Owain Glyndwr's Footy Manager
 | This article may be Overly British |
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| Taglines: | Can history save football? | |||
| Writer | Homer Simpson | |||
| Starring |
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| Producer | Some Idiot | |||
| Director | Bernard Manning | |||
| Runtime | 90 minutes (if you can bear it) | |||
| Language | English | |||
| Distributed by | Tits And Ass Productions | |||
| Budget | £600,000 | |||
| World Gross | £2,818,299.5 | |||
| Released | 1st January 2009 | |||
| Followed By | Owain Glyndwr's Darts Coach | |||
The film is about Owain Glyndwr (The rebellion against the English leader) who is about to battle the English when he is transported to modern Wales from the 11th century to the 21st century (not much change) to coach the Welsh football club.
Plot[edit | edit source]
It's 1294 and Glyndwr is about to attack the English on the Welsh marches when he instantly moved to 2009, to the Welsh FA where he meets John Toshack and Ryan Giggs who convince him to be their manager, he says no but Mackenzie (VINNIE JONES) turns up and threatens him with a handshake and Glyndwr says yes, he also accepted as a chance to screw over the English.
- Wales Vs. Russia - Millenium Stadium (Friendly)
Glyndwr has put out a youth side for this game including players such as Huw Ceredig and Bruce Forsyth. Wales give away 4 early goals in the first half, Wales are at the moment playing rubbish so Glyndwr puts the two players known as 'The Bulldozers', Alan Carr and Lee Evans who charge through and score 5 goals.
- England Vs. Wales - Wembley Stadium (World Cup Qualifier)
Glyndwr is taunted by Capello (Jeremy Clarkson), His assistant (James May) and the head of the FA (Anne Robinson) before the beginning of the game. Glyndwr put's out a useless amateur side for this game with 'The Bulldozers' injured Wales could lose. End of first half score 2-1 to England. So for the second half Glyndwr put's out experienced players Graham Norton and Bruce Forsyth who score two goals but england knock two back so wales lost 4-3. Glyndwr Vow's revenge to Capello, His assistant and the FA boss.
At this point Wales have won all their games (beating San Marino, Sealand, Falkland Islands and Greenland) and made it to the Semi-Finals of the 2010 World Cup.
- Wales Vs. Brazil - Millenium Stadium (Semi-Final)
Glyndwr put out the best side possible including 'The Bulldozers', Graham Norton, Huw Ceredig and Vinnie Jones (Even though he's retired, he fancies a go at the English in the final if Wales win). The games begun and Brazil have scored 2 goals already and it's only two and a half minutes in! But Wales hold them at arms length and the score remains 2-0 at half time. In the dressing room Glyndwr brakes down and sobs to the team D acha allwn gwna 'i! which means come on we can do it! but the team don't speak Welsh and they think this means Go on you useless twats win the game or i'll fucking slam you one. They go on in the second half and score three goals on the trott including a beautiful 60 yard drive at the goal. Wales won 3-2.
England won their games to Hawaii, Iraq, Somalia and a close call from Isle of Man
- Wales Vs. England - Soccer City (Final)
Glyndwr has two injuries Graham Norton and Tom Jones, but Tom Jones can easily be replaced by Dafydd Thomas. Wales get off to a great start scoring two goals in the first half and England scoring one. At half time Glyndwr is met by Capello who attempts to talk to Glyndwr but he can't because he can only speak Welsh so his assistant (James May) steps in and says his first and and nearly last line You are a excruciating thing this team call a manager you haven't got a chance before being machine gunned by Vinnie Jones and May says That's the second time youv'e done that Vinnie the first time when I said I shagged your'e Nan Capello get's away. Glyndwr go's to the dressing room and says anrheithia 'u which means destroy them and Glyndwr does an evil laugh over and over again. So this makes the team think to do Dr. Evil impressions in the second half and so they do Wales score another goal but England knock two back. 3-3 at the end off normal play so they go into extra time no goals. So it's penalties Vinnie's up first and scores it then Kerry Katona for England she scores after planting chicken nuggets from Iceland in front of the goals and scores. Next up Tom Jones for Wales he get's it, now England Samuel L Jackson scores by putting the keeper of by saying Yo mutherfuka. Next for Wales Alan Carr who scores. Next for England Boris Johnson who's mumbling fails to put off the keeper who saves it. Next up for Wales Stevie Wonder who amazingly scores after a painful leg injury. England put's out Johnny Wilkinson who forgets it's football and hits it over the goal. This seals Wales win. final score 3-3 (Wales win on penalties 4-2).
At the end of the game Capello attempts to shake Glyndwr's hand but Vinnie Jones does his infamous Hand Twist ripping Capellos arm off his body.
Full Cast[edit | edit source]
- Rob Brydon as Owain Glyndwr
- Jeremy Clarkson as Fabio Capello
- Anne Robinson as Head of the FA
- James May as Capello's Bitch (Assistant)
- John Toshack as Wales' shit ex-manager
Box Office[edit | edit source]
The film was released on the 1st January 2009 and has grossed £2,818,299.5
- Wales - £1,157,486
- England - £1.50
- Scotland - £876,227
- Ireland - £784,385
- USA - £200
- Total - £2,818,299.5
Reception[edit | edit source]
At the previews Roger Ebert allegedly threw up and decided to rip the screen down also an insulted Mary Whitehouse boycotted the film after finding out it has no sex scenes and no bad language, also present was the Gavin & Stacey cast appearing fresh from the 8th series filming of the sitcom, despite reports that the show was only bringing in 100,000 viewers and caused a national stir when a joke about a farmer who is a vicar decided to mount the sheep by himself.
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This article is part of UnfilM The preferred oeuvre of Drive-Ins everywhere. |
