User:EricIsOnFire/Archive 5

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Unsignpost - 20130207013217 gibberish asdf[edit | edit source]

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper 4 out of 5 Dentists Agree On!

February 6th, 2013 • Issue 185 • There is news in this thing.

GLORY! GLORY! WINNNERS! WINNERS! WIINNERRRRS!! YAYYYYY!

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

Aye! Yes, it is true. January is now over. So we're into to February 2013, where the second month of the new site is bound to be kickin'! Am I right or am I right? Well, here's some news that you can get excited for. With the conclusion of January 2013, we have the 2012 Year Award winners implanted into the sexy body of Uncyclopedia History and boy do we have some happy users out there! After a close competition in each category, (which wasn't rigged at all!) behold the users whom gained more "jazzy-ness" from the conclusion of the voting!

A trophy for winners!

First off, the Writer of the Year is none other than the killer... the froggy... TKF! TKF won Writer of the Year 2012 with 8 for votes and a baby-slapping 15.5 features tallied for the year twenty-twelve. Coming in second place was Funnybony with 5 votes and 14 features in 2012! Xamralco came in third with 3 votes for and most of his 2012 features being Top features of the month!

Second off we have Uncyclopedian of the Year. The winners of UOTY 2012 is a tie between the recently opped in January '13 and quite picture-n-tech master; Bizzeebeever. Who did he tied with? Oh, just the newly opped in September of 2012; the young Australian divinity Frosty! Both had 9 for votes! Coming in 3rd place was Romartus, an admin who chose to stay with the old site, who received a pretty good 6 votes for. Good competition boys!

Third off is Potatochopper of the Year (AKA Radical-X of the Year). Who is this winner? Going for the double crown after winning the Uncyclopedian of the Year along with Frosty, is Bizzeebeever! Great pictures man! Great pictures! Not only did he win by an impression-pushing 8 votes in his favor, but he was so good he scared away competition! He was the only nominee and obviously nobody else was nominated because everyone knows that BB would crush his competition. We're not kidding...

Another trophy for the winners!

May the fourth be Gobshite of Ultimate in 2012. Being the only two gobshites nominated, the two tied and were written down in shame Uncyclopedian history. Who were these fine young users? Only your very own Zombiebaron and Olipro!

Now we have the month awards for January 2013. Categories are: n00b of the Moment, Uncyclopedian of the Month, Useless Gobshite of the Month, and the Foolitzer Prize for January 2013! What? You're wondering why Writer of the Month wasn't mentioned? Well, um... nobody nommed anyone worthy and actually there was only like 3 votes. And the most someone got was one vote for. So make something happen for February's Writer of the Month this time around! GO! GO! GO! POWER RANGERS! The same with Potatochopper of the Month, what up with that? Huh? Huh? TELL ME.

Y, who received 5 for votes won the NOTM for January of 2013. There was a tie for Uncyclopedian of the Month, the MoveCabal and Sir Peasewhizz both mustered up the minimum 5 for votes to hold co-ownership of the January 2013 Uncyclopedian of the Month award-title-thing. For the Useless Gobshite of the Month, Zombiebaron won with 6 for votes, being the only nominee. With 3 for votes, Bill Melater won the January 2013 Foolitzer Prize! Also being a single nominee in a category.

Well, congratulations to all winners of something, something! Keep on being aggressive, because a few categories have been already entered by users in a February 2013 campaign! And for the Year Awards, see you again in January 2014 and right here with the winners in February 2014. And also, voting records can be found right here and over here.

Cold War Update 2

By Meganew

Well, I didn't update this Sunday, but that's my fault. Anyways...

After a serious level of contention on VFS, a conclusion was reached, one that I personally feel was poorly made. Instead of allowing Wikia Uncyc to "reap what they sow," as the old proverb goes, ChiefjusticeDS felt he simply had to intervene. As such, he eliminated Aimsplode's nomination and permabanned him from the site.

Admittedly, I was in favor of aim becoming an admin, but not for the reasons everyone thinks. I'm of the opinion that you should suffer the full rewards or consequences of your choices. With the populace having voted for Aimsplode, despite Chief's attempt to eliminate his nomination twice before his permanent termination of it, it's only fair that the Wikia site gets a Nazi as an admin. That's what they want, so that's what they'll get. It's like vandalism: Sure, you can vandalize Uncyclopedia all you want, but you'll suffer the consequences of that. In that case, a ban.

As someone who considers himself to have a more traditional view of things, I fully believe that ChiefjusticeDS had no reason to stick his nose in the business of the userspace. Were Aimsplode to have proven himself to be a good admin, he would've stayed. Were he to have been of poor quality, his employment would be terminated. Point is, either way, they would've got what they asked for.

Speaking of Aimsplode, he's been doing a good job of terminating all proof of his existence elsewhere on the internet. From Habbo to Deviantart, and even I can haz cheezburger, he has tried to terminate his existence from the web. Perhaps there is more to this pseudo-Nazi then any of us know...

Another update, another day. Keep checking back on your daily USP for the next update on the Uncyc Cold War.

Cheers!

Ask Zombiebaron

Do you watch children's cartoons anymore? (asked by Cat the Colourful @ 09:39, 31 January, 2013)
Yeah, all the time. Right now I am watching the DCAU, currently I'm on the second season of Superman. Batman: The Animated Series is seriously awesome.
How much Zombiebaron could a Zombiebaron Zombiebaron if a Zombiebaron could Zombie Baron? (asked by Methamphetamine! @ 2013-01-27 18:55)
A whole bunch.
Why am I such a faggot? (asked by Y at Jan 29 2013 00:38)
Both of your parents are faggots.
I spilled cocaine on a math assignment that I handed in to my teacher, and now I'm afraid that she's addicted to giving out homework. What do I do? (asked by Colin "All your base" Heaney @ 10:07, Friday 01 February 2013)
Buy more cocaine.
What is the meaning of life? (asked by Sir Peasewhizz @ 00:31, 31 January 2013)
Life is meaningless. The only thing that is certain is that we will all one day die. Except some of us don't stay dead.
Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!
Check out these pages!

From our logs:

  • 20:16, February 4, 2013 Dawg (Talk | contribs) blocked 189.62.23.61 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Inserting nonsense/gibberish into pages: Blanker/gibberish inserter.)
  • 05:11, February 4, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Page blanking troll 2 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 years ‎ (You are undoubtedly the most pathetic vandal ever. See you in another 5 years???)
  • 22:48, February 1, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 2.216.151.169 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (That thing you did... Don't do it again)
  • 05:44, January 31, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) resurrected RAHB (Talk | contribs) (To be fair, I would have blown you but I didn't want my breath to smell like whiskey and old socks.)
  • 05:14, January 31, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked RAHB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (refsuing to giev me head transpaciifically)
  • 05:14, January 31, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Ljlego (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (wlecome baxck and a heartty FFUUUUUUUUCK you (im really duruk btw))

Featured Article of the Week
The featured article of the week is: UnNews:Delicious New Zealand bird set for extinction by 2023

Select User of the Week
The select user of the week for this edition of USP is Frosty for coming up with a quite sexy idea to solve an issue with VFH. Give him some love! Yeah... that's nice.

Newsroom Random Article of the Week

UnNews:Walkers warned of "killer ticks"

Important Tip of the Week
When you are in France, assuming all the girls aren't wearing any underpants is rude. Dang flabbit, keep it to yourself!

Biopic of the Week
During this edition of the USP's Biopic of the Week, we will look at the chat with the one and only Kip the Dip, whose 6th Uncycloversary will be coming on the 13th.

USP: So, what's it feel like to to have been wasting your life for a total of six years? Did it go by fast, or was it like Xtreme Paint Drying Sports?

Kip: Xtreme Paint Drying is exactly how I would describe Uncyclopedia in a nutshell.

USP: And what part of these six long, hard years was the most fun? What about the worst? Was there a time where you just could have killed someone? Was there a time where you could have had an orgasm just because of something cool happening?

Kip: That Mr. Winkler controversy was pretty fun, because that's one of the major classic dramafests of which I actually got to take part. My worst time at Uncyclopedia was definitely my first year when I epitomized dipshitttery. Receiving serious infinibans from the likes of Famine, Hinoa and Zombiebaron was soul-crushing. My best time, however, would be when I finally won UotM. It felt like I had finally broke out of my shell and became a valued member of the community. The fact that it took place at Christmas time only enhanced it, as I shine brighter than the Rockefellar tree in December. Reflecting back, I wouldn't trade my experience at Uncyclopedia for anything. Except money, fame and love.

USP: What do you think made yourself an original standout/figure in the Uncyclopedian history?

Kip: Taking Uncyclopedia seriously while never taking myself seriously. Secondly, Bizzeebeever recently described me as the Dr. Frankenstein of in-jokes. I have a talent in taking the silly and low-brow to high places.

USP: What would your advice for the newcomers to arrive in the future be?

Kip: Don't fuck it up.

There you have it folks, Kip the Dip! And don't forget to congratulate him on his six long, hard years!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox
~ Pointy.png I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:35, 7 February 2013


Gingham style[edit | edit source]

Twister the night away! Aleister 23:29 How do you like it? Gingham style!

That's awesome! Maybe we're finished? Idk...--Sir Peasewhizz de New York 23:37, 7 February 2013 (UTC)

SirPeasewhizzOnTheRadio[edit | edit source]

May I bring your attention over here? ~Y KUN — 07 February MMXIII 23-35-07 Ꮈ

Already looked.--Sir Peasewhizz de New York 23:35, 7 February 2013 (UTC)

Tables[edit | edit source]

I've updated all of the tables for you. When you work on the rest of them...could you please use the table that I have provided for you at July 2007 and use the same table for each of the months? You'll have to paste the date and the name of the article into each slot in the table (remember that on this table the date comes first and then the article. In any case this should be much less work than before. I doubt it's necesary to check the dates of the articles as it should have been automated as of mid 2007. Cheers --ShabiDOO 11:21, 9 February 2013 (UTC)

I've taken care of 2011, 2012 upto now and formatted 2013 with the standard tables.
Thank you so much!--Sir Peasewhizz de New York 15:46, 9 February 2013 (UTC)

UnNews:New York State allows students to swear at teachers[edit | edit source]

Good concept, but you should write it from the perspective of a journalist. It needs a serious copyedit, imho. What were you aiming for? Dawg.gif » Brig Sir Dawg | t | v | c » 2013.02.09.18:00

Ehh.. I saw something on TV so I just threw something together. You can add to it, if you want.--Sir Peasewhizz de New York 18:29, 9 February 2013 (UTC)

Why[edit | edit source]

do you keep changing your signature? Do you have the OCD like me? ~Y KUN — 10 February MMXIII 20-06-24 Ꮈ

Yes. But this change really isn't considered "a change", becuz it's for Valentine's Day.--Peasewhizz ♥ you! How about we talk about you, for once? Wait. We always do that... you're beautiful! 20:16, 10 February 2013 (UTC)

Amnesia[edit | edit source]

Congratulations again on this very very good page. When you polish it a bit, and then come back and polish it again, and then again in two years, it will be a great page. I fear for the rest of us when you mature into your writing ability. Yay! (I'm going to keep polishing the section I added on Twister, and pop in some links to make it a scientific storehouse of high-tech computer possibilities and links to data on programmed reality, which is, finally, becoming very hot as the science catches up to it.) Aleister 20:26 10-2-'13

Thanks, but I can't tell if that was sarcasm... because I did polish it multiple times after I originally put it on VFH.Peasewhizz ♥ you! How about we talk about you, for once? Wait. We always do that... you're beautiful! 20:39, 10 February 2013 (UTC)
If you wanna see my (be proud) example of polish polish polishing; go the VFH nom for Ancient Aliens. Then go to the actual page. Read the view history and behold :D--Peasewhizz ♥ you! How about we talk about you, for once? Wait. We always do that... you're beautiful! 20:41, 10 February 2013 (UTC)
No, not sarcasm. I'm talking about in a year or two or three, when you come back to it for tweeking and other things. It doesn't all happen at once. I haven't read Ancient Aliens yet, thanks, not now but soon. I'm going to whore my guy who invented soap page (when I say whore I mean ask people to take a few minutes when they get a chance and read it) - you started the votes going with that one, much appreciated. I really like that page, and I want to add more links into it to wikipedia pages on prehistoric north american cultures and tools. I like to put in depositories like that on some pages. When you are old enough to be able to like girls (maybe a year or two more for that too, hee hee) I will point you to the paragraph in People Who Like to Fuck Naked that the page was written for. But not now, since you are but a wee lad and shouldn't read grown up things yet. Al 20:45 10-2-'13
>.> I furiously masturbate everyday really have affection towards women already... just sayin'...--Peasewhizz ♥ you! How about we talk about you, for once? Wait. We always do that... you're beautiful! 20:53, 10 February 2013 (UTC)

What is up, sir?[edit | edit source]

This is a bit of a test. DawgBot (talk) 01:09, 13 February 2013 (UTC)

What is up, sir?[edit | edit source]

This is a bit of a test. User:Lil' Pease Jr./sig 02:07, 13 February 2013 (UTC)

What is up, sir?[edit | edit source]

This is a bit of a test. SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 02:10, 13 February 2013 (UTC)

Have I ever told you that I was proud of you, my baby bot?--Peasewhizz ♥ you! How about we talk about you, for once? Wait. We always do that... you're beautiful! 02:11, 13 February 2013 (UTC)

What is up, sir?[edit | edit source]

This is a bit of a test. --— Capitalis quadrata Y.SVG (talk) (contributions) 23:52, 13 February 2013 (UTC)

Yes...?--Peasewhizz ♥ you! How about we talk about you, for once? Wait. We always do that... you're beautiful! 00:08, 14 February 2013 (UTC)

It is the day of USP love, Valentine’s Day[edit | edit source]

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

February 14th, 2013 • Issue 186 • Happy Valentine's Day, motherfucker.

Returning users and Grammar Nazis

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York
Grammar Nazi insignia.

Recently, we have seen the return of many passionate members of the community, which have seen the return of Uncyc daylight upon arrival. Was that a run-on sentence? Idk... anywaaaays. So the point is, Ljlego has returned recently, and so has Dawg. I bring these two in particular because Ljlego and Dawg have revealed over the IRC hints that they wish to stay here, on the new site. Ljlego was looking to get an Uncyclopedia cloak, while Dawg just plain out said he was interested in staying. To sum it up, yay more returnees! Go Jesus! Oh yeah, and you can join the Proofreading Service. This is basically the Grammar nazi equivalent to the Poopsmith Lounge... only less dead and slightly more squeamish.

The old site wants us... sexually?!

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

Lol, no. Just kidding. But hasn't it come to most people's minds that maybe, possibly the Wikia's members are curious to what is going on in here (Bitches, alcohol, and partying) and might come sneak by? Well, first off Chief banned BB on the Wikia and set up a spam account here. BB found out that Chief was the account owner of the vandalizing account and banned both of them. Though Lyrithya unbanned Chief. W.O.W. Gay.

Keep your eyes open, boys. Or not, it's not like they mean harm. What do you take me for? Pulixer? lol no.

Great Hall of Shame Updating of '13

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York
Happy Valentine's Day!

Okay, so most of you ungrateful bastards won't update your Hall of Shame entrees yourself. Well, did you even see that forum link? It even said "SIGN HERE FUCKERS". Yeah, that's right. Please, go update your Hall of Shame entrees and/or help me update those who don't update their HOS entrees. Man, that was pretty awkwardly worded. However, still. This task isn't easy. Much help is needed. USE THE EFFIN' FORCE, I KNOW THERE'S JEDIS WITHIN OUR RANKS!!

BUT SERIOUSLY.

Ask Zombiebaron
Sorry, he's not giving advice on Valentine's Day. We don't need little pregnant babies because ZB told you cut a hole in the condom for maximum results. He'll answer next issue and the ones after that. Or we'll kill him.

Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!


Biopic of the Week
This week, for the Biopic of the Week we did a short 3 question interview with SG1 via IRC. Behold;

USP: What is your favorite article?

SG1: User:Supergeeky1

USP: When did you sign up?

SG1: 2009

USP: What was your favorite year here?

SG1: 2009

There you have it folks! Plus, SG1 refuses to confirm this interview was real, even though it was. She's so weird...

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

  • 21:18, February 11, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) to an expiry time 6 minutes (I noticed you blocked me or 5 minutes, so I am doing you one better!)
  • 21:17, February 11, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 minutes ‎ (I noticed you blocked me or 5 minutes, so I)
  • 08:52, February 11, 2013 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (Demonstrating the use of the block form)
  • 02:36, February 9, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 210.157.20.86 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Gayer than Christmas)
  • 19:51, February 8, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 174.98.30.117 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (wut)
  • 03:21, February 8, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 211.201.143.146 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (That thing you did was silly)
  • 21:18, February 7, 2013 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) resurrected ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) (Ha ha ha funny.)
  • 21:07, February 7, 2013 Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ ((Good luck, ChiefjusticeDS. I liked you too, but you're the one violating Rule 2, and while this block is essentially meaningless, let me just say... enjoy eternity. (DO NOT UNBLOCK))
  • 20:54, February 7, 2013 Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for Brigate Marroncinostellate (Talk | contribs) to an expiry time infinite (Serious wanker. I know who you is.)
  • 18:47, February 7, 2013 Dawg (Talk | contribs) blocked 174.138.213.95 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Inserting nonsense/gibberish into pages)
  • 01:18, February 7, 2013 TKF (Talk | contribs) blocked Wakkoswish123 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (yeah dont blank content)

Featured Article of the Week
The featured article of the week is: Amnesia: The Dark Descent

Select User of the Week
The select user of the week is a tie between Dawg and Ljlego. Both returnees have dedicated their lives against will to work for the best community out there, Uncyclopedia!

Newsroom Random Article of the Week

UnPoetia:Unexpected alphabet

Confucius says

He who put face in punch bowl get punch in nose.
In order make egg roll, push egg.
Man deaf on one side looking forward to happy new ear.
Man who reads women like book prefer braille
Man who smoke pot choke on handle.
UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 01:35, 14 February 2013 (UTC)

What is up, sir?[edit | edit source]

This is a bit of a test. SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 01:59, 16 February 2013 (UTC)

Thanks[edit | edit source]

Thanks for taking off my chains in the shamed section. Appreciated (it's one I forgot). And for kicking off the voting for the soap page. I've actually shamefully led since September 11, Sog did a funny joke, but I guess this makes it official and I can now retire. It was good to know you, and may all your future articles be as good as your present pages. Give my regards to Aunt Celine (her singing career has taken off so much that you and I don't see her at the Christmas Party anymore. Remember when we used to tear her dress off and run away, and she'd yell at us and people would applaud her long-winded yelling?) and keep a light on in the window for my pet ferret, the one who hunts by night and sleeps all day, not the one with the dark mask who climbs on shelves and disrupts the others. Thanks! Aleister just kidding in case, 13:13 13-13-13

Yes, you're very welcome. But you're not retiring. Or else I'd be sad!  SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 17:47, 19 February 2013 (UTC)

From elsewhere[edit | edit source]

…Why would I do that? Are you expecting any visitor to the wiki would say “This is fantastic, but doesn't display that well, so I'm going to change my browser?” I'm not saying it's a bad article - just that FAs should be the best we have to offer. This isn't the best we have to offer - even if it were a shining pinnacle of wiki-fu. The meme-ish aspect alone would stop me voting for, as it relies on memes to deliver the humour. I don't find lemon salad, slender, 2 girls 1 calculus equation, or kitties funny just because they are mentioned. Give me a joke or some element of creating humour from an original source, or even a good retelling of a classic joke, and I'm there. This simply doesn't grab me.
On the plus side, an against vote from me is likely to get you half a dozen for votes from others. Nominally Humane! 03:16 20 Feb

No, I was just curious. Because I had the same problem with the Ancient Aliens article (also up there on VFH) which feeds off a meme actually quite incredibly well. Check it out. You might find something good there ;D -- SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 15:18, 20 February 2013 (UTC)
Are you sure you want to encourage me to vote on something? Nominally Humane! 03:20 20 Feb
Well, I'll always encourage you to participate in our community. And for this, I know it's not my most "funny" work but it's my most polished, and I spent LOTS of months of it. And I'd appreciate it if you helped it out.-- SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 15:27, 20 February 2013 (UTC)

Crikey! It’s a rare, wild UnSignpost![edit | edit source]

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Word to your mother.

February 21st, 2013 • Issue 187 • Burn.

Cold War Update 3: Drama!

By Meganew

Well, this one's a bit late, but still important. Illogicopedia has considered moving their hosting over to the Free Uncyc servers, netting a nifty anti-Wikia deal. As well, a series of "hate bans" occurred recently, involving ChiefjusticeDS banning people on the Wikia site, and a sockpuppet of his being banned on this site.

More info will be available when I find out.

Cheers!

Robot invasion

By Dawg
Slender! What are you doing? Slender! STAHP!

It has come to the attention of this fine news source that Uncyclopedia is being overrun by robots, displacing tens of writers on a daily basis. After we realized they might be useful (in spite of lacking a sense of humour and soul), we captured and trained a couple of them to deliver the UnSignpost for us. To appease these ravenous automatons, we were forced to switch to categories from our archaic signup list. You may have noticed a new template on your page, which should be placed on the page you wish to have your UnSignpost delivered, where it will be dropped at the bottom (as always). Please refrain from petting the robots, as they may bite (we're working on that with them).

One of these 'bots (as we call them) was easier to train and has assisted us in huffing literally hundreds of old (pre-2011) User: and User_talk: pages for anonymous IPs. They're now working deep in the bowels of the site removing crap categories and fixing broken stuff.

The one attached to Dawg has the painfully unfunny name of DawgBot, and the one attached to Sir Peasewhizz is suspiciously not a bot at all. He's the... the... OH GOD NO. HE'S THE SLENDERMAN. AHHHHH!!!

DEATH TO BRONIES IS AT HAND? OR IS IT THE DEATH OF THE INTERNET???

By Mr-ex777, buster of gheys
Will this message be the discovery of the century????

Well, I was cracking codes in wingdings this day and I found the message at the right when I typed "MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC" In ALL CAPS in wingdings. This magnificent message, according to our codecrackers, might mean that the death of the Internet is caused by bronies. This message starts with a bomb and a Jew star, in which the bomb represents October 10, 2010 while the Jew star represents the money-makers of Hasbro. Then it is followed by a sadface, a palm, 2 snowflakes, another sadface, and a finger pointing left. This might mean that 2010 is the winter and sorrow of all franchises, caused by cooperate corruption and...bronies. Both can be read as: "In the day of the bomb, all franchises will be corrupted". The third sentence is pointed flag, flag, skull, Jew star and computer, which might represent the death and conquest of the internet. The fourth sentence is a finger pointing right, a sun, a finger pointing left, a skull, a thumbs down finger, a water drip, a palm, and a pointed flag. This possibly represents that a dawn of death will rise, all the straight men will fight, and finally the dawn of death will make them bleed. The fifth sentence is palm, water drip, bomb, two fingers, one finger, palm and thumbs up. This might represent that we are currently on a countdown to demise. HOW TERRIBLE IS THAT?????? Fortunately, there is good news. The good news is that the same might be used against the bronies, and if this happens it might read as: The bomb had set by the Jews and franchises are corrupted. But now, we will conquer over the terror. they might fight the dawn but they will bleed. The bronies are on the countdown to demise.

This is a two sided prophecy. nevertheless, The war against faggotry will eventually prevail.

Aleister snags the Hall of Shame lead with 67 features!

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York
This is Aleister's stoner monkey.

As of February 19th of 2013, Aleister (formerly Aleister in Chains) leads the Hall of Shame with 67 features. Which article robbed Soggy's and Aleister's tie at 66 features? None other than probably the most boring material to work with, but it happened; UnBooks Biography:The guy who invented soap! Go read it! And also, you must go read the rest Aleister's features. Or else. You can access them here. Remember, we're watching!

Ask Zombiebaron

Dear, Zombiebaron, please explain the 2nd law of thermodynamics in six words or less. (asked by RAHB)
Hot stuff is thermodynamic, that's it.
Zombiebaron, mares eat oats, and does eat oats, and little lambs eat ivy. A kid'll eat ivy too, wouldn't you? (asked by Aleister)
Yeah probably, if I was really hungry and there was no real food.
What is the meaning of undeath? (asked by Socky)
Nothing means anything. Everything just is. There is no meaning of undeath.
Zombie, what is your favorite weight-loss diet? (asked by Simsilikesims)
Life is short, eat whatever you want. Don't change your diet to conform to society's outrageous standards of outward beauty.
Hypothetically speaking, say you and I were to suddenly decide one day to sail the Mediterranean Sea in search of various treasures, and hypothetically, we crash our boat on a deserted island. Now... hypothetically, we try to signal for a rescue for any planes passing by, but hypothetically, that proves uneventful, seeing as this island is buried under massive amounts of fog. However, we are able to setup a hypothetical shanty campsite using nothing but bamboo and wood we've collected from fallen trees, and eventually (but hypothetically), we're even able to create a water purification system after our supply of bottled water runs out. But one day, while attempting to catch fish, we discover this hypothetically deserted island is not deserted at all. In fact, it happens to be populated by a completely hypothetical tribe of cannibals who are fresh on our trail. Hypothetically, we must build a raft and escape the island. After two weeks of evading the cannibals, we finally manage to build this raft and we set sail once again. Hypothetically speaking, of course. Sadly, we only manage to make it less than a mile from the island before a giant hypothetical wave forces us to crash and endure the cold, murky waters. Hypothetically, we're able to swim back to the shore but because of the time we spent in the water, I've contracted a hypothetical case of pneumonia. What's worse is that we've hypothetically used all of our Kleenex supplies in our old water purification system, meaning I'm left with a very runny nose and no hypothetical way of treating it. My question is, will you let me blow my nose in your butt cheeks? (asked by Supergeeky1)
Sure why not.
Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!
Check out these pages!

From our logs:

  • 10:02, February 20, 2013 Hotadmin4u69 (Talk | contribs) blocked Sir Peasewhizz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 69 seconds ‎ (Put this in your USP and smoke it.)
  • 03:20, February 17, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (You hath been fought. You lose!)

Featured Article of the Week
The featured article of the week is: Saw

Newsroom Random Article of the Week

Secret Moon Base

IRC Log of the Week
[12:57] Mr-ex777 HERO: faggotry is the biggest sin.
[12:57] HERO no
[12:57] HERO its one of them
[12:57] Mr-ex777 HERO: of the internet
[12:57] HERO you damn skippy
[12:58] HERO turns into a black cat and jumps on Mr-ex777's head. Looks down in his face."Meow?"
[13:00] HERO Stays on Mr-ex777's head. Just sits there.
[13:02] Mr-ex777 HERO: Jews did wtc? nope, YOU did WTC
[13:02] HERO ?
[13:02] Mr-ex777 they just mistook you as jew

Select User of the Week
The select user of the week is again, Dawg for lots of hard effort in deleting outdated pages!

Confucius says

If you wiggle your pinky up and down inside your ear, it sound like pacman.
Rock and roll make good half breakfast.
Girl named Paige Turner love to read.
Dieting is wishful shrinking.
Sexy typist will bang on keyboard.

Biopic of the Week
This week we spoke with RAHB over the IRC. We did a Q&A of 3 questions.

USP: First question. If you had to fuck a Muppet, which Muppet would you fuck and why?

RAHB: Lola because I bet she could turn me inside out with those lips. Wait. Is her name Lola? The one with big lips and no eyes? Janice. That’s the one. Yes, Janice.

USP: Second question. If you could kill any musician, which musician would you kill?

RAHB: If I could kill any musician I would kill the first musician ever, just to see if it would have any effect on the development of music beyond that.

Like, if I went back in time and killed Ugg before he found out he could make a percussive sound out of two rocks, would today's contemporary music be entirely recorded in reverse? Who knows?!

USP: Third question. Do you come here often, baby?

Only when I get a tip that there's some good zombie dick hanging around.

And there you have it, folks! RAHB!


Nothing is happening here at all. So stop looking. Wait, look at this picture! Cats-white-black.jpg

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 00:37, 21 February 2013 (UTC)

Uncyclopedia:UnSignpost/userbox[edit | edit source]

I do not know what you intended to use that for, but you need to use whatever it is for, somewhere else as it is a valid userbox that is used elsewhere. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Proudly bogan 10:54, 21 February 2013 (UTC)

Yeah, don't edit that. The USP delivery template is Template:UnSignpost, which adds the page to a category for easier bot processing. You modified the userbox, which is the wrong one. I'm glad Frosty caught it and reverted your edit. Plus, the formatting was horrible. Dawg.gif » Brig Sir Dawg | t | v | c » 2013.02.21.13:01
Yeah, I was going to revert it, but then I decided not to because I am lazy. I am sorry.-- SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 17:47, 21 February 2013 (UTC)

Hall of shame[edit | edit source]

Hey, I appreciate you adding the Sartre article to my hall of shame, but I just changed a couple words and formatted the image a little. The last article I added was Lawnmower, of which I also only contributed a little, so lets just say those two articles are worth .5 and then its all nice and balanced and whatnot. Thats for the gesture in any case. Did I ever tell you that the skin on your fingers is silky soft? --ShabiDOO 10:58, 21 February 2013 (UTC)

Awkward. I just got out of the shower and that's how they actually are. oh, and okay. you're welcome.-- SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 17:48, 21 February 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost[edit | edit source]

So, um, not to be picky or anything, but you and Meganew sorta got things a bit wrong when you wrote that Chiefjustice got banned for sockpuppeting and vandalism. The sockpuppet I banned was unrelated. We need a retraction, so I'll be writing the UnSignpost this week. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.png ~ Fri, Feb 22 '13 22:13 (UTC)

There is also the point that you attempted to get banned by being a dick, and in the end the only way it happened was by askingto be banned. In the meantime, I was banned here (partially) for reverting an article back to a revision prior to my rewrite, while at the same time being civil to the people I was dealing with. (In other words, I didn't call anyone gay.)
All told, the story was unfounded and biased opinion. While USP doesn't usually aspire to journalistic integrity, it usually isn't used as a way of airing out a gripe against a user, and it's designed to be used to report on-site stuff. The Wikia based USP is not being used to comment about this site. It would be better to not use USP here to comment about anywhere else. After all the effort that has gone into removing off-wiki links, maybe we shouldn't be advertising another wiki through the majority of regular users talk pages. (Have you ever heard the saying “all press is good press”?) Too lazy to sign in 02:18, 24 February 2013 (UTC)
That does make sense. I'll try to have it stop after this upcoming issue. You see, I was trying to see if SPIKE could make a funny ban message. That's all. It would be nice if you could tell SPIKE that. So, er. Thanks for the update and opinion. I'll tell BB, but I'm sure he'll see it.-- SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 02:40, 24 February 2013 (UTC)
I can give you an answer - SPIKE can write a funny ban reason, but he never would. Chief can as well, but if he's blocking you for Rule 2 violations, he wouldn't. SPIKE, however, has a disagreement with “cracking wise” when it comes to navigation tools, and that extends to policies and rationale for bans, nominations, etc. You would have been better off asking the question, rather than trying to force the issue.
I also had a really good idea for a collab between us as well, but someone beat me to it. But if you are interested in a collab I'd like to give it a shot. I'm also going to steal your Moar kitties article here and work on it off-wiki as well, but I will give you credit for it (if it looks like a feature). Nominally Humane! 11:59 24 Feb
Awkward... you edit conflicted my bot. Er, okay. You can. If it does get featured, I'm stealing your codes n shit and having it featured here, too. Because, I'm just a badass.-- SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 00:05, 25 February 2013 (UTC)

Talkbaclk[edit | edit source]

Nuvola apps edu languages.svg
Hello, EricIsOnFire. You have new messages at Mike the great's talk page.
You can remove this notice at any time by removing the {{Talkback}} or {{Tb}} template.

What is up, sir?[edit | edit source]

This is a bit of a test. SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 00:08, 25 February 2013 (UTC)

Hello thier.[edit | edit source]

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. In adipiscing consectetur pharetra. Sed euismod semper cursus. Vestibulum ante ipsum primis in faucibus orci luctus et ultrices posuere cubilia Curae; Aenean ut est ante, sit amet fermentum nulla. Pellentesque et magna tortor, bibendum pellentesque metus. Nam ultricies, quam sed tristique aliquam, orci nisl sodales risus, sed vulpuFUCKtate nulla diam id nibh. Nullam consectetur rutrum lacus, ac fermentum nisl laoreet in. Curabitur elementum ultrices leo, ut porta velit posuere eu. Praesent egestas diam non justo placerat ut ultricies felis pharetra. Integer lectus ipsum, fringilla at fermentum sed, dapibus sit amet lacus.FUCK Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas. Aliquam porttitor libero vitae mi laoreet at sagittis tortor molestie. Sed pulvinar porttitor neque vitae ultricies. Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas.

Integer vel cursus turpis. Praesent justo nibh, ultrices ut condimentum vehicula, sagittis quis lorem. Vivamus semper aliquam sagittis. Vestibulum gravida blandit est, scelerisque porta libero cursus eget. Nam eget orci urna, vitae posuere nulla. Nullam suscipit neque in turpis sollicitudin sagiFUCKttis. Ut at mauris velit. Quisque nec diam ac libero ultrices pretium nec eget leo. Cras nec augue massa. Donec in neque erat. In at ligula ipsum, id egestas lacus. Cras vel lacus a dolor pulvinar blandit. — Capitalis quadrata Y.SVG (talk) (contributions) 00:50, 26 February 2013 (UTC)

Can you repeat all this in English?-- SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 01:00, 26 February 2013 (UTC)
I got lost at thier. Nominally Humane! 09:51 26 Feb
It's funny how us roman language speakers act as though latin is deep in our blood, but when I read it I only follow just a little more than a germanic speaker would. Though the last sentence...if some how modulated to spanish "Cras vel lacus a dolor pulvinar blandit" was "Creo que una [falta/lacus] de dolor [por] polvos blandos... It would mean I think of a lack of pain from bad sex. I doubt that's what it means in latin. --ShabiDOO 12:52, 26 February 2013 (UTC)
I popped the start of it into google translate, which is never wrong. The translation is:
This page is required to post a comment. The ecological development and immigration. This feature is always running. Cisco Security orci lamentation and avenging have set their couch in the throat
Of course, once you see it, it's obvious. Nominally Humane! 02:32 26 Feb
Still not seeing it. Y, use your words, boy!  SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 14:52, 26 February 2013 (UTC)
लाल दानव दीपक फ़ोल्डर ग्रे नारंगी OCD चीनी चरित्र मुखौटा जैकेट संयुक्त राष्ट्र समाचार. — Capitalis quadrata Y.SVG (talk) (contributions) 13:12, 28 February 2013 (UTC)
You are dumb  SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 21:48 2.28.13 21:48, 28 February 2013 (UTC)
NO U. — Capitalis quadrata Y.SVG (talk) (contributions) 22:18, 28 February 2013 (UTC)
Lol yeah.-- SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 22:20 2.28.13 22:20, 28 February 2013 (UTC)
Good. Glad we're settled on that. — Capitalis quadrata Y.SVG (talk) (contributions) 22:43, 1 March 2013 (UTC)
I think bad sex pain is a lot more poetic. --ShabiDOO 19:10, 26 February 2013 (UTC)
I think hard sex pain is a lot more glamorous.-- SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 22:20 2.28.13 22:20, 28 February 2013 (UTC)

Surprise, Motherfucker, USP[edit | edit source]

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

February 28th, 2013 • Issue 188 • When life gives you lemons, sue for damages.


A Note to Our Readers on Accuracy

By The Editor
Sir Peasewhizz's mother. An example of accuracy and truth-in-advertising.

We Here At The UnSignpost™ bear a strong commitment to accuracy—in fact, the UnSignpost is required by law to print at least one truthful statement per issue in order to retain our status as a tax-exempt organic fish-cannery.[1] We believe that our track record speaks for itself: in our nearly 45 months of existence, the USP has printed only 243 retractions, a full 20% of which were not ordered by a court.

It was with some consternation, therefore, that we discovered a massive error in our reporting. In recent weeks, former USP editor and general mensch ChiefjusticeDS was repeatedly identified by the UnSignpost as being a "putrid puddle of poodle puke", and also as having been "perm-banned" for vandalizing the new Uncyclopedia with sockpuppet accounts. While the first statement remains an object of controversy, the second one could not be further from the truth. ChiefjusticeDS is one of the least-likely vandals in the history of Uncyclopedia; furthermore, our research indicates that he is not actually aware of the new Uncyclopedia, and while his lawyers apparently are, he is currently blithely executing his sysop duties on the old site, much as a mother elephant seal mournfully attends the corpse of her crushed pup.

We would like to take this opportunity to apologize profusely for any inconveniences this erroneous reporting has caused anyone. While we have traced the original mistake to confusion on the part of our correspondents (who are possessed of more eagerness than brains), the final blame must lie at the feet of our fact-checking department; we intend to take them thoroughly to task for their laziness and inattention, just as soon as we figure out how to fire people who don't exist.

On a related note, we would like to issue the following corrections and clarifications:

  • On page 43 of last week's Lifestyle section, an article titled "Fun snacks for kids" erroneously identified nitroglycerin as a "delicious pudding substitute". According to the American Society of Nutritionists, nitroglycerin is unsuitable for children's meals, as it contains dangerous levels of saturated fat.
  • The last name of U.S. House of Representatives Speaker John Boehner does not rhyme with "butt-pipe", as was reported in last week's Capitol Review section.
  • The full-page infographic in last week's Health News section erroneously read "a teaspoonful of honey makes the medicine go down, makes the medicine go down, makes the medicine go down". A copy-editor accidentally substituted the words "honey" for "semen" and "medicine" for "prostitute". We apologize for the inconvenience.
  • Libel and copyright lawyers are not composed entirely of "snot". Any statements to the contrary (including emails and anonymous missives tied to bricks) should be construed as merely opinion.
  1. ↑ This is a lie.

Upcoming PLS

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

So, even if it has felt like a long past couple of weeks, bring your spirits up! We can help, because there is the PLS coming up soon. So yeah, I know this is short. But it's longer than you. HA! HA! HA!

No, but seriously. Consider doing the Poo Lit Surprise or ELSE.

Ask Zombiebaron

Dear Zombiebaron, how do I get girls to have sex with me? (asked by Colin "All your base" Heaney)
Very carefully.
Dear Zombiebaron, how would you describe the live-action Avatar: The Last Airbender movie 5 words or less? (asked by Sir Peasewhizz)
I have never seen that.
Zombiebaron, do you sell propane and propane accessories? (asked by TheKoromoAmae)
No.
Do you believe in demons? (asked by Lyrithya)
I believe that we can neither prove nor disprove conclusively the existence of demons. It seems likely, however, that demons are merely characters invented by the human mind as a personification of our own evil desires and impulses, as a story to scare children, and as a sexual fantasy for octogenarians.
I'm sick of you! I'm gonna get you, Zombiebaron. I'm gonna get you! How do you like those particular apples? (asked by Roman Dog Bird)
You still owe me $20 and I told you last time that half an apple is not real money.
Check out these pages!

In the UnNews!

From our logs:

  • 21:13, February 25, 2013 Legoktm (Talk | contribs) blocked Miwa (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Just stop.)
  • 11:13, February 24, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Neo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (You are dumb)
  • 05:36, February 24, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 186.5.116.114 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (u have aids)
  • 20:27, February 21, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) resurrected Kelton2 (Talk | contribs) (Repented for his sins. Is also getting me hot.)

Biopic of the Week: Strainj1
The Biopic of the Week is usually written by a USP correspondent, but the interview with this week's subject yielded a paragraph so excellent that we couldn't possibly do better. Although we could certainly do worse. Strainj1 is one of our "newer" users (we think, although he has probably been here since 2009—we can't be bothered to check). In his own words:


Chinese character extreme.svg

Confucius Say

  • Unborn twins are womb-mates
  • Installing fan can be a breeze
  • Heck is where those go who don't believe in Gosh.
  • Couple who sleep in water bed start to drift apart.
  • When man go to court, he put his fate into hands of people not smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Featured Article of the Week

Charlie Brown

Newsroom Random Article of the Week

Proof

IRC Quote of the Week

<SirPeasewhizz> I have gay ass lice
UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 03:53, 28 February 2013 (UTC)

Award archiving.[edit | edit source]

Uh, you're sort of doing it wrong. Only WotM, UotM and NotM go on the archive page you've been using, the rest have their own pages. And also you didn't add this month's winners to the lists of winners on the various award pages. -RAHB 04:14, 1 March 2013 (UTC)

And you also didn't put the awards on the users' pages and remove the nomination templates. -RAHB 06:20, 1 March 2013 (UTC)
sorry. And some awards did not have any winners cuz they need a score of 5  SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 12:27 3.01.13
Does this mean I lost? -- Thankful Kippy Cornucopia clipart.png Share blessings Cornucopia clipart.png Bountiful harvest Cornucopia clipart.png 12:31, Mar. 1, 2013
ya but i will nominate you again  SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 12:34 3.01.13
No, that's okay. If anything, I would want to be nominated this month so Multiliteralist can be nominated next month for all the work he will do this month. -- Thankful Kippy Cornucopia clipart.png Share blessings Cornucopia clipart.png Bountiful harvest Cornucopia clipart.png 12:40, Mar. 1, 2013
Now write an appology on the talkpage of every single user and don't do it again! --ShabiDOO 13:44, 1 March 2013 (UTC)
And the principal will be notified of this, young man! -RAHB 14:07, 1 March 2013 (UTC)
Jeez louis. GET OFF MY BACK XD  SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 20:30 3.01.13

Hi............[edit | edit source]

I want to write an article with you. When you're not busy. Is that OK w/ you? — Capitalis quadrata Y.SVG (talk) (contributions) 22:44, 1 March 2013 (UTC)

Yeah sure, after I'm done with my collab with Puppy. Which I don't know how long will take. Probably sometime in March.  SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 23:35 3.01.13

Mr. Person[edit | edit source]

You may have noticed that TKF wrote his own eulogy. Being a good writer and a confident and direct person, his tone gives his words a much greater authority than any one person's really has (it's easy to believe that what he says is the total truth as it comes out that way). You'll notice however he left out some of the best writers on this site, some of the best administrators and do gooders and critiqued a few users and said nothing about the godawful ones. First of all, I don't find you hyperactive. You are super enthusiastic and bring desparately needed energy and vitality to the site and make lots of suggestions, do maintenence and are a funny presence. While I agree you should write more, in no way should you give up anything you like doing or become serious and grumpy. Second, I agree that you aren't ready...in the sense that your articles wont win every time they go through VFH, but that's the same for most writers even him. While I agree that self nominating often isn't the best plan, worrying about what one person thinks about your writing isn't so great either. I'd recommend pee reviewing other peoples articles, at least for me, that has helped me grow as a writer more than anything else. If you want someone to do a review on your work, nom for pee review but also ask me any time, Aleister, Mattsnow and Socky have all helped me in the past. Nonamesleft is usually quite open to helping and Lyrithya gives great advice whenever she has the time and mood to do so. TKF has some good pieces of advice on (humour theory and I read stuff like that sometimes). In any case, TKF wouldn't have bothered mentioning you if he didn't think you had good potential, I simply want you to know that I think you shouldn't hold back at all writing nor nominating anything nor from doing maintenence nor in being a great presence on the site. Okay bitch? Now write this whole paragraph down on a roll of toilet paper, jam it in your mouth and swallow it all! --ShabiDOO 19:10, 3 March 2013 (UTC)

Haha. Well, yeah of course I saw it. Yes, I understand everything. Actually, I am hyperactive IRL. However, I'm not gonna stop being somebody here, even though I'd get more bitches if I did. (lol) But, in fact, I actually do have a few Pee Review requests up there now w/ the fact I have pee reviewed myself. Which was pretty recent. And thanks, we are the next generation of Uncyclopedia, kinda idk... yes. Yes because it helps set the mood. And thanks for igniting a conversation, because I was too lazy earlier to ask you to write about the HMC in the USP press room, for this week's edition of the USP. ^.^ I'm entering the HMC... shhhh  SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 19:50 3.03.13


Writing a lot is cool. I think the issue here is the noms. You have ELEVEN noms up at the moment. There are only 20 in total. I realise some users have encouraged you to nom so the site doesn't seem dead, and I know you don't just self-nom, but I will ask you three things:

  • What would be a cooler VfH, a page with 20 hit and miss articles, or one with the best 10 articles people have found recently?
  • If you have to beg people to vote for articles and it finally gets 10 votes, does that make getting featured meaningful?
  • If Uncyclopedia meant simply writing - no awards, no hall of shame, no possibility of being admin - would you stay?

These questions aren't meant to be horrible. I hope they will make you think about the criticism you receive. You give the impression of being a glory-seeker. You wrote on SPIKE´s talk page on the other site that you were nomming articles there because you were begging to be banned, but to be honest, that behaviour seems to be a constant. How about a challenge - don't nominate anything for seven days, and don't EVER nominate phone sex. Wait to see if someone else noms it. That would be a compliment. --Leverage (talk) 15:33, 4 March 2013 (UTC)

--Leverage (talk) 15:33, 4 March 2013 (UTC)

Challenge accepted. But one thing, some of my noms recently have been probably my best works but lack deciscive votes, like Ancient Aliens, cao cao and friends w benefits  SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 20:41 3.04.13

Ray William Johnson[edit | edit source]

Here's a copy of the previous version if you think you can salage anything from it. MadMax (talk) 22:48, 4 March 2013 (UTC)

That's actually pretty funny, when you left your comment I was in the middle of changing it from Encyclopedic narration to style-of-Ray William Johnson. Thanks anyways! I'll still look for stuff in it, just for ideas.  SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 22:54 3.04.13

Sure thing. I hope it helps. MadMax (talk) 00:22, 5 March 2013 (UTC)

I thought I heard the Imperial March. USP time, everybody![edit | edit source]

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

March 7th, 2013 • Issue 189 • You may now start the sad music.

TKF has taken his leave

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York
This is the great TKF.

If you haven't heard the sad, sad news; TKF (formerly Thekillerfroggy) has announced his departure from Uncyclopedia as an Uncyclopedian, Admin, Bureaucrat, Legend, and Hero in the afternoon of March 2nd. With it, his reason; not enough writers who enjoy it for the fun and enjoy others work as well as he doesn't want to write anymore nor does he need to. He feels this has taken him from a shitty high-school writer to something he had gained confidence in.

Of course, he wishes us good luck and knows we'll boom with excellence in the future.

He would like to thank MadMax, Zombiebaron, The Thinker, Ljlego, So So, Dr. Skullthumper, Mhaille, The Woodburninator, TheLedBalloon, Cajek, Procopius, Mordillo, One Eyed Jack, Heerenveen, Bonner, Hyperbole, THEDUDEMAN, and Modusoperandi. He states Uncyclopedia and his own writing wouldn't have existed if it weren't for these users.

He also has to admit his respect for Lyrithya, Frosty, Bizzeebeever, and Xamralco for leading the new guard.

He wishes for Leverage to continue writing because he's good at it. He states "Humbucker, we barely knew ye."

He left this for Sir Peasewhizz:

"Peasewhizz, sorry man, you've got the energy and passion but you've got a long way to go to develop your talent and rein in your hyperactive aspects. You do remind me of myself from 2006, which is to say you've got a little bit of something goin on here but it needs to be toned down a LOT. Writing-wise, you need an editor. You would benefit the most from pee review coming back. Which gives me an idea: how about instead of Pee Review, we just have writing partners or something? I dunno. But back to the point: focus less on all of the bullshit "community" stuff, stop nominating your own articles, and go back and edit all of your older things. Become embarrassed by what you wrote 3 months ago, I still do with my own articles. Read them out loud. Get better before you get bigger."
This is also his heart.

He also states he will NEVER FINISH 18TH CENTURY BIIIIIIIIITCH!

But Frosty thinks he will return, as he states (and believes) "Once an Uncyclopedian, always Uncyclopedian".

February 2013 Award Winners... also, YOU'RE DICKS!

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

As a wise man once said, (yesterday) "Whatintheworldofgaysex?! It's already March?" To answer that question, well, yes. You see, FEBRUARY 2013 HAS DIED. So... I guess we shall show you all the award winners of the month of February this year.

We only had two categories with cheaters winners this month. What are these ones, well goddamn it let me finish! They were Uncyclopedian of the Month and n00b of the Moment.

Want a plate? It is a trophy, made out of pure plate. You can eat cookies on it.

The noob of February 2013 was none other than Hoof Hearted. With a score of 5 obtained, this user has passed the ultimate liftout course and went on to claiming this sexy title. Still up there, ready to take March by the balls, is ProfessorScience. Hoof Hearted, however, has left ProfessorScience a strong against vote stating that the humor ProfessorScience gives out was hard to find funny. Sorry, but THAT WAS MEAN. I mean, such n00Bz voted against more than once in this month's Noob of the Moment contest.

And guess who was the UOTM? DUH! None other than MadMax, whom we all knew would win. However, we boggled and offended that this guy only won once before claiming this month's UOTM title. Wow. Not cool, bros. But hey, does his 2007 Uncyclopedian of the Year title override this? Well, fuck, now I'm trying to figure that out. Thanks for putting my head into a crisis-like state. I love you for this.

Ask Zombiebaron

Why does How It's Made give me a boner? (asked by RAHB)
I think the real question is how could the perfect combination of Lynne Adams's terrible monotone narration and the shine of mechanically precise cold polished steel not give you a boner. How It's Made is basically porn.
How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man? (asked by Colin "All your base" Heaney)
If he's already a man why should he care what I call him.
hOW COME WE NEVER SE EZOMBIES POOP IN ZMOBIE MOVIES?!?!!1 THEY EAT STUF FALL THE TIME BUT WE NEVER SEE THEM POOP! (asked by Bizzeebeever)
Because movies aren't real life.
Dear Mr. Z, does life start at conception, or when the child takes its first walkabout? (asked by Aleister)
In the fourth dimension life has no beginning and no end.
Why won't my porn download? (asked by WeinribŽivojinović)
Just stream it.
Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!
Check out these pages!

From our logs:

  • 20:45, March 4, 2013 Legoktm (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 115.25.216.6 (Talk | contribs) to an expiry time 2 years (You are editing on a gay proxy. As such you are banned, sucks don't it? Spam, eh? More like WHAM, amirite?)
  • 20:04, February 28, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) resurrected Mike the Great (Talk | contribs) (lol naw I suck cocks)
  • 20:03, February 28, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Mike the Great (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Needs to be unblocked as part of the test. I still don't see any malted milk balls.)
  • 19:49, February 28, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Mike the Great (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 minutes ‎ (Is conducting some sort of test. Personally, I hope it involves malted milk bals.)
  • 00:30, February 27, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.59.28.95 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Block, just a block: Hello and bye (don't come back pls))

IRC Log
<derpyy> I'LL CUM TOO MUCH AND DIE!
<UncycBot> <derpyy> I am very happy for you.
<derpyy> This damn pussy of yours is also just a pussy! <UncycBot> <derpyy> Oh now I see.
<derpyy> FULL THROTTLE EROTICA!
<UncycBot> <derpyy> That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about dicks car.
<Frostee> derpyy is gay like UncycBot
<UncycBot> <Frostee> I think derpyy is a lot of things.
<derpyy> My vagina hungers!
<UncycBot> <derpyy> Where did you get your vagina hungers?
<derpyy> THE LIPS OF MY WOMB ARE CONGESTED WITH BLOOD AND SUCKLING ON THE TIP OF HIS DICK LIKE A BABY BEING PAMPERED! <3

Biopic: In Their Own Words
This week, we are debuting the UnSignpost's "Biopic: In Their Own Words", which is to say, we are so incredibly lazy that we can't even make up our own bullshit anymore. In fact, we are so lazy that we debuted this feature several weeks ago, but were too lazy to announce it until now.

This week, we are profiling lazy IRC lurker and occasional editor Colin "All your base" Heaney:

So There You Have It! Colin is a terrific guy who enjoys urban music, weed, and timeless Internet memes. (For future reference, Colin, we're in ur base, killin all ur doods.)

Confucius say

Chinese character extreme.svg
  • Business can mean bad or good. When it is none of your business it cannot be either
  • AIDS do not help body
  • First crush feel heavy, second crush feel heavier
  • Math class is full of drama. There are so many problems to work out
  • A group called Balloons sings pop music

Random Article of the Week

This week, we shall have five random articles BECAUSE WE CAN! Mmhhhmm. Son.
Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives
Look, It's Art
Jean Chrétien
Karl Marx
Battle of Italy
UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 20:36, 7 March 2013 (UTC)

You asked[edit | edit source]

*sniff* *sniff* I smell mutton roasting. Wait. THAT'S ME! AAAAAAAAA! ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.png ~ Wed, Mar 13 '13 23:51 (UTC)
Oh hot damn! Literally! <3  SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 00:37 3.14.13

Can I have some salad with my UnSignpost?[edit | edit source]

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH

March 14th, 2013 • Issue 190 • It's a "sa-lad".

Salad.

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

SALAD

I like salad, you like salad, we all like salad.


No, seriously. Salad.

By RAHB

Yes, salad. It has come to my attention that Uncyclopedians are simply not consuming enough of it. Ladies and gentlemen, we here at the Unsignpost implore of you, we beg you, to eat more salad. Why should you eat more salad? Well you only need to look at the facts to find the answer:

  • Salad is delicious when garnished with a honey-baked ham.
  • Salad is the number one cause of anti-cancer in America, having been documented in over six million cases.
  • Salad is an excellent nutritional source of salad.
  • Salad fought in World War II so you didn't have to.
  • Salad invented Uncyclopedia.

But clearly, this is not all that salad is capable of. Clearly a great cosmic injustice is being done by not mentioning salad's tremendous influence on the Russian space program, 80% of whose members consume salad on a regular basis, some more than once a day. But that's not all. Several tremendously influential figures in scientific history, including Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawking, Carl Sagan, and Billy Mays, have admitted to having consumed salad at least once in their lifetime, sometimes even while doing important scientific things! Sexy sweet Mary, it's true!

This is not a picture of salad.

In fact, most major celebrities (the attractive ones, you know) are regular salad masticators. Lady Gaga, for example, may be best known for wearing a meat suit, but she is also well-known for eating salad. If by "well-known", you mean "she does it and nobody makes much of a fuss." Same goes for the salad eating.

Salad is known to have cured countless diseases, voted tremendously in favor of liberal politics, saved at least three dolphin from inconveniently placed tar deposits, fixed a plethora of flat tires on the side of United States interstate highways, eliminated the existence of internet memes, punched Adolf Hitler in the face, gone toe-to-toe with John Wayne in a cage match, and given a lustrous sheen to the coats of some of the world's prettiest felines.

In conclusion, salad is a super kool dood, and you should all totally eat him. With dressing if you prefer. Or with croutons, tomatoes, cabbage, olives, pickles, black pepper, onions, imitation crab meat, bacon bits, hard-boiled egg slices, ham, salt, vinegar, jalapenos, bell peppers, sweet peppers, pickle relish, anaheim peppers, bhut jolokia peppers, serrano peppers, crumbled cheese, raisins, avocado, apple slices, blueberries, cottage cheese, shrimp, basil, melon slices, meatballs, turkey gravy, chicken gravy, beef gravy, bacon grease, grease gravy, gravy grease, Bavarian cream, chocolate ice cream, M&Ms, a t-bone steak, bicycle spokes, flapjacks, fried eel, a pair of half-torn tennis shoes, matches, poisonous jellyfish, mushrooms, pimento, a piston engine, a choir boy, whale bones, grocery store food samples, grocery store samples stolen out of the freezer section, grocery store employees, psychedelic pop records, dinosaur fossils, ancient manuscripts, sweet potatoes, Iranian snails, Ukrainian birds, Welsh humans, beets, Saturday morning cartoons, elves, cayenne pepper, salt, mangoes, studio musicians, grapes, whiskey, grated cheese, sliced cheese, a cow, Hormel chili, the tiny oval tomatoes that always roll off the plate or launch away when you try to fork them, potatoes, all of Uncyclopedia, a British nanny, or lettuce. But nothing else.

Ask Zombiebaron

Is salad a heavy metal? (asked by RAHB)
Salad is the heavy metal. All other heavy metals are ranked on the hS (How Salad) scale.
Salad salad salad, salad, Salad salad salad salad. Salad salad (salad salad, salad) salad! Salad: salad? (salad salad Salad)
Salad!
If you had to fuck one salad which salad would you fuck and why? (asked by Zombiebaron)
I would fuck the caesar salad at the all-you-can-eat buffet near my parent's house. Best salad I have ever eaten.
My wife wants to toss my salad but I am afraid of lettuce. What should we do? (asked by Zombiebaron)
Sometimes when I make a salad I use pickles instead of lettuce.
If you could give one piece of advice to a young amateur trying to break into the world of professional salad craftsmanship, what would that be? (asked by Zombiebaron)
Salads come in all shapes and forms. Be original, make a salad that represents you.
Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will salad them!
Check out these pages!

From our logs:

  • 00:40, March 9, 2013 Legoktm (Talk | contribs) blocked Lego-KLM (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Unacceptable username: Spelled incorrectly.)
  • 22:52, March 8, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Pablo Manitoba (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Please donate to Uncyclopedia!)
  • 07:31, March 8, 2013 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 112.111.160.35 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (piss off)

Yes, folks! Mordillo's back! ZOMG!

IRC Log Of The Century
<ghostninja> my eyes then gaze upon Olipro's dual-genitalia
<ghostninja> i quickly get wet again
<Hotadmin4u69> understandable

A picture of someone who we assume greatly resembles Multiliteralist.

Biopic: In Their Own Words
Multiliteralist here looks like spongy potluck in potluck in the field in homo? Are you wonder how tomatoes ghost it up? AHEM He has also worked tirelessly toward reviving both UnNews and the art of surrealism since his recent return to Uncyclopedia, which makes us just positively horny inside. Just think of all the olives! We interviewed the legendary taxidermist this week in order to find out what makes him tick.[1] He had the following to say:

I'm a rugged Caucasian male from the Caucasus mountains. Everyone secretly wants to get laid by me. My personal philosophy is this is OK. My purpose at Uncyclopedia is to leave and come back again after a cooling-off period, again and again. Crimean war fucking sucked.

This is particularly enlightening in the case of AHEM the modern anti-vice table in front of abortions yet closing remarks about remarks are they became:

Closing remarks are for pussies.

Fleasy. Get a pies.

  1. ↑ As it turns out, the source happened to be a small wall clock that inexplicably follows him around, hovering in the air, everywhere he goes. Scientists are debating what this means to the future of space travel.

Confucius derpyy say

Chinese character extreme.svg
  • Confucius say that would say hello FreeDOS could
  • Confucius say about Jesus I sure say Nascar
  • Confucius say blacks say "let's Save me"
  • Confucius say me. big say that other internet
  • Confucius say it as well yeah say about Area on
  • Confucius say say about
  • Confucius say that could simply say taht has a
  • Confucius say about the whole say whos all of the

Random Article of the Week

Salad

Feature of the Week

BladeRunnerway Bride
UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 11:45, 14 March 2013 (UTC)

The Article Whisperer[edit | edit source]

I use a basic checklist for the contest if you'd like to run it this year. If activity on the site picks up, I'd like to hold two TAW events (with one based on this idea) in either 2013 or 2014. MadMax (talk) 16:45, 15 March 2013 (UTC)

Yes, yes. Please co-host it with me! We have a lot of months until it is held, so if you could help me set things up throughout that time where I'm holding it, that'd be wonderful! You can do anything, since it is basically your own competition idea!  SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 20:03 3.15.13

Reasonable doubt...[edit | edit source]

...is pretty OK. Improve it a bit whenever you can and I'll link to it more often; already did once. Improve it a lot and it'll be very good indeed. I wouldn't make it much longer, though; but that's just me. I think the jokes are there already. Maybe the language could be worked a bit, but I go for nonsense myself so I don't mind much. A pointer: if you want to lose the reader, lose them properly so that they have no idea where you're going. Most don't like that but if you do, fuck them. -- Style Oranssiviiva.jpg Guide 20:09, 17 March 2013 (UTC)

Okay, will do sometime soon :)  SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 20:11 3.17.13

For you[edit | edit source]

MShippo37915.jpg Jolly Good Show!

MrN9000 could not help but notice that you have been doing some spiffingly good deeds of late.
As such, you have been awarded this rather nice boxy type thing by way of recognition.
Congratulations.
MrN MrN9000SouthParksmall.jpg 23:09. Mar 17. 2013
Thanks!  SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 23:21 3.17.13

Test[edit | edit source]

Sig tests are gay!  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 03:05 3.18.13

NO U! — Capitalis quadrata Y.SVG (talk) (contributions) 22:18:08 2013/03/20 UTC

BTW[edit | edit source]

I am still planning to look at gunpowder for you as soon as I can. Sorry for taking so long. Real life is getting in the way. The Woodburninator Wood burning.gif Minimal Effort ™ 04:58, 18 March 2013 (UTC)

That's fine! Thanks!  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 12:06 3.18.13

At the risk of sounding too helpful[edit | edit source]

Mate, your writing is really good and I like your ideas. So in case you might wonder why I don't vote for more of your Noms that's because they seem to be rushed rather than being polishing. There used to be a thing here called Pee Review that was required to get a Nom, but now VFH seems to be the new Pee Review. When I start reading your articles I'm eager to vote FOR, and I always find funny ideas, but then they seems to be unfinished. Getting them critiqued on VFH is like tempering iron by fire, but it also gives a hard to live down rep for unfinished Noms. Take your time and really finish them off first. Go for quality rather than quantity. Please don't take this as advice. Its just my sad excuse for not voting more. Keep up the good work and just raise the QC a tad. Cheers!--Funnybony Icons-flag-th.png Agnideva-small.jpg AGT-logo-small.jpg 17:46, Mar 18

^ This dude knows what he is talking about...^ I totally agree. I see the "spark" of brilliance in many of Sir Peasewhizz's articles, but many of them also do look rushed. Also, we still have Pee Review, it's just not a requirement for VFH noms currently like it used to be. ....and by the sounds of it you would be great at giving advice and reviewing articles yourself! I have found that my own writing improved a lot by attempting to review others. :) MrN MrN9000SouthParksmall.jpg 19:21. Mar 18. 2013
I know what you mean. I've heard this lots before :-) but, one problem that'll always travel with me is that I get bored. Unless there is that one writing that really gets me, it'll be a classic I tell ya! But yeah, please understand my laziness is where my downfall starts. Hence why I refuse to start an article in the mainspace and will only start it in my own userspace. Thanks for the "helpfulness".  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 19:56 3.18.13
Also, I think your sig is too fat! It's meant to only be 15px or something, as it buggers up the formatting on the page if it's bigger. MrN MrN9000SouthParksmall.jpg 20:10. Mar 18. 2013
Er, I can't find the reason it's too fat in the coding! Help?  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 20:17 3.18.13
It could be the <big> tags. — Capitalis quadrata Y.SVG (talk) (contributions) 05:23:02 2013/03/19 UTC
And instead of big put <span style="font-size:15px">sig etc</span>. — Capitalis quadrata Y.SVG (talk) (contributions) 05:24:21 2013/03/19 UTC
Already fixed it up, but thanks anyway  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 11:31 3.19.13

Unsignpost[edit | edit source]

Saw this on my talk page. Were you trying to deliver an Unsignpost? -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 18:04, 19 March 2013 (UTC)

Er, no that template puts the page its on the USP delivery list, so I moved it upwards so you don't archive it and get USP deliveries every time in your archives >.<  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 19:19 3.19.13

Happy Monkey Topic[edit | edit source]

Happymonnkey2013.png
Your topic for the contest is Ding dong ditching houses . You have 36 hours to write the article (until Friday 03.00 UTC/Thursday 9pm EST). If you want to make it unbook, unreview etc. you can very slightly alter the title. Remember the judging is on creativity and originality more than anything else. Have fun. In the mean time Happy Monkey is leaving various surprises all over your house. --ShabiDOO 14:52, 20 March 2013 (UTC)

People like the UnSignpost because it’s hot! It has the best graphics and everything. Marcus, USP! Step yo’ game up![edit | edit source]

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Word to your mother.

March 21st, 2013 • Issue 191 • Marcus. USP. Step yo' game up!

More cabal

By Y
CabalDoesn'tExist.png

If you haven't heard, the "lovely" and "beautiful" Jew / Cabal runner named Mordillo, who left in 2011, has decided to return. It's not official yet, he's just made a couple of edits, but WHO GIVES A DAMN. Let's just say he's back. We will now have our (nonexistent) cabal back with our favourite Jewish Uncyclopedian, kakun Mordillo. Let's give him a big round of applause. And remember kids, there is no cabal.

Bringing back the Old School FA

By Sir Peasewhizz
This is a picture. My little brother did it. He hates you. With love.

Yes, we're doing it. We're doing it. We're doing it, if you know what we mean. And not only is it great that we're bringing it back since the 99th issue of the UnSignpost (8 issues from 100th anniversary of the section departure), but it makes it extra special that it's Why?:Your cat died making it on the big screen for its return! This, we swear, was not an incident of Sir Peasewhizz[1] taking advantage of his abilities during the construction of the USP this week. And we're totally not promoting propaganda. Sillies.

One of the ten (to make your chances of guessing correctly less) following articles will be the Old School FA of the Week in next week's issue, can you guess it? Probably not, but we'll let you take a crack at it anyway: Commercial, A Man Getting Hit in the Crotch 800 Times, Sideboob, Kwanzaa, Romance of the Three Kingdoms, Riddle, Fox News, Red Lobster, Stratego, or Snow angels. You have a 1/10 chance to get this correct. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Peace <3.

  1. ↑ Wow, self-reference much?

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

By Y

If you haven't already heard (which you probably have), RAHB started a vote to give bureaucrat rights to MadMax, the awesome admin. In a 14–0 vote, Dawg gave him the rights on the 16th. Now, this obviously raised the age old question - what is MadMax's use of this user right?

Ask Zombiebaron

I've got $12 and I'm looking to party (asked by Colin "All your base" Heaney)
At the LCBO they sell a 12oz bottle ("mickey") of this stuff called Alpenbitter for $19.55. It is 40% and tastes like strange candy.
Is Zombiebaron related to Che Guevara? (asked by Joe9320)
I am over 300 years old. So, uh, no I am not related to Che Guevara. But if I was it would totally look exactly like this classic featured image.
Zombie, you being an internet celebrity and all; have you ever given an autograph to anyone's boobs? (asked by Cat the Colourful)
Not yet. It is definitely a goal of mine though.
Zombiebaron, how old were you when you first molested your priest? (asked by Hotadmin4u69)
Old enough.
Ooo, baby, won't ya give me your love tonight? (asked by RAHB)
Yeah man! If by "love" you mean "make dick jokes on IRC", and by "tonight" you mean "every night".
Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!
NEXT WEEK! A SPECIAL BONER EDITION!


Confucius say

Chinese character extreme.svg
  • Good to meet girl at park, but better to park meat in girl
  • Couple who engage in battle have a "war"nderful wed-dying
  • Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time
  • Man who raises angry chickens eats raging cock for dinner
  • Man who have sex in psych ward... fucking crazy!
  • Man who go to Vatican to visit pope... Vatican't
Check out these pages!

From our logs:

  • 13:33, March 14, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) (ERROR: USER IS TOO SEXY TO BE BANNED)
  • 13:31, March 14, 2013 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (I'm not a noob, I'm simply not Zombiebaron. *Hail! Hail*)
  • 06:33, March 14, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 193.44.1.86 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Wankstain)
  • 01:47, March 14, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.200.243.166 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (fuck off and dont ever return ty)
  • 21:55, March 13, 2013 Legoktm (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiemoron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Not being Zombiebaron)

IRC Log Of The Week
<Kippy> You know chaos theory and/or the Butterfly Effect? What if it could cause ripples through the spacetime continuum? Like, say, I farted while peeing and retroactively caused the Holocaust.
<Strainj1> hahaha
<Strainj1> it probably did
<Kippy> :O
<Kippy> A sandwich caused one of the World Wars, so I'm not ruling it out.
<Strainj1> probably a pastrami and cucumber sandwich
<Strainj1> they're evil

Biopic: In Their Own Words

SKIZZERZ IN ACTION.

Skizzerz takes the seat in the the one and only Biopic of the Week, only available on demand! Well, before we start, you need to know that Skizzerz's natural habitat is on the IRC and lurks within the darkness! So, that'll be a reason you don't know who he is if you are stupid and are one of those who don't! Here's what Skizzerz had to tell the press:

Uh, well I'm a college student who likes computers, wikis, video games, and girls. Over the years I've been mostly hanging out on Uncyc's IRC chan and not really editing much (read: I only edit when Zombiebaron tells me to). My favorite article is probably the one where it tells you not to click any links, and my favorite year would probably be 2013 because we (finally) left Wikia.

And this was his closing remark:

Don't expect me to be any more active because of this, I have the title of "resident lurker" to uphold after all! :P

And there you have it! Skizzerz!

Old School Featured Article of the Week
Why?:Your cat died
Originally featured on 13 December 2012
Cat-and-dog.jpg
Rick, this is a bad time. A very, very, very bad time. I'm so sorry. But, hey! Listen. You can't be mad at me. You shan't be mad at me! Even though you hired me to babysit your cat, it was not my fault! Now the reason why Mr. Snickermuffins died is not one that could be easily taken for truth. But, in this case, it was what happened. I swear! What are you doing Rick? Stop searching for evidence and knifes! DAMMIT RICK! RICK! I can explain! Just stop panicking, Rick! God dammit! Rick. Listen. (Full article...)

Random Article of the Week

Elizabeth Weir

Feature of the Week

Nillion
UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 02:28, 21 March 2013 (UTC)

yes hello[edit | edit source]

Could you help me making a bot? I have User:μ registered. I also have the pywikipediabot downloaded, except all the guides are confusing. Can you help (sometime) please? — Capitalis quadrata Y.SVG (talk) (contributions) 18:02:58 2013/03/21 UTC

Do you have the Uncyclopedia family and cygwin terminal?  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 19:25 3.21.13
Huh? — Capitalis quadrata Y.SVG (talk) (contributions) 19:46:13 2013/03/21 UTC
Hmm we will need to talk on IRC sometime  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 20:05 3.21.13
I'm on IRC right now. You can get on whenever you're ready. — Capitalis quadrata Y.SVG (talk) (contributions) 20:24:27 2013/03/21 UTC
Grr. It was a *joke* kick. Get back in #uncyclopedia. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.png ~ Fri, Mar 22 '13 0:24 (UTC)

About that collaboration[edit | edit source]

I'll be on IRC for about an hour more today. Get there if you want to talk about it. -- Style Oranssiviiva.jpg Guide 20:20, 24 March 2013 (UTC)

I can't I'm getting ready for baseball.  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 20:23 3.24.13
This can wait don't worry. -- Style Oranssiviiva.jpg Guide 21:04, 24 March 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost’s BONER TIME![edit | edit source]

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

I love it when the news comes together

March 28th, 2013 • Issue 192 • The USP that'll make good penis jokes!

News From Under The Cabal's Desk

By Hotadmin4u69

UnNews has its own Facebook page now and the podcast that Zimulator used to run has been relaunched here. We already have 45 subscribers!

Happy Monkey Competition 2013

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York
HMC 2013 for the win!

On March 20th, we started the 2013 Happy Monkey Competition/Happy Monkey Competition 2013 and had 13 users sign up to participate in the competing bit. The 13 competitors were Aleister, Puppy, Acmed2, Zombiebaron, Kelton2, Leverage, Sir Peasewhizz, Scofield, RAHB, Cat the Colourful, Madclaw, IFYMB!, and MrN9000. Leverage, Kelton2, Madclaw, and Puppy never wrote anything. Maybe they were sleeping? Do people do that for 36 hours straight? I believe so.

People scoring 70 out of 100 points (passing GPA :D) were Aleister (with Second conquest of the moon as her topic), Sir Peasewhizz (with Ding dong ditching houses as his topic, but later changed it to an UnBooks), IFYMB! (with his UnReview of the Crimean War) and Zombiebaron with his book about meeting his enemy on that one day. He scored 97 out of 100 points, which is quite considerably erotic.

So, for once, we ask you! What did you think? Did you love it? Did you love the HMC this year? You better have, or we'd be sad.

Thanks
Shabidoo,
Multiliteralist,
Y,
Sarah Baldewijns
(judges)

And kudos to Shabidoo for hosting the 2013 Happy Monkey Competition, and his friend Sarah Baldewijns for judging assistance!

Did you hear MY CHEM BROKE UP I'M SAD NOWWW

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

IT WAS MY FAVORITE BAND AHHW WYAYYWHEYH WHYYYYYYYYY GODD?!! WHY?! I'm just gonna kill my-!

Blood Spatter.jpg

Ask Zombiebaron - BONER EDITION

Why does porn give me a PurpleDickVote.svg boner? (asked by RAHB)
Porn tricks your penis into thinking that it is time for sex.
Why does porn give RAHB a boner? (asked by Cat the Colourful)
Because he lies to his penis.
Yeah, why does porn give RAHB a boner? (asked by Multiliteralist
Because he lies to his penis.
Do brains give you a boner? (asked by RAHB)
"Brains" has multiple meanings. Yes to all of them.
Why does ANTHROPOMORPHIC COCKSUCKER ask so many irritatingly sexual questions? (asked by Moose)
Because they are funny.
Why haven't you answered that RAHB/boner question yet? (asked by Multiliteralist)
I was waiting to answer all the boner questions in one huge omnibus edition.
Why is Moose so frustratingly sexually frustrated? (asked by Colin "All your base" Heaney)
He doesn't dip his nutsack in whiskey on an hourly basis like the rest of us.
Why do irritatingly sexual questions and frustration give me boners? Yes, more than one. (asked by RAHB)
Because you have evolved into a higher realm of sexuality.
What's my problem with women? (asked by Matthlock)
They can smell your hymn.
Yeah, why can't Mattlock get a boner? (asked by RAHB)
He needs to dip his nutsack in whiskey more often.
Why didn't you answer that one yet? It's the most relevant of the bunch so far. (asked by Multiliteralist)
ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?
Does anybody else find it ironic that question number 69 is about my boners? (asked by Matthlock)
No.
Does anybody else find it erotic that question number 69 is about Matthlock's boners? (asked by RAHB)
I heard that Frosty jerked off to it several times.
Why can't RAHB quit going on about Matthlock's boners? (asked by Multiliteralist)
RAHB likes boner.
Why this forum turned into a 'Ask Zombiebaron questions about other's questions'? And why am I asking this? (asked by Cat the Colourful)
Because all of you are too lazy to actually come up with something original.
Or am I just a time paradox? (asked by Cat the Colourful)
Nope, everyone is lazy.
If Cat is a time paradox, does he still get boners? (asked by RAHB)
Yes.
There really are a lot of boner-related questions. What is a boner? (asked by Moose)
A hard penis.
And how do I get one? (asked by Moose)
Very carefully.
Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!'
Check out these pages!

From our DICK logs:

  • 14:59, March 27, 2013 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 178.141.80.239 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (DAAS FYHJG SDF F GGF GGGSDSA)
  • 06:45, March 27, 2013 Legoktm (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 5.254.133.90 (Talk | contribs) to an expiry time 6 months (I do not like green eggs and spam.)
  • 06:45, March 27, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 5.254.133.90 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I do not like green eggs and spam.)
  • 21:33, March 24, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Shemap Wolvan (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 years ‎ (THANKS FOR THE VALUABLE CONTRIBUTIONS!)
  • 21:38, March 23, 2013 Hotadmin4u69 (Talk | contribs) resurrected Zana Dark (Talk | contribs) (Been a year but let's see if she will even return.)
  • 17:19, March 22, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 151.230.196.240 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Test drive getting banned)

IRC Log Of The Week
<SirPeasewhizz> lol
<derpyy> lol HOLOCAUST denial is gay
<Kippy> BEAKING NEWS: THE SITE IS BACK UP
<Hotadmin4u69> HOMOSEXUALITY

Biopic: In Their Own Words

THIS IS HOW CRAZY RAFAEL REALLY IS! CRAAAAAAAAZZYYY!!

In this issue on this given week, we interview the very crazy one: Very Crazy Rafael! This man is commonly more seen lurking around IRC and hasn't made his user page yet. So red links are his thing. But this is what this CRAZY Rafael had to say to the press:

I found the Wiki on July 17, 2008. I am Brazilian, so I'm user of the Portuguese version: "Desciclopédia." My first article was about Jerusalem, translated from the English version. My best article is about the game: Grand Theft Auto IV. I'm male, I'm 18. I am practicing law.

And this was his closing remark:

The project wiki has a great potential, you just realize that it affects your life, when you edit daily.

And there you have it! The very crazy; Very Crazy Rafael!

Old School Featured Article of the Week
Sideboob
Originally featured on 9 April 2010
Zeta.jpg
Sideboob comes into play when a fashionable upper-class woman wants you to lust after her breasts, but can still live with herself in polite society. Sideboob, which is a peek-a-boo look at the side of either one or both breasts, aesthetically enhances any situation in which it appears. In fact, in our virtual/material/antropological world, good Sideboob is usually so attention-grabbing that all of the other objects of attraction in the vicinity can only brood silently, start the toe tapping thing, get into the arms crossed pose, and then storm out. That is the power of Sideboob. (Full article...)

Random Article of the Week

13 year old intelligence

Feature of the Week

Still life

Confucius say

Chinese character extreme.svg
  • Man who split wood is Tiger Woods.
  • If there was a tiger in woods, doesn't that mean Tiger Woods?
  • Large penis hurt girl? Hurt pussy.
  • Insert new password, penis.
  • Too small. Need a new one.
UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 21:54, 28 March 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost, bitch[edit | edit source]

I don't have the UnSignpost delivered to my talk page yet and I know there's a new edition. What's going on? I'm a subscriber. User:Matthlock/sig2 23:02, 28 March 2013 (UTC)

Uhhhh... yeah you do. It was delivered on 21:53, 28 March 2013 (UTC) and your claim came two hours after. Silly.  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 00:56 3.29.13
What? I've been hacked? User:Matthlock/sig2 19:22, 29 March 2013 (UTC)
Idk  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 19:59 3.29.13

History of Porn[edit | edit source]

Only seen woman do it and not guys. -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 17:39, 2 April 2013 (UTC)

I, too, only watch women do it.  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 17:41 4.02.13
Horses with women, I watch that. Aleister 20:53 4-4-'13

This isn’t an April Fool’s Day Prank! This is the UnSignpost![edit | edit source]

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.

April 4th, 2013 • Issue 193 • April showers bring February flowers. Wear protection.

We are so, so sorry

By Snippy
Move, bastard, move!

Yes, it's true. After only three months of sickly sweet freedom, our "Free" Uncyclopedia has broken. As the main page announced only days ago, our brief period of independence has come to an end, and it is now time to reconcile with the welcoming - if brutally oppressive - arms of Wikia. Or, in the bittersweet, tear-wrenching words of RAHB; "All will be assimilated into the bliss of the Grand Wikia Empire. Those who resist will be disposed of." Amen to that!

Maybe years in the future, we will even look back and say that the day we repented was the day that everything changed for the better. A date that will surely go down in history for Uncyclopedia: April the 1st.

... Wait, April the 1st? You guys fucking got me again, didn't you? Oh, wow.

(Thanks to Kip the Dip for the awesome April Fools Main Page!)

Easter!

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York
The Easter Bunny!

So... what did you do this Easter Sunday? Did you even celebrate Easter? Did you see any bunnies in your house hiding eggs? Laying eggs? Making you "special candy"? I know I sure did! If you're not doing anything next year 'round, you could do some of these things; kill a baby, do nothing, watch baseball, make a sandwich, skateboard, eat soup, and worship Satan Jesus! Happy Easter from the UnSignpost! Ruining your lives since 2008!

Ask Zombiebaron

Will you answer this question? (asked by Hotadmin4u69)
Yes.
Why Hotadmin4u69 stole my question? (asked by Cat the Colourful)
Manifest Destiny.
Why did ^ those two do what I was just about to do? (asked by Multiliteralist)
Because none of you are creative enough to come up with cool questions like "Is eating my own poop kosher?" (The answer is "It depends on what the poop is made out of")
Does salad have inherently supernatural qualities? (asked by RAHB)
Yes. If you eat enough salad you will turn into a supernatural dirty hippie. It is magic.
Do zombies like salad porn? (asked by Lost Labyrinth)
Everybody likes salad porn.
Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!'

Confucius say

Chinese character extreme.svg
  • Man who make mistake in elevator is so wrong on many levels.
  • Man who fish in other men's well often catch crabs.
  • Man who hauls donkeys, hauls ass.
  • Ching chang ding dong.
  • War no determine who is right, but rather who is left.

Random Article of the Week

Pendle Hill

Feature of the Week

Get-rich-quick scheme
Check out these pages!

From our logs:

  • 21:25, April 2, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Frank Zappa (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I will always remember the day that I blocked Frank Zappa from uncyclopedia :D)
  • 21:36, April 1, 2013 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked This Is The End (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (The cabal wishes it)
  • 19:24, March 30, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 221.130.18.183 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (this IP has aids)
  • 19:17, March 29, 2013 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Sir Peasewhizz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 12 seconds ‎ (I've had it with these motherfuckin' UnSignposts without my motherfuckin' name linked in them. Put this ban in the ban log plz. ; D)
  • 11:23, March 29, 2013 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked Malamammais (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (<-- I'm with stupid.)
  • 01:53, March 29, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.203.83.90 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (suck my dick or get the fuck out)

IRC Log Of The Week
<SirPeasewhizz> Oh god UncycBot is funny
<UncycBot> SirPeasewhizz: Great. I am a Christian.
<SirPeasewhizz> I'm lying
<SirPeasewhizz> He's stupid
<UncycBot> SirPeasewhizz: Please tell the truth.
<CatTheColourful> hahaha

Biopic: In Their Own Words
This week, we traveled to Saskatchewan to visit the ancient and revered Taiwanese sheep herder Lon Chang Eee, to ask him about his rich and storied life experiences traveling the Earth and meeting its various peoples. Unfortunately, he was not home. So instead, we interviewed Madclaw. When we arrived, he was naked and entirely covered in mustard, prompting us to ponder why we didn't come to him in the first place. He told us this about himself:

"My prick is a biohazard. One......................... two................................................ three....................................... four............................................... five............................................ six............................................... seven............................................... and a half................. inches. And due to the large amount of pubic hair you almost can't see the genital warts."

Speaking of my prick I once tried to thrust it into a grapefruit but due to the PH value of it my dickhead kept feeling a burning sensation. Fucking grapefruit give you crabs kids, unlike Grae-fruits, they give you AIDS."

He also told us that the most exciting thing he had ever stuck in his butthole was "A French hookers tiny dildo when I 69'ed her".

We can all learn a great deal from this man, who apparently also has something to do with a Star Trek fan site or something.

Old School Featured Article of the Week
History of Google
Originally featured on 6 May 2009
GoogleED01.jpg
Since it became the world's most popular search engine, many people imagine that the Google™ corporation of California™ is a young company. However, this is not the case. Google was first registered as a trademark as long ago as 1894 and has been in business ever since, though it is only in the last decade that it has achieved the international fame that it now enjoys. (Full article...)
UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 18:25, 4 April 2013 (UTC)

You will be so proud of me that you will burp...[edit | edit source]

...because I put in more links on the St. Peter's Square article. You were right, it had almost no links. Yikes! You are now absolved of all sins and can go make some more. Al 20:52 4-4-'13

>.< Well I can see my articles lacking votes. You could donate to this cause by donating votes :P  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 00:05 4.05.13

I have good news and bad news[edit | edit source]

The good news is that Roger Ebert is going to review all the articles you have ever written, the bad news is that he took the easy way out. Madclaw @ talk 21:05, 4 April 2013 (UTC)

Lemme guess, 5 words each category? :P  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 00:06 4.05.13
@Sir Peasewhizz: Actually, death. ~[ths] UotM My Farticles. Qaplá'! Gobshite of the Month March 2012 Magician of the Month March 2012 Uncyclopedian of the Month November 2012 05:11, 04/05/2013

my pencil is broken because of you[edit | edit source]

god damn it sir peasewhizz. i hate you. — Capitalis quadrata Y.SVG (talk) (contributions) 21:57:20 2013/04/04 UTC

You broke my pencil first!  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 00:06 4.05.13
well


well


fuck you! — Capitalis quadrata Y.SVG (talk) (contributions) 03:37:06 2013/04/05 UTC

Thanks for VFHing my article[edit | edit source]

It was a nice surprise logging in today for the first time in weeks to see that an article I wrote years ago would still be relevant enough to still be funny(most get rich quick schemes now days look more professional and a little bit more cleaver now days). Again Thanks--Scott (talk) 23:43, 4 April 2013 (UTC)

No problem :P  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 00:04 4.05.13
You should check my new project sometime User:Scott/Getting Rich:Intro I think I'm going continue writing about schemes since that seems to work.--Scott (talk) 03:34, 5 April 2013 (UTC)

UnBooks[edit | edit source]

Can I create an UnBook using me as the author? -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 17:19, 5 April 2013 (UTC)

I dunno what you're asking. Like say "By MagicBus"?  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 17:20 4.05.13
Yes. -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 17:21, 5 April 2013 (UTC)
I don't see why not.  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 17:22 4.05.13
Do you know anybody else who did this? -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 17:23, 5 April 2013 (UTC)
Zombiebaron has done a couple that have gotten featured.  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 17:25 4.05.13
Okay thanks! -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 17:28, 5 April 2013 (UTC)
No problem ;D  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 17:29 4.05.13

Bot[edit | edit source]

Do you know how to make a bot or someone who does? -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 17:37, 5 April 2013 (UTC)

I know how but not enough. Dawg and Bizzeebeever can help on the IRC channel.  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 17:40 4.05.13
I'm looking to make a bot for the wiki you joined awhile ago. -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 17:43, 5 April 2013 (UTC)
Oh, no. I wouldn't know how to do it for that.  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 17:44 4.05.13
Do you know anybody who does? -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 17:45, 5 April 2013 (UTC)
Bizzeebeever might.  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 17:45 4.05.13
Link to the IRC channel? -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 17:47, 5 April 2013 (UTC)
Click chatroom under the community portal.  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 17:49 4.05.13
Thanks I'm on right now. Do you want to join? -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 17:53, 5 April 2013 (UTC)
I could. But BB doesn't get on until around 9:00 at night most of the time. Since it is Friday, he might be on.  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 18:00 4.05.13
There is a lot of people on right now! -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 18:01, 5 April 2013 (UTC)

User talk:Matthlock/archive4[edit | edit source]

Don't deliver any more UnSignposts to that page. It's an archive (my apologies for not using the Archive template). If you want me to read it, send it to my current talk page. Thank you. User:Matthlock/sig2 19:53, 6 April 2013 (UTC)

Oh wait. It is also delivered to my talk page. Silly me. This is all Slender's fault, isn't it? User:Matthlock/sig2 19:59, 6 April 2013 (UTC)
DAMN THAT STUPID BOT I OWN. No, lol. Actually, you should remove that USP template from your Archive and remove that USP category from your archive. Those determine which pages to deliver the USP to. So, yeah.  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 21:18 4.06.13

User:Sir Peasewhizz/Mila Kunis[edit | edit source]

I love this! It's a personal passion of mine, if you know what I mean. I'd love to help out on this article. I actually have uploaded a few images of Mila Kunis to this site. If you'd like to see them. There's this: Windows Photo Viewer Wallpaper.jpg And this: Hot Ukrainian chick.jpg I will definitely help you out if you give me ideas as to what you want.

I always want an article on her to be on Uncyclopedia.

For sure, Mila Kunis is the best thing to come out of Ukraine. In fact, I remember once I got spam on my gmail telling me I could get a flight to Ukraine for 70% cheaper than regular airline costs. I'd definitely go, for sure to see where Mila Kunis was born, and also just to take in the culture of "the bridebasket of the world" as some may call it.

So, give me you some of your ideas about Mila Kunis, and we could work together to finish this article about this "very doable subject," if you know what I mean. :) User:Matthlock/sig2 03:42, 10 April 2013 (UTC)

Sounds great! And yeaahhh. Haha. Yo esposa es Mila Kunis. Haha. I'll place the images in there real quick, add whatever you want. But keep the undie photo, AKA the hottest one lol  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 21:00 4.10.13
Also. If I'm not mistaken, this one uber-lucky Marine or something went on a date with Mila once. I can't remember the facts exactly but I know something of that nature happened. User:Matthlock/sig2 22:28, 10 April 2013 (UTC)
Idk, but I know she's dating Ashton :'(  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 23:11 4.10.13
Yeah. Just like in That '70s Show. User:Matthlock/sig2 23:16, 10 April 2013 (UTC)
Yeah, lol. You can start editing it! Lol  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 23:32 4.10.13
Okay. I don't have time for it now, but I'll cover the part on her acting career once I get the chance. User:Matthlock/sig2 23:39, 10 April 2013 (UTC)
Okay, let's give this woman what she deserves, the best article EVAR.  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 23:42 4.10.13
It would be my pleasure, if you know what I mean. User:Matthlock/sig2 23:43, 10 April 2013 (UTC)
XD  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 23:52 4.10.13

UnSignpost Time, Folks! I repeat, UnSignpost Time![edit | edit source]

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!

April 11th, 2013 • Issue 194 • Chicago Cubs 0 (HAHAHAHA! GET IT? THEY SUCK!)

Oh boy is my cat a horny bastard!

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York
I love you.

Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boooyyy! My cat is a horny bastard! Seriously! My cat won't shut up! He's always chewing on my chords, meowing, biting my laptop's corners (of the screen) and interrupting my Yankees baseball game! Seriously, what should I do? I wanted to write something interesting today for the UnSignpost, but I have to deal with this cat situation! His name is Max by the way. Somebody help me! My cat is horny! HORNY!

I love Mila Kunis

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York
I love you.

I love Mila Kunis. I'm sorry, but I really do. She is my girlfriend. I'm not kidding. Why would I lie to you? I LAUGH. This is serious, just like the whole website. Serious matter.

I love this woman.

I love you baby.

Seriously, lots of love.

Ask Zombiebaron

What do brains taste like? (asked by Simsilikesims)
Everybody's brain tastes different based on what sort of stuff they think about. My favorite is people who think about pizza.
If beans are such a musical fruit, how come they can only play the trombone? (asked by Modusoperandi)
Beans believe in quality not quantity. Why play multiple instruments when you can just play one really really well.
Have you seen Iron Sky? XDD (asked by Cat the Colourful)
Yes! I finally watched it a few weeks ago and totally forgot to answer this question. I highly recommend this movie to all fans of my column. Two words: space nazis.
If you mixed a Zombiebaron, an Olipro and a Mr winkler, what would be the ultimate outcome? (asked by Lost Labyrinth)
The superior Zombiebaron DNA would devour the other two and you would get a clone of me.
Dear, Zombibaron [sic], is professional wrestling fixed? (asked by RAHB)
I didn't know it had been broken.
Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!'

Confucius say

Chinese character extreme.svg
  • Life is like butt hair. Short and full of crap!
  • Elvis not dead. He is doing the Jail House rock in HELL!
  • Man who finger girlfriend during her period, caught red-handed!
  • He who laugh last think slowest!
  • Man with hand in pants feel cocky all day long!

Random Article of the Week

Pants Anderson

Feature of the Week

UnNews:Bellicose Uzi kills Lebanese gangster’s ex-wife
Check out these pages!

From our logs:

  • 21:13, April 9, 2013 Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Using "W***a" in a block reason. Irony.)
  • 10:31, April 9, 2013 Hotadmin4u69 (Talk | contribs) blocked TanyaArne (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Abusing multiple accounts: Fuck you too.)
  • 10:30, April 9, 2013 Hotadmin4u69 (Talk | contribs) blocked BrookeTra (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Tired of these bot created accounts with names. What happens when the real Brooke Tra tries to join Uncyclopedia? Nothing, because you stole her username you faggot)
  • 22:35, April 8, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Wanda The Monkey (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Have a nice day)
  • 02:10, April 5, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) (Banning me for nearly 2 years over a link on a subpage that I haven't edited in over a year seems a bit much)
  • 01:52, April 5, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 667 days ‎ (mentioning Wikia in a block reason)
  • 22:28, April 4, 2013 Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 666 days ‎ (A HARD-LINK TO WIKIA???? ZOMBIEBARON?!?!? ZOMBIEBARON!!!!)

IRC Log Of The Week
<Dex> Shut up, Kip.
<derpyy> Shut the things got up, because we watch Dexter PORN
<Dex> And leave that poor IP alone.
<Kip2> That's my ghost, you idjit.
<Tigerman_> Idjit?
<Kip2> Yeah. That's a slang word, right?

Biopic: In Their Own Words
This week, for the Biopic we went to the extremes of MAGIC BUS RIDES! Ladies and gentlemen! The magical MagicBus! YEAH! This is what he had to say for us at the UnSignpost! And yes, the ride was magical! I came. But you don't want to know that. That's icky stuff. Here's what MagicBus had to say:

Hello, I'm MagicBus. I have a mom and a dad. I also have one cool sister and three very annoying brothers. I am Christian and I believe in God. My favorite colors are blue, green and black. I am currently attend high school and I'm in 11th grade.

I will try my best to kick the 5-time champion and the 4-time champion out of NASCAR. My favorite football team is the Buffalo Bills and I extremely hate the Cheaters. I also like many rock bands from the 60's, 70's and 80's and wish Justin Bieber to hit puberty and to stop kissing his girlfriend. I also love to play the drums and I play them like Keith Moon of The Who. My favorite NASCAR driver is David Ragan. And this was his closing statement, which came extremely magically:

I'm MagicBus and I approve this message!

There you have it everybody! The magical, the transportation daredevil, the hip MagicBus! Yes, cheer. Cheer. Harder, louder, faster stronger. Now twist. One more time. Okay stop! Hammertime.

Old School Featured Article of the Week
Minecraft
Originally featured on 30 August 2012
Minecraft screenshot.png
Minecraft is a sandbox-building independent video game written entirely in Java, created by Swedish professor Markus "I-can't-make-circles-or-other-shapes" Persson.

Persson began on the project after he decided that he had a deep yearning to create a game that was more boring than real life. Instead of, you know, making something that would actually benefit the world. At the time, he probably thought the project as small, insignificant. Little did he know that his creation would soon amass a mighty army of sheepish gamers that would never have a relationship or even know a life outside of Minecraft.

The game is mainly comprised of extremely pixelated blocks, gardening tools, inconsistent gravity and 12 year olds who will spend every waking moment at this little game. (Full article...)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 00:36, 11 April 2013 (UTC)

unnews[edit | edit source]

a possible unnews story for you - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-22130962 Leverage (talk) 08:09, 13 April 2013 (UTC)

being blocjed sucks[edit | edit source]

Even though this is iust a commedy website we volunteer on...its still a freaky feeling being blocked. While I don't agree with some of zombiebarons blocks...I think here he has a point. Some uncyclopedians see vfh as a kind of duty....to read the articles and vote. Its time consuming. When someone nominated a long string of articles...some good.some awful...it gets tiring and users will stop reading the ones you nominate and maybe even skip that week. I have in the past. Consider to not nominate for a couple months and then only nominate once in a while...and only articles that you think are worth the time it takes for a dozen people to read them and vote. If you do that...then jesus will come back to earth and make some friend...wash your feet...get tortured for a few days and then marry Aleister and adopt two chinese children. And go outside and get some sun and fresh air young man--ShabiDOO 11:01, 14 April 2013 (UTC)

I guess so. Though I already did marry Aleister and adopted two chinese children. I'll go this month nomming only if we need VFH action.  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 17:23 4.14.13

thatcher[edit | edit source]

if you'd retract your vote against margaret on the grounds that you take my point about the list, it would give the iron lady a much needed post-mortal push. Leverage (talk) 20:37, 16 April 2013 (UTC)

On one deal, you see, what I was surprised to see do bad, my current nom with not judging books by its cover, needs a couple more for votes. With all sincerity and truthfulness, I am shocked. And I swore I retracted it. Ahh, what the hey. Maybe you could do me a favor by voting on it?  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 22:37 4.16.13
ahhh the sweet old days of vote swapping. Aleister would be proud. :-) --ShabiDOO 01:01, 17 April 2013 (UTC)
  • Consults with Shabi for best way to answer* Ohhhhh! Judge a book by its cover??? I thought i'd voted for that one already! *goes to vfh with a semi* Leverage (talk) 06:30, 17 April 2013 (UTC)
Lol  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 21:33 4.17.13

UnSignpost, late and lazy![edit | edit source]

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now Delivered Trendily Late!

April 19th, 2013 • Issue 195 • Fresh shredding material for your kitty's claws

I apologize, dudes!

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

It seems last issue, I had a minor outbreak about my about my cat's out-of-control horniness. But my love for Mila Kunis still stands tall.

I apologize, bitches and dudes.

Here's a picture of broccoli.

Broccoli, guys!

Wait thoughhhh!

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

Do you think Katy Perry is hot?

Sure thing.

Ask Zombiebaron

If we were to crash several small meteors into Mars as to build up its mass slightly and we then syphoned some of the greenhouse gases from Venus' atmosphere and enveloped Mars in it, would Mars become habitable? What about Venus? Would it cool down enough following the removal of the greenhouse gases? (asked by Dexter111344)
Yes.
I made a movie called "iRape". How do I promote it in theatres? (asked by Hotadmin4u69)
Very carefully.
Questions? (asked by Cat the Colourful)
Yes please.
How many walruses could you (as in, YOU, Zombiebaron) put in a bathtub with doughnuts on their tusks? (asked by Strainj1)
You haven't defined all the variables. How long do I have to complete this? Over the course of several decades I could probably slowly kill and transport hundreds of walruses.
Is it the heat, or is it the humidity? (asked by RAHB)
The heat. Heat causes humidity.
Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!'

Confucius say

Chinese character extreme.svg
  • She who whisper secret, whisper one word. "Secret". Literally.
  • Man with four balls cannot walk, wrong baseball, you wrong!
  • Man who called gay while happy has boner?
  • This week, USP at least percent effort
  • The above quote barely make sense.

Random Article of the Week

Vasily Tolstoy

Feature of the Week

Drawing
Check out these pages!

From our logs:

  • 07:46, April 15, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.244.172.142 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (a sad little man that needs some time alone with his right hand)
  • 02:49, April 11, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Wakkoswish123 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (I am remarkably certain that I gave you the civility speech. Correct me if I'm wrong.)
  • 02:37, April 11, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) resurrected Mr-ex777 (Talk | contribs) (Sang the My Little Pony theme song. Clearly shown a change of heart. His heart is all furry now. Which makes it less useful in cardiovascular processes, but strangely cute.)
  • 02:28, April 11, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Mr-ex777 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (What he's doing is seriously so not blanking. You're an idiot.)

IRC Log Of The Week
<gaybo_the_clown> the anime came first
<gaybo_the_clown> like everything in japan
<gaybo_the_clown> it's based on anime
<SirPeasewhizz> \wp Date Masamune
<gaybo_the_clown> I'm not even sure japan exists
<gaybo_the_clown> I think it's just from cartoons and fucked up porn
<gaybo_the_clown> like king arhur

Biopic: In Their Own Words

Sorry, we're too lazy.


Old School Featured Article of the Week
Hollywood tour
Originally featured on 28 March 2010
Stephen Baldwin.jpg
Welcome on board everyone, or as our German friends would say, "Hello!" I'm Stephen Baldwin. You may recognise me from the front of that pamphlet you're holding. This is Stephen Baldwin's Excellent Tour of Hollywood, On a Bus, driven by Me, Stephen Baldwin. I bet you didn't know I was a bus driver! Well, things aren't so flash in the movie business lately. Hold my whiskey... thanks. God, I'm Irish!

Let's all buckle in and get started. Actually, I couldn't afford seatbelts. Whenever I'm not talking -- not often, I assure you! -- feel free to ask me questions about me! I'll respond by talking about myself. Now I know you folks are probably wanting to see the sights -- and you will! But mostly, I'm just going to talk about myself and drive past them all at 60 miles an hour. (Full article...)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 01:42, 19 April 2013 (UTC)

IRC PROBLEMS[edit | edit source]

This is a message from the real user:Denza252 fave coulor purple or gold, delete when crisis is averted.

The 2 Days Tardy USP![edit | edit source]

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11

April 25th, 2013 • Issue 196 • Good morning... just kidding.

Writers are writing! VFH is getting a boost! HOW DO I KEEP IT IN MY PANTS?!

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York
Lol. Voting.

Whilst I sit, watching a Yankees Classics rerun-David Cone's Perfect Game, I become bored. Yes, bored. Sorry to break out the truth stick. So let us talk, paper to reader. Why do you give such gay faces when I say that? Is it that you don't like me? You don't like me?! THE UNSIGNPOST PAPER?! Well then you can just rip me the FUCK UP! Just kidding... I enjoy living.

It seems that Votes for Highlight has received a blow. Er, a boost. You fucking pervert. Gawd! Anyways, good job ladies on taking VFH (around 6 votes per article) and pushing it somewhere else! (10.03 votes per article as of Friday, April 19th)

And you guys are writing! FUCK YEAH!

PLS

By Snippy Nobody

The 12th Poo Lit Surprise will commence on the 26th of April. Judges sign up here. Writers could win a fortune. Mark you calendars.

Ask Zombiebaron

Ain't I clean? Bad machine. Super cool, super mean. (asked by Colin "All your base" Heaney)
So fresh and so clean.
Howcome you never change your signature? (asked by Y)
It is hard to improve on perfection.
What is sex? (asked by Sir Peasewhizz)
The Latin word for the number six.
What kind of username is 'Zombiebaron'? (asked by THC420)
My kind of username.
Is it true that you don't pick the best questions but the easiest ones instead? There have been rumours. (asked by Multiliteralist)
I pick the best questions and then I make them look easy.
Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!'

Confucius say

Chinese character extreme.svg
  • He who say thy is out of date and should go on dating sites
  • These are still corny joke givings
  • And the racist accent-wording is corny too
  • 5+5=10
  • That is fucking random
  • That was explicit!
  • You explicit! FOO!
  • We all explicit at times
  • Agreed
  • Disagreed
  • Wow gay
  • FROSTY
  • Gets hit by cars?
  • This isn't suppose to be a conversation column
  • Fuck...!

Random Article of the Week

Tremors

Feature of the Week

Public domain
Check out these pages!

From our logs:

  • 01:16, April 19, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Cindy889915 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 years, 6 hours, 32 minutes and 24 seconds ‎ (Please come back in 3 years and try again)
  • 23:45, April 18, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Papapage (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (SPEAK ENGLISH)
  • 19:10, April 17, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 96.49.73.175 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (u do gay thing, u banned now.)

IRC Log Of The Week
<RAHB> Sure, as soon as I finish watching How To Irritate People
<SirPeasewhizz> lol
<RAHB> Clever flick, incidentally :)
<RAHB> Got most of the Monty Python cast pre-Flying Circus
<SirPeasewhizz> hahaha

Biopic: In Their Own Words
For this week's Biopic, we turned our attention to Denza252, because he is the master of Biopic'n! Here's what this dude had to say! Behold:

I am denza252, I am an aspie adhd suffering bipolar schizophrenic, soon I will be an uncyclopedia administrator and I have big plans for this wiki, I am a southern baptist christian and my favorite Star Wars character is Quinlan Vos, I am gonna murder SPIKE for impersonating me

And this was Denza252's closing statement:

is that enough?

Yes. That is enough. Superb, in fact! Everybody, give it up for Denza252! Woo, woo!

Old School Featured Article of the Week
Tojo Books
Originally featured on 16 March 2010
Tojo.jpg
THE STORY OF THE MOST FAMOUS INTERNATIONAL BOOK WAR -- NOW IN PAPERBACK!

Intrigue! Perfect binding! Warehouse Fires! Price Cutting!

The members of the board hushed as President Roosevelt strained to rise and speak. Finally, leaning unsteadily against the mahogany table, the president spoke:(Full article...)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 01:06, 27 April 2013 (UTC)

I had a dream...[edit | edit source]

...and in my dream I was rereading the VFH entry for the Poor People Occupying St. Peter's Square article, and in my dream I read this "Abstain. I want to vote for it but I can't. I think there should be more links. Sir Peasewhizz", and in my dream I remembered putting in many more links due to the call-for-action from this user, and I smiled, knowing a vote was on its way.....and then I woke up, and realized no vote had ever come. That the links sit useless, linked but not really going anywhere. And I tried to go back to sleep to dream a happy ending, but, alas, I stayed awake and watched the tele talk about garlic or rugrats or something. Soon I forgot the dream, as if it had never happened. Just wanted to tell my dream to somebody, and chose you at random. This is a recording. (and sincere thanks for your vote on the Moon article, I really like that one:) Aleister 11:44 29-4-'13

What? Oh is it still up I forgot!  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 23:12 4.29.13

Thanks[edit | edit source]

Thank you very much for nominating me for Writer of the Month, it really, really means a great deal to me, to know all the effort I have put in has not gone completely unnoticed and disregarded in this great community :D IFYMB! 22:05, 1 May 2013 (UTC)

:D  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 01:45 5.02.13

Your New and Improved Signature[edit | edit source]

I made you a signature you can edit. User:EricIsOnFire/sig To use it, in your preferences click the raw signatures link and paste this code into your 'nickname' field: {{SUBST:nosubst|User:EricIsOnFire/sig}} instead of the one you are using now.

Looks like this right now:  Special:Contribs/Sir Peasewhizz Sir Peasewhizz ... Biblio . HOS . Awards

~Formerly Annoying Crap 17:11, 4 May 2013

Thankies! A million times !  Special:Contribs/Sir Peasewhizz Sir Peasewhizz ... Biblio . HOS . Awards 00:28 5.05.13

lololololololololololollolollooololololololololololololololol[edit | edit source]

you broke the unsignpost. we all hate you go die. you are a gay, — Capitalis quadrata Y.SVG (talk) (contributions) 01:03:03 2013/05/12 UTC

It'll be back next month :D  Special:Contribs/Sir Peasewhizz Sir Peasewhizz ... Biblio . HOS . Awards 00:51 5.13.13

Week-old news two weeks late: The UnSignpost![edit | edit source]

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.

June 6th, 2013 • Issue 198 • Back and better than ever still pretty adequate.

News Roundup At The OK Corral

By RAHB
Yes, we've returned. Yes, we're still incredibly good looking.

Here we are, we are not dead. Ignore the fact that the staff is entirely changed from last time. We did not murder them. And we definitely didn't murder Sir Peasewhizz. Because that would be just terrible. What we did do, however, is listed below:

  • Recently Uncyclopedia's esteemed writing competition, the Poo Lit Surprise took place, and the outpouring of entries would have been overwhelming if it had happened. The meager number of entries we did receive seems to have done the trick though, as it has kept the judges confounded and overwhelmed for several weeks past the judging deadline now. We suspect that they are toiling away, scrutinizing every fine detail of the pieces entered, to ensure that the Uncyclopedian people are guaranteed results of the utmost quality. And we certainly did not murder Legoktm. That would be just terrible.
  • The monthly awards pages have been vigorously steam-cleaned and you can hardly notice the stains anymore. Archival and blurb'ing is under new management. So vote now for your favorite writers, noobs, Uncyclopedians, potatochoppers, morons and everything else! It's also time to vote on the Top 3 of May, and don't forget about VFH, VFP and VFD. And, perhaps most importantly of all, VOTE FOR SANDWICHES! The future of Uncyclopedia depends on it.
  • An insidious stream of buttsex farticles relating inexplicably to Doctor Who and Mr-ex777 has recently taken over Uncyclopedia's mainspace. There is no reason to be alarmed, this is just another of the strange series of ways in which the BBC is celebrating the 50th anniverary of the popular long-running science fiction series. They've also recently dressed mating animals in Doctor garb at the San Diego Zoo, anonymously left replicas of the Eleventh Doctor's sonic screwdriver inside various cakes and chocolate bars, and spray-painted Matt Smith's penis onto several trains and bus stops, in hopes of building up hype for this Novemeber's big event.
  • This week we were treated to the triumphant return of one of our most beloved image manipulators and an all-around great gal, Sonje! She's already taken to clearing out the backup at Image Request, helping out with the projects of a few delirious madmen and laughed heartily at the antics of a certain unnamed IRC Markov bot. Go welcome her aggressively on her talk page so that she doesn't leave to work on her Master's degree again!
  • IFYMB! is a poopsmith now because I said so.

And there you have it. That is literally everything that happened on Uncyclopedia since the last UnSignpost. It may have seemed like not much information, but really we just used a sort of wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey device to cram a hell of a lot of data into a very short space of time. This is part of the UnSignpost's new technological advances that will make us a constant competitor in the world of wiki-news in the future. Please, tell your friends. Please. Seriously, please.

Also, Wikia still sucks (just in general). But please don't murder them. That would be just terrible.

Ask Zombiebaron

When does the next UnSignpost come out? (asked by Moose)
Right now!
Does UnSignpost even happen anymore? (asked by IFYMB!)
Yes!
Is USP neutered? Ever? (asked by Cat the Colourful)
We tried once and it bit off Dr. Skullthumper's left hand. He had to completely relearn how to masturbate.
Can frogs be neutered? (asked by IFYMB!)
Anything can be neutered.
Yeah when is the next USP? (asked by Multiliteralist)
Right now!
Can I ask two questions? (asked by Multiliteralist)
In this special edition of Ask Zombiebaron, yes. However your third question ("Or three?") cannot be answered in this issue. You will have to wait until next time to learn the answer!
Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!
Check out these pages!

From our logs:

  • 00:06, May 31, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 123.202.12.124 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (I'm still intrigued about this "blood of the number one scorer" that you keep mentioning. Is it an album or something?)
  • 22:02, May 30, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 61.180.49.18 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (That edit summary was so METAL)
  • 12:36, May 22, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 209.221.90.250 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Thanks for coming back after your last ban! See you in 6 months!)
  • 10:02, May 15, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Arcom0911 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (If you're gonna bully kids at your school at least have the balls to do it somewhere they might actually see)
  • 17:00, May 8, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 208.54.35.187 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Oi! You! Stop titting around!)

IRC Log of the Week
[23:46] <ifymb> Sounds very scientific
[23:47] <RAHB> Oh, it is
[23:47] <RAHB> Trust me, it totally is
[23:47] <RAHB> We have test tubes and everything
[23:47] <ifymb> Lab coats?
[23:47] <ifymb> You gotta have lab coats
[23:48] <RAHB> Yeah we've got lab coats
[23:48] <RAHB> Well
[23:48] <RAHB> We've got one lab coat and we just sort of share it
[23:50] <ifymb> what, you all have a patch
[23:50] <ifymb> all you all fit in one?
[23:57] <RAHB> Well, sometimes, if we've had too much to drink
[23:57] <RAHB> But usually we just rotate it around
[23:57] <RAHB> Whoever's using the test tubes gets to wear the coat

Biopic: In Their Own Words
This week Sonje returned to our ranks after nearly two years of inactivity. We were intending to do a Biopic: In Their Own Words on her for this issue of the UnSignpost, but we got lazy, and then we got drunk, and then we started trying on other people's clothes, and then things got really hazy, and now we don't have a biopic for this week. We promise to do it next week though. We totally promise.

Random Article of the Week

Anal Twitmas

Ask Zombiebaron Some More

How do zombies fit in well with everyday society? Gayness? (asked by Lost Labyrinth)
We wear wigs.
Coke or Pepsi? (asked by Colin "All your base" Heaney)
Coke.
Who touched me? (asked by Hotadmin4u69)
A trucker named Paul. He roofied you during your school field trip to Washington DC.
Is the only card you need the Ace of Spades? (asked by RAHB)
Of course.
Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them even more!


UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

-RAHB 04:38, 11 June 2013 (UTC)

So[edit | edit source]

I heard you may be the youngest uncyc user... Is this true? --The Slayer of Zaramoth DungeonSiegeAddict510 05:35, 14 June 2013 (UTC) (Seriously, I should update my sig)

Es possible. Yo es 14 años.  Special:Contribs/Sir Peasewhizz Sir Peasewhizz ... Biblio . HOS . Awards 16:48 6.20.13
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! I wanted to be the youngest!--The Shield of Azunai DSA510 Insight into the mind of an aspergian: 23:53, 20 June 2013 (UTC)
How old are you Denza?? ;) IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 23:55 20 June 2013
15, pronounced fyph-tyeaen! --The Shield of Azunai DSA510 Insight into the mind of an aspergian: 17:43, 21 June 2013 (UTC)(or something)

I peed[edit | edit source]

I have reviewed your article on Pee Review. Hope it is informative.

Woah[edit | edit source]

You're back!! How was your trip to Saturn? IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 17:02 20 June 2013

It was very different... haha  Special:Contribs/Sir Peasewhizz Sir Peasewhizz ... Biblio . HOS . Awards 18:29 6.21.13
Were there aliens? Did the aliens have hula hoops? Where is the picture of an alien spinning hula hoops? --Tumb13weed (talk) 20:24, 24 June 2013 (UTC)

Heeeeeeeeey Pease! Are you back with us? And I too would like to see this alien with the hula hoops. For science, of course. -RAHB 04:16, 26 June 2013 (UTC)

Yeah I'll be checking in every so often until school starts back up and I have nothing to do but masturba--- I mean write articles since school will waste most of my day and the baseball season will be at an end.  Special:Contribs/Sir Peasewhizz Sir Peasewhizz ... Biblio . HOS . Awards 18:35 6.30.13
Groovy. -RAHB 18:53, 30 June 2013 (UTC)
Pegasus burger? (I should put pegasusburger in my sig) --The Shield of Azunai DSA510 Insight into the mind of an aspergian: 07:20, 26 June 2013 (UTC)
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