The Liverpool Beach Ball
The Liverpool Beach Ball (born 2009) is a bright red beach ball with the crest of Liverpool Football Club on one side.
Club career[edit | edit source]
Sunderland[edit | edit source]
Born in Beijing, China, the beach ball joined Sunderland as a 3-month-old in 2009. His agent, football supreme Stephen Westgarth(OBE), spotted him in pound land just hanging about the aisles and immediately knew he had something special. Mr Westgarth’ or "The Oracle" as he is known around the PFA offices had many offers from some of the premier league’s top 4. After careful consideration they both agreed that Sunderland was the place to start his premier league career.It's made one appearance for Sunderland in the Premier League. It is famous for having a 100% goal scoring record and for getting the game winner against Liverpool on October 17th, 2009, with an assist from Darren Bent. It made its appearance after being tossed onto the pitch by a Liverpool fan, who was allegedly reported to have gone to the hospital to have the ball removed from his rectum.
Controversy[edit | edit source]
There was some controversy surrounding the beach ball's goal, seeing as the rules of football state that beach balls are not allowed to score goals. However, in a decision that reflected the quality of the refereeing this season, Mike Jones allowed the goal to stand. Jones allegedly found numerous flaming bags of dog poo on his front porch after the incident. There was controversy over who (or what) scored the beach ball's goal. Some have claimed that the goal was scored by Glen Johnson, Darren Bent, Liverpool's poor defending, Xabi Alonso's move to Real Madrid, Rafael Benitez's shittastic managing, or Gary Neville. There were also arguments over whether the beach ball was, in fact, a beach ball or a large red balloon, a very small planet, Liverpool's title hopes, Rafael Benitez's future at Liverpool, the FA's corruption, Iker's beard, Bosingwa's unibrow, Fabregas' eventual move to Barcelona,the chances of Steven Gerrard AND Fernando Torres ever managing to keep themselves fit long enough to play a game together, the chances of Celtic and Rangers joining the EPL, the number of years since Arsenal's won anything, the likelihood of Manchester United getting extra injury time when the score is tied, or England's World Cup aspirations. There was also controversy as to whether the beach ball was offside or not, fueling fan's screams for instant replay.
Already being linked with a world record transfer to Manchester City in January.
After all this Liverpool will not win the title.
International career[edit | edit source]
The Liverpool Beach Ball has yet to make an international appearence, but by making more headlines than any other Chinese player before him, things are looking good for the beach ball.
Honours[edit | edit source]
Club[edit | edit source]
Sunderland[edit | edit source]
Nothing, it's Sunderland, but obviously a club with more trophies than Newcastle. Fellow Mackems will pop the joke from now and then: 'Did you hear Newcastle Airport closed today due to a dust storm? Someone opened their football team's trophy cabinet' The joker will say this so loudly the whole City will hear and will erupt in a Earth shattering cry of laughter.
Individual[edit | edit source]
Manchester United Player of the Year 2009-2010
Career statistics[edit | edit source]
| Season | League | Cup | League Cup | Europe | Other | Total | ||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Apps | Goals | Apps | Goals | Apps | Goals | Apps | Goals | Apps | Goals | Apps | Goals | |
| 2009–10 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | – | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | |
| Total | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | – | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | |
