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“There he goes, one of God's own prototypes, a high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live; too rare to die.”

~ Hunter S. Thompson on Watching Cheapinitreal leave.


Cheapinitreal weeping for the fate of man.

Publisher Uncyclopedia
First appearance 1/1/1980 (the 2,182,700th day of man's existence on Earth)
Created by God
Real name Cheapinitreal
Status Antihero
Affiliations Professor Ignacius Powarkock has teamed up with Cheapinitreal in the past to battle The Angel of Death and The Badgerinegoose
Previous affiliations {{{previous_alliances}}}
Notable aliases {{{aliases}}}
Notable relatives The Angel of Death (brothers)
Notable powers The ability to inspire and to put things at rest at will.
Cheapinitreal in his human form.
Commander of the Order

Cheapinitreal was created on January 1, 1980 and is a former Angel of Rest and overseer of the musi (that's angel speak for muses). Often times confused with the mythical Mr. Sandman, Cheapinitreal's sole purpose for existence was to inspire or put at rest those who's minds were threatened by massive exhaustion due to perpetuating, brilliant ideas and those who need to be stopped before creating complete and utter crap (Cheapinitreal often ignored the second part of his duty believing God to be a bit of a fascist prick). He enjoys Pepsi, Marlboro reds (preferably in the soft pack), narcotics (preferably marijuana and hallucinogenics), movies (particularly extremely good or extremely bad ones), lima beans, red meat, pets, long walks on the beach, video games, unpopular music, candy (he's partial to taffy and chocolate), scalping and decapitating natives, guns, pornography, candlelit dinners, billiards, politics, and partaking in most varieties of sex. Cheapinitreal currently resides on the blank pages on the Uncyclopedia universe. He was married on Friday, June 13, 2008.

The Post Creation Press Conference To Unveil Cheapinitreal[edit]

After Cheapinitreal's decent to Earth, mankind was beyond curious as to God's intentions, so the entity itself descended upon Dubtown, Iowa's Aragon Tap to hold a brief press conference and answer any questions regarding the creation of Cheapinitreal.

Did you know...
that ending a sentence in the word "bitch " makes the statement sound 92% more authoritative?
God, in the guise of man, reading this article with you as it is ever present.

Effects On Hollywood, The Music Industry and Literature[edit]

Possibly the greatest film of all-time. The soundtrack is brilliant.

The 1980's left Cheapinitreal with his work cut out for him. The cocaine scene had ravaged everything throughout the 70's (even the musi were doing blow). Having not appointed an Angel of Rest since the late 1930's, God had left Cheap a real fucking mess to lean up. Cheapinitreal would do what he could to salvage the decade, inspiring such works as: The Watchmen by Allan Moore (as well as all of Moore's proceeding work), Come On Eileen by Dexy's Midnight Runners, Streets of Fire (both film and soundtrack), Disco Bloodbath by James St. James, and Appetite For Destruction by Guns 'n' Roses. He would thwart The Captain and Tennille, Mr. Belvedere, Tiffany, Alf, Different Strokes, Supertramp, and Charles in Charge, before they could gain too much momentum to be stopped.

Cheap had thought he had steered the creative wave in the right direction by the 90's and left most of the world to its own devices (much to God's dismay) in order to pursue his own pet projects. He took a great deal of interest in the music scene and left Hollywood to wallow in its own disgusting muck. Cheapinitreal helped give birth to masterpieces for established artists, such as The Real Thing by Faith No More, as well as, The Ponzi Scheme by Firewater before finding his diamond in the rough. Cheap came across a young axeman that could shred like Hendrix but had the creative capabilities of Daniel Steele; his name was Ignacius Powarkock.

Ignacius needed guidance and Cheapinitreal was there. Cheap's influence would lead Ignacius to further his studies, and in 1998, form Professor Powarkock and The Mighty Muff-Melters. The band's self titled debut album would go triple platinum, pleasing Cheap to no end, and would firmly put Ignacius on God's radar. Ignacius would be blessed with great fortune by God (thanks to Cheapinitreal) but Cheap's undeniable faith and attention given to Ignacius would ultimately end Powarkock's music career. While the Angel of Rest enjoyed the glory of his triumph, the world would rapidly change around him.

The millennium ushered in a new (so called) creative sound (reminiscent of a passive cat orgy filled with razor-wire condoms, glue, and broken glass). The scene swept the nation led by the self-proclaimed super group, SpineBucket. It all changed right before Cheapinitreal's beautiful hazel eyes. Professor Powarkock and The Mighty Muff-Melters soon broke up and were forgotten. Ignacius returned to school to teach, hunt big-game, and expand his horizons (never forgetting his mentor Cheapinitreal). The Mighty Muff-Melters then formed Dirty Brown Prison Shank. Their debut album, Blood On The Shower Room Floor, failed to sell more than ten-thousand copies (mostly to inmates). In 2002, a seriously shaken Cheapinitreal would find an unlikely mentor of his own, Dr. Hunter S. Thompson (former Anti-Cheapist).

The Falling-Out With God And Chepinitreal's Response[edit]

God grew angry with his child for aligning himself with the good doctor. Hunter would teach Cheap about all the things he wanted to know about. He was a much better father than God ever was to Cheap, and God would not stand for it. After nearly three years of Dr. Thompson rebuilding Cheapinitreal's confidence, God put out a hit on Hunter, which was contracted to none other than Reapinitreal (Cheapinitreal's brother and the Angel of Death). On February 20, 2005, after a long day of target shooting, Hunter and Cheap sat down to roast a hooter and rest before bed. Reapinitreal lurked in the shadows waiting to pounce on his prey. As Hunter nodded off, the Angel of Death broke through the door, only to be met by a defensive Angel of Rest. The two brothers battled wildly one floor above the now sleeping doctor (gun ever present in his lap), thrashing wildly and tearing at each others' flesh. Reapinitreal, wounded, flew for the door as Thompson woke up and fired a wild shot. The Angel of Death would escape, but the ricochet would take Hunter's life. On God's orders the press declared it a suicide, but Cheap knew better. He would disown his father, and God would unleash the Badgerinegoose to kill him. Cheapinitreal would go on the O'Riley Factor to discuss the controversy.

Papa Bear after being slapped by Cheapinitreal but before getting his ass totally kicked.
Ignacius Powarkock and Ray Pankill (musicians, teachers, tootsie roll experts, crypto-zoologists and only humans to ever successfully hunt a Baderinegoose) are shown here after bagging the notorious Giant Squirrel of Euqubud .

Cheap battled the Badgerinegoose for three years (aided by Ignacius Powarkock and Ray Pankill) before realizing he couldn't put his bride-to-be in that kind of danger any longer. Cheap would be forced to make a deal with the devil himself, his father, the one true "God" as they say. God could not assure Cheap that the Badgerinegoose would quit hunting him, but did offer Cheap the only known solution to his problem. It seems the Badgerinegoose fears the relics and trophies of the Uncyclopedia universe. Cheap was granted asylum there and is attempting to collect as many of the relics as possible before returning to Earth (if you want to help Cheap turn to page 28; if you want to see Cheap and Jen devoured by a Baderinegoose turn to page go fuck yourself).

If you see a Badgerinegoose stalking the Uncyclopedia universe please notify Cheapinitreal immediately!

Articles Written[edit]

Articles I Plan To Rewrite[edit]

After looking at the list of articles needing a rewrite, I realized there were some great topics out there. If you stop by here often, take a look at the list and drop me a line to let me know what you think I should take on. They were all dreadful. I can fix them, I can make them stronger, I have the technology. I really just made this list so I don't forget I have something I can work on when void of originality.

Ideas for articles I'd like to write[edit]

  • Maximilian Kolbe
  • Jay Berwanger
  • When Nietzsche Wept
  • Toronto Labatt

Awards, Nominations, Certifications, and Notifications[edit]

Noob of the Moment Award Noob of the Moment May 2008