Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Stewie Griffin (Second Opinion)

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Stewie Griffin

One pee review done, one to go. Indepth please. Thanks! DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 09:25, January 4, 2010 (UTC)

I think I'm going to let Why? do this one--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 13:15, January 4, 2010 (UTC)

I can do it if you don't mind the following: 1) I've only seen maybe one episode of Family Guy; 2) It will almost certainly be more than 24 hours before I can get to it (I should have it in 48 hours). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  22:59, January 4, 2010 (UTC)

I've watched every episode of the show, so I can also do it. Do you want a third opinion? InMooseWeTrust 13:18, January 5, 2010 (UTC)

Yes to both questions--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 21:39, January 6, 2010 (UTC)

I will review it a number of hours numerically corresponding to half the number of years it was between when The Flintstones was nominated for an Emmy for Outstanding Comedy Series and Family Guy received the same nom for the first time for an animated series since then. Or in the time it takes Stewie to plan to takeover the world 48 times. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  06:58, January 9, 2010 (UTC)

when i read it, i get the impression i am reading a wikipedia article. It seems to have too many facts and little fun side....--neoanderson12@gmail.com 19:05, January 9, 2010 (UTC) euh, did i pee review correctly?

That doesn't exactly qualify as a Pee Review (see below), but comments like that are welcomed here, so thanks for your comments! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  05:18, January 10, 2010 (UTC)

Humour:	5	Detailed comments are above.
Concept:	4	My usual template (this one) puts the concept first because I've found that's usually a key to improving an article. I also like to say it's very difficult to make humour about humour, or a take off of a take off. Often the more serious subjects are much easier to parody. Some of what's been developed here I like. But the concept seems unclear--is Stewie a character on a TV sitcom, or a real-life attempted murderer, or a real-life serial killer, or a committer of genocide, or already President of the World, or a future ruler of the world as told in Eqyptian prophecy? The article seems to have several different concepts that don't mesh together. I'd recommend starting with a clear concept of who and what Stewie is, and going from there.
Prose and formatting:	7	I put Humour in with Prose and Formatting so I don't repeat myself unnecessarily, but do score them separately. Your intro You establish Stewie as a "baby and serial killer," which leads the reader to expect to learn how a baby can commit serial killings. "He also has a mind of a baby; for example, if you play Peek-A-Boo with him, he'll think you've really disappeared. But what he lacks in age and size, he makes up in sheer intelligence and perfect marksmanship."--I liked this; it gives the ignorant reader a firm expectation of where this article will be going, and looking forward to seeing how Stewie manages to be a serial killer while at the same time making baby-like mistakes. But I don't know that article actually describes this, which I'd like to see. "Griffin is a young but dangerous opponent."--as he's being set up as serial killer, I think "deadly opponent" would be better. "...he attempted to kill her by grabbing her heart and pulling it out as he was exiting the birth canal."--I have a hard time picturing this--not that I particularly want to. The birth canal has no baby-hand-sized access to the mother's heart, as far as I know. Maybe it could be explained that this is why he failed. Birth "Whoever made this legend up appears to have been bat fuck insane."--my first reaction is why is that insane? If we assume a baby is a serial killer, the concept that he had an evil influence in the womb seems entirely plausible. Three Months to Six Months of Age "At the age of 3 months, Stewie would secretly go to combat lessons to learn how to fight...."--how did he manage to secretly go to these lessons, and to be accepted by the instructor? There's potential for humour there. Missing italics:" Mission: Impossible and Indiana Jones." "...he would knock out and rape the baby sitter, and always got away with it."--how? Also we learned that his intelligence was way beyond typical baby, but much of his thinking was very babylike. Apparently another part of his anatomy was also non babylike--not only his "private parts," but something else--how did the body of a baby knock out those teenage or adult babysitters? Perhaps it was those fighting lessons. But how did he get away with it? Was it because the babysitters were afraid to say he did it, people didn't believe the babysitters, or the babysitters had no idea who did it? Without some context, the rape seems somewhat random. "At the age of six months, Griffin began to walk and talk at the same time"--how did Stewie manage to get to those fighting lessons and to learn how to defend himself when he didn't even have control of his legs? Also watch past and present tense "Griffin began to walk and talk" but "he is more mobile". "...bite her arm to try to sever an artery in the hopes she would bleed to death. This failed due to Griffin's lack of teeth."--while I can't personally say I'm a fan of this type of humour, you do explain it well. This is a good example of merging the helpfless baby and killer concepts. "3-6 months for about 8 years."--wording needs to be fixed. Also I didn't find the dog saving the mother part funny. Joining Family Guy "...were offered by billionaire Seth MacFarlane...."--awkward wording; maybe "billionaire Seth McFarlane offered...." Family Guy--should be in italics (note that some put the titles of TV shows in quotations marks; use either one, but of course I'd recommend being consistent). Also are they joining Family Guy, a show that already existed, or is this a new show they're beginning? "...Griffin has become a favorite character...."--there's other references to Griffin that don't specify which Griffin is meant; I'd suggest saying Stewie or Stewart. Why would an audience laugh at live, real-life attempted matricide? Or is this a sitcom, and these events aren't real? This seems to be mixing these in a way I found confusing. If this is a reality show, why hasn't the family found out what's going on? Don't they ever watch or hear about their own show? Yes, I know reality show contestants typically don't see themselves until after their part's over, but how long has this show been on TV? If it's no longer being made, how did the family react when they learned what was happening? Or if it's a sitcom, then why are we taking Stewie's murderous career seriously in this article, which says it's real? As a reader, I expect to have these questions addressed. On the description of the 100th and 101th episodes, I must admit I was asking "What the fuck?" about the descriptions. Why did we wait a year to see the reaction? How did Lois appear alive? And why would Peter be blamed for the murder when it was all recorded as a reality TV show? And if it's a sitcom, then what is Stewie really like? Crimes "Stewie Griffin has committed many crimes over the years, from small crimes such as robbing a baby's bottle and stealing a purse, to more extreme crimes like rape, murder and even genocide."--this sounds like something the reader would be interested to read about, but there's no or very little description. All we're told is how Stewie failed to kill Lois--how did he start succeeding, and how did he commit genocide? And if you want a dramatic and/or comic build, perhaps Stewie could start with little crimes, instead of trying to kill his mother when he was born. Murders Committed By Stewie Lists are seldom funny, and I didn't find this one humorous. Plans for World Domination "Stewie dreamed of world domination even before he was born."--had we heard a hint of this in the pre-birth description? Again, watch the mixing of tenses, here with "he would max out Peter's credit cards" mixed with "he plans to create". He did porno? By himself or with someone? This seems rather random without it being fit in with the rest. 2008 "...he was convicted of selling cocaine in the streets...."--what happened here? This may have potential for comedy, but without being developed I don't think it adds to the article. "Also, Sewie became a milkoholic, and kept getting drunk whenever work needed to be done."--does milk make him drunk? How does this happen? Also how old is he now? An earlier section seemed to imply he became eight years old. Is that how old he is now? 2009 "He became so depressed that he attempted suicide by overdosing on children's vitamins."--this is something I think the article could use more of; this sounds like something you could attribute to someone very intelligent who still in some ways thinks like a baby. I think the article could use more of this. "But, after a talk with Dr. Phil in rehab, he began to have faith that someday, his plans will succeed"--is Dr. Phil known for counseling psychopatic babies? If not, this seems somewhat random. Prophecy "for a thousand of years"--should be "for a thousand years" or "for thousands of years." "becoming the evil person he is said to be"--"becoming" means it will happen in the future; "is said to be" means it's in the present. Also this sections seems to only marginally tie in with the rest of the article. If Stewie has already committed genocide, it's already begun. And if people know Stewie's out killing people (they saw it on TV), why aren't they concerned? Trivia Sorry, but I didn't find this funny. Trivia lists seldom work very well.
Images:	7.5	I liked the images and I mostly liked the captions, but think they could use a little work. For one thing, some end in a period and some don't--it's a minor thing, like some of the things I've pointed out, but an easy fix. Also "Rhode Island" with both words capitalized. I rather like the black and white pun, but if Stewie actually trains tanks I'd want to see a mention of his machine training abililty in the article--or simply he commandeers tanks or some such.
Miscellaneous:	5.875	Average of above
Final Score:	29.375	Again, I think with a clearer concept that's followed through, this could be a much better article. I also wonder how much of this is a literal description of what Stewie does, but as I said I'm not familiar with the series. If this accurately describes the way he acts, then you might want to find an unexpected but workable slant for it. As I said above, it's very difficult to make a humorous takeoff of something that's humorous. Feel free to let me know on my talk page if you edit this. I hope this helps!
Reviewer:	King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  05:16, January 10, 2010 (UTC)