User talk:Necropaxx/archive 9

RAAAAAAAAPE

Nice meeting you! —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 03:42, 19 March 2010 (UTC)

That took a grand total of 3 minutes after I archived. New users, they don't make 'em like they used to. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Friday, 03:44, Mar 19 2010

You beat me. No fair... I haven't had non-consensual loving with a dead man for DAYS. User:PuppyOnTheRadio/deb Friday, 03:54, Mar 19 2010 UTC

It's like the old adage says: You snooze, you lose. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Friday, 03:55, Mar 19 2010

I'm not that new...I've been here for like 5 months. But I am an expert rapist. And that sounded much better in my head... —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 03:57, 19 March 2010 (UTC)

You should advertise: "For the quickest, highest quality rape around, just call 1-PEL-ARG-ONAD." • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Friday, 03:59, Mar 19 2010

Scary is - I was just ringing someone about a beauty the rapist job. User:PuppyOnTheRadio/deb Friday, 04:01, Mar 19 2010 UTC

Well, it has to be more subtle...like, "Specialist in unexpected advanced love techniques looking for young, busty mate (either gender may apply)" —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 04:03, 19 March 2010 (UTC)

Subtle?! Feh! If you don't state right out what you're advertising, how will those poor innocent potential clients know which rapist to pick?! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Friday, 04:06, Mar 19 2010

But that's the best part--they won't. They'll have no idea what to expect when they do pick me; all the better for my pleasure. Or something like that, anyway. —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 04:10, 19 March 2010 (UTC)

Rape

Am I late? • FreddIs Great In Bedd • • • 09:18 • Friday, 19-03-2010

Yes, you are extremely late. No professionalism these days, I swear... • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Friday, 14:47, Mar 19 2010

Needlessly Offensive Religious Discussion

With regards to my assertion that "Mormons believe that God has marital relations with his spirit wives", and "also believe that his spirit wives are eternally pregnant" in the antbortion article, which one of those statements is incorrect? I'm fairly certain that Mormons believe in eternal marriage and the production of spirit children, although I might be overly carnalizing the concept. --Mn-z 03:42, March 21, 2010 (UTC)

Both. God has a spirit wife (as in singular). I'm not sure if she is a "spirit" wife b/c Mormons believe God has a body of flesh and bone, but this is beside the point. And I have never heard anything from my bishop or anyone else about her being eternally pregnant. That really kinda freaked me out, there. O_O • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Sunday, 04:15, Mar 21 2010

I thought Mormons believed God had multiple spirit wives (or heavenly mother or wives of God)? But that is beside the point. I have seem mentions of divine wives (of wife) being perpetually pregnant on the internet. But, that may have been an amateur extrapolation of her producing billions of spirit children. And, I might have been putting too much weight on the word "perpetually". It could mean that the spirit wife gets pregnant soon after giving birth, not that she is literally constantly pregnant every second. --Mn-z 04:35, March 21, 2010 (UTC)

Like I said, I haven't ever heard about Her pregnancy status at all, so it isn't taught by Mormons. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Sunday, 05:32, Mar 21 2010

But they also don't explicitly that God does not have marital relations with his gravid wife{s), so it still is a possibility, right? --Mn-z 16:10, March 21, 2010 (UTC)

Well, seeing as how I already said no one in the church teaches about it, or even considers it an issue, I can't very well say no, can I? • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Monday, 05:21, Mar 22 2010

What I heard about Mormons is that they're all perverts! Did you know that, hidden under their clothes, they have penises and vaginas? Even their children do! Shocking! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  20:31, April 8, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 25th March 2010 (hand delivered for added flavour)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.

Mar 25th, 2010 • Issue 81 • So full of news, our news-gut hangs over our news-jeans

VFS reaches third and final round, Uncyclopedians bored to tears By UU And so the bloated process that is VFS stumbles drunkenly into its third and final stage. All the chaff - that is, those polling low numbers of votes - has been mercilessly pruned, and the wheat - Chief, Rabbi and Socky - is now being sifted carefully by the admins. And the UnSignpost once more devotes precious space to covering it, even though most Uncyclopedians, with their reduced attention spans, got bored of it weeks ago. Once again, the Rabbi appears to be in pole position, and there are rumours that Mordillo is already preparing him a traditional Jewish banstick, such is his current lead. Meanwhile, Sock and Chief are neck-and-neck for the second slot, polling three votes each currently. When he interviewed himself for this article, lazy journalist UU exclusively told us: "this reflects well on the site - we have three great, very strong candidates, any and all of whom would do a great job if opped. And a number of those who didn't make it to round 3 will probably make a much stronger showing next time. If there is a next time." All that remains now is to see how the final few days affect the vote, and who finally gets the supreme honour of being able to go delete every single page of shitloads of crappy games that have been nommed on VFD, and the like. Joins us next week for the "From Our Logs" new admin special, when we analyse their first bans, and watch as these new admins mercilessly ban the unlucky loser and abuse their new powers flagrantly. Hopefully. Top 5 Of-The-Months Become 90% Cheesier By CheddarBBQ Well known and completely badass user CheddarBBQ, known for his increasing his own self-image, and for being one of the coolest guys ever, has now set a record by being nommed for all four "big" nominations in the same month. Even more impressive, he has been nommed for these four without doing much of anything deserving of awards (besides the aforementioned alleged coolness and/or badassedness). The always tasty Eyetallyan snackfood has been able to hold tightly to last place in each one of these all month. When asked about his newfound record, the great man/food had this to say: "I always knew I was special. The bag of cheese curls that I referred to as "Mommy" for 15 years would tell me so on a regular basis. Also, suck it bitchez." Of course the amazing record-breaker would think well of himself, so we went elsewhere, to question his adopted son, Momo. When asked about the excitement over the record, Momo claimed, "Papa De La Rosa is, like, the greatest dad ever, I used to have so much fun with him when I was little. Ya know, he once left me inside an oven when I was a baby, went for a beer and got me out the following morning. That was fun, I'm tellin' ya. And when I was 4, he left me in an amusement park, went for a beer and came to pick me up a whole week later. I spent that week with that nice guy who kept touching my ass.. Good times.. When I was 7, he took me for a beer. And by the age of 14, we were running our small liquor-smuggling business.. Oh yeah, he's a great guy." Curiously, his comment did not much relate to the matter at hand, yet it was deemed necessary to include it anyway. It appears to be abundantly clear that Cheddar is a marvel of a man whom we can all look up to. In other news, it appears that Don Chedds is about to set another record by being the first Uncyclopedian to drastically lose all five major awards in one month. It appears to be abundantly clear that Cheddar is a marvel of a man whom we can all look up to. Here's to you, CheddarBBQ. Oh yeah, and some other people had something to do with it as well. Note: The writer of this article has decided that a fact check as to whether or not either of these are true records would be unnecessary.

Check out these pages! Screw you, smartasses Something to do with politics, I think We have a history, but is that anything worth celebrating? From our logs: 23:47, 23 March 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked Dakotah0 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Being a Dick: Fucking n00bs, editing the UnNews Main Page.... what do you think this is, rimjob? Wikipedia?) 09:16, 23 March 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.162.71.154 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (stop being so full of fail. seriously, did you have a fail transplant or something? that's a serious fail supply you carry round with you.) 05:14, 22 March 2010 Roman Dog Bird blocked TheUnUncyclopedian with an expiry time of infinite (Have you ever tried to cum in your mouth? I did. I couldn't go through with it though. No way was I going to eat my cum. What the fuck was I thinking? True story.) Biopic of the Week Tell you what, let's do a bio of someone who's won the WotM award this year - how's that sound? Splendid, knew you'd like it. And you'll like the guy we've chosen too: Nameable. How can you not? He's friendly, cuddly (we're told), and capable of writing a funny article about Corn Flakes. That's pretty much as good as it gets, right there. Unless you have some kind of Corn Flake aversion, but then, if you do, you're beyond help. Probably. Day of the Week A glut of Sasquatch-related UnNews stories led the very Reverend Zim to declare March 24th Sasquatch Appreciation Day. He celebrated by spamming a template around a few talk pages. Do those sasquatches appreciators know how to party or what? Old school featured article of the Week Sexual innuendo is a hard topic to stay abreast of. As a humor tool, it stands erect in the English language. While there are no hard and fast rules as to what constitutes sexual innuendo, many people have mass-debated over the topic, and now the general principles at the root of the topic are firm and well-rounded. However, full penetration of the subject requires that the reader take a long, hard look at the target and be a cunning linguist in order to avoid limp phrases and imbibe the phrase with a large handful of meanings. The topic can become hot by attempting to grasp it, and the more one experiments with it, the more interested they become. Also, as the language changes innuendos must change in order to fill the newly created holes and satisfy listeners.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeGameCube 21:57, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

your page doesn't have enough me

Here is an item left over from the garage sale. Give it to a favorite relative! Thanks for your vote, appreciated. Al en chain 23:06 28 3 mmx What's wrong with templates? Also you're welcome. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Sunday, 23:09, Mar 28 2010

so here i am. also, danke schön für das vote! • FreddIs Great In Bedd • • • 22:43 • Sunday, 28-03-2010

Aw, man! Now you've got your essence all over the place! It'll take me weeks to clean this up! also, you're welcome, but "für" has an umlaut. Tut tut! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Sunday, 23:04, Mar 28 2010

Scheiß. Du bist right. • FreddIs Great In Bedd • • • 23:11 • Sunday, 28-03-2010

Watch your language, Fredd. And of course I'm right. I'm always right. --SIR Pretentious Loser (Have a mocha cappuccino and a sit down) 23:15, March 28, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, sorry. • FreddIs Great In Bedd • • • 23:27 • Sunday, 28-03-2010

Thank you

Thank you very much for your input. My article "God Orders Global Women Recall" has just won "Featured Article of the Month" thanks to you!  : ) Smuggler!

You're welcome! Thanks for the funny article! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Wednesday, 01:08, Mar 31 2010

Sorry again...

...very much for that forum bit. It's nothing personal - you just happened to be the first on spot. Also, I've seen you do that thingy quite a few times, and I feel I have the moral right to pointedly say what I think of the habit - in you or anyone else. But you already knew that. So, no hard feelings, OK? After all it's only about humour. You kick me back if you want to, I'll not mind. -- Style  Guide 08:41, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

I have absolutely no problem with users posting topics about problems in Uncyclopedia, it helps the site grow. I do have a problem with users (you, in this instance) making forum topics about problems in Uncyclopedia and not trying to make anything constructive out of it. I really don't like it when the whole thing repeats after a couple weeks. Forgive me if I don't buy your apology, but I don't really believe you are that sorry. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Wednesday, 14:53, Mar 31 2010

Well, I am. Not because of what I said but because I wouldn't like it to be on some personal level. I really am sorry I did pick your vote and comment as an example. It could have been anyone who does it that way, and I would have been just as sorry about it whoever it was. Also, I am trying to be constructive. That really is all I am, if you haven't found it out yet. I won't gain anything by appearing an uptight arsehole on Forum. I don't see myself writing articles on Uncyc in the near future, possibly never - so I really just put myself on line to try and improve the spirit of the place. Call it what you will. If you choose to believe I do it to somehow promote myself - OK. For what? -- Style  Guide 15:29, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

I'm not complaining about you taking umbrage with my vote. I could care less. My vote is my vote and if someone doesn't like it, then good on them. I don't think you're doing it for self-promotion, I think you're doing it because you want to have a debate with someone. You said yourself that you're bored. What better way to unbore yourself than a spirited debate? • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Wednesday, 15:35, Mar 31 2010

Well, good point. Could be just that. -- Style  Guide 15:38, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

Well then you can understand that some Uncyclopedians may be a little irritated by that and not wish to play along. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Wednesday, 21:02, Mar 31 2010

UnSignpost 1th April 2010 - Always on time

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

Apr 1st, 2010 • Issue 82 • You'd better watch out, you'd better beware: if any news happens, the Signpost will be there

Nominally Humane! some time Friday, 04:44, Apr 2 2010 UTC

Thanks

Thanks for you vote on HowTo:Blow a dog, something I've been practicing and perfecting since childhood (my dad, he made me at first, then I liked it, and then he had me do it to dogs too). That was a surprising nom. Thanks again, appreciated. Aleister in Chains 11:44 2 4 mmx

No problem, classy ribaldry is always a pleasure to read. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Friday, 22:34, Apr 2 2010

Bunnies

I also had a flash about bunnies this morning since there's a lot of unnecessary blabber about city-bunnies here (they only recently spread into Finland). I'll try to come up with an "expert-article" after I've seen which direction you go with those/one of those. There should also be a bunny lobbyist I suppose. Also - are you good with templates and shit? I could make up a Truth-logo, png or so, and you might work it into a template maybe. Same with Lies. Then the office would basically be set up and ready to go. Later, if we feel like it, there could be other templates but since the spinning thingy is mostly covert (except when they get caught) I doubt those would be necessary. -- Style  Guide 16:07, April 2, 2010 (UTC)

Oooh, your idea is better. Those filthy illegal immigrant bunnies are stealing all our jobs! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Friday, 16:10, Apr 2 2010

That would be the con-side. How about the pro-article about how bunnies keep the soil healthy by burrowing into it, providing necessary ventilation. Other ideas? ...and which side is truth? I think the "cute-wuvvy-bunny" people could be our main client on this issue since you'd naturally expect otherwise. The (real) truth then would be that they actually are evil, and have a sinister agenda (stealing jobs, what else?). If we play it smart it will be a hilarious series. So then: Wuvvy-bunny people have us propagating articles that are labeled as TRUTH. They pay us. Sometimes a false article about their secret motives slips in since we don't controll all the media. How does this sound? -- Style  Guide 16:14, April 2, 2010 (UTC)

Yes, yes, yes. Also, if you get the images, I can slap them into a template. Off to school! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Friday, 16:22, Apr 2 2010

What for text? "This article, and everything it implies, is the truth on the matter." "The writers of this article are vicious perpetrators of lies." Small font, and place the template somewhere unnoticeable in an article - because we are a covert organisation as far as media is concerned. Maybe set float to right so it will be bottom right? I will make the Lies-image more disgusting later. About the bunny article: what if the Truth-article, the one we're "paid" for, concentrated on the indubitable benefits of rabbits, without mentioning refugees or anything like that? Just sell the idea that rabbits are there to stay and they are a great benefit to all of us. And maybe not mention Finland? Just "in our country" without specifying it at all? I don't know though. -- Style  Guide 16:36, April 2, 2010 (UTC)

The images look good, and I like your ideas for the templates. But I have to protest against not including Finland. If we don't specify, people will naturally assume America or G.B. (whichever one they live in), and in my opinion that makes it more serious than I'm aiming. I want this to be very lighthearted. If there's an undercurrent of condemning/praising real illegal immigration, it won't be as funny. By keeping it in a very stable country, like Finland or Switzerland, etc., we can still provide a commentary on illegal immigration without it being sarcastic. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Friday, 18:31, Apr 2 2010

Here are the templates: {{Spin}} and User:Necropaxx/. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Friday, 18:54, Apr 2 2010

Yes, I thought the same - but in Finland - and Switzerland too - immigration is also seen as a problem. How about we make it Northern Siberia? Nobody in their right minds would immigrate there, least of all fluffy bunnies. Or Lappland? That way it would be Northern Finland, Sweden and Norway. I think that might be best. Fluffy Bunnies invading Lappland, and a covert organisation trying to make Lapps see how this is a bonus (in fact the bunnies would have nothing to eat there, and wolverines and arctic foxes would pick them up easily... we could maybe play with that too). -- Style  Guide 19:03, April 2, 2010 (UTC)

OK, good. I didn't know that immigration was an issue among the Finns and Swiss. But Lappland sounds good, we could maybe work in how the fluffy bunnies have already taken over the Kola peninsula, maybe refer to a previous incident where the fluffy bunnies supposedly caused the economic collapse of a different nation (I was thinking Iceland, too soon?). • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Friday, 21:06, Apr 2 2010

Iceland's OK. I'll make a subpage for the "client" first, then we maybe should collect facts on why fluffy bunnies should be such a boon to Lappland, and one of us could write the pro-bunnies newspiece. Or both. Then maybe collaborate on the "twisted evidence" article for main space, and basically collect the evidence against fluffy bunnies for the "bunnies are actually evil -article" (which isn't endorsed by our client, the pro-bunny people, so they will make us write a swift retort). If a third writer wrote the "EVIL" -article, the series would get nice variety. -- Style  Guide 10:03, April 5, 2010 (UTC)

I made a change to the angle of the Fluffy Bunnies article scheme since if we want to make Fluffy Bunnies look beneficial to Lappland, I think we shouldn't call them immigrants (just leave out the immigrant part, thus making it look more like they somehow belong in Lappland). If you want to write of them as immigrants, it's OK though: it will just make it easier for Minutemen to destroy the scheme. -- Style  Guide 10:59, April 5, 2010 (UTC)

Potato head chopper of the Month March 2010

YO!

When I got the Nobel Piece of Ass Prize for being the Nobel Piece of Ass in appreciation of my saving the Universe, I was proud; but THIS is positively humbling! Thanks!!--Funnybony    20:16, Apr 3

No problem! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Saturday, 20:17, Apr 3 2010

logo thingy

It's not the easiest thing in the world to do, by the way. Nominally Humane! some time Sunday, 05:52, Apr 4 2010 UTC

Oh. My. Gosh. That is perfect! Perfect! It's amazing, POTR, thanks so much! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Sunday, 06:00, Apr 4 2010

One small tiny minuscule microscopic suggestion: Could the image be transparentized at the corners to make it circular? If not, it's still amazing, and thanks again for all the help! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Sunday, 08:50, Apr 4 2010

I was thinking about circular as well, but figured making circle out of square is easier than other way round. How does timing work for you? Nominally Humane! some time Sunday, 09:53, Apr 4 2010 UTC

The timing's great, it works perfectly. The 100x100 and 25x25 ones are coming soon, right? Thanks again, Puppy! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Sunday, 21:42, Apr 4 2010

scaled to 300px

scaled to 100px

scaled to 25px

25px version cut to 12px height this can go into a sig after all

You'd go dizzy looking at all these after a while. Nominally Humane! some time Sunday, 22:55, Apr 4 2010 UTC

Hubuzzabmbm... what-? Thanks Pup, you're the best! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Sunday, 22:58, Apr 4 2010

The truth/lies-revolver...

Great! That will go on my userpage right now. Can be used on some articles too, I guess? -- Style  Guide 11:02, April 5, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, I made a template (with POTR's help) that links back to the main page. {{Summit of spin badge}} <-- Here it is. Also, I was thinking, maybe we should have subpages that link to individual storylines. Like, Summit of spin/Bunnies would link to page that had all the pieces that made up the "bunnies" storyline. This way a user can read all of the stories without getting lost. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Monday, 14:11, Apr 5 2010

That one is possible... maybe. Let's try with one - for instance when the bunnies-series is ready. Makes it look less real-worldly but I guess that's impossible to avoid. Maybe we should do that after the "fight" is over, so as to make it look less planned? By the way - as further evidence of goodness of Fluffy Bunnies, link your newspiece to rodents, pointing out how it never mentions our fluffy little friends. And give me a link to your piece, I might get ideas. -- Style  Guide 18:13, April 5, 2010 (UTC)

Alsow--- what if the word "truth" in the small text in the TRUTH-template linked to the article Truth rather than to Summit of Spin? I would like to keep the office slightly less accessible, even if it's not actually hidden. After all, it is a partly covert organisation as far as open information goes. -- Style  Guide 18:52, April 5, 2010 (UTC)

Mm. I'm ambivalent to it. So long as we have one link back to the main hub (right now it's in the badge at the top), I'm good. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Monday, 18:56, Apr 5 2010

OK, keep that and link Truth to truth. I would like it to look more like we actually wanted to appear telling the truth (whichever way it is defined here). It seems to undermine the Summit a bit if we have a label Truth in an article, and it points right back at us. Since this is just Uncyclopedia, it obviously doesn't matter, but inside the game I would like to keep appearances. -- Style  Guide 19:06, April 5, 2010 (UTC)

Sorry for the delay in the Pee

but it is ready now Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Why?:Do I need to provide this? (2nd) -- Sir SF13 (Talk) GUN WotM RotM FBotM VFH SK Maj. ΥΣΣ 02:46 EST 4 April, 2010

Thankee kindly, skinfan. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Sunday, 08:51, Apr 4 2010

I thought I was restoring a link you had put in originally. My mistake. But really, I would think the link was funny even if the article and user had a different name. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  23:50, April 5, 2010 (UTC)

Um. What? • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Tuesday, 00:30, Apr 6 2010

There was a link in the version I Pee Reviewed that I restored and you removed. I put it back, although in a slightly different form, because I thought it was funny. I think a link like that would be funny even if the article and title were different; for example, an article titled "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" with a link to User:Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf where the link said "It's not just a question; it's a person." (By the way, the idea of the link actually predates the article--a long time user here suggested it when I was relatively new, but I never got around to writing the article. I think it was either MadMax or MacMania who suggested it, but I don't remember now). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  00:44, April 6, 2010 (UTC)

It was macmania, but I was only removing it so Romartus wouldn't against. You can put it back once the nom is over. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Tuesday, 00:55, Apr 6 2010

Oops; I think I misread your note. I'm going to look like an ass. But the user in question hasn't posted anything here in 36 hours, and a certain article will likely be promoted very soon.... King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  01:09, April 6, 2010 (UTC)

You!

You wrote Elevator! That's, like one of my favorite articles. Cheers! --Paizu • Maj. • JStw • MUN • LOB • Crap • WHORE • (Talk) 07:04, 4 April 2010 (UTC)

Really? Wow! Thanks! I actually thought it was one of my more average ones, but I'm glad you like it! Also: WTF are you still doing up? • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Sunday, 07:08, Apr 4 2010

Watching Fullmetal Alchemist. What are you still doing up? --Paizu • Maj. • JStw • MUN • LOB • Crap • WHORE • (Talk) 07:21, 4 April 2010 (UTC)

Okay, maybe not. >.< --Paizu • Maj. • JStw • MUN • LOB • Crap • WHORE • (Talk) 07:32, 4 April 2010 (UTC)

Ha! Gotcha! I'm watching music videos on YouTube/trying to tune up Why do I need to yadda yadda. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Sunday, 08:16, Apr 4 2010

I'm still up..and I'm in EST...—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 08:51, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

So it's about 1? Dude, it's 3 over here. Before I go to bed, though, I gotta say, don't trust Onion69. He'll break your heart. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Sunday, 08:53, Apr 4 2010

What, no! It's almost 5. And I can't help it, he's so pretty.../drool—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 08:55, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

Oh, right, I was thinking backwards. So you got a death wish or something? Staying up till 5... (I've never done anything like that, no not me, no sir, especially not going 36 hours w/o sleep...) OK, OK, I'm going to bed. For realz this time! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Sunday, 08:58, Apr 4 2010

Sleeping at night? That's so 2005.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 09:00, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

My record is 40 hours or something along those lines. --nldr 11:03, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

You slept at night for 40 hours? You must have been changing time zones like crazy. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  01:10, April 6, 2010 (UTC)

Here comes the sun,

It's time to run!

King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  01:12, April 6, 2010 (UTC)

My record is 32. Almost died when I did it... But now, here comes the sun (really, really) and it's time to run (to college, actually, I have to be there at the first light of the fifth day, for a student is never late nor is he early, he arrives percisely when he means to) • FreddIs Great In Bedd • • • 03:13 • Tuesday, 6-04-2010

If we're talking about not-sleeping records now, mine was about 23 or so hours before I passed out at like 9 in the morning. Good thing it was Saturday. —Pelozurian (talk) 03:51, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

I stayed awake with partying followed by coffee. It was an unusual end to the party - we were just old enough to consider alcohol just about revolutionary for teens but there was still a clique of us who liked to do nothing more than talk to another as the sun re-rises. Now I'm all alone and lonely. ;( --nldr 10:47, April 6, 2010 (UTC)

The longest I went was 47 hours. There was no special occasion, I just decided on one weekend "Fuck it, I don't want to go to sleep."--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 19:13, April 6, 2010 (UTC)

You people be craaazy. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Tuesday, 19:16, Apr 6 2010

Now...

...you have some serious evidence of fluffy bunnies' usefulness. Tables don't lie! -- Style  Guide 06:19, April 6, 2010 (UTC)

Alsos...

This here is a bit of nitpicking - but what do you think? I think it gives the UnNewses more credibility if the truth they refer to is outside of the UnNews itself. After all, they're ostensibly news. (I'm not even sure if ostensibly means what I think it means. The same goes for masturbation.)

*Idea: the TRUTH-template might have a more intelligent impact if it was used on the articles we use as evidence. That way the pointing out would be one step removed, thus more credibly misleading true.

-- Style  Guide 08:55, April 7, 2010 (UTC)

Yes, that sounds good, but remember, this is a Summit of Spin. We are spinning the truth into what we want. It seems to me that we should use {{SpinTruth}} whenever we are spinning/twisting something into the "truth," not just when citing outside sources. However — it's your project, I'm just writing a story for it. (BTW, that story will be delayed... finals are upon me.) • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Wednesday, 16:18, Apr 7 2010

Whichever way - it really is nitpicking on my part since nobody would notice why it's done any which way. Probably best just use the TRUTH on anything we want to label so. And - while the idea for the larger project is mine, this bunny thingy is yours. I just did some background research. -- Style  Guide 17:05, April 7, 2010 (UTC)

And one other thingy occurred to me: there should be an intermediate step between the "truth" the template links to. Not straight to Summit of Spin but to some page with maybe... hm. I'll figure it out one of these days. Anyway, that page would then have almost only the link to Summit of Spin. -- Style  Guide 19:31, April 7, 2010 (UTC)

OK, if you need some help with it just knock on my talk page. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Wednesday, 19:32, Apr 7 2010

Some sort of ad for the Summit of Spin, or "Are you ready to face the truth?" or something like that. It will drop down when we let it wait. -- Style  Guide 19:35, April 7, 2010 (UTC)

Done. If you can make this look better without too much trouble, and link to it from the truth-template, would be cool. Want me to make an image for the last one (Are you ready to create it?)? -- Style  Guide 19:43, April 7, 2010 (UTC)

Done diddly. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Wednesday, 19:46, Apr 7 2010

Good, I'll make a banner of the "create" part in a jiffy, see if you can use it. refresh in about 10 min, I'll put it on the page. -- Style  Guide 19:52, April 7, 2010 (UTC)

Dun. Would look great if the clickable ...create section was that image on a black or dark dark blue background. -- Style  Guide 19:59, April 7, 2010 (UTC)

Damn you and your edit conflict!

Yeah, I'm having problems with Uncyc being uncooperative today lol (I was in the middle of judging that review lol) -- Sir SF13 (Talk) GUN WotM RotM FBotM VFH SK Maj. ΥΣΣ 17:29 EST 7 April, 2010

You and me both. It's lagged out on me twice while saving. I thought it was the network I was on, but it was really your fault! Congratulations, you broke Uncyclopedia! :P • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Wednesday, 21:35, Apr 7 2010

OK, maybe it is the network. It lagged out on me again while saving the previous message. Congratulations, you didn't break Uncyclopedia! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Wednesday, 21:38, Apr 7 2010

TESHT

Why do I need to provide this header?

Because it's a sunny day in Las Vegas and OMIGOD WHY IS A FEATURED ARTICLE! Not even Mhaille could achieve that. :P —Pelozurian (talk) 22:25, 7 April 2010 (UTC)

Two words: Gerry Cheevers. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Wednesday, 22:27, Apr 7 2010

How could I forget Gerry? I was more of a lurker back when he was still active, but now he's gone and he' never coming back! /me starts crying —Pelozurian (talk) 22:32, 7 April 2010 (UTC)

stfu noob • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Wednesday, 22:44, Apr 7 2010

No u —Pelozurian (talk) 23:05, 7 April 2010 (UTC)

That Word

See here. Also congrats on that article with the best name ever! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  04:43, April 8, 2010 (UTC)

FA

Way to go! Hey, next time you go for a 2nd Pee and do NOT want a Nom, in spite of a rework after first pee already has it qualified, and it's ready to Nom. If you don't want a nom, please warn people. I took a look of shit for that innocent Nom. The article was like a bear-trap for me. But I really enjoyed it. Specially because it breaks every rule in the Wikipedia law book - style wise - I'm a long time Wikipedian. So most of my articles are more like Wikipedia style. It's nice you can get away with murder here! BTW: Did you see my little collection of articles that stuck has gone over the 100 mark. I donno, it that a lot, or somethin'? Cheers!--Funnybony    10:16, Apr 8

Disrodents

This is what you're up against now. You and your anti-bunny propaganda. I'll publish this one after you've published yours so we'll get it going in good order. -- Style  Guide 11:04, April 8, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 4/8/10 - Oh hi Signpost.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Word to your mother.

Apr 8th, 2010 • Issue 83 • News even an Uncyclopedian can understand!

We deliver on our promises By PuppyOnTheRadio As stated in last weeks edition of the USP, VFS is over, and we've run out of material to be able to fill this particular edition. Discussion about what to include in here has been vast and varied. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user suggested we write an article about how it's his birthday today, but how are we going to be able to write an entire article about his birthday? Especially when the bastard hasn't invited us to his party or shared any of his cake with us. Other suggestions included writing the value of π to the first 1,000 digits, or planting drugs on an admin. As none of the regular writers are able to do anything mathematical, and we attempted to plant drugs on an admin, but they mysteriously disappeared before we could discover them, those options were excluded. So instead we have gone back to suggestions for what we were going to do for the April Fool's day issue, where EMC suggested we have an article which simply showed someone being hit in the face with a pie. Working on the assumption that a picture is worth one thousand words, this seems to incorporate elements from most of the ideas we have had so far. If you are interested in helping to pad out contribute fine quality writing to the UnSignpost, or just wanting to bring up items of interest for our intrepid team of editors to report on, drop us a line at the press room and we promise we'll be polite when we ignore it. Spinning some new yarns By UU Another week, another new Uncyclopedia project, it seems. The latest to be launched is the Summit of Spin, which purports to be "an "office" that makes it easier and more organized to collaborate on article serials". It seemingly has no rules, but claims to provide "a series of tools to facilitate writing", which sounds dangerously close to helpful, if you ask us. Intrigued, your ever-alert UnSignpost asked the project's founder, Multiliteralist, for some quotes, preferably lengthy ones for the sake of padding. He responded: "You like the truth, don't you? But you don't like it the way it is now? Join us." Which is all well and good, but doesn't exactly fill this article out anything like enough. Fortunately, he added: "Our door is open for anyone with - in the words of Sir Humphrey Appleby - some moral flexibility." That was slightly more helpful for our purposes. Fortunately, however, he followed that up with: "Early this year, I felt something was missing in the world. That something was money truth - and it was specifically missing in my pockets the world of organised news reporting. Whatever is true in the world - like how wooden wheels are far better than tyres made of rubber and wheels made of metal alloys, or how fluffy bunnies are infinitely useful for all kinds of things - I felt I had to bring these things out for people to see. And you, if you are as greedy as I am love truth as much I do, can join forces with me by working for Summit of Spin for a ridiculously low salary, considering how much you have to lie love of truth! I cannot promise you anything else but prolonged court battles blood, sweat and tears in our constant fight for better-paying clients a more honest world!" And we think that just about sums it up without us having to do too much actual reporting, so we'll leave it here. Why not have a look at the Summit of Spin and get involved?

Check out these pages! Someone wants to be banned Oh dear God, is it still going? World Cup fever starts here From our logs: 14:26, 6 April 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 167.206.233.170 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (anonymous users only, account creation disabled, autoblock disabled) ‎ (ooh, is this a game of "state the bleedin' obvious"? OK: you're a twat. I win!) 15:53, 4 April 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Starsky133 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 seconds ‎ (I have no life and nothing bothers me more than people who don't know the difference between "your" and "you're." :-)) 01:22, 3 April 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked 123.243.77.178 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Because I said so: Random insertion of the phrase "Monstrous testicles" into an UnNews article is not funny unless you're extrodinarily lucky, and you, my fine douche bag of a fellow human, are not lucky.) Biopic of the Week You'd think that, him having been on the wiki for over 4 years, having written a bunch of featured articles, and recently become an admin, we'd have done a bio on RabbiTechno by now, wouldn't you? Arguably Uncyc's second most notorious Jew (because no-one ever remembers TKF is Jewish), and UotM wayyy back in January '08, the good Rabbi now polices the wiki with his kosher banstick as part of the increasingly Semitic but non-existent Cabal. Old-School Featured Article of the Week I'm a dick. A private dick. That's like a private dancer but with a gun and dances cost extra. That's how we do it in the detective game. It's a game like Clue, but without the cards or the board. Just the dice. And they always come up snake eyes. The name is Gwendolyne. Last name's not important. All you need to know is my friends call me Gwendolyne. My friends are bourbon and ice and I haven't spoken to ice in years. It was a stormy and dark night. Not a dark and stormy night. That's an unrelated story, one that’s got little to do with this narrative. That somber tale has got something to do with Paul Clifford and I'd tell you about it, but the library revoked my card. Something about expositioning too loud last time I was there. Sorta-Comeback of the Week A wild Gerrycheevers appeared! Gerry used April Fool - it's pretty effective! Necropaxx, RabbiTechno, Mordillo and UU used gullibility - it's not very effective! Gerry wins!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 19:48, April 8, 2010 (UTC)

Help

Erm.... could you cast your eyes over this for me... I could do with an opinion or two. I don't know whether to highlight the film titles in some way to make them more obvious (I've done it with some already like sixth sense but not with oceans twelve for example). I've stuck a link to imdb at the bottom so I guess the fun could be finding them yourself? Hmm.. Also do you know anyone who could bodge up a picture on the "structure of" bit? I was thinking just like a atomic diagram with bruce's head at the centre where the nucleus should be. Any help would be great. Cheers! --Tragicbooty 15:31, April 9, 2010 (UTC)

Itty bitty wussy bussy bunnies

I pushed the first two bunny-articles out already. Waiting for yours before the next one, since now is the time to cast doubt on the little bastards. Then I'll strike back again. I know you wanted to start with a neutral article - but I went ahead while the thingy was still warm - so now you can forget neutral and go for alarmist. -- Style  Guide 17:51, April 10, 2010 (UTC)

I won't be able to start writing until at least the 21st. (Finals, you know) • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Sunday, 06:24, Apr 11 2010

No problem since the idea was to link the series arbitrarily together anyway. -- Style  Guide 19:21, April 11, 2010 (UTC)

Sorry!!

Forget what I said, Zim came across really nicely, I'm not splitting. Sorry for the fuckup. -- Style  Guide 04:28, April 13, 2010 (UTC)

Drat, and here I had plans for usurpation of SoS all set up! Anyway, glad you're not leaving! (But still do that IRL stuffs.) • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Tuesday, 04:49, Apr 13 2010

You surper! Let me know when you're ready with the bunnies, and I'll follow it with the Nietzsche column. -- Style  Guide 05:22, April 13, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 15/4/10 - Yet another on time delivery.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

Apr 15th, 2010 • Issue 84 • News? Where we're going, we don't need... News...

Something Scary This Way "Comes" By Skinfan13 A recent infestation of glowing dildos has taken over the front page of Uncyclopedia. Many users were shocked on April 11th when they opened up their web browsers and were treated to bright green replicas of EugeneKay's penis. Everywhere. Even poor anti-Semite Mel Gibson couldn't escape the wrath of the glowing dick. And the reason for the Scream in Edvard Munch's famous painting was revealed - turns out to have been caused by a hoard of giant glowing EugeneKay penises - an understandable reaction. When asked to comment on the matter, users simply refused to acknowledge that they had seen the penises at all. "Well, I for one didn't notice anything. Glowing penii are so common around here that these particular examples of illuminated manhood really didn't make an impression..." said Aleister in Chains. HELPME had a different outlook on the whole matter: "of course I noticed, how couldn't I? They were everywhere!" he exclusively told our intrepid reporter. Random internet traffic took notice of the infestation as well, with 127.0.0.1 commenting" "Ballsack!!!11 alolololololololooll pasfsdkjfhaelkfjds PENIS PENIS PENIS." He was promptly banned. The infestation passed almost as quickly as it came and a sense of normalcy returned to the main page when the penises retreated into the dark and abysmal graveyard of unused image files. By April 13th, all traces of the Great Penis Invasion of April 11-13 2010 (as it is now being called) were gone. There are, however, unconfirmed reports that the menace still lingers close to the main page, just waiting to strike again soon. I See IC All At Sea By UU It has come to the attention of our ever-vigilant reporters (largely because Why? has been bugging us to write a story about it) that Why? has decided to stand down as Admiral of Imperial Colonization, the organisation that somewhat amusingly styles itself after British Imperialism, but uses American spelling. We didn't need to ask the outgoing Admiral for a comment, as he was falling over himself to give us plenty, so we randomly selected the following: "I'm anal for accuracy", he told us. Among other things. Anyway, if you want to follow in Why?'s footsteps, and those of his illustrious predecessors in charge of the Colonization project, you can sign up to be considered for the post here. If it helps, you may wear a nice hat (please provide your own hat).

Check out these pages! The seed of a good idea It's a surprise, it says so in the name... Tell Uncle Dex everything. Everything... From our logs: 17:54, 14 April 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.185.215.1 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (On the charge of flagrant asshattery while in posession of an internet connection, I find you incredibly guilty) 20:05, 13 April 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I never gave you an inaugural joke ban? I blame you.) 23:03, 12 April 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.55.13.71 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (And the LORD said unto me: "Go ye, and smite the page blankers; they are as shit upon My heavenly sandal") 14:44, 11 April 2010 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 79.73.5.86 with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (You sound clever, and therefore I am blocking you to ensure that your talents are not wasted on us.) 21:19, 11 April 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked EugeneKay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a random ban time ‎ (chose your own adventure) Biopic of the Week Continuing our glorious occasional tradition of bio-ing people who haven't contributed for months and half the newer members of the wiki will never have heard of, let's have a look at Andorin Kato. An Uncyc stalwart since 2006, Andorin was voting on VFD, QVFDing stuff and writing good articles when most of today's active users were in short trousers (they're still in short trousers, of course, but it's been a while). In true on-the-ball Uncyc fashion, this hard work was recognised when Andorin was made UotM in November 2009. He was less than thrilled. The nostalgic return of Cajek Ban of the Week 11:39, 14 April 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (About time I did this. It's been a good two weeks and I haven't done yet.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeGameCube 20:27, April 15, 2010 (UTC)

Who are you?

And why aren't you wearing pants? Nominally Humane! some time Thursday, 13:04, Apr 22 2010 UTC

Do you have a facebook? (I know you do, just friggin add me) SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 16:07, April 22, 2010 (UTC)

And you might as well add me too, considering you know almost everything there is to know about me (and you can probably figure out what school I go to by looking at my friends). —Pelozurian (talk) 16:58, 22 April 2010 (UTC)

No! My privacy! Mine! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Thursday, 20:06, Apr 22 2010

I don't know why you're not wearing pants, but I like it.--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 20:31, April 22, 2010 (UTC)

Actually, I created a facebook account just to check out the uncyc page. I have another fb account that is under my name. (No, my name isn't Jack Dougan.) I generally don't use fb, except as a way of vote whoring, but the temptation to become the semi-real me on fb is there. Nominally Humane! some time Thursday, 22:15, Apr 22 2010 UTC

I'm not really seeing the point of it. Sure, the FB page is good for attracting new visitors, but I'm already here. Have been for 3 years. Everyone already knows I "like" Uncyc. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Thursday, 22:21, Apr 22 2010

UnSignpost 1 May

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost: Special Weekend edition

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

April 22nd 1st May, 2010 • Issue 85 • Insert penis joke here

The launch of a new and exciting weekend edition. Maybe. By PuppyOnTheRadio "Where is my signpost?" was the cry heard from the world wide masses this week. "There should have been an issue on the 22nd and on the 29th, and nothing seems to have been done about it." Fear not, gentle reader, for the signpost will not go gentle into the good night. We have instead taken a brief hiatus for no reason that we could conceivably come up with, and now we are back in a blaze of glory. For those who are unaware of our proud history, the next issue, coming out this Thursday, will mark the (roughly) 2 year anniversary of the creation of the UnSignpost, the unperiodic periodical started by Dr. Skullthumper and Cajek. The good doctor, at the time of the first issue, was asked what his feelings were towards creating the first formalised forum for spam within Uncyclopedia. It was from this that we now have the immortal words "Those assholes better appreciate this. They'd BETTER." Now, two years on from those words of wit and wisdom, the UnSignpost is still struggling going strong. There have been varied reports as to why the USP has not been released. One suggestion is that regular contributors just "couldn't be bothered writing." Others have suggested that it comes down to the unwillingness of the head editor, who was recently heard to say "I'm so against... this... again... (E)xistence is far more than (it) deserves." One of the more probable reasons for the lack of issues may be that the news has now gone viral, and is available more readily through facebook then it has been previously. One facebook semi-regular, who bears a remarkable resemblance to a Silent Bob inaction figure, has said of this development "Excuse me, but I think your geek is showing." Dexter111344 supported the move to the social networking site by saying "I won't be joining as I don't intend to ever make a Facebook." Another possibility is the number of users now communicating via UnSkypelopedia. When asked for a comment, EMC said "OH FUCKING CHRIST I'VE CUM" Dr.Skullthumper, however, said "I started both of them.", and then wished to make reference to some forum or something. Ethine, however, was somewhat more constructive, informing this reporter that "Since it's getting close to summer, we'll likely have more calls, as most people's schedules are slowing down. As well as calls, we have the neat little chat thing at the bottom, where everyone sexually harasses each other when calls aren't going." Despite several attempts, I still haven't been sexually harassed. One reason why users have not been as distracted recently is due to the enormous amount of work going on at PEE review. At present there are articles waiting for review which have been there for over three weeks. For all those who are looking to get the review process back and alive, please pick up an article for review today. Your time and investment into this proud tradition can create the next great article, like the recently featured A wizard did it or the recently nominated UnNews:Windows 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 came out, hailed by some as "the most profound and groundbreaking article to hit Uncyclopedia in over 50 years" Another reason why many users may be distracted is the number of collaborations that are currently in progress. Of those there is Tim Burton, being cleaned up by the team at ΥΣΣ, lead by the fantastic Skinfan13. Also starting to make some ground in the spread of reliable information is the team at Multiliteralist/Summit of Spin, lead by the wonderful Multiliteralist. And of course, coming out blinking from seeing the light of Discordianism is the ever faithful Imperial colonization, lead by everyone's favourite canine, RDB PuppyOnTheRadio. And of course, another reason might simply be that the team here at USP are all running around arranging bake sales to assist with Poo Lit Surprise, the bi-annual competition that actually gives prizes to the winners. The most likely explanation, however, is that nothing newsworthy ever happens on Uncyclopedia

Check out these pages! UnNews:Windows 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 came out Looks who's out of the closet. The most profound and groundbreaking article to hit Uncyclopedia in over 50 years From our logs: Flammable blocked 86.171.18.85 with an expiry time of infinite ‎(YOU ARE SO COOL SO COOL AWESOME LOL) ChiefjusticeDS blocked 91.195.183.211 with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(Ah, that may be true, but you are a wanker, so it evens out) Olipro blocked 92.4.117.223 with an expiry time of infinite (YOU EVER BEEN FUCKED IN THE ARSE WHILE WATCHING A YANKEES GAME?) Mordillo blocked 217.28.207.226 with an expiry time of 1 week (time's up! you need to go to the toilet to do some poopy!) RabbiTechno blocked 91.195.183.213 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎(Cyberbullying. Matthew R. would like to point out that while he may be gay, you are banned) Olipro blocked YOUR TOO SLOW! with an expiry time of infinite ‎(your spelling is shit, it's spelt "YOU'RE" ... so that means you're a fucking retard) ChiefjusticeDS blocked God-Is-Cool with an expiry time of 40 days ‎(Blessed be the Uncyclopedia admins for they shall lead us to the promised land, also bye bye!) Mordillo blocked God-Is-Cool with an expiry time of 40 years (It took them 40 years not 40 days you bloody heathen) Biopic of the Week What can anyone say about Maniac1075. There are rumours that he is not an individual, but rather a multinational conglomerate of authors who do nothing but write quality articles on an extremely high rate. Or at least on an extreme high. However you look at it his contributions to date have been fast and furious. There is definitely something odd with him at least. If nothing else, he has a scarily in-depth knowledge of the world of professional wrestling. In fact he has been nominated as both Writer of the month and Potatochopper of the month. There is a particular school of though that says that these fields here should be filled in with any old garbage in order to ensure that both the left and the right hand sides of the USP are of the same length. While we appreciate this sentiment, the truth is that the USP is known to be constantly at bursting point with information that we can't fit into one column, and so this right hand column is essential for the stuff that we can't fit elsewhere. SCROTUM The above section is not a prime example of the statement in the section above. Please feel free to ignore it.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Brought to you by fucking magic. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 09:56, 1 May 2010

To arms!

Good day loyal Peeing member, the management was wondering if you had noticed the state of the toilet recently, if not, why not? This is a call to you, as one of our better active reviewers, for a couple of reviews from you over the next few days. The queue is in the worst state it has been in for a little while and I would really appreciate you taking the time to do a couple of reviews. If you are able to help out then please review the older requests first.

What else do you need to hear? Get pissing! --ChiefjusticeGameCube 15:16, May 2, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks!

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recent UOTM campaign.

Your support is greatly appreciated.

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:12, May 3, 2010 (UTC)

---

D:

Where are you?--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Saturday, 07:57, May 22 2010 UTC

He's dead. I killed him. —Pelozurian (talk) 20:07, 22 May 2010 (UTC)

PLS Judging

I'm sending you this because you signed up to judge the Poo Lit Surprise. If you no longer want to judge or are incapable of doing so, please tell me as soon as possible. If you're still good to go then here are the instructions:

First, read all of the articles and look at all of the images submitted. Second, judge them. Judge how you like, as long as it's at least fair and based on merit (one suggestion would be to use the Pee Review format). You, as the judges, have the sole authority to pick losers, winners, and disqualify entries, so please read the PLS rules carefully before judging.

Post your top 5 entries here for all categories except the Best T-shirt Design. For the Best T-shirt Design category just say which ones should be t-shirts and which ones should not be t-shirts.

Hit me up on my talk page if you have any questions and thank you again for your valued participation in the balletic train wreck that is the Poo Lit Surprise! --EMC ^[TALK] 12:56 May 24 2010

Problem: Necro doesn't seem to be around. You could just use a tiebreaker judge, though.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Monday, 07:07, May 24 2010 UTC

Oi! I'm alive! Barely. I'll judge the stuffs, no need to worry about that. It's just that my parent's home has dial-up, so I am online very rarely. But I'm still judging. So nyeh. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Tuesday, 08:56, May 25 2010

It could have been worse...

I was considering changing your sig. Nominally Humane! some time Sunday, 06:29, Jun 6 2010 UTC

Your sig

I've never looked at the coding behind it until yesterday. It's wonderful. Nominally Humane! some time Monday, 02:18, Jun 7 2010 UTC

Wonderful? More like an incomprehensible mess. But if that's your thing... • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Wednesday, 05:17, Jun 9 2010

It's a plethora of subtlety and humour. I really like it. Not as much as mine of course, but still. Nominally Humane! some time Wednesday, 05:54, Jun 9 2010 UTC

Thanks for your PLS vote and comments

Thanks for the vote and comment on HowTo"Be Reverend Zim_ulator. With regard to your comment, "Abstain on VFH because of in-jokiness". My wife and I had a lengthy about if this article is vanity. I hadn't thought of it as a kind of in-joke, however. Could you give me examples, or is it just the article as a whole? Thanks for your work, for PLS and Uncyc in general. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 21:27, June 7, 2010 (UTC)

You know, when I was reading the article, it didn't cross my mind that it was "vanity." Because, after all, who is Reverend Zim_ulator? However, I do think it is an in-joke, because only certain people (Uncyclopedians) know who you are and would make the connection between you (and your love of random humor) and the article. That, in my mind, makes it less accessible to average Joe who wanders on to our site. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Tuesday, 07:57, Jun 8 2010

The UnSignpost Is Not Dead!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now with 20% more ninjas!

Jun 24th, 2010 • Issue 86 • Oh yeah, the UnSignpost, I remember that...

Conservation Week Approaches By UU Fancy watering Uncyclopedia's forestry? Want to be a good conservationist? Fancy taking up the rewriting sword of justice, and righteously smiting the dragon of shit writing? Actually, the hell with that, do you want to take a bunch of bad articles, and make them suck less? Then you, my friend, are in luck! Conservation Week 2010 starts on July 5th, and actively encourages users to scour the wiki (perhaps through judicious use of Special:Random, or possibly through exploration of Category:Rewrite or Category:Ideas or even Special:Lonelypages), find lame articles that they consider are taking up the very space which could be occupied by something less sucky, and then using their skill and judgement to turn those articles into shining examples of comedic writing. As this is a competition dedicated to simultaneously reducing the number of useless articles on the wiki and increasing the number of good ones, some naysayers believe it to be completely pointless - Uncyclopedia is the worst, they say, and no amount of well-intentioned competitions can change that. But were it to exist, the Cabal would probably beg to differ. They may call it something like "a genuinely good thing", and "a ray of hope, signalling that occasionally, even the most worthless dreck may be redeemed". So if you think what your userpage is missing is a template called the "Greasy Mechanic Award", then prepare to rewrite like you've never re-written before. Just don't forget to make your new version better than the original. Something summarizing the events of the last month or so By PuppyOnTheRadio It has been said by one of our esteemed administrators here at UnSignpost that if it wasn't reported in the UnSignpost, then it didn't happen. As there has been no UnSignpost produced for the last few days, due to one of the editors having a real life, and another one being lazy, there are several things that didn't happen. Yes, the loss of the UnSignpost for so long sent a shiver down the spines of many an Uncyclopedian. So much so that one member of the community decided that it was timely to look at a new way to produce the UnSignpost. One such idea was to release a monthly periodical in the place of USP. Although there has been several attempts by this reporter to obtain a quote from said insurrectional community member, to date no response has been heard. As part of the ongoing struggle to maintain our independent stance from Wikia, several members decided that it would be a wise idea to create a way to cash in on the popularity of the site. As such the UnShoppe has been created, where you may purchase any one of a number of Uncyclopedia-related pieces of merchandise. So far all purchases have been made by the individuals who created the store. However, if you are looking for the place to buy a shirt that shows that your nipples have been featured, that a wizard did something, whatever it was, and that you have an in-depth knowledge of who Dan Kwon is. There was a competition. Congratulations go to mrthejazz, who got the pun. Imperial Colonisation has taken a brief hiatus after the new head of IC became the old head of IC. He was an Australian, and his example has inspired the entire nation so much that the new head of Parliament for the country is now the old head of parliament. Congratulations go out to the new new head of IC. A strange bandwagon has been created by a drunken Bonner, who has challenged all and sundry to ask him anything at all. As such there are various forums dedicated to asking regular Uncyclopedian members things. These previously were known as user talk pages, but who can stand in the way of progress? And that's all that didn't happen. Although now it's listed in UnSignpost that means it actually did happen. Which suggests that by editing UnSignpost I have the power to change the past. If I could change anything about the past, what would it be? I had sex with a real person!

Check out these pages! Modusoperandipedia? Fuck... Uncle Dex needs ideas for business cards Wait, we seriously have a store now?! From our logs: 06:22, 23 June 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 153.107.33.152 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (and you are the living proof that school kids are idiots) 00:12, 23 June 2010 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked LRC (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (The purpose of redirects is to redirect someone to a page that is related to the original page, not separated by six degrees of bullshit logic. Try again.) 09:52, 21 June 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 153.107.33.158 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Back after your last block and still loving the penis, have a bit longer to think about that) 15:02, June 17, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 243 seconds (I hear the UnSignpost may be returning, so I'd better make sure I put up at least one decent ban this week so I can get in it!) 05:38, June 17, 2010 PantsMacKenzie (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.109.125.137 (Talk) with an expiry time of a million years ‎ (multiple vandalizations of keitei) Old-School Featured Article of the Week UnMysteries:J'accuse Thank you all for meeting me in the Accusing Parlor tonight. If you're wondering what "j'accuse" means, and why I ran screaming it through the whole house, it means "I accuse" in French, and it's what people say when they accuse people of murder. I trust you know why we're all here. After I was mysteriously invited to this party, and after people started mysteriously dying, I decided to put my internet degrees in Criminology, and Criminography, to good use. But to accuse people of homicide, I have to start at the beginning. International Sporting Tournament of the Week The Swedish Orienteering And Firing A Rat From A Cannon Championships. The World Cup? What's that? Missed anniversary of the week Some time in the last month or so, the UnSignpost completely failed to celebrate its second anniversary. Hey ho. Two years of missed deadlines, desperate filler boxes, flimsy biopics, hand-deliveries and pale imitations of journalism - is it even worth mentioning? Probably not. Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #347 The standard of desperate filler boxes in the UnSignpost remains as low as ever. Oh look - a monkey!

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A new UnSignpost issue, another template spammed onto your talkpage, enjoy! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 13:38, 24 June 2010

All the news that's unfit to print!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!

Jul 1st, 2010 • Issue 87 • More news than something with less news than us

Things getting boring on the wiki? Time to write at speed! By UU Dullness. Boredom. Shit not going down. That's the place Uncyc found itself recently. And we needed a spark. An idea. Something out of leftfield to galvanise the troops, plaster stupid smiles on faces across the wiki, and inspire joy unconfined in the community. We're still waiting for that, but until it arrives, Skull's hour-long writing contest will do nicely. Shamelessly pinching Cajek's idea of time-limited writing competitions (which brought us such classics as HowTo:Sexually Stimulate an Ant, lest we forget), but putting his own distinct spin on it, Uncyc's own mad Doctor challenged Uncyclopedians to write an article in a single hour that would survive VFD. Given Uncyclopedia's well-known exacting quality standards, this promised to be a tough task, but a surprising number of people were up for it. And so it was that a frenzy erupted across the wiki, and baffled Europeans and other users not around at the time awoke the next day to a slew of brand new articles, not all of which ended up being deleted. They liked the idea so much, they held their own a couple of days later. When asked to comment on his brainchild, the commotion and excitement it had caused, and the size of his penis, Dr. Skullthumper exclusively told us "Sure. I'll get on that. I swear". Things getting boring on the wiki? Time to start pointless drama! By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Giant evil multinational wiki-hosting conglomerate Wikia won a major victory last month, when a rebellion by a small but dedicated band of anti-capitalist radicals was brutally put down by a bunch of fascistic Wikia-collaborators. Or at least, that's what happened in the heads of Carlb, Roye7777777 and CartoonistHenning after they nailed their anti-Wikia manifesto to the metaphorical door of Uncyclopedia's metaphorical Wittenberg Cathedral. The 1,000-word anti-Wikia tract, despite the shocking and previously unknown revelation that Wikia was not in fact the wiki-hosting charity that it claimed to be, but rather a commercial company, failed to ignite a spontaneous revolt against Wikia among the Uncyclopedia community. A heated and sexually-charge discussion ensued, with strong arguments offered by both sides. However, it seems that some people were unable to grasp the enormity of the revelation that Wikia's motives were less than altruistic. Eventually, the thread descended into an all-out flamewar and a waaaaaaaaaaaaaahmbulance was called to treat the injured. "We may have lost this round," Carlb told UnSignpost reporters "but it is only a temporary setback. One day, the tyranny of Wikia will be no more. Our revenge will be the laughter of our children." It is rumoured that Carlb, Roye7777777 and CartoonistHenning will employ Black Bloc tactics at the next Wikia conference in an attempt to escalate the struggle against Wikia oppression.

Check out these pages! Tell me about your mother Fantasy (American) Football is back! (Oh yeah - I went there) Open the podcast bay doors, Skull... From our logs: 09:07, 30 June 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Ahmedatefa (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (don't do that....or I shall have to spank you) 20:31, 27 June 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked SadisticWolf (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 minutes ‎ (I don't "rape" I "cockify". There's a difference. ) 16:01, 25 June 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Dexter111344 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 500 seconds ‎ (I'm not a poor version of Oli, I'm a mediocre and far more irritating version) Biopic of the Week What can be said about Ethine? Well, she's been lurking IRC since about December 2006 and only made an account after being forced to by emc. She has been sexually harassed by long forgotten users and by ones you only wish you could forget. She recently took up the job of fighting vandals, reverting idiots, and trying to get new users flogged. For some reason, this was enough to get her the Uncyclopedian of the Month award. Or it could have just been because of her hands. Her young, sexy, oh-so-soft hands... By the way, she actually likes talking to you freaks over Skype. Go talk to her. Ask her about her open invitation to everyone to come to her house. You won't even have to bring your own rope, either. Old-school featured article of the week Hi, my name is David Cameron and I'm the Prime Minister of The United Kingdom. You can call me Dave if you wish, not that I'm trying to tell you what to do. "David" is fine. My mother calls me David and she's a lovely woman, so either way it's cool. This is my own personal uncyclopedia article. I've created this, because I feel that in this modern age of ipods and nanos, it is important to connect with young people and do it in the medium and language that they understand, L.O.L.

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--ChiefjusticeGameCube 12:06, July 1, 2010 (UTC)

Take this and shove it

	Useless Gobshite of the Month June 2010

Dial-up lulz! MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 13:53, July 1, 2010 (UTC)

Bah! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Monday, 11:10, Jul 5 2010

Signpost: normal service resumed

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!

Jul 8th, 2010 • Issue 88 • Hand-stitched for comfort

Conservation week: how's it going, and what is it anyway? By Under user The 6th bi-annual Conservation Week is now in full swing, and once again bugging people by lasting for a fortnight. So far there are around 12 rewriters signed up (depending on if Joe9320 is serious about pulling out because he got reverted) to rewrite getting on for 30 or so articles. That's a fair old commitment to improvement. But then, that's kind of the idea, isn't it? Conservation week has been running since autumn 2007, starting life in Jocke Pirat's userspace, and spending a confused few hours being called the rewrite-a-thon in an early attempt to get around the whole week-fortnight thing. The first iteration was a resounding success, and about 38 people signed up to rewrite over 50 articles (with Zombiebaron hilariously missing the point and going on a deletion spree instead), making the current iteration look like it has some work to do. However, there was no quality control at the outset - if an article was rewritten in any way, that was deemed good enough. Some of those early articles may well have been made worse, we just don't know (or can't be bothered to check). Quality control arrived later on, when erstwhile gentleman editor of this very organ Gerrycheevers stepped up to run the first 2009 CW, and ran the rule over all the rewrites personally, so that the attendant award was only bestowed on those doing quality rewrites. That task this year falls to Dexter111344, who has promised to be "harsh but harsh". Probably. So, with a prize on offer to the person with the most high quality rewrites, and plenty of time left in which to do said rewrites, the only question left is: "why haven't you entered yet"? We asked this question of one completely random user, and he exclusively told us "because I'm busy writing this week's issue of the UnSignpost, duh!" Image Request: A Retrospective By UU Time to focus on a sometimes-overlooked corner of Uncyclopedia: UN:PIC, otherwise known as Image Request or Radical X's corner. Named for the once and forever king of image manipulation on Uncyclopedia, the near-mythical RadicalX, this page has been responsible for some truly memorable Uncyc images over the years. And some of Pokémon characters superimposed on the crucifixion - hey, whatever floats your boat. Established in March 2005 by a user called Machinecurse, this page has been the domain of most of the legends of Uncyc image manipulation at one time or another - as one 'chopper has left, another has arisen to take their place, in some kind of Potatochop Royal Succession stylee. Or something. Whatever, the likes of Paulgb, Zombiebaron, Seeker, Sonje and, more recently, KneeChee27 and MeepStarLives have slaved over hot image editing software to fulfil the esoteric image requirements of the Uncyclopedia populace. The response time has always varied on the page, as it largely depends on how active the 'choppers are at the time, how achievable the requests actually are, and how polite the request is. But for those with a little patience, it is undoubtedly a useful resource in the ongoing quest for that perfect image of Mario and Master Chief riding Pikachu down the Death Star Trench run. Or something. Have a look at the gallery to see some of the more recent work.

Check out these pages! Yes, it's fucking political... I, er, won't survive? Everyone's a winner baby From our logs: 03:03, 5 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Skinfan13 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Paradox block for breaking a rule on an award with no rules) 21:47, 4 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Aidan2613 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (The revolution is dead. God save the queen) 18:15, 2 July 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.154.122.248 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (I hope the next 48 hours pass as swiftly and painlessly for you as the hundred years war) Biopic of the Week In North Vancouver, born and raised, at city fundraisers and bake sales are where he spent most of his days... Some of you may or may not remember Shandon, nicknamed "Doughboy" by the electorate in Vancouver after his notorious political scandal which nearly erupted Canadia into anarchy. This is unlike his nickname on Uncyclopedia, "Doughperson", which is based on Shandon's gender neutral writing style and gender neutral username having led many to believe that Shandon has no gender. He recently moved to America, and after doing so was named "Worst Canadian Export", a title he took from Bryan Adams but recently lost to Justin Bieber (Shandon's only chance of reclaiming the title is Bieber's looming appearance in North Korea which many hope will be the end of him). After becoming the first person to ever pick up a chick from the Uncyclopedia IRC, Shandon is now living the American Dream. So what's the nick all about? Shandon, from Silverlock by John Myers Myers. NOT Shandon from Isle of the Dead by Roger Zelazny (another terrible book). Old-school featured article of the Week A civil war is a form of warfare known for its kindness and civility, in stark contrast to the other tactics such as scorched earth which are entirely too dirty for upstanding gentlemen. Civil warfare is a strategy that has outlasted many minor fads in warfare such as Germany's Blitzkrieg Bop, the British Redcoat's Stand In a Line and Shoot or the French Foreign Legion's Surrender. Its longevity as a tactic can probably be attributed to a few things, namely the incompetence of modern military tacticians compared to those of the past and the universal human need for cordial smiles and small talk, even during battle. The inevitable return of Cajek ban of the week 12:30, 8 July 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day (not returning to Uncyc in a proper and timely fashion)

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Oh dear god, am I really doing this again? --UU - natter 10:48, Jul 9

I made this...

Considering throwing it away, but thought you could get some use out of it.

My plans for world domination are nearly complete now that HowTo:Survive the Titanic was featured!Thank you for your part in bringing about the end of the world.

Re one of your Top 10 of 2009 votes from January 2010

Dear Mr/Ms Necropaxx/archive 9, Greetings. I am the lawyer for Arthur C. Clarke's estate. Last summer, following the listing of an article on this website (henceforth referred to as "Uncyclopedia"), namely the article titled 2001: A Space Odyssey, as a featured article, I and my assistant began to prepare a copyright infringement suit against you, and were about to file it in December 2009 when both of us were attacked violently by the user MacMania, who was imprisoned for his central role in this infringement, but had apparently escaped custody to exact revenge against us. Needless to say, MacMania was once again taken into custody, but we lapsed into a comatose state. However, now that we have woken up, we have found out, much to our chagrin and dismay, that you have further encouraged such infringing actions by selecting 2001: A Space Odyssey as the number 2 article of 2009, and that England once again failed to make the World Cup final. We must, of course, take further action, and would like to notify you that unless Uncyclopedia's administrators take action, we will press the following charges: 1. continued support, encouragement, and flaunting of copyright infringement; 2. indirectly causing severe physical harm to me and my assistant; 3. potentially providing shelter to Paul the Octopus, whose psychic powers clearly drastically demoralized the English national football team against the German team, which is an unspeakably criminal act. We will drop these charges only if you agree to furnish us with a Paul the Octopus voodoo doll* for our perusal. Please let us know if this is possible. Your obedient servant (strictly in a figurative sense) James Steel c/o Alesha Phillips London EC4M 7EH UK * Must be complete with voodoo boiling water, voodoo olive oil, voodoo knife and voodoo fork.

Better late than never, or at least that's the thought. (Sorry about the length of this, by the way.) Horribly belated thanks for voting 2001: A Space Odyssey into #2 of 2009! Sir MacMania GUN—[01:41 16 Jul 2010]

Another UnSignpost! Rejoice!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

Jul 15th, 2010 • Issue 89 • Made with 100% recycled vuvuzelas

The 40+ club expands By UU Once, many years ago, having 40 featured articles seemed an untouchable goal - a mystical, far-off land that none would ever reach. These days, it seems almost passé, as Mhaille has joined Modusoperandi in that territory, and Hyperbole (counting works by his various drunken sockpuppets) is half a feature away from becoming the fastest person yet to reach that magical figure. We asked them all for quotes, and Mhaille exclusively told us: ""Go eat more shit, fuckers"...obviously I am excited to have reached the BIG 4-0, and am delighted that enough of my peers deem the quality of my work good enough to have reached that figure, although I have to say I'm a little pissed that at least 10 other of my articles are feature-worthy and are constant overlooked (lengthy bans will ensue, I'm sure), I am equally as proud of my featured images, as well as many of my other contributions that I hope that my peers feel have augmented the work of others. That I am still here after five long years, and still contributing says something about Uncyclopedia itself. What that is, I wouldn't like to speculate. But sometimes you have to in order to accumulate. Apparently." Which is such a long quote we're going to need at least one blatant filler box in the right-hand panel. Bastard. Meanwhile, Modus exclusively told us "It's not that myself and Mhaille have written so very many great and fantastic pages that have, and will continue to, entertain the people for years to come. It's just that Mhaille did. "I" am one of his many sockpuppets. He writes as "Modusoperandi" when he needs a page without a "foreign" accent. Look around. There are a bunch more Mhaille sockpuppets here, too. Hyperbole, for one. Mhaille is like a wet Mogwai." Which is more concise, and therefore OK. Finally, Hype exclusively commented: "I'd like to say thank you to Uncyclopedia for voting to feature my many excellent, high-quality articles, including the drunken insistence that you accept a diseased poodle, the song about having sex with sporting goods, and the blatantly racist tirade about having to wait too long for a Pee Review. Writing 39.5 features has been literally the most important accomplishment I will ever have in my life. I look forward to continuing to service each and every one of you in the future." Which was nice of him. So, the burning question now has to be: who will be first to 50? Modus obviously has the lead, but Mhaille is writing in greater volume than he has for some time, and if Hype keeps up the pace, he's probably a good bet. But they're not the only candidates - Sog is coming up the rails rapidly, and could reach the 40 mark even quicker than Hype - could he overtake the lot of them? The only thing certain is that with these guys around, Uncyc should be assured of some half-decent articles amongst the dross. World Cup over - Romartus struggling for UnNews inspiration By UU The climax to the World Cup may have been a little ugly, unsatisfying and under-whelming (hmm, sounds familiar somehow), but it raises a question so far not addressed by the mainstream media, namely "what is Romartus going to write UnNewses about now?" The scourge of Junior Uncyclopedia has discovered his muse in the planet's biggest sporting event, and has been cranking out UnNews articles on the subject at an alarming rate. Now, without Jabulani balls, biting tackles and Messi long shots to inspire him, what is there to inspire him to maintain such prolific standards? Suspicions abound that the Tour De France is passing him by, he seems far too English to care about the various draft and transfer shenanigans in the NFL and NBA and the like, and as the only story to emerge from golf's Open Championship so far is Tiger Woods changing his putter (wow, someone hold me back), that seems unlikely to unleash his inner news-hound. With a worrying lack of global sporting tournaments on the horizon, will we have to wait another 4 years for the next Romartus article splurge? Stay tuned to UnNews to find out!

Check out these pages! Please not Stephenie Meyer, Please not Stephenie Meyer... Lazy journalism. Which is something we never indulge in Kicking on with another bandwagon From our logs: 23:47, 14 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.8.150.140 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Oh, shut up for about half a year, will you? Thanks, dear.) 15:47, 13 July 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) resurrected Under user (Talk | contribs) ‎ (a song originally written for Celine Dion? Have you no standards?) 14:47, 13 July 2010 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 294 seconds ‎ (CUZ I MISS U BABY AND I DUN WANNA MISS A THING.) 14:39, 13 July 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Don't want to cloooose my eyes, don't want to faaaaaall asleep.) 06:18, 13 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Keeh69 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (I block with the power of a thousand vuvuzelas) 19:16, 12 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 77.164.176.221 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (you can't even spell "racistic" properly it's "RASISTICS") 01:01, 12 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.68.108.4 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Only because I can't appoint you an admin.) Biopic of the Week Fnoodle was the UnSignpost's first ever paperbot, something we could frankly do with more of. One of the many creations of fiendish evil genius Dr. Skullthumper, it also managed to singlehandedly upset approximately two-thirds of the wiki by running a huge spellcheck operation, maliciously changing "teh" to "the" on every single page - which seemed to put an awful lot of panties in a bunch, judging by teh number of complaints on Skull's talk page in the aftermath. Old-school featured article of the week The Adventures of Baron Ringpiece were composed as a series of short tales, published between 1840 and 1848 by William “Wacky” Thackeray, better known for Vanity Fair Magazine, and his novels Penispenispenis and The Virginans, and details the life and adventures of Redman Barry O'Malley. Thackeray always considered the work to be unfinished, and had intended to add several more chapters, turning the tale from one where the hero works towards success to one where he gains his dreams only to lose them. Cajek ban of the Week 10:04, 9 July 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day (account creation disabled) ‎ (I really don't do this as often as I should)

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—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 09:51, 16 July 2010

Re: You're back!

Top of the class, you'll be happy to know. I'll be off to read physics by September (yes, I'll be deserting you again, unfortunately), and I should probably brush up on lots of stuff over the summer, but hopefully I can spend a bit more time here 'til then. Thanks for the welcome— Sir MacMania GUN—[13:35 17 Jul 2010]

Pee Queue thing

So yeah, at least one person has bitched in the forums that the queue is getting lengthy - it must be time for action! I'm respectfully requesting that every active peeing member do one or two reviews this week to hammer that sucker right down. You may already have done some, I'm just copy/pasting this message on to your page, so don't feel slighted, just feel I'm lazy - you'll be right. But if you haven't done any, do you think you could rattle a review or two off this week? Let's show 'em what we can do when we can be arsed! --UU - natter 20:42, Jul 19

Sorry, UU, but I simply don't get on enough to craft an in-depth Pee Review. Feel free to add me to the inactive reviewers. I wish I could, but the most I can go on for is about 10 minutes. Sorry. :( • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Tuesday, 02:37, Jul 27 2010

Read all about it! The UnSignpost rides again!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

Jul 22nd, 2010 • Issue 90 • Suddenly, Signpost!

UnNews hits warp factor Whore By Zim That bastard child of Uncyclopedia and WikiNews, UnNews, is in full-on whoring mode. Tired of being relegated to the bilge hold of Uncyc, staff have collectively and to a man, woman or it, decided to resort to the time-honored tradition of whoring themselves for attention. 2010 is shaping up to be a record year for lots of stuff, which I am too lazy to actually reference. We've had lots of cool coding happenings, resulting in a facelift to the Main Page, and a really cool navigation bar giving access to a plethora (well, 7 sections in fact) of sections including Sports, Comics, Editorials, and special coverage of the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Contributors to UnNews of note are Funnybony, SPIKE, Romartus, Modusoperandi, Mordillo, Multiliteralist, PuppyOnTheRadio, Happytimes, Matt lobster and MrN9000 (when the bugger's here). Apologies to anybody I've missed. The Newsroom, home to nefarious plots and odd ideas, has once again become an active core of resistance against Uncyc's unofficial policy of ignoring us. Always leading edge, UnNews is acquiring a stable of notable personalities for a new series of Uncolumns called "Reductio ad Hitlerum", a guest column that invites persons of note to do an article for us, usually under threat of blackmail. Discussion here, first RaH column here by guest Sarah Palin. Techno gets Mhaille'd By UU The most exclusive and coveted award on Uncyclopedia, the Mhaille award for excellence, has been presented for only the 14th time in 4 years, and the first time in first time in a year, to the suitably humbled RabbiTechno. The award is, unusually on vote-happy Uncyclopedia, not decided on by voting, but is bestowed at the sole discretion of feature-monster, bureaucrat, whoring legend and token Liverpool fan Mhaille, according to his own criteria. Looking down the list of previous winners - Shandon, ENeGMA, Tompkins, Zombiebaron, Prettiestpretty, Savethemooses and the rest, it's pretty clear that the good Rabbi is a) in good company, and b) not going to be here much longer.

Check out these pages! Whoops! Andorin did it again Vote for less voting! What's a "Braydie"? From our logs: 06:03, 22 July 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.236.215.111 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Cyberbully - also apparently believes women to have penises and is thus either aged under six years or is a Lady Gaga fan. Either way, unsuitable for Uncyclopedia) 08:04, 19 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.167.1.63 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (returning blankist. Nice to see you again chap.) 06:06, 17 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.171.137.61 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I get my dubious software from Synaptic package manager, thank you.) 01:45, 17 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.32.64.51 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (yo article so fat) Old-school featured article of the week A shopping list purports to be a simple item used to detail all items required on a given shopping trip. However, recent scientific studies have revealed its true purpose: it is a key element in a game of oneupmanship between couples. The lists are carefully compiled in a secret code known only to one half of the couple, the objective being to confuse, baffle, and otherwise annoy the other half to the point of submission. The ultimate aim is to get the other half to admit to being an abject failure, and to concede intellectual superiority in the relationship indefinitely, or at least until next Tuesday. Cajek ban of the week brings you - Cajek's first ban! 15:06, 20 September 2007 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (When an admin archives a VFD, voting is closed.)

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--ChiefjusticeGameCube 13:48, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

Somewhere in the Enrichment Centre...

You voted for this?

Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU! How does tha—
Er, GLaDOS?
What is it?
You do realise that you're regurgitating quotes from the original game.
Is there something wrong with that?
As a matter of fact, yes, GLaDOS, there is. Quite a few of us are waiting for the new, creative, inventive quotes that are to come in Portal 2, and actually are sick and tired of people who regurgitate quotes and memes from a two-and-a-half-year-old game.
You're right. I can't become just a soundboard of tired old quotes.
Exactly.

Thank you for helping us help you help us all.
*sigh*

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Thanks for voting for Portal! Sir MacMania GUN—[13:45 1 Aug 2010]

No problem! Thanks for writing it! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Tuesday, 08:34, Aug 3 2010

Necropaxx! Where have you been? Were there dinosaurs? Was there a giftshop? Did you buy me anything? --ChiefjusticeGameCube 08:36, August 3, 2010 (UTC)

Break time's over! I have to go! Sorry! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Tuesday, 08:39, Aug 3 2010

You know, if I didn't know better I'd say that Necropaxx has been abducted by people who propagate "working" and "a career", how terrible... --ChiefjusticeGameCube 08:46, August 3, 2010 (UTC)

It is. I only get 10 minute breaks every two hours, and a 30-min lunch. On the plus side, I'm getting a buck more than minimum wage for doing a job a trained chimpanzee could do. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Tuesday, 20:52, Aug 3 2010

It's new and it's news! It's the latest UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

Aug 5th, 2010 • Issue 91 • I love it when the news comes together

VFD minimum time limit introduced By UU Yes, folks, it's actual news this week. We know, next week will see normal service resumed. However: following a forum discussion on the dump that impressively managed to avoid any real drama, it has been decided that, to avoid any articles being deleted without a proper window for debate, all nominations on VFD will remain open for a minimum of one day. Further to that, the minimum score required for deletion is in the process of being clarified, so that either a score of at least +5 in favour of deletion will be required before the trigger-happy admins fire up their huffing devices, or 5 keep votes will automatically exempt an article from deletion. One of those. Probably. The number 5 seems certain to be involved, whatever the outcome. Hopefully, this will ensure that BUTT POOP is never deleted again. At least, such is our understanding. Sorry about that. We will now follow this with an article with no relation to news whatsoever, to try and make it up to you. Uncyc Fantasy Football draft off to racing start By UU Those with a passing interest in sports might notice that Uncyc's never-popular Fantasy Football league is about to embark on its second season, and has begun the draft process necessary to create the teams that will be taking part. So far, the results have surpassed the expectations of all except noted optimist Bradaphraser. Three days in, and seven of the record fourteen competitors have picked a single player each, making this the slowest process since BP started trying to cap that goddamn oil leak. This year's competition promises to be more open than the last, including as it does Joe9320, who admits to knowing nothing about the sport, preferring AFL, and noted British namby-pamby "soccer" fan UU, who has somehow agreed to become an Indianapolis Colts fan for the duration of the season. Hence his adding a picture of what he is assured is the awesome Peyton Manning into this very article. With the likes of the here-one-week-gone-for-a-month Gerrycheevers also involved in the process, it could well end up taking long enough to be ready by the start of the 2011-12 season.

Check out these pages! You're new, aren't you? I have this way of telling Fighting the good fight: a beginner's guide Someone returns, creates forum From our logs: 07:55, 3 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Ethine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1000 seconds ‎ (I'm seeing the words "Added category!" when I sleep now) 14:44, 29 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 195.74.132.170 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (I'm sure Emma is a really nice girl when you get to know her. Ask her out for some coffee or something. And when you guys fuck, don't post about that here either.) 00:14, 28 July 2010 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.9.0.0/16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (I got bored, so I decided to block 2/3 of Norway. Bug an admin in IRC and they'll unblock you, maybe.) Biopic of the Week Some user was just some user who created Uncycloversity, Unquotable, and had the world's greatest departure message from Uncyclopedia. Despite only having been at Uncyclopedia long enough for everyone to cry when he left, Some user brought a plethora of knowledge to Uncyclopedia. He taught us all how to find our inner sockpuppet and be humble, the former of which has duped countless users into earning lengthy bans and the latter of which was laughed at out of confusion and then soon forgotten. He also taught us all about the laws that protect one's anonymity on the internet, reminding us that the internet is a safe, anonymous world. Fact: every time a person uses a proxy, God makes a rainbow. Sexy 'Crat of the Week Mhaille is quite possibly the reason why all sysops on Uncyclopedia are assumed to be sexy. Going by his South Park likeness here (have you added yours?), his excitingly furrowed brow speaks of smouldering hidden depths, his trim goatee teamed with his unkempt hair hints at the animal nature he so barely keeps in check, his narrowed eyes show he's always ready for action... Face it folks: the man drips sex. Being banned by him is actually illegal in twelve American states as being too erotic.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 15:44, 5 August 2010

Bring me Chekhov's gun! No, not Pavel Chekov's phaser, you imbecile!

Thanks for voting for Chekhov's gun! Sir MacMania GUN—[17:11 16 Aug 2010]

Hey adopt me and teach me to make somewhat decent articles that are actually funny and wont get deleted for being lame.

My cousin likes unencyclopedia, and I would like to be adopted so I can make decent articles, because funny doesnt mix with a article that looks like it was drawn with a crayon. I also want to learn how to fix all the articles on here that have potental to be funny but then somebody came in and wrote all this non-funny stuff like that. I talk to much. Pashu 21:58, August 16, 2010 (UTC)

Paradise Abridged

It's up on VFH. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 14:54, August 18, 2010 (UTC)

Russo-Japanese Thanks

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article.

I'm considering changing this template, but it probably won't happen.

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 14:54, August 19, 2010 (UTC)

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