User:Iwillkillyou333/Battleship

Battleship Iowa firing her powerful guns. At the sight of this would seriously cause enemies to literally shit their pants.

A Battleship is a large warship that has uber tough armor and main battery consisting of heavy caliber guns, or as some people call them, "Big Fucking Guns". Considered as the "Bringers of the Wrath of God", battleships represeted the naval power of a country and were the bringers of fear and destruction, and were so powerful even the mightiest sailor and/or warrior (or anyone for that manner) would either run away or freeze in sheer terror, to the point they would kill themselves or beg for mercy and surrender. Battleships were larger, bettered armored, and had better arnment than that of cruisers and destroyers. Due to being the largest and biggest bad ass of armed ships in the fleet, they were use as command ships until World War II, where that role was stolen form them by those stupid worthless aircraft carriers. Unfortuantly, due to rise of air power and guided missiles, it has been stated that "large guns were no longer deemed necessary to establish naval superiority". Today, no battleships are in active service, but may make a comeback when the world really needs them.

Battleships are not to be confused with battlecruisers. While they both look similar, they are different in terms of armor and firepower, as battlecruisers would trade off armor and/or firepower in return for higher speed, which makes people ask why the hell they do that, meaning battlecruisers "inflicted much more punishment than they could absorb". Another fact that differ between battleships and battlecruisers is that battleships are far more awesome and lethal, and served in more battles as well as having a longer service in navies than the battlecruisers ever had. Plus, battleships have their own game made after themselves.

Design and Armament

The battleship's main function is to provide navy superiority in battle and face agaisnt enemy fleets, as well as providing artillery support for ground soldiers, defense for cargo ships and aircraft carriers, and a safe haven for men who loan money to a mob or terrorist group as well as hiding from their wife's for not cleaning the house and from mother-in-laws (for the latter, they ask the captain to shoot on sight). They have the capablility to kill anything that crosses their path. The firepower of a battleship is so strong amd intense, it can kill just almost everything with the sole excetion of God and Jesus. As a matter of fact, anything that cannot be killed or defeated by normal or even supernatural means can be killed and defeated by battleships, no matter how powerful, lethal, tough, and/or dangerous it is.

Evolution of the Battleship

Over the centuries and decades the design of the battleship change alot since the start of warfare ships.

Ancient warships (pre-battleships)

A Roman warboat, one of the most powerful ones in ancient times

Naval Warfare existed even before the time of Jesus. But because of modernization is primarily non existent, ancient warships (or pre-battleships as we call them) used differet designs and war tactics than modern day battleships. Wood was used instead of metal as the exterior, and therefore had little to no protection from even the lightest assualt. Rather than using guns, which didn't exist, ramming and boarding action was the way to take out other ships.

During this time no power source was availible to make the ships move, or power source from anything due to the fact it's in ancient times. So instead, man power was used to move ships of all kinds, including war ships. This was made possible with the following requirements; a ship, a man, and a big stick called a paddle. This technique is called paddling, or as modern sailors would mockenly say, the "row, row, row your boat" technique. Due to the tiring work and harsh nature of this technique, which would cause blisters the size of the Statue of Liberty's nose, overworked muscles that feel like exploding, and constant whippings from guards at rowers who even the the tiniest slack off, this job was given to people of lower classes, such as the homeless, the lazies, Jews, and the typical bitching teenager. But mostly it was done with slaves and prisoners, with the fact that if one dies, it was cheaper to just replace him with another slave. Speed is controled by a dummer. To make this more sense to the people who cannot understand short sentences and need long explanations to get it in their defunctional brain is as followed; the pace of the drummer is what the speed of the should should be, with ramming being the fastest, and those who cannot meet the required speeds meet are remove from their position.

When a ship sinks barely anybody, if not all, survive. Soldiers, mostly Roman soldiers, fight to the death, and captains die stayed on sinking ships and perished with them. They feared no death, and therefore, evacuation /or surrender is unacceptable. For rowers, its a different story; they prefer to leave with their lives, if wasn't for the chains attached to then that made that trick impossible, another reason why not to be a rower. Mainstance for these ships are easy; replacing old wood with new wood, and replacing old rowers with new ones, with the old ones getting "retirement" after their use has worn off. Despite their usefulness back then, compare to battleships they were like toy boats with playdoy as weapons. Those who still use these ships against modern day battleships would be laughed at. Techniquely speaking, they are not true battleships, but are the forerunners of them,and without these old ships we would never have today's ships and Michael Jackson would be white turned black and Lady Gaga would actually be a man.

Ship of the Line

Thanks to the wonderful discovery of wind power by means of the use of sails, as well as the discovery of gun powder in China, battleships went from the use of the "row, row, row your boat" and the traditional ramming and boarding technique used in ancient times to the more favorable guns and sailing with the wind.

Iowa Age

Korean Peninsula

During the early 1950's conflict in the Korean Penisula occured when communist Kim Il-Sung, the fat communist piece of shit leader of North Korea, wanted to reunify the Republic of Korea (South Korea) to create a unified Korea once again- under communist control. And when they say reunify, they meant invading South Korea, take out the democratic government their, and destroy any form of democracy there and place them under North Korea's brain-washing society. And America and her allies responded with this: fuck that. So they opposed the Communists, and they sent their battleships too for ultimate destruction.

Vietnam

The conflict in Vietnam between North Vietnam (Communist) against South Vietnam (Democracy) and the U.S. brought the use of battleships back into service. Because the Vietnam War wasn't truely a big deal to them and just gave them support only reason they're there is because of Truman's containment policies and were bored and had nothing else to do, they decided only one battleship was needed. New Jersey was chosen because a man from New Jersey (the state, not the ship) annoyed the crap out of the Admiral of the Fleet to do so or he will sing the Teletubby song. During the ship's service time in Vietnam, it had fired at least 6,000-inch shells as well along 4,000-inch shells at fear stricken Communists, obliteraing them to to a pulp like grape jelly. New Jersey caused much trauma and fear in North Vietnam until it left along with the rest of the U.S. Forces. Afterwards, North Vietnam invaded South Vietnam and annexed the two into one Vietnam under Communists rule, making the U.S. look like a bunch of wussies. Yet the damage done in Vietnam that was caused by New Jersey both physicaly and mentally has not, and will never, go away. Even today the governmant officials of the Socialist Republic of Vietnam lies awake at niight in fear of seeing the battleship appearing on their shores again and finishing what it has started.

Possible Return

Despite no longer used in navies, as the battleship was replaced by cruisers and destroyers, and with the so-called "Zumwalt class destoyers" which are intended to take the role the battleship, the battleship might make a possible return when the U.S. Navy's common sense returns and concludes the facts about them being obsolete are a bunch of lies. People may say what they might, but the truth is that one day their will be a battle wich even today's modern navy would be obsolete, and thats when the world's true heros shall come through that red carpet, and every soul will rise and be amazed of that beautiful sight; every person who lost hope shall find it again; those who fell threaten shall feel safe again; those who have a miserable life shall find happiness; and those who are too ugly to be gazed upon shall be beautiful. Well, that last one might not happen, unless Anti-Ugly Pills are involved, but the rest is much of the truth as Elvis Presley is the King of Rock.