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...About <insert name here>. Of Course it is You !!![edit]

You, <insert name here>, are the person reading this article, unless, of course, you're not. But that would be awkward.

Get over yourself. No one really likes you, <insert name here>. You suck. Like many of the things going on behind you, your friends are saying bad things about you and your relatives. All of that is your fault. You need to wise up and stop being so selfish. You're wasting your time. I mean, seriously, who the suck looks up a pronoun?! Obviously, you do.

You have a dim realization that nature has played a cruel trick on you but lack the intelligence to realize the magnitude of that trick. You love to quote Calvin and Hobbes, but not admit it. You are a moron, but you may never realize it, as you are so stupid. In fact, Nobody is dumber than you are.[1]. But apart from voting for Congress, you are the worst idea your parents ever had.

<insert name here> is ugly[edit]

If the Elephant Man were to see you, he would vomit. You look like your face, and that's a compliment. I mean, come on! Just look at you!

You're so ugly you break any camera even pointed in your general direction. The person with the one camera that didn't break shot himself before he would have been able to take the picture. And if the picture were somehow taken, it would immediately be uploaded to .net, crashing all computers immediately upon impact. If that domain name doesn't exist, it would be instantaneously created to host pictures of your fugliness. Put simply, you are fugly! Now go away! Go! Bog off! Before some crackhead mistakes you for a tree to kill you!

<insert name here> is an infidel![edit]

Actually, you're dead already. Nice try though.

  1. Unless you count "He who is thick as a brick".