Manchester City Football Club

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The secret to Manchester City's success is a mystery.

Manchester City (also known as Etihad Airways, مانشستر سيتي or Manchester Shitty) is a football team from Manchester. It is famous for two things: It is widely accepted as being the best football team in the world, it is far richer than can possibly be good for anyone, and they ... three things: It is widely accepted as being the best football team in the world, it is far richer than can possibly be good for anyone, and they wear nice red uniforms DAMN! That's the other one!

History[edit | edit source]

A guide to the history of Manchester City.

Manchester City was formed at a church, by over friendly priests, and quickly rose, due to the presence of men in short shorts. From that point up until 1968 and the installation of CCTV, they won everything every season, in the nothern icelandic conference. In 1968, however, in the glory days of players such as Colin Bell End, Sir Alex "Wrigley's Extra" Ferguson, who has always managed Manchester Red Sox Ltd. ever since the dawn of time, decided it would be a good idea to influence referees by giving them chewing gum in exchange for sending everyone on the opposing team off every time one of his players fell over. this is why, despite being the best team in the world, Manchester City didn't win the league for 44 years since then. In the years leading up to their takeover by stupidly rich Arabs, Manchester City were a good, honest football club with traditional values that either got promoted or relegated every season in order to be more exciting and so get more fans. They soon realised that this didn't work, and that the best way to get more fans was to win things and get glory supporters, and the easiest way to do this was to be phenomenally rich, so they got taken over by Arabs and immediately began to win things again, like the 2011-12 Premier League. Owned by rich screbbers in their 50's. This club is destined for the Blue Square Premier and it won't be long before they're scraping the bottom of that barrel. Should never have gotten rid of Shaun Bollock.

Manchester City continued their successful Champions League history in 2012 after winning 0 times in 6 matches.

Fans[edit | edit source]

Manchester City fans have little or no teeth from chewing on bitterness for the last one hundred years. Manchester City fans can often be seen on ITV's Jeremy Kyle show. However there was a time when City fans supported Chelsea but due to their glory hunting ego's they opted to support City. It is unknown where these creatures came from, one thing we do know is City fans which come from the same family inter-breed with one another. Some of their fans are rumored to be made of plastic. There fans are known to make load noises which can reach up to the grand total of 20 decibels comparable to the roar of a library.

Notable Players (Past and Present)[edit | edit source]

Manchester City has had several notable players in its history, most of which still play for them. Here is a list of them:

Joe Hart recieved constant verbal abuse from Mancini.

Colin Bell End[edit | edit source]

Colin Bell End played for Manchester City in their glory days. He has a stand named after him in their stadium called the Colin Bell End.

Trout-Man[edit | edit source]

Trout-Man was just an ordinary goalkeeper, but then he broke his neck diving at the feet of a radioactive Birmingham City player in the FA Cup Final, giving him all the powers of a trout. By day he is just an ordinary goalkeeper but every night he puts on his trout suit and becomes TROUT-MAN. He uses his powers to fight crime and to defend the innocent citizens of Manchester from his arch-nemesis Dr. Mackerel.

David Silva[edit | edit source]

David Silva is the second best football player in the world. He scores on average 43,984,729,847,924,792,879,417,931 gazillion goals per match and is so good that he can play on his own and still be the best team in the world by a long way. The best player in the world is Jamie Ecclescake, who plays for KFC Spartak Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, who recently won promotion to the Anglesey Superliga, the twelfth tier of the Anglesey Junior football league.

Mario Balotelli[edit | edit source]

Born on the 43rd of February 1911 in Naples, Italy; named after his parent's idol: Super Mario. Balotelli as a teen fought in the World War 2-Dance Off, which was widely criticised as a waste of time, but quite clearly was a great day out for the whole family. Balotelli shined here beating all 10 of his opponents with his signiture mood; the horny nurse-camel. He learnt his trade as a footballer from his dearest british friend Danny Kingsley; who taught him all about how to a be a top class diving, fighting, abusive killing machine. He now roams the streets of Mans-chest-err with his 10 inch turbid swinging alow singing christmas songs until the merry dawn. So if you see him don't hesitate to stop and say forza mario and tickle his monstorous below.

Steven Gerrard[edit | edit source]

Former Liverpool player that loaned to Manchester City in 2013/14. Slipped in the game vs Chelsea and directly assisting Manchester City win the title that year.

Stadium[edit | edit source]

Manchester City play at the Emtpyhad Stadium. It is the biggest football stadium in the world, with a capacity of 9,894,501,450,145,601,758,910,918,437,590,810,591,948,574,390,029,837,108,390,420,249,357,920,345,582,472,395,820,598,235,203,952,049,827,239,752,305,792,570,934,781,091,972,059,825.032499092795842730958472536528, with an average attendance of 26. Manchester City used to play at Maine Road, until it got stolen as a result of being in Moss Side.

Club Traditions[edit | edit source]

Manchester City has a wide range of traditions. Here are some of them:

The Poznan[edit | edit source]

The Poznan is a way Manchester City's fans attempt to display their identity as City Fans. It doesn't work, because they ripped it off Lech Poznan and it means they don't actually get to see any football because they have their backs to the pitch.

Singing the national anthem of the UAE[edit | edit source]

Since their takeover by Arabs, Manchester City's fans have sung the national anthem of the United Arab Emirates before every match whilst an enormous picture of Sheik Mansour is lowered into the stadium from a helicopter.

The "Empty Seat" celebration[edit | edit source]

One of the most famous Manchester City fan-based tradition is the "Empty Seat" celebration, where fans dress up as blue seats, mimicking an empty stadium. In their most recent game, a 3-0 victory over Stoke City, over 3,00000,00000 fans were dressed in their blue seat costumes, beating Arsenal F.C's record of 2.9 million empty red seat costumes worn during a match. The celebration is often accompanied with absolute silence.

Songs[edit | edit source]

  • Of Course We're Really Here, Otherwise We Wouldn't Be Here, Would We?
  • Who the Fuck are Man. United? No, Seriously, Who the Fuck are They? I Actually Need to Know.
  • One of Two Football Teams to Come From Manchester
  • Let's all do the Białystok
  • The Boys Who are Playing For a Draw
  • You are My City, One of My many Cities
  • Glory Glory Man United
  • Championes Championes Ole Ole
  • 4'33 (which is looped over and over again in a match)