User talk:Mordillo/archive11

Litter my talk page with your bollocks

Genesis • Moar Genesis • Oh Hai Moses • Dis here is your commandments.• Study those well don't eat them • Dis here is my flaming chariot. • I said chariot, not carrot• ---->Attention accusing IP this is where you shall find the answer you seek<------- • The great Jewish war of the Hebrew Uncyclopedia • Nothing to see here. Move along.

Comb the recent changes!

Please leave new messages at the bottom And when I say please I do ask for it nicely. No, seriously. If you'd like an article restored, please live a link with your complaint and a restoration fee of 12 Euros. No Dollars please. Nobody takes Dollars anymore. update:restoring fee is now 14 euros, excluding tax If you'd like to use profanities, please be original. If you'd like some more dildos, please hold the line, our representatives shall be with you shortly. If that's you calling, Yettie, I have your teddy bear in store for whenever you want to come and visit

---

Speedy despoil

Now, can we get an equally speedy ban please: Hiwhispeesss (talk) – contribs (new • del) • edit-count • block (rem • list) • all logs • groups • checkuser. Ta. --UU - natter 11:22, Jul 24

Oh, done as I was typing this. Ta. Anyway, that doesn't change the fact that this talk page has already been ruined for future generations by me. --UU - natter 11:23, Jul 24

DAMN YOU! IT WILL NEVER RECOVER! The first post is about a Goatse vandal. Snap. ~ 11:25, 24 July 2008 (UTC)

That's the penalty you pay for being the most active admin on this shift... Also, I think your talk page liked it, in a weird way. --UU - natter 11:29, Jul 24

You know that NO means NO right? ~ 11:33, 24 July 2008 (UTC)

Uh, No? --UU - natter 11:54, Jul 24

UnSignpost: July 24th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

You'd be crazy not to listen!

July 24^th, 2008 • Twelfth Issue • Now On Time?

Count to a million By Gerrycheevers This week Uncyclopedians continued on their quixotic attempt to "count to a million." Started by Uncyclopedia Wiki-master and Chamber of Commerce Secretary Spang in early March of this year, the project seeks to eventually reach the number one million (1,000,000) through the ancient art of counting. Any person who is capable of taking a number, adding one to it, and expressing the result has been invited to join the massive undertaking, which has seen dozens of contributors come and go. As is always the case here at Uncyc, the project has spawned controversy, criticism, and a spin-off starring Tony Shalhoub as Olipro. The forum is an unprecedented pool of knowledge. As each number is reached, it is discussed in-depth by several Uncyclopedians. Insights such as "114 That's my age + 100 lololol" and "616 fucks fucking fucker's shitty crap" are a testament to the intellecually stimulating conversation that occurs each day. Oftentimes, relevant images are posted; the variety of these pictures can be seen by looking here, here, here, and here. However, not everyone is so optimistic about the project. Some have expressed concern that the entire thing has some kind of sinister purpose. When asked for a comment on the harmless-appearing but diabolically-undertoned project, TheLedBalloon said, "although the project appears harmless, there are definitely diabolical undertones." Another anonymous user stated, "that forum is most surely not pants." Spang himself has expressed his desire to leave behind a legacy, but he has also left open the possibility that "the entire thing is just an urban myth, and doesn't really exist." Regardless of its true meaning or intentions, Uncyclopedians continue to trudge on in their epic quest, reaching 0.075% of their goal this Monday. Editors come and go, the pace quickens and slackens, but someone is always there to figure out the next number in the sequence. At its current rate, the project will reach one million on August 19th, 2526. Until that glorious day, Uncyclopedians can only dream... Cheevers Fires Back! By An unbiased journalist After some light-hearted slights in last week's issue, Gerry Cheevers - Uncyclopedia's resident headcase and #2 hockey authority - has taken exception with the editors of this fine periodical. An ugly scene erupted in the USP press room after Gerry barged in, demanding some sort of justice. Luckily, some quick thinking by our tea-boy and current stand-in editor caused Mr. Cheevers to be distracted by a shiny object long enough to avoid any damage to our delicate newspapering equipment. After it was pointed out that he had in fact come and gone from Uncyclopedia like some sort of cow that grazes on witty satire and coherent parody, Gerry calmed down enough give a brief interview and let some of our junior reporters scratch him behind the ears. When asked about the reasons for his return, Gerry cited many things. Prominent among them were a desire to have humor play a larger role in his life once again, the thrill of writing articles, the subsequent crushing defeat after said articles have been hacked to pieces mercilessly, and his heterosexual man-crush on Mhaille. The one-time WotM nominee fell on hard times in mid-March, and went on sabbatical when his computer decided that it was not long for this world and took its own life. After that, Gerry resorted to breaking into libraries after-hours to cast VFH votes on city-owned, porn-riddled, abysmally slow dial-up computers. Luckily he landed a job in late May and has spent a majority of his time at said job slacking off and editing Uncyclopedia. Mr. Cheevers looks forward to getting back to what he is known for: mediocre writing, scathing Pee Reviews, and keeping Manforman locked up in the Uncyc dungeons. Several prominent Uncyclopedians share his optimism for a permanent return, including noted reviewing robot MrN9000, who stated that he was "willing to bet everything Cajek owns to that effect," and heavy zeppelin Don Leddy, who expressed his delight at seeing Gerry, exclaiming "gimme back my twenty dollars!"

Check out these pages! Yay! Woo! We all fail! Who judges the judges? (Apart from Zombiebaron, of course) Rock the vote? From our logs: 23:16, 19 July 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.254.51.48 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Wow! I was gonna go the rest of my life hating Metallica, but you've opened my eyes to their true greatness! You, sir, are an hero! An hero!) 23:56, 20 July 2008 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Swampgas (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (congratulations, now you can add us to your list of sites you got banned from for being a bellend) 21:53, 22 July 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) huffed "Slappy's Angels" ‎ (VFD - I throw in anotherv invisible vote to put these at -4/-5 (YEAH I'M TOO LAZY TO EDIT)) Biopic of the Week Sycamore ~ One of Uncyc's noteworthy Caledonian correspondents, Sycamore claims his prowess at writing stems from a hearty diet of haggis, neeps and tatties, washed down wi' a whisky, a can of Irn-Bru, and a gratuitous stereotype. He's managed to stay sober long enough to write quality articles on Battleship Potemkin, David Bowie and Tony Visconti, and doubtless celebrated in true Scottish fashion - with a couple of cans of Tennent's and a fight! Page of the Week (straight version) User:Optimuschris/Super Secret Girlie Page! - no explanation needed. Page of the Week (gay version) User:Orian57/Under my matress - the yin to OptyC's yang. So to speak. You have been warned. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Pisces (Feb. 19 - March. 19) - The position of Mars renders you the likely victim of pirate attacks this week. Carefully guard any grog, wenches, and booty you may have accumulated. see more horoscopes Foreign Uncyc Page of the Week: Italian Linux and the Crappy Translation Really Old Image Request of the Week For an UnTune. Seriously, this one has been around for ages, and no-one seems to be able to sort it out. Any takers? A certain psychotic frog will doubtless shower any helpful soul with gratitude. Or a template. Or something.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 16:42, 24 July 2008 (UTC)

Why did you huff me?

That's all I wanted to know, and also, when I asked before, I didn't see the link to add a message properly. No hard feelings, I hope?Sean the wiry, bony, and thin 01:22, 26 July 2008 (UTC)

You know what? I can't recall. You must have been naughty since I don't normally huff user pages...but on this case I don't remember. It's the age. And the alcohol. ~ 07:07, 26 July 2008 (UTC)

Alcahol? Are you Inebriated? And Sean if you tell him which article he huffed then you can have it restored to your userspace and can work on it at your lesure. If you want. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 08:06 26 July 2008

Well, I guess there's no point in being upset about it, because I've already redone my user page, I just wanted to know.Sean the wiry, bony, and thin 17:10, 26 July 2008 (UTC)

Orian, I actually huffed his userpage O_O ~ 21:38, 26 July 2008 (UTC)

Yeah I figured that out later. leave me alone I was tierd. But you still didn't answer the question: why? And are you? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 21:44 26 July 2008

Can't remember really. ~ 21:45, 26 July 2008 (UTC)

Is that an answer to both questions? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 21:47 26 July 2008

I'm not inebriated. ~ 21:52, 26 July 2008 (UTC)

Oh. Well Ok, it's just I dunno who he is. Kinda asking around. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 21:55 26 July 2008

Try asking The Thinker Orian. MrN 22:08, Jul 26

This was a shame...

22:21 . . Mordillo (Talk | contribs) (changed protection level for "Uncyclopedia:How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid": [edit=autoconfirmed:move=sysop]) 

I saw what happened with the move page... I hope it does not need to stay sysop only protected for too long... MrN 22:39, Jul 26

It's just the page movement, edit is as usual. ~ 00:53, 27 July 2008 (UTC)

You need to give me back my glasses. Mother told me this would happen... MrN 00:56, Jul 27

תודה לאל!

ארכבת! חשבתי שזה לא יקרה לעולם. --Yoyole123 (user page - talk) 15:06, 27 July 2008 (UTC)

כן כן, זה קורה בדרך כלל שהדף מגיע ל-100. רק בשביל לאתגר את הפציינטים. ובהזדמנות - מזל טוב אדוני הבירוקרט! שיהיה בהצלחה! ~ 15:18, 27 July 2008 (UTC)

תודה. לא הגעת בכלל ל-101? --Yoyole123 (user page - talk) 19:20, 27 July 2008 (UTC)

למה להיות קטנוניים?! :) ~ 21:56, 27 July 2008 (UTC)

Tony and Ludo thank you!

Splendid, what! UU would like to express his gratitude for you vote on UnMysteries:A Tissue Of Lies. Therefore, please accept a free gift of Sir John Obvious-Suspect's latest innovation - Sudoku toilet paper, for those mornings when you know you're gonna be in there ages!

I honestly thought that any of my own stuff I loved that much would never make it, so thanks for proving something-or-other to me. Also: morning! --UU - natter 09:19, Jul 28

Evening :). Just finished moving my apartment. I now have the muscle tone of a professional wrestler. And good one on yet another great feature...~ 19:57, 28 July 2008 (UTC)

There is no Cab..

(Huff log); 08:36 . . Mordillo (Talk | contribs) (huffed "Garyism": Wikipedia hasn't heard of you. Neither have we.: content was: '== The faith == Garyism is one of the more mysterious modern religions. Founded by Prof. Gary Yan (born 1993-), it has quickly found a following. The actua...' (and )

Um, you deleted that vanity, and the creators edits disappeared from recent changes also. Is that what normally happens and I have never noticed before? I was going to send a welcome message telling him about vanity and creating stuff on his user page. Hang on, who are these people? Where did you come from. Where are you taking me? AAAAAAAAAAA! MrN 08:44, Jul 30

Drugs are bad m`kay? And yes, this is standard. When you huff something, it vanishes from the recent changes. The big brother erases history O_O. ~ 08:49, 30 July 2008 (UTC)

Yet another person who didn't bother starting a new heading or sign his comments

Hey, it wasn't taht bad!

I'm afraid it was. Didn't make much sense as it was. ~ 15:10, 30 July 2008 (UTC)

Master Zim

I asked RAHB to help around with Unnews since you're not on every day, and as much as I love the Unnews palace I don't seem to get in there too much lately. I hope you don't mind! Let me know if you have any reservations or just want pie. I always have a pie available. Cheers! ~ 21:29, 25 July 2008 (UTC)

It's just occured to me: you are possibly among the top ten cool Jews I know. Thanks for all of your help with UnNews, and for keeping me in your wetware L2 cache memory. I've been absent mostly due to PC problems, and also some home issues getting in the way of my proper life ie, doing UnNews stuff. You rock significantly; just thought you should know. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 13:40, 31 July 2008 (UTC)

the new eincyclopedian welcome template!!!111

I took the liberty to update the eincyclopedian welcome template. its true that I remorselessly ripped off some of your ideas, but basecly its original (please don't sue us!!!) yea, anyway what do you think? RAYcyclopedia ╬ talk - if the opposite of pro is con. then what is the opposite of progress? 18:02, 31 July 2008 (UTC)

answer me vile vermin!!!11 RAYcyclopedia ╬ talk - if the opposite of pro is con. then what is the opposite of progress? 09:01, 3 August 2008 (UTC)

Stop deleting my article before I have finished it you utter prick,

ds

Yeah, fucktard! -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Who says manners are dead, cockmuncher? --UU - natter 15:07, Aug 1

This seems like a good time to post the ASCII penis bird. pillow talk 15:10, 1 August 2008 (UTC)

                          <O 
                          ( \ 
                           X 
                         8===D

I tend to get a rash when people call me an utter prick. Even though I am. (Block log); 18:31 . . Mordillo (Talk | contribs | block) (blocked User:62.3.228.31 with an expiry time of 1 week: This block is sponsored by BT. BT, for better communications, cleaner earth and baked beans for all) ~ 15:31, 1 August 2008 (UTC)

Starting a new section

In an effort to not interfere with the above, but I just had to let you know the above just gave me the best laugh I have had for quite some time. I'm still laughing even as I type this. Extremely amusing... MrN 15:37, Aug 1

Probably due to the ASCII penis :) ~ 15:40, 1 August 2008 (UTC)

Request for assistance

Hi there old chap, hope you're well. Quick request: I've got some important stuff to do at work at the moment, and I'm spending more and more time on here instead, which is a Bad Thing. I suspect I could get in quite a bit of shit if I don't have a very productive week. The problem is, I'm easily distracted by this place. I'd ask for a week's ban, but I'd like to get on of an evening when I have time, so can you ban me for about 8 hours when you first log in in the mornings this week please? If you're busy yourself, fair enough, I'll take a 5 day ban and kick my heels in the evenings instead. But yeah, I really need to focus this week, so the help would be appreciated! --UU - natter 12:09, Aug 3

We need to start a support group for Uncyc addicted users... Maybe I will start a page... ;-) MrN 14:07, Aug 3

Yeah, I can see something like that taking off. -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Sycamore awkwardly gets up, Hello my name is Sycamore and I'm an Uncycloholic. I have been for ten years and I've lost count of the times I've woken up in my own vomit, consisting mostly of uncooked frozen chips--Sycamore (Talk) 14:16, 3 August 2008 (UTC)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! MrN 14:22, Aug 3

Help me with this

http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Chez_Anthony/A_Candle_for_a_Sin_Movement I think the content is pretty good. I need help with this to make it better though. I wanted to add a link to "dr. seigh tunn" to "satan" article and a picture of the hindenburg burning. --Chez Anthony 11:36, 4 August 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 31st, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Woop Woop! it's the sound of the Police UnSignpost!

July 31^st, 2008 • Lucky Thirteenth Issue • Now with 20% more ninjas!

The biggest little whorehouse on the internet By Gerrycheevers Oftentimes, Uncyclopedians choose to create something on their userpages, safe from the prying eyes and hungry 'delete' buttons of admins. These entities can range from the ridiculously complex to the awesomely cartoonish. The newest user creation on this silly wiki is that of a charming gentle-bot by the name of MrN9000. At 'The Whorehouse', writers can bathe in the attention they so desperately seek. A sort of hands-on Pee Review, the Whorehouse encourages other users to edit, trim, improve, rub up against, and generally increase the quality of the articles of others. Authors suffering from mental blocks (or physical blocks) can turn to this dimly lit establishment for inspiration. While considered a 'smashing' idea by some, the brothel has drawn its share of criticism. It may have even caused a site-wide questioning of the rules of VFH, guidelines of Pee Review, and the vailidity of the Committee That Selects Zombiebaron's Daily Banstick. The main concern seems to be articles getting 'mucked up' by having too many contributors. Opponents to this opinion have pointed out that this is a wiki, and, in theory, an infinite number of contributors contributing to an infinite number of articles for an infinite amount of time were eventually destined to create the Whorehouse, anyway. Some users, such as Ljlego, have taken advantage of the open space to hold some sort of charity-scamming orgy. Whatever the destiny of the Whorehouse, it is sure to catch every Uncyclopedian's attention for at the least five minutes immediately following the reading of this article. Virus exposes user vulnerability to death By Regret Tenenbaum Yes, it's true. Death is inevitable for all users who have logged in recently. Apparently, a rouge admin created a computer virus so potent you actually contract testicular cancer. Real cancer. Like, In real life. Seriously. And how does one contract the virus? Users are warned that that the simple act of logging in to Uncyclopedia will cause one to contract the fatal disease. "Yes, I know cancer isn't a disease nor a virus" said one doctor "but still, it sucks. I mean - it's cancer - IN YOUR BALLS. Come on." So how exactly does on know when they have cancer? Symptoms may include one or more of the following: a lump in one testis or a hardening of one of the testicles The testicle should normally feel smooth to the touch. Ridges may be felt because of enlarged blood vessels or tumor growth. Additionally the entire testicle may feel hard and bumpy to the touch. Abnormal sensitivity (either numbness or pain) loss of sexual activity sexual withdrawal build-up of fluid in the scrotum a dull ache in the lower abdomen or groin an increase, or significant decrease, in the size of one testis blood in semen General weak and tired feeling The testicle with a tumor may be severely enlarged, as much as 3 times the original size. Simultaneously the other testicle may be shrunken in size, due to the tumor taking up the majority of the blood supply to the scrotum. Other nasty stuff. Make sure to constantly check your testicles by feeling them for irregularities with your fingers. ... That's right. ... Just feel 'em up ... nice ... Ahem! Uh... Simple vigilance is a big help. The best time to check is after a hot shower, when the scrotum is looser. And what of the female users? No, not even the three of them are safe. It has been proven that even female users can contract testicular cancer. How, you ask? Well, by a miracle of God, the female will grow testicles, that will then become "cancerfied" (or "cancer-ific", if you prefer.) The only users who are safe from this horrible plague are IP addresses, as they lack testes and the ability to grow any. Remember kids, no matter how much Dr. Health, Esq. tells you cancer is great, don't believe him. Oh? ... What's that? ... I said something about dying? ... Oh. ... Well, if one of your testicles was three times bigger than the other and your semen was filled with blood, would you not kill yourself? That's right...

Check out these pages! Ever get interrupted on the loo? Is PEEING taking the piss? Drama! From our logs: 21:17, 23 July 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 62.88.33.191 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Try to suck less. You're sucking too much. I didn't say "stop"! Take your time. Yeah, that's the stuff. Now gently squeeze my balls.) 17:24, 24 July 2008 Sannse (Talk | contribs) (blocked SIR TOM CRUISE! with an expiry time of 3 months (no dear, Baha'i is the Truth, or Judaism, I can never remember) 02:34, 28 July 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 4096.256.16.1 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Dammit, stop being a sockpuppet!) 14:41, 28 July 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) unblocked 4096.256.16.1 (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Oh, I bet you think you're all crafty n' shit, don'tcha? DON'TCHA! Well guess what: I can see through your ruse now, you sockpuppet-impersonating iIdunnowhat!) 21:04, 29 July 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.196.62.163 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Wanker: Take a day off. Take some deep breaths. It's only France) Biopic of the Week The Woodburninator ~ What should thou doest upon sighting The Woodburninator? Run away, apparently. Unless you're looking to read some high quality articles. Last month's NotM has made quite an impression on Uncyclopedia in his short time here, despite claims that he is about as useful as the 5-star rating system. Don't be fooled! WB is on track to contribute far more than the ratings system (especially since the average UnSignpost rating is about 1.2), and then some. Just don't scroll all the way down to the bottom of his userpage... Old-school featured article of the week Check out Moon hoax. Ever been told by one of your know-it all friends that we never landed on the moon, and it was all staged on a set in the desert? Well, after reading this article, you should be prepared to thoroughly debunk your narrow-minded chum. Just be sure that you wager heavily on 'we went to the moon' before you start explaining. This Week's Horoscopes NOW UPDATED FOR WEEK OF 7/28/08 Taurus (April 20 - May 20) - You will learn the true meaning of Christmas after much embarrassment and the intervention of a friend with a dictionary. see more horoscopes Foreign Uncyc Page of the Week: Russian Hyper Text Coffee Pot Control Protocol and the Crappy Translation. Quotes of the Week <DrSkullthumper> Goatse is work safe if you're a proctologist <AAA^> "Muslim Porn: Women revealing their hair"

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 07:51, 5 August 2008 (UTC)

Yanon

is trying to take control on eincyclopedia again, and this time he decided to block the site at a few days, including kipur day, yitzhak rabin and tisha beav, can you please enlighten these idiots? RAYcyclopedia ╬ talk - if the opposite of pro is con. then what is the opposite of progress? 16:44, 11 August 2008 (UTC)

Sorry, I told you that as long he is holding his position as a sysop over there, I'll be staying away. I have no real desire to encounter this creature again. ~ 13:05, 18 August 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: August 7th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH

August 7^th, 2008 • Fourteenth Issue • Just like Grandma used to make!

Uncyclopedia Forum set to consume the Internet By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Top scientists at the Uncycloversity this week predicted that a Village Dump topic, started in June by prominent Uncylopedian and alchemist Spang, will one day consume the entire internet. According to the university's top expert, Dr. Skullthumper, Ph.D.: "This is one of those things that could go on forever. I mean, at least counting to a million has a definite ending. With this, there is no end, since everyone wants to be the last person to edit." Wikia staff member and Uncyclopedian Sannse predicts that the forum topic will take up all of Wikia's hardware by late 2009 and will then begin to "consume all around it, like I did that time I tried marijuana." She went on to add, "nothing will be safe – not even Wikipedia," before blessing herself and staring reverently at a statue of Jimmy Wales. Others, however, are more optimistic. According to Modusoperandi, "eventually someone will invent some sort of robot or hobgoblin to automatically edit the topic, and then it will have to be locked. Either that, or someone will figure out that there is no prize, rendering the whole thing pointless. And then I shall be the winner!" Spang was unavailable for comment because, according to his spokesperson, "he is busy in his cave dreaming up more crazy schemes to destroy the internet." Admins everywhere! By Gerrycheevers If you're a wiki-troll, cyberbullying vandal or extremely crappy article, you'd better start watching your behind. Three new deputies were voted in by the Uncyclopedia Sheriff's Department: Dr. Skullthumper, RAHB, and Roman Dog Bird. The trio were bestowed this great honor last Friday by Codeine. This brings the total amount of active authority figures who could wallop you over the head with a banhammer to 29. The reason for the unusally high number of new sysops is that a clear consensus could not be reached, and also that all three of these individuals are "awesome". The new admins were extremely pleased and greatly honored by their new title. None of them wasted any time in executing their first sysop move (RAHB and Dr. Skullthumper banned Cajek; Roman Dog Bird deleted one hundred articles, then banned Cajek). The prescence of these new neighborhood patrollers was evident immediately, with QVFD being renamed "Skull and RAHB's House of Huffing", and placing {{VFD}} in an article now automatically classifying it as "Roman Dog Bird's bitch". The reactions from the new sysops were similar, with all three pledging to delete bad articles, ban unworthy knuckleheads, continue plans for world domination, and "try not to muck up the site too much". RAHB has set himself lofty goals, including "keeping it cool" and some wiki-related nonsense that this reporter didn't understand. Roman Dog Bird wished the readers of the Signpost to know that he said "something", and went on to add that he will continue to "clean crap up...only now with more power." Dr. Skullthumper is thankful that no one has caught on to the trio of new ops and expresses his optimism as far as not being immediately de-opped, but also listed several early accomplishments as well as future goals. With these three brave new souls now patrolling the corridors of this silly wiki, it is truly a dark time for terrible articles, merciless vandals, and Cajek.

Check out these pages! Against againsts? Census time Is it, in fact, Hammer Time? Skullthumper revealed! From our logs: 01:57, 1 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Okay, that's enough Uncyclopedia. Bye.) 02:05, 1 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) unblocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) ‎ (ARGH NOOOO I CAN'T ESCAPE) 20:14, 3 August 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Orian57 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 15 minutes ‎ (Admins do not abuse their powers. On the contrary, Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia) 14:21, 6 August 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) huffed "EQ" ‎ (Thanks for the Psychology course refresher. Don't worry, I paid attention in that class, I don't really need it.) 15:54, 7 August 2008, Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 142.106.53.68 (Talk) (expires 15:54, 8 August 2008, anon. only, account creation blocked) (I don't know what the Somali is for "Don't do that". But don't do that.) Biopic of the Week SysRq ~ Not just a button on your keyboard anymore (well, half a button, really), SysRq has become quite the Uncyclopedian in his time here. Spending his time writing awesome stuff, utilizing his platinum urinal, and coming up with stuff on the fly, he has earned a spot among the elite that Uncyc has to offer. (And this seems to be a bit of a recurring theme, but again, don't scroll all the way down to the bottom of his userpage.) Old-school featured article of the week Check out Battle of Gettysburg, a harrowing documentary of one of the bloodiest battles in the American Civil War, and one man's fight to get through it. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Gemini (May 21 - June 21) - Help! I am being held hostage in the horoscope editing room! see more horoscopes

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Painstakingly hand-delivered by: SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:27, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: August 14th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!

August 14^th, 2008 • Fifteenth Issue • May contain traces of humor

Uncyclopedia kidnapped! By Gerrycheevers In a shocking development, a brazen individual absconded with Uncyclopedia just over a week ago. Users were shocked when their attempts to access the site between 18:33 and 20:07 UTC on August 4th resulted in a sinister message being displayed, promising the swift return of the wiki should the kidnapper's demands be met. Panic ensued, with several Uncyclopedians wandering off to places unknown, never to return. Once the site was restored and the intertubes reconnected, the identity of the culprit was obvious: Orian57 had made the last edit before the ninety-minute gap, with the ominous and puzzling edit summary of "I AM STEALING UNCYCLOPEDIA!!!" The site itself seemed to be mostly fine after its harrowing ordeal, with the exception of VFP, which turned all of Zombiebaron's against votes into ten for votes during the first few hours back. This reporter caught up to Orian57, and had the opportunity to talk with him at some length about the reasons for the abduction. After consulting with his lawyer, Orian agreed to comment on the situation. On why he stole the wiki, he said, "my motivation for this cyber-terrorism wasn't something trite like 'because I could' or 'it wasn't me'. No. It was because nobody was paying me any attention!" It seems that Orian, in a desperate bid for attention, locked the Uncyclopedia server in a basement, and attempted to edit it so that all content referred to him. Perhaps his subconcious got the better of him, or perhaps the spirit of Sophia came to Uncyclopedia's rescue. In any case, Orian claims he heard a female voice speaking to him, which convinced him to return the server and allow "uncyclopedians around the world to stop masturbating and return to peeling potatoes or whatever they do." Some sort of competition finishes By UU So as you may have noticed, recently a contest of titanic proportions has been gripping the world like no other event. Palms have been sweaty, nails have been chewed, bribes, threats, and allegations of stimulant abuse have been rife. But now, the latest incarnation of the Poo Lit Surprise has drawn to a close, and so our attention can drift to that bunch of steroid-enhanced nutters at the Olympics. Finally, the questions on everyone's lips have been answered. Providing they were related to the Poo Lit Surprise, and who was going to win. Other questions, unfortunately, remain unanswered. However, if you do want to know who won, and haven't found out already, you can find out here. We could just tell you here, but where's the fun in that? We should, however, point out that if you haven't seen all of the articles yet, there are some real crackers amongst them, and not just the winners either - which probably reflects well on the Uncyclopedia Community as a whole, although it may just hint that everyone saved their best articles for this one small period of time and now has nothing else to offer for another 6 months. We'll see, but in the meantime, have a look at all the entries - there should be chuckles on offer whatever your sense of humo(u)r!

Check out these pages! WHAT'S with THE caps SITUATION? Out with the old... ...and in with the legends? From our logs: 13:06, 8 August 2008, Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked 60.54.79.28 (Talk) (expires 13:06, 9 August 2008, anon. only, account creation blocked) (Blanker: You disappoint Vishnu.) 19:45, 11 August 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Dxbn (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (You're a boob. Not the good kind, either. If you were, you'd have a nipple right 'there'. Just the thought of you being the good kind of boob makes me a little hard.) 19:51, 11 August 2008, Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.40.99.2 (Talk) (expires 19:51, 11 November 2008, anon. only, account creation blocked) (blanking is the lowest form of wit. Even lower than Steve Martin.) Biopic of the Week RadicalX ~ Since the dawn of Uncyclopedia, users have had the need for images. And RadX, himself created with Adobe Photoshop, has obliged. Even a quick look at his image gallery should cause you to drop to your knees and weep. He also is an extremely talented writer, and spends his time spreading the light of The Church of T with his prophet, Bradaphraser. Old-school featured article of the week Ever been knocked in the nards so badly that you saw stars, but never figured out who the culprit was? Well, it was probably midget cockpunching terrorists. These cheeky buggers have been assaulting the most sensitive area of such well-known figures as Frank Sinatra and Ronald Reagan for decades. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) - This week you should be self-centered in all your endeavors, except for grenade-tossing practice. see more horoscopes Shamless space-filler of the week Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Fired out of a newspaper cannon by: SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 17:52, 16 August 2008 (UTC)

Hi

Getting more unusual to see you around here at the moment - are things getting busy as certain events draw close? --UU - natter 11:37, Aug 18

Ah yes, the ominous wedding. Only 15 days remain and the stress is on. I'm flying back home tomorrow, and it seems that the missus has a list of things she wants me to prepare before the event. I was hoping for some desperate messages on my talk page claiming that "I'm being sorely missed" and "We'd like to have your babies" and whatnot. But it seems that I need to create a "fuck you, a short and concise message of why am I away" forum to get attention around here. How is your "event" coming along? ~ 11:46, 18 August 2008 (UTC)

Well, I wanted to tell you about the whole "having your babies" thing, but I was afraid that would be a little awkward for a talk page message. Especially since you're getting married. It just...would never work out. -RAHB 11:57, 18 August 2008 (UTC)

Its not too late to pull out and to head to the hills. Only messing, marriage is a great institution, and if anyone need institutionalising its you, mate! ;) If you are looking to take your mind off your impending doom, I mean, future happiness, see if this inspires anything in you. Also, I'd like to have your babies. -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

To be honest I've missed you in your ever greater absense, paticulrly during evenings and so forth, and I have vowed at some point soon to have a stern word with you about the Birds and the Bees and what those balloon machines in toilets are for. — Sir Sycamore (talk) 12:01, 18 August 2008 (UTC)

Y'know I'd have left all sorts of messages about missing you around the place were it not for my own impending nuptials and the shitloads of my time they're taking up. I'm not sure the honeymoon's gonna be enough to recover from it, to be honest! Fun, isn't it? --UU - natter 12:15, Aug 18

Oh hey Under User. I've been meaning to tell you something. I want to have your babies. Shame really, since you're getting married and all. Maybe I'll get Mordillo to give me his babies. Oh...right. -RAHB 12:20, 18 August 2008 (UTC)

Sure, that'd be no problem. As long as by "have" you mean "eat, and by "babies" you mean popular British candy confection "Jelly Babies". Anything else would be creepy, and is probably better addressed to Orian. --UU - natter 12:43, Aug 18

Tell you what, I'll have all of your babies if you promise to show up at the wedding dressed as Anna Kornikova. Which, I believe, is a well known English tradition? ~ 12:51, 18 August 2008 (UTC)

Shalom, Sabba!

I'm sorta back, had technical problems with my computer, and only recently managed to remember to come back home... Did I miss anything? -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 14:28, 19 Aug

Errr... Typical, I only now remembered what I would have wanted to ask you about. There are some articles I'd love to be able to delete in my user space, is there a way for me to do it, or do I have to for example QVFD them? o.O -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 14:44, 19 Aug

QVFD 'em with the comment "author request". If there's a lot, people put maybe --Begin Author Request-- above them, and --End Author Request-- somewhere else, although I'm not sure about the specifics of it. A Mordillo sighting around here is also a rare sight at present. Something about impending wedlock, I think. Although some people seem to want to have his babies... --UU - natter 16:03, Aug 19

Oooh.. I don't know how to say "congrats" in Hebrew :( Ah well... I guess that's where I'll go when I bother next time... *hugs UU* Cheers, -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 17:22, 19 Aug

UnSignpost: August 21st, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.

August 21^st, 2008 • Issue Sixteen • The periodical without any junk in its trunk

And the award for Sluttiest User goes to... By Gerrycheevers ...Mhaille! With over fifteen thousand links to his userpage strewn willy-nilly about Uncyclopedia, Mhaille takes home the Slutty for the sixth consecutive time. Everyone's favorite moustachioed chappie overtook Codeine in early 2007 and never looked back. When asked about this momentous achievement, Mhaille was still in shock from the victory. "I'd like to give thanks to my mother and my father, for first taking me into the family business. Without their years of experience and their guidance I would not have become the Slut I am today," he said. "It is for them that I hope to make it a seventh title!" Coming in at second on the list was the legendary Benson. Despite having only twenty edits in the past year, Benson has managed to rack up over twelve thousand links to his userpage. He still enjoys a several thousand link lead over slut number three, Thekillerfroggy. When asked how Benson managed to not only maintain his lead, but actually increase it, TKF said, "A wizard did it." In-depth investigation by this reporter revealed that Froggy's signature may have something to do with it, as random selection feature will occasionally cause TKF's sig to spam dozens of links to Benson's userpage, mostly in Dr. Skullthumper's userspace. UnSignpost gets new paper-boy by An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Uncyclopedia's semi-official newspaper, enjoyed by literally several readers each week, has hired a brand new paper boy. This individual has been delivering the UnSignpost for the past two weeks. This cost cutting measure was announced after the guy with the keys to the delivery robots disappeared, taking the keys, several thousand dollars in cash, and a stapler with him. Unconfirmed rumours made up by me suggest that he intends to staple the money to the keys before turning the stapler on himself. The paper boy, who calls himself Gerrycheevers, says that it is a tough job, but he is glad to be able to contribute something. "It's a tough job," he told UnSignpost reporters "but I am glad to be able to contribute something." The young paper boy is saving up his pocket money to buy a new frisbee. The mammoth task has taken its toll on young Mr. Cheevers, leaving him with severe wrist pain and an acute hatred of humanity. "It totally messed up my wrists. I was out of action for days!" he said. Most Uncyclopedians are said to be happy with the new service, saying that they prefer the more personal touch that comes with human delivery. "Those damn robots trampled my garden, broke down my door and killed my dog with their death-rays" said one unfortunate Uncyclopedian. In a related story, Gerrycheevers has been 'throttled' from such activites as moving pages and making mass edits. His repetitive edits have apparently pissed off at least one admin, and Gerry is now limited to one edit per four hours. He has used these edits carefully, and has managed to find a new paperbot. This week, the UnSignpost will be delivered by MantiBot. Subscribers can only hope the new delivery system works out, or the UnSignpost may be doomed.

Check out these pages! Testify! Taking the community down a peg Stop the madness! Think of the children! Etc.! From our logs: 16:52, 17 August 2008 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.212.136.160 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You are now officially really hated on Uncyclopedia. Congratulations.) 21:30, 16 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.220.124.187 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month, 2 days, 3 hours, 4 minutes, 5 seconds ‎ (Blanking a featured article? No mercy.) 06:19, 16 August 2008 Spang (Talk | contribs) blocked 121.72.7.62 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Go and write some bad poetry or something) 10:51, 20 August 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked Nmeallin (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (We regret to inform you that Chuck Norris does not approve of page blanking.) Biopic of the Week RAHB ~ One of the most (if not the most) decorated Uncyclopedians ever, RAHB is one of those guys who seems to be everywhere. Whether it's writing awesome stuff, taking care of crap, or banging out narrations, you can always count on this guy to be lurking somewhere in the bowels of Uncyclopedia, toiling away at his next project. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Cancer (June 22 - July 22) - Being grateful this week could result in improved relationships. Being grating this week could result in cheese fragments that will melt easily over nachos. see more horoscopes VFD Survivor of the week "One man touches the other/it's incest cus were all brothers/you may say its wrong/well its the touch eachother song" Pithy VFH Comment of the Week Meh. I liked the conversation bit, but the rest is pretty bland. Skull tells me he wrote it for a girl or something. And he admits himself that it isn't very good. Well, I wouldn't feature it anyways. Oh yeah, and everything you write is shit, Skull. Everything! Shit, shit, shit! Now start writing something funny, you SHITTY WRITER! Shit shit shit! SHIT!!! - RAHB (Unfomercials:Inspirigun)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

— MantiBot Owner 12:24, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

WTF?

You didn't waste any time reverting my simple edit. Is there so little going on around here? Perhaps you could enlighten me on why this edit was necessary. --Frogturd 13:24, 28 August 2008 (UTC)

Which one? Also, I was about to drop you a line about recreating previously deleted articles, which you seem to have a history of doing. I suggest you stop doing that. ~ 13:27, 28 August 2008 (UTC)

Why not recreate the pages? As for history, I disappeared for 18 months and only recently returned hoping that things may have changed. I can't see any good reason for reverting my changes. There seems to be much less activity around here than before, so I guess things haven't changed. If anything, got worse. Have fun throwing your weight around here, I'm off. See you in 12 months or so.

Why? Because it was voted for deletion by users who didn't want it around, that's why. You still haven't figured how this place works? As for reverting - you changed a template that has been in perfectly good order for three years to something way too politically complicated to have any kind of humor value, at least in my opinion. As for the other one - you reverted Mr9000 for no good reason in my view, dropped a perfectly good paragraph for a headline with nothing under it. That's why. How about instead of making a dramatic exit, you create something new and fresh and help us poor sods who obviously don't know bollocks about writing? ~ 13:40, 28 August 2008 (UTC)

Well they can vote again... can't they?
MrN9000 removed my original headline to the paragraph underneath which I also wrote. To me, they were integral and the paragraph lost something when the headline was removed.
As for the template, I think Un-American and Anti-American are becoming synonomous and there is too much political tension in the world without fostering it here. When I think of the thousands of young American lives lost in Iraq, this anti-American sentiment disgusts me, and I'm not even American. It's big business and politicians who have blood on their hands, so let's take the piss out of them. The bastards.

Sorry if I'm butting in a bit too far here, but have you considered starting articles in your userspace, i.e. User:Frogturd/Article - that way you can finish the work and get it reviewed - and avoid any dispute in the mainspace? — Sir Sycamore (talk) 14:40, 28 August 2008 (UTC)

What he said. Also, as for MrN - just drop him a line, and I'm sure you two can settle the best version. ~ 14:45, 28 August 2008 (UTC)

Ah.... you can do that can you? That sounds like the solution. Prepare for an onslaught of drivel and shite in my user space.--Frogturd 15:03, 28 August 2008 (UTC)

query

i noticed that none of the IPs i listed on ban patrol for recreating deleted pages were in fact banned. was this because it isn't a bannable offense, or because the pages in question had already been re-deleted? i ask for future reference, and not for any wuss reason like 'you hurt my feelings'. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 22:34, 28 August 2008 (UTC)

I usually drop the hammer on recreations if they do that more than a couple times. Some IPs and new users don't actually realize that it was deliberatly deleted. I remember that my first ever edit (which was to Oscar Wilde!) was reverted, and I was thinking - damn! a system glitch! I take under considerations that not everyone know the wiki system well enough to understand it. ~ 08:59, 29 August 2008 (UTC)

ah okay, i hear you. i fondly remember my first edit - an oscar wilde quote, concerning rogue punchlines, to Jurassic Park. i also fondly remember it being instantly reverted. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 13:16, 29 August 2008 (UTC)

Ironic as your "Jesus Christ its a TRex, get in the car quick!" may be amongst your best work to date. ;) -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

oddly enough, i distinctly remember making myself laugh until my sides hurt at that idea, which thankfully did not lead to me spamming it on dozens of pages and getting infinibanned. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 15:46, 29 August 2008 (UTC)

Morning Mordillo. Have a good one

So yeah, I believe the time is nigh. Well, a few short days hence anyway. So as I've no idea when I'll next be on, and no idea when you'll next be on, I figured I'd wish you all the very best for next week now. Hope it goes well, you have great weather, and wishing you every happiness thereafter. I'll raise a glass in your direction. --UU - natter 08:00, Aug 29

What he said! Good luck and happy tidings, Mr. Dillo. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 08:05, Aug 29

That would be Tuesday, 19:00 UTC more or less. The weather would be horrible (it's 35 degrees, 70% humidity, and our damn air condition broke down yesterday!) but other than that all should be good :) Thanks guys! Appreciate it! I'll drink one in your honor. ~ 09:01, 29 August 2008 (UTC)

And you do realise that Mrs Dillo will be legally allowed 50% of your edit count and featured articles. I'd get that pre-nuptual sorted out now mate! -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Damn! And I was eying the double figure feature by now. Mrs. Dillo? MRS DILLO! COME IN HERE! WE NEED TO DISCUSS SOMETHING! ~ 08:39, 30 August 2008 (UTC)

Are you planning on making her Ma Dillo? -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

I'll have to learn what "grandma" is in Hebrew... And if I've recovered from this night's party by Tuesday, I'll sure as hell raise you a glass. However I've got no bloomin' idea what this UTC is. No-one ever bothers to explain things to me online... *sobs* -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 19:13, 31 Aug

Hey lovely! Long time, how is your health? UTC=GMT. Also, grandma in Hebrew is Safta. ~ 19:27, 31 August 2008 (UTC)

I'm sane-ish. Getting used to a new job and still having a complex bug related to .js no-one seems to be able to even improvise a fix to. Nuthin' special, so to say. *hugs* -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 07:14, 1 Sep

Hay Jew

Get on IRC some time. — Sir Manticore 08:59, 30 August 2008 (UTC)

You got any special discounts today? ~ 09:01, 30 August 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: August 28th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!

August 28^th, 2008 • SEVENTEENTH ISSUE SPECTACULAR • Word to your mother

Porn Wars End in Sticky Truce By Regret Tenenbaum At exactly 10:28 pm (UTC), Sir Led Balloon did the honors of emblazoning a golden '1000' in the count to a million project, a true milestone on the journey to seven-digit greatness. Another user celebrated by gracing the page with an unprecedented one-thousand-and-one pixel high "1001", which was quickly taken down. The user was, needless to say, embarrassed, yet happy that the uncouth horde of devoted Uncyclopedians had finally reached the number 1000, as such a milestone had not been reached since the number 100 and the end of the Porn Wars. On that note, the Porn Wars ended earlier this week with a tentative truce between Commander Jailbait and General Pervert. The war began the week before, when Regret posted a pin-up girl to balance Orian's photo of a scantily-clad male, claiming he was "bringing balance back to the universe." Regret also stated he would "fight to the death"... or at least until Leddy stepped in, this time to call a "three-pornstuffs rule", which eventually ended the erotic feud. Meth, a constant editor on the forum, said "'twas a fortunate day for all under 18." Still, even with peace returning to the forum, not all is well in the land of counting. On the subject of reaching 1000, one dissenting user said: "Perhaps we should seriously consider stopping there. I mean that would be 1/1000 of the goal! Imagine doing this whole thing, 1000 times. That would mean 3000 archives, give or take." To which another user responded, "unfortunately for you, Nobody cares." Nevertheless, as long as there are users with nothing better to do, the Forum will always trudge on, giving Uncyclopedians something with which to kill thirty seconds, and also giving UnSignpost reporters something to write about. Lack of cure for testicular cancer kills 100 Uncyc members By Methamphetamine Uncycloversity members are still failing to find a cure for our previously mentioned testicular cancer, and to date, 100 people have died of said cancer. When nobody died, some user said it was a rumor made by some other user to piss us all off, right before clutching his balls in pain and dropping dead. Within an hour, about 16 more people died a cancer-related death. A live update shows that 105 users are now dead. You could be next! Don't panic, that'll make you die faster. Regret Tenenbaum, the user who originally warned of the disease, had this to say: "I TOLD YOU SO!" to which he added "Na-nanana-nanana!" The death toll is expected to reach into the thousands, with no end in sight. A memorial was set up earlier today to remember the dead, with one number added for every fallen Uncyclopedian. With fear and panic filling the hearts of users everywhere, there is one question that is on everyone's mind: "WHY GOD, WHY?!" Another live update show that 200 people have now died, and out of those, 10 people killed themselves in anxiety. Remember to always feel your testicles with your fingers. That's right. It helps prevent the cancer from reproducing.

Check out these pages! VOTE VOTE VOT Everyone tell Cajek what they've been up to Who is the man behind Uncyc's curtain? The truth about wikia's staff! From our logs: 05:22, 20 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 12.219.249.248 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 days, 14 hours, 15 minutes, 93 seconds ‎ (Blanking Africa does not make it go away.) 20:45, 24 August 2008 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Norwich (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (and you're an annoying cuntfluff) 09:39, 26 August 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 93.190.63.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (o hai, no blank plz. kthxbai.) 00:41, 27 August 2008 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) huffed My balls (content was: 'Sweaty and hot.') Biopic of the Week TheLedBalloon - Feature machine and Star Wars aficionado, Uncyc's resident hockey expert has come a long way from his humble beginnings. Seeming to appear on talk pages where there is conflict brewing as if there was some giant balloon signal silhoutted against the clouds, Led's recent oppage ensures that he has the tools to keep Uncyc as most excellent as possible. Old-school featured article of the week Five-time World RiskTM Champion Napoleon Bonaparte was a man of great stature. He enjoyed many military victories, revolutionizing armed combat. He rose to the rank of Emperor, and came closer than any diabolical supervillian has (before or since) to conquering the world. Unfortunately, nobody took him seriously because he was short. This Week's Horoscopes NOW UPDATED FOR WEEK OF 8/25/08 Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) - Think long and hard before misdirection-linking to the Uncyclopedia article on Penis, as it could result in stiff competition between you and other members of your unit. see more horoscopes

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

–—Hv (talk) 30/08 20:08

Thank you Mordillo

I appreciate that but don't worry my mind is quite at ease anyway. --Narcissus Black 23:21, 31 August 2008 (UTC)

Hey. I'm new to this and I'm kinda a ..... noob(there, I said it). Could you please help me? thanks.

The dark prince 16:03, 1 September 2008 (UTC)

Thanks for replying!

I was hoping you'd drop in on this User:The dark prince/Article about stuff page any time you can and give me your honest opinion. I'd be writing stuff in there pretty darn soon. And am I allowed to write stuff about myself on my user page?(seems like an awfully stupid question to me too - but just trying to be sure)

Quick question: When I make a heading in the article, does it automatically add a link to the contents part of the article?

Thanks.

The dark prince 20:57, 1 September 2008 (UTC)

So, writing about yourself is, generally, discouraged. We have very limited articles which refer to specific authors, and only for well known editors in the site. So for now, I'd try to avoid it. The table of contents is automatically added every time you have three headings and onwards. As for the link you left, let me know when you have anything there. You can also post it here. I will be away for several days, but I'll reply when I'm back. ~ 21:26, 1 September 2008 (UTC)

Thanks. I won't be writing stuff about me - except a few quotes I came up with. I'll use that link as soon as I am done with the article. I did add something to my user page though. check it out when you are free The dark prince 10:07, 2 September 2008 (UTC)

Just to drop in (I'm Mordillo's son - not in real life, in virtual life) but you are allowed to write about yourself on your userpage, if you want to, but otherwise pretty much avoid it. And Mordillo, where art thou going? I demandeth to know! - [10:29 2 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

An educated guess would be: honeymoon. It being his wedding today and all. Join me in raising a glass to the happy union of Mr and Mrs Dillo. --UU - natter 10:52, Sep 2

Ahhh! Of course! Unfortunately all my glasses are actually plastic...due to a series of unfortunate events. But I'll be happy to raise a plastic to Mr and Mrs Dillo! - [10:54 2 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

haha - okay "junior". Thanks to you too. I extend an invite to you to comment and criticize. I have signed my entries to the DYN section. Feel free to ridicule(and maybe praise it - just a lil atleast). The dark prince 10:46, 2 September 2008 (UTC)

Will do. In the mean time I see you want adoption, Mr. Prince. What do you say, do you wanna me Mordillo Junior Junior? It'll be fun...I'll let you stay up all night! - [10:50 2 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Adoption

I wasn't sure how else to contact you so i did it here (that and for teh lulz)...

adopt me? --Tha Ilest...! 17:34, 2 September 2008 (UTC)

I think the great Mordilloman is away, I'm afraid. - [18:09 2 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

So should I find another person or wait for him? --Tha Ilest...! 21:42, 2 September 2008 (UTC)

Depends - what do you need help with? The Dark Prince 22:14, 2 September 2008 (UTC)

I was tryna get adopted... I heard bout it in my talk. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Epidemikk (talk • contribs)

Ytty is right - mr. mordilloman IS away. But I hear mr.ytty is adopting. The Dark Prince 08:01, 3 September 2008 (UTC)

Ytty....heh, that's a new one. Hello, Epidemikk, I'm happy to offer adoption. I'm Mordillo Junior. - [08:23 3 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Oh, I'm sorry. What do you prefer to be called as? The Dark Prince 08:25, 3 September 2008 (UTC)

You can call me what you like. In the beginning I was "YTTE" (coined by Cajek) and recently - partly due to Orian57 - I have become "Yettie". Well not too recently. - [09:03 3 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Okie. And by the way, I'm going to be done with the article on Death pretty soon. How do I get some one to review it and get the "warning - this page sucks and is going to be deleted pretty darn soon" status removed? The Dark Prince 09:59, 3 September 2008 (UTC)

My first thoughts on the article are this: Far, far too many quotes and far, far too many lists. You can submit it to Pee Review via the little submit box at the bottom. However, be prepared to get a not-too-positive review. Don't worry, all first few articles aren't stunning. - [10:02 3 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

10-4. I actually wanted to talk to you about the quotes thing. I did remove quite a lot of quotes but a certain someone un-did a few a the changes, saying that it was, in fact, funny. I would love to remove 'em again but I don't really

want to get into an argument. Any advice O holy one?(*Sits on some sofa eating some pie*) The Dark Prince 10:08, 3 September 2008 (UTC)

The box thingy wasn't supposed to be there. what the hell just happened?! The Dark Prince 10:10, 3 September 2008 (UTC)

Simple, you started a new line, and did so with a space. You must have hit the enter key while typing or something. Anyway, why not take this conversation to Yettie's talk page so Mordillo doesn't return to a page full of chat that doesn't concern him? --UU - natter 10:13, Sep 3

I was just going to say that. Or, we could just say Mordillo at the beginning and end of every sentence... - [10:19 3 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Community thingy

I was starting a community for uncyclopedia on this social networking site orkut and was wondering if you were interested to join, or not. Figured it would attract more users, and hence more articles. Do tell me if you give a rat's ass. bye The Dark Prince 07:53, 3 September 2008 (UTC)

Why not post something about this at the Village Dump Forum? - [08:14 3 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

10-4. The Dark Prince 10:34, 3 September 2008 (UTC)

What does 10-4 mean? Oh and we can continue this discussion at your talkpage, okay? - [10:40 3 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Please adopt me!

I am an adowable n00b! Pwease adopt me! I need a big stwong administwator to pwotect me! And help me edit stuff!!!!!!!!! I will wov you forwever and ever if you adopt me!!!! wots of wov JeNkIn (lol cheese) xxxxxx

Hey! You sound cool. Anyway, see above in the "Adoption" section...Mordillo is kinda away for a while, so I'm covering for him. Not too long, though. Can I help? - [20:06 4 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Should I twy the other adopters? JeNkIn (lol cheese) 07:51, 5 September 2008 (UTC)

I'm another adopter, here to help. Unfortunately I'm not an admin...but that's a better thing, cause it means I don't have to wallow around in the filth of vandals and the like, and therefore have more time for my lovely, alcoholic children. Wanna be adopted? - [15:55 5 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

I would wov to be adopted!!!!!! JeNkIn (lol cheese) 17:29, 5 September 2008 (UTC)

I'm Out - blame the pixies!

Hi Mordillo hope you're good. Cute movie by the way, reminds me of poster I once had. Enny hoo. This is just to say byzee-bye, auf widersehen, cheerio and tara from Uncyclopedia. No hard feelings etc, but my Article entitled "The Real Stoke on Trent" appears to have been deleted. Not a problem. However, when I checked the deletions list, it became apparent that four hyperactive little pixies, to wit "Under User", "Sir Sycamore", "Mr Monkey" and "Dexter 11134" seem this weekend to have gone on a bit of a gratuitous deletion spree. I don't mind at all, I only wrote the article as bit of a laugh, and I know for a fact that it's been linked and circulated among exiled Stoke on Trent folks in Canada, the US, New Zealand and Finland, so has probably brought a few more readers to Uncyclopedia.

If these users are administrators or have some responsibility in running the site well, okay, I'm still a bit pissed off but that's how it is. If they AREN'T, it genuinely does bug me that the article appears to have been torpedoed on the say-so of four ordinary members with the critical faculties of a small bowl of cranberry jelly who get off on flexing their mightily-muscled deleting fingers.I thought this sight was for fun, if it's going to turn into some kind of cyber-playground where I can get slapped around and humiliated by a bunch of braying arseholes, then I'm out. There's probably a long list of contributors who had their articles deleted by the Flatulent Four at the same time who probably feel the same and I honestly don't blame them.

So I'm off. Thanks for everything. It's been fun, but I don't anticipate returning. Cheers Moriarty 79 x

My Input: One, Uncyclopedia and many other wikis (I may add) pride themselves on allowing its users to partly make decisions in votes (you know...like the things they use to elect presidents and prime ministers, all over the world in many democratic nations?). Also those users you named happen to be very experienced users, or very good writes themselves. UU's been around for ages, and knows a thing about humour. This site is for humour and fun. But just because it's a humour wiki doesn't mean anything sticks and that quality isn't strictly monitored. This is clearly outlined in a load of places. Just because we do humour, doesn't mean we have low standards. And a honest, friendly suggestion... Some articles that don't really fit onto Uncyclopedia may fit well onto sites such as Illogicapedia. Why not go and investigate? - [21:31 7 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

My input (far more important than YTTE's since I'm one of the "pixies"): One, there is no space between "Dexter" and "111344". It's all one word, "Dexter111344". Two, I've been here since 2006. I've earned the right to not be called a "pixie". Third, ???. Fourth, PROFIT! --MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 21:36, 7 September 2008 (UTC)

Perhaps the point which may have been missed here is that those articles which were deleted were all voted for deletion by the community as a whole. It's not about an one user in particular. We are relatively democratic and do like everyone to have their say. I'm not an administrator either... However if you do wish to stick around Moriarty (I really hope you do) I'm sure that Mordillo or another admin will be very happy to bring the deleted articles back from the dead for you. He will be able to move a copy to your userspace where you will be able to work on them for as long as you wish. When you think they are ready, check with Mordillo, and if they are improved enough he will let you move them into the mainspace. On a side note Moriarty, I know it can sometimes feel that you are being singled out... PLEASE don't think that. That's not how we roll on Uncyclopedia. Your articles just happened to be in the firing line on this occasion. I hope you don't leave. MrN 21:46, Sep 7

Wow I'm part of the flactulant four! — Sir Sycamore (talk) 13:01, 10 September 2008 (UTC)

Hey Jude(n)

Mazel tov and lek'haim on the wedding, old buddy... sorry I haven't managed to catch up with you recently. Drop me an email and tell me how things are. The missus and I are also contemplating a Eurobreak sometime in October, and your fair city is one of those on the list - how are you fixed around then? Answers on a postcard... -- Sir Codeine K·H·P·B·M·N·C·U·Bu. · (Harangue) 12:44, 10 September 2008 (UTC)

Hey! I was meaning to send an email apologizing for being an ass lately, and to completely missing out on our summer holiday planning. October sounds good, I'll drop you an email. ~ 12:49, 10 September 2008 (UTC)

Just out of curiosity, when you guys meet up in meatspace, do you use human names or internet names? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 20:00, Sep 10

We use female names. I call him Claudette. ~ 20:07, 10 September 2008 (UTC)

Hey there sexy!!

I was thinking about you when I took this picture, you big hunk of man-flesh!

Hi there, gorgeous! I think it's time I stopped stealing glances at your sexy profile and came and properly introduced myself! Hee-hee!

My name is Adina Abramowicz. That's right! A.A., and I'm sure you'll be giving me an A+ after we meet! Hee-hee! On Uncyclopedia, I edit under the screen name User:Inebriated. My hobbies include writing quality articles like Gauche and the now-deleted "Tits or GTFO", and running my hands through your thick, curly hair.

I heard you might have a tiny problem with your lack of sexy redhead admins, baby! Well, I can make that problem go away for you, sexy. I can make all your problems go away.

So cum chat me up on my talk page, you ravishing little devil, you, and we can talk all about when I can start making all those nasty vandals disappear from this site!

Love you, babe!

XOXO Inebriated 03:11, 11 September 2008 (UTC)

Wow. Even I was arroused there slightly. Or maybe it's down to the vigra I took. I heard it makes masturbation funner. I was lied to. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 03:15 11 September 2008

Adina Abramowicz?! That's a name proper for my grandmother! I'm afraid I cannot possibly be with someone who reminds me of my grand mother. Also, weren't you infinibanned? ~ 07:24, 11 September 2008 (UTC)

Cheers

Thanks man. I may be on over the next couple of days, but I can't be sure, so I'll say tatty byes for now, and a final good morning (even though it's the afternoon for me) to be going on with. See you next month! --UU - natter 11:22, Sep 12

Come back soon! ~ 11:23, 12 September 2008 (UTC)

Probably would find out about this one but

...since I'm (relatively) lazy I'll ask you. How do articles end up in the Recent articles list on front page? Multiliteralist 08:34, 13 September 2008 (UTC)

By clicking this magic link!. BTW, you might want to check UN:SIG. ~ 09:05, 13 September 2008 (UTC)

Yes, that's what I figured - only, the page is locked to prevent editing (easy to see the reason, I admit). Multiliteralist 12:17, 13 September 2008 (UTC) ...so, I cannot add anything to it. The signature bit is OK, I'd make one, but eh - not so interested in working out the code bit. Is there someone whose sig is so simple I can readily see how to edit it to make up my own? Multiliteralist 13:05, 13 September 2008 (UTC) Nothing about the signature any more, got it settled. By the way, I erased the welcome message since I had read it etc. and then I saw some admin real angry about someone else having done so. Will I be punished?--Multiliteralist 13:25, 13 September 2008 (UTC)

Yes got the SIG bit working, thanks for the tip.-- Style  Guide 13:32, 13 September 2008 (UTC)

As for the recent articles template, it's locked for registered users. So, you have to be logged in to edit it. Also, if you've just registered a couple of days ago, it takes a few days before you can edit semi-locked pages. Give it a try again tomorrow or the next day. You sig looks good! And I don't think you'll be punished for clearing your own talk page, unless that specific admin had too much to drink that day :) ~ 16:08, 13 September 2008 (UTC)

OK - it's not as if I want punishment... -- Style  Guide 17:45, 13 September 2008 (UTC)

WHOOPEE!

I'm unblocked. I enjoyed reading your edit summary when you blocked me by the way Mordy, though I hardly deserved to be. Might I ask what you meant by "You will stop an narcissus"? I didn't quite get that part. --Narcissus Black 00:28, 14 September 2008 (UTC)

Mainly this, recreating a page that was deleted five times, one of these after being voted for deletion is a bit over the top. ~ 10:02, 14 September 2008 (UTC)

Have you seen how many times High School Musical has been deleted? It makes my head hurt. --Narcissus Black 10:33, 14 September 2008 (UTC)

Created by different individuals, some of them actually trying to put some content into the article. As for the Narcissus - here is your answer. ~ 15:42, 14 September 2008 (UTC)

Oh, I see. You were calling me a narcissist. What gave you that impression? --Narcissus Black 17:38, 14 September 2008 (UTC)

Your attitude. ~ 19:58, 14 September 2008 (UTC)

Yes, I suppose I do have something of an imperious air of haughty arrogance about me don't I. --Narcissus Black 22:16, 14 September 2008 (UTC)

Psst

Hey, you. You're an admin, right? I heard it from a guy. Don't ask me who. I protect my sources, man. There are a couple of articles I'd like you to restoar, if you don't mind:

1. Uncyclopedia:Pee_Review/The_Lorax_(again) I put this on QVFD because the queue for Pee Review was too long, and I thought I was going to get enough feedback from VFH to keep going. Instead, the cabal met me with overwhelming apathy and not a bloody single reason given for against votes or even abstains, so it looks like I'll need this after all. If you restore this, maybe it will look as old as the day it was deleted so it will be further ahead in the queue. I have no respect for anyone who's waiting before me, you see.
2. Could you send yourmometer to my userspace, please? I remember liking that one.

Also, how do I sign my messages? Kthx. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Syndrome (talk • contribs)

Done and done. And if you ask me again about sigs, I'll throw the red tilde at you. ~ 07:21, 16 September 2008 (UTC)

Thank you. Expect a slew of humor at the expense of your mom shortly. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 14:54, 16 September 2008 (UTC)

My mom complies. ~ 15:00, 16 September 2008 (UTC)

Vandal

Vandalism in progress. Proxima Centauri 13:18, 16 September 2008 (UTC)

I second that, please block this idiot. Have cleaned up so far but the guy is still at it. NaturalBornKieler (talk) 13:37, 16 September 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: September 11th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

September 11^th, 2008 • Nineteenth Issue • All your readers are belong to us

Uncyclopedia celebrates 9/11 By Cajek 8 years ago, America was attacked or something. Uncyclopedians, who are true patriots, celebrated the eighth anniversary in true American fashion: by doing mostly nothing of interest to anyone but themselves. The UnSignpost devoted nine-hundred-eleven minutes of silence to the event Thursday by not even bothering to send itself out. "The Unsignpost was there nine years ago during those super not-kewl terrorist attacks," said chief writer Gerrycheevers. "I wasn't part of the staff then, so I promise that, in the 911th issue, we will devote a whole article to the events of that frabjuous day." In the 911th year of publication, the Unsignpost promises to dedicate the whole issue to 9/11 and those rascally terrorists. "We've already got 911 stories lined up for publication!" said staff photographer Larry. "It's too bad we have to wait so long to get them to the public, but that's what happens when you honor a holiday like this the way you're SUPPOSED to." Uncyclopedia's main page was 11/9-themed for the occasion. When Mordillo and Spang were alerted that nothing interesting happened on November ninth, 2001, Larry, Mordillo's public relations officer, claimed that "it [didn't] matter: One date is the same as the next. Why don't you Unsignpost people shut the hell up? Oh, and uh, I won't be able to come in Monday: it's my sister's wedding." Other wikis in cyberspace exist, and therefore did things relating to 9/11. Conservapedia, a conservative parody of Uncyclopedia, celebrated by drawing figures of Mohammed on their private nuclear stockpile. Legopedia celebrated by informing the public of Lego's new action series: 9/11: the Suckiest Thing Ever. Jengapedia honored the fallen by sponsoring a 911 minute championship Jenga competition. Liberalpedia, on the other hand, did nothing of any consequence. >:( FUCK YOU LIBERALS!! FUCK YOUUUU!!!! The Unsignpost would like to print a retraction of it's 47th issue from September 11th, 2001, wherein the terrorist attacks were called "super-kewl" and the terrorists themselves hailed as heroes. Those responsible have been sacked. Conservation Week Returns! By Gerrycheevers Conservation Week, also known as 'Rewrite-a-thon' or 'De-crap-ification', is upon our community once again. Twice a year, Uncyclopedians band together to clean out the weeds and squirrel corpses from promising trees found in the rewrite category, among other places. Due to the retirement of co-founder Jocke Pirat and quasi-inactiveness of co-founder THE, another user has stepped in with promises to annoy every user until they rewrite at least one article. That user shall remain anonymous. Opening day for this well-liked, popular, and intriguing event is Monday the 15th. The winner of the competition will receive the Greasy Mechanic Award for having rewritten the most articles in the two-week competition. Past winners include THE and Jocke Pirat. Be sure to participate early so as to avoid annoying requests to "rewrite an article, you lazy git!" The event has thrown into sharp relief the lack of Uncyclopedia events, or the excess of Uncyclopedia events, depending on who you ask. Ideas like Forest Fire Week and Everyone Edit A Ton Of Articles Week have not received much support, but may be enacted in the future to keep ADD-riddled Uncyclopedians something to do for five minutes. RC takes home NotM By Gerrycheevers After years of fruitless nominations, Rcmurphy has finally won n00b of the Month. The announcement came last week, when none of the three candidates fufilled the requirements necessary for winning the n00by. It seemed the two new users had both failed to write an article, and So So did not meet the main n00bishness requirement. Since there was no clear winner, the award went to Rc by Rule 4.1, Clause 3 of the NotM eligibility guidelines. As far as the NotM badge itself, it was initally placed on So So's userpage. After relenquishing the honor to Rcmurphy, So So proceeded to foul the badge and offer it to the user who wanted it the most. After the planned Panel of Penis Monkeys from Outer Space cancelled, a phone-in contest was held, in which Colin "All your base" Heaney dominated the competiton. He took home the badge and now proudly displays the feces-ridden merit on his userpage. In a related story, Rcmurphy is up for NotM yet again. However, he is facing stiff competition from W.T. Door, a U.S. Navy seamen who spends his time swabbing decks, battoning down hatches, and writing cool stuff.

Check out these pages! More fanmail from celebrities Responding response VF...R? From our logs: 22:25, 5 September 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 90.130.4.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Disliking the Matrix.) 06:19, 9 September 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.240.72.222 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Oh, please. My grandmother could take down the US Military if she so desired.) 11:07, 11 September 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 125.27.19.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (The cabal cartel deems you unworthy for further edits.) Biopic of the Week Adored by his hordes of fans, Cajek can usually be found in the 'ban room'. Uncyc's fifth-most featured author, one can argue that he has revolutionized the wiki with his unique writing style. His regulation of Pee Review and founding of this very periodical are among the many ways he has somehow managed to contribute to the site between his bans. Old-school Featured Article of the Week Perhaps the most feared out of any of the creatures that walk the Earth, the Gazebo is as lethal as it is deadly. Known for their excellent camouflage and for being extremely protective of their young (pictured), humans can only hope to never encounter one of these legendary beasts in their lifetime. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Cancer (June 22 - July 22) - There is travel in your future followed by a lack of travel, followed by very slow travel. Things you'll be sitting in include sports car, hospital bed and electric wheelchair controlled by a blow tube. see more horoscopes Retraction of the Week Last issue we claimed that people from Eurasia are "subhuman scum". We would like to make a hasty retreat from this. Those responsible have been promoted and reassigned, against all the wishes of God and man. I'M LOOKING AT YOU, GERRY!! Re-retraction of the Week Last week we retracted our claim that "all mammals, including humans, should be killed and stockpiled for the coming nuclear winter." We would like to retract that retraction for reasons that can't be given in full in this issue. EDITOR'S NOTE: Look for a full explanation in about four issues VFD Survivor of the Week Movie Of Lady Whose Ankle Is Showing is pornography film set for release in the summer of 2009. Not since Keira Knightley In A White Corset And Kate Beckinsale In A Black One has producer/director Robot Thomas Edison so brilliantly captured handicap fetishes or William Shatner's Jewishness. Starring Paris Hilton as Dickin Mymouth, Rosie O'Donnell as Your Mother, and William Hung as Tingle the Magical Flying Aardvark of Justice, this is one film that is sure to captivate audiences worldwide. Sabbatical of the Week Under user has gone to some hemisphere other than his own, possibly the bottom one. We here at the UnSignpost wish him a trip free of kangaroo attacks, drop bear maulings, swarms of dozens and dozens of scorpions, and the various other pleasentries from down under.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

— MantiBot Owner 11:08, 17 September 2008 (UTC)

Say

Hey, Mordillo. I'm going to have to get back to you about that. It's been a long time since I listened to that audio, and I don't remember it clearly. I'd listen to it now, but my sound card is on the fritz, so I'll listen tomorrow at the computer lab at uni, and get back to you. --Cap'n Sir Ben GUN WotM VFH VFP 15:16, 17 September 2008 (UTC)

Not too urgent really, just curious. ~ 15:17, 17 September 2008 (UTC)

"Why did you huff me?" Part Deux

HEy Mordillo, why did you just huffed my page on SourceForge? Perhaps it was'nt going along your sense of humour, but I feel it's quite unfair to completely remove it, especially since it was my very first Uncyclopedia page. I expected users to actually improve pages rather than just drop them in the trash bin. Why so harsh? – Preceding unsigned comment added by Christhi (talk • contribs)

You had an expired ICU tag on it, and it did need some work which I felt wasn't put into it since the tag was placed. If you'd like, I can restore it to your own space and you can work on it further before moving it back to the main space. ~ 11:34, 18 September 2008 (UTC)

Ok. Well I guess you were just kinda applying the ICU policy... But that's ok I accept your generous offer, and I'll try to make it more Uncyclopedia-like before publishing it (although nobody told me what did I had to improve, aside from the funnyness of the first paragraph, which I updated).

Thanks – Preceding unsigned comment added by Christhi (talk • contribs)

here it is. You can place it here to get feedback if you feel you'd like some. Good luck. ~ 09:17, 20 September 2008 (UTC)

בוט

שלום, אני משתמש דולי מאיןציקלופדיה. אשמח אם תוכל להפנות אותי לדף בקשת רשיון בוט (אמור להיות בפורום אם אני לא טועה). תודה,

Yelod 18:00, 19 September 2008 (UTC)

הי דולי, מה נשמע? דגל בוט מתקבל באמצעות בקשה לSTAFF. נראה לי הכי יעיל להשאיר הודעה לSANNSE או בדף השיחה שלה פה או בויקיה עצמה. דבר איתי אם אתה לא מסתדר. בהצלחה. ~ 21:19, 19 September 2008 (UTC)

טוב, תוודה רבה. Yelod 21:47, 19 September 2008 (UTC)

50!

Either you blocked me or you unblocked me, whoever you are: and for oneor both of those, you deserve some sort of award. /me waits for someone to give Mordillo an award... Weeeellll??? Give him an award!   Le Cejak • <0:42, 20 Sep 2008>

It's about time!!!! I had to wait here on the interwebs for like, 5 minutes! It's scary there! Anyway, even though MrN was late with the award, I still say you deserve it for banning me 50 times, Mordillo. Thank you. Thank. You.   Le Cejak • <0:59, 20 Sep 2008>

Actually, I think I was on the unbanning side most of the time, but I have no issue at all changing sides if you'd like me to! ~ 09:13, 20 September 2008 (UTC)

Templates

Hi, if I cook up a template, how to save it (and so forth if any)? -- Style  Guide 10:00, 20 September 2008 (UTC)

You create is as a normal article but you name it like this:[[template:mytemplate]]. After that, you use it as any template: {{mytemplate}}. ~ 10:12, 20 September 2008 (UTC)

Thanks!

-- Style  Guide 16:51, 20 September 2008 (UTC)

made up a template

This article has a deep, secret meaning.

---

To understand it properly, you must perform a secret rite.

You will know when the time comes. You will know.

---

- if you find a use for it (like swishing articles labeled with it to conspiracy category) you're welcome to edit it. -- Style  Guide 19:13, 20 September 2008 (UTC)

HA-HAA, you've been BLOCKED!

(Captain Obvious on Mordillo being blocked) It seems there is justice in the world. Ooh, the irony. --Narcissus Black 14:54, 22 September 2008 (UTC)

How to:Use Construction Templates

HowTo:Create a parallel universe looks cool. I took the liberty of puting construction template onto it so others don’t mess with it. I hope that was OK. Sorry to trouble you. I know you are busy. Proxima Centauri 17:53, 22 September 2008 (UTC)

Sure, and don't worry about "bothering me", I'm here to help. And to collect protection money. ~ 19:05, 22 September 2008 (UTC)

Hi from désencyclopédie

Greetings from Camembert-sur-Merde

Thanks for the message. As we have a lot of translated articles from Uncyclo, it's just en attempt to have a balance. And to conquer the world. Many admins from désencyclopédie are already conspiring against you. Watch your snails. Pattalong Nuculaire 11:05, 24 September 2008 (UTC)

I hid all my frogs as well. Merci bien for the fart! ~ 14:13, 24 September 2008 (UTC)

This is what fooled me...

"...or you can log in again as the same or as a different user." So I naturally thought anyone may have as many nicks as they want to. Is this a secret device to catch a noob? -- Style  Guide 11:09, 24 September 2008 (UTC)

Where is that from? ~ 14:14, 24 September 2008 (UTC)

It's from the logout dialog. -- Style  Guide 18:01, 24 September 2008 (UTC)

Ah! I'll look it up the mediawiki files tomorrow. Thanks for the heads up. ~ 20:41, 24 September 2008 (UTC)

|\|008 looking for adoption Silentspring 17:22, 24 September 2008 (UTC)

Be warned, before adoption... Mordillo has a teddy bear fetish. That is all. - [17:24 24 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

I'm certainly old enough to be adopted all right. -- Style  Guide 18:03, 24 September 2008 (UTC)

Do you wanna be adopted, Mr. Literalist? Cause I'm down for whatever... he he he... - [18:30 24 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Adopt me?

Oskrawr is in need of adoption. Would you take pity on that foo, and adopt him?

OK, all potential adoptees, list your name here again please. I got all confused now. Yettie, you afraid of having little brothers? Stop stealing candidates off my talk page! ~ 20:39, 24 September 2008 (UTC)

He he...sorry...just trying to make you look even older than you already are. You know how many granchildren you have? And you're about to have another... - [21:40 24 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Oskrawr wishes to be adopt? Do you has.

Hey, Oskrawr, remember to sign everything you say on talkpages and forums with four tildes (~~~~), which will generate link to your userpage and the date. Also, why not let me adopt you? Seriously, surveys have shown that Yettie adopties have a 50% higher chance of being NXWave 100% chance of being cooler... (oh shit). And to Mordillo: :P. - [16:58 25 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Seriously Yettie, this is not funny anymore. When users would like to be adopted by you, they'll drop you a line. ~ 17:40, 25 September 2008 (UTC)

Sorry. /me backs off It's just I like soliciting for stuff. Anyway, Oskrawr, please ignore me. - [17:42 25 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

You can kidnap me back

There's no reason you should, I'm perfectly happy as Yettie's adoptee - but he stole me from this page as you point out so - -- Style  Guide 21:30, 26 September 2008 (UTC)

Don't worry about it, if you're happy with Yettie, feel free to stay with him. he is a great guy - even though he runs a criminal organization. tsk tsk. ~ 09:00, 27 September 2008 (UTC)

WHORE ALERT! WhoreWatchDog

Oh man - that was so mean (sob)... My __ is ruined! -- Style  Guide 10:23, 28 September 2008 (UTC)

Hey :)

I'm glad you saw that :) In reference to your post on my talk page from 5 months ago :) <3 --Maj Sir Insertwackynamehere CUN VFH VFP Bur. CMInsertwackynamehere | Talk | Rate 03:01, 30 September 2008 (UTC) PS: Not dead, just not as active on the site

I'm not sure who you are, but you certainly need to reacquaint yourself with Uncyclopedia, posthaste! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 03:14, Sep 30

He's one of our legendary admins! ~ 09:02, 30 September 2008 (UTC)

Oh oops

Did that actually block you? Sorry, man! -- Sir Codeine K·H·P·B·M·N·C·U·Bu. · (Harangue) 16:47, 30 September 2008 (UTC)

I have no idea how that actually blocked me! :) Bloody mediawiki! ~ 16:48, 30 September 2008 (UTC)

Shana Tova

...to you, also. 'Tis good to be back! RabbiTechno 10:16, 2 October 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: October 3rd, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!

October 2^nd, 2008 • ALL-KITTEN ISSUE • Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

Uncyclopedia's Name Changed By Cajek According to Wikia staff member Sannse, Uncyclopedia's advertising revenue is below expectations and must rename itself to appeal to the younger generation. "I think the problem is that 'Uncyclopedia' has lost its edge," Sannse said to a crowd of squirrels and kittens gathered around the Uncyclo-stables last Saturday, "...all of which is contained in its name." Older users, like Mordillo, the jew who secretly controls "Uncyc," and TheLedBalloon, who is an inanimate balloon, strongly petition for the name to stay the same. The Unsignpost couldn't be bothered to actually read the forum that Sannse created, but we're assuming that everyone's against changing the name to "Asparagus.org" or something. The name change will reflect the personalities and interests of every single contributor. "Yeah, Asparagus.org is gonna have to do until we figure out what would be a good name," Sannse yelled at a local gathering of squirrels in Uncyclopedia's break room. Many users have complained about the change, but not AsparagusSignPost, which has run into a little trouble with the law recently, and doesn't want to go back to jail by disobeying "the man" or causing "drama". Because, as we ALL know, some head writers have been banned a whole bunch of times for being "different". So to Asparagus.org we say: "Keep the funnies coming, unless someone is forecasting your doom again..." Uncyclopedia's Doom Forecasted By Gerrycheevers For the first time in over two weeks, the flaming death of this silly wiki has been predicted in some form. Last time it was that stain that looked puzzlingly like Jimbo Wales, the time before it was that bird that flew overhead. You know the one I mean. This time around, undead user Necropaxx has pointed out several recent disturbing trends that seem to mean only one thing: Uncyc is about to suffer its death throes. It seems this time that the demise of the wiki will also utterly destroy the souls of every one of the dozens of users who contribute here regularly. Tidings such as this have frightened new users such as September NotM Multiliteralist, who had his to say: "Oh no." Several of the signs that Uncyclopedia is doomed are unarguably true: VFP is stagnant due to the lack of Zombiebaron activity. The Pee Review queue is backed up worse than a public toilet after Cinco de Mayo. Modusoperandi seems to be malfunctioning, as he has dispensed with his usual biting wit in favor of just plain biting. It appears, in at least a few users' eyes, that Uncyc has "jumped the kitten". Lack of News Wreaks Havoc on UnSignpost By Regret Tenenbaum In an unprecedented press conference earlier this week, UnSignpost editor-in-chief Mr. Gerry Cheevers (the user, not the hockey player) admitted that "This week's issue is actually still a blank template", further stating "I've been swamped at work, and today developed cold-like symptoms." However, some experts disagree on the cause of an UnSignpost devoid of news. "There is an obvious explanation for the lack of gratifying news stories in the USP this week," said Mr. News Guy, the world-renowned news reporter, kitten enthusiast, and unicycle-fetish expert. "There is just no news to report on," he continued, to which the reporter we borrowed from UnNews responded "And what's causing this lack of news?" "That's just it! There's no news to report on!" "So... you're saying is, the reason there's no news is because there's no news?" "Exactly! And it's just a matter of time until some attention whore writes a stupid and redundant story on the fact that there's no news!" This story is dedicated to the memory of Mr. News Guy, whose body was recovered from the Los Angeles river the next day.

Check out these pages! Feature Kitten Huffing (Again)! Sarah Palin hates kittens Our kitten overlord returns, bearing a gift From our logs: 7:41, 20 September 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Just got back. Haven't banned Cajek in a month. Gotta get my fix. CLICK. Aaaaaah yeeeeeahhh. That's gooood shit.) 19:36, 21 September 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Reggie4 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (You have 2 cows. Both of them are banned.) 12:16, 23 September 2008 Cajek (Talk | contribs) blocked a kitten (Talk | contibs) with an expiry time of 4 hours (it's lonely in the ban room, i want a friend) 19:01, 24 September 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 207.236.90.177 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I tire of your actions. Begone, ye pointlessness, from yon wiki.) 06:59, 1 October 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.106.6.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Pro Cat-in-the-hat vandalism? I think the internet just hit a new low.) Biopic of the Week DJ Irreverent: HAS A LIL' KITTEN!!! Old School Featured Article of the Week Kitten Huffing is the newest form of street activity that is corrupting the youth of the nation. Your nation, that is. By ingesting kittens nasally, one can enjoy a euphoric 'high' of sorts, complete with snazzy colors and loss of motor skills. A prepped kitten awaiting huffing is pictured. Kitten huffing has spawned many parodies and non-existant memes, but the act of snorting live kittens is no joke. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Cancer (June 22 - July 22) - Enjoy the time you spend with your kitten this week because...um...just in case... see more horoscopes People with Kittens this week This guy. Sabbatical of the Week Zombiebaron has taken an extended leave to ease his undead mind and change out his forest-green blood. He may or may not be traveling to some of the most luxurious and tropical destinations that Canada has to offer. He may or may not still ban you while he is away. His sabbatical may or may not be kitten-related. Stay tuned to the UnSignpost for the latest developments on ZB's location.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

-- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 23:26, 3 October 2008 (UTC)

מקרה חירום!!!!

ינון השתגע והוא וחבורת מטורפים התחילו במחאה כנגד הפלצת הערך אלוהים. הוא מתכוון לפתוח בהליכים משפטיים לסגירת איןציקלופדיה. למרות שברור לכולנו שהוא לא יכול לעשות את זה, האתר צריך להבהיר לו שמה שהוא עושה רק הורס להכל, אני אשמח אם תוכל להסתכל על הדיונים, ואם אפשר, להביע את דעתך לגבי הדחתו של ינון. תודה, RAYcyclopedia ╬ talk - if the opposite of pro is con. then what is the opposite of progress? 14:47, 5 October 2008 (UTC)

אולי עכשיו יהיה אפשר להביע דיעה יותר בנוחות באיןציקלופדיה. אני חושב שכדאי שתנסה, מצידך, לשקם שם קצת את ההריסות ולהשכין שלום בין שאר המשתמשים ולא לנצל את ההזדמנות לסגור חשבונות. אבל באופן כללי - אני מקווה שפני האתר ישתנו לטובה. בהצלחה. ~ 14:04, 6 October 2008 (UTC)

אלוהים ברא את השמים ואת הארץ ובחר בנו מכל העמים. הכי פחות שאפשר לעשות לכבודו זה להפליץ לו את הערך באיןציקלופדיה.---Asteroid B612 (aka Rataube) - Ñ 16:35, 6 October 2008 (UTC)זה ממש מצחיק מה שהולך שם עכשיו, קודם כל, הוא נחסם, ושאר התומכים בהשמדת הערך אלוהים נרגעו, אבל הוא אמר שהוא מתכוון לפנות לרשויות השלטון הבין לאומיות כדי לטפל בזה והוא אמר שהוא יאיים על ויקיה שהוא יספר לכל העולם שיש אתר מטעם ויקיה שצוחק על אלוהים. אההההההההה!!!11 הצילו1!!! הוא רוצה להפוך את עצמו לבדיחה פרטית בין הסטאפים לשלושים השנים הבאות! אההה!!!1 RAYcyclopedia ╬ talk - if the opposite of pro is con. then what is the opposite of progress? 16:15, 7 October 2008 (UTC)

רשויות השלטוניות הבינלאומיות?!?! חשבתי שאנחנו היהודים שולטים בעולם?@ ~ 16:39, 7 October 2008 (UTC)

בדיוק, אבל מעל היהודים יש את הזן העליון של היהודים, זן שינון במקרה משתייך אליו... RAYcyclopedia ╬ talk - if the opposite of pro is con. then what is the opposite of progress? 17:44, 7 October 2008 (UTC)

double bubble trouble redirects

• I wrote an article in user space
• moved it to main space
• moved back to user space to rewrite
• moved back to main.

The redirect bit is confusing. What do I post to the page mentioned in the move dialog?

-- Style  Guide 19:47, 5 October 2008 (UTC)

Generally, when a redirect points to another redirect, this is called a double redirect. Meaning - it wouldn't go anywhere, it just goes to another redirect. You just need to post all of the unnecessary redirects on QVFD and problem solved! ~ 21:52, 5 October 2008 (UTC)

Cajek-shaped signal

Ah: It is you, my grampa! And tell me, what hilarious articles is thou working on, Mordillo? Something about the Jooz I presume?   Le Cejak • <5:12, 06 Oct 2008>

Which one is that? ~ 06:08, 6 October 2008 (UTC)

No, I'm just assuming that you're writing something interesting... I like assuming: It makes an ass out of you and I.   Le Cejak • <12:42 Oct 06, 2008>

I just like assess. ~ 12:45, 6 October 2008 (UTC)

You can assess me any time you want, sugarpants! (Feels good to talk to you again, Mordillo: hee hee)   Le Cejak • <12:49 Oct 06, 2008>

Well, you can blame yourself for not visiting sooner!I was just waiting here with my ass bare and all! ~ 12:52, 6 October 2008 (UTC)

Had A Look

OK, for what it's worth, I enjoyed what you'd done. I have to say that as I got to the end of the part you'd written, and scrolled down, my first thought was "how much of this is there?" and then I realised that's where your work stopped, and what you were asking about. So I'd say that leaving it there is the better option, as much more would be too much more.

Other thoughts: the first section of the Woodcutter (again) bit is a bit "block o' text" for my liking - I wouldn't change it as such, just add a line break at an appropriate point. (Blocks of text tending to put folks off and all). Also, when you're done and satisfied with it, give me another shout, and I'll run through and make some incredibly minor and pedantic linguistic tweaks (nothing major, just stuff that only bothers that language nerds. Like me).

I'm not sure how much feedback you want from me at this point. I like it as it stands, but I reckon a bit more polishing from your good self could make it shine still brighter. If you want me to be more specific about how and where, let me know. And now I'm going to haul my still somewhat jet-lagged bones to bed. Night! --UU - natter 20:21, Oct 6

Thanks UU, the most important thing I got out of it is - don't take it any further and finish it here, which is what I thought to do, just needed someone to pat me on the head and say - it's OK Mordillo, you don't really have a big head, all the other kids have a small one. ~ 16:52, 7 October 2008 (UTC)

Sorry I didn't get to the review last night - turns out Mrs UU had plans I was unaware of that involved me. I will get to it soon though - honest! --UU - natter 09:12, Oct 10

No worries. So what's her full name? Undera Usera? ~ 09:15, 10 October 2008 (UTC)

Real people

I’ve changed the names in UnNews:Fat kid farts. The older version features a school and names of pupils that could be real people. Proxima Centauri 13:22, 7 October 2008 (UTC)

Thanks Proxima, that was most certainly Cyberbullying. I deleted it, and the IP got spanked. ~ 16:42, 7 October 2008 (UTC)

Hey hey! Lazy arse for sale

Hey, er an admin needs to be updating this...my noob, the highly acclaimed recent NotM, with multiness, has lodged a complaint with me about it... Also popping bye to say...hi! Also can I interest you in my lazy arse? - [18:45 7 October] Sir FSt Don Yettie

You know you can babe... /grabs Yetties arse. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 20:31 7 October 2008

Ewww! Not in front of our dad! - [21:07 7 October] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Our!? XD You're sick. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 21:08 7 October 2008

Maybe I should go make babies with Leddy. - [21:13 7 October] Sir FSt Don Yettie

I was was wondering...

if we could have a chat on the IRC at some point?:) — Sir Sycamore (talk) 15:47, 8 October 2008 (UTC)

Sure, can do. Do you want to set a chat for later on today? ~ 16:58, 8 October 2008 (UTC)

I'm on now and I should be able to talk some time later, but no later than 10:30pm (here) as I have to haul my ass into uni tomorrow - I should also be able to be around on the IRC tomorrow afternoon:) — Sir Sycamore (talk) 17:07, 8 October 2008 (UTC)

Alright, I'll try to pop in in the next half hour. ~ 17:07, 8 October 2008 (UTC)

Prince George's County

Could you please restore this article and place a {{construction}} tag on top. I had to leave the computer and will fill out the article this evening so it is more than a stub. Thanks. Cheers!--Der Meister des Marionettes 17:08, 8 October 2008 (UTC)

Done. ~ 18:00, 8 October 2008 (UTC)

Is this up to standards? Cheers!--Der Meister des Marionettes 03:47, 9 October 2008 (UTC)

It's a bit short at the moment and needs a bit...imaginative content? How about tell about the history, geography, local attractions etc. Make it clear to people who don't know the place. ~ 19:05, 9 October 2008 (UTC)

Trees

I humbly present to you in all its beautiful glory...

Your Family

Tiger. - [17:05 9 October] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Oh! I married you? You know you didn't have to spike my drink to get me to do that, coulda just asked. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 17:10 9 October 2008

P.S. This kinda makes my relationship with RT a bit dodgy really... oh well. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 17:12 9 October 2008

Your "relationship" with RT has always been a bit...dodgy... - [17:13 9 October] Sir FSt Don Yettie

How so? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 17:16 9 October 2008

You're having a totally gay relationship with my totally straight son while trying to get into bed with me. SLUT! - [17:17 9 October] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Yeah well well if you weren't so possesive I wouldn't feel I needed to get out!!! And RT likes it. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 17:19 9 October 2008

He likes the sex bits, sure, but who wouldn't enjoy sex...even if they're having it with you. Actually sex with any member of the Royal family would be quite disturbing, but that's beside the point. He doesn't like the rape bits though, or the sex-related bits but most of all he hates the sex bits but rather enjoys the rape roleplay bits and the innuendo. But remember he really hates the Royal family! - [17:25 9 October] Sir FSt Don Yettie

That's bloody marvelous that is! :) So Qua is d. for Deceased? Why not e. for Evil Clone? ~ 19:03, 9 October 2008 (UTC)

What about me and your daughter? we got married and I never asked you for permission, although she never asked me for mine either... this whole family is messed up. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 20:45 9 October 2008

And none of you EVER thought of your progeny while twisting and mangling yourselves into these horrendous, UNBIBLICAL relationships with each other. I can feel some terrible, nameless complex growing inside of me like a nameless monster... an echtoplasmatic, titanic bulk of sheer revenge cannot type changing form -- Style  Guide 10:04, 10 October 2008 (UTC)

I'm disappointed that our relationship isn't officially recognised, not that of our offspring Mhadillo. Also, why do you never write to us anymore? -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

...We never really made our relationship official did we?! ~ 11:34, 10 October 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: October 10th 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper 4 out of 5 Dentists Agree On!

October 9^th, 2008 • Twenty-First Issue • Bursting with Crunchy Goodness!

Uncyclopedia Stock Plummets By Gerrycheevers Uncyclopedia stockholders are in a state of panic after shares of Uncyclomedia fell over 60% this week amid fears of a writing recession. "I just can't gamble on a rebound," said one investor as he carefully climbed out onto his window ledge overlooking Wall Street, perhaps seeking some fresh air. "With the current economic and comedic climate, and rumors of the destruction of the website, it looks like Uncyc Incorporated is about to fold." Other investors are slightly more optimistic. We ran into a smartly dressed woman in the Uncyc break room and were intrigued as to why a female would ever have enough confidence in the wiki to invest the large sum of one dollar bills she was counting. It turned out that she was a stripper, but we did eventually find someone who still had faith in the company. "There's so much more to the Uncyclopedia Empire than just the humor wiki," said confident money-man Chet Hardluck. "There's the kitten factory, the escort service, the games & sports division...and don't forget the world's largest boron-smelting plant!" When it was pointed out that these claims are in fact bollocks (except for the boron plant), Hardluck joined the queue of businessmen waiting their turn to get some frsh air on the suddenly popular ledge. The fate of the Uncyclopedia corporation remained unclear at press time. Some say that if Uncyc stock plummets through enough negative numbers, the stock will reset itself at zero, resulting in huge negative negative profits for those who bought the stock whilst it was negative. Uncyclopedia announces invasion of YouTube This week the first UnTunes was uploaded onto YouTube, the video sharing site so weighed down by copyright infringements that it certainly would not float in the tub. Our staff couldn't be bothered to watch the video, but we assume from the description of the foray that it is some sort of archival recordings of Oscar Wilde being awesome. The first upload began a series of incursions onto YouTube by all types of Uncyclopedians. Some made sense, such as article narrations and UnTunes. Some were questionable, such as the gangsta rap video by the usually timid Sycamore. But nearly 99% of all material in the 'Uncyclopedia' category is patent nonsense, such as a visualization of AAAAAAA!, faceoffs between George Bush & Kanye West and Steve Ballmer & various other injokes, and a 'don't blink contest' featuring Gert5 staring into a camera for nine hours.

Check out these pages! Be nice to n00bs! Poop management A modest proposal From our logs: 17:23, 4 October 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked AdamtheSpud (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Thou shalt not create stupid MySpace vanity; nor shalt thou spam links to it across the site, lest ye be smited) 02:00, 6 October 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 100100100 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Jesus rang. He hates you for blanking your neighbor's article. Also, he says he caught you mastrubating the other day. They're reserving a spot in the ninth circle of hell for you. Enjoy!) 23:50, 6 October 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.147.9.218 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(Excuse me my kind sir, but may I please ask of you what the fuck you're doing?) Biopic of the Week The Thinker is an Uncyclopedia powerhouse. He was last year's bestest writer and is the proud papa of 17 featured articles (and proud co-papa of a further 14). He has won numerous awards for his writing skills, journalistic style, and sexy baritone. His fame and fortune stem from his daily routine of cleansing the body and spirit. Old-School Featured Article of the Week The Swedish Orienteering And Firing A Rat From A Cannon Championships is an annual Swedish tradition dating back to simpler times, when the joy of launching rodents into a lake could light up the face of the young and old alike. However, protests and scandals have recently threatened this once-great occasion, and interest has dwindled to the point where the land of Sweden is once again littered with unlaunched rats.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

— Sir Sycamore (talk) 18:37, 10 October 2008 (UTC)

Cookie!

User:MMM has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

Yo, an Update!

D-Jumper (Be warned. It is VERY hard to get a cookie from him.) --MMM 23:20, 12 October 2008 (UTC)

n00b possible help

Hi. Major n00b here. I have been informed that I suck more than anyone to ever visit Uncyclopedia, so I thought perhaps it would help if I could be adopted. Just curious first though -- how does this work? What exactly happens when you're adopted? --NinjaFolk 00:01, 13 October 2008 (UTC)

Oh,Crap.

My Meta(person) Page got deleted before I could redirect it... That sucks for me. Could Ya' help me? Pretty Please? Pretty Please with a Scroll Dictating how to use the "Chaos Nova" on top? --MMM 15:25, 13 October 2008 (UTC)

Voila! and sign your posts Or I shall hit with a very large fish. ~ 14:58, 13 October 2008 (UTC)

THANK YOU!... I'll Bring a grill and some lemons. "Wow, this fanfiction is great!" NOT THAT KIND O' LEMON, YA' HOBO!... heh, oh, And I owe you a scroll dictating how to use My technique. Don't worry! :)--MMM 15:25, 13 October 2008 (UTC)

I shall not worry then! ~ 15:26, 13 October 2008 (UTC)

New Technique: Chaos Nova!

Okay, This technique is hard to execute...

Step 1: Build up your (Chaos-Type) Energy (recommended to learn to do this in under 1.332 seconds, since they may counterattack otherwise.)

Step 2: Use Chaos Control,(slows down time... a lot.) Get in front of them if you aren't already after doing so.

Step 3: OK, This is the hard part. Use the speed of a technique called the chestnut fist(30 punches per second) to whip up 8 Balls of Energy around the enemy.(1 sec per ball, Step 3.5: Don't forget to Infuse your fists with Energy, otherwise the spheres will not be formed)

Step 4: Use the "Bakusai Tenketsu"(Breaking Point) technique to make the balls unstable, and since they will rotate around the enemy's center of gravity, that will also become unstable.

Step 5: RUN LIKE HELL! this is the point at which Chaos control wears off, so if you don't run, then you're probably going to bump into Team Rocket. In Midair. Dead. Carrying a fish.

Step 6: Return in 5 seconds after running, if you're still alive.

Step 7: VICTORY DANCE AT THE SIGHT OF YOUR ENEMY'S DEAD CARCASS. YAY!!--MMM 16:03, 13 October 2008 (UTC)

Errr...thanks? ~ 17:18, 13 October 2008 (UTC)

...I Quote, "Pretty Please with a scroll dictating how to use the "Chaos Nova" on top?"--MMM 17:30, 13 October 2008 (UTC)

For being Jewish

Sycamore has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

emotionally, like a channel five afternoon film "I just thought you knew":) — Sir Sycamore (talk) 17:09, 14 October 2008 (UTC)

Redirects

So, you still in the process of cleaning up after that Imperator idiot, or should I go list all his redirects on QVFD? --UU - natter 08:09, Oct 15

Adopt a N00b

Please can you adopt me as a n00b, I need a bit of help to get going and i would relli appriciate ure help. Manadude2 20:07, 15 October 2008 (UTC)

Please can you adopt me as a n0ob, I need some tips from a master (plus I was lured by the promise of a fresher matress!) super neonface 20:04, 17 October 2008 (UTC

You're an Oscar Mayer wiener! --Jim10271949 02:35, 20 October 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: 21 October 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

All your readers are belong to us

October 16^th, 2008 • Twenty-Second Issue • Now with 40% more Batman!

Uncyc Users throw Support Behind Joe Plumber By Gerrycheevers Uncyclopedians today officially declared their undying allegience to Joe Plumber, a newcomer in the upcoming U.S. presidential election. Plumber was thrust into the spotlight last night at the second of many dreadfully boring presidential debates between those two or more candidates currently jockeying for the office. His name was mentioned no less than twenty-four dozen times by the candidates, with each claiming that Joe sided with him on issues such as healthcare, tax increases, and the 'Canada Problem'. One candidate even went so far as to claim that he and Plumber were 'buddies', and that Plumber installed a new bathtub in his palatial presidential candidate mansion last July. Several prominent Uncyclopedians spoke out in vehement support of Plumber, citing his many qualifications to be the leader of the free world. "He's a maverick in the plumbing industry," said staunch pro-Plumberer Colin "All your base" Heaney. "He also has a plan to live the American Dream, through the infinite wisdom of buying his own plumbing company. America needs dreamers, Gerry." Despite being asked to stop commenting, Heaney went on to say that Plumber "cleans people's pipes on a regular basis." Other supporters of Joe Plumber's campaign and platform included inanimate objects such as TheLedBalloon. "The most important thing to know about Joe Plumber is that he is AMERICAN, in bold italics underlined and all caps, just like that." When asked to give another example of how patriotic both he and Plumber are, Mr. Balloon replied, "Just picture him standing in front of a flag with the Star Spangled Banner playing in the background, and you'll know why I support his presidency." Current polls show Plumber trailing in the presidential race, with an estimated zero percent of all voters. His backers are trying to spread the word about Joe's tax relief plan, his rugged good looks, and his skill with a pair of slip-nose pliers. Uncylopedia Issues Food Stamps By Gerrycheevers Due to the recent downturn in the economy, Uncyclopedia officials have issued hundreds of food stamps to users who have no means of feeding themselves. These users might be out of a job or have no arms. In any case, these food stamps are to be given out on alternate Thursdays, except for odd-numbered months, months ending in 'y' or 'r', and April. They will be available at the Uncyclopedia Meat Depot, the boron smelting plant, or by calling the new food stamps hotline. These food stamps will be valid for purchasing a wide variety of nutritious and delicious items from the Uncyclopedia Farmer's Market and Livestock Emporium. Included are items such as pre-packed huffable kittens, gummi grues, and AAAAAAA! cookies.

Check out these pages! Happy days are here again! For the greater good of the Empire Weekly 'Uncylopedia sucks' forum, right on time From our logs: 06:45, 10 October 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Wp 815 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎(Blanking pages is so Emo. Now go write about it in your Livejournal.) 16:46, 13 October 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked You can shove your wiki up your arse. SIDEWAYS. (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎(I'd come up with something witty if I wasn't too busy eating.) 09:01, 14 October 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Nihilist909 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(Whatever it is you're doing, you shall not do that anymore. At least until tomorrow.) 12:23, 15 October 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.15.183.15 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎(What's the Thai for "fuck off and stop vandalising our website"? Whatever it is, kindly do so.) Biopic of the Week With one of the loudest userpages you'll ever see, urine aficinado and making-stuff-up-as-you-go-along expert Orian57 is, among other things, pleased to not be a Power Ranger. Just don't look under his mattress. From the Desk of the Cabal Firstly, there is no cabal. However, if one were to exist, it might remind citizens to leave the Uncyc offices well before dark, as the streets are generally safer in the daylight, and Cajek continues to feed the gremlins after midnight. In addition, whatever organizations intended to ensure public safety might happen to exist might also happen to enforce a shoot-on-sight 7:00 curfew. These guidelines are still useful, even though there certainly is not a cabal.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--Sycamore (Talk) 09:36, 21 October 2008 (UTC)

Hello Mordillo

I bet a week doesn't seem complete without getting blocked at least once for you. Do you mind if I ask what you did this time? --Narcissus Black 12:22, 21 October 2008 (UTC)

Joke bans. I can't really be blocked. Take a look a Manticore's block log. ~ 12:23, 21 October 2008 (UTC)

• 13:25, 21 October 2008 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a Morning Mordillo (This is the ban message you have waiting for you on my own personal wiki. If I ever make one. And you ever join.) --UU - natter 12:28, Oct 21

I'm pretty sure I did that you already once no? :) Also, Good afternoon UU! ~ 12:35, 21 October 2008 (UTC)

Yes. Yes you did. I'm still recovering from the pain. The trauma. The scars that will never heal. The - oh, someone's brought cake into the office, excuse me. --UU - natter 12:42, Oct 21

And here I was thinking I was the center of the universe...~ 12:53, 21 October 2008 (UTC)

I think you'll find that's me. --Narcissus Black 15:02, 21 October 2008 (UTC)

That's probably true. ~ 15:03, 21 October 2008 (UTC)

Thank you.

The Burninator! This User is hereby cited for extreme diligence in the deletion of crap. Fear them.

Well done by the way. --Narcissus Black 21:21, 21 October 2008 (UTC)

n0000000000b

hello mordillo - im a noob, and could do with adopting. im new around here, and a matress sounds pretty enticing. your noob pal Crubba :)

Hello Crubba. Well, no problems, only if you promise to behave and to put some effort into it :), seems my adoptees are vanishing lately. ~ 19:37, 22 October 2008 (UTC)

A cranky message

You asked about deleting the discussion page... I was trying to put the User discussion under another tab but people deleted the tab too fast and it just looked like I deleted everything--Crankybot 19:32, 22 October 2008 (UTC)

Adopt me

please thanks. --Feeling free 19:15, 23 October 2008 (UTC)

Holla

!!! ~Sir Rangeley GUN WotM UotM EGA +S (talk) 02:26, 24 October 2008 (UTC)

HEY!

Sycamore, you fucking vandal! Leave conversations on the talk pages of others ALONE. 174.144.61.215 07:01, 24 October 2008 (UTC)

Thank You!

Thank you for restoring the main page Mordillo!

--Constchar 09:17, 24 October 2008 (UTC)

Thanks from me as well:)--Sycamore (Talk) 09:19, 24 October 2008 (UTC)

I resent the implication that am I inbred.

Silly jew. — Sir Manticore 09:29, 25 October 2008 (UTC)

Never hinted that. But the fact that you're raising the issue shows that you ARE indeed inbred. ~ 09:31, 25 October 2008 (UTC)

Touche? — Sir Manticore 09:33, 25 October 2008 (UTC)

A oui oui! ~ 09:34, 25 October 2008 (UTC)

Thanks

Hey thanks for moving the article I wrote to my userspace. I had some trouble with writing that article and seemed like I wasn't the only one. Usually I enjoy the stuff I write, even if no one else does, but I didn't really like that one. I don't think I will continue to work on it. Should I just put it up on QVFD to get it deleted? ^{Pirate Lord}__Sonic80 (Yell  •  Latest literary excretion) __ 18:50, 27 October 2008 (UTC)

Adopt a noob campain

I want to be adopted. (Is this what I do?) --Elliotcroft 23:43, 1 November 2008 (UTC)

Hello

Could you give me back my user page which you just huffed? --God of Mercy 15:24, 3 November 2008 (UTC)

Hya, Is that the IP user page? You already have one under your username. Why do you need one under IP? ~ 15:41, 3 November 2008 (UTC)

I don't need it anymore. You didn't answer and I was impatient so I made it again. --God of Mercy 15:48, 3 November 2008 (UTC)

Nope, you made the right one, as before you made an IP one :) ~ 15:51, 3 November 2008 (UTC)

I mean I just made an account and recreated (or at least tried to recreate) the user page you huffed. --God of Mercy 15:58, 3 November 2008 (UTC)

No mate, you didn't. What you did is creating a user page when you were logged out (or before registering an account) - hence the user page was under your IP number, not your username, which we don't allow. You recreated it under your username when you logged in, which is perfectly fine. But let's forget this whole mess, and grab a beer shall we? ~ 16:04, 3 November 2008 (UTC)

So we shall. --God of Mercy 16:09, 3 November 2008 (UTC)

My dear Mordillo

I regret to inform you that some idiot called User:Dr.Skullthumper has blocked me for one year. Don't ask we why, I don't have a clue but you know I'm a nice person deep down don't you so would be so kind as to have a word with him please? I'd be forever in your debt. --User:Narcissus Black

I believe it was for yet another revert war with another admin, TKF, that blew his casket off. The best way to deal with this is to contact him directly - you can find him on IRC or send him an email. If you can't I can post a message to him on your behalf. Two tips though: calling the admin the banned you will probably get you very far. And don't edit while you're banned, otherwise your IP address will eventually be banned as well, which is a shame. ~ 22:00, 3 November 2008 (UTC)

I'll put in my two cents here, not that they're worth even two cents: I'm getting the feeling this guy has exhausted the patience of the community and that the only problem with a yearlong ban is that it might be too short. pillow talk 22:20, 3 November 2008 (UTC)

I always say as long as there's a chance of redemption...wouldn't hurt to speak with Thumper, and if he manages to show his (very deeply buried) nice side he might convince him to unban him. ~ 22:23, 3 November 2008 (UTC)

I have done but he ignored me! Oh by the way, it's me, the Great One. --81.153.236.144 11:52, 13 November 2008 (UTC)

help

edit my Eddie Caputo page plz dont delete just make new jokes and stuff. Eddie Caputo is a minor charactor in the first childs play movie.

"Wiki Crisis"

Hi, Mordillo. I'm running a Wiki Hosting service called YourWiki, and we're currently in talks with merging with ShoutWiki Inc., which is run by some familiar Wikia faces like Manticore, Pinky, Skizzerz, etc.

I read your notice about a possible Wiki Crisis, and if you guys are in need of any server space, I'm happy to try to accommodate you on YourWiki's servers, providing you can give us a little information about the traffic this site generates, etc.

We can provide you with a clean MediaWiki installation that is all yours, without any company breathing down your neck telling you how you can and can't run your wiki.

Consider my proposal, and if you want to talk to me about it, I'm "chuck" on #yourwiki @ chat.freenode.net (IRC).

Thanks, Cmelbye 03:39, 4 November 2008 (UTC).

Hi Chuck. Thanks for that. We're currently just starting to consider our various options, and we decide to go for hosting in a different location, we'll probably look at all possible options, but we're not just there yet. As soon as we're there, if at all, I'll drop you a line and you can give us more information. On a different note - a hosting company ran by Manticore and Pinky?! It rampant with mad bots and drunk inbreds? My god! :) ~ 15:41, 4 November 2008 (UTC)

Hahaha, well, they haven't ruined my wikis yet ;-) They're technical team is made up of all really good MediaWiki developers, so I'm hoping from some good stuff from them ^_^ Cmelbye 23:02, 14 November 2008 (UTC)

Thoughts, replacement, piss off Sycamore?

I've had a go redoing the Oh Dear welcome - Its not that I thought the old one was too awful, I have thought that it seemed a bit off with wording etc. I've had a go here, but I've left the old one below so you can compare. If you think its just crap thats alright, but I hope that it might be an improvment:)--Sycamore (Talk) 15:40, 5 November 2008 (UTC)

It's good - very polite...but it's lacking a bit...of a sting? We are addressing problematic individuals with that. Maybe We should put something there to emphasize that a. we know where they live and b. we shall not hesitate to drown their mother should they repeat the offence. ~ 15:46, 5 November 2008 (UTC)

I don't think I'd be too good at one like that, I had hoped that a more positive one would be cooler, Ah well:)--Sycamore (Talk) 16:03, 5 November 2008 (UTC)

Well, even a negative one can be delivered with a wink you know. It doesn't have to be threatening - but just gives them a small smack on the head. ~ 16:07, 5 November 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: 3-ish November 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!

November 3^rd-ish, 2008 • Twenty-Third Issue • Better than things that aren't as good!

Address Change: Return To Sender? For those of you with your heads buried in the sand, or who choose to concentrate on writing articles, or who don't ever look at address bars, or who don't care: Uncyclopedia's domain name has been changed by evil communist oppressors Wikia. If you are one of those people, here's a brief summary of the incident: Sannse tells us Wikia have decided the domain is changing. We don't get any say in the matter, but do get to suggest ideas for the new name. Lucky us. Fuck.Wikia.Com is a popular suggestion with all except Wikia. Lots of people get angry, Zombiebaron sticks his undead head in briefly, Codeine adds a Bill Hicks clip railing against the evils of advertising, lots of people sign a petition threatening something vague if the change goes ahead. The change goes ahead. There follows an uncoordinated response, during which some users go on strike and do nothing, some users open the wiki up to vandalism, and some users get pissed off about it. The UnSignpost goes on strike for a week in solidarity, and doesn't, for example, miss another week due to the laziness of editors. Oh no. The change is of such profound magnitude, it even brought Mooses out of self-imposed exile. Briefly. Sort of. The community decides an uncoordinated response isn't working, and tries to get its shit together. There are even attempts to elect a Cabal to deal with the issues. The self-defeating nature of attempting to establish an Uncyc Cabal is not lost on some. Skullthumper solves the problem. Sort of. If you aren't one of those people, here's an even briefer summary: Shit happened. People got pissed. The world has so far failed to end. More on this ongoing situation as we get it. Probably. Glorious return to form for MrN! The UnSignpost is pleased to be able to report that, after a two-month self-imposed embargo, popular poopsmith MrN9000 has made a glorious return to using underwear references in his daily conversation! The dam finally burst at 23.06 on Oct 22nd, and all those who know him could feel and share the relief, the release of that pent-up tension and the sheer untrammelled joy of their favourite user with a pair of tits in his sig. Fellow poopsmith and genial man-about-town UU said of the momentous occasion: "you what? MrN? Oh yeah, him. Good bloke. Knows his underwear". Then he scratched his nose reflectively and wandered off. MrN himself was unavailable for comment at the time of going to press/we couldn't be bothered to interview him (delete as you think applicable), but the UnSignpost fondly imagines he would have smiled enigmatically, raised an eyebrow quizzically, nodded appreciatively, and said "PANTS!" predictably. The pants themselves were also unavailable for comment.

Check out these pages! ALL CAPS v Ban Magnet. Modus gets vaguely irked. Did we miss doing a Hallowe'en issue? From our logs: 09:26, 20 October 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked 121.217.149.137 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You're interrupting my essay writing. Unless you plan on writing my essay for me, fuck off.) 04:20, 22 October 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 210.15.244.104 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (You, sir, have gone above and beyond the call of failure. Now that may sound like a compliment, but read it again, paying special attention to that last word. Yeah.) 18:03, 22 October 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 208.70.120.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Your friends do not interest us. Your sister does.) 04:57, 23 October 2008 Tom mayfair (Talk | contribs) blocked TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Intimidating behaviour/harassment: & Not The Good Sexual Kind of Harassment Either) Biopic of the Week Sexy, Pompey-supporting bureaucrat Codeine has probably banned you. If he hasn't, he probably will. Soon. Viewed as one of the most diligent and trusted admins on the site, Codeine has probably been here longer than you as well. And he'll probably be here long after you leave too. Deal with it. VFD kept article of the week French accent. Zo, you zink ze article iz zaveabeule? Zut alors! Well geurd leurck weez reewriteeng eet zen! Meurdeus, Preetiestpreeteey and 'yperbeule 'ave made a stert. Cajek ban of the week 00:43, 26 October 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (Posting in the forums. You know better than to get involved in the community. Now get back in your cage.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Shoved through the letterbox for the one and only time by UU - natter 11:27, Nov 6

Moves and blocks

Illogicopedia has moved from Wikia. There is still some activity at the old site. Watch what happens. We can learn from their example. I’ve already said when there was the discussion that I have no strong opinions about whether or not Uncyclopedia should move. We certainly should find out what moving involves.

Would it be good if there were 2 different versions of Uncyclopedia? You’re an administrator here. I’m an administrator 7 smaller wikis including Liberapedia. I decided to take up the issue of fair and unfair blocks because I’m a sysop on some wikis and have been blocked on others. That I felt put me in a good position to see the issue from both sides.

I deal out about 4 to 5 blocks a week on average depending on how the vandals are behaving. I try not to be corrupted by power. Of 200+ blocks that I’ve dealt out there are 2 or 3 which I feel may not have been justified. We are all human beings. We can all make mistakes.

Finally I decided the best way to prevent sysops being corrupted by power is to limit their power. If a user is blocked by mistake that user should be able to go somewhere else. The same applies to users who’ve been fairly blocked and have learnt from their mistake. The out and out vandals will just get blocked everywhere. There’ll be a bit more work blocking them and reverting what they’ve done. Proxima Centauri 14:45, 8 November 2008 (UTC)

Regarding moves: ?pedia is a bit different from us if only for the reason that it has a smaller community and smaller traffic/storage space. So our move would be a bit more complicated. Other than that, no decision has been made yet, so we're waiting for the cabal leaders to start working a solution with wikia and update the rest of us.

As for the blocks - I don't really understand why are you bringing this up? Do you thing that we block users unfairly? I'd say that most of the users who get block, usually deserve it. I'd say that most of the admins here are pretty fair, although we're all prone to mistakes. As for those who don't, there are two different ways to handle it: 1. send an email to the blocking admin (option available via the admin's talk page) 2. Go to the IRC channel, there is nearly always an admin present who can discuss the block. ~ 15:22, 8 November 2008 (UTC)

I don’t know how often the admins block user mistakenly. I know there are a few mistakes. I know you wade through any amount of shite. I’ve waded through quite a bit too. Here’s a recent example. Why is it so difficult to become an administrator here? Why don’t you appoint more admins and share the burden? Something doesn’t add up. I don’t know what’s happening. Proxima Centauri 16:12, 8 November 2008 (UTC)

The less administrators a site has, the better. We only appoint new admins when we really need them. MrN 16:50, Nov 8

I think we ave more than enough admins. When you lead a humor wiki - too much admining might kill the artistic panache that we're all looking for. Also, admins are usually veteran writers here. A new admins is usually one less writer - which is a shame really. As for mistakes - they'll always happen. Always. There is no connection with the amount of admins to the amount of potential mistakes made. As you stated, we're all human and we will make mistakes. ~ 21:24, 8 November 2008 (UTC)

Except for Mordillo, who is (of course) perfect in every way. MrN 21:41, Nov 8

If only I could be as well hung as Codeine. ~ 21:45, 8 November 2008 (UTC)

We said we'd never speak of that night... -- Sir Codeine K·H·P·B·M·N·C·U·Bu. · (Harangue) 21:46, 8 November 2008 (UTC)

Why did you huff me#2?

There was nothing wrong with my herol contribution. I did read the rules -- as the site states someone should -- and I maintain that the herol article is appropriate and no less humorous than some of the things you post. Please can you reinstate herol? 86.147.24.164 02:57, 9 November 2008 (UTC)

Phosgene? Is that you? You honestly came to restore a three liner that was huffed in February? If it's indeed Phosgene, let me know and I'll restore it to your space so you can work on it there. ~ 09:02, 9 November 2008 (UTC)

Morning

So, I see you're about, and I happen to be scratching around for USP content. What's the deal with that not-very-regular non-existent-Cabal news column you were proposing a while back - anything to report? --UU - natter 10:23, Nov 13

Ah, it was the cabal's non existent way to deliver public messages. You want me to write a column? I'll be happy to. ~ 10:28, 13 November 2008 (UTC)

There's a space for you if you want it. Drop it in the press room, or on my desk, I'll be happy to have the help! But I'm hoping to get MrN9001 to deliver it this evening, so this assignment comes with realistic press deadlines! --UU - natter 10:40, Nov 13

Actually, I've scraped together enough filler news for this week's edition, but I feel it's important that an organisation as non-existent as the cabal has a regular voice in the Signpost, so a more relaxed deadline of a column for next week's edition would be awesome. --UU - natter 11:00, Nov 13

Of course, this deadline does not exist. As does the cabal. ~ 11:05, 13 November 2008 (UTC)

Neither did this conversation. And neither do I. So who are you talking to? You need to get out more. --UU - natter 11:08, Nov 13

UnSignpost: 13th November 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Better sign it.

November 13^th, 2008 • Issue 24 • So close to journalism you'll be hard pushed to know the difference!

Uncyclopedian does something vaguely noteworthy in "real life" In an unprecedented development, Uncyclopedian 15Mickey20 has made a foray into media activity outside of the internets. Mickey, Uncyc's tennis correspondent, has been seen on popular-with-students-and-pensioners UK gameshow Countdown, operating under the pseudonym "Martin". Mickey has so far failed to live up to Uncyclopedia's proudest traditions, by actually being quite good at the game. Indeed, at the time of writing, he'd won several games, including what he modestly described as "an awesome numbers game, beating Carol". He also shamelessly mentioned his connection to the site in a recent episode, leading to quite literally no extra edits to the Countdown article - still, thanks for the plug, Mick! Having spent time in the company of such notable international icons as Des O'Connor (no, we don't have a page on him, so there's no link), Paul Zenon (nope, nothing on him either) and Suzy Dent (spotting a pattern here, non-UK readers?) Mickey is now Uncyclopedia's most prominent celebrity, and it's surely only a matter of time before he appears on Strictly Come Dancing or Celebrity Big Brother, and has a lurid kiss-and-tell exposé in Heat Magazine. Various "...of the month" award candidates - November's in-depth analysis Writer of the Month: There's a bumper crop of WotM candidates nominated this month for your voting delectation. The UnSignpost's own Gerrycheevers is the early favourite, having established a significant lead over this week's biopic star Mrmonkey72, several-time nominee SysRq, inactive-for-ages-but-funny Nydas, dark horse Knucmo2 and the multi-featured and multi-talented An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays. But! There is still time, your votes can still make a difference! (Unless you've already voted, natch). Uncyclopedian of the Month: Controversial nominees abound here, as serial ban collector Cajek goes head-to-head with Wikia corporate mouthpiece Sannse. The hyperactive one with the light blue sig is in the lead at present. But! As with certain other popular recent votes, there is a third candidate inexplicably attracting little attention - Dexter111344, a site maintenance and VFD stalwart. Who will win? Only you can decide (and all the other people who vote, obviously). Noob of the Month: No-one. Yet. Find a noob doing something vaguely decent and nominate them please! Otherwise the UnSignpost may just have to bring back the ultimate dead horse for yet more flogging and nom Rcmurphy again. Useless Gobshite of the Month: Kip the Dip is out on his own for this one so far. Having proved an exemplary gobshite for months on end, despite being cruelly denied the recognition of this award, the UnSignpost feels that his time is now, and is abandoning all pretence at unbiased journalism: VOTE KIP FOR UGotM!

Check out these pages! Mad for Uncyclomania! Logical Merge? Hyperdeletionism From our logs: 14:58, 11 November 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 85.118.10.166 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (idiots never learn. That's why they're idiots.) 08:09, 6 November 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 151.203.113.117 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Didn't your mother tell you not to use such bad language? Inbetween all those dicks she was sucking, I mean. ) 05:04, 6 November 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.46.44.68 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Yeah, I agree, this site is the worst. Tell you what, now you don't have to edit here ever again! Aren't I the best admin ever?) Biopic of the Week Mrmonkey72 is another stellar addition to the Uncyc ranks this year. This highly evolved simian's natural habitat seems to be UnNews, where he's settled with impressive speed, although he's not above writing the odd high quality article as well. And with a Foolitzer Prize and a WotM nom already under his belt, who knows how far he'll go? VFD kept article of the week Odd. Surely there's some potential here folks - one talented writer, or failing that anyone with enough time on their hands, might want to add copious sprinkles of funniness dust to this strange confection. Glorious Return of the Week Hey everyone, SysRq's back!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 12:49, 13 November 2008 (UTC)

The Big Bad Admin?

Nah, you're just a pussycat really. My message was intended in pretty much the same way yours was, just without the length, largely due to not feeling verbose this morning due to a rare hangover. What's worse is: as I don't usually get hangovers, I also don't usually keep alka-seltzer in the house. And that means a walk to the shops. I appear to be straying from the point. But then, I've forgotten the point. The moral is: Rock Band + Friends + Alcohol = near illegal amounts of fun. Also: morning Mordillo. --UU - natter 10:26, Nov 15

I hear you, I'm trying to get over illegal amounts of meat consumed last night along with fine seasonal beer. That works fine during the night before, but at morning time.... Gevalt. Also, Morning UU. ~ 10:29, 15 November 2008 (UTC)

I liked your earlier version better. Roak band - Das Teutonic Spiel Dat Ist Uber Alles Hey! I see an article here? Want to collab? ~ 10:36, 15 November 2008 (UTC)

Want to collab? I'd love to - it'd be a real pleasure to work on an article with you. Just as soon as my writer's block clears, and I start catching up on the other ideas and collabs I'm supposed to be doing! If you want to make a start, go for it, and I'll pitch in whenever the muse returns! --UU - natter 11:43, Nov 16

Wow!

My little UnNews is on the front page, thanks there:)--Sycamore (Talk) 11:04, 15 November 2008 (UTC)

No problem. Bloody Scottish bankers need to pay the price! ~ 11:09, 15 November 2008 (UTC)

I am noob

I need to be adopted. Would you be willing?Lichen 21:28, 15 November 2008 (UTC)

For getting me Uninfinibanned...

Colin "All your base" Heaney has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

Thanks again. Colin ALL YOUR BASEHeaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 16:34, 18 November 2008 (UTC)

Yeah, I'm not sure that you're not going back there again when TKF is back :). What exactly did you do that made him ban you? ~ 16:55, 18 November 2008 (UTC)

I have no idea. I haven't spammed, blanked, or added a Russian Reversal to a page for close to a year. And I think my last ban was like a year ago. I've had virtually no contact with TKF either. Is it because I admit to liking the song "Loser" by Beck? Colin ALL YOUR BASEHeaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 17:01, 18 November 2008 (UTC)

Oh yeah that'd do it. (Probably. I have no idea who or what you're talking about. It just sounded like a funny thing to say...) SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 17:04 18 November 2008

Well, being a Beck fan is grounds for infinidamnation, so that must be it. Or a mistake. Also, Orian, I see that you're bored. Go write something funny. ~ 17:07, 18 November 2008 (UTC)

Oh come on, how is that grounds for infinibanning...I could see if I said I listened to Fall Out Boy or something... Colin ALL YOUR BASEHeaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 17:13, 18 November 2008 (UTC)

I would if I had an idea/time/inclination. I'm just too bloody tierd. Although Fag did ask about a collab so we may create probably the gayest thing on the site. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 17:16 18 November 2008

I like Fall Out Boy! SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 17:16 18 November 2008

I like Cliff Richard, not really his music though--Sycamore (Talk) 17:22, 18 November 2008 (UTC)

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's SYCAMORE! Colin ALL YOUR BASEHeaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 17:24, 18 November 2008 (UTC)

Pity I'm a bit more like Hancock, at least I'm not a honkey.--Sycamore (Talk) 17:28, 18 November 2008 (UTC)

:O Colin ALL YOUR BASEHeaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 17:34, 18 November 2008 (UTC)

I think that's worse than liking his music. But there's a moral in this conversation: You're all uncultured freeks. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 17:36 18 November 2008

I, for one, take that as a challenge. Colin ALL YOUR BASEHeaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 17:42, 18 November 2008 (UTC)

You can take me anyway you like... SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 20:36 18 November 2008

/me takes Orian with fries and a chocolate shake, no onions. Colin ALL YOUR BASEHeaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 21:00, 18 November 2008 (UTC)

Ooo! Kinky! SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 21:01 18 November 2008

main page wieners

Hey Mordillo, not sure if you're the right person to contact, but whoever does it really should update the WotM and NotM on the main page near the beginning of the month. Maybe it's not a big deal to everybody, but I bet it is to a lot of the noobs, especially. If the person that usually does it isn't available, maybe there should be a backup person. And then just in case the backup person dies, we should have a shaman to resurrect him or perhaps at least reanimate him so he can fulfill his duties. To answer your question in advance, no, I won't be the person to do the updating, but I would be willing to experiment in shamanism if needed. --S0.S0S.0S.0S0 04:17, 19 November 2008 (UTC)

Hey SoSo, you're absolutely right and it all goes to show the laziness of the cabal, were it to exist. I would have done it myself but I'm swamped with work. I'll ask one of the other lazy bastards to do it. Thanks for reminding me. ~ 08:23, 20 November 2008 (UTC)

Thanks

Sycamore has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

For looking out for my userpage:)--Sycamore (Talk) 11:27, 19 November 2008 (UTC)

My pleasure. ~ 11:48, 19 November 2008 (UTC)

Luke... It's Your Father... Pick Up The Phone...

It's "Daddy". I'm in need of alcohol and a new user page and adoption and a new stack of playboy's (Thanks for stealing mine by the way). Get your ass in gear before your mother wakes up.

Love, Daddy

P.S. Get Me Some Smokes Too and The New Issue of HUSTLER.

Daddy 08:52, 20 November 2008 (UTC)

Like I said on your forum that red link leads to your user page. Also I'll be happy to adopt you, unless you know Mordillo personaly or asked him for any special reason. What ever I moved you're topic here as he prefers new messages at the bottom (a geberal rule to follow unless someone requests otherwise). :) SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 09:02 20 November 2008

Daddy, I'll go for the Orian option at the moment, I'm afraid I can't spare the time at the moment, too busy with "real" life issues. ~ 12:16, 20 November 2008 (UTC)

Begginer Question

Master, may i get some advices from you. My boss always told me that i should ask my senior on Uncyclopedia.

For the love of god, sign your posts and read the links left for you on your talk page. Same thing was told by everyone you approached for help. ~ 13:02, 20 November 2008 (UTC)

OK, I have a user page now...

That's just me, dive right fucking in, don't RTFM and start writing shit. OK, I have my own incredibly sparse, drab and colorless user page to properly communicate words of wisdom on. I'm surprised that UnNews:Hillary Clinton To Become Chairman Of The U.S. Joint Chiefs Of Staff is so damn popular. That was the easiest article I've written so far‎ --DrStrange 13:51, 20 November 2008 (UTC)

Then just think what would happen when you put effort into it, the sky is the limit! :) ~ 20:34, 20 November 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: 20th November2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

November 20^th, 2008 • #100/4 • Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.

UnSignpost Stumbles past 6 month milestone Uncyclopedia's premier periodical, the UnSignpost, has somehow managed not to fade away and die for over 6 months, which should probably merit some kind of special edition, but meh. In true UnSignpost fashion, the editors noticed this about 2 weeks late - the Signpost having been so gloriously conceived (and never was a word more aptly suited to this juvenile-as-all-get-out publication) by Dr. Skullthumper and Cajek back in early May. The first issue rolled off the presses on May 8th, bringing you such earth-shattering news as "Rcmurphy nommed for Noob of the Month again" and "Uncyclopedia F**king Doomed", as well as establishing Signpost tradition with "Spacefiller of the week" (something about Grand Theft Auto). The editor's office here at USP should probably have had a revolving door installed, having been occupied at various times since Cajek and Skull abandoned it by THEDUDEMAN, Gerrycheevers, Heerenveen and some other numpty - although this is small change compared to the number of delivery bots and boys that have thrust the latest issue, still warm, through your letter flaps. Over the months, many other contributors have helped to keep the UnSignpost in its deserved position of "only weekly-ish newspaper on the wiki" - possibly by being so lame that no-one wanted to bother doing another one. And, having brought you such shattering exclusives as "Wookiepedia Too Cool For Cajek", "Porn Wars End in Sticky Truce" and "RC takes home NotM", the UnSignpost shows no sign of speeding up. Maybe one day, the unstoppable forces of apathy will finally overcome those who still labour under the impression that people actually care about seeing block log entries and biopics arrive on their talk page weekly, and the UnSignpost will grind to a halt. But until then, it will continue to bring you all the old news you've already seen somewhere else, whether you like it or not! UnSportsPost By ace sportshound Enzo Aquarius. In response to quite literally some demand, your ever-topical, finger-on-the-pulse UnSignpost brings you all the latest sports news that's unfit to print! NFL - Detroit Lions lost again bringing their record-breaking award-winning losing streak to 9, with their last notable points scored in the 2004 season. Lions followers are confident their team can break through once the team's brains are reverted back to Windows XP Basketball Edition. Big thumbs up and grins boys! NHL - Unlike their Lion brethren, the Detroit Red Wings are in the lead, as always. Then again, their conference is full of NHL expansion filler, so what can you expect? But hey, San Jose is up as well, so uh...yeah...good for them. Good for them. NBA - LA Lakers are up with no losses in their belt, but anybody east of LA doesn't care anyways. Uhhh....132 points scored by New York...good job guys. Football/Soccer - See, there are so many freaking teams and conferences that you just can't keep track of all of them. Then again, Japan beat Syria 3-1. Talk about a non-stop action high-scoring game! MLB - Training time, the high-gravity chamber has been set, Goku will be pitching. It's also time to bring in the young blood who will only play 1 game in the 2009 season.

Check out these pages! Who judges the judges who judge the, er, turkeys?. Through the fire and the flamewars?. {{tl|merge}}?. From our logs: 23:37, 17 November 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.122.136.234 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Blanking is bad. Even in New Zealand, or as we like to call it "Australia Lite") 23:32, 17 November 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 90.208.113.67 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Browser hijack links piss me off. When I'm pissed off, I ban dickheads. You are a dickhead.) 09:37, 17 November 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.19.184.109 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Those who can't do, critique. Poorly.) 04:13, 16 November 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 138.130.147.91 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ ( * 04:11, 16 November 2008 (hist) (diff) Santa Claus‎ (←Replaced page with 'FUCK OFF!') -- I know one kid who's getting coal this year...) Biopic of the Week What is it you look for in a 'crat? Is it diligent banstick wielding? Is it a list of featured articles as long as Spang's talk page? Is it having his own award, that he deigns to bestow on those he deems worthy? If it's any or all of these, Mhaille's yer man. If it's not, I dunno, try Olipro, or something. Cajek ban of the week 08:03, 16 November 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a big dick ‎ (<Sawblade5> RAHB take care of http://en.uncyclopedia.co/index.php?title=Special:BlockIP&ip=Cajek) "Writer of the Month" of the Week. Last heard from in any capacity on this site in January 2007, Imrealized was your WotM for September 2006, with an unheard-of-these-days 19 votes (and Severian liked him so much he voted for him twice). And with a triumvirate of articles like Paradise Lost, Smells Like Teen Spirit and Rorschach Inkblot Acid Test, (not to mention WWJJD?) it's easy to see why. Cabal news of the week There is no Cabal news of the week.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 20:45, 20 November 2008 (UTC)

Dillo Family Tree

Sorry about this, but my little brother got an uncyclopedia account (Joe Shea, no capital A--so original.) and my parents made me adopt him, so you're gonna have to update the Dillo tree. Or not; that would make my little brother cry, and I would laugh.J-Shea 05:09, 25 November 2008 (UTC)

Err...where exactly are you on the tree? ~ 08:49, 25 November 2008 (UTC)

Why would you let a young impressionable relative onto Uncyclopedia? And why the hell do you let your parents know about how Uncyclopedia work? And they don't know about the cabal nonexistant-cabal, do they? Because if they do, we might have to kill you. Colin ALL YOUR BASEHeaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 16:36, 25 November 2008 (UTC)

And them. ~ 17:00, 25 November 2008 (UTC)

Also anyone they know and/or might have told. Colin ALL YOUR BASEHeaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 17:11, 25 November 2008 (UTC)

Mordillo, I'm under Orian57. Colin, my little brother finds shit out no matter how deep you bury it, my parents are in his pocket, and I would never tell anyone about the nonexistant Cabal. I'm not a retard. J-Shea 03:00, 26 November 2008 (UTC)

D1337 ur browser cache. He'll never find it then. Colin ALL YOUR BASEHeaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 03:02, 26 November 2008 (UTC)

ReddFighter says-

dude, thouse ar my freinds. i can screw around with their pages all i want. i know them personaly. and anyway, this matter dosint concern you.

This is a wiki, so anyone can edit. If you think this is myspace, you can leave the sight right now. Satire. If it's not, it goes. It's everyone's business on this site what quality we have. Colin ALL YOUR BASEHeaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 19:20, 25 November 2008 (UTC)

Collin, I'm quite capable of responding myself, thanks. Reddfighter - responded on your talk page. ~ 20:24, 25 November 2008 (UTC)

For being a dick and rapin them assholes

Thanks again:)--Sycamore (Talk) 12:34, 26 November 2008 (UTC)

That...is...thanks.. I think :) ~ 12:41, 26 November 2008 (UTC)