Portal:Culinary
Food is one of the most dangerous substances known to humankind. It is not only poisonous but carcinogenic, so much so that it or one of its derivatives is found in the tumours of all cancer patients. Unfortunately for us, it is also notoriously hard to avoid and extremely addictive, so you probably eat it every day. The world of conventional medicine has mostly failed to recognise this threat to public safety, going so far as to advocate its consumption. Alternative medicine, however, is well aware of the dangers of food, and alternative doctors never allow their patients to eat it. (See more...)
Cooking ... it's not exactly music... but it's close. Cooking is the act of applying culinary finesse to raw materials a manner that would procreate delectable (needless to say edible) and proper nourishment for humans of civilisation. It is prepared by 90% of the women in the world who come home after hours of grueling sexual harassment and unproductive meetings to apply heat to the meat or frozen dinner in order to satisfy the man. It encompasses a vast range of methods, drawers full of once used tools, and 5 used daily. The combinations of ingredients and rearranged rotations serve to disguise the same old same oldishness of the food. (See more...)
Your estimate of how long to reheat the lasagna was not a good one. In fact, it was probably the worst estimate I have ever seen. In fact, it was probably the worst estimate in the history of estimating.
I'm not sure you even understand the concept of estimating. When you estimate, you're supposed to make an educated guess based on prior experience. You are not supposed to select a completely random number of any size and run with it.
I guess you've learned your lesson. But let's just take a moment to run through all the clues you had that you are a poor estimator.
NEW YORK, New York - In a ground-breaking discovery, nutritionists have found that blueberries, previously known as Vaccinium corymbosum, are actually peas that have died of asphyxiation. Furthermore, peas are really the offspring of nomadic extraterrestrials, abandoned during a stop to planet Earth sometime in the Late Precambrian period.
"All this time, we’ve been eating the fetuses of aliens before they could mature past their spore cycle," Stamford biophysicist Dr. Wes Lurevnen says. News of this sort has, naturally, made for some interesting stories.
One pea farmer recalls stumbling on a group of hippies on his farm. "There were four or five of them standing in the middle of my sprouts, buck naked, arms wide, looking at the sun and yelling 'TAKE US WITH YOU!'"
Cracker Barrel is a Southern-themed family style restaurant that operates in North America, particularly in the United States. The chain has locations in 41 states with each business consisting of a restaurant and a country store that sells cheap junk that only your grandmother would want to buy. The nostalgia of the "stuff" these folks peddle easily offsets the extremely poor and toxic quality of the goods. The food itself is fairly decent considering it is processed southern comfort food. Cracker Barrels can be found along the fine Interstate Highways of America: if you see an exit or interchange, chances are there's a Cracker Barrel lurking around the corner waiting to ambush unsuspecting travelers.
On a clear blue day in September, 1869, Old Jedediah Smith of Lebanon, Tennessee thought to himself, "Gee wilikers, I could sure make a ton of money peddling our nasty Tennessee cuisine to unsuspecting Yankee travelers. Maybe I could also sell them cheap banjos or scented candles."
The Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet'N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice is the longest possible order you could order at Starbucks. Once you have ordered this, you cannot order anything larger. It was ordered only once (in the late 1990's), and it singlehandedly destroyed the economy of South America. It is now illegal in both American Continents, Africa, Asia, Europe, and Antarctica. In fact, it's now illegal everywhere except for a select few unclaimed square inches in the Southern Pacific Ocean and Belgium. The United Nations are working on this problem even as you read this.
Prior to October 26, 2001, the Quadruple Espressinoso Super Grande Light Blueberries And Cream Half-Soy Full City Roast Nonfat Half-caf Organic Caramel Vanilla Iced Double-Shot Macchiato Black Tea Chai Foamed Shaken Sugar-free Cinnamon Eggnog Dolce Peppermint Gingerbread Pumpkin Spice Latte Thrice Blended Extra Hot With Three Ice Cubes Hold The Whipped Cream, One Sweet'N Low, and One Nutrasweet was the longest possible order at Starbucks.
- ... that 70% of all berries contain traces of napalm?
- ... that I don't appreciate your attitude towards my potato chip situation?
- ... that "real" cheese can take anything up to 17 weeks to pass through the digestive tract?
- ... that William Shatner is believed to have once been married to a ladle he found near Marianas Trench.
- ... that OMGWTFBBQ has very little to do with barbecue?
- ... that to avoid drying out lean cuts of meat containing only 7% fat or less, simply fry the meat in 1/2 cup of oil.
| “ | My weaknesses have always been food and men, in that order | ” |
— Hannibal Lecter, on weaknesses
| ||
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