User:EricIsOnFire/Archive 5
Unsignpost - 20130207013217 gibberish asdf[edit | edit source]
Now Delivered Trendily Late!
February 6th, 2013 • Issue 185 • There is news in this thing.
GLORY! GLORY! WINNNERS! WINNERS! WIINNERRRRS!! YAYYYYY! Aye! Yes, it is true. January is now over. So we're into to February 2013, where the second month of the new site is bound to be kickin'! Am I right or am I right? Well, here's some news that you can get excited for. With the conclusion of January 2013, we have the 2012 Year Award winners implanted into the sexy body of Uncyclopedia History and boy do we have some happy users out there! After a close competition in each category, (which wasn't rigged at all!) behold the users whom gained more "jazzy-ness" from the conclusion of the voting! First off, the Writer of the Year is none other than the killer... the froggy... TKF! TKF won Writer of the Year 2012 with 8 for votes and a baby-slapping 15.5 features tallied for the year twenty-twelve. Coming in second place was Funnybony with 5 votes and 14 features in 2012! Xamralco came in third with 3 votes for and most of his 2012 features being Top features of the month! Second off we have Uncyclopedian of the Year. The winners of UOTY 2012 is a tie between the recently opped in January '13 and quite picture-n-tech master; Bizzeebeever. Who did he tied with? Oh, just the newly opped in September of 2012; the young Australian divinity Frosty! Both had 9 for votes! Coming in 3rd place was Romartus, an admin who chose to stay with the old site, who received a pretty good 6 votes for. Good competition boys! Third off is Potatochopper of the Year (AKA Radical-X of the Year). Who is this winner? Going for the double crown after winning the Uncyclopedian of the Year along with Frosty, is Bizzeebeever! Great pictures man! Great pictures! Not only did he win by an impression-pushing 8 votes in his favor, but he was so good he scared away competition! He was the only nominee and obviously nobody else was nominated because everyone knows that BB would crush his competition. We're not kidding... May the fourth be Gobshite of Ultimate in 2012. Being the only two gobshites nominated, the two tied and were written down in Now we have the month awards for January 2013. Categories are: n00b of the Moment, Uncyclopedian of the Month, Useless Gobshite of the Month, and the Foolitzer Prize for January 2013! What? You're wondering why Writer of the Month wasn't mentioned? Well, um... nobody nommed anyone worthy and actually there was only like 3 votes. And the most someone got was one vote for. So make something happen for February's Writer of the Month this time around! GO! GO! GO! Y, who received 5 for votes won the NOTM for January of 2013. There was a tie for Uncyclopedian of the Month, the MoveCabal and Sir Peasewhizz both mustered up the minimum 5 for votes to hold co-ownership of the January 2013 Uncyclopedian of the Month award-title-thing. For the Useless Gobshite of the Month, Zombiebaron won with 6 for votes, being the only nominee. With 3 for votes, Bill Melater won the January 2013 Foolitzer Prize! Also being a single nominee in a category. Well, congratulations to all winners of something, something! Keep on being aggressive, because a few categories have been already entered by users in a February 2013 campaign! And for the Year Awards, see you again in January 2014 and right here with the winners in February 2014. And also, voting records can be found right here and over here. Cold War Update 2
Well, I didn't update this Sunday, but that's my fault. Anyways... After a serious level of contention on VFS, a conclusion was reached, one that I personally feel was poorly made. Instead of allowing Wikia Uncyc to "reap what they sow," as the old proverb goes, ChiefjusticeDS felt he simply had to intervene. As such, he eliminated Aimsplode's nomination and permabanned him from the site. Admittedly, I was in favor of aim becoming an admin, but not for the reasons everyone thinks. I'm of the opinion that you should suffer the full rewards or consequences of your choices. With the populace having voted for Aimsplode, despite Chief's attempt to eliminate his nomination twice before his permanent termination of it, it's only fair that the Wikia site gets a Nazi as an admin. That's what they want, so that's what they'll get. It's like vandalism: Sure, you can vandalize Uncyclopedia all you want, but you'll suffer the consequences of that. In that case, a ban. As someone who considers himself to have a more traditional view of things, I fully believe that ChiefjusticeDS had no reason to stick his nose in the business of the userspace. Were Aimsplode to have proven himself to be a good admin, he would've stayed. Were he to have been of poor quality, his employment would be terminated. Point is, either way, they would've got what they asked for. Speaking of Aimsplode, he's been doing a good job of terminating all proof of his existence elsewhere on the internet. From Habbo to Deviantart, and even I can haz cheezburger, he has tried to terminate his existence from the web. Perhaps there is more to this pseudo-Nazi then any of us know... Another update, another day. Keep checking back on your daily USP for the next update on the Uncyc Cold War. Cheers!
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Gingham style[edit | edit source]
Twister the night away! Aleister 23:29 How do you like it? Gingham style!
- That's awesome! Maybe we're finished? Idk...--Sir Peasewhizz de New York 23:37, 7 February 2013 (UTC)
SirPeasewhizzOnTheRadio[edit | edit source]
May I bring your attention over here? ~Y KUN — 07 February MMXIII 23-35-07 Ꮈ
- Already looked.--Sir Peasewhizz de New York 23:35, 7 February 2013 (UTC)
Tables[edit | edit source]
I've updated all of the tables for you. When you work on the rest of them...could you please use the table that I have provided for you at July 2007 and use the same table for each of the months? You'll have to paste the date and the name of the article into each slot in the table (remember that on this table the date comes first and then the article. In any case this should be much less work than before. I doubt it's necesary to check the dates of the articles as it should have been automated as of mid 2007. Cheers --ShabiDOO 11:21, 9 February 2013 (UTC)
- I've taken care of 2011, 2012 upto now and formatted 2013 with the standard tables.
- Thank you so much!--Sir Peasewhizz de New York 15:46, 9 February 2013 (UTC)
UnNews:New York State allows students to swear at teachers[edit | edit source]
Good concept, but you should write it from the perspective of a journalist. It needs a serious copyedit, imho. What were you aiming for? 2013.02.09.18:00
- Ehh.. I saw something on TV so I just threw something together. You can add to it, if you want.--Sir Peasewhizz de New York 18:29, 9 February 2013 (UTC)
Why[edit | edit source]
do you keep changing your signature? Do you have the OCD like me? ~Y KUN — 10 February MMXIII 20-06-24 ☯
- Yes. But this change really isn't considered "a change", becuz it's for Valentine's Day.--Peasewhizz ♥ you! How about we talk about you, for once? Wait. We always do that... you're beautiful! 20:16, 10 February 2013 (UTC)
Amnesia[edit | edit source]
Congratulations again on this very very good page. When you polish it a bit, and then come back and polish it again, and then again in two years, it will be a great page. I fear for the rest of us when you mature into your writing ability. Yay! (I'm going to keep polishing the section I added on Twister, and pop in some links to make it a scientific storehouse of high-tech computer possibilities and links to data on programmed reality, which is, finally, becoming very hot as the science catches up to it.) Aleister 20:26 10-2-'13
- Thanks, but I can't tell if that was sarcasm... because I did polish it multiple times after I originally put it on VFH.Peasewhizz ♥ you! How about we talk about you, for once? Wait. We always do that... you're beautiful! 20:39, 10 February 2013 (UTC)
- If you wanna see my (be proud) example of polish polish polishing; go the VFH nom for Ancient Aliens. Then go to the actual page. Read the view history and behold :D--Peasewhizz ♥ you! How about we talk about you, for once? Wait. We always do that... you're beautiful! 20:41, 10 February 2013 (UTC)
- No, not sarcasm. I'm talking about in a year or two or three, when you come back to it for tweeking and other things. It doesn't all happen at once. I haven't read Ancient Aliens yet, thanks, not now but soon. I'm going to whore my guy who invented soap page (when I say whore I mean ask people to take a few minutes when they get a chance and read it) - you started the votes going with that one, much appreciated. I really like that page, and I want to add more links into it to wikipedia pages on prehistoric north american cultures and tools. I like to put in depositories like that on some pages. When you are old enough to be able to like girls (maybe a year or two more for that too, hee hee) I will point you to the paragraph in People Who Like to Fuck Naked that the page was written for. But not now, since you are but a wee lad and shouldn't read grown up things yet. Al 20:45 10-2-'13
- >.> I
furiously masturbate everydayreally have affection towards women already... just sayin'...--Peasewhizz ♥ you! How about we talk about you, for once? Wait. We always do that... you're beautiful! 20:53, 10 February 2013 (UTC)
- >.> I
- No, not sarcasm. I'm talking about in a year or two or three, when you come back to it for tweeking and other things. It doesn't all happen at once. I haven't read Ancient Aliens yet, thanks, not now but soon. I'm going to whore my guy who invented soap page (when I say whore I mean ask people to take a few minutes when they get a chance and read it) - you started the votes going with that one, much appreciated. I really like that page, and I want to add more links into it to wikipedia pages on prehistoric north american cultures and tools. I like to put in depositories like that on some pages. When you are old enough to be able to like girls (maybe a year or two more for that too, hee hee) I will point you to the paragraph in People Who Like to Fuck Naked that the page was written for. But not now, since you are but a wee lad and shouldn't read grown up things yet. Al 20:45 10-2-'13
- If you wanna see my (be proud) example of polish polish polishing; go the VFH nom for Ancient Aliens. Then go to the actual page. Read the view history and behold :D--Peasewhizz ♥ you! How about we talk about you, for once? Wait. We always do that... you're beautiful! 20:41, 10 February 2013 (UTC)
- Thanks, but I can't tell if that was sarcasm... because I did polish it multiple times after I originally put it on VFH.Peasewhizz ♥ you! How about we talk about you, for once? Wait. We always do that... you're beautiful! 20:39, 10 February 2013 (UTC)
What is up, sir?[edit | edit source]
This is a bit of a test. DawgBot (talk) 01:09, 13 February 2013 (UTC)
What is up, sir?[edit | edit source]
This is a bit of a test. User:Lil' Pease Jr./sig 02:07, 13 February 2013 (UTC)
What is up, sir?[edit | edit source]
This is a bit of a test. SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 02:10, 13 February 2013 (UTC)
- Have I ever told you that I was proud of you, my baby bot?--Peasewhizz ♥ you! How about we talk about you, for once? Wait. We always do that... you're beautiful! 02:11, 13 February 2013 (UTC)
What is up, sir?[edit | edit source]
This is a bit of a test. --— 23:52, 13 February 2013 (UTC)
- Yes...?--Peasewhizz ♥ you! How about we talk about you, for once? Wait. We always do that... you're beautiful! 00:08, 14 February 2013 (UTC)
It is the day of USP love, Valentine’s Day[edit | edit source]
Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth
February 14th, 2013 • Issue 186 • Happy Valentine's Day, motherfucker.
Returning users and Grammar Nazis Recently, we have seen the return of many passionate members of the community, which have seen the return of Uncyc daylight upon arrival. Was that a run-on sentence? Idk... anywaaaays. So the point is, Ljlego has returned recently, and so has Dawg. I bring these two in particular because Ljlego and Dawg have revealed over the IRC hints that they wish to stay here, on the new site. Ljlego was looking to get an Uncyclopedia cloak, while Dawg just plain out said he was interested in staying. To sum it up, yay more returnees! Go Jesus! Oh yeah, and you can join the Proofreading Service. This is basically the Grammar nazi equivalent to the Poopsmith Lounge... only less dead and slightly more squeamish. The old site wants us... sexually?! Lol, no. Just kidding. But hasn't it come to most people's minds that maybe, possibly the Wikia's members are curious to what is going on in here (Bitches, alcohol, and partying) and might come sneak by? Well, first off Chief banned BB on the Wikia and set up a spam account here. BB found out that Chief was the account owner of the vandalizing account and banned both of them. Though Lyrithya unbanned Chief. W.O.W. Gay. Keep your eyes open, boys. Or not, it's not like they mean harm. What do you take me for? Pulixer? lol no. Great Hall of Shame Updating of '13 Okay, so most of you ungrateful bastards won't update your Hall of Shame entrees yourself. Well, did you even see that forum link? It even said "SIGN HERE FUCKERS". Yeah, that's right. Please, go update your Hall of Shame entrees and/or help me update those who don't update their HOS entrees. Man, that was pretty awkwardly worded. However, still. This task isn't easy. Much help is needed. USE THE EFFIN' FORCE, I KNOW THERE'S JEDIS WITHIN OUR RANKS!! BUT SERIOUSLY.
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SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 01:35, 14 February 2013 (UTC)
What is up, sir?[edit | edit source]
This is a bit of a test. SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 01:59, 16 February 2013 (UTC)
Thanks[edit | edit source]
Thanks for taking off my chains in the shamed section. Appreciated (it's one I forgot). And for kicking off the voting for the soap page. I've actually shamefully led since September 11, Sog did a funny joke, but I guess this makes it official and I can now retire. It was good to know you, and may all your future articles be as good as your present pages. Give my regards to Aunt Celine (her singing career has taken off so much that you and I don't see her at the Christmas Party anymore. Remember when we used to tear her dress off and run away, and she'd yell at us and people would applaud her long-winded yelling?) and keep a light on in the window for my pet ferret, the one who hunts by night and sleeps all day, not the one with the dark mask who climbs on shelves and disrupts the others. Thanks! Aleister just kidding in case, 13:13 13-13-13
- Yes, you're very welcome. But you're not retiring.
Or elseI'd be sad! 17:47, 19 February 2013 (UTC)
- Yes, you're very welcome. But you're not retiring.
From elsewhere[edit | edit source]
…Why would I do that? Are you expecting any visitor to the wiki would say “This is fantastic, but doesn't display that well, so I'm going to change my browser?” I'm not saying it's a bad article - just that FAs should be the best we have to offer. This isn't the best we have to offer - even if it were a shining pinnacle of wiki-fu. The meme-ish aspect alone would stop me voting for, as it relies on memes to deliver the humour. I don't find lemon salad, slender, 2 girls 1 calculus equation, or kitties funny just because they are mentioned. Give me a joke or some element of creating humour from an original source, or even a good retelling of a classic joke, and I'm there. This simply doesn't grab me.
On the plus side, an against vote from me is likely to get you half a dozen for votes from others. Nominally Humane! 03:16 20 Feb
- No, I was just curious. Because I had the same problem with the Ancient Aliens article (also up there on VFH) which feeds off a meme actually quite incredibly well. Check it out. You might find something good there ;D --
- Are you sure you want to encourage me to vote on something? Nominally Humane! 03:20 20 Feb
- Well, I'll always encourage you to participate in our community. And for this, I know it's not my most "funny" work but it's my most polished, and I spent LOTS of months of it. And I'd appreciate it if you helped it out.-- 15:27, 20 February 2013 (UTC)
15:18, 20 February 2013 (UTC)
- Are you sure you want to encourage me to vote on something? Nominally Humane! 03:20 20 Feb
- No, I was just curious. Because I had the same problem with the Ancient Aliens article (also up there on VFH) which feeds off a meme actually quite incredibly well. Check it out. You might find something good there ;D --
Crikey! It’s a rare, wild UnSignpost![edit | edit source]
Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.
February 21st, 2013 • Issue 187 • Burn.
Cold War Update 3: Drama!
Well, this one's a bit late, but still important. Illogicopedia has considered moving their hosting over to the Free Uncyc servers, netting a nifty anti-Wikia deal. As well, a series of "hate bans" occurred recently, involving ChiefjusticeDS banning people on the Wikia site, and a sockpuppet of his being banned on this site. More info will be available when I find out. Cheers! Robot invasion
It has come to the attention of this fine news source that Uncyclopedia is being overrun by robots, displacing tens of writers on a daily basis. After we realized they might be useful (in spite of lacking a sense of humour and soul), we captured and trained a couple of them to deliver the UnSignpost for us. To appease these ravenous automatons, we were forced to switch to categories from our archaic signup list. You may have noticed a new template on your page, which should be placed on the page you wish to have your UnSignpost delivered, where it will be dropped at the bottom (as always). Please refrain from petting the robots, as they may bite (we're working on that with them). One of these 'bots (as we call them) was easier to train and has assisted us in huffing literally hundreds of old (pre-2011) User: and User_talk: pages for anonymous IPs. They're now working deep in the bowels of the site removing crap categories and fixing broken stuff. The one attached to Dawg has the painfully unfunny name of DawgBot, and the one attached to Sir Peasewhizz is suspiciously not a bot at all. He's the... the... OH GOD NO. HE'S THE SLENDERMAN. AHHHHH!!! DEATH TO BRONIES IS AT HAND? OR IS IT THE DEATH OF THE INTERNET??? Well, I was cracking codes in wingdings this day and I found the message at the right when I typed "MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC" In ALL CAPS in wingdings. This magnificent message, according to our codecrackers, might mean that the death of the Internet is caused by bronies. This message starts with a bomb and a Jew star, in which the bomb represents October 10, 2010 while the Jew star represents the money-makers of Hasbro. Then it is followed by a sadface, a palm, 2 snowflakes, another sadface, and a finger pointing left. This might mean that 2010 is the winter and sorrow of all franchises, caused by cooperate corruption and...bronies. Both can be read as: "In the day of the bomb, all franchises will be corrupted". The third sentence is pointed flag, flag, skull, Jew star and computer, which might represent the death and conquest of the internet. The fourth sentence is a finger pointing right, a sun, a finger pointing left, a skull, a thumbs down finger, a water drip, a palm, and a pointed flag. This possibly represents that a dawn of death will rise, all the straight men will fight, and finally the dawn of death will make them bleed. The fifth sentence is palm, water drip, bomb, two fingers, one finger, palm and thumbs up. This might represent that we are currently on a countdown to demise. HOW TERRIBLE IS THAT?????? Fortunately, there is good news. The good news is that the same might be used against the bronies, and if this happens it might read as: The bomb had set by the Jews and franchises are corrupted. But now, we will conquer over the terror. they might fight the dawn but they will bleed. The bronies are on the countdown to demise. This is a two sided prophecy. nevertheless, The war against faggotry will eventually prevail. Aleister snags the Hall of Shame lead with 67 features! As of February 19th of 2013, Aleister (formerly Aleister in Chains) leads the Hall of Shame with 67 features. Which article robbed Soggy's and Aleister's tie at 66 features? None other than probably the most boring material to work with, but it happened; UnBooks Biography:The guy who invented soap! Go read it! And also, you must go read the rest Aleister's features. Or else. You can access them here. Remember, we're watching!
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SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 00:37, 21 February 2013 (UTC)
Uncyclopedia:UnSignpost/userbox[edit | edit source]
I do not know what you intended to use that for, but you need to use whatever it is for, somewhere else as it is a valid userbox that is used elsewhere. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 10:54, 21 February 2013 (UTC)
- Yeah, don't edit that. The USP delivery template is Template:UnSignpost, which adds the page to a category for easier bot processing. You modified the userbox, which is the wrong one. I'm glad Frosty caught it and reverted your edit. Plus, the formatting was horrible. 2013.02.21.13:01
- Yeah, I was going to revert it, but then I decided not to because I am lazy. I am sorry.-- 17:47, 21 February 2013 (UTC)
Hall of shame[edit | edit source]
Hey, I appreciate you adding the Sartre article to my hall of shame, but I just changed a couple words and formatted the image a little. The last article I added was Lawnmower, of which I also only contributed a little, so lets just say those two articles are worth .5 and then its all nice and balanced and whatnot. Thats for the gesture in any case. Did I ever tell you that the skin on your fingers is silky soft? --ShabiDOO 10:58, 21 February 2013 (UTC)
- Awkward. I just got out of the shower and that's how they actually are. oh, and okay. you're welcome.-- 17:48, 21 February 2013 (UTC)
UnSignpost[edit | edit source]
So, um, not to be picky or anything, but you and Meganew sorta got things a bit wrong when you wrote that Chiefjustice got banned for sockpuppeting and vandalism. The sockpuppet I banned was unrelated. We need a retraction, so I'll be writing the UnSignpost this week. ~ Fri, Feb 22 '13 22:13 (UTC)
- There is also the point that you attempted to get banned by being a dick, and in the end the only way it happened was by askingto be banned. In the meantime, I was banned here (partially) for reverting an article back to a revision prior to my rewrite, while at the same time being civil to the people I was dealing with. (In other words, I didn't call anyone gay.)
- All told, the story was unfounded and biased opinion. While USP doesn't usually aspire to journalistic integrity, it usually isn't used as a way of airing out a gripe against a user, and it's designed to be used to report on-site stuff. The Wikia based USP is not being used to comment about this site. It would be better to not use USP here to comment about anywhere else. After all the effort that has gone into removing off-wiki links, maybe we shouldn't be advertising another wiki through the majority of regular users talk pages. (Have you ever heard the saying “all press is good press”?) Too lazy to sign in 02:18, 24 February 2013 (UTC)
- That does make sense. I'll try to have it stop after this upcoming issue. You see, I was trying to see if SPIKE could make a funny ban message. That's all. It would be nice if you could tell SPIKE that. So, er. Thanks for the update and opinion. I'll tell BB, but I'm sure he'll see it.--
- I can give you an answer - SPIKE can write a funny ban reason, but he never would. Chief can as well, but if he's blocking you for Rule 2 violations, he wouldn't. SPIKE, however, has a disagreement with “cracking wise” when it comes to navigation tools, and that extends to policies and rationale for bans, nominations, etc. You would have been better off asking the question, rather than trying to force the issue.
- I also had a really good idea for a collab between us as well, but someone beat me to it. But if you are interested in a collab I'd like to give it a shot. I'm also going to steal your Moar kitties article here and work on it off-wiki as well, but I will give you credit for it (if it looks like a feature). Nominally Humane! 11:59 24 Feb
- Awkward... you edit conflicted my bot. Er, okay. You can. If it does get featured, I'm stealing your codes n shit and having it featured here, too. Because, I'm just a badass.-- 00:05, 25 February 2013 (UTC)
02:40, 24 February 2013 (UTC)
- That does make sense. I'll try to have it stop after this upcoming issue. You see, I was trying to see if SPIKE could make a funny ban message. That's all. It would be nice if you could tell SPIKE that. So, er. Thanks for the update and opinion. I'll tell BB, but I'm sure he'll see it.--
Talkbaclk[edit | edit source]
You can remove this notice at any time by removing the {{Talkback}} or {{Tb}} template.
What is up, sir?[edit | edit source]
This is a bit of a test. SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 00:08, 25 February 2013 (UTC)
Hello thier.[edit | edit source]
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. In adipiscing consectetur pharetra. Sed euismod semper cursus. Vestibulum ante ipsum primis in faucibus orci luctus et ultrices posuere cubilia Curae; Aenean ut est ante, sit amet fermentum nulla. Pellentesque et magna tortor, bibendum pellentesque metus. Nam ultricies, quam sed tristique aliquam, orci nisl sodales risus, sed vulpuFUCKtate nulla diam id nibh. Nullam consectetur rutrum lacus, ac fermentum nisl laoreet in. Curabitur elementum ultrices leo, ut porta velit posuere eu. Praesent egestas diam non justo placerat ut ultricies felis pharetra. Integer lectus ipsum, fringilla at fermentum sed, dapibus sit amet lacus.FUCK Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas. Aliquam porttitor libero vitae mi laoreet at sagittis tortor molestie. Sed pulvinar porttitor neque vitae ultricies. Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas.
Integer vel cursus turpis. Praesent justo nibh, ultrices ut condimentum vehicula, sagittis quis lorem. Vivamus semper aliquam sagittis. Vestibulum gravida blandit est, scelerisque porta libero cursus eget. Nam eget orci urna, vitae posuere nulla. Nullam suscipit neque in turpis sollicitudin sagiFUCKttis. Ut at mauris velit. Quisque nec diam ac libero ultrices pretium nec eget leo. Cras nec augue massa. Donec in neque erat. In at ligula ipsum, id egestas lacus. Cras vel lacus a dolor pulvinar blandit. — 00:50, 26 February 2013 (UTC)
- Can you repeat all this in English?--
- I got lost at thier. Nominally Humane! 09:51 26 Feb
- It's funny how us roman language speakers act as though latin is deep in our blood, but when I read it I only follow just a little more than a germanic speaker would. Though the last sentence...if some how modulated to spanish "Cras vel lacus a dolor pulvinar blandit" was "Creo que una [falta/lacus] de dolor [por] polvos blandos... It would mean I think of a lack of pain from bad sex. I doubt that's what it means in latin. --ShabiDOO 12:52, 26 February 2013 (UTC)
- I popped the start of it into google translate, which is never wrong. The translation is:
- It's funny how us roman language speakers act as though latin is deep in our blood, but when I read it I only follow just a little more than a germanic speaker would. Though the last sentence...if some how modulated to spanish "Cras vel lacus a dolor pulvinar blandit" was "Creo que una [falta/lacus] de dolor [por] polvos blandos... It would mean I think of a lack of pain from bad sex. I doubt that's what it means in latin. --ShabiDOO 12:52, 26 February 2013 (UTC)
01:00, 26 February 2013 (UTC)
- I got lost at thier. Nominally Humane! 09:51 26 Feb
- Can you repeat all this in English?--
- Of course, once you see it, it's obvious. Nominally Humane! 02:32 26 Feb
- Still not seeing it. Y, use your words, boy!
- लाल दानव दीपक फ़ोल्डर ग्रे नारंगी OCD चीनी चरित्र मुखौटा जैकेट संयुक्त राष्ट्र समाचार. — 13:12, 28 February 2013 (UTC)
- You are dumb
- NO U. — 22:18, 28 February 2013 (UTC)
- Lol yeah.--
- Good. Glad we're settled on that. — 22:43, 1 March 2013 (UTC)
22:20 2.28.13 22:20, 28 February 2013 (UTC)
- Lol yeah.--
21:48 2.28.13 21:48, 28 February 2013 (UTC)
- NO U. — 22:18, 28 February 2013 (UTC)
- You are dumb
14:52, 26 February 2013 (UTC)
- लाल दानव दीपक फ़ोल्डर ग्रे नारंगी OCD चीनी चरित्र मुखौटा जैकेट संयुक्त राष्ट्र समाचार. — 13:12, 28 February 2013 (UTC)
- Still not seeing it. Y, use your words, boy!
- Of course, once you see it, it's obvious. Nominally Humane! 02:32 26 Feb
- I think bad sex pain is a lot more poetic. --ShabiDOO 19:10, 26 February 2013 (UTC)
- I think hard sex pain is a lot more glamorous.-- 22:20 2.28.13 22:20, 28 February 2013 (UTC)
Surprise, Motherfucker, USP[edit | edit source]
Word to your mother.
February 28th, 2013 • Issue 188 • When life gives you lemons, sue for damages.
We Here At The UnSignpost™ bear a strong commitment to accuracy—in fact, the UnSignpost is required by law to print at least one truthful statement per issue in order to retain our status as a tax-exempt organic fish-cannery.[1] We believe that our track record speaks for itself: in our nearly 45 months of existence, the USP has printed only 243 retractions, a full 20% of which were not ordered by a court. It was with some consternation, therefore, that we discovered a massive error in our reporting. In recent weeks, former USP editor and general mensch ChiefjusticeDS was repeatedly identified by the UnSignpost as being a "putrid puddle of poodle puke", and also as having been "perm-banned" for vandalizing the new Uncyclopedia with sockpuppet accounts. While the first statement remains an object of controversy, the second one could not be further from the truth. ChiefjusticeDS is one of the least-likely vandals in the history of Uncyclopedia; furthermore, our research indicates that he is not actually aware of the new Uncyclopedia, and while his lawyers apparently are, he is currently blithely executing his sysop duties on the old site, much as a mother elephant seal mournfully attends the corpse of her crushed pup. We would like to take this opportunity to apologize profusely for any inconveniences this erroneous reporting has caused anyone. While we have traced the original mistake to confusion on the part of our correspondents (who are possessed of more eagerness than brains), the final blame must lie at the feet of our fact-checking department; we intend to take them thoroughly to task for their laziness and inattention, just as soon as we figure out how to fire people who don't exist. On a related note, we would like to issue the following corrections and clarifications:
Upcoming PLS So, even if it has felt like a long past couple of weeks, bring your spirits up! We can help, because there is the PLS coming up soon. So yeah, I know this is short. But it's longer than you. HA! HA! HA! No, but seriously. Consider doing the Poo Lit Surprise or ELSE. Ask Zombiebaron
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SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 03:53, 28 February 2013 (UTC)
Award archiving.[edit | edit source]
Uh, you're sort of doing it wrong. Only WotM, UotM and NotM go on the archive page you've been using, the rest have their own pages. And also you didn't add this month's winners to the lists of winners on the various award pages. -RAHB 04:14, 1 March 2013 (UTC)
- And you also didn't put the awards on the users' pages and remove the nomination templates. -RAHB 06:20, 1 March 2013 (UTC)
- sorry. And some awards did not have any winners cuz they need a score of 5
- Does this mean I lost? -- Kippy the Elf Talk Works ☃ 12:31, Mar. 1, 2013
- ya but i will nominate you again
- No, that's okay. If anything, I would want to be nominated this month so Multiliteralist can be nominated next month for all the work he will do this month. -- Kippy the Elf Talk Works ☃ 12:40, Mar. 1, 2013
12:34 3.01.13
- ya but i will nominate you again
12:27 3.01.13
- Does this mean I lost? -- Kippy the Elf Talk Works ☃ 12:31, Mar. 1, 2013
- sorry. And some awards did not have any winners cuz they need a score of 5
Hi............[edit | edit source]
I want to write an article with you. When you're not busy. Is that OK w/ you? — 22:44, 1 March 2013 (UTC)
- Yeah sure, after I'm done with my collab with Puppy. Which I don't know how long will take. Probably sometime in March. 23:35 3.01.13
Mr. Person[edit | edit source]
You may have noticed that TKF wrote his own eulogy. Being a good writer and a confident and direct person, his tone gives his words a much greater authority than any one person's really has (it's easy to believe that what he says is the total truth as it comes out that way). You'll notice however he left out some of the best writers on this site, some of the best administrators and do gooders and critiqued a few users and said nothing about the godawful ones. First of all, I don't find you hyperactive. You are super enthusiastic and bring desparately needed energy and vitality to the site and make lots of suggestions, do maintenence and are a funny presence. While I agree you should write more, in no way should you give up anything you like doing or become serious and grumpy. Second, I agree that you aren't ready...in the sense that your articles wont win every time they go through VFH, but that's the same for most writers even him. While I agree that self nominating often isn't the best plan, worrying about what one person thinks about your writing isn't so great either. I'd recommend pee reviewing other peoples articles, at least for me, that has helped me grow as a writer more than anything else. If you want someone to do a review on your work, nom for pee review but also ask me any time, Aleister, Mattsnow and Socky have all helped me in the past. Nonamesleft is usually quite open to helping and Lyrithya gives great advice whenever she has the time and mood to do so. TKF has some good pieces of advice on (humour theory and I read stuff like that sometimes). In any case, TKF wouldn't have bothered mentioning you if he didn't think you had good potential, I simply want you to know that I think you shouldn't hold back at all writing nor nominating anything nor from doing maintenence nor in being a great presence on the site. Okay bitch? Now write this whole paragraph down on a roll of toilet paper, jam it in your mouth and swallow it all! --ShabiDOO 19:10, 3 March 2013 (UTC)
- Haha. Well, yeah of course I saw it. Yes, I understand everything. Actually, I am hyperactive IRL. However, I'm not gonna stop being somebody here, even though I'd get more bitches if I did. (lol) But, in fact, I actually do have a few Pee Review requests up there now w/ the fact I have pee reviewed myself. Which was pretty recent. And thanks, we are the next generation of Uncyclopedia, kinda idk... yes. Yes because it helps set the mood. And thanks for igniting a conversation, because I was too lazy earlier to ask you to write about the HMC in the USP press room, for this week's edition of the USP. ^.^ I'm entering the HMC... shhhh 19:50 3.03.13
Writing a lot is cool. I think the issue here is the noms. You have ELEVEN noms up at the moment. There are only 20 in total. I realise some users have encouraged you to nom so the site doesn't seem dead, and I know you don't just self-nom, but I will ask you three things:
- What would be a cooler VfH, a page with 20 hit and miss articles, or one with the best 10 articles people have found recently?
- If you have to beg people to vote for articles and it finally gets 10 votes, does that make getting featured meaningful?
- If Uncyclopedia meant simply writing - no awards, no hall of shame, no possibility of being admin - would you stay?
These questions aren't meant to be horrible. I hope they will make you think about the criticism you receive. You give the impression of being a glory-seeker. You wrote on SPIKE´s talk page on the other site that you were nomming articles there because you were begging to be banned, but to be honest, that behaviour seems to be a constant. How about a challenge - don't nominate anything for seven days, and don't EVER nominate phone sex. Wait to see if someone else noms it. That would be a compliment. --Leverage (talk) 15:33, 4 March 2013 (UTC)
--Leverage (talk) 15:33, 4 March 2013 (UTC)
- Challenge accepted. But one thing, some of my noms recently have been probably my best works but lack deciscive votes, like Ancient Aliens, cao cao and friends w benefits 20:41 3.04.13
Ray William Johnson[edit | edit source]
Here's a copy of the previous version if you think you can salage anything from it. MadMax (talk) 22:48, 4 March 2013 (UTC)
- That's actually pretty funny, when you left your comment I was in the middle of changing it from Encyclopedic narration to style-of-Ray William Johnson. Thanks anyways! I'll still look for stuff in it, just for ideas. 22:54 3.04.13
Sure thing. I hope it helps. MadMax (talk) 00:22, 5 March 2013 (UTC)
I thought I heard the Imperial March. USP time, everybody![edit | edit source]
Now With 0 Trans Fat!
March 7th, 2013 • Issue 189 • You may now start the sad music.
TKF has taken his leave
If you haven't heard the sad, sad news; TKF (formerly Thekillerfroggy) has announced his departure from Uncyclopedia as an Uncyclopedian, Admin, Bureaucrat, Legend, and Hero in the afternoon of March 2nd. With it, his reason; not enough writers who enjoy it for the fun and enjoy others work as well as he doesn't want to write anymore nor does he need to. He feels this has taken him from a shitty high-school writer to something he had gained confidence in. Of course, he wishes us good luck and knows we'll boom with excellence in the future. He would like to thank MadMax, Zombiebaron, The Thinker, Ljlego, So So, Dr. Skullthumper, Mhaille, The Woodburninator, TheLedBalloon, Cajek, Procopius, Mordillo, One Eyed Jack, Heerenveen, Bonner, Hyperbole, THEDUDEMAN, and Modusoperandi. He states Uncyclopedia and his own writing wouldn't have existed if it weren't for these users. He also has to admit his respect for Lyrithya, Frosty, Bizzeebeever, and Xamralco for leading the new guard. He wishes for Leverage to continue writing because he's good at it. He states "Humbucker, we barely knew ye." He left this for Sir Peasewhizz:
He also states he will NEVER FINISH 18TH CENTURY BIIIIIIIIITCH! But Frosty thinks he will return, as he states (and believes) "Once an Uncyclopedian, always Uncyclopedian". February 2013 Award Winners... also, YOU'RE DICKS! As a wise man once said, (yesterday) "Whatintheworldofgaysex?! It's already March?" To answer that question, well, yes. You see, FEBRUARY 2013 HAS DIED. So... I guess we shall show you all the award winners of the month of February this year. We only had two categories with The noob of February 2013 was none other than Hoof Hearted. With a score of 5 obtained, this user has passed the ultimate liftout course and went on to claiming this sexy title. Still up there, ready to take March by the balls, is ProfessorScience. Hoof Hearted, however, has left ProfessorScience a strong against vote stating that the humor ProfessorScience gives out was hard to find funny. Sorry, but THAT WAS MEAN. I mean, such n00Bz voted against more than once in this month's Noob of the Moment contest. And guess who was the UOTM? DUH! None other than MadMax, whom we all knew would win. However, we boggled and offended that this guy only won once before claiming this month's UOTM title. Wow. Not cool, bros. But hey, does his 2007 Uncyclopedian of the Year title override this? Well, fuck, now I'm trying to figure that out. Thanks for putting my head into a crisis-like state. I love you for this.
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SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 20:36, 7 March 2013 (UTC)
You asked[edit | edit source]
- Oh hot damn! Literally! <3 00:37 3.14.13
Can I have some salad with my UnSignpost?[edit | edit source]
The edition that's black and white and dead all over
March 14th, 2013 • Issue 190 • It's a "sa-lad".
Salad. SALAD I like salad, you like salad, we all like salad.
Yes, salad. It has come to my attention that Uncyclopedians are simply not consuming enough of it. Ladies and gentlemen, we here at the Unsignpost implore of you, we beg you, to eat more salad. Why should you eat more salad? Well you only need to look at the facts to find the answer:
But clearly, this is not all that salad is capable of. Clearly a great cosmic injustice is being done by not mentioning salad's tremendous influence on the Russian space program, 80% of whose members consume salad on a regular basis, some more than once a day. But that's not all. Several tremendously influential figures in scientific history, including Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawking, Carl Sagan, and Billy Mays, have admitted to having consumed salad at least once in their lifetime, sometimes even while doing important scientific things! Sexy sweet Mary, it's true! In fact, most major celebrities (the attractive ones, you know) are regular salad masticators. Lady Gaga, for example, may be best known for wearing a meat suit, but she is also well-known for eating salad. If by "well-known", you mean "she does it and nobody makes much of a fuss." Same goes for the salad eating. Salad is known to have cured countless diseases, voted tremendously in favor of liberal politics, saved at least three dolphin from inconveniently placed tar deposits, fixed a plethora of flat tires on the side of United States interstate highways, eliminated the existence of internet memes, punched Adolf Hitler in the face, gone toe-to-toe with John Wayne in a cage match, and given a lustrous sheen to the coats of some of the world's prettiest felines. In conclusion, salad is a super kool dood, and you should all totally eat him. With dressing if you prefer. Or with croutons, tomatoes, cabbage, olives, pickles, black pepper, onions, imitation crab meat, bacon bits, hard-boiled egg slices, ham, salt, vinegar, jalapenos, bell peppers, sweet peppers, pickle relish, anaheim peppers, bhut jolokia peppers, serrano peppers, crumbled cheese, raisins, avocado, apple slices, blueberries, cottage cheese, shrimp, basil, melon slices, meatballs, turkey gravy, chicken gravy, beef gravy, bacon grease, grease gravy, gravy grease, Bavarian cream, chocolate ice cream, M&Ms, a t-bone steak, bicycle spokes, flapjacks, fried eel, a pair of half-torn tennis shoes, matches, poisonous jellyfish, mushrooms, pimento, a piston engine, a choir boy, whale bones, grocery store food samples, grocery store samples stolen out of the freezer section, grocery store employees, psychedelic pop records, dinosaur fossils, ancient manuscripts, sweet potatoes, Iranian snails, Ukrainian birds, Welsh humans, beets, Saturday morning cartoons, elves, cayenne pepper, salt, mangoes, studio musicians, grapes, whiskey, grated cheese, sliced cheese, a cow, Hormel chili, the tiny oval tomatoes that always roll off the plate or launch away when you try to fork them, potatoes, all of Uncyclopedia, a British nanny, or lettuce. But nothing else.
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SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 11:45, 14 March 2013 (UTC)
The Article Whisperer[edit | edit source]
I use a basic checklist for the contest if you'd like to run it this year. If activity on the site picks up, I'd like to hold two TAW events (with one based on this idea) in either 2013 or 2014. MadMax (talk) 16:45, 15 March 2013 (UTC)
- Yes, yes. Please co-host it with me! We have a lot of months until it is held, so if you could help me set things up throughout that time where I'm holding it, that'd be wonderful! You can do anything, since it is basically your own competition idea! 20:03 3.15.13
Reasonable doubt...[edit | edit source]
...is pretty OK. Improve it a bit whenever you can and I'll link to it more often; already did once. Improve it a lot and it'll be very good indeed. I wouldn't make it much longer, though; but that's just me. I think the jokes are there already. Maybe the language could be worked a bit, but I go for nonsense myself so I don't mind much. A pointer: if you want to lose the reader, lose them properly so that they have no idea where you're going. Most don't like that but if you do, fuck them. -- Style Guide 20:09, 17 March 2013 (UTC)
- Okay, will do sometime soon :) 20:11 3.17.13
For you[edit | edit source]
Jolly Good Show! MrN9000 could not help but notice that you have been doing some spiffingly good deeds of late. As such, you have been awarded this rather nice boxy type thing by way of recognition. Congratulations. |
- Thanks! 23:21 3.17.13
Test[edit | edit source]
Sig tests are gay!
03:05 3.18.13- NO U! — 22:18:08 2013/03/20 UTC
BTW[edit | edit source]
I am still planning to look at gunpowder for you as soon as I can. Sorry for taking so long. Real life is getting in the way. The Woodburninator Minimal Effort ™ 04:58, 18 March 2013 (UTC)
- That's fine! Thanks! 12:06 3.18.13
At the risk of sounding too helpful[edit | edit source]
Mate, your writing is really good and I like your ideas. So in case you might wonder why I don't vote for more of your Noms that's because they seem to be rushed rather than being polishing. There used to be a thing here called Pee Review that was required to get a Nom, but now VFH seems to be the new Pee Review. When I start reading your articles I'm eager to vote FOR, and I always find funny ideas, but then they seems to be unfinished. Getting them critiqued on VFH is like tempering iron by fire, but it also gives a hard to live down rep for unfinished Noms. Take your time and really finish them off first. Go for quality rather than quantity. Please don't take this as advice. Its just my sad excuse for not voting more. Keep up the good work and just raise the QC a tad. Cheers!--Funnybony 17:46, Mar 18
- ^ This dude knows what he is talking about...^ I totally agree. I see the "spark" of brilliance in many of Sir Peasewhizz's articles, but many of them also do look rushed. Also, we still have Pee Review, it's just not a requirement for VFH noms currently like it used to be. ....and by the sounds of it you would be great at giving advice and reviewing articles yourself! I have found that my own writing improved a lot by attempting to review others. :) MrN 19:21. Mar 18. 2013
- I know what you mean. I've heard this lots before :-) but, one problem that'll always travel with me is that I get bored. Unless there is that one writing that really gets me, it'll be a classic I tell ya! But yeah, please understand my laziness is where my downfall starts. Hence why I refuse to start an article in the mainspace and will only start it in my own userspace. Thanks for the "helpfulness".
- Also, I think your sig is too fat! It's meant to only be 15px or something, as it buggers up the formatting on the page if it's bigger. MrN 20:10. Mar 18. 2013
- Er, I can't find the reason it's too fat in the coding! Help?
- It could be the <big> tags. — 05:23:02 2013/03/19 UTC
- And instead of big put
<span style="font-size:15px">sig etc</span>
. — 05:24:21 2013/03/19 UTC- Already fixed it up, but thanks anyway 11:31 3.19.13
- And instead of big put
20:17 3.18.13
- It could be the <big> tags. — 05:23:02 2013/03/19 UTC
- Er, I can't find the reason it's too fat in the coding! Help?
19:56 3.18.13
- Also, I think your sig is too fat! It's meant to only be 15px or something, as it buggers up the formatting on the page if it's bigger. MrN 20:10. Mar 18. 2013
- I know what you mean. I've heard this lots before :-) but, one problem that'll always travel with me is that I get bored. Unless there is that one writing that really gets me, it'll be a classic I tell ya! But yeah, please understand my laziness is where my downfall starts. Hence why I refuse to start an article in the mainspace and will only start it in my own userspace. Thanks for the "helpfulness".
Unsignpost[edit | edit source]
Saw this on my talk page. Were you trying to deliver an Unsignpost? -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 18:04, 19 March 2013 (UTC)
- Er, no that template puts the page its on the USP delivery list, so I moved it upwards so you don't archive it and get USP deliveries every time in your archives >.< 19:19 3.19.13
Happy Monkey Topic[edit | edit source]
Your topic for the contest is Ding dong ditching houses . You have 36 hours to write the article (until Friday 03.00 UTC/Thursday 9pm EST). If you want to make it unbook, unreview etc. you can very slightly alter the title. Remember the judging is on creativity and originality more than anything else. Have fun. In the mean time Happy Monkey is leaving various surprises all over your house. --ShabiDOO 14:52, 20 March 2013 (UTC)People like the UnSignpost because it’s hot! It has the best graphics and everything. Marcus, USP! Step yo’ game up![edit | edit source]
The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way they did!
March 21st, 2013 • Issue 191 • Marcus. USP. Step yo' game up!
More
If you haven't heard, the "lovely" and "beautiful" Jew / Bringing back the Old School FA Yes, we're doing it. We're doing it. We're doing it, if you know what we mean. And not only is it great that we're bringing it back since the 99th issue of the UnSignpost (8 issues from 100th anniversary of the section departure), but it makes it extra special that it's Why?:Your cat died making it on the big screen for its return! This, we swear, was not an incident of Sir Peasewhizz[1] taking advantage of his abilities during the construction of the USP this week. And we're totally not promoting propaganda. Sillies. One of the ten (to make your chances of guessing correctly less) following articles will be the Old School FA of the Week in next week's issue, can you guess it? Probably not, but we'll let you take a crack at it anyway: Commercial, A Man Getting Hit in the Crotch 800 Times, Sideboob, Kwanzaa, Romance of the Three Kingdoms, Riddle, Fox News, Red Lobster, Stratego, or Snow angels. You have a 1/10 chance to get this correct. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Peace <3.
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
If you haven't already heard (which you probably have), RAHB started a vote to give bureaucrat rights to MadMax, the awesome admin. In a 14–0 vote, Dawg gave him the rights on the 16th. Now, this obviously raised the age old question - what is MadMax's use of this user right?
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SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 02:28, 21 March 2013 (UTC)
yes hello[edit | edit source]
Could you help me making a bot? I have User:μ registered. I also have the pywikipediabot downloaded, except all the guides are confusing. Can you help (sometime) please? — 18:02:58 2013/03/21 UTC
- Do you have the Uncyclopedia family and cygwin terminal?
- Huh? — 19:46:13 2013/03/21 UTC
- Hmm we will need to talk on IRC sometime
- I'm on IRC right now. You can get on whenever you're ready. — 20:24:27 2013/03/21 UTC
- Grr. It was a *joke* kick. Get back in #uncyclopedia. ~ Fri, Mar 22 '13 0:24 (UTC)
20:05 3.21.13
- I'm on IRC right now. You can get on whenever you're ready. — 20:24:27 2013/03/21 UTC
- Hmm we will need to talk on IRC sometime
19:25 3.21.13
- Huh? — 19:46:13 2013/03/21 UTC
About that collaboration[edit | edit source]
I'll be on IRC for about an hour more today. Get there if you want to talk about it. -- Style Guide 20:20, 24 March 2013 (UTC)
- I can't I'm getting ready for baseball. 20:23 3.24.13
UnSignpost’s BONER TIME![edit | edit source]
The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!
March 28th, 2013 • Issue 192 • The USP that'll make good penis jokes!
News From Under The Cabal's Desk
UnNews has its own Facebook page now and the podcast that Zimulator used to run has been relaunched here. We already have 45 subscribers! Happy Monkey Competition 2013 On March 20th, we started the 2013 Happy Monkey Competition/Happy Monkey Competition 2013 and had 13 users sign up to participate in the competing bit. The 13 competitors were Aleister, Puppy, Acmed2, Zombiebaron, Kelton2, Leverage, Sir Peasewhizz, Scofield, RAHB, Cat the Colourful, Madclaw, IFYMB!, and MrN9000. Leverage, Kelton2, Madclaw, and Puppy never wrote anything. Maybe they were sleeping? Do people do that for 36 hours straight? I believe so. People scoring 70 out of 100 points (passing GPA :D) were Aleister (with Second conquest of the moon as her topic), Sir Peasewhizz (with Ding dong ditching houses as his topic, but later changed it to an UnBooks), IFYMB! (with his UnReview of the Crimean War) and Zombiebaron with his book about meeting his enemy on that one day. He scored 97 out of 100 points, which is quite considerably erotic. So, for once, we ask you! What did you think? Did you love it? Did you love the HMC this year? You better have, or we'd be sad. Thanks And kudos to Shabidoo for hosting the 2013 Happy Monkey Competition, and his friend Sarah Baldewijns for judging assistance! Did you hear MY CHEM BROKE UP I'M SAD NOWWW IT WAS MY FAVORITE BAND AHHW WYAYYWHEYH WHYYYYYYYYY GODD?!! WHY?! I'm just gonna kill my-!
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SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 21:54, 28 March 2013 (UTC)
UnSignpost, bitch[edit | edit source]
I don't have the UnSignpost delivered to my talk page yet and I know there's a new edition. What's going on? I'm a subscriber. User:Matthlock/sig2 23:02, 28 March 2013 (UTC)
- Uhhhh... yeah you do. It was delivered on 21:53, 28 March 2013 (UTC) and your claim came two hours after. Silly.
- What? I've been hacked? User:Matthlock/sig2 19:22, 29 March 2013 (UTC)
- Idk 19:59 3.29.13
00:56 3.29.13
- What? I've been hacked? User:Matthlock/sig2 19:22, 29 March 2013 (UTC)
History of Porn[edit | edit source]
Only seen woman do it and not guys. -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 17:39, 2 April 2013 (UTC)
- I, too, only watch women do it.
- Horses with women, I watch that. Aleister 20:53 4-4-'13
17:41 4.02.13
- I, too, only watch women do it.
This isn’t an April Fool’s Day Prank! This is the UnSignpost![edit | edit source]
Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth
April 4th, 2013 • Issue 193 • April showers bring February flowers. Wear protection.
We are so, so sorry
Yes, it's true. After only three months of sickly sweet freedom, our "Free" Uncyclopedia has broken. As the main page announced only days ago, our brief period of independence has come to an end, and it is now time to reconcile with the welcoming - if brutally oppressive - arms of Wikia. Or, in the bittersweet, tear-wrenching words of RAHB; "All will be assimilated into the bliss of the Grand Wikia Empire. Those who resist will be disposed of." Amen to that! Maybe years in the future, we will even look back and say that the day we repented was the day that everything changed for the better. A date that will surely go down in history for Uncyclopedia: April the 1st. ... Wait, April the 1st? You guys fucking got me again, didn't you? Oh, wow. (Thanks to Kip the Dip for the awesome April Fools Main Page!) Easter! So... what did you do this Easter Sunday? Did you even celebrate Easter? Did you see any bunnies in your house hiding eggs? Laying eggs? Making you "special candy"? I know I sure did! If you're not doing anything next year 'round, you could do some of these things;
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SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 18:25, 4 April 2013 (UTC)
You will be so proud of me that you will burp...[edit | edit source]
...because I put in more links on the St. Peter's Square article. You were right, it had almost no links. Yikes! You are now absolved of all sins and can go make some more. Al 20:52 4-4-'13
- >.< Well I can see my articles lacking votes. You could donate to this cause by donating votes :P 00:05 4.05.13
I have good news and bad news[edit | edit source]
The good news is that Roger Ebert is going to review all the articles you have ever written, the bad news is that he took the easy way out. Madclaw @ talk 21:05, 4 April 2013 (UTC)
- Lemme guess, 5 words each category? :P
- @Sir Peasewhizz: Actually, death. ~[ths] UotM 05:11, 04/05/2013
00:06 4.05.13
my pencil is broken because of you[edit | edit source]
god damn it sir peasewhizz. i hate you. — 21:57:20 2013/04/04 UTC
- You broke my pencil first!
- well
00:06 4.05.13
- well
- fuck you! — 03:37:06 2013/04/05 UTC
Thanks for VFHing my article[edit | edit source]
It was a nice surprise logging in today for the first time in weeks to see that an article I wrote years ago would still be relevant enough to still be funny(most get rich quick schemes now days look more professional and a little bit more cleaver now days). Again Thanks--Scott (talk) 23:43, 4 April 2013 (UTC)
- No problem :P
- You should check my new project sometime User:Scott/Getting Rich:Intro I think I'm going continue writing about schemes since that seems to work.--Scott (talk) 03:34, 5 April 2013 (UTC)
00:04 4.05.13
- No problem :P
UnBooks[edit | edit source]
Can I create an UnBook using me as the author? -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 17:19, 5 April 2013 (UTC)
- I dunno what you're asking. Like say "By MagicBus"?
- Yes. -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 17:21, 5 April 2013 (UTC)
- I don't see why not.
- Do you know anybody else who did this? -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 17:23, 5 April 2013 (UTC)
- Zombiebaron has done a couple that have gotten featured.
- Okay thanks! -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 17:28, 5 April 2013 (UTC)
- No problem ;D 17:29 4.05.13
17:25 4.05.13
- Okay thanks! -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 17:28, 5 April 2013 (UTC)
- Zombiebaron has done a couple that have gotten featured.
17:22 4.05.13
- Do you know anybody else who did this? -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 17:23, 5 April 2013 (UTC)
- I don't see why not.
17:20 4.05.13
- Yes. -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 17:21, 5 April 2013 (UTC)
Bot[edit | edit source]
Do you know how to make a bot or someone who does? -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 17:37, 5 April 2013 (UTC)
- I know how but not enough. Dawg and Bizzeebeever can help on the IRC channel. 17:40 4.05.13
- I'm looking to make a bot for the wiki you joined awhile ago. -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 17:43, 5 April 2013 (UTC)
- Oh, no. I wouldn't know how to do it for that.
- Do you know anybody who does? -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 17:45, 5 April 2013 (UTC)
- Bizzeebeever might.
- Link to the IRC channel? -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 17:47, 5 April 2013 (UTC)
- Click chatroom under the community portal.
- Thanks I'm on right now. Do you want to join? -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 17:53, 5 April 2013 (UTC)
- I could. But BB doesn't get on until around 9:00 at night most of the time. Since it is Friday, he might be on.
- There is a lot of people on right now! -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 18:01, 5 April 2013 (UTC)
18:00 4.05.13
- I could. But BB doesn't get on until around 9:00 at night most of the time. Since it is Friday, he might be on.
17:49 4.05.13
- Thanks I'm on right now. Do you want to join? -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 17:53, 5 April 2013 (UTC)
- Click chatroom under the community portal.
17:45 4.05.13
- Link to the IRC channel? -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 17:47, 5 April 2013 (UTC)
- Bizzeebeever might.
17:44 4.05.13
- Do you know anybody who does? -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 17:45, 5 April 2013 (UTC)
- Oh, no. I wouldn't know how to do it for that.
- I'm looking to make a bot for the wiki you joined awhile ago. -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 17:43, 5 April 2013 (UTC)
- I know how but not enough. Dawg and Bizzeebeever can help on the IRC channel. 17:40 4.05.13
User talk:Matthlock/archive4[edit | edit source]
Don't deliver any more UnSignposts to that page. It's an archive (my apologies for not using the Archive template). If you want me to read it, send it to my current talk page. Thank you. User:Matthlock/sig2 19:53, 6 April 2013 (UTC)
- Oh wait. It is also delivered to my talk page. Silly me. This is all Slender's fault, isn't it? User:Matthlock/sig2 19:59, 6 April 2013 (UTC)
- DAMN THAT STUPID BOT I OWN. No, lol. Actually, you should remove that USP template from your Archive and remove that USP category from your archive. Those determine which pages to deliver the USP to. So, yeah. 21:18 4.06.13
User:Sir Peasewhizz/Mila Kunis[edit | edit source]
I love this! It's a personal passion of mine, if you know what I mean. I'd love to help out on this article. I actually have uploaded a few images of Mila Kunis to this site. If you'd like to see them. There's this: And this: I will definitely help you out if you give me ideas as to what you want.
I always want an article on her to be on Uncyclopedia.
For sure, Mila Kunis is the best thing to come out of Ukraine. In fact, I remember once I got spam on my gmail telling me I could get a flight to Ukraine for 70% cheaper than regular airline costs. I'd definitely go, for sure to see where Mila Kunis was born, and also just to take in the culture of "the bridebasket of the world" as some may call it.
So, give me you some of your ideas about Mila Kunis, and we could work together to finish this article about this "very doable subject," if you know what I mean. :) User:Matthlock/sig2 03:42, 10 April 2013 (UTC)
- Sounds great! And yeaahhh. Haha. Yo esposa es Mila Kunis. Haha. I'll place the images in there real quick, add whatever you want. But keep the undie photo, AKA the hottest one lol
- Also. If I'm not mistaken, this one uber-lucky Marine or something went on a date with Mila once. I can't remember the facts exactly but I know something of that nature happened. User:Matthlock/sig2 22:28, 10 April 2013 (UTC)
- Idk, but I know she's dating Ashton :'(
- Yeah. Just like in That '70s Show. User:Matthlock/sig2 23:16, 10 April 2013 (UTC)
- Yeah, lol. You can start editing it! Lol
- Okay. I don't have time for it now, but I'll cover the part on her acting career once I get the chance. User:Matthlock/sig2 23:39, 10 April 2013 (UTC)
- Okay, let's give this woman what she deserves, the best article EVAR.
- It would be my pleasure, if you know what I mean. User:Matthlock/sig2 23:43, 10 April 2013 (UTC)
- XD 23:52 4.10.13
23:42 4.10.13
- It would be my pleasure, if you know what I mean. User:Matthlock/sig2 23:43, 10 April 2013 (UTC)
- Okay, let's give this woman what she deserves, the best article EVAR.
23:32 4.10.13
- Okay. I don't have time for it now, but I'll cover the part on her acting career once I get the chance. User:Matthlock/sig2 23:39, 10 April 2013 (UTC)
- Yeah, lol. You can start editing it! Lol
23:11 4.10.13
- Yeah. Just like in That '70s Show. User:Matthlock/sig2 23:16, 10 April 2013 (UTC)
- Idk, but I know she's dating Ashton :'(
21:00 4.10.13
- Also. If I'm not mistaken, this one uber-lucky Marine or something went on a date with Mila once. I can't remember the facts exactly but I know something of that nature happened. User:Matthlock/sig2 22:28, 10 April 2013 (UTC)
- Sounds great! And yeaahhh. Haha. Yo esposa es Mila Kunis. Haha. I'll place the images in there real quick, add whatever you want. But keep the undie photo, AKA the hottest one lol
UnSignpost Time, Folks! I repeat, UnSignpost Time![edit | edit source]
The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!
April 11th, 2013 • Issue 194 • Chicago Cubs 0 (HAHAHAHA! GET IT? THEY SUCK!)
Oh boy is my cat a horny bastard! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boooyyy! My cat is a horny bastard! Seriously! My cat won't shut up! He's always chewing on my chords, meowing, biting my laptop's corners (of the screen) and interrupting my Yankees baseball game! Seriously, what should I do? I wanted to write something interesting today for the UnSignpost, but I have to deal with this cat situation! His name is Max by the way. Somebody help me! My cat is horny! HORNY! I love Mila Kunis I love Mila Kunis. I'm sorry, but I really do. She is my girlfriend. I'm not kidding. Why would I lie to you? I LAUGH. This is serious, just like the whole website. Serious matter. I love you baby.
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SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 00:36, 11 April 2013 (UTC)
unnews[edit | edit source]
a possible unnews story for you - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-22130962 Leverage (talk) 08:09, 13 April 2013 (UTC)
being blocjed sucks[edit | edit source]
Even though this is iust a commedy website we volunteer on...its still a freaky feeling being blocked. While I don't agree with some of zombiebarons blocks...I think here he has a point. Some uncyclopedians see vfh as a kind of duty....to read the articles and vote. Its time consuming. When someone nominated a long string of articles...some good.some awful...it gets tiring and users will stop reading the ones you nominate and maybe even skip that week. I have in the past. Consider to not nominate for a couple months and then only nominate once in a while...and only articles that you think are worth the time it takes for a dozen people to read them and vote. If you do that...then jesus will come back to earth and make some friend...wash your feet...get tortured for a few days and then marry Aleister and adopt two chinese children. And go outside and get some sun and fresh air young man--ShabiDOO 11:01, 14 April 2013 (UTC)
- I guess so. Though I already did marry Aleister and adopted two chinese children. I'll go this month nomming only if we need VFH action. 17:23 4.14.13
thatcher[edit | edit source]
if you'd retract your vote against margaret on the grounds that you take my point about the list, it would give the iron lady a much needed post-mortal push. Leverage (talk) 20:37, 16 April 2013 (UTC)
- On one deal, you see, what I was surprised to see do bad, my current nom with not judging books by its cover, needs a couple more for votes. With all sincerity and truthfulness, I am shocked. And I swore I retracted it. Ahh, what the hey. Maybe you could do me a favor by voting on it? 22:37 4.16.13
UnSignpost, late and lazy![edit | edit source]
All your readers are belong to us
April 19th, 2013 • Issue 195 • Fresh shredding material for your kitty's claws
I apologize, dudes! It seems last issue, I had a minor outbreak about my about my cat's out-of-control horniness. But my love for Mila Kunis still stands tall. I apologize, bitches and dudes. Here's a picture of broccoli. Wait thoughhhh! Do you think Katy Perry is hot?
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SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 01:42, 19 April 2013 (UTC)
IRC PROBLEMS[edit | edit source]
This is a message from the real user:Denza252 fave coulor purple or gold, delete when crisis is averted.
The 2 Days Tardy USP![edit | edit source]
The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.
April 25th, 2013 • Issue 196 • Good morning... just kidding.
Writers are writing! VFH is getting a boost! HOW DO I KEEP IT IN MY PANTS?! Whilst I sit, watching a Yankees Classics rerun-David Cone's Perfect Game, I become bored. Yes, bored. Sorry to break out the truth stick. So let us talk, paper to reader. Why do you give such gay faces when I say that? Is it that you don't like me? You don't like me?! THE UNSIGNPOST PAPER?! Well then you can just rip me the FUCK UP! Just kidding... I enjoy living. It seems that Votes for Highlight has received a blow. Er, a boost. You fucking pervert. Gawd! Anyways, good job ladies on taking VFH (around 6 votes per article) and pushing it somewhere else! (10.03 votes per article as of Friday, April 19th) And you guys are writing! FUCK YEAH! PLS The 12th Poo Lit Surprise will commence on the 26th of April. Judges sign up here. Writers could win a fortune. Mark you calendars.
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SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 01:06, 27 April 2013 (UTC)
I had a dream...[edit | edit source]
...and in my dream I was rereading the VFH entry for the Poor People Occupying St. Peter's Square article, and in my dream I read this "Abstain. I want to vote for it but I can't. I think there should be more links. Sir Peasewhizz", and in my dream I remembered putting in many more links due to the call-for-action from this user, and I smiled, knowing a vote was on its way.....and then I woke up, and realized no vote had ever come. That the links sit useless, linked but not really going anywhere. And I tried to go back to sleep to dream a happy ending, but, alas, I stayed awake and watched the tele talk about garlic or rugrats or something. Soon I forgot the dream, as if it had never happened. Just wanted to tell my dream to somebody, and chose you at random. This is a recording. (and sincere thanks for your vote on the Moon article, I really like that one:) Aleister 11:44 29-4-'13
- What? Oh is it still up I forgot! 23:12 4.29.13
Thanks[edit | edit source]
Thank you very much for nominating me for Writer of the Month, it really, really means a great deal to me, to know all the effort I have put in has not gone completely unnoticed and disregarded in this great community :D IFYMB! 22:05, 1 May 2013 (UTC)
- :D 01:45 5.02.13
Your New and Improved Signature[edit | edit source]
I made you a signature you can edit. User:EricIsOnFire/sig To use it, in your preferences click the raw signatures link and paste this code into your 'nickname' field: {{SUBST:nosubst|User:EricIsOnFire/sig}} instead of the one you are using now.
~Formerly Annoying Crap 17:11, 4 May 2013
lololololololololololollolollooololololololololololololololol[edit | edit source]
you broke the unsignpost. we all hate you go die. you are a gay, — 01:03:03 2013/05/12 UTC
Week-old news two weeks late: The UnSignpost![edit | edit source]
The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.
June 6th, 2013 • Issue 198 • Back and better than ever still pretty adequate.
News Roundup At The OK Corral
Here we are, we are not dead. Ignore the fact that the staff is entirely changed from last time. We did not murder them. And we definitely didn't murder Sir Peasewhizz. Because that would be just terrible. What we did do, however, is listed below:
And there you have it. That is literally everything that happened on Uncyclopedia since the last UnSignpost. It may have seemed like not much information, but really we just used a sort of wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey device to cram a hell of a lot of data into a very short space of time. This is part of the UnSignpost's new technological advances that will make us a constant competitor in the world of wiki-news in the future. Please, tell your friends. Please. Seriously, please. Also, Wikia still sucks (just in general). But please don't murder them. That would be just terrible.
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-RAHB 04:38, 11 June 2013 (UTC)
So[edit | edit source]
I heard you may be the youngest uncyc user... Is this true? --The Slayer of Zaramoth DungeonSiegeAddict510 05:35, 14 June 2013 (UTC) (Seriously, I should update my sig)
- Es possible. Yo es 14 años. 16:48 6.20.13
- FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! I wanted to be the youngest!--The Shield of Azunai DSA510 Insight into the mind of an aspergian: 23:53, 20 June 2013 (UTC)
- How old are you Denza?? ;) IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 23:55 20 June 2013
- 15, pronounced fyph-tyeaen! --The Shield of Azunai DSA510 Insight into the mind of an aspergian: 17:43, 21 June 2013 (UTC)(or something)
- How old are you Denza?? ;) IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 23:55 20 June 2013
- FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! I wanted to be the youngest!--The Shield of Azunai DSA510 Insight into the mind of an aspergian: 23:53, 20 June 2013 (UTC)
- Es possible. Yo es 14 años. 16:48 6.20.13
I peed[edit | edit source]
I have reviewed your article on Pee Review. Hope it is informative.
Woah[edit | edit source]
You're back!! How was your trip to Saturn? IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 17:02 20 June 2013
- It was very different... haha 18:29 6.21.13
- Were there aliens? Did the aliens have hula hoops? Where is the picture of an alien spinning hula hoops? --Tumb13weed (talk) 20:24, 24 June 2013 (UTC)
- It was very different... haha 18:29 6.21.13
Heeeeeeeeey Pease! Are you back with us? And I too would like to see this alien with the hula hoops. For science, of course. -RAHB 04:16, 26 June 2013 (UTC)
- Pegasus burger? (I should put pegasusburger in my sig) --The Shield of Azunai DSA510 Insight into the mind of an aspergian: 07:20, 26 June 2013 (UTC)