User talk:TKF/archive
WHAT THE FUCK?[edit source]
Hey there you pansy ass bitch. Thanks for deleting my page for Xioalin Candysticks. Just who the hell do you think you are, deleting pages?! Fuck you. Piece of shit. So would you send me some sample stuff? cuz i dont like know how to send a message or anything...and this is about the best i could think of to contact....soo..just delete it if im not supposed to do this, but i need help on how to learn how to do all this shit.
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- Your page? Look here, it was deleted because Repairmanman (the guy who actually started the page, meaning not you) requested that it be deleted. Who's the piece of shit now? Enjoy your day long ban! --Roman Dog Bird 00:03, February 4, 2011 (UTC)
FUCK YOU! YEAH. THANKS FOR BANNING MY IP ADDRESS FOR A FUCKING YEAR FOR NO FUCKING REASON. (66.72.160.13) FOR THE FOLLOWING REASON: QUOTE"wurp de burp, derp a herp" QUOTE YOU ARE A BIGGER TROLL THAN CHARLIE SHEEN. GO EAT SHIT. **AND YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE NO LIFE BECAUSE YOU RESPONDED TO THIS EDIT IN LESS THAN A FUCKING MINUTE TAKE THE FUCKING BAN OFF MY IP ADDRESS, TROLL KING** AND ANY EDITS BY THEKILLERFROGGY UNDER THIS EDIT MAKING FUN OF ME OR ANYTHING ARE GAY. IF THAT THING ON THIS PAGE ABOUT YOU BEING BANNED FROM ADMIN FOR MARCH IS TRUE THAN YOU FUCKING DESERVED IT. BITCH.
- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Wow. This is priceless
(talk) 23:33, March 16, 2011 (UTC) - No seriously, this is the most fucking funny thing I have ever read. I really hope you don't get banned again. (talk) 23:44, March 16, 2011 (UTC)
Easy for you to say, fucking year long ban. Seriously, just take the ban off if you can. If you can, or if you can't and you apologize, then I am happy that you got so much entertainment out of my rage-fueled rant. No seriously, if you prove to me that you're not a dick, I'll accept it. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Powermad80 (talk • contribs)
Concrats your being cratified![edit source]
May your life as a 'crat be long and fulfilling. --
01:20, July 2, 2011 (UTC)
- What he said. Also, can I have rollback now? Because rcmurphy never did get around to giving us rollback... ~
01:22, 2 July 2011
Dude Where's My Crat?[edit source]
- Hey man here's that image you requested a little while ago. Congrats on becoming a bureaucrat. -- The Zombiebaron 04:40, July 2, 2011 (UTC)
Patronising[edit source]
Ehm...any revert with thanks and then "fuck up" is so patronising to begin with, but then, its not your article anyways TKF...and ive been picking at that off and on for the last three months. You are super harsh and border-line dick sometimes. --ShabiDOO 04:06, July 4, 2011 (UTC)
- Sorry about that. You really drove the whole ebonics thing into overkill, though, whereas that wasn't even what the style of the article was about. I'm sorry if I found you edits to one of my favorite articles to be detrimental. Maybe "fuck up" was too harsh, but you shouldn't fix what isn't broke. I did like the Brother thinking about shit image though. --
TKFU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 
04:19, July 4, 2011 (UTC)
- TKF...ive been picking away at that for three months...thinking about it...trying to add a sentence or two...section or two...image or two...ive added...edited...taken away...moved...and then you just revert it with a "thanks for your little try but you fucked it up" sort of revert comment which is both condescending and brutal at the same time. Its just patronising to have someone unilateraly give you the finger like that after all the work you put into it. I get where you are comming from...maybe my edits arent necessary but really...putting that in the discussion page would be a little more constructive. Its one of my favourites to man, but its not done either. --ShabiDOO 04:30, July 4, 2011 (UTC)
- I'm not saying all your edits were completely bad. You had some great ideas for expansion there, but the execution was very misdirected. I'm not trying to be mean here, just honest. Deadass. Don't stop editing it, just take it from me and follow these two guidelines for rewriting:
- If something's there and it works, don't change it. Being and Nothingness is great because it's so boiled down, unnecessary padding is unnecessary and dilutes the strength of the original.
- Beware of Tonal Uncanny Valley. Changing the tone works when the rewrite is complete, but slight tonal alterations and exaggerations seem clumsy. Your error was to make the ghettospeak much, much more exaggerated. You even tossed in a thing about J-Lo's ass. Brevity is, and gratuitous pop culture references suit no one.
- Again, I'm really not trying to be mean, honest. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 04:35, July 4, 2011 (UTC)
- Okay. Doesnt matter. Yuz just a nigga that don't know shit anyways. Yes...I was VERY aware that the black talk was over done...and I planned on making lots of changes...lots! If you are super serious about being VERY happy with the way the article is.....Ill start a new one along similar lines. Ill make one that is a thousand times FRICKIN BETTER...in...five years! Honest is good. In the future TFK...I LOVE it when people give serious advice, direct advice, but with examples and reasons like you did finally in the end. I wish people would do that more often. A lot more often. The only reason Im here is because its making me a better writer, and there is lots of feed back, im keeping my coloquial english and there are some really funny and nice people behind the scenes. --ShabiDOO 04:51, July 4, 2011 (UTC)
- I'm not saying all your edits were completely bad. You had some great ideas for expansion there, but the execution was very misdirected. I'm not trying to be mean here, just honest. Deadass. Don't stop editing it, just take it from me and follow these two guidelines for rewriting:
- TKF...ive been picking away at that for three months...thinking about it...trying to add a sentence or two...section or two...image or two...ive added...edited...taken away...moved...and then you just revert it with a "thanks for your little try but you fucked it up" sort of revert comment which is both condescending and brutal at the same time. Its just patronising to have someone unilateraly give you the finger like that after all the work you put into it. I get where you are comming from...maybe my edits arent necessary but really...putting that in the discussion page would be a little more constructive. Its one of my favourites to man, but its not done either. --ShabiDOO 04:30, July 4, 2011 (UTC)
ICU[edit source]
Ok I have fixed up ICUs placed by you twice, can you please remember to include a timestamp when placing them. It needs to be:
{{ICU|~~~~~|fix=<message here>|sub=<icu type here>}}
To yeah, don't forget the timestamp... ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 
21:44, July 4, 2011 (UTC)
- All due respect, but don't lecture me on placing ICU's. That damn "Tag" function up top's got me all screwed up. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 00:40, July 5, 2011 (UTC)
- Excuse me, but wtf are you doing??? ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!)
01:18, July 5, 2011 (UTC)
- TEACHIN SOME PUNK ASS BITCHES A LESSON -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 01:20, July 5, 2011 (UTC)
- It's funny because you did the redirect wrong (talk) 01:21, 5 July 2011
- Hahaha hilarz, now change it back. Run along now. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 01:21, July 5, 2011 (UTC)
- Hahaha hilarz, now change it back. Run along now. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!)
- It's funny because you did the redirect wrong
- TEACHIN SOME PUNK ASS BITCHES A LESSON --
- Excuse me, but wtf are you doing??? ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!)
Your articles[edit source]
They leave me with a terrible rage that is only subsided by punching multiple babies and/or puppies in a row. I think you should feel bad about yourself. 
(talk) 04:03, 5 July 2011
Zana Dark[edit source]
Since it was over a month since you banned Zana, has there been any re-consideration on the length of the exile imposed on her? For a featured writer and long standing contributor, I don't personally see her in the same category as an out-and-out vandal. Admittedly, her last contributions were eccentric and I had considered if this was related to RL issues. If Zana does come back and does the same again then I will suggest the ban remains as originally imposed. --
RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 07:38, July 5, 2011 (UTC)
- I would agree with this assessment, free the Zana 1.... -- Sir Mhaille
(talk to me) - I disagree with this assessment. Zana has been banned and then given a second chance and unbanned far too many times already. -- The Zombiebaron 18:05, July 5, 2011 (UTC)
- Deja vu. What's that quote? Something about the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 18:07 Jul 05, 2011
- If so, why isn't her ban infinite? --
RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 18:50, July 5, 2011 (UTC)
- Good point. Better?~~ Sir Ljlego, GUN [talk] 20:02, July 5, 2011 (UTC)
- Aw dang -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 20:12, July 5, 2011 (UTC)
- I disagree with Romartus. She already has a one year punishment, why should it be increased? Give her a year and hopefully she'll change by then, know the errors of her ways, and avoid future conflict. Plus it's not fair to turn it to a infinite ban after a ban has already been place.---
20:14, July 5, 2011 (UTC)
- Whatever the case may be, don't bring it up now. Bring it up in another 5 months. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 20:16, July 5, 2011 (UTC)
- Keep the ban until a year. That way,i'll be the best at creating sigs! MOOWHAHAHA!! --
Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 20:54, 5 July 2011
- Wait, it's infinite! Hurrah! That means i'm the number one active sigmaker around! I'll even offer to change all the signatures that Zana made. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 20:59, 5 July 2011
- You are indeed such a gobshite. The ban is now set at infinite. Until God releases a sequel to Time, there's no more discussion to be had, ever. Sorry for the notification, TKF.~~ Sir Ljlego, GUN [talk] 21:26, July 5, 2011 (UTC)
- Well that just sucks. --- 21:40, July 5, 2011 (UTC)
- Just to make this clear, am I correct in understanding Ljlejo's last comment overrules TKF's about renewing this discussion in five months time? --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 22:31, July 5, 2011 (UTC)
- Just to make this clear, am I correct in understanding Ljlejo's last comment overrules TKF's about renewing this discussion in five months time? --
- Well that just sucks. ---
- You are indeed such a gobshite. The ban is now set at infinite. Until God releases a sequel to Time, there's no more discussion to be had, ever. Sorry for the notification, TKF.~~ Sir Ljlego, GUN [talk] 21:26, July 5, 2011 (UTC)
- Wait, it's infinite! Hurrah! That means i'm the number one active sigmaker around! I'll even offer to change all the signatures that Zana made. --
- Keep the ban until a year. That way,i'll be the best at creating sigs! MOOWHAHAHA!! --
- Whatever the case may be, don't bring it up now. Bring it up in another 5 months. --
- I disagree with Romartus. She already has a one year punishment, why should it be increased? Give her a year and hopefully she'll change by then, know the errors of her ways, and avoid future conflict. Plus it's not fair to turn it to a infinite ban after a ban has already been place.---
- Aw dang --
- Good point. Better?~~ Sir Ljlego, GUN [talk] 20:02, July 5, 2011 (UTC)
- If so, why isn't her ban infinite? --
It's free and it always will be; it's the UnSignpost![edit source]
Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.
July 7th, 2011 • Issue 128 • Why not have some Yoghurt?
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The Final Solution
 The year is 2011, as you are obviously well aware, and Uncyclopedia once again faces a crisis that could very well shake the very foundations of the wiki and destroy the comedic soul of the userbase. Ha, fooled you, here is a story about a forum that nobody except Lyrithya has replied to. You all recall that last week we covered Dr. Skullthumper and his latest dalliance with quality control. Well, it seems that Sockpuppet of an unregistered user took exception to these changes, and he is determined to make a stand for justice, democracy and the The UnSignpost decided not to have an interview with anyone this week as it involves all sorts of complex logistical work and what can be charitably described as begging but rather has elected to have people answer any question with a random line from their talk page that they have said; we aren't completely unprofessional. The first person we didn't sit down with was Socky himself, to inform him that we were running this story. "That's... partially nice and partially creepy to hear." he responded. Asked why he opposed the reforms he said "The dark side is always my choice." which at least explains why he lives underneath a power station. Finally we asked what his proposed solution would be: "All I can say is that it's Arabic and I have a hunch it has "Allah" in it somewhere," he said enthusiastically (we imagine).  We failed to ask Uncyclopedian every man Frosty what he thought about the conflict, he responded by saying "They are actually both kinda awful, so whatever. I cant be bothered." albeit he did say this on Tuesday... to someone else... about something completely different. Dr. Skullthumper rebutted Socky's accusations of Article Death Camps by saying "I've been an uptight fucker because I was on my periods" to RAHB, in 2008. Hopefully this will all accumulate with some kind of massive fight, hopefully with lasers... in space; this correspondent certainly hopes so. Competitions
 We here at the UnSignpost were out of writing material this week, and that doesn't just mean we have run out of pens, it means that VFS has concluded, nobody is really fighting about anything and most crucially there have been no writing competitions. Usually you can't move for Uncyclopedia competitions begging people to write something funny in the name of fun and games and with the promise of a shiny template should they do particularly well. Well Thekillerfroggy certainly noticed and it seems that every person who has ever hosted a competition ever was just waiting for him to ask since they are now all fighting over who gets to hold their writing competition first, by being incredibly gallant and insisting that everyone else go first. It's like watching a group of middle aged women discuss who will get to have the last Malteser: "Oh I really shouldn't, no you do it, you haven't had a Malteser in such a long time, I know I love them and being in charge of them but you asked nicely, oh do go on Mavis." You get the idea (obviously in this analogy Maltesers are writing competitions). We list the ideas floating around on the forum below for your 1) The PLS, last hosted by Sycamore in February. 2) The Article Whisperer last hosted by MadMax in October last year. 3) The Happy Monkey Competition hosted by Shabidoo in March. 4) Some hypothetical competition possibly hosted by Ljlego at some theoretical point this summer. One thing is for certain, one of these will happen, be sure to keep an eye on the forums to see what is being held when, that way you can not take part as a conscientious objection rather than just through ignorance. |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:19, July 7, 2011 (UTC)
!HFV no etov ruoy rof sknahT[edit source]
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.segassem nataS wollof lanimilbus yna dragersid esaelP !sdrawkcab ti daer uoy ,yeH !sdrawkcab egassem siht daer ton oD !sdrawkcab egassem siht daer ton oD ZELUR GNIKSAMKCAB |
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- Slithy Tove 00:50, July 9, 2011 (UTC)
Why was Jackass Day huffed?[edit source]
Was there even a VFD entry about the article?
If not, please restore the article as the deletion entry says it was funny.
I want it submitted to Pee(r) Review.
40th Thanks[edit source]
Thank you for supporting my 40th featured article.
It also happens to be my third featured UnNews.
—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 17:53, July 9, 2011 (UTC)
Pauly Shore[edit source]
Yeah, really good job getting Uh oh over the finish line there TKF. What happened, man? You had a real fallow period there for a while, but now you're back, just hitting it out of the park with article after article. Did someone return your lucky rabbit's foot or something? --UU - natter 
19:48, Jul 9
- I dunno. I go in and out like that. Really just depends on if I got any ideas or not, simple as that. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 20:31, July 9, 2011 (UTC)
This is not spam...[edit source]
Do consider participating instead Froggy :) CHECK IT OUT. --ShabiDOO 19:12, July 13, 2011 (UTC)
Guidelines for Contest[edit source]
Hey TKF.... Shabi asked me to agreed that I might ASKED ME TO pass this message around, which I created with his approval.
Judging will be held every two weeks, for weeks 1-2, and 3-4. The max score possible for a team to get is 40.83, and the lowest being 2.45. The first two weeks, all teams write 2 articles, and at the end of the weeks, whoever we (TKF, Iwillkillyou333, and →
L A B O R A T O R I E S) vote to be the two top teams will advance to the finals, which will be held during weeks 3-4. The winner of that is The Champion, and will probably get a nice badge or something. Because we all have to add up our votes, I will pass around a little rubric for that when I figure out what the max and min scores are. Look forward to Judging,
→ L A B O R A T O R I E S 23:28, July 13, 2011 (UTC)
NOTE!!!! I got it: Max score for teams is 122.49, and min score is 7.35. (That means scores will be presented like this: ?/122.49) → L A B O R A T O R I E S 23:28, July 13, 2011 (UTC)
The UnSignpost: Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger![edit source]
STOP... SIGNPOST TIME!!
July 14th, 2011 • Issue 129 • The Engines cannae take it Captain!
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Now You're Gone
 This week the UnSignpost is the bearer of sad sad news. A person close to us all, an integral cog in the workings of the wiki has taken a leave of absence and now there is nobody to take up the slack. Yes it is with a heavy heart we report that Sannse is hardly ever here these days. For those who are interested there will be a small service on Sunday where we will all have a minutes fresh air in honour of Sannse, on the plus side Lyrithya hasn't edited the wiki in four days at the time of going to press! This forum by super sensitive Ljlego details his intentions to force Lyrithya into a holiday, buy tampons and grow a vagina, not necessarily in that order. For those of you who don't know what a holiday involves it's a very expensive way of going to stay somewhere with unreliable internet, too much spicy food and to be molested by foreigners who smell of spicy food. Ljlego doesn't make it clear why exactly he thinks that Lyrithya needs molesting but it's most likely because she makes a prettier lady than he does. Dr. Skullthumper, who just can't stay out of the UnSignpost these days, has diagnosed Lyrithya with what he calls "Uncyc Fatigue" a condition that in its final stages renders one completely incapable of caring about anything to do with Uncyclopedia. By that prognosis just about every woman in this correspondent's life has suffered from "Uncyc Fatigue" and not, as I incorrectly assumed, "Chief Fever". Romartus called for calm saying that we should "Let Lyrithya decide what she wants to do without pressure". So we should all just sit back and wait for the first corpse to turn up; cut to pieces in an alleyway with "Shifty Eyes" daubed in blood on a nearby wall. In other news the forums have exploded with suggestions for writing competitions, with ideas like "You write an article with your eyes closed!" and "You write an article about pants and then we all vote on which pants article is most pants and the winner can add a picture of some pants to their signature!!!" being floated for your approval. If you want to participate or support an idea then make a point of telling the person suggesting it, or they are liable to forget all about it. The PLS is the one that is most likely to happen and it needs What you should all be doing.
 Hi there, my name is Magic man. Some of you may know me as god, some of you may not. In this day in age, it's hard to know what to do; you've got the media, your boss, and all your friends at school (don't try to deny it, I know most of you are still schoolchildren) telling you different things: What to like, what to wear, who to be friends with, not to follow them home. To be quite frank, it annoys the hell out of me when people tell other people what to do. Unless I'm the one doing the telling. So after reviewing all the opinion columns, listening long and hard to everyone opinions I have come to this conclusion: Really, I'm a great guy and very deserving. All my research does point to everyone giving me all their money, so that's another reason, right there. What's that you say? you think I'm lying to you just to help myself? Noooooo! What would make you say that? I mean, have I ever lied to you? Okay, maybe. But that doesn't mean I'm lying right now. Really, I'm not. Huh? What now?! You say you're to poor, old, ugly, lazy, selfish, stupid or short to give me money? Well don't worry your |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:19, July 14, 2011 (UTC)
2386794765873[edit source]
Perhaps you could give me a more reasonable number of reasons why you did delete3 it? Seijana 02:56, July 17, 2011 (UTC)
- Okay. Since I love a challenge, I'm going to try to come up with 9 reasons:
- It's been done to death. AAAAAAAA!, Binary, and all those other ones everyone knows about.
- It isn't a novel spin on the tired concept. A bunch of random numbers? Eh.
- So it isn't original, and the spin is random, but is it funny? The answer is "nah."
- It probably took a little effort to type in all those numbers, but that's all the effort it took.
- Pictures were a nice addition, but they weren't enough to save the article (see above)
- The formatting was pretty clunky
- You should be compelled to create more useful articles, like those on UN:REQ
- Damn, it's getting hard to think of more reasons now.
- But really those are all the reasons you need.
- So yeah, that's why. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 03:19, July 17, 2011 (UTC)
Shitty One-liner[edit source]
Thanks for helping with that one, but to be honest I reckon what you added wasn't retarded enough. What we need to appear on that page needs to be:
- More mentally challenged
- Look less well thought-out
- Lez wel zpeld
- M0r3 1337
- Mooore stoopid
- More crufty
- Less original
- Yeah, that's just about it.
Also, could you please move my big string of numbers page to my userspace? I'd like to see whether its' funny to those not exposed to the AAAAAAA! meme. Seijana 09:58, July 17, 2011 (UTC)
- The point of my addition was that it was especially out of place among the other choices, actually, so you're right on the money with that complaint. On the other hand, you missed the point, so, uh, oh well, it's your article I guess. Also, I'll do that other thing. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 16:09, July 17, 2011 (UTC)
Hall Of Shame[edit source]
haha, I get your drill my friend. I hope I proved I am trustworthy here, and you were my mentor (Heaven's Gate). At that time, I didn't even know there was a vote to feature things. I saw your unscript fade away recently, I was rather surprised. It got one hell of a start but as I said on the most recent article on VFH, featuring is a bitch and not really worth the effort. Having fun in writing is. Please if you vote against it, don't be an ass. The author has autism, I know people who have that illness and it's not that bad of an article. Be constructive. 
Mattsnow 21:29, July 17, 2011 (UTC)
- Indeed...I think the best thing you can do for anyone is say something concrete like...rethink the concept, cut out stuff, add humour, get rid of the swear words, needs to be more adult humour etc... rather than: I dont like it, its not featurable, its cruft, I wiped my ass with it, my kid could write better. --ShabiDOO 21:34, July 17, 2011 (UTC)
- Wow, what's going on? I don't get it, what did I do?
Mattsnow 21:39, July 17, 2011 (UTC)
- I don't really know what's going on either, but I think you want me to vote against an autistic kid's articles? Is that what's going on? -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 21:43, July 17, 2011 (UTC)
- Im NOT talking about you or anyone specicially Mattsnow. Some peoples comments are much more helpful, useful and constructive than others. I haven't looked at VFD in months cause it nauseates me sometimes to see the pleasure people get out of making fun of others creativity even though some pages are awful. The same goes for forum pages and VFH in my opinion. In the same amount of words, you can make a neutural (or negative) sounding explanation/critique become constructive and helpful. --ShabiDOO 21:47, July 17, 2011 (UTC)
- Well this article, which I have done the Pee Review of, is never gonna make it, but the guy told me he suffers from autism, so if you like it, vote for, if you're a nice guy, vote against and have a nice word, if you're an asshole, vote against and well, you know... Mattsnow 22:50, July 17, 2011 (UTC)
- Well this article, which I have done the Pee Review of, is never gonna make it, but the guy told me he suffers from autism, so if you like it, vote for, if you're a nice guy, vote against and have a nice word, if you're an asshole, vote against and well, you know...
- Im NOT talking about you or anyone specicially Mattsnow. Some peoples comments are much more helpful, useful and constructive than others. I haven't looked at VFD in months cause it nauseates me sometimes to see the pleasure people get out of making fun of others creativity even though some pages are awful. The same goes for forum pages and VFH in my opinion. In the same amount of words, you can make a neutural (or negative) sounding explanation/critique become constructive and helpful. --ShabiDOO 21:47, July 17, 2011 (UTC)
- I don't really know what's going on either, but I think you want me to vote against an autistic kid's articles? Is that what's going on? --
- Wow, what's going on? I don't get it, what did I do?
House Neopowell Saultes You[edit source]
Many thanks for the help and the vote for Game Of Thrones. Front page feature here we come, beehatches. Holy Shit It's powell 09:05, July 20, 2011 (UTC)
The UnSignpost: Avoid all contact with eyes.[edit source]
The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!
July 21st, 2011 • Issue 130 • Are you flirting with me?
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Voting (again)
 So as we approach the end of the month the monthly award competition should really be heating up and showing us all the great expanses of talent of which Uncyclopedia can rightfully boast. We are pleased to report that this is exactly what has happened; the awards pages are packed with votes and edit summaries complaining of edit conflicts while voting, or at least they would be... IF WE LIVED IN OPPOSITE WORLD! In reality visiting an awards page feels rather like trekking around Chernobyl, sans Ukranian soldier who refuses to take pictures of you in front of all the landmarks; strange mutated beings (nominees) stagger out of the shadows begging for just one vote. However they await in vain as it would appear that all of you have forgotten that voting is actually the most fun you can have on Uncyclopedia, especially with your clothes off. One need only survey the lesser awards like Author of the Month and Potatochopper of the Month to see that this is clearly an issue in need of resolution. Dr. Skullthumper had this to say of the voting problem: "How so, where?" so we can all be assured that it is at the top of his to-do list of urgent issues to be resolved. The UnSignpost would like to be the first to recommend a solution; we suggest that we hit the award pages hard and fast with a major leafleting campaign, which when followed up with a proposal to propose a discussion on the issue of awards pages with few votes to be considered at some hypothetical point in the near to distant future by a committee of individuals elected through two junior sub-committees, will be a considerable force to be reckoned with. Since investigation is rumoured to be a part of the remit of the UnSignpost we outfitted several of our fearless reporters with pens and paper and sent them to find out what you think. Our first call was to the home of <insert name here> who, may we say, could do with mowing his lawn once in a while, and putting some clothes on before dancing to Blondie in the front room. "I was actually just going to vote on all the awards, no worries guys" said <insert name here> and we can only hope that <insert name here> does exactly that, since liars are regularly incarcerated on Zombiebaron's prison island, where the piteous cries of "No Zombiebaron here?" never stop. To update on the awards that have amassed some votes Noob of the Month, Uncyclopedia's favourite award, is exceptionally close this month with one candidate having assailed the dizzying heights of 4 votes and his nearest competitor tailing him at the similarly disorientating altitude of 3 votes. Uncyclopedian of the Month is a Frosty appreciation party and he leads his nearest competitor by 8 votes. Writer of the Month is a much more subdued affair with Mattsnow leading the pack with a massive three votes. The obvious resolution to this and indeed all problems on Uncyclopedia is that we all start voting as much as humanly possible, I'm going to go and do it right now; <insert name here> promised he would and I am inspired by his example, we hope you will be too. Football
 It's American Football Season! Or so we are reliably informed on this forum by Guildensternenstein. The news is obviously that fantasy football is about to start again, for those of you who don't know how it works you are probably best to look it up on wikipedia or something because we here at the UnSignpost haven't a clue. Guildy has said "I need a minimum of 6 guys" and he would like about 12 people to sign up for fantasy football as well. The UnSignpost would also like to extend the offer of the post of "Pretend Sports Correspondent" to someone who can, occasionally, keep the expectant world up to date on the goings on in the league. If you want to participate then you had better sign up soon as there are only about three places left at the time of going to press, a working knowledge of American Football is not essential, just ask Neox and the "Well-Dressed Pickles" who managed to go the entirety of last season without winning or editing the line up, despite it containing six of the worst players in the entire league. Anyone interested in reporting on the fantasy football should submit a report to the press room from where, after some minor editing, we will place it into the next issue and claim it as our own. |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:22, July 21, 2011 (UTC)
Why?:Abortion is FUN[edit source]
Could you tell me what's wrong with Why?:Abortion is FUN? —Sir Socky
(talk) (stalk)
GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 17:45, 23 July 2011
- All it does is point to a medical diary and tries to tell us "Hey, this is horrible, but it's funny because it's horrible!" That idea in itself is pretty funny when done right, but the article just felt really off for me. It was more like "This is horrible, so it's AWESOME! Right, men??" way, which falls flat, and is in bad taste without much comic redemption. I've got nothing against its brevity, but right now it seems like something a 13 year old trying to impress his friends would write after discovering what an abortion is, as opposed to an effective example of "horror humor," which it could be with a little fixing. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 17:51, July 23, 2011 (UTC)
- Hmm, what little fixing did you have in mind? Should I remove the stuff at the bottom Mnbvcxz added? —Sir Socky
(talk) (stalk)
GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 18:03, 23 July 2011
- Something so simple as just adding one more line as preface might work. There's two directions you can take this: you can make it drier, with the violence of the picture contrasting the brief narration that abortion is an "excellent pastime" for pregnant women "bored of their labor," or something to that degree; "or you can take it further over the top, inject a deadly mix of Axe Body Spray and Five-Hour Energy straight into the article, making the picture feel right at home in a sea of satirical douchebaggery. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 20:51, July 23, 2011 (UTC)
- Something so simple as just adding one more line as preface might work. There's two directions you can take this: you can make it drier, with the violence of the picture contrasting the brief narration that abortion is an "excellent pastime" for pregnant women "bored of their labor," or something to that degree; "or you can take it further over the top, inject a deadly mix of Axe Body Spray and Five-Hour Energy straight into the article, making the picture feel right at home in a sea of satirical douchebaggery. --
- Hmm, what little fixing did you have in mind? Should I remove the stuff at the bottom Mnbvcxz added? —Sir Socky
Unpoetia:The Stain[edit source]
Dear sir, I humbly implore you to reconsider the huffing of the above. Yours et-cetera Shakespeare --Untalented 23:45, July 23, 2011 (UTC)
:)[edit source]
Why did you put Ffw on european borders. Please remove it. --ShabiDOO 01:20, July 25, 2011 (UTC)
- I changed the tag to a Fix. The article still has problems: not enough pictures, poor grammar and awkward prose in patches, particularly evident from the concept-setting first sentence. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 01:35, July 25, 2011 (UTC)
More class than 9000 schools: It's the UnSignpost![edit source]
The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!
July 28th, 2011 • Issue 131 • Happy Thursday
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Forest Fire Spreads, Users Divided
 Now when it comes to deleting crap articles everybody on Uncyclopedia is on the same side, with the possible exception of Jupiterfox. We want crap articles out in order that we can effectively breed a wiki fit for kings and whoever else might stumble by. It is in the name of pruning the grand bush of humour that Forest Fire Week (or FFW if you are on a tight schedule) has come to be once again. For those of you who have been living under rocks on the surface of Saturn with only the UnSignpost to provide you with news Forest Fire Week involves tagging articles with a tag (duh) and then deleting them after seven days no matter what anyone else says. Such is the attraction of sending articles into the great infinite that there is a scoreboard on the forum detailing which of the Nobody will be surprised to learn that this is yet another brainwave from Uncyclopedia's head innovator Dr. Skullthumper who has a vision for Uncyclopedia and it is an Uncyclopedia that remains aerodynamic at high speeds due to the lack of poor articles attached to it. As always the UnSignpost has foregone actually speaking to him, mostly because we don't want our archives to be burned to the ground in the name of quality control. But just remember the good doctor is convinced "Our ancestors would not be proud of us" so we must be going right somewhere. Forest Fire Week ends on the very day that this splendid periodical has been delivered to you; users are instructed to return to their caves and await Dr. Skullthumper's next brain fart, it won't take long, it'll probably be recommending some kind of cyber upgrade for your brain that will turn us all into Cybermen. Then Doctor Who will have to murder everyone with plastic explosive, before having a final showdown with Dr. Skullthumper as he attempts to escape the exploding factory in his personal Zeppelin. It could happen. Users Return. Everything is Ruined.
 So you've been away from Uncyclopedia for a while, doing.... the garden. After a while you sit down and say "Hey my life is pretty average at the moment; I've finally managed to fit 17 crayons into a single nostril. I'll swing by past Uncyclopedia and all the freaky losers there!". So you do and everything has changed, what was right is now wrong that which once wore parachute pants... continues to wear parachute pants. Yes it seems Uncyclopedia isn't what it used to be as literally two users have reappeared to inform us that everything has gone wrong all of a sudden. Yes you should all be ashamed of the mess every single one of you have made of their favourite pages. There isn't really a point to this story, it is more a public service announcement. The other point of this story is to inform you all that our principal editor will be unable to write any news next week due to the impending arrival of several "friends" wishing to discuss some of his unfortunate financial liabilities. The UnSignpost therefore requires somebody to write the whole thing next week, attend the tedious meetings and... well that's pretty much it. If interested you should simply write the UnSignpost, it's easy; help us manage an issue every week for an entire year. It beats having real life goals. |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:22, July 28, 2011 (UTC)
Fuck you, and fuck the corpses of your dead children.[edit source]
Hi! Top of the morning to you, sir. Bizzeebeever, here. When you huffed it, you seemed perplexed as to how House of Reprehensibles garnered seven 
delete votes on UN:VFD. I figured I'd be neighborly and take the time to clear that up for you: it's because ... they hadn't seen the improvements I made to it. In fact, TheSlyFox was the only one who voted "delete" after I began fixing it. (But it's not your fault, I'm sure you didn't notice the dates and times on those silly comments.)
Also, I wanted to give you a quick thanks for not moving it to my userspace, even though I asked in bold lettering. I'm quite sure that's not your fault, and it's no big deal, anyway, so just pretend I didn't say anything!
Once again, have a wonderful morning, and I hope everything turns up roses for you today. Cheers! ⇒»Biz E.B. Ver 
(gabble) 12:54, August 1, 2011 (UTC)
- Actually, never mind any of that, after all. ⇒»Biz E.B. Ver
(gabble) 13:55, August 1, 2011 (UTC) - P.S. I hope your children are well.
Hey TKF![edit source]
I go on IRC more often these days, and I never cross your path. It'd be cool to chat with my welcoming mentor once in a while, but I realize IRC is time-consuming (and not productive for a lot of users), anyway, when you see I'm on, give it a try!
But the purpose of my call was not that, I'd like to know if you still want somebody to flood Peter Dinklage with piss. I'd gladly do it if you do, I have an urgent need! It seems it's sitting there since May 0.o. Want me to do it? (at a leizure pace, a couple of days at least since I'll finish the article(s) for the competition, for the deadline is the 7th (included I hope) and mt team is kinda idle. I have a lot of time on my hands since I am on workstop thanks to a nasty cycling spill that rearraged my facial features for awhile, but I'll be ok since the Mds told me it would hardly leave a scar. I would provide you with pics I took before going to the ER, but Internet privacy and such... I only share them on Facebook lol, a bit gory. Mattsnow 03:41, August 5, 2011 (UTC)
- Damn, sorry about the accident! Why the hell are offering to pee on articles when you should be out scoring right now? Chicks dig huge, mangled scars! But yeah, go ahead and do the pee. Though it's kind of nice to be the king of undone pee reviews and all, I've been waiting passively since May, so it's about time I think. And I've, conincidentally, been coming onto IRC less these days, so maybe we'll cross once or twice, I should hope. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 03:56, August 5, 2011 (UTC)
ChiefjusticeDS is a lazy sod and has paid the ultimate price... an UnSignpost Coup[edit source]
The edition that's black and white and dead all over
August 6th, 2011 • Issue 132 • Happy Thursday Saturday
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Abandon Ship. Uncyclopedia is sinking.
 Perhaps the very reason why am I writing the UnSignpost for you this week and that it is unforgivably two days late will be the main topic for this weeks top story. And that is that quite simply, everybody is leaving Uncyclopedia. Many of our long time users (If you haven't left yourself!) agree that it was Mordillo that started that unfortunate trend way back in March of this year. Of course everyone was saddened we paid our respects and moved on, nobody thought it would expand to the hip new trend it was become. Because quite frankly I personally believe most users are simply leaving us for the lulz. We were of course saddened as we watch MrN9000, SPIKE, Hyperbole, PuppyOnTheRadio, Under user, Todd Lyons, Lyrithya and our UnSignpost editor and many others whom are either not important enough or I simply forget to mention. Which brings us to the question as to why they are all leaving. Whether its because they've finally got a life, a job and a girlfriend or their simply grumpy with us all doesn't matter. What really matters is you're still here which I am very thankful for <3. All hail your new UnSignpost editor.
Simply because nobody ever submits any story ideas or suggestions like you are supposed it leaves it up to the editor to improvise on the spot. Something which this re-leaving editor is really poor at. Instead he is going to simply whre about how is a better writer than the normal writer. He is better simply due to his profound ability to whore out two bullshit stories that any sane person could see a blatant attempt to fill empty white space. Partically true I guess. When I got appointed this task by This guy , I though what could I possibly write about? Forest Fire Week? VFS? How the beloved editor won three awards last month? Well quite simply telling the story of how I arrived at this thrilling yet totally stupid story seemed like the obvious alternative, and if you read this whole thing. Hail Frosty! |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:19, August 6, 2011 (UTC)
What's wrong with you[edit source]
Dude!You delete like, everything. You even the dumb and dumber vote for highlite page when the score was 4.5 to 5! You need to learn alesson, so i'm going to do your worst nightmare:Hint, Fire, Castrophic, copy and paste.
People: If you think he deserves the heat
click delete
- I reverted you, Mr. IP -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 02:02, 7 August 2011
- A valiant protest, but quite frankly you gotta try at least three times as hard. Or less hard. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 08:13, August 7, 2011 (UTC)
Not drunk at all[edit source]
Nice little drunken message I left Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Peter Dinklage. I like the cohesion, not confusing at all LOL! What I was trying to say is it's gonna take some time to do the Pee, but I'll do it (Because I want to, nice article at first glance). You (admins) should revoke that silly text to the effect that a Pee Review should be done 24 hours after somebody says he'll do it. It sure will take some time since I'm busy, but I'd rather have a guy taking a week to piss in-depth than a 1,000 bytes shit I've been expecting like a diuretic for 2 months (in this case!) Cheers! Don't drink and drive! I don't! (But I sure drink a lot! :D) Mattsnow 14:38, August 7, 2011 (UTC)
- It's fine as long as you let the writer know. As you have. Carry on. --Black Flamingo 15:04, August 7, 2011 (UTC)
- And TKF, this guy (<High_General_Aim>) (Aimsplode) is bugging me on IRC for you to PLEEEEAAAASE unban him, since he wants to pick a guy for the football team. Since I am so nice.... Here you go. Mattsnow 15:24, August 7, 2011 (UTC)
- I just took a piss on Peter Dinklage! Mattsnow 16:11, August 9, 2011 (UTC)
- I just took a piss on Peter Dinklage!
- And TKF, this guy (<High_General_Aim>) (Aimsplode) is bugging me on IRC for you to PLEEEEAAAASE unban him, since he wants to pick a guy for the football team. Since I am so nice.... Here you go.
Voting time is NOW![edit source]
OK, it's time to do the voting round. Round 1 has finished already! So please hop over to the forum and cast your votes! 
|Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Kemador CUN|IC Kill 
| 09:06, August 9, 2011 (UTC)
- You are Judge 2, just so you know which line to put your scores under. →
(Der_Führerbunker--Wehrmacht Factories) 01:53, August 10, 2011 (UTC)
- You are Judge 2, just so you know which line to put your scores under. →
More rubbish Australian Prose because ChiefjusticeDS got stabbed in the buttocks by a rioter with a felt-tip pen[edit source]
Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while
August 11th, 2011 • Issue 133 • Stay Frosty!
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And the burning continues
 It is so blatantly obvious that this is the thing to to talk about at the moment, so whilst totally disregarding I may be risking talking about it too much, I give you the latest stats on FFW. Quite sadly I say that our article count as at all time low, if you'll refer to exhibit A on the right you will see where I predict Uncyclopedia will eventually sink. I asked resident Perhaps the most strongly against the FFW So as we watch our article count gradually and then catastrophically spiral downwards think to yourself was the FFW a necessary idea? If in a couple of years down the track you find yourself actually having to emerge from your basement and get a job because Uncyclopedia has finally destroyed itself, at least you'll know exactly who to blame. Annual Uncyclopedia Summer Extravaganza!
This is perhaps a story I should included in the last UnSignpost but I was too busy whoring about my pro writing skillz and Chiefs absence. So my apologies to those in charge of what appears to be a pretty cool idea for a writing challenge! For those of you who don't follow the dump, this is a writing competition organized by the somewhat over the top and insane Joe9320, Aimsplode and until quite recently Shabidoo who appears to have vacated his seat as chairperson for the tournament. The participants are required to split into teams of three in which they are given a mere 16 days and 12 hours (Yes two weeks wasn't going to work), in which to write as many articles as they can on a summer based theme. Which is to say they will write about booze and sex but I guess the whole summer theme was just a cover for that. The articles are submitted for judging in which the winner will be the judges favorite I guess. To be honest I'm putting it down to the admin team to win simply because they can delete all other entries thus eliminating any competition, but hey that's just speculation. I really hope you're all having fun with the summer comp whilst I and all other southern hemisphere dwelling Uncyclopedians whilst we freeze in this winter, but hey that's what we get for being Australian! Having a riot in London
Would anybody like a free television? |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:18, August 11, 2011 (UTC)
New Ending[edit source]
Dear Froggie, thanks for voting for Morning Dew. Could you please look at the new ending I wrote, its just the last few sentences. I set up the link to show you the difference in the history section. If you dont mind I would apreciate it :) [[1]] --ShabiDOO 11:47, August 12, 2011 (UTC)
Air horn[edit source]
You should get someone to make a "speaking article" out of that. ;) MadMax 04:49, August 13, 2011 (UTC)
Idea for a future project?[edit source]
I've been working on another proposed project and I was wondering if I could get your opinion on it? It's a more simplified version of Wikipedia's Operation Great War Centennial which attempts to compile a general list of "basic" encyclopedic topics and bringing them to featured status. It focuses on improving existing articles on the list, as well as creating new entries, with a 3-year deadline ending in 2015. I'm not sure how workable it would be in real life but it would be nice to always have a "core group" of articles for the site. So do you think its worth floating it around on the forums? MadMax 17:31, August 13, 2011 (UTC)
Quick question[edit source]
Didn't we used to protect featured articles while they're being featured? -OptyC Sucks! 
CUN19:26, 13 Aug
- Only semiprotected. Also yeah we still do that. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 19:27, August 13, 2011 (UTC)
Chicks[edit source]
Yeah I understand, sorry for calling you a dick. You did a good job rewriting the article completely and I understand how you feel about it since it's featured. It's still a Wiki though. Hardly anyone except the staff has authority on the content. Most especially, it's a small addition of my own craft that doesn't shadow your writing.
Did you read the paragraph I made the pun on? It is not about baby hens; I don't like the cliche myself. it's about sesame chicken. You did make the pun between "Sesame chicken" and "Sesame chicks" yourself first and to me that was a naturally occuring set up, which is rare. That added to the coincidence of having a "Sesame Street's big bird" exist to make the pun, the latter to me being so awful yet so incidental it becomes ironically funny. I'll let go of my end of the string without it keeping me up at night, but I find it disappointing to see that huge, obvious set up stand here without its punch line. To me, it is for comedy's sake. --DoctorRainCloud 20:13, August 13, 2011 (UTC)
- Oh shit, I'm pretty thick, I didn't even pick up on that. Huh, that's pretty good actually. I'll re-add it, if you don't mind me toying with the caption. Still, if you can find a hot chick in a big bird costume, it'd be even greater. Actually, that gives me an idea. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 20:56, August 13, 2011 (UTC)
- You're a good man, Froggy Brown. No need to insult yourself. I'll be delicate with featured articles from now on. --DoctorRainCloud 22:34, August 13, 2011 (UTC)
Unobtanium[edit source]
Much thanks for your vote from Shabidoo and Funnybony. Cheers!--Funnybony 
16:19, Aug 14
Colab[edit source]
Dear Froggy, if you ahve a chance can you take a look at Inter-Lights Inc. and tell me if youll help me polish it up and make it great? Chars. --ShabiDOO 18:25, August 14, 2011 (UTC)
- Will do! -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 23:58, August 14, 2011 (UTC)
The Wire[edit source]
It looks great. Thanks for letting me help out. I had fun working on it with you. MadMax 02:05, August 15, 2011 (UTC)
- The pleasure was all mine! You can't understand how happy I was, after running around the site trying to find a single user who loved The Wire as much as me, only to discover the Bunk to my McNulty was MadMax himself. Also, I do like your idea about the "core article" group thing that you inexplicably removed from my talk page. Seemingly a bit unfeasible, knowing this userbase and their attention spans, but I do really like it a lot. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 02:24, August 15, 2011 (UTC)
Oh sorry, I was hoping you hadn't read that yet. I've actually been having second thoughts about that once I went over the numbers. It was pretty awesome to see one of my favorite tv shows get an article. I don't know, I guess I've found myself a little intimidated when someone who regularly writes features, say like MrN or Funnybony, asks me to contribute. The last thing I want is to ruin an article with an awful one-liner or even something a little more subtle. The irony is that I really do enjoy writing, though more in the sci-fi vein, so I'm grateful to get the opportunity from a great writer. MadMax 04:20, August 15, 2011 (UTC)
- You've actually got some damn good prose, all you gotta do is work on implanting a few jokes in there! No offense. But seriously, great prose. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 12:17, August 15, 2011 (UTC)
Forum:Accountability[edit source]
It appears that Lyrithya posted in that topic. If the agenda-pushing bitchfest conversation is going to continue, the forum should probably be unprotected so that non-admins can participate in blowing their petty squabbles out of proportion the discussion. --Mn-z 02:31, August 15, 2011 (UTC)
- Considering where some of the non-admin input it has received so far has taken it, and how this primarily concerns admins, it may be best to leave it protected regardless, though. But up to you, man. ~ 02:46, 15 August 2011
Two Things[edit source]
One, I would like to apologize for edit-warring with you. Two, the max score for the USE contest is 42.83, and you put a 46 somewhere. Please check your scores and make sure their right.
Thanks.
→
(Der_Führerbunker--Wehrmacht Factories) 22:21, August 15, 2011 (UTC)
- Okay. You can just count that score as whatever number you said than, officially. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 22:30, August 15, 2011 (UTC)
Vote[edit source]
Against. -- Sir Mhaille (talk to me)
Against. -- Now it only wants you gone; it's the UnSignpost![edit source]
The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!
August 18th, 2011 • Issue 134 • Have a Dumpling.
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It's Kicking Off
A little while ago, when the world was young and we were actually interviewing people instead of making up vaguely racist quotes, the UnSignpost ran a story on the #uncyclopedia IRC channel. At the time we could have raised issues about it being a wholly separate community where the rules of the site blur into a haze of... haziness, but we didn't; we were far too busy making jokes about penises and the abundance of jokes on the same to be found on IRC. Now, once again, IRC has been thrust into the limelight and a great deal of hand-wringing and swearing has inevitably been the consequence. Yes, this is the news that once again the cruel spectre of drama hovers above the wiki as Lyrithya has decided that there are several problems that need addressing. Number one: she would like a trip to Europe but doesn't have the disposable income, number 2: Uncyclopedia sucks , number 3: there are not enough forum topics about problem number two. She has set out to remedy the horrendous forum deficiency by creating two with deceptively enjoyable titles. The serious point to these forums revolves around the accountability of the administrators, which Lyrithya feels there is not enough of. The forum topics are the usual; huge blocks of text with no humorous comments about the Power Rangers anywhere in sight. It's all very sad and will probably end with someone leaving and vowing never to return. The other vitally important news is that Zombiebaron reports that the Forest Fire Week huffing has finished, a full two weeks after Forest Fire Week finished. When asked to comment on the less than speedy huffage of all these articles, Zombiebaron had this to say: "Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron! Zombiebaron?" which surprised us since we didn't even know he played the violin. Now all that we need to attend to are the thousands and thousands of broken redirects which MadMax spent countless hours creating to make everyone's lives easier. Now he has the honour of watching them be destroyed in the name of making the wiki better. Happy Thursday everyone. R.I.P Roman Dog Bird
 It is with great sadness that we report that our long time friendly, disturbing, creepy, dirty, often autistic admin Roman Dog Bird has apparently left for some reason, a departure he announced with a rather dramatic yawn, a shame, as his ban reasons are probably the closest things to actual humour we have on Uncyclopedia. This reporter in particular found his often unjustified bannings of IPs, deletions of memorable pages and general disrespect for authority truly inspiring. On a side note, RAHB decided to return this week as part of a poorly concealed attempt to cover up the disappearance of another partially departed admin, Dr. Skullthumper. We would like to encourage all readers to welcome RAHB back by telling him how much Frank Zappa sucks on his talk page; apparently he likes that. |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:20, August 18, 2011 (UTC)
Congrats[edit source]
Congrats on Peter Dinklage. Good one!!! Cheers!--Funnybony 08:43, Aug 21
Sun[edit source]
Froggy Brown, I need some 'cratly wisdom... and all the wise 'crats are unreachable. Kidding, you're the best. Anyway, what are your thoughts on our Sun rewrite replacing the original article? In light of that similar article you dug up would you have any qualms with this? --Black Flamingo 16:01, August 23, 2011 (UTC)
- Just noticed you're not here, I'm going to go ahead and be italic. Still, nice talking to you. --Black Flamingo 12:02, August 27, 2011 (UTC)
Wonko tiddlybum-post[edit source]
Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!
August 25th, 2011 • Issue 135 • Pudding anyone?
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Illogicopedia is stealing our ideas again
In an entirely precedented move, Illogicopedia has yet again stolen our proud Uncyclopedian traditions. Yes, they've finally done it, they've finally taken for their own everything that we at the UnSignpost proudly stood for, making a mockery of our fine establishment by starting up their own newspaper, the Illogicopedian Times. Or restarting, really; Readmesoon et all managed to put out a whole three issues in 2009 before getting arrested for snorting bumblebees or something, or whatever Illogicopedians do in their spare time, so technically the current is a continuation of that.  But even more shocking than that, the Illogicpedia Times is doing well; after the announcement of its revival with the release of a dummy issue and a call for contributors, Illogicopedians have actually been contributing. Almost immediately two new issues were created; while these two were both a little too well-done for a proper ?pedian publication, the worst bits were merged into the first new issue, which has already been released to tremendous apathy on their end, and outrage on ours. But this was plural Illogicopedians, unlike the usually singular Uncyclopedian or two who invariably finds itself desperately floundering for topics to write about for our publications, and as we all know, nothing ever even happens on ?pedia, so how do they do it? What are we doing wrong? The answer, my friends, is nothing. We aren't doing anything wrong; they simply stole all our ideas and used those to write their own, and having not written any of their own in so long, they had all our back issues to comb. We suggest going to Readmesoon's talkpage and mocking him and the other editors thoroughly when they inevitably run out of said ideas to steal; it shouldn't take terribly long seeing as we never really had many to begin with. Meantime, perhaps we need more Zombiebaron.  Please help me.
Please help me. I am trapped in a well. It is very dark and cold down here. I was flying a kite and looking up at the sky when I fell down here by mistake. Please send me food. (To send food to Zombiebaron, please enclose all foods within a handmade envelope and address the envelope the P.O. Box 9912203288-402B at your local train station) Urinal issues
Due to a recent shortage of plumbers, some of the urinals in the men's restroom have been backing up. As such, we at the UnSignpost would like to urge all readers to tread carefully in there, and if possible, try to lend a hand in the clean up. More news to come as the situation becomes more dire. |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:19, August 25, 2011 (UTC)
Fruits[edit source]
I just finished another rewrite. Any better? -- 20:13, August 27, 2011 (UTC)
- *Cough* --
02:51, September 2, 2011 (UTC)
- *Cough, cough* -- 16:32, September 2, 2011 (UTC)
- *Cough, cough* --
Archiving.[edit source]
I think you should archive your talk page.
- You're an admin
- It has 48+ sections
KTHXBAI. — 
(talk) (contributions) 17:10, August 28, 2011 (UTC)
- NAH -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 04:21, September 1, 2011 (UTC)
- Hi there Feck. —
(talk) (contributions) 21:11, September 2, 2011 (UTC)
- Hi there Feck. —
Mailman's here! Lock up your daughters and horny middle-aged Wives![edit source]
Now with 20% more ninjas!
September 1st, 2011 • Issue 136 • Cassie is a loser.
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Spambots!
 Recently, an evil army of spambots has laid siege to Uncyclopedia. While most users went on in blissful ignorance, the rollbacks loaded their guns, the admins loaded their cannons, and Sannse took one look and didn't load her checkuser. "You're overreacting," she would have said had anyone asked her, which they didn't. These spambots are known for their random edit summaries and their apparent praise of the wiki, apparent because they have been all too happy to spread the very same praise around other sites as well, the whores: "This really helped me, I know so much now," said one of the spambots when cornered by a bin of potatoes. It later said the exact same thing regarding a deleted page. As always, the UnSignpost urges all readers to confront these bots and tell them they're doing it wrong, that they are adopted and how their mothers never hugged them, as well as that their coding is deprecated and their owner runs them through Internet Explorer, losers. And for those of you who prefer the usual blah blah blah to stop them, that also remains an option. This is just plain Unacceptable!  Drama. You never know where it's going to strike. You never know when it's going to strike. You never know how or why it's going to strike. And dare I say, there are times when you cannot be altogether very sure at all what it's going to strike. One thing is for certain, though; here at Uncyclopedia, we do a bloody poor job of it, and in the name of Klaus Nomi and his immaculate hair, we should all be ashamed! There are not enough bad things going on! Everywhere one looks it's another pathetic little pissing fight about something as insignificant as BUTT POOP!!!!, or a misdirected conservative whining about retards. Enough, I say! This is child's play! Gone are the glorious days of perpetual Uncyclopedia flame-wars, the legends such as Talk:Euroipods forever eluding the minds of today's generation of shit-raisers and stink-throwers! What of the glory that was NXWave, and his numerous sockpuppets? What of the majestic splendor of the great Aspie war? Uncyclopedians, you have disgraced your heritage! You have almost made this a pleasant place to reside! Do you realize that? This week I challenge you, oh alleged patrons of flamewars and troll-being, to take a look at yourselves, and you will soon realize that your true purpose has been eluding you for all of these years. It's time we stand up and yell! Scream! WHINE like you mean it! Whine like you whined on your first day of kindergarten when your mother drove away! Whine like a prom queen suddenly and unexpectedly drafted into the Armed Forces! Whine like your forefathers and their forefathers before them! CAUSE A STIR! CAUSE A REVOLUTION! CAUSE CHAOS! But most importantly....cause a drama. Thank you. Frosty wants to know how he's doing.
He's doing horribly. He is not a better editor than that other guy, who at least had the decency to bring me bribes of frappes and muffins. |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:19, September 1, 2011 (UTC)
Sun[edit source]
I'm now happy with it, so here's your heads up, right here. Feel free to change your vote or whatever. See you later crocodile. --Black Flamingo 13:36, September 1, 2011 (UTC)
BUTT POOP!!!![edit source]
If you haven't noticed, Hype, under a drunk sockpuppet, created a new article on BUTT POOP!!!!. It was eventually placed on VFD, but survived VFD by a vote of 8 keep to 7 delete. Category:BUTT POOP!!!! was nominated a similar time and survived with a vote of 7 keep to 5 delete. Therefore, that might put Forum:Should Template:BUTT POOP!!!! be restored to full health? in a different context. --Mn-z 21:49, September 1, 2011 (UTC)
- Christ, Mnb, if you devoted half the energy you devote to that flippin' thing to writing articles, you'd be top of the HoS by now... --UU - natter
07:26, Sep 2
Perhaps you might have an answer[edit source]
What is drama? ~ 
03:13, 2 September 2011
- Drama is when you need two gats to go to sleep. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 07:02, September 2, 2011 (UTC)
Colorless green ideas sleep furiously[edit source]
Thank you! --
11:44, September 4, 2011 (UTC)
Um...[edit source]
Completely unnecessarily dramatic edit summary much? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 19:50, 6 September 2011
- Yeah, basically. Just feel like I should point out my grandstanding when I'm doing it. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 19:52, September 6, 2011 (UTC)
- Weird how you imply that I'm putting on an act, though. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 19:57, 6 September 2011
- Not putting on an act, just acting in certain ways. I mean, there you go again. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 19:59, September 6, 2011 (UTC)
- Not putting on an act, just acting in certain ways. I mean, there you go again. --
- Weird how you imply that I'm putting on an act, though. —Sir Socky
This UnSignpost brought to you by... uh... fairy dust? Hmm, we seem to have run out of sponsors.[edit source]
The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11
September 8th, 2011 • Issue 137 • This is still going? How?
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New urinals to be installed
 As you are no doubt aware, having been following the UnSignpost religiously like every good Uncyclopedian does, we recently reported on the decrepit state of the Uncyclopedian urinals. In the weeks since, the lavatories have been undergoing repairs following an in-depth investigation into the matter conducted out of sheer paranoia. It would seem this paranoia was warranted, however, because the entire messy affair was apparently caused by some idiot getting the bright idea to pour a vat of rubber cement down a broken toilet. If you have any information that might lead to the identity of the culprit, please, report it to the authorities. A forum has also been created to aid in the cleanup; if you would like to aid in the efforts, or would simply prefer to point and laugh at your smelly peers as they help install new urinals, that would be the place to go.
Greetings, Uncyclopedians. You may remember me from our previous issue, in which I mercilessly berated the lot of you for being a pathetic bunch of whiny losers who wouldn't know a good drama if it bit them on the nose. Beating the ever-loving shit out of your self-respect, I then left you with a challenge. To "most importantly, cause a drama." Within the past week, you've really shown me something. Congratulations are in order! Rejoice, Uncyclopedia! For you have not only caused a drama, you have in fact become The Drama! Your armpits reek of the glorious B.O. of internet drama, and that reek is really getting me off! Fear no more, for as long as thine hearts remain impure, and your bellies full of Mountain Dew, you shall never stray off the path of utter boorish piss-fighting again! I will make sure of that, watching over your future endeavors of pointlessness like a guardian magical angel with a funny Irish hat. You deserve it. You have reached the very top of the mountain, like some flaming golden eagle, majestically flying across the sky, shitting all over everything in its path...majestically. Don't listen to what your detractors say. Your constant bickering is UNITING the very country of Uncyclopedia, like some sort of annoying super glue that causes a rash if it comes into contact with human skin. You should be proud! You should be elated! You should be madly stroking yourself off at the very prospect of being the very best dramanator the world has ever seen!! But seriously, you can stop it now.
While this should come as no surprise to those of you immersed in the affairs of Wikimedia, assuming there are any of you immersed in that, we at the UnSignpost recently found ourselves quite horrified (and strangely aroused) by the images to be found on Wikimedia's servers after an anonymous source informed us of what currently qualifies as a feature. Specifically, yaoi porn. While for the sake of all our manhood we probably shouldn't repeat the URL here, for the sake of all our women and our gays, we're going to link it anyway. Enjoy, ladies. And gays. For the rest of you, however, there is a very important lesson to be realised from this: our own situation here on Uncyclopedia really isn't all that bad. Sure, we've been featuring an unusual amount of articles explicitly about the male member this week (unlike the more typical ones implicitly about it), but none of them were quite this explicit, were they? No, really, were they? We didn't actually read any of them on account of being too busy researching this other matter for the sake of you lot. We do this all for you! It's all for you! Hello? |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 01:20, September 8, 2011 (UTC)
Olympian Thanks[edit source]
Thank you for supporting my fourth featured UnNews piece.
I appreciate it, and stuff.
—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 12:39, September 8, 2011 (UTC)
The UnSignpost: Now with free bacon![edit source]
The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...
September 15th, 2011 • Issue 138 •My News Hungers for Justice
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Poo and Pee
As we draw closer to the close of the summer, many Uncyclopedians find themselves casting about, searching for a way to manifest their creative talents before they all have to go back to school and learn how to add up big numbers. It is therefore fitting that two competitions will be hosted this month in order to alleviate the pain in your pants. The first is Pee Week, which began on Tuesday; this competition ran last year as well and was a great success in clearing the Pee backlog down to about 17 pages and was critically acclaimed by all 4 participants. Now, once again, all members of PEEING are summoned to the edge of the bowl to help clear a blockage which, according to RAHB, is "Backed up like a fat gerbil in a small tube". The competition this time has been started by Lyrithya; you know her, she's the crazy dame with all the wacky ideas about "Accountability" and "Standards". When asked to make a quick speech to commemorate the start of Pee Week she didn't say anything, so we made something up: "I now declare the revels open", she might have said. The rules are very simple: do reviews, wait in mounting anticipation for your review to be checked, list it here, move out of parents house, win a template, kiss a lady. It's that simple.  The other competition that loomed into view this week was the PLS, our biggest writing competition. It's so cool that some of you may wish to beat box while reading the rest of this story so you feel like you're in "da club", because that's cool, right? This competition is being hosted by a harsh spunk-chugger who had plenty to say to the UnSignpost about the PLS, but as we unfortunately have other stories to get onto this week, we cannot provide you with any of the 73 page interview. Luckily Zombiebaron was on hand to say a quick word about the PLS: "Zombiebaron". The competition is very much the same as it has been, except this year the Best Alternate Namespace Article category has been dropped in favour of a Best Collaboration category, a controversial move due to the poor performance of such a category in previous years. ChiefjusticeDS had no comment to make about this, preferring instead to talk to our correspondent about his new book, "My Shit Life in 4,000 Pages". The competition starts on the 20th of this month, but judges are needed to judge (duh) the categories and there are still some spots available - see here for information and general blabbering about aircraft carriers and whatnot. Vandals destroy Uncyclopedia
 In a massive meme fight which no one bothered to pay attention to until it was too late, two psychotic neurotic narcissists utterly destroyed the once-proud institution known as Uncyclopedia. "I banned them both for eternity!" said Uncyclopedia nanny Lyrithya, with tears in her eyes. "But their actions had already set in motion a horrible, horrible doom for us all, just like building that suburb on top of an Indian burial ground in the movie Poltergeist caused a hell-mouth to open. Oh, God. *shifty eyes*" The two vandals, who had been writing a rapidly-devolving series of articles incorporating the motif of a talking polar bear, apparently became so inane that their stupidity-streams crossed, tearing a crack in the Uncyclopedia space-time continuum. Suddenly, every Uncyclopedia article became commingled with its Encyclopedia Dramatica version. The entire Lovecraftian horror was quickly destroyed by a nuclear-armed United Nations hit squad. The cheeky monkeys, known as Izbeenoneweek and Bizzeebeever, are believed to be recovering from their wounds somewhere in their respective mothers' basements, however the future looks far from rosy for either of them. Various current and past Uncyclopedians, ranging from SPIKE to TheHumbucker to Zombiebaron, are said to be pissed to the point of wanting to track the two pranksters down and kill them with an iron-bound physical copy of HTBFANJS. "I'm coming back to the charred remains of Uncyclopedia, just to kill these fuckers," said Dr. Skullthumper. "Oh, by the way, hi, Lyrithya." |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:19, September 15, 2011 (UTC)
I hate to whore, but...[edit source]
I followed your sage advice on HowTo:Train to look awesome! and did a major tweaking, and I think the article improved. Thanks for the constructive criticism. Mattsnow 04:51, September 18, 2011 (UTC)
Perhaps you can tell me...[edit source]
Why was Craig Kielburger deleted? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 00:25, 21 September 2011
- It looks like cyberbullying. ~ 00:30, 21 September 2011
Brought to you by Lion Bars! It's the UnSignpost![edit source]
Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.
September 22nd, 2011 • Issue 139 •Lion Bars, so many Lion Bars.
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Lion Bar Week
 All good things must come to an end, and so, apparently, must everything else, as Pee Week successfully concluded on Tuesday of this week, having encouraged users to complete a whole 23 reviews! This mammoth undertaking means that it now takes only 10 minutes to scroll to the bottom of the Pee queue, and truly showcased the difference the promise of a special template can bring. One of the competition rewards is a "write-up" for the winner in the UnSignpost about "Their general awesomeness". Despite having attempted to explain that we don't do nice write-ups here and offering to publicly rubbish the families and friends of the winner instead, we eventually agreed to provide said write-up in return for a week's supply of Lion Bars. I mean, Lion Bars! I didn't even know you could get them in shops any more! If you break them in half it's like a Lion's Mouth, I mean it's like "ROOOOAR"! Anyway, so as we sat down, with a week's supply of Lion Bars, no less, to prepare this "glowing write-up" (which we were only doing because we got free Lion Bars). We thought it might be prudent to find out who had won Pee Week, and it turns out that the big winner is Frosty. Well, not really; we're the real winners because we got free Lion Bars. However, assuming success is not measured in Lion Bars (which it is), Frosty has indeed won. All the other people we interviewed about Frosty all told us he was fantastic, but he was quickly forgotten when our interviewees discovered that we had a sack full of Lion Bars with us and they only lapsed into further raptures of joy when we revealed that you can snap Lion Bars in half and roar. There you have it: Frosty is pretty awesome for winning Pee Week, but not quite as awesome as a week's supply of Lion Bars. Editor's note: Whether or not this is considered a "glowing" write-up is neither here nor there; we have an expert (kindly referred to us by the good people at Lion Bars) who is prepared to testify that this story is 200% more cheerful than usual. The editor would also like to thank everyone who was involved in Pee Week for their hard work in helping to clear the Pee queue. News from the Forums
You all love the forums right? Of course you do; everyone loves a good shout (IN CAPS!) and a spot of drama. So this week the UnSignpost has checked out the forums to tell you what is really going on on Uncyclopedia. First up is the most important news - the Poo Lit Surprise started on Tuesday and we have dispatched our roving reporters to the competition in order to interview participants, write stories and other journalistic stuff you wouldn't understand. We understand that the competition is expecting record turnout this year, with six articles submitted at the time of going to press. Six! Next you'll be telling us that people vote on VFP more than once every six months and that more than two people know how to use the new abuse filter. The other fascinating topic in the forum is that of the sidebar. You see it there at the side? Well that's the sidebar, clue's in the name. Basically Lyrithya thinks the sidebar is unacceptable; there are just too many links on it. The solution? Voting and lots of it; with 45 voting headers in the forum at the time of going to press, even Uncyclopedia's most avid voters will be able to get their daily voting fix here. The UnSignpost invites users to go over and create their very own voting header and vote for that as that seems to be exactly what everyone else is doing. Assuming Uncyclopedia hasn't disappeared in some kind of voting singularity by next week, the UnSignpost will be here to explain to you exactly what is going on with the sidebar, something which at the moment is being shaped almost solely by Mattsnow, Aimsplode and TheHappySpaceman, with occasional input from Zombiebaron and Socky. We don't think we need to explain to you why this is not right. The other stuff in the forum is about Hyperbole reaching 50.5 features, the site notice being filled with bodily fluids, a bumped forum from about seven months ago and this forum which has been going for about 3 weeks now, and, like the Panda in Zombiebaron's first book, just needs to have its brain consumed and die. |
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--ChiefjusticeDS 07:10, September 22, 2011 (UTC)
What[edit source]
did you say on 00:49, September 18, 2011 (UTC)? Me not understanding — (talk) (contributions) 23:13, September 22, 2011 (UTC)
- I have no idea. Could you maybe quote what I said instead of just telling me the time? -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 02:43, September 23, 2011 (UTC)
- "If lyrithya says no vote rigging this month, then no rigging. So yeah dont do that? -- TKF 00:49, September 18, 2011 (UTC) — (talk) (contributions) 16:16, September 23, 2011 (UTC)
- "If lyrithya says no vote rigging this month, then no rigging. So yeah dont do that? -- TKF 00:49, September 18, 2011 (UTC) —
"Oh, God! But why...in the balls?"[edit source]
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Thanks for the VFH vote on UnNews:Alaska woman wins 2011 International Punching-A-Bear-In-The-Face Championship. Here's hoping the coming world-wide bear uprising spares you! |
Hold onto your wage packets! It's the UnSignpost![edit source]
All your readers are belong to us
September 29th, 2011 • Issue 140 •A Periodical for the Uncyclopedian of tomorrow, today!
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Poo Underway
 What's that you say? We can't possibly run a story on the Poo Lit Surprise for a third consecutive week? Well what on earth gave you that idea? No this story is about the other goings on on Uncyclopedia that certainly aren't the Poo Lit Surprise, which incidentally is happening at the moment. So for absolutely no real reason we called in to speak to Oliphaunte who we found crying his eyes out somewhere that most certainly wasn't the PLS. "It's just so unfair" he sobbed to our wholly unsympathetic reporters "I worked so hard and now on a technicality I have had two articles disqualified from the-" Unfortunately a huge Rhinocerous then appeared from nowhere and ate Oliphaunte before he could tell us what he had been disqualified from; much to the delight of our assembled reporters who could all now knock off work forty minutes early. However an interesting fact that we did dig up is that if Oliphaunte had been disqualified from the PLS, something which we can't confirm, it would make him the first Uncyclopedian to ever be disqualified from two separate PLS categories, for the same reason, in the same day. Ha ha ha, how embarrassing that would be. It has also come to the attention of our editorial team that there is a worrying noob shortage on Uncyclopedia, how do they know this? They know this because on passing the PLS page on our way to... peace and quiets we happened to notice that there are currently no entrants for the best noob article category, something which any aspiring new users should take note of, since you need only churn out a piece of utter This story has been all about the PLS, we totally fooled you. Shame and VFH
 The headline says it all. The shame that we all should feel for the state of things and the location of that shame. This is the news that VFH hit a new and highly interesting low this week. All five of you who visited the page may well have noticed the banner at the top (which is gone now, in a transparent attempt to stop me having something else to ramble about this week) declaring that while we aren't short on articles that the community thinks are worthy of a spot on the front page, we are short of a community to confirm this. Well no we aren't it's just they are all very very busy. Frosty for instance is exceptionally busy creating and maintaining forums like this, while Aimsplode is still desperately flogging the deceased equine that is this... thing. Clearly these people are not to be distracted by the social niceties of voting and the creative process. Another, much more interesting revelation this week came when TheHappySpaceman declared his hatred of "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" which polls show has recently become more popular among Uncyclopedians than www.pornforsadlonelybastards.com. We didn't bother asking him for comment, partly because laziness is next to Godliness but also because he hates ponies so is unlikely to find a group of journalists asking him for quotes about the same any more enjoyable. So there you have it, TheHappySpaceman hates ponies and nobody is voting on VFH. Truly these are the darkest of days. |
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-- 01:21, September 29, 2011 (UTC)
Update Request on Zana Dark[edit source]
I believe for Zana Dark's original offence she was given a three month ban by you at the end of May which was then extended unilaterally for a year by the other admins in a subsequent exchange on these talk pages. I understand the arguments that Zana had apparent 'form' for previous bans which is why I have waited until now to bring this subject back. Four months is long enough in my view for what went on in May. If Zana comes back and returns to the same issues that got her a ban in the first place then I will let this matter drop. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 09:45, October 4, 2011 (UTC)
- OK..I will ask again next month. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 15:06, October 17, 2011 (UTC)
- Ouch. I just realised that she really is infinite banned! I thought that was just postering . Ouch. Do you really think she will never change? --ShabiDOO 15:56, October 17, 2011 (UTC)
- The original ban was extended to six months by TKF. That is the original starting point in my view, not one year or infinite.--RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 16:11, October 17, 2011 (UTC)
- The original ban was extended to six months by TKF. That is the original starting point in my view, not one year or infinite.--
- Ouch. I just realised that she really is infinite banned! I thought that was just postering . Ouch. Do you really think she will never change? --ShabiDOO 15:56, October 17, 2011 (UTC)
- My bad for glazing over this, but yeah, it's not a question until the definite 6 months are up. Really, she's been given a dozen chances before and squandered all of them, so it shouldn't be a question at all. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 20:33, October 17, 2011 (UTC)
- Ok, I will return to this topic at the end of next month. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 22:30, October 17, 2011 (UTC)
- Ok, I will return to this topic at the end of next month. --
A day late, because ChiefjusticeDS got lazy: The UnSignPost![edit source]
Now With 0 Trans Fat!
October 6th, 2011 • Issue 141 •Am I still on that fecking island?
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It's all over!
Well obviously people are getting sick of hearing about it (because ChiefjusticeDS has done nothing but blab about it for the past 3 issues, thus making it dull and boring by the time it is actually worth mentioning), but the bi-annual Uncyclopedia:Poo Lit Surprise is locked for judging and shall be until the 12th, when the winner will be announced! I have to say, as a judge, there are some pretty aspiring, feature worthy works being displayed and it really bring out the best of Uncyclopedia. But then again, some works don't look like they are quite finished and the 2 weeks have simply flown past for some of the hopefuls. I am also disappointed that our n00bs where two n00bish to actually include any entries except for one, which has subsequently won without any effort. Anyway I'm pretty sure we know who has the best article and will therefore win the whole ordeal. But really, what will become of all this? Further proof that all Uncyclopedians are a series of monkeys on typewriters? Or some top notch quality humor for the enjoyment of all and enough features to fill the queue until Christmas? Well I'm going to play it by ear, and wait until the judging part is over and done with. Because as far as I can see if our writers are as competent at our judges, there is no hope what so ever. JUDGES GET JUDGING, OR YOU'LL BE VERY VERY SORRY INEED!
The bitch is back!
 Oh yes, a phrase used all too frequently to indicate some loser is indeed amongst us again. Tom mayfair, a user who has been largely dorment since 2008 has made an epic comeback in the past week swearing eternal allegiance to the cause once more. He came barging in demanding his sysop powers back (with success I might add) and got right back down to editing again. Good work Tom! But this of course makes us all wonder where the hell the lad has been for the last couple of years, after all he only made a groundbreaking 6 edits in 2010. So why the hell has his sad domestic life become more important than us suddenly? Well the truth is, he's got a wife or something as far as I've been told told over IRC and so he is probably more preoccupied with the better things in life, rather than some sad little websites full of people who can't write to save their lives. I therefore hate the loser for making a mockery out of us all. We're going to lose our precious talk pages!
Oh yeah, because wikia is all bright 'n'all, we're going to be losing our talk pages for some fancy pants message walls kind of like facebook. Users have expressed outrage to this, in the form of angry forums, flame wars, letter bombs and urban terrorism. I don't blame 'em either, this is just plain unacceptable, I have a list there of people that owe me money! Anyway the petition is 'ere, go add your name to the over 200 that are already there for all the good it'll do. Now back to my sulking about my precious talk page... |
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~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 02:27, October 7, 2011 (UTC)
You voted for Subliminal stimuli, which got featured![edit source]
A million thanks! -- 03:42, October 8, 2011 (UTC)
User:Siddhartha-Wolf/Albrecht Durer[edit source]
Does it look finished enough now? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 20:03, 10 October 2011
- Sure. It holds together about as well as the Kubrick-Spielberg dividing line in A.I., but it certainly is finished now. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 20:08, October 10, 2011 (UTC)
UnNews:Goal sparks soccer riot[edit source]
Granted the article's a pretty piss poor offering, but I found your comment "mundane conceit" interesting. Are you saying the article is boring due to it's ridiculousness or are you saying it's arrogant, or something else? Just curious. I understand and I wish to continue. 
. 09:51, October 15, 2011 (UTC)
- As I read it, it's another one of those "basic thing leads to ridiculous thing" articles that, when pushed to the limits, can definitely be funny but are often not featurable. The description of events was done well (the drainage pit bit was great), but the only twist (about FIFA making technology to prevent goals) came too late into the story and wasn't fleshed out enough to make it seem fresh. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 18:27, October 15, 2011 (UTC)
- Thanks for the feedback. Could you please use your evil powers to take it off VFH then, seeing as it's a lost cause and all? I understand and I wish to continue.
. 06:25, October 16, 2011 (UTC)
- If you insist. Don't give up on it though, because it does have some greatness in it, I think. It just takes too long to really find a solid concept. It isn't ever too late to improve an article, even an UnNews. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 07:20, October 16, 2011 (UTC)
- If you insist. Don't give up on it though, because it does have some greatness in it, I think. It just takes too long to really find a solid concept. It isn't ever too late to improve an article, even an UnNews. --
- Thanks for the feedback. Could you please use your evil powers to take it off VFH then, seeing as it's a lost cause and all? I understand and I wish to continue.
Borderless collie...*snicker*[edit source]
that article really shoulda at least made some mention of Colleys Sans Frontières. :D :D :D ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, Oct 19 '11 2:30 (UTC)
Assplode[edit source]
In his defence, the reason he was having a go at Lollipop on-wiki was largely due to the fact that Lollipop was antagonising him on IRC. Fucking Children eh. -- Prof. Olipro 
KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 15:20, October 19, 2011 (UTC)
- Out of curiosity, did the IRC stuff have anything to do with Lollipop's... on-wiki thing? Just what happened there? ~ 15:30, 19 October 2011
- I didn't know much of the situation beyond what I saw in the block logs and was able to minimally catch-up on in IRC. Aim was being an unproductive dick, apparently, got banned as he always does for whenever he was being an unproductive dick (always), then ban evaded on top of that. He negotiated with RAHB, who let him off the hook with a severe warning. No more than 20 minutes after, he posts his comment on Lollipop's forum, clearly having learned nothing in the X years since we've been banning him for being a dick. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 20:54, October 19, 2011 (UTC)
- As for whatever got Lollipop's goat, I can only not care enough to guess. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 21:25, October 19, 2011 (UTC)
- Lame killer froggy....very lame re: Lollipop.
- In any case, you are the man of the day. You managed to dramatically ban someone...and yet cause absolutely no drama in the process! WOOHOO!!! Three cheers for TKF!!! UOM!!! UOY!!! --ShabiDOO 21:31, October 19, 2011 (UTC)
- I'm just saying it wouldn't be much of my time to go trolling through whatever action or psychology motivated Lollipop to do whatever he did, especially since whatever he did still isn't clear at all? What did he or didn't he not do? In any case, yes, past is past, don't care, Aimsplode's finally gone, let's let it go. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 21:40, October 19, 2011 (UTC)
- The answer to my apparent leaving if the fact that i'm the perrenial punching bag for many admins, including Lyrithya and Olipro. Lyrithya lacks a satrical sense of humour, I have failed to understand any of her articles, her sort of humour belongs on Illogicopedia. Yet, she goes about having everyone kiss her toes because she says so. She often abuses her ops, including indefbanning me because I said she should be deopped as a joke. I feel likei'm being harrassed and attacked at these things, especially the bans and insults. Aslong as these go on, not only am I gone, but you're scaring away many new users, and eventually no one will want to be around socially awkward people who like to insult and ban users. Also, regarding what Olipro said, I never antagonized Aimsplode on IRC for no reason, it was more of him constantly bothering me, calling me a female and calling me a homosexual, and finding every single way to put me down. Fortunately, this issue has been resolved with the indefbanning of Aimsplode. Until this torture and insulting decreases, I will remain to be away from this wiki. --
PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 19 October 2011, at 21:55
- Lollipop, if you sincerely believe that, perhaps some time off would do you good, especially since you keep insisting that you're going to leave anyway (diva is a word for it). Also, for the record, when someone points out some flaw with what you are doing or some such, there actually is a chance they are in fact not going out of their way to pick on you, and instead just want you to stop doing whatever it is.
- TKF, only reason I care is because he seems to want me deopped for some reason and I'm still not entirely sure why. I don't think I tend to or am here saying anything that hasn't been said before, either, but... eh. ~ 22:59, 19 October 2011
- The main problem here is that both of you are caught in an endless feedback loop of taking things far, far too personally. So take a step back from your situations a bit and try to see the other person's perspective before launching into more tirades and such. The way I see it: Lollipop is taking criticism on his whatever too personally and doesn't like being banned, and as a result wants Lyrithya deopped; Lyrithya is taking this reaction too personally and is now biased towards Lollipop, which begins the cycle. So yeah. Both y'all chill because that ain't good. There's some growin' to do. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 00:06, October 20, 2011 (UTC)
- In response to Lyrithya, banning a user because the banee did something wrong shows a sort of sense that the banner is either 1. too lazy to resolve the issue with the user by contacting the user and explaining it to them, and understanding they may not realize what is wrong or 2. has a dislike and annoyance of the user and wants to look like the good guy in the situation. In fact, I never said anywhere "i'm leaving", I did however say that if I continue to be insulted and made to be the villain, then I may as well stay away from editing here (notice how I didn't use 'leaving'). -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 20 October 2011, at 00:07
- I'm chill, mon. That's just how it is: Lollipop's been threatening to leave and complaining about me for months over various things, except bringing that up is apparently picking on him. Trying to defend myself is of course picking on him as well, and ignoring him is also picking on him. Asking him to not do things that only make more work in the long run, why, that's picking on him, too. Now, if this were all it were, whatever - I don't get along with plenty of folks, but he's been stirring up a fair bit of drama in the process and some of the things he keeps doing despite being repeatedly asked not to (picked on about) do go into the realm of disruptive, which is a bit of a problem.
- Remember back when you'd just ban people who did stupid stuff for several days and it'd be final? I'm starting to see the appeal. Certainly trying to take into consideration intent and adjusting the length accordingly doesn't help matters, since when I gave him a short block for an actual reason and explained to him that reason on IRC, that apparently somehow led to him starting a forum saying I should be deopped. ~ 01:14, 20 October 2011
- I may have overreacted several times, but at several points, you seem to deliberately go out of your way to do something stupid and make me seem like the villain and whiny bad guy in the situation. I'll even be kind enough to give one example:
- In response to Lyrithya, banning a user because the banee did something wrong shows a sort of sense that the banner is either 1. too lazy to resolve the issue with the user by contacting the user and explaining it to them, and understanding they may not realize what is wrong or 2. has a dislike and annoyance of the user and wants to look like the good guy in the situation. In fact, I never said anywhere "i'm leaving", I did however say that if I continue to be insulted and made to be the villain, then I may as well stay away from editing here (notice how I didn't use 'leaving'). --
- The main problem here is that both of you are caught in an endless feedback loop of taking things far, far too personally. So take a step back from your situations a bit and try to see the other person's perspective before launching into more tirades and such. The way I see it: Lollipop is taking criticism on his whatever too personally and doesn't like being banned, and as a result wants Lyrithya deopped; Lyrithya is taking this reaction too personally and is now biased towards Lollipop, which begins the cycle. So yeah. Both y'all chill because that ain't good. There's some growin' to do. --
- The answer to my apparent leaving if the fact that i'm the perrenial punching bag for many admins, including Lyrithya and Olipro. Lyrithya lacks a satrical sense of humour, I have failed to understand any of her articles, her sort of humour belongs on Illogicopedia. Yet, she goes about having everyone kiss her toes because she says so. She often abuses her ops, including indefbanning me because I said she should be deopped as a joke. I feel likei'm being harrassed and attacked at these things, especially the bans and insults. Aslong as these go on, not only am I gone, but you're scaring away many new users, and eventually no one will want to be around socially awkward people who like to insult and ban users. Also, regarding what Olipro said, I never antagonized Aimsplode on IRC for no reason, it was more of him constantly bothering me, calling me a female and calling me a homosexual, and finding every single way to put me down. Fortunately, this issue has been resolved with the indefbanning of Aimsplode. Until this torture and insulting decreases, I will remain to be away from this wiki. --
- I'm just saying it wouldn't be much of my time to go trolling through whatever action or psychology motivated Lollipop to do whatever he did, especially since whatever he did still isn't clear at all? What did he or didn't he not do? In any case, yes, past is past, don't care, Aimsplode's finally gone, let's let it go. --
- I didn't know much of the situation beyond what I saw in the block logs and was able to minimally catch-up on in IRC. Aim was being an unproductive dick, apparently, got banned as he always does for whenever he was being an unproductive dick (always), then ban evaded on top of that. He negotiated with RAHB, who let him off the hook with a severe warning. No more than 20 minutes after, he posts his comment on Lollipop's forum, clearly having learned nothing in the X years since we've been banning him for being a dick. --
- 02:51, October 3, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Lollipop (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Wanted me deopped... )
- That was from earlier this month, when I said on IRC that Lyrithya should be deopped and banned as a joke. She seemed to have taken that seriously and banned me infinite. She then threatened that if I do it again, she will do it again and refuse to unban me. Things like this often scare off users, and if this is the approach Lyrithya is giving to users who are unintentionally doing things that may upset other users, banning them is not a good outlet. This is where I began to feel that Lyrithya was abusing her given op powers, not taking them seriously, and becoming a control freak. Of course, all users (even Lyrithya) have their faults. Lyrithya has taken this to a larger extent and taken my faults and instead of improving them, often showboating and projecting them to the wiki. Even though this is a satrical wiki, insulting and taunting are two things that have no place here. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 20 October 2011, at 01:48
- That was from earlier this month, when I said on IRC that Lyrithya should be deopped and banned as a joke. She seemed to have taken that seriously and banned me infinite. She then threatened that if I do it again, she will do it again and refuse to unban me. Things like this often scare off users, and if this is the approach Lyrithya is giving to users who are unintentionally doing things that may upset other users, banning them is not a good outlet. This is where I began to feel that Lyrithya was abusing her given op powers, not taking them seriously, and becoming a control freak. Of course, all users (even Lyrithya) have their faults. Lyrithya has taken this to a larger extent and taken my faults and instead of improving them, often showboating and projecting them to the wiki. Even though this is a satrical wiki, insulting and taunting are two things that have no place here. --
- I'd just like to say that I fully support the ban you guys are talking about. Congrats on a job well done TKF. -- The Zombiebaron 22:41, October 19, 2011 (UTC)
Allah/God/Yahweh (pick one) thanks you for your VFH vote[edit source]
...on that UnNews piece I did. Also, you're more like a MildlyInjuriousSalamander. Carry on. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Oct 22 '11 12:08 (UTC)
&%&%&%&%&%&%&[edit source]
Mr. TKF, I'm sure you are busy. Remember Inter-Lights Inc. ... Ive been working on it...but the two funniest lines are still...the two edits you made ;) If you have a chance do you think you could make some cuts and polish a line or two? It would be very much appreciated! --ShabiDOO 19:11, October 22, 2011 (UTC)
Dinky Dinklage[edit source]
Just saw a rathergood film called The Station Agent and thought of you... Another astounding performance from one of the best child actors of our generation. --Black Flamingo 22:15, October 24, 2011 (UTC)
- He really is a remarkable actor. I just hope he never grows up! -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 23:02, October 24, 2011 (UTC)
Generic UnSignpost header[edit source]
Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!
October 27th, 2011 • Issue 142 •Woop Woop! it's the sound of the Police UnSignpost!
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Regular Servicing
Over the past two weeks Uncyclopedia has been a dreary and empty place. Uncyclopedians flit through the corridors unseeing, unknowing, unfeeling, uncaring. The reason? The UnSignpost has missed two issues. Now the UnSignpost would like to apologise for this, we would like to say that it was because Capitalist demonstrators have been camped outside our offices demanding that we stop producing terrible material for nothing, but we cannot because they aren't. We don't even have an office so if that were true it would be something of an achievement. No it is the blight that has caused the fall of so many UnSignpost editors: laziness and life. Like the Grim Reaper in Final Destination they stalk you from the second you write an issue and then, when you least expect it, they strike all of a sudden you have priorities and you can't be arsed to complete any of them, which would be a problem, if you could be arsed to care. But fear not normal service has now resumed and the UnSignpost will be making its way to talk pages again this Thursday, which should please all four of the people who are A: active enough to read the UnSignpost, B: Not members of the editorial team who have read it already and C: Haven't read it while it is being written. The other big news from approximately two weeks ago is that the Poo Lit Surprise is finished, much to the delight of everyone. The big winners were of course Uncyclopedia and the creative process, there are no losers on Uncyclopedia after all, only the sad pathetic freaks who come in last. Of course they do not stand comparison to the biggest loser of all; the 11th Poo Lit Surprise chairperson ChiefjusticeDS who had quite a lot to say about the competition, happily we have managed to condense all of the 4 hour interview down to 8 words: "I was very glad to host the PLS". The real winners, besides the creative process, Uncyclopedia, Jesus and Democracy, are listed here. Special mention must go to Black flamingo11 for winning both Best Article and Best Collaboration (with Lyrithya) and also for being the runner up in the Best Rewrite category. Black flamingo had this to say about his incredible success: "SQUAWK", you can also listen to his full reaction just here, he's in the third row, fourth from the right. The Return of the Tide
 As assorted drama unfolds around our beloved Wiki, it should be noted that some people have foolishly returned to the site, passing up the opportunity for a lucrative career milking cows or watching sheep. They have returned, we assume, for the simple fun of writing funny articles, the fools. Such bipolar candidates include everyone's favourite opiate Codeine. Try not to get his heart rate above 90 which, coincidentally, is his estimated age. His doctor told us in an exclusive interview that he may not make it if he so much as stands for more than 3 consecutive minutes, and that his obsessive "Anniversary" edits may hint as being a first grade of dementia. UnSignpost statisticians (yes really) have also calculated that this is the 15th time Codeine has returned to the wiki this year. At the other extreme of the sanity spectrum. Nikau who came back to the wiki with a vengeance: clogging up Recent Changes, writing 4 articles at the same time while doing Pee Reviews and drinking around 40 cans of Red Bull per hour in order to keep up the frantic pace. It is believed that he edits the wiki on 3 separate computers at the same time: two with his hands and one with his toes. He would probably do even more if it would not mean that he would be persistently edit conflicting himself. The community is really grateful for the return of such marvellous dinosaurs and decided to organize a Rhinoceros BBQ in their honour. Friday at <insert name here>'s house. Please bring your own dancing girls or we'll have to use Olipro and Mhaille again, and nobody has quite recovered after last time yet. |
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~ 
I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 03:17, 27 October 2011
Never let them hear you sweat[edit source]
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Truth is (Dr) stranger than fiction. Thanks for the vote on College DJ!-- 14:07, October 28, 2011 (UTC)
WotM[edit source]
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You Voted for Me for Writer of the Month!
Good job! |
Thank you very, very much. -- 20:29, November 1, 2011 (UTC)
Generic UnSignpost header[edit source]
The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way they did!
November 3rd, 2011 • Issue 143 • Forseeing all sorts of unforeseen problems since 2008!
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Fundraising
 Money, dosh, moolah, cash. It's the time of year when Wikipedia pastes a gigantic banner to the top of all of their pages hosting a link to an inspirational article penned by Wikia-Oberstgruppenführer Jimbo Wales (not to be confused with Uncyclopedian JimboTheKillerWhale). The text of this article usually runs along these lines: "Isn't Wikipedia wonderful? Yes it is. Now if you donate the small sum of £300 we can keep it looking nice and won't have to send it back to its parents in tiny pieces". This is an absolute disgrace. It's like they're holding Wikipedia to ransom; if I wanted to pay for information I'd move to Nazi Germany, assuming I had a time machine, obviously. How does this affect us here on our own benighted wiki? Well, the logged-in among you may well have paused to examine the banner that has been pasted all over the site notice this past week, at least you will have done before you hid it and carried on with whatever it is you people do all day. Predictably Lyrithya, never one to be swayed by the crippling apathy of the Uncyclopedia userbase, has suggested that we all try and create our own banners. Evidently she isn't swayed by the crippling ineptitude of the Uncyclopedia userbase either. Now we'll be brutally honest, the UnSignpost doesn't have a template critic and the current editorial staff aren't really sure how the UnSignpost itself works; we just fill in the boxes. However, as seasoned UnSignpost readers are no doubt aware, ignorance never stands in the way of good journalism, so having affixed berets to our monitors and incredibly condescending and disgusted looks to our faces, we decided to examine the submissions so far. First up is this one, which was made by Magic man in 2010, which brings a certain authority to the piece... we assume. However we simply cannot countenance the font, which makes it look like it was written by a spider on rollerskates. Go back and try again, Magic man, and get a haircut as well.  The next choice offering came from the pen of EpicAwesomeness, and here it is. We sat down with EpicAwesomeness so he could talk us through the allegorical significance of the piece: "Well, you know, it has Wikipedia in it, you know, because I was just like trying to capture the fact Wikipedia is in it, you know?" he droned at our slack-jawed reporter. "There's, you know, some italics to prove I'm, like, sophisticated, and some blood to show I'm deep, it's my blood, I like to be in all my work. The background is a mix of my-" Alas, the recording of the interview ends there to the sound of gagging and retching, so we can only imagine what the background of EpicAwesomeness's banner is a mix of. Lollipop's offering is this interesting piece which expresses his desire to sodomise dogs. On an unrelated note the UnSignpost dog will not be appearing in this issue. The only other offering has come from an IP. We here at the UnSignpost are united in our delight at its subtlety and in raptures at its wit and elegance. Just kidding; the pictures are wrong, the text is wrong and I've never seen a template name so flawed. For your chance to critique the honest endeavours of other Uncyclopedians, visit the forum here. Or don't; visit the official page instead and remain untainted. Awards  The forums have once again become the stage for what looks set to become one of the more exciting votes of the year. Thekillerfroggy has suggested that awards are becoming devalued when they are being handed out after voting from only one or two people. Naturally the solution is a quota of some sort, that or we drag the unused awards out to the square and beat them to death as an example to the others. This obviously comes as something of a blow to our plans to introduce an UnSignpost Editor of the Month award, which we wouldn't announce to anyone and would award to the most deserving amongst us every week until Judgement Day. The vote appears to be getting some support, indeed the forum has gotten more votes in two days (8 at time of going to press) than Playwright of the Month has managed to accrue so far this year (5 at the time of going to press). This leads us to suggest that instead of implementing its recommendations we simply create a new award, Policy Changing Forum of the Month, since as Thekillerfroggy so eloquently suggests "If you build it they will come". And so they will, TKF, assuming of course that you're building some kind of wank machine. The forum link is hanging about in the "Check out these pages" section, cleverly masquerading as a link. If you can't find your way to the correct forum with these instructions then we don't think you deserve to have a say. You big stupid-head. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 02:01, 3 November 2011
FANKS[edit source]
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AG FANKS MAN! You was prove you are not a sout piel and now you can like to get dis template because you did pay attentions... Now go milk dat bliksimse cow! |
Thank oo[edit source]
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Thank you for voting |
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Thanks[edit source]
When I showed my recently featured article to my good friend Vasco da Gama, he had this to say:
| “ | Eu não falo Inglês, estúpido. | ” |
Thanks for your vote, though. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 11:32, 9 November 2011
Generic UnSignpost header[edit source]
The Newspaper 4 out of 5 Dentists Agree On!
November 10th, 2011 • Issue 144 • Is it really that big?
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Hard-Hitting Journalism
 There's plenty for the UnSignpost to talk about this week so, naturally, we have decided not to talk about any of it. Instead we are going to tell you about the issues, the real issues, the ones that they don't want you to know about. Issue number one is that the cabal chairperson for November: Zombiebaron has, and not everybody knows this, instructed the administrative body to ban everyone in the world. You can see that it's happening. I mean, does it not seem strange to you that every time there's some kind of vandalism at some point an administrator just happens to turn up? Are you with us? True anarchists should be sure to pick up their copy of "If you can't revert it, kick it to death" when it comes out on UnTunes. Another issue that they don't want you to know is that we appear to have another VFS fast approaching, which for the experienced among you also means four weeks worth of UnSignposts following the VFS. This is news which pleases our editor greatly as it will just about take him through to the stage where he can fill at least half of every issue with mince pie banter and can continue to drop into a stupor every Thursday without fear of missing another UnSignpost. The page is a melting pot of passive aggressive wankery mixed in with pessimism. We won't be quoting any of it here unfortunately, our wankery license got revoked after we ran that Conservapedia issue. Electrified mocha chinchilla has also hit the forums this week objecting to constant changes to the site notice. Something which should be secondary in importance to the fact that the vast majority of the userbase don't seem to have noticed, clearly we need a new site notice, possibly one that sits in the middle of the screen and runs away when you try to close it. Lyrithya has closed her fund-raising forum, having raised no money whatsoever, this correspondent isn't quite sure whether she understands what you when you fund-raise, and also would like to suggest she runs a car wash next time she wants to raise some cash. She closed the forum by saying "Thank you all for your efforts. Unfortunately blah blah blah...". Disgruntled banner creators are strongly encouraged not to hunt Lyrithya down and "Gut her like a stuck Pig", but obviously if such a thing were to happen it would not only provide great publicity for the wiki, but also would provide UnSignpost material for at least three months. On the topic of UnSignpost material, the editorial team would like to celebrate an entire year at the helm of the UnSignpost. A year, over the course of which, only two issues have been missed. Thanks must go to Frosty, Lyrithya and anyone else who picked up the slack on weeks when the editor wasn't doing the job he should have been. Thanks also to the subscribers, without you we'd just be sticking this on Mhaille's talk page every week. I'm so pleased to have been a part of this that I've bought you all this small box of chocolates, to share, and I've bought myself this giant golden Camel because... well... I need it. IC
 There is a group of people, cool people. These cool people do cool things like collaborate on articles monthly and... well, actually, that's all they really do. But they're cool while doing it! These cool people are so very cool that they have a section on the main page devoted to them and their very own Uncyclopedia: namespace page. I know what you're thinking, "Who are these people, and where can I get one of their autographs?" Well, I'll tell you. These cool people that I'm referring to are the gang over at Imperial Colonization (That's right, kids, I'm on the list. One at a time, please. Don't worry, everybody, I have enough ink to sign everyone's foreheads and babies and such). Unfortunately, a terrible thing has happened to the cool kids at IC. Their section on the main page has ben hidden away between <!------------ ------------------------------ -->'s, their Uncyclopedia: namespace page hasn't been edited since July, and, worst of all, dare I say it? Their coolness has worn off. I know, it's pretty bad. Now that the IC crew is lacking in coolness, they haven't been seen collaborating on an article together in months and they've been having the same vote since October... in 2010. The situation is  We here at the UnSignpost are far too lazy to actually interview anybody, so we just decided to try and interview ourselves. But we kept missing our appointments, with ourselves. We wanted to interview Chief, but he was far to busy with "real life" to talk to us on the matter, whatever that means. We tried interviewing Magic man, but he wouldn't talk to us about IC because he said, "If you talk to yourself, you'll get people to think you're crazy." What a weirdo. And we didn't even bother contacting Frosty because we don't like him. So when all was said and done, the only actual person we interviewed wasn't even alive at the time. It was Zombiebaron, and I bet you can guess what he said. However, if we had interviewed anybody who had more that one word in their vocabulary, we imagine some of those words might be words like 'bad', 'unacceptable', 'disappointing', and maybe even, *Gulp*, 'uncool'. So Imperial Colonization, if you're reading this, this is a call to action. Go finish that vote that's been going on far too long now, and collaborate on an article, already! That's right, you know what I'm talking about, I'm talking about getting |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:49, 10 November 2011
Do me a favour[edit source]
De-op me. Seriously. I'm here maybe once a month, and I always get distracted by deleting a couple of things and joke banning a couple of people instead of actually writing something. And if I ever get time to come back here, I'd like to write something. There's occasional drama about inactive ops, so fuck it, de-op one. Also, if I ever get back to full activity on here again, I'll re-apply or something. Finally, how the devil are you anyway? --UU - natter 19:26, Nov 12
- As you wish. I'm also hecka busy, with school and life and such, but still have time to check in here about once a day or so. I wish I could write more too, mostly because I just don't have any ideas at the moment, but I started a little something at Charles Mingus if you wanna hop on that and add a bit. Also, I ate my first McRib. How's you and the family? -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 21:36, November 12, 2011 (UTC)
You're needed on IRC[edit source]
- A user with the nick "seventwodotonese" has come into the channel claiming that you banned them and asking to speak with you. They seem fairly reasonable, so if you could pop by and sort this out that would be great. -- The Zombiebaron 23:23, November 14, 2011 (UTC)
Please get on IRC[edit source]
I'd like to talk to you privately. 72.177.239.137 00:13, November 15, 2011 (UTC)
- Hey in fact, you can re-ban me if you'd like. I probably will be making no more contributions. 72.177.239.137 00:18, November 15, 2011 (UTC)
Thanks[edit source]
Wow,
Thanks for taking the time to read my article and nominate me. I wrote a couple of articles over at that other wiki-based site for a while, but I didn't get so much as a kick in the pants for it. But here, I get nominations and what not. This place rocks. (Truth be known, in the real world, I write computer instruction manuals. It's refreshing to get away from all the boring rigidity of click here, do this and type that and go a little crazy on occasion.) Thanks again. Jonny appleseed 06:22, November 16, 2011 (UTC)
UnSignpost - 17 November 2011[edit source]
83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail
November 17th, 2011 • Issue 145 • Yes, yes it is really that big!
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VFS and Turkey Balls
 Now it would be very easy for the UnSignpost to devote yet another issue of the year to covering the VFS and the voting on the same, the interviews with the candidates, the scores, the numbers, the lunches with the bureaucrats, and Sycamore shaking his head slowly as he despairs at the futility of it all. So we will. It's VFS time again! Voting was opened on Sunday by Zombiebaron with a pair of massive scissors. As he prepared to cut the ribbon he turned to the assembled masses and, wiping a tear from his eye, announced, "Zombiebaron"; naturally the crowd went wild. The early nominations flooded in: everyone who was anyone seemed to garner a nomination, as well as several people who aren't people at all. Two users have distanced themselves from the pack: Black flamingo11, the noire gregarious wading bird who has captured Uncyclopedia's imagination with his endless flows of witty prose and his avoidance of all forms of drama, has stacked up twenty-two fresh crispy votes. In order to best sum up his thoughts on being nominated, we've decided to hack up anything he has said on the VFS page and arrange it into a more suitable order: "What a nice old man his socks are. I would make a terrific admin. I'm my first choice." You heard it here first and, hilariously, so did he.  The other contender is Romartus, with twenty votes. Uncyclopedia's voting machine and general history boffin had this to say to the UnSignpost: "Perhaps too young. Excellent." He probably isn't a paedophile but if you are concerned, then why not write to us at: "Save The children, The UnSignpost". We'll get them, by which we mean your letters, not the children. Other contenders are Frosty with seven votes, PIGGY with nine and Sycamore, who has eight. As VFS hurtles towards its final round, we here at the UnSignpost are on the edge of our seats and we hope you will be too. The other news is that it is once again time for the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball, described by liars as "A celebration and carnival of sublime writing" and by others as "A wretched hive of scum and villainy". Eyes forward everyone! It's all about to kick off! Nominate my PIGGY!
Discussions began in the forum this week. Well of course they did, after all that is what a forum is for. However one particular discussion is over the removal of the rule against nominating your own articles for VFH without a pee review. Uncharacteristically for a discussion on Uncyclopedia about an aspect of Uncyclopedia, everyone appeared to be in agreement. The brains behind the idea, if brains is the right word, is Uncyclopedia's very own deputy innovator Lyrithya, who would like nothing more than to see the good ship Uncyclopedia sink below the ocean of crap because Uncyclopedians were far too busy hanging their appalling articles off it to notice this analogy breaking down. Unsportingly the forum was started the day before the UnSignpost was due to be delivered last week and thus everything that we have said so far is hideously out of date. The rule has already been removed and no, we didn't want your opinion; you'd have just slowed progress down with your so-called "questions" and "concerns".  The other news for this week is that Zombiebaron has figured out how to raise our edit count by over 9000! His solution is to simply delete 15,000 articles by Christmas because... well, because it would be tremendous fun. Also because Dr. Skullthumper, who isn't a real doctor, made some statistics that showed that we had most edits when we had 15,000 articles, so deleting 15,000 to bring us back to around 15,000 will, logically, produce more edits, mostly, we fear, from people complaining that we have deleted 15,000 pages without asking. Anyone wishing to participate in Zombiebaron's Time Travelling Article Removal and Edit Count Revival Event (that's easy to remember because it spells TTARECRE) should assemble, with their time machines, a week last Tuesday to be given their instructions twenty minutes earlier. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:27, 17 November 2011
Lemme Splain[edit source]
If I was going to write an article about Wilt, what would be the most overused, cliche thing I'd avoid? How many chicks he's banged. If I was going to write an article about Chuck Norris, I'd avoid how baddass he is and I also wouldn't want to put a huge list of how many people who's asses he's kicked too. Very cliche.
I actually liked the cotton picking joke but the "Uncle Remus" talk is....just bad. Why do Britishers still find this funny? I don't know. Using "username" is, well at least used to be, a total taboo as well. Strip away all of the material that focuses on sexual prowess and what do you have? A tiny stub....
So, you're assuming this is revenge. OK......my criticism is right here in black and white and it's very basic. You know better than this (referring to the article) and you know it.-- 19:29, November 19, 2011 (UTC)
BTW, since you "went there", do you really think I'm upset that you voted against the LFL article? I can assure you that I expected at least 2-3 against votes. Despite Lyrithya's inference that I was simply arguing over against votes, I think it's pretty obvious to anyone without a bias that I was extremely upset over the blatant misrepresentation of my words by a certain person - which happened before as well. The only thing I would fault you on in this instance was not doing exactly what I did with Wilt Chamberlain - offer direct and specific criticism that came from my own keyboard. As an admin, you are supposed to be carrying a fire extinguisher around (IMO) and not a can of gasoline. That's for hypersensitive and dysfunctional users like me. Referring to the previous, ugly drama instead of offering your own perspective and constructive criticism wasn't a good idea (IMO).
At least that formerly mentioned person believed that I had a foundation upon which a feature article could be birthed If I did exactly what they wanted. I'm sorry if I came across snarky to you but I'm still in disbelief that someone as experienced as you on this site would offer something this fundamentally flawed on VFH. Back when I started, "old timers" used to complain about the bar being lowered for featured articles and upon my recent return here I think the bar is even lower - while a more intellectual humor seems to be difficult to feature as the attention span gets shorter and shorter. I honestly believe that PacMan would have been routed off VFH four years ago and the nominator drawn and quartered. At this time, I think that article is clearly headed for top 10 of 2011. It's a shame when something like that can garner such a high volume of votes while 2-3 against votes is instant death for all but the most "accessible" articles. Basically, a small clique has the ability to exert a level of influence that I find unnerving. I'm finding it difficult to motivate myself to write anything here. -- 21:02, November 19, 2011 (UTC)
- Honestly, everyone who bothers to vote has more influence, since we have barely half the average number of votes of 2007 when I lurked a bit. You could miss out on a feature with like 20/2 then, now you would never see that score anywhere. Good writers have insured that quality has actually gone up when you look at longer encyclopedic articles, but I agree that it is almost a given that stupid stuff will get featured now, more often than not. --Nikau 08:36, November 20, 2011 (UTC)
- I was looking at the forum in regards to our extreme drop-off in edits that was posted over the summer. In other words, we're losing writers. Throughout that whole forum, I saw a lot of observations that were useless. For example, the root cause being drama. There's always been a lot of drama here. Out of the whole thing, one person had the correct answer (IMO). Modus has been and will always be my favorite admin. As he pointed out, we need uncyclopedia.org. That was the reason for the great exodus of writers which happened before I joined this site. Wikia screwed us and alienated a large faction of this site's best authors. People openly gifted Uncyclopedia with the fruits of their labor and released their precious babies under creative commons for an org site - which Wikia changed to a .com and started running ads. We may not have any ads at the moment but as long as that .com stays there, we'll never go back to that golden age of high standards, heavy competition, heavy participation and large vote counts on VFH.-- 08:50, November 20, 2011 (UTC)
- I'd blame the fact that there just isn't the recognition you see on something like Cracked.com. See here: this has nearly 30,000 views, an article with terrible prose and bland sections. However the writer gets a big sign saying I WROTE THIS below it on the menu bar. This article basically comes up every second time you visit the site, 933,075 views, and it still has nothing on the best stuff on Uncyclopedia. Honestly, the only things Cracked do different is enforce some standards of quality and reuse their best stuff. I mean, topics is the same fucking encyclopedic style as here, just with a horrible format. --Nikau 09:04, November 20, 2011 (UTC)
- Good points. I think we have something going here but will it produce anything that helps this site? PS: I just left a note on my talk page for you.-- 09:09, November 20, 2011 (UTC)
- Someone had a brilliant idea of monetary awards for Top 3/Top 10s, plus a more infrequently held, smaller PLS with an even bigger grand prize. Hey, I remember when the PLS actually had prizes! We also had writers then. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 08:20, November 21, 2011 (UTC)
- Someone had a brilliant idea of monetary awards for Top 3/Top 10s, plus a more infrequently held, smaller PLS with an even bigger grand prize. Hey, I remember when the PLS actually had prizes! We also had writers then. --
- Good points. I think we have something going here but will it produce anything that helps this site? PS: I just left a note on my talk page for you.-- 09:09, November 20, 2011 (UTC)
- I'd blame the fact that there just isn't the recognition you see on something like Cracked.com. See here: this has nearly 30,000 views, an article with terrible prose and bland sections. However the writer gets a big sign saying I WROTE THIS below it on the menu bar. This article basically comes up every second time you visit the site, 933,075 views, and it still has nothing on the best stuff on Uncyclopedia. Honestly, the only things Cracked do different is enforce some standards of quality and reuse their best stuff. I mean, topics is the same fucking encyclopedic style as here, just with a horrible format. --Nikau 09:04, November 20, 2011 (UTC)
- I completely agree with you about all of the systemic problems with VFH and all, and also about your specific criticisms of the article (most of which were holdovers from the original Maniac edit). I never thought you cast a revenge vote, though, just that you were being revenge snarky, so don't put dem words into mah mouff, massa. I do offer some criticism, both of my own work and your's, in my own assholish reply to your assholish reply: both my article and your article make base jokes out of easy targets. Both of us, however, seem to also think that when it's funny, it's funny. Zeroing in on my/Maniac's article as the worst concept since unsliced bread seems inherently hypocritical when you defend your own lowbrow concept to the death. We both agree that an author's vision of a concept is what it is, am I right?
- Really, I don't expect it to get featured. I didn't even expect it to get a good review. But since it did, I put it up there, because why not? VFH needs more blood, and even though it's a predictable concept, I thought the execution stuck the landing. And, at least to me, it's the execution that really matters.
- Also, in defense of predictable concepts, no one predicts predictability in a post-modern society. But that's a different argument entirely. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 08:16, November 21, 2011 (UTC)
- I think you're still missing the crux of my angst over the LFL article. It all began with the manner in which a certain person conducted themselves over it. Judging is a responsibility, not a right to play "put an apple on the teacher's desk for a better grade". The location of an apostrophe or an error in singular/plural, which can be fixed in a matter of seconds, does not warrant someone turning into a stereotypical English school teacher who berates someone over the most minor of errors. Frankly, the best criticism I've gotten so far is from Nikau - who summed it up rather well on the VFH page. Basically, I should have never bothered to respond to the previously mentioned person because the resulting string of vindictive, personal attacks (on the scoring page?!) wasn't worth it. I had no idea that said person had such deep emotional issues. I'm not exactly the most sane person but that was absolutely psychotic.
- I already summed up why the concept was ill advised, up above, by using the Chuck Norris example. A skilled writer may be able to overkill the obvious approach into something palatable but A NOOB should never attempt this. That was my point. My opinion is still unchanged though, I literally hate that article. I know what it's like to get that kind of response from someone too - look at Gay Jesus. Wilt and LFL are still completely different things though. LFL is too predictable while Wilt is too cliche. Either way, I currently feel that neither (in their current state) deserve to be on the front page. I tried to lower my normal personal standards to write something simple and (hopefully) popular with a certain demographic which happens to be pervasive on this site. I failed. End of story.-- 09:34, November 21, 2011 (UTC)
- Do you dare call me a noob???????? -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 09:50, November 21, 2011 (UTC)
- That was in reference to my VFH comment that "anyone who adopts a noob", etc. I probably shouldn't have said that regardless, whether true or not (based on personal opinion), it wasn't necessary and I apologize for that.-- 10:21, November 21, 2011 (UTC)
- S'all good. I guess, in the end, we're all just shitty people who write shitty articles on a shitty site. Can't spend too much of that time arguing about stuff, lest we forget how inherently shitty all of us are. I don't know where I'm going with this. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 10:26, November 21, 2011 (UTC)
- S'all good. I guess, in the end, we're all just shitty people who write shitty articles on a shitty site. Can't spend too much of that time arguing about stuff, lest we forget how inherently shitty all of us are. I don't know where I'm going with this. --
- That was in reference to my VFH comment that "anyone who adopts a noob", etc. I probably shouldn't have said that regardless, whether true or not (based on personal opinion), it wasn't necessary and I apologize for that.-- 10:21, November 21, 2011 (UTC)
- Do you dare call me a noob???????? --
- I already summed up why the concept was ill advised, up above, by using the Chuck Norris example. A skilled writer may be able to overkill the obvious approach into something palatable but A NOOB should never attempt this. That was my point. My opinion is still unchanged though, I literally hate that article. I know what it's like to get that kind of response from someone too - look at Gay Jesus. Wilt and LFL are still completely different things though. LFL is too predictable while Wilt is too cliche. Either way, I currently feel that neither (in their current state) deserve to be on the front page. I tried to lower my normal personal standards to write something simple and (hopefully) popular with a certain demographic which happens to be pervasive on this site. I failed. End of story.-- 09:34, November 21, 2011 (UTC)
Most recently active admin[edit source]
You're it.
I removed some cyberbullying from Fargo, but suspect there's a lot more in that list (kids putting each others names in an all that). Please could you check it out, and keep half an eye on the article? I didn't check to see if anyone needs banning or anything either... I'm lazy that way. Also, pleaseandthankyou (and I'm in IRC if you need me) -- sannse (talk) 22:31, November 21, 2011 (UTC)
- Just happened to wander past and notice this, I removed the notable people section and a couple of other lines. The cyberbullying appeared in 2010 so not much point dishing out bans for it now, I have added the page to my watchlist so should see any future additions. Also this is not my talk page, I know because it loads in under 10 minutes. --ChiefjusticeDS 22:44, November 21, 2011 (UTC)
A question about a killed article[edit source]
I rewrote an article that was on VFD, but after I saw the reactions of a couple of other users, I decided I'd done a bad job, and voted "delete" myself. But I still can't figure out how I fucked up so badly. My rewrite was sort of a parody of the original, I guess, but I intended it to be told from the point of view of That Guy — you probably know him, or any of his 6,000,000 brothers — who is always shouting "Dude! I just saw The Watchmen/Sucker Punch/Immortals! You have to let me tell you all about it! It was SOOOO awesome!", and who is so over-enthusiastic that you want to punch him. Even if you have to reach through the Internet to do it.
What I'm saying is, your comment ("Mlech!") made it obvious that you found it disgusting, but didn't help me to understand why. So, what specifically made you hate it? ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, Nov 22 '11 7:21 (UTC)
- Oh I didn't find it too disgusting, really. It's just that there are several types of overkill: there's the overkill that doesn't overkill enough and fails to reach expectations, there is overkill that overkills just the right amount, there is overkill that overkills way too much and gets grating, and then there is overkill that overkills the overkill with an overkill overkill that suddenly becomes funny again. Your article, or as much as I could read of it, belonged to a special final category that can only be described using a 147 word sentence composed entirely of the word "overkill." Sometimes, this could work on the merits of tight writing and consistent delivery, but the execution kind of fell flat for me. I can restore it in your userspace so you can give it another whack if you want, though, because the concept you have certainly is something. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 12:00, November 22, 2011 (UTC)
- Fair enough. Of course, massive, sustained overkill is exactly what I was aiming for. I felt a build-up would be out-of-character for the narrator, considering the ending. But I guess having an article with a good (or even passable) twist ending is pointless if the reader is too annoyed to read past the first paragraph.
- I'm vacillating between wanting to take another crack at it, and not wanting to bother. I guess I'll get back to you. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, Nov 23 '11 8:37 (UTC)
UnSignpost - 24 November 2011[edit source]
We're delivering it to your door anyways!
November 24th, 2011 • Issue 146 • This is a knife!
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VFS and Turkey Ball
 Well here we go again: VFS has reached ROUND FOUR!! The excitement on the wiki was palpable and here at the UnSignpost we could barely contain ourselves. Now while we usually compare the need to meet a deadline every Thursday for every week of our lives to being slowly lowered into a vat of acid without the benefit of being Batman first, this week we were whisked out of the vat before the worst could befall our dynamic duo. Thus we began to plan for the UnSignpost as far back as Monday. Monday! It was as though our prayers had been heard by a God whose power only manifests via consensus on humour wikis. So another VFS has been delivered to us and as the top candidates have been selected, we will now judge and belittle them for your amusement and our own perverted satisfaction. Black flamingo11: Bursting through to the third round of VFS in first place is Black flamingo11, whose cunning tactic so far has been to make absolutely no comment at all regarding the VFS. We're sure some kind of snivelling "Thank you so much for voting for me, it's good you did because I completely deserve this" message will wing its way to your talk page. We sat down with him to establish just what he thought being an admin might be like: "It's the cash I look forward to the most!" he enthused as we queued at his local soup kitchen, "I mean sure I enjoyed doing things just to be helpful, but if there wasn't cash in it for me somewhere, it'd just be pointless!". Thank goodness he isn't just in this for the money or he'd be so incredibly disappointed. Romartus: So close on Black flamingo's heels into the third round that it's a good job he's wearing such baggy trousers is Romartus. Besides voting for everyone who isn't himself in the second round he has also made very little comment on the VFS, but expect no comment from him regarding your support or how much he appreciates it. Why? Because he is actually a very sophisticated robot who thirsts for the destruction of unwitting humour wikis like this one. We didn't need to talk to him; after all, robots don't have feelings, so fuck you Romartus! You'll never find our office. The other top story this week is that the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball has begun. The judges are in place and the competitors are poised on the blocks. Any moment now they'll write an article and run down to the other end, some three hundred meters from the starting line, there they will leap as far as they can into the sand. We assume. Otherwise there is absolutely no need for this competition to be taking place on a running track and I am utterly mystified as to why I've been handed this starting pistol and why Shabidoo has those flags. If this seems like your idea of a good time, the competition is open until the third of December though please bring pants: "The next person who arrives without pants will be disqualified," said competition host Mhaille yesterday. "This competition has the potential to be very exciting and we don't want anyone getting the wrong idea, or getting splashed." I'm back!
Did you all miss me? No? Fuck it. I'm going again. Festive Treats Ahoy!
 Just a quick word to announce the imminent arrival of two Remember: PIES!!! |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 02:13, 24 November 2011
Zana Dark[edit source]
Zana has now served the original six month ban you imposed 23rd May 2011. If you agree to lift this, I will post a message on Zana's page. I understand she has been a problematic contributor here and there is a chance she will never come back but who knows. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 18:08, November 24, 2011 (UTC)
- Done. But this is literally the fourth "last chance" being given her. This time, it's for real. As long as the sun rises in the East and sets in the West, she will not be unbanned again if she slips up even once. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 02:35, November 25, 2011 (UTC)
- Thank you. I trust Zana (if she returns) will behave better now. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 07:21, November 25, 2011 (UTC)
- Thank you. I trust Zana (if she returns) will behave better now. --
Hello![edit source]
Man you write fast! I saw the evolution of memorialists, does it ever happen you take a lot of time to write one? In my case, it sometimes takes months, like the Don King article which I started back in August and is now completed. I write very slowly, maybe it's because I sometimes have to resort to french-english dictionaries! Mattsnow 04:08, November 25, 2011 (UTC)
- I vary between whipped-up in a half hour and still fucking working on it after 3 years, with very few articles reaching the middle ground. One article I worked on consistently over a long time was The Wire, since I figured a show with such a wonderful, fleshed-out universe deserved a sufficiently comprehensive article. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 04:13, November 25, 2011 (UTC)
- Shit the one you're stuck on is MASSIVE! I now tend to write stuff below 10Kb, even if the subject is passionating to me. It's awfully hard to tweak a very long article you probably don't remember much about! BTW, awfully slow on RC tonight, let the US guys feast over the Thanksgiving thing. I went on Wikipedia to know what they are celebrating exactly and I am more confused! Are you on IRC? If you are I'll go, if you're not, continue the writing binge bro! Mattsnow 04:23, November 25, 2011 (UTC)
- Oh yeah, one object of that article was basically to be as big as possible. Obviously, I kind of ran into a brick wall, since I forgot most of the big stuff we covered in history class four years ago. I'm technically in IRC, but paying no attention right now. Thanksgiving is confusing. I heard that Canadians have Thanksgiving in October. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 04:29, November 25, 2011 (UTC)
- That's what sucks about big articles! Forget about IRC, I'll do something else. Cheers! Mattsnow 04:35, November 25, 2011 (UTC)
- That's what sucks about big articles! Forget about IRC, I'll do something else. Cheers!
- Oh yeah, one object of that article was basically to be as big as possible. Obviously, I kind of ran into a brick wall, since I forgot most of the big stuff we covered in history class four years ago. I'm technically in IRC, but paying no attention right now. Thanksgiving is confusing. I heard that Canadians have Thanksgiving in October. --
- Shit the one you're stuck on is MASSIVE! I now tend to write stuff below 10Kb, even if the subject is passionating to me. It's awfully hard to tweak a very long article you probably don't remember much about! BTW, awfully slow on RC tonight, let the US guys feast over the Thanksgiving thing. I went on Wikipedia to know what they are celebrating exactly and I am more confused! Are you on IRC? If you are I'll go, if you're not, continue the writing binge bro!
(Move log) . . Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs | block) moved UnScripts:Steal Bank Customer Service training video (copy) to UnScripts:Steal Bank Customer Service training video[edit source]
I don't want to be a pessimist, but if a techy ever tries to recover the history of the article that magically disappeared, an article already being in the spot of that previous article might interfere with that. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 00:42, 30 November 2011
- I figured that might have been your motive. Yeah, revert me then. I gotta go pee. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 00:46, November 30, 2011 (UTC)
- Ah, well, the deed's been done. There's history there now and I doubt moving or deleting it will solve that. A wikia techy would more likely be equipped with the proper tools to fix it, if it's possible. Having the article around is still more important than its history anyway. And maybe it's not a problem after all. Only time will tell, or somesuch. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 00:57, 30 November 2011 00:57, November 30, 2011 (UTC)
- Ah, well, the deed's been done. There's history there now and I doubt moving or deleting it will solve that. A wikia techy would more likely be equipped with the proper tools to fix it, if it's possible. Having the article around is still more important than its history anyway. And maybe it's not a problem after all. Only time will tell, or somesuch. —Sir Socky
Adoption request[edit source]
Since I'm still not sure how this place works, I was wondering if you'd take me under your wing. You've been here a while, so you probably know the ropes better than I do. ~jcm 23:02, November 30, 2011 (UTC)
Mr-ex777[edit source]
Hello, This Is Mr-ex777 Not Logged In. Can You Please Unblock me? I won't do that again......--210.87.254.119 03:18, December 1, 2011 (UTC)
UnSignpost - 1 December 2011[edit source]
Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while
December 2nd, 2011 • Issue 147 • Don't make me use this!
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Reflections, Turkey Ball, Cabal Broadcasts and VFS
 As December dawns, the UnSignpost can only reflect on what has been an eventful year. Or rather we would if the reflections on this year weren't all about poo, bacon and Lyrithya... FOR THE SECOND YEAR IN A ROW. The UnSignpost would like to remind all users that there is only a month left before The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball ploughs onward, amassing entrants in all categories, to Mhaille's undoubted delight. While Mhaille was not available for comment, we were able to sit down with Lyrithya who just happened to be in the lobby complaining that she has not been in the UnSignpost enough over the last few weeks. What comment would she make? What fabulous insights would she reveal? "What Turkey Day Ball?" asked Lyrithya. This was deeply concerning on two levels, firstly because Lyrithya is judging the title category, and secondly because she said it to a hat stand about 4 feet to our reporter's left. Leaving Lyrithya to continue her tense negotiations with the hat stand about getting a job with computers, we moved on to interview Zombiebaron, who commented, "Zombiebaron", as usual. The annual Mince Pie eating competition started on ChiefjusticeDS's talk page on Tuesday, two days early, because he's impatient as well as being fat and lazy. All users are invited to join in and attempt to match Under user's astonishing VFS has also concluded. As you read this splendid periodical the results are known, however due to our lack of a time machine and the injustice of the world in general we do not know as we are writing this now. Our experts have looked at the vote and, after much deliberating, tea drinking and "Please stop holding me prisoner"-ing they concluded that there could be several outcomes, which further lead us to conclude that we should have captured some better experts. You'll have to wait until next week for the scoop on the new admins, which should please Black flamingo11 as he hates being in the UnSignpost; the illusive flamingo had this to say to the UnSignpost this week: "The horse porn is in the house; why would I throw it out?". Don't look at us, you voted for him. Hugely important happening stuns Uncyclopedia; no one cares
 This week a bolt of lightning apparently emanating from Wikia struck Uncyclopedia in a sustained manner, singeing eyebrows and back-hair from the United Kingdom all the way to that iota-sized island which Frosty calls "home". What was this scintillating stroke of... of... scintillation? Why, a mighty arbiter of Wikia was perturbed from her perch by the screams of the tortured mortals long enough to, as she put it, "blackmail a techy" into granting Uncyclopedians that boon for which they had clamoured for literally a couple of days: new namespaces. Yes, you asked for it, and now you've got it: those heretofore-faux namespaces, including HowTo, Why?, and that incredibly popular mainstay of Uncyclopedia, UnDebate, are now actual namespaces. According to several people who understand the full implications of this, having namespace-specific stuff will potentially make the entire thing a lot easier to deal with. Said designated Uncyclopedia scapegoat Lyrithya: "Having namespace-specific stuff could potentially make the entire thing a lot easier to deal with." When the news of the blessed event was heard, there was shouting, jubilation, gunshots, and widespread looting, and that was just Roman Dog Bird. Uncyclopedian-extraordinaire Zombiebaron, taking a couple of seconds off from his normal endeavours attempting to fit all of Uncyclopedia onto VFD, was heard to shout his own name in an uncharacteristically-ebullient manner.  Extravagant fame-whore Bizzeebeever, the author of the forum topic which started it all, spoke from his 15,000-room palace constructed entirely from mirrored pianos: "Of course, no one man can take credit for this," he said, flinging the end of a tie-dyed feather boa over his shoulder, "it was truly an achievement made possible by the work of multitudes. Anyone who notices the massive groundswell of changes should especially thank Lyrithya for her ceaseless work on the site." He also went on to thank Sannse for her munificence and benevolence, as well as the small pile of ashes which, we presume, is all that remains of the "techy" whom Sannse "blackmailed", and, lastly but not least-ly, Zombiebaron... for "being such an incredible pile of 'Zombiebaron'." |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 05:16, 1 December 2011
Turkey Ball Protection[edit source]
And so I log on to protect all the articles within this years Turkey Ball, thus moving into the voting stage of the competition to find some bastard has got there before me.....thanks... -- Sir Mhaille (talk to me)
Reviving IC[edit source]
TKF, just want you to know that we are restarting Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization- again. This time, I'm going under the leadership after IC is on a seven month hiatus. Now it has a new format! |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Kemador CUN|IC Kill | 08:07, December 5, 2011 (UTC)
UnSignpost - 8 December 2011[edit source]
The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!
December 8th, 2011 • Issue 148 • Goodbye to all that.
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VFS ends... or does it?
 The wiki has new admins. There we go, got the first bit of non-news out of the way. Since time and circumstance have both conspired against the UnSignpost in a bid to not only evict us from the building but also to ensure we have nothing to report on every week, it has in fact been eight days since this particular piece of news broke. Black flamingo11 and Romartus have been made administrators and, clearly in protest as to how such a thing could have possibly occurred, Lyrithya has started a vote to change the system in order that such grave injustice does not ever occur again. Black flamingo11 agrees that he is exactly the type of weird abomination that such a system would easily sieve out. Romartus simply muttered something about not wanting to upset the lead singer of the Pussycat Dolls; we assume he is chained to a radiator in her flat, occasionally being forced to dance for her amusement. Lyrithya proposes that we scrap the current system, just like she always does, and then we bring in a brand new one which nobody except her understands (see the abuse filter for details). Lyrithya is also to be congratulated for making Modusoperandi be serious for five minutes, something which science, constant pain, and the ingratitude of man has failed to do for around twenty years.  In other news, Joe9320 has declared that Imperial Colonization has risen and that "This will mark the Stupid Ages of Imperial Colonization." This correspondent has to agree that this will certainly be the case if Joe9320 runs it. While he was declaring things that nobody will remember in five minutes time, Joe also declared himself Lord of Uncyclopedia and all its dominions, may those who defy him drink eternally from Satan's grotesque member. Or words to that effect. Zombiebaron and Thekillerfroggy celebrated the sixth anniversary of the featuring of Euroipods by defacing the logo with a blue calculator in exchange for money and referring their friends to do the same. Such jollity flew straight over the heads of most of the userbase, whom Thekillerfroggy condemned as being far too young to remember when, like he can, this was all fields. Happy sixth birthday, Euroipods. We baked you a free cake. You just have to pay for it, and get your friends to do the same. This barrel? Oh no, we haven't even thought of scraping the bottom of it.  Finally, this forum still exists, and users have flocked from miles around to vote for it. The UnSignpost has no comment to make on this, except to ask these people: Who are you? How did you get in when we changed the locks? Try not to get too concerned. Remember, Wikia is a reputable company and certainly isn't a transparent front for a greedy Dragon which hates you. Honest. Competition Ahoy!
 Those of you who absolutely love writing competitions have happily had very little to complain about for the last couple of weeks as the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball has enthralled and thrilled you for literally hours. The competition closed for judging last Saturday. Needless to say this is a long time to wait perched upon the edge of ones seat, as Shabidoo confesses himself to be, so it is just as well that the vast majority of the judges have decided to help out by failing to turn in any judging. The UnSignpost wises to remind competition judges that failure to complete judging on time can have a number of detrimental effects including sudden blindness, ostracism within the community and believing oneself to be an Ostrich. So unless you want to be hurtling 'round the wiki flapping your tiny wings in a futile attempt to take flight this time next week, I'd get on with it, and we do mean you, Wilytank. Thought we wouldn't notice, didn't you, and as for new admin, Black flamingo11, he has absolutely no excuse. Get to it you worthless peons; if you had lives you wouldn't even know this competition exists!  MadMax has proposed a second edition of The Article Whisperer to commence immediately after Christmas. Let us take a brief moment to explain why you are ideally suited to not only take part but why taking part is a brilliant idea. First of all, MadMax has the power to crush you like a dry reed, and secondly because MadMax has the power to crush you like a dry reed. The Article Whisperer is a competition held by UN:REQ to get some of the most requested articles on the site written down and made shiny. Head over to the forum right now and try to spare some time to volunteer to write or judge this, the most useful of our writing competitions. If you don't, MadMax will kill a Panda. In your house. Possibly. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:25, 8 December 2011
New changes to IC:[edit source]
Our changes, apart from the gestational point of the changing from Lobsterbacks to Monks, we now have:
- Two articles to be completed in two months
- Voting system is still the same
- That's it.
Also, please remind people who is part of IC that IC will start at about next week!
|Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Kemador CUN|IC Kill | 05:05, December 8, 2011 (UTC)
Mementocrats[edit source]
I was so sure your article was going to win. It needs a tiny bit of polishing but I thought it was genius. --ShabiDOO 19:53, December 9, 2011 (UTC)
- Thanks! Apparently Wilytank and Lyrithya disagree, but ehhhhhhhwhadyagonnado? I'm a bit confused about her "not sure why the middle matters" line of reasoning though. Isn't that, more or less, the entire point of the Aristocrat's joke? -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 23:48, December 9, 2011 (UTC)
- I found all of her reviews mostly as criticism and as quite vague. Strange...since she writes killer pee reviews and is great at constructuve criticism. In any case ... it is nice to see the judges with different tastes and selections as well as eplaining why. I don't think ive seen such diversity in any other tournament. Tell me when youre ready and Ill nominate your article. --ShabiDOO 01:57, December 10, 2011 (UTC)
I hate to be a nitpicker[edit source]
But with one of the 'delete' votes for Template:N00bsauce only expressing support for banning it from mainspace, I'd say it's more of an anorexic viff rather than a narrow one. Anyway, I don't mean to conflict you on this, so I'd just like to check with you if it's okay if I restore it to someone's userspace (mine or that Killer guy's, I haven't made up my mind yet) and de-subst the occurrences in userspace. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 20:05, 9 December 2011
- One of the keep votes also expressed de-mainspacing. It balanced out, and I really think it's no crime to delete a template based entirely in the userspace of someone who's abandoned our site. I rushed to no conclusions. If you want to keep it in his userspace then okay, I won't try to undo you again, but just lettin' ya know. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 23:47, December 9, 2011 (UTC)
TAW 2011[edit source]
Thanks for moving the forum title for me. By the way, are judges still barred from entering contests? MadMax 23:08, December 10, 2011 (UTC)
- I'll field this one: You're welcome! I love moving pages! Each contest organizer may decide whether or not judges will be barred from entering their specific contest, although recently most contests have been allowing judge submissions as a way to boost the submission rates. -- The Zombiebaron 23:28, December 10, 2011 (UTC)
Ok, then. :) I haven't been around in awhile so I thought I'd ask. Are there any restrictions on this? I assume, for example, they can't submit articles in categories they are judging? MadMax 23:57, December 10, 2011 (UTC)
- Your assumption is correct, good sir. : ) —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 00:00, 11 December 2011
You know...[edit source]
...all this time, I thought the picture in your signature was this one or something...and then I discover it's really Fred Savage...disappointment, maaaaan... ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sun, Dec 11 '11 0:22 (UTC)
Momentocrats[edit source]
Sheer brilliance. Best rendition of Aristocrats I have ever read. Loved it. Pup 11:35 12 Dec '11
UnSignpost - 15 December 2011[edit source]
Now Delivered Trendily Late!
December 15th, 2011 • Issue 149 • I demand satisfaction
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Weekly news round-up
This week, in lieu of doing any actual news gathering the UnSignpost has swooped around the monthly awards pages and a couple of other pages to keep you updated. We've clicked on literally ten links taking immeasurable risks in the process. First up is Uncyclopedian of the Month which is entirely given over to praising Bizzeebeever for whatever it is he does around here. While we've certainly heard of the fellow we aren't quite sure the 'cut of his jib' as Thekillerfroggy might say is suitable for a serious award such as this. Bizzeebeever commented that he thought "Giving away an award this cheaply sorta devalues it" and for once the UnSignpost finds itself in total agreement. Bizzeebeever currently leads the pack with nine votes to Pentium5dot1's two with slime beast Xamralco bringing up the rear as always. Writer of the Month is also less of a competition and more of a 'let's all vote for Nikau' party. Nikau currently leads with thirteen votes. Naturally, since it is a party half of the userbase haven't been invited and Frosty has chosen to have a party all on his own at the bottom of the page, it's just like we've gone to Australia to meet him. On a serious note don't actually go to Australia; it's full of spiders who hide under toilet seats and drop down on you from trees... while you're on the toilet. Predictably N00b of the Month is also not much of a competition either with Jonny appleseed leading by virtue of having the most sensible username, his fellow competitors Gleep and Ferric AlFerrous had nothing to comment. Probably because we didn't ask. Meanwhile Reviewer of the Month, Potatochopper of the Month and UnBooks:Author of the Month have two nominees between them and have accumulated a total of one vote due to some despicable against voting on Potatochopper of the Month. Users should be aware that the annual awards will open next month to the delight and general acclaim of all. It is the solemn duty of every Uncyclopedian to vote on every single one these awards and yes, we do mean you <insert name here>. The UnSignpost will be there as always, always the bridesmaid but never the bride etc. etc. N3wz! For the win!!  HEY GUIZE!!! It's me again! Back to bring you more lolicious news and totally s1337 anecdotes! SEE WHAT I DID THERE, IT'S LIKE SWEET AND 1337! HOW S1337 IS THAT!! I totally LOLed @ Uncyclopedia this week as Magic man proposed a competition entirely based on Walruses. THAT'S SO ORIGINAL! Another tip-top totally important story is that Sockpuppet of an unregistered user bumped a forum topic from 2008 to the top of the list in order that he could add some kind of template to it! I'VE DONE SO WELL AT FINDING NEWS THIS WEEK! I've even put a totally hilarious picture over at the side (LOL)!!! So last time I talked about mince piez (Moar internet slang; I'm still hip!). So there I was hanging over the oven as the giantess shook me vigorously AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY!! HAHAHAHA... Signal interrupted New message incoming There is no need to panic. Help will never come. Emergency breathing apparatus will not be necessary at this time. Report all dangerous subversives. Expect no mercy this Christmas. Thoughtcrime does not entail death, thoughtcrime IS death. Informants are not everywhere. Secret meetings of which you have no knowledge do not guide this wiki. Nobody cares about your articles. Our vigilance is ceaseless. Continue to as though everything were normal, which it is. Administrators will not tolerate levity of any kind. Bans protect you from that which would do you harm.  Location scrambled. Message ends Signal re-established, original transmission resuming -and if that Rabbit hadn't appeared when it did... well let's just say I'd probably be serving jail time right now! See you next time p33pz!!! Sodomy and Turkeys
Turkey and sodomy. A pairing as seemingly natural as faecal incontinence and free-balling, but at Uncyclopedia we do this with a somewhat less messy outcome an an annual basis - the Aristocrats Turkey Day Ball. This year saw some wonderful entries that promoted strong familial bonds and understanding in the main category - the Aristocrats joke. The tasteless equivalent of the best actor Oscar this year went to Black flamingo for his Aristocrats (class). Tied for second place were Xamralco and Thekillerfroggy for their works on Deleted Scenes and Mementocrats accordingly. We approached Black flamingo for a quote, but in the style of Brando we ended up talking to a Indian instead. Not the one he rode in The Wild One though. In the following category - the equivalent of the Oscar's Best Dance Direction award - was for the Best Bad Taste article. The not-too-shabby Shabidoo won the day with his uncovering of the skeletons in the family closet with The things your family doesn't know, making us wonder about his home life. Following this were Thekillerfroggy - making him the only individual to make the top three in two categories - and some other guy. Finally, the The Master Goa Tse Award for Digital Imagery, or The picture one category was hotly contested this year. Magic man streaked ahead of the pack, much to the distaste of the remainder of the pack, Zombiebaron and Mimo&maxus. Special mention here must go to Black flamingo, however, for not competing and still managing to outrank SPIKE, for his less impressive non-entry. Check out all the entrants at Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball. Do it while your mother is in the room. |
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--ChiefjusticeDS 10:47, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
Aristocrats....[edit source]
Mr Froggy.....thanks for detailing this years winners, had a bit of a delay with other matters myself, also loved your article. :) -- Sir Mhaille (talk to me)
- No problem! And thanks! Gratitudes in all shapes and colors all around! -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 17:29, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
Asking an administrator[edit source]
I'm a semi-active user but there have been problems trying to get an old, huffed article back. I wish for this previously deleted article to be moved to over here. I know how you're thinking, "but you could go to mirror.uncyc.org and get it yourself!", well I'm looking for the very last revision before the {{VFD}} tag was placed upon it. I know it's been re-created as a redirect, but surely there is some way of obtaining it!? - Hypster 17:49, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
- Donions! Now in your userspace. Run wild with it. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 17:59, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
- People say that trolling and flaming exists purely because people can't physically hurt each-other over the internet. If I could, I'd give you a big hug for this. - Hypster
P4K[edit source]
Hey froggy, I just noticed your comment on my unfinished Pitchfork article. I'd definitely be down to do a collab with you... maybe as part of the Article Whisperer thing? By the way, you should check out P4K's top 100 songs list. Absolutely ridiculous-- Phlegm Leoispotter * (garble! jank!) 03:55, December 17, 2011 (UTC)
The Decemberists are so yesterday.[edit source]
I saw them on Carson Daly — yeah, Carson Daly — and they did a cover song. A cover song! Gag. I wanted to take a shower. I only watch Carson Daly to mock him, and make sure he isn't wearing anything I've got in my closet. Oh My Godot, he is such a lame-inator, he probably still uses Foursquare. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Dec 17 '11 13:51 (UTC)
Italy[edit source]
Thanka youa! -- 12:39, December 18, 2011 (UTC)
Another question ...[edit source]
Do you think it'd be a good idea to use the site notice for TAW sometime this week? Just thought I'd ask since it's being used for the fundraiser. And thanks for volunteering to be a judge by the way. MadMax 09:50, December 20, 2011 (UTC)
- I say go ahead. The fundraising thing is getting to be old hat anyway. Though plenty people are stingier about the sitenotice than I am... but fuck 'em because you're MadMax, damnit. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 09:59, December 20, 2011 (UTC)
UnSignpost - 22 December 2011[edit source]
Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!
December 22nd, 2011 • Issue 150 • Merry thing you may or may not celebrate!
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The Footlitzer Prize is a thing!
 So, last week our great Chief talked about the pitiful state of Uncyclopedia's awards without even mentioning the most pitiful of them right now. If you read the title, you'd know that I'm talking about the "Why should I care about a stupid feature on a stupid site?" a stupid person may ask. Journalistic parody is the most important form of parody out there. Anyone can write an article, but it takes skill to write an UnNews article[citation needed]. We should be trying to reward those skillful bastards, not ignore them. Without UnNews, nobody would take us seriously. Oh, wait. The point is that the Foolitzer needs our love. The hardworking writers that bring us smartly crafted misinformation every day need our love. We need to give them that love. Otherwise, we'll end up being worse than we already are, and do you think little Sophia's self-esteem can afford that? Do the right thing, people. You've got two days. Why two days? Because you just do. VFH
Hello, there. I want to talk about VFH. Those three little "How can I help?" you ask. Well permit me to hit you with some totally real and non made-up facts. Every 5 seconds a that VFH has low voting numbers Thekillerfroggy kills a Panda. An actual real Panda. After campaigning fiercely in Xamralco's sitting room he agreed to go and vote. On VFD. Does he have any idea how many deaths he caused? Let me hit you with some more facts. Every time the number of articles on VFD increases Zombiebaron kills a Dolphin. Do YOU have any idea how many deaths you cause when you vote VFD? Now look. You can save a Panda with just a click of a button. Vote! That's all. On VFH. Would you rather save a Panda or kill a Dolphin? Well? Which is it? Did you know that every time you fail to answer a rhetorical question the UnSignpost is forced to kill a Panda?  Our articles are dying. Look at the number of votes being devoured, not to mention articles being taken down from VFH because they mysteriously had "low health". And you all know who is causing the health to deplete? It's the |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 03:51, 22 December 2011
Rewriter of the Month[edit source]
If the issue with RWotM is voter apathy, how would you feel about it being based upon a system similar to Der Unwehr, where x points are given for rewrites, and y points given to rewrites that are featured? Similar to the PEE top ten reviewers type of thing. In which case it would be an otM as such, but a way of recognising people who have done there bit in rewrites more regularly than CW. (Just spitballing ideas at the moment.) Pup 04:51 24 Dec '11
- I really like that idea. We can use it as a template for an overhaul of WotM, in the future, if the system works. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 05:18, December 24, 2011 (UTC)
d==I was just dropping in seeing you were online and wishing to wish you a Merry Christmas ==
But then I saw the last message. It makes sense. What DOESN'T MAKE SENSE is deleting everything in sight though. Who pays out ouf their own pocket if we have 35K articles? I'd like to know why an admin that is a joke dictates what we should do? Namely the bloke who started the forum. Mattsnow 04:46, December 26, 2011 (UTC)
- Merry Christmas to you to! And whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat are you referring to? Oh the rewriting thing. We obviously we should have some discretion with what we delete, and we do. I completely agree with Puppy's deletion ethos when it comes to pointless topics, and how it should be necessary to rewrite (but not necessarily keep) the big stuff. That's why I started working on Sex the minute its Fix expired. I still don't get the thing you said about a joke admin though. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 04:57, December 26, 2011 (UTC)
- I know I cannot win against an admin, but the admin who started this forum is a joke Forum:We have surpassed 30,000 articles How did he ever get elected? You know me I hate drama, but... Mattsnow 06:12, December 26, 2011 (UTC)
- I'm pretty sure he just started the forum as a joke itself and, like most jokes, it somehow spiraled into something resembling half-productivity and half-drama. As for the admin himself, I'm politically obliged to say "no comment." -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 06:16, December 26, 2011 (UTC)
- Well, I was not politically correct there, I hope I can work it out with the admin on IRC. I only do it because I love this site! Later. Mattsnow 06:23, December 26, 2011 (UTC)
- Let's go back to positive things, I just read Cum Dumpster and it is a magnificient article (weird thing to say) would you like me to put it on VFH or would you rather wait for a woman to review it??? LOL Mattsnow 13:47, December 26, 2011 (UTC)
- You do what feels right. I always like to wait for a review by anyone to come in, but I suppose a woman would be preferable in this case I guess? I 'unno. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 19:11, December 26, 2011 (UTC)
- I'll nom it now, my guess is it will go smooth, but who knows, maybe a review by a woman could lubrificate it further. It's on vfh. Mattsnow 19:40, December 26, 2011 (UTC)
- I'll nom it now, my guess is it will go smooth, but who knows, maybe a review by a woman could lubrificate it further. It's on vfh.
- You do what feels right. I always like to wait for a review by anyone to come in, but I suppose a woman would be preferable in this case I guess? I 'unno. --
- Let's go back to positive things, I just read Cum Dumpster and it is a magnificient article (weird thing to say) would you like me to put it on VFH or would you rather wait for a woman to review it??? LOL
- Well, I was not politically correct there, I hope I can work it out with the admin on IRC. I only do it because I love this site! Later.
- I'm pretty sure he just started the forum as a joke itself and, like most jokes, it somehow spiraled into something resembling half-productivity and half-drama. As for the admin himself, I'm politically obliged to say "no comment." --
- I know I cannot win against an admin, but the admin who started this forum is a joke Forum:We have surpassed 30,000 articles How did he ever get elected? You know me I hate drama, but...
Speaking of rewrites, I'm been trying to make a better South Park article for the past few weeks, and this is what I have so far. How is it looking right now? Since you're my mentor, I thought that you'd be the best person to go to for advice. ~jcm 21:07, December 26, 2011 (UTC)
- Interesting man! Please leave the link to it on my talkpage so I can give an opinion when
not high on 23 pillswhen my head is rested. LOL Mattsnow 00:38, December 27, 2011 (UTC) - Left my 'pinion on the talk page. Lookin good so far! -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 00:54, December 27, 2011 (UTC)
- Seriously, jcm is awesome, link it to my page, I'll read it for sure man! Mattsnow 00:56, December 27, 2011 (UTC)
- Seriously, jcm is awesome, link it to my page, I'll read it for sure man!
40[edit source]
Black Flamingo told me you jumped the 40 shark! Congrats, and your output this year has been amazing. I don't know if anyone did a 40 forum for you, but if not I'll do one tomorrow. You are the best KillerFroggy in the whole wide world! Aleister 1:50 27-12-'11
- I'll do it too. Just give me 20 years! :D Mattsnow 02:44, December 27, 2011 (UTC)
- More like 20 weeks. Aleister 16:23 27-12-'11
Tripped face first into a bar[edit source]
Hello. This is a note to lots of people, asking them to join into a Walk into a bar collab (and if Iz missed you, you are more than welcome to "Walk into a bar" too!). If you want to join in, make up your best "Walk into a bar" jokes and we will have the bestest "Walk into a bar" page on the innernests! Aleister 16:00 27-12-'11
UnSignpost - 29 December 2011[edit source]
Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.
December 29st, 2011 • Issue 151 • I wrote something here!
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Goddamn Chief!
 Right now you might either be saying to yourself, "What the hell? How did someone other than Chief score the first slot on the Unsignpost? That egotistical jerk always gives himself the first slot!", didn't even notice that it was someone different writing this week or (and most likely) you're not even reading this, as you have a "real" life, whatever that means. Well that seems to be the case this week with our friend ChiefjusticeDS, as he released the following statement today at 13:42 UTC:
But have no fear, my lowly peasants, as, once again (as in, this has never happened before, and will probably never happen again), I, Magic man, swooped in just in the nick of time to save the day with my amazing power to write dumb shit really fast (no, seriously, this is probably not going to be finished until five minutes before it's scheduled to be delivered). Everyone should stop by my talkpage and tell me what a great, amazing, cool, fun, awesome, lovable, orphan-hugging, money-donating, saint I am. By the way, for anyone who was wondering, that's my rendition of Chief up in the corner there. I'm the editor this week, so I get to do what I want. This is fun! My attempt at actual news  Yeah, as it turns out this is a hell of a lot harder than it looks (I'm literally just looking over the dump to see what the hell's happened this week). Once everyone's done telling Chief what a worm-ridden, rotten, ugly, stinky, dick-sucking, shit-eating, dumb-ass piece of shit he is (because I'm sure everyone will obey everything I tell them on the UnSignpost), also remember to tell him what a great guy he is for doing this every week.[1] Anyway, TKF reached forty features, so that's fun. I'll put the link to the obligatory forum in that section over there (I'm pointing right now, but I guess you can't see me). Staying with the TKF shit, he also rewrote Sex. I meant to help him with that, but then I went out of town. Sorry, TKF. Anyway, it looks like it'll be featured (yeah, forgot to mention it was up on VFH. Everyone go vote for it). I won't go on about how great the rewrite is, 'cuz you can go read it yourself, but it is. And now to deviate from TKF (that sexy bitch): Al started a giant Just pennies a day-style collab here, and has been asking for everyone's help. So... go do that. In other news, Christmas happened, but no one cares about that. Well... that really didn't take up as much space as I thought it would. So... anyone got any ideas? I sure as hell don't. I'm sure there was much more important news that I'm forgetting, but who really gives a shit? I sure as hell don't. Damn, this is a lot harder than it looks. Welp, looks like the columns will be uneven again this week, not that anyone cares. I sure as hell don't.
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:56, 29 December 2011
WHYYYYYYY?!?!1!?!?!123?![edit source]
Why did you delete the quotes on shit happens? They were funny. :< Maybe two of them weren't funny but the rest were. :/ 
J.D. Soufi 07:25, December 29, 2011 (UTC)
- They all seemed contrived an throw-away-able, about as unfunny and easy as this next sentence. Plus, they made the article as ugly as your obese momma. Oscar Wilde, Captain Obvious, 9/11, God, just throw in Kanye and you got yerself a party! The taco quote was the least unfunny, so if you wanna add that one back on then go ahead. But, as far as I'm concerned, the rest were detriments. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 07:30, December 29, 2011 (UTC)
Fourth day of Christmas[edit source]
Happy fourth day of Christmas Thekillerfroggy. --ShabiDOO 08:14, December 29, 2011 (UTC)
- Thanks! And a merry 11th day of Chanukkah to you too! -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 21:47, December 29, 2011 (UTC)
Circles[edit source]
Circles are round. --POP!GoesTheWeasel 
11:12, December 31, 2011 (UTC)
- Damn straight! -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 19:45, December 31, 2011 (UTC)
Uhhh...[edit source]
- (Huff log) . . Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) huffed "Uncyclopedia:Votes for deletion" (viffed)
Seriously? This ain't April, fool! NOW where do I go to stroke my own ego? ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sun, Jan 1 '12 18:58 (UTC)
On VFD...[edit source]
I voted Template:Nigga Please for deletion saying that it violates Uncyclopedia:How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid#The "@#$%^&*" Rule: Being Crass or Tasteless Doesn't Automatically Make Everything Funny, which is a policy set by the administrators, and this administrator adds a "Keep" vote to it? Is that policy I mentioned actually an ignorable policy? Give a reason for that "Keep" vote. I must also tell you that your "TKFUCK" signature violates that policy too. --Jushafink (
A big fail of this policy on Uncyclopedia) 04:53, January 2, 2012 (UTC)
- You're violating the even core-er policy of "Be Funny" by thinking that Rules > Funny. That isn't the case, because clearly Funny > Rules. But if you want to continue thinking that your prudish sensibilities override the theory of subjectivity, then go ahead. Everyone's entitled to their opinion. But please don't condescend me about it, because I don't appreciate it. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 05:26, January 2, 2012 (UTC)
A belated thank-you from an inveterate procrastinator[edit source]
Greetings, Thekillerfroggy. You nominated me on UOTM for December. Now, obviously, nobody knows why you did this, and it's been a while since it happened, anyway. However, I figured that, while it can be too late to ask for forgiveness, it is never too late to give thanks.
Once again, thank you, and my apologies for not thanking you sooner. This impersonal, auto-generated message will self-destruct in 5 seconds. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, Jan 4 '12 11:15 (UTC)
UnSignpost - January 5th, 2012[edit source]
Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay
January 5th, 2012 • Issue 152 • Stop, drop and roll!
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'Tis the season to be voting
 It's that time of year once again; the time when Uncyclopedians link arms and stride into the glorious light of a new dawn of a new year. It is also when we hold our annual brown-nosing competitions otherwise known as the yearly awards. Now you and all your friends can vote on Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year, RadicalX of the Year and Useless Gobshite of the Year as well as WotM, UotM, PotM, NotM, AotM, RotM, EGA, FP, PWotM, ANOTM, Top 10 o' the month, UGotM, VFH, VFD, VFS and VFP. Not forgetting of course to go and vote on all the userspace awards. We were able to speak to Romartus as he prepared to start all his voting: "I don't know whose dreams to crush first!" he squealed at our correspondent like a child on Christmas morning; assuming that child was also frothing at the mouth and twitching. Thekillerfroggy got the awards off to splendid start on Sunday, by nominating Zombiebaron for both Potatochopper of the year and Uncyclopedian of the year and doubtless picking out a wedding dress for the day he finally plucks up the courage to propose to him. The homicidal amphibian also nominated Black flamingo11 for Writer of the Year and was incredibly sickening in doing that as well. Commenting on this in an off-the-record interview TKF said "It's January, the one month out of the year where we suck each other off for a while." If only we could have spent Christmas at his house. Alas we must now stop reporting on the substance of the nominations and votes as the vomit in the office is beginning to reach knee level. The scores are far more interesting to report on since the usual practice of seeing who can concede to their valiant opponents in the most heart-warming fashion isn't quite under-way as nobody thinks they are far enough in the lead to risk it. Writer of the Year is being lead by Sog1970 who would doubtless be thrilled by the news were he aware of it, as it is he hasn't edited in ten days and was probably killed seven days ago in a horrendous tram accident. Uncyclopedian of the Year is being lead by Zombiebaron, TKF's husband to be. Naturally he had a comment to make and it was to say "Zombiebaron" to all his loyal supporters. Over on Potatochopper of the Year Lyrithya appears to be trouncing the competition already much to the delight of Aleister, we assume, we never understand what he's saying and our interpreter is out of the office until the end of the month. The only person this news will upset is Lyrithya herself who professes to find awards "Upsetting and distracting." This is apparently not compensated for by the unbridled joy of crushing one's opponents and asserting your superiority over your fellow man. The excitement! Who will win? Hold onto your hats folks there's another 26 days of thrilling voting to get through before we find out! From the desk of the Cabal: Resistance unnecessary in 2012
 Another year vanishes into the swirling mists of yesterday and it is once again time for the non-existent Cabal to address you, the filthy under-people. As always the Cabal wishes you a happy new year and is more than happy to execute ten filthy under-people for every filthy under-person who refuses to have a happy new year. It did not escape our attention that once again you have failed us. Last year we recommended complete compliance and abiding at every possible opportunity, yet in 2011 we saw two VFS votes, four new administrators and two new bureaucrats. It seems we must remind you that a secretive cabal isn't much use if everybody on Uncyclopedia is included within it. We also witnessed deletions of important pages in the name of "seeing how things work", namespaces, admin experiments and a skin change. You continued to persecute the weak amongst you and generally behave like the loathsome, occasionally funny[1], group of monkeys we know you to be. Your single saving grace is that the Worst 100 Reflections on 2011 closed a week before the end of the year, however the page is soiled with bacon, ponies and the unregulated prattling of Roman Dog Bird in no less than 30 of the reflections. Such foolishness does not amuse the cabal. Now our all-seeing eyes must turn to 2012. This year it is recommended that users unquestioningly accept any changes that may or may not be made to the wiki, editing should not be undertaken without obtaining a certificate of normalcy from your divisional sub-prefect, remain indoors, do not attempt to breach the walls. The good ship Uncyclopedia must sail onwards and without all of the filthy galley-slaves we cannot arrive at the distant shores of... well that need not concern you. That is all voters, you may now continue to maintain the complex.
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Greetings[edit source]
I have gone through my records and it appears as though you may have voted for me for some award, supported one or more of my articles on VFH, or supported one or more of my images on VFP, in the past year or so. If this is not the case, then please ignore this message. Otherwise, thank you for your support. May you have a long and fruitful life, and have many parasites. ~ 18:57, 6 January 2012