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United States of Canada

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United States of Canada
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: "Where the Carpet Matches the Drapes, Eh?!"
Anthem: (The theme to Hockey Night in Canada)
Previous capitalNew York City
Official language(s)-Engrish
‑ QueenElizabeth II
‑ Prime MinisterCeline Dion
National Hero(es)Anyone who plays 'ockey
EstablishedApril 1, 2024
Currencythe Loonie
National sport(s)-'ockey
-Talking aboot 'ockey

The United States of Canada is a nonexistent country predicted by Nostradamus that will come into existence on April 1, 2024, after a preventative nuclear strike on the vast oil fields of Alberta. Initial reports will indicate that this was a terrorist act perpetrated by Rush Limbaugh, but later investigation will likely not reveal any cause worth prosecuting.

The USC will quickly become the world's leading exporter of beer, pretzels, marijuana, Bob Saget and party ice until the year 2017 when Peru will reclaim its crown.


Although unknown to many inhabitants of the former USA, the United States of Canada came into existence in the mid-1980s when, for the second (and final) time, Al Gore John Kerry Hillary Clinton George W. Bush Satan and his administration successfully rigged and won the presidential election.

Some will dispute this accusation, and believe (understandably) that the people would have rather had an ignorant rich white man speaking for the country instead of a horse, and therefore actually voted him in.

The God-Fearing Republicans took control of the Presidency and the Senate and Congress, and formed their own form of fascism modeled after Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi. In 1982, Hooters girl turned Islamic-Communist prostitute Elvira, Mistress of the Dark & The Democrats helped form Liberal Terrorists to deal with it, and change the system to Socialism and protest the Holy Market and the The War Against Terror, yet Ronald Reagan had called on Ultra Jesus to stop that uprising. It was a war so bloody and violent, that it became known as The Second Civil War. Being limp-wristed pacifists the Liberals lost that war in the red states, and decided to move the blue states out of the nation in late 1985.

Why Separate?

As you can see from the map above, many of the horse-voting states agreed to combine with the former country of Canada in October 1986 after taking several gravity hits and watching Mr. Wizard, ER, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Voyager and Friends reruns (oh yeah and Full House, but don't tell anyone).

Yes, this was a long, involved pro-cess lasting at least 147 hours until October 31st. So why separate??? Why the hell not? I mean seriously, who wants to live in the south anyway? If I wasn't so lazy, I personally would love to rebuild my home at the same time every year because it (once again) was hit by either a tornado or a hurricane.

So at this point, all that was left to do was decide on a name for the remainder of the wasteland formerly known as the United States of America. Jesusland seemed to fit almoost perfectly and came up immediately.

The Future

It is believed when Supreme Ayatollah Cheney assumes the imperial throne of Jesusland, Jesus shall return and using his telekinetic powers, will finally separate the United States of Canada from Jesusland, making it its own god-hated continent.

It is best to advise people to leave North America at once and go to New Zealand, heaven on Earth. You know why??? If you are a democrat then you're a commie, and if you're a republican then you're a fascist. You'll die either way.


  • Luis Fianchetto
  • Snoop Dogg along with his Crips and Bloods affiliates
  • The cast of Degrassi Junior High
  • The Kids In The Hall
  • Erin Esurance
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger - Political prisoner being held captive in Sacramento. Supply of steroids from Jesusland cut off. Reportedly depressed. It's not a tumor. Yet.
  • Joe from Canada-Beer spokesman and national hero.
  • Anyone and everything that has ever set foot in the country and lived there for more then a month and is even remotely famous is considered a Canadian hero.
  • Elvira, Mistress of the Dark - Originally a Hooters girl from Texas, the 1st glorious communist leader of the U.S.C. since October 31, 1986, ordering all of its females to dress like the hookers in Times Square or be eaten by moose, eh?.


The culture of the United States of Canada is based around "diversity". A person's social standing is based on how "diverse" they are. For example, a half black half hispanic albino lesbian midget would be considered nearly superhuman, while a heterosexual white male would rank slightly lower than a jellyfish. Popular recreational activities include viewing homoerotic and blasphemous ar t, whining about the politics of anyone to the right of Marx or Lenin, and paying $8 for a cup of coffee. Sniffing their own farts are a daily occurrence.And Starbones too.

Controversy Over USC's Foreign Policy

On the 5th of Smarch, citible National news source,4chan, held a press conference for the Prime President, Palpatine, who declared war against Omicron Persia 8. When asked to cite this citable news source, Palpatine proceeded to touch himself, stating that's where leprachauns hide their gold.

See also