“Goal celebration is like a banana, sometimes it's yellow, sometimes it's bright yellow.”
“It's like doing it with my sister.”
Goal celebration is a popular ritual of celebrating a goal dated back in mid 1570s. The characteristic of a goal celebration is it happens shortly after a goal, commonly in football, ice hockey and other notable balls. Quite rarely, it also occurs in golf, chess and horserace.
Throughout history, there are many ways to celebrate a goal, which some experts predict that there are more than three hundred ways to celeberate it. For example, the "lift your armpit" style, "Fuhrer!" style and "Ueh!" style, which will be discussed more below, or will not be. The selection of the style itself depends on the player and the atmosphere of the game. It is quite unlikely that one will perform a goal celebration in a football match against N'Sync.
After this, we will examine the styles of goal celebration, quick tips and others.
History[edit | edit source]
The first goal celebration occurred in 1572, during an English football match between Reading and Portsmouth. It was sunny, with a bit of dark clouds, and 600 devoted fans were there to watch their heroes burnt in the heatwave. Reading players wore green shirts while their opponents wore blue shirts with gold stripes. It was on the 78th minute, when Harry Redknapp scored his first goal, 450 years before he became the manager of Portsmouth. He broke the scoreline, and the fans cheered him with applauses. Young Harry could not stand it alone, so he ran in a cirular motion for about 12 minutes. After that, on the 90th minute, he succeeded to waste the time and performed the first goal celebration.
Since then, players across the globe, no matter what sports they are playing, often perform some acrobatic moves, and can be seen quite usual, they go naked in the field. The intention of these sorts of performances are still ambiguous, even though hundreds of disambiguous page have been created.
Styles[edit | edit source]
Robotic Mode[edit | edit source]
Founded in 1606 by Alex Ferguson, Robotic Mode is still rarely used in the popular culture. Even though some notable pop singers use it a lot. A lot, like when you eat mash potato with tomato sauce on the edge on it. Robotic Mode is a very tricky style to perform, and often demands a high level of understanding of the sport.
Not until 400 years later, younger generations begin to revitalise this style again, notably by Peter J. Crouch, some random dude from England with a very common body height. The celebration occurred just after he scored a goal during an England versus Jamaica game. Taken from "CrOuch! Magazine", Crouch reportedly said "Mate, that rocks, heaps rocks, I can't wait to do it again, with Michael Jackson".
In some circumstances, some referees have given the players yellow cards, red cards or even green cards for Mexicans after they perform the robo-dance.
Uh Yeah[edit | edit source]
“It's like doing it with my sister.”
Another way to celebrate a goal is by performing some erotic dances to the crowd. Open your mouth, put your hands on the waist level, tightly, move your pelvis a bit forward and scream "Uh Yeah!". You can add "baby" at the back if you like, if no one is watching. Some players also go beyond that and pull their shorts down. Once again, they have devoted their lives for sports, and thus should not be followed by you, your sister and your mom.
The style was founded in 1787 by Sir Alex Ferguson (who got his honorary degree in 1700) during a hockey match against Italy. Sir Alex, who just got his puberty at that time, decided to make a new goal celebration style, because the robo-dance was a bit unpopular.
Due to some complaints from the viewers, matches that contain this style are likely to be discredited and have been tagged with an "MA" logo
Dandy Whales[edit | edit source]
The Dandy Whale style was performed for the first time in around the 16th century, by some of Scottish Croquet player. The game, which was intended only for rich people, pregnant women, young adults, old bastards and kids with freckels, was, and is still a game that needs a certain style. For instance, a Canadian cannot play Croquet, because it is only for rich people, pregnant women, young adults, old bastards and kids with freckels.
Dandy is the keyword of the game, and Whale was derived from some dude named Jimbo, Jimbo Whale. On the picture on the right, we can see him spreading the American Football in Sudan. Whale plays the game for like 5 to 7 times a day with Sudanese kids, although some of the parents do not allow it.
Uhm, in the end, the celebration needs a smooth style, really smooth, like when Chef does it in a room with blue lights. Smmooooth. Preferably, don't move at all, just stare at the sky, shake your own hand and say "I am the alpha and the omega". A high class suit would be good as well to make the celebration better.
Führer und Reichskanzler[edit | edit source]
Dated back in 1944, during the Führer era. The style was very popular, even a two-year old n00b can do it. The style was intended to show the opponents one's greatness and armpit, and how he/she has struggled. Nowadays, it is a bit hard to perform these kind of performances, because George Washington is already dead. However, one man from Italy has changed everything, probably.
Spring 1987, in a night with a million stars, maybe more, maybe less, we don't know. McDicanio, brother of McDonalds scored his 666th goal in front of his own fans in a city where he was born. Suddenly he performed the Führer style, and some news reported that he was beaten to death by the outraged fans because actually he scored an own goal.
Since the incident, Führer und Reichskanzler has not been used anymore, due to the lack of bravery and the hard spelling.
Dos and Don'ts[edit | edit source]
Alright, here are some quick tips of what do you have to do, and what do you have to don't. Or what don't you have to do.
Do(s)[edit | edit source]
Don't(s)[edit | edit source]
- Call your grandmother
- And your grandfather
- Hug a random dude
- Go home
- Wash your feet
- Do homework
- Kiss your goalie's bald head
- Run with eyes closed
- Huff a kitten, or kittens
- Download a bunch of gay porn movies
Exceptions[edit | edit source]
In some cases, players are not allowed, or prohibited to do such a ritual of goal celebrations. In other cases, the players do not want to perfom any goal celebration due to their personal problems, like cancer, leukimia and all sorts of things. Below is the example of common exceptions.
- When the player's mother is in the opposition team. This happened several times in 1956, 1978, 1990 and 2001. Among the players are Gabriel Omar Batistutal, or Batigrowl. Also Diego Pseudona.
- When the goal scorer is a handicap. One handicapped player tried to perform the bicycle kick style in mid 1998. Due to some reasons related with his disabilities, he died two hours later.
- When it is the 16th of October, because it is my mom's birthday, and no one messes with my mom.
- If a player is a homosexual and the coach is also a homosexual.
- When four fat ladies with strange hair colours get together.
See also[edit | edit source]
Association football • Can Soccer • English Football Fans • FIFA • Fitba • Final Fantasy Football • Football • Football Focus • Football hooliganism • Football in India • Footy • Goal celebration • Grandmasterchampionship • Major League Soccer • Professional Footballers' Association • Referee • Scottish Sports • Soccer • Soccer mom
Alan Hansen • Amadou Konte • Arjen Robben • Barry Ferguson • Christian Dailly • Craig Foster • David Beckham • David Icke • David James • Didier Drogba • Diego Maradona • Duncan Ferguson • Eden Hazard • Edgar Davids • Eric Cantona • Fernando Torres • Frank Lampard • Gabriel Agbonlahor • Gary Neville • Georgios Samaras • Gheorghe Hagi • Gordon Ramsay • Grzegorz Rasiak • Hertz Van Rental • Iker Casillas • Joey Barton • Lionel Messi • Mark Lawrenson • Michael Owen • Nwankwo Kanu • Paul Gascoigne • Paul Hartley • Pelé • Peter Crouch • Peter Schmeichel • Rio Ferdinand • Robert Green • Roberto Carlos • Robinho • Shimon Peres • Stern John • Steve Staunton • Steven Gerrard • Teddy Sheringham • Thierry Henry • Yuri Zhirkov • Zinedine Zidane
Alan Sugar • Alex Ferguson • Alex McLeish • Arsene Wenger • Avram Grant • Berti Vogts • Delia Smith • Elton John • Fabio Capello • Graham Poll • Harry Redknapp • Ian Holloway • Jose Mourinho • Lawrie Sanchez • Mick McCarthy • Owain Glyndwr's Footy Manager • Rafael Benítez • Ray Stubbs • Roy Keane • Sepp Blatter • Silvio Berlusconi • Steve McClaren • Sven-Göran Eriksson
A.S. Roma • AFC Ajax • A-League • Aston Villa F.C. • Biggleswade F.C. • Bolton Wanderers F.C. • Derby County FC • Dublin Drunken Popes • FC Frisco • Fulham F.C. • Greys Athletic F.C. • Leigh Genesis F.C. • Londres • Manchester City • Newcastle United • Norwich City F.C. • Pompeii F.C. • Sandwell Town • Seattle Sounders FC • Sunderland AFC • Sydney FC • Tartan Army • The Super League of Extraordinary Gentlemen • Wigan Warriors
Ancient Football World Cup • Croft Park • FIFA Middle Earth Cup • Football War • The Ferguson-Wenger Wager • The Liverpool Beach Ball • The World Cup • UEFA Champions League • UnReviews:FIFA 10 • Vuvuzela • World Cup Germany 2006
2010 FIFA Middle Earth Cup soon to begin • America: Oh, You mean 'Soccer'! • Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! • Capello identifies key 'ingredients' to success • Celtic F.C. sign youth player in transfer mix-up • Dutch clogs no match for Spanish bull • English excuse for not winning the 2010 football World Cup is revealed • F.C. Blatter win the FIFA Crony Cup again • Fabio Capello 'sleeping with the fishes' in brutal slaying • Fifa turns down English replay plea • Footballer has sex with wife • Football's ten worst sinners • France avenges World Cup defeat • Gatorade source contaminated, US economy collapses, Brits follow suit • Gay men banned from playing soccer in high altitudes • Germany Plans invasion of Spain, Netherlands next? • Jabulani ball causes more distress • Jesus given one-year ban • Luis Suarez's good food guide • Massive stadium brawl breaks out over contemporary solipsist philosophy • New sports crime tribunal to try England's football flops • North Korea purge football team after 7-0 humiliation • Paul the Octopus considers offer from Uncyclopedia • Pope wore a German football shirt as he watched Argentina lose in World Cup • Psychic Octopus to be offered new identity if Spain lose World Cup final • Referees again dictate outcome of match • Scientists dampen World Cup enthusiasm by concluding football really is just 22 men running around a field chasing a ball • Soccer fans shun art for hookers • Soccer game ends in tie • Soccer-playing abortion doctor goes for the death-threat trifecta • South Africa to change name to Vuvuzela • Stan Marsh presents: 2022 FIFA World Cup • Television commentators stock up with clichés for World Cup Final today • The football is over • United States robbed of World Cup • World Cup Fever leads to mass pneumonia • Zidane welcome in Spain: A new challenge for matadors
References[edit | edit source]
- Zidane, Zinedine. (16 August 1997). Daniel's a liar. Retrieved on 2007-21-1
- Jordan, Michael. (18 July 1998). My dad said.... Retrieved on 2007-21-1
- Rock, The. (13 December 2001). The Unthinkable Happens. Retrieved on 2007-21-1