User talk:Ozymandiaz
Welcome![edit source]
Hello Ozymandiaz, and welcome to Uncyclopedia!
So what's this message all about? Well, I know it looks like this was automatically generated, and well, OK... you caught me. I'm lazy, so I paste it in. But... if you have been sent this it does mean that I have noticed your contributions, and think that you're going to do some good stuff here. So who am I? Oh, just someone putting his nose in where it is probably not wanted...
Anyway, if you have not already, I SERIOUSLY recommend that you read the link below:
Probably the second most important link for a newcomer is:
- How to be funny and not just stupid - Basically it's a guide to writing humours articles which has been edited and improved over time by the users of this site. It's not an insult, and it's well worth a look.
If you want to find out how we decide which articles to feature on the front page, check out the VFH page. Basically, we vote for them. Anyone can vote. Especially you! You might find VFH a useful page to look over as it gives an idea of the kind of standard which you need to reach if you want to get an article featured.
If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia, try these:
- About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
- How to get started editing
- Everything you ever wanted to know, but were afraid to ask
- Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue
- Our Vanity Policies - stuff we don't care about
- The FAQs - a few commonly asked questions answered for your convenience
If you need help, feel free to ask me on my talk page (if this message has appeared in the last few minutes, I'm propablly still on-line). A list of administrators can be found here. If you think you are going to be around a while, and would like extra help on a more personal level, you just might be able to convince someone at the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program to take you under their wing. Browse our list of available mentors, and leave one of them a message on their talk page.
I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.
Again, welcome! -- MrN 19:08, Mar 16
HaHaHa![edit source]
We saw that. Don't try and pretend we did not. :P HeHe. MrN 15:28, Apr 1
- Saw what? --Ozymandiaz 15:32, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
- Big brother is watching. When he can be arsed anyway. On a more serious note, removing stuff from talk pages is generally not a good idea on here. As you did not do that though (obviously) I guess there is no problem. ;) MrN 15:37, Apr 1
- I wouldn't dream of doing it on anyone else's talkpage but I can remove stuff from my own, surely.
- Big brother is watching. When he can be arsed anyway. On a more serious note, removing stuff from talk pages is generally not a good idea on here. As you did not do that though (obviously) I guess there is no problem. ;) MrN 15:37, Apr 1
Megalomaniac[edit source]
You have the start of a fantastic article. Could I suggest you put it up for Pee Review as it has some strong potential but it's not there yet? Pup 01:52, 30/10/2009
- Just so you don't miss the response - User_talk:PuppyOnTheRadio#Thanks Pup
So I write shit articles, but you're greatness is adding retarded quotes to my work...[edit source]
Thanks for the tip, now I know where I've been going wrong. I must ask you politely to not revert back to that version again. Thanks.--Sycamore (Talk) 18:23, December 27, 2009 (UTC)
Re: Delete that category and you shall have me to answer to.[edit source]
Have just done so (nominated it, at least) and saw your comment two minutes later in preparing a comment in the current nomination that I had raised the issue last week in another VFD nomination. I bare my neck and hope you will understand to just give a play bite. Why in hell shouldn't at least the name of the said Category be changed to something useful? Spıke ¬ 01:19 5-Jan-10
conversation moved to User talk:SPIKE
Well, I guess I should be buying the first round of e-pints down the e-pub! Spıke ¬ 22:01 9-Jan-10
Here's the thing...[edit source]
As you have admitted yourself you have a bit of a hot head and tend to rush into making edits which are designed to provoke an aggressive response. We REALLY don't like that on Uncyc. When people say things in fun, and they know the user they are dealing with will take what they are saying as a joke then it's totally fine. With you, I sometimes just can't tell if you are really trying to start a fight, or if you are just joking. I think more so that you are actually trying to start a fight most of the time.
Here's the thing... Next time you feel the need to say/type something nasty to another user... Stop. Walk away from the computer, and wait for 10 mins. If then you feel the need to still say something after that, then do so, but hopefully you will be more careful with your words, and will be less likely to cause drama. We REALLY don't like people who generate drama here. It's very distracting from editing for the other users. As for the specific issue with Under user... If an article gets featured at VFH it will be because it passed a vote at VFH. Complaining to an admin about it is totally pointless. You need to complain to EVERYONE who voted, which basically means that you disagree with the overall will of the wiki. Some of our articles are offensive to some users. Those who have been here a while know that this is something which they just have to learn to deal with as it's an inevitable consequence of being on a wiki where we promote free speech. You either need to accept that fact, or leave. I hope you are able to accept it, as I think the vast majority of what you do here is great, and I enjoy having you around most of the time. Feel free to complain about this ban if you wish, I will not block you more for complaining and I will not block you for what you do on my talk page, but I seriously recommend you take some time to think about what I'm saying. That's why I have given you a 3 day break.
You just reverted the Poopsmith![edit source]
I think Sycamore saved yo' ass from another ban. Spıke ¬ 16:15 31-Mar-10
- Actually, he reverted an admin on VFD, keep up Spike. Ozy - I don't know how many times you've been told by different admins that you need to STOP REVERTING PEOPLE and start thinking before you press the undo button. Reverting an admin while he's archiving a done VFD vote is one of the most annoying things you can do. I'm getting tired of getting back to your page and seeing those repeated messages. ~ 16:20, March 31, 2010 (UTC)
UnSignpost 15/4/10 - Yet another on time delivery.[edit source]
The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.
Apr 15th, 2010 • Issue 84 • News? Where we're going, we don't need... News...
Something Scary This Way "Comes"
A recent infestation of glowing dildos has taken over the front page of Uncyclopedia. Many users were shocked on April 11th when they opened up their web browsers and were treated to bright green replicas of EugeneKay's penis. Everywhere. Even poor anti-Semite Mel Gibson couldn't escape the wrath of the glowing dick. And the reason for the Scream in Edvard Munch's famous painting was revealed - turns out to have been caused by a hoard of giant glowing EugeneKay penises - an understandable reaction. When asked to comment on the matter, users simply refused to acknowledge that they had seen the penises at all. "Well, I for one didn't notice anything. Glowing penii are so common around here that these particular examples of illuminated manhood really didn't make an impression..." said Aleister in Chains. HELPME had a different outlook on the whole matter: "of course I noticed, how couldn't I? They were everywhere!" he exclusively told our intrepid reporter. Random internet traffic took notice of the infestation as well, with 127.0.0.1 commenting" "Ballsack!!!11 alolololololololooll pasfsdkjfhaelkfjds PENIS PENIS PENIS." He was promptly banned. The infestation passed almost as quickly as it came and a sense of normalcy returned to the main page when the penises retreated into the dark and abysmal graveyard of unused image files. By April 13th, all traces of the Great Penis Invasion of April 11-13 2010 (as it is now being called) were gone. There are, however, unconfirmed reports that the menace still lingers close to the main page, just waiting to strike again soon. I See IC All At Sea
We didn't need to ask the outgoing Admiral for a comment, as he was falling over himself to give us plenty, so we randomly selected the following: "I'm anal for accuracy", he told us. Among other things. Anyway, if you want to follow in Why?'s footsteps, and those of his illustrious predecessors in charge of the Colonization project, you can sign up to be considered for the post here. If it helps, you may wear a nice hat (please provide your own hat). |
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--Chiefjustice3DS 20:19, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
UnSignpost 1 May[edit source]
Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.
April 22nd 1st May, 2010 • Issue 85 • Insert penis joke here
The launch of a new and exciting weekend edition. Maybe. "Where is my signpost?" was the cry heard from the world wide masses this week. "There should have been an issue on the 22nd and on the 29th, and nothing seems to have been done about it." Fear not, gentle reader, for the signpost will not go gentle into the good night. We have instead taken a brief hiatus for no reason that we could conceivably come up with, and now we are back in a blaze of glory. For those who are unaware of our proud history, the next issue, coming out this Thursday, will mark the (roughly) 2 year anniversary of the creation of the UnSignpost, the unperiodic periodical started by Dr. Skullthumper and Cajek. The good doctor, at the time of the first issue, was asked what his feelings were towards creating the first formalised forum for spam within Uncyclopedia. It was from this that we now have the immortal words "Those assholes better appreciate this. They'd BETTER." Now, two years on from those words of wit and wisdom, the UnSignpost is still There have been varied reports as to why the USP has not been released. One suggestion is that regular contributors just "couldn't be bothered writing." Others have suggested that it comes down to the unwillingness of the head editor, who was recently heard to say "I'm so against... this... again... (E)xistence is far more than (it) deserves."[1] One of the more probable reasons for the lack of issues may be that the news has now gone viral, and is available more readily through facebook then it has been previously. One facebook semi-regular, who bears a remarkable resemblance to a Silent Bob inaction figure, has said of this development "Excuse me, but I think your geek is showing." Dexter111344 supported the move to the social networking site by saying "I won't be joining as I don't intend to ever make a Facebook." Another possibility is the number of users now communicating via UnSkypelopedia. When asked for a comment, EMC said "OH FUCKING CHRIST I'VE CUM" Dr.Skullthumper, however, said "I started both of them.", and then wished to make reference to some forum or something. Ethine, however, was somewhat more constructive, informing this reporter that "Since it's getting close to summer, we'll likely have more calls, as most people's schedules are slowing down. As well as calls, we have the neat little chat thing at the bottom, where everyone sexually harasses each other when calls aren't going." Despite several attempts, I still haven't been sexually harassed. One reason why users have not been as distracted recently is due to the enormous amount of work going on at PEE review. At present there are articles waiting for review which have been there for over three weeks. For all those who are looking to get the review process back and alive, please pick up an article for review today. Your time and investment into this proud tradition can create the next great article, like the recently featured A wizard did it or the recently nominated UnNews:Windows 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 came out, hailed by some as "the most profound and groundbreaking article to hit Uncyclopedia in over 50 years" Another reason why many users may be distracted is the number of collaborations that are currently in progress. Of those there is Tim Burton, being cleaned up by the team at ΥΣΣ, lead by the fantastic Skinfan13. Also starting to make some ground in the spread of reliable information is the team at Multiliteralist/Summit of Spin, lead by the wonderful Multiliteralist. And of course, coming out blinking from seeing the light of Discordianism is the ever faithful Imperial colonization, lead by everyone's favourite canine, And of course, another reason might simply be that the team here at USP are all running around arranging bake sales to assist with Poo Lit Surprise, the bi-annual competition that actually gives prizes to the winners. The most likely explanation, however, is that nothing newsworthy ever happens on Uncyclopedia |
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Brought to you by fucking magic. 09:42, 1 May 2010
- Thanks Socky. --Ozymandiaz 13:06, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
- You're welcome, Ozymandiaz. Sorry about that little disagreement on Chairman Mao.
- There is nothing to apologise for. I'm sorry I called you a dickhead. Those were hasty words. --Ozymandiaz 15:40, June 24, 2010 (UTC)
13:28, 24 June 2010
- You're welcome, Ozymandiaz. Sorry about that little disagreement on Chairman Mao.
- Thanks Socky. --Ozymandiaz 13:06, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
That Oprah quote[edit source]
The Oprah quote you took off over 9000 was actually real! It's what she said, or approximately, when she was quoting the site which made the meme then take off into the innerneststratosphere. So it was the most real thing on the page! By the way, I'm the author of Anne Hathaway, and it was featured on the front page for two days, not just one. Ha ha ha ha ha, two days. Well, good to meet you, and if you like Science Fiction the Colonization this month is Sci-Fi, contact Puppy, he's heading up the writing. Aleister unchained 12:17 4 5 MMX
- Same with that Monkey-Fighting Planes one from the Samuel L. Jackson article. It's what he says in the TV edit of Snakes on a Plane. Ridiculous but true. Youtube it for a lul. --Matfen 17:59, June 8, 2010 (UTC)
- I don't believe it. Monday to Friday plane? Lol! Thanks Matfen. --Ozymandiaz 23:55, June 8, 2010 (UTC)
The UnSignpost Is Not Dead![edit source]
The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!
Jun 24th, 2010 • Issue 86 • Oh yeah, the UnSignpost, I remember that...
Conservation Week Approaches
Fancy watering Uncyclopedia's forestry? Want to be a good conservationist? Fancy taking up the rewriting sword of justice, and righteously smiting the dragon of shit writing? Actually, the hell with that, do you want to take a bunch of bad articles, and make them suck less? Then you, my friend, are in luck! Conservation Week 2010 starts on July 5th, and actively encourages users to scour the wiki (perhaps through judicious use of Special:Random, or possibly through exploration of Category:Rewrite or Category:Ideas or even Special:Lonelypages), find lame articles that they consider are taking up the very space which could be occupied by something less sucky, and then using their skill and judgement to turn those articles into shining examples of comedic writing. As this is a competition dedicated to simultaneously reducing the number of useless articles on the wiki and increasing the number of good ones, some naysayers believe it to be completely pointless - Uncyclopedia is the worst, they say, and no amount of well-intentioned competitions can change that. But were it to exist, the Cabal would probably beg to differ. They may call it something like "a genuinely good thing", and "a ray of hope, signalling that occasionally, even the most worthless dreck may be redeemed". So if you think what your userpage is missing is a template called the "Greasy Mechanic Award", then prepare to rewrite like you've never re-written before. Just don't forget to make your new version better than the original. Something summarizing the events of the last month or so It has been said by one of our esteemed administrators here at UnSignpost that if it wasn't reported in the UnSignpost, then it didn't happen. As there has been no UnSignpost produced for the last few days, due to one of the editors having a real life, and another one being lazy, there are several things that didn't happen. Yes, the loss of the UnSignpost for so long sent a shiver down the spines of many an Uncyclopedian. So much so that one member of the community decided that it was timely to look at a new way to produce the UnSignpost. One such idea was to release a monthly periodical in the place of USP. Although there has been several attempts by this reporter to obtain a quote from said insurrectional community member, to date no response has been heard. As part of the ongoing struggle to maintain our independent stance from Wikia, several members decided that it would be a wise idea to create a way to cash in on the popularity of the site. As such the UnShoppe has been created, where you may purchase any one of a number of Uncyclopedia-related pieces of merchandise. So far all purchases have been made by the individuals who created the store. However, if you are looking for the place to buy a shirt that shows that your nipples have been featured, that a wizard did something, whatever it was, and that you have an in-depth knowledge of who Dan Kwon is. There was a competition. Congratulations go to mrthejazz, who got the pun. Imperial Colonisation has taken a brief hiatus after the new head of IC became the old head of IC. He was an Australian, and his example has inspired the entire nation so much that the new head of Parliament for the country is now the old head of parliament. Congratulations go out to the new new head of IC. A strange bandwagon has been created by a drunken Bonner, who has challenged all and sundry to ask him anything at all. As such there are various forums dedicated to asking regular Uncyclopedian members things. These previously were known as user talk pages, but who can stand in the way of progress? And that's all that didn't happen. Although now it's listed in UnSignpost that means it actually did happen. Which suggests that by editing UnSignpost I have the power to change the past. If I could change anything about the past, what would it be? I had sex with a real person![1]
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A new UnSignpost issue, another template spammed onto your talkpage, enjoy!
13:28, 24 June 2010All the news that's unfit to print![edit source]
You'd be crazy not to listen!
Jul 1st, 2010 • Issue 87 • More news than something with less news than us
Things getting boring on the wiki? Time to write at speed!
We're still waiting for that, but until it arrives, Skull's hour-long writing contest will do nicely. Shamelessly pinching Cajek's idea of time-limited writing competitions (which brought us such classics as HowTo:Sexually Stimulate an Ant, lest we forget), but putting his own distinct spin on it, Uncyc's own mad Doctor challenged Uncyclopedians to write an article in a single hour that would survive VFD. Given Uncyclopedia's well-known exacting quality standards, this promised to be a tough task, but a surprising number of people were up for it. And so it was that a frenzy erupted across the wiki, and baffled Europeans and other users not around at the time awoke the next day to a slew of brand new articles, not all of which ended up being deleted. They liked the idea so much, they held their own a couple of days later. When asked to comment on his brainchild, the commotion and excitement it had caused, and the size of his penis, Dr. Skullthumper exclusively told us "Sure. I'll get on that. I swear". Things getting boring on the wiki? Time to start pointless drama! Giant evil multinational wiki-hosting conglomerate Wikia won a major victory last month, when a rebellion by a small but dedicated band of anti-capitalist radicals was brutally put down by a bunch of fascistic Wikia-collaborators. Or at least, that's what happened in the heads of Carlb, Roye7777777 and CartoonistHenning after they nailed their anti-Wikia manifesto to the metaphorical door of Uncyclopedia's metaphorical Wittenberg Cathedral. The 1,000-word anti-Wikia tract, despite the shocking and previously unknown revelation that Wikia was not in fact the wiki-hosting charity that it claimed to be, but rather a commercial company, failed to ignite a spontaneous revolt against Wikia among the Uncyclopedia community. A heated and sexually-charge discussion ensued, with strong arguments offered by both sides. However, it seems that some people were unable to grasp the enormity of the revelation that Wikia's motives were less than altruistic. Eventually, the thread descended into an all-out flamewar and a waaaaaaaaaaaaaahmbulance was called to treat the injured. "We may have lost this round," Carlb told UnSignpost reporters "but it is only a temporary setback. One day, the tyranny of Wikia will be no more. Our revenge will be the laughter of our children." It is rumoured that Carlb, Roye7777777 and CartoonistHenning will employ Black Bloc tactics at the next Wikia conference in an attempt to escalate the struggle against Wikia oppression. |
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--Chiefjustice3DS 12:04, July 1, 2010 (UTC)
Godwin's Law?[edit source]
I've been inspired to write an article about a twat who invokes Godwin's Law, without having a clue as to it's meaning. Oh, wait... that's you! Invoking Reductio ad Hitlerum as a way to bolster your argument made you look like an idiot [1]. You're obviously one of those self-important, mewling douche bags passing yourself off as insightful and above the judgment of others. This is a community, dickbag. Disrespecting admins, like disrespecting anybody in general, will ultimately make you the loser. The only real difference, as far as you should be concerned, is that I can ban you permanently if I feel like it. Fair warning; stop being such a dick. Cheers! The ever-watchful Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 14:57, July 8, 2010 (UTC)
- Dickbag......I love that term. -- Sir Mhaille (talk to me)
- I love it and reserve it for very special idiots only. When in a pinch, one may substitute "spoutless douche bag". Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 00:57, July 9, 2010 (UTC)
Lose? I don't lose. Ever. Look up the definition of Godwin's Law and you'll find that it entails the following:
"... a humorous observation made by Mike Godwin in 1990 which has become an Internet adage. It states: "As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches."
I in my infinite knowledge brought up Nazi Germany in relation to the dread Uncyclopedians have of SS like admins, such as you, Heimlich. I however, prefer not to follow the ordinary ways of thought and if that makes me a dick then suck me or ban me. --Ozymandiaz 17:24, July 8, 2010 (UTC)
- Matthew Chapter 4 verse 7. Look it up! --Ozymandiaz 22:49, August 8, 2010 (UTC)
Signpost: normal service resumed[edit source]
The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!
Jul 8th, 2010 • Issue 88 • Hand-stitched for comfort
Conservation week: how's it going, and what is it anyway?
Conservation week has been running since autumn 2007, starting life in Jocke Pirat's userspace, and spending a confused few hours being called the rewrite-a-thon in an early attempt to get around the whole week-fortnight thing. The first iteration was a resounding success, and about 38 people signed up to rewrite over 50 articles (with Zombiebaron hilariously missing the point and going on a deletion spree instead), making the current iteration look like it has some work to do. However, there was no quality control at the outset - if an article was rewritten in any way, that was deemed good enough. Some of those early articles may well have been made worse, we just don't know (or can't be bothered to check). Quality control arrived later on, when erstwhile gentleman editor of this very organ Gerrycheevers stepped up to run the first 2009 CW, and ran the rule over all the rewrites personally, so that the attendant award was only bestowed on those doing quality rewrites. That task this year falls to Dexter111344, who has promised to be "harsh but harsh". Probably. So, with a prize on offer to the person with the most high quality rewrites, and plenty of time left in which to do said rewrites, the only question left is: "why haven't you entered yet"? We asked this question of one completely random user, and he exclusively told us "because I'm busy writing this week's issue of the UnSignpost, duh!" Image Request: A Retrospective
Established in March 2005 by a user called Machinecurse, this page has been the domain of most of the legends of Uncyc image manipulation at one time or another - as one 'chopper has left, another has arisen to take their place, in some kind of Potatochop Royal Succession stylee. Or something. Whatever, the likes of Paulgb, Zombiebaron, Seeker, Sonje and, more recently, KneeChee27 and MeepStarLives have slaved over hot image editing software to fulfil the esoteric image requirements of the Uncyclopedia populace. The response time has always varied on the page, as it largely depends on how active the 'choppers are at the time, how achievable the requests actually are, and how polite the request is. But for those with a little patience, it is undoubtedly a useful resource in the ongoing quest for that perfect image of Mario and Master Chief riding Pikachu down the Death Star Trench run. Or something. Have a look at the gallery to see some of the more recent work. |
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Oh dear god, am I really doing this again? --UU - natter 10:47, Jul 9
Another UnSignpost! Rejoice![edit source]
The periodical without any junk in its trunk!
Jul 15th, 2010 • Issue 89 • Made with 100% recycled vuvuzelas
The 40+ club expands
We asked them all for quotes, and Mhaille exclusively told us: ""Go eat more shit, fuckers"...obviously I am excited to have reached the BIG 4-0, and am delighted that enough of my peers deem the quality of my work good enough to have reached that figure, although I have to say I'm a little pissed that at least 10 other of my articles are feature-worthy and are constant overlooked (lengthy bans will ensue, I'm sure), I am equally as proud of my featured images, as well as many of my other contributions that I hope that my peers feel have augmented the work of others. That I am still here after five long years, and still contributing says something about Uncyclopedia itself. What that is, I wouldn't like to speculate. But sometimes you have to in order to accumulate. Apparently." Which is such a long quote we're going to need at least one blatant filler box in the right-hand panel. Bastard. Meanwhile, Modus exclusively told us "It's not that myself and Mhaille have written so very many great and fantastic pages that have, and will continue to, entertain the people for years to come. It's just that Mhaille did. "I" am one of his many sockpuppets. He writes as "Modusoperandi" when he needs a page without a "foreign" accent. Look around. There are a bunch more Mhaille sockpuppets here, too. Hyperbole, for one. Mhaille is like a wet Mogwai." Which is more concise, and therefore OK. Finally, Hype exclusively commented: "I'd like to say thank you to Uncyclopedia for voting to feature my many excellent, high-quality articles, including the drunken insistence that you accept a diseased poodle, the song about having sex with sporting goods, and the blatantly racist tirade about having to wait too long for a Pee Review. Writing 39.5 features has been literally the most important accomplishment I will ever have in my life. I look forward to continuing to service each and every one of you in the future." Which was nice of him. So, the burning question now has to be: who will be first to 50? Modus obviously has the lead, but Mhaille is writing in greater volume than he has for some time, and if Hype keeps up the pace, he's probably a good bet. But they're not the only candidates - Sog is coming up the rails rapidly, and could reach the 40 mark even quicker than Hype - could he overtake the lot of them? The only thing certain is that with these guys around, Uncyc should be assured of some half-decent articles amongst the dross. World Cup over - Romartus struggling for UnNews inspiration
The scourge of Junior Uncyclopedia has discovered his muse in the planet's biggest sporting event, and has been cranking out UnNews articles on the subject at an alarming rate. Now, without Jabulani balls, biting tackles and Messi long shots to inspire him, what is there to inspire him to maintain such prolific standards? Suspicions abound that the Tour De France is passing him by, he seems far too English to care about the various draft and transfer shenanigans in the NFL and NBA and the like, and as the only story to emerge from golf's Open Championship so far is Tiger Woods changing his putter (wow, someone hold me back), that seems unlikely to unleash his inner news-hound. With a worrying lack of global sporting tournaments on the horizon, will we have to wait another 4 years for the next Romartus article splurge? Stay tuned to UnNews to find out! |
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09:46, 16 July 2010
Read all about it! The UnSignpost rides again![edit source]
The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.
Jul 22nd, 2010 • Issue 90 • Suddenly, Signpost!
UnNews hits warp factor Whore
That bastard child of Uncyclopedia and WikiNews, UnNews, is in full-on whoring mode. Tired of being relegated to the bilge hold of Uncyc, staff have collectively and to a man, woman or it, decided to resort to the time-honored tradition of whoring themselves for attention. 2010 is shaping up to be a record year for lots of stuff, which I am too lazy to actually reference. We've had lots of cool coding happenings, resulting in a facelift to the Main Page, and a really cool navigation bar giving access to a plethora (well, 7 sections in fact) of sections including Sports, Comics, Editorials, and special coverage of the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Contributors to UnNews of note are Funnybony, SPIKE, Romartus, Modusoperandi, Mordillo, Multiliteralist, PuppyOnTheRadio, Happytimes, Matt lobster and MrN9000 (when the bugger's here). Apologies to anybody I've missed. The Newsroom, home to nefarious plots and odd ideas, has once again become an active core of resistance against Uncyc's unofficial policy of ignoring us. Always leading edge, UnNews is acquiring a stable of notable personalities for a new series of Uncolumns called "Reductio ad Hitlerum", a guest column that invites persons of note to do an article for us, usually under threat of blackmail. Discussion here, first RaH column here by guest Sarah Palin. Techno gets Mhaille'd
The award is, unusually on vote-happy Uncyclopedia, not decided on by voting, but is bestowed at the sole discretion of feature-monster, bureaucrat, whoring legend and token Liverpool fan Mhaille, according to his own criteria. Looking down the list of previous winners - Shandon, ENeGMA, Tompkins, Zombiebaron, Prettiestpretty, Savethemooses and the rest, it's pretty clear that the good Rabbi is a) in good company, and b) not going to be here much longer. |
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--Chiefjustice3DS 13:46, July 22, 2010 (UTC)
It's new and it's news! It's the latest UnSignpost![edit source]
The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!
Aug 5th, 2010 • Issue 91 • I love it when the news comes together
VFD minimum time limit introduced
Further to that, the minimum score required for deletion is in the process of being clarified, so that either a score of at least +5 in favour of deletion will be required before the trigger-happy admins fire up their huffing devices, or 5 keep votes will automatically exempt an article from deletion. One of those. Probably. The number 5 seems certain to be involved, whatever the outcome. Hopefully, this will ensure that BUTT POOP is never deleted again. At least, such is our understanding. Sorry about that. We will now follow this with an article with no relation to news whatsoever, to try and make it up to you. Uncyc Fantasy Football draft off to racing start
So far, the results have surpassed the expectations of all except noted optimist Bradaphraser. Three days in, and seven of the record fourteen competitors have picked a single player each, making this the slowest process since BP started trying to cap that goddamn oil leak. This year's competition promises to be more open than the last, including as it does Joe9320, who admits to knowing nothing about the sport, preferring AFL, and noted British namby-pamby "soccer" fan UU, who has somehow agreed to become an Indianapolis Colts fan for the duration of the season. Hence his adding a picture of what he is assured is the awesome Peyton Manning into this very article. With the likes of the here-one-week-gone-for-a-month Gerrycheevers also involved in the process, it could well end up taking long enough to be ready by the start of the 2011-12 season. |
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15:40, 5 August 2010
- Thank you for your consistence and reliability Socky. --Ozymandiaz 22:49, August 8, 2010 (UTC)
Ruddy hell! It's the UnSignpost[edit source]
Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.
Aug 19thish, 2010 • Issue 92 • Does anyone actually read this bit?
UnReviews - get involved!
So how can YOU help? Well, we would have thought that was obvious, to be honest, but as we're dealing with Uncyclopedians here, we'll make it a little clearer: write an UnReview! You could go down the road of Modus's magnum opus UnMovie Review: The Dark Knight, and make a movie review, you could get all cultured on our asses, and go Shakespearian, or you could review something else entirely. The choice is, quite literally, yours! Something helpful this way comes
TKF has already started the ball rolling with a challenging audio request which is likely to be an early acid test for the project. If you have a Casio keyboard and some decent audio skills, get across there and get this thing working! So, how can you get involved? Well, if you are skilled at adding awesome to pages in some way, watchlist the page, check it regularly, and stop hogging your wiki-fu to yourself! If you are in need of added awesomeness on your page, pop in a request and see what happens. If nothing else, it'll make Meep feel good about himself, and that's what it's all about, when you get right down to it. Right? |
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--Chiefjustice3DS 11:49, August 20, 2010 (UTC)
You people must be really masochistic[edit source]
Do you honestly think banning me repeatedly is going to make me lick your boots? I’m not here to argue and I’m not here to target admins with random outbursts. I’m here to make friends and to donate my unique brand of humour and if you don’t like it, too bad. Uncyclopedia is for everybody and as you’ve probably realised, I have a strong sense of justice. I don’t bow to petty rules that are there to keep the rabble in check and I don’t fawn and scrape to admins with chips on their shoulders. If someone offends me, no matter what their rank, I will confront them. If someone insults me, I will insult them back. I speak to people of authority on equal footing because I am not a sycophantic circle-jerker. If I see someone being unjustly persecuted, I will go to their defence, despite ingratitude on their part. There seems to be a disturbingly collectivistic, legalistic and authoritarian mindset on Uncyclopedia and it just won’t do. I hope you all realise how things are going to work around here from now on and I hope for your sakes that you start treating me with the considerable respect I deserve and in return you will be rewarded. This is not Nazi Germany (forgive me for again invoking Godwin's Law). Thank you for reading and happy editing. --Ozymandiaz 01:33, August 24, 2010 (UTC)
- Your penchant for comparing everything you dislike to Nazi Germany is offensive. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 11:46, August 29, 2010 (UTC)
- Hey Ozymandiaz! --
- I agree with every point you make, however its a two way thing. Mutual respect has to be earned by both parties on an individual level. Making sweeping statements that we are legalistic or authoritarian seems to be setting a tone that appears to be somewhat closeminded and set into an unbending view that is likely to colour relationships here, and that can't be a good thing. All of us are judged on a daily basis by our actions here, I too have a strong sense of justice and of fair and honourable behaviour. Although sometimes I fail in meeting my high ideals I would like to think that I interact with people in a fair way, and likewise I appreciate it when people return the same. -- Sir Mhaille (talk to me)
03:12, August 27, 2010 (UTC)
- Hey Froggy. Well Mhaille, you've certainly dealt with me in a fair and just way and you're the first person to do so in a long time so thank you. Changing the subject, I'm currently working on an article about psychopathic behaviour in cats which I hope you'll all enjoy! After that, I'm thinking a news piece about Jabberwocky being on the endangered species list which should be fun. --Ozymandiaz 20:40, August 27, 2010 (UTC)
Do you proofread yourself? Do you understand that what you say above is equivalent to, "Hi. I'm new here, and don't know how to do things properly. I want to make friends. I will do anything I feel like doing because I am opinionated. I will fuck with anyone I see as a fit target, admins included. Now like me, read my great articles and kiss my ass?" Since you brought up your Apergers (as an excuse for bad behavior?), I will tell you I raised an Aspie kid to adulthood and have Aspie nephews. I may even be an Aspie myself. I am almost as old as Dr. Asperger, I suspect, and I've never bothered to be tested. I understand you in ways you aren't mature enough to appreciate. Your "high ideals" are yours alone. Don't push yourself on others the way you feel pushed upon by the rest of the world. That's called being a dick. Be a dick and I'll ban you permanently. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 11:44, August 29, 2010 (UTC)
- Gentlemen, I give you a collectivistic, authoritarian legalist. Now to dissect the specimin. No I did not bring up my Asperger's an excuse for bad behaviour, unlike yourself, though frankly I think you're more likely to have something akin to Dickbag syndrome than Asperger's. I do indeed proofread myself and what I wrote above says something along the lines of "I am nobody's wnhipping boy, you cross my path, you pay - be nice and I'll be nice back." Observe: above Mhaille offered constructive criticism and treated me with respect. I did so back. You're the only one who's pushing on others, you're the dick around here, now stop antagonising me, take your issues of masculinity to a good psychiatrist's office and have a nice day. Finally if you don't like Nazi Germany then how about Soviet Russia? --Ozymandiaz 14:13, August 29, 2010 (UTC)
UnSignpost - This is definitely not late; you're just drunk[edit source]
Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!
Sept 9th, 2010 • Issue 93 • Our definition of "weekly" may not match yours
The pee is weak - must be time for Pee Week!
Yes, it would appear to be nearly time for the inaugural Uncyclopedia Pee Week! It starts on Monday 13th September. So, the questions must be asked:
If the answer to at least one of those questions is "yes", you could be on your way to winning this soon-to-be prestigious competition! Just sign up here, and prepare to review as you've never reviewed before! The best of the 5.5 years super-extravaganza begins!
That's right, on the fifth of every month, a new vote will start to determine the best somethingorother of the 5.5 years that Uncyc has been in existence. This month's vote is already open, and it's for the writer of the 5.5 years. So get over there, vote, and make your voice heard! Again. Asked for his feelings on seeing his brainchild getting off the ground like this, TKF exclusively told us: "My grand-uncle used to tell me "He who goes forth with a fifth on the Fourth, may not come forth on the fifth!" and I feel that's somehow relevant to this situation." Anyone pointing out that by the time this finishes, Uncyclopedia will be around 6 years old will be asked not to point it out again. UnNews main page
Someone suggested to completely revamp the UnNews main page and in an epic move of Uncyclopedia originality, decided to hold a vote on it. Some people farted. |
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MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 12:43, September 9, 2010 (UTC)
Reactivating Your Account[edit source]
Since you have received a feature for this, I decided to remove the block on your account first imposed by an admin who is now no longer active on Uncyclopedia. This means you can vote for your own article in September's top 10. Don't return to past battles please and I trust this will encourage future positive contributions. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 20:20, October 11, 2012 (UTC)