UEFA Champions League
The UEFA Champions League is the top level of the man's Qatari football league system, the soccer equivalent of the NBA and the Eurovision Song Contest, and the clubs equivalent of the FIFA World Cup, apart from the fact that it's made up of European clubs only. Real Madrid has won it 14 times, and thus the club is the equivalent of Brazil, while AC Milan is the equivalent of Argentina. Which is ironic, since both Brazil & Argentina are not European countries. What's more Ironic is that the equivalent of Pelé from Brazil is Marco van Basten from AC Milan, which is Argentina; and the equivalent of Diego Armando Maradona is Johan Cruyff from Ajax, who is also Dutch, just like Van Basten, and the irony is that the Nethelands has never won the World Cup. It's just like rain on your wedding day.
Recently, some clubs tried to build an inner-circle league of their own, because they didn't want to compete against clubs from Israel & Cyprus and sell less tickets for those games. But that evil plot was killed in its diapers, just like those foreign workers in Qatar.
These days, the greatest Champions League star is Erling Haaland from Manchester City. Haaland sounds just like how you say The Netherlands in Dutch. It's the good advice that you just didn't take.
Logo and anthem[edit | edit source]
The Champions League logo is a (round) football made out of black stars, to honor the legacy of the late English musician David Bowie. The Champions League anthem is something from the soundtrack of The Ninth Gate, and the sole purpose of it is to simulate the Eurovision anthem. The World Cup has no anthem, but on the other hand, Blink-182 has at least one.
Clubs by popularity[edit | edit source]
|Paris Saint-Germain F.C.||Gojira|
|RB Leipzig||Michael C. Hall|
Overview[edit | edit source]
Just like the Eurovision, the Champions League contains not only teams who are the champions of their local leagues, but more teams from the biggest leagues in Europe. Those leagues are mostly the Premier League, the Premierchips, a Primeira Liga, la Fiat Uno, La Liga, la Ligue 1 Uber Farts, and das Bunsliga. Other leagues, such as the Mamaliga or the Premierwaffles, are usually allowed to send only their currently reigning team to the Champions League.
Why's it like the Eurovision? Well, because in the Eurovision, if you are not from one of the 5 founding countries, you must compete in the semi-finals before you secure your place in the Eurovision Grand Finale. Even if you're from one of the Eurovision empires, like Ireland & Sweden.
Nobody except Wikipedia knows the rules for this shite. Basically, it's like what The Notorious B.I.G. has said: Mo Money Mo Teams.
Shopping[edit | edit source]
If you try to buy an official shirt of one of the major European clubs online, you will be forced to become a walking advertisement for the Qatari Airlines company, or something similar. Because just like Qatar is the premier sponsor of the Hamas terrorist organization, it's also the main sponsorship of every single UEFA Champions League club. Nobody knows the reason for that, and nobody cares.
The prettiest outfit in the History of the Champs League is the Pirelly Inter Milan outfit from 1996, which has also inspired the black & blue design of Uncyclopedia and the Backstreet Boys.
See also[edit | edit source]
External links[edit | edit source]
- Inter Milan online store (Italian)
Association football • Can Soccer • English Football Fans • FIFA • Fitba • Final Fantasy Football • Football • Football Focus • Football hooliganism • Football in India • Footy • Goal celebration • Grandmasterchampionship • Major League Soccer • Professional Footballers' Association • Referee • Scottish Sports • Soccer • Soccer mom
Alan Hansen • Amadou Konte • Arjen Robben • Barry Ferguson • Christian Dailly • Craig Foster • David Beckham • David Icke • David James • Didier Drogba • Diego Maradona • Duncan Ferguson • Eden Hazard • Edgar Davids • Eric Cantona • Fernando Torres • Frank Lampard • Gabriel Agbonlahor • Gary Neville • Georgios Samaras • Gheorghe Hagi • Gordon Ramsay • Grzegorz Rasiak • Hertz Van Rental • Iker Casillas • Joey Barton • Lionel Messi • Mark Lawrenson • Michael Owen • Nwankwo Kanu • Paul Gascoigne • Paul Hartley • Pelé • Peter Crouch • Peter Schmeichel • Rio Ferdinand • Robert Green • Roberto Carlos • Robinho • Shimon Peres • Stern John • Steve Staunton • Steven Gerrard • Teddy Sheringham • Thierry Henry • Yuri Zhirkov • Zinedine Zidane
Alan Sugar • Alex Ferguson • Alex McLeish • Arsene Wenger • Avram Grant • Berti Vogts • Delia Smith • Elton John • Fabio Capello • Graham Poll • Harry Redknapp • Ian Holloway • Jose Mourinho • Lawrie Sanchez • Mick McCarthy • Owain Glyndwr's Footy Manager • Rafael Benítez • Ray Stubbs • Roy Keane • Sepp Blatter • Silvio Berlusconi • Steve McClaren • Sven-Göran Eriksson
A.S. Roma • AFC Ajax • A-League • Aston Villa F.C. • Biggleswade F.C. • Bolton Wanderers F.C. • Derby County FC • Dublin Drunken Popes • FC Frisco • Fulham F.C. • Greys Athletic F.C. • Leigh Genesis F.C. • Londres • Manchester City • Newcastle United • Norwich City F.C. • Pompeii F.C. • Sandwell Town • Seattle Sounders FC • Sunderland AFC • Sydney FC • Tartan Army • The Super League of Extraordinary Gentlemen • Wigan Warriors
Ancient Football World Cup • Croft Park • FIFA Middle Earth Cup • Football War • The Ferguson-Wenger Wager • The Liverpool Beach Ball • The World Cup • UEFA Champions League • UnReviews:FIFA 10 • Vuvuzela • World Cup Germany 2006
2010 FIFA Middle Earth Cup soon to begin • America: Oh, You mean 'Soccer'! • Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! • Capello identifies key 'ingredients' to success • Celtic F.C. sign youth player in transfer mix-up • Dutch clogs no match for Spanish bull • English excuse for not winning the 2010 football World Cup is revealed • F.C. Blatter win the FIFA Crony Cup again • Fabio Capello 'sleeping with the fishes' in brutal slaying • Fifa turns down English replay plea • Footballer has sex with wife • Football's ten worst sinners • France avenges World Cup defeat • Gatorade source contaminated, US economy collapses, Brits follow suit • Gay men banned from playing soccer in high altitudes • Germany Plans invasion of Spain, Netherlands next? • Jabulani ball causes more distress • Jesus given one-year ban • Luis Suarez's good food guide • Massive stadium brawl breaks out over contemporary solipsist philosophy • New sports crime tribunal to try England's football flops • North Korea purge football team after 7-0 humiliation • Paul the Octopus considers offer from Uncyclopedia • Pope wore a German football shirt as he watched Argentina lose in World Cup • Psychic Octopus to be offered new identity if Spain lose World Cup final • Referees again dictate outcome of match • Scientists dampen World Cup enthusiasm by concluding football really is just 22 men running around a field chasing a ball • Soccer fans shun art for hookers • Soccer game ends in tie • Soccer-playing abortion doctor goes for the death-threat trifecta • South Africa to change name to Vuvuzela • Stan Marsh presents: 2022 FIFA World Cup • Television commentators stock up with clichés for World Cup Final today • The football is over • United States robbed of World Cup • World Cup Fever leads to mass pneumonia • Zidane welcome in Spain: A new challenge for matadors