User talk : Mordillo/archive12

Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.

November 27th • Issue 26 • The newspaper it's tough to swat flies with

Uncyc shall go to the Ball!
The seasonal tang in the air, the anticipation on the faces of Uncyclopedians everywhere... it can only mean one thing: The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball is upon us again! The popular annual celebration of all that's good about bad taste is hoping to provoke a slew of skewed satire and give those foolhardy enough to volunteer as judges a colossal headache. And a good laugh, of course.

To whet the appetite, let's take a look at some of the cream of last year's competition:

Yup, standards are that high, or low, depending on your point of view, sense of humour, religion, shoe size and taste in hats.

So jump to it! If you can make the judges laugh even as they vomit up their own entrails, you could be in with a chance of winning the glorious title "Aristocrat en Regalia", as well as the undying jealousy of the other entrants you so satisfyingly routed. Or you might lose.

Asked for quotes, organiser RAHB quipped "I'll probably get on it sometime tonight, if not tomorrow", while official judging type Modusoperandi added "my memoires are riddled with mind expanding shit".

{{username}} claims millionth victim
Stalking the articles, forums and userpages of Uncyclopedia like some kind of bad metaphor with legs, the notorious {{username}} template has claimed its millionth victim. The individual in question (who shall not be named because this publication is trying to write an article about {{username}} without actually using {{username}}) was innocently browsing through Uncyclopedia's debating rooms, looking in at the progress of such worthwhile literary endeavours as the incrementation project and the attention span test, when the vengeful template struck!

"It was there, in front of me, an accusation that I was teh gheyz", the hapless victim told us exclusively. "Such hard-hitting slander had to be addressed, and addressed immediately, so I clicked the edit button, and launched into a passionate and vitriolic defence of my unquestionable heterosexuality post-haste!"

Ironically, it was the length of this diatribe that finally revealed the subterfuge. "It took me some time to compose a suitable riposte, listing at length my many dalliances with members of the opposite sex, my subscription to Playboy and my utter distaste for the movie Brokeback Mountain - in fact it took so long that I was logged out from my account" said the sap. "So when I hit the preview button to behold my comeback in all its savage majesty, what should catch my eye but the <insert name here> message that betrays {{username}} abuse? I felt so embarrassed, the only logical course of action I could take was to sell my story to a newspaper with a global readership - you did say you'd pay me for this, right?"

Shortly after this point, the interview was discontinued due to a disagreement between interviewer and interviewee. Asked for a final quote, we were told "fuck {{username}}, and fuck you too!" - a comment that speaks volumes about the suffering this terrible template is capable of inflicting on the unwary.

{{username}} was unavailable for comment, and remains at large, ready to strike again.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

12:14, 26 November 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 118.101.59.19 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Excess stupid detected. Initialising idiot smiting mechanism)
18:21, 25 November 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 198.20.32.1 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (You only sort of suck, now. Come back when your sucking ceases.)
00:13, 23 November 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of A power level over 9000 ‎ (Vandalizing Cajek's userpage. You should be ASHAMED. Also, Skull said this bantime actually works. Let's see!)

Biopic of the Week

Holy Cheese, it's Necropaxx! From humble beginnings (starting out as just another notch on Famine's banstick), cheery, Grim Reaper looky-likey Necropaxx has stalked his way through the site, creating quality features, a bunch of images, and a growing portfolio of helpful reviews. Just don't diss the cheese, OK? He worships the cheese.

VFD kept article of the week

Yam - c'mon folks, it's tuber humo(u)r. "A yam will totally kick your ass if you call it a sweet potato. I'm not kidding." Doesn't that just make you want to rush in there and give it the magic rewriting touch it needs?

Unactioned image request of the week

User:Sycamore/Mephistopheles - "I kind of want it to be a bit like Goethe's character Mephisto, but maybe with a "Sympathy for the Devil, Rolling Stones" quality - I'd really like something with the whole transformation from a poodle to the student bit or some of the character qualities here." for Sycamore. Anyone with photoshop feeling helpful?

Cajek ban of the week

12:31, 24 November 2008 Sannse (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 17 minutes 21 seconds ‎ (What is this thing about blocking you anyway? And why aren't I in on it?)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 21:04, 27 November 2008 (UTC)

W♥v

Thank you...
I've always found it to be polite to thank people for the things they have done for you, especially when it is a vote for a fine literary work. People don't say "thank you" that much anymore. Instead, they say "thanks" or "tyvm". That frustrates me, because I don't know what "tyvm" is even supposed to mean.
Thanks for voting.

sir sysrq @ 17:10 Nov 28

צהריים טובים

Erm, no other reason I'm here. I just learnt how to say it. :-) RabbiTechno 12:21, 1 December 2008 (UTC)

And you even used the ultra correct spelling! Hooray! ~

12:42, 1 December 2008 (UTC)

Hurray! That's three Hebrew words I know now! RabbiTechno 12:45, 1 December 2008 (UTC)

I'm afraid to ask what's the third? ~

13:17, 1 December 2008 (UTC)

Hatul. Dunno what it is in Hebrew letters though. So now I can say good morning, good afternoon or good evening to any Jewish cats I meet - which is all of them, obviously. That's why you never see pork cat food. RabbiTechno 13:24, 1 December 2008 (UTC)

Very useful! And it's חתול ~

13:38, 1 December 2008 (UTC)

Excellent. Now I can write to them too! RabbiTechno 13:40, 1 December 2008 (UTC)

How odd. When I first looked (and when I edit) I see Hebrew characters. Yet post-submit, חתול becomes '1' on my screen. That must have some kabbalistic significance, surely...? RabbiTechno 13:43, 1 December 2008 (UTC)

Of course - since cats are number one rulers of the globe! (But it's really the left right thingy - the "cat" is right to the 1 which is a part of the date) ~

13:44, 1 December 2008 (UTC)

Just noticed that. Glad to see you recognise feline superiority though. Whenever people say that if cats had opposable thumbs, they'd rule the world I point out cats don't need opposable thumbs - they've enslaved a race of bald monkeys that have them instead. RabbiTechno 13:46, 1 December 2008 (UTC)

Exactly. That goes along with the saying - "Dogs have owners, cats have staff" ~

13:48, 1 December 2008 (UTC)

Heh, not heard that one. My mum will like that. :-) RabbiTechno 13:54, 1 December 2008 (UTC)

בוקר טוב. RabbiTechno 11:43, 4 December 2008 (UTC)

You're getting better! ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 11:54, 4 December 2008 (UTC)

This thing is hilarious :) Well being on International pie day I thought to share some Jewish geometry with you guys Biblical value of pie. ChadiW

Double fail

Uncyclopedia:VFH/Ape-Shit Crazy‎. Yup, that's one failed nom. --UU - natter 16:33, Dec 3

All aboard the fail train! ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 16:49, 3 December 2008 (UTC)

Uncyclopedia:VFH/Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles‎. That's now the second time you've done that. Do you have something against the way I do it? Don't I have enough panache for you or something? Is it my hair? My teeth? The way I cut my toenails with bolt croppers? Why, goddamn it, whyyyyyy? --UU - natter 16:22, Dec 10

It's the caching! THE CACHING! I'm SORRY! ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 16:55, 10 December 2008 (UTC)

Can I archive some of this...

Forum:Decisions Time Folks - Let's Be Organized for a Change - just to keep the train going?:)--Sycamore (Talk) 16:57, 3 December 2008 (UTC)

What, you don't like it when it's...long and...hard?! O_O ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 10:12, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

Depends who its from suger tits;) In this case I hate long whiny bitch forums, plus I think getting the whole Carlb propaganda/random stuff and stuff we've covered archived would be a good thing. I'd keep Mhaille's update and the intro, but the rest could go I think?--Sycamore (Talk) 10:18, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

Sounds good. ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 10:20, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

Right that hopfully is done and it looks fine, I'll hopfully be ae around later if theres anything more I should do with it. I must now get the "real" fail train into the city:)--Sycamore (Talk) 11:36, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

Do you think it is actually possible to die of tedium?

One hour, six minutes to go, by my desk clock. Then precious liberty and freedom for the weekend. The pain is almost tangible by this point.

Also, why have I only just noticed that you've switched away from the Jewriken again?

Finally, I made a start. I wrote some words. Further words will be added at my leisure. I hope this gives you some mild form of satisfaction. --UU - natter 15:54, Dec 5

I know what you mean! Yesterday we had a silly Dutch holiday - Sinterklas, which is the Dutch version of Santa, so we had a short day. I'm telling you, being a Jew in a land of heathens cab be quite amusing.

I did let the Jewrikan rest for a while, I was thinking I need to polish it for a while before I throw it back at the heretics.

And it gave me a great form of satisfaction, meine herr, gave me a few ideas actually. I'll get my stuff in now - and maybe we'll finish it in a month or so O_O ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 10:11, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: 4th December 2008 (yea, we know it's late)

Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.

December 4th • Issue 27 • Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

Sycamore: How does he do it? An UnSignpost Special Investigation

Sycamore. What words waft gently into the back garden of your mind when you hear that word? "Tree", perhaps, or "unusual, propeller-style seeds", if you're of a naturalistic bent. Maybe (although we admit it is highly unlikely), the words "song by really obscure Scottish rock band Deckard" will sneak in under the fence. But for those of an Uncyclopedia nature (and let's face it, that should include all those reading this, or the paperbot's malfunctioning again), the words are likely to include: "Scottish"; "omnipresent"; "recent changes fiend"; "reviewer extraordinaire"; "categories"; "ban patrol"; or possibly "who?" if you're out of the loop.

But who is this masked Celt? Well, since changing identity from MMACKNIGHT‎ in March 2008, he's racked up an impressive 18,000 edits (or he will have by the time this paper is actually delivered - it's hanging at 17.940-odd at the time of typing). Many of these edits have been thanklessly categorising pages, voting for deletion, reverting and ban patrolling - the kind of soul-crushing work, in other words, that would sap the will to live of the average individual, but not our Syc.

His efforts have not gone un-noticed. Indeed, he's been re-nommed for Uncuclopedian of the Month, even though he's already won the award. And despite the understandable reluctance of the non-existent cabal to swell their non-existent ranks, there is a small but significant groundswell of opinion gathering that this should be followed by the bestowing of a Banhammer on the cheery Caledonian.

All of this is interesting, of course, and handily fills up column inches in this week's issue, but it doesn't answer the burning question: how does he do it?

Once again spending no expense on uncovering the truth, your fearless UnSignpost has the answers, and they lie in his welcome message, and a gratuitous stereotype of his nationality. Yes, Jaffa Cakes and Irn Bru are the fuel of choice of this salutary Scot, and it would appear that the chemical reaction of these two volatile substances in his bloodstream creates an energy level easily the equivalent of at least a small-to-medium Hadron Collider. This is sufficient to cause in him a state not unequivalent to that Scientific Holy Grail, perpetual motion. So there you go kids: that's how he does it!

Warning: Your safety-conscious UnSignpost would like to point out that Irn Bru is only known to have this beneficial effect on Scots. Those from less tartan countries would be advised to steer well clear - don't try this at home, kids!

From the Cabal's desk

Greeting citizens. This post does not exist. We are not addressing you from this paper. We do not exist. We do not sit in dark corners, smoking expensive cigars and smirk when we see you make mistakes. Mistakes on this site do not exist. We do not watch your every step with our ban hammers poised for actions. Mainly because your edits don't exist. We are not tired by your petty dramas and wonder when will you write some new classics. Simply because you do not exist. You are not reading this post. We will not meet again next week. This was not the cabal's weekly address to the citizenry. Keep the peace, obey the cabal. The cabal is your friend.

Check out these pages!

From our logs BUMPER SPECIAL:

07:24, 3 December 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.43.66.7 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (You've got to stop taking vacations like this. They get in the way of the valuable contributions you make to our site.)
00:40, 3 December 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Fat hideous cunt (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Codeine why are you using socks to vandalize us)
18:25, 2 December 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.146.0.222 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (We love niggers. My best friend is a nigger. My wife is a nigger. And when I have a son, I hope he'll be a nigger rather than an IP)
19:57, 1 December 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.184.39.253 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Regardless of what your girlfriends may have told you, orgasms are real)
18:18, 1 December 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Codeine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a Country/Folk musician ‎ (When I see your name on my block log, I think of a song lyric by Townes van Zandt, if that means anything.)
18:03, 1 December 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked RAHB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a penis ‎ (When I see your name in my watchlist, I think of penis. And that's not always a good thing.)
21:03, 30 November 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Sycamore (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 30 seconds ‎ (That's for editing a year old topic and making RAHB think there was actually something exciting happening. Bastard.)
20:37, 30 November 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Sycamore (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 30 seconds ‎ (That's for editing a year old topic and making me think there was actually something exciting happening. Bastard.)

Biopic of the Week

There's beautiful, there's downright gorgeous, and then, beyond even that, there's Prettiestpretty. Blessed with writing talent to rival her boundless good looks, she has edified us on the delights of the Queef, the significance of the Colossus of Barbie, and much more besides. Long may she lend her grace to Uncyc!

Forgotten and so-short-it-possibly-ought-to-be-a-template page of the week

Tact: I love you too, honey, I just wanna finish this level. ... Well, I've been at this all night, and it's the first time I've gotten this far in the level, and I can sleep with you anytime I want. So shoo.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 19:05, 5 December 2008 (UTC)

Looking for Adoption...

Uncyc is confusing me, so Adoption would be good at this point in time. Please adopt me. I am a noob. Sanareth 14:53, 7 December 2008 (UTC)

No problem, although I have to say - most of the people that ask to be adopted vanish after a couple of days. So before we make this official - let me know first what kind of help you need, we'll work it for a while, and then you can call me dad. O_O ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 15:35, 7 December 2008 (UTC)

Okay then- I've already been on here for about a week and I'm quite enjoying it, so there's no real danger of me vanishing. It's mainly writing advice I require, with a bit of which-tags-to-use-when thrown in. I also need to know how to request a pee review. And... lets forget the dad thing, if you don't mind. Sanareth 15:49, 7 December 2008 (UTC)

It's a perquisite I'm afraid :). OK - regarding the writing. If you haven't read this yet, now would be the time. You can also take a look at some of the articles here for some ideas. Pee review is requested through here, just use the "create entry" option at the bottom, and then you get the template all ready. Other than that, it's your imagination really. Better to remember to try and put it in Encyclopedic way, otherwise you can check Unnews or Unbooks, HowTo or even UnScripts and UnTunes. It's also advisable to try and refrain from the repeating memes such as Chuck, Oscar, Mister T, Russian reversal and their friends. Be original! You can ask for pictures here. As for the tags, I think the best for you now would be {{WIP}}, gives you some piece and quiet why you write your piece. How is that for a start? ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 15:59, 7 December 2008 (UTC)

Cheers, that was all pretty useful. I'll let you know if I need any more advice... Sanareth 17:54, 7 December 2008 (UTC)

Hey, I want to be adopted. Unlike most other noobs, I take advice and apply it. I take criticism well, but only if there is logic to it. Also, I don't take criticism well even if there is logic to it. In fact, I take criticism that has no logic to it quite well. Also, have you been removing my stuff from pee review? If so, I will rape your family...WITH NAUGHTY LETTERS!!! YUM-YUM-YUM-YUM projectjulio 19:18, 30 January 2009 (UTC)

Hey, adopt me. Unlike the noob above, I don't take advice and apply it, I horde it like a greety little bastard. I take critism and eat it, but olny if it doesn't result in a banning. And I don't contradict myself. And I don't talk back. I edit, with the mightest weapon, a shinny keyboard. Resonse is greatly appreciated. --I am Justice! aka: Halsoft. 15:33, 19 February 2009 (UTC)

Why milk is the worst thing in the world.

I'm not here for a fight, it's just always sad when you lose one of your babies, so can I have some feedback on why this article was huffed [1]?

Cheers

Aaadddaaammm 17:46, 7 December 2008 (UTC)

The article was voted for deletion. If you want, I can't locate the exact vote results. Also if you want, I can restore it to your user page. And also also if you want, I can call you Betty and you can call me Al. ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 13:11, 8 December 2008 (UTC)

Need to be adopted

Hey, I need to be adopted. I've been here for about six months and still write crap articles. Can you adopt me for the Adopt-a-Noob campaign? I still couldn't write good articles. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Man on Fire CUN|IC Kill | 05:15, 8 December 2008 (UTC)

No problem. Let me know how you'd like to start. ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 13:12, 8 December 2008 (UTC)

Maybe you can help me how to create (or rewrite) an excellent, but funny article. So far, I've been working on the Vii article. My Latios and Latias article needs to be completely rehauled because it's too crappy. And so is with my Loyola article. If you are ready to give me help on these (Adopt-a-Noob is when you help users who are crap at writing funny articles, right?), please tell me on my talk page.

|Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Man on Fire CUN|IC Kill

| 05:20, 10 December 2008 (UTC)

Are you my mummy?

Hello. I'm new and need adopting. In return I can offer you my innocence. Whoremonal 11:55, 8 December 2008 (UTC)

I'd like your innocence ONLY if it's the female kind of innocence :). Other than that, look at what I wrote to Sanareth up there - if you think you'll be staying then I'll be happy to help. ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 13:13, 8 December 2008 (UTC)

...yes, err, "female"...

But no, I'll definitely be sticking around. I have a university to mock. Whoremonal 13:20, 8 December 2008 (UTC)

Welcome aboard then "my daughter". Take a look at the recommendations I wrote above. Anything specific that troubles you at this time? Other than your grades that is O_O ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 13:22, 8 December 2008 (UTC)

Yay!! Thank you. No real problems at the moment, aside from grades, relationships with boys, relationships with girls, ~~relationships with sheep~~... But it's nice to know I now have a warm, conforting bosom to turn to in times of uncyclocrisis. You can take me to the zoo if you like, but I'll cry if I don't get a balloon.

I'm afraid we've got just one type of balloon in our stock. ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 14:09, 8 December 2008 (UTC)

Image:845234093 l.jpg

Lovely clear photo though, didn't you think? Wish my camera was that good. Shame about the article on the other hand. RabbiTechno 16:04, 9 December 2008 (UTC)

Do you want to do something with it? I can restore it. ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 16:09, 9 December 2008 (UTC)

No, just thought it was quite a nice photo (useless though) and was so bored mentioning this gave me something to do. :-) RabbiTechno 11:57, 10 December 2008 (UTC)

Hypothetical Question

The Millennium. I forgot I had this one lying around. I just re-read it and wondered about nomming it as I'm bored. It had a decent review ages ago and I've improved it since then, but the question is: do you think this one is worth a nom? No review or anything requested, just a yes or no. --UU - natter 11:54, Dec 10

Yesh. It looks good. I'd perhaps describe in a bit more dramatic/apocalyptic approach - but it still does the trick with this sort of bored approach. ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 12:38, 10 December 2008 (UTC)

Thanks. Time once more to abandon shame and self-nom then. Also, looking at your talk page header, I've decided to try for a ban free card, whatever one of those is. So how's this for originality: you're a Cane-Toad-breathed, Vinegar-nostrilled, iguana-kneecapped table tennis fan! --UU - natter

13:07, Dec 10

~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 20:06, 10 December 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: 11th December

We're delivering it to your door anyways!

December 11th • Issue 28 • The truth, the whole truth, and nothing

Colin breaks #uncyclopedia

By SysRq

At approximately 7:01 EST, Colin "All your base" Heaney officially fucked everything up yet again. IRC was engaged in what started out as a naturally occurring, all-caps LOL train. However, being the little faggot that he is, Colin decided to join in, effectively making it not funny anymore. This reporter, being an expert witness in cases of dipshittery, quickly came to the conclusion that "Colin makes everything suck."

However, Uncyclopedia's resident shitstain did not stop there. He proceeded to incite bizarre and violent urges within members of IRC, causing them to commit unspeakable acts. This reporter, under Colin's influence, killed both of his parents; deadpidgeon and MrN9000 both became homosexuals as a result. Colin himself was then found to have been responsible for every case of unpleasantness throughout history: the Holocaust, 9/11, and abortion.

As other users unknowingly joined the channel-turned-warzone, they too fell victim to Colin's faggotry. Users were eventually transforming into furries and fucking each other with "furry Disney dicks" just before this reporter relocated to a safer distance. Needless to say, there is now sufficient evidence that everything stupid and gay and unfunny is, in fact, Colin's fault.

Chicks, man.

By Regret Tenenbaum

Hot Chicks. Just the words start your heart racing and your mumble mumble. Hot chicks have long failed to receive the ample, under-wire support they deserve here on Uncyc, and if it were not for one, soft-drink based, visionary noob, the femmes fatales of Uncyc would still be a saggy, wrinkly mess. Now all the babes, sexy ladies, foxy chicks, MILFs, and, yes, even magical anime girls, rest in the palm of your hand, throbbing with their new-found intellectual networking - WikiProject Hot Chicks. When asked how the aforementioned n00b came up with such a brilliant idea, he responded: "I don't know what UnSignpost is, my motivation for starting U[N]:WP Hot Chicks was because I thought it was rather humorous, I would like to be adopted, and in Soviet Russia, all your base are belong to YOU !!" (Doctapeppaman was promptly given a stern spanking for such irresponsible use of memes).

The project has already succeeded in tagging several sexy talk-pages with the WikiProject Hot Chicks seal, thereby rating them on a random and baseless scale from A- to D-Cup, and the project will most likely be a success, considering the high ratio of users to perverts present on the site. Perhaps, one day, the project will achieve its primary goal - making every article without enough pictures of scantily-clad women into an article about cheesecake.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

02:14, 10 December 2008 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.142.37.160 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Hi. Welcome to Uncyc. I'm glad you enjoyed your stay here. We did too.)
13:16, 8 December 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 208.43.6.211 (Talk) with an expiry time of 15 years ‎ (congratulations! You'll be back when OJ is out of prison. Let me know he gets a parole before that)
Codeine (Talk | contribs) huffed "Wild sweaty orgies" (If anyone's gonna write an article about these it'll be me. I've done the research.)

Biopic of the Week

Far more than just a definite article, THE is a veritable cornerstone of the site, spoken of in hushed tones wherever people gather together to discuss prolific authors with ALLCAPS usernames only three letters in length. From computer expertise and nature documentaries to frankly ludicrous amounts of UnNews, THE covers all bases. And he won the WotM at the twenty-ninth time of asking in January 2008.

Vital Question of the Week

If we put blatant space filler in this box, will anyone notice?

Classic "...of the Week" Box of the Week

Week Box of the week - by far the most classic Classic "...of the Week" Box of the Week, "Week Box of the week", was featured in the very first edition of the Unsignpost, and for some reason that only the classic writers of the most classic Classic "...of the Week" Box of the Week know, Week Box of the week spoke not of boxes, as you weak-minded simpletons might believe, but of something higher - Dr. Skullthumper or Cajek's "humor juice".

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 21:09, 11 December 2008 (UTC)

You fail at signing, sir

And I'm supposed to believe you masterminded the biggest terrorist attack in history? Pffft. -- Sir Codeine K·H·P·B·M·N·C·U·Bu. · (Harangue) 21:20, 11 December 2008 (UTC)

How do you mean I masterminded the biggest terrorist attack in the history? I am the biggest terrorist terrorist attach in the history! ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 21:24, 11 December 2008 (UTC)

Why did you delete my edits?

I worked on the Turkey article like all morning. Plus, I left the previous anti-Turkish article under Ottoman Turkey which I posted a link onto from the original Turkey page, similar to the Barack Obama article. If it is possible, can you please have the discussion page unlocked so we can discuss the edits? -- User:Neogooglepl3x

Sorry about that, it looked to be a vandal edit, but it's obviously not. I reverted myself back to your version and unprotected the talk page. ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 01:11, 14 December 2008 (UTC)

Deletion?

what other stuff did I do that's my bullshit? and Brian Lenihan is the Irish minister for Finance. He's on Wikipedia as Brian Lenihan Jnr. And google Irish Finance Minister, he's there. He put out one of the worst budgets in history in October and he's evil. That's why I put the link there. Anto475 22:29, 15 December 2008 (UTC)

Unlike the other guy I didn't do it due to vanity accusations - I did it because you kept recreating an unnecessary redirect to Hitler. I find no humoristic value in directing a page to Hitler and claim it to be justifiable because "the guy put the worst budgets in history and he's evil". Did he exterminate millions of people? No. Did he started the worst war ever to scourge this planet? No. Was the redirect funny in any way? No. You can create a funny article about him, one that will create true satire and make people giggle rather than finding the easy way thereby pissing off two admins. ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 10:49, 16 December 2008 (UTC)

Calm down dude. and I didn't ,,keep" doing it, I only did it once. And if every re-direct to Hitler met that criteria, there'd be a lot less things redirecting to the page. And it is funny, ou just don't understand the context. You kind of have to watch him when he's on tv, hear him on the radio and be Irish to know. Or have something you've been waiting for years for, be shot down by this bastard.Anto475 16:14, 17 December 2008 (UTC)

You kind of have to be Irish to know. is, in my opinion, a good enough reason for it to not be up. This isn't an Irish-only website. Colin

ALL YOUR BASE

Heaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 20:53, 17 December 2008 (UTC)

No it's not an Irish-Only site, but there should be jokes that appeal to Irish people too. Look at the Lecarow and Athlone pages. Anyone from outside Ireland wouldn't get them, but to Irish people they're funny. Anto475 16:55, 18 December 2008 (UTC)

Yes, but something that isn't commonly known to anybody but an exclusive group of people is called vanity (most of the time). It's like someone making a page about their school. Something that, to everybody else, lowers the standards of the website shouldn't be kept just because a few people from one nationality find it humorous. Colin

ALL YOUR BASE

Heaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 19:02, 18 December 2008 (UTC)

Also those articles are shitty towncruft. Colin

ALL YOUR BASE

Heaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 23:35, 18 December 2008 (UTC)

What??? The towns are shit or the articles are? And a lot of Irish people would find it funny. Anyway, people mightn't understand all the 1337 articles, but there's no reason to take them down.Anto475 14:00, 19 December 2008 (UTC)

The articles are shit. 1337 is something internet-wide, not exclusive to any one country or nationality. The articles are shit, even if they aren't (as I suspect) vanity. Colin

ALL YOUR BASE

Heaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 17:50, 19 December 2008 (UTC)

Internet-wide, but a load of internet users don't understand it. And you have headers on top of some articles saying that the article is ,,Overly-British" and ,,americans may not understand it". So why not the same for Irish ones? And they are not vanity. Over 30000 people live in Athlone and a fair few of them have internet.Anto475 13:35, 20 December 2008 (UTC)

The template you are referring to is because (don't flog me for saying this, non-Americans/British peoples of UnCyc) the vast majority of people on this site are either British or American. And 30,000 people in Ireland hardly constitutes a lot of people on the internet. Colin

ALL YOUR BASE

Heaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 05:29, 29 December 2008 (UTC)

Also: Sorry about the talk-page flood, Dillo (not very original, I know). Colin

ALL YOUR BASE

Heaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 05:30, 29 December 2008 (UTC)

Is it just me

Or has Golf War now been featured for 3 days? Don't we need a festive Iron Maiden feature? Or have we slipped even further into 3-day features? Also, I'm not here. And I'm not old. --UU - natter 09:57, Dec 16

Pawnography. I meant pawnography. Because I can count and stuff. And not only am I not here, but neither are you. We're both figments of Codeine's imagination. --UU - natter

10:44, Dec 16

Personally I'm a figment of Olipro's imagination. That sick sick bastard. Also, I'm not congratulating you. And you're not old. You don't exist really. Also, did you see your ban free card up there? ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 10:45, 16 December 2008 (UTC)

I saw it. It warmed the cockles of my cockly heart. --UU - natter

13:26, Dec 16

Use it wisely! ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 13:29, 16 December 2008 (UTC)

Jaws V

I had a bunch of things I wanted to do with Jaws V, but forgot to add a construction tag. Restore? --JasonBoer 13:06, 17 December 2008 (UTC)

Done. ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 13:18, 17 December 2008 (UTC)

Hello

Do you think you could adopt me in the adopt a nOOb program--Hippieslayer 23:31, 18 December 2008 (UTC)Hippieslayer

Happy Hanukkah

PARTY LIKE IT'S 5769

if you're not Jewish, party anyway

Happy Hanukkah from Rabbi Techno
NOW START DRINKING

And thanks for blocking Lololololetc. He's been a right pain in the arse. RabbiTechno 13:00, 21 December 2008 (UTC)

Ny pleasure! And hag sameach! ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 13:02, 21 December 2008 (UTC)

So, all ready for the annual לביבה festival? I hate the things myself...RabbiTechno 13:21, 21 December 2008 (UTC)

Merry Christmas

Bonner would like to wish you

a Merry Christgame
And a happy New Game
P.S, You just lost the game
(Bonner) (Talk)

Merrysometihgofsorts Bonnerer! ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 13:43, 22 December 2008 (UTC)

Erev Tov

You may not remember, but back when I was a very little noob you offered to help me format my siganture - at the time, I decided to keep it standard 'cos I thought half the sigs on here were ugly. Well, just lately, I cane across a nice font that looks a bit like Hebrew so I decided I would have a flashy sig after all. Trouble is, it seems I'm still a noob because I've totally fucked it up and can't work out what the hell I've done. It works no problems here and I've done everything with the preferences - ie, put this in {{Subst:Nosubst|User:RabbiTechno/sig}} and I've ticked the raw signatures box); but, for reasons way beyond my comprehension, it won't link to my userpage. I imagine it's something really obvious I've overlooked. Assuming you're not too busy with it being Hanukkah, is there any chance you could have a look and give me any idea what I'm doing wrong?

OK, ignore all that. That problem has magically solved itself. Trouble now is that for whatever reason it'll only come up one line lower than the end of the text, and the date comes up how you see it here (I've signed with four tildes as normal). Any suggestions? Rabbi Techno

FOXES 17:53, 21 December 2008 (UTC)

No worries. Sycamore and Heerenveen sorted it out for me. Great chaps, the pair of 'em. :-) Rabbi Techno

-Colin "All your base" Heaney

FOXES 18:29, 21 December 2008 (UTC)

Sorry for being a wee late. I was being busy with the latkes :) ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 22:25, 21 December 2008 (UTC)

Seasons Greetings

Remember:
Keep the "X" in
X-mas

Santa checks his list to see who's been naughty and who's been nice.

And naughty always makes out better at X-mas

Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 18:25, 21 December 2008 (UTC)

mmmmmmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMmmm O_O /me ogles PP ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 13:43, 22 December 2008 (UTC)

A FESTIVUS FOR THE RESTOFUS!

	Happy Festivus, from The Led Balloon and Jerry Stiller. Put up your Festivus Pole, air your grievances, and prepare for the feats of strength, for festivus cannot continue until I am pinned! Oh, and merry Christmas if you're into that sort of thing.
	It's a Festivus miracle!

- P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 20:16, Dec 21

Happy whatever Leddy! ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 13:42, 22 December 2008 (UTC)

Pr0n

Vhy are ve not doing zat? Vhy you delete my pr0n? Zid you delete zhose unused images too?--Uncreative Username 22:31, 21 December 2008 (UTC)

These pictures are OKish when they're used in context of humor. We're not here to serve the pornographic needs of the needful humanity. ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 22:40, 21 December 2008 (UTC)

Happy Holidays from all of us at SysRq Waste Disposal and Grinder Co.

Happy Giftmas. ~Sissie

sir sysrq @ 23:45 Dec 21

Thanks sissi! Have a great Xmas and a happy new year! ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 13:42, 22 December 2008 (UTC)

Response

That's the point of the Mirror site article - that mirror sites have no point. It's a perfect reflection of the redundancy of mirror sites.--Uncreative Username 13:28, 22 December 2008 (UTC)

Thing is, we're trying to encourage originality and writing rather than just copying text from one page to another, I got an idea for you. How about I restore it, and you can create a real mirror image of the main page? Sort of like the evil twin of Uncyclopedia? ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 13:41, 22 December 2008 (UTC)

Create a parody of the Main Page? That sounds fun.--Uncreative Username 14:04, 22 December 2008 (UTC)

Alrighty - give it a shot. I've restored it. ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 14:50, 22 December 2008 (UTC)

I think I'm going to need some help with this. Also, why did you revert and protect Encyclopedia Dramatica (Website)? Did you not think that my edits perfectly reflected ED's pathetic attempts at humor?--Uncreative Username 22:21, 22 December 2008 (UTC)

No, I think you over cluttered the page, and I think that was enough warring over it. ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 22:22, 22 December 2008 (UTC)

HAPPY HOLIDA...shiny tinsel?! purrr...

Umm... I had something on my mind before posting, but forgot what the deuce it was. So here's a *hug* to make up for it. :) -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 16:29, 22 Dec

Wuvvy!!!! /me runs around flinging arms everywhere How you been? Thank you for gracing my talk page with your presence. How are you feeling? ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 16:40, 22 December 2008 (UTC)

I almost burned myself out at my last job, switched employer, am almost through my trial period and am now so to say in a responsible big wig position at the hub, where every Epic Fail™ can be pinned on me :)

All in all, I'm a little concerned about being so rusty editing that I'll try taking it slowly. So if I fuck up big time, please don't ~~spank me~~ ban me... /me does the puppy eye stunt and hands Sabba a pair of puppy eyes... O.o -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 16:45, 22 Dec

Well, don't know about the spanking thing O_O I'll try to avoid it, but I can't promise anything! How is your health though? ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 16:49, 22 December 2008 (UTC)

I'm not fluey, I'm not pregnant, I don't have any STDs and I don't have a sex life. So the usual ;) Oh, and I'm not allergic to cats either. One of those bastard pedigree puss-wild pony sized mutant tomcat kittens adopted me last July, and now I'm stuck with about five kilos of 8 month old baby that loves to sleep on my face :o His name means "Scoundrel" or "Impudent Rascal" and he's a lvl 6 ninja apprentice based on the damage he does when he decides to steal my favourite antique ruby earrings. One of them is still missing... And your health, Sabba? -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 16:53, 22 Dec

So you've basically serving a cat eh? That's why you don't have any STDs or sex life, you're too busy filling the cat's desires and needs! Been there, done that, they're a demanding bunch these bastards. I'm doing good! Trying to get used to the European winter without expiring. It's bloody cold here. Don't know how you Northerners cope with that :) ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 17:45, 22 December 2008 (UTC)

Yes, Ron (abbreviated from a 68 letter word in my Native), as he is called is indeed my master and commander and currently telling me he wants tuna. He's actually telling me I'll regret if he doesn't get any tuna... Such a demanding little... *Ahems* cuddly kitty, cuddly little kitteeeeaaaaarrrrrghhhh!!!

Intermission, during which presumably tuna is distributed to the needy and some scratch wounds are patched up...

/me limps back into the room from the kitchen... Where was I? Ah yes, the cold... Whaddya mean cold? It's like a typical early June atm. There isn't even any snow yet. You sissy of a grandpa! *wink* -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 19:13, 22 Dec

Huffed in the facehole

Any reason? I need guidance, and Stubbsworth wasn't particularly important, just tied in nicely with all the other stuff I did which is entirely fictitious. I liked Stubbsworth, and I think if he was given the chance . . . you'd grow to love him. Seriously, advice? First day. Gently but firmly. BlueDexter 16:34, 22 December 2008 (UTC)

Restored. Next time try to put the {{Construction}} template on it to avoid a quick death. What else can I do you for? ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 16:42, 22 December 2008 (UTC)

Eep. Good call. Thank you. Anything else . . ? Well, just generally whether you think the way I'm going with Door Handle (all the other entries are orbiting subsidiaries) is a good way or not. I am a nub of the highest order. [[BlueDexter 18:30, 22 December 2008 (UTC)]]

Sorry

Sorry. Couldnt pick a name. Im done now.

Tis' The Season

PARTY LIKE IT'S SATURNALIA!

Io, Saturnalia!- Eat, Drink and treat your masters with disrespect!

Happy Hedonism from the Saturnalicius Princeps
NOW START DRINKING JAGERMEISTER WHILE WEARING UGLY SWEATERS AND SILLY HATS

BITCH, PLEASE!

I'd just like to say to you, <insert name here> Merry/Happy/Already with the happy! Hannukah/Kwanzaa/Festivus/Capitalism, bitch-nizzle! and other mildly offensive things that make self-respecting white-people cringe with disgust.

During this season...

Yeah Happy/Merry whatever you believe/ride off to get presents from us at the Church of Assholes Who Make Fun of Churches of Assholes --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent

13:33, 24 December 2008 (UTC)

Smooches on this X-mas day!

Happy whatever you may or may not celebrate! From your favorite "troll".

Here's Your Christmas Tree

Merry Christmas 2008 From Sawblade5

Here's a Potato Christmas Tree For You!
Caution the Grue protecting this tree!

----Pleb- Sawblade5 ^{[citation needed]}⁽ ^yell ^| ^FAQ ^| ^{I did this} ⁾ 10:17, 25 December 2008 (UTC)

Getting hold of you the only way this n00b knows how

Hi Mordillo - Cruella McYummypants here. Moving all my slavish effort (read: random crap) about shyster bears took a lot of CHUTZPAH!!! :-p

OK, obligatory Judaic reference out of the way... now on to the substance. If this is an accepted Uncyclopedia practice, I was thinking of maybe linking it off into its own article the way Wikipedia occasionally does (i.e., a subsection in the main article, containing only a "See main article" kind of link). Would this work?

Everyone seems to know "CHUTZPAH" :). I'm not sure what you mean - do you want to do a subpage and link it from the main article? ~ Mordillo where is my DAMN? 09:52, 29 December 2008 (UTC)

Rabbi gif

I like. Not going to be too big and screw up lines of text though, is it? Today is of course a very improtant day in the Jewish calendar - yes, it's Scraping Wax That Dripped From The Menorah And Fell On The Carpet Day! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:36, 29 December 2008 (UTC)

Doesn't seem to be - and it's just within the 16px regulations. I know what you mean about the wax thingy, luckily it didn't happen this year! And it's Hanukiya you heretic! Not Menorah! ~

10:46, 29 December 2008 (UTC)

Yup, seems fine. I was given a hanukiya by a Lubavitcher rabbi in Golder's Green on Friday, wish I'd known the word when he referred to it as a menorah so I could have called him a heretic. Also laid tefillin, first time I've ever done that which he says counts as bar mitzvah - oh well, 21 years too late is better than never I suppose! The missus and I celebrated in the time-honoured fashion of going immediately afterwards to a pub and had a fair few pints. :-) Rabbi Techno

FOXES 10:52, 29 December 2008 (UTC)

That's a very old fashioned tradition that - pints after latkes! ~

10:54, 29 December 2008 (UTC)

Managed to avoid them, the horrid little greasy things. Maybe the coming of the Moshiach will not be the appearance of a messiah but the invention of a healthy, non-greasy, low-fat latke? On a vaguely-related note, how do you reckon the Maccabees pulled that trick in the first place? I ask because a bottle of olive oil never lasts anything like eight days in our house, and the damn stuff isn't cheap. Rabbi Techno

FOXES 11:00, 29 December 2008 (UTC)

They were educated in Hell's Kitchen they were! ~

11:02, 29 December 2008 (UTC)

Ah, I see. I always assumed they were ordering extra bottles from www.tesco.com and getting it secretly delivered in an unmarked van. Rabbi Techno

FOXES 11:07, 29 December 2008 (UTC)

No need to go all the way tesco, there's enough to go in the holy land. Speaking of which, how the hell are you using a bottle of olive oil in a week?! ~

11:09, 29 December 2008 (UTC)

Beats me. I think we have a ghost that drinks it. That's nothing compared to the rate we get through balsamic vinegar. Rabbi Techno

FOXES 11:11, 29 December 2008 (UTC)

Remind me never to come over to dinner. Unless it's the liquid sort. ~

11:12, 29 December 2008 (UTC)

Liquids are pretty much always a part of every meal here. Thinking about opening a bottle of wine as it happens, got some nice red stuff left over. 11.13am sounds a reasonable time to start drinking to me. Rabbi Techno

FOXES 11:14, 29 December 2008 (UTC)

It must be 5pm somewhere around the world. ~

11:16, 29 December 2008 (UTC)

Google says "5:03pm Monday (IST) - Time in India." Hurrah! Rabbi Techno

FOXES 11:34, 29 December 2008 (UTC)

Thank you for voting.

Thank you for voting.

Thank you all for voting me your Writer of the Month for December 2008, despite my rather long winded speech half-telling you not to while still being whore enough to accept the award anyways. Enjoy this pretty template styled after my pretty new userpage as your payment, as per our previous agreement. Much love, —Sir SysRq (talk) 22:49, 1 January 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 1st January 2009

I can think of worse things. ~

Better sign it.

January 1st, 2009 • Issue 29 • The first newspaper to wish you a Happy Christmas 2009!

The UnSignpost starts 2009 as it ended 2008: Late
The UnSignpost, the wiki newspaper with the highest staff turnover on the interwebs, has made a promising start to 2009, by being late with the first issue of the year. Gentleman editor UU said "I could say the issue was ready on time, but it was tricky to find a paperbot, but we at the Signpost have never hid behind excuses. Oh no, wait, we do that all the time. I couldn't be bothered to hunt hard enough to find a paperbot. Sorry. Still, it's not like the readers expect better, is it?"

Several readers were probably available for comment, but we didn't ask them anything and blatantly made one up: "it wouldn't be the UnSignpost if it arrived on time", Orian57 might have said, if we'd asked him.

The Patronising New Year Editorial^TM
If you follow a sensible calendar, and not a Chinese, Jewish, Muslim, Celtic or whatever one, a New Year has just dawned, bringing with it the faintest vestiges of hope. Hope that things may just be different this time. Hope that we may keep a resolution for longer than a week. Hope that we will achieve all those targets our hearts desire. Hope that mankind may finally rise above the pettiness of squabbling between families, religions and nations, and unite in a glorious surge towards a bright, common future.

From this we can infer that Andy Dufresne in The Shawshank Redemption didn't have a clue what he was on about - hope is a ridiculous thing, and should be crushed as soon as possible. However, there is still the possibility, however remote, that something good might happen. Active users might start writing more good articles again. VFH might start to flow like it used to. Old users may return, invigorated, to bestow upon us fresh fruits of their imaginations. New users may arrive to take up the baton, and stride boldly forward, blessing us with a wealth of new articles that inject fresh purpose and impetus to the site.

Don't look like that - it might happen.

Well, monkeys might also fly out of your butt. Depends if teleportation technology ever becomes viable, widely available, and small enough to secure in such a narrow location.

Face it, we haven't a clue what this year holds for us yet, folks, all we can do is try and make it the best we can by writing more articles, and helping new users out, and see where we go from there. This is your UnSignpost, patronising the fuck out of you. Happy New Year!

Kevin Rudd says Uncyclopedia is the worst
By Joe9320
Recently, Kevin Rudd said that Uncyclopedia is the worst. In his statement when he was at his speech in Beijing, China, he said "Uncyclopedia is the worst. They put up articles of disgust, nonsense and rudeness. Fuck Uncyclopedia! It's just a plain ripoff of Wikipedia" Then he went on to say how Uncyclopedia is bad. He also said "Illogicopedia is nonsensical, but much better than Uncyclopedia. Even Wikipedia doesn't have anything disgusting on it, despite articles about rude words". As the people of Uncyclopedia, we totally disagree on Mr Rudd's comments on Uncyclopedia. People should realise that this great website is not a ripoff of Wikipedia. Hail Cthulhu!

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

14:04, 26 December 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.59.56.100 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (For doing something to a page on Phil Collins. You have terrible taste.)
12:56, 25 December 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked YourFriend (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (If I shove a Christmas tree up your ass, does that make you an angel?)
21:23, 18 December 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.182.114.238 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Your edits are bad on a scale I haven't seen in quite some time. You'd be the chosen one if the goal of this wiki was to make shitty stubs about your friends.)

Biopic of the Week

Proudly the worst since 2005, Uncyclopedia is the place all subscribers to this newspaper will have edited at least once. That means you are directly responsible for its worstness. We hope you feel suitably chastened.

Year of the week

2008. As far as years went, it was OK - there were days in it, things happened and whatnot. People joined, people left, people returned, people lurked, people vandalised, and drama was never far away. But it's probably the best year we've had for at least 8 months.

Year that hasn't happened yet of the week.

2022. We just get a good feeling about it. It'll probably suck now.

Exhortation to vote on stuff of the week

We at the UnSignpost know how much you all love voting, so what better treat than the bumper crop of New Year voting pages? Top 10 of Dec, WotY, UotY, PotY, WotM, UotM, PotM, RotM, VFH, VFD... How much fun can you have in one month?

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 01:00, 3 January 2009 (UTC)

I wish to remind you

about this forum topic. Whether you do what you proposed or what I proposed, I recommend doing something. But as I mentioned earlier, there's still the issue of Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization being completely abandoned. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 22:04, 3 January 2009 (UTC)

Sorry it took me a while, I was busy having a flu. It's done now, and if I forget next week - remind me. ~

13:01, 5 January 2009 (UTC)

You got some sick? --UU - natter

13:04, Jan 5

I'm telling you, I'm feeling GAY GAy gay! ~

13:16, 5 January 2009 (UTC)

or rather I'm not. ~

13:17, 5 January 2009 (UTC)

I thought as much - less tends to get done on here when you're not about. Hope it clears up nice and speedily. --UU - natter

14:01, Jan 5

Thanks. I can tell you one thing - viewing a whole day marathon of House when you're sick = Not good. ~

14:21, 5 January 2009 (UTC)

Mrs UU is perilously close to completing her Sex And The City DVD collection. And when she does, she plans to watch the lot, in order. For me, that is a fate worse than death, my friend... --UU - natter

16:10, Jan 5

16:11, 5 January 2009 (UTC)

A fate worse than a fate worse than death? Wow, that's getting serious! --UU - natter

16:14, Jan 5

Now we're getting pythonesque! ~

16:18, 5 January 2009 (UTC)

My powers are weak

Can you unprotect the Talk:VTech page please? I think the attack you protected it from will have passed by now... Need to pop the VFD kept tag on there. Thanks. --UU - natter 11:18, Jan 6

You wish is granted! You have two left. Would you like money? Women? Me dancing naked clad only in an "NRV" towel? ~

11:43, 6 January 2009 (UTC)

Ham on rye with a smidgen of mustard, and a warmer office, please. Also, thanks. --UU - natter

11:46, Jan 6

No naked women? No NRV towel? No the meaning of life? Damn, you're easy to please. ~

12:02, 6 January 2009 (UTC)

Right now, that "warmer office" thing is a lot less than easy, and it would please greatly, believe me. Brrrrr. --UU - natter

12:04, Jan 6

As long as your ducks have where to swim and the channels didn't freeze, trust me - you're doing good! ~

12:16, 6 January 2009 (UTC)

I dunno, being able to tell the difference between being inside the building and being outside it would be nice... It's not easy typing in gloves this thick. --UU - natter

12:28, Jan 6

Meh, I don't know, as long as you're able to go out of the building without losing pieces of your anatomy that are being frozen to the walls...("...and my family group up in a match box!...") ~

12:33, 6 January 2009 (UTC)

Anatomy frozen to the walls? You were lucky. There were 15 of us huddling round t'freezer compartment for t'warmth, and we had to pay t'mill owner for t'privilege. --UU - natter

12:36, Jan 6

Children the lot of you. We had to jump into the frozen channel and duck our head in to make sure we extract a grain of warmth from the planktons. ~

12:51, 6 January 2009 (UTC)

Mr NB is still with us god rest his soul..

I was thinking of offering him a deal on beahviour in exchange for un-banning of his account and an end to the sockpuppetry. I was wondering if I can do this?:) — Sir Sycamore (talk) 17:17, 7 January 2009 (UTC)

Is that the one editing Hubris? How typical. I'd rather you wouldn't. As much as I have a bizarre fondness towards him, I don't like offering deals to ban evaders. He was told multiple times to talk to us via IRC or email, if he can't make that little effort, I don't see a reason to do him any favors. If he wants to talk, my email is available always. ~

21:57, 7 January 2009 (UTC)

Cool, it was just a thought. — Sir Sycamore (talk) 09:00, 8 January 2009 (UTC)

Unofficially I'm all with ya. Officially, I just can't give leeway to someone just because he evades bans long enough :) ~

09:06, 8 January 2009 (UTC)

I think Christmas may have softened my sheer evilness - Also are you up for some Hasid House and some pills?:) — Sir Sycamore (talk) 09:10, 8 January 2009 (UTC)

I say PARTY ALL NIGHT WITH THE HASIDIM! ~

09:11, 8 January 2009 (UTC)

Oh yeah! — Sir Sycamore (talk) 09:16, 8 January 2009 (UTC)

Addoption

Hey I noticed your addopting, care to give me a chance? Ive been around here a few times following your name in links and so foruth and have started a few good (i hope) pages. Trying to write or help out articles that spark my interest but nothings worked so far. Thanks for listening to my drawl. If this is not where it is supposed to be then you know i really need help. Please contact me on my userpage or here, whichever you prefer.Drag 02:54, 8 January 2009 (UTC)

Hi Drag, no problem, I'll be happy to help. Let me know when and how you'd like to start. ~

09:09, 8 January 2009 (UTC)

Hey, could you look over Cross country for me? That would be a great help. Drag 11:25, 8 January 2009 (UTC)

Gefilte Fish

Yep, I know it should be that way round, even if I am vegan and don't eat the stuff (though I was an avid consumer of both that and chopped herring for many years). Trouble is, "gefilte fish" doesn't fit the lyric from the seminal, classic and, to be truthful, shit acid house record "Standin' in the Corner" like "fish gefilte" does. Maybe fresh gefilte is the answer? Cheers for your additions and alterations though, I don't think the article is quite 'there' yet, though Sycamore and Mhaille have said they want to nom it for a feature. I'm a bit out of inspiration - any ideas? BTW, you are, of course, quite right about me being a bad Jew. I'm the worst. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:45, 8 January 2009 (UTC)

Thank god you blocked him

When I have a situation like a revert war with a vandal, (Italianboi) should I just report and leave him be?-- 22:01, 8 January 2009 (UTC)

Depends on how reziliant you feel at that moment :). Speaking of which, two requests regarding BP:

First, what is that with the small font? My eyes are struggling as it is. Second, you don't need to list every user that changes a paragraph or a line, a simple revert will do. If we block anyone who do a little damage every now and then, we'll never stop blocking, so we try to target the more serious offenders. Having said that, thanks for the effort! ~ 22:10, 8 January 2009 (UTC)

Will-do! Sorry about the teeny font. I think it's my being self conscious about taking up too much space. I'll just revert the minor stupidstuffs and concentrate on total dicks for BP--

22:15, 8 January 2009 (UTC)

Archiving?

Hey you, that's my job. Are you trying to make me redundant? I archive everything under the BPC templates. Are you trying to put me out of a job, mister, huh? It's not like I can do your job in revenge, is it? Ooh you little.... Why I oughtta... I'll shake my finger furiously in the approximate direction of where I think you are today, that'll learn yer! --UU - natter 10:24, Jan 9

I'm wilting here in shame...I'll never touch your archives again dad...! ~

10:53, 9 January 2009 (UTC)

Tell you what, give Cajek a 42 second ban telling him it's a present from me, and we'll call everything quits ever. Also, how are you today? --UU - natter

11:00, Jan 9

Still coughing my head off, but it's getting better. I need some alcohol in my circulation I think. What about our little collab? Shall I kill it dead? ~

11:02, 9 January 2009 (UTC)

Medicinal booze always helps. As to the collab, don't kill it, I still fully intend to get around to it, I still like the idea. Bear in mind it took me at least as long before I added anything to this after promising PP I'd chip in with some stuff, it's well within my normal service levels! --UU - natter

11:05, Jan 9

I thought you had an SLA of the time that takes a pint of Guinness to warm up. ~

11:15, 9 January 2009 (UTC)

Depends what on. My SLA for smithing, reviewing etc is low, and equivalent to the time it takes to eat a Big Mac and Large Fries. My writing SLA is more equivalent to the time it takes to exercise off the effects of a Big Mac ad Large Fries... --UU - natter

12:00, Jan 9

That could take weeks!!!! And think about the residual damage! 12:27, 9 January 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 8th January 09

Just like Grandma used to make!

January 8th, 2009 • Issue 30 • Suckling the Milk of News from the Teat of Truth

Uncyclopedians on Xbox Live

By SysRq

Recently, ~~hundreds~~ ~~dozens~~ some Uncyclopedians have joined the ranks of thousands of pizza-faced proud high school graduates and pre-pubescent twelve year old boys in the dysfunctional, loosely connected network of gamers known as Xbox Live. Among these traitors to Uncyclopedia were Orian57, a friend of the UnSignpost and frequently featured writer. Other Uncyclopedians on Xbox Live include The Woodburninator, Mhaille, Bonner, and Heerenveen. How could such successful Uncyclopedians go so wrong? I went undercover as "Pope Gustav" to expose these turncoats and find out why they abandoned the site in such numbers.

The following is an actual transcript between me (under the alias "Pope Gustav") and Orian57 (under the alias "Orian57") on Xbox Live.

Pope Gustav: Hey buddy, it's SysRq from Uncyclopedia.

Orian57: Hello. You want to play some Horde?

Pope Gustav: Yeah, man. We're playing on Gridlock, right?

Orian57: Actually, Security is a much easier map for Horde.

Pope Gustav: Cool.

This is stunning evidence that Orian57, along with others, is leaving the site for the glamorous life of Xbox Live. When confronted with this transcript and these accusations, Orian replied that "I was just on Uncyclopedia today. I was just bored and wanted something else to do." Oddly enough, all of the other Uncyclopedians that have Xbox Live accounts that I spoke to also claimed to have "lives" outside of Uncyclopedia, lives that mainly consist of playing Halo 3.

Article gets +21 votes on VFH

By Mnbvcxz.

Only a few days after going back to featuring "Today's Featured Article" for only one day, instead of the previous two, the article, The defense rests, your honor received 21 "for" votes and no "against" after a mere 3 days on VFH. The article, nominated on VFH by SysRq, and written by noted admin Modusoperandi, is the first article surpass +20 votes in a long while on VFH. Upon hearing of his accomplishment, Modus is heard to have said, "I'd like to thank all of the little people that I crushed to get where I am," and, "Can I wear my Kernel Popcorn costume?" SysRq, the article nominator is quoted as saying, "I was the one who nommed that article; I deserve some recognition."

For those of you are new around here, VFH is the process by which uncyclopedia nominates articles for "Today's Featured Article", the article in the top left corner on the mainpage. All users of uncyclopedia, including anonymous ip users are encouraged to vote on VFH and nominate articles on VFH. VFH can be found here, but typing in VFH in the search box, by clicking the "Votes for Highlight" link under the community links on the right (it's second from the bottom between "Pee Review" and "Votes for Pictures"), and Uncyclopedia:VFH, in addition to several other redirects.

Many users have expressed approval of this accomplishment, as the more votes an article gets, the better an article is. Therefore, by voting on an article, one injects more quality into an article, in the same way that manufacturers "inspect" quality back into a finished part. Additionally, the admins will not longer be forced to torture various cute animals to inspire users to vote in VFH: provided VFH doesn't stall out again.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

14:30, 7 January 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.249.151.205 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (hi hi poop? That's the best you can do?)
22:38, 6 January 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 151.201.148.112 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (People who don't learn need to get extra lessons via their anus. Well, I'm here to give extra lessons. Bend over mister!)
15:22, 4 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 79.175.81.253 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (1nd, I have 2 dads, and 2th, just because I am the product of dirty, dirty incest, and also a fuckface, that is no reason to blank my talkpage. Fuckface.)

Biopic of the Week

Whatever else you say about Mordillo, you can't say he's idle. Except in real life, because he's spending all his time on his computer, banning asshats, deleting crap, making stuff happen, writing quality articles, and sorting shit out. Of course, as he's a Zionist, it's all part of a wider conspiracy to control our very thoughts, but that's probably a small price to pay for such an efficient admin.

Old School Featured Article of the Week

I'm a dick. A private dick. That's like a private dancer but with a gun and dances cost extra. That's how we do it in the detective game. It's a game like Clue, but without the cards or the board. Just the dice.

And they always come up snake eyes.

The name is Gwendolyne. Last name's not important. All you need to know is my friends call me Gwendolyne. My friends are bourbon and ice and I haven't spoken to ice in years.

Translated Uncyclopedia Article of the Week

Drill Sergeant in Mexican.

¡UN INSTRUCTOR DE ENTRENAMIENTO ES LO QUE CARAJOS SOY! ¡DESDE AHORA NADA VENDRÁ DE ESA INMUNDA COLADERA LLENA DE CACA QUE USTED LLAMA BOCA! ¡SÓLO RESPONDERÁ CON 'SÍ SEÑOR' O 'NO SEÑOR'! ¿¡ENTIENDE RECLUTA!?
Read the original.

The welcome(?) return of Cajek ban of the week

09:46, 7 January 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Cajek, you have no idea how wasted I am. 15 shots of gin and somehow I'm still awake. And blocking you. Fuck yes.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 16:00, 9 January 2009 (UTC)

I is noobs.

Hello. I can has adopt? PLZ? I am willing to learn about stuff... and... junk. I'll even link you this cool trailer of Starcraft II! Starcraft II Trailer Guszy 20:57, 9 January 2009 (UTC)

KK... seriously... can I has? Guszy 11:42, 16 January 2009 (UTC)

Sorry sorry! I completely missed your message! Thanks for the link. What can I do to help? ~

12:48, 16 January 2009 (UTC)

Well... I want to know how to work this site, and I'm having trouble on my own... I saw that adoption thing... and... 76.6.47.28 06:59, 17 January 2009 (UTC)

OK, for starters, did you read the guides left on your talk page? ~

10:37, 17 January 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, but like when editing pages, I don't know how to do a lot of things like templates or the bar things at the top.... Guszy 18:05, 25 January 2009 (UTC)

Wikipedia might be of some help, in that case. Also, this isn't my talk page. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 18:20, Jan 25

This is not indeed! Stalker! Now Guszy, you have anything specific you'd like to edit/create? Let me know and I'll help you create it. ~

10:53, 26 January 2009 (UTC)

Oh no

We're on ban patrol! — Sir Sycamore (talk) 17:35, 10 January 2009 (UTC)

I'm afraid I'll be forced to ban you now. You're a vandal. ~

17:36, 10 January 2009 (UTC)

Samuel L. Jackson Article

Hey,

I have seen that the article was a deletion survivor and you have restored it to the version prior to the VFD - the "Motherfucking" version so to speak. There's a user called meganew that reverted it to his version, and I have reverted it back to your last version - well the absence of motherfucker in that article seemed to mess up the whole idea. But Meganew reverted it back to his version.

I was wondering if Meganew is an admin. If so I will concur with his decision. If not, please restore it back to "your" last version.

Thanks,

Gilgal1 (Talk to me bitch!!!) Gilgal1 07:57, 12 January 2009 (UTC)

Morning, he's not an admin. There isn't really "my version", I just removed it out of VFD. As for which version is better, why don't you talk with him on his talk page and reach a consensus? If you need me to mediate let me know. ~

07:54, 12 January 2009 (UTC)

Sorry for the confusion, I understand that it was not really your version, I just stated it as a reference point so that we can identify which version is which in the history log. He actually reverted it back and put a note in the discussion page. I am not optimistic that we can reach a consensus knowing that he was the one who voted it for VFD and now he reverted it back - he simply does not like the "motherfucker" version.

I will try to talk to him.

BTW, do we have some sort of rule of thumb for VFD survivors? Because in one of the articles that I collaborated with (Cloverfield))is also a deletion survivor, and the last good version prior to the VFD was restored. I hope that it also applies to this one too. The motherfucker article is quite good. :)

Thanks,

--Gilgal1

(Talk to me bitch!!!) 08:07, 12 January 2009 (UTC)

I've stuck my oar in slightly here, and had a word as well. I think if the VFD nominator is the only one who objects to the swearing, then it should stay - it's almost an obligatory part of an article on Samuel L Jackson. It had 5 "keep" votes, most variations on the "motherfuckin' keep" theme, indicating that Meganew is in the minority thinking it is only funny for "SWEARERS, PERVERTS, AND DRUNKS" (surely that's most of us on this wiki? Certainly nails me rather accurately). So I've had a friendly word, and made a small revert. Hopefully this can be cleared up amicably. --UU - natter

09:27, Jan 12

Sounds good to me gents, I'll keep an eye on the motherfucking situation. ~

16:39, 12 January 2009 (UTC)

While you're about, any chance of updating the monthly winners template to give Sys his day in the sun? --UU - natter

16:42, Jan 12

Done. Now BEND OVER!!! ~

17:16, 12 January 2009 (UTC)

Feel like arbitratin' an edit war?

'cause if you do, I've got one on my hands over at Solid Snake.[2]

While this edit war has admittedly not reached the fever pitch of the one at Wikipedia:Rade Šerbedžija, it still could maybe use some attention. Feeling attentive? Chairs. pillow talk 18:41, 12 January 2009 (UTC)

I've imposed a violent cease fire, let's see if that gent will care to play. Thanks for letting me know. ~

20:13, 12 January 2009 (UTC)

Message from Santa

Ho bloody ho
You paid your inflated entrance fee for Lapland New Forest so I guess you should have some sort of Christmas present.
Here, tell you what, have this ~~crappy~~ lovely dolly then go and feed the reindeer - carrots are only £3 each from our gift shop.

--Asahatter (annoy) 11:17, 13 January 2009 (UTC)

Colonization

Yes, it's that time of the month again. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 10:47, 14 January 2009 (UTC)

I was thinking about that, this article is still a pile of crap. Should we give it more time or just move on? ~

10:54, 14 January 2009 (UTC)

For as far as I'm concerned, it can stay on the front page a few days more. Though I doubt it'll help anything, if any user will edit it, it'll probably be some IP writing crap or vandalizing the page. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 11:05, 14 January 2009 (UTC)

Though I may be completely wrong about that latter part. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 19:52, 14 January 2009 (UTC)

Fun fact of the day: I worked on that article specifically to prove you wrong, because I hate you.

pillow talk 20:38, 14 January 2009 (UTC)

Why? Why? Oh Why? -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 22:06, 14 January 2009 (UTC)

Apparently

Hyperbole fixed the article... and he hates me. Maybe you can switch the articles now. *sob* Why does he hate me? *sob* -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 22:19, 14 January 2009 (UTC)

Opps

Thought he wrote Why?:Do a Pee Review. Should have checked the history first. --Docile hippopotamus 09:26, 15 January 2009 (UTC)

No problem. ~

09:36, 15 January 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 15th January

Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.

January 15, 2009 • Issue 31 • Making the New York Times look like Mad Magazine (or is that the other way round?)

From The Desk of the Cabal: Incest and sex change are now bannable offenses

From the desk of the cabal. Embedded with the last person who came looking for the cabal

Following the sex change operations of citizen (now citizeness) Yettie, and several suspicious sexual activities in the Uncyclopedia compound, the Cabal hereby decrees the following:

Sex changes are only allowed if the citizen wishes to become a voluptuous female.
Any other operations are banned (particularly those who wish to become males, or just more manly looking, in order to improve their chances of scoring with various Uncyclopedians of either gender).
Any sexual activities with family members is strictly prohibited.
Exceptions are: members of the AAN family members, who can shag aunts and granddaughters as much as they'd like.
Sex tax is now in affect. All sex acts taking place in Uncyclopedia are taxable. Taxes should be paid to Olipro no more than 24 hours after the act has taken place. Acceptable currencies are: Euros, Dollars, Pounds, Young Boys and Camels.

Thank you citizens, this message was not delivered by the Cabal which does not exist. Behave nice, vote on VFH and obey the Cabal. The Cabal is your friend. Or it would be. If it existed.

Pee Revuu?
In a surprise move, Boomer, former dictator in absentia of PEEING, the group for opinionated users who enjoy nothing more than giving a good Pee Review, has announced his official retirement. His last official act was to appoint Under user, noted reviewer and maintainer of the Pee Review committee page, to his old position of Captain Catheter. Some regular pee reviewers are worried; Orian57 was heard to say "If UU is going to do Boomer's job, then who the hell are we going to get to do UU's old job of keeping track of pee reviews, judging the quality of pee reviews, and actually getting around to doing the occasional pee review? Don't look at me, I'm gay."

UU himself dismissed such fears, pointing out that he's got nothing better to do with his time than arbitrarily judge the quality of other people's opinions anyway, and adding "I'm relieved to be taking up this position as it will drastically reduce the number of reviews I'm expected to do. Also, I'm thinking of introducing a policy of stripping Orian57, and only him, of his RotM award, his rank, his mittens and his right to drink hot chocolate ever again unless he does a bloody review some time soon".

However, some users are still not convinced this is a good idea, or even possible. One, speaking on condition of anonymity, said, "I seriously doubt that UU can do Boomer's job and his own at the same time. I mean, how can he be accused of being a lazy arse if he has almost twice as many good pee reviews as anyone else and does 75% of the pee review maintenance tasks? This ruins the running pee review committee in-joke about Captain Catheter not doing anything. There is no way this can work."

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

08:25, 13 January 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Tardman (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (I love being a cunt, it makes my hair glow)
23:58, 12 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 218.186.12.218 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Replacing a page with 'Hey uncyclopedians, edit this please' is basically the same thing as replacing it with 'Hey uncyclopedia admins, ban me please.' Talk pages are your friend. Blanking is not.)
01:06, 12 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.135.165.198 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Hey! I remember you! You evaded that ban that one time, remember? Good times, man, good times.)
15:17, 10 January 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Modus Operandi (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 months ‎ (1 month for being an ass, the other for that stupid username.)

Biopic of the Week

It's hard to define the singular entity known as Modusoperandi in mere words. He's like Uncyclopedia's wandering troubadour of amusing non-sequiturs: roaming the land in search of discussions worthy of his absurdist input, sitting by the campfire of the conversation, treating those assembled to another whimsical one-liner, and then heading off toward another exchange where his presence is required. Kinda like the Littlest Hobo, but with jokes. And lots of awards, featured articles, admin powers and suchlike.

VFD Delete vote of the week

Delete How many half-baked, stale jokes can we fit on one page? More importantly, how can something be stale and yet only half-baked? by Syndrome on Awesomeness.

Transatlantic jaunt of the week

After many months in the hands of that most malevolent of dictators, the United States date format, the New Year allowed our stand-up English editor to put the UnSignpost printing presses on a 747 to what this journalist considers the correct British format! Rejoice! (Note: What you paid for this paper may or may not have gone on the presses' ticket. We don't know. It may also have gone on that booze over there.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 21:29, 15 January 2009 (UTC)

It's all yours

Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 23:23, 15 January 2009 (UTC)

Your sister? ~

08:12, 16 January 2009 (UTC)

Yes. My sister. Mind her moustache. She's a bit sensitive about it. The balls, too. You'll see those later. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 08:40, 16 January 2009 (UTC)

I...I get weird flashbacks from the crying game...~

09:11, 16 January 2009 (UTC)

Yup. Before her, they just called it "the game". True story. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 09:23, 16 January 2009 (UTC)

And let me venture a guess, her name is Frank Operandi? ~

09:26, 16 January 2009 (UTC)

Uh. Okay? I hate to point this out, but I have no sister, moustachio'd or otherwise. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 09:29, 16 January 2009 (UTC)

Damn. And here I was all getting geared up. ~

09:41, 16 January 2009 (UTC)

Heh

Your UotY vote: yeah, the pee thing? That was all Cajek. Uh huh. No one else. Nope. ;-)

(Note: this comment is not to be taken as an objection to the vote, which is a good one, and one I considered myself before deciding that you were you and therefore awesome; it is also not to be taken as trying to steal any glory, possibly to observe that Boomer started PEEING, and me and Cajek started reviewing around the same time, as a result of reviewing each other's articles, and OEJ was awesome long before that; it is also not to be taken anally, as that would involve stuffing a computer up your arse, which would be painful; it is, however, to be taken with a pinch of salt, for that oh-so-salty taste!)

Finally, can I go to the pub yet? --UU - natter 14:30, Jan 16

sigh. I never said it was all him. As far as my vague memory goes back the one generated the whole noise and is the least appreciated person involved with the pee review thing. As of today, the only thing that most people remember about him as the multiple bans, where I'm still remembering the bitter arguments I had with him regarding the pee review regulations. You might have seen that I've also said that if I could, I would have voted to nearly everyone on that list. No disrespect intended. ~ 15:42, 16 January 2009 (UTC)

None taken. And you didn't piss me off, hence that lengthy small print and the wink intended to convey such a message. I tried three times to write this in a lighthearted way that showed I wasn't that bothered, just found it amusing. Obviously I failed. I now feel like Orian and those lengthy conversations I had with him yesterday about neuroses. Sorry for making you feel like you offended me, did that offend you? Or does it offend you that I thought that might offend you? Or... Tell you what, let's blame Yettie and forget all about everything. Who's this UU fellow anyway? --UU - natter

15:47, Jan 16

Shouldn't we blame Cajek? Should I ban him then? ~

15:52, 16 January 2009 (UTC)

Cajek? Hell no, I saw him do something to one of his articles today, there's an outside chance it may be the start of a comeback. Tell you what, wait an hour then ban me for offending someone or other, bring me up to a nice, round 10 bans while I leg it to the pub. --UU - natter

15:57, Jan 16

Have one pint for me. Speaking of which, I'm going to Brighton for a few days beginning of February, what do you think the chances are of getting a reunion meeting with your honor, MrN, Mhaille, Codeine and that child rapist. What was his name again? ~

16:05, 16 January 2009 (UTC)

Beginning of Feb? Can't speak for the others, but slim for me - it's my Dad's 60th festivities. Remember I went paintballing for my Mum's last year? We're trying to come up with something equally good for the old man. I would love to meet up with you lot one day though - first round's on me if it happens! --UU - natter

16:13, Jan 16

That's going to be an expensive round :) ~

16:15, 16 January 2009 (UTC)

*Ahem* So, about this nice, round, tenth ban then? --UU - natter

19:03, Jan 17

Nope, definitely the tenth. One of those entries in my block log was RAHB unblocking me, which doesn't count. Of course, I am aware that making this point will probably result in an eleventh ban to set things straight, but what the hey. Morning Mordillo! --UU - natter

11:26, Jan 19

There you go, all sorted now! Afternoon UU. ~

11:49, 19 January 2009 (UTC)

Sockpuppet of month award

Is the ban for Sockpuppet of month award enforced or just a joke? If its a ban how long is the ban for? --Docile hippopotamus 05:07, 17 January 2009 (UTC)

Are you talking on FFS? There usually isn't a ban involved with SotM, unless it's really is dealing with a puppetmaster...~

16:29, 17 January 2009 (UTC)

Or if an admin just wants to joke-ban you, just because it's supposedly one of the prizes. In the latter case, it wouldn't be very difficult to request unbanning via IRC. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 19:10, 17 January 2009 (UTC)

Spammer

Actually, that IP is just one of hundreds this "spammer" might use, as he is going from internet cafe to the next, each time a different dialup IP in Thailand. And he is not he normal spammer, but apparently a person who lost his mental health due to personal problems, and now whines on the internet claiming everyone is hunting him, and he is on the biggest conspiracy ever... Just deleting his nonsense is all which is possible. Andy 12:55, 19 January 2009 (UTC)

I did notice that same theme a few times. There isn't a lot we can do other than a range block which will probably block most of Thailand...~

12:56, 19 January 2009 (UTC)

Morning

So about the American ISP range...:)--Sycamore (Talk) 11:55, 21 January 2009 (UTC)

Hmmm??? I think I missed something. ~

12:10, 21 January 2009 (UTC)

81.97.8.242

can you help me please? this Ip is harshly posting my real name all over the wiki and creating attack pages based on me, can you delete the page Fowdy which they created about me (I blanked it) and ban them to prevent them doing this again please. Thewatcher92 20:47, 21 January 2009 (UTC)

Done. Let me know if they use a different IP in the future. ~

20:53, 21 January 2009 (UTC)

You might also note that Thewatcher92's real name still exists in one of the IP's edit summaries.

pillow talk 21:04, 21 January 2009 (UTC)

Hmm. And Thewatcher92's own diffs also reveal an identity. Well, I have no idea how one would go about fixing that.

pillow talk 21:07, 21 January 2009 (UTC)

Thank you for that I will let you know if it happens again, as for the diffs, doesn't wikia have oversight like wikipedia? Thewatcher92 21:18, 21 January 2009 (UTC)

That depends on your definition of oversight. Also, wikia doesn't have oversight over wikipedia. Different organization. ~

21:47, 21 January 2009 (UTC)

All is taken care of, I think. The trick is to delete the article and only restore the revisions that aren't cyberbullying. It's a neat trick, great for sending bumped forums to the back of the queue. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:46, Jan 21

Slacking

You're not wrong. I haven't even got going with yesterday's Signpost either, and there's a whole stack of reviews to check... Anyone would think I was actually busy at real work or something. Good job I have no life and can catch up this evening, isn't it? Unless I get sucked into Mass Effect on the 360 again... --UU - natter 13:21, Jan 23

Ooh! Is that good? I just finished the COD 5, which unfortunately took me 4 days. ~

13:30, 23 January 2009 (UTC)

I'm rather enjoying it, but then I'm the kind of sad act that enjoys RPG-style stuff, so I would. It's fun, if you like an equal mix of fairly tactical combat and talky bits. Epic Space Opera and all that. Opportunity to take slightly different paths depending on moral choices too. --UU - natter

13:45, Jan 23

That sounds excellent - I did Fallout3 not a long time ago, and it was amazing. So mass effect then hmmm? I need to see how I convince the missus that it is OK to buy it :) ~

13:48, 23 January 2009 (UTC)

I was gonna buy that actually after a lengthy gaming discussion with UU. It only like £18 of amizon. You into Gears of War at all Mordillo? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~

14:05 23 January 2009

Fifteen of your English pounds from Game online, when I bought it. A bargain too, considering I had £15 of Christmas money from my Gran to spend. --UU - natter

14:07, Jan 23

I don't have any English pounds. And scottish curreny is barely valid in scotland. I mean my smack dealer wouldn't accept it. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~

14:17 23 January 2009

I'll deal you a smack, and you'll accept it... --UU - natter

14:19, Jan 23

s this like one of those old people jokes where you're taking slang terms to mean what they did "back-in-the-day"? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~

14:23 23 January 2009

I think that the difference between "smack" and "a smack" is still fairly clearly defined in slang or back-in-the-day. Maybe not on planet Orian though. --UU - natter

14:47, Jan 23

You calling me fat? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~

15:04 23 January 2009

*sigh* ... Yes. Yes, I am. --UU - natter

15:34, Jan 23

No you're not. At least grow the balls to disagree with me. Honestly. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~

16:25 23 January 2009

Not doing gears of war I'm afraid. I do have a gaming shop about 15 minutes from my place who do second hand games with full guarantee for funny prices. I might give them a shot. ~

14:43, 23 January 2009 (UTC)

Mr winkler is GAY

Ummmmmm. I tried translating this article into French. There's a good chance they're going to think I'm a rank vandal and ban me. But, until that happens, would it be appropriate to add this to the page? [[fr:Désinformation:M winkler est FOLLE]] pillow talk 22:29, 23 January 2009 (UTC)

Wait, Desinformation is UnNews. Fuck. This may be too hard.

pillow talk 22:31, 23 January 2009 (UTC)

Since there is no other link, I don't see a reason why not. Did they ban you already? I had a connection with a French admin in the past, I can locate him if you'd like. ~

11:50, 26 January 2009 (UTC)

They didn't ban me. They retranslated the page more correctly, and then decided to delete it. It's possible that it doesn't translate well.

pillow talk 15:15, 26 January 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, I just thought today if I'd like to translate it to Hebrew how would it come out. The answer is - not good. Actually, far from it :). Some things only come out good in the original languange. ~

15:19, 26 January 2009 (UTC)

The Millenenium

My friend, User:NoNameBrand, recently upgraded the page of which the subject is referring to. The block that has been set in place has been extended from one day to a week. He says he didn't not get the messages until after the edit. I sure we can come to a agreement or understanding with this. Undernomeder 02:16, 24 January 2009 (UTC)

Let me add to that, you blocked him for not keeping the article in it's featured from, whereas there is a template that allows visitors to view the past version, or the version of when it was featured. I see no sense in your logic.Undernomeder 02:44, 24 January 2009 (UTC)

OK, point 1, your friend? This smells faintly like sockpuppetry. Point 2, you've now created the page with the new title, which is fine, but also kept the majority of the content from my article, which is a bit cheap - I know it's all released under the creative commons license and all that, but even so... Point 3, I'm pleased you seem to like the majority of my article, but the way things normally work around here, once an article has been featured, we tend to leave it in that state unless any changes made are considered to be improvements - you may consider the changes to be "upgrades", I disagree. It's a bone of contention, and one that could easily be resolved by you putting your own, original content into your new page, and leaving mine out of it. Just a thought. --UU - natter

09:07, Jan 24

My two cents: NoNameBrand's edits were better than the rank vandalism I expected. But they weren't an improvement to the article. When NNB's block expires, he ought to consider writing an article or editing steaming piles of slag rather than altering featured versions.

pillow talk 09:14, 24 January 2009 (UTC)

I can cheerfully agree with that. --UU - natter

09:16, Jan 24

OK. Nice to see that no one gives a fuck. Yet, I'll take your selfish advice. Undernomeder 12:24, 24 January 2009 (UTC)

Selfish advice... Now theres an interesting oxymoron! Cool. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~

13:40 24 January 2009

Selfish. Sheesh. I spend the vast majority of my time on this website trying to help other users. I hate to blow my own trumpet but I'm not sure there are many users around here who would call me selfish. All I'm suggesting is that you might like to go find an article more in need of attention, and spend some time with it. There are plenty of fixer-uppers if you want to work on them, why do you want to spend time on an article that is not that bad, and I'm kinda proud of? That is an honest question, I would really love to know. See you around the wiki! --UU - natter

20:22, Jan 24

Ownership issues: I'm not here to defend article credit stealing or creating redundant articles. However, material on this wiki is in the creative commons, and by posting it here, you grant everyone and their dog the right to alter, re-work, remix, and commit literary butt-rape on your contributions. This means anyone can take stuff from your articles and stick it in another one; although, according the licensing, some documentation on the talk page would be appropriate when large amounts of good quality material is borrowed. The same issue come up recently on User talk:Joe9320's talk page. --Mnbvcxz 19:09, 24 January 2009 (UTC)

Yes. I know. I did actually mention that on NoNameBrand's talkpage. I'm not bothered about stealing work or any shit like that. I do think it is bad manners to move a featured article for no good reason; I also think it's pretty pointless to create a new page that is essentially a copy of an existing page with a few minor changes - there are millions of new articles waiting to be created for example. OK there are no rules about editing featured articles as such, and this is the content free encyclopedia that anyone can edit, which is one of the things I love about it. Nonetheless, if an article has got to featured status, that means it's not that bad. If your changes aren't a colossal improvement to it, why not go and make changes to one of the many crap articles in Category:Rewrite, for example? Just a thought. --UU - natter

20:22, Jan 24

I agreed with what you said, and there probably should be some sort of "don't mess with this" notice on featured and quasi-featured articles. Also, did he actually copy the article or just move & edit it? I have the feeling that we might be talking about two different things. --Mnbvcxz 21:27, 24 January 2009 (UTC)

I'm Snuffleupagus! [makes furnace noises through snuffle] f-f-f-f-f [pokes Mordi with snuffle] Get out of bed! [slobbers on Mordi with trunk flailing about while making gurgling noises] AARRGGHH! AARRGGHH! AARRGGHH! AARRGGHH! --Snuffleupagus 18:28, 24 January 2009 (UTC)

Reply

Reason I blocked your friend (?) is primarily for moving a page that he had no business moving, ignoring the moving instructions and creating multiple double redirects that made me clean after him. I hate cleaning after people - who don't bother reading instructions. Furthermore, I see no reason taking a recently featured page and edit it top to bottom, and I don't care about the license, it's a matter of common decency, you can't create your own article but rather hop on top of someone else's good writing? Well, you're in the wrong place. I consider this to be vane - a new comer who didn't write anything yet taking a featured article as his own and starts rewriting that. Furthermore, I going to run a checkuser on all the "friends" we have on this page, and if any comes matching, you're all going to be banned for a very very long time. The one thing I hate more than cleaning after messy users who don't bother considering what they're doing, is ban evasion. Last point, at any time - mr. noband could have contacted me through the email user button, I rarely block that option. ~ 23:07, 25 January 2009 (UTC)

Hey Mordillo

Have you thought of the Colonization of the Week lately? -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 18:39, 25 January 2009 (UTC)

Well, let me see, I just came back from a weekend in Paris with the wife, so yes! I thought about it day and night :). I'll get to it tomorrow morning. Thanks for reminding me. ~

23:09, 25 January 2009 (UTC)

Hope you had a good time in Paris. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 23:10, 25 January 2009 (UTC)

Had a marvelous one, thanks! ~

23:11, 25 January 2009 (UTC)

Vandal

74.72.248.76 - I think you're online. pillow talk 01:26, 27 January 2009 (UTC)

Cats arent always evil!(sic)

"Mordillo (Talk | contribs) huffed "UnNews:Good cats" (content was: '== Cats arent always evil! == ---- Despite things like kitler, lolcat, or cats in general, cats are very iddecent! Notice: adding to the article would be nic...' (and the only contributor was 'Raquzzic'))" The foo'. Of course they are. They come directly from Hell and have hearts blacker than Satan's. All true cat lovers are well aware of this! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:31, 29 January 2009 (UTC)

`Tis true! ~

16:32, 29 January 2009 (UTC)

UnNews Staff Reporter

Hey Mordillo - thanks for your comments on my user page, I'll try and get some pics onto my stories as you suggest :-)

S-so erm you're a b-b-beuracrat now?

I'd j-just like t-to ask about y-your recent assent-assention to power b-b-because erm Mr Under- -Under user Put me in Ch-Charge of the the Un-Unn-UnSignpost. W-Wh-What are your th-thought's on the si-situtation? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 19:40 30 January 2009

Your shoe laces are untied. Would you like a cup of tea? ~

22:46, 30 January 2009 (UTC)

Oh s-s-sorry. Th-thank you. I erm I-I already wr-wrote the the th-thing. It's pro-probably no good. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~

23:18 30 January 2009

More Winkler

I don't know why I can't leave the Winkler category alone. I just can't, okay? Anyway, could you put linky brackets around a gay retared place so it will link to my newest, er, creation? pillow talk 22:31, 30 January 2009 (UTC)

Done! ~

22:50, 30 January 2009 (UTC)

Danke!!

pillow talk 22:50, 30 January 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 22 + 7 (+1) January

83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

January 22 + 7, 2009 • Issue 32 • Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

Zionists consolidate wiki power
By The rather nervous junior horoscope writer accidentally promoted to editor in chief

Yeah the st-story is, erm, about Mr Mor-Mordillo’s erm asce-ascent—rise to new power. He was, eh, pr-promoted to erm, Be-Beu- Bureaucrat? Which, erm, me-means he can- can now do- do th-things he cou-couldn’t d-d-do b-before; Kind-kind of like m-my pro-pro-promotion. Heh-heh, th-that was a j-jo-joke.

S-some Un-Uncyclope-Uncyclopedians th-think this p-p-proves s-s-s-something abou-about so-some s-sort of J-Je-Jewish, erm, conspiracy. Or-or something, I-I’m n-not really sh-sh-sure why that was meant to be funny. Pro-pro-probably was-was-wasn’t. So-sorry.

Th-the decision ca-came about b-b-because of th-the fuh-fuh-forum voting process in-in-initiated b-by Under—Under user wh-who was u-u-upset tha-that Bureaucrat C-C-Codeine had decided to leave.

After s-some ti-time voting it-it was d-d-decided that Mordillo w-w-would become a Bureaucrat and that C-C-C-Codeine wasn’t leaving a-a-after all! Which was g-g-good.

M-M-Mordillo di-didn’t ma-make a c-c-comment s-so I-I’ve b-been told t-to make one u-up. Erm, “Ha ha ha! N-Now you-you’re all un-under my thumb!” Or something, that that wasn’t really f-funny ei-either. Sorry, M-Mordillo, it-it’s not my W-words!

Image:Do a jailbait.jpg Determined to be a Shemale
By Mnbvcxz and Orian57

To the relief of Uncyclopedians everywhere, notorious image "Do a jailbait" has been scientifically proven not be a girl. Originally, many suspected that the disturbing and disturbingly attractive image was that of young girl: age estimates ranging from jail bait age down to "pedo-bear approves" age. However, due to much "research" on the internet regarding the appearance shemales who are just over the age of consent, it has been determined that said image was in fact a young shemale. Researchers said the hairy arms and the huge penis of the lady in question proved without reasonable doubt that the image can not be that of a girl.

Many in the Uncyclopedia community were relived by the news. Orian57 in particular who stated the child was “quite sexy.”, on the image talk page, was relieved to find he could no longer be considered bisexual.

Some worry about the continuing freedom of Sockpuppet of an unregistered user after his comment: “I don't care. Me wanna rape!”

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

19:48, 22 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Jeus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (And the Lord said, "Let there be bannination," and there was bannination, and one more asshat was kept off of the wiki, and the Lord looked and he saw that it was good.)
03:30, 19 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.27.241.181 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Blanking talk pages is annoying. Your inability to take a joke is even more annoying. The fact that you haven't yet been banned for either is the most annoying of all. I can fix one of those.)
02:47, 19 January 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked CANIHASTHISPLEEZ (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Looks like somebody needs to get a life. This nice little ban will keep Uncyclopedia from getting in the way of that.)

Biopic of the Week

To some, a meaningless jumble of letters, Mnbvcxz is much, much more than that. In fact, he's much, much more than you could possibly imagine. In fact, he's so much more that trying to explain it in a small box in a wiki newspaper is futile, particularly if you spend so much time explaining that you can't explain his awesomeness that you leave yourself little space to try. Still, he reviews, categorises, helps out and does stuff. But that's only the tip of the iceberg that is Mnbvcxz!

Reason why the UnSignpost is a week late of the fortnight

The editor was busy, and totally lacked inspiration. Want to make sure the paper is on time next week? Give us a story in the press room!

Cajek ban of the fortnight

05:21, 19 January 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a spanking ‎ (20 bans in August, 9 in September, 10 in October, Just 2 in December and 2 in January. Disgraceful.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 02:28, 31 January 2009 (UTC)

So...

Catching up a bit at "Decision time folks"... are we or aren't we making any progress? I know I've made jack shit happen in the way of progress, but is anything else happening?--<<>> 02:37, 31 January 2009 (UTC)

Well, I did put a little something together. I passed it to Mhaille, who passed it on to Mordillo, but I'm not sure what's happening now... Mr N

02:39, Jan 31

Yay! I hope we can open that gift, soon.--<<

>> 02:44, 31 January 2009 (UTC)

I got it, I just had a horrible week at work, didn't have the time to go to the toilet for a whole week, and since today I'm cooking dinner for 8 people...:) I am reading it tomorrow and sending back any feedback that I may have. Also, in Brighton next week, who is coming for a pint? ~

09:40, 31 January 2009 (UTC)

Mordillo (talk) – contribs (new • del) • edit-count • block (rem • list) • all logs • groups • checkuser

Score: 13.5

...I win? ~ 09:40, 31 January 2009 (UTC)

Seems that way.--<<>> 13:57, 31 January 2009 (UTC)

Noob template creator

Metalface appears to making some new and "questionable" templates. I figure I should bring to you attention so you can talk to him without creating any drama, since you're probably the most "pro-template" admin at the moment. (I.e. if I said something, (or asked some other admin to say something to him about it) I (or another admin) might over-shoot it in the direction of being too hostile to new templates.) --Mnbvcxz 21:46, 31 January 2009 (UTC)

I reviewed his contribs (last night). I don't see any issue that needs an admin to drop in. You can talk to him directly and tell him that his templates are...big. Other than that, it's (still) not a crime to create templates. Let me know if you need any further help. ~

14:11, 1 February 2009 (UTC)

Morning

I was feeling all generous, so I decided to dish out NotM WotM and UotM. I wonder if you could add Uncyclopedia:Past Winners 8 to Uncyclopedia:Past Winners/nav please? Cheers. Mr N 13:17, Feb 1

Your wish is my command! ~

13:57, 1 February 2009 (UTC)

Thanks. I think I have done all the of the month awards now with the exception of Uncyclopedia:Foolitzer Prize which has a protected archive page. I put the award onto the winners page though, so it just needs to have the page updated to this month, and the archive copied. Oh, MuM9000 is cooking me dinner today, so I will catch ya later... Have fun. :-) Mr N

16:04, Feb 1

Random hug time

/me hugs Sabba and wanders off again... -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 16:00, 1 Feb

/me feels all flustered and happy :) ~ 16:03, 1 February 2009 (UTC)

I have no idea why I did that, but at least you know I'm still around ;) -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 16:13, 1 Feb

I just like being loved. ~ 16:17, 1 February 2009 (UTC)

Feeling any better about the European winter yet? The temperature over here was -18ºC last night. Closest to freezing my knickers off since that one camp back when I was still in the Marines... *shrugs and decides to go get some yumsies from the store* /me likes yumsies... *drools* -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 16:24, 1 Feb

- Wehell....It's nearly as bad as the 0ish degrees over here....I'm still semi-frozen, even though I like it. Go get thermal knickers, frozen knickers are bad for your health, and as an extension - for the rest of us. ~ 16:26, 1 February 2009 (UTC)

I'm not wearing any knickers, still in my 'jammies since I just woke up... Deep red silk against my skin for the win... ;) -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 16:33, 1 Feb

What? Sorry got distracted there for a moment. Trying to think respectful thoughts here. ~

16:44, 1 February 2009 (UTC)

I'll let you go back to peeling those kosher grapes for the other lady. I feel like I'm in the mood for acquiring the ingredients for a good old English Breakfast :) -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 16:53, 1 Feb

Come back and visit sometimes will you? It's all cold here. Oh snap, that's the weather in Europe, bloody Europeans and their coldness ~

17:53, 1 February 2009 (UTC)

I just might. Though I'm leaving Europe next week for a bit of a holiday. It'll be even colder in Canada! :D -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 18:05, 1 Feb

For how long? ~

18:52, 1 February 2009 (UTC)

I won't say the exact dates, but I'll be back in Europe before the end of this month. And "next week" is almost but not quite accurate... -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 19:02, 1 Feb

Come back quick, Europe will be a tad grayer without you. We shall drown our sorrow in immense glasses of top notch alcohol. ~

19:12, 1 February 2009 (UTC)

It's good to know someone will miss me :) -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 19:17, 1 Feb

Oh there are more people than one who miss you when you're not around. --UU - natter

19:21, Feb 1

I'm sure there'll be a whole committee with flowers and assorted military equipment when you return O_O ~

19:24, 1 February 2009 (UTC)

You gents are moving me to tears. And you don't want to make Luvvy cry unless you want to cheer her up afterwards... -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 19:27, 1 Feb

We're all about the gentlemenhood. ~

19:29, 1 February 2009 (UTC)

Oo... Manhood... *cough* -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 19:53, 1 Feb

My love, could you...

I see that you protected Photochopper of the year. Me Wins!!!! But can we update the vote total under my name? By my count, its 21 votes for, not 18. Hugs, Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 16:02, 1 February 2009 (UTC)

Your wish is my command O_O ~

16:15, 1 February 2009 (UTC)

Peel me a kosher grape? Dame

GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 16:26, 1 February 2009 (UTC)

Even a kosher fig. ~

17:51, 1 February 2009 (UTC)

Its on me user page - Since Modus went for Wimsy last year, Me went for the dramatic with mine. Dame

GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 22:56, 1 February 2009 (UTC)

I think that puts the tin lid on it: you rock!

So yeah, congratulations on a hugely deserved UotY. I know my vote went elsewhere, but the nom counts for something, I hope, and you are a ludicrously worthy winner. I may well do a Signpost special on the otY winners, any quotes for the readership? (Oh, and I'd like to add that finishing as runner-up to you is a fucking honour. Now enough of the gushing - I'm off to thank people for voting for me!) --UU - natter 17:09, Feb 1

Mordillo wins! Woohoo! Yes, Mordillo, congratulations on winning UotY, you really deserved it. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 19:10, 1 February 2009 (UTC)

Thanks very much mates. Being serious for a sec - it's moments like this that reminds me why this is a second home nearly. That, and the naked women and free booze. UU - special thanks for the nom, that certainly is worth more than a vote. I'll be sure to buy you a pint :) ~

19:14, 1 February 2009 (UTC)

Article Protection of Uncyclopedia:Useless Gobshite of the Year. I needed to edit it.

I was wanting to make some archival changes to this page to indicate voting is over. However the full protection is preventing me from doing it. The edits I want done are to add Wikia to the list of Past Weiners and to clear the nominations and place a note stating Voting for the 2009 UGotY will begin on January 1st, 2009 00:00 GMT. --Pleb- Sawblade5 ^{[citation needed]}⁽ ^yell ^| ^FAQ ^| ^{I did this} ⁾ 17:33, 1 February 2009 (UTC)

OK I have done making my modifications to it you can lock it again until January 1st, 2009 00:00 GMT. --Pleb- Sawblade5 ^{[citation needed]}⁽ ^yell ^| ^FAQ ^| ^{I did this} ⁾ 18:52, 5 February 2009 (UTC)

Unwanted Attention

Sorry about that, I misread the directions. Since the person that was reverting my edits didn't say anything, I didn't know I was doing something wrong. Thanks for telling me. If there's anything else I messed up on, feel free to contact me. --Neogooglepl3x

Don't think I can't see you over there!

I paid for my full half hour argument! Oh, just to prove I'm not a deletionist crazed lunatic (it's a type of moon insect) I'm also going to suggest we consider removing the 30 day stay of execution on {{fix}} and {{ugly}}. Mr N 20:01, Feb 4

I know I know! I'm total crap, but I don't have a minute to breath. I will come over in the next few days for a battle to the death. Or even better, to the pain! ~

17:25, 5 February 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 5th February 2009

Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.

February 5, 2009 • Issue 33 • It's Journalism Jim, but not as we know it.

The ‘of the Year’ run down of the year!

By Orian57

So after a long neurotic month of blatant prostitution, secret e-mail canvassing, bribery and coercion in deciding who should win the various ‘of the Year’ awards (plus a completely normal five days of knowing who did) the results are in!

UotY: Mordillo! Nominated (but not voted for) by UU with the reason “[he does] the big bad wolf stuff to keep fuckwits at bay.”. 21 Jew jokes later (“Jew that controls the internet”, “I feel I have to vote for him” and “I love this man. To the point that his girlfriend is seriously distraught by it”) Mordillo was the landslide victor a whole 12 votes ahead of the runner up, UU! And he deserved it too (though to be frank I deserved it more)!

Our WotY was Modusoperandi! Narrowly beating Mhaille by 2 votes he was nominated by UU with the reasoning “…Tends to brighten my day whenever I see him, although that could be the light reflecting off his gleaming naked body.” Another 19 Canadian jokes ( “this silly Canadian”, “I never would have thought that casting a vote would be so painful as this” and “Modus is like maple syrup. On the outside he's all golden, sweet and sticky. On the inside however, he's all golden, sweet and sticky”) won him the award! (though to be frank I would have appreciated it more!)

Next up was our winner of PotY, Prettiestpretty! She was nominated (but not voted for) by Mhaille because she is the “producer of some very impressive work” and has won the PotM twice! 18 girl jokes later (“such a foregone conclusion”, “She's earned this and then some” and “Unlike most people here, I'm actually going to give a reason for voting for PP. I'm even going to write two sentences explaining the reason.”) she deservedly won the award which she herself designed. (I don’t even know how to use MS paint but I’d still like to have been acknowledged).

There was also an impromptu N00b of the Year award created that Rcmurphy ran off with. He was nominated by Spang with the reason “He really deserves it this time” and received 12 N00b jks (“How can you be a year old and still be a noob without being rcmurphy”, “He's still confused too” and “[Hyperbole is] regularly here and dangerously competent. Rc remains the quintessential n00b”). (*grumble* I started lurking in 2007…)

Lastly and leastly there was the UGotY which was awarded to Wikia. Nominated by Mhaille with the reason “Wikia continue to raise the bar on defining what it means to be a Useless Gobshite”. He/she/it got 5 jokes that I don’t properly understand (“As much as I'd like to see Yettie take this, Wikia is both more useless and far more of a gobshite”, “it's rare to see such dedication to gobshitery” and “Outstanding contributions to fail.”). (Ok so I’m not bitter about loosing this.)

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

1:33, 2 February 2009 Flyingfeline (Talk | contribs) blocked 81.169.166.86 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Oh, brilliant. Well, that's going to be fun for both of us. I wonder who'll get bored first?)
04:39, 31 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.138.52.153 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Hey there! Remember me? I was the admin that asked you to stop failing so hard back in October. Now I'm asking again, but with a ban length 12 times longer.)
18:16, 29 January 2009 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Sej (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ ("And He saw the work, and He was sore displeased; and He did smite the n00b with all his wrath". Book of Codeine, ch. 6, vs 9)

Biopic of the Week YesTimeToEdit

Commonly known as Yettie, he won N00b of the Month back in April 08 after writing a featured UnNews. He went on a crusade to gave us all more things not to care about than we can handle. Following another feature he deservedly won UGotM. There has also been some recent confusion about his gender.

Cajek ban of the week

04:48, 31 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 28 minutes ‎ (Apparently the UnSignpost has a 'Cajek ban of the week' section. This is my week!)

Custom box #3
This box is empty. Imagine something nice here like a Caribbean holiday, getting sand in your shoes and arse crack while being blistered by sun you weren't made to handle and pretending to enjoy yourself.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001 (bot) 03:12, Feb 5

Too many noms!

Can you put that "no more noms" thingy on VFH? I'd do it myself, but I can't remember what it's really called (quarantine?). Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 02:25, 6 February 2009 (UTC)

It's called martial law, I think. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 03:05, Feb 6

Should have called it {{Kristalnacht}} ~

21:55, 6 February 2009 (UTC)

Remembering things...

It's been a while so maybe its time for the next Colonization... -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 15:40, 6 February 2009 (UTC)

Would you say that Death is all good and new? ~

21:54, 6 February 2009 (UTC)

Well, no... -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 10:46, 11 February 2009 (UTC)

Shabbat shalom

Just happened to be passing so I dropped in to say it. Don't know if it's time where you are but I lit my candle 14 minutes ago. I won't tell G-d you're using a computer if you don't tell him I am. ;-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:53, 6 February 2009 (UTC)

Shabat Shalom Rabbi! I think the sun sets here a bit later than in the Kingdom. The missus did her job nicely and lit it today. We were to busy drinking or having fun last week to remember. We're all bad Jews. ~

21:57, 6 February 2009 (UTC)

What exactly ...

Gives you the right to delete people's talk pages and why do you keep deleting mine? --FunnyMan 19:38, 6 February 2009 (UTC)

Well yes, I was wondering why you don't allow me to welcome this user, Mordillo... I haven't noticed anything wrong with him so far... -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 19:44, 6 February 2009 (UTC)

The reason for that is that the Funnyman gentleman redirects his talk page to an article in the main space that gets huffed, since we don't use main space for own talk pages. That creates a broken redirect. So let's summarize: Sock, feel free to welcome the gent again. Funnyman, do not move your talk page to anywhere outside your own space. ~

19:57, 6 February 2009 (UTC)

Please forgive me, I didn't realise that there was an existing page under the title The War Room. That said you did delete my talk page even after Socky here recreated it. --FunnyMan 23:54, 6 February 2009 (UTC)

FunnyMan, I think the problem is that you want your talk page to be named "The War Room," for which you really should use the {{title}} template - not create a whole new page. There wasn't an existing page at The War Room, but that's considered "main space," and it's inappropriate for a talk page to go there. If you wanted to create a page at User:FunnyMan/The War Room, on the other hand, that would be fine.

pillow talk 00:00, 7 February 2009 (UTC)

I KNEW YOU WERE JEALOUS!

19:41, 7 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Luvvy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a purrr ‎ (And that's for flirting with another admin. Shame on you.) Gotcha! ^_^ -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 16:50, 7 Feb

No comment. O_O ~

19:45, 7 February 2009 (UTC)

Then I'll have to go give this *cuddle* I'm carrying around to someone else... Hm... Any ideas on who would want it? -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 20:05, 7 Feb

Me? Or maybe me? Could be myself? ~

00:31, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

Awww... *cuddles Dillo* Happy now? -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 01:44, 8 Feb

Yes! Can I keep it? Can I keep it? Please? please? ~

11:48, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

If you can resist blocking me again for having passed another cuddle around (I nicknamed it the *cuddle* of Dillo's Wrath), then yes, you may keep it... *grins* -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 14:52, 8 Feb

Congratulations

On that thing you won that one time. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 23:48, 7 February 2009 (UTC)

Thank you! I'm still hoping to make a thank you template and spread it like a disease. And congrats on that other thingy you won that other time. ~

11:46, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

It would've been an honour to lose to Mhaille. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 12:14, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

Updating teh awards

Hey Mordillo, sorry for raising a stink about the UotY and WotY awards and then disappearing. I was running late and had to catch my bus. :(
Anyway, I did the updating for the awards and have the voting records in my userspace here and here. Do we need them, or can I just delete them? Thanks again, • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 23:49, Feb 7

No problem, a bus is more important :). You can move them under a subpage of the award called "archive" or previous winners, same way it's done in the under awards page. Let me know if you need help. ~

00:28, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

Your sense of humor

your sense of humor seems a bit lacking. upon review of your contribution log, we have come to the conclusion that you are more of a con than a pro to the uncyclopedian community (having added little NEW content and having deleted LOTS of older, funny stuff. Therefore, we have decided to disregard your opinions on the continued existance of several pages.

our regards, the Management – Preceding unsigned comment added by Apocalypse r (talk • contribs)

Tsk, tsk... I think Dillo is more fun than you could ever wrap your mind around... -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 01:51, 8 Feb

Uh.....uh huh huh huh, who the hell are you? "Management"....that's a good one. No, really. --

Hi, hey! I'M A MOTERFUCKING NIGGER BITCH LOVER

02:15, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

lol Mr N

02:45, Feb 8

Since Mordillo's opinion on deletion doesn't matter, can I delete of that noobs stuff via a private hit list? Please :) --Mnb'z 02:55, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

Wow. This guy is way off! -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 10:16, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

Noobs/IPs pretending to be some sort of higher power than admins - one of the humourous highlights of Uncyclopedia. Rabbi Techno

FOXES 10:28, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

It might be somekind of comic relief. But, on the other hand... Man, is that guy stupid or what? -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 10:33, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

Obviously. This makes him the perfect Uncyclopedian to move us into the next Era of Worst. The Worster's Utopia, if you will. Also, this isn't my talkpage. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 10:41, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

Yes, we've finally reached our promised land, Worstopia. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 11:11, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

If only we had the Uncyclopedian of the Year here to help mentor and guide Apolkalips r... Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 11:25, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

Huh, "polka"? Oh, right.

I hope Mordillo shows up sometime in the near future. Uncyclopedia can't function properly without him. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 11:28, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

Well, if the management doesn't support me anymore I see no other option rather than resign and commit sepuko. I thank you all for a good time I had with you during the last three years. It was a blast. ~

11:37, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

You'd be better off to try Seppuku first. I'm pretty sure that Sepuko is a Mexican-American boyband. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 11:45, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

I'm seeing all these spelling errors all over Uncyclopedia! AAAAAAAAA! -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 11:48, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

No no, I meant it - I'm committing myself to join this cool Bulgarian band ~

11:50, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

Are you sure about that, gramps? You're just gonna leave me here defenceless with those loonies? *sniff* -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 14:49, 8 Feb

Garoogallagagagagagaga!! HUMBLEBUMBLE A-WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 16:29, Feb 8

/me cries like a scared baby. See? They're all out to get me :( -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 17:55, 8 Feb

OK them, I shall give up my Bulgarian celebrity status and remain here to protect you! ~

22:32, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

Wow... lemme count the colons - 15 replies? since yesterday??!?!!1?!!! for your information, Management is a slang term (definition 3). However, it was much more common during about 1995, so I forgive you for overlooking it. But still - huffing random stuff because the author wasnt finished and had to leave (oh i dunno because it was like 2 in the morning on thursday) isnt very nice. Apocalypse r 20:22, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

For your information, if you can't be bothered by reading BGBU and putting a {{construction}} tag on your articles which is not finished, it will get huffed even if you wrote it at 4am on the new Chinese year eve. Also, creating a category is hardly putting an effort into an article. Also also a tip: try talking rather then lecturing, you'll get much better results. ~

22:32, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

And to add to the above, if they're on cuddly terms with me, they're usually dangerous. I just cuddle people... ^_^ -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 17:13, 9 Feb

Oh woop! A real Waves! I loved waves - to quote Luvvy (but out of context, completely), he was "cuddly". - [17:21 9 February 2009] YYettie

Of course it should be added, that if someone has the guts to make Luvvy Duvvy cry, her familia will come and give 'em a good whoppin'... ;) -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 18:07, 9 Feb

Talking about familias. - [19:15 9 February 2009] YYettie

Hey! Who removed my branch from there?!! *sniffles* You don't want to make Luvvy cry... *lower lip shivers* Honestly, you don't want to do that to her... *eyes water* ...do you? :( -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 23:43, 9 Feb

Oh, sorry! It's just the Dillo Family. You're from the esteemed House of Kato. - [16:30 10 February 2009] YYettie

[ v • d • e ]

La Familia (Once everyone gets their sorry asses to it...)

Sabba & C o's brood - Can anyone prove they're older?

                    Sophia═╤═Chronarion 
                           │                
                           ?                 
                           │         ?     
               ?        Sannse       ↑   
        ?      ├↔RAHB      ├↔      Dillo    ToddyL  TommyM**════════════════════════════╤═══Yoshi
        ↑          │                │╘════════╪═══════╛└───────┬──────┬───────┐         │
     Codeine ═╤═ Mhaille            │         |                │      │       │       Spang
           Zana Dark**              │  Shawhat/NoPants        TKF   Tucky   Fou-Lu      │
              │             ┌───────┼─────┐             ┌──────┼───────┐                │
              │             Lj    Enzo    ├───↔ YTTE  JasonH  JimmyG    Dr.S      
              │             │             │      ┌──────┼──────┐              └───────┬┘              Sissy═══╤═══Queer 
              │             AK═╤════════Leddy  (S)TD?    Mnbvcxz       ¿?             │                │    │    
              │                │           ├────┼─────┐                            Fnoodle             ☯   Tags
              │               MrN        Cajek Nez Sonje
              │        ┌───┴──┐ ┌───┴─┐ 
              │        Luv  OptyC‎  Dj I     Cheapie                         ChiefjusticeDS          
              │        │                                                   ┌──────┼────────┐
              │       E85                                       Ohnogodnotagain  SC   John Lydon
              │   
              │   
        ┌──┬──┴──────────────────────┬────────────────────┐
        │ *Dr.Fenwick        Mazaka→Paizuri*          Happytimes**     
        │ *KingSavage        ┌───────┴─────┐              |    
        │ *SpillinDylan  Romaioktonos  Lyrithya*    ┌─────┴─────┐
        │ *SunnyBacon                          MinionOfDoom  Happymonkey39                    
        │ *Goldfishrock                         Nintenfan1  
        │ *Fuentfue                                                 
        │ *FreshMeat                                    
        │ *StonedJeff                                             
        │ *Siddhartha-Wolf          
        │ *LordNorth
        │ *Cp833
        │ *SueySeidl
        │ *Xo0o0ox
        └────┘

Make your tree snippets below this line if the above tree is beyond you, and Mummy will help out if she remembers...

Is that really so? According to my current revision, The Esteemed House of Kato seems to still be spawned of the good ol' Spinning Jew Star clan... *grumbles* Don't give Mordillo an excuse to think he can get even more possessive of me than he's been before. He's already started blocking me for hugging other admins. Just imagine if he'd know what type of guys I cuddle when he's not watching... I'd be in serious trouble... :( -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 21:58, 10 Feb

Shh! He could be listening! He probably has spies to keep a watch on you and your hugging. - [22:04 10 February 2009] YYettie

But I'm so cute he wouldn't. Would he? *worries* :( -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 22:10, 10 Feb

Oh but he likes the cute ones. They're his favourite. - [22:38 10 February 2009] YYettie

Favourite what? Snack? *worries a little more* -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 23:51, 11 Feb

About the UnBooks logo

I hate it when Wikipedia goes to the future and we're stuck in the past. How about this: can I change the UnBooks logo? That way, we are keeping abreast with Wikipedia. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Man on Fire CUN|IC Kill | 02:09, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

"Keeping a breast" Haha! You said "breast".

Also, I think he's right about this, we should keep up with Wikipedia in the eternal struggle that is parody. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 10:13, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

Surely they need to keep up with us? Rabbi Techno

FOXES 10:30, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

Yes, that's what I meant. Sorry for the confusion. I've been reading too much Confusionism related stuff lately. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 10:47, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

Joe, talk with Hindlyete who created the logo in the first place, if he's fine with it - so am I. ~

11:31, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

Because

I can.

It's for articles like 2002 Bloodbath World Cup, but on a grander scale. Qweasd 15:44, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

OK.

There's a couple of articles I plan to use them on anyway. Qweasd supporting Kosovo independence. 15:49, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

Rashomon

Just wanted to say great article; this is one of my favorite movies. Sorry I have nothing to give you; here's some blank space:

--AmericanBastard 20:04, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

Thank you, it was a while since someone told me something about my writing rather than commending me for pressing the "huff button" for days :) ~

22:35, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

/me picks up phone and dials Mordillo

Cocks! /me hangs up, you saw nothing--Sycamore (Talk) 10:12, 9 February 2009 (UTC)

WHERE?! WHERE?! ~

10:18, 9 February 2009 (UTC)

Tu B'shevat

My favourite time of year - you explain to people what it is, and they say, "You Jews are weird." Nice to maintain an air of mystery and oddness, don't you think? :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:58, 9 February 2009 (UTC)

You people, and by "you people" I mean "you people", need more New Years. Only four every year seems taudry and gauche. Plus, both your names and your names for things sound silly and, frankly, foreign. "Tu B'shevat" sounds like the name of a Star Wars character. Also, this isn't my talkpage, weirdos. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 14:41, 9 February 2009 (UTC)

I can bet you that the Rabbi here have no idea what Tu Bishvat meeans. He's actually a worse Jew than me, which is really saying something :) ~

14:46, 9 February 2009 (UTC)

Explain this to me. Does it involve bagels? I'm considering converting to Judaism just for the bagels. —Sir SysRq (talk) 14:59, 9 February 2009 (UTC)

No bagels unfortunately, only dried fruit. ~

15:22, 9 February 2009 (UTC)

And nuts! Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 15:34, 9 February 2009 (UTC)

If by "nuts" you mean "anus" then yes. —Sir SysRq (talk) 19:43, 9 February 2009 (UTC)

"Tu" is Yiddish for "anus", which makes "Et tu Brute?" take on a whole new meaning (especially once you realize that "Latin" is English for "Yiddish"). Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 00:18, 10 February 2009 (UTC)

I believe it's literally "15 Shevat," isn't it? As for being a bad Jew, when I die I plan to nip round the back of Heaven and hope there's a door someone's forgotten to lock. Rabbi Techno

FOXES 14:32, 10 February 2009 (UTC)

We had Israeli olives. Almonds are a bit pricey at the moment and I'm not keen on dried fruit. Rabbi Techno

FOXES 14:34, 10 February 2009 (UTC)

Now you just need to teach the goyim what Shvat is! Actually, we didn't eat anything...I'm asahmed :( ~

14:38, 10 February 2009 (UTC)

I can never help thinking it'd be handy if we could standardise the spellings of Hebrew words transliterated into English. As for Yiddish - my opinion of that has been forever soured due to it being the language of my psychotic and alcoholic grandmother. She claimed her cats spoke Yiddish, which tells you the sort of person she was. Rabbi Techno

FOXES 14:43, 10 February 2009 (UTC)

Uh...I call ADMIN!!

“Featured one year ago today
Heat death of the universe, featured on 6 November 2007. See the featured version.”
~ the Main Page on YUR MOM!

Uh? - [17:14 9 February 2009] YYettie

That's something for SPANG SUPPORT! /superman. I'll drop him a line. ~

19:44, 9 February 2009 (UTC)

I wish more of my garments included SPANG SUPPORT.

pillow talk 20:00, 9 February 2009 (UTC)

I know some girls at my school who could use some SPANG SUPPORT. Teachers too. Hell, we could all use a little SPANG SUPPORT. —Sir SysRq (talk) 20:19, 9 February 2009 (UTC)

Oh me too! Spang support sounds...springy yet firm. - [21:19 9 February 2009] YYettie

Thanks

For your thoughtful ban last night. Mrs UU would like me to pass on her regards. --UU - natter 13:54, Feb 10

Tell Mrs. UU - my pleasure. And never let her talk with Mordillia, otherwise we're both buggered :) ~

14:27, 10 February 2009 (UTC)

*All innocent and cute* Ditto on Mr. Luvvy... He doesn't exactly know of the extent of my cuddly infiltration to Uncyclopedia. He probably thinks I'm really writing Wikipedia articles... I hope Mrs. UU enjoyed that block... ;) I lolled when I read that from the block log :P -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 22:07, 10 Feb

So he doesn't know that you're one of the most cuddled females on Uncyclopedia? More cuddles for us then! ~

08:43, 11 February 2009 (UTC)

I'm not sure I've got this right, but what the hey... /me cuddles Mordillo. --UU - natter

09:30, Feb 11

/Me cuddles ~~Daddy~~ UU. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~

09:55 11 February 2009

/me cuddles the first random person that walks into this talk page... -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 06:24, 12 Feb

Thanks and sorry

I'm sorry if it is the wrong way to send a message I just wasn't able to find any "send a message button" anywhere. I just wanted to say thanks for editing my article and adding a picture, I also like your articles, a lot like what I had in mind as posting materials. Keep up the good work mate. ChadiW

No problem, keep providing us with high quality articles! ~

08:42, 11 February 2009 (UTC)

Another thanks for nominating me mate, that was nice, it's the best thing that happened to me since I pulled a prank with my brother and put a bomb in his car :D

How very Lebanese of you :) ~

14:36, 16 February 2009 (UTC)

Adoption

Hi, I'm obviously not exactly the freshest thing off the streets, had to beat the cat off the door just to get in, but I was wondering if I could be adopted by you through the Adopt-A-Noob foundation, if this is the wrong way to send a message I'm sorry. Get back to me on my talk page please. - Mialee101 User talk:Mialee101

He makes one sexy dad, you know. But he is Jewish. And part of the cabal. Which doesn't exist. - [16:43 11 February 2009] YYettie

You get adopted by a Jew, next thing you know half your hose is gone :P (just for a laugh mate and only if you're a man-mate) ChadiW

Therw would appear to be a misunderstanding with Gwax...

The banning of Yettie was requested on IRC, and Gwax had just happened to be there and fulfill Yettie's request. Yettie can attest to that his/her/it's self, if needed. Colin ALL YOUR BASEHeaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 19:51, 11 February 2009 (UTC)

Turns out, I can just unban myself; it's never come up before. Nonetheless, thanks for breaking my 3 1/2 year streak of never having been banned, jerk. --Sir gwax (talk)

19:55, 11 February 2009 (UTC)

Bloody hell, that was your first one?!?! Well no wonder you didn't know you can unban yourself :). Well, sorry about that. Have another one. ~

19:57, 11 February 2009 (UTC)

Holy shit. You've gone 3 1/2 years without being banned once? That's a bannable offense! —Sir SysRq (talk) 19:58, 11 February 2009 (UTC)

It's not like anyone's innocent anymore. Though the reason to be banned varies... *cuddles Mordillo just to be on the safe side* ...Dillo gets easily jealous if I cuddle other people o.O -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 23:47, 11 Feb

Actually, Yettie vandalised Gwax's userpage. I reverted it. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 23:50, 11 February 2009 (UTC)

It was all a joke between all sides involved. You know? Joke? Funny story with the intention to make people laugh? We do that here sometimes. Oh, and Luvvy, go on with the cuddling, you're getting safer by the second :) ~

08:21, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

Socky, quit reverting userpage vandalism. You just look like a nerd. —Sir SysRq (talk) 14:33, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

These are the internets. Your point is? --UU - natter

14:55, Feb 12

Fine, take the hall monitor's side. Nerd. —Sir SysRq (talk) 14:57, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

Your username is an unused computer key function. Your point is? --UU - natter

14:58, Feb 12

FUCK YOU NERD!! /me pulls out a lightsaber replica —Sir SysRq (talk)

That's your penis substitute. Your point is? --UU - natter

15:08, Feb 12

Actually, this is RAHB's penis. He let me borrow it while mine is in the shop. —Sir SysRq (talk) 15:14, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 12th February 2009

Word to your mother.

February 12, 2009 • Issue 34 • Mainlining news direct to your talk page artery

Worrying influx of n00bs a threat to Uncyc's "worst" status

By UU

How can you resist my n00b power of cuteness?

After the flow of n00bs slowed to a trickle at the tail end of 2008, 2009 has seen the site experiencing a veritable tidal wave of new editors, enthusiastically bounding around the site like wide-eyed puppies that have yet to meet Olipro, tramping mud into the carpet, and leaving half-eaten IPs on the floor of the Village Dump.

Worse still, many of these new arrivals show early signs of being dangerously competent: writing funny articles; giving in-depth pee reviews; voting on stuff; helping folks out - generally making the kind of contributions that could, if the community is not careful, lead to the site losing its coveted "worst" status.

Experienced editors queued up to condemn the invasion - "Very happy to see the influx in good new editors coming in, we've been devoid of that extra boost for far too long it seems" said RAHB, the bile seething from his every pore, while MrN spoke scathingly about "great additions to Uncyc".

But is it too late? With competition for the NOTM award at its most fierce for months (4 noms and none of them Rcmurphy at the last count), it looks like it may be too late to reject this transfusion of new blood. Is there any hope for the long-term future of the proud traditions of the wiki under this relentless onslaught of new talent?

A comment on Bullshit from MrN
As a well known protagonist of the noble and honourable art of bullshitting I felt it my place to speak out regarding this most tricky of issues. Much has been said of late regarding the consistency, and texture of what we at Uncyc consider to be suitable for our beloved wiki. As you know, normal traditional (un-specified) crap we don't want, but there must always be room for more bullshit on Uncyclopedia. Some will no doubt consider my last comment to be horse shit, which (as you may know) has a slightly thicker consistency. The dilemma we must then face is how do we categorise and specify the fine (if rather smelly) line between what is crap and what is bullshit. The study of bull-crap may also been of concern to some readers, but I feel it not my place to enter that arena. This article stinks enough as it is. However... When considering bullshit, I feel it important to point out our rigorously defined guidelines regarding the use of bollocks as I feel many of the important principles apply. If I may quote:

“Sometimes articles arrive at Articles for deletion which have only the most tenuous connection to reality: they are, to use a British term, Complete Bollocks. This is not always a bad thing.”
~ Uncyclopedia:Complete Bollocks

I think that speaks for itself. Got it? So basically, we want more bullshit, some horse shit, and a liberal helping of complete bollocks. But NO CRAP. Unless it's crap which adds to the general stench of the article in question (assuming that stinking is what we want). Got it now? Well, look at it this way... There was a man who had three wives. No, that was Moses. Oh, so Moses comes down from Mount Sinai and says: "Well, lads. I got him down to ten, but adultery is still in." No wait. Sorry, that was complete bollocks. I'm drifting into the realms of pointless excrement, and what does this have to do with anything? Don't tell them that! So what was it I was talking about again? Oh, yea... Does anyone know where I left my slippers?

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

13:25, 9 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.71.123.168 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (1 day for blanking, 1 week for blanking a featured, 2 weeks for blanking a top 10 and the rest is a bonus!)
02:46, 8 February 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 97.83.236.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Fer the love of Christ, you make me think I actually have a life. You've been doing the same God damn thing since the summer. Just fuck off already.)
16:41, 7 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Luvvy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a purrr ‎ (And that's for flirting with another admin. Shame on you.)

Biopic of the Week

DrStrange is one of these here stellar n00bs that we're wittering on about in that there main article. He's been here for a bit over 2 months, and in that time has won NotM and already been nommed for WotM. At this rate, he'll be WotY by about June. Good job he's funny and good at writing things really, otherwise we'd be obliged to hate his precocious guts.

Gender confirmation of the Week

YesTimeToEdit astonished the Uncyclopedia community by admitting to being male. Orian57 continued in whale raping Yettie. SysRq consequently "won teh penis", granting him this most prized life-time achievement award. In the ensuing chaos, Sockpuppet of an unregistered user cut off Yettie's penis and went on a raping spree with it. Mnbvcxz still believed that Yettie was a girl and the latter declared his love and desire to be raped towards the former. SoaUU AKA Sockie admitted having a vagina, or did (s)he?... Mnbvcxz refused to give his/her gender... Will Yettie get his penis back? Who is pretending to be male and who is pretending to be female? Tune in next week! Same penis-time. Same penis-channel.

Cajek ban smackdown of the week

02:53, 10 February 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a voyage made in less than twelve parsecs ‎ (You want a ban-off, RAHB!? BRING IT!)
00:46, 7 February 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a Kessel run ‎ (I shall not allow TheLedBalloon to dethrone my weekly Cajek-banning title!)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001 (bot) 20:44, Feb 11

Regarding the family tree

So, I was a bit confused about where I fall in the Uncyc family tree. And then I remembered that you were the first one to welcome me ever. Since I never had an UnDad, do you think I could be considered your noob as far as the family tree is concerned? Now that I am starting a family of my own, I would like to be able to tell them where they came from. —Sir SysRq (talk) 15:19, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

You could be married to Orian, like me and have a family like that. I think that's the most realistic option, Daddy's never gonna want you to be an actual blood relative. - [19:44 12 February 2009] YYettie

Then where does that leave me? With all the queers? —Sir SysRq (talk) 21:17, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

Yes. - [21:20 12 February 2009] YYettie

Alright then, get me a ticket to Fire Island so I can go get me a boyfriend. Hell, I ain't gettin' no younger. —Sir SysRq (talk) 21:43, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

My VFG page

Hey, Mordillo, remember my proposal in the forums to create a list of good articles?

Well, I'm planning to start doing that super-informally. I set up a quick-and-dirty page here.

I was wondering if you could do me a solid and grant that page the same level of protection as VFD: you know, no new users or IPs. Would that be kosher? (No ethnic slur is intended by my use of the word "kosher" on your talk page).

Cheers! pillow talk 04:25, 13 February 2009 (UTC)

Done. No sexually related pun intended. Non was given either methinks. ~

15:18, 13 February 2009 (UTC)

Thank you!!

pillow talk 16:15, 13 February 2009 (UTC)

Adoption response

Sorry, that's not the type of adoption i'm looking for, nothing against you. I'm looking for someone who could motivate me and help me improve my writing style and hilarity. Mialee101

No problem. Left a recommendation on your talk page. ~

15:17, 13 February 2009 (UTC)

Archiving Wikia discussion

I was thinking of archiving this again. Is that cool:)? – Preceding unsigned comment added by Sycamore (talk • contribs)

I'm not following it lately, I tend to get annoyed every time I read it, and that's bad for my health. If you think it's cluttered to a point it's unreadable, go ahead, but if not - I think keeping it at the current state is probably better. ~

12:57, 17 February 2009 (UTC)

Cool, I find it a bother as well. I usually put a bag of frozen peas in the crotch region when I read that forum - it helps;)--Sycamore (Talk) 15:02, 17 February 2009 (UTC)

That might have been a bit too much of information I'd be feeling comfortable with...~

15:22, 17 February 2009 (UTC)

Need advise

Hi mate,

I have written a nice article about "Hizbollah" just to find out that there is one under the name "Hezbollah", the help says I should modify the current one but the articles differ in the humor type and therefore I can't safely mix my paragraphs with the ones already there besides the article already has a voice clip so adding to the file will mess this part up to.ChadiW

Could you please advise on that situation? – Preceding unsigned comment added by ChadiW (talk • contribs)

I think you can create your new article and we'll set a disambiguation page when you finish and then sort out the two names. Maybe change them a bit. Drop me a line when you finish it. ~ 13:01, 17 February 2009 (UTC)

OK I published an article under the name Hezbollah (political party), I'm still working on details, will add pictures and stuff but at least it's there if you'd like to add a disambiguation page. ChadiW

I just removed the under construction tag and think the article is good-to-go. Thanks a lot mate for the support and for the disambiguation page.ChadiW

No problem at all! ~

08:35, 19 February 2009 (UTC)

Adopt Me

I would apreciate if you adopted me! --I am Justice! aka: Halsoft. 16:17, 17 February 2009 (UTC)

I am still waiting for you to respond on questions put on your talk page first. ~

16:31, 17 February 2009 (UTC)

I responded! --I am Justice! aka: Halsoft. 15:49, 18 February 2009 (UTC)

It seems that you've been ignoring me but I got adopted by the led balloon thought you'd like to know...--I am Justice! aka: Halsoft. 18:12, 20 February 2009 (UTC)

Sorry, I wasn't ignoring you, I was extremely busy with my "real" work. Good luck with Led, he's a great guy. Probably have more time than I do. And more brains as well. ~

21:04, 20 February 2009 (UTC)

Regarding

Wild sweaty orgies‎; 13:19 . . (0) . . Mordillo (Talk | contribs) (←Redirected page to Your mom)

I confused Your mum with Your mom. I do apologise. Mr N 18:44, Feb 17

I'm more worried about the fact that you redirect the first one to the second one in the first place. ~

20:23, 17 February 2009 (UTC)

On UN:IC and its place on the Main Page

Okay, let's try to make a post on Mordillo's page without any mention of innuendo. Wish me luck.

So thanks again for raising your hand and volunteering to be our Official Cabal Representative for UN:IC. Now, while for the rest of this week is just kinda prep work and next week is something of a test run, is there any chance you could move the IC box up on the Main Page? Perhaps change this week's Colonization to Example Colonization so that it matches our main page. Also, perhaps you could put in a sentence about how we've reformatted and we're almost ready to rock and roll again? Something that invites people to come help out or something. But it needs to be noticeable; participation is what will keep this afloat this time.

Thanks in advance! Also, cocks. GOD FUCKING DAMMIT. —Sir SysRq (talk) 21:42, 17 February 2009 (UTC)

Drill Instructor

Yeah, you know that whole "semi-protecting featured pages while they're on the front page" thing - can you do it to Drill Instructor? There's an IP all over it right now, promoting their YouTubes page and the like. --UU - natter 11:26, Feb 18

Sorry, very slacky of me Sir. It's done now. Also, good morning(ish) UU. You haven't told me good morning for a while. I feel left out and deserted. Ever since you married Mrs. UU you don't pay me as much attention as you used to. ~

12:04, 18 February 2009 (UTC)

Good morning Mordillo. And in case I don't see ya: good afternoon, good evening and goodnight! --UU - natter

12:06, Feb 18

I feel much better now. ~

12:12, 18 February 2009 (UTC)

I was watching that movie the Truman Show and he said that, it made me... Angry... --I am Justice! aka: Halsoft. 13:59, 19 February 2009 (UTC)

On noobs and IC

Any chance you could weigh in on this? —Sir SysRq (talk) 15:05, 19 February 2009 (UTC)

Thank you

Thank you for deleting These pages are all the same and have been deleted. I created it by a mistake after having been redirected on the "redirect wiki" where even w:c:conmyth:Special:RecentChanges had been made to redirect. I am trying to write something more serious from now on. [[User:LPoet|LPoet]] ([[User talk:LPoet|speak]]) 16:25, 19 February 2009 (UTC)

No problem. I was a bit puzzled about that page. I can't say I understand it better now :) ~

16:32, 19 February 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 19th February2009

The edition that's black and white and dead all over

February 19, 2009 • Issue 35 • Sifting the flour of news into the soufflé of your talk page

Uncyclopedia shuns ads in favor of product placement

By Gerrycheevers

Uncyclopedia admins today announced that there would most definitely never be advertisements placed in the hallowed halls of yon humor wiki. However, it seems in order to rake in the cash that would have resulted from these ads, similar to raking in the flavor from KFC's new Turkey-Flavored Chicken^TM, we will instead be treated to subtle product placement in every facet of Uncyclopedia.

The driving force behind this decision is undoubtedly greed. The driving force behind the new Ford Explorer^TM is Jack Bauer. Catch 24 this Sunday on FOX! Jack Bauer drives a Ford! When asked for Uncyclopedia's official political stance on the matter, sysop TheLedBalloon said, "You can't fool me Jimmy Carter! I voted for Gerald Ford in the last election and I'm DAMN PROUD OF IT! You can't intimidate me with your 'pretending to be the newspaper reporter but actually being Jimmy Carter in disguise who will then detain me for several months of waterboarding hell' routine--fool me once, shame on you; fool my twice, shame on me...", which only added more fuel to the fire of speculation surrounding this occurence. For the best value fuel, visit Egan's Sunoco^TM.

The mood in the Uncyclopedia break room was sombre today. Several users expressed their concern about not having ads placed on the wiki. "What? No ads? But how will we make money?" asked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user. It seems the secret of product placement has been kept under wraps by the non-existant Cabal. For the best quality cling-wrap, choose Crestfield Wax Paper^TM. When asked for the reason behind the secrecy, TheLedBalloon further elaborated on his earlier statement, saying, "FORD WAS RIGHT TO PARDON NIXON, DAMMIT! So take your goddamn liberal hippy goddamn elitist goddamn tax-raisings somewhere else!" Readers are reminded that Williams Brand^TM is the preferred brand of hippy elitist tax-raisings by a 2-to-1 margin. Please stay tuned to the UnSignpost for further updates on the ad situation, the product placement situation, and how really, really terrible all of our articles are going to look with trademark tags mucking up the line spacing.

Sonic Fever Hits Uncyclopedia

By Joe9320

For the first time in 18 years - in fact, since the first Sonic game came to the USA in 1991 - Sonic Fever has again spread far and wide, and the age of Sonic is back! (Among several users on Uncyclopedia, at least). The first Golden Age of Sonic ran from 1993-1998. By 2001, Sonic was way past his prime, grumbling about how he "used to be a contender" and trying to hock his large collection of gold rings and emeralds for beer money. People no longer cared about Sonic. Then in 2008, a surge in Sonic Mania started again, but this time on the internet! It reached Uncyclopedia in 2009. Uncyclopedia Experts have determined that the mania will be short lived, and be replaced by Mario Fever, and then a resurgence in Pokémon Fever all within the next 3 years. Meanwhile, Twilight mania among teenage girls will continue to outstrip it. Enzo Aquarius declined to comment, for he was too busy for an interview. The UnSignpost imagines he'd probably have said something about Rouge The Bat being "hawt".

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

21:29, 15 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Thebigj2 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (1. blanker. 2. I live 10 minutes from Anna Frank's house, ergo - you're trashing my neighbourhood)
17:55, 15 February 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Flyingwombatperson (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (If Britain no longer exists, why can I still buy British Breakfast tea? HUH? ANSWER ME THAT, SMART GUY! (also don't blank pages, please))
13:21, 13 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Gettgett (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Do I know you? No. Do I know your butt ugly friends? No. Do I CARE about you and your friends? NO. Do I think you are all bored and butt ugly. YES. Get the point? Get some good looking friends)

Biopic of the Week

What do you look for in an amphibian? Long hind legs, a short body, webbed digits (fingers or toes), protruding eyes and the absence of a tail? Or a large banstick, supercool admin powers, awesome writing skills, gratuitous profanity and minor homicidal tendencies? If you chose the first option, you need a regular frog. If you chose the second, you need TKF. (Just don't call him TFK). If you chose the third option, you aren't playing properly.

The continuing saga of Cajek block of the week

15:09, Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours (Can you believe I haven't blocked you yet in 2009? Yeah, I know!)
07:40, Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 hours (Thou shalt not be Cajek, though I suppose thou must, so I shall cut thou some slack)
17:50, 15 February 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 11 minutes ‎ ([edit/QuickEdit] Cajek (Talk • Contribs (del) • Editcount • BLOCK (rem-lst-all) • Logs • Groups • Checkuser) -- how Cajek on VFS looks to the sysops)
21:30, 11 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1000 seconds ‎ (Right you two - sod off, the chap had enough!)
21:06, 11 February 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 672 seconds ‎ (Oh that just fuckin' tears it Led. You hear me?! That fucking TEARS it! It's ON!)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001 (bot) 18:06, Feb 19

GOTM

Is Colin 'all your base' Heaney allowed to have a for and against vote on GOTM? --Docile hippopotamus 05:14, 20 February 2009 (UTC)

PLS

Since they're fully protected, could you do me a quick favour and change this so that it reads seventh instead of sixth? Thanks in advance. –—Hv (talk) 20/02 22:25

You weren't part of the game... :(

You can't just join in you have to be screened for cooties. You can't just hit anyone you like with your banstick, it hurts! You bully! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 13:36 21 February 2009

Well, the other guy got it as well, and in a much more tender place. ~

13:39, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

Woohoo! -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 13:41, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

It felt invigorating. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 13:43, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

The fact is however that he can! -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 13:40, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

Rollback

I don't really need or want it, I just want to feel special now that everyone's drooling over our newest ops. Any chance you could hook me up? —Sir SysRq (talk) 19:18, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

Indeed it's time they stop doing that and drool over me again O_O. YOUR POWERS ARE GRANTED. You now have a...ROLLBACK PLUNGER. ~

08:27, 23 February 2009 (UTC)

Smithin'

It's something I've considered in the past, but never really understood the implications - what exactly do poopsmiths do, other than the everyday maintenance that many users (such as myself) do anyway? Are they to admins ans altarboys are to Catholic priests? If so, ~~count me in!~~ I'll need to be paid a KY Jelly allowance monthly. As for not getting through VFS this time round, I'm sort of glad in a way - seeing my name amongst the others was a bit of a surprise and I wasn't at all sure if I wanted to be admin at first. After a while I thought to myself I've been here for more than two years, have spent a lot of time clearing up bits and pieces and so on and so forth, so why not? I'll be better prepared next time around. Congratulations on winning Uncyclopedian of the Year, by the way - a well deserved award. While I'm here, could you have a look at Wild Jews and Tallit should you get a spare couple of minutes, see if you can add anything worthwhile? Cheers :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:38, 22 February 2009 (UTC)

I wouldn't say "alter boys", that would be...Christian...I would say YESHIVA BOYS! It's basically archiving all votes and running the poopsmith's lounge. You know that one? Other than that, I think you'd be a great admin, and you should expect to be on the next VFS, whenever this will be. Probably months now because of the bloody brits taking over Uncyclopedia :). Thanks for the congrats! As for the articles, I'll take a look later on today. Have a good week! ~

08:31, 23 February 2009 (UTC)

Why, thankyou! Yeshiva boys, eh? Somehow, the old saying about X being able to strip Y faster than a priest can strip a choirboy doesn't have the same ring if you substitute 'priest' for 'rabbi'... RAHB mentioned something about my being in the next VFS, so Zionist domination may still happen. As for those bloody Brits, I know what you mean. As I progress through life I find I like all the nationalities - be they black, brown, yellow or a combination of them all - except my own, the lager-swilling pie-eating scumbags that we are. Incidentally, while out buying my newspaper yesterday I found a calendar of football cartoons by someone called Mordillo - any relation? Have a good week yourself. :-) Rabbi Techno