User:Iwillkillyou333/Archive 4

Talk, if you dare. Now with 60% more fear than ChiefjusticeDS

Welcome. This my talk page (no shit). Discuss whatever you like but please follow the rules.

Rules

• 1. No saying crap that doesnt make sense.
• 2. Do not be an ass
• 3. Be smart, not stupid.
• 4. If I placed your article on either VFD or QVFD and you get mad and want to say something horrible to me, don't even try. Cause I will likely bitch punch you.

More Serious Rules

• 5. No vandlism.
• 6. No flame wars.
• 7. If your filing a complaint, pleease keep calm tone, and refrain from harsh critisim of me.

Violation of these three rules will result in me reporting you to an admin.

Even Serious Rules

• 8. Hot girls must be topless at all times

Now that we tooken care of that, please enjoy!

Those who dare break the rules.........

• Archive 1
• Archive 2
• Archive 3
• Archive 4

RAPE!

I'm raping you because I reuploaded your 666 pic here, because 666.jpg was already being used on other pages. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 21:10, 26 June 2010

Um, Viking!  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  29 Jun 2010 ~ 04:19 (UTC)

Yay vikings. And thanks for that socky--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 04:23, June 29, 2010 (UTC)

You're back

Fuckin' Froggy. I listed your ban in the Worst 100 reflections on 2010. A whore thing, but just for a read and vote if you love it half as much as I do. UnPoetia:Well-Oiled Birds, a page by Guildy and I, is on VFH and oiled up. Good luck in the contest thing tonight. Aleister 00:59 28 6 MMX

Thank yo. I'll be sure to vote FOR for it. :]--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 01:02, June 28, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks very much, and I'm glad you liked it. I would only whore things I feel real good about, like my sister, and this was one of them. Talkin' about my sister, if you've got $20 or a few cans of Coors, then we've got a deal. Al 6:66 6 VIVIVI

You like Slipknot?

:D \m/  Don  Puttano cHeDDs       01:09,30June,2010

Yes I do--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 01:10, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

Damn, people suck.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Wednesday, 01:11, June 30 2010 UTC

Slipknot fucking rules. Bitch. Don Puttano cHeDDs 01:13,30June,2010

Aint that the truth--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 01:14, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

Nah. Not only does their music suck, but even worse, they're really pompous.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Wednesday, 01:23, June 30 2010 UTC

Oh go eat shit and die. You just don't know talent--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 01:25, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

Aint that the truth Don Puttano cHeDDs 01:26,30June,2010

All I heard was "no talent".--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Wednesday, 01:32, June 30 2010 UTC

Stop talking about yourself--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 01:34, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

Hey, I know I don't have musical talent. That would make me the same as Slipknot if I was a pompous ass.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Wednesday, 01:41, June 30 2010 UTC

Well, at least they got fans. You just got your mother (p.s. I did her last night ;])--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 01:44, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

At least I "got" proper grammar.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Wednesday, 02:05, June 30 2010 UTC

You may have good grammar, but you still got no taste for good music.--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 02:08, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

Seriously, I hate it when people use "got" instead of "have"- that's a pet peeve of mine.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Wednesday, 02:12, June 30 2010 UTC

I think its because I was born in the south.--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 02:32, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

So you hate people using the word "got," but Slipknot is pompous? Don Puttano cHeDDs 02:56,30June,2010

Well-Oiled Thanks

I'd like to thank you, on behalf of myself and Aleister, for voting for our article. Thanks. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:36, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

You're very welcome. Good to hav it on the front page--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 02:40, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

thanks for the pee on "Gee the mannequins..."

I did have one comment for you: "Dollface runs up to see if I'm okay. I slap her ass, then tell her it's her face next if she doesn't stop interrupting my cursing."

I sincerely hope that's not his mother/sister. Squick.

Oh yeah, and then there's this line:

"The way I see it, I can imagine she's the mannequin when I'm fucking her." User:Mrthejazz/sig 17:20, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnkkkkkkkkkkkkkksssss!

Thanks! I, HELPME, thank you for voting me to be ROTM for June 2010. Your support is appreciated. Now that I have ROTM, I have an excuse to do nothing, so I'm even happier! My master procrastination plan is working! YES!!!

:D--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Thursday, 01:22, July 01 2010 UTC

Your welcome. Keep up the good work--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 01:23, July 1, 2010 (UTC)

All the news that's unfit to print!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!

Jul 1st, 2010 • Issue 87 • More news than something with less news than us

Things getting boring on the wiki? Time to write at speed! By UU Dullness. Boredom. Shit not going down. That's the place Uncyc found itself recently. And we needed a spark. An idea. Something out of leftfield to galvanise the troops, plaster stupid smiles on faces across the wiki, and inspire joy unconfined in the community. We're still waiting for that, but until it arrives, Skull's hour-long writing contest will do nicely. Shamelessly pinching Cajek's idea of time-limited writing competitions (which brought us such classics as HowTo:Sexually Stimulate an Ant, lest we forget), but putting his own distinct spin on it, Uncyc's own mad Doctor challenged Uncyclopedians to write an article in a single hour that would survive VFD. Given Uncyclopedia's well-known exacting quality standards, this promised to be a tough task, but a surprising number of people were up for it. And so it was that a frenzy erupted across the wiki, and baffled Europeans and other users not around at the time awoke the next day to a slew of brand new articles, not all of which ended up being deleted. They liked the idea so much, they held their own a couple of days later. When asked to comment on his brainchild, the commotion and excitement it had caused, and the size of his penis, Dr. Skullthumper exclusively told us "Sure. I'll get on that. I swear". Things getting boring on the wiki? Time to start pointless drama! By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Giant evil multinational wiki-hosting conglomerate Wikia won a major victory last month, when a rebellion by a small but dedicated band of anti-capitalist radicals was brutally put down by a bunch of fascistic Wikia-collaborators. Or at least, that's what happened in the heads of Carlb, Roye7777777 and CartoonistHenning after they nailed their anti-Wikia manifesto to the metaphorical door of Uncyclopedia's metaphorical Wittenberg Cathedral. The 1,000-word anti-Wikia tract, despite the shocking and previously unknown revelation that Wikia was not in fact the wiki-hosting charity that it claimed to be, but rather a commercial company, failed to ignite a spontaneous revolt against Wikia among the Uncyclopedia community. A heated and sexually-charge discussion ensued, with strong arguments offered by both sides. However, it seems that some people were unable to grasp the enormity of the revelation that Wikia's motives were less than altruistic. Eventually, the thread descended into an all-out flamewar and a waaaaaaaaaaaaaahmbulance was called to treat the injured. "We may have lost this round," Carlb told UnSignpost reporters "but it is only a temporary setback. One day, the tyranny of Wikia will be no more. Our revenge will be the laughter of our children." It is rumoured that Carlb, Roye7777777 and CartoonistHenning will employ Black Bloc tactics at the next Wikia conference in an attempt to escalate the struggle against Wikia oppression.

Check out these pages! Tell me about your mother Fantasy (American) Football is back! (Oh yeah - I went there) Open the podcast bay doors, Skull... From our logs: 09:07, 30 June 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Ahmedatefa (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (don't do that....or I shall have to spank you) 20:31, 27 June 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked SadisticWolf (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 minutes ‎ (I don't "rape" I "cockify". There's a difference. ) 16:01, 25 June 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Dexter111344 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 500 seconds ‎ (I'm not a poor version of Oli, I'm a mediocre and far more irritating version) Biopic of the Week What can be said about Ethine? Well, she's been lurking IRC since about December 2006 and only made an account after being forced to by emc. She has been sexually harassed by long forgotten users and by ones you only wish you could forget. She recently took up the job of fighting vandals, reverting idiots, and trying to get new users flogged. For some reason, this was enough to get her the Uncyclopedian of the Month award. Or it could have just been because of her hands. Her young, sexy, oh-so-soft hands... By the way, she actually likes talking to you freaks over Skype. Go talk to her. Ask her about her open invitation to everyone to come to her house. You won't even have to bring your own rope, either. Old-school featured article of the week Hi, my name is David Cameron and I'm the Prime Minister of The United Kingdom. You can call me Dave if you wish, not that I'm trying to tell you what to do. "David" is fine. My mother calls me David and she's a lovely woman, so either way it's cool. This is my own personal uncyclopedia article. I've created this, because I feel that in this modern age of ipods and nanos, it is important to connect with young people and do it in the medium and language that they understand, L.O.L.

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--Chiefjustice3DS 12:22, July 1, 2010 (UTC)

Worst Day on my Computer

Reviewed it here.

Why?:You Should Never Mess with the Space Time Continuum

I've moved it to User:Iwillkillyou333/Why?:You Should Never Mess with the Space Time Continuum because the construction tag had expired but a; it shows promise so is too good to be deleted and b; it's a pain in the arse to find suitable stuff to feature on the Why? page each week, so I hope you'll finish it. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 08:53, July 9, 2010 (UTC)

Signpost: normal service resumed

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

Jul 8th, 2010 • Issue 88 • Hand-stitched for comfort

Conservation week: how's it going, and what is it anyway? By Under user The 6th bi-annual Conservation Week is now in full swing, and once again bugging people by lasting for a fortnight. So far there are around 12 rewriters signed up (depending on if Joe9320 is serious about pulling out because he got reverted) to rewrite getting on for 30 or so articles. That's a fair old commitment to improvement. But then, that's kind of the idea, isn't it? Conservation week has been running since autumn 2007, starting life in Jocke Pirat's userspace, and spending a confused few hours being called the rewrite-a-thon in an early attempt to get around the whole week-fortnight thing. The first iteration was a resounding success, and about 38 people signed up to rewrite over 50 articles (with Zombiebaron hilariously missing the point and going on a deletion spree instead), making the current iteration look like it has some work to do. However, there was no quality control at the outset - if an article was rewritten in any way, that was deemed good enough. Some of those early articles may well have been made worse, we just don't know (or can't be bothered to check). Quality control arrived later on, when erstwhile gentleman editor of this very organ Gerrycheevers stepped up to run the first 2009 CW, and ran the rule over all the rewrites personally, so that the attendant award was only bestowed on those doing quality rewrites. That task this year falls to Dexter111344, who has promised to be "harsh but harsh". Probably. So, with a prize on offer to the person with the most high quality rewrites, and plenty of time left in which to do said rewrites, the only question left is: "why haven't you entered yet"? We asked this question of one completely random user, and he exclusively told us "because I'm busy writing this week's issue of the UnSignpost, duh!" Image Request: A Retrospective By UU Time to focus on a sometimes-overlooked corner of Uncyclopedia: UN:PIC, otherwise known as Image Request or Radical X's corner. Named for the once and forever king of image manipulation on Uncyclopedia, the near-mythical RadicalX, this page has been responsible for some truly memorable Uncyc images over the years. And some of Pokémon characters superimposed on the crucifixion - hey, whatever floats your boat. Established in March 2005 by a user called Machinecurse, this page has been the domain of most of the legends of Uncyc image manipulation at one time or another - as one 'chopper has left, another has arisen to take their place, in some kind of Potatochop Royal Succession stylee. Or something. Whatever, the likes of Paulgb, Zombiebaron, Seeker, Sonje and, more recently, KneeChee27 and MeepStarLives have slaved over hot image editing software to fulfil the esoteric image requirements of the Uncyclopedia populace. The response time has always varied on the page, as it largely depends on how active the 'choppers are at the time, how achievable the requests actually are, and how polite the request is. But for those with a little patience, it is undoubtedly a useful resource in the ongoing quest for that perfect image of Mario and Master Chief riding Pikachu down the Death Star Trench run. Or something. Have a look at the gallery to see some of the more recent work.

Check out these pages! Yes, it's fucking political... I, er, won't survive? Everyone's a winner baby From our logs: 03:03, 5 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Skinfan13 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Paradox block for breaking a rule on an award with no rules) 21:47, 4 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Aidan2613 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (The revolution is dead. God save the queen) 18:15, 2 July 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.154.122.248 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (I hope the next 48 hours pass as swiftly and painlessly for you as the hundred years war) Biopic of the Week In North Vancouver, born and raised, at city fundraisers and bake sales are where he spent most of his days... Some of you may or may not remember Shandon, nicknamed "Doughboy" by the electorate in Vancouver after his notorious political scandal which nearly erupted Canadia into anarchy. This is unlike his nickname on Uncyclopedia, "Doughperson", which is based on Shandon's gender neutral writing style and gender neutral username having led many to believe that Shandon has no gender. He recently moved to America, and after doing so was named "Worst Canadian Export", a title he took from Bryan Adams but recently lost to Justin Bieber (Shandon's only chance of reclaiming the title is Bieber's looming appearance in North Korea which many hope will be the end of him). After becoming the first person to ever pick up a chick from the Uncyclopedia IRC, Shandon is now living the American Dream. So what's the nick all about? Shandon, from Silverlock by John Myers Myers. NOT Shandon from Isle of the Dead by Roger Zelazny (another terrible book). Old-school featured article of the Week A civil war is a form of warfare known for its kindness and civility, in stark contrast to the other tactics such as scorched earth which are entirely too dirty for upstanding gentlemen. Civil warfare is a strategy that has outlasted many minor fads in warfare such as Germany's Blitzkrieg Bop, the British Redcoat's Stand In a Line and Shoot or the French Foreign Legion's Surrender. Its longevity as a tactic can probably be attributed to a few things, namely the incompetence of modern military tacticians compared to those of the past and the universal human need for cordial smiles and small talk, even during battle. The inevitable return of Cajek ban of the week 12:30, 8 July 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day (not returning to Uncyc in a proper and timely fashion)

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Oh dear god, am I really doing this again? --UU - natter 11:01, Jul 9

To whore or not to whore, that is the question. . .

Whether it is better to ask you to read my page on VFH, Rolex, or to pay you with a check or money order to vote for it? These are the questions of principle we must fight throughout the years. Anywho, if yoy have a minutes, please read it, and if you love it more than your dear old ma, then vote. Vote again and again. Thanks. Aleister 1:31 13 7

You're back!! Good. We have to get your page in shape, lots of people want to vote for it, so the best bet is to get it off of VFH and then work on it. HELPME has helped with it. And Hyperbole is having a bandwagon on VFH for his 40th feature, Suddenly, Raccoons, if you haven't seen it as yet. OK, you came out of exile in one piece. Slaughter the prized calf for the prodigal son! Aleister 19:06 21 7

Another UnSignpost! Rejoice!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!

Jul 15th, 2010 • Issue 89 • Made with 100% recycled vuvuzelas

The 40+ club expands By UU Once, many years ago, having 40 featured articles seemed an untouchable goal - a mystical, far-off land that none would ever reach. These days, it seems almost passé, as Mhaille has joined Modusoperandi in that territory, and Hyperbole (counting works by his various drunken sockpuppets) is half a feature away from becoming the fastest person yet to reach that magical figure. We asked them all for quotes, and Mhaille exclusively told us: ""Go eat more shit, fuckers"...obviously I am excited to have reached the BIG 4-0, and am delighted that enough of my peers deem the quality of my work good enough to have reached that figure, although I have to say I'm a little pissed that at least 10 other of my articles are feature-worthy and are constant overlooked (lengthy bans will ensue, I'm sure), I am equally as proud of my featured images, as well as many of my other contributions that I hope that my peers feel have augmented the work of others. That I am still here after five long years, and still contributing says something about Uncyclopedia itself. What that is, I wouldn't like to speculate. But sometimes you have to in order to accumulate. Apparently." Which is such a long quote we're going to need at least one blatant filler box in the right-hand panel. Bastard. Meanwhile, Modus exclusively told us "It's not that myself and Mhaille have written so very many great and fantastic pages that have, and will continue to, entertain the people for years to come. It's just that Mhaille did. "I" am one of his many sockpuppets. He writes as "Modusoperandi" when he needs a page without a "foreign" accent. Look around. There are a bunch more Mhaille sockpuppets here, too. Hyperbole, for one. Mhaille is like a wet Mogwai." Which is more concise, and therefore OK. Finally, Hype exclusively commented: "I'd like to say thank you to Uncyclopedia for voting to feature my many excellent, high-quality articles, including the drunken insistence that you accept a diseased poodle, the song about having sex with sporting goods, and the blatantly racist tirade about having to wait too long for a Pee Review. Writing 39.5 features has been literally the most important accomplishment I will ever have in my life. I look forward to continuing to service each and every one of you in the future." Which was nice of him. So, the burning question now has to be: who will be first to 50? Modus obviously has the lead, but Mhaille is writing in greater volume than he has for some time, and if Hype keeps up the pace, he's probably a good bet. But they're not the only candidates - Sog is coming up the rails rapidly, and could reach the 40 mark even quicker than Hype - could he overtake the lot of them? The only thing certain is that with these guys around, Uncyc should be assured of some half-decent articles amongst the dross. World Cup over - Romartus struggling for UnNews inspiration By UU The climax to the World Cup may have been a little ugly, unsatisfying and under-whelming (hmm, sounds familiar somehow), but it raises a question so far not addressed by the mainstream media, namely "what is Romartus going to write UnNewses about now?" The scourge of Junior Uncyclopedia has discovered his muse in the planet's biggest sporting event, and has been cranking out UnNews articles on the subject at an alarming rate. Now, without Jabulani balls, biting tackles and Messi long shots to inspire him, what is there to inspire him to maintain such prolific standards? Suspicions abound that the Tour De France is passing him by, he seems far too English to care about the various draft and transfer shenanigans in the NFL and NBA and the like, and as the only story to emerge from golf's Open Championship so far is Tiger Woods changing his putter (wow, someone hold me back), that seems unlikely to unleash his inner news-hound. With a worrying lack of global sporting tournaments on the horizon, will we have to wait another 4 years for the next Romartus article splurge? Stay tuned to UnNews to find out!

Check out these pages! Please not Stephenie Meyer, Please not Stephenie Meyer... Lazy journalism. Which is something we never indulge in Kicking on with another bandwagon From our logs: 23:47, 14 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.8.150.140 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Oh, shut up for about half a year, will you? Thanks, dear.) 15:47, 13 July 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) resurrected Under user (Talk | contribs) ‎ (a song originally written for Celine Dion? Have you no standards?) 14:47, 13 July 2010 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 294 seconds ‎ (CUZ I MISS U BABY AND I DUN WANNA MISS A THING.) 14:39, 13 July 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Don't want to cloooose my eyes, don't want to faaaaaall asleep.) 06:18, 13 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Keeh69 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (I block with the power of a thousand vuvuzelas) 19:16, 12 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 77.164.176.221 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (you can't even spell "racistic" properly it's "RASISTICS") 01:01, 12 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.68.108.4 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Only because I can't appoint you an admin.) Biopic of the Week Fnoodle was the UnSignpost's first ever paperbot, something we could frankly do with more of. One of the many creations of fiendish evil genius Dr. Skullthumper, it also managed to singlehandedly upset approximately two-thirds of the wiki by running a huge spellcheck operation, maliciously changing "teh" to "the" on every single page - which seemed to put an awful lot of panties in a bunch, judging by teh number of complaints on Skull's talk page in the aftermath. Old-school featured article of the week The Adventures of Baron Ringpiece were composed as a series of short tales, published between 1840 and 1848 by William “Wacky” Thackeray, better known for Vanity Fair Magazine, and his novels Penispenispenis and The Virginans, and details the life and adventures of Redman Barry O'Malley. Thackeray always considered the work to be unfinished, and had intended to add several more chapters, turning the tale from one where the hero works towards success to one where he gains his dreams only to lose them. Cajek ban of the Week 10:04, 9 July 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day (account creation disabled) ‎ (I really don't do this as often as I should)

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—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 10:25, 16 July 2010

Read all about it! The UnSignpost rides again!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

May contain traces of humor!

Jul 22nd, 2010 • Issue 90 • Suddenly, Signpost!

UnNews hits warp factor Whore By Zim That bastard child of Uncyclopedia and WikiNews, UnNews, is in full-on whoring mode. Tired of being relegated to the bilge hold of Uncyc, staff have collectively and to a man, woman or it, decided to resort to the time-honored tradition of whoring themselves for attention. 2010 is shaping up to be a record year for lots of stuff, which I am too lazy to actually reference. We've had lots of cool coding happenings, resulting in a facelift to the Main Page, and a really cool navigation bar giving access to a plethora (well, 7 sections in fact) of sections including Sports, Comics, Editorials, and special coverage of the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Contributors to UnNews of note are Funnybony, SPIKE, Romartus, Modusoperandi, Mordillo, Multiliteralist, PuppyOnTheRadio, Happytimes, Matt lobster and MrN9000 (when the bugger's here). Apologies to anybody I've missed. The Newsroom, home to nefarious plots and odd ideas, has once again become an active core of resistance against Uncyc's unofficial policy of ignoring us. Always leading edge, UnNews is acquiring a stable of notable personalities for a new series of Uncolumns called "Reductio ad Hitlerum", a guest column that invites persons of note to do an article for us, usually under threat of blackmail. Discussion here, first RaH column here by guest Sarah Palin. Techno gets Mhaille'd By UU The most exclusive and coveted award on Uncyclopedia, the Mhaille award for excellence, has been presented for only the 14th time in 4 years, and the first time in first time in a year, to the suitably humbled RabbiTechno. The award is, unusually on vote-happy Uncyclopedia, not decided on by voting, but is bestowed at the sole discretion of feature-monster, bureaucrat, whoring legend and token Liverpool fan Mhaille, according to his own criteria. Looking down the list of previous winners - Shandon, ENeGMA, Tompkins, Zombiebaron, Prettiestpretty, Savethemooses and the rest, it's pretty clear that the good Rabbi is a) in good company, and b) not going to be here much longer.

Check out these pages! Whoops! Andorin did it again Vote for less voting! What's a "Braydie"? From our logs: 06:03, 22 July 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.236.215.111 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Cyberbully - also apparently believes women to have penises and is thus either aged under six years or is a Lady Gaga fan. Either way, unsuitable for Uncyclopedia) 08:04, 19 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.167.1.63 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (returning blankist. Nice to see you again chap.) 06:06, 17 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.171.137.61 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I get my dubious software from Synaptic package manager, thank you.) 01:45, 17 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.32.64.51 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (yo article so fat) Old-school featured article of the week A shopping list purports to be a simple item used to detail all items required on a given shopping trip. However, recent scientific studies have revealed its true purpose: it is a key element in a game of oneupmanship between couples. The lists are carefully compiled in a secret code known only to one half of the couple, the objective being to confuse, baffle, and otherwise annoy the other half to the point of submission. The ultimate aim is to get the other half to admit to being an abject failure, and to concede intellectual superiority in the relationship indefinitely, or at least until next Tuesday. Cajek ban of the week brings you - Cajek's first ban! 15:06, 20 September 2007 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (When an admin archives a VFD, voting is closed.)

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--Chiefjustice3DS 14:06, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

VFD

Hey dude. Just wanted to remind you that you need to update the number (For example, when you vote keep, change 0 to 1) whenever you vote. Cheers! Saberwolf116 20:55, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

That ole' dog. . .

. . .made it to the front page. Congrats! I hope the singer gets to see it, or hears about it somewhere. Aleister 15:11 29 7

Thanks. I saw it today, and I was amazed. That ole dog can really knock em dead. And I agree, I hope the singer sees/hears about it too, give him a good laugh too--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 15:31, July 29, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah. And you only need one more to get into the Hall of Shame! Aleister 15:34 29 7

I am definitly looking forward into that!--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 15:35, July 29, 2010 (UTC)

St. Columbo on VFD

After you voted on VFD, I realized this article was trying to combine the saint and the TV show, and rewrote parts of the article to actually do so. Please reread and consider flipping your vote. Spıke ¬ 12:04 31-Jul-10

PLEASE CHECK EMAIL

There Is A Vrey Important Message on Your EMail, Please Check It. --*-User:S1312-* 21:29, August 1, 2010 (UTC)

PLEASE CHECK EMAIL

There Is A Very Important Message on Your EMail, Please Check It. --*-User:S1312-* 21:29, August 1, 2010 (UTC)

HEY, CHECK YOUR EMAIL

S1312 apparently left a message for you. --Andorin Kato 21:31, August 1, 2010 (UTC)

Contest today, August 2nd (U.S. time) or 3rd (civilized world time)

Happymonkey called for a writing contest which will start at 2:00 UTC (10 p.m. eastern time in the United States and other weird countries). Contestents will give each other an exact name of an article at app. 9:59 eastern time, and then we will write until 11:15 (3:15 UTC). We need at least one judge who will look at all the articles, say nay, or yay, or something, and tell us whatever they want to. Please sign up on Happymonkeys talk page, as participant or judge(s), and then we can pair people up around 9:30 eastern and let them know who they will give their page title to. (Inspired by DrSkullthumper's contest of a month or so ago). Aleister 16:05 2 8

Draft

You're up. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 18:27, August 4, 2010 (UTC)

Oops, I guess I was supposed to do that. Don Puttano cHeDDs 02:27,5August,2010

It's new and it's news! It's the latest UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!

Aug 5th, 2010 • Issue 91 • I love it when the news comes together

VFD minimum time limit introduced By UU Yes, folks, it's actual news this week. We know, next week will see normal service resumed. However: following a forum discussion on the dump that impressively managed to avoid any real drama, it has been decided that, to avoid any articles being deleted without a proper window for debate, all nominations on VFD will remain open for a minimum of one day. Further to that, the minimum score required for deletion is in the process of being clarified, so that either a score of at least +5 in favour of deletion will be required before the trigger-happy admins fire up their huffing devices, or 5 keep votes will automatically exempt an article from deletion. One of those. Probably. The number 5 seems certain to be involved, whatever the outcome. Hopefully, this will ensure that BUTT POOP is never deleted again. At least, such is our understanding. Sorry about that. We will now follow this with an article with no relation to news whatsoever, to try and make it up to you. Uncyc Fantasy Football draft off to racing start By UU Those with a passing interest in sports might notice that Uncyc's never-popular Fantasy Football league is about to embark on its second season, and has begun the draft process necessary to create the teams that will be taking part. So far, the results have surpassed the expectations of all except noted optimist Bradaphraser. Three days in, and seven of the record fourteen competitors have picked a single player each, making this the slowest process since BP started trying to cap that goddamn oil leak. This year's competition promises to be more open than the last, including as it does Joe9320, who admits to knowing nothing about the sport, preferring AFL, and noted British namby-pamby "soccer" fan UU, who has somehow agreed to become an Indianapolis Colts fan for the duration of the season. Hence his adding a picture of what he is assured is the awesome Peyton Manning into this very article. With the likes of the here-one-week-gone-for-a-month Gerrycheevers also involved in the process, it could well end up taking long enough to be ready by the start of the 2011-12 season.

Check out these pages! You're new, aren't you? I have this way of telling Fighting the good fight: a beginner's guide Someone returns, creates forum From our logs: 07:55, 3 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Ethine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1000 seconds ‎ (I'm seeing the words "Added category!" when I sleep now) 14:44, 29 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 195.74.132.170 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (I'm sure Emma is a really nice girl when you get to know her. Ask her out for some coffee or something. And when you guys fuck, don't post about that here either.) 00:14, 28 July 2010 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.9.0.0/16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (I got bored, so I decided to block 2/3 of Norway. Bug an admin in IRC and they'll unblock you, maybe.) Biopic of the Week Some user was just some user who created Uncycloversity, Unquotable, and had the world's greatest departure message from Uncyclopedia. Despite only having been at Uncyclopedia long enough for everyone to cry when he left, Some user brought a plethora of knowledge to Uncyclopedia. He taught us all how to find our inner sockpuppet and be humble, the former of which has duped countless users into earning lengthy bans and the latter of which was laughed at out of confusion and then soon forgotten. He also taught us all about the laws that protect one's anonymity on the internet, reminding us that the internet is a safe, anonymous world. Fact: every time a person uses a proxy, God makes a rainbow. Sexy 'Crat of the Week Mhaille is quite possibly the reason why all sysops on Uncyclopedia are assumed to be sexy. Going by his South Park likeness here (have you added yours?), his excitingly furrowed brow speaks of smouldering hidden depths, his trim goatee teamed with his unkempt hair hints at the animal nature he so barely keeps in check, his narrowed eyes show he's always ready for action... Face it folks: the man drips sex. Being banned by him is actually illegal in twelve American states as being too erotic.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:09, 5 August 2010

Thanks!

I am eternally grateful! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 11:27, 10 August 2010

What's up

Hey dude, how did you create them ausome graphics on your profile? Do you think you can show me how? Reply --666satan6669 22:08, August 10, 2010 (UTC)666satan6669

Which ones, because some were just put on there and the rest were microsoft paint or something else.--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 00:47, August 11, 2010 (UTC

So I See You're Back

Are you going to be participating in this, or should we go on picking for you? —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 01:50, August 11, 2010 (UTC)

Sure. When is it?--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 16:43, August 14, 2010 (UTC)

It's been going on since August 2nd. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:24, August 17, 2010 (UTC)

Oh my Gosh, I had no idea. Dammit!--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 21:29, August 17, 2010 (UTC),

Well, if you feel up to it, jump right in and pick your remaining picks yourself. (Also, it was mentioned several times on the original forum that that would be the date. We had a big ol' Uncyclopedia vote on it and everything.) —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 21:38, August 19, 2010 (UTC)

I made the league

It's on Yahoo!. Here are some important things to know:

• League ID: 512953
• Custom League URL: http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/league/uncyclopedia_2010
• Password: guildy

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 21:38, August 19, 2010 (UTC)

Ruddy hell! It's the UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH

Aug 19thish, 2010 • Issue 92 • Does anyone actually read this bit?

UnReviews - get involved! By UU UnReviews is the latest portal-style page on Uncyclopedia. The brainchild of Skinfan13, and first introduced to the world via this forum, it gathers together all of the reviews that are not pee-related on the wiki into one handy place - verily, it's the page of the future! And it needs YOUR help! Yes, good idea though it seems to be, it does lack one fairly insignificant ingredient - there aren't actually all that many UnReviews to fill it up with. So how can YOU help? Well, we would have thought that was obvious, to be honest, but as we're dealing with Uncyclopedians here, we'll make it a little clearer: write an UnReview! You could go down the road of Modus's magnum opus UnMovie Review: The Dark Knight, and make a movie review, you could get all cultured on our asses, and go Shakespearian, or you could review something else entirely. The choice is, quite literally, yours! Something helpful this way comes By UU Need a hand making your page more awesome? In need of a formatting injection, or some kind of audio enhancement? Well, help may just be at hand. MeepStarLives has decided to create a one-stop portal for all requests of this nature. If this actually works, it could be something beautiful, quite frankly. TKF has already started the ball rolling with a challenging audio request which is likely to be an early acid test for the project. If you have a Casio keyboard and some decent audio skills, get across there and get this thing working! So, how can you get involved? Well, if you are skilled at adding awesome to pages in some way, watchlist the page, check it regularly, and stop hogging your wiki-fu to yourself! If you are in need of added awesomeness on your page, pop in a request and see what happens. If nothing else, it'll make Meep feel good about himself, and that's what it's all about, when you get right down to it. Right?

Check out these pages! Did the leprechaun tell you to burn things? Finally, something worth voting on! Classy! From our logs: 06:45, 12 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 66.110.140.189 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Don't blank pages, take drugs, or steal cars) 03:16, 9 August 2010 Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) blocked Roman Dog Bird's Vag Stank (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (probably a troll, although the username could totally be a coincidence) 16:26, 8 August 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Hyperbole (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (taking top spot on the Hall of Shame.....might consider the need for a longer ban.....) Biopic of the Week Perhaps some of you remember Sir Cornbread. I barely do. I do remember how he made the Village Dump smell pleasant...well, as pleasant as the wafting, mixed aromas of stale cornbread and garbage can be. During his tenure at Uncyclopedia, Mr. Cornbread only had two features: rap and The Putz Who Stole Hanukkah. We're certain that if he would've stuck around he'd have 68,027.5 features, putting everyone else to shame but not rubbing it in our faces because I vaguely remember him being a nice guy or something. Now, this sounds ridiculous because Uncyclopedia only has 25,000 or so articles at present, but trust me on this one: this guy could write. Like many great writers, Sir Cornbread wrote about topics he knew a lot about: hermaphrodites, unoriginality, ape-shit craziness, Thais, and was working on an article about ape-shit crazy Thai hermaphrodites. But as is usually the case with all great writers on Uncyclopedia, only the good die leave young early. The ones who stay are just kidding themselves.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--Chiefjustice3DS 12:09, August 20, 2010 (UTC)

Vote4This

Vote for HowTo:Kill Yourself In Just 5 Minutes! Here's the link:

Uncyclopedia:VFH

DO IT NOW! Reply.

--AchmedTheDeadTerrorist 13:17, August 20, 2010 (UTC)User:AchmedTheDeadTerrorist

I noticed you have yet to make your team on Yahoo!

Please do so as soon as you are able. Here are some important things to know:

• League ID: 512953
• Password: guildy
• Where to go: [1]
• Custom League URL: http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/league/uncyclopedia_2010

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:28, August 24, 2010 (UTC)

For the record, we're all waiting on you to make a team. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 20:14, August 26, 2010 (UTC)

I moved that battle of the killers thing you're apparantly writing without my approval

That's fine because I don't really care. Though some royalties would be nice.

Anyway, it seemed just a bit too really vain to allow in the mainspace to I put a loophole on it with that "Uncyclopedia:" whatchamacallit. Enjoy. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 05:02, August 30, 2010 (UTC)

As long as you're not offended by it its ok with me--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 05:39, August 30, 2010 (UTC)

Avast me hearties!

By the powers! this e'er be fer a reminder o' tha great, grand Imperial Colonization be startin' up again! Whether you be a sprog or a privateer we be expectin' ya ta come 'round an participate in this sweet trade lessen' you be a lily-livered squiffy, scallywag, or scurvy dog thar. Aye! ~ Buccaneer Happytimes.

(See also: Forum:Drumming up the IC furor!)

The current project: Dinosaur

Now in the writing phase (Oh UN:IC, how your rules are now broken....)

UFFL 2010 Kickoff

The draft is over, the NFL regular season begins Thursday September 9th, and everyone is geared up and ready to play some fantasy football(!).

This season promises to thrill and intrigue, and as the Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League has grown from just eight all the way to 14 teams, each one vying for a shot at the championship, except maybe Neox's team. With all this excitement, however, comes questions. Will Rush and Kick FTW, the UFFL's first team based in Britain, be able to compete with the league's American teams? Will Cheddar's rebuilt Doritorians be able to play at the same high level as last year now that their roster is down from 50% Eagles players to just 30%? Will evil Nazi overlord and reigning league Champion Guildensternenstein be able to defend his league championship now that Top-3 players at the quarterback, running back, wide receiver and tight end positions didn't fall into his lap this year? Only brutal, primal, visceral, cerebral combat on the fields of Yahoo!'s fantasy football league servers can determine these questions.

That all being said, everyone should take note of two things:

• this is a link to the league--go here to do stuff, like select a starting roster (which, believe it or not, is important).

• this is the forum where we'll talk about the league and post banal sports banter (which, believe it or not, is even more important).

Good luck, gentleman. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 16:05, September 4, 2010 (UTC)

Starting Lineup

You've got to go to Yahoo! and adjust your starting lineup, dammit. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 14:29, September 8, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost - This is definitely not late; you're just drunk

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

You'd be crazy not to listen!

Sept 9th, 2010 • Issue 93 • Our definition of "weekly" may not match yours

The pee is weak - must be time for Pee Week! By UU It's been an unusually long stretch without any kind of competition recently, but PeregrineFalcon999 has come up with a way to put paid to that! Co-incidentally, the pee queue is as long it's been in aaaaages, but PeregrineFalcon999 has come up with a way to put paid to that too! Yes, it would appear to be nearly time for the inaugural Uncyclopedia Pee Week! It starts on Monday 13th September. So, the questions must be asked: Do you have an opinion, and want to give others the benefit of it? Do you want to help people who are looking for help with their articles? Do you want to get a shiny new template award thingy? If the answer to at least one of those questions is "yes", you could be on your way to winning this soon-to-be prestigious competition! Just sign up here, and prepare to review as you've never reviewed before! The best of the 5.5 years super-extravaganza begins! By UU As we all know, there is nothing the average Uncyclopedian enjoys more than voting. Except possibly causing drama, but we'll gloss over that for the purposes of this article, because an unprecedented new opportunity to vote has arisen, thanks to amphibious serial-killer TKF. That's right, on the fifth of every month, a new vote will start to determine the best somethingorother of the 5.5 years that Uncyc has been in existence. This month's vote is already open, and it's for the writer of the 5.5 years. So get over there, vote, and make your voice heard! Again. Asked for his feelings on seeing his brainchild getting off the ground like this, TKF exclusively told us: "My grand-uncle used to tell me "He who goes forth with a fifth on the Fourth, may not come forth on the fifth!" and I feel that's somehow relevant to this situation." Anyone pointing out that by the time this finishes, Uncyclopedia will be around 6 years old will be asked not to point it out again. UnNews main page By Socky Someone suggested to completely revamp the UnNews main page and in an epic move of Uncyclopedia originality, decided to hold a vote on it. Some people farted.

Check out these pages! Wikia sucks, part 469 In other news, The Pope's a Catholic Insert lie here The very pinnacle of humour From our logs: 06:16, 8 September 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.137.241.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You suck. Flaxmere too.) 04:13, 31 August 2010 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked 96.30.32.33 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (congratulations on bringing to our attention the fact you are a moron. you win a ban!) 05:47, 29 August 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Vertiqual (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Hey now, some of my best friends suck a lot of cock.) 18:46, 27 August 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) resurrected Mordillo (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Thank god I'm in Israel then!) 18:25, 27 August 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (According to my calculations, it's Shabbat in the 'Dam. Therefore, if you unblock yourself, you'll go to Hell. Ha ha ha!) 17:09, 21 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 15 Minutes ‎ (Update the score when you vote on VFH, cleaning up after you wears out my slippers) 02:44, 19 August 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked DarkWalrus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Poor edits, won't listen to advice, continuos ICU removal, smells really bad, etc. etc. god damn) Biopic of the Week It's time to cover a true legend of the wiki this week, a name that still inspires awed whispers wherever connoisseurs of pee are gathered together: the one, the only One-eyed Jack! OEJ, as he is more handily known, was for some time pretty much the only person who bothered to do any pee reviews at all. Fortunately, the ones he did were pretty awesome. And he had plenty of knowledge to back him up, having birthed some seriously good featured articles. But Jack didn't just write for features - he turned his hand to improvement - check his userpage to see just how many below-par articles across the wiki had the benefit of his gently healing touch, nudging their prose from lame to lollable with a deft sprinkle of goodness. Man, we need more people like this guy. Where is he now, anyways? Old-school featured article of the week go eat shit fuckers

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 12:57, September 9, 2010 (UTC)

User ass template

Please don't use it. Thanks. ~ 16:57, September 10, 2010 (UTC)

Ok, but whats the problem with it? Especially if the user is an ass.--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 13:32, September 11, 2010 (UTC)

Laird Hamilton won’t dare you to paddle out at Jaws

Whew, thank you. Laird was gonna stomp my arse if he didn’t get featured. Is it safe? Thanks to you!

--Funnybony    07:35, Sep 13

Trade

I proposed a trade to you in fantasy football. Also, you've got to start two running backs, dude, not just one. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:23, September 20, 2010 (UTC)

Ok, thanks for telling me--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 01:44, September 20, 2010 (UTC)

Well, are you going to accept my trade, counter offer, reject it, what? Also, you can still put either Pierre Thomas or Reggie Bush into your starting lineup--as fortune has it, they don't play until Monday night, so you lucked out. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:46, September 20, 2010 (UTC)

Shit, was going to accept but I had to do an assignment for school and forgot all about it. On a lighter note, I got Pierre Thomas as my RB. A wise decision I say so myself--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 21:02, September 20, 2010 (UTC)

Indeed. Also, I re-proposed the trade, so take a look and see what you think when you get the chance. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:30, September 21, 2010 (UTC)

Michael Vick was just named Philly's starting quarterback. Check out and accept/decline the trade, dammit, before I deal Vick to someone else. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 01:33, September 22, 2010 (UTC)

Done--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 20:30, September 22, 2010 (UTC)

Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Iwillkillyou333/Unbooks:Kidnapping the Presidents Daughter

It has been reviewed, keep on writing!--Sirrah CatshirE Chess the Striker2117 04:31, September 23, 2010 (UTC)

Thank you very much, I really appreciate it.--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 20:31, September 23, 2010 (UTC)

Dating

I want to date an emo girl. How would I go about doing that? Aleister 00:03 29 9

Maybe reading this would help you out.--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 14:29, September 29, 2010 (UTC)

Reading is for communists!--Sirrah CatshirE Chess the Striker2117 14:41, September 29, 2010 (UTC)

Yes, it will help tremendously, invaluable information. Now I can date an Emo girl with confidence. When she cuts herself I will even watch, and give her bevereges to help her build up her blood again. Thank you! Aleister 14:49

I'm glad to help. Helping people know how to date is one of my favorite hobbies--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 16:20, September 29, 2010 (UTC)

My Emo girl and I thank you

For both getting us together and for your vote on uncy of the month which gave Monkey and I a tie. My Emo girl wants to say something---j, ah, hiw -how do thfdse keys work;/ hi an thanks 4 voting 4 Al and 4 showing him howel 2 date me an all the rest. he made me feeel agains, dude, and now heis sooooo happi a bout his potato award that he bought me a dozennn emoappropriate roses by any odder name dude Ok, ok, that's enough. Anyway, yeah, thanks for your vote, and for your dating advice. Worked out well in both cases. Appreciated. Al and LuLu 18:10 1 10

Your quite welcome--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 23:34, October 1, 2010 (UTC)

We are still together, and listening to depressing music and cutting ourselves once in awhile. It's very nice. Would you mind popping over to VFH and reading "My Daddy Has Two Yachts"? That's one of my favorite pages, and it's tied together like a wrapped package. As for you, I still wish to see you get that third Hall of Shame entry feature, and you came close. Let me know if I can help edit or check one of your pages. My Emo Girl will help edit, but I don't know but that you'd have to revert all her stuff. And she gets the mouse and keyboard pretty bloody right after a cutting session. I like it. Aleister 23:32 11 10

Nastiest Meanest Thing to Say Contest

make number 2 please--Poiz, look in my info? 01:31, October 27, 2010 (UTC)

I'll see that it will be done soon.--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 01:28, November 3, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost - The UnSignpost Rides Again!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!

Nov 11th, 2010 • Issue 94 • The Newspaper that shaves you closer!

The UnSignpost Rides Again! By Chief A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, the Rebels attained victory over the Imperial Empire and the last UnSignpost flopped onto talk pages. The drought came as Under user announced that he had a life to be getting on with, and at that point the UnSignpost simply stopped writing itself. Some people have suggested that these two events may be linked somehow, but until we see proof, we have resolved to live in ignorance. However as we hurtle towards the end of the year it would seem the magic has returned and the newspaper that confusingly contains neither news or paper will once again be arriving on talk pages weekly monthly annually whenever we can manage it. Newer recipients of the UnSignpost are urged to suggest ideas for stories in the press room; this helps as it means we don't need to pay attention to anything you people do every day. For now, please welcome the UnSignpost back into your homes and hearts... please? Speak up! By Chief For those of you who may be unfamiliar with The Article Whisperer, permit me to clear the waters somewhat with this bit of text I have, at great personal risk, copied off the competition page. It is: "An annual writing competition held by Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles", which I think we can all agree is absolutely splendid. Unfortunately, all our intrepid journalists were saving Kittens from trees and generally performing heroic deeds when the competition took place, but that won't stop us from talking about it. Lyrithya and Matfen were the biggest winners, or losers depending on how you look at it, each being Grand Champion of two categories. Competition founder MadMax was unavailable for comment at the time of going to press, so we have made something up instead: "The competition was a great success and I would like to thank everyone who took part; especially ChiefjusticeDS who is absolutely fantastic and whom I owe many drinks", he might have said. The Article Whisperer is expected to take place again next year, and MadMax might have said "Take part or die", but probably not. The Aristocrat's By Chief & Mhaille Few competitions stir the loins more than The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball, self described as Uncyclopedia's festival of frivolity and bad taste. The competition has three categories: The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball Best Bad Taste Article The Master Goa Tse Award for Digital Imagery If you aren't a writer (we are led to believe some people are not), then 3 Judges are needed for each of the above categories (see here). Seriously, this will be so much fun you will wish we did it twice a year... maybe. The competition opens on November 19th, so put on a stout pair of writing trousers and get going!

Check out these pages! Bed Never on Sunday Anything interesting happening? Zombiebaron That's so 2005 From our logs: 16:29, November 10, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 435 seconds ‎ (You're reviving the Signpost? Good luck! Now to think of a witty ban reason to get me in the "From Our Logs" section. Penis. That ought to do it. It would if I was editing it.) 04:27, November 10, 2010 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.181.83.75 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Normally you'd probably be reading a witty message from an admin. Obviously, I'm not one of those admins. Gotta tell you, you're missing out.) 10:36, November 9, 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.42.244.217 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (List 350 reasons why I should care about your birthday, and I'll reverse the ban.) 08:10, November 10, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked EatPoo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Alas, dear sir, you are afflicted with the stupid) 16:31, November 10, 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 435 years ‎ (Stop being supposedly here and BE HERE. YOU'RE BREAKING MY HEART) Biopic of the Week Do you hear that? Thought not, because this week we are taking a closer look at one of Uncyclopedia's true unsung heroes, Black flamingo. He has a whopping 12.5 feature credits; that's more than 5 feature credits and 6 feature credits put together! Not only that, but Black flamingo has been instrumental in keeping Pee Review afloat while you weren't. Respect this man immediately or I will punch a Zebra, that's how committed I am to getting him recognised. Head over to his talk page right now and doff your helm. Now, dammit! Don't make me fetch the Zebra. Old-school featured article of the week The term "Paul is dead" (PID) refers to an urban legend or a hoax perpetrated either on the musical group The Beatles by their fans or vice-versa. According to the legend, bass guitarist and singer Paul McCartney was replaced by a lookalike after his alleged death in an auto accident in the mid-60s. Proponents of this hoax cite obscure clues embedded within the Beatles' lyrics, symbolism in their album covers, and Wings as evidence that the "real" Paul didn't survive into the 1970s. This manuscript reveals the full chilling truth. I've read it, and it will blow your tiny mind.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Read All About It!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

Nov 18th, 2010 • Issue 95 • The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way she/he did!

Wanna cyb3r? By Chief Hailed by some as the final solution to the Uncyclopedia problem and others as a wretched hive of scum and villainy, the Uncyclopedia IRC channel has chugged along for almost the same amount of time Uncyclopedia itself has. We here at the UnSignpost have literally hundreds of stories to sort through every week and we have picked IRC for a reason, and not just because it is easy to spell. We chose it because the Uncyclopedia IRC is a community and often contains users who are never on the site (because they are lazy and idle), equally many users who frequent the site do not enter IRC (because they are idle and lazy), and those who do often prefer to do so in disguise. This is a disgrace, don't ask why, it just is. Our intrepid reporters have spent literally minutes on IRC this week in order to bring news of it to you, the uneducated and unwashed masses and to try and encourage you to make use of it. Whatever you want to use it for: reporting vandals, penis jokes, collaboration, penis jokes and incoherent babbling; IRC is there for you. It is also a way to get to know the dull uninteresting personalities behind the exciting usernames, but don't let that put you off. When our intrepid reporter delved into the IRC community and asked the first person breathing in and out for a quote about IRC they told us "..." which should certainly give you food for thought. If you have some time on your hands then why not learn how to windsurf? But if you are too idle and lazy then why not head on over to IRC and see the magic happening for yourself? I would and if I would it must be a good idea. Balls up! By Chief The stage is seated, the judges are set and the competitors are questionable in number, yes The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball is almost upon us. The competition opens this Friday and entries will be accepted until December the 3rd which is... a little while after that. Our hard-hitting journalists will be present at the competition and will be speaking to entrants and judges alike over the next few weeks. Just think; if you take part your name could be in italic font in the UnSignpost! Think about how envious your friends and family will be! Remember, it begins on the 19th of November and we want to see blood! We need you! Shameless pleading by: ChiefjusticeDS The UnSignpost is like an office printer, in that it constantly breaks down, sometimes doesn't work for months at a time and occasionally spews out some slightly smudged pages. If you think you have something to bring to the UnSignpost be it your journalistic talent, ideas for stories or even just a warm and reassuring slap in the face, feel free to drop us a line in the press room. Also Meganew wanted us to mention the Grue Army in the UnSignpost, so we have.

Check out these pages! We're the worst in another way! Why?:Not Vote now! It's not as bad as you think! From our logs: 05:54, November 14, 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked POPEYE FUCK U UP (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (1) You suck. 2) Stop sucking.) 06:10, November 17, 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Frozen Korpse (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Yes, Mordillo is the worst. That's no reason to be rude.) 17:01, November 12, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.109.64.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (I'll have some gay porn if you're going to the shop) 3:32, November 14, 2010 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.0.147.7 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (I'M HAVING A FRIENDSHIP ANEURYSM) Biopic of the Week Know who it is yet? Know what time they were last here? No? Then you should probably be able to guess that this week we are looking at Aleister in Chains. Al has been hanging around Uncyclopedia for just under a year now, and in that time has picked up 25 feature credits and has earned the eternal hatred of many for his enduring good humour and incredibly annoying signature timestamps. If Aleister hasn't been responsible for a single one of your chuckles over the last year then you need to start reading some of his articles, that or cancel your afternoon appointments as you have died and failed to notice. I wouldn't recommend you post on his talk page or look at his user page as they are both just plain weird, offer respect, but don't doff your helm, you never know what might end up in it. Overlooked Page of the Week Things to do. Easing the pain in your pants since 2007. Newsroom UnTune of the week The Uncyclopedian's song

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--Chiefjustice3DS 14:26, November 18, 2010 (UTC)

Run for your lives! It's another UnSignpost.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

Nov 25th, 2010 • Issue 96 • Putting the period in periodical!

Jimbo, Whales & The Worst 100 By Him again Those of you who regularly sit and stare at recent changes may well have seen a lot of tomfoolery with the site notice this week (that banner at the top which you dismissed two seconds after logging in). The reason for this is that somebody noticed that we are supposed to be a parody of Wikipedia and suggested we come up with something to parody Jimbo Wales' appeal. Zombiebaron duly obliged, then Lyrithya obliged too, then Olipro edited some code and the site notice you see today, or don't see, as the case may be, was created. Well done, them. Honestly, we have nothing bad to say about it. Except that I hate it as I do most things that come about through a process of honest endeavour. For those of you who didn't know, Jimbo does have an account on Uncyclopedia, an account he never uses, in rather the same way that I have a membership to a gym; I need one to be cool and so I have somewhere to hide when the black helicopters inevitably come for me. Jimbo is of course the co-founder of Wikia, which is rather like having helped build the Death Star except with less space and more super-lasers capable of destroying planets. Unfortunately, we haven't written a parody of the appeal yet. Well, we have, it just isn't very good. The team at the UnSignpost read both and after the laughter had died down we had a look at the Uncyclopedia one.... yeah.... but have our assurance, Uncyclopedia is working on improving it, and how could you doubt the people who brought you classics like Fisher Price and AAAAAAAAA!? The other item of news we have this week is that the reflections on this year are woefully lacking. Hurtling as we are towards the new year and the annual Cabal broadcast, you may want to consider adding an entry to the list in order that the administrators can sleep soundly at night. We refuse to believe that nothing of note has happened over the last couple of months because we've been here and can attest that something has happened every day. So get over there and do the editing, we'll be right behind you. Voting heats up By Chief The "of the Month" awards are in something of a state of flux at the moment as voters and nominators become increasingly unwilling to vote (or care) in some cases and more willing in others. "It's a sad indictment of the way we live," lamented Socky when our reporter spoke to him, though he did say some other things once we asked him some questions. This month on the Uncyclopedian of the Month award, Lyrithya has stormed ahead of competition, running up 16 votes at the time of going to press; we would say she was miles ahead of her opposition, but since she nominated both of them and voted for one of them we don't think she deserves it. When asked to comment, Lyrithya had this to say: "I hate you all". Meanwhile over on Writer of the Month, Romartus leads SPIKE by 7 votes. Neither of them were available to provide us with a quote, probably because we forgot to ask, but we took some of the things they said on the award page and through creative journalism summed up their thoughts: "This... is... my... award" is what Romartus said, though he may have said those words in a different order... and as part of different sentences. SPIKE just said "Yay," which was lovely. Things are far more exciting over on Noob of the Month where mega-noob rcmurphy and regular noob Putthatknifedown are neck and neck with 5 votes each. Things are of course far less exciting in the land of the other awards: Author of the Month is a gripping contest as gentile Uncyclopedian and former UnSignpost editor Under user trudges towards the finish line arm in arm with gentile Uncyclopedian and former UnSignpost editor Mhaille (he wrote a couple of lines for us once and they were amazing). Potatochopper of the month is also a rather subdued affair with nobody getting any votes, despite two people being nominated. Finally Reviewer of the Month has no nominations and thus, surprisingly, no votes so far this month. Why is this? We at the UnSignpost asked Uncyclopedia's dictator in-chief Mordillo what he thought; he agreed to consider the question after a stiff drink. We can only assume it was a strong one as we didn't hear back from him for 3 days. When he came back, he declared, "Uncyclopedia - UNITE! GO OUT TO THE STREETS AND DEMAND MORE BLONDES FOR ALL! MORE WELL SHAPED BLONDES FOR ALL! MORE THREESOMES WITH JEWS! and vote for NotM and RotM right? Trust us, we are the cabal, we know best". As Mordillo was being sedated, Socky bravely stepped in to fill his trousers and surprised everyone by saying "My thoughts on awards are that we should have a lot more of them and we should be a lot less serious about them. We could be having fun instead of worrying about drama. Voting will only lead to good results when not subjugated to logic." Socky went on to lay down his plans for ruling Uncyclopedia and restoring Germany to a dominant position in Europe; he left our interview early to annex Czechoslovakia, so thankfully we cannot bring you anything else from him this week. There is a point here, does Uncyclopedia need more awards? Or does it just need more contributors? All we know for sure is that you need to start voting NOW! Or tomorrow if you're a bit busy at the moment. Chief learns Latin; talks about lorums By Socky See {{lorum}} for a full transcript of his Latin writings.

Check out these pages! Mail Order Lobster When's your birthday? A surveillance camera!? From our logs: 13:58, November 21, 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.112.195.238 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Enough time for you to go and have a bit pot of warm penises, just like you love them) 15:52, November 19, 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.126.123.197 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You suck at vandalism. You should probably try your hand at cooking or painting or something instead.) 14:40, November 18, 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.120.230.138 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (I dunno - you expose a paedo, then it's you who gets in toruble. Fuckin' liberals, eh?) Biopic of the Week Prowling the corridors of UnNews and VFD, SPIKE has earned the respect of his peers through a combination of three things: Hard work, immaculate record keeping and... hard work. SPIKE is often to be found speaking into a microphone for UnNews, saving condemned articles on VFD and generally trying to make the site a better place. While he may not have as many features as some people, he makes up for it through a huge amount of work; his userpage is a comprehensive list of achievements, good deeds and a lot of other information that you probably don't need but he is prepared to give at no extra charge. I need all of it, of course, as I am building a database which I plan to flog to a corporation at some stage. If you contributed anything to UnNews or nominated an article for VFD this year then this man likely got involved at some stage. Respect him and get back to work. Old-school featured article of the week Are you tired of being a small cog in the giant machine of what is, for all intents and purposes, an infinite and uncaring universe? Of course, we all are! "But how do I, a mere newborn babe/small child/university student/accountant/elderly person just steps away from death's door, whose gaping maw is opened wide in anticipation of my ethereal etherealness, the insignificant mote of dust that is me, passing through its opening en route to what will surely be a depressing and disappointing eternity, attain oneness with the universe today?" you ask. How? Here's how. Newsroom UnTune of the week Stalker An UnSignpost apology As you know, we at the UnSignpost make few mistakes, but it has been brought to our attention that we misquoted Mordillo and made him look like a bit of a weirdo in the story to the left; this is highly regrettable and we enclose his full quote here by way of apology. "the ongoing voting trend that is directed at obvious targets such as WotM and UotM are a cardinal warning sign that Uncyclopedia is not only the worst, it keeps deteriorating. How else would you define a community that is centered on awarding its writers and goody two shoes? What about young new fresh people that are hopefully insatiable redheads with abnormal fondness of threesomes with Jews and MORE blondes? What about the people who take the substandard manure that the above said writers produce and fit them into shape?! Are we all doomed to be old shapeless writers? Will Uncyclopedia become like Europe - ageing, overweight and smug? Where are all the young willing blondes amongst the population?!" Editors note: Mordillo then went on to say the bit our journalist was awake for in the interview. The UnSignpost bitterly regrets having him sedated against his will due to this misunderstanding. We will be sending a fruit basket round to him as soon as his screams of anguish as the doctor inserted the needle stop being quite so funny.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101125 - 01:01 (UTC)

YOU!

Hey, with your sig is that a reference to "Heretic Anthem" by Slipknot? Gen. Fudgem0bile Buy a new car. With $2 Coins. 02:23, November 26, 2010 (UTC)

Yes--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 22:28, December 11, 2010 (UTC)

Don't you love the smell of the UnSignpost in the morning?

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

STOP... SIGNPOST TIME!!

Dec 2nd, 2010 • Issue 97 • STOP! UnSignpost time!

UFFL Week 12 Update By CheddarBBQ Now that it is so far into the season that everyone not involved with the Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League, as well as many that are involved, could not possibly care, what better time for an update? After eleven gruelling weeks, it seems that on top is the one and only Doritians, Take II, with an impressive W-L-T of 9-2-0 and a current six-game win-streak. They are also the only team to currently have a clinched playoff spot. For those not aware, the Doritians, Take II are the follow-up to Cheddar's Doritians last year: an Eagles-based team that performed, to put it frankly, shittily. When asked to comment about his surprising victory, Mr. Cheddar claimed, "GET RAPED SON." Elsewhere in the league, there is currently a tight race for 2nd between the Oklahoma Boomers (who are currently in first point-wise and have the season record for highest score in a game with 168.14 points), The DC RacialSlurs, The Dudes, and Lepus Muerte. The real secondary story revolves around league commissioner and possible Nazi-supporter Rosenkrantzenpants. While last year, the German team took the overall victory with quite ease, this year's team is not so magnificent. After many losing streaks and strokes and bad luck, Rosenkrantzenpants has barely been able to pull itself past an even Win-Lose ratio. However, despite a poor record, he maintains 4th place point-wise. The Well-Dressed Pickles again still have yet to win, most likely due to having six of the worst players in the league (two of which are out for the the season) and a refusal to edit the line-up. The Bearasorta Vikings aren't doing much better. Also, you should watch The League on FX. It's a damn funny show. Aristocrat's Update By ChiefjusticeDS The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball rumbles on, and as the closing date looms like a fat man over a large cake, the question on everyone's lips is "What's the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball?". In case you have recently returned from an Uncyclopedia hiatus or have been hiking through the Amazon Delta wearing nothing but a pair of slippers, I will explain once again: the ATDB is a festival of frivolity and bad taste, highlighting all those fine, fine contributions we never want to see featured. The UnSignpost sat down with competition judge Lyrithya to find out what, if anything, there was to know. "I would like people to stop asking me for help," Lyrithya moaned before our journalist could open his mouth, "Two people have so far already" The UnSignpost infers from this that the competition is truly a desperate one this year; some entrants have clearly been pushed to the limits of their sanity and have begun searching Uncyclopedia's back alleys for writing tips. To round off our interview we asked Lyrithya who she thought would win. "That guy," she said emphatically, indicating a nearby vending machine, "His article is excellent." Whose article she really means shall remain a mystery until the results become known on December 10th. The competition closes for judging this Friday at 00:00 GMT, so if you want to enter, you need to do so soon. The UnSignpost will be there to bring you the results when the judging has happened unless something more exciting happens. Unlikely, but we live in hope. The Grue Army By Meganew For almost a year, most of our classic usergroups remained in pieces. Groups like the Uncyclopedian Forces, the UnAnarchist Party, the UnFire Department, and yes, even the Grue Apocalypse. The economy also dramatically collapsed, with commerce reaching an all-time low. However, one group stands out among all: the Grue Army. After their leader High Gen. Grue went AWOL, the once-proud Grue Army was left belly-up with only 4 of the original members still in. The decision to revive the group was made and Meganew has been seen wearing Patton-esque General's clothing ever since. Some newer users had joined up with the group already, but it wasn't enough to equal a full-scale revival. Therefore, the leaders decided on an unusual plan of action: pick who they thought would be the 10 best candidates for the group. After some of the candidates decided not to join, the plan was expanded to all of the twenty users originally selected. Some have responded and have become active Grue Army members, deep in-the-cave reserve members, and allies. Some people have questioned the need for another group of people who don't do much, but are happy to tell others what to do, as we already have site admins for just such a job. This has been a shameless advertising promotion from the Grue Army, Join Today!!!

Check out these pages! Fap fap fap!! Celebrate Mediocrity!!!!!!!!! Ever get that "not so fresh" feeling? From our logs: 05:45, 25 Novemver, 2010 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked ISLAM WILL DESTROY YOU IMPERIALIST SWINE LIKE DUNG (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (ZOMBIEBARON WILL DESTROY YOU ISLAMIST FANATICS LIKE DUNG) 06:27, 24 November, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked I will blank a userpage (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (cute) 07:42, November 28, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.35.10.15 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Such spirited hi-jinks and individuality.... I MUST DESTROY) 17:33, November 30, 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 208.77.131.29 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Here's yet another reason for you to hate Jews) 21:01, November 30, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Avianion (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (cyberbullying. also, coming from Halifax, which should have some kind of law against it.) Biopic of the Week It seems only proper that this week as we pass the 5th anniversary of its featuring, the UnSignpost should take a look at perhaps the biggest in-joke Uncyclopedia has ever seen: Euroipods. For those who don't know, Euroipods was intended to parody the marketing campaign for www.euroipods.com, which ran from mid to late 2005. However, despite the effort, detail and effort that went into creating the article, some users couldn't understand what all the laughter was about. Stories of the clashes on the talk page of Euroipods are still told whenever veteran Uncyclopedians gather round a modem to compete in tales of blood-chilling terror. The article spawned several spin-off articles, since creativity is next to regular bathing on the list of things Uncyclopedians will avoid if at all possible. All hail Euroipods, may it stand forever as proof of our commitment to being the worst. Old-school featured article of the week Mozilla Firefox is a famous magical girl of the 21st century, seen by many Europeans (even though she's technically a United Statesian) as the Western answer to Japan's infamous "Project Sailor Moon". She is a direct descendant of the legendary Maozilla and a daughter of now-deceased Mozilla Suite. Mozilla is therefore a last name, but is written first to make fun of the Japanese. Firefox's goal is to reclaim a vital artifact lost for humanity a hundred generations ago in Browser Wars: the Interweb, a huge web embedded in the surface and atmosphere of the planet Earth. Her arch enemy is the Interweb Exploder, a giant monster that repeatedly tries to blow up the Interweb, without much success, and zombifies people that connect their computers to it. Both Firefox and the Exploder are web browsers: their duty is to patrol controlled areas of the Interweb and fight minor saboteurs and wreckers. Newsroom UnTune of the week Playing with myself

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

-- 05:16, December 2, 2010 (UTC)

The UnSignpost, now with 25% less saturated fat

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

Dec 9th, 2010 • Issue 98 • Is that an UnSignpost in your pocket?

The UnSignpost Investigates: VFH By Chief If you have ever written an article on Uncyclopedia then the chances are you have run the gauntlet of Votes for Highlight at some point, which inevitably means you have experienced the helpful criticism, the less helpful criticism and the downright bizarre criticism. VFH is the most popular voting page on Uncyclopedia, and this week the UnSignpost is taking a closer look at the process that separates the wheat from the chaff, and the awkwardly feminine from the possibly Canadian. VFH has come under fire this week from an outgoing editor and we thought it would be unfair to dismiss his claims without properly investigating them, so we didn't and it was a great fun; we played badminton and then we went bowling. However, when Sycamore complained about recent trends on VFH, we decided to have a look. There is a serious point to be made here, with admins being told at least twice a week that both they and Uncyclopedia suck penises - is VFH not somewhere that should be more carefully regulated to prevent articles that are less than amusing being nominated? Or should users who are presently engaged in nominating idiotic pages for VFH be told to cut it out, or else? Discussions have taken place about scrapping voting altogether and having the admins run things or, as one bright-spark suggested: just get rid of against voting. VFH is not a machine in dire need of repair, however, but for many it does seem to be a flawed system that is entirely to blame for A wizard did it being featured. As a result of the above, the UnSignpost urges you to do two things: Vote on VFH; it needs your votes to work, as the name might suggest, and try to remember that while cocking about is fun, work is immeasurably more useful. Also, because the lead story this week has been very sombre and serious, we have attached a picture of a dog wearing a hat. Enjoy. Mince Pies, an editorial By Douchebag McSpackypants The Cabal Hey guys!!! This week I thought I would talk about something which is guaranteed to interest EVERYONE! My favourite food in the world: Mince Pies!!! OMG they are teh brillz0rz! (Internet slang; I'm hip!) I mean they don't even have MINCE in them! What's UP WITH THAT!? Here's how I began to find them totally lolicious and awesome!!!! It all started at last year's Christmas pa- Signal interrupted New message incoming There is no need to adjust your UnSignpost. Halt all subversive activity. Exits are not located to the rear. Rollback is not disabled. Expect no Christmas bonus. The Cabal is not addressing you from this periodical. It is not the Festive Season. Santa does not exist. Nothing you do matters. Our patience is not tried by your petty drama and hi-jinks. Contributions are not logged and examined. Addresses are not tracked and houses are not watched. Bans will not be imposed if you reject our reality. Abide citizens. Location scrambled. Message ends Signal re-established, original transmission resuming ... and that's when I threw up all over the dancing Elephant! See you next week!

Check out these pages! Muppets go back to the future Reskinapedia? A forum from 3 years ago The Aristocrats judging! From our logs: 04:46, December 7, 2010 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked AngieCrosby (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Spam spam eggs spam spam spam sausage spam spam and spam) 15:42, December 5, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked SAMUDESU (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (na-na-na-nanana CUNTFACE!) 15:05, December 4, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Redundantunderuserwithhisslutwifeandretardedchild (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (oh, the long winter hours must just fly past at your house.) 03:29, December 7, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.245.74.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of 5 hours (lol k c(-; (that's supposed to be a guy winking, smiling and sticking his tongue out FUCK YOU!!!!) Biopic of the Week Imagine, if you will, a drug fuelled after-party in a Special Needs home, then stop because it's time for biopic of the week! This week we have a splendid fellow, as we inevitably do; it's Count of Monkey Crisco! Heard of him? No? That's because he is busy working and not spending time coming up with new and inventive ways of wasting time in the Village Dump, like you. It may surprise you to learn that the Count (yes I must refer to him this way) is a former UotM, has four featured images and was the first man to scale Everest in a kayak... ok, we are exaggerating here; he only has two featured images. Nonetheless this man is the example of a good Uncyclopedian, hard working, quiet and modest. At least we assume he is modest; he hasn't ever done anything as awesome as I have, so we can't confirm it. So go on - investigate Uncyclopedia's very own man in black for yourself; he's er... Monkalicious. Old-school featured article of the week To Whom it May Concern On the 6th September 2006, I wrote this article, and I am yet to receive any feedback. I believe I expressed a number of real concerns which you have not yet addressed. In case my previous article was lost in the post, I will repeat my concerns here, and I trust that this article will reach you in good time. Source: Uncyclopedia complaints department, archive 4,978 Newsroom UnTune of the week Can't Be Blamed (For My Shitty Music)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--Chiefjustice3DS 16:10, December 9, 2010 (UTC)

Welcoming...

You probably knew this before, but when you use the {{welcome}} template, you need to subst it in, or it doesn't work properly. I fixed them on the ones I saw, but as a welcomer, you really should at least seem to know what you're doing. In the future, could you be a dear and remember to use {{subst:welcome}}, and perhaps use edit summaries, at that? Thanks. 1234 ~ 03:40, 13 December, 2010

Sure thing. Thank you for pointing that mistake out to me.--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 03:44, December 13, 2010 (UTC)

Shiny. Cheers. 1234 ~ 04:03, 13 December, 2010

why you reverted the thing on Driving? write the fucking reason when you revert something you ass wipe

First, sign your posts. Second make a new section if it has nothing to do with the current one. Third, what you originally wrote was removed yet you put it back in. When something is removed it means it is not funny/good. Read HTBFANJS.--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 01:36, December 15, 2010 (UTC)

Wow

I'd forgotten how much I like your Emo girl page. I must read it again. Thanks. How are things, and who are things, going or coming with you? Aleister 2:56 15 12

Your welcome. Things going and coming greatly. I'm glad to be back from my vacation. Things going great with you?--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 03:01, December 15, 2010 (UTC)

Whoa! Thanks for your vote on the Festivus page. It's good to see your comments around the place again. Everything is fine with me, both within and outside of the computer screen. My emo girl and I broke up after she took up with four guitarists and a drummer from up North (I'd have taken her back but there wasn't much left of her). Have you noticed that some of the people here have taken off for parts unknown or known, and new ones have taken their place. Probably the same guys with different names, is my guess. Aleister 14:02 15 12

I'm glad that you're happy with me voting and commenting. It's sad about your relationship, but not all relationships have happy endings thanks to the unfairness of life, but you'll recover soon. And I think some of those people are busy with real life stuff (school, job, holidays) and cannot get on as much as they can. It's usually around the winter season where many people disappear, yet come back around spring or summer (that happened to Saberwolf, he left around winter then came back this summer), but its nice to see new people here too.--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 22:58, December 15, 2010 (UTC)

Yes, but using your article I've already got another emo girl. The page works wonders! True, about the people leaving off and on, but lots of them left at once a couple of months ago and only one popped back for a visit. On the Uncyclopedia is almost full page, can you point out what you didn't like about it, the overall theme, etc. Maybe we can talk it out, or maybe I can take hostages and then you will have to talk to me, over the phone at least, until I demand a van and a jet fueled at the airport. More soon, I must now take the "winter" off! Yay! Aleister 1:00 16 12

Hi.

I think you're the one who has been the annoying offender of late, at least...

UPDATE THE DAMN SCORES WHEN YOU VOTE ON THINGS!

If it actually wasn't you who has been consistently not, though, just disregard that. Because I honestly cannot remember. Good day. 1234 ~ 00:03, 16 December 2010

This happening in VFH or VFD, cause I can't remeber either.--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 00:12, December 16, 2010 (UTC)

Apparently it was you, on VFH, VFD, WotM, FFS, and VFS. You did, however, remember on UotM. I got annoyed and actually looked. *grumbles* Seriously, though, please try to remember. Makes those of us who a mite slow less apt to confusion, you know? 1234 ~ 00:18, 16 December 2010

My apologies, I keep thinking that the scores change automatically when you vote, but I keep forgetting it only works on VFH, or at least I think it does. Anyway, thanks for pointing that out.--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 00:21, December 16, 2010 (UTC)

It only works if you use the script thing on VFH... otherwise it's all just text. Anyhow, thanks, and sorry about exploding at you. I need to explode sometimes, or bad things happen. Or something. *shifty eyes* 1234 ~ 00:28, 16 December 2010

No problem. I'm use to people expressing their emotions at me when I do something wrong here. But it's all good. Glad we were able to sort this mess out like gentle people.--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 00:38, December 16, 2010 (UTC)

• Hi there Iwillkillyou333. This is just a reminder from your friendly neighborhood Zombiebaron to please remember to update those scores. It is very annoying to everybody in the community when somebody forgets. Thanks, -- The Zombiebaron 22:40, December 16, 2010 (UTC)

Brostamatism on VFD

Peace! I was trying to be gentle with that, but I guess it failed. I was commenting on the last sentence of your nomination--an indictment of "people these days" (which in fact are not too different from people in other days). Am happy to discuss further, here or on my page, but people on VFD don't want to hear it--maybe they didn't even want to hear my opening Comment. Spıke ¬ 00:42 16-Dec-10

Whoa now, I wasnt trying be mean either, just stating my reason in a proprer way, but it seems that I wrote it in a way that it sounds mean. Thats the one thing about computers; you can't always tell of the other person emotions. I apologize for the misunderstanding Anyway, I have no idea that making a comment like that would cause trouble with some Uncyclopedians. I tried to be unrude when I talk about people, but if its a problem then I'll avoid doing that in the future, as I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. Again I apologize--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 00:53, December 16, 2010 (UTC)

No indeed, and thank you. In fact I had someone else in mind, who has been on the site long enough to want to reform other people. It wasn't anything you said, it was a gentle nudge not to go in the same direction. Am not offended and am sure everyone else is even less so! --You are right about misunderstandings via computers, though. IMAGINE HOW IT WAS THIRTY YEARS AGO WHEN WE ALL HAD TO SHOUT! Spıke ¬ 01:00 16-Dec-10

*shouts randomly about the birds in the warehouse* 1234 ~ 01:21, 16 December 2010

I imagine that, glad we have technology. And I'm glad nobody was offended. I'm glad we sorted this out without retorting to your mom jokes, even though they'te fun to do. --If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 01:26, December 16, 2010 (UTC)

The last time I saw your mom, she ran in the other direction screaming like she had an eagle entangled in her hair pecking around just trying to get its beak on that rat. And it seems your page is 'the place to be' right now. /passes around the pipe Aleister 1:29 16 12

We'hell! I guess we're all here! Al, did you bring the lager? Spıke ¬ 01:30 16-Dec-10

Pop out the champane and let's party!--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 01:32, December 16, 2010 (UTC)

Eh, I've already been through your fridge. Bloody disappointing, that. 1234 ~ 01:38, 16 December 2010

Hey SPIKE, don't Bogart that joint my friend, pass it over to Che. Aleister 1:50 16 12

Save me some too!--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 01:56, December 16, 2010 (UTC)

Oh shit! It's another unsignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things

Dec 16th, 2010 • Issue 99 • Now with 50% more Cheese News!!

Turkey Ball Anyone? By Chief As all great things must come to an end so must all fairly mediocre things, and this has certainly proved true for the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball, which concluded last Thursday/Friday/Early Saturday morning. Unfortunately, all of our reporters were out watching Lord of the Dance or entertaining Monsignor Sandman when it was happening and we have no on the spot coverage or reporting whatsoever. However, we have once again stepped unto the breach in the name of journalism and have, at great personal risk, recovered the results from the competition page. This year the joint winners of the title category are: Socky for UnBooks:Fred and EMC for The Aristocraigslist. Socky's winning streak continued into the next category: "Best Bad Taste Article" where he and Zombiebaron's collaboration tied for first place with CheddarBBQ's slightly sickening entry: Uncle John's Fetus Burgers and Abortion Clinic. The "The Master Goa Tse Award for Digital Imagery" category was the only one that obliged us with a clear winner this year, and that winner was Bucknut4, with the loin-stirring image you see attached to this story. Of course everyone who took part in the competition is a winner... except the people who didn't win anything. The UnSignpost dropped round to Socky's house to find out how he felt about being the biggest Turkey of them all this year: "I'm really proud of winning twice" he told our reporter, banging his head on the toughened glass. "I'd like to throw a big party, but first I'll need to get rid of all the dead bodies...", which was a lovely thought. He also presented our reporter with this picture which, his doctor assured us, Socky had drawn himself. The non-existent Cabal would like to pass on its non-existent thanks to all entrants and judges of the competition and would like to make special mention of Mrthejazz, who narrowly missed out on victory in two categories; hopefully the suicide note, sleeping-pills and empty Whiskey bottles we found when we went round to his house mean he has just gone on holiday. Gayming? By Chief The Uncyclopedia game namespace came under fire this week as users began discussing whether the whole thing should be euthanized as part of Uncyclopedia's commitment to cutting internet congestion by 60% before the start of 2011. In order to get a handle on matters, the UnSignpost lured veteran Uncyclopedian Mhaille into an interview by convincing him there was cake hidden in our journalist's back pocket. Mhaille called the game namespace "A SHOCKING waste of server space and a section of the site seemingly inhabited by elves, dwarves, grues and Welshpeople". Is this a fair assessment of a namespace that has been around since 2006 or is this just the condemnation of a Bureaucrat engorged with spite at his continued lack of a salary? When asked if he would support deleting the namespace altogether, Mhaille said, "It should at least be hacked back to acceptable levels and filled with humour above that of a 14 year old D&D player". The debate on the game namespace is far from over, especially since a fair number of users haven't even realised it has started yet. Should we delete the namespace, or should we allow it to grow in whichever way the laws of nature allow? However with the game namespace regularly churning out classics like Grue Life and The Great Random Adventure of Awesomeness, it is clear to many that something should be done, even if it is only a jolly good chat in the Village Dump.

Check out these pages! Poo! Top my ten! From our logs: 10:13, December 14, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Hellraiser123 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Dr UU's diagnosis: you appear to be suffering from being a twat syndrome. the cure for this is to ask someone to punch you in the face repeatedly, go try it, let me know how you get on.) 19:26, December 8, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked DILLO LOVES TO SUCK CHIEFS DICK!! (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of indefinite‎ (If only..... Oh no, I meant to think that!) 16:40, December 8, 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked OmarTheGay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Recent surveys suggest you fall a long way short of even our standards) 05:28, December 13, 2010 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked I'm Going To Spit In Mordillo's Anus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Congratulations!) Biopic of the Week This week we have selected someone we seem to have written about far too much in the last month or so: Funnybony. For those who don't know, Funnybony has penned more articles than you could possibly count, unless you can count up to 295. However, we have decided to try and talk about something else besides the massive number of articles he has written (several of which became featured). We also won't be mentioning his ability at potatochopping or his victory in Playwright of the Month in October, nor will we mention his general lack of anger and his fondness for sending people pictures instead of words. In fact this biopic will have very little to do with Funnybony at all; the UnSignpost apologises for this and promises that Biopic of the Week will return next week as normal. So everyone: be impressed with Funnybony, despite the fact you know almost nothing about him. Birthday of the Week UU, this very Thursday. (This in no way counts as vanity). Old-school FA; Orian57 return special! UnBooks:Daddy, There's a Zombie in the Garden UnScripts:Trapped at Sea LazyTown Snow White HowTo:Build the Perfect Sandcastle Why?:Is There a Moose On This Plane? Why?:Am I a Power Ranger? Why?:Don't You Get a Job? Sort-of-festive thing of the Week It's Uncle UU's second annual festive Mince Pie eating competition and ban patro-ho-ho-ho-l! Fun for all the family! Watch for updates over the next week or so.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

1234 ~ 05:23, 16 December 2010

Consider

I suppose you mean well, but why are you being so confrontational towards various users? Direct threats are just as likely to drive people away from the site entirely, as anything. And after being blocked, a message like you gave here could well lead to there simply not being a next time, because why would a user want to return to so welcoming an environment? I wouldn't...

Please, consider what you are doing. Simply being mean achieves little in the long run; there are often better ways to approach matters. 1234 ~ 03:48, 19 December 2010

The comment I made to Multiliteralist was a joke, and I was asking the others users to refrain from repeating their actions that got them banned. But if my method is bad, could you be so kind to tell me the proper way of handling it?--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 16:45, December 19, 2010 (UTC)

Er... less threaty and mean? Even if that was not your intent, you were telling, not asking. On the plus, if you do mention your own experiences, that can help, indeed... thank you for coming around. 'sa better. 1234 ~ 17:30, 19 December 2010

Ok, so from here on out, I shall not be such a meany-pants. I will ask, not tell. Swear on the Bible (unlike Barak Obama).--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 17:54, December 19, 2010 (UTC)

If you really mean that, thank you! Thank you with a giant robotic cherry on top. Or... wait... what? 1234 ~ 18:00, 19 December 2010

Reviews...

So, I've been going through your old reviews, trying to see some patterns and whatnot... for, er... reasons.

Problem is, you seem to be falling back on some old patterns. The booking reviews before being done with your current one, Chief told you before to stop that... and your grammar... "I done my best"? How are people supposed to take you seriously after reading something like that? I mean, it's funny, but also a little disconcerting. And Hiatus Hernia did have a point about quoting from HTBFANJS - references are plenty, especially as you're telling the folks to also read it. Say your own words, perhaps...

And now I go on and quote Chief... now there's irony. Checking one of your previous ones, he said: "No, you really need to work on constructive criticism, I don't want to see comments like 'I just knew this article would be a downer. And unfortunately I was right' in your reviews again." Problem is, you kind of did that again. Comments like that just don't achieve much, really. I suppose what it really amounts to is fluff - makes it longer, says little. Could you not say more that would help, establish why, in this case, it came across as just random fiction, even from the very first? You do this some later, but why not go right to that from the start? Say what and why, but no need to beat around the bush so much. I know, I do that too, but it doesn't really help anything.

This, though... eh? "I won’t directly pinpoint what you need to change; I prefer you use your own judgment as well as HTBFANJS to decide what should stay and what should go." I was under the impression that the entire point of putting an article up for review was to get somebody else's opnion as to just what works and what doesn't. What they think should stay and go, how it should or could be improved; the submitter can of course ignore it completely, follow the advices, or use it to do something else entirely, but is that not why folks do that? At least, some of them...

In other news, I think I should point out at this point that I'm pretty bad at reviewing, myself. But... er. Pie? Seriously, don't take this the wrong way. You were just doing so much better before before you disappeared; hopefully you can get back up to that standard a little more quickly and a little less annoyingly this time. 1234 ~ 20:41, 19 December 2010

Sorry, I been gone too long and kinda forgot some of these things. But luckily I'm going over my old ones as well as other reviews other people have done. But maybe you can link to some very good ones just to get me back on track.

Also, for the booking two articles, Chief told me various times already no to do that, so I don't anymore. I just say that I might get to that review if I'm done with the review I'm currently doing or if nobody else have done it.--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 21:01, December 19, 2010 (UTC)

Eh, you'll get the hang. You're not doing all that badly, just... you made me worry, eh?

Hmm... good reviews, good reviews... this is a good one. I love getting reviews like that, thorough, detailed, encompassing, and working with the piece, even if it is a giant load of stupid like that one actually was. Horrible article, but lovely review. Mind, that's another thing - often, you could do more to actually work with what the person is doing. Even if it's not working, perhaps they could still make the concept work, you know? Might be something to consider in the future.

Okay, I'm fuzzy on that - why say that at all? Why not just wait until you have finished the review you are on, and then actually book it? Because I really can't tell the difference, and it confuses my brain... 1234 ~ 23:02, 19 December 2010

A visiting whore wandering by on the shore of Uncy

Hey, big boy, do you work out? Anywho, can I get another read of Uncyclopedia is almost full on VFH. You shot it in the gut and it's hanging on, but needs medics. You may have read it during that horrid period when the pics were left leaning and the captions were loose and on the run, and some changes were made, so it's a slightly different page when it's sober. But seriously, what do you think is missing or could be beefed up a bit. I'm here to serve /winks, looks for your wallet, slips you a roofie Thanks! Aleister 00:18 Solstice MMX

p.s. And on the above section, Chief Justice has great reviews, and Lyrithya is no slouch either.

Hello, and thank you for the vlote!!! Rupert Murdoch thanks you, and the blonde, and the hippie (did you scan over the links at the start of the hippie section? or on the "Favorite articles" question? Hippies) all thank you. I really hope you liked it and found things in there funny. A Festivus miracle! Aleister 1:32 Festivus MMX

Your welcome. Cheers!--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 02:32, December 23, 2010 (UTC)

This is it... the 100th UnSignpost.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!

Dec 23rd, 2010 • Issue 100 • Now with added bragging rights!

The UnSignpost hits 100 By Chief So here we are, issue number 100. The newspaper with the most haphazard group of editors and paper... people in the world has successfully spammed talk pages 100 times. This makes now the perfect time to look back at the UnSignpost through the ages and see the motley crew of visionaries, drug addicts and lunatics who have made the UnSignpost what it is today: damaged beyond all repair. The UnSignpost had a beginning, like everything: it was in days of yore when Uncyclopedians fiddled in the street.... in knickerbockers, Mordillo was a new-ish administrator and everything had a rosy sort of tint to it; Uncyclopedia was indeed not as bad as it is today. Two enterprising young Uncyclopedians, Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper, came up with the idea for a newspaper, a newspaper that would tell lazy people what was going on on the wiki, thus encouraging them to continue being lazy. At first, Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper made beautiful music love UnSignposts together and even considered making the UnSignpost a twice weekly paper... yeah. However such a partnership could not last forever, as nothing does except jam, and eventually Dr. Skullthumper departed the UnSignpost. Last time someone asked him about the UnSignpost, he said, among other things: "We had no idea what we were doing" which reassures us that nothing has changed in the interim. Cajek pushed the UnSignpost onward and it was good, until it wasn't any more, at which point DJ Irreverent took the wheel. Nobody has seen Cajek for years now, so being rational people, we can only assume he is sailing round the world in a boat powered entirely by Mars Bars, though we can tell you that he once said "You know, those shoes you see on telephone wires?" which should give you some food for thought. However the DJ was unable to maintain the UnSignpost for long, and he was obliged to leave; after all, in accepting the responsibility, he opened up a can of worms. Then how could he let sleeping dogs lie after he let the cat out of the bag? After all, if you change horses in the middle of the stream, next thing you know you're up the creek without a paddle. Which explains why he left; the balloon went up. After the DJ went belly-up (yes I'll stop this now) Under user decided to have a go... he strapped on his pads and hit the UnSignpost for six (OK, I'm definitely done now) - six issues, to be exact, and then wandered off to get married or some such nonsense, leaving the UnSignpost in the hands of Gerrycheevers. Gerry maintained the paper splendidly until UU came back again and enlisted the help of some more hip and happening users to help him actually know things. UU remained in the editors seat, mostly, and writers like Socky, POTR and Guildensternenstein dropped in to help now and then when UU's creativity failed him. We can't list everyone who turned up as we hate most of them, but they are lovingly remembered on the main UnSignpost page. Finally the stress became too much for UU, and he fled the office via an upstairs window. When he woke from his coma, we showed him the UnSignpost and threatened to beat him with a stick if he didn't give us a quote on how excellent it was. He said, "Boringly, I love the ol' Signpost, and will probably return to it one day ... But I have written the most issues, across 3 separate stints on the paper, and sheer quantity has to count for something, right? Anyway, I'm glad to see Chief continuing all the proud traditions except late delivery, and am idly wondering how long it'll take before he too crumbles like a dry reed in the face of its relentless news-hunger". So hurrah for the UnSignpost, 100 issues to match up with the hundreds of writers with issues who have contributed to it. See you in issue 200! The UnSignpost:A few words from someone you don't know. By PuppyOnTheRadio Hang on. Did I read that last bit correctly? 100 issues? Wow! Given that it takes our beloved paper boys about 2 hours to deliver the Unsignpost, that means that's 200 hours spent delivering this, not to mention the time and effort put into making this unperiodic periodical over the last 2ish years. So that would mean it's a combined total of multiply by 2... carry the 1... take away the number you first thought of... 2 months worth of work that has gone into the creation of this glorious publication. And it's that attention to detial that makes the UnSignpost what it is.

Check out these pages! Still need more! It's coming! But How? But Why? Christmas Songs From our logs, best of Modusoperandi: 23:25, January 24, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.14.255.228 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (2 days for blanking, 1 day for not being pretty like me) 20:09, September 7, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) resurrected Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Consistent and focussed approach to awesomeness) 15:45, September 14, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 94.246.126.149 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Blanker: Go blank yourself! Hah! Do you see what I did there? I'm a font of wit.) 4:01, July 26, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Not A Good Username360 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (He asked me a question. Outrage!) 14:47, July 26, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 8 hours ‎ (I banned a guy for too long this one time. Then I had nachos.) 11:01, July 18, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.187.224.60 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You fill me with rage. Also, lust. *Blush*) 06:10, November 17, 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Frozen Korpse (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Yes, Mordillo is the worst. That's no reason to be rude.) 18:26, October 1, 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 205.144.32.250 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Excessive vanity. That's my gig, bucko! I'm devastating!) 19:45, August 11, 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Dxbn (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (You're a boob. Not the good kind, either. If you were, you'd have a nipple right 'there'. Just the thought of you being the good kind of boob makes me a little hard.) Biopic of the Week Rather than come up with another user to biopic, the UnSignpost has decided to biopic itself once again, making it the first... thing to have been biopiced twice! (Except {{USERNAME}}, but that doesn't count, don't ask why, it just doesn't) We here at the UnSignpost were absolutely flabbergasted when the news became known and an editor exclaimed "My gast is truly flabbered". We would like to thank the academy, you the readers, us the writers, the people who put the fillings into Mince Pies and the person who invented the Jelly Baby. However, The UnSignpost rarely votes on VFD, never contributes to the site except to spam talk pages and generally has been writing essentially the same thing for almost 3 years, which is exactly what it should be doing. If you regularly read the UnSignpost, get a job so you have less free time and stop being so limber and stress free; if you regularly write for the UnSignpost, get a job so you have less free time. Well done, UnSignpost, and may you persist in all the poor practices that have made you what you are today. Anniversary UnSignpost of the week Believe it or not the UnSignpost had a birthday, only the one, but here is the last time we devoted an entire issue to talking about ourselves and how awesome we are when you sit back and think about it. Mince Pie update It's all go over on Under user's page as the festive mince pie race gets into full swing. UU himself has consumed 39 festive treats at the time of going to press, lagging behind Roman Dog Bird who has guzzled a whopping 52 mince pies at the time of going to press. Meanwhile, ChiefjusticeDS has only managed 25 and is just happy to be involved in something that involves other people for once.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

1234 ~ 06:51, 23 December 2010

Godfather 3 review

Thanks for that, it's just what I was looking for. I'll see what I can do with the article when I get some time. Also, it's nice to see you reviewing again, we really need everyone we can get right now at PEEING. --Black Flamingo 07:55, December 24, 2010 (UTC)

No problem.--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 04:37, December 25, 2010 (UTC)

Merry Christmas! Joy and apples to you!

And the best of the holidays flowing around your home. Cooking reindeer meat, plucking the eyebrows off of Old Saint Nick, and wrapping the Christmas tinsel around your North Pole, may the ho ho ho's visit you often. Aleister 4:08 25 12

Merry Christmas to you too, buddy. Hope you enjoy it.--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 04:10, December 25, 2010 (UTC)

Have a magical christmas!

Magic man got you a present! Don't open it till Christmas!

Bye! --Magic Snow man ☃ 04:31, December 25, 2010 (UTC)

You too!--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 04:36, December 25, 2010 (UTC)

You too too! --Magic Snow man ☃ 04:37, December 25, 2010 (UTC)

Happy Daze After Christmas

Did you get everything you wanted for Christmas? I hopeth so. I've come to you with a request as MMX ends, to read and (crossing fingers) hopefully like this thing on VFH. I'm hoping to whore the whores for it before the New Year. Appreciated. I've seen that you are playing with several pages at once, an explosion of the creative! Are you reworking Fucked Her Mother? That has good potential, aye. And so does her mother, aye aye! Aleister 2:24 27 12

Yes, I got everything I wanted except for world domination. And yes I'm thinking on ways to imporove Fucked her mother, thanks for asking.--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 02:30, December 27, 2010 (UTC)

World domination. There, you've got it all now. And did you really fuck her mother, is that a true story? Did you vid it? Post the vid? Just wondering. Aleister 2:33 27 12

YES!!!!! FINALLY!!!!! Thank you very much. And yes I did fucked here mother; it was fun too. By the way, new contest! It would be nice if you participated, and if you do I'll give you a cookie.--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 02:51, December 27, 2010 (UTC)

Domination and horny mothers, a winning combination. I went to the contest thing before, and this one seems like it would pick someone over lots of other worthy people to be the funniest person on an entire comedy site, which I would feel uneasy voting on. Lots and lots and lots of funniest people here, I laugh every day at something going on here. Like I suggest on the page, how about the most daft, but Socky would win that easy, or Maniac1075 (have you read lots of Maniac's stuff? I may have asked you before. He's amazing.) Aleister 3:07 27 12

Welcome to the Grue Army!!!

Attention!

---

Having recently joined the Grue Army, you are now allowed access to all Grue Army places and files with your level Phi clearance.

Accessible areas:

Your current fighter craft is the TIE Heavy Fighter. Should you wish to have a new one, place a message on the Commanding Officer's talk page, and he'll try to get you what you want. Look over the current war updates to browse our list of fighters.

Grue Army Main Base. Assign yourself to a squadron or two, then begin to carry out the primary orders of your squadron. The list of currently active vandals is at the bottom of the page. Study it, as you may come up against these foes during your tenure here.

Grue Army Peacekeeping Base. Should you assign yourself to Blue Squadron, you must add your name onto the list of Blue Squad members, plus send your training sheet to my talk page.

Grue Army Outpost Beta. Another secondary base specifically assigned to Twin Suns Squadron. If you join their ranks, add the template onto your userpage, add yourself to the list, and be sure to read the job information.

My talk page. If you have any information you wish to find out about the Grue Army, ask me on my talk page, and I will lie make something up give you the answer.

Grue Army Surplus And Treasury. Create an account here, and you'll be able to purchase whatever surplus we currently have. You will gain credits for following your squadrons' primary orders.

Current War Updates. Review this page to determine what your enemies are using, as well as updates of the Un-Wiki War. If you've found new war material for the Uncyclopedian Alliance, add it to the list. If you've found out about a new Wikipedian class of ship/vehicle/troop, add it as well. If you have heard about or seen a new battle, add it.

The Code of War. It explains some basic information about the Grue Army just like this template right here. It may be a bit out of date, but that will be fixed soon.

You are also allowed to add the following templates to your userpage:

This user is a veteran/combatant of the war.

This user is an Assault Soldier and is pWn1ng n00bs with their quarter gun .

bu-N

This user is a native speaker of Bullet and can fire high-caliber rounds in full-automatic mode.

bu-N

This user has joined The Grue Army to help Uncyclopedia kill vandals, and help users. Please join today!

You may gain awards for particularly impressive acts of valor. These will include promotions, free material, and credit bonuses. Now MOVE OUT, SOLDIER!!! --Revolutionary, Anti-Bensonist, and TYATU Boss Uncyclopedian Meganew (Chat) (Care for a peek at my work?) (SUCK IT, FROGGY!) 03:58, December 27, 2010 (UTC)

And on a lighter note, what say you and the Grue Apocalypse make an alliance with us over here at the Grue Army? --Revolutionary, Anti-Bensonist, and TYATU Boss Uncyclopedian Meganew (Chat) (Care for a peek at my work?) (SUCK IT, FROGGY!) 03:58, December 27, 2010 (UTC)

Alliance accepted!--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 04:12, December 27, 2010 (UTC)

You know what I just noticed?

In the Grue Army, we have one of everything. We've got atheists(you), commies(ComradeSlice), Christians(me, though not as explicitly as trolls like Apostle of Christ), and Democrats(Magic man). Maybe we should use that. What do you think? Revolutionary, Anti-Bensonist, and TYATU Boss Uncyclopedian Meganew (Chat) (Care for a peek at my work?) (SUCK IT, FROGGY!) 21:56, December 29, 2010 (UTC)

Participation Template

Thanks for participating in this past season of UFFL fantasy football. Here is a template for said participation:

'The 2010 Purple Pigskin of Participation'

This user participated in the UFFL's 2010 season.

For his/her participation, he/she has received this template.

---

All of the other awards/results are posted here. Thanks for playing. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 18:26, December 30, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost, UnSignpost, eat it right here...

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

May contain traces of humor!

Dec 30th, 2010 • Issue 101 • The periodical with just a hint of pie.

Awards of the year By Chief As Christmas fades into the deep darkness of memory and the New Year hurtles towards us so quickly that experts have predicted it will reach us within a few days, thoughts inevitably turn to the Yearly awards. Well, the thoughts of we here at the UnSignpost do; if yours don't, then you aren't committed to this site enough. The yearly awards are: Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year and Potatochopper of the Year. These highly imaginative awards are hotly contested affairs with up to 3 Uncyclopedians being nominated for each! While voting will not be open until early January you can already begin to think about who you want to nominate. The voting will be open until the end of January, hopefully, maybe, if we remember/are nominated. So prepare for the excitement, bribery and boredom fun. Vote, vote and vote. In all seriousness, there are some really deserving users around here and if you can't think of anything, then you need to get involved. Now to balance that out: Bing boing whoopsie knickers. Lolpoo By Chief Those of you who frequently watch the village dump may have spied, nestled amongst imaginative topics like "I r haz a solushan 4 all teh speeling prooblams on Uncylopedia!!" and "MY PENIS IS BENSON", the topic about the Poo Lit Surprise competition. As the forum topic suggests, the competition is expected to start in January on the 18th. The PLS is arguably the biggest writing competition in Uncyclopedia and judges are still needed to help out, just check out the forum topic if this is something you want to do. The controversial, drama causing, admin harassing problem associated with the PLS last time was the issue of a cash prize for the winner, and clashes over various entries to the competition and the related financial consequences caused problems for the competition and contributed towards Mordillo's 200th mental breakdown of the year. This year crafty Scot Sycamore, who has been coerced into hosting the PLS, has decreed that the winner may nominate a charity to which an unconfirmed sum will be sent on victory. Any further winnings may be withdrawn from your bank account with your credit card and redeemed at most shops. The competition starts on January 18th and we are lead to believe will close 14 days later, however we cannot confirm this for reasons that we are unable to confirm at time of writing and going to press. It's that simple.

Check out these pages! It is complete! Got a problem? Moar votes plzzz From our logs: 16:41, December 26, 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.10.118.29 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (What's that under the tree? Why - it's a gift you overlooked! Whatever could it be? Well, how about that - it's a ban!) 21:08, December 28, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.4.116.14 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Sets off my arsehole detector. Don't ask why I have one.) 10:28, December 25, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 143 seconds ‎ (Merry thing you don't celebrate old chap! Hope the presents you didn't get would have been fantastic!) 22:15, December 24, 2010 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.2.208.36 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Did I just accidentally start a gang war between myself and some kids from Scotland? Cool beans.) 18:20, December 28, 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.32.12.212 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Simon IS a naughty boy but it's not for you to tell) Biopic of the Week Bananas, bats and beach balls, what do these things have in common? The answer of course is Lyrithya, who, let’s face it, is just plain weird. Obsessed with everything from masturbation to mastication and from coding to cunnilingus... OK I made some of that up, but the thing about Lyrithya is that you don't know what I made up and what is the whole gruesome truth. That aside, Lyrithya seems to successfully spend more than 24 hours on Uncyclopedia every day and seems to be attracting the attention of the majority of the user base, like a lone woman in a room full of sexually frustrated quasi-rapists, which she is. But why not go and say hello if you haven't already? The response will baffle you, but that's half the appeal.... isn't it? Newsroom UnTune of the week Won't Get Banned Again

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1234 ~ 21:37, 30 December 2010