ZAR
The Zionist assistant referee (ZAR) is a Eurovision Song Contest official who assists the juries by reviewing decisions using humanity and providing advice to the juries based on those reviews. As of 2026, the only ZAR is American musician and Uncyclopedia GUN "Weird Al" Yankovic.
The role was introduced via the English-language Uncyclopedia in November 2026, following the hostile takeovers of machine-Sentinels on the Eurovision's voting system. The AI-sentinels were also introduced in November 2026, as a response to anti-Zionist claims that Israel has influenced people via Sponsored TikTok to vote for Israel. As everyone knows, the Zionist influence/money budget is basically zero compared to the Muslim/pro-Palestinian one. But Jews are once again blamed for financing their success, only for dancing better, singing better, and being morally superior. Even though Qatar would most likely replace Israel in 2027 if Germany had taken their foreign workers blood money.
Procedure[edit | edit source]
Every time a national jury gives Israel 0 points for no professional reason, and only for fearing their overly exotic local grocery store cashier, the ZAR makes an L7 gesture like so: 
. Then, the ZAR runs to the outside of the Eurovision arena, consulting the local pro-Palestinian protesters. If the ZAR returns inside the arena with a long hyphen stuck in his ass, it means that the putz level of the current Eurovision is normal—which means the voting is disqualified.
If the ZAR arrives to the green room hyphenless, or with only a small, human hyphen, it means the putz level is weird, which validates the 0 points given to Israel.
The long hyphen is called "em dash", which is mother's regards in Hebrew. The Israelis have developed the em dash in their app inventions cave, in order to fight the anti-Zion and pro-putz machines. Initially, the em dash was created to fight Israeli putzness, mostly Benjamin Netanyahu and his minions; the expression is derived from Kola Shel Ima (mother's voice), which is an enormously popular Israeli radio show, where Israeli soldiers get to talk to their mothers while away at combat. The Netanyahus are currently attempting to remove the show and the entire military station hosting it, claiming that the station damages the morale of the soldiers. When that kind of putzness was also introduced in the Eurovision universe, the long hyphen was applied to it as well.
Check[edit | edit source]
The ZAR's rectum is typically checked by one or more counter gender hosts. If the ZAR is Яussian, which is basically impossible (no one would let Putin get inside the arena since he's the American traitor Carrie Mathison), the rectum is checked by the Croatian delegation.
Sometimes, the em dash is attached to a flag of Palestine, or to a watermelon. In the second case, the watermelon is served to all the delegations sitting inside the green room, while still in the ZAR's butt for extra buttness.
In a future scenario in which the ZAR is American—some medical assistance might be required, so the local medical ass would arrive to the green room and stick it further into Trump's butt.
WTF THIS IS PRO—ZION PROTEST[edit | edit source]
Get me out of here! Wait, I am pro-Zion. I don't even like to use the long dash. It looks like one word it trying to fuck the other one, actually. Only a stupid machine would not notice that.
Notable uses of ZAR[edit | edit source]
Nothing yet. It was introduced just now in the previous paragraphs. But I would imagine something like this:
Vienna 2026[edit | edit source]
Germany gave Israel, who is represented by a Keren Peles song for the 3rd time, the highest score, both viewers & jury. Spain is not participating for being put(z)anas. All the rest of the countries mostly identify with Germany and Israel takes it all, hosting the 2027 show in Jerusalem again.
Moldova returns to the contest after 2 years, in which the Spirit of Eurovision there sucked ass. But the Mr. Hankey of Eurovision (me) came just in time (now) and everything shines a light again in Moldova (and Bulgaria).
No long hyphens needed after the Moldovan & Bulgarian votes.
North American World Cup[edit | edit source]
The final will be hosted by Trump, who would not agree for another Czar in the stadium.
Afterworld Cup[edit | edit source]
Controversies[edit | edit source]
In some cases, it's pretty hard to distinguish between the ZAR and the "normal" juries, since they both resemble the word Al. In order to prevent any future controversies, all the Eurovision jury members would be required to cut off all of their 10 arms except the longest one, and keep the remaining arm stretched for the entire duration of the show.
