User talk:Mnbvcxz/archive
Welcome![edit source]
Hello, Mnbvcxz/archive, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for nooblets:
I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button (
) above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.
If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Village Dump Forum, or add the following: {{help}} to this page along with a message and someone will come along and help you if they can. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply put {{adoptme}} on your Userpage to join. Again, welcome! -- Sir Mhaille 
(talk to me)
Hea nice work[edit source]
You obviously know your fetish. ;) MrN 
02:16, Mar 17
- The list on wikipedia is about 4 times longer than mine. --Mnbvcxz 02:18, 17 March 2008 (UTC)
About Template:2008Rep[edit source]
Hey Dude. I noticed your screw up on the 2008rep template being mae in the category namespace earlier instead of template namespace. Next time, just click the move button and move it from Category: to Template:. It's alot easier than blanking the origional page and copying the formating, then creating the correct page and pasting the formating, then making an op delete the first page. You aren't gonna be in any trouble, but next time, remember the move button. It's good for moving stuff, and stuff. Lieutenant THEDUDEMAN Dude ... Totally UOTM KUN GotA F@H 05:11, 18 March 2008 (UTC)
McBush[edit source]
Nice edits. I picture McCain resigning in disgrace after the election a la Jefferson Davis post-Civil War. McCain escaping the country in disgrace in a dress would be awesome! SteveSims 06:28, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
Template:Teh[edit source]
Really? REALLY?! You do know that DrS could probably have Fnoodle stop autocorecting teh to the if you asked nicly?--Lieutenant THEDUDEMAN Dude ... Totally UOTM KUN GotA F@H 04:17, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
- I figure its easier than fighting an autocorrector--Mnbvcxz 04:18, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
Teh Template Obsoleted[edit source]
The teh template has been deleted, {{T}} does the same thing, and there is a limit to how many templates can be on a given page.--Mnbvcxz 23:12, 24 May 2008 (UTC)
Hey, thanks for signup up for unsignpost, Mnbvcxz! I don't do that to everyone, it's just that I saw you around, thought I should say hi and stuff[edit source]
hi! • <May 12, 2008 [21:47]>
Adoption![edit source]
Hey Mnbvcxz, you're adopted! When you're ready let me know, we've got lots of n00b stuff to get started with, like signatures, tidying up of userpages and things. If you ever need any help just drop by my talk page and I"ll be happy to help. - 06:32 14 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTE
- Thanks, I already have fair to decent skills at wiki editing (like using sigs, formatting, and whatnot) but I need some help on article writing and the like.--Mnbvcxz 21:03, 14 May 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: May 15th, 2008[edit source]
May contain traces of humor!
May 15st, 2008 • Issue 2 3
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The Bible Finally Catches a Break  For years... or whatever... Conservapedia has attacked Uncyc for being too liberal. Today, Uncyc publicly derobes itself, and reveals its patriotic side. From now on, "Uncyclopedia" will be renamed "Falwellapedia" in honor of the late pastor, Jerry Falwell who died May 15th, 2007. Unsignpost spoke with the founder, Modusoperandi, in his isolated forest bunker. "I hate how the liberals treat us!" Modus shouted, along with his two followers. "Don't they see that when they make fun of us, the lord rolls over in his soon-to-be-resurrected grave?" The conservative propagandabot Fbooble is scheduled to "purge the site of any left-wing statements" by the end of the week, soon after it gains self-awareness and joins the Republican party. "HUMANS, CLOSE YOUR NOISE HOLES AND PAY ATTENTION!" Fbooble proclaimed at a recent press conference. "THE DEMOCRATS AND ALL THOSE OTHER LIBERALS ARE NEARING THE END." Fbooble, whose titanium wristwatch glistened in the afternoon sun, held up a copy of the Falwell Children's Bible near the conclusion of the conference and said "ALL PRAISE JEBUS, AND HIS INVINCIBLE ARMY OF DISCIPLES!" Although Fbooble is unclear on the details of religion right now, it promises to become ultraconservative when it does. Not all Uncyc users are happy with the transition. Although we could not find anyone who actually called themselves a liberal, we did manage to vandalize a hybrid just to equal the score. Unsignpost promises a lucrative year via advertising revenue for the Republican National Committee and a weekly "Republican of the Week" section. Changes by Fbooble will include replacing all swear words, such as ****** and ***********, with the word "daffodil," and deleting all articles. Shockporn deemed unworthy will be replaced with this image, and quotes not from the bible will be deleted with extreme prejudice. All non-American users, such as that one guy are to be called "fags", also with extreme prejudice.  How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid, one of the hallmarks of Uncyclopedia, has reached the top of the heap. Mordillo, an administrator who will be the least offended when we attribute absolutely false quotes to him, recently said of the page "Finally! Although I've never read it, I hear it's full of fatherly, patronizing advice for those newbs that write those articles I'm constantly huffing!" Mhaille, who has the most linked-to userpage on Uncyc, was slightly more angry at the recent news. "I'm only in 10th place? What the f**k?" While spying on Mhaille from under his bed, the news staff heard language that no human being was ever supposed to hear. Thankfully, the staff was smashed on Listerine, and may have just made up the entire event. Mhaille commented that "No, they didn't make it up, and if they do it again they had better bring enough Listerine for everyone." The user responsible for the 36,000+ links to How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid wishes to remain anonymous, but said to our reporters through a wiretap "I just got too carried away. I wish I could take it back, but I can't, and that's no reason for threatening my family in this way! Oh jeez, I hope you get this message, Uncyclopedia. All right, I'm hanging up now, and I hope you're not angry. *BEEP*" UnSignpost Releases Second Issue  May 15th, 2008: Uncyclopedia has developed an open wound... a newspaperish one. Riding high on their success, Dr. Skullthumper and Cajek have "deployed their golden parachutes" and are "planning to pack up our shit" and "get the hell out of here." Wearing his trademark solid gold sweatpants, bought with the advertising from the first and second issues of Unsignpost, Dr. Skullthumper said "It was fun, I guess, but now it's time to move on. Like a wild hyena, Unsignpost has left its mark. There are no more stories to cover: no more people to attribute fake quotes to." Cajek, munching on a shish kabob of bald eagle babies, had nothing to add except maniacal laughter as he threw thousands of dollars into the air. Unsignpost, bankrupted by the two owner's antics, is planning to make the paper a paid subscription, unless something kooky happens, in which case it won't. In addition to subscriptions, Unsignpost is having a luau at Mike's house to raise money. "Oh, it'll be soooooo exciting!" Mike said. ...You know Mike. Anyway, Mike continued, "There'll be a silent auction, and a limbo contest, and a pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey! Oh! So exciting!" With the proceeds, Unsignpost hopes to add a "Week Box of the Week of the Week" section and a mascot. Maybe a shark. Protein folding: The latest in computer entertainment "Well that's great," you say. "So I'm helping compute protein folding, a never-before-possible situation to model on computers, and thus helping cure some of the most misunderstood diseases to strike humankind as well as advancing the knowledge of the human race into parts of science that were up until recently perceived as impossible. So what's in it for ME?!" You, yes you, will get the excitement of watching proteins fold in your very own home! "Wow!" exclaims part-time F@H user Dr. Skullthumper, "did you just see that? Did you just SEE the way that blue thing collided into that gray thing? Oh man, it was amazing! And in super-slow motion, too!" Other users have given the program similar reviews, describing it as "utterly transfixing" and "better quality entertainment than mitosis!" You, too, can join in the fun and the frenzy of the world of those wacky proteins - while saving the world! |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:53, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
You there?[edit source]
Hey Mnbvcxz, you there? How's that article of yours coming along? How are you doing? And are you sure you don't want me to help you make a custom sig? - 17:24 20 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTE
- Its currently being reviewed; how do I make a custom sig?--Mnbvcxz 21:24, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
Sig![edit source]
Ok a custom sig is essentially a template. Do you want to try your hand at starting one off, or do you want me to make you one and then you can tweak it? If you want to try and have a go to start with you should make it at User:Mnbvcxz/sig and it should contain links to your userpage and (preferably) your talk page and a list of articles you've written (or your contributions). Then with a little bit of preferences trickery we can make your signature come up as the template...anyway...we'll do that bit of wiki-trickery after we've done the template. For an example of a sig, you can have a look at mine here. - 15:49 21 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTE
- Thanks, I'm a little busy this week with rl stuff.--Mnbvcxz 01:11, 22 May 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: May 22nd, 2008[edit source]
Now Delivered Trendily Late!
May 22th, 2008 • Issue 4 • Par 6
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Oldest Uncyclopedia Article Discovered  Renowned Uncyclopedia historian Spangle Gay Glittersprinkles, has discovered the oldest non-Uncyclopedia related article ever written. "The fact that pie was the first article really opened my eyes. It really did. I see it all now: Uncyclopedia, Wikipedia, Uncyclopedia... the construction and future of these wikis have been laid out before me." When asked what he meant, Spang said that, upon reading the first version of the article Pie, the future of Uncyclopedia was revealed to him. The version presently up is "but a pale shadow of what it once was." The fabled first version of the article is, according to Spang and fellow UnArcheologist TheLedBalloon, "The DaVinci Code of Uncyclopedia." One of the oldest contributors, 68.237.62.152, is said to be the creator of the fabled text, but could not be reached for comment... maybe 'cuz he was gettin' laid or somethin' cool like that. "If only the original version had survived!" Said Spang's lead balloon, who gained sentience upon glimpsing the article. "I want to know the significance of the Norris! The secret meaning behind the Wilde! The hidden power of the grue! I want to know the secret of the memes!" "First of all, how did a balloon become an administrator? Oh, right, this is Uncyclopedia." Said long-missing founder Chronarion. "Second of all, the current article you have up there is, although not as mystical, still sorta mystical... For example, look at that quote at the top! CLASSIC Oscar Wilde!" Questions arose as to why the original version was deleted in the first place, but Chronarion, who only made an appearance in one of our writer's drug trips, merely cackled, turned into a tomato, and vanished in a cloud of LULZ!!1. The mystery surrounding Pie continues, and Uncyclopedian historians are still seeking the truth. ...BUY A SUBSCRIPTION TO UNSIGNPOST to see further developments! Following Third Issue, UnSignpost Wins All Sortsa Awards n' Shit At the annual Uncyclopedia Signpost awards banquet, held every year in Dr. Skullthumper's backyard, the Signpost was the clear winner of the night, garnishing all 149 awards in all 144 categories. The press was not invited to the gala, but the Unsignpost has heard that several Uncyclopedia celebrities were at the event. Mike - you know Mike - said, "Oh yeah, we got Chronarion and Save the... whatever it was... We got 'em all! We even had Famine! Even though he still hates us, he still bothered to show up and drunkenly berate the guests! In fact, I think he's still in there, berating the furniture!" Unsignpost writers all agree that it's not pathetic to give yourself an award once in a while. We do our chores! We've been kicked around! Why don't we, the writers, get any recognition? The special boobie-prize, The Feel Okay About Ourselves Award for 2008, was accepted by Cajek on behalf of the writers instead of a paycheck. "Finally I get a god damned award." One of the writers dramatically grabbed the award away onstage and, crying, started screaming at the award itself. "WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I NEEDED YOU?!? YOU BASTARD!!" Unsignpost is planning to make the awards banquet biweekly, in honor of the fact that the writers are extremely lonely, and just want a way to talk to loads of people without having to listen to "feedback". Newest Uncyclopedia Article Discovered Yes, the newest article, Jacob Zuma, created just at the time of this writing, is the newest article to date. No! Wait! It's RETARDIS. Wait, no, it's Broomstick. Oh whatever, the point is that we found it, and when it's deleted in three seconds, Unsignpost gets first gloating rights.
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 20:14, 22 May 2008 (UTC)
Hello[edit source]
I see you've been adopted by a fine parent. I too am a noob and have been dropping by to say hello to my fellow noobs (just in case we don't all survive initiation I know who's parents to send letters to). If there is anything I may be able to help you with, feel free to ask. If I can, I will gladly be at your service.--Cheapinitreal 06:46, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
- Awesome, Cheapinitreal, you're soo like me! (Yes that's a good thing) Just here to whore some stuff to Mr. Mnbvcxz! You may ignore this comment...- 18:45 26 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTE
Join The CMC! Make Your Inner Cow Happy!
These are the questions that drive the Cow Moo Cult and its brethren, who are very, VERY interested in cows and cow by-products.
The CMC is devoted not only to cows, but to helping Uncyclopedia through general acts of goodness and through motivating people with cow-treats and the like.
So, Mnbvcxz, why not join the CMC? It's free (unless you count virginity as money) and it's fun (and it's full of clichés)! You'll get a pretty template for your userpage and a nice title for your signature! What could be better? Sign Up Now!
- Double moos from your cowy friend,
YTTE
- Double moos from your cowy friend,
CMC[edit source]
Welcome Mnbvcxz to the Glorious Cow Moo Cult!
You're in, you clearly fit these requirements and the Cows, obviously, smile upon you. You are currently a "Mud Grunt" by rank. Now the good bit: you can officially put this template wherever you want on your userpage or talk page and can add "Mgr." to the beginning of your signature, if you wish.
Promoting the CMC is always good, considering at the moment we're barely even tiny on Uncyclopedia. If you can refer users to sign up, consider yourself promoted. In time you'll move up the ranks anyway. Occasionally you'll have to put a little bit of work in here and there, but only a little bit... For the moment all you really need to do is watchlist this page. Your main task, however, is CONVERTING THE COWLESS. Have a quick read of this before you start and conversion processes. If you help swell the CMC ranks, it's likely you'll get a promotion!
I'm happy to answer any questions here. Oh and it's advised you read these (loose) rules. You are now one of the few with the Cows on your side.
Let the moo be with you!
Moo moo moo mo mooo moo!
Welcome aboard Mnbvcxz! And you signed beautifully, I tells ya! - 07:56 27 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTE
- Although it would be even more beautiful if you had a custom sig! - 07:58 27 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTE
UnSignpost: May 29nd, 2008[edit source]
Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.
May 29th, 2008 • Issue 5
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Uncyclopedia Second Most Active Wikia Site  According to local Wikia staffmember Sannse, Uncyclopedia is the second most active site, next to Halopedia. "Yep. People are more interested in Halos than Uncys. I've never really bothered to look at either site, so I'm not sure why one is more active than another, but I'm sure it's because Halopedia is superior." Reporters on-site have looked into the rumors. Apparently, Halopedia is in fact not about halos, but instead is an entire wiki... devoted to a video game. "Oh lord, this is embarrassing," said Master Chief, the main character of said video games. "I thought I could keep this under wraps for a while longer, but you people in the press are like fucking vultures. WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?!" Apparently Halopedia's nearest competitor, Uncyclopedia, is some kind of "humor wiki" meant to induce laughter. "Uncyclopedia's laughter is nothing compared with ours," said Evilpedia's founder, User:Dr. Doom, "Our laughter will ring all throughout Wikia, and then: THE WORLD!". Other statistics include the nerdiest wiki and Furwiki, the most disturbing wiki. Uncyclopedia is neither the largest wiki (Wookiepedia), nor the most active (Halopedia), but it does come very close to first in both categories. Who wants to be first place anyway? Nobody wants to win all the time! Like Unsignpost's father used to say: "You learn more from losing than winning!" and really, that's all that matters! ...AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! BASTAAAARRRDDSSS!!! Following Fourth Issue, UnSignpost Does Lame Clip Show After having not seen his boss for a few days, Cajek, or as his friends call him, "Cuntjek", and his team of writers have been forced to rely on past issues and a clip show in article form. "Don't look at us that way!" said that one guy we were talking about. "A few days ago, when Skull was around, I was only editor of the fetish section, now I'm in charge of the whole thing. Jeez, I hope Skull is okay..." The lame clip show was said to be almost entirely from the first issue, when the Unsignpost was "cool", and before the fetish section took over the whole paper. According to reports to this newsroom, the clip show article included the "weekbox of the week" from issue 1 that instructed Cajek and Skull to slather humor juice on an anonymous reader, and the "Goatse Challenging Gap" from issue 2. "Oh shit, what else we got?" Carjack screamed across the newsroom. As of this issue, the huge portrait of Dr. Skullthumper has been prayed to for nigh two weeks since his mysterious disappearance. Fnoodle, who usually serves coffee to the writers (albeit very angrily), has gone on a quest to find his former master. So far, no word of Skullthumper's whereabouts have reached the press.
Letters to the Editor I am a female student from University of Nigeria, Lagos. I am suitable yrs old. I'd like any person who can be caring, loving and home oriented. I will love to have a long-term relationship with you and to know more about you. I would like to build up a solid foundation with you in time coming if you can be able to help me in this transaction. Well, my father died earlier two months ago and left my mother I and my junior brother behind. He was a king, which our town citizens titled him before his death. I was a Princess to him and I and my brother are the only people who can take Care of his wealth now because my mother is not literate enough to know all my father's wealth behind. He left up to USD $27,350,000.00 dollars (TWENTY SEVEN MILLION, THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND US DOLLAR) with a security company, and I don't know how and what I will do to invest this money somewhere in abroad, so that my father's kindred will not take over what belongs to my father and our family, which they were planning to do without my present because I am a female as stated by our culture in the town. That is why I felt happy when I saw your contact which I strongly believe that by the grace of God, you will help me secure and invest this money. I thereby need your help in bringing the box contaning the money out from the security company, based on your reply I will furnish you with more details on how we can proceed. I am ready to pay 10% of the total amount to you if you help us in securing this money and another 10% interest of Annual Income to you, for handling this business for us, which you will strongly have absolute control over. If you can handle this project sincerely and also willing to assist me in lifting this fund, kindly reach me and I will let you know the next step to take towards actualizing this transaction as quickly as possible. Please, note that this transaction is 110% risk free. I look forward hearing from you soonest. Yours sincerest, Miss Lady Princess Irreverent
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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 02:59, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: June 5th, 2008[edit source]
The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!
June 5th, 2008 • Issue 6
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Sixth Issue Relies on Guest Writers For the sixth issue of Unsignpost, guest writers from outside the fold have been chosen to write a bunch of stupid crap. Among them are the illiterate administrator Zombiebaron and reformed drug mule ThePaleOne. The community's outcries were heard soon afterwards, probably. Jack Phoenix, a respected Wikia staff member, said of one of the articles "Nobody cares about Cajek trolling Wookiepedia anymore. In fact, I'm kind of ashamed of Uncyclopedia for doing something like this. It's like I'm at a well-written version of ED." The Unsignpost staff, full of miscreants and malcontents, hung its collective head in shame and went to the corner for a sit down. Qua, who wanted to be in this issue of Unsignpost to whore his userpage, issued a statement at the press conference located at his Mayan temple: "Why didn't they do an injoke article on the fifth issue? Am I the only one who cares? Where have the lols gone, my friends? Where have the lols gone?" In response, the Unsignpost sent a secret "Fifth Issue Of Unsignpost" article directly to Qua, where it will be housed until his death. The Unsignpost writers, who have had a cut in pay since the leaving of Dr. Skullthumper, are now relying on the work of random people found on IRC for their inspiration. We now present to you an article in the Unsignpost by somebody else about a guy who works at the Unsignpost... /me headdesk [note: "me" refers to the entire Unsignpost staff]
It has been reported on #uncyclopedia that Cajek, our resident editor, has been banned from the "Star Wars Wiki", Wookieepedia. There has been an outrage in the star wars community, as they find Cajek to be a charming and respectable fellow [ed note: Cajek did NOT write this!]. Even us here at the the UnSignPost believe so, ( but don't tell Cajek that! ) [ed note: I SAW THAT! YOU'RE OFF THE CASE!] I spoke to one Cajek fan, Darth Vader, to see what kind of impact this has had on the community. "It really is tragic to see him get banned," said a distraught Vader, with tears dripping from his helmet, "I just don't understand it! How can there be no Cajek?! We've seen his greatest and sometimes his somewhat lameness. But we will be EPIC FAIL without him" Vader's emotionally wrecked state shows the devastation caused by the Wookieepedia senate's unruly vote. I just hope Palpatine wasn't behind this, I voted for him too! I sat down with another fan, Jar Jar Binks, to discuss this radical move. "Mesa think its outrageous! Mesa no like Wookieepedia afta this! This beein worse than <insert name here>'s bombad faggotry!" And indeed it is. Personally, I denounce the Leftist Bias of Wookieepedia and their slander against Cajek. What did he ever do to them right? Personally, I hope Something really bad happens to those immature, pubescent, oxycotin sniffing children. In other news, 52% of Uncyclopedia agrees that Cajek should be set on fire on Sunday's Luau against 45% for drowned in his own discharge. 3% were undecided.
Alright. So. This is going to be cool. Because. You see. Therefore. Once upon a time. There was this really big house. Inside the house was a monster. Oh. This is a newspaper. Well, in that case, the monster was operating a grow op. Right. And the monster was named Skullthumper (because this is his fault, really, when you deconstruct it down to the last proton). Yeah!!!! But. Going onwards and upwards. The cops busted the grow op. It was fucking huge, man. THIS IS NEWS. IN THE UNSIGNPOST.
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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 05:17, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: June 12th, 2008[edit source]
The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!
June 12th, 2008 • Issue 7
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Cajek banned - New, shittier writer assigned to this stupid job
Recently Cajek, an Uncyclopedia user who has been labelled as a mystical creature, was been given a one month ban by the council of Wikia. Users who feared that UnSignpost would not be written or delivered. But Qua, who is currently in a state of shock, said that "Cajek was a good guy, I didn't expect him to get banned for a month. He was about to help me, I don't know what he was going to help me with but he was going to help me with something.". Many Uncyclopedians that are known have a hold a grudge against Cajek celebrated his recent ban saying "While he might be back in only a month, we should take the time to celebrate and rejoice a Cajek-free environment."
 It has been reported that Flumpa, Uncyclopedia's very own pimply faced ginger-nut has left Uncyclopedia forever, due to irreconcilable differences. He cites the banning of users, fights between the two, the treatment of IP's as "real people" and the lack of cookies in mommas cookie jar. One of our reporters spoke to Flumpa as he was packing his wagon to leave Uncyclopedia "I like the holding hands and the fairy floss but Sophia has icky wiki germs and I just couldn't get past that. However I hear this new EDwina down the street is available, she may play in mud but I hear she has yummy yummy cookies." 127.0.0.1, leader of the "IPs are Real People, Too" Foundation had said that "Flumpa makes some great points on IP treatment, such as telling them that behind that string of random numbers lies an actual person; A person with heart. A person with brain. A person with spleen." When asked whether he would share his hard earned money on a badge from the Keep-the-IP's-out-of-Bannation-Foundation, this reporter simply told them to bugger off and get their own alcohol addiction gawdammit! We do, however, wish Flumpa the best of luck as he travels across the wiki-street with his trademarked brand of Off-topic forums to meet this EDwina fellow.
We at the UnSignpost would like to remind all Uncyclopedian editors that June is Internet safety month. Through the efforts of Uncyclopedia and other sites across the Internet, we can help protect innocent children and frail grandmothers from seeing offensive content DIPSHIT Uhm, we're sorry about that. The editor that wrote that previous sentence has been fired, in accordance with the rules of Internet safety month. UnSignpost would like to remind all editors to use extra padding in tables, because we don't want the little kiddies touching the sharp edges and getting hurt. As per Internet safety month, all uploaded porn will be closely monitored to see if the models are engaging in safe fucking. I mean sex. SEX! I meant SEX! We apologize for the previous two editors. They have been shot, out in the hallway, in the most safe method possible, we assure you. We even laid out cushions for them to fall on. Anyway, Websense and other Internet blocking sites will up its sensors to block over 99.99% of the Internet. What will remain is available is the Wikipedia article "Frog", weather.com, and anything unblocked in China. We at UnSignpost wish you a happy Internet safety month, and hope that you stay safe. Remember to always use a firewall. Websense has blocked this column for the following reason: This column contains "humor".
Difficult times lie ahead for schoolbound Uncyclopedians. A series of semi-challenging tests lie in the near future for many, and everyone's workload seems to be growing. Unfortunately for Uncyclopedians, finals are nearly here. However, luckily for Uncyclopedia, finals are almost here! This means that, as procrastination rates skyrocket, Uncyclopedia activity grows proportionally. Haven't been studying for your math final? Those fancy words mean that Uncyclopedia usage is going up, just as teachers pull out their hair worrying about keeping their kids' averages above the department bottom line so they can keep their jobs. However, here at UnSignpost and Uncyclopedia, we pride ourselves on allowing for multi-tasking. So, here is a series of brief study guides that are pretty much all you need: Science: For this final, you will be asked questions about science. However, simply remember a few facts, and your science final will be a breeze. These include remembering that ontogeny does not recapitulate phylogeny, pyruvate and phosphofruktokinase function as glycolytic enzymes, and the kidneys are located three ribs up from the malnuric sphincter. Math: Just prove to your teacher that 1=2, and any answer you give is automatically right. English: ENGLISH, MOFO, DO YOU SPEAK IT? History: To pass this, just try to remember a few important dates: 622BC, 394BC, 211BC, 5BC, 11AD, 24AD, 300AD, 906AD, 1102AD, 1619AD, 1791AD, 1963AD, and 2012AD. Tech. Ed.: Basically, you take a saw and cut shit up. Fucking A. Music class: Try not to fail and blow any notes. You'd sure look like a real tool, then, huh. Art: Just explain to your teacher how deep and misunderstood you are, and paint your feelings. Take a few pictures with a black and white camera setting and write a few "dark" poems, and if your teacher knows how often you cry then you'll have an easy A. Foreign language: THIS IS AMERICA, SPEAK AMERICAN! Gym: If you're really planning on studying for this final, then only God can help you now.
 An article by Zombiebaron has caused a huge feud between the all-powerful admins that could ban me again. Thekillerfroggy has charged that the "Nonsense Watermelon Catastrophe" was not newsworthy enough, while Zombiebaron charges that the article is newsworthy, and therefore should not be deleted. In the fight, many people have cried "drama" and run for their lives. "Oh, this is deliiiicious!" said resident fucktard Drama. We spoke to Drama in his white linoleum mansion. He stopped seductively petting his gay snow leopard long enough to talk to us. "I loooove drama. I want their drama dripping all over my linoleum castle. I want their orgasmic screams of anger to rattle the walls! What do you think, Puffles?" "Oohh, puurrrrr" said Puffles. Some of the more regular users have claimed that the drama will bring unwanted side effects. RAHB has recently said to one of our reporters: "Remember, when there's drama, Ljlego touches himself." [Ed note: he said that on IRC, I swear. to. god. ban: banbanban.] Zombiebaron, an administrator who just happens to be a spectre of the unwept dead, spoke at his crypt this Tuesday dressed in his ceremonial black and red robes: "Hhhgggrrrr, I do not like speaking to the public: They give me a rash. As far as how random uncyclopedia is, we have two admins who are a balloon and a frog, so my article is perfect. The drama will not be settled until I taste the frog's flesh. Suffffeeeerrrrrr..." The Killer Froggy issued a statement soon after, with his frog army in the background: "ribbit? RIBBIT! ribbit. ribbit ribbit ribbit!" Both administrators have promised to ban the poor, misunderstood writer of this article if their statements were printed, but that's the risk we take to bring you the news. That's just how cool we are. Drama is the real winner here. As of this printing, he is planning to buy his gay snow leopard a fluffy red cape with the profits. And remember: every time there's drama, Ljlego touches himself. I'm not fucking kidding. He's all like, "oh yeah, oh, oh yeah I love you drama" and they're both in the love coven, snugglin' n' shit. I have pictures, guys! I swear it's totally ins AS OF THIS PARAGRAPH, CAJEK HAS BEEN BANNED INDEFINITELY. |
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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 17:00, 12 June 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: June 19th, 2008[edit source]
Now With 0 Trans Fat!
June 19whenever-th, 2008 • Issue 8
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UnSignpost abandoned by creators!
Uncyclopedia's popular newspaper/tacky tabloid rag (delete according to preference) the UnSignpost - already floundering following the loss of founding editor Dr. Skullthumper - has been dealt another, possibly fatal blow, with the news that popular feature-machine and international diplomat Cajek has not been arsed to edit the latest issue. When thursday June 19th dawned without the by-now-traditional UnSignpost dropping onto their talkpages, Unycylopedians everywhere could be heard bravely dealing with the incident by pretending they hadn't noticed. We asked prominent Uncyc contributors for their reactions to the journalistic crisis facing their favourite wiki-based news delivery system. "SCREAM FOR ME BOSTON.... SCREAM FOR ME BOSTON!" said Don Leddy, obviously coping badly with the news. Sensing a possible catastrophe, DJ Irreverent bravely leaped into the breach and created a forum topic that galvanised the community, while UU declared himself too busy to help, then promptly wrote about half of the paper. While still suffering from writer's block, which explains the total lack of lulz and inspiration thus far. It's probably about time to link to nobody cares and close this story now, isn't it? Industrial mogul joins Uncyclopedia, promises great wealth to all.
Donald Trump, the man, the legend, the Tower, the hairstyle, has taken time out of his busy international schedule to create a forum topic promising affluence beyond the dreams of avarice to all on Uncyclopedia! Despite the impeccable credentials displayed on his userpage, so far only Qua and SysRq managed to take advantage of the popular billionaire's altruism before he was ruthlessly banned by noted anti-capitalist Codeine. UnSignpost was particularly impressed with Codeine's ability to resist the temptation to use "you're fired" as a block reason, as we are sure it would have been all but overwhelming. It is to be hoped that, on his return from bannination, Mr Trump will use his undoubted wealth and business connections to help Uncyc beat the ever-encroaching threat of Wikia's advertising plans. N00b ties knot
Popular recent NotM winner Cheapinitreal has further embarrassed the Uncyclopedia community by becoming all respectable and getting married. Confessing to his transgression, Cheap added "all and all, it was a right fine week". The UnSignpost would like to write something really funny here, then wish Cheap all the best, but this issue is being rushed out as it's, like, way late, so we just don't have time. UnSignpost resorts to blatant filler
In a move heralded as "an exciting development in journalism" by guest editor UU, the UnSignpost today employed blatant flannel to fill an annoying white gap at the bottom of the page. It is believed that this is the first such instance of using blatant rubbish to fill a newspaper page in journalistic history. "I'm proud to be at the vanguard of such a groundbreaking technique" said UU, before going off to scour Cajek's ideas page in a desperate hunt for inspiration. "Is this long enough yet?" he added, before concluding "not quite, another few words or so should do the trick". |
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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 01:05, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
Can I be helping of you?[edit source]
Mr. Man-With-Name-Most-Unpronounceable, can I be of service? Just dropping by to see how you're getting on and to see if I can help out in any way. Can I? - [19:45 21 June] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise
UnSignpost: June 26nd, 2008[edit source]
The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!
June 26th, 2008 • Issue 9
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Uncyclopedia running out of Interesting Stuff. UnSignpost in Jeopardy!
Recently. Uncyclopedia, in its maternal state. Is running out of interesting stuff as most users keep filling her with the same old stuff day after day. Most if not almost all of the staff at the UnSignpost panicked as this meant that their newspaper, which faced the threat of disabondement yesterday. Could be folded by the Uncyclopedia Penis Man returns!
 At exactly 12:29 AM Monday morning, some local idiot decided that it would be a great day to stir up drama and piss people off with some long forgotten shit. And with that, Penis Man made his way back to our great Uncyclopedia with the intent of vandalizing Boomer's userpage. Soon after, the Town drunk Eugene Kay decided to follow suit by uploading the same image by the name of Zombiepenis. Why he decided to make such an apparent strike at the admin who has beat him so much is currently unknown. We at UnSignpost give them both a 25000000:1 chance of being banned. Local Uncyclopedian starts up Devil-Worship Wiki
 In a recent devil-related press conference. Cartoon Diablo, the younger and sillier version of Diablo. Has started up The Devil's Wiki, a wiki dedicated to worship of Satanism and The Devil itself. In a recent interview, Cartoon Diablo has said personally that "The wiki's going to contain a lot about the devil, no seriously. There's going to be articles about the caverns of hell, the kind of foods the devil eats and also various artworks done by the Devil himself. And if your asking if it's going to be great. Well... Yeah!, It's going to be satantastic!". Immediately after this was posted on the UnSignpost, 2 people have joined the satanic wiki. The 2 people are described to be a Himilianian Yettie and an Male Amish Human. Both of them have pledged their allegiance to the devil in return for absolute power. In today's weather report, make sure to bring an umbrella as Hell may be raining over within the next few days. Uncyclopedia's Reign of the Newbs Begins
Interestingly enough, lots of new noobs (and old noobs) are getting featured articles these days. Somehow, the cult of the newbs has awoken, and Uncyc has felt its presence link to Double Entendre. Oh... did I say that out loud? "I don't trust the young 'uns," said Farmer O'Dell at his grain silo, "They write funny articles, yeah, but what do they contribute to the community?" Actually, writers like Hyperbole, Cheapinitreal, and The Woodburninator have stepped up, and are already commanders. Except that last one, who is close enough. Big time contributors like YesTimeToEdit, Qua, and Orian57 are cleaning up this pig sty. Older members of uncyc have become less active, and are paving the way for these rising stars to shine. Uh, speaking as myself? I've never been more proud of Uncyclopedia than I have in the last month or so. Keep it up, guys! |
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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 22:37, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: Jewlie 3rd/10th, 2008[edit source]
The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!
July 10th, 2008 • Tenth Issue Spectacular!
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Uncyclopedia running out of interesting stuff, UnSignpost starts up shitty telethon!  Look at you, sitting there all high and mighty with your Chuck Norris facts and Oscar Wilde quotes, well during this season of laziness and sitting round jacking off, please donate the gift of humor (or humour, we bend that way to no matter how much we are chased out of church) to a poor Uncyclopedian run newspaper near you. Take this poor little article for example; Canadian Tire Money or Canny as no-one calls him, just 8 minutes old and he is already roaming the streets. Illiterate and doing incoherency, long lines of lists and e before i (especially after c), it is only a matter of time before he turns to gay jokes to fund his addictions. Please help this little article achieve its potential as an Injoke by donating the gift of laughter, stupidity... or even just simple bad taste. Successes
There's more you can do... Call you're nearest admin and start a discussion about just how much humor you can donate (read: swearing and shock-porn), or start the 2717231278th forum topic concerning how we all must strive to remove the scourge of shitty articles. In the immortally misattributed words of our founding fathers, stillwaters and Chronarion "Fuck were we high" er... or words of respected member TheLedBalloon "Also, in the ass or the mouth?" oh dear... or even words of Please help Save Cats from Degrading Captions- wait... - Save the Porn onto my Hard-drive- uh... I remember! Save UnSignpost from falling into a pit of lame memes and boring articles, here is a parting word from a little one in need of YOUR help. Ry4N IS TEh GH3Y n00b whO SUX b4lls!!1 ~ Ryan kella Makes you think don't it? We will be taking your calls now. Or now. Not now. Ok, now. Modusoperandi OP'ed!?
This past month of June, the Uncyclopedia community got its first chance at VFS since February, and one new op was decided upon. While there were many great and very capable candidates, one in particular got the most attention and the most votes. Modusoperandi. This long time Uncyclopedian has been to VFS almost every time it gets opened as far as we can trace, and always misses it in the final round by a slim number of votes. However, this month turned out to be a winner for him, so congratulations Modus. MO likes to spend his time writing things and 'chopping some images, but also finds time to goof off in the forums, and relieve the everyday pressure of his fellow colleagues with his off topic sense of humor, which he rarely hides. Modus has a total of 19.5 featured articles as well as 10 featured images. We at UnSignpost congratulate Modus on his winnings, and are willing to put $10 on him becoming the next STM. UnSignpost Takes A Wikibreak
Yeah, the UnSignpost, the newspaper that Uncyclopedia would totally fall apart without, took a wikibreak last week. They seem to be fashionable, so we thought we'd find out what they were all about. They seem to involve time spent not hunched over a keyboard in a darkened room. The UnSignpost reminds you that such activities are hazardous to your health, and should be avoided at all costs. (Note: this is absolutely true - in no way did the UnSignpost just miss a week because no-one could be bothered to edit it, or anything) |
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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 06:30, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: July 17th, 2008[edit source]
The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!
July 17th, 2008 • Eleventh Issue • This issue isn't late, your calendar is fast.
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It's The Poo Lit. Surprised?
Uncyclopedia's twice annual writing competition, the Poo Lit Surprise starts this week. In typical Uncyclopedia style, it seems to have come as a surprise to many, not least EMC, who was supposed to be running it, but who has disappeared without trace. Horrified by what was happening to their beloved and prestigious competition, the Uncyclopedia community rushed into action as soon as it noticed (a day or so late), and promptly agreed someone needed to do something. This was followed by some of the community running around in small circles, flapping their hands wildly and panicking a bit, before cuddly authority figure Zombiebaron decisively stepped in and selflessly told Dr. Skullthumper to sort it out and get the fuck on with it. At the time of going to press, both Skullthumper and Zombiebaron may have been available for comment for all we know, but we couldn't be bothered to ask them. VFS: The Race Hots Up For The Second Month Running
In an unprecedented turn of events, and due to namby-pamby unclear rules that have since been firmed up and given a healthy gay colour makeover, Uncyclopedia is voting for further candidates to be admitted to the non-existent cabal. The race is turning out to be quite a close one between several of the frontrunners, so the ever-impartial UnSignpost (founded by Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper) brings you pen pics of the current favourites.
Who will win? All may be reported in future editions of the UnSignpost. If we remember. And if we can be bothered. |
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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 06:04, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: July 24th, 2008[edit source]
The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH
July 24th, 2008 • Twelfth Issue • Now On Time?
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Count to a million This week Uncyclopedians continued on their quixotic attempt to "count to a million." Started by Uncyclopedia Wiki-master and Chamber of Commerce Secretary Spang in early March of this year, the project seeks to eventually reach the number one million (1,000,000) through the ancient art of counting. Any person who is capable of taking a number, adding one to it, and expressing the result has been invited to join the massive undertaking, which has seen dozens of contributors come and go. As is always the case here at Uncyc, the project has spawned controversy, criticism, and a spin-off starring Tony Shalhoub as Olipro. The forum is an unprecedented pool of knowledge. As each number is reached, it is discussed in-depth by several Uncyclopedians. Insights such as "114 That's my age + 100 lololol" and "616 fucks fucking fucker's shitty crap" are a testament to the intellecually stimulating conversation that occurs each day. Oftentimes, relevant images are posted; the variety of these pictures can be seen by looking here, here, here, and here. However, not everyone is so optimistic about the project. Some have expressed concern that the entire thing has some kind of sinister purpose. When asked for a comment on the harmless-appearing but diabolically-undertoned project, TheLedBalloon said, "although the project appears harmless, there are definitely diabolical undertones." Another anonymous user stated, "that forum is most surely not pants." Spang himself has expressed his desire to leave behind a legacy, but he has also left open the possibility that "the entire thing is just an urban myth, and doesn't really exist." Regardless of its true meaning or intentions, Uncyclopedians continue to trudge on in their epic quest, reaching 0.075% of their goal this Monday. Editors come and go, the pace quickens and slackens, but someone is always there to figure out the next number in the sequence. At its current rate, the project will reach one million on August 19th, 2526. Until that glorious day, Uncyclopedians can only dream... Cheevers Fires Back! After some light-hearted slights in last week's issue, Gerry Cheevers - Uncyclopedia's resident headcase and #2 hockey authority - has taken exception with the editors of this fine periodical. An ugly scene erupted in the USP press room after Gerry barged in, demanding some sort of justice. Luckily, some quick thinking by our tea-boy and current stand-in editor caused Mr. Cheevers to be distracted by a shiny object long enough to avoid any damage to our delicate newspapering equipment. After it was pointed out that he had in fact come and gone from Uncyclopedia like some sort of cow that grazes on witty satire and coherent parody, Gerry calmed down enough give a brief interview and let some of our junior reporters scratch him behind the ears. When asked about the reasons for his return, Gerry cited many things. Prominent among them were a desire to have humor play a larger role in his life once again, the thrill of writing articles, the subsequent crushing defeat after said articles have been hacked to pieces mercilessly, and his heterosexual man-crush on Mhaille. The one-time WotM nominee fell on hard times in mid-March, and went on sabbatical when his computer decided that it was not long for this world and took its own life. After that, Gerry resorted to breaking into libraries after-hours to cast VFH votes on city-owned, porn-riddled, abysmally slow dial-up computers. Luckily he landed a job in late May and has spent a majority of his time at said job slacking off and editing Uncyclopedia. Mr. Cheevers looks forward to getting back to what he is known for: mediocre writing, scathing Pee Reviews, and keeping Manforman locked up in the Uncyc dungeons. Several prominent Uncyclopedians share his optimism for a permanent return, including noted reviewing robot MrN9000, who stated that he was "willing to bet everything Cajek owns to that effect," and heavy zeppelin Don Leddy, who expressed his delight at seeing Gerry, exclaiming "gimme back my twenty dollars!" |
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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 16:42, 24 July 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: July 31st, 2008[edit source]
The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way they did!
July 31st, 2008 • Lucky Thirteenth Issue • Now with 20% more ninjas!
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The biggest little whorehouse on the internet Oftentimes, Uncyclopedians choose to create something on their userpages, safe from the prying eyes and hungry 'delete' buttons of admins. These entities can range from the ridiculously complex to the awesomely cartoonish. The newest user creation on this silly wiki is that of a charming gentle-bot by the name of MrN9000. At 'The Whorehouse', writers can bathe in the attention they so desperately seek. A sort of hands-on Pee Review, the Whorehouse encourages other users to edit, trim, improve, rub up against, and generally increase the quality of the articles of others. Authors suffering from mental blocks (or physical blocks) can turn to this dimly lit establishment for inspiration. While considered a 'smashing' idea by some, the brothel has drawn its share of criticism. It may have even caused a site-wide questioning of the rules of VFH, guidelines of Pee Review, and the vailidity of the Committee That Selects Zombiebaron's Daily Banstick. The main concern seems to be articles getting 'mucked up' by having too many contributors. Opponents to this opinion have pointed out that this is a wiki, and, in theory, an infinite number of contributors contributing to an infinite number of articles for an infinite amount of time were eventually destined to create the Whorehouse, anyway. Some users, such as Ljlego, have taken advantage of the open space to hold some sort of charity-scamming orgy. Whatever the destiny of the Whorehouse, it is sure to catch every Uncyclopedian's attention for at the least five minutes immediately following the reading of this article.
Virus exposes user vulnerability to death Yes, it's true. Death is inevitable for all users who have logged in recently. Apparently, a rouge admin created a computer virus so potent you actually contract testicular cancer. Real cancer. Like, In real life. Seriously. And how does one contract the virus? Users are warned that that the simple act of logging in to Uncyclopedia will cause one to contract the fatal disease. "Yes, I know cancer isn't a disease nor a virus" said one doctor "but still, it sucks. I mean - it's cancer - IN YOUR BALLS. Come on." So how exactly does on know when they have cancer? Symptoms may include one or more of the following:
Make sure to constantly check your testicles by feeling them for irregularities with your fingers. ... That's right. ... Just feel 'em up ... nice ... Ahem! Uh... Simple vigilance is a big help. The best time to check is after a hot shower, when the scrotum is looser. And what of the female users? No, not even the three of them are safe. It has been proven that even female users can contract testicular cancer. How, you ask? Well, by a miracle of God, the female will grow testicles, that will then become "cancerfied" (or "cancer-ific", if you prefer.) The only users who are safe from this horrible plague are IP addresses, as they lack testes and the ability to grow any. Remember kids, no matter how much Dr. Health, Esq. tells you cancer is great, don't believe him. Oh? ... What's that? ... I said something about dying? ... Oh. ... Well, if one of your testicles was three times bigger than the other and your semen was filled with blood, would you not kill yourself? That's right... |
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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 07:51, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: August 7th, 2008[edit source]
I love it when the news comes together
August 7th, 2008 • Fourteenth Issue • Just like Grandma used to make!
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Uncyclopedia Forum set to consume the Internet Top scientists at the Uncycloversity this week predicted that a Village Dump topic, started in June by prominent Uncylopedian and alchemist Spang, will one day consume the entire internet. According to the university's top expert, Dr. Skullthumper, Ph.D.: "This is one of those things that could go on forever. I mean, at least counting to a million has a definite ending. With this, there is no end, since everyone wants to be the last person to edit." Wikia staff member and Uncyclopedian Sannse predicts that the forum topic will take up all of Wikia's hardware by late 2009 and will then begin to "consume all around it, like I did that time I tried marijuana." She went on to add, "nothing will be safe – not even Wikipedia," before blessing herself and staring reverently at a statue of Jimmy Wales. Others, however, are more optimistic. According to Modusoperandi, "eventually someone will invent some sort of robot or hobgoblin to automatically edit the topic, and then it will have to be locked. Either that, or someone will figure out that there is no prize, rendering the whole thing pointless. And then I shall be the winner!" Spang was unavailable for comment because, according to his spokesperson, "he is busy in his cave dreaming up more crazy schemes to destroy the internet." Admins everywhere! If you're a wiki-troll, cyberbullying vandal or extremely crappy article, you'd better start watching your behind. Three new deputies were voted in by the Uncyclopedia Sheriff's Department: Dr. Skullthumper, RAHB, and Roman Dog Bird. The trio were bestowed this great honor last Friday by Codeine. This brings the total amount of active authority figures who could wallop you over the head with a banhammer to 29. The reason for the unusally high number of new sysops is that a clear consensus could not be reached, and also that all three of these individuals are "awesome". The new admins were extremely pleased and greatly honored by their new title. None of them wasted any time in executing their first sysop move (RAHB and Dr. Skullthumper banned Cajek; Roman Dog Bird deleted one hundred articles, then banned Cajek). The prescence of these new neighborhood patrollers was evident immediately, with QVFD being renamed "Skull and RAHB's House of Huffing", and placing {{VFD}} in an article now automatically classifying it as "Roman Dog Bird's bitch". The reactions from the new sysops were similar, with all three pledging to delete bad articles, ban unworthy knuckleheads, continue plans for world domination, and "try not to muck up the site too much". RAHB has set himself lofty goals, including "keeping it cool" and some wiki-related nonsense that this reporter didn't understand. Roman Dog Bird wished the readers of the Signpost to know that he said "something", and went on to add that he will continue to "clean crap up...only now with more power." Dr. Skullthumper is thankful that no one has caught on to the trio of new ops and expresses his optimism as far as not being immediately de-opped, but also listed several early accomplishments as well as future goals. With these three brave new souls now patrolling the corridors of this silly wiki, it is truly a dark time for terrible articles, merciless vandals, and Cajek. |
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Painstakingly hand-delivered by: 16:35, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: August 14th, 2008[edit source]
The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11
August 14th, 2008 • Fifteenth Issue • May contain traces of humor
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Uncyclopedia kidnapped!  In a shocking development, a brazen individual absconded with Uncyclopedia just over a week ago. Users were shocked when their attempts to access the site between 18:33 and 20:07 UTC on August 4th resulted in a sinister message being displayed, promising the swift return of the wiki should the kidnapper's demands be met. Panic ensued, with several Uncyclopedians wandering off to places unknown, never to return. Once the site was restored and the intertubes reconnected, the identity of the culprit was obvious: Orian57 had made the last edit before the ninety-minute gap, with the ominous and puzzling edit summary of "I AM STEALING UNCYCLOPEDIA!!!" The site itself seemed to be mostly fine after its harrowing ordeal, with the exception of VFP, which turned all of Zombiebaron's against votes into ten for votes during the first few hours back. This reporter caught up to Orian57, and had the opportunity to talk with him at some length about the reasons for the abduction. After consulting with his lawyer, Orian agreed to comment on the situation. On why he stole the wiki, he said, "my motivation for this cyber-terrorism wasn't something trite like 'because I could' or 'it wasn't me'. No. It was because nobody was paying me any attention!" It seems that Orian, in a desperate bid for attention, locked the Uncyclopedia server in a basement, and attempted to edit it so that all content referred to him. Perhaps his subconcious got the better of him, or perhaps the spirit of Sophia came to Uncyclopedia's rescue. In any case, Orian claims he heard a female voice speaking to him, which convinced him to return the server and allow "uncyclopedians around the world to stop masturbating and return to peeling potatoes or whatever they do." Some sort of competition finishes
So as you may have noticed, recently a contest of titanic proportions has been gripping the world like no other event. Palms have been sweaty, nails have been chewed, bribes, threats, and allegations of stimulant abuse have been rife. But now, the latest incarnation of the Poo Lit Surprise has drawn to a close, and so our attention can drift to that bunch of steroid-enhanced nutters at the Olympics. Finally, the questions on everyone's lips have been answered. Providing they were related to the Poo Lit Surprise, and who was going to win. Other questions, unfortunately, remain unanswered. However, if you do want to know who won, and haven't found out already, you can find out here. We could just tell you here, but where's the fun in that? We should, however, point out that if you haven't seen all of the articles yet, there are some real crackers amongst them, and not just the winners either - which probably reflects well on the Uncyclopedia Community as a whole, although it may just hint that everyone saved their best articles for this one small period of time and now has nothing else to offer for another 6 months. We'll see, but in the meantime, have a look at all the entries - there should be chuckles on offer whatever your sense of humo(u)r! |
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Fired out of a newspaper cannon by: 18:01, 16 August 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: August 21st, 2008[edit source]
Now with 20% more ninjas!
August 21st, 2008 • Issue Sixteen • The periodical without any junk in its trunk
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And the award for Sluttiest User goes to... ...Mhaille! With over fifteen thousand links to his userpage strewn willy-nilly about Uncyclopedia, Mhaille takes home the Slutty for the sixth consecutive time. Everyone's favorite moustachioed chappie overtook Codeine in early 2007 and never looked back. When asked about this momentous achievement, Mhaille was still in shock from the victory. "I'd like to give thanks to my mother and my father, for first taking me into the family business. Without their years of experience and their guidance I would not have become the Slut I am today," he said. "It is for them that I hope to make it a seventh title!" Coming in at second on the list was the legendary Benson. Despite having only twenty edits in the past year, Benson has managed to rack up over twelve thousand links to his userpage. He still enjoys a several thousand link lead over slut number three, Thekillerfroggy. When asked how Benson managed to not only maintain his lead, but actually increase it, TKF said, "A wizard did it." In-depth investigation by this reporter revealed that Froggy's signature may have something to do with it, as random selection feature will occasionally cause TKF's sig to spam dozens of links to Benson's userpage, mostly in Dr. Skullthumper's userspace. UnSignpost gets new paper-boy Uncyclopedia's semi-official newspaper, enjoyed by literally several readers each week, has hired a brand new paper boy. This individual has been delivering the UnSignpost for the past two weeks. This cost cutting measure was announced after the guy with the keys to the delivery robots disappeared, taking the keys, several thousand dollars in cash, and a stapler with him. Unconfirmed rumours made up by me suggest that he intends to staple the money to the keys before turning the stapler on himself. The paper boy, who calls himself Gerrycheevers, says that it is a tough job, but he is glad to be able to contribute something. "It's a tough job," he told UnSignpost reporters "but I am glad to be able to contribute something." The young paper boy is saving up his pocket money to buy a new frisbee. The mammoth task has taken its toll on young Mr. Cheevers, leaving him with severe wrist pain and an acute hatred of humanity. "It totally messed up my wrists. I was out of action for days!" he said. Most Uncyclopedians are said to be happy with the new service, saying that they prefer the more personal touch that comes with human delivery. "Those damn robots trampled my garden, broke down my door and killed my dog with their death-rays" said one unfortunate Uncyclopedian. In a related story, Gerrycheevers has been 'throttled' from such activites as moving pages and making mass edits. His repetitive edits have apparently pissed off at least one admin, and Gerry is now limited to one edit per four hours. He has used these edits carefully, and has managed to find a new paperbot. This week, the UnSignpost will be delivered by MantiBot. Subscribers can only hope the new delivery system works out, or the UnSignpost may be doomed. |
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— MantiBot 
Owner 12:23, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: August 28th, 2008[edit source]
The periodical without any junk in its trunk!
August 28th, 2008 • SEVENTEENTH ISSUE SPECTACULAR • Word to your mother
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Porn Wars End in Sticky Truce At exactly 10:28 pm (UTC), Sir Led Balloon did the honors of emblazoning a golden '1000' in the count to a million project, a true milestone on the journey to seven-digit greatness. Another user celebrated by gracing the page with an unprecedented one-thousand-and-one pixel high "1001", which was quickly taken down. The user was, needless to say, embarrassed, yet happy that the uncouth horde of devoted Uncyclopedians had finally reached the number 1000, as such a milestone had not been reached since the number 100 and the end of the Porn Wars. On that note, the Porn Wars ended earlier this week with a tentative truce between Commander Jailbait and General Pervert. The war began the week before, when Regret posted a pin-up girl to balance Orian's photo of a scantily-clad male, claiming he was "bringing balance back to the universe." Regret also stated he would "fight to the death"... or at least until Leddy stepped in, this time to call a "three-pornstuffs rule", which eventually ended the erotic feud. Meth, a constant editor on the forum, said "'twas a fortunate day for all under 18." Still, even with peace returning to the forum, not all is well in the land of counting. On the subject of reaching 1000, one dissenting user said: "Perhaps we should seriously consider stopping there. I mean that would be 1/1000 of the goal! Imagine doing this whole thing, 1000 times. That would mean 3000 archives, give or take." To which another user responded, "unfortunately for you, Nobody cares." Nevertheless, as long as there are users with nothing better to do, the Forum will always trudge on, giving Uncyclopedians something with which to kill thirty seconds, and also giving UnSignpost reporters something to write about. Lack of cure for testicular cancer kills 100 Uncyc members Uncycloversity members are still failing to find a cure for our previously mentioned testicular cancer, and to date, 100 people have died of said cancer. When nobody died, some user said it was a rumor made by some other user to piss us all off, right before clutching his balls in pain and dropping dead. Within an hour, about 16 more people died a cancer-related death. A live update shows that 105 users are now dead. You could be next! Don't panic, that'll make you die faster. Regret Tenenbaum, the user who originally warned of the disease, had this to say: "I TOLD YOU SO!" to which he added "Na-nanana-nanana!" The death toll is expected to reach into the thousands, with no end in sight. A memorial was set up earlier today to remember the dead, with one number added for every fallen Uncyclopedian. With fear and panic filling the hearts of users everywhere, there is one question that is on everyone's mind: "WHY GOD, WHY?!" Another live update show that 200 people have now died, and out of those, 10 people killed themselves in anxiety. Remember to always feel your testicles with your fingers. That's right. It helps prevent the cancer from reproducing. |
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UnSignpost: September 4th, 2008[edit source]
The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!
September 4th, 2008 • Eighteenth Issue • STOP!! SIGNPOST TIME!!
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Uncyclopedia copies Conservapedia  Recently, on the fact-based no-spin-zone wiki known as Conservapedia, there has been debate raging over whether to ban all atheists from contributing. Apparently conservapedians believe atheists (those who deny the existence of the creator) to be at the very least a hinderance, and at the very most a hideous group of venom-spitting demon-eyed savages who feed on the blood of children. If this motion garners enough support it may become a 'Conservapedia Commandment', along with 'no girls allowed' and 'slow down, this is a neighborhood.' Mild amusement and complete apathy were rampant among Uncyclopedians yesterday. Some poked fun at the silly conservatives for proposing such a Nazi-esque measure. Others took up the reigns in a new thread: should atheists (of Cthulhu) be barred from Uncyclopedia? It seems support for this action is widespread, and soon 'Cthulhu tests' will be administered to random users at random times. Failure of such tests will result in soul consumption. User Heerenveen had this to say: "I believe that it shouldn't matter whether you are an avid worshipper of Cthulhu, just someone who pretends to like Cthulhu to fit in with your mates, or indeed a foaming-at-the-crotch atheist (of Cthulhu), you should be infinibanned from Uncyc regardless. Unless, of course, you are Cajek," to which Orian57 added, "Richard Dawkins is so sexy." As is the norm here on Uncyclopedia, the controversy was immediately parodied, and then the parody of the controversy was summarily parodied. It has yet to be seen whether the parody of the parody will in fact be parodied.
IN A WORLD where JUSTICE is a distant memory...where HOPE seems desperately out of reach...where THROATY BARITONES are hard to come by... ...ONE MAN performed voice-overs for OVER NINETY FOUR THOUSAND FILMS. His DEEPLY SONOROUS VOICE could turn even the most BORING movie into AN ALL-OUT THRILLER... ...Most famously known for THAT GEICO COMMERCIAL HE DID, that man's NAME was DON LAFONTAINE. Critics hailed him as 'THAT MOVIE TRAILER ANNOUNCER GUY' and 'THE DUDE WITH THE CRAZY VOICE'... ...On Monday, LaFontaine PASSED AWAY suddenly when a FIERY EXPLOSION in a SHRAPNEL FACTORY caused the TURBO-CHARGED SPORTSCAR in which he was being pursued by MONGOL HORDES to CAREEN OVER A CLIFF. He was 68...
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―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 5/09 16:57
UnSignpost: September 11th, 2008[edit source]
The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!
September 11th, 2008 • Nineteenth Issue • All your readers are belong to us
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Uncyclopedia celebrates 9/11
 8 years ago, America was attacked or something. Uncyclopedians, who are true patriots, celebrated the eighth anniversary in true American fashion: by doing mostly nothing of interest to anyone but themselves. The UnSignpost devoted nine-hundred-eleven minutes of silence to the event Thursday by not even bothering to send itself out. "The Unsignpost was there nine years ago during those super not-kewl terrorist attacks," said chief writer Gerrycheevers. "I wasn't part of the staff then, so I promise that, in the 911th issue, we will devote a whole article to the events of that frabjuous day." In the 911th year of publication, the Unsignpost promises to dedicate the whole issue to 9/11 and those rascally terrorists. "We've already got 911 stories lined up for publication!" said staff photographer Larry. "It's too bad we have to wait so long to get them to the public, but that's what happens when you honor a holiday like this the way you're SUPPOSED to." Uncyclopedia's main page was 11/9-themed for the occasion. When Mordillo and Spang were alerted that nothing interesting happened on November ninth, 2001, Larry, Mordillo's public relations officer, claimed that "it [didn't] matter: One date is the same as the next. Why don't you Unsignpost people shut the hell up? Oh, and uh, I won't be able to come in Monday: it's my sister's wedding." Other wikis in cyberspace exist, and therefore did things relating to 9/11. Conservapedia, a conservative parody of Uncyclopedia, celebrated by drawing figures of Mohammed on their private nuclear stockpile. Legopedia celebrated by informing the public of Lego's new action series: 9/11: the Suckiest Thing Ever. Jengapedia honored the fallen by sponsoring a 911 minute championship Jenga competition. Liberalpedia, on the other hand, did nothing of any consequence. >:( FUCK YOU LIBERALS!! FUCK YOUUUU!!!! The Unsignpost would like to print a retraction of it's 47th issue from September 11th, 2001, wherein the terrorist attacks were called "super-kewl" and the terrorists themselves hailed as heroes. Those responsible have been sacked.
Conservation Week, also known as 'Rewrite-a-thon' or 'De-crap-ification', is upon our community once again. Twice a year, Uncyclopedians band together to clean out the weeds and squirrel corpses from promising trees found in the rewrite category, among other places. Due to the retirement of co-founder Jocke Pirat and quasi-inactiveness of co-founder THE, another user has stepped in with promises to annoy every user until they rewrite at least one article. That user shall remain anonymous. Opening day for this well-liked, popular, and intriguing event is Monday the 15th. The winner of the competition will receive the Greasy Mechanic Award for having rewritten the most articles in the two-week competition. Past winners include THE and Jocke Pirat. Be sure to participate early so as to avoid annoying requests to "rewrite an article, you lazy git!" The event has thrown into sharp relief the lack of Uncyclopedia events, or the excess of Uncyclopedia events, depending on who you ask. Ideas like Forest Fire Week and Everyone Edit A Ton Of Articles Week have not received much support, but may be enacted in the future to keep ADD-riddled Uncyclopedians something to do for five minutes. RC takes home NotM After years of fruitless nominations, Rcmurphy has finally won n00b of the Month. The announcement came last week, when none of the three candidates fufilled the requirements necessary for winning the n00by. It seemed the two new users had both failed to write an article, and So So did not meet the main n00bishness requirement. Since there was no clear winner, the award went to Rc by Rule 4.1, Clause 3 of the NotM eligibility guidelines. As far as the NotM badge itself, it was initally placed on So So's userpage. After relenquishing the honor to Rcmurphy, So So proceeded to foul the badge and offer it to the user who wanted it the most. After the planned Panel of Penis Monkeys from Outer Space cancelled, a phone-in contest was held, in which Colin "All your base" Heaney dominated the competiton. He took home the badge and now proudly displays the feces-ridden merit on his userpage. In a related story, Rcmurphy is up for NotM yet again. However, he is facing stiff competition from W.T. Door, a U.S. Navy seamen who spends his time swabbing decks, battoning down hatches, and writing cool stuff. |
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— MantiBot Owner 11:07, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: October 3rd, 2008[edit source]
The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!
October 2nd, 2008 • ALL-KITTEN ISSUE • Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!
According to Wikia staff member Sannse, Uncyclopedia's advertising revenue is below expectations and must rename itself to appeal to the younger generation. "I think the problem is that 'Uncyclopedia' has lost its edge," Sannse said to a crowd of squirrels and kittens gathered around the Uncyclo-stables last Saturday, "...all of which is contained in its name." Older users, like Mordillo, the jew who secretly controls "Uncyc," and TheLedBalloon, who is an inanimate balloon, strongly petition for the name to stay the same. The Unsignpost couldn't be bothered to actually read the forum that Sannse created, but we're assuming that everyone's against changing the name to "Asparagus.org" or something. The name change will reflect the personalities and interests of every single contributor. "Yeah, Asparagus.org is gonna have to do until we figure out what would be a good name," Sannse yelled at a local gathering of squirrels in Uncyclopedia's break room. Many users have complained about the change, but not AsparagusSignPost, which has run into a little trouble with the law recently, and doesn't want to go back to jail by disobeying "the man" or causing "drama". Because, as we ALL know, some head writers have been banned a whole bunch of times for being "different". So to Asparagus.org we say: "Keep the funnies coming, unless someone is forecasting your doom again..."
 For the first time in over two weeks, the flaming death of this silly wiki has been predicted in some form. Last time it was that stain that looked puzzlingly like Jimbo Wales, the time before it was that bird that flew overhead. You know the one I mean. This time around, undead user Necropaxx has pointed out several recent disturbing trends that seem to mean only one thing: Uncyc is about to suffer its death throes. It seems this time that the demise of the wiki will also utterly destroy the souls of every one of the dozens of users who contribute here regularly. Tidings such as this have frightened new users such as September NotM Multiliteralist, who had his to say: "Oh no." Several of the signs that Uncyclopedia is doomed are unarguably true: VFP is stagnant due to the lack of Zombiebaron activity. The Pee Review queue is backed up worse than a public toilet after Cinco de Mayo. Modusoperandi seems to be malfunctioning, as he has dispensed with his usual biting wit in favor of just plain biting. It appears, in at least a few users' eyes, that Uncyc has "jumped the kitten". Lack of News Wreaks Havoc on UnSignpost In an unprecedented press conference earlier this week, UnSignpost editor-in-chief Mr. Gerry Cheevers (the user, not the hockey player) admitted that "This week's issue is actually still a blank template", further stating "I've been swamped at work, and today developed cold-like symptoms." However, some experts disagree on the cause of an UnSignpost devoid of news. "There is an obvious explanation for the lack of gratifying news stories in the USP this week," said Mr. News Guy, the world-renowned news reporter, kitten enthusiast, and unicycle-fetish expert. "There is just no news to report on," he continued, to which the reporter we borrowed from UnNews responded "And what's causing this lack of news?" "That's just it! There's no news to report on!" "So... you're saying is, the reason there's no news is because there's no news?" "Exactly! And it's just a matter of time until some attention whore writes a stupid and redundant story on the fact that there's no news!" This story is dedicated to the memory of Mr. News Guy, whose body was recovered from the Los Angeles river the next day. |
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-- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 23:39, 3 October 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: October 10th 2008[edit source]
The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things
October 9th, 2008 • Twenty-First Issue • Bursting with Crunchy Goodness!
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Uncyclopedia Stock Plummets  Uncyclopedia stockholders are in a state of panic after shares of Uncyclomedia fell over 60% this week amid fears of a writing recession. "I just can't gamble on a rebound," said one investor as he carefully climbed out onto his window ledge overlooking Wall Street, perhaps seeking some fresh air. "With the current economic and comedic climate, and rumors of the destruction of the website, it looks like Uncyc Incorporated is about to fold." Other investors are slightly more optimistic. We ran into a smartly dressed woman in the Uncyc break room and were intrigued as to why a female would ever have enough confidence in the wiki to invest the large sum of one dollar bills she was counting. It turned out that she was a stripper, but we did eventually find someone who still had faith in the company. "There's so much more to the Uncyclopedia Empire than just the humor wiki," said confident money-man Chet Hardluck. "There's the kitten factory, the escort service, the games & sports division...and don't forget the world's largest boron-smelting plant!" When it was pointed out that these claims are in fact bollocks (except for the boron plant), Hardluck joined the queue of businessmen waiting their turn to get some frsh air on the suddenly popular ledge. The fate of the Uncyclopedia corporation remained unclear at press time. Some say that if Uncyc stock plummets through enough negative numbers, the stock will reset itself at zero, resulting in huge negative negative profits for those who bought the stock whilst it was negative. Uncyclopedia announces invasion of YouTube The first upload began a series of incursions onto YouTube by all types of Uncyclopedians. Some made sense, such as article narrations and UnTunes. Some were questionable, such as the gangsta rap video by the usually timid Sycamore. But nearly 99% of all material in the 'Uncyclopedia' category is patent nonsense, such as a visualization of AAAAAAA!, faceoffs between George Bush & Kanye West and Steve Ballmer & various other injokes, and a 'don't blink contest' featuring Gert5 staring into a camera for nine hours. |
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— Sir Sycamore (talk) 18:49, 10 October 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: 21 October 2008[edit source]
The edition that's black and white and dead all over
October 16th, 2008 • Twenty-Second Issue • Now with 40% more Batman!
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Uncyc Users throw Support Behind Joe Plumber  Uncyclopedians today officially declared their undying allegience to Joe Plumber, a newcomer in the upcoming U.S. presidential election. Plumber was thrust into the spotlight last night at the second of many dreadfully boring presidential debates between those two or more candidates currently jockeying for the office. His name was mentioned no less than twenty-four dozen times by the candidates, with each claiming that Joe sided with him on issues such as healthcare, tax increases, and the 'Canada Problem'. One candidate even went so far as to claim that he and Plumber were 'buddies', and that Plumber installed a new bathtub in his palatial presidential candidate mansion last July. Several prominent Uncyclopedians spoke out in vehement support of Plumber, citing his many qualifications to be the leader of the free world. "He's a maverick in the plumbing industry," said staunch pro-Plumberer Colin "All your base" Heaney. "He also has a plan to live the American Dream, through the infinite wisdom of buying his own plumbing company. America needs dreamers, Gerry." Despite being asked to stop commenting, Heaney went on to say that Plumber "cleans people's pipes on a regular basis." Other supporters of Joe Plumber's campaign and platform included inanimate objects such as TheLedBalloon. "The most important thing to know about Joe Plumber is that he is AMERICAN, in bold italics underlined and all caps, just like that." When asked to give another example of how patriotic both he and Plumber are, Mr. Balloon replied, "Just picture him standing in front of a flag with the Star Spangled Banner playing in the background, and you'll know why I support his presidency." Current polls show Plumber trailing in the presidential race, with an estimated zero percent of all voters. His backers are trying to spread the word about Joe's tax relief plan, his rugged good looks, and his skill with a pair of slip-nose pliers. Uncylopedia Issues Food Stamps Due to the recent downturn in the economy, Uncyclopedia officials have issued hundreds of food stamps to users who have no means of feeding themselves. These users might be out of a job or have no arms. In any case, these food stamps are to be given out on alternate Thursdays, except for odd-numbered months, months ending in 'y' or 'r', and April. They will be available at the Uncyclopedia Meat Depot, the boron smelting plant, or by calling the new food stamps hotline. These food stamps will be valid for purchasing a wide variety of nutritious and delicious items from the Uncyclopedia Farmer's Market and Livestock Emporium. Included are items such as pre-packed huffable kittens, gummi grues, and AAAAAAA! cookies.
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--Sycamore (Talk) 09:53, 21 October 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: 3-ish November 2008[edit source]
The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11
November 3rd-ish, 2008 • Twenty-Third Issue • Better than things that aren't as good!
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Address Change: Return To Sender? If you are one of those people, here's a brief summary of the incident:
If you aren't one of those people, here's an even briefer summary:
More on this ongoing situation as we get it. Probably. Glorious return to form for MrN! Fellow poopsmith and genial man-about-town UU said of the momentous occasion: "you what? MrN? Oh yeah, him. Good bloke. Knows his underwear". Then he scratched his nose reflectively and wandered off. MrN himself was unavailable for comment at the time of going to press/we couldn't be bothered to interview him (delete as you think applicable), but the UnSignpost fondly imagines he would have smiled enigmatically, raised an eyebrow quizzically, nodded appreciatively, and said "PANTS!" predictably. The pants themselves were also unavailable for comment. |
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Shoved through the letterbox for the one and only time by UU - natter 
11:43, Nov 6
UnSignpost: 13th November 2008[edit source]
The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11
November 13th, 2008 • Issue 24 • So close to journalism you'll be hard pushed to know the difference!
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Uncyclopedian does something vaguely noteworthy in "real life" Mickey has so far failed to live up to Uncyclopedia's proudest traditions, by actually being quite good at the game. Indeed, at the time of writing, he'd won several games, including what he modestly described as "an awesome numbers game, beating Carol". He also shamelessly mentioned his connection to the site in a recent episode, leading to quite literally no extra edits to the Countdown article - still, thanks for the plug, Mick! Having spent time in the company of such notable international icons as Des O'Connor (no, we don't have a page on him, so there's no link), Paul Zenon (nope, nothing on him either) and Suzy Dent (spotting a pattern here, non-UK readers?) Mickey is now Uncyclopedia's most prominent celebrity, and it's surely only a matter of time before he appears on Strictly Come Dancing or Celebrity Big Brother, and has a lurid kiss-and-tell exposé in Heat Magazine. Various "...of the month" award candidates - November's in-depth analysis Uncyclopedian of the Month: Controversial nominees abound here, as serial ban collector Cajek goes head-to-head with Wikia corporate mouthpiece Sannse. The hyperactive one with the light blue sig is in the lead at present. But! As with certain other popular recent votes, there is a third candidate inexplicably attracting little attention - Dexter111344, a site maintenance and VFD stalwart. Who will win? Only you can decide (and all the other people who vote, obviously). Noob of the Month: No-one. Yet. Find a noob doing something vaguely decent and nominate them please! Otherwise the UnSignpost may just have to bring back the ultimate dead horse for yet more flogging and nom Rcmurphy again. Useless Gobshite of the Month: Kip the Dip is out on his own for this one so far. Having proved an exemplary gobshite for months on end, despite being cruelly denied the recognition of this award, the UnSignpost feels that his time is now, and is abandoning all pretence at unbiased journalism: VOTE KIP FOR UGotM! |
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MrN9001 12:49, 13 November 2008 (UTC)
Oh hi thar![edit source]
You don't know me. But yeah I liked your article. Made me laugh. Also you were adopted by Yettie!? I knever knowed that. That makes you my son (he spiked my drink and married me without consent). Also I have an article on VFH, would you read it and vote? SK Sir Orian57Talk 
RotM 18:41 15 November 2008
Thanks![edit source]
SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 12:35 17 November 2008
Pee[edit source]
First of all, thanks for doing a bunch of reviews - we do notice, and it's great that you're helping other people out, it is appreciated, believe me. Second, if you're at all interested, your volume of quality pee is easily sufficient for you to join this, if you so wish. Finally, keep up the good stuff, and see you around the site! --UU - natter 10:23, Nov 19
- Hey this is like our first date! April 22nd 08... You better watch out, M-Z, before long you'll be pregnant and he'll be gone. SK Sir Orian57Talk
RotM 10:33 19 November 2008
- I want to second Under User's suggestion, you're one of the most active reviewers this month, and PEEING would love to have you. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 17:13, Nov 20
Thanks for your review![edit source]
Thanks also for the suggestions as well as edits you made to Limp Dick! I fully appreciate them (your edits that is, not a limp dick). --Nachlader 09:50, 20 November 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: 20th November2008[edit source]
The Newspaper 4 out of 5 Dentists Agree On!
November 20th, 2008 • #100/4 • Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.
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UnSignpost Stumbles past 6 month milestone In true UnSignpost fashion, the editors noticed this about 2 weeks late - the Signpost having been so gloriously conceived (and never was a word more aptly suited to this juvenile-as-all-get-out publication) by Dr. Skullthumper and Cajek back in early May. The first issue rolled off the presses on May 8th, bringing you such earth-shattering news as "Rcmurphy nommed for Noob of the Month again" and "Uncyclopedia F**king Doomed", as well as establishing Signpost tradition with "Spacefiller of the week" (something about Grand Theft Auto). The editor's office here at USP should probably have had a revolving door installed, having been occupied at various times since Cajek and Skull abandoned it by THEDUDEMAN, Gerrycheevers, Heerenveen and some other numpty - although this is small change compared to the number of delivery bots and boys that have thrust the latest issue, still warm, through your letter flaps. Over the months, many other contributors have helped to keep the UnSignpost in its deserved position of "only weekly-ish newspaper on the wiki" - possibly by being so lame that no-one wanted to bother doing another one. And, having brought you such shattering exclusives as "Wookiepedia Too Cool For Cajek", "Porn Wars End in Sticky Truce" and "RC takes home NotM", the UnSignpost shows no sign of speeding up. Maybe one day, the unstoppable forces of apathy will finally overcome those who still labour under the impression that people actually care about seeing block log entries and biopics arrive on their talk page weekly, and the UnSignpost will grind to a halt. But until then, it will continue to bring you all the old news you've already seen somewhere else, whether you like it or not! UnSportsPost
In response to quite literally some demand, your ever-topical, finger-on-the-pulse UnSignpost brings you all the latest sports news that's unfit to print!
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MrN9001 20:44, 20 November 2008 (UTC)
Tails the Straight and VFH[edit source]
Bad luck old chap. That's not the first time something really good failed on VFH. The voting process is something I may never full understand. Guess enough people did not appreciate that style of humour... Think of it this way though: A featured article is just on the front page for 1 day, but this article will live on forever on the Wiki. It's a great example of the style, and I hope you write more like it. Cheers. MrN 15:39, Nov 23
Quotes[edit source]
Its an idea not to add "real" Oscar Wilde quotes, as they are meant to parody, not to give the Irish writer advertising. If you want to help with the quotes - remove them where sensible i.e. bunch of morons adding five or six of them. Thanks.--Sycamore (Talk) 15:34, 27 November 2008 (UTC) The quote continues "And we men are so self-sacrificing that we never use it, do we father?" Asahatter (annoy) 15:44, 27 November 2008 (UTC)
- I don't see a problem with real Wilde quotes, as long as they support the essence of the article. He was, after all, a better writer than us lot...~
16:02, 27 November 2008 (UTC)
- I don't see a problem with real Wilde quotes, as long as they support the essence of the article. He was, after all, a better writer than us lot...~
UnSignpost: 27th November2008[edit source]
I love it when the news comes together
November 27th • Issue 26 • The newspaper it's tough to swat flies with
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Uncyc shall go to the Ball! To whet the appetite, let's take a look at some of the cream of last year's competition:
Yup, standards are that high, or low, depending on your point of view, sense of humour, religion, shoe size and taste in hats. So jump to it! If you can make the judges laugh even as they vomit up their own entrails, you could be in with a chance of winning the glorious title "Aristocrat en Regalia", as well as the undying jealousy of the other entrants you so satisfyingly routed. Or you might lose. Asked for quotes, organiser RAHB quipped "I'll probably get on it sometime tonight, if not tomorrow", while official judging type Modusoperandi added "my memoires are riddled with mind expanding shit". {{username}} claims millionth victim "It was there, in front of me, an accusation that I was teh gheyz", the hapless victim told us exclusively. "Such hard-hitting slander had to be addressed, and addressed immediately, so I clicked the edit button, and launched into a passionate and vitriolic defence of my unquestionable heterosexuality post-haste!" Ironically, it was the length of this diatribe that finally revealed the subterfuge. "It took me some time to compose a suitable riposte, listing at length my many dalliances with members of the opposite sex, my subscription to Playboy and my utter distaste for the movie Brokeback Mountain - in fact it took so long that I was logged out from my account" said the sap. "So when I hit the preview button to behold my comeback in all its savage majesty, what should catch my eye but the <insert name here> message that betrays {{username}} abuse? I felt so embarrassed, the only logical course of action I could take was to sell my story to a newspaper with a global readership - you did say you'd pay me for this, right?" Shortly after this point, the interview was discontinued due to a disagreement between interviewer and interviewee. Asked for a final quote, we were told "fuck {{username}}, and fuck you too!" - a comment that speaks volumes about the suffering this terrible template is capable of inflicting on the unwary. {{username}} was unavailable for comment, and remains at large, ready to strike again. |
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MrN9001 21:04, 27 November 2008 (UTC)
PsychotypeD 22:35, 1 December 2008 (UTC)Hey I read your review on the Two-Face article and wanted to thank you for reviewing it. I'll try to remember your advice about putting up "finished" articles for Pee Review (just to let you know I'm knew here and kinda still adjusting to writing articles). I've read your advice and actually went back on some of my other articles to take out red links and break some paragraphs. As for the Two-Face article, I like what you did to it and I'll get to work on fixing it when something clicks.
UnSignpost: 4th December 2008 (yea, we know it's late)[edit source]
Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth
December 4th • Issue 27 • Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth
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Sycamore: How does he do it? An UnSignpost Special Investigation  But who is this masked Celt? Well, since changing identity from MMACKNIGHT in March 2008, he's racked up an impressive 18,000 edits (or he will have by the time this paper is actually delivered - it's hanging at 17.940-odd at the time of typing). Many of these edits have been thanklessly categorising pages, voting for deletion, reverting and ban patrolling - the kind of soul-crushing work, in other words, that would sap the will to live of the average individual, but not our Syc. His efforts have not gone un-noticed. Indeed, he's been re-nommed for Uncuclopedian of the Month, even though he's already won the award. And despite the understandable reluctance of the non-existent cabal to swell their non-existent ranks, there is a small but significant groundswell of opinion gathering that this should be followed by the bestowing of a Banhammer on the cheery Caledonian. All of this is interesting, of course, and handily fills up column inches in this week's issue, but it doesn't answer the burning question: how does he do it?  Warning: Your safety-conscious UnSignpost would like to point out that Irn Bru is only known to have this beneficial effect on Scots. Those from less tartan countries would be advised to steer well clear - don't try this at home, kids! From the Cabal's desk  |
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MrN9001 19:05, 5 December 2008 (UTC)
PsychotypeD 04:42, 8 December 2008 (UTC) Yo, this is PsychotypeD (though you already would know this if you read the name on the left). Anyway, I read your review on my Total Drama Island Article and you make some good points in your review. I'll try to look it over and fix it. Anyway I've also noticed this is the second time you've reviewed one of my articles (the first was Two-Face) and you've given some good info. I'm wondering if you could review my Article on Transformers the Movie, it also on Pee Review and I really am curious to see how this one flies. Also out of curiosity, have you read some of my other articles because you seemed to hint that you did in your Two-Face review. Anyway I'm texting in and just saying hi.
- I looked over the Cloud vs Sephroth article. I'm not sure when I get to my next pee review, I'm been busy, and trying to work on my own articles. I don't want to fall into the trap of doing all maintenance and no real article writing. I'll try to get to as soon as I can.--Mnbvcxz 06:41, 10 December 2008 (UTC)
Di article[edit source]
So I should just get rid of unfunny stuff even before I've written anything to replaceit? I've already added some parts to the beginning. If I took all the bits out I didn't find funny it would be pretty short and I'm not sure my bits are that funny yet. Could you have a look on my user page and on the main Princess Diana page to see if I'm heading in the right direction?Calindreams 20:52, 9 December 2008 (UTC)
- I busy right now, so I can't look at it right away. I'll try to have a look tomorrow. As long as your making a good faith rewrite, don't worry about it.--Mnbvcxz 06:39, 10 December 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: 11th December[edit source]
The edition that's black and white and dead all over
December 11th • Issue 28 • The truth, the whole truth, and nothing
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Colin breaks #uncyclopedia
At approximately 7:01 EST, Colin "All your base" Heaney officially fucked everything up yet again. IRC was engaged in what started out as a naturally occurring, all-caps LOL train. However, being the little faggot that he is, Colin decided to join in, effectively making it not funny anymore. This reporter, being an expert witness in cases of dipshittery, quickly came to the conclusion that "Colin makes everything suck." However, Uncyclopedia's resident shitstain did not stop there. He proceeded to incite bizarre and violent urges within members of IRC, causing them to commit unspeakable acts. This reporter, under Colin's influence, killed both of his parents; deadpidgeon and MrN9000 both became homosexuals as a result. Colin himself was then found to have been responsible for every case of unpleasantness throughout history: the Holocaust, 9/11, and abortion. As other users unknowingly joined the channel-turned-warzone, they too fell victim to Colin's faggotry. Users were eventually transforming into furries and fucking each other with "furry Disney dicks" just before this reporter relocated to a safer distance. Needless to say, there is now sufficient evidence that everything stupid and gay and unfunny is, in fact, Colin's fault. Chicks, man. Hot Chicks. Just the words start your heart racing and your mumble mumble. Hot chicks have long failed to receive the ample, under-wire support they deserve here on Uncyc, and if it were not for one, soft-drink based, visionary noob, the femmes fatales of Uncyc would still be a saggy, wrinkly mess. Now all the babes, sexy ladies, foxy chicks, MILFs, and, yes, even magical anime girls, rest in the palm of your hand, throbbing with their new-found intellectual networking - WikiProject Hot Chicks. When asked how the aforementioned n00b came up with such a brilliant idea, he responded: "I don't know what UnSignpost is, my motivation for starting U[N]:WP Hot Chicks was because I thought it was rather humorous, I would like to be adopted, and in Soviet Russia, all your base are belong to YOU !!" (Doctapeppaman was promptly given a stern spanking for such irresponsible use of memes). The project has already succeeded in tagging several sexy talk-pages with the WikiProject Hot Chicks seal, thereby rating them on a random and baseless scale from A- to D-Cup, and the project will most likely be a success, considering the high ratio of users to perverts present on the site. Perhaps, one day, the project will achieve its primary goal - making every article without enough pictures of scantily-clad women into an article about cheesecake. |
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MrN9001 21:09, 11 December 2008 (UTC)
PsychotypeD 02:24, 15 December 2008 (UTC) Whoa geez, I've been gone all day and I find something bad happened to one of my articles. I saw you undid an edit to the article called Total Drama Island (The First Reality Show Without Reality) due to vandalism, what happened?
- An ip deleted some of the material. Since it was only an ip, I reverted it.--Mnbvcxz 02:26, 15 December 2008 (UTC)
Scherping![edit source]
You have been awarded this coveted Golden Urinal in recognition of having completed over 25 in-depth pee reviews. Thanks for the hard work.
Now have a rehydrating drink, and get back to pissing – there are still articles out there that need your help, dammit!
Your pee is highly valued my friend. As is the fact that you took the time to leave some advice on the review pages for deleted articles. I never thought to do that before - good idea! Anyway, don't let this stop the flow, OK? --UU - natter 20:52, Dec 19
Happy Hanukkah[edit source]
if you're not Jewish, party anyway
Happy Hanukkah from Rabbi Techno
NOW START DRINKING
Seasons Greetings[edit source]
Keep the "X" in X-mas Santa checks his list to see who's been naughty and who's been nice. And naughty always makes out better at X-mas |
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Dame 
GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 18:35, 21 December 2008 (UTC)
A FESTIVUS FOR THE RESTOFUS![edit source]
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Happy Festivus, from The Led Balloon and Jerry Stiller. Put up your Festivus Pole, air your grievances, and prepare for the feats of strength, for festivus cannot continue until I am pinned! Oh, and merry Christmas if you're into that sort of thing. |
| It's a Festivus miracle! |
- P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon 
(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 20:45, Dec 21
Ass-tards- Don't worry I'm not ranting[edit source]
thx for the review the critiscm stings a little but i'll try to improve it. (i'm determined on completing it.) Any ideas for quotes? I added the photo and i'll delete a few names- don't worry about the brevity i'm working on that. i still think it deserved something a bit better than 14 (http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/That_time_I_accidentally_launched_a_thousand_ships_with_my_face_during_my_sojourn_in_Troy) I think is worse, but the truth stings doesn't it? This wasn't my first article and I would like to know what you think of (http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/Origins_of_word_dude.) Thx for the help though. Abab 20:12, 22 December 2008 (UTC)
- The That_time_I_accidentally_launched_a_thousand_ships_with_my_face_during_my_sojourn_in_Troy is a version of a common in-joke. I agree its not funny, but its more in the intentionally bad category. Anyway, don't worry too much about the score for your article, the scores generally aren't consistent between reviewers. Instead worry about the reviewer says. Like I said in the review, that article is going to be hard improve.--Mnbvcxz (Annoy) 16:32, 23 December 2008 (UTC)
Thanks[edit source]
A crtic should never be thanked....
Your comments have been useful and I think you are right that it may need a review by somebody acquainted with cricket, especially Australia-India rivarly. I have ofcourse removed the swear words on your advice but I didnot understand article having randomness in humour.I must admit that the article is not written by any one person.Most of the jokes on Australia have been written by an Indian and vice-versa. So it looks like it has become a verbal duel. But thanks anyway for your time. Avantika
- Its more excessive hyperbole than randomness. The word random is used on this wiki to mean a variety of things, it can mean complete incoherence, excessive hyperbole, among other ideas. Also, I really didn't see the "its being written by two authors" idea. You'll need to make that clearer.--Mnbvcxz (Annoy) 16:21, 23 December 2008 (UTC)
Well did you say you are annoyed...... Why? Anyway seriously its not written by one person. I just wrote some parts and thought it could get nominated. Well ofcourse thats not the case......
Yes the article is not intended to be a conversation between two fans.Its like when I discovered it the article kept on making fun of Indian cooking, then I added that why don't Australians hire a chef.Its like that....
But you said its hyperbole. Which parts would you clarify ? I don't think it could be the entire article! If you want here are some facts:
1) Test matches are longer versions of the game with five days play. They are less popular 2)India-Australia test matches in the recent years have been extremely competitive with results either being a narrow win for one of the sides or a closely-fought draw. 3)1999 Australia became world champs and were unchallenged
4)Before 2001 none of the teams had beaten each other on respective homeground.
5)When Australia came to India in 2001 they were on a record 15 consective test wins. India was declared as a final frontier. Initially India didnot offer much resistance.In first test they were defeated in 3 days. In the second test till 4th day, not even a die-hard Indian fan thought that India had a chance. But they fought back and defeated the Aussies, endind their 16 win streak. Since then the matches have always been always nail biting with lot of controversies off field.
6)Indian cricket board is the richest cricket board in the world, with nearly 80% of cricket revenue generated from India
I actually wanted to know is humour offending? There is a thin line between humour and insult.This what I had requested fron Nachaladar. And finally thanks for that header change. I didn't know about it, and didn't mentioned yesterday because I didn't check the article.Avantika
Tis' The Season[edit source]
Io, Saturnalia!- Eat, Drink and treat your masters with disrespect!
Happy Hedonism from the Saturnalicius Princeps
NOW START DRINKING JAGERMEISTER WHILE WEARING UGLY SWEATERS AND SILLY HATS
MerryChristmas![edit source]
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Merry Christmas, dudes! |
| Santa "Metallica" Claus and Necropaxx want to wish you a very merry Christmas, and to always rock around the Christmas tree. | |
| Don't forget the egg nog! |
• • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 19:43, Dec 24
Here's Your Christmas Tree[edit source]
----Pleb- Sawblade5 [coolest link ever] ( yell | FAQ | I did this ) 09:33, 25 December 2008 (UTC)
Review[edit source]
This seemed a little off to me. You make far more jibes against myself that you do on worthwhile additions to the article. You are correct in saying that much of the activity of some users is portrayed negativly, however I felt that this is an issuie (and an aspect to the site today) we have, I'm sure you'll agree that the site should be about writing full articles that embrace the goals of the site. Again I also don't like the VFH jibes that I get - it's bitchy and unpleasent (also quite untrue), patiularly so since I do a lot to make this place lot nicer for everyone to use. If there is ever an issuie I will respond on my talkpage, and I'm sure you'll find me to be generally pleasent. Thanks there:) — Sir Sycamore (talk) 13:25, 28 December 2008 (UTC)
- Um, what was that about. I was talking about general user behavior, not you yourself in particular. Also, I normally don't write reviews "in order", and I am prone to typos, so I might have a few grammatical mistakes in there that may have confused you. --Mnbvcxz (Annoy) 16:59, 28 December 2008 (UTC)
- UPDATE I also re-did the review a little, because looking back on it, it was a mess. (The first sentence was a stupid attempt at being funny). Anyway, I also did a little score updating. Normally, I am against re-scoring an article, but I found myself giving another article, significantly less good than yours, about the same score. It was mostly due to punishing the in-jokey-ness to much in the concept and humor scores. Its probably still lower than most reviewers would give, but I think its in line with the scores I have been giving on pee review recently. --Mnbvcxz (Annoy) 17:59, 28 December 2008 (UTC)
- Oh, and BTW, the voting against everything was a joke on my tendency to vote against.--Mnbvcxz 02:24, 31 December 2008 (UTC)
- UPDATE I also re-did the review a little, because looking back on it, it was a mess. (The first sentence was a stupid attempt at being funny). Anyway, I also did a little score updating. Normally, I am against re-scoring an article, but I found myself giving another article, significantly less good than yours, about the same score. It was mostly due to punishing the in-jokey-ness to much in the concept and humor scores. Its probably still lower than most reviewers would give, but I think its in line with the scores I have been giving on pee review recently. --Mnbvcxz (Annoy) 17:59, 28 December 2008 (UTC)
Reviewing[edit source]
¡Gracias![edit source]
—Sir SysRq (talk) 22:37, 30 December 2008 (UTC)
- As a follow up, would you mind taking one more look at all that I've done to it since your review? Most of it is just formatting junk, however I think even that looks better. I stand by that red link at the end, I feel it's important for people to make that connection. Also, I appreciate your comments about the flow of the article. Perhaps it could be as blunt in the beginning as it is in the end. But that is something for another time, namely after I get back from this New Year's party (on the 30th? what hell?) and have some time to work on it. —Sir SysRq (talk) 23:13, 30 December 2008 (UTC)
- I think its VFH worthy now, but you might be able to improve it. If your going to keep the "bash with a sledgehammer" tone throughout, you'll probably want to keep it short. Making it longer runs the risk of rambling, or turning off the reader before he notices the hypocrisy. I personally think an escalating article, going from dead pan to criticism to pseudo-hatecruft to blatant hypocrisy might be better, but that would take a lot of work, and you'll have the difficulty of balancing the article.
- Also, you still have the issue of if your attacking the whole of the south, or just the deep south, or is the author to consumed with blind rage to know the difference. The typical redneck is more upper south, specifically Appalachian, than deep south. Instead of going into advanced dixie-ology, it might be easier to rename your article Southerners or something else and remove the specific references to the "deep south".
- Finally, you might want to get another opinion on this. I like it in part because it points out the general hypocrisy of this site in mocking rednecks with abandon by getting all emo every time somebody makes fun of "certain folk". Other people might find it as funny as I do.--Mnbvcxz (Annoy) 23:40, 30 December 2008 (UTC)
- Alright, I think I may remove all references to the "deep" south and call it The South or something. Thanks again. —Sir SysRq (talk) 03:05, 31 December 2008 (UTC)
- EDIT: Oi. It appears that Cajek wrote a rather nice article called The South. Should I make mine "The Deep South"? Or should I come up with something else? HALP... —Sir SysRq (talk) 03:08, 31 December 2008 (UTC)
- Perhaps Southerners or Southern People. --Mnbvcxz 03:14, 31 December 2008 (UTC)
- Finally, you might want to get another opinion on this. I like it in part because it points out the general hypocrisy of this site in mocking rednecks with abandon by getting all emo every time somebody makes fun of "certain folk". Other people might find it as funny as I do.--Mnbvcxz (Annoy) 23:40, 30 December 2008 (UTC)
Zsa Zsa, Dahling...[edit source]
...is rewritten. PLEASE add something to it. Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 01:25, 2 January 2009 (UTC)
With Great Appreciation[edit source]
As a Commander of the Order I shall uphold the sacred duty to be funny, not just stupid and to make Codeine's Mum proud.
As NOTM for December 08' I am deeply humbled
I APPRECIATE YOUR VOTE AND SHALL UPHOLD MY RESPONSIBILITY TO MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE A TOTAL GENIUS FOR CHOOSING MY CARNIVAL FREAK SHOW
UnSignpost 1st January 2009[edit source]
May contain traces of humor!
January 1st, 2009 • Issue 29 • The first newspaper to wish you a Happy Christmas 2009!
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The UnSignpost starts 2009 as it ended 2008: Late Several readers were probably available for comment, but we didn't ask them anything and blatantly made one up: "it wouldn't be the UnSignpost if it arrived on time", Orian57 might have said, if we'd asked him. The Patronising New Year EditorialTM From this we can infer that Andy Dufresne in The Shawshank Redemption didn't have a clue what he was on about - hope is a ridiculous thing, and should be crushed as soon as possible. However, there is still the possibility, however remote, that something good might happen. Active users might start writing more good articles again. VFH might start to flow like it used to. Old users may return, invigorated, to bestow upon us fresh fruits of their imaginations. New users may arrive to take up the baton, and stride boldly forward, blessing us with a wealth of new articles that inject fresh purpose and impetus to the site. Don't look like that - it might happen. Well, monkeys might also fly out of your butt. Depends if teleportation technology ever becomes viable, widely available, and small enough to secure in such a narrow location. Face it, we haven't a clue what this year holds for us yet, folks, all we can do is try and make it the best we can by writing more articles, and helping new users out, and see where we go from there. This is your UnSignpost, patronising the fuck out of you. Happy New Year! Kevin Rudd says Uncyclopedia is the worst |
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MrN9001 00:59, 3 January 2009 (UTC)
Thank you[edit source]
Thanks for fixing the bottom of that article. It looks WAY better now.--<<
>> 03:02, 4 January 2009 (UTC)
Further award stuff[edit source]
Rejoice! Your colossal achievement of completing over 50 in-depth pee reviews has been recognised with the provision of this luxury micturitional accessory. You will be the envy of your friends. Or you would be, if you hadn't ignored them for ages while you were reviewing.
That's got to be a record of some kind. Excellent work! (Also, have you given any thought to archiving this page at any point? It's starting to get a trifle longish). --UU - natter 12:52, Jan 5
- Its not even 30 kilobytes yet. --Mnbvcxz 14:13, 5 January 2009 (UTC)
Merci[edit source]
Thanks for the review of Early Music Ensemble (game). You're pretty good at doing that stuff. I'll be sure to keep your suggestions in mind for the next draft. I can reciprocate a review if you like. Do you have anything for me to look at? YouFang 19:45, 7 January 2009 (UTC)
- Thanks, I have 3 on review right now:
- Constantine_V_(2nd_opinion)
- Uncyclopedia:Pee_Review/Ussher_(2nd_review)
- Uncyclopedia:Pee_Review/User:Mnbvcxz/Female
- Do which ever one you think you can review the best. "Ussher" and especially "Constantine V" are a bit "cultured", (which is a fancy of saying they have obscure subjects). If you don't know much about those subjects, I'd suggest you review "Female". As a rule, I try to avoid reviewing stuff I am unfamiliar with. --Mnbvcxz 06:39, 8 January 2009 (UTC)
The proof is in the panties[edit source]
I really wish you would have come to me first before this Britney Flash Drive got to the point where people were tagging things because they "thought" that they were shocking. So I have blown a fuse on the image talk page, better there than here, and I have uploaded Image:Brineypantiesinaknot.jpg so you can see for yourself that there is nothing dirtier than the power of suggestion. Seriously, though, please come to me if I have offended you, as it is not my intent. I have a good track record around here with some very tough cookies. If you would consider that, I would appreciate it. Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 02:30, 9 January 2009 (UTC)
- Sorry, bit it did look sorta inappropriate. The article was about vagina flashing, so I assumed she was actually naked. --Mnbvcxz 05:43, 9 January 2009 (UTC)
UnSignpost 8th January 09[edit source]
The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...
January 8th, 2009 • Issue 30 • Suckling the Milk of News from the Teat of Truth
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Uncyclopedians on Xbox Live
Recently, The following is an actual transcript between me (under the alias "Pope Gustav") and Orian57 (under the alias "Orian57") on Xbox Live.
This is stunning evidence that Orian57, along with others, is leaving the site for the glamorous life of Xbox Live. When confronted with this transcript and these accusations, Orian replied that "I was just on Uncyclopedia today. I was just bored and wanted something else to do." Oddly enough, all of the other Uncyclopedians that have Xbox Live accounts that I spoke to also claimed to have "lives" outside of Uncyclopedia, lives that mainly consist of playing Halo 3. Article gets +21 votes on VFH
Only a few days after going back to featuring "Today's Featured Article" for only one day, instead of the previous two, the article, The defense rests, your honor received 21 "for" votes and no "against" after a mere 3 days on VFH. The article, nominated on VFH by SysRq, and written by noted admin Modusoperandi, is the first article surpass +20 votes in a long while on VFH. Upon hearing of his accomplishment, Modus is heard to have said, "I'd like to thank all of the little people that I crushed to get where I am," and, "Can I wear my Kernel Popcorn costume?" SysRq, the article nominator is quoted as saying, "I was the one who nommed that article; I deserve some recognition." For those of you are new around here, VFH is the process by which uncyclopedia nominates articles for "Today's Featured Article", the article in the top left corner on the mainpage. All users of uncyclopedia, including anonymous ip users are encouraged to vote on VFH and nominate articles on VFH. VFH can be found here, but typing in VFH in the search box, by clicking the "Votes for Highlight" link under the community links on the right (it's second from the bottom between "Pee Review" and "Votes for Pictures"), and Uncyclopedia:VFH, in addition to several other redirects. Many users have expressed approval of this accomplishment, as the more votes an article gets, the better an article is. Therefore, by voting on an article, one injects more quality into an article, in the same way that manufacturers "inspect" quality back into a finished part. Additionally, the admins will not longer be forced to torture various cute animals to inspire users to vote in VFH: provided VFH doesn't stall out again. |
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MrN9001 15:59, 9 January 2009 (UTC)