“The perfect family vacation spot!”
Orgasm Island, also referred to as The Isle of Good Feelings and Fap Island, is a popular vacation spot off the coast of Pen Island. It is a former British Crown Colony that got its independence after World War II when it was captured by the Japanese Empire and America, respectively. It is most famous for its tourist spots, such as the capital city, Cummington, its magnificent Fappen Lake (pictured), and a strange air of euphoria that seems to surround the island itself.
Origin of the Name[edit | edit source]
While the current name of the island is "Orgasm Island", the island's natives had a different name for it. In the native Orgasmian language, the island is called Ke-Chu Tiki gak Quir, which literally means "Orgasm Island." The current name comes from Sir Benjamin Cummington, the British explorer who discovered the island, who was quoted as saying:
|“||Holy shi...ah, oh my lord...what a-ooh!...sensation...!||”|
By all accounts, he and the rest of his crew had an orgasm upon setting foot on the island, hence them naming it "Orgasm Island."
History[edit | edit source]
Pre-Britain[edit | edit source]
Not much is known about pre-British Orgasm Island, but it is generally agreed upon that the natives migrated from nearby Pen Island. Early accounts by the Chinese stated that the native Orgasmians were "always eerily happy" and "had their faces contorted in the strangest of ways at all times." Other sources come from various people such as native Filipinos and Japanese. These have yet to be discovered, though.
European Discovery[edit | edit source]
Orgasm Island was discovered in 1732 by the Spanish, who were too busy colonizing the Philippines to do anything but give the island a name: La Colonia Real del Magnífico Imperio de España: Santiago de las Filipinas cerca de Isla de Pluma y la Isla de Orgasmo. Which, according to my Spanish-English dictionary, means "suck mah dick hel yah." Huh. Those frisky Spaniards...
British Rule[edit | edit source]
The first European to set foot on the island was Sir Benjamin Cummington, a British explorer who claimed the island for Britain in 1762. He successfully subdued the natives and formed the city of Cummington; named after himself. Occasionally, there were a few revolts against British colonization, but they usually subsided when they forgot what they were revolting against.
Japanese Rule[edit | edit source]
During World War II, Orgasm Island was captured by Japan in 1942, but soon after capturing it, the frequent orgasms induced by the island caused them to forget that they were fighting a war, a cause which may have led to their defeat. The Americans captured Orgasm Island from the Japanese, but they quickly gave it back to Japan when they remembered that masturbating is a sin. It remained under Japanese rule until 1999, when they gave it back to Britain after being threatened by the UN. Having virtually no military compared to Britain's almost-army, they were forced to oblige.
Culture[edit | edit source]
The Orgasmian culture has not changed much since ancient times, but today it is threatened by the dominating Japanese and British cultures. You just can't go anywhere without seeing the native women being replaced by anime girls and guys with hot British accents enforcing the British stereotype. However, many maintain their culture in spite of the oppression, and it is still evident in Orgasm Island today. For example, all beaches on the island are nude beaches. This is because, in Orgasmian folklore, wearing clothes when swimming will cause you to get mauled by a shark. Don't ask how you can get mauled by a shark.
Nude beaches aren't the only aspect of Orgasmian culture, though. Another quirky fact about them is that they never wear any clothes, ever. This is because they found out very long ago that if they wear clothes, they will only get wet. The native tribes have never been at war with each other, either. The most widely accepted theory as to why this is is that they are too busy having frequent orgasms to care about who controls what.
Army and Emergeny Services[edit | edit source]
The important aspect of nudity is also respected in the Army and Emergency Services of Orgasm Island. All members are female, as men are unavailable for obvious reasons. They are the only ones to be clothed, but only for work with their uniform or gear.
Army[edit | edit source]
The Orgasmian Army probably has the most special uniform of all armies worldwide. After enlistment, members are no more allowed to wear underwear or other civilian clothes. This is suposed to make them respect their country by wearing their uniform and their culture by being naked. The Army also runs Police, Fire Department and Intelligence Service of Orgasm Island.
Police[edit | edit source]
The Police does the classical cop stuff and also makes sure that the nature is not harmed by tourists. They are the only people on the island who are allowed to wear panties. These are specially designed and bulletproof.
Fire Department[edit | edit source]
The Fire Department of Orgasm Island mostly responds to medical incidents, caused by drunken tourists and teenagers. But there are also a lot of fires, which might be set by people to just get another sight of the firefighters, as an anonymous person told us while we were researching. The fire chief told us: "I and my crew hate to be called for non-emergencies all the time. But firefighters are sexy, so we anyway can´t help it."
Intelligence Service[edit | edit source]
The Orgasm Island Army Secret Intelligence Service (OASIS) agents do what all those agents do. They are better equipped than James Bond, with bats, weapons of all kind , laptop, desktop, supercomputer, pen, pencil, eraser, ruler, flashlight, bomb, tank, airplane, supercars and their own body features. The uniform consists of nothing but white socks.
Tourism[edit | edit source]
Orgasm Island is a famous tourist spot in the Pacific Ocean. Its main attractions are the Cummington, the capital city, and Fappen Lake, the island's foremost natural landmark. Some crude, immature teenagers say that people go to Fappen Lake to fap, but that is just stupid. There is no relation between Fappen Lake and "fap."
Cummington[edit | edit source]
Cummington is also famous for having a red-light district that covers over half the city, and the rest of it is basically downtown Las Vegas. The city is a very popular tourist destination among young, single men 17-35, according to a popular British newspaper. In fact, it is rumored that Cummington has more hookers in it than Amsterdam, but our sources have yet to confirm this, as no one has ever come back from the island.
Fappen Lake[edit | edit source]
Fappen Lake is said to be the greatest sight to see in all of Orgasm Island. Many a young couple have gone there over the years to enjoy the sights, and have "romantic periods" with each other. It is named after Friedrich von Fappen, Sir Cummington's German slave at the time. According to legend, when they saw the lake, it was so beautiful that Sir Cummington freed Fappen from slavery and proceeded to name the falls after his former slave. Or they just fapped...or something.
See Also[edit | edit source]
Footnotes[edit | edit source]
- Actually, it means "The Real Colony of the Magnificent Empire of Spain: Santiago of the Philippines next to Pen Island and the Island of Orgasm"