Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Asian Black Bear
Asian Black Bear[edit source]
Sakai4eva 11:45, January 20, 2010 (UTC) begs clemency for this is his first article...
- I got This. Give me about 24 hours--DirectorWILLYOU 333 03:55, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
- Actually, give me another day to do it--DirectorWILLYOU 333 03:29, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
- I'll be able to get to this tonight. Sorry for the delay--DirectorWILLYOU 333 16:05, January 23, 2010 (UTC)
- Dammit, I keep forgeting to finish this. I WILL get it done tonight--DirectorWILLYOU 333 01:18, January 26, 2010 (UTC)
- I'm going to wrestle this bear. And Sakai4eva I review articles based on the article, not who wrote it or how experienced they are. I'm an SOB that way (Seriously, I focus on helpful comments and suggestions for improvement--I try to write the kind of reviews I like people doing for my articles, whenever I get around to writing one). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 20:17, January 28, 2010 (UTC)
- Thanks for being honest in the review. I did got a bit frustrated in the end and tried to bring it to a quick end, which I know I shouldn't have. I'll be working on this on my free time for a second review (fingers crossed). --Sakai4eva 00:52, January 29, 2010 (UTC)
- I look forward to seeing what you do. I always suggest having a different reviewer for a second review so you get a different perspective, but would definitely like to see it. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 22:42, January 29, 2010 (UTC)
- Thanks for being honest in the review. I did got a bit frustrated in the end and tried to bring it to a quick end, which I know I shouldn't have. I'll be working on this on my free time for a second review (fingers crossed). --Sakai4eva 00:52, January 29, 2010 (UTC)
- I'm going to wrestle this bear. And Sakai4eva I review articles based on the article, not who wrote it or how experienced they are. I'm an SOB that way (Seriously, I focus on helpful comments and suggestions for improvement--I try to write the kind of reviews I like people doing for my articles, whenever I get around to writing one). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 20:17, January 28, 2010 (UTC)
- Dammit, I keep forgeting to finish this. I WILL get it done tonight--DirectorWILLYOU 333 01:18, January 26, 2010 (UTC)
- I'll be able to get to this tonight. Sorry for the delay--DirectorWILLYOU 333 16:05, January 23, 2010 (UTC)
- Actually, give me another day to do it--DirectorWILLYOU 333 03:29, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
Humour: | 5 | As with Prose and Formatting, this is a mixed score. Again, I think the beginning of the article was very nice, but then it seemed to lose it as it went. I think the solution may largely be in getting a clear concept. |
Concept: | 5 | I made my own version of the standard review template to put concept at the beginning, because I think that's where most problems--and fixes--lie. The reason this score isn't higher is because I'm not sure what the concept is. Is this about a dark, misunderstood hero who replaced Batman, a trained ninja, or is it about a DJ; and is this about a successful bear, as the beginning seems to indicate, or a failure, as the ending seems to say? The beginning got me looking forward to an article about a hero bear replacing Batman with some tongue-in-cheekiness to it. But the concept seemed to go somewhere else. I think with a clearer concept, you could greatly improve this article. |
Prose and formatting: | 6.5 | I put Humour comments in with P & F so I don't repeat myself too much, but do score them seperately.
This is a really mixed score. The earlier sections I found very good, and would have rated about an 8. But then the article seemed to lose it, and I would rate the last sections about a 5. You have the talent or you wouldn't have been able to write the beginning; I'd like to see that continued through to the end. Your intro
Birth
Childhood
Youth
Approaching Adulthood
Pre-Adulthood
On the Verge of Adulthood
Cusp of Adulthood
Death
See also
Footnotes
There's Category:Bears you could add to the bottom of this. |
Images: | 8 | I really like the first pic, which is straight from Wikicommons. It works, although I'd probably mention that the V-shape also looks like a bat (that description should probably come somewhere early in the article, not in the caption--maybe "white crescent "V-bat" emblem on his chest" or something). I didn't get Bio-regenerative Chemical Reactor as it doesn't seem to refer to anything in the article, unless I missed it. I like the strength, intelligence, weight and length descriptions, although "a freakin' ton" could be more subtle.
In general, I like the pics and captions, except for the caption of Giant Panda playing a flute. Yes, it does look like he's playing a flute, but the brains part doesn't seem to fit the picture. Maybe it's some kind of ninja sonar weapon or something (and also if Giant Panda doesn't like music, why's he playing the flute? I know, that might be why you made it a killing thing instead of musical, but it's still playing a flute). Also I think some of the pics would be better if just a little larger, but that may not be necessary. And some people won't care for the extra white space the placements of photos leaves. |
Miscellaneous: | 6.125 | average of above |
Final Score: | 30.625 | Again, you definitely show talent, and I thought the beginning showed a great deal of promise. If you get a clearer concept of where you're going with this, and raise the latter sections up to the high standard you set in the earlier sections, I think you'd have a very fine article here. Please let me know on my talk page if you edit this. |
Reviewer: | King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 22:22, January 28, 2010 (UTC) (note the cool time stamp). |