User:Iwillkillyou333/Archive 3

Talk, if you dare. Now with 60% more fear than ChiefjusticeDS

Welcome. This my talk page (no shit). Discuss whatever you like but please follow the rules.

Rules

• 1. No saying crap that doesnt make sense.
• 2. Do not be an ass
• 3. Be smart, not stupid.
• 4. If I placed your article on QVFD and you get mad and want to say something horrible to me, don't even try. Cause I will likely bitch punch you.

More Serious Rules

• 5. No vandlism.
• 6. No flame wars.

Now that we tooken care of that, please enjoy!

Those who dare break the rules.........

VANDALISM!!

ON WHEELS FUCK FUCK SHIT DICK RAPE—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:44, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

You suck I hate you, HELPME—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:46, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

Hey, guys octopus shaboobala!—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:46, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

/me moons your talk page—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:47, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

Hey guys, what does "smart" mean?—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:47, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

Something you'll never be?--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 00:47, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

Thank you, come again! Don't forget your change--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 00:49, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

Something horrible to me (That's for QVFD'ing that one article that time!)—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:50, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

/me bitch punches you--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 00:51, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

Directions: do you still read them?

Before you do something like this again, you might want to read the directions at the top where it says IMPORTANT. Thank you. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  02:53, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

As to your question, I do Pee Reviews, but not as often as I did before I was made head of IC. I'll check what's there now. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  02:54, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

Sorry I meant to go you rpage but I did not know what I was thinking. Sorry--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 02:56, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

As Gibbs says on NCIS, saying 'sorry' is a sign of weakness. With a name like Iwillkillyou you must show no fear of puny mortals like Why?, who you can crush under your boot heel and only by your good graces you let live. Now answer Why? with all the strength you have, and do it on his template again, which, of course, he made the mistake of creating. That template is an open invitation, use it well. Al en'chain 15:59 21 3

I bet you thought I wouldn't see this, huh, AiC? I'm gonna get you for that! (Also Happytimes told me how to help prevent the editing problem in the future. It was partially my fault, so for that I apologize to Iwillkillyouwhy?). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  04:38, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

Apology accepted--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 12:03, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

Apology accepted! Now is the time to, for example, fly the gay flag right in the middle of his template, or place whatever animal that eats code into it. I'd do it myself but I'm too lazy at the moment, and am in the middle of watching the third season of "Big Love", which I'll get back to momentarily. Good tv, that. Al en'chain 12:12 22 3 mmx

Thanks for the pee review!

Hi, and thank you for the Unununium review. I've already changed it back to the 111th element, I had thought that because 119 hadn't been discovered yet it could go there, but you were right. I will work more on this page, and on your suggestions, soon, but wanted to thank you first. Um um um. Al in Chains 15:55 21 3 mmx

Your very welcome--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 14:09, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the BTTF Pee review

ok, so ive added some pics, and rearranged a few things, gotten rid of temporal displacement 2, and just made it 1 section. I'm completely at a blank as what else to add to the article, i could make things up, but the idea was to use things back to the future related or future related, and nothing new springs to mind. The skynet thing is just a reference to the terminator movies idea of the future, the Libyan terrorists is a reference to BTTF where doc says he built the time machine when Libyan terrorists wanted him to build them a bomb and he stole their plutonium, which is what got him killed, and the Family Guy thing I was originaly going to use Futurerama, but picked a cartoon more people would be familiar with BTTF references in the shows. --Maniac1075 04:35, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Blue-ringed octopus

Much appreciated the Pee! It's always good to get others perspective. These creatures are ONLY terrible, and making them worse (in fact) than the Alien (max fiction), or any living thing, is my intention, because it's true. They are horrible 100%. But some people like it to sound like Wikipedia. I'm a long-time Wikipedia writer (long before I joined Uncyclopedia) and have lots of articles. BUT, they're not the least bit funny, even they are true (with references). As you give following example, "Also, I don’t think you should make the creature evil. Maybe saying something like ‘’it is a rather shy creature and will get quite aggressive if a stranger approaches’’ --- If I say ‘’it is a rather shy creature and will get quite aggressive if a stranger approaches’’ --- that is word-for-word Wikipedia fact, and Wikipedia just ain't funny, and neither is that fact. It's worse than Alien is funny (with reasons given). But some people want a Wikipedia article with a few jokes tossed in. But I save my Wikipedia style for Wikipedia, and here I'm Funnybony. I have read lots of features and find many to be boring long winded "content" - and we're supposed to be content free. I'm amazed also that many features are totally out of character, starting like, "Welcome!" and so I see nothing is sacred. So for me what I think is funny is to exaggerate, something I can't do in Wikipedia - not just repeat the literal boring facts, and say that is funny because it's true.

Anyway, the point is your review is much appreciated and I made lots of changes after reading it - down the list. But that you don't get the joke is sometimes unavoidable because of different tastes in humor. So I'm happy just to have an article stick even it doesn't appeal to everyone's taste. Like I find most features to be very polished blah - not because I never got one, but because they are just boring long-winded facts, much like a slightly tweaked Wiki article. So if that's the standard then I'll never make it -- I believe the less words the better and too choose wisely. I save my Wiki articles for Wikipedia - where life is so unfunny. Anyway, that review did indeed help in many ways. Thanks a bunch. Much appreciated. Cheers! BTW: If my controller (I'm a sock puppet of) MrN reads what I wrote here he'll give me a hard time, that I must read HTBFANJS (again..) But I'm just a his sock puppet, so I can't read!--Funnybony    01:56, Mar 24

Your welcome.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 01:59, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

Anti-ugly pill

Hi. Can I do a little copy editing of your page, not enough to take away the quaint language but to tone up a few things? Thanks. Aleister in Chains 2:05 24 3 mmx

Absolutely. If it would help the article then you can--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 02:12, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

Thank you, and I will send the cash and blood over posthaste. Give me about half an hour, or until you see a recent change entry, then you can check it out and keep/change. I do not want to change any of the tone, it's a good article. Thanks. Al, a few minutes later

There, some edits, and I added in a couple of jokes if you would wish to keep those. I like the page, and maybe some other editors would have ideas for it. Thanks for letting me play on it. Aleister en'chain 2:58 24 3 mmx

Your Wlecome. Thank for the edits. :)--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 10:08, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

Discordianism vote needed quickly and member retirement

User:Why do I need to provide this?/Discordianism vote King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  18:32, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

Ok

PLEASE vandalize SPICE UP my page. But sign everything

Oky dokey! And next, try to remember to sign your signature--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 23:54, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 25th March 2010 (hand delivered for added flavour)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

Mar 25th, 2010 • Issue 81 • So full of news, our news-gut hangs over our news-jeans

VFS reaches third and final round, Uncyclopedians bored to tears By UU And so the bloated process that is VFS stumbles drunkenly into its third and final stage. All the chaff - that is, those polling low numbers of votes - has been mercilessly pruned, and the wheat - Chief, Rabbi and Socky - is now being sifted carefully by the admins. And the UnSignpost once more devotes precious space to covering it, even though most Uncyclopedians, with their reduced attention spans, got bored of it weeks ago. Once again, the Rabbi appears to be in pole position, and there are rumours that Mordillo is already preparing him a traditional Jewish banstick, such is his current lead. Meanwhile, Sock and Chief are neck-and-neck for the second slot, polling three votes each currently. When he interviewed himself for this article, lazy journalist UU exclusively told us: "this reflects well on the site - we have three great, very strong candidates, any and all of whom would do a great job if opped. And a number of those who didn't make it to round 3 will probably make a much stronger showing next time. If there is a next time." All that remains now is to see how the final few days affect the vote, and who finally gets the supreme honour of being able to go delete every single page of shitloads of crappy games that have been nommed on VFD, and the like. Joins us next week for the "From Our Logs" new admin special, when we analyse their first bans, and watch as these new admins mercilessly ban the unlucky loser and abuse their new powers flagrantly. Hopefully. Top 5 Of-The-Months Become 90% Cheesier By CheddarBBQ Well known and completely badass user CheddarBBQ, known for his increasing his own self-image, and for being one of the coolest guys ever, has now set a record by being nommed for all four "big" nominations in the same month. Even more impressive, he has been nommed for these four without doing much of anything deserving of awards (besides the aforementioned alleged coolness and/or badassedness). The always tasty Eyetallyan snackfood has been able to hold tightly to last place in each one of these all month. When asked about his newfound record, the great man/food had this to say: "I always knew I was special. The bag of cheese curls that I referred to as "Mommy" for 15 years would tell me so on a regular basis. Also, suck it bitchez." Of course the amazing record-breaker would think well of himself, so we went elsewhere, to question his adopted son, Momo. When asked about the excitement over the record, Momo claimed, "Papa De La Rosa is, like, the greatest dad ever, I used to have so much fun with him when I was little. Ya know, he once left me inside an oven when I was a baby, went for a beer and got me out the following morning. That was fun, I'm tellin' ya. And when I was 4, he left me in an amusement park, went for a beer and came to pick me up a whole week later. I spent that week with that nice guy who kept touching my ass.. Good times.. When I was 7, he took me for a beer. And by the age of 14, we were running our small liquor-smuggling business.. Oh yeah, he's a great guy." Curiously, his comment did not much relate to the matter at hand, yet it was deemed necessary to include it anyway. It appears to be abundantly clear that Cheddar is a marvel of a man whom we can all look up to. In other news, it appears that Don Chedds is about to set another record by being the first Uncyclopedian to drastically lose all five major awards in one month. It appears to be abundantly clear that Cheddar is a marvel of a man whom we can all look up to. Here's to you, CheddarBBQ. Oh yeah, and some other people had something to do with it as well. Note: The writer of this article has decided that a fact check as to whether or not either of these are true records would be unnecessary.

Check out these pages! Screw you, smartasses Something to do with politics, I think We have a history, but is that anything worth celebrating? From our logs: 23:47, 23 March 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked Dakotah0 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Being a Dick: Fucking n00bs, editing the UnNews Main Page.... what do you think this is, rimjob? Wikipedia?) 09:16, 23 March 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.162.71.154 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (stop being so full of fail. seriously, did you have a fail transplant or something? that's a serious fail supply you carry round with you.) 05:14, 22 March 2010 Roman Dog Bird blocked TheUnUncyclopedian with an expiry time of infinite (Have you ever tried to cum in your mouth? I did. I couldn't go through with it though. No way was I going to eat my cum. What the fuck was I thinking? True story.) Biopic of the Week Tell you what, let's do a bio of someone who's won the WotM award this year - how's that sound? Splendid, knew you'd like it. And you'll like the guy we've chosen too: Nameable. How can you not? He's friendly, cuddly (we're told), and capable of writing a funny article about Corn Flakes. That's pretty much as good as it gets, right there. Unless you have some kind of Corn Flake aversion, but then, if you do, you're beyond help. Probably. Day of the Week A glut of Sasquatch-related UnNews stories led the very Reverend Zim to declare March 24th Sasquatch Appreciation Day. He celebrated by spamming a template around a few talk pages. Do those sasquatches appreciators know how to party or what? Old school featured article of the Week Sexual innuendo is a hard topic to stay abreast of. As a humor tool, it stands erect in the English language. While there are no hard and fast rules as to what constitutes sexual innuendo, many people have mass-debated over the topic, and now the general principles at the root of the topic are firm and well-rounded. However, full penetration of the subject requires that the reader take a long, hard look at the target and be a cunning linguist in order to avoid limp phrases and imbibe the phrase with a large handful of meanings. The topic can become hot by attempting to grasp it, and the more one experiments with it, the more interested they become. Also, as the language changes innuendos must change in order to fill the newly created holes and satisfy listeners.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeXBox360 22:42, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

need help

I see that on your userpage you have a smileyface where the potato should be. That image contains the key to unlocking the answer to my frustrations for the last few hours. How on earth did you get that transparent background on the image? I need to know so I can do that same thing with another image I'll be using to superimpose over the logo. --Sir Skinfan13 Talk {< CUN RotM FBotM VFH ΥΣΣ Maj. SK >} 22:17 EST 25 Mar, 2010

{{nologo}} :<span style="position:absolute;top:-40px;left:-150px;z-index:1;">[[Your image here|Your image size here]] </span> (Don't put an indent, I just did that so it wouldn't appear on the same line)

That should work. I answered your question in his place. I'm cool. ^_^—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 03:48, March 26, 2010 (UTC)

Currently working on Giant Panda

Here's an item left over from the garage sale, please sell it on E-Bay. Thank you very much for your vote, you were the first to do so. Appreciated. Aleister in Chains 22:49 28 3 mmx

I'm working and I'm about two thirds done. Thanks for your patience.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 03:50, March 26, 2010 (UTC)

You can't eat a pig panda like that all at once!  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  26 Mar 2010 ~ 05:08 (UTC)

I'm done now, go see.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 01:59, March 27, 2010 (UTC)

Gee thanks!--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 23:17, March 29, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 1th April 2010 - Always on time

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The edition that's black and white and dead all over

Apr 1st, 2010 • Issue 82 • You'd better watch out, you'd better beware: if any news happens, the Signpost will be there

Nominally Humane! some time Friday, 04:49, Apr 2 2010 UTC

In an attempt to curb the Pee queue in Cheif's absence

Your Cannibal Corpse untunes, I have left a message on there, that I hope you reply to, and I won't start my review until you do. ~ 13:38, Apr 3, 2010

Potato head chopper of the Month March 2010

YO!

When I got the Nobel Piece of Ass Prize for being the Nobel Piece of Ass in appreciation of my saving the Universe, I was proud; but THIS is positively humbling! Thanks!!--Funnybony    20:17, Apr 3

UnSignpost 4/8/10 - Oh hi Signpost.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

All your readers are belong to us

Apr 8th, 2010 • Issue 83 • News even an Uncyclopedian can understand!

We deliver on our promises By PuppyOnTheRadio As stated in last weeks edition of the USP, VFS is over, and we've run out of material to be able to fill this particular edition. Discussion about what to include in here has been vast and varied. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user suggested we write an article about how it's his birthday today, but how are we going to be able to write an entire article about his birthday? Especially when the bastard hasn't invited us to his party or shared any of his cake with us. Other suggestions included writing the value of π to the first 1,000 digits, or planting drugs on an admin. As none of the regular writers are able to do anything mathematical, and we attempted to plant drugs on an admin, but they mysteriously disappeared before we could discover them, those options were excluded. So instead we have gone back to suggestions for what we were going to do for the April Fool's day issue, where EMC suggested we have an article which simply showed someone being hit in the face with a pie. Working on the assumption that a picture is worth one thousand words, this seems to incorporate elements from most of the ideas we have had so far. If you are interested in helping to pad out contribute fine quality writing to the UnSignpost, or just wanting to bring up items of interest for our intrepid team of editors to report on, drop us a line at the press room and we promise we'll be polite when we ignore it. Spinning some new yarns By UU Another week, another new Uncyclopedia project, it seems. The latest to be launched is the Summit of Spin, which purports to be "an "office" that makes it easier and more organized to collaborate on article serials". It seemingly has no rules, but claims to provide "a series of tools to facilitate writing", which sounds dangerously close to helpful, if you ask us. Intrigued, your ever-alert UnSignpost asked the project's founder, Multiliteralist, for some quotes, preferably lengthy ones for the sake of padding. He responded: "You like the truth, don't you? But you don't like it the way it is now? Join us." Which is all well and good, but doesn't exactly fill this article out anything like enough. Fortunately, he added: "Our door is open for anyone with - in the words of Sir Humphrey Appleby - some moral flexibility." That was slightly more helpful for our purposes. Fortunately, however, he followed that up with: "Early this year, I felt something was missing in the world. That something was money truth - and it was specifically missing in my pockets the world of organised news reporting. Whatever is true in the world - like how wooden wheels are far better than tyres made of rubber and wheels made of metal alloys, or how fluffy bunnies are infinitely useful for all kinds of things - I felt I had to bring these things out for people to see. And you, if you are as greedy as I am love truth as much I do, can join forces with me by working for Summit of Spin for a ridiculously low salary, considering how much you have to lie love of truth! I cannot promise you anything else but prolonged court battles blood, sweat and tears in our constant fight for better-paying clients a more honest world!" And we think that just about sums it up without us having to do too much actual reporting, so we'll leave it here. Why not have a look at the Summit of Spin and get involved?

Check out these pages! Someone wants to be banned Oh dear God, is it still going? World Cup fever starts here From our logs: 14:26, 6 April 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 167.206.233.170 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (anonymous users only, account creation disabled, autoblock disabled) ‎ (ooh, is this a game of "state the bleedin' obvious"? OK: you're a twat. I win!) 15:53, 4 April 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Starsky133 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 seconds ‎ (I have no life and nothing bothers me more than people who don't know the difference between "your" and "you're." :-)) 01:22, 3 April 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked 123.243.77.178 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Because I said so: Random insertion of the phrase "Monstrous testicles" into an UnNews article is not funny unless you're extrodinarily lucky, and you, my fine douche bag of a fellow human, are not lucky.) Biopic of the Week You'd think that, him having been on the wiki for over 4 years, having written a bunch of featured articles, and recently become an admin, we'd have done a bio on RabbiTechno by now, wouldn't you? Arguably Uncyc's second most notorious Jew (because no-one ever remembers TKF is Jewish), and UotM wayyy back in January '08, the good Rabbi now polices the wiki with his kosher banstick as part of the increasingly Semitic but non-existent Cabal. Old-School Featured Article of the Week I'm a dick. A private dick. That's like a private dancer but with a gun and dances cost extra. That's how we do it in the detective game. It's a game like Clue, but without the cards or the board. Just the dice. And they always come up snake eyes. The name is Gwendolyne. Last name's not important. All you need to know is my friends call me Gwendolyne. My friends are bourbon and ice and I haven't spoken to ice in years. It was a stormy and dark night. Not a dark and stormy night. That's an unrelated story, one that’s got little to do with this narrative. That somber tale has got something to do with Paul Clifford and I'd tell you about it, but the library revoked my card. Something about expositioning too loud last time I was there. Sorta-Comeback of the Week A wild Gerrycheevers appeared! Gerry used April Fool - it's pretty effective! Necropaxx, RabbiTechno, Mordillo and UU used gullibility - it's not very effective! Gerry wins!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 20:17, April 8, 2010 (UTC)

Emo Girl

Hi. I didn't know you had emo up for review, and when I noticed Hiatus doing a spell check, I read it again and thought I'd go in and do some cleanup edits and nom it for VFH. Have really liked it in the past, and have thought to myself "Why isn't this a feature?", so this time I took it upon myself to edit and nom. I took out the Emo Girl Finder 500, which seemed to be thrown in as extra and threw me off the read; added a new almost-last line with a whore link to my article; and did some other edits. Please take a look at the changes and see if they are too much/too little. So it looks like I stepped on your and Hiatus' review. Yikes! Aleister in Chains 14:51 11 4 mmx

Thats fine, the changes are good. And I'm glad you nommed it, so thanks for both :).--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 00:50, April 15, 2010 (UTC)

Sorry

If you can't get anyone else to review your untunes, I'll do it by this weekend, if at all. In case you've missed the point, get someone else to review it. ~ 11:10, Apr 14, 2010

UnSignpost 15/4/10 - Yet another on time delivery.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.

Apr 15th, 2010 • Issue 84 • News? Where we're going, we don't need... News...

Something Scary This Way "Comes" By Skinfan13 A recent infestation of glowing dildos has taken over the front page of Uncyclopedia. Many users were shocked on April 11th when they opened up their web browsers and were treated to bright green replicas of EugeneKay's penis. Everywhere. Even poor anti-Semite Mel Gibson couldn't escape the wrath of the glowing dick. And the reason for the Scream in Edvard Munch's famous painting was revealed - turns out to have been caused by a hoard of giant glowing EugeneKay penises - an understandable reaction. When asked to comment on the matter, users simply refused to acknowledge that they had seen the penises at all. "Well, I for one didn't notice anything. Glowing penii are so common around here that these particular examples of illuminated manhood really didn't make an impression..." said Aleister in Chains. HELPME had a different outlook on the whole matter: "of course I noticed, how couldn't I? They were everywhere!" he exclusively told our intrepid reporter. Random internet traffic took notice of the infestation as well, with 127.0.0.1 commenting" "Ballsack!!!11 alolololololololooll pasfsdkjfhaelkfjds PENIS PENIS PENIS." He was promptly banned. The infestation passed almost as quickly as it came and a sense of normalcy returned to the main page when the penises retreated into the dark and abysmal graveyard of unused image files. By April 13th, all traces of the Great Penis Invasion of April 11-13 2010 (as it is now being called) were gone. There are, however, unconfirmed reports that the menace still lingers close to the main page, just waiting to strike again soon. I See IC All At Sea By UU It has come to the attention of our ever-vigilant reporters (largely because Why? has been bugging us to write a story about it) that Why? has decided to stand down as Admiral of Imperial Colonization, the organisation that somewhat amusingly styles itself after British Imperialism, but uses American spelling. We didn't need to ask the outgoing Admiral for a comment, as he was falling over himself to give us plenty, so we randomly selected the following: "I'm anal for accuracy", he told us. Among other things. Anyway, if you want to follow in Why?'s footsteps, and those of his illustrious predecessors in charge of the Colonization project, you can sign up to be considered for the post here. If it helps, you may wear a nice hat (please provide your own hat).

Check out these pages! The seed of a good idea It's a surprise, it says so in the name... Tell Uncle Dex everything. Everything... From our logs: 17:54, 14 April 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.185.215.1 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (On the charge of flagrant asshattery while in posession of an internet connection, I find you incredibly guilty) 20:05, 13 April 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I never gave you an inaugural joke ban? I blame you.) 23:03, 12 April 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.55.13.71 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (And the LORD said unto me: "Go ye, and smite the page blankers; they are as shit upon My heavenly sandal") 14:44, 11 April 2010 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 79.73.5.86 with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (You sound clever, and therefore I am blocking you to ensure that your talents are not wasted on us.) 21:19, 11 April 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked EugeneKay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a random ban time ‎ (chose your own adventure) Biopic of the Week Continuing our glorious occasional tradition of bio-ing people who haven't contributed for months and half the newer members of the wiki will never have heard of, let's have a look at Andorin Kato. An Uncyc stalwart since 2006, Andorin was voting on VFD, QVFDing stuff and writing good articles when most of today's active users were in short trousers (they're still in short trousers, of course, but it's been a while). In true on-the-ball Uncyc fashion, this hard work was recognised when Andorin was made UotM in November 2009. He was less than thrilled. The nostalgic return of Cajek Ban of the Week 11:39, 14 April 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (About time I did this. It's been a good two weeks and I haven't done yet.)

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--ChiefjusticeXBox360 21:22, April 15, 2010 (UTC)

Congrats, Emo is on main

Thanks for letting the ghosts hauntify the front page, they are very appreciative and will visit you tonight, when you least expect it, to thank you in person. Ghost train, Al des chain 22:29 30 4 mmx

Yay! Emo is on the main page right now. Nice work! Al en chains 11:08 16 4 MMX

Grats on your first feature, IWKY! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Saturday, 08:02, Apr 17 2010

And you got the front page for two days in a row! Yay again! Al sans chains 14:32 17 4 mmx

Awesome!--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 01:12, April 20, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 1 May

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost: Special Weekend edition

In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!

April 22nd 1st May, 2010 • Issue 85 • Insert penis joke here

The launch of a new and exciting weekend edition. Maybe. By PuppyOnTheRadio "Where is my signpost?" was the cry heard from the world wide masses this week. "There should have been an issue on the 22nd and on the 29th, and nothing seems to have been done about it." Fear not, gentle reader, for the signpost will not go gentle into the good night. We have instead taken a brief hiatus for no reason that we could conceivably come up with, and now we are back in a blaze of glory. For those who are unaware of our proud history, the next issue, coming out this Thursday, will mark the (roughly) 2 year anniversary of the creation of the UnSignpost, the unperiodic periodical started by Dr. Skullthumper and Cajek. The good doctor, at the time of the first issue, was asked what his feelings were towards creating the first formalised forum for spam within Uncyclopedia. It was from this that we now have the immortal words "Those assholes better appreciate this. They'd BETTER." Now, two years on from those words of wit and wisdom, the UnSignpost is still struggling going strong. There have been varied reports as to why the USP has not been released. One suggestion is that regular contributors just "couldn't be bothered writing." Others have suggested that it comes down to the unwillingness of the head editor, who was recently heard to say "I'm so against... this... again... (E)xistence is far more than (it) deserves." One of the more probable reasons for the lack of issues may be that the news has now gone viral, and is available more readily through facebook then it has been previously. One facebook semi-regular, who bears a remarkable resemblance to a Silent Bob inaction figure, has said of this development "Excuse me, but I think your geek is showing." Dexter111344 supported the move to the social networking site by saying "I won't be joining as I don't intend to ever make a Facebook." Another possibility is the number of users now communicating via UnSkypelopedia. When asked for a comment, EMC said "OH FUCKING CHRIST I'VE CUM" Dr.Skullthumper, however, said "I started both of them.", and then wished to make reference to some forum or something. Ethine, however, was somewhat more constructive, informing this reporter that "Since it's getting close to summer, we'll likely have more calls, as most people's schedules are slowing down. As well as calls, we have the neat little chat thing at the bottom, where everyone sexually harasses each other when calls aren't going." Despite several attempts, I still haven't been sexually harassed. One reason why users have not been as distracted recently is due to the enormous amount of work going on at PEE review. At present there are articles waiting for review which have been there for over three weeks. For all those who are looking to get the review process back and alive, please pick up an article for review today. Your time and investment into this proud tradition can create the next great article, like the recently featured A wizard did it or the recently nominated UnNews:Windows 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 came out, hailed by some as "the most profound and groundbreaking article to hit Uncyclopedia in over 50 years" Another reason why many users may be distracted is the number of collaborations that are currently in progress. Of those there is Tim Burton, being cleaned up by the team at ΥΣΣ, lead by the fantastic Skinfan13. Also starting to make some ground in the spread of reliable information is the team at Multiliteralist/Summit of Spin, lead by the wonderful Multiliteralist. And of course, coming out blinking from seeing the light of Discordianism is the ever faithful Imperial colonization, lead by everyone's favourite canine, RDB PuppyOnTheRadio. And of course, another reason might simply be that the team here at USP are all running around arranging bake sales to assist with Poo Lit Surprise, the bi-annual competition that actually gives prizes to the winners. The most likely explanation, however, is that nothing newsworthy ever happens on Uncyclopedia

Check out these pages! UnNews:Windows 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 came out Looks who's out of the closet. The most profound and groundbreaking article to hit Uncyclopedia in over 50 years From our logs: Flammable blocked 86.171.18.85 with an expiry time of infinite ‎(YOU ARE SO COOL SO COOL AWESOME LOL) ChiefjusticeDS blocked 91.195.183.211 with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(Ah, that may be true, but you are a wanker, so it evens out) Olipro blocked 92.4.117.223 with an expiry time of infinite (YOU EVER BEEN FUCKED IN THE ARSE WHILE WATCHING A YANKEES GAME?) Mordillo blocked 217.28.207.226 with an expiry time of 1 week (time's up! you need to go to the toilet to do some poopy!) RabbiTechno blocked 91.195.183.213 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎(Cyberbullying. Matthew R. would like to point out that while he may be gay, you are banned) Olipro blocked YOUR TOO SLOW! with an expiry time of infinite ‎(your spelling is shit, it's spelt "YOU'RE" ... so that means you're a fucking retard) ChiefjusticeDS blocked God-Is-Cool with an expiry time of 40 days ‎(Blessed be the Uncyclopedia admins for they shall lead us to the promised land, also bye bye!) Mordillo blocked God-Is-Cool with an expiry time of 40 years (It took them 40 years not 40 days you bloody heathen) Biopic of the Week What can anyone say about Maniac1075. There are rumours that he is not an individual, but rather a multinational conglomerate of authors who do nothing but write quality articles on an extremely high rate. Or at least on an extreme high. However you look at it his contributions to date have been fast and furious. There is definitely something odd with him at least. If nothing else, he has a scarily in-depth knowledge of the world of professional wrestling. In fact he has been nominated as both Writer of the month and Potatochopper of the month. There is a particular school of though that says that these fields here should be filled in with any old garbage in order to ensure that both the left and the right hand sides of the USP are of the same length. While we appreciate this sentiment, the truth is that the USP is known to be constantly at bursting point with information that we can't fit into one column, and so this right hand column is essential for the stuff that we can't fit elsewhere. SCROTUM The above section is not a prime example of the statement in the section above. Please feel free to ignore it.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Brought to you by fucking magic. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 11:39, 1 May 2010

Pee Review: Don't Eat The Yellow Snow

Thanks for the constructive comments and the review. Seems like I have some work to do, but know that I know which way I'm going with it it should be rater straightforward. Thanks again--Striker2117 03:23, May 2, 2010 (UTC)

No problem. :)--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 05:49, May 2, 2010 (UTC)

I just finished reworking the article around. I realize that you are one heck of a busy person, but if you have some spare time at some point, I would appreciate it if you would glance over it again and leave comments about it on my talk page. No hurry though, don't want to rush you.--Striker2117 05:03, May 2, 2010 (UTC)

I'll take at look at it probaly by tomarrow morning, though I'm already interested with the fact you said that you worked on it some.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 06:10, May 2, 2010 (UTC)

Cool, I realize that you have tagged a few other PEEs, have a life outside of here, and seem to be rather busy; so whenever it's convenient.--Striker2117 06:37, May 2, 2010 (UTC)

To arms!

Good day loyal Peeing member, the management was wondering if you had noticed the state of the toilet recently, if not, why not? This is a call to you, as one of our better active reviewers, for a couple of reviews from you over the next few days. The queue is in the worst state it has been in for a little while and I would really appreciate you taking the time to do a couple of reviews. If you are able to help out then please review the older requests first.

What else do you need to hear? Get pissing! --ChiefjusticeXBox360 15:18, May 2, 2010 (UTC)

Buffalo

This is now in your userspace as the construction tag on it had expired, and it doesn't look ready for mainspace yet. I thought userspacing it was a better alternative to deletion, if there is an issue with this then you just have to let me know. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 18:10, May 2, 2010 (UTC)

Same thing with this article now. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 09:58, May 26, 2010 (UTC)

The Annoying Orange

BRAVO! My son's fav show. Don't forget that all the veges he bugs get sliced. And he a racist! Looking forward to vote on the finished job. Super. Cheers!--Funnybony    19:13, Jun 2

Thanks, I'll be sure to add those in.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 18:33, June 3, 2010 (UTC)

Final warning

The next review you book and fail to complete within 12 hours without an explanation will get you a week off. You have had too many warnings for anything else to be suitable. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 14:33, June 3, 2010 (UTC)

You better rephrase that

Sorry for this, but most of the humor here sucked big blue whale balls that are covered with bitter tasting sprinkles of epic fail drenched in pools of liquid elephant shit mixed with the face of Lady Gaga. Even if it's a joke, that's just bound to cause trouble.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Monday, 05:24, June 21 2010 UTC

I fixed the problem. I really didn't see it like that, so thanks for pointing that out--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 05:33, June 21, 2010 (UTC)

Thank you for taking the time to review the article. Now, I don't normally like to rip a reviewer's head off, but it is clear that you have no idea what I was writing an article about, despite the fact that I provided a wiki link for you to familiarise yourself, and asked for someone with a prior knowledge of the subject. So here goes. There is a Bob Dylan nonsense song called Queen Jane Approximately. Each verse of this song begins with a situation: "When your mother sends back all your invitations" etc. The article has a repetitive form because it follows the song's verses. The section headings take the form they do because they are taken almost verbatim from the lyrics. So what I was doing was to imagine what a real queen, a nasty queen, would do in response to these situations. So that's the concept.

As for humour: complete randomness was not the approach that I was taking. The situations to which this person was responding are previously defined. It must have been clear that I wasn't writing a treatise about what Chuck Norris did to Robot Hitloprah in 99938943 BC on Uranus. Or, at least, it should have been to anyone who had bothered to find out what I was writing about. This article is about the Bob Dylan song, you just didn't know it. I discussed the repetitive format above.

By no means am I claiming to have written the perfect article. I've written plenty of stinkers on this site. Particularly, I accept that profanity can get tiresome, and I appreciated your comments on that matter. But even if you did have any idea what I was talking about, and your review was exactly the same as a result, it was still a waste of your time, and mine. Why? Well, you give no advice whatsoever as to what I should do. The review concludes with the advice that I rewrite the article but keep the images. There's no suggested direction given. Essentially, the review amounted to "you've done it all wrong" with no suggestions as to how I would do it right. But, of course, I should keep the images, even if they don't relate to the new concept, whatever that may be. The idea behind Pee Review is constructive criticism, unless the article is some completely lost cause. Here, you haven't helped, assisted, advised, with any kind of direction. I'm not angry, just disappointed.

I've made a genuine effort here, and you've responded with a half-arsed attempt to tear me down. Utterly unimpressive. I see that only 58% of your reviews are considered to be "in-depth". Frankly: if the rest of your reviews are this useless, I fear that all you're doing is wasting electrons. I'll be quite disappointed if this review is considered to be an in-depth one. Forgive me my rudeness here, and I'll forgive yours. IronLung 23:02, June 21, 2010 (UTC)

Actually, I am angry. IronLung 23:11, June 21, 2010 (UTC)

To anybody who reads the message above, this issue has been sorted out on IronLung's talk page. Please refrain from saying anything negative about the issue above, and anybody who does will be deleted on sight. There is no need for you to make this an even bigger issue than it already was. I made a mistake, he got mad, I apologized, he did so as well we made up, case close.

Now that I got that out, please continue to send messages under this statement. Thanks.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 03:59, June 22, 2010 (UTC)

Good to "see" you

Hi, and it's nice to see you back again. The place wasn't the same without you, going to hell in fact, but now things seem to have evened out. Keep on rippin' and trippin'. Aleister 4:19 22 6 MMX

Thank You. It's good to be back.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 04:30, June 22, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for peeing on me

Thanks, IWilly for peeing on my Gynecologist. I've taken your advice and changed/added a few parts here and there as you suggested. I kinda want to keep the strikes tho, it's supposed to represent not being able to spell Gynecologist, so the struck out words are supposed to be attempts at spelling it... tho, in future i may make it an animation to make it clear what it was I was going for... dunno if you have seen Hot Shots 2, but they do the gag at the start of the film, it may work better that way. And as for your question, yes, I did add the Proofread myself, as all my articles need it, as I only have a small vocabulary 'cause my dictionary is so small. I should probably change my name to "Small dicked man who cant spell". Thanks again :) ---Maniac1075^{Complain Here} 07:07, June 22, 2010 (UTC)

Your welcome. I do like the changes you have made, and it's good that you put the proofread there. Now you don't have to worry about spelling.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 15:47, June 22, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks and stuff

John Lydon has been watching you and noticed you voted for Stalker to be Featured. Now he doesn't have to kill you.

For you

Golden Urinal

You have been awarded this coveted Golden Urinal in recognition of having completed over 25 in-depth pee reviews. Thanks for the hard work.
Now have a rehydrating drink, and get back to pissing – there are still articles out there that need your help, dammit!

---

Keep the in-depth reviews going. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 11:53, June 23, 2010 (UTC)

Why, thank you very much--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 16:57, June 23, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the review of Saki

Did you spot my sad attempts at epigram making? Probably not. I blame my non-British heritage. They're supposed to be funny one or two liners that can be lifted and quoted at random, usually without further expansion in the text itself. All the humour is supposed to be contained in the two lines and after you read it, it's supposed to be like "Bam!" - deep and funny! The kind of thing that Oscar Wilde and Saki are famous for. But... if they're not funny... they're not really epigrams then... and it took me ages to come up with them. Oh well. Any other advice in terms of humour, besides more expansion? ~ 09:44, Jun 24, 2010

The UnSignpost Is Not Dead!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

May contain traces of humor!

Jun 24th, 2010 • Issue 86 • Oh yeah, the UnSignpost, I remember that...

Conservation Week Approaches By UU Fancy watering Uncyclopedia's forestry? Want to be a good conservationist? Fancy taking up the rewriting sword of justice, and righteously smiting the dragon of shit writing? Actually, the hell with that, do you want to take a bunch of bad articles, and make them suck less? Then you, my friend, are in luck! Conservation Week 2010 starts on July 5th, and actively encourages users to scour the wiki (perhaps through judicious use of Special:Random, or possibly through exploration of Category:Rewrite or Category:Ideas or even Special:Lonelypages), find lame articles that they consider are taking up the very space which could be occupied by something less sucky, and then using their skill and judgement to turn those articles into shining examples of comedic writing. As this is a competition dedicated to simultaneously reducing the number of useless articles on the wiki and increasing the number of good ones, some naysayers believe it to be completely pointless - Uncyclopedia is the worst, they say, and no amount of well-intentioned competitions can change that. But were it to exist, the Cabal would probably beg to differ. They may call it something like "a genuinely good thing", and "a ray of hope, signalling that occasionally, even the most worthless dreck may be redeemed". So if you think what your userpage is missing is a template called the "Greasy Mechanic Award", then prepare to rewrite like you've never re-written before. Just don't forget to make your new version better than the original. Something summarizing the events of the last month or so By PuppyOnTheRadio It has been said by one of our esteemed administrators here at UnSignpost that if it wasn't reported in the UnSignpost, then it didn't happen. As there has been no UnSignpost produced for the last few days, due to one of the editors having a real life, and another one being lazy, there are several things that didn't happen. Yes, the loss of the UnSignpost for so long sent a shiver down the spines of many an Uncyclopedian. So much so that one member of the community decided that it was timely to look at a new way to produce the UnSignpost. One such idea was to release a monthly periodical in the place of USP. Although there has been several attempts by this reporter to obtain a quote from said insurrectional community member, to date no response has been heard. As part of the ongoing struggle to maintain our independent stance from Wikia, several members decided that it would be a wise idea to create a way to cash in on the popularity of the site. As such the UnShoppe has been created, where you may purchase any one of a number of Uncyclopedia-related pieces of merchandise. So far all purchases have been made by the individuals who created the store. However, if you are looking for the place to buy a shirt that shows that your nipples have been featured, that a wizard did something, whatever it was, and that you have an in-depth knowledge of who Dan Kwon is. There was a competition. Congratulations go to mrthejazz, who got the pun. Imperial Colonisation has taken a brief hiatus after the new head of IC became the old head of IC. He was an Australian, and his example has inspired the entire nation so much that the new head of Parliament for the country is now the old head of parliament. Congratulations go out to the new new head of IC. A strange bandwagon has been created by a drunken Bonner, who has challenged all and sundry to ask him anything at all. As such there are various forums dedicated to asking regular Uncyclopedian members things. These previously were known as user talk pages, but who can stand in the way of progress? And that's all that didn't happen. Although now it's listed in UnSignpost that means it actually did happen. Which suggests that by editing UnSignpost I have the power to change the past. If I could change anything about the past, what would it be? I had sex with a real person!

Check out these pages! Modusoperandipedia? Fuck... Uncle Dex needs ideas for business cards Wait, we seriously have a store now?! From our logs: 06:22, 23 June 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 153.107.33.152 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (and you are the living proof that school kids are idiots) 00:12, 23 June 2010 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked LRC (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (The purpose of redirects is to redirect someone to a page that is related to the original page, not separated by six degrees of bullshit logic. Try again.) 09:52, 21 June 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 153.107.33.158 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Back after your last block and still loving the penis, have a bit longer to think about that) 15:02, June 17, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 243 seconds (I hear the UnSignpost may be returning, so I'd better make sure I put up at least one decent ban this week so I can get in it!) 05:38, June 17, 2010 PantsMacKenzie (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.109.125.137 (Talk) with an expiry time of a million years ‎ (multiple vandalizations of keitei) Old-School Featured Article of the Week UnMysteries:J'accuse Thank you all for meeting me in the Accusing Parlor tonight. If you're wondering what "j'accuse" means, and why I ran screaming it through the whole house, it means "I accuse" in French, and it's what people say when they accuse people of murder. I trust you know why we're all here. After I was mysteriously invited to this party, and after people started mysteriously dying, I decided to put my internet degrees in Criminology, and Criminography, to good use. But to accuse people of homicide, I have to start at the beginning. International Sporting Tournament of the Week The Swedish Orienteering And Firing A Rat From A Cannon Championships. The World Cup? What's that? Missed anniversary of the week Some time in the last month or so, the UnSignpost completely failed to celebrate its second anniversary. Hey ho. Two years of missed deadlines, desperate filler boxes, flimsy biopics, hand-deliveries and pale imitations of journalism - is it even worth mentioning? Probably not. Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #347 The standard of desperate filler boxes in the UnSignpost remains as low as ever. Oh look - a monkey!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

A new UnSignpost issue, another template spammed onto your talkpage, enjoy! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:17, 24 June 2010

review

I got the pages from the request page. as far as the lightbulb one is concerned my aim was too keep it simple. it was making fun of a D.I.Y. article i actually found. they seriously had instructions for this.

Ok I think it can now be reviewed now. Also remember to sign next time.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 01:19, June 25, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the great review of UnNews:Warrant sent out for the arrest of the Wonderpets

As is the case for most reviews I receive, I take a pretty good chunk of the criticism and use it, although usually not 100%. I really appreciate your feedback, and I think many of your ideas will be very effective. Unfortunately, a personal weakness of mine is photoshop. It always has been. I just don't understand the programs enough to use them properly. That all said, thanks for everything. I give you a thumbs up for reviewing. User:Mrthejazz/sig 01:30, June 25, 2010 (UTC)

Anytime. I'm glad that you found my advice helpful and I'm looking forward to the changes. And I understand the whole photoshop thing; I'm not good at it either. XD--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 01:35, June 25, 2010 (UTC)

Alright, I've made some changes. Feel free to tell me what you think.User:Mrthejazz/sig 03:39, June 25, 2010 (UTC)

Much better. I see you actually took the time to make changes, and use the ideas I gave you. Keep up the good work! Cheers!--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 04:35, June 25, 2010 (UTC)

Review.

Many thanks for your review of UnTweets, clear-eyed Iwillkillyou333. Thanks for pointing out the "I've" thing; i've never been very good at capitalization. I will disagree with one bit, however. The idea of Twitter is that it's supposed to be 140 characters or less, so I couldn't really expand any of the jokes into a paragraph. Thanks for the advice on the images; i'll try to add a few more. Saberwolf116 13:31, June 25, 2010 (UTC)

Article

I moved your article to UnNews:Zombies getting fat, junk food-eating humans to blame because periods shouldn't be in article titles. Just letting you know.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Friday, 06:28, June 25 2010 UTC

Huh, I didn't that fact, but thanks for the move.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 18:31, June 25, 2010 (UTC)

Claire

Hi, glad to help. I did some edits and a few additions, but didn't make any large changes. It was a fun read, and she is a sexy moving vid (I watched the YouTube imbed, pretty funny). But like the Godfather of yore, I will come back tomorrow and ask a price for my task. Ya ha ha, ya ha ha. By the way, I enjoyed your comments on the recent wikia forums, and all I can say is I love wikia, and if wikia's executives were in front of me now I would say to them: Good work, wikia executives. Forum on! Aleister 11:58 26 6 MMX