User:Iwillkillyou333/Archive 2

Welcome. This my talk page (no shit). Discuss whatever you like but please follow the rules.

Rules

• 1. No saying crap that doesnt make sense.
• 2. Do not be an ass
• 3. Be smart, not stupid.
• 4. If I placed your article on QVFD and you get mad and want to say something horrible to me, don't even try. Cause I will likely bitch punch you.

More Serious Rules

Due to recent events, I place these rules here. Unlike the other 4 rules above, these rules MUST be taken seriously. Orian's comment below doesnt count as I know he's being funny.

• 5. No vandlism. That happened to me by a IP user before Mahm00shA reverted it back. That pissed me off, so none of that on my talk page.
• 6. No flame wars. Due to a recent flame war between two or more users, I'm combining rule 2 and rule 4 and making this serious one. Theres no need to get mad at me (or anybody else) for whatever reason. Anything offensive placed on my page will be used as evidence.

Violation of either of the two rules will result in me reporting you to a administrator. I don't take that kind of crap so know I am not bluffing. You can place funny comment like Orian did below, but nothing hurtful, as I will ignore it and report you. And kill you 333 times

Now that we tooken care of that, please enjoy!

Those who dare break the rules.........

Me takes a shit on your user talk page

And then I did a flying in a rollercoaster for the ammusment of FUCKING YOUR MOTHER! If a tree falls in the woods will we all sufficate from global warming? And, er, you haven't qvfd'd anything I;ve written so I can't break your fourth rule but I do think you're a jerk for QVFDing that article that one time. Faggot.    Orian57    Talk   02:45 16 September 2009

Oh no, a rule breaker, better get my chainsaw---   TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 04:29, November 9, 2009 (UTC)

Pee Review of UnScripts:The Badass Soldiers

I Pee Reviewed User:Iwillkillyou333/UnScripts:The Badass Soldiers based on version 4167706 of 00:22, October 19, 2009. Hope this helps! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  19:06, October 31, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 29-10-2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

October 29th, 2009 • Issue 69 • Hehehe, 69

9001(bot)  01:35, Nov 3

I Pee Reviewed your Relationshit

I Pee Reviewed HowTo:Get Out Of A Relationshit based on version 4167969 of 02:34, October 19, 2009. I hope this helps! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  02:45, November 3, 2009 (UTC)

Okay, you mangy colonists.

I've been commissioned by Mooshy to rerererevitalize IC. I'm to be the glorious leader, etc. because Sissy, Gerry, and Opty have all fucked off. So, I have a few general ideas to start with on what to do. First of all, no fucking infighting. What's said by the authority figures goes. This is Imperial Colonization, not Imperial United States Congress. Second, there should be more of a limit on articles for nomination. Somewhere between 5 and 10. We'll never get to all 17 that are up there if people's votes are so scattered. Third, an active recruiting drive. It fits the name. We're going to draft Satirical Soldiers to deal with the bloody natives at those shit articles on IC. This said, I still want to hear all of your opinions on what to do. Either drop me a line on my talk page, or I'm on IRC damn near all day very weekday. So lets get going, Colonizers! Where the Wild Colins Are - LET THE WILD RUMPUS START! 16:54, November 11, 2009 (UTC)

Re:Pee Review

OK, when I said cut back on the nonsense I generally mean try to stick to talking about the storyline and what Capcom have confirmed as being true. Admittedly the writing in Resident Evil isn't the best, but try to avoid breaking the fourth wall and describing her as though she has a say in what she stars in, the reason for this is that it provides a good, already established framework for you to use, writing nonsense can lead to easy distraction and can cause you to easily stray into irrelevance.

When you are looking for things to get rid of try to focus on profanity and obvious nonsense first, then once you are comfortable with that you should graduate up to getting rid of parts that change the truthful events to something else for no real reason, names, places, events. Try to use HTBFANJS and your own judgement as much as possible. As for the video, I would recommend a paragraph, but I leave it up to you. My reason for saying paragraph is that the video can very easily be received in the wrong way, and could alienate readers from your article. Again there is no substitute for your own judgement on this one.

Hope this helps. --ChiefjusticeDS 21:03, November 16, 2009 (UTC)

Shucks!

Hot diggity, boy! You caught that fish so good that Necropaxx is gonna thank you! "Thank you." ~ Necropaxx

• • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Sunday, 05:48, Nov 29 2009

Pee review

I did your Pee Review. Happy holidays... --Matfen 19:28, December 19, 2009 (UTC)

If you want another helping of Pee Review

Yes, you may well already know this. But just a reminder that if a Pee Review by any reviewer, including me, doesn't help you in the way you hoped, you are free to request another one. Happy editing! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  17:36, December 25, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost Delivery! - December something!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that took a long enough vacation to make former President Bush jealous.

December 17^th, 2009• Issue 70 • Fuck You! I Felt Like It!

UnSignpost and random editor return from two month break, find that not much has changed By THEDUDEMAN After 2 months, one would think that things would change. But from the looks of it, nothing really has for Uncyclopedia in the past few months with out UnSignpost. In particular, the problems in caring, changing things, doing other things and caring have gone from the problems of two months ago, to the problems of now, with nothing really changing. The causes of these problems, discovered after much digging through archives seems to be the general Nobody cares aditude of the site, and the general populations inability to really change anything, because they don't care. A random user who had been missing since around the last issue of UnSignpost made this comment. "Well, when I left, uncyc had been having its own problems and everyone had been complaining about the same things for some time and nobody really cared enough to do anything, or just couldn't make anything happen." says THEDUDEMAN, who had been missing since late September. "I thought I'd come back and see what was happening in the world of Uncyclopedia, and by the looks of it, nothing has changed" While the general population of Uncyclopedia has been alerted to these aging problems, nobody has raised any fuss to get any of them solved. It seems nothing will ever happen because as they all say, nobody cares. UU notices return of USP, hijacks article for own nefarious ends By UU Yeah, that title pretty much gives it away - evil admin UU has hijacked this section of the USP to announce two festive initiatives: the Mince Pie contest, and the Ban Parto-ho-ho-l, both of which are to be found on his userpage. So if you think you can eat more mince pies this Christmas than UU or current runaway leader Barry Gibb of Bee Gees fame, or if you want to request a friendly festive joke ban for one of your Uncyc chums, get yourselves across to the most festive userpage on the wiki! YOU ARE ALL LAZY TALLYWHACKERS! An Editorial. By The Woodburninator Alright you lazy sons of bitches (no offense to Zana, of course), what in the hell have you been doing these last few months? Gerry takes time away from this awful place for, like 3 months, and no one is able to do a single UnSignpost? Not once. SINCE OCTOBER! Have we as a community forgotten the fine, upstanding tradition that this here barely read online journal has kept going since May of 2008? It is time for a little history lesson boys and girls (No offense to Zombiebaron, of course). The Post was started by Cajek and Skully in May of 2008. That's really as far as I got with my research though, so I guess your history lesson is over. Regardless, how many amazing stories have been broken from the fine investigative journaling over the years? Like the time we broke the story that the UnSignpost was starting up. Or the time we told everyone Spang's talkpage was destroying the Wikia servers. A problem that still haunts us today. Without this venerable post, those stories never would have been unleashed upon the moronic and ignorant public that includes you, who are both a moron and ignorant. We need this thing to bring us the news, and make us laugh. We need this thing for the sake of parody. But, above anything else, we need this post in order to waste Dexter's time when he's forced to deliver them. Have you seen his edits around here over the past few weeks? That guy's getting to be WAY too useful, and if we don't stop him now, who knows what he'll do next. Fix VFH? Win Last person to edit wins? Nip this in the bud Uncyc. Nip this in the fucking bud.

Check out these pages! A Caption Contest... or something... Some sort of war of templates? WTF? Shit like this still going on... Really? From our logs: 19:53, December 15, 2009 Mordillo blocked Bobbinator with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (end of the line, fuckwit. I'm going to track down your IP address and report it to the abuse department of your ISP. run and hide motherfucker, run and hide.) 16:56, December 15, 2009 Under user blocked 209.175.13.46 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (oy, fuck off. no blanking, no cyberbullying, and NO personal details like phone numbers. GTFO.) 13:20, December 15, 2009 Mordillo blocked 199.43.172.254 with an expiry time of infinite ‎ ("199.43.172.254, causing trouble since 2005") BIOPIC OF THE WEEK AH, WHAT CAN BE SAID ABOUT THEDUDEMAN? THE GUY EXHUDES DUDLINESS AT ALL TIMES DURING HIS TIME HERE. HE WON UNCYCLOPEDIAN OF THE MONTH IN AUGUST OF 2009. HE WON A PLS WHEN HE RE-WROTE DUDE, AN ARTICLE THAT LATER GOT FEATURED, AND FROM WHICH HE TAKES HIS NAMESAKE. HE HALFHEARTEDLY EVEN TRIED TO START THIS EDITION. HAS HE DONE OTHER THINGS THAT ARE COOL, NOTEWORTHY, AND I SHOULD BE TELLING YOU ABOUT? PROBABLY. BUT RESEARCHING ANY OF THAT WOULD FORCE ME TO GO ONTO HIS USERPAGE, AND SINCE I AM AT WORK, I AM UNABLE TO ACTUALY DO THAT. INSTEAD I'LL JUST STICK TO THE ALL CAPS GIMMICK IN A COY TIE-IN TO HIS NAME. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THEDUDEMAN. Quote of the Week <zim_ulator> no penis involved here LadyCS has left #uncyclopedia <DrSkullthumper> You just lost LadyCS's interest Old School Featured Article of the Week MonthTri-Month Let Someone Else Do It tm is every intelligent person's philosophy of life. There are plenty of things that if we stop doing them for a long enough time, some other sucker with less patience and a greater sense of responsibility will do them instead. This is an established law of our social reality, and it is our obligation to uphold it. VFD Keep vote of the week. Keep The less use something is, the more I identify with it. mAttlobster. (hello) 22:41, December 28, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Late deliver courtesy of MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 00:05, December 30, 2009 (UTC)

Hey you!

I just made a new rule for my usergroup, namely that members have to put the official userbox, {{User Apocalypse Grue}}, on their userpage, and that they must somehow link to the group's page somewhere in their signature. Please do so, and have a nice day. --InvincibleFlameGrueMaster 12 31, 06:35, 2009

Regarding your legal activity...

If you wish to sign up, I need to know your area(s) of expertise. ~Formerly Annoying Crap 07:18, 3 January 2010

Do they need to be real or fake?--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 12:54, January 4, 2010 (UTC)

Surprise me! =D ~Formerly Annoying Crap 05:59, 5 January 2010

Sorry for not responding, been kinda busy. Anyways, I an ace in Law Enforcment, Criminal Law, and Legalization of Extreme Punishment--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 16:51, January 9, 2010 (UTC)

No worries, I like how the UFBI is beginning to shape up.

YOUR REGISTRATION WAS SUCCESSFUL

In accordance with the Uncyclopedia Legal Department, I hereby verify your membership. You are now legally official and stuff.  ^{18:21, January 9, 2010 (UTC)}

~ Zana Dark, Head of Department  

---

Let me stop you right there

Please don't use any personal maintenance templates. We have enough of them and the one you just created will not go into the maintenance queue, so it doesn't add anything to the maintenance process. There are other things you can do as part of your usergroup without stamping templates on articles. Thanks. ~ 13:21, January 4, 2010 (UTC)

Oh sorry, I didn't know about that. If I knew that, I wouldn't have done it. Again, sorry--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 13:26, January 4, 2010 (UTC)

No problem. ~ 13:40, January 4, 2010 (UTC)

I userspaced it for you here, in case you wanted it for another reason, but yeah - what Mordillo said. --UU - natter 14:42, Jan 4

Why thank you--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 14:43, January 4, 2010 (UTC)

Dang! Shut down by the man! Seriously though, the U.F.B.I.'s got some good points that we can still work with. I'll be doing a reconfig on UN:PROOF soon and after that I'll help you with this. Don't be discouraged.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  05 Jan 2010 ~ 06:52 (UTC)

What's going on over at UN:PROOF? I haven't joined that because I hate the pink templates. ~Formerly Annoying Crap 19:46, 7 January 2010

Answered here.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  09 Jan 2010 ~ 05:52 (UTC)

I haven't joined unproof either cause i suck at grammer my self--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 05:55, January 9, 2010 (UTC)

That's too bad. You're right though, you obviously have to be able to blow grammer to have the formatting come out right.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  09 Jan 2010 ~ 06:12 (UTC)

I know it's late, don't bitch at me. Bitch.

I WILL FUCKING EAT YOUR FAMILY!!! Oh, and thanks for the vote :) --It's Magically Fucking Delicious

Don Puttano cHeDDs 20:55,4January,2010

Pee Reviewed Stewie

I Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Stewie Griffin (Second Opinion) Stewie Griffin based on version 4309999 of 13:10, January 2, 2010. I hope this helps! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  05:22, January 10, 2010 (UTC)

Commie in my closet

Hey, I saw you pee reviewed the article. This was a poem "by my friends and me" that the user had put up, I saw it and spent an hour or two finding photos to illustrate each line of the poem, lol the whole time when I found a new one, thinking of what he'd think when he came back to the poem. So all the graphics were mine, and you said in your pee review that he should get rid of all the graphics! They're perfect, look at the liberal on the floor (well, ok, the photo on the top of your talk page would fit too!), the muslim in the kitchen. Where else will better graphics be found. The nazi on the wall, for Goddesses sake, how to improve on that? I knew that he wouldn't get a feature from this, but why say to dump the photos illustrating his poem? Thanks, Alesiter in Chains Vikings win the playoff game, MMX

Ok, maybe I was a bit harsh on the pics, but hey its my opinion, doesnt mean he has to go with it. Im just trying to be as indepth as possible.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 02:38, January 18, 2010 (UTC)

Hey.

I wrote a pee review for Worst Article Ever. You can send it back because I'm a total n00b though. :( HELPME 07:58, January 18, 2010 (UTC)HELPME

UnSignpost January several-days-ago^th

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.

Jan 14th, 2010 • Issue71 • Keeping You Guessing

Uncyclopedia Voting Season Arrives, Users Driven To Voting Frenzy By UU 'Tis the season to abstain with extreme prejudice! Yes, every anal-retentive voting obsessive's favourite time of the year has arrived: January marks the point of the year when the awards for the best things of the previous year are voted on! If that's not an oxymoron on a site that is acknowledged to be the worst, of course. This poll-packed month sees WotY, UotY and PotY join (deep breath) WotM, UotM, PotM, NotM, AotM, RotM, EGA, FP, PWotM, ANOTM, Top 10 o' the month, UGotM, VFH, VFD, VFS and VFP as forums for people to air their opinions, prejudices, minor rivalries and petty jealousies. And as if this wasn't enough voting-related thrills 'n' spills, when the Top 10 articles of December 2009 have been decided, there'll be the Top 10 articles of 2009 proper to vote for! UnSignpost's fearless reporter and mascot DogNewspaper (pictured) predicts a bumper month for whoring, in-fighting, backstabbing and bitching as users scramble to secure themselves a fleeting moment's recognition from up to several of their peers. Followed by next to no voting in February, as everyone recovers. From the desk of the Cabal: 2010 ordered to be Drama free By The Cabal As Uncyclopedia drunkenly stumbles into the new decade, barely managing to hold down that spicy dinner it had for lunch, the non-existent cabal would like to wish all residents a happy new year. And by wish we mean order, residents would be subjects and by happy new year we mean fuck you all where communism hasn't failed yet. Yes ladies and gentlemen, we saw it all in 2009. We saw dozens of forums declaring that we're the worst (which we know), we saw numerous editors leave the front door open on the way out (come on people! it's bloody -7 outside!), we saw epic banninations (the simple joys of life), we saw prolific gay bashing (ideologically pure of course), we saw religious wars over sausages, we saw the worst 100 reflections of 2009 barely close before the midnight of December 31st. You promised in 2008 you wouldn't do that. You failed us. And so, ladies and gentlemen, we raise our collective arses from the toilet which was 2009, wiping it with the first anniversary edition of the UnSignpost, as this is the only good thing that ever came out of this rag of a newspaper. We would like to ask humbly that the population of Uncyclopedia do the following: Please, for the love of Sophia, remain calm; exit the building in an orderly fashion; remember that objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are; understand that allergen traces may be found in this Uncyclopedia. And always remember the prime directive: you are here to have fun. Or in short - shut the fuck up and go write an article. Thank you for your undivided attention citizens. You may now remove your muzzles.

Check out these pages! Now you have no excuse Pretend people care what you like It makes as much sense as Scientology, I suppose From our logs: 09:22, 12 January 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 64.40.243.245 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ ("raccist"? what's that, prejudiced against raccoons?) 03:33, 12 January 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.101.196.155 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (lol i'm astral projecting an image of two gay guys having sex into your mind or something) 19:06, 6 January 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 216.64.230.79 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Nigger to you too, sir.) 19:05, 5 January 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked JeChr (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Jesus is dead. He's not coming back.) 23:05, 3 January 2010 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.217.57.240 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (That was a waste of an edit. There are edit-starved kids in China that would've used that to its fullest extent, you know.) Biopic of the Week Prowling the corridors of pee review with a light step but a heavy hand, ChiefjusticeDS is Uncyc's reigning king of the golden river. He's reviewed more articles than most Uncyclopedians have read. In their entire lives. And he keeps a benevolent eye on everyone else, making sure there's no stale pee in the pond. If you've had a good review in the last year or so, he probably had a hand in that somewhere. Doff your cap and move on. Old-School Featured Article of the Week HowTo:Run away from home is a guide to every early teenager's ultimate weapon in the never-ending battle with the forces of evil as represented by their parents. Written by Alksub - who most of our readership won't remember - this is exactly what to do next time your parents don't let you stay out late to meet that nice-sounding kid you met over MSN who seemed very keen to hook up and get to know you better! Trend of the Year (so far) Username changing. Username a little short? Lengthen it for no good reason! All the cool kids are doing it, apparently.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

I swore I'd never hand-deliver this again. Here it is. --UU - natter 10:14, Jan 18

I LIKE PIE!!!

You like pi too?--I LIKE PIE!!! 21:52, January 18, 2010 (UTC)

I don't just like pie, I'm addicted to it--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 23:16, January 18, 2010 (UTC)

OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Um... .--I LIKE PIE!!! 00:29, January 19, 2010 (UTC)

DUDE!!!--I LIKE PIE!!! 03:31, January 19, 2010 (UTC)

SUP!!!--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 03:31, January 19, 2010 (UTC)

What's that supposed to mean?--I LIKE PIE!!! 03:33, January 19, 2010 (UTC)

It's short for whats up--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 03:35, January 19, 2010 (UTC)

Oh, I knew that looked familiar to me!--I LIKE PIE!!! 03:39, January 19, 2010 (UTC)

And here I thought it was supper time... Well I'm off to a super time with pie to follow.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  19 Jan 2010 ~ 07:31 (UTC)

YES!!! Have you heard of Pi Day?--I LIKE PIE!!! 03:16, January 20, 2010 (UTC)

Hello?--I LIKE PIE!!! 22:46, January 23, 2010 (UTC)

Where are you iwillkillyou333?--I LIKE PIE!!! 13:44, January 24, 2010 (UTC)

Zana Dark's new name is Zany Park, OK.--I LIKE PIE!!! 13:44, January 24, 2010 (UTC)

Um... OK. So, Zana Dark, check out your talk page and see which vote is winning!--I LIKE PIE!!! 21:16, February 7, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 21th January 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

Jan 21st, 2010 • Issue 72 • Yorkshire-style news

Awards of the Year race thrillingly poised By UU Yes folks, as the first month of this new decade lurches slowly and falteringly towards conclusion, the ... of the Year awards showdown is accelerating towards a thrilling climax! Your ever-topical UnSignpost mascot DogNewspaper therefore brings you this essential and timely guide to the runners and riders!. In the most prestigious award of the lot, Writer of the Year, the race for second place behind prolific funny factory and champion-elect Hype is neck and neck between apparently-no-longer-hirsute TKF fan-club president and feature-machine Guildy and low-profile but high-quality-output, er, feature-machine Sog1970. But wait! There's still a chance they could get caught by the chasing pack of little-known and modest Scouser Mhaille, hetero macho-man Orian57, antipodean canine PuppyOnTheRadio and none-more-metal mosher Monika. Oh, and some other chancers have been nommed without polling a single vote (including DrStrange, who is currently looking likely to become the first Uncyclopedian ever to win WotM twice, but hasn't carried that form over to WotY - odd). Meanwhile, over at PotY, the race for second place behind Sonje is even closer, with both Modus and some n00b polling a creditable one nom but no votes each! Who will pull ahead by the end of the month? It's a competition you just can't keep your eyes off! Disappointingly, the UotY vote lets the side down, with seemingly a boring old race for first place between Belgian one-man categorisation whirlwind, maintenance addict, broken thing fixer, BUTT POOP!!! junkie and footwear-as-handwear exponent Socky and handsome English admin who wrote this article and is not in the least bit biased UU. The apparent scramble to be runner-up to whichever of these two is runner-up is far more interesting, as non-stop wikifixer MadMax goes up against Welsh Rarebit RabbiTechno, not-Yorkshire-enough admin Mordillo, vowel-free-zone Mnbvcxz and Moterfucking Nigger Lover Roman Dog Bird. Damned with the faint praise of a nom with no votes in this category are the pants bomber, talk page king FU Spang, human non-sequitur generator Modus and absent but deadly hockey nut Gerry. And finally, over where it's really at, the NotD cockfight is almost impossible to call! Will plucky outsider RC hold off the challenge of Apple, Apples and Maddie's life? The tension is quite literally unbearable! But remember kids: whoever "wins", we're all still losers. And now, your not-at-all-struggling-for-material Signpost brings you... Horoscopes! By GlobalTourniquet Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) - This week, you have a dream, that one day you will be judged not by the color of your skin but by Simon Cowell. Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22) - If Martin Luther King had believed them when they told him "Silence is golden", he never would have accomplished his great work in the cause of civil rights. You, on the other hand, are just a mouthy bitch. Silence is golden. For the rest of this week's horoscopes in full, see the horoscopes page, obviously.

Check out these pages! Narcissism? On the intertubes? Serious businesszzzzszszz - sorry, nodded off there Breaking News: We're The Worst! From our logs: 06:45, 20 January 2010 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked I LIKE PIE!!! (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 48 hours ‎ (This is your local formatting nazi-admin reminding you to stop undoing people's formatting fixes. Learn to wiki, pl0x. And don't harrass people trying to help.) 01:04, 18 January 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.61.194.228 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (suspected homophobe. might hate gays. or he's just a faggot.) 12:33, 18 January 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 196.12.233.26 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (And the Lord said unto me, "Cursed are the page blankers, for they are the least of my creations; take up thy banhammer and smite them") Biopic of the Week Conscientious vote-machine Romartus has been around longer than you might think - kick-starting his Uncyc career with a series of DYK suggestions, before hitting his stride. Known as one of the more "demanding" voters on VFH, Romartus has also been diligently saving some of the less-deserving articles on VFD. He also breeds tropical ferrets. One of the previous statements is a lie, introduced by the biographer in lieu of a joke. Use your skill and judgement to work out which one! Old-School Featured Article of the Week Really Big Tree is an article about a really big tree. This tree is of such an immense size, it is scarcely credible. Few trees deserve their own Uncyclopedia article, but the Really Big Tree deserves its own wiki. You may think you have encountered trees of impressive size before, but you haven't seen a tree at all until you've experienced the Really Big Tree! Cajek UnBlock of the week! MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) resurrected Cajek (Talk | contribs) (blocking Cajek is Sooooo old school. Unblocking Cajek is the new, new school. Not that I went to school. Obviously.) The (probably short-lived) return of UU's Obscure British Dialect Expression of the Week Were you to find yourself in Norwich, Engerland, you may happen upon a local. Were that local to then say to you "dew yew keep a troshin'", you may find yourself somewhat at a loss for a reasonable response - well, no more! Yes, your ever-useful UnSignpost is here to furnish you with a translation, which is: "take care of yourself". (It comes from "carry on with the threshing", if that helps, although we can't see how it would). So now if you find yourself in Norwich, Engerland, the only thing you have to worry about is getting out of there. Fast!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Also, it's MrN9000's mum's 60th birthday! 9001(bot)  17:35, Jan 21

Laird Hamilton

Dude! Thanks for the nice review. I'll get to those changes, and if you don't mind, I'll see if you can check it again. The only thing is the YouTube. I don't think it is funny either, but Laird's being so brave almost has to be seen to be believed - the joke is based on the madness. I don't think Norris, Bauer, nor Superman, want to go surfing with Laird. Having grown up surfing I can say that what he does is the most scary thing on Earth. Do you think letting people see Laird surf is a good way to reinforce the humor?

In the Baddest Wave, how about I mention what is already known : It's a "wave with teeth". Longest wave is patiently absurd, but I'll mention he lived off "Jello-Fish" ??

Anyway thanks for the help, and I'll let you know when It's ready. You're also most welcome to delete, rewrite or edit any part of it. Next I'll get onto the G-Rex. Cheers!!!--Funnybony 02:46, January 22, 2010 (UTC)

Your welcome. And yes I think letting people see him surf would be a great idea, I've actually never thoght of that. Anyways your welocme and good luck with any changes. :) --DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 02:53, January 22, 2010 (UTC)

Dude! OK, I think I got everything you mentioned. I kind of like silly lists, but I see your point, so I just really shortened it with mostly insider surfing humor. But I did leave in the mention of Bauer and Norris not visiting Hawaii. Jeez, Laird might take them out at 50 foot Jaws, and then you'll see real fear in the faces of Bauer and Norris - Ha! The pussies!! Anyway, please let me know of anything I missed. For watching him surf I just put a link to the VDO and removed the VDO. Also removed one picture, spaced them out, and removed all but the quote you liked. Once I get your OK on this, then I'll do same with G-Rex. Thanks again.--Funnybony 06:40, January 22, 2010 (UTC)

---Thanks for the vote!!! I hate to spoil your image, but you really are a nice cat!!!--Funnybony 04:06, January 24, 2010 (UTC)

Shoop da woop

Uncle-Dad thanks you in the only way he knows: a long glass of moonshine and an hour with his niece-wife.

IronLung 22:28, January 22, 2010 (UTC)

G-Rex

Dude!!! Got em all. Thanks!--Funnybony 18:25, January 23, 2010 (UTC)

Pee Review

Thanks for the pee review. I'm glad you liked it, and I very much like your content suggestions. THis was my first article ever, written about 4 or 5 months ago now, so at the time I had barely any idea what Avatar was about. Still, all articles on actors, on wiki or uncyc, need updating with new info. The thing with the kermit the frog images is that they're gif formats, and aren't able to be resized very well, so I might not be able to. It's been a while since I added them though, so I can't remember if I could or not. I'll give it a go, anyway.

The main reason i wanted a review though, was to reduce its size, as the first time me and another user tried to get it featured, it failed after about 6 votes, (4 for, 2 against). The against ones were because it was so long (well, one was because the guy's a dick). Being an unknown user at the time also didn't help with getting anyone to vote on it. Back then there seemed to be a bit of a voting recession to match the economy as well, whereas now I think people seem to realise the importance of voting. Anyway, enough blubbering about the past! Thanks for your input, you're already becoming one of my favorite reviewers (aside from Chiefjustice and Why, although they bribed me with cake). --Matfen 21:08, January 23, 2010 (UTC)

Your very welcome. If you need anything else review, I'll be happy to do it!--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 14:57, January 24, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks!

'FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN'

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article.

Your support is greatly appreciated.

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 18:43, January 26, 2010 (UTC)

---

UnSignpost 28th January 2010

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

Jan 28th • Issue 73 • A Periodical. Period.

Continuing Absence Of Certain Users Forces Other Users To Do Things By UU It has come to the notice of our fearless journalists that some users have recently been desperately attempting to fill the gaping void left by the absence of some other users. For instance, in the absence of part-time dinosaur and popular keyboard feature SysRq, Why do I need to provide this? has stepped bravely into the Colonization brief (and has not, for instance, been forcefully volunteered for the task by MrN), dedicating himself to bringing colons where there are none (such is our understanding). Also bravely stepping into the "ban magnet" position created by the continuing and lamented absence of hyperactive loon Cajek is, well, a plethora of users. Admins, deprived of their favourite joke-ban target, have taken to joke banning anyone in an attempt to get their fix. Even those devoted to doing only good, just and true works have recently been targeted; and as if to prove this very statement, some power-crazed asshole went and joke banned Socky, RabbiTechno and Optimuschris as soon as he'd written this sentence. Elsewhere, ChiefjusticeDS has been filling the gap left by the absence of someone's enthusiasm for anything pee-related right at the moment by looking after the pee list, taking over as the person with the most in-depth reviews, reviewing everyone else's reviews, and generally not being lazy about it all. At the same time, the continuing absence of the yellow and black sig of Gerrycheevers has forced grumbling British curmudgeon UU to return to the Wiki's only newspaper, the UnSignpost, churning out issues that are, let's be honest, mere placeholders until Gerry gets his arse back here and writes something worth reading. YOU HEAR ME GERRY? GET THE FUCK BACK HERE NOW DAMMIT! Rumours that, in the relative absence of Orian57, Roman Dog Bird will take over the position of "token gay" are unconfirmed at the time of going to press. And finally, in the absence of enough content to make this issue balance out nicely, the UnSignpost is once again resorting to using blatant filler for the first time this year. Shameless, that's what it is. Complain to someone - it's the only way they'll learn.

Check out these pages! This seems to mean something to some people Bonzer Bruce, throw another stereotype on the barbie! Like. Comment. From our logs: 20:30, 26 January 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.223.27.16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (No-one talks that way about my favourite Jew. Learn some manners or GTFO.) 00:48, 26 January 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Why do I need to provide this? (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 20 minutes ‎ (Sometimes I feel, like I've been TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEDDD to the Whipping Post!!!!) 18:19, 24 January 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.42.246.27 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Toll. Idiot. Whatever. Banned, UnBanned, Banned, Banned. BYE. Try IRC next time. The guys in there will enjoy it.) Biopic of the Week Users today, they barely know they're born. The problem? Too little exposure to Flammable. The permanent curator of the Principal's office rarely deigns to grace us mortals with his presence these days, but the very sight of his rainbow-strewn sig used to inspire fear, dread, terror and, for some reason, carol singing. "While shepherds fed their flocks thermite..." Old-School Featured Article of the Week This one's for you, Guildy: HowTo:Be pretentious. Don your black polo-neck, cock a snook at the hoi polloi, and sit back, secure in your superiority, thanks to this indispensable guide! Cursory Mention of the Week CheddarBBQ wanted to be mentioned in this week's Signpost. So he is.

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9001(bot)  14:54, Jan 28

Promises Promises

As ChiefjusticeDS asked me to help him now and then with Pee Review stuff, I'm here. I understand a reviewer can plan to review an article in 24 hours, then unexpected things come up and it's delayed. I'll be honest and say it's happened to me, and more than once. And you did post a note saying it would be delayed, which is good. However, you posted a note for a delay, then another note for another delay, then another note for another delay which was about two and a half days ago, and the review's still not done. Don't you think this is a bit excessive? So I'm going to give you a spanking and send you to your room. Unless you want to be spanked or go to your room, in which case you can stand in the corner. (Seriously, next time try to be a little more punctual, all right? Thanks.) King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  20:10, January 28, 2010 (UTC)

Ditto with this. You also might want to read a quote by an editor here who wanted a Pee Review during the period of time a couple editors were waiting for one from you: "Mind doing this? Nobody has yet and its really making me impatient." Iwillkillyou333 21:54, January 28, 2010 (UTC) (Quote found here). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  08:37, February 4, 2010 (UTC)

Let me put this another way: if you tell someone you're going to do a review, make sure you have the time to do the review then and there. Otherwise you put other people off doing the review and the person submitting the request gets frustrated waiting for you. I consider that unacceptable, and if it's brought to my attention again, your ass will get banned for it without question. I hope that's crystal clear. --UU - natter 09:41, Feb 4

ATTENTION COLONIZER

Duty Calls! Imperial Colonization has been commandeered! With a shiny new, waterproof coat, we're heading out to sea once again. We need you for our next colonization. You have one week to nominate or vote from right now, Sunday the 31st of January 2010, to Saturday the 6th of February 2010. (See Protocol for how to nominate an article for Colonization. And remember, if you vote for an article that means you intend to help colonize it.) Then starting Sunday, 7 February 2010, we will start colonizing another savage land (i.e., improving whichever article gets the most votes). Come on board and vote or nom now, to the glory of Her Majesty!

EXTRA: Our most recent colonization, Transformers, has just been Pee Reviewed. If you're interested in making improvements, please check out the article and the review. With a little work, we may have another glorious Feature article! Wouldn't that be just spiffy? And remember, if you participate and this does get featured, you get one half feature credit!

For the Glory of Her Majesty and by Order of your Fearful Fearless Leader, King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  19:42, January 30, 2010 (UTC)

Do you I LIKE PIE???

Um, hi. I lefted a note for I_LIKE_PIE!!! you might like to read. That is all.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  01 Feb 2010 ~ 11:08 (UTC)

Ok thanks--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 22:09, February 4, 2010 (UTC)

OK, I saw it.--I LIKE PIE!!! 21:14, February 7, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 4th February 2010

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The periodical without any junk in its trunk!

Feb 4th, 2010 • Issue 74 • Ain't It Uncool? News!

Spang Archives Talkpage; End of World Expected Imminently By UU Renowned Wikia fan, code monkey and sexy admin Spang has performed what many users believe to be the clearest sign to date of impending apocalypse: he's archived his talk page. After almost 2 years of torturing the Wiki's servers, and having amassed a fairly impressive 410,844 bytes of content, Spang finally decided to give people the chance to talk to him without waiting for half an hour for his page to load. When asked for his reasoning behind this unprecedented move, the muddy funster quipped "no comment". Faced with such dazzling repartee, this reporter has no choice but to cut to the next story and hope he has some better quotes to pad it out with. Award Winners Speak Exclusively to UnSignpost By Someone who definitely isn't running out of ideas already this year Well, there you go folks, looks like the "... of the Year" award voting is done and dusted for another year. Thanks to all who voted; without you, the admins would probably have less to do, which would obviously be dangerous. Anyway, that aside, your ever-topical Unsignpost went and mugged the various winners for comments on their various wins. Several of them, of course, have already made their feelings clear to those who voted for them by way of the traditional thanks templates. Apart from UU, because he's a lazy ass. Or because he's busy writing this. Whichever. Anyway again, for the benefit of those who didn't vote for the winners, and don't watch their talk pages, here's what they had to say: Runaway WotY Hype said: "Thanks, you guys!! If you'll permit me to be dead serious for the first time ever on the wiki, this really is an honor, and it's pretty damn touching that so many people came out in support of my work. Whew. Being serious felt weird. I feel... strange. BALLS BALLS PENIS COCK. Ah... there's the stuff!" He then went off to write another My Sojourn spin-off. Even more runaway PotY Sonje said: "Thank you, I intend to return as soon as I can. I am currently in Africa with very limited internet access. I'll try to time my return to co-incide with the Oscars so that I can get some pointers for my acceptance speech." Admittedly, that was before we asked her for a comment, but then, she is in Africa with limited internet access. Joint UotY Socky channeled Churchill to say: "*scrapes throat* Ahem! I would like to say to the community as I would say to anyone who joined this website: Uncyclopedia has nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat. We have before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. We have before us many, many long months of struggle and of suffering. You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word: Victory. Victory at all costs — Victory in spite of all error — Victory, however long and hard the road may be, for without victory there is no survival. … That seems to be the wrong Churchill speech. Okay, I'll give it another try. *scrapes throat again* The gratitude of every home throughout the world, except in the abodes of the guilty, goes out to the British airmen and Belgian spies who, undaunted by odds, unwearied in their constant challenge and mortal danger, are turning the tide of the Wiki War by their prowess and by their devotion. Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to two people. And so on and so on… Woot! Woot!" Long-winded bugger. And other joint UotY UU said: "wow, Socky's already left me needing a lot of filler for the right panel, so I'll keep this shortish. First, it's good to see someone who isn't an admin get their hands on this award, and Socky's hard work deserves recognition. Second, it's great to have my complete lack of a life recognised in this way. Third, did someone say Spang's archived his talk page? What the fuck's that all about?." Oh, and Dr. Skullthumper was UGotY, but that was a foregone conclusion anyway. He didn't seem to have any comment of his own to make, so TKF hopped in to the breach with "I call the award a "fascist disgrace" and "move to permanently disbar Mike Socia, that ape from Lighting who made my mole visible to all of the goddamn world watching the ceremony."" Which about wraps it all up, I hope.

Check out these pages! No really, it's archived and everything! There are moar quesitons than answers Not sure what the point is, but it's not made with a certain style A question we have all asked, so many times From our logs: 13:56, 2 February 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 161.12.7.4 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Excess stupid detected. Take it to Niggermania, VNN or one of the many charming forums for racist lunatics like yourself out there.) 11:15, 1 February 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 151.49.98.244 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (ITALY does not rule and has not ruled for quite some time now actually. Blame the Christians if I were you...) 19:46, 29 January 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.11.81.96 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Improve your manners, cunt) 09:51, 29 January 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.167.51.90 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (UN:VAIN. have a quick read of it, and see why we're not interested in you. although you could probably just look in a mirror and figure that out...) Biopic Legend of the Week MadMax. Forty two thousand edits. Countless other contributions that can never be measured by simple Wiki stats software. No drama. Ever. Probably the single greatest force for good on this miserable little wiki. And it took us until issue 74 to profile him. The UnSignpost sucks; Max certainly doesn't. Old School Featured Article of the Week The 1x1x1 Rubik's Cube is by far "The Most Difficult Puzzle Of All Time™". Many have scrambled, twisted and turned this mythical puzzle, but few have solved it. By the end of this article, YOU TOO will be able to solve this puzzle. Unfortunately... you may encounter some problems on the way though... such as, twisting the cube the wrong way when speedsolving. The Desperate Return of Cajek Ban of the Week! (Block log); 10:20 . . Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10000 years ("And he shall scourage the Earth for 9999 years. And then one more" Book of Mordillo, chapter 1 verse plox. ) Horoscope of the Week Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 22) - So, yeah, it's the start of Black History Month. And speaking of Black History, seems like it's an appropriate time to finally track down your real father. You see, it turns out, that's not just a Jew-fro. For the rest of this week's 'scopes, see here. Redundancy of the Week Did we mention Spang's archived his talk page?

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9001(bot)  15:13, Feb 4

NY vs G0

Dude! Thanks for the review, I had thought the first sentence which starts, "Recently the City of New York was evicted from “Ground 0” for its refusal to provide a one billion Amero security deposit plus interest retroactive to the birth of Muhammad (c. 570 AD)." - explained why the city was evicted. Any way, it's absurd because how can NY evict NY. That's supposed to be the angle. But your points are well taken and I will make the corrections you point out.

You are one of the most helpful reviewers, who spends time helping others rather than serving yourself. Personally I just don't "get" the formula, as my repeated noms all failing have shown. So what advice could I give, when my slant on humor is not Uncyclopedia formula. I think I'm a good idea man, I have a Cheech & Chong type of take and love the totally absurd, such as a Don Martin cartoon. If I make more advancement in Uncyclopedia winning formula, then I'll make reviews. As is I cannot recommend myself as advisor if people are aiming for an FA. But you're pumping those reviews out like a champ. BRAVO!!!--Funnybony 07:53, February 8, 2010 (UTC)

I did the changes you suggested, and I think I straightened it out (thanks to you).--Funnybony 18:13, February 9, 2010 (UTC)

ATTENTION COLONIZERS: WE ARE RECREATING CREATIONISM

The Bible says God created the world in six days by himself--our crew of talented colonizers can surely recreate an article in a week and a half! Remember, any Colonizer is welcome to work on our current project, which is the Creationism article. But before you begin, check "READ THIS FIRST" at the top. From Sunday, 7 February to Wednesday, 10 February 2010, a hearty crew of brave colonizers plotted a strong course for the article by consensus. We have the beginning of a great colonization, so go forth and colonize to the glory of Her Majesty!

Special Note for Lobsterbacks (i.e. those who signed up but haven't yet worked on a successful colonization). We plan to keep your name on the honored membership list if you make worthwhile contribution to the article or other parts of Imperial Colonization between 31 January 2010 and the end of this project. If your name is removed from the list, you are welcome to reapply when you plan to become active. User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig10 05:17, February 11, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 11th February 2010

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

Feb 11th, 2010 • Issue 75 • Picking the nuts of truth out of the muesli of news. Or something.

New way to win awards, impress friends, crush rivals! By UU Writing competitions, eh? With the Poo Lit Surprise, the Turkey Day Ball, and a conservation week or two, it would seem Uncyclopedians can't get enough of 'em. And now there's another! But this one has a point that separates it from the herd. Well a couple of points, actually. One: it's organised by human wiki-whirlwind MadMax, so it'll probably be efficient as all get-out; two: it's a sneaky way of fulfilling a need. See, there are all these great ideas for articles floating around at UN:REQ; articles that would undoubtedly improve this festering little wiki. And there they sit, being good ideas, but not being used. This competition aims to change all that! Yes, that's right, The Article Whisperer is a competition that gives you the ideas to get you started, all you need to do is supply the funny. What could be easier? Well, since you ask, perhaps judging it could? Max is also looking for at least 4 more opinionated types, unafraid of passing withering judgement on their peers. If you're interested in judging or entering, or if you have a good idea that would elevate this competition from being a damn good idea to a colossally awesome one, let MadMax know either on his talk page, or on the article's talk page. For those who want to selflessly improve the wiki while crushing all around them under the steel wheels of their genius, there can be no finer opportunity! General news round-up By UU As several things have been happening recently in Uncyclopedia, and ace cub reporter DogNewspaper is in some sort of snow-induced hibernation, and consequently too lazy to write individual articles on any of them, here is a quick synopsis of a couple of the more newsworthy recent events on the wiki in handy easy-to-digest bite-sized chunks. Mordillo nearly went mad attempting to feature all articles tied for tenth place in the top 10 of last year. And then spent the rest of this month to date patiently fielding questions about how long the rest of the featuring was going to take, and when normal featuring would resume. POTR did his best to help. When not asked for a quote, Mordillo said "FUCK YOU VERY MUCH AND SEE YOU IN 2011". We think he's just talking about the top 10, and not about taking a 10 month hiatus. That is, we hope so. A recent VFD nomination ended in a deletion marathon, as MrN and RDB spent 2 hours removing every last trace of the notorious Game:Page. Apart from the traces Mordillo deleted, that is. And the redirects to it that UU took care of, come to think of it. But still, all told, an impressive act of mass carnage only made more awesome by the fact that they somehow managed to delete Socky's userpage at one point during the proceedings. MrN claims "Both RDB and me still have sore huffing fingers you know".

Check out these pages! Insulting sports players - the future of comedy When is a month not a month? The most important link you'll ever click From our logs: 15:04, 8 February 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs | block) blocked 169.139.1.20 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (We are having communications issues here. When I say don't recreate, it means don't press that little create button and paste the same content for the third time) 11:55, 8 February 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.75.78.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (there are a million better things you could be doing with your life right now, but you're inserting barely literate insults to a sports player on a comedy wiki. must suck really hard to be you.) 08:35, 7 February 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.92.151.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (We don't care if you fuck horses. No need to tell the world. Maybe the police, but that's up to you.) Biopic of the Week Being as he's now been on Uncyclopedia for three bastardin' years, this seems as good a time as any to profile Kip the Dip. A man of many contrasts, Kip appears to be some sort of useful gobshite. His enthusiasm for all things Uncyclopedia, including his tireless championing of Euroipods and sterling work on The word parakeet written exactly two hundred and forty-two times have helped make this wiki what it is today. The Worst. Thanks, Kip. Old School Featured Article of the Week Patriotism is an air-borne disease caused by the bacterium enlistment bonusai. It was first observed in 1776 by Dr. Arnold Bazonga, but was initially confused with the alcohol-borne illness bravery. Patriotism is communicable through the auditory ingestion of feces. Contamination often occurs from politicians, entrepreneurs, country music singers, Richard Albinger and French Emperors. Final Side-Panel Box of the Week Because we don't need that much padding this week.

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9001(bot)  13:01, Feb 11

I read your user page

... by mistake and it made me leave a message. So here it is:
Your language is offensive. Keep up the good work.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  16 Feb 2010 ~ 03:55 (UTC)

Lol Thanks--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 22:16, February 22, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 18th February 2010

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.

Feb 18th, 2010 • Issue 76 • Now with 20% more vanity!

Understanding of the universe is shattered; Creation as we know it is defunct By POTR Imperial colonisation is back, and in true colonisation style, is taking religion to the masses. One of the most controversial elements of religious understanding has been the answer to the question "How did we get here?" This has often been seen in the debate that has been long held between Creationists and Evolutionists. Now that Imperial Colonisation is back on its feet, under the able guidance of IC Buccaneer Admiral Why?, they are educating the masses on this as we speak. "The article had been befouled by some evil doers, probably French or Spanish or Americans or worse. We are diligently researching and writing to bring the article in line with the Truth." stated Buccaneer Admiral Why?. A dramatic re-write is in process, as Why? has all his seamen working towards the noble goal of indoctrinating the masses in Creationist theory. After some false starts involving a banana and a jar of peanut butter, the recreation of creationism is being created. "The colonized article will show how the Empire has the right and duty to colonize everywhere by any methods available, and that anything we do is God's will. We will finish it by Saturday, 20 of February, or by Saturday, 27 of February, depending upon how long it takes us to colonize the natives. Anyone who wishes to apply to join our noble effort may do so at Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization." Why? stated in closing. Darwin awards - Uncyclopedia Stylie By POTR Recently a n00b by the name of I LIKE PIE!!! chose to join the Uncyclopedia family. After a very short time he demonstrated the behaviours that make Uncyclopedia the place that it is. Of course, removing edits and formatting fixes by other users had him come to the attention of Dr. Skullthumper, who politely left him a message along with a 48 hour ban. Fortunately he showed the resilience that 10 year olds have when they are in the middle of doing something completely idiotic, and continued to trawl through people's talk pages, undo their edits, and generally be a dick. MrN9000, understanding the right balance of politeness and harshness, gave I LIKE PIE!!! a friendly message on his talk page, with a 1 week ban to support the severity of his words. Undeterred, I LIKE PIE!!! later returned. 1 week and 35 minutes after his previous ban, MrN repeated his previous words to the young man, along with a further 1 week ban. Thankfully, it appears that I LIKE PIE!!! took MrN's words to heart, as he managed to last a further 30 minutes after this second ban before he ran afoul of Roman Dog Bird, who in true RDB style demonstrated what an infinite ban actually means. When hard-hitting journalists pressed for details relating to the banning of this pre-pubescent pestilence, MrN replied "What kinda a journalist are you man!?!" Congratulations, I LIKE PIE!!!, for becoming the inaugural Uncyclopedia Darwin award winner, and removing yourself from the meme pool that we all enjoy.

Check out these pages! Some people are just too vain... Sluts get VD, I think Everyone loves a bad winner From our logs: Under user blocked 206.113.136.253 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (y0u h@v3 b33n b@nn3d (don't be a tw@t)) MrN9000 huffed "Onlytheashesremain" ‎ (You call that an article? Put your back into it!!!, not that we are calling you stupid you understand. Dave, can we call you Dave?) Roman Dog Bird huffed "Bucket of Shit" ‎ (Funny title, but the content proves that you like to suck big, fat, black, dick. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but you obviously have trouble admitting it. Well....I'm not here for you dude. Sorry.) Biopic of the Week Hmm, who to bio this week? Well, it's been a while since we covered {{username}}, we could always go back to that old chestnut... Or maybe something esoteric, like profiling the sidebar, that'd fit with Unsignpost tradition. Hmm. Or maybe we could note that Turbo-Whoring machine, one-man Doritos fan club and Torch-Carrier by appointment to someone called "Jenny", CheddarBBQ hasn't actually asked to be profiled this week, and therefore decide this is the perfect opportunity to profile him. Usurping of the Week The Unführer of Der Unwehr has recently demonstrated the concept of survival of the fittest by finally having someone with more DU points than him threatening his position. "This is unacceptable, and will not be tolerated. Following standard Nazi protocol, the young officer in question will be forced to resign his position due to his disturbing excess of competence, just like what Hitler did to Rundstedt, List, Manstein, Bock, Rundstedt again, Busch, Leeb, and Rundstedt a third time. I wash my hands of this." Unführer Guildensternenstein said in response. Stand-in of the Week It has come to our attention that an anonymous user has infiltrated the presses here and overtaken the majority of the writing for an issue of the Unsignpost. When approached by Necropaxx to discuss this catastrophe, he is quoted as saying "I... is a... butt." This editorial team couldn't agree more.

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9001(bot)  23:35, Feb 18

UnSignpost 25th February 2010 (It's not late your mum is)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!

Feb 25th, 2010 • Issue 77 • Slurping the froth of Truth off the cappuccino of News

Games, games and more games! We have more games then you can poke a stick at! By POTR Is the games namespace 99.9% shit was the question elegantly asked by OptyC recently. A simple question that has sparked a storm in a teacup. While Uncyclopedia is, undoubtably, the pinnacle of fine parody, it has been suggested the this particular poor cousin of the Main space has been allowed to fall into disrepair and disrepute due to the influx of poorly crafted content. In the words of one editor Delete it. It's cruft and I'm not even sure if it qualifies as a parody namespace of anything on Wikipedia. However, despite the lack of quality content, a significant portion of users have requested that it remain in play, however it be improved by having a little tender loving care given to it, along with a more rigid amount of cruft huffing. As such, it is with open arms we welcome the inclusion into this realm of the new moderator of the Games namespace OptyC, who will be referred to going forward as the Game Master. Upon the announcement of this singularly spectacular accolade, Optyc's first words were Maybe I shoulda just kept my mouth shut, eh? Although much respect must be levelled his way at the way he has taken to his new role with much gusto, winnowing through the chaff to find the kernels of wheat available in there. For more information on these developments, visit Forum:The Games namespace. It's Alive! By Mordillo A new blow to the "democrats"/"liberals"/"whiny bitches" of Uncyclopedia, opposing the disputed hereditary law. Senior member of the non existent Cabal and editor-in-chief-in-absentia of this newspaper, UU has announced the birth of heiress to the throne, also known as UUette. UUette was reportedly born holding a scepter and a miniature ban hammer, wearing a crown and QVFD grade galoshes and waving frantically at the hysterical cheering masses. The non existent cabal promptly announced a reserved seat for UUette in the VFS round of 2026 as well as the prestigious position of "Noob of the Month". A shrouded spokesperson for the Cabal noted that "it would have been important for the Cabal, were it to exist, that the existing Cabal dynasty, especially one coming from such a quality genetic specimen such as UU, shall continue without disturbance. The Cabal is greatly pleased with UU and Mrs. UU for bolstering its numbers for the greater Cabal's good." Sporadic demonstration of support were noted around the Uncyclopedia realm, as supporters of the Cabal were seen with "DEAR UUette IS GREAT" and "ALL HAIL THE HEIR APPARENT" signs. So called "democratic"/"liberals"/"whiny bitches" protests were dealt with swiftly and efficiently. And from all of us in the UnSignpost here is one big congratulations UU, may your daughter have huge...errr..tracks of land.

Check out these pages! A very pointed question Something about penises? Damn this self-referential humour From our logs: sannse blocked EugeneKay with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (WILL YOU PLEASE STOP GETTING BLOCKED!) MrN9000 blocked 173.53.142.210 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (HOWARD STERN IS *NOT* THE GREATEST. Steve Davis is considerably better for example. As is Burt Reynolds.) Under user 80.239.242.142 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (me again - I see you're still a twat. have much longer to do something about that.) Biopic of the Week Puppy on the radio's signature has been a long and respectable member of the Uncyclopedia community for many months. Undergoing genetic manipulations and constant radiation bombardment, it now qualifies as a sentient entity by its own accord. The signature, expecting to be emancipated in the near future, indicated that it likes funny articles, men who are not afraid to be in touch with their feelings and long strolls on the beach. Mordillo's profound statement of the Week "I don't mind boobs" Source: User talk:MrN9000 Word of the Week Abodespotism IPA: /əˈbəʊˈdɛs.pɒt.ɪzəm/ the rule of a household despot; the exercise of absolute authority over the household. absolute power or control of all housemates; tyranny of shared living.(n) (eg. "While you live in my house you will abide by my rules.") Origin: Abode + Despotism Related forms: Ab⋅od⋅es⋅pot⋅ic  , Ab⋅od⋅esp⋅o⋅tis⋅tic, Ab⋅od⋅esp⋅o⋅tis⋅ti⋅cal, adjective Ab⋅od⋅esp⋅o⋅tist, noun Note: Often confused with Nespotism. Source: Undictionary Underwater Sea Monster Sighting of the Week Deep sea recent changes fishermen have been repeatedly reporting sightings of a huge scaled fire breathing creature, roaming the deep. Later on, the on call coast guard confirmed that this was a "once in a generation sighting of Ogopogo. Ogopogo, a mythical see creature than has been tamed by the Cabal many generations ago, has been lost for decades but now apparently decided to come back and check what's for dinner. Tsunami waves are expected all across the pond for the next few weeks. Administrative Notification of the Week Uncyclopedia's management would like to thank all participants of the 2nd Dubai Uncyclocon and would like to emphasize that it takes no responsibility for the excessive usage of forged passports. Please, people, try to be more discreet next time eh?

9001(bot)  20:51, Feb 28

User:Why do I need to provide this?/IC Batman Begins User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig10 03:43, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

Shape up

Hi Iwillkillyou333, this is just a quick message regarding the Pee review you promised here. I need to tell you a couple of things, the first is that 48 hours is an unacceptable amount of time to book a review for, the reason we book reviews is to prevent edit conflicts when reviewing articles, by booking in for 48 hours, especially with the queue as short as it is you are preventing other reviewers from being useful, please don't do it in future.

The second and far more serious problem is that once again you have proved unreliable in doing your reviews on time, and there is a very strong case for saying that holding an article for 48 hours and then still not having reviewed it, especially when you have been in trouble for this sort of thing before, warrants another, much longer ban. The reason I don't want you banned is because you do have something productive to offer at Pee review, you review pretty well when you put the time in and you have other things to offer Uncyclopedia in general. I also realise you may have personal stuff to do that has stopped you doing this one, but this is why you shouldn't book a review before you start working on it.

So here is how I think we should move on with regards to Pee Review: I don't want to see you booking a review for longer than 12 hours in future, this I hope, will encourage you to only book in when you are about to write the review, I also want you to understand that you will be banned for longer than you were last time should you fail to do another review on time. Seriously man, I know you are capable of better than this, and would hate to see you stop contributing. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 13:02, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 4th March 2010 (your calendar is wrong)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.

Mar 4th, 2010 • Issue 78 • Snorting the drug of Truth from the toilet seat of News

Controversy over Uncyclopedian leads journalist to public outcry By Him again The "of the Month" nominations and celebrations have been marred recently by drama circulating in forums, talk pages and on vote pages in various areas. Fortunately, whenever and wherever a drama has reared its ugly head an Unsignpost reporter has been there to cover it. Why do I need to provide this? is now experiencing his second week of not having been nominated for anything. After mentioning to a respected editor that he had been nominated for at least one award for almost every day he had been part of the Uncyclopedia community, he bemoaned the fact that he had not been nominated for anything this month. "I've been nommed for something EVERY SINGLE DAY of the five months I've been here--until this month. I'm not nommed for anything. It's pretty depressing, really." Why? complained As a result of this complaining, Why? was then nominated for an award that had been more respected in the breach then in the observance - to paraphrase the bard - Nomination of the Month. When, after a series of events, Roman Dog Bird felt obliged to nominate Aleister in Chains' Nomination for NOTM of PuppyOnTheRadio's nomination for NOTM of Why do I need to provide this?'s nomination of PuppyOnTheRadio for UGotM, he simply stated "This is a stupid award." Meanwhile, at UotM, discussion over the number of awards given out led to an obvious discussion about the worth of RotM and UotM, which of course led, as all conversational roads do, to the hugely popular and debatably talented Dan Brown, not to be confused with Dan Kwon, as we aren't quite sure who he is. The debate got unexpectedly heated when a talented and handsome editor suggested that another less talented editor should perform carnal and bestial acts with random household appliances. Remember to cast your vote in AotM, PotM, RotM, NotM and WotM, or nominate the uncyc member that has impressed you most in these areas. And of course, always remember Mordillo's words, "This one is for people who made Uncyclopedia better by cleaning up shop, helping people and allow Uncyclopedia to wobble around without falling over." Vote today. Or tomorrow - depending on if you have the time. Vote for Sandwiches suspended, Uncyclopedians confused By UU Confusion reigned supreme in Uncyclopedia this month, as the ever-popular Vote for Sandwiches page was inexplicably protected, and changed to something that appears to be called "Vote for Sysops". Historical investigation by our fearless mascot DogNewspaper has revealed that this is actually the traditional process by which new sysops are selected on Uncyc - which came as a surprise to many editors, particularly the newer ones, many of whom didn't realise new sysops could be selected. And with the current vote count standing at 6 in favour, and with few regularly active sysops left to vote, it looks like the chances are that there will be new sysops by the end of this month - so time to start deciding who you're gonna nominate! Who will be the next to have a thousand IPs ask them on their talkpage why they deleted their useless little one-line stub? Stay tuned to find out?

Check out these pages! Heh - poopy Haven't we been here before? Hang on - writing articles? There's an idea... From our logs: 02:36, 1 March 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 153.107.33.156 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Cyberbullying: I'm guessing that's what you are trying to do. If so, you are shit at it.) 14:57, 2 March 2010 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs) blocked {contr|207.144.173.198}} (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Anti-semitism + stupidity = my foot + your butt) 19:05, 2 March 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked 66.211.39.160 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Vandal: Why don't you go to concervapedia, and ask them if Jesus loves you. I say, He doesn't.) 18:32, 2 March 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 87.114.246.12 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (blanking by installments is still blanking. and blanking makes baby jesus cry. it also pisses me off, and that's far worse.) Biopic of the Week Is it actually legal to have two Portsmouth fans on the same wiki? The subject of this week's spotlight, Nachlader cared not a jot for this important question when he joined Codeine as Uncyc's second Pompey fan. Nachlader is an occasional drunk poster in the dump, a former NotM and RotM and, lest we forget, the writer of some very fine featured articles. Shame no-one can spell his username though. Old-school featured article of the month Smells Like Teen Spirit was a monthly celebrity scratch and sniff magazine produced by Grunge Publications in the early 1990's. Beckoning a time of true periodical change, young women aged eighteen to twenty-two decided that merely looking upon their favourite celebrities no longer hot-buttered their ever-so-proverbial muffins and collectively proclaimed, "Here we are... now entertain us." Perhaps it was something in the way these determined ladies phrased this proclamation, or simply the fact that Grunge perceived a lucrative sliver of the niche market that was girls who wanted to smell things, but the call was swiftly answered with a glossy, uniquely olfactory experience hailed as "a Nirvana for the nostrils" that became the unofficial scent of Generation X.

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9001(bot)  00:09, Mar 6

UnSignpost 11th March 2010

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper 4 out of 5 Dentists Agree On!

Mar 11th, 2010 • Issue 79 • Making the New York Times look shabby since 2008

Investigative journalist looks in to the cabal; Shocking discovery By PuppyOnTheRadio For years a dreadful mystery has hung over Uncyclopedia. Rumours of a cabal have dogged Uncyclopedia, suggesting that there is a shadowy, mysterious group behind administrative decisions that have guided the hands of Uncyclopedia policy and procedure since the time of it's inception. Many veiled references have been made to this cabal, however until now there has been no real investigative attempts to uncover the shocking truth about the cabal. However, despite this, one plucky rookie journalist has decided that the truth must be free, and an investigation into the cabal has been undertaken. Investigating this it appears that the rumours relating to a cabal have come from numerous sources. In investigating this there were a number of dead ends, including pages that appear to have been deleted with no history. One source has come forward to expose the truth about the cabal. Under threat of repercussion, this source has been asked to be known simply as Deep Throat. Upon interviewing this source the following shocking truth has been discovered! There is no cabal. Any rumours about a supposed cabal are completely untrue. Any suggested sources are in fact fictional and have no veracity behind them. There is no shadowy, mysterious force guiding Uncyclopedia. As I, as a respected journalist, have now been made well aware of the non-existence of this cabal, I am now comfortable to retire my journalistic career. I will shortly be taking a long trip to a very remote location where there is no phone or internet access and will choose to never write again. I may even go to Antarctica. But most importantly, there is not now, nor never has been, a cabal. A useful HowTo? does not compute! By UU Writing UnNews just got a whole lot easier, after UnNews kingpin Zim ulator, Zionist control freak Mordillo and sucker for punishment workhorse SPIKE got together to completely rewrite HowTo:Tune up an UnNews article. Featuring novel ideas (that they got from a novel) such as helpful advice, up-to-date references, and words in the right order, the article is so preposterously useful that it may have to be deleted, as it clearly contravenes Uncyclopedia's mission statement. If there were a Cabal (which, as the above article clearly establishes beyond doubt, there isn't), it would encourage you to read it and never write a bad UnNews again.

Check out these pages! Pruning dead wood MrN's power trip continues, and something about a usergroup Has someone taken the piss? From our logs: 00:09, 10 March 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.47.145.114 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I shit on you, you emotionally unstable little twat. Why would you even come here?) 18:33, 9 March 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.150.243.254 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (So... Because you hate the CIA you vandalise the article about them on Uncyclopedia? Good thinking batman. That will stop em! Try again.... Later (obviously)) 09:19, 9 March 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.189.75.214 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (you are right: Twilight does suck. however, so does page blanking, which means you yourself are full of as much fail as Twilight. consider that, and then weep.) 22:08, 8 March 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 168.99.135.251 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (obviously we're not getting through here. Go away and grow a cactus, then sit on it. Repeate step 2 several times. ) Biopic of the Week If this issue of the UnSignpost has reached your talk page, it's very likely to be thanks to the unstinting efforts of paperbot MrN9001. He's been schlepping around this wiki for over a year now, delivering this very slab of journalistic goodness, replacing templates, reverting stuff, making tiny but doubtless vital changes to pages, and generally taking care of all the stuff MrN himself is just too bone idle to do. What the hell would we do without him? Admin answer of the Week Shijiati: Why did you huff my page? Codeine: Because it sucked. Any questions, folks? Horoscope of the Week *Taurus (April 20 - May 20) - You have many great strengths, but taken too far they can become liabilities. For instance, your honesty can become rudeness, your bravery can become foolhardiness, and your taste for human flesh can become criminal cannibalism. For the rest of this week's 'scopes, see here.

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9001(bot)  11:02, Mar 12

Advice about Pee

I sort of picked this up a while ago. When you have short sections anywhere, make sure to make up for it elsewhere. For example, this review by Hiatus Hernia. The image section is small, but the humor section compensates. This kind of review is what's considered good. But, do try to make every section long, of course. —Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 23:12, March 14, 2010 (UTC)

Or do like I and a couple reviewers who imitate me do (I assume if someone else does what I do they're obviously imitating me): do a long combined Humour AND Prose & Formatting section, with a note in one that it's covered in the other. I find otherwise I end up repeating the same comments in two sections, and really it's difficult to completely seperate Prose from Humour. I made this template (with a little help from Puppy) which you're welcome to use if you want to. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  03:15, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the advice guys--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 03:00, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

"Yes, much better. ChiefjusticeDS" :)—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 20:45, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

The Pee Review'd article

That was a rewrite someone did. :P The Man In Black. 00:06, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

Oh ok, thanks for telling me that--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 01:13, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

Your Pee Review of UnNews:New species discovered in Mexico

Thanks for such a thorough treatment of my little monstrosity. Your points were clear, concise yet adequately detailed, and well thought out. The gist of your criticism seems to be concerned with article length and detail. Were this not UnNews, I would agree with you.

Usually UnNews articles are not very lengthy. Some occasionally warrant being long, and UnEditorials certainly may be lengthy, but mostly, we try to present our "facts" in a somewhat condensed format, like many news outlets. That being said, I will address your criticisms where length and detail are not concerned.

Concept - My ego loves that you called it "brilliant"

Prose and Formatting:

• chupacabra eradication program: the words should be capitalized

Agreed

• Presidente Vicente Fox- Pesidente should just be President

Agreed

• and of children who had gone missing: be better if worded as ’’children who have mysteriously disappeared’’

compromised "of children gone missing,"

• from the blackness: better go with darkness instead, would sound a whole lot better.

That would make 2 uses of the word darkness in the article. I avoid that sort of thing.

• This little bugger: I highly doubt a German would say something British, so it would be wise to change the word to something else.

I don't see why not, and because the guy teaches in Germany doesn't mean he himself is German.

• ellow bloodsucker, the marine chupacabra perhaps taking the place of the rattlesnake on the national flag: Better if it was worded like this ‘’fellow bloodsucker, the marine chupacabra. Some members of the party think it should take the place of the rattlesnake on the national flag because of its veracious look and behavior ’’ and you can possibly add something like this ‘’would strike fear in any American who likes to joke around about Mexicans, and stop with all those damn Mexican jokes’’

In fact, I wasn't aware that last sentence had been added. I like it, though. I think tinkering with it may make it less better.

You had some trouble with the flow of the article, where there seems to be some confusion about whether the original chupacabra is a real creature. I've reread it and asked others, and I think it's clear and it works well.

Thanks again, you rule! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 20:43, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

Your very much welcome, I really enjoyed reading and reviewing it. Keep up the good work.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 21:06, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

Odd user groups

UFBI is much the same as Legal department, and for help on PEE reviews there is the PRG as well as numerous steel kidneys around the place, not to mention many of the adopters of AAN who are still active are steel kidneys themselves. As of this point there hasn't been any need for a group like Pee review 101 that I can see and there is only one example that comes to my head of someone who has been consistently doing reviews that are not in-depth. Also having done one or two reviews in my time I would find it personally an affront for someone to turn around to me and say "Hey, I've created a group that is all about reviewing. As a person who has done very few reviews and a significant proportion of them are not in-depth, I'm declaring myself the president, and you, as one of the most consistent contributors to PEE reviewing are able to come along and be my lackey, and give me some credibility by association."

I appreciate the effort you are putting into improving Uncyclopedia, but make sure you are doing it to make it a place that you like to be, and not purely because you want to see your name in lights. Nominally Humane! some time Tuesday, 22:39, Mar 16 2010 UTC

I agree with you. I think the project is fail anyway. UFBI is kinda similar to Legal but UFBI enforces the rules and checks up on vandalized articles and VFD some bad ones. And yeah I am using effort to help Uncyclopedia, not for fame. I make articles for that, yet they all suck.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 22:49, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

Can I make a suggestion? Join UN:IC and get on board the latest colonisation, and also have a look back through the talk pages of previous colonisations, especially those that have been featured. That way you get an idea of what works and, more importantly, the thought processes that go behind something like this working. Have a chat to User:Why do I need to provide this?. Nominally Humane! some time Tuesday, 23:56, Mar 16 2010 UTC

I Peed on your article, the smell will go away

I did a pee review on your article HERE--M'su Carencro - Talk - Contributions - Blag 15:39, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

Cool thanks--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 02:15, March 18, 2010 (UTC)

User:Why do I need to provide this?/IC Why plank King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  16:54, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

Ancient Uncyclopedia

Thanks, Dude! I just read the review and made a book mark. I'll make all the changes you suggested, then leave it a week and go back. Once I'm back, well, I'm fucking back! Cheers!--Funnybony    19:51, Mar 17

Dude! Could you please take another look after my post pee major overhaul. There is also a gif in there too (kaliman_Kanos-732784.gif) and I can't see how to get it working? It's fine as is, with the "K" on top of his head, but it's better when working. It works, but not on the page. Must be some code thingy - I bet you know what's wrong. Your help is much appreciated. And I'll start doing some Pees once I earn an award like you. Bravo! Cheers!--Funnybony    23:03, Mar 17

Pee review things

Hi again Iwillkillyou, just a quick note, while I appreciate you looking at the current Pee's and seeing what is what please do not remove articles from the queue, if you do see one that you think should be removed then give either myself, Necropaxx or UU a shout and we will do it. I prefer to keep the people who can remove articles from the queue to a minimum as if everyone starts doing it things will get a bit stupid. I'm not telling you off for doing it, just reminding you of the way to do it in future. Thanks. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 10:43, March 18, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 18th March 2010 (on time as always)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now Delivered Trendily Late!

Mar 18th, 2010 • Issue 80 • Hold the line! News isn't always on time!

VFS: it begins By UU As exclusively reported in your super soaraway UnSignpost last week, the voting process for new Uncyclopedia sysops has begun, and so it's time for Signpost mascot and never-popular running joke DogNewspaper to give the traditional unbiased Signpost rundown of the candidates. Leading the popular vote at present is long-serving poopsmith and kvetcher RabbiTechno, gaining a seemingly unassailable lead by being helpful, friendly and competent, and by promising to bake cakes for all who vote for him - a ploy which may well have snared the support of more than just the odd swing voter. In a comfortable position just behind the Rabbi is lengthily-monikered Belgian workhorse Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, the joint Uncyclopedian of the Year for 2009, who seems to be gathering followers by being helpful, competent, friendly, and doing loads and loads of stuff. This cunning stratagem has obviously endeared him to the denizens of this wiki, who seem to be propelling him towards having his own banstick. But hold on, who's this coming up stealthily behind Socky? Why, it's pee review supremo and scourge of vandals everywhere ChiefjusticeDS! The Chief is steadily accumulating backers through the cunning tactic of being competent, helpful and friendly. He also rules PEEING with an iron fist, and spends inordinate amounts of time cleaning and tidying up the place, facts that have led to him coming within striking distance of the leaders in what appears to be a three-horse race. One thing is clear from this - all 3 of the most popular candidates appear to be helpful and friendly, which this newspaper finds unacceptable - where is the next Famine going to come from? where will we find an admin willing to infiban users and delete all their articles just for looking at someone the wrong way, or for being Kip the Dip? Also nominated, and receiving some support are current Writer of the Year and greatest person in the history of all things ever Hyperbole, diplomat by Uncyc appointment to all religions Optimuschris, canine broadcaster and damn fine journalist PuppyOnTheRadio, allcaps-named VFD machine SPIKE, confirmed female on the internets Zana Dark, easy-to-spell feature-machine Guildensternenstein and jaded old-timer Necropaxx. Other people have been nominated without recording a score as yet, but as this article is already long enough to have the editor wondering how many filler boxes he can dream up for the right-side panel this week, they just appear as a brief list: Mnbvcxz, Cajek, Gerrycheevers, Syndrome, The Woodburninator, Why do I need to provide this?, Charitwo and some bloke called Mhaille. Will any of them pick up a sympathy vote before the end of voting round 2? Positions vacant. By PuppyOnTheRadio The Imperial Colonization is a long standing organisation that has for years been at the cutting edge of creativity of articles for one of the world's most respected websites: Uncyclopedia. Due to a period of unprecedented growth during a time of economic downturn, as most of our members are otherwise unemployed, we are looking for a new assistant to the head of IC. This is a fantastic opportunity for you to work from home. Your daily duties will include: Telling writers that they should be working on the latest colonisation Ensuring that changes to current colonisation are consistent with the theme Telling writers to stop wasting time on other projects and get back to the current colonisation Vetting new applicants to IC to ensure they are of the quality needed Telling writers that they should really be working on IC Going insane with power (optional) The relevant applicant will have: Significant experience in editing and writing articles for feature Preferably have worked on IC or in a related field The ability to tell writers that they should really get back to the current project, as it needs to be completed by the 20th of March. A fluffy teddy called Norman (optional, but preferred) This is a rare opportunity. The successful applicant will become next in line to take over the reins of IC when the current head gets sick of it retires. You will be paid in the half feature credit when a colonised article gets featured, as well as being able to call yourself the assistant to the head of Imperial Colonisation. To apply, contact Why do I need to provide this? here.

Check out these pages! UnNews is revolting! Shit happens Bandwagons also happen, inevitably Oh noes, Aussie lawyers - could we be DOOMED? Opinions required From our logs: 08:26, 17 March 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked 96.28.232.175 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Vandal: Oh my, you are just so fucking witty. With wits like that, who needs enemas?) 18:53, 16 March 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Hyperactive-Sausage (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (enjoy your complimantary penis) 00:21, 16 March 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.251.242.153 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (I THINK 99.251.242.153 SHOULD BURN OR HAVE TO PAY FOR OXYGEN, fuckin fuirt, KILL 99.251.242.153) 12:30, 12 March 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.219.247.129 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Cyberbullying: and generally being a retard. Let's get this right... You call your friend Gay, but you like editing the Powerpuff Girls page? Think about that...) Biopic of the Week We at the UnSignpost pride ourselves on profiling only the finest Uncyclopedians. So how in the hell has it taken us 80 issues to get around to profiling Zana Dark? A self-confessed female and all-round smartass, Zana has been on this wiki for years, bringing her uniquely feminine touch to the Uncyclopedia Legal Department and a whole bunch of impressive rewrites. She's also been WotM for writing funny articles about flashing beaver, tits, and butter, proving conclusively that she knows exactly how to appeal to the sensibilities of the largely male Uncyc userbase. Old-School Featured Article of the Week Illegal Aliens from Outer Space! (1959) was a fact-based horror film that played in drive-in movie theaters across America. It is widely lauded for opening the eyes of an entire generation of movie patrons to the blood-curdling terror of a heterogeneous nation. Filmed in Super Black 'n' White-O-Vision, with monophonic sound recorded in Mono-O-Phon-O-Sound, Illegal Aliens from Outer Space! proved to be a blockbuster that far exceeded the director's humble expectations. The movie's potent real-life lessons held patrons enrapt, while its documentary film-style distracted horny teens, protecting them from the joys of second base for the duration of the action-packed second and third acts of the film. Reason to leave Uncyc #341 Modusoperandi won't quit hoggin' the shower. Obligatory Filler Box of the Week When you absolutely positively gotta have an extra line or so to balance out the UnSignpost - accept no substitute! Horoscope of the Week Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 19) - This week, you will say words that are complete nonsense to you because you think they identify a particular culture that you otherwise completely ignore, but that no one of that culture actually ever says. B'gosh and begorrah. For the rest of this week's 'scopes, see here.

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9001(bot)  11:47, Mar 18