Seattle Sounders FC

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The Seattle logo in all its historical glory.

“We have more fans than all the east coast teams combined.”

~ Sounders FC fan on MLS Eastern Conference

“What's the Open Cup? That's tennis right?”

~ America on Seattle Sounders FC

“Sounders fans pretend to like soccer to look culturally competent in their city full of freaks”

~ Reddit on Seattle Flounders FC

“They only fill their stadium because Seahawks season ticket holders were given free tickets”

~ Portland Deforestation Loggers on the Flounders franchise


~ Steven Lenhart on Seattle Sounders FC.

The Seattle Sounders EFF SEE (NOT football/soccer franchise/club) is the greatest American soccer club ever, and is based the greatest city ever: Seattle, George Washington. Founded in 1874 by Drew Carey I, the Sounders FC the best thing to ever happen to American soccer. Why are the Flounders better than you're shitty club on the I-95 corridor? First, our logo doesn't have three people on the crest, like wtf is that bullshit. SECOND, we FILL our stadium. And it isn't some shit ass piece of medel bleachers with a stage at the end either. HELL NO. It's 440,000 open seats (AND DONT YOU DARE SAY PARTS ARE TARPED OFF. IF THE UPPER BOWL WAS OPEN WE WOULD GET 670,000 A MATCH.)[1]

Third...we ACTUALLY have a rivalry. Dating back to 1874 (sure there was a break from 1896-2011 BUT WE HAVE REAL HISTORY). Some teams have the bitter rivalry, some have the friendly rival BUT WE GOT IT BOTH!!!! We got the angry rivalry with the Portland Deforestation Loggers, and the friendly affair with Vancouver Canada Whitecraps Football Franchise. Oh, that's enough for you? We got a fucking trophy to show our pride, and so that we total half of the LA Beckhams and D.C. United States' trophy case.

So, let's wrap this shit up. We have HISTORY, RIVALRIES, AND FANS.

When it comes to trophies, hahaha, oh well, let's just say, the Seattle Sounders were, at one point, the three-time defending attendance cup champion winners. This is because no one else really cares about that trophy, and the Flounders organization has place heavy emphasis on winning this trophy. Their run at this tournament came to a crashing end, when they played at "Sporting" (the fuck?) Kansas City for the attendance cup final, and more Kansas City fans showed up than Seattle fans, the first time in history.

History[edit | edit source]

Seattle Sounders FC are the only MLS team in existence that can aptly fill out this section of their article. In fact, they have so much history, they're the only MLS team to have their Uncyclopedia article. This primarily because Flounders fans purposely delete the articles they Loggers and Whitecraps fans try to create for their team.

The team play their first season during the 1874 North American Soccer League season, and were honorably given the attendance champions trophy. While they never won anything more prestigious ever, the organization prided themselves on a trophy that nobody cared about.

Uniform[edit | edit source]

To look eco-friendly and to attract a wide array of vegans and vegetarians the Flounders use Emerald City lime green, and Eastern Sunday blue in their uniforms.

Roster[edit | edit source]

  • Fredie Adu Montero
  • Mauro MVP Rose-al-ez
  • Eddy Johnson
  • Honey Alonso
  • Pattycakes Noonan
  • Stevie Zakywonee

Coaching Staff[edit | edit source]

  • Sir Sigi Schmid of Brougham
  • Drew Carrey XXII (descendent of the founder himself)

References[edit | edit source]

  1. Intelligent soccer communities like

See also[edit | edit source]

External links[edit | edit source]