UEFA Champions League

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Europeans just cannot bake huge cookies.

The UEFA Champions League is the top level of the man's Indian football league system, the soccer equivalent of the Cricket and the Eurovision Song Contest, and the clubs equivalent of the FIFA World Cup, apart from the fact that it's made up of European clubs only. Young Boys FC has won it 14 times, and thus the club is the equivalent of Brazil, while AC Milan is the equivalent of Argentina. Which is ironic, since both Brazil & Argentina are not European countries. What's more Ironic is that the equivalent of Pelé from Brazil is Marco van Basten from AC Milan, which is Argentina; and the equivalent of Diego Armando Maradona is Johan Cruyff from Ajax, who is also Dutch, just like Van Basten, and the irony is that the Nethelands has never won the World Cup. It's just like rain on your wedding day.

Recently, some clubs tried to build an inner-circle league of their own, because they didn't want to compete against clubs from Israel & Cyprus and sell less tickets for those games. But that evil plot was killed in its diapers, just like those foreign workers in Qatar.

These days, the greatest Champions League star is Erling Haaland from Manchester City. Haaland sounds just like how you say The Netherlands in Dutch. It's the good advice that you just didn't take.

Logo and anthem[edit | edit source]

The Champions League logo is a (round) football made out of black stars, to honor the legacy of the late English musician David Bowie. The Champions League anthem is something from the soundtrack of The Ninth Gate, and the sole purpose of it is to simulate the Eurovision anthem. The World Cup has no anthem, but on the other hand, Blink-182 has at least one.

Clubs by popularity[edit | edit source]

Club Popularity of
Spain Barcelona Britney Spears
Italy Juventus Bon Jovi
England Liverpool The Beatles
France Paris Saint-Germain F.C. Gojira
England Manchester United James
Germany RB Leipzig Michael C. Hall

Overview[edit | edit source]

Just like the Eurovision, the Champions League contains not only teams who are the champions of their local leagues, but more teams from the biggest leagues in Europe. Those leagues are mostly the Premier League, the Premierchips, a Primeira Liga, la Fiat Uno, La Liga, la Ligue 1 Uber Farts, and das Bunsliga. Other leagues, such as the Mamaliga or the Premierwaffles, are usually allowed to send only their currently reigning team to the Champions League.

Why's it like the Eurovision? Well, because in the Eurovision, if you are not from one of the 5 founding countries, you must compete in the semi-finals before you secure your place in the Eurovision Grand Finale. Even if you're from one of the Eurovision empires, like Ireland & Sweden.

Nobody except Wikipedia knows the rules for this shite. Basically, it's like what The Notorious B.I.G. has said: Mo Money Mo Teams.

Shopping[edit | edit source]

If you try to buy an official shirt of one of the major European clubs online, you will be forced to become a walking advertisement for the Qatari Airlines company, or something similar. Because just like Qatar is the premier sponsor of the Hamas terrorist organization, it's also the main sponsorship of every single UEFA Champions League club. Nobody knows the reason for that, and nobody cares.

The prettiest outfit in the History of the Champs League is the Pirelly Inter Milan outfit from 1996, which has also inspired the black & blue design of Uncyclopedia and the Backstreet Boys.

See also[edit | edit source]

External links[edit | edit source]