter/Brandon Lloyd, on the other hand, you could plug right in your third receiver slot and benefit week after week. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:10, October 1, 2010 (UTC)

Also, if you're really not that high on Walter, I'd be willing to give you Malcom Floyd instead, I suppose, if that would be enough to sway you. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:12, October 1, 2010 (UTC)

^ Just sent a trade proposing that. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:14, October 1, 2010 (UTC)

Eh, fuck it, I picked up John Kuhn. Brandon Lloyd is floating around on waivers, now, if you want to pick him up. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:46, October 1, 2010 (UTC)

You foolish, foolish fool

So I'd have won this week if I had Ahmad Bradshaw in my lineup instead of that bum John Kuhn. And you would have won if you had Walter and Lloyd starting and had benched Maclin and Manningham. Therefore, I blame you entirely for both of our losses this week. Nice job.

That being said, I proposed another trade along the same lines as the first. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 21:23, October 4, 2010 (UTC)

Actually, never mind. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 22:49, October 4, 2010 (UTC)

Had I played San Diego's defense instead of Philly's, I'd have won. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 01:35,5October,2010

Yeah, I know. Can't fault me for trying, though. Also, sorry about your local paper pulling your article on Uncyclopedia--that shit's pretty lame. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:54, October 5, 2010 (UTC)

That shit is pretty lame. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 11:05,5October,2010

Upsilon Sigma Sigma October Newsletter

Ok guys, my bad. I was gone for a long time there. I found some free time recently so I'm hoping to get Upsilon Sigma Sigma started up again along with my other project, UnReviews.

At any rate, We're going to keep Weird, the August collaboration open. We're also going to go ahead and open up a November collaboration. The article on the queue that has the most votes is "Blockbuster" so that's the one we're going to do. You can find the collaboration page here. I'm probably going to disappear again because of school in a few weeks, so hopefully we can build up enough momentum here to keep our collaborations going. If you haven't noticed our previous collaborations have been huge hits, all have been featured on the front page. Hopefully "Weird" and "Blockbuster" will too in their own due time.

Looking forward to seeing you guys around the frat!

P.S. we have a FBotM nomination this month, make sure you go vote!

Founder -- SirSf13 (Talk) CUN RotM FBotM VFH SK Maj. ΥΣΣ 2104 EST 22 Oct, 2010

Hello!!!

Thanks for all the vote all over the place. All over the place! Appreciated! Just for old time sake, YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCK IN HELL MOTHERFUCKER! Ah, yes, what a woman. In your fantasy league, who has Brett Favre? Are they playing him? He starts his 291st game in a row in a few minutes, in Green Bay. I still laugh everytime I see your top-of-the-talk-page gif. Goats! Aleister 00:22 25 10

You're welcome. She is quite a wom- what? I don't know or care. The gif is the shit. Hamsters! It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 00:26,25October,2010

And thank you for the vote on mine, whichever one it was. I should probably look, but I'm too lazy. Still, thank you. It does mean something. *backs out slowly* ~ Lyrithya *shifty eyes* (words) (actions) -- 20101027 - 16:49 (UTC)

Sir?

Hello, recently I was brutally forced to join this place of my own will. I figured I'll need a place to stay for awhile, so...how would you like a leech adoptee? OneDeuxThreeVier 19:29, November 4, 2010 (UTC)

I don't see why not. Keep in mind, I haven't written a ton recently, but I can show you the basics of the site. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 19:39,4November,2010

Trade

Hey Cheddar, what would you be willing to give up for a top-flight fantasy TE like Vernon Davis or Jacob Tamme? I've sent you a trade proposal already--counter if you don't like it. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:42, November 9, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost - The UnSignpost Rides Again!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things

Nov 11th, 2010 • Issue 94 • The Newspaper that shaves you closer!

The UnSignpost Rides Again! By Chief A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, the Rebels attained victory over the Imperial Empire and the last UnSignpost flopped onto talk pages. The drought came as Under user announced that he had a life to be getting on with, and at that point the UnSignpost simply stopped writing itself. Some people have suggested that these two events may be linked somehow, but until we see proof, we have resolved to live in ignorance. However as we hurtle towards the end of the year it would seem the magic has returned and the newspaper that confusingly contains neither news or paper will once again be arriving on talk pages weekly monthly annually whenever we can manage it. Newer recipients of the UnSignpost are urged to suggest ideas for stories in the press room; this helps as it means we don't need to pay attention to anything you people do every day. For now, please welcome the UnSignpost back into your homes and hearts... please? Speak up! By Chief For those of you who may be unfamiliar with The Article Whisperer, permit me to clear the waters somewhat with this bit of text I have, at great personal risk, copied off the competition page. It is: "An annual writing competition held by Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles", which I think we can all agree is absolutely splendid. Unfortunately, all our intrepid journalists were saving Kittens from trees and generally performing heroic deeds when the competition took place, but that won't stop us from talking about it. Lyrithya and Matfen were the biggest winners, or losers depending on how you look at it, each being Grand Champion of two categories. Competition founder MadMax was unavailable for comment at the time of going to press, so we have made something up instead: "The competition was a great success and I would like to thank everyone who took part; especially ChiefjusticeDS who is absolutely fantastic and whom I owe many drinks", he might have said. The Article Whisperer is expected to take place again next year, and MadMax might have said "Take part or die", but probably not. The Aristocrat's By Chief & Mhaille Few competitions stir the loins more than The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball, self described as Uncyclopedia's festival of frivolity and bad taste. The competition has three categories: The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball Best Bad Taste Article The Master Goa Tse Award for Digital Imagery If you aren't a writer (we are led to believe some people are not), then 3 Judges are needed for each of the above categories (see here). Seriously, this will be so much fun you will wish we did it twice a year... maybe. The competition opens on November 19th, so put on a stout pair of writing trousers and get going!

Check out these pages! Bed Never on Sunday Anything interesting happening? Zombiebaron That's so 2005 From our logs: 16:29, November 10, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 435 seconds ‎ (You're reviving the Signpost? Good luck! Now to think of a witty ban reason to get me in the "From Our Logs" section. Penis. That ought to do it. It would if I was editing it.) 04:27, November 10, 2010 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.181.83.75 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Normally you'd probably be reading a witty message from an admin. Obviously, I'm not one of those admins. Gotta tell you, you're missing out.) 10:36, November 9, 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.42.244.217 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (List 350 reasons why I should care about your birthday, and I'll reverse the ban.) 08:10, November 10, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked EatPoo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Alas, dear sir, you are afflicted with the stupid) 16:31, November 10, 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 435 years ‎ (Stop being supposedly here and BE HERE. YOU'RE BREAKING MY HEART) Biopic of the Week Do you hear that? Thought not, because this week we are taking a closer look at one of Uncyclopedia's true unsung heroes, Black flamingo. He has a whopping 12.5 feature credits; that's more than 5 feature credits and 6 feature credits put together! Not only that, but Black flamingo has been instrumental in keeping Pee Review afloat while you weren't. Respect this man immediately or I will punch a Zebra, that's how committed I am to getting him recognised. Head over to his talk page right now and doff your helm. Now, dammit! Don't make me fetch the Zebra. Old-school featured article of the week The term "Paul is dead" (PID) refers to an urban legend or a hoax perpetrated either on the musical group The Beatles by their fans or vice-versa. According to the legend, bass guitarist and singer Paul McCartney was replaced by a lookalike after his alleged death in an auto accident in the mid-60s. Proponents of this hoax cite obscure clues embedded within the Beatles' lyrics, symbolism in their album covers, and Wings as evidence that the "real" Paul didn't survive into the 1970s. This manuscript reveals the full chilling truth. I've read it, and it will blow your tiny mind.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Read All About It!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

Nov 18th, 2010 • Issue 95 • The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way she/he did!

Wanna cyb3r? By Chief Hailed by some as the final solution to the Uncyclopedia problem and others as a wretched hive of scum and villainy, the Uncyclopedia IRC channel has chugged along for almost the same amount of time Uncyclopedia itself has. We here at the UnSignpost have literally hundreds of stories to sort through every week and we have picked IRC for a reason, and not just because it is easy to spell. We chose it because the Uncyclopedia IRC is a community and often contains users who are never on the site (because they are lazy and idle), equally many users who frequent the site do not enter IRC (because they are idle and lazy), and those who do often prefer to do so in disguise. This is a disgrace, don't ask why, it just is. Our intrepid reporters have spent literally minutes on IRC this week in order to bring news of it to you, the uneducated and unwashed masses and to try and encourage you to make use of it. Whatever you want to use it for: reporting vandals, penis jokes, collaboration, penis jokes and incoherent babbling; IRC is there for you. It is also a way to get to know the dull uninteresting personalities behind the exciting usernames, but don't let that put you off. When our intrepid reporter delved into the IRC community and asked the first person breathing in and out for a quote about IRC they told us "..." which should certainly give you food for thought. If you have some time on your hands then why not learn how to windsurf? But if you are too idle and lazy then why not head on over to IRC and see the magic happening for yourself? I would and if I would it must be a good idea. Balls up! By Chief The stage is seated, the judges are set and the competitors are questionable in number, yes The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball is almost upon us. The competition opens this Friday and entries will be accepted until December the 3rd which is... a little while after that. Our hard-hitting journalists will be present at the competition and will be speaking to entrants and judges alike over the next few weeks. Just think; if you take part your name could be in italic font in the UnSignpost! Think about how envious your friends and family will be! Remember, it begins on the 19th of November and we want to see blood! We need you! Shameless pleading by: ChiefjusticeDS The UnSignpost is like an office printer, in that it constantly breaks down, sometimes doesn't work for months at a time and occasionally spews out some slightly smudged pages. If you think you have something to bring to the UnSignpost be it your journalistic talent, ideas for stories or even just a warm and reassuring slap in the face, feel free to drop us a line in the press room. Also Meganew wanted us to mention the Grue Army in the UnSignpost, so we have.

Check out these pages! We're the worst in another way! Why?:Not Vote now! It's not as bad as you think! From our logs: 05:54, November 14, 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked POPEYE FUCK U UP (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (1) You suck. 2) Stop sucking.) 06:10, November 17, 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Frozen Korpse (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Yes, Mordillo is the worst. That's no reason to be rude.) 17:01, November 12, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.109.64.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (I'll have some gay porn if you're going to the shop) 3:32, November 14, 2010 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.0.147.7 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (I'M HAVING A FRIENDSHIP ANEURYSM) Biopic of the Week Know who it is yet? Know what time they were last here? No? Then you should probably be able to guess that this week we are looking at Aleister in Chains. Al has been hanging around Uncyclopedia for just under a year now, and in that time has picked up 25 feature credits and has earned the eternal hatred of many for his enduring good humour and incredibly annoying signature timestamps. If Aleister hasn't been responsible for a single one of your chuckles over the last year then you need to start reading some of his articles, that or cancel your afternoon appointments as you have died and failed to notice. I wouldn't recommend you post on his talk page or look at his user page as they are both just plain weird, offer respect, but don't doff your helm, you never know what might end up in it. Overlooked Page of the Week Things to do. Easing the pain in your pants since 2007. Newsroom UnTune of the week The Uncyclopedian's song

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeWii 14:27, November 18, 2010 (UTC)

Punji Stick

Much thanks for your vote. Now you have reduced the odds of stepping on a punji stick by 0.11%. Cheers!--Funnybony    08:23, Nov 20

Run for your lives! It's another UnSignpost.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way they did!

Nov 25th, 2010 • Issue 96 • Putting the period in periodical!

Jimbo, Whales & The Worst 100 By Him again Those of you who regularly sit and stare at recent changes may well have seen a lot of tomfoolery with the site notice this week (that banner at the top which you dismissed two seconds after logging in). The reason for this is that somebody noticed that we are supposed to be a parody of Wikipedia and suggested we come up with something to parody Jimbo Wales' appeal. Zombiebaron duly obliged, then Lyrithya obliged too, then Olipro edited some code and the site notice you see today, or don't see, as the case may be, was created. Well done, them. Honestly, we have nothing bad to say about it. Except that I hate it as I do most things that come about through a process of honest endeavour. For those of you who didn't know, Jimbo does have an account on Uncyclopedia, an account he never uses, in rather the same way that I have a membership to a gym; I need one to be cool and so I have somewhere to hide when the black helicopters inevitably come for me. Jimbo is of course the co-founder of Wikia, which is rather like having helped build the Death Star except with less space and more super-lasers capable of destroying planets. Unfortunately, we haven't written a parody of the appeal yet. Well, we have, it just isn't very good. The team at the UnSignpost read both and after the laughter had died down we had a look at the Uncyclopedia one.... yeah.... but have our assurance, Uncyclopedia is working on improving it, and how could you doubt the people who brought you classics like Fisher Price and AAAAAAAAA!? The other item of news we have this week is that the reflections on this year are woefully lacking. Hurtling as we are towards the new year and the annual Cabal broadcast, you may want to consider adding an entry to the list in order that the administrators can sleep soundly at night. We refuse to believe that nothing of note has happened over the last couple of months because we've been here and can attest that something has happened every day. So get over there and do the editing, we'll be right behind you. Voting heats up By Chief The "of the Month" awards are in something of a state of flux at the moment as voters and nominators become increasingly unwilling to vote (or care) in some cases and more willing in others. "It's a sad indictment of the way we live," lamented Socky when our reporter spoke to him, though he did say some other things once we asked him some questions. This month on the Uncyclopedian of the Month award, Lyrithya has stormed ahead of competition, running up 16 votes at the time of going to press; we would say she was miles ahead of her opposition, but since she nominated both of them and voted for one of them we don't think she deserves it. When asked to comment, Lyrithya had this to say: "I hate you all". Meanwhile over on Writer of the Month, Romartus leads SPIKE by 7 votes. Neither of them were available to provide us with a quote, probably because we forgot to ask, but we took some of the things they said on the award page and through creative journalism summed up their thoughts: "This... is... my... award" is what Romartus said, though he may have said those words in a different order... and as part of different sentences. SPIKE just said "Yay," which was lovely. Things are far more exciting over on Noob of the Month where mega-noob rcmurphy and regular noob Putthatknifedown are neck and neck with 5 votes each. Things are of course far less exciting in the land of the other awards: Author of the Month is a gripping contest as gentile Uncyclopedian and former UnSignpost editor Under user trudges towards the finish line arm in arm with gentile Uncyclopedian and former UnSignpost editor Mhaille (he wrote a couple of lines for us once and they were amazing). Potatochopper of the month is also a rather subdued affair with nobody getting any votes, despite two people being nominated. Finally Reviewer of the Month has no nominations and thus, surprisingly, no votes so far this month. Why is this? We at the UnSignpost asked Uncyclopedia's dictator in-chief Mordillo what he thought; he agreed to consider the question after a stiff drink. We can only assume it was a strong one as we didn't hear back from him for 3 days. When he came back, he declared, "Uncyclopedia - UNITE! GO OUT TO THE STREETS AND DEMAND MORE BLONDES FOR ALL! MORE WELL SHAPED BLONDES FOR ALL! MORE THREESOMES WITH JEWS! and vote for NotM and RotM right? Trust us, we are the cabal, we know best". As Mordillo was being sedated, Socky bravely stepped in to fill his trousers and surprised everyone by saying "My thoughts on awards are that we should have a lot more of them and we should be a lot less serious about them. We could be having fun instead of worrying about drama. Voting will only lead to good results when not subjugated to logic." Socky went on to lay down his plans for ruling Uncyclopedia and restoring Germany to a dominant position in Europe; he left our interview early to annex Czechoslovakia, so thankfully we cannot bring you anything else from him this week. There is a point here, does Uncyclopedia need more awards? Or does it just need more contributors? All we know for sure is that you need to start voting NOW! Or tomorrow if you're a bit busy at the moment. Chief learns Latin; talks about lorums By Socky See {{lorum}} for a full transcript of his Latin writings.

Check out these pages! Mail Order Lobster When's your birthday? A surveillance camera!? From our logs: 13:58, November 21, 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.112.195.238 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Enough time for you to go and have a bit pot of warm penises, just like you love them) 15:52, November 19, 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.126.123.197 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You suck at vandalism. You should probably try your hand at cooking or painting or something instead.) 14:40, November 18, 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.120.230.138 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (I dunno - you expose a paedo, then it's you who gets in toruble. Fuckin' liberals, eh?) Biopic of the Week Prowling the corridors of UnNews and VFD, SPIKE has earned the respect of his peers through a combination of three things: Hard work, immaculate record keeping and... hard work. SPIKE is often to be found speaking into a microphone for UnNews, saving condemned articles on VFD and generally trying to make the site a better place. While he may not have as many features as some people, he makes up for it through a huge amount of work; his userpage is a comprehensive list of achievements, good deeds and a lot of other information that you probably don't need but he is prepared to give at no extra charge. I need all of it, of course, as I am building a database which I plan to flog to a corporation at some stage. If you contributed anything to UnNews or nominated an article for VFD this year then this man likely got involved at some stage. Respect him and get back to work. Old-school featured article of the week Are you tired of being a small cog in the giant machine of what is, for all intents and purposes, an infinite and uncaring universe? Of course, we all are! "But how do I, a mere newborn babe/small child/university student/accountant/elderly person just steps away from death's door, whose gaping maw is opened wide in anticipation of my ethereal etherealness, the insignificant mote of dust that is me, passing through its opening en route to what will surely be a depressing and disappointing eternity, attain oneness with the universe today?" you ask. How? Here's how. Newsroom UnTune of the week Stalker An UnSignpost apology As you know, we at the UnSignpost make few mistakes, but it has been brought to our attention that we misquoted Mordillo and made him look like a bit of a weirdo in the story to the left; this is highly regrettable and we enclose his full quote here by way of apology. "the ongoing voting trend that is directed at obvious targets such as WotM and UotM are a cardinal warning sign that Uncyclopedia is not only the worst, it keeps deteriorating. How else would you define a community that is centered on awarding its writers and goody two shoes? What about young new fresh people that are hopefully insatiable redheads with abnormal fondness of threesomes with Jews and MORE blondes? What about the people who take the substandard manure that the above said writers produce and fit them into shape?! Are we all doomed to be old shapeless writers? Will Uncyclopedia become like Europe - ageing, overweight and smug? Where are all the young willing blondes amongst the population?!" Editors note: Mordillo then went on to say the bit our journalist was awake for in the interview. The UnSignpost bitterly regrets having him sedated against his will due to this misunderstanding. We will be sending a fruit basket round to him as soon as his screams of anguish as the doctor inserted the needle stop being quite so funny.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101125 - 01:02 (UTC)

Don't you love the smell of the UnSignpost in the morning?

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

Dec 2nd, 2010 • Issue 97 • STOP! UnSignpost time!

UFFL Week 12 Update By CheddarBBQ Now that it is so far into the season that everyone not involved with the Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League, as well as many that are involved, could not possibly care, what better time for an update? After eleven gruelling weeks, it seems that on top is the one and only Doritians, Take II, with an impressive W-L-T of 9-2-0 and a current six-game win-streak. They are also the only team to currently have a clinched playoff spot. For those not aware, the Doritians, Take II are the follow-up to Cheddar's Doritians last year: an Eagles-based team that performed, to put it frankly, shittily. When asked to comment about his surprising victory, Mr. Cheddar claimed, "GET RAPED SON." Elsewhere in the league, there is currently a tight race for 2nd between the Oklahoma Boomers (who are currently in first point-wise and have the season record for highest score in a game with 168.14 points), The DC RacialSlurs, The Dudes, and Lepus Muerte. The real secondary story revolves around league commissioner and possible Nazi-supporter Rosenkrantzenpants. While last year, the German team took the overall victory with quite ease, this year's team is not so magnificent. After many losing streaks and strokes and bad luck, Rosenkrantzenpants has barely been able to pull itself past an even Win-Lose ratio. However, despite a poor record, he maintains 4th place point-wise. The Well-Dressed Pickles again still have yet to win, most likely due to having six of the worst players in the league (two of which are out for the the season) and a refusal to edit the line-up. The Bearasorta Vikings aren't doing much better. Also, you should watch The League on FX. It's a damn funny show. Aristocrat's Update By ChiefjusticeDS The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball rumbles on, and as the closing date looms like a fat man over a large cake, the question on everyone's lips is "What's the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball?". In case you have recently returned from an Uncyclopedia hiatus or have been hiking through the Amazon Delta wearing nothing but a pair of slippers, I will explain once again: the ATDB is a festival of frivolity and bad taste, highlighting all those fine, fine contributions we never want to see featured. The UnSignpost sat down with competition judge Lyrithya to find out what, if anything, there was to know. "I would like people to stop asking me for help," Lyrithya moaned before our journalist could open his mouth, "Two people have so far already" The UnSignpost infers from this that the competition is truly a desperate one this year; some entrants have clearly been pushed to the limits of their sanity and have begun searching Uncyclopedia's back alleys for writing tips. To round off our interview we asked Lyrithya who she thought would win. "That guy," she said emphatically, indicating a nearby vending machine, "His article is excellent." Whose article she really means shall remain a mystery until the results become known on December 10th. The competition closes for judging this Friday at 00:00 GMT, so if you want to enter, you need to do so soon. The UnSignpost will be there to bring you the results when the judging has happened unless something more exciting happens. Unlikely, but we live in hope. The Grue Army By Meganew For almost a year, most of our classic usergroups remained in pieces. Groups like the Uncyclopedian Forces, the UnAnarchist Party, the UnFire Department, and yes, even the Grue Apocalypse. The economy also dramatically collapsed, with commerce reaching an all-time low. However, one group stands out among all: the Grue Army. After their leader High Gen. Grue went AWOL, the once-proud Grue Army was left belly-up with only 4 of the original members still in. The decision to revive the group was made and Meganew has been seen wearing Patton-esque General's clothing ever since. Some newer users had joined up with the group already, but it wasn't enough to equal a full-scale revival. Therefore, the leaders decided on an unusual plan of action: pick who they thought would be the 10 best candidates for the group. After some of the candidates decided not to join, the plan was expanded to all of the twenty users originally selected. Some have responded and have become active Grue Army members, deep in-the-cave reserve members, and allies. Some people have questioned the need for another group of people who don't do much, but are happy to tell others what to do, as we already have site admins for just such a job. This has been a shameless advertising promotion from the Grue Army, Join Today!!!

Check out these pages! Fap fap fap!! Celebrate Mediocrity!!!!!!!!! Ever get that "not so fresh" feeling? From our logs: 05:45, 25 Novemver, 2010 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked ISLAM WILL DESTROY YOU IMPERIALIST SWINE LIKE DUNG (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (ZOMBIEBARON WILL DESTROY YOU ISLAMIST FANATICS LIKE DUNG) 06:27, 24 November, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked I will blank a userpage (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (cute) 07:42, November 28, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.35.10.15 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Such spirited hi-jinks and individuality.... I MUST DESTROY) 17:33, November 30, 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 208.77.131.29 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Here's yet another reason for you to hate Jews) 21:01, November 30, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Avianion (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (cyberbullying. also, coming from Halifax, which should have some kind of law against it.) Biopic of the Week It seems only proper that this week as we pass the 5th anniversary of its featuring, the UnSignpost should take a look at perhaps the biggest in-joke Uncyclopedia has ever seen: Euroipods. For those who don't know, Euroipods was intended to parody the marketing campaign for www.euroipods.com, which ran from mid to late 2005. However, despite the effort, detail and effort that went into creating the article, some users couldn't understand what all the laughter was about. Stories of the clashes on the talk page of Euroipods are still told whenever veteran Uncyclopedians gather round a modem to compete in tales of blood-chilling terror. The article spawned several spin-off articles, since creativity is next to regular bathing on the list of things Uncyclopedians will avoid if at all possible. All hail Euroipods, may it stand forever as proof of our commitment to being the worst. Old-school featured article of the week Mozilla Firefox is a famous magical girl of the 21st century, seen by many Europeans (even though she's technically a United Statesian) as the Western answer to Japan's infamous "Project Sailor Moon". She is a direct descendant of the legendary Maozilla and a daughter of now-deceased Mozilla Suite. Mozilla is therefore a last name, but is written first to make fun of the Japanese. Firefox's goal is to reclaim a vital artifact lost for humanity a hundred generations ago in Browser Wars: the Interweb, a huge web embedded in the surface and atmosphere of the planet Earth. Her arch enemy is the Interweb Exploder, a giant monster that repeatedly tries to blow up the Interweb, without much success, and zombifies people that connect their computers to it. Both Firefox and the Exploder are web browsers: their duty is to patrol controlled areas of the Interweb and fight minor saboteurs and wreckers. Newsroom UnTune of the week Playing with myself

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-- 05:03, December 2, 2010 (UTC)

Hello Mister, do you have a Christmas Goose to sell?

Hello, and where have you been??? A few things. "Mike Tyson" on VFH, which you knocked out, seems to be coming back on new edits, and even Romartus voted for it after declining to be seen in the ring with Tyson. Would you please take a second look? Thanks. And Skinfan has joined you among the missing, so the frat is stuck on the Blockbuster article. We did get Weird featured though, so the frat has a perfect record of pleasing the crowd (and the sorority sisters). Come back, come back, I can see you in the distance. Enjoy the holiday things. Aleister 18:07 4 12

p.s. And since whoring is encouraged, also please check out Never on Sunday on VFH, the perfect Christmas card to give to all of your family members and friends!

I'm still here, I just haven't had as much time or creativity to do a whole lot of writing. I still try to vote and forum and stuff like that when I can. And about Tyson, I looked at the edits, and I'm still not really feeling it. It's Magically Fucking Delicious!!! 21:17,4December,2010

Glad you're wandering the site. Thanks for the Never on Sunday vote! Show the page to your mom and local priest, and ask them to vote for it as well. Thanks. And jeez, Mike Tyson, I just looked at it and had to put in lots of edit cuts that were taken out. Somebody went in and edited it, and did some good work but got rid of all my best stuff, and I had to go look behind the Dumpster to put the stuff back in. Maybe when the air clears you can take one more look (and I just thought, I don't remember seeing the baby picture there, was that cut as well?. Must go back in to look behind the dumpster again.) Aleister 00:14 5 12

p.s. Oh hell no! Found the baby pic and put it back where it was orginally when M&M dropped it off. Looks great right there.