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Iron Maiden

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Iron Maiden
Origins Britain
Year(s) active 1975-Present
Genre(s) Whatever God or This Guy Tells Them To Play
Label(s) Holy Records!
Members *deep breath* Paul Day, Terry Rance, Steve Harris, Ron Matthews, Dave Sullivan, *deep breath* Dave Murray, Dennis Wilcock, Bob Sawyer, Terry Wapram, Tony Moore, Thunderstick, Doug Sampson, Paul Di'Anno, Paul Cairns, *gasp* Paul Todd, Dave Mac, Tony Parsons, Dennis Stratton, *gasp* Clive Burr, Adrian Smith, Bruce Dickinson, Nicko McBrain, Janick Gers, and Blaze Bayley!! *passes out*

Iron Maiden is a Christian heavy metal band from Great Britain. Originally formed by bassist and zealous protestant Steve Harris, they are influenced by Deep Purple, Thin Lizzy, God, Jesus, and The Holy Spirit. Their mascot is Eddie, an immortal, decaying corpse used to get the attention of the youth, as well as to symbolize the eternal life ahead of those who worship God. They are one of the most successful Christian rock bands of all time, selling over 27 albums worldwide.

History

Formation, Early Career, and Rise to Fame

Iron Maiden formed on Christmas Day, 1975, with bassist and firebrand "fire and brimstone" preacher Steve Harris, recruiting church guitarist Dave Murray and raspy-voiced spiritual healer Paul Di'Anno. According to Harris, there was "something missing" from the heavy metal genre of music, and he felt he needed help figuring out what that something was. Harris stated that he was seeking "divine intervention," after looking up the word "divine" in the dictionary. Unfortunately, he never encountered divine intervention. He later decided to look up "intervention," but could not find it in the dictionary. Harris calls this experience one of the major disappointments of his life.

Instead of the more preferable help from the divine, Harris hired and fired numerous congregation members, so that by 1980 Iron Maiden consisted of Paul Di'Anno on vocals, Dave Murray and Dennis Stratton on guitars, Steve Harris on bass, and Clive Burr on drums. All were in some way connected to the Christian religions, from Harris' status as a preacher to Dennis Stratton's infamous encounter with an over-eager Catholic Priest.

They named themselves "Iron Maiden," after a poor, lost soul asked if Jesus was crucified on the iron maiden. After explaining to him that Jesus was never crucified, and he actually secretly flew to Mars, Steve Harris suggested that "Jesus Actually Flew to Mars" would be a good name. Unfortunately, this name was taken by another band by the name of "Jesus Actually Flew to Mars," so Iron Maiden was accepted as a second choice. This paved the way for their first album, cleverly titled Iron Maiden. On this cleverly titled album was the cleverly titled song, "Iron Maiden." To this day, the band members refuse to say how they came up with such clever song and album titles.

Iron Maiden's next album was Killers, which contained songs about the Crusades, from the first crusade in 1095, The Last Crusade (which was ironically not the last at all) in 1989, to the Iraq crusades in 1990, and George W. Bush's Superfuntastic Holy Crusade: Live in Iraq 2003. Shortly before the recording of this new album, Harris fired Stratton, citing creative and personal differences, as well as Stratton's alleged Judaism. Said Harris during an interview: "...and so, that is why Christianity advocates love, and...what? A what? A fucking Jew in our band!? GET OUT, JEW!" Stratton's replacement was Adrian Smith, who was previously a guitar-playing missionary to Guatemala.

The album contained such tracks as "Wrathchild," about the horrible people that the noble Catholic knights fought against in the Crusades, "The Ides of March," about one day that the horrible people that the noble Catholic knights fought against in the Crusades were particularly morally wrong, and "Killers," about the horrible people that the noble Catholic knights fought against in the Crusades. Iron Maiden's subject matter had clearly begun to diversify, and their widespread success was imminent, especially in Texas.

By 1981, Paul Di'Anno was demonstrating increasingly self-destructive behavior, particularly by having casual, polite conversation with non-Christians that was not attempts to convert them. His lack of piety prompted Harris to fire and have him excommunicated, and Iron Maiden's search for a new singer began. Shortly, Bruce Dickinson joined the band. He was previously a member of the band Samson, but was fed up with the band's refusal to play songs that had lyrics about killing all the non-Christians. In 1982, Iron Maiden released The Number of the Beast, cementing their world fame. It contained such tracks as the curiously named "The Number of the Beast," about how the Number of the Beast is evil and how everyone that follows it is going to hell, and "Run to the Hills," about escaping from Satan, who is evil and lives in hell. The Number of the Beast sold over 6 copies worldwide, and Iron Maiden was officially the biggest Christian metal band in the world.

Fame and Famousness

The cover of Maiden's No Prayer for the Dying. The angry, decaying corpse represents a closed mind to anything non Christian.

A year after The Number of the Beast came Piece of Mind, Iron Maiden's fourth album. Before the recording, Clive Burr was fired from the band, allegedly for heresy, and replaced by Nicko McBrain. This lineup remained the same through the recording of Powerslave, Somewhere in Time, and Seventh Son of a Seventh Son, their fifth, sixth, and seventh albums, but was changed again when Adrian Smith was fired for alleged heresy. He was replaced by Janick Gers, and the albums No Prayer for the Dying and Fear of the Dark were recorded with the same, heretic-free lineup.

Piece of Mind was accidentally misspelled by the record company, and contained songs about peace coming from eternal life after death. Powerslave was musically darker, containing songs about peace, love, and happiness and showcasing Iron Maiden's lack of fear to play music about the things nobody else wanted to talk about. Somewhere in Time and Seventh Son of a Seventh Son were both themed largely around the life of Jesus. No Prayer for the Dying was actually supposed to be titled "No Prayer for the Dying Musical Creativity of the Band," but this used more ink than was acceptable for the record company, who forced the band to shorten their title. One of its songs, Holy Smoke, was all about how listeners needed to send the band money, lest they be eternally damned to Hell. Fear of the Dark was actually written about Steve Harris's bizarre phobia that lingered even into his adulthood, and was not technically a Christian album. Iron Maiden disagreed, however, saying that since God created them, and they created the album, that it was still Christian.

All the while, Maiden continued to tour relentlessly, giving fiery sermons and singing their catchy, upbeat tunes about slaughtering the unbelievers.


Screwing it all up

"Mixed reception."

In 1993, Bruce Dickinson decided to leave Iron Maiden, saying that "if the fucking roadies can't give me a realistic 200-foot manger, then I can't stand on stage and sing for a little while." After auditioning numerous vocalists and hating them all, the band members agreed that Jeff Biggsby was the right man for the job. Unfortunately, just days after his recruitment, he was found out to have been illicitly baptized. Biggsby was then publicly stoned by the band. In his stead, Blaze Bayley was hired to sing for the band, who had a "different vocal style," compared to Dickinson, which resulted in "mixed reception" by the fans. With Bayley, Iron Maiden sold 2.5 albums, including the copies sold to friends and family, their lowest sales numbers to date.

Returning to their senses

Luckily, the band was starting to return to its senses, and Harris agreed to lick Dickinson's shoes clean every day if he'd agree to return to the band. Dickinson also finally got his wish: a 200-foot-tall moving nativity scene, complete with a manger, all three kings, and a faulty and extremely dangerous pyrotechnics system. Iron Maiden officially stated, after several complaints from fans about being burned to death, that "those people didn't really die, now they just live in Heaven with God."

Maiden's lead singer, Bruce Dickinson, pointing out Heaven to his less observant listeners. Or maybe just enjoying his beautiful glowing testicles.
Image: Ed Force One, The Book of Souls
Iron Maiden's God Force One defying gravity, allegedly with the help of divine forces.

Third degree burns aside, both Adrian Smith and Bruce Dickinson returned to Iron Maiden, and the band soon released Brave New World, which contained songs about Manifest Destiny and to justify the genocide of any non Christian populations who are standing in the way of Catholic believers and supporters. The supporting tour eventually produced a live album, called Rock in Rio, which contained spoken word material about bingo night at church. By 2003, the band had completed and released their 13th album, Dance of Death, which contained songs based around the concept of the everlasting punishment in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone for the pagans, sinners, and the little people. A single was released "Rainmaker", which is about the gentle tears of God fall on the worshipers, Mormons (not to confused with morons), and His true believers. The supporting tour eventually produced a live album, called Death on the Road, which contained songs about the second coming of the messiah and the eventual destruction of every synagogue in the American Midwest.

Continuing their mission, new albums and world tours

In the autumn of 2006, Iron Maiden released their studio album, A Matter of Life and Death. This album contained songs about the resurrection of Jesus H. Christ, and was planned to release a live album from the recordings collected from the supporting tour of the album; when the album's name was still undecided, the band had explicitly stated that "the new live album will contain songs about the afterlife, though almost definitely not about Hell or the Gay community". In late 2006, the band announced that they were breaking off with their ties with Holy Records! to form their own record company, after Holy Records!'s owner was caught stealing communion wafers from a church in London. Steve Harris later said in an interview, "We're gonna make our own clubhouse, and you're not invited!"

With the internet usage soaring around the globe, they gained millions of new followers worldwide, introducing many young people to Christianity. The band considered A Matter of Life and Death "a holy success" reasoning that in the first week of release, bible sales peaked, a synagogue burned, and numerous anti-gay protests arose. About the album's hit track For the Greater Good of God, Steve Harris said "God has the sole writing credits, the lyrics came from Him. I'm just a messenger", in his own words. Though the popular song raised criticisms from anti-religious groups over it's theme of cleansing earth from unbelievers which Harris claims "necessary for salvation". During the supporting tour titled A Matter of Life and Death Tour in 2006-2007, they played the entire album live to deliver "God's message" to their new and younger audience.

Iron Maiden's new golden era of service continued with Somewhere Back in Time World Tour in 2008-2009. They performed songs from 80's, particularly Somewhere in Time, which caught fans by surprise, as if the tour title wasn't suggesting it, while selling millions of records and filling stadiums around the world. The tour's purpose was cursing Satan and his worshippers, aka non-Christians. With their increased popularity, they onboarded millions to their holy cause. The frontman Bruce Dickinson was also the pilot of God Force One, the customized Boeing 757 airplane they used to travel across continents.

A concert documentary film titled Iron Maiden: Flight 666 was recorded in 2008 during the tour and published in 2009. According to fan theories, the name "Flight 666" suggests that aircrafts are Devil crafts, since their technology is achieved from a collection of satanistic methods called science. In the documentary, Steve Harris has statements supporting the theories: "We only use planes to deliver God's words, otherwise I would burn the fucking thing myself!", then addresses their fans: "If you want to go to a better place, all you need is a holy bible, not a fucking airplane!". Harris confidently describes their faith and prayers as the sole reason why their God Force One doesn't fall from the sky, then proceeds: "You know what makes Bruce a great pilot? He never forgets our Lord! You can always find him praying in the cockpit with his bible.", then leaves somewhat controversial remarks: "When I see planes crash on the news, I know how right I am. Besides, DON'T expect me to mourn for some bloody heathens that clearly pissed God!".

Image: Bruce Dickinson and Maiden's new airplane
In 2016, Bruce Dickinson held a press conference after landing Maiden's new airplane God Force One. He argued that airline pilots should have the right to refuse heretics from their flights, to prevent compromising the "good faithful people" onboard.

Finally in 2010, Iron Maiden released their 15th and final studio album The Final Frontier followed by their final world tour The Final Frontier World Tour. They later released two more albums though. The Book of Souls was released in 2015, the 16th studio album. Iron Maiden acquired a new Boeing 747 replacing their God Force One right before The Book of Souls World Tour in 2016. In a press conference, Bruce Dickinson was asked about their decision for this replacement. He directly answered: "One day Steve comes to me, and tells me that Metallica's got a bigger plane. When I hear that, I am like 'What the fuck?', I mean, we are FAR better than Metallica, so we must have a bigger plane, right? YES we do, let's show them the power of REAL Christians! So we got this giant, there she is!". When reporters asked why they named it God Force One, Dickinson calmly explained: "Look, I fly this fucking plane, you definitely don't! And I'm telling you this as a certified pilot: God is the ONE AND ONLY force you need to fly an airplane, especially a 180-ton beast like that! And we called it God Force One. That's right! He carries us with His might, and we'll carry His name everywhere we can! Like it or not, you heretic fucks!"

In 2021, Iron Maiden released their 17th studio album, Senjutsu. They are currently on the second leg of The Future Past World Tour planned for 2023-2024.

According to Iron Maiden, their next album will be called Christian In A Christian's World (That's Right, It's OUR World You Heathens) and will be released on December 21st, 2025. The new single, "Worship God, Or We'll Fucking Kill You" will be released on December 22nd, 2025, but only in Heaven. They also announced "Live Somewhere Up in Heaven After the Death of the Beast World Tour" planned for 2026, indicating that they aren't retiring any time soon. However, earth fans might have to wait a little longer before they receive the final judgment.

Controversy

Throughout its history, Iron Maiden was the target of consistent criticism from non-Christian groups. Since they reached worldwide fame with The Number of the Beast, they attracted groups of protesters to their shows, who were outraged by Iron Maiden's blunt Christianity. Iron Maiden's Jewish critics disliked the explicit use of "Jesus," Islamic protesters were upset that God was never referred to as Allah, and many Buddhists found the band's recurring theme of "killing the unbelievers" to be "somewhat objectionable."

In an interview about the protesters, singer Bruce Dickinson said "Look, it's not like we're forcing them to listen. Besides, it's not our fault that they haven't accepted Jesus Christ as their personal savior and are going to hell. You hear that, you stupid fuckers!? You're. Going. To. Hell!"

Still, Iron Maiden assures fans that there is no end in sight for their brand of wholesome, clean, diet cola flavored Christian heavy metal. "We know you want our guidance, my fellow servants of Christ," said Steve Harris in a 2024 interview. "And we'd give it to you even if you didn't."

Band members

Current Religious Fanatics

  • Steve "Fire and Brimstone" Harris – bass, keyboards, backing vocals (1975–present)
  • Dave "Dutch Rudder" Murray – guitars (1976–present)
  • Adrian "Biblethumping" Smith – guitars, backing vocals (1980–1990, 1999–present)
  • Bruce "The Reverend" Dickinson – lead vocals, additional guitars (1981–1993, 1999–present)
  • Nicko "Dicko" McBrain – drums, percussion (1982–present)
  • Janick "Am I Famous Yet?" Gers – guitars (1990-present), backing vocals (2007-present)

Former Members of the Cult

  • Doug "Who?" Sampson – drums, percussion (1977–1979)
  • Dennis "I got kicked out of Iron Maiden" Stratton – guitars, backing vocals (1979–1980)
  • Paul "Mr. Pope" Di'Anno – lead vocals (1978–1981)
  • Clive "Alive" Burr – drums, percussion (1979–1982)
  • Blaze "The Fans Hate Me" Bayley – lead vocals (1994–1999)

Christography

Studio albums
  • 1980: Iron Maiden
  • 1981: Killers
  • 1982: The Number of the Beast
  • 1983: Piece of Mind
  • 1984: Powerslave
  • 1986: Somewhere in Time
  • 1988: Seventh Son of a Seventh Son
  • 1990: No Prayer for the Dying
  • 1992: Fear of the Dark
  • 1995: The X Factor
  • 1998: Virtual XI
  • 2000: Brave New World
  • 2003: Dance of Death
  • 2006: A Matter of Life and Death
  • 2010: The Final Frontier
  • 2015: The Book of Souls
  • 2021: Senjutsu


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