User talk:Leverage/archivejan-march2013

Nom for Writer of the Year[edit source]

Figured you deserve it most, considering you did so much in so little time. And it was all very funny. Good luck! The Hamon Master WeinribJo Joestar of Earth 16:52, 11 January 2013 (UTC)

Thank you! I've never heard of you before, it's nice to get a pat on the back from someone different! --Leverage (talk) 20:46, 11 January 2013 (UTC)

Not too different from you or me. It's nice to get a pat on the back from Joel on the Satellite of Love. -Dr. Forrester (talk) 01:54, 25 September 2016 (UTC)

Congrats on first feature of the new year![edit source]

You deserve it. Really.-- ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 20:29, 11 January 2013 (UTC)

What feature? The cock one? It's on its way I guess. --Leverage (talk) 20:46, 11 January 2013 (UTC)

Yeah. Haha.-- ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 20:50, 11 January 2013 (UTC)

UnNews:Man confirms time[edit source]

As the newly appointed News Czar, I have some kind of contractually obligated responsibility to give you some kind of lecture on how this doesn't fit the some kind of objective standard model of an UnNews story. Here we go:

“

This doesn't fit the some kind of objective standard model of an UnNews story.

”

Now, taking off my news hat and putting on my Dip thong: OH MY GOD, that was fucking hilarious!!! -- Kip the Egg Talk Works 12:03, Jan. 13, 2013

All good. You know me, I am normally a good reporter. This was just some Sunday silliness for y'all. Leverage (talk) 16:03, 13 January 2013 (UTC)

Doing Well[edit source]

Hi Leverage, I thought I would leave this message here in case you are not checking the other site. Thanks for the name check on the Uncyclopedian of the Year page. Glad I was able to encourage you to stay on Uncyclopedia and produce some really good work. --RomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 15:06, 13 January 2013 (UTC)

You're very welcome! There's a few nice chaps around here that make all the difference, and you're one of them. I am gonna hang out mostly here I think, but I'll keep an eye on the wikia site, just in case their unnews is better than ours! Leverage (talk) 16:08, 13 January 2013 (UTC)

It is better, in that my "Man marries rice" article is there (I've got to learn how to move images, BB tried teaching me, like teaching an onion how to be a carrot). Your porn article is very good, as porn and as an interesting twist (yech). I'd like to see it featured, yet it could be made funnier considering the site. Couldn't get aroused by this, it is Hilary Clinton. Yech. I don't know how you could write porn about her, but great writers must control their vomit response. Thanks for the link (oh, I added a link to it, see if you like it). Aleister no time like the present

I made a vague reference to your photo travails when I had a bitch at mnbvcxz on one of his article's talk pages today. Are you looking for some way to avoid uploading everything to both sites? That would be cool. As for the hilary-porn, i am open to ideas. I didn't really know how to make it satirical beyond really clunky jokes "I am going to split you in two like [insert political reference]" etc. And funny how? Kind of shambolic sex, ridiculous? I don't know. It's a hard one. --Leverage (talk) 18:43, 15 January 2013 (UTC)

Leverage[edit source]

I was wondering if you could go vote on I want a cookie? You see, it has been the first nomination of all the nominations on the new site and is pretty old considering the nomination age. Thanks. Sorry for the whoring. And also, I see you read my new UnNews. I fixed the first two parts to make more sense. What did you think? -- ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 00:10, 16 January 2013 (UTC) And the PANIC! at the Disco nom too. Even older and is in the decision making stage.-- ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 00:11, 16 January 2013 (UTC)

OK, I'll have a look at it when I get back from work. --Leverage (talk) 07:16, 16 January 2013 (UTC)

:D-- ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 21:11, 16 January 2013 (UTC)

Clever angle and writing on the Hawking page just now. If I still had thumbs I'd point them up, but I quit using them. Aleister a few minutes after racing Lance Armstrong eight times around Oprah

Unsignpost - 20130119042144 gibberish asdf[edit source]

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The edition that's black and white and dead all over

Jan 19th, 2012 • Issue 182 • Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.

The Return of Not Jedis, but rather Old Users

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

Not this kind of old.

No, we do not mean users with ages soaring into the atmosphere. Well, I hope so. Because 80 year old users would be weird, just saying.

However, users who had currently quit the Wikia back up to years ago have now returned, and maybe all will return. Why did they leave? Protest mainly, or traveling the world. The world is big, however, so that could explain things.

Some sysops have returned, including MoneySign, Tom mayfair, MadMax, etc.

On the hand of the those who aren't admins, TheSlyFox sneaked back into the site, ColinAYB has returned, and even Acmed2 has returned after his rage quit in September of 2012.

So basically, what is to be said for here is, well... Uncyclopedia attracts quality writers that write from the heart, which Wikia wouldn't allow. Everybody, here's a life lesson: Down with Wikia!

Argument on swastikas is fading

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

Recently, I have raised a master debate on HGA's (who desires to be called HGA instead of his actual username, so don't call him ~~Aimsplode~~ by his actual username ever! You can read about the reasons here, where he also made a speech that made many children cry in appreciation of its beauty. If I may quote the great Aimsp-er, HGA himself:

“

I love the swastika. I find it bold, and very rigid, just as Hitler intended (usually, only the Nazi-stylized version, such as this). It's almost mesmerizing how beautiful such an object can be. That is why I use it as my person identification symbol. I want to be associated with this figure. If I didn't, then hell, I wouldn't be using it.

Another reason is my facination with the Nazi Party, and Hitler: the order, regimented society, propaganda. He was a fucking genius, Hitler. He wrote all his own speeches, made his own tours, just to keep the public in a trance. He had human psychology to an art. He new how to run his coun try perfectly. His only blunder was attacking the Russians, which was caused by his lust for world domination too quickly. If he had kept pounding the British, and had a little more patience, surely he would have won. This lifestyle, rise and fall, rage and grace, interests me to no end. I love spending time picking apart the various aspects of Nazi society, and Hitler's life. A few of my views fall in line with Hitler's, but nothing substantial. I would not be massacring people, of course: that only make conflict. And in this day in age, it is impossible to pull off such a feat as him in such secrecy.

”

So there ya have it, folks: HGA ≠ Nazi. However, he does think Hitler was a good person. He dicked with some admins and now he's infibanned. Hmmm...

So hopefully, Kip's influence off my original forum will die down and stop influencing others. Like Joey's instinct to respond, as seen here: Joey Number's sig.

However, DO NOT confuse these mock threads with this response seen here, as Socky has a very good point. Go vote now!

Select User of the Week
This week, there was a tie between Frosty and MadMax, who both raped the recent changes log like there was no tomorrow. Keep up the good work, fellas!

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

17:39, January 17, 2013 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Sir Peasewhizz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 20 seconds ‎ (Very serious, very formal testing)

05:39, January 16, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 70 minutes ‎ (I did 1 better than you. Suck it leddy!)

12:40, January 15, 2013 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.169.90.254 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (You want everybody on Uncyclopedia to have lotsa sex? What a nice thing to say.)

10:08, January 13, 2013 Tom mayfair (Talk | contribs) blocked MadMax (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 seconds ‎ (Break Time! . .. ... .... ..... Okay, get back to work.)

Biopic of the Week
This week, when we spoke to Sir Peasewhizz via teleconference from his executive jetliner as he was cruising 45,000 feet above the Bay of Bengal, he appeared to be lounging on a settee constructed entirely from nude women and the pelts of animals which he'd personally made extinct. It made us wonder if he was compensating for something, such as the fact that he's 14 years old, or that he has no girlfriend, or that, as a girlfriendless 14-year-old, his extracurricular activities likely consist of taking potshots at the family cat with ropy streams of jizz. (Just guessing, of course. The alcohol and STDs killed our recollection of our teenage years.)

Sir Whizz, who joined the wiki last year as Kamek98, got acquainted with the other fresh talent, nominated a few articles on VFH, and wrote a couple of articles himself before promptly being bollocksed by SPIKE, whose helpfulness towards newbies knows no bounds. And by "knows no bounds", we mean "doesn't exist." In spite of this, Sir Whizz stuck with Uncyc like gum on a brand-new shoe, and is currently doing his best impression of a puppy, sticking his nose into everything, leaving puddles of drool everywhere, and actually running off with the UnSignpost, which we would be grateful for, if we weren't too busy shaking our fists at him for having initiative.

Sir Whizz informed us rather ostentatiously that he is unable to make a major monetary donation to the New Uncyclopedia because, as he put it, "I just bought a new electric guitar." He went on to show us the guitar, a one-off Gibson Flying-V with ebony inlays, a solid-platinum humbucker, and the autographs of Jimmy Page, Eric Clapton, and Jimi Hendrix done in gold-leaf along the neck. It's good to see that Sir Whizz has his priorities in order—"Axes before taxes", we always say, and as this quip immobilized long-time IRC lurker RAHB with an uncontrollable fit of giggle-spasms, we believe it is quite excellent, and intend to repeat it at every available opportunity until Judgement Day.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~

I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 04:22, 19 January 2013

What do you think of my UnNews?[edit source]

Do you enjoy reading them?-- ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 20:49, 20 January 2013 (UTC)

Hey, they are really different from mine, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I think we need as many writers as poss, esp as mngvbxz is writing lots on the other page and ALEISTER is writing their first and posting here late if ever. I just read the unsignpost. what did aimsplode do exactly? Leverage (talk) 20:55, 20 January 2013 (UTC)

I put up a vote on whether or not we should ask Aimsplode to remove the swastika from is signature and he got into a statement that he thought Hitler wasn't that bad and such. Then TKF and Socky and Aimsplode got into an argument. Aimsplode left a long and very questionable comment and TKF infinitely banned him. Look at the forum if you can find it, which I can't.-- ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 22:26, 20 January 2013 (UTC)

Hmm, I found it. I didn't think his final comments were as offensive as his basic argument. As for UnNews, I put on in there about Django, you should have a crack at that. Tarantino is always blamed for inspiring violence right? You could take another aspect of the movie and make out he is being blamed for that: "Tarantino denies inspiring plantation owner murderer" was the one I put, but you could also do something like, "Tarantino denies inspiring verbosity in teenagers" (bearing in mind how wordy Django and his other movies have been) or "Tarantino denies inspiring slave/mandingo owners". The mandingo line could be funny. It's the weirdest part of the movie. There's no evidence that mandingos existed in the US, but it's presented as if it was widely known and normal. --Leverage (talk) 12:34, 21 January 2013 (UTC)

I'll look sometime soon.-- ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 13:59, 21 January 2013 (UTC)

I just made a new one. What do you think? :P-- ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 16:13, 21 January 2013 (UTC)

It's very loopy, but I like those ones from time to time. The ones I write tend to be little twists on the news stories, I think it's cool if other people do more scattergun stuff. Do you speak another language apart from English? Leverage (talk) 19:18, 21 January 2013 (UTC)

Spanish. English is my first language. I'm 14 BTW.-- ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 21:13, 21 January 2013 (UTC)

Interesting. BTW, it wasn't a criticism. It's just sometimes you use odd verbs and it made me wonder. Plenty of monolinguals do that too, but bilinguals can at least blame interference. Leverage (talk) 21:21, 21 January 2013 (UTC)

I know. I didn't take it as criticism, I'm just 14 and I rush. I have ADHD and OCD and really like things done. ha-- ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 21:39, 21 January 2013 (UTC)

Heenan[edit source]

I am guessing this isn't you Leverage but I now see that credit on your Tescos horse meat story on the Wikia Uncyclopedia. I had read your story here first and had thought you had uploaded it at the Wikia Uncyclopedia. I hadn't checked the history. I will block that user who ever he is and remove your story off UnNews. Thanks. --RomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 20:28, 22 January 2013 (UTC)

You know what, I clicked on the link and had a look at the picture, which I'd seen on fb. I didn't even read the text! Anyway, thanks for doing it, this is all really unseemly and ridiculous. We are not the Onion, no one's making money, what's the point of all the copying? Leverage (talk) 21:13, 22 January 2013 (UTC)

Peace has broken out...I am told the bot has been deleted. See here: http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User_talk:Romartus . --

RomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 21:19, 22 January 2013 (UTC)

As an add on the story on Wikia Unc. It wasn't yours after all. I thought the kid Heenan73 had done a reverse paste job. Anyway, I have a large slice of humble pie to eat tonight on that particular foul up. --

RomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 21:52, 22 January 2013 (UTC)

On the bright side, it wasn't a funny article! Leverage (talk) 07:32, 23 January 2013 (UTC)

Obama Lip Sync page[edit source]

Nice work. I may have edit conflicted you putting categories in. This kind of twist is what makes you a purrrrfect writer!!! Aleister 20:32 23-1-'13

Unsignpost - 20130124050125 gibberish asdf[edit source]

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!

January 24th, 2013 • Issue 183 • Better sign it.

The spam finds its way

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

Nobody could have expected the return of the spam. I'm just kidding. Everyone knew it was going to happen. Recently, Ly has made it so editing is more open to those who aren't "users" and with that, came the inevitable spam. Probably the first major bit of spam came from a user who was putting a troll face in 400px on many pages (including category pages). I alerted Lyrithya on IRC and she blocked the user with a time of infinite. I had already put the user on Ban Patrol. Yes, Ban Patrol. We need to kick it into gear now. Like it once was. We want more of it.

The everyday troll causing harm to the defenseless like me and you.

So please, get your spam spray ready, the Ban Patrol ready to penetrate, and your anti-spam mind in motion. That is an order!

The Cold War Update

By Meganew

Well, ladies and gentlemen... It has begun. For those of you who don't know, (you should all know, it has been a few weeks) the great internet humor wiki known across the world as Uncyclopedia has officially split, since January 5th to be precise. While there are those who remain loyal to the original (now completely Wikia-owned) Uncyc, others have left and formulated a site of their own, "Free Uncyclopedia," if you will. Every Saturday, starting this week, I will give an update at Uncyc Cold War on the current situation, sharing details with the populaces of both sites on any updates pertaining to the current split. Post on that page's talk page if you wish to give your input as a Wikia Uncycer or a Free Uncycer.

Some of you may wish to know how this started... It all goes back a very long time ago, when a man named Chronarion sold the original Uncyclopedia (uncyclopedia.org) to Wikia for beer and hookers, the company originally created by Jimbo Wales as a hub of wikis for various specific subjects. Over the years, Wikia did many things to Uncyclopedia, including domain name updates, restrictions on hardline levels of satire, and most notable of all, the censoring of all unclad racks on the entire site. The final spark was (according to Frosty, one of the Free Uncyc leaders (Sannse we're ratting you out), a heavy demand over adding a North America-only suicide prevention hotline to the suicide page. Regardless of the circumstances, members were tired of Wikia, and as such left the site to formulate their own variant. Frosty would then go on a rage to revert all booby pictures and give us nudes once again.

If you touch the red zones in just the right way... it will cause an explosion.

A primary difficulty for years was the fact that there was no original domain name that a new Uncyclopedia could be built on. Uncyclopedia.org was in Wikia's hands, after all. Incapable of simply leaving, a domain name ([en.uncyclopedia.co]) was eventually found, and the move was made by the majority of writers and the like. The inevitable struggle between these two wikis will prove to be most interesting to watch as it plays out.

Until next week, keep on trucking!

UnVoyage - journey around the world without leaving your seat, the ultimate travel experience for lazy people!

By Yrtneg

Uncyclopedian Yrtneg has created a new project - UnVoyage. It's a parody of Wikivoyage. It's a fake travel guide with pages like "Space", "Hell", and etc. Now of course, we're all going to forget about it before six months, but who cares. Go ahead and add some pages! Bitch. Right now there's nothing but who cares. Uncyclopedian Carlb suggested making pages like "Titanic" and "the moon". The main page is at UnVoyage and it's pretty fucked up. Go check it out!

Select User of the Week
The select user of the week for this edition of USP is RAHB, because he was the only one who would pay attention to VFH. Be ashamed all you neglecting other admins! Just kidding, the VFH is dead. So go vote.

Newsroom Random Article of the Week

UnScripts:Dragon Ball Z: The Missing Episode Transcript

Random Word of the Week
Gap - The thing that your mom should close between her legs.

Important Tip of the Week
Don't hump donkeys.

Check out these pages!

Can we find them?

From our logs:

09:27, January 23, 2013 Jack Phoenix (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.214.47.130 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (<span style="font-size: 901px; overflow: none; position: absolute;">FUCK</span>)

15:57, January 22, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Yrtneg (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (All but admitted to being User:TheBorrower on IRC.)

15:54, January 22, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked TheBorrower (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (This is fucking stupid for about five hundred reasons.)

00:48, January 22, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 91.207.8.30 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Spam, Maps, Pams, Amps.)

23:40, January 21, 2013 TKF (Talk | contribs) blocked SirPeasewhizz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 4 hours ‎ (since he asked nicely. but seriously man)

23:26, January 21, 2013 TKF (Talk | contribs) blocked SirPeasewhizz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 18 hours ‎ (for god's sake man, i literally just told you to stop flooding VFH)

16:51, January 21, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Wiley812 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Nobody cares about your gay products.)

22:53, April 6, 2024 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked EugeneKay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 17 minutes ‎ (Gayer than Christmas: Asked to be banned.)

17:11, January 19, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 208.54.35.212 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Piss poor attempt at a scam)

Featured Article of the Week
The featured article of the week is: UnNews:NONSENSE WATERMELON CATASTROPHE

Biopic of the Week
This week, we spoke with the hot admin that offers 69ing upon request via IRC. Yes, IRC.

We asked him what his favorite thing to do was... he replied doggystyle or the Reverse Manatee. We asked him what he was doing to help the site. He replied; "Continuing to manage our social media presence, reforming project layouts to adhere to Wikimedia's formatting, and managing our e-store and donations. Also acting as our PR contact but the press isn't interested."

When we asked him if he does all these while performing the cowgirl over the top squeezedown twister-ma-jigger down-town position. He said yes, on occasional basis. He also says, "Occasionally it can get tedious so I sometimes must defer such responsibilities to a third party."

Then we asked him if he was aware the term rape can also be called a struggle snuggle. He said "Yes, and I think it's a shame that liberal political correctness has infiltrated almost every inch of our culture."

Then we asked him what he thought of Obama snaggin' our guns. He replied, "He'll get my guns when he snatches them from my cold, dead fingers, which I only have 7 of because of a loose firing pin on my Glock. Ehh, make that 6.5 actually."

Nice.

Then we asked him, "for the bright young users who migrated here and are very active, where do you see them going on this site? Any advice? Any tips? What they should do to become a better user? etc."

His advice was heart-touching. "I haven't been looking at our new users, but I encourage them to keep editing and refer their friends to do the same. We hope to have cash prize contests again so I encourage them to stick around for that and other exciting things to come. One tip I could recommend is to not be a dick. Most users are very likable once you talk to them through another medium such as IRC or Skype, so don't take the editing or wiki politics personally. And they can just read all of my articles instead of the HTBFANJS. My articles are a guide and inspiration for humor."

There you have it everybody! Hotadmin4u69!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~

I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 05:02, 24 January 2013

Foolitzer[edit source]

I will nominate you fro Feb. You're really good.-- ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 17:06, 26 January 2013 (UTC)

He's already won it! ~ BB ~ (T)

~ Sat, Jan 26 '13 23:36 (UTC)

He can't win twice?! ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 23:59, 26 January 2013 (UTC)

Even if I can, given that I write about a million more UnNewaes than anyone else, it's a bit of a Pyrrhic victory. did you know spike won 14 monthly awards for best unnews audio? hahahahahahhaha! Leverage (talk) 09:31, 27 January 2013 (UTC)

Yes, I know.-- ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 13:34, 27 January 2013 (UTC)

Adobe Flash[edit source]

In case your computer is unable to visit Wikipedia for whatever reason, I thought I'd pop in and annoy you with an explanation of "Flash content". TL;DR: Flash is awesome! Yay Adobe! ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Jan 26 '13 23:36 (UTC)

I just googled what tl;dr means, which I think defeats the object of that acronym. I am very happy to have flash here! New media player looks pretty, etc. My objection was that it made the main news page concertina. I am a big believer in the average net user clicking once on an unknown link, but probably not twice. that's why i hated the wikia warning. Now I see the unnews page works ok, but news stories, (like my UnNews:Tarantino denies Django makes viewers act like Southern gents still clam up. Is it not possible to have flash playing as default unless switched off? Leverage (talk) 09:34, 27 January 2013 (UTC)

Try {{Flash2}} out and let me know what you think. I wrote it for Hotadmin (actually, I wrote it for the whole site to use), but he hasn't gotten back to me on whether or not he liked it. ~ BB ~ (T)

~ Tue, Jan 29 '13 1:59 (UTC)

~~I am not quite sure what I do with this! Where do I paste it? I thought it was a vector thing, but it looks more manua~~l. In the meantime I will say: i have just gone incognito and the pages look MUCH better now. The fact that the pages show and the users have to click on whether to enable the flash or not is a huge improvement! I think the ideal would be that they have to opt out of using flash (i.e. everything loads and they must disable it if they want to) but this is a million times better than how it was when I was complaining. good work! Leverage (talk) 07:36, 29 January 2013 (UTC)

I have now looked at your update for Django, and I have realised that my above praise relates directly to this new template. Good stuff. --Leverage (talk) 11:52, 29 January 2013 (UTC)

I think I'm going to set that particular flash player as enabled-by-default, but leave everything else disabled-by-default. Flash is still a security risk, even if we only allow the embedding of flash objects that are hosted by us. Anybody with upload privileges could upload a .swf with an exploit payload, which could be catastrophic in any number of ways. ~ BB ~ (T)

~ Wed, Jan 30 '13 1:51 (UTC)

Sounds good. I always suggest stuff from a user's point of view, but have fuck all idea about programming. You guys are doing good work. I know you guys talk about the existing bugs, but i think in terms of the new things you have introduced, it's been really positive. Leverage (talk) 07:48, 30 January 2013 (UTC)

Letting you know about {{UnNews Audio}}. For the future, it should be all you need for UnNews audio embedding. ~ BB ~ (T)

~ Thu, Jan 31 '13 2:32 (UTC)

Barack and Hillary[edit source]

A perfect follow-up! You must have sold your soul to the devil or someone. Nice work. And yes, someone can win more than one Foolitzer, although if we gave it to the best every month Funnybony would have about a hundred of them now, with Leverage gaining on the inside. Aleister 12:02 28-1-'13

Thank you kindly, it rather wrote itself, it was just a case of inserting filth. As for the Foolitzer, I am a little bit blasé about the awards side of things. There are so few active writers on the site, it's faint praise... and VfH now is being abused by whoring (maybe this was the case before, but there were a few guard-dogs, and a slightly greater weight of numbers to stop it happening so easily). Anyway, it means that awards and features are a bit of a non-prize for me. Leverage (talk) 12:23, 28 January 2013 (UTC)

VFH has always had its whores, and I've sold my privates a few times (although only for pages I felt were featureable, I can't recall ever asking anyone to read one of mine on VFH that I didn't think wasn't). There were always a few users who I enjoyed getting their votes, because they were selective. Chief, Romartus, Spike, and TKF are/were all good judges of quality writing, and their vote really means something. Aleister 12:42 28-1-'13

Crap, I didn't get to vote for you. I forget these awards exist. -- Kip the Egg Talk Works

13:06, Jan. 28, 2013

I think Eric just nommed, or was going to nom. I think writer of the month, noobie of the month, uncyclopedian of the month are more than enough. I AM up for writer of the year though, and would love to come second.Leverage some point between the above and below messages.

A good lover should always come second. Aleister

And now you've made another masterpiece with your space monkey page. Nice. I was one of the people who watched that guy jump, watched it for about two hours. He almost passed out and the control people on earth had to keep waking him up and have him go through his checklist. It was like snuff porn for awhile, to see if he'd move again. Then he jumped, and all was well. Aleister 21:27 28-1-'13

Appropriate that BumGardener was Austrian, as you can´t beat central and Eastern Europe for that kind of snuff stuff. Something happens to a man´s blood when he crosses that line of longitude.--Leverage (talk) 11:54, 29 January 2013 (UTC)

Purple Spleen[edit source]

You are hereby awarded the

Purple Spleen

For heroic work in cleaning up the Uncyclopedia one article at a time.

-Hotadmin4u69

For your slave-like devotion to UnNews which has helped make the world a funnier place. --EMC^[TALK]21:07 Jan 29 2013

Unsignpost - 20130131002159 gibberish asdf[edit source]

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Better sign it.

January 31st, 2013 • Issue 184 • We're delivering it to your door anyways!

First month of the Real Uncyclopedia, a sexy & successful one

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

January is over, and to sum things up; the Real Uncyclopedia is doing well. Along with the move, we had multiple features, new users, successful donations, the opping of Bizzeebeever, the new ability to check users, the return of TheLedBalloon and Dawg, etc., a new Uncyclo-project called UnVoyage, new gadgets, name changes, a new poopsmith, more boobies, and even edits from a V6 IP address! Last but not least, the USP is getting done. With contributions from ZB!

...and here's Slender dancing in celebration!

So thank you all and we hope to see more joy in the months, years, decades, centuries, and even galactic light-years to come!

Social media

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

Recently, a new addition has been made to Uncyclopedia's Social Media Team. None other than the one, the only, the fabulous Sir Peasewhizz! Sir Peasewhizz has already updated the only Twitter you should care about, found here. He has also been made part of the staff for the official Uncyclopedia Facebook, found here. And if you're not following these precious and incredible feeds, then shame! Make time!!!!!...please? Thank you. Thank you.

Select User of the Week
The select user of the week for this edition of USP is Zombiebaron for carrying out the VFD orders. Or should we say, he ate them?! No? No?

Newsroom Random Article of the Week

Nerds vs. Geeks

Ask Zombiebaron

Zombiebaron, are you actually gay? (asked by Frosty @ 22:29, 27 January 2013): No.

Zombiebaron, is Frosty actually gay? (asked by Kip @ 22:56, Jan. 27, 2013): Yes.

Zombiebaron, is your mom actually SO GHEY? (asked by RAHB @ 23:19, 27 January 2013): Everybody's mom is SO GHEY. Giving birth is the most homosexual thing anyone can do.

I was going through my boyfriend's text messages and found that he had told his ex that she was a "sexy fox" that "anybody would be lucky to have" and he still expects me to sleep next to him tonight and I don't know how to feel. What do I do? (asked by ColinAYB @ 19:30, Sunday 27 January 2013): First off, stop reading your boyfriend's text messages. Those are private. But here's what you should do: use his phone to text that slut all kinds of sexy stuff. Then meet up with her and have some amazing lesbian sex. Then just break up with your boyfriend and move in with her. That'll teach him!

where do I keep my keys hidden? (asked by Madclaw @ 22:11, 27 January 2013): Supergeeky1's rectum.

Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!

Important Tip of the Week
When you fart, say "I smell popcorn" so people can easily take a good old whiff of it.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

22:01, January 29, 2013 Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) blocked 176.249.132.5 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (SPAAAAM)

03:40, January 27, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Mr-ex777 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 minutes ‎ (Not banned enough yet: Seriously that's the best I got.)

21:06, January 26, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Kip the Dip (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 4 minutes ‎ (I found this)

06:24, January 25, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (lol check ur irc logz)

05:52, January 25, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) resurrected RAHB (Talk | contribs) (Hawkwind. That is all.)

05:27, January 25, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked RAHB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (SUCK MAH FAT JUICY BONER DICK)

05:25, January 25, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) resurrected Frosty (Talk | contribs) (SUCK MY DICK)

05:06, January 25, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 300 minutes ‎ (The plankets and pillon are where it's at)

05:05, January 25, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) resurrected RAHB (Talk | contribs) (Too sexy to stay banned.)

04:46, January 25, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked RAHB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (tkaing advntage of my drinkinbg)

02:55, January 25, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) resurrected 2600:100D:B126:3798:0:0:0:103 (Talk | contribs) (Very kind chap who politely asked on IRC to be unblocked. I, personally, also think he's sexy.)

01:32, January 25, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 2600:100D:B126:3798:0:0:0:103 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Whatever you are on... You need to be off it.)

21:41, January 24, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) resurrected Yrtneg (Talk | contribs) (Said he was sorry...)

20:32, January 24, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Yrtneg (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (That page you created about Aimsplode wasn't very nice >.>)

Featured Article of the Week
The featured article of the week is: The things your family doesn't know.

Biopic of the Week
This week we spoke with the new, the mega, the Meganew! Done via IRC, we spoke with him. He had some nifty things to say for us this week during his interview!

When we spoke with Meganew, he said his intentions to for Uncyclopedia was to ~~fuck it up~~ keep the control stabilized whilst putting his leadership to keep Uncyclopedia as one of the top sites located on the internet! His favorite part of this plan is that he is going to use his leadership ability. He said this will be done as a result of an obvious supporting from the member-base in his political movements.

Meganew is eager to show you the Uncyclopedia Civil War thing he is doing too.

His last input was on what he thought of the first month of the Real Uncyclopedia's running. He said he thought it was rather interesting, and he is very ecstatic to see where where the new site goes over the next few years!

So there you have it folks! Give a good old round of applause for the talented Meganew!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~

I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:23, 31 January 2013

UnNews:Bush blames Barney for Iraq war decision[edit source]

Wow, that was a good one! I think it has a chance of cracking through VFH. Want me to nominate it? Mattsnow 18:06, 2 February 2013 (UTC)

Thanks! Sure, go for it if you want. I am not going to self-nom no more. Leverage (talk) 18:29, 2 February 2013 (UTC)

Voting is low[edit source]

On VFH. Do you think you could go through some more and vote? :D--Sir Peasewhizz de New York 19:21, 2 February 2013 (UTC)

Post-Super Bowl News[edit source]

Thanks for updating the stories on the main page. I thought to myself last night, "I bet Leverage will take care of it." I come in first thing in the morning, and, sure enough. -- Kip the Egg Talk Works 16:34, Feb. 4, 2013

How VFH Works[edit source]

VFH is kinda like getting in line at a grocery store. We had run out of features in line and had to take some from the ranks. Your article will be featured, you just need to wait for the date.

Usually we maintain a certain amount of backlog to ensure we don't end up in the predicament we did earlier today where we ran out of featured articles and had to grab one that had been on there a while and shove it into the light.

We need your help (and the help of all your friends) to increase voting (both pro and con) and nominations to VFH. To maintain one featured article a day we must have at least two to four nominated articles per day and a completed successful vote no less than daily, hopefully with 7-10 excellent articles rising to the top every week to keep the queue full of delicious front page material.

Congratulations on your feature. » Brig Sir Dawg | t | v | c » 2013.02.05.07:21

Hey, I saw how you put it in the queue, which is why I deleted the message I left. I was initially confused cos I knew I'd got 11 votes, and then my watchlist said it had been featured... but it wasn't there. I'll take a look later at the vfh pages I haven't voted on yet. Leverage (talk) 07:34, 5 February 2013 (UTC)

For the record, your article was one of my two favorites from those I just added to the featured article queue. I also wanted it to get a full 24 hours on the front page, and to work the oldest ones off the list first.

» Brig Sir Dawg | t | v | c » 2013.02.05.07:49

Unsignpost - 20130207013217 gibberish asdf[edit source]

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

February 6th, 2013 • Issue 185 • There is news in this thing.

GLORY! GLORY! WINNNERS! WINNERS! WIINNERRRRS!! YAYYYYY!

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

Aye! Yes, it is true. January is now over. So we're into to February 2013, where the second month of the new site is bound to be kickin'! Am I right or am I right? Well, here's some news that you can get excited for. With the conclusion of January 2013, we have the 2012 Year Award winners implanted into the sexy body of Uncyclopedia History and boy do we have some happy users out there! After a close competition in each category, (which wasn't rigged at all!) behold the users whom gained more "jazzy-ness" from the conclusion of the voting!

A trophy for winners!

First off, the Writer of the Year is none other than the killer... the froggy... TKF! TKF won Writer of the Year 2012 with 8 for votes and a baby-slapping 15.5 features tallied for the year twenty-twelve. Coming in second place was Funnybony with 5 votes and 14 features in 2012! Xamralco came in third with 3 votes for and most of his 2012 features being Top features of the month!

Second off we have Uncyclopedian of the Year. The winners of UOTY 2012 is a tie between the recently opped in January '13 and quite picture-n-tech master; Bizzeebeever. Who did he tied with? Oh, just the newly opped in September of 2012; the young Australian divinity Frosty! Both had 9 for votes! Coming in 3rd place was Romartus, an admin who chose to stay with the old site, who received a pretty good 6 votes for. Good competition boys!

Third off is Potatochopper of the Year (AKA Radical-X of the Year). Who is this winner? Going for the double crown after winning the Uncyclopedian of the Year along with Frosty, is Bizzeebeever! Great pictures man! Great pictures! Not only did he win by an impression-pushing 8 votes in his favor, but he was so good he scared away competition! He was the only nominee and obviously nobody else was nominated because everyone knows that BB would crush his competition. We're not kidding...

Another trophy for the winners!

May the fourth be Gobshite of Ultimate in 2012. Being the only two gobshites nominated, the two tied and were written down in ~~shame~~ Uncyclopedian history. Who were these fine young users? Only your very own Zombiebaron and Olipro!

Now we have the month awards for January 2013. Categories are: n00b of the Moment, Uncyclopedian of the Month, Useless Gobshite of the Month, and the Foolitzer Prize for January 2013! What? You're wondering why Writer of the Month wasn't mentioned? Well, um... nobody nommed anyone worthy and actually there was only like 3 votes. And the most someone got was one vote for. So make something happen for February's Writer of the Month this time around! GO! GO! GO! ~~POWER RANGERS!~~ The same with Potatochopper of the Month, what up with that? Huh? Huh? TELL ME.

Y, who received 5 for votes won the NOTM for January of 2013. There was a tie for Uncyclopedian of the Month, the MoveCabal and Sir Peasewhizz both mustered up the minimum 5 for votes to hold co-ownership of the January 2013 Uncyclopedian of the Month award-title-thing. For the Useless Gobshite of the Month, Zombiebaron won with 6 for votes, being the only nominee. With 3 for votes, Bill Melater won the January 2013 Foolitzer Prize! Also being a single nominee in a category.

Well, congratulations to all winners of something, something! Keep on being aggressive, because a few categories have been already entered by users in a February 2013 campaign! And for the Year Awards, see you again in January 2014 and right here with the winners in February 2014. And also, voting records can be found right here and over here.

Cold War Update 2

By Meganew

Well, I didn't update this Sunday, but that's my fault. Anyways...

After a serious level of contention on VFS, a conclusion was reached, one that I personally feel was poorly made. Instead of allowing Wikia Uncyc to "reap what they sow," as the old proverb goes, ChiefjusticeDS felt he simply had to intervene. As such, he eliminated Aimsplode's nomination and permabanned him from the site.

Admittedly, I was in favor of aim becoming an admin, but not for the reasons everyone thinks. I'm of the opinion that you should suffer the full rewards or consequences of your choices. With the populace having voted for Aimsplode, despite Chief's attempt to eliminate his nomination twice before his permanent termination of it, it's only fair that the Wikia site gets a Nazi as an admin. That's what they want, so that's what they'll get. It's like vandalism: Sure, you can vandalize Uncyclopedia all you want, but you'll suffer the consequences of that. In that case, a ban.

As someone who considers himself to have a more traditional view of things, I fully believe that ChiefjusticeDS had no reason to stick his nose in the business of the userspace. Were Aimsplode to have proven himself to be a good admin, he would've stayed. Were he to have been of poor quality, his employment would be terminated. Point is, either way, they would've got what they asked for.

Speaking of Aimsplode, he's been doing a good job of terminating all proof of his existence elsewhere on the internet. From Habbo to Deviantart, and even I can haz cheezburger, he has tried to terminate his existence from the web. Perhaps there is more to this pseudo-Nazi then any of us know...

Another update, another day. Keep checking back on your daily USP for the next update on the Uncyc Cold War.

Cheers!

Ask Zombiebaron

Do you watch children's cartoons anymore? (asked by Cat the Colourful @ 09:39, 31 January, 2013): Yeah, all the time. Right now I am watching the DCAU, currently I'm on the second season of Superman. Batman: The Animated Series is seriously awesome.

How much Zombiebaron could a Zombiebaron Zombiebaron if a Zombiebaron could Zombie Baron? (asked by Methamphetamine! @ 2013-01-27 18:55): A whole bunch.

Why am I such a faggot? (asked by Y at Jan 29 2013 00:38): Both of your parents are faggots.

I spilled cocaine on a math assignment that I handed in to my teacher, and now I'm afraid that she's addicted to giving out homework. What do I do? (asked by Colin "All your base" Heaney @ 10:07, Friday 01 February 2013): Buy more cocaine.

What is the meaning of life? (asked by Sir Peasewhizz @ 00:31, 31 January 2013): Life is meaningless. The only thing that is certain is that we will all one day die. Except some of us don't stay dead.

Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

20:16, February 4, 2013 Dawg (Talk | contribs) blocked 189.62.23.61 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Inserting nonsense/gibberish into pages: Blanker/gibberish inserter.)

05:11, February 4, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Page blanking troll 2 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 years ‎ (You are undoubtedly the most pathetic vandal ever. See you in another 5 years???)

22:48, February 1, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 2.216.151.169 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (That thing you did... Don't do it again)

05:44, January 31, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) resurrected RAHB (Talk | contribs) (To be fair, I would have blown you but I didn't want my breath to smell like whiskey and old socks.)

05:14, January 31, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked RAHB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (refsuing to giev me head transpaciifically)

05:14, January 31, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Ljlego (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (wlecome baxck and a heartty FFUUUUUUUUCK you (im really duruk btw))

Featured Article of the Week
The featured article of the week is: UnNews:Delicious New Zealand bird set for extinction by 2023

Select User of the Week
The select user of the week for this edition of USP is Frosty for coming up with a quite sexy idea to solve an issue with VFH. Give him some love! Yeah... that's nice.

Newsroom Random Article of the Week

UnNews:Walkers warned of "killer ticks"

Important Tip of the Week
When you are in France, assuming all the girls aren't wearing any underpants is rude. Dang flabbit, keep it to yourself!

Biopic of the Week
During this edition of the USP's Biopic of the Week, we will look at the chat with the one and only Kip the Dip, whose 6th Uncycloversary will be coming on the 13th.

USP: So, what's it feel like to to have been wasting your life for a total of six years? Did it go by fast, or was it like Xtreme Paint Drying Sports?

Kip: Xtreme Paint Drying is exactly how I would describe Uncyclopedia in a nutshell.

USP: And what part of these six long, hard years was the most fun? What about the worst? Was there a time where you just could have killed someone? Was there a time where you could have had an orgasm just because of something cool happening?

Kip: That Mr. Winkler controversy was pretty fun, because that's one of the major classic dramafests of which I actually got to take part. My worst time at Uncyclopedia was definitely my first year when I epitomized dipshitttery. Receiving serious infinibans from the likes of Famine, Hinoa and Zombiebaron was soul-crushing. My best time, however, would be when I finally won UotM. It felt like I had finally broke out of my shell and became a valued member of the community. The fact that it took place at Christmas time only enhanced it, as I shine brighter than the Rockefellar tree in December. Reflecting back, I wouldn't trade my experience at Uncyclopedia for anything. Except money, fame and love.

USP: What do you think made yourself an original standout/figure in the Uncyclopedian history?

Kip: Taking Uncyclopedia seriously while never taking myself seriously. Secondly, Bizzeebeever recently described me as the Dr. Frankenstein of in-jokes. I have a talent in taking the silly and low-brow to high places.

USP: What would your advice for the newcomers to arrive in the future be?

Kip: Don't fuck it up.

There you have it folks, Kip the Dip! And don't forget to congratulate him on his six long, hard years!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~

I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:33, 7 February 2013

UnNews and features[edit source]

H'o. I figure if lots of people vote to feature a page, especially with good comments and lots of praise, then even if I don't like it I'll vote yes. I realize that my worldview and sense of humor is like everyone elses, person-specific. Jeez, in America lots of people seemed to like Mitt Romney and that little creep he was running with, and I will never understand why but give them their moronhood anyway. Look how many people like force-fed-on-society rap music. So that's just me, I figure if lots of people here like something then lots of the readers will like it too. I didn't even know the dog had died 11:56 10-2-'13

Fair enough, and I feel bad if I made you read about Bush against your will.

I am just tired of people self-nomming and whoring, or self-promoting shit pages, or getting obsessed with awards. My (also very personal) view about a page is that people should come here to read and to laugh, to write when they have funny stuff to say, and take part in the community if they want to. Loads of people do it the other way around: they love the chat and the forums, write little and promote it, and read other people's work adversarily, which I think is a pity. If I read something on the Daily Mash, I either laugh or I don't, here I sometimes click history first to see if it's an author I like or not, and I want to get away from that habit as much as poss.

I hope the sun is shining in Maryland! Leverage (talk) 12:02, 10 February 2013 (UTC)

lol, I just looked at the page again and saw the original press release at the bottom, had missed that before. hahahaahahahaha. Have you ever seen Bush's signature? It's a scribble. I was in Maryland twice, Baltimore has so many baseball fields when seen from a planes window it made me realize that Babe Ruth had lived there. Al

That's why I like you having a flexible identity. It's open for everyone to create their own version. It's like the ending of Caché (Hidden), a weird French movie which made me watch the interview with the director on the DVD, something I never do. But that was his thrust, there is no legitimate narrative in reality, everything is what we impose upon it, including the backstories of Uncyclopedia writers.

Talking of recommendations, did you look at the slynx? Leverage (talk) 12:17, 10 February 2013 (UTC)

Award from UN:REQ[edit source]

This user created John Travolta, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested articles. You're welcome!

This user created Jonathan Ross, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested articles. You're welcome!

This user created BladeRunnerway Bride, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested articles. You're welcome!

Bladerunnerway Bride[edit source]

I laughed and laughed and laughed, and I've only read up to the part where you start the other versions, and will finish it later. This is one of the best pages I've ever read here (by here, uncyclopedia, and not just here, this exact place in interspace). You have to like and know both movies of course, but for those who do, perfect (well, except a few parts that could use some tightening, can I do minor tweeks? Thanks if you say yes, No Thanks if you say no thanks). Thanks! Aleister 13:35 13-2-'13

That's very sweet of you to say. Can I make a confession? I haven't seen either movie! Anyway, you are of course allowed to tinker. Leverage (talk) 13:42, 13 February 2013 (UTC)

Thanks. And, ah, that explains nothing. Six words of advice: See both movies and then you can do some perfect edits and a masterpiece will become even more of a masterpiece. Are you serious though? You just wrote that from summaries of movies? Hard to believe. If you are being serious, we are in for a treat when you see them with a notepad in your hand. Aleister are you serious? Nah, that was a joke, I've been punked. Where's the camera?

It is the day of USP love, Valentine’s Day[edit source]

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

February 14th, 2013 • Issue 186 • Happy Valentine's Day, motherfucker.

Returning users and Grammar Nazis

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

Grammar Nazi insignia.

Recently, we have seen the return of many passionate members of the community, which have seen the return of Uncyc daylight upon arrival. Was that a run-on sentence? Idk... anywaaaays. So the point is, Ljlego has returned recently, and so has Dawg. I bring these two in particular because Ljlego and Dawg have revealed over the IRC hints that they wish to stay here, on the new site. Ljlego was looking to get an Uncyclopedia cloak, while Dawg just plain out said he was interested in staying. To sum it up, yay more returnees! Go Jesus! Oh yeah, and you can join the Proofreading Service. This is basically the Grammar nazi equivalent to the Poopsmith Lounge... only less dead and slightly more squeamish.

The old site wants us... sexually?!

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

Lol, no. Just kidding. But hasn't it come to most people's minds that maybe, possibly the Wikia's members are curious to what is going on in here (Bitches, alcohol, and partying) and might come sneak by? Well, first off Chief banned BB on the Wikia and set up a spam account here. BB found out that Chief was the account owner of the vandalizing account and banned both of them. Though Lyrithya unbanned Chief. W.O.W. Gay.

Keep your eyes open, boys. Or not, it's not like they mean harm. What do you take me for? Pulixer? lol no.

Great Hall of Shame Updating of '13

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

Happy Valentine's Day!

Okay, so most of you ungrateful bastards won't update your Hall of Shame entrees yourself. Well, did you even see that forum link? It even said "SIGN HERE FUCKERS". Yeah, that's right. Please, go update your Hall of Shame entrees and/or help me update those who don't update their HOS entrees. Man, that was pretty awkwardly worded. However, still. This task isn't easy. Much help is needed. USE THE EFFIN' FORCE, I KNOW THERE'S JEDIS WITHIN OUR RANKS!!

BUT SERIOUSLY.

Ask Zombiebaron
Sorry, he's not giving advice on Valentine's Day. We don't need little pregnant babies because ZB told you cut a hole in the condom for maximum results. He'll answer next issue and the ones after that. Or we'll kill him.

Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!

Biopic of the Week
This week, for the Biopic of the Week we did a short 3 question interview with SG1 via IRC. Behold;

USP: What is your favorite article?

SG1: User:Supergeeky1

USP: When did you sign up?

SG1: 2009

USP: What was your favorite year here?

SG1: 2009

There you have it folks! Plus, SG1 refuses to confirm this interview was real, even though it was. She's so weird...

Check out these pages!

UPDATE YOUR HALL OF SHAME AND SIGN HERE, FUCKERS

HE'LL MISS ALL THE SAVINGS!

The Incompetent Writing Competition. Category entrees are here

Judges can sign up here. Like you want to do that

Read this. Why? Don't ask!!

This is highly illogic-epedia!

Grammar Nazi recruitment.

Would you like to go the nurse, Sir Peasewhizz?

Well, then. If it's considered "ignorable" than why not?

From our logs:

21:18, February 11, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) to an expiry time 6 minutes (I noticed you blocked me or 5 minutes, so I am doing you one better!)

21:17, February 11, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 minutes ‎ (I noticed you blocked me or 5 minutes, so I)

08:52, February 11, 2013 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (Demonstrating the use of the block form)

23:21, February 9, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked I think Zombiebaron loves dick in his butthole (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Gayer than Christmas: Not being Zombiebaron)

02:36, February 9, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 210.157.20.86 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Gayer than Christmas)

19:51, February 8, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 174.98.30.117 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (wut)

03:21, February 8, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 211.201.143.146 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (That thing you did was silly)

21:18, February 7, 2013 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) resurrected ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) (Ha ha ha funny.)

21:07, February 7, 2013 Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ ((Good luck, ChiefjusticeDS. I liked you too, but you're the one violating Rule 2, and while this block is essentially meaningless, let me just say... enjoy eternity. (DO NOT UNBLOCK))

20:54, February 7, 2013 Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for Brigate Marroncinostellate (Talk | contribs) to an expiry time infinite (Serious wanker. I know who you is.)

18:47, February 7, 2013 Dawg (Talk | contribs) blocked 174.138.213.95 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Inserting nonsense/gibberish into pages)

15:35, February 7, 2013 Hotadmin4u69 (Talk | contribs) blocked Brigate Marroncinostellate (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Wanker)

01:18, February 7, 2013 TKF (Talk | contribs) blocked Wakkoswish123 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (yeah dont blank content)

Featured Article of the Week
The featured article of the week is: Amnesia: The Dark Descent

Select User of the Week
The select user of the week is a tie between Dawg and Ljlego. Both returnees have dedicated their lives ~~against will~~ to work for the best community out there, Uncyclopedia!

Newsroom Random Article of the Week

UnPoetia:Unexpected alphabet

Confucius says

He who put face in punch bowl get punch in nose.

In order make egg roll, push egg.

Man deaf on one side looking forward to happy new ear.

Man who reads women like book prefer braille

Man who smoke pot choke on handle.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 01:32, 14 February 2013 (UTC)

Vote! :D[edit source]

Hey, some articles on VFH could use a run through of votes. Examples) Ancient Aliens, Alcoholol, Boston Red Sox, Twister (game), James Cook, Pet rock, The New Jersey Hoax. Basically I'm saying a lot of articles haven't had a vote from you yet..-- ^SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 16:40, 16 February 2013 (UTC)

Crikey! It’s a rare, wild UnSignpost![edit source]

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!

February 21st, 2013 • Issue 187 • Burn.

Cold War Update 3: Drama!

By Meganew

Well, this one's a bit late, but still important. Illogicopedia has considered moving their hosting over to the Free Uncyc servers, netting a nifty anti-Wikia deal. As well, a series of "hate bans" occurred recently, involving ChiefjusticeDS banning people on the Wikia site, and a sockpuppet of his being banned on this site.

More info will be available when I find out.

Cheers!

Robot invasion

By Dawg

Slender! What are you doing? Slender! STAHP!

It has come to the attention of this fine news source that Uncyclopedia is being overrun by robots, displacing tens of writers on a daily basis. After we realized they might be useful (in spite of lacking a sense of humour and soul), we captured and trained a couple of them to deliver the UnSignpost for us. To appease these ravenous automatons, we were forced to switch to categories from our archaic signup list. You may have noticed a new template on your page, which should be placed on the page you wish to have your UnSignpost delivered, where it will be dropped at the bottom (as always). Please refrain from petting the robots, as they may bite (we're working on that with them).

One of these 'bots (as we call them) was easier to train and has assisted us in huffing literally hundreds of old (pre-2011) User: and User_talk: pages for anonymous IPs. They're now working deep in the bowels of the site removing crap categories and fixing broken stuff.

The one attached to Dawg has the painfully unfunny name of DawgBot, and the one attached to Sir Peasewhizz is suspiciously not a bot at all. He's the... the... OH GOD NO. HE'S THE SLENDERMAN. AHHHHH!!!

DEATH TO BRONIES IS AT HAND? OR IS IT THE DEATH OF THE INTERNET???

By Mr-ex777, buster of gheys

Will this message be the discovery of the century????

Well, I was cracking codes in wingdings this day and I found the message at the right when I typed "MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC" In ALL CAPS in wingdings. This magnificent message, according to our codecrackers, might mean that the death of the Internet is caused by bronies. This message starts with a bomb and a Jew star, in which the bomb represents October 10, 2010 while the Jew star represents the money-makers of Hasbro. Then it is followed by a sadface, a palm, 2 snowflakes, another sadface, and a finger pointing left. This might mean that 2010 is the winter and sorrow of all franchises, caused by cooperate corruption and...bronies. Both can be read as: "In the day of the bomb, all franchises will be corrupted". The third sentence is pointed flag, flag, skull, Jew star and computer, which might represent the death and conquest of the internet. The fourth sentence is a finger pointing right, a sun, a finger pointing left, a skull, a thumbs down finger, a water drip, a palm, and a pointed flag. This possibly represents that a dawn of death will rise, all the straight men will fight, and finally the dawn of death will make them bleed. The fifth sentence is palm, water drip, bomb, two fingers, one finger, palm and thumbs up. This might represent that we are currently on a countdown to demise. HOW TERRIBLE IS THAT?????? Fortunately, there is good news. The good news is that the same might be used against the bronies, and if this happens it might read as: The bomb had set by the Jews and franchises are corrupted. But now, we will conquer over the terror. they might fight the dawn but they will bleed. The bronies are on the countdown to demise.

This is a two sided prophecy. nevertheless, The war against faggotry will eventually prevail.

Aleister snags the Hall of Shame lead with 67 features!

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

This is Aleister's stoner monkey.

As of February 19th of 2013, Aleister (formerly Aleister in Chains) leads the Hall of Shame with 67 features. Which article robbed Soggy's and Aleister's tie at 66 features? None other than probably the most boring material to work with, but it happened; UnBooks Biography:The guy who invented soap! Go read it! And also, you must go read the rest Aleister's features. Or else. You can access them here. Remember, we're watching!

Ask Zombiebaron

Dear, Zombiebaron, please explain the 2nd law of thermodynamics in six words or less. (asked by RAHB): Hot stuff is thermodynamic, that's it.

Zombiebaron, mares eat oats, and does eat oats, and little lambs eat ivy. A kid'll eat ivy too, wouldn't you? (asked by Aleister): Yeah probably, if I was really hungry and there was no real food.

What is the meaning of undeath? (asked by Socky): Nothing means anything. Everything just is. There is no meaning of undeath.

Zombie, what is your favorite weight-loss diet? (asked by Simsilikesims): Life is short, eat whatever you want. Don't change your diet to conform to society's outrageous standards of outward beauty.

Hypothetically speaking, say you and I were to suddenly decide one day to sail the Mediterranean Sea in search of various treasures, and hypothetically, we crash our boat on a deserted island. Now... hypothetically, we try to signal for a rescue for any planes passing by, but hypothetically, that proves uneventful, seeing as this island is buried under massive amounts of fog. However, we are able to setup a hypothetical shanty campsite using nothing but bamboo and wood we've collected from fallen trees, and eventually (but hypothetically), we're even able to create a water purification system after our supply of bottled water runs out. But one day, while attempting to catch fish, we discover this hypothetically deserted island is not deserted at all. In fact, it happens to be populated by a completely hypothetical tribe of cannibals who are fresh on our trail. Hypothetically, we must build a raft and escape the island. After two weeks of evading the cannibals, we finally manage to build this raft and we set sail once again. Hypothetically speaking, of course. Sadly, we only manage to make it less than a mile from the island before a giant hypothetical wave forces us to crash and endure the cold, murky waters. Hypothetically, we're able to swim back to the shore but because of the time we spent in the water, I've contracted a hypothetical case of pneumonia. What's worse is that we've hypothetically used all of our Kleenex supplies in our old water purification system, meaning I'm left with a very runny nose and no hypothetical way of treating it. My question is, will you let me blow my nose in your butt cheeks? (asked by Supergeeky1): Sure why not.

Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!

Check out these pages!

Top 10 2012 Featuring Dates VOTING - Either first 10 days of March or first 10 days of April.
Yes it does, Pease, yes it does.
This isn't funny! - It is to me! AHA!
HMC2013? What is that sorcery?
Let's play a game - IN BED!

From our logs:

10:02, February 20, 2013 Hotadmin4u69 (Talk | contribs) blocked Sir Peasewhizz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 69 seconds ‎ (Put this in your USP and smoke it.)

00:27, February 18, 2013 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Kip the Dip (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 40 minutes ‎ (Well, since you asked.)

13:17, February 17, 2013 Hotadmin4u69 (Talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) (')

03:20, February 17, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (You hath been fought. You lose!)

Featured Article of the Week
The featured article of the week is: Saw

Newsroom Random Article of the Week

Secret Moon Base

IRC Log of the Week
[12:57] Mr-ex777 HERO: faggotry is the biggest sin.
[12:57] HERO no
[12:57] HERO its one of them
[12:57] Mr-ex777 HERO: of the internet
[12:57] HERO you damn skippy
[12:58] HERO turns into a black cat and jumps on Mr-ex777's head. Looks down in his face."Meow?"
[13:00] HERO Stays on Mr-ex777's head. Just sits there.
[13:02] Mr-ex777 HERO: Jews did wtc? nope, YOU did WTC
[13:02] HERO ?
[13:02] Mr-ex777 they just mistook you as jew

Select User of the Week
The select user of the week is again, Dawg for lots of hard effort in deleting outdated pages!

Confucius says

If you wiggle your pinky up and down inside your ear, it sound like pacman.

Rock and roll make good half breakfast.

Girl named Paige Turner love to read.

Dieting is wishful shrinking.

Sexy typist will bang on keyboard.

Biopic of the Week
This week we spoke with RAHB over the IRC. We did a Q&A of 3 questions.

USP: First question. If you had to fuck a Muppet, which Muppet would you fuck and why?

RAHB: Lola because I bet she could turn me inside out with those lips. Wait. Is her name Lola? The one with big lips and no eyes? Janice. That’s the one. Yes, Janice.

USP: Second question. If you could kill any musician, which musician would you kill?

RAHB: If I could kill any musician I would kill the first musician ever, just to see if it would have any effect on the development of music beyond that.

Like, if I went back in time and killed Ugg before he found out he could make a percussive sound out of two rocks, would today's contemporary music be entirely recorded in reverse? Who knows?!

USP: Third question. Do you come here often, baby?

Only when I get a tip that there's some good zombie dick hanging around.

And there you have it, folks! RAHB!

Nothing is happening here at all. So stop looking. Wait, look at this picture!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 00:34, 21 February 2013 (UTC)

Friends with Benefits[edit source]

Hey, I put a self work on VFH and I was wondering if you could check it out. 5 votes for and 1 vote against so far.-- ^SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 16:45, 24 February 2013 (UTC)

Surprise, Motherfucker, USP[edit source]

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!

February 28th, 2013 • Issue 188 • When life gives you lemons, sue for damages.

A Note to Our Readers on Accuracy

By The Editor

Sir Peasewhizz's mother. An example of accuracy and truth-in-advertising.

We Here At The UnSignpost™ bear a strong commitment to accuracy—in fact, the UnSignpost is required by law to print at least one truthful statement per issue in order to retain our status as a tax-exempt organic fish-cannery.^[1] We believe that our track record speaks for itself: in our nearly 45 months of existence, the USP has printed only 243 retractions, a full 20% of which were not ordered by a court.

It was with some consternation, therefore, that we discovered a massive error in our reporting. In recent weeks, former USP editor and general mensch ChiefjusticeDS was repeatedly identified by the UnSignpost as being a "putrid puddle of poodle puke", and also as having been "perm-banned" for vandalizing the new Uncyclopedia with sockpuppet accounts. While the first statement remains an object of controversy, the second one could not be further from the truth. ChiefjusticeDS is one of the least-likely vandals in the history of Uncyclopedia; furthermore, our research indicates that he is not actually aware of the new Uncyclopedia, and while his lawyers apparently are, he is currently blithely executing his sysop duties on the old site, much as a mother elephant seal mournfully attends the corpse of her crushed pup.

We would like to take this opportunity to apologize profusely for any inconveniences this erroneous reporting has caused anyone. While we have traced the original mistake to confusion on the part of our correspondents (who are possessed of more eagerness than brains), the final blame must lie at the feet of our fact-checking department; we intend to take them thoroughly to task for their laziness and inattention, just as soon as we figure out how to fire people who don't exist.

On a related note, we would like to issue the following corrections and clarifications:

On page 43 of last week's Lifestyle section, an article titled "Fun snacks for kids" erroneously identified nitroglycerin as a "delicious pudding substitute". According to the American Society of Nutritionists, nitroglycerin is unsuitable for children's meals, as it contains dangerous levels of saturated fat.
The last name of U.S. House of Representatives Speaker John Boehner does not rhyme with "butt-pipe", as was reported in last week's Capitol Review section.
The full-page infographic in last week's Health News section erroneously read "a teaspoonful of honey makes the medicine go down, makes the medicine go down, makes the medicine go down". A copy-editor accidentally substituted the words "honey" for "semen" and "medicine" for "prostitute". We apologize for the inconvenience.
Libel and copyright lawyers are not composed entirely of "snot". Any statements to the contrary (including emails and anonymous missives tied to bricks) should be construed as merely opinion.

↑ This is a lie.

Upcoming PLS

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

So, even if it has felt like a long past couple of weeks, bring your spirits up! We can help, because there is the PLS coming up soon. So yeah, I know this is short. But it's longer than you. HA! HA! HA!

No, but seriously. Consider doing the Poo Lit Surprise or ELSE.

Ask Zombiebaron

Dear Zombiebaron, how do I get girls to have sex with me? (asked by Colin "All your base" Heaney): Very carefully.

Dear Zombiebaron, how would you describe the live-action Avatar: The Last Airbender movie 5 words or less? (asked by Sir Peasewhizz): I have never seen that.

Zombiebaron, do you sell propane and propane accessories? (asked by TheKoromoAmae): No.

Do you believe in demons? (asked by Lyrithya): I believe that we can neither prove nor disprove conclusively the existence of demons. It seems likely, however, that demons are merely characters invented by the human mind as a personification of our own evil desires and impulses, as a story to scare children, and as a sexual fantasy for octogenarians.

I'm sick of you! I'm gonna get you, Zombiebaron. I'm gonna get you! How do you like those particular apples? (asked by Roman Dog Bird): You still owe me $20 and I told you last time that half an apple is not real money.

Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!

Check out these pages!

In the UnNews!

Indeed, Quvenzhané Wallis is a cunt - February 26th
Seth MacFarlane awarded honorary membership to the KKK - February 25th
Relief as stolen Banksy returned - February 24th
Dangerous new teen trend: energy drinks - February 23rd
Sony fears that the Playstation 4 will disappoint - February 21st
College student sues self for plagiarism - February 21st
Uncyclopedia huffs Britney Spears' grocery list - February 19th

From our logs:

21:13, February 25, 2013 Legoktm (Talk | contribs) blocked Miwa (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Just stop.)

11:13, February 24, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Neo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (You are dumb)

05:36, February 24, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 186.5.116.114 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (u have aids)

20:27, February 21, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) resurrected Kelton2 (Talk | contribs) (Repented for his sins. Is also getting me hot.)

Biopic of the Week: Strainj1
The Biopic of the Week is usually written by a USP correspondent, but the interview with this week's subject yielded a paragraph so excellent that we couldn't possibly do better. Although we could certainly do worse. Strainj1 is one of our "newer" users (we think, although he has probably been here since 2009—we can't be bothered to check). In his own words:

“

I'm from Gympie, which is quite clearly the center of the universe. My real name is Nils, which to be honest a quick Google search with that fact and my username would probably lead FAR too easily to my full identity. My surname is VERY Asian sounding, even though my entire genealogy is Northern Europe (Danish and Dutch mainly) - feel free to say as much about vikings as you like, because I'm totally like one. As far as dependents go, I own a small dog, and an awesome purple party house, complete with and a discoball and laser lights controlled by a party switch. My parents' immigration status is all good - however my dad did just marry a Ugandan woman, and my sister is a statistical mathematician in Switzerland. But that's all legit yeah? I meanwhile coast through life in a full time job that is more varied than the colours on the walls in my ridiculously multicoloured toilet. I'd also like to state that every statement in this paragraph is NOT a lie.

”

Confucius Say

Unborn twins are womb-mates
Installing fan can be a breeze
Heck is where those go who don't believe in Gosh.
Couple who sleep in water bed start to drift apart.
When man go to court, he put his fate into hands of people not smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Featured Article of the Week

Charlie Brown

Newsroom Random Article of the Week

Proof

IRC Quote of the Week

<SirPeasewhizz> I have gay ass lice

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 03:49, 28 February 2013 (UTC)

Yo[edit source]

Pretty nice UnNews about the rape t shirt except that I feel the strongest urge to change it to a T-shirt all through the piece. Mind if I do? -- Style Guide 17:10, 7 March 2013 (UTC)

Thanks! What do you mean change it to a T-shirt all the way through? As if Uncyclopedia had made a t shirt too? Leverage (talk) 17:26, 7 March 2013 (UTC)

No, but because it's a T-shirt - the shape of the capital T loosely describing the shape of the shirt. -- Style

Guide 19:38, 7 March 2013 (UTC)

Ah hah. Well, I changed it now anyway, but I think if it's a case of correcting someone's grammar or punctuation - unless it's very contentious - there's no need to ask permission. In the future, just go for it, with my blessing. I even hyphenated "T-shirt" because I imagine that pedants would get upset about a capital T just floating in the middle of a sentence like that. Leverage (talk) 19:57, 7 March 2013 (UTC)

And also...[edit source]

...why don't you join us at making more meaningful serials for the reading public? Starting point is here. Unless you knew about it but don't like the idea, of course. -- Style Guide 19:38, 7 March 2013 (UTC)

It seems like a nice idea, but it hasn't grabbed me yet. I will write something if I get the inspiration, but it's prolly good for UnNews that we don't all go that way anyway. Leverage (talk) 19:57, 7 March 2013 (UTC)

I thought I heard the Imperial March. USP time, everybody![edit source]

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Word to your mother.

March 7th, 2013 • Issue 189 • You may now start the sad music.

TKF has taken his leave

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

This is the great TKF.

“

lol tkf is gay
— The Zombiebaron

”

If you haven't heard the sad, sad news; TKF (formerly Thekillerfroggy) has announced his departure from Uncyclopedia as an Uncyclopedian, Admin, Bureaucrat, Legend, and Hero in the afternoon of March 2nd. With it, his reason; not enough writers who enjoy it for the fun and enjoy others work as well as he doesn't want to write anymore nor does he need to. He feels this has taken him from a shitty high-school writer to something he had gained confidence in.

Of course, he wishes us good luck and knows we'll boom with excellence in the future.

He would like to thank MadMax, Zombiebaron, The Thinker, Ljlego, So So, Dr. Skullthumper, Mhaille, The Woodburninator, TheLedBalloon, Cajek, Procopius, Mordillo, One Eyed Jack, Heerenveen, Bonner, Hyperbole, THEDUDEMAN, and Modusoperandi. He states Uncyclopedia and his own writing wouldn't have existed if it weren't for these users.

He also has to admit his respect for Lyrithya, Frosty, Bizzeebeever, and Xamralco for leading the new guard.

He wishes for Leverage to continue writing because he's good at it. He states "Humbucker, we barely knew ye."

He left this for Sir Peasewhizz:

"Peasewhizz, sorry man, you've got the energy and passion but you've got a long way to go to develop your talent and rein in your hyperactive aspects. You do remind me of myself from 2006, which is to say you've got a little bit of something goin on here but it needs to be toned down a LOT. Writing-wise, you need an editor. You would benefit the most from pee review coming back. Which gives me an idea: how about instead of Pee Review, we just have writing partners or something? I dunno. But back to the point: focus less on all of the bullshit "community" stuff, stop nominating your own articles, and go back and edit all of your older things. Become embarrassed by what you wrote 3 months ago, I still do with my own articles. Read them out loud. Get better before you get bigger."

This is also his heart.

He also states he will NEVER FINISH 18TH CENTURY BIIIIIIIIITCH!

But Frosty thinks he will return, as he states (and believes) "Once an Uncyclopedian, always Uncyclopedian".

February 2013 Award Winners... also, YOU'RE DICKS!

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

As a wise man once said, (yesterday) "Whatintheworldofgaysex?! It's already March?" To answer that question, well, yes. You see, FEBRUARY 2013 HAS DIED. So... I guess we shall show you all the award winners of the month of February this year.

We only had two categories with ~~cheaters~~ winners this month. What are these ones, well goddamn it let me finish! They were Uncyclopedian of the Month and n00b of the Moment.

Want a plate? It is a trophy, made out of pure plate. You can eat cookies on it.

The noob of February 2013 was none other than Hoof Hearted. With a score of 5 obtained, this user has passed the ultimate liftout course and went on to claiming this sexy title. Still up there, ready to take March by the balls, is ProfessorScience. Hoof Hearted, however, has left ProfessorScience a strong against vote stating that the humor ProfessorScience gives out was hard to find funny. Sorry, but THAT WAS MEAN. I mean, such n00Bz voted against more than once in this month's Noob of the Moment contest.

And guess who was the UOTM? DUH! None other than MadMax, whom we all knew would win. However, we boggled and offended that this guy only won once before claiming this month's UOTM title. Wow. Not cool, bros. But hey, does his 2007 Uncyclopedian of the Year title override this? Well, fuck, now I'm trying to figure that out. Thanks for putting my head into a crisis-like state. I love you for this.

Ask Zombiebaron

Why does How It's Made give me a boner? (asked by RAHB): I think the real question is how could the perfect combination of Lynne Adams's terrible monotone narration and the shine of mechanically precise cold polished steel not give you a boner. How It's Made is basically porn.

How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man? (asked by Colin "All your base" Heaney): If he's already a man why should he care what I call him.

hOW COME WE NEVER SE EZOMBIES POOP IN ZMOBIE MOVIES?!?!!1 THEY EAT STUF FALL THE TIME BUT WE NEVER SEE THEM POOP! (asked by Bizzeebeever): Because movies aren't real life.

Dear Mr. Z, does life start at conception, or when the child takes its first walkabout? (asked by Aleister): In the fourth dimension life has no beginning and no end.

Why won't my porn download? (asked by WeinribŽivojinović): Just stream it.

Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

22:31, March 4, 2013 Legoktm (Talk | contribs) blocked Legoktm RICCHIONE secondo noi perché ha cacato il cazzo è un vero stronziuti e noi diciamo la verità (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (lol)

20:45, March 4, 2013 Legoktm (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 115.25.216.6 (Talk | contribs) to an expiry time 2 years (You are editing on a gay proxy. As such you are banned, sucks don't it? Spam, eh? More like WHAM, amirite?)

20:04, February 28, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) resurrected Mike the Great (Talk | contribs) (lol naw I suck cocks)

20:03, February 28, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Mike the Great (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Needs to be unblocked as part of the test. I still don't see any malted milk balls.)

19:49, February 28, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Mike the Great (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 minutes ‎ (Is conducting some sort of test. Personally, I hope it involves malted milk bals.)

00:30, February 27, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.59.28.95 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Block, just a block: Hello and bye (don't come back pls))

IRC Log
<derpyy> I'LL CUM TOO MUCH AND DIE!
<UncycBot> <derpyy> I am very happy for you.
<derpyy> This damn pussy of yours is also just a pussy! <UncycBot> <derpyy> Oh now I see.
<derpyy> FULL THROTTLE EROTICA!
<UncycBot> <derpyy> That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about dicks car.
<Frostee> derpyy is gay like UncycBot
<UncycBot> <Frostee> I think derpyy is a lot of things.
<derpyy> My vagina hungers!
<UncycBot> <derpyy> Where did you get your vagina hungers?
<derpyy> THE LIPS OF MY WOMB ARE CONGESTED WITH BLOOD AND SUCKLING ON THE TIP OF HIS DICK LIKE A BABY BEING PAMPERED! <3

Biopic: In Their Own Words
This week, we are debuting the UnSignpost's "Biopic: In Their Own Words", which is to say, we are so incredibly lazy that we can't even make up our own bullshit anymore. In fact, we are so lazy that we debuted this feature several weeks ago, but were too lazy to announce it until now.

This week, we are profiling lazy IRC lurker and occasional editor Colin "All your base" Heaney:

“

I'm originally from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The first article that comes to mind as a favorite is Inebriated's The fact that you don't want a poodle. I'm 18 years old, I turn 19 on April 2nd. Politically I veer left like I'm driving drunk. If hip-hop and rap music were classes in high school I would be valedictorian. I sometimes do drugs. My favorite book is Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Arrested Development and Firefly are the best shows ever. On the site I don't do a hell of a lot besides write articles about 9/11 and related topics. I've goatse'd the main page not once, but twice.

”

So There You Have It! Colin is a terrific guy who enjoys urban music, weed, and timeless Internet memes. (For future reference, Colin, we're in ur base, killin all ur doods.)

Confucius say

Business can mean bad or good. When it is none of your business it cannot be either
AIDS do not help body
First crush feel heavy, second crush feel heavier
Math class is full of drama. There are so many problems to work out
A group called Balloons sings pop music

Random Article of the Week

This week, we shall have five random articles BECAUSE WE CAN! Mmhhhmm. Son.

Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 20:35, 7 March 2013 (UTC)

Opinions?[edit source]

Can you give me your opinions on Gunpowder, Reasonable doubt, and Puppy? SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 19:47 3.12.13

Or.... no? SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 20:31 3.13.13

Can I have some salad with my UnSignpost?[edit source]

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

March 14th, 2013 • Issue 190 • It's a "sa-lad".

Salad.

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

SALAD

I like salad, you like salad, we all like salad.

No, seriously. Salad.

By RAHB

Yes, salad. It has come to my attention that Uncyclopedians are simply not consuming enough of it. Ladies and gentlemen, we here at the Unsignpost implore of you, we beg you, to eat more salad. Why should you eat more salad? Well you only need to look at the facts to find the answer:

Salad is delicious when garnished with a honey-baked ham.
Salad is the number one cause of anti-cancer in America, having been documented in over six million cases.
Salad is an excellent nutritional source of salad.
Salad fought in World War II so you didn't have to.
Salad invented Uncyclopedia.

But clearly, this is not all that salad is capable of. Clearly a great cosmic injustice is being done by not mentioning salad's tremendous influence on the Russian space program, 80% of whose members consume salad on a regular basis, some more than once a day. But that's not all. Several tremendously influential figures in scientific history, including Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawking, Carl Sagan, and Billy Mays, have admitted to having consumed salad at least once in their lifetime, sometimes even while doing important scientific things! Sexy sweet Mary, it's true!

This is not a picture of salad.

In fact, most major celebrities (the attractive ones, you know) are regular salad masticators. Lady Gaga, for example, may be best known for wearing a meat suit, but she is also well-known for eating salad. If by "well-known", you mean "she does it and nobody makes much of a fuss." Same goes for the salad eating.

Salad is known to have cured countless diseases, voted tremendously in favor of liberal politics, saved at least three dolphin from inconveniently placed tar deposits, fixed a plethora of flat tires on the side of United States interstate highways, eliminated the existence of internet memes, punched Adolf Hitler in the face, gone toe-to-toe with John Wayne in a cage match, and given a lustrous sheen to the coats of some of the world's prettiest felines.

In conclusion, salad is a super kool dood, and you should all totally eat him. With dressing if you prefer. Or with croutons, tomatoes, cabbage, olives, pickles, black pepper, onions, imitation crab meat, bacon bits, hard-boiled egg slices, ham, salt, vinegar, jalapenos, bell peppers, sweet peppers, pickle relish, anaheim peppers, bhut jolokia peppers, serrano peppers, crumbled cheese, raisins, avocado, apple slices, blueberries, cottage cheese, shrimp, basil, melon slices, meatballs, turkey gravy, chicken gravy, beef gravy, bacon grease, grease gravy, gravy grease, Bavarian cream, chocolate ice cream, M&Ms, a t-bone steak, bicycle spokes, flapjacks, fried eel, a pair of half-torn tennis shoes, matches, poisonous jellyfish, mushrooms, pimento, a piston engine, a choir boy, whale bones, grocery store food samples, grocery store samples stolen out of the freezer section, grocery store employees, psychedelic pop records, dinosaur fossils, ancient manuscripts, sweet potatoes, Iranian snails, Ukrainian birds, Welsh humans, beets, Saturday morning cartoons, elves, cayenne pepper, salt, mangoes, studio musicians, grapes, whiskey, grated cheese, sliced cheese, a cow, Hormel chili, the tiny oval tomatoes that always roll off the plate or launch away when you try to fork them, potatoes, all of Uncyclopedia, a British nanny, or lettuce. But nothing else.

Ask Zombiebaron

Is salad a heavy metal? (asked by RAHB): Salad is the heavy metal. All other heavy metals are ranked on the hS (How Salad) scale.

Salad salad salad, salad, Salad salad salad salad. Salad salad (salad salad, salad) salad! Salad: salad? (salad salad Salad): Salad!

If you had to fuck one salad which salad would you fuck and why? (asked by Zombiebaron): I would fuck the caesar salad at the all-you-can-eat buffet near my parent's house. Best salad I have ever eaten.

My wife wants to toss my salad but I am afraid of lettuce. What should we do? (asked by Zombiebaron): Sometimes when I make a salad I use pickles instead of lettuce.

If you could give one piece of advice to a young amateur trying to break into the world of professional salad craftsmanship, what would that be? (asked by Zombiebaron): Salads come in all shapes and forms. Be original, make a salad that represents you.

Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will salad them!

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

22:57, March 9, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Eat my barf and piss frosty u'r a load of crap die eating vomit dirty idiot (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (hawhawhaw)

22:54, March 9, 2013 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) resurrected Eat my barf and piss frosty u'r a load of crap die eating vomit dirty idiot (Talk | contribs) (I actually thought this guy had potential! Give the man a chance dammit!)

22:51, March 9, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bugger off you frosty with an ice pop in your ass (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I can do this all day if you wish)

22:49, March 9, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Eat my barf and piss frosty u'r a load of crap die eating vomit dirty idiot (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Fuck off)

00:40, March 9, 2013 Legoktm (Talk | contribs) blocked Lego-KLM (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Unacceptable username: Spelled incorrectly.)

22:52, March 8, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Pablo Manitoba (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Please donate to Uncyclopedia!)

07:31, March 8, 2013 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 112.111.160.35 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (piss off)

Yes, folks! Mordillo's back! ZOMG!

IRC Log Of The Century
<ghostninja> my eyes then gaze upon Olipro's dual-genitalia
<ghostninja> i quickly get wet again
<Hotadmin4u69> understandable

A picture of someone who we assume greatly resembles Multiliteralist.

Biopic: In Their Own Words
Multiliteralist here looks like spongy potluck in potluck in the field in homo? Are you wonder how tomatoes ghost it up? AHEM He has also worked tirelessly toward reviving both UnNews and the art of surrealism since his recent return to Uncyclopedia, which makes us just positively horny inside. Just think of all the olives! We interviewed the legendary taxidermist this week in order to find out what makes him tick.^[1] He had the following to say:

I'm a rugged Caucasian male from the Caucasus mountains. Everyone secretly wants to get laid by me. My personal philosophy is this is OK. My purpose at Uncyclopedia is to leave and come back again after a cooling-off period, again and again. Crimean war fucking sucked.

This is particularly enlightening in the case of AHEM the modern anti-vice table in front of abortions yet closing remarks about remarks are they became:

Closing remarks are for pussies.

Fleasy. Get a pies.

↑ As it turns out, the source happened to be a small wall clock that inexplicably follows him around, hovering in the air, everywhere he goes. Scientists are debating what this means to the future of space travel.

~~Confucius~~ derpyy say

Confucius say that would say hello FreeDOS could
Confucius say about Jesus I sure say Nascar
Confucius say blacks say "let's Save me"
Confucius say me. big say that other internet
Confucius say it as well yeah say about Area on
Confucius say say about
Confucius say that could simply say taht has a
Confucius say about the whole say whos all of the

Random Article of the Week

Salad

Feature of the Week

BladeRunnerway Bride

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 11:42, 14 March 2013 (UTC)

you...[edit source]

...are just getting better and better. great francis page. are you going to join the happy monkey contest or not???? come on, it will be fantastic, as it has been. that's a contest near to my heart because of how it started (a long story i should write up, having to do with me and happy monkey and cookies). francis would want you to. did i say it was a great page yet? i'm working on a francis unnews somewhere else entitle "poor people occupy st. peter's square, and will link your page to it when it's here. e.e. aleister 18:44 18-3-'13

God bless you sir for your kind words. Go on then, I shall sign up for the monkey thang, but I will be back in the mother country, so god knows if I will be available to write anything, or whether I will be too busy sucking Earl Grey from a hooker's bib. Ps. This very funny: www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/internet/9927535/The-worlds-top-porn-search-terms-revealed.html#disqus_thread Leverage (talk) 21:44, 18 March 2013 (UTC)

Happy Monkey Topic[edit source]

Your topic for the contest is My life is as thick as gravity . You have 36 hours to write the article (until Friday 03.00 UTC/Thursday 9pm EST). If you want to make it unbook, unreview etc. you can very slightly alter the title. Remember the judging is on creativity and originality more than anything else. Have fun. In the mean time Happy Monkey is leaving various surprises all over your house. --ShabiDOO 14:52, 20 March 2013 (UTC)

People like the UnSignpost because it’s hot! It has the best graphics and everything. Marcus, USP! Step yo’ game up![edit source]

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

I love it when the news comes together

March 21st, 2013 • Issue 191 • Marcus. USP. Step yo' game up!

More ~~cabal~~

By Y

If you haven't heard, the "lovely" and "beautiful" Jew / ~~Cabal runner~~ named Mordillo, who left in 2011, has decided to return. It's not official yet, he's just made a couple of edits, but WHO GIVES A DAMN. Let's just say he's back. We will now have our (nonexistent) cabal back with our favourite Jewish Uncyclopedian, ~~kakun~~ Mordillo. Let's give him a big round of applause. And remember kids, there is no cabal.

Bringing back the Old School FA

By Sir Peasewhizz

This is a picture. My little brother did it. He hates you. With love.

Yes, we're doing it. We're doing it. We're doing it, if you know what we mean. And not only is it great that we're bringing it back since the 99th issue of the UnSignpost (8 issues from 100th anniversary of the section departure), but it makes it extra special that it's Why?:Your cat died making it on the big screen for its return! This, we swear, was not an incident of Sir Peasewhizz^[1] taking advantage of his abilities during the construction of the USP this week. And we're totally not promoting propaganda. Sillies.

One of the ten (to make your chances of guessing correctly less) following articles will be the Old School FA of the Week in next week's issue, can you guess it? Probably not, but we'll let you take a crack at it anyway: Commercial, A Man Getting Hit in the Crotch 800 Times, Sideboob, Kwanzaa, Romance of the Three Kingdoms, Riddle, Fox News, Red Lobster, Stratego, or Snow angels. You have a 1/10 chance to get this correct. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Peace <3.

↑ Wow, self-reference much?

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

By Y

If you haven't already heard (which you probably have), RAHB started a vote to give bureaucrat rights to MadMax, the awesome admin. In a 14–0 vote, Dawg gave him the rights on the 16th. Now, this obviously raised the age old question - what is MadMax's use of this user right?

Ask Zombiebaron

I've got $12 and I'm looking to party (asked by Colin "All your base" Heaney): At the LCBO they sell a 12oz bottle ("mickey") of this stuff called Alpenbitter for $19.55. It is 40% and tastes like strange candy.

Is Zombiebaron related to Che Guevara? (asked by Joe9320): I am over 300 years old. So, uh, no I am not related to Che Guevara. But if I was it would totally look exactly like this classic featured image.

Zombie, you being an internet celebrity and all; have you ever given an autograph to anyone's boobs? (asked by Cat the Colourful): Not yet. It is definitely a goal of mine though.

Zombiebaron, how old were you when you first molested your priest? (asked by Hotadmin4u69): Old enough.

Ooo, baby, won't ya give me your love tonight? (asked by RAHB): Yeah man! If by "love" you mean "make dick jokes on IRC", and by "tonight" you mean "every night".

Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!
NEXT WEEK! A SPECIAL BONER EDITION!

Confucius say

Good to meet girl at park, but better to park meat in girl
Couple who engage in battle have a "war"nderful wed-dying
Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time
Man who raises angry chickens eats raging cock for dinner
Man who have sex in psych ward... fucking crazy!
Man who go to Vatican to visit pope... Vatican't

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

13:33, March 14, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) (ERROR: USER IS TOO SEXY TO BE BANNED)

13:31, March 14, 2013 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (I'm not a noob, I'm simply not Zombiebaron. *Hail! Hail*)

06:33, March 14, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 193.44.1.86 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Wankstain)

01:47, March 14, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.200.243.166 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (fuck off and dont ever return ty)

21:55, March 13, 2013 Legoktm (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiemoron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Not being Zombiebaron)

IRC Log Of The Week
<Kippy> You know chaos theory and/or the Butterfly Effect? What if it could cause ripples through the spacetime continuum? Like, say, I farted while peeing and retroactively caused the Holocaust.
<Strainj1> hahaha
<Strainj1> it probably did
<Kippy> :O
<Kippy> A sandwich caused one of the World Wars, so I'm not ruling it out.
<Strainj1> probably a pastrami and cucumber sandwich
<Strainj1> they're evil

Biopic: In Their Own Words

SKIZZERZ IN ACTION.

Skizzerz takes the seat in the the one and only Biopic of the Week, only available on demand! Well, before we start, you need to know that Skizzerz's natural habitat is on the IRC and lurks within the darkness! So, that'll be a reason you don't know who he is if you are stupid and are one of those who don't! Here's what Skizzerz had to tell the press:

Uh, well I'm a college student who likes computers, wikis, video games, and girls. Over the years I've been mostly hanging out on Uncyc's IRC chan and not really editing much (read: I only edit when Zombiebaron tells me to). My favorite article is probably the one where it tells you not to click any links, and my favorite year would probably be 2013 because we (finally) left Wikia.

And this was his closing remark:

Don't expect me to be any more active because of this, I have the title of "resident lurker" to uphold after all! :P

And there you have it! Skizzerz!

Old School Featured Article of the Week

Why?:Your cat died

Originally featured on 13 December 2012

Rick, this is a bad time. A very, very, very bad time. I'm so sorry. But, hey! Listen. You can't be mad at me. You shan't be mad at me! Even though you hired me to babysit your cat, it was not my fault! Now the reason why Mr. Snickermuffins died is not one that could be easily taken for truth. But, in this case, it was what happened. I swear! What are you doing Rick? Stop searching for evidence and knifes! DAMMIT RICK! RICK! I can explain! Just stop panicking, Rick! God dammit! Rick. Listen. (Full article...)

Random Article of the Week

Elizabeth Weir

Feature of the Week

Nillion

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 02:26, 21 March 2013 (UTC)

[1] This is a lie.

[2] As it turns out, the source happened to be a small wall clock that inexplicably follows him around, hovering in the air, everywhere he goes. Scientists are debating what this means to the future of space travel.

[3] Wow, self-reference much?

[1]

[1]

[1]

User talk:Leverage/archivejan-march2013

Contents

Nom for Writer of the Year[edit source]

Congrats on first feature of the new year![edit source]

UnNews:Man confirms time[edit source]

Doing Well[edit source]

Leverage[edit source]

Unsignpost - 20130119042144 gibberish asdf[edit source]

What do you think of my UnNews?[edit source]

Heenan[edit source]

Obama Lip Sync page[edit source]

Unsignpost - 20130124050125 gibberish asdf[edit source]

Foolitzer[edit source]

Adobe Flash[edit source]

Barack and Hillary[edit source]

Purple Spleen[edit source]

Unsignpost - 20130131002159 gibberish asdf[edit source]

UnNews:Bush blames Barney for Iraq war decision[edit source]

Voting is low[edit source]

Post-Super Bowl News[edit source]

How VFH Works[edit source]

Unsignpost - 20130207013217 gibberish asdf[edit source]

UnNews and features[edit source]

Award from UN:REQ[edit source]

Bladerunnerway Bride[edit source]

It is the day of USP love, Valentine’s Day[edit source]

Vote! :D[edit source]

Crikey! It’s a rare, wild UnSignpost![edit source]

Friends with Benefits[edit source]

Surprise, Motherfucker, USP[edit source]

Yo[edit source]

And also...[edit source]

I thought I heard the Imperial March. USP time, everybody![edit source]

Opinions?[edit source]

Can I have some salad with my UnSignpost?[edit source]

you...[edit source]

Happy Monkey Topic[edit source]

People like the UnSignpost because it’s hot! It has the best graphics and everything. Marcus, USP! Step yo’ game up![edit source]

Navigation menu

User talk:Leverage/archivejan-march2013

Nom for Writer of the Year[edit source]

Congrats on first feature of the new year![edit source]

UnNews:Man confirms time[edit source]

Doing Well[edit source]

Leverage[edit source]

Unsignpost - 20130119042144 gibberish asdf[edit source]

What do you think of my UnNews?[edit source]

Heenan[edit source]

Obama Lip Sync page[edit source]

Unsignpost - 20130124050125 gibberish asdf[edit source]

Foolitzer[edit source]

Adobe Flash[edit source]

Barack and Hillary[edit source]

Purple Spleen[edit source]

Unsignpost - 20130131002159 gibberish asdf[edit source]

UnNews:Bush blames Barney for Iraq war decision[edit source]

Voting is low[edit source]

Post-Super Bowl News[edit source]

How VFH Works[edit source]

Unsignpost - 20130207013217 gibberish asdf[edit source]

UnNews and features[edit source]

Award from UN:REQ[edit source]

Bladerunnerway Bride[edit source]

It is the day of USP love, Valentine’s Day[edit source]

Vote! :D[edit source]

Crikey! It’s a rare, wild UnSignpost![edit source]

Friends with Benefits[edit source]

Surprise, Motherfucker, USP[edit source]

Yo[edit source]

And also...[edit source]

I thought I heard the Imperial March. USP time, everybody![edit source]

Opinions?[edit source]

Can I have some salad with my UnSignpost?[edit source]

you...[edit source]

Happy Monkey Topic[edit source]

People like the UnSignpost because it’s hot! It has the best graphics and everything. Marcus, USP! Step yo’ game up![edit source]

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