User talk:EMC/archive13
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UnSignpost 18th February 2010
All your readers are belong to us
Feb 18th, 2010 • Issue 76 • Now with 20% more vanity!
Understanding of the universe is shattered; Creation as we know it is defunct
One of the most controversial elements of religious understanding has been the answer to the question "How did we get here?" This has often been seen in the debate that has been long held between Creationists and Evolutionists. Now that Imperial Colonisation is back on its feet, under the able guidance of IC Buccaneer Admiral Why?, they are educating the masses on this as we speak. "The article had been befouled by some evil doers, probably French or Spanish or Americans or worse. We are diligently researching and writing to bring the article in line with the Truth." stated Buccaneer Admiral Why?. A dramatic re-write is in process, as Why? has all his seamen working towards the noble goal of indoctrinating the masses in Creationist theory. After some false starts involving a banana and a jar of peanut butter, the recreation of creationism is being created. "The colonized article will show how the Empire has the right and duty to colonize everywhere by any methods available, and that anything we do is God's will. We will finish it by Saturday, 20 of February, or by Saturday, 27 of February, depending upon how long it takes us to colonize the natives. Anyone who wishes to apply to join our noble effort may do so at Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization." Why? stated in closing. Darwin awards - Uncyclopedia Stylie
Fortunately he showed the resilience that 10 year olds have when they are in the middle of doing something completely idiotic, and continued to trawl through people's talk pages, undo their edits, and generally be a dick. MrN9000, understanding the right balance of politeness and harshness, gave I LIKE PIE!!! a friendly message on his talk page, with a 1 week ban to support the severity of his words. Undeterred, I LIKE PIE!!! later returned. 1 week and 35 minutes after his previous ban, MrN repeated his previous words to the young man, along with a further 1 week ban. Thankfully, it appears that I LIKE PIE!!! took MrN's words to heart, as he managed to last a further 30 minutes after this second ban before he ran afoul of Roman Dog Bird, who in true RDB style demonstrated what an infinite ban actually means. When hard-hitting journalists pressed for details relating to the banning of this pre-pubescent pestilence, MrN replied "What kinda a journalist are you man!?!" Congratulations, I LIKE PIE!!!, for becoming the inaugural Uncyclopedia Darwin award winner, and removing yourself from the meme pool that we all enjoy. |
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9001(bot) 23:33, Feb 18</small
Any thoughts on this
Probably the most newsworthy thing around that I've seen so far. Nominally Humane! some time 02:32, 26/02/2010
UnSignpost 25th February 2010 (It's not late your mum is)
Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.
Feb 25th, 2010 • Issue 77 • Slurping the froth of Truth off the cappuccino of News
Games, games and more games! We have more games then you can poke a stick at!
Is the games namespace 99.9% shit was the question elegantly asked by OptyC recently. A simple question that has sparked a storm in a teacup. While Uncyclopedia is, undoubtably, the pinnacle of fine parody, it has been suggested the this particular poor cousin of the Main space has been allowed to fall into disrepair and disrepute due to the influx of poorly crafted content. In the words of one editor Delete it. It's cruft and I'm not even sure if it qualifies as a parody namespace of anything on Wikipedia. However, despite the lack of quality content, a significant portion of users have requested that it remain in play, however it be improved by having a little tender loving care given to it, along with a more rigid amount of cruft huffing. As such, it is with open arms we welcome the inclusion into this realm of the new moderator of the Games namespace OptyC, who will be referred to going forward as the Game Master. Upon the announcement of this singularly spectacular accolade, Optyc's first words were Maybe I shoulda just kept my mouth shut, eh? Although much respect must be levelled his way at the way he has taken to his new role with much gusto, winnowing through the chaff to find the kernels of wheat available in there. For more information on these developments, visit Forum:The Games namespace. It's Alive!
A new blow to the "democrats"/"liberals"/"whiny bitches" of Uncyclopedia, opposing the disputed hereditary law. Senior member of the non existent Cabal and editor-in-chief-in-absentia of this newspaper, UU has announced the birth of heiress to the throne, also known as UUette. UUette was reportedly born holding a scepter and a miniature ban hammer, wearing a crown and QVFD grade galoshes and waving frantically at the hysterical cheering masses. The non existent cabal promptly announced a reserved seat for UUette in the VFS round of 2026 as well as the prestigious position of "Noob of the Month". A shrouded spokesperson for the Cabal noted that "it would have been important for the Cabal, were it to exist, that the existing Cabal dynasty, especially one coming from such a quality genetic specimen such as UU, shall continue without disturbance. The Cabal is greatly pleased with UU and Mrs. UU for bolstering its numbers for the Sporadic demonstration of support were noted around the Uncyclopedia realm, as supporters of the Cabal were seen with "DEAR UUette IS GREAT" and "ALL HAIL THE HEIR APPARENT" signs. So called "democratic"/"liberals"/"whiny bitches" protests were dealt with swiftly and efficiently. And from all of us in the UnSignpost here is one big congratulations UU, may your daughter have huge...errr..tracks of land. |
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UnSignpost 4th March 2010 (your calendar is wrong)
In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!
Mar 4th, 2010 • Issue 78 • Snorting the drug of Truth from the toilet seat of News
Controversy over Uncyclopedian leads journalist to public outcry
The "of the Month" nominations and celebrations have been marred recently by drama circulating in forums, talk pages and on vote pages in various areas. Fortunately, whenever and wherever a drama has reared its ugly head an Unsignpost reporter has been there to cover it. Why do I need to provide this? is now experiencing his second week of not having been nominated for anything. After mentioning to a respected editor that he had been nominated for at least one award for almost every day he had been part of the Uncyclopedia community, he bemoaned the fact that he had not been nominated for anything this month. "I've been nommed for something EVERY SINGLE DAY of the five months I've been here--until this month. I'm not nommed for anything. It's pretty depressing, really." Why? complained As a result of this complaining, Why? was then nominated for an award that had been more respected in the breach then in the observance - to paraphrase the bard - Nomination of the Month. When, after a series of events, Roman Dog Bird felt obliged to nominate Aleister in Chains' Nomination for NOTM of PuppyOnTheRadio's nomination for NOTM of Why do I need to provide this?'s nomination of PuppyOnTheRadio for UGotM, he simply stated "This is a stupid award." Meanwhile, at UotM, discussion over the number of awards given out led to an obvious discussion about the worth of RotM and UotM, which of course led, as all conversational roads do, to the hugely popular and debatably talented Dan Brown, not to be confused with Dan Kwon, as we aren't quite sure who he is. The debate got unexpectedly heated when a talented and handsome editor suggested that another less talented editor should perform carnal and bestial acts with random household appliances. Remember to cast your vote in AotM, PotM, RotM, NotM and WotM, or nominate the uncyc member that has impressed you most in these areas. And of course, always remember Mordillo's words, "This one is for people who made Uncyclopedia better by cleaning up shop, helping people and allow Uncyclopedia to wobble around without falling over." Vote today. Or tomorrow - depending on if you have the time.
And with the current vote count standing at 6 in favour, and with few regularly active sysops left to vote, it looks like the chances are that there will be new sysops by the end of this month - so time to start deciding who you're gonna nominate! Who will be the next to have a thousand IPs ask them on their talkpage why they deleted their useless little one-line stub? Stay tuned to find out? |
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UnSignpost 11th March 2010
The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!
Mar 11th, 2010 • Issue 79 • Making the New York Times look shabby since 2008
Investigative journalist looks in to the cabal; Shocking discovery Many veiled references have been made to this cabal, however until now there has been no real investigative attempts to uncover the shocking truth about the cabal. However, despite this, one plucky rookie journalist has decided that the truth must be free, and an investigation into the cabal has been undertaken. Investigating this it appears that the rumours relating to a cabal have come from numerous sources. In investigating this there were a number of dead ends, including pages that appear to have been deleted with no history. One source has come forward to expose the truth about the cabal. Under threat of repercussion, this source has been asked to be known simply as Deep Throat. Upon interviewing this source the following shocking truth has been discovered! There is no cabal.
Any rumours about a supposed cabal are completely untrue. Any suggested sources are in fact fictional and have no veracity behind them. There is no shadowy, mysterious force guiding Uncyclopedia. As I, as a respected journalist, have now been made well aware of the non-existence of this cabal, I am now comfortable to retire my journalistic career. I will shortly be taking a long trip to a very remote location where there is no phone or internet access and will choose to never write again. I may even go to Antarctica. But most importantly, there is not now, nor never has been, a cabal.A useful HowTo? does not compute!
If there were a Cabal (which, as the above article clearly establishes beyond doubt, there isn't), it would encourage you to read it and never write a bad UnNews again. |
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UnSignpost 18th March 2010 (on time as always)
Woop Woop! it's the sound of the Police UnSignpost!
Mar 18th, 2010 • Issue 80 • Hold the line! News isn't always on time!
VFS: it begins
Leading the popular vote at present is long-serving poopsmith and kvetcher RabbiTechno, gaining a seemingly unassailable lead by being helpful, friendly and competent, and by promising to bake cakes for all who vote for him - a ploy which may well have snared the support of more than just the odd swing voter. In a comfortable position just behind the Rabbi is lengthily-monikered Belgian workhorse Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, the joint Uncyclopedian of the Year for 2009, who seems to be gathering followers by being helpful, competent, friendly, and doing loads and loads of stuff. This cunning stratagem has obviously endeared him to the denizens of this wiki, who seem to be propelling him towards having his own banstick. But hold on, who's this coming up stealthily behind Socky? Why, it's pee review supremo and scourge of vandals everywhere ChiefjusticeDS! The Chief is steadily accumulating backers through the cunning tactic of being competent, helpful and friendly. He also rules PEEING with an iron fist, and spends inordinate amounts of time cleaning and tidying up the place, facts that have led to him coming within striking distance of the leaders in what appears to be a three-horse race. One thing is clear from this - all 3 of the most popular candidates appear to be helpful and friendly, which this newspaper finds unacceptable - where is the next Famine going to come from? where will we find an admin willing to infiban users and delete all their articles just for looking at someone the wrong way, or for being Kip the Dip? Also nominated, and receiving some support are current Writer of the Year and greatest person in the history of all things ever Hyperbole, diplomat by Uncyc appointment to all religions Optimuschris, canine broadcaster and damn fine journalist PuppyOnTheRadio, allcaps-named VFD machine SPIKE, confirmed female on the internets Zana Dark, easy-to-spell feature-machine Guildensternenstein and jaded old-timer Necropaxx. Other people have been nominated without recording a score as yet, but as this article is already long enough to have the editor wondering how many filler boxes he can dream up for the right-side panel this week, they just appear as a brief list: Mnbvcxz, Cajek, Gerrycheevers, Syndrome, The Woodburninator, Why do I need to provide this?, Charitwo and some bloke called Mhaille. Will any of them pick up a sympathy vote before the end of voting round 2? Positions vacant. The Imperial Colonization is a long standing organisation that has for years been at the cutting edge of creativity of articles for one of the world's most respected websites: Uncyclopedia. Due to a period of unprecedented growth during a time of economic downturn, as most of our members are otherwise unemployed, we are looking for a new assistant to the head of IC. This is a fantastic opportunity for you to work from home. Your daily duties will include:
The relevant applicant will have:
This is a rare opportunity. The successful applicant will become next in line to take over the reins of IC when the current head To apply, contact Why do I need to provide this? here. |
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UnSignpost 25th March 2010 (hand delivered for added flavor)
The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!
Mar 25th, 2010 • Issue 81 • So full of news, our news-gut hangs over our news-jeans
VFS reaches third and final round, Uncyclopedians bored to tears
Once again, the Rabbi appears to be in pole position, and there are rumours that Mordillo is already preparing him a traditional Jewish banstick, such is his current lead. Meanwhile, Sock and Chief are neck-and-neck for the second slot, polling three votes each currently. When he interviewed himself for this article, lazy journalist UU exclusively told us: "this reflects well on the site - we have three great, very strong candidates, any and all of whom would do a great job if opped. And a number of those who didn't make it to round 3 will probably make a much stronger showing next time. If there is a next time." All that remains now is to see how the final few days affect the vote, and who finally gets the supreme honour of being able to go delete every single page of shitloads of crappy games that have been nommed on VFD, and the like. Joins us next week for the "From Our Logs" new admin special, when we analyse their first bans, and watch as these new admins mercilessly ban the unlucky loser and abuse their new powers flagrantly. Hopefully. Top 5 Of-The-Months Become 90% Cheesier
Well known and completely badass user CheddarBBQ, known for his increasing his own self-image, and for being one of the coolest guys ever, has now set a record by being nommed for all four "big" nominations in the same month. Even more impressive, he has been nommed for these four without doing much of anything deserving of awards (besides the aforementioned alleged coolness and/or badassedness). The always tasty Eyetallyan snackfood has been able to hold tightly to last place in each one of these all month. When asked about his newfound record, the great man/food had this to say: "I always knew I was special. The bag of cheese curls that I referred to as "Mommy" for 15 years would tell me so on a regular basis. Also, suck it bitchez." Of course the amazing record-breaker would think well of himself, so we went elsewhere, to question his adopted son, Momo. When asked about the excitement over the record, Momo claimed, "Papa De La Rosa is, like, the greatest dad ever, I used to have so much fun with him when I was little. Ya know, he once left me inside an oven when I was a baby, went for a beer and got me out the following morning. That was fun, I'm tellin' ya. And when I was 4, he left me in an amusement park, went for a beer and came to pick me up a whole week later. I spent that week with that nice guy who kept touching my ass.. Good times.. When I was 7, he took me for a beer. And by the age of 14, we were running our small liquor-smuggling business.. Oh yeah, he's a great guy." Curiously, his comment did not much relate to the matter at hand, yet it was deemed necessary to include it anyway. It appears to be abundantly clear that Cheddar is a marvel of a man whom we can all look up to. In other news, it appears that Don Chedds is about to set another record by being the first Uncyclopedian to drastically lose all five major awards in one month. It appears to be abundantly clear that Cheddar is a marvel of a man whom we can all look up to. Here's to you, CheddarBBQ. Oh yeah, and some other people had something to do with it as well. Note: The writer of this article has decided that a fact check as to whether or not either of these are true records would be unnecessary. |
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--ChiefjusticeGameCube 22:40, March 25, 2010 (UTC)
I may not be around much
We've had a death in the family, so I don't know when I'll be around for the next week, at least. Would you mind checking occasionally UnNews to see if everything's OK? Thanks. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 14:41, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
Do you ever respond to messages on your talk page?
If you read this on 1 April UTC, thanks for this. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 01:12, April 1, 2010 (UTC)
- Oh you're quite welcome! ;) --EMC [TALK] 01:30 Apr 1 2010
- HAHAHA! I tricked you into responding on your own talk page! First time in months! APRIL FOOL! HAHAHA! Also I'm in a really stupid mood right now. I think I need some sleep. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 01:33, April 1, 2010 (UTC)
UnSignpost 1th April 2010 - Always on time
The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!
Apr 1st, 2010 • Issue 82 • You'd better watch out, you'd better beware: if any news happens, the Signpost will be there
VFS Finishes, New Admins Unleashed, UnSignpost already struggling for material for next week
What does this mean? Well, it means there are now two more Brits armed with bansticks loose on the wiki. Their chirpy, endearing optimism and approachability has already been replaced by the dead-eyed stare and world-weary cynicism required by sysophood, and their friends on the wiki have all turned into suck-ups looking for joke bans. When asked for comments, the Rabbi told us: "I'm willing to accept bribes for huffing articles, banning users, replacing pages with goatse and so on and plan to become as corrupt as possible in as short a time as possible". He also said, when accused of being a "Big Tough Admin Guy": ""Big" - indisputably, but it's all fat; "Tough" - only if you mean chewy; "Admin" - yes, can't argue with that one; "Guy" - only until I've saved enough for the operation". Chief hadn't commented at the time of going to press, so we made something up: "I'm going to ban everyone, I have judged this wiki, and found it wanting. All must pay", he might have said. Of course, this situation also means the long-overdue return of the wildly popular Votes for Sandwiches. Already, 3 bread-based snacks have been suggested, and voting is expected to be fierce. Finally, it also means that the UnSignpost, which has leaned heavily on VFS for Frat party; Bring your own kegger Finally the fraternal (and sisternal) instincts of Uncyclopedia's finest minds have a place that they can call their own. ΥΣΣ, otherwise more easily pronounceably known as Upsilon Sigma Sigma, has been founded in the cellar of one of our newest members, who has already earned the level of respect and admiration that many of our members feel. Skinfan13 has taken the initiative of an entrepreneur and put this together with nothing but a jovial spirit and a little bit of random whoring on an excessive amount of member's talk pages.
In their own charter, they claim that they stand for three thing, being Humor, Honor and Hubris, even if they are unable to spell two of them in English. Already boasting membership of some of the finest that Uncyclopedia has to offer, including the founder of Der Unwehr and its highest point holding member, it is focused on creating one quality article per month via collaboration. However, rather than covering the same ground so amply covered by Imperial Colonization, it chooses to take its inspiration from one of most neglected sources, Wanted Pages. However, not content to simply cater to those who like to work together on articles, they also have another focus in their writing sights - Requested Articles. And the third major focus is the betterment of articles by non members through their unstinting work on Pee Review. While this is still in it's infancy the fraternity/sisternity is looking for For those who are after more information, feel free to check out ΥΣΣ today. Or tomorrow, if that works better for you. The bar is always open, although not always stocked. |
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Nominally Humane! some time Friday, 04:49, Apr 2 2010 UTC
Setting up office
This idea here. This is my second sound-out. The collaboration in this would be about setting up the office, running it, and writing. All or some. Reply here, my talk page, or on the forum. -- Style Guide 07:04, April 2, 2010 (UTC)
Thanks for your condolences, from my wife and I both. We appreciate it, and I'm really touched by the sentiments of my friends here. Cheers. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 01:44, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
Molten Steel
Well-spotted and thanks! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 09:27, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
Preteens Pee
Thanks a lot for ur review! I feel it will help me improve the article. One thing that's funny, though, is that the parts in "Psychological development" u said didn't sound true are from real sources! lol But I think ur right I could make it funnier and Ill move some pics around like u suggested. I'll add something about preteens in other cultures like about getting married young that's a good idea. Also thanks for your changes I feel most of them help but I might change back to underground cuz its an innuendo. I'll get rid of the red link somebody added after I worked on it. Thankies! DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 03:14, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
Untrivia
Hey Nate, I just had sannse rudely snap at me when I came on and started up the bot. Why don't we make a new chan called #untrivia or something and put it there? I personally don't agree with this idea that it stops the conversation--there's hardly anyway, and pm could be used--and I know we had that impromtu chan vote before, but that reaction really pissed me off. --Sir Shandon (Talk) (Trophy Room) 14:45, April 11, 2010 (UTC)
Sorry!!
Forget what I said, Zim came across really nicely, I'm not splitting. Sorry for the fuckup. -- Style Guide 04:27, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
R. Tickle
OK, great about the flies - but please don't publish it before we get the science part done. It will probably take a couple of days, so you'll have plenty of time with yours. I think it's far better if there is a scientific background you can link the news to. -- Style Guide 04:59, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
- Science part sporked and ideas ready in my head - I'll add a link for you here once I'm done. Later today I suppose. -- Style Guide 06:21, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
- This makes me sick - but since it's the truth about these arachnids, what can I do? -- Style Guide 14:03, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
UnSignpost 15/4/10 - Yet another on time delivery.
Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!
Apr 15th, 2010 • Issue 84 • News? Where we're going, we don't need... News...
Something Scary This Way "Comes"
A recent infestation of glowing dildos has taken over the front page of Uncyclopedia. Many users were shocked on April 11th when they opened up their web browsers and were treated to bright green replicas of EugeneKay's penis. Everywhere. Even poor anti-Semite Mel Gibson couldn't escape the wrath of the glowing dick. And the reason for the Scream in Edvard Munch's famous painting was revealed - turns out to have been caused by a hoard of giant glowing EugeneKay penises - an understandable reaction. When asked to comment on the matter, users simply refused to acknowledge that they had seen the penises at all. "Well, I for one didn't notice anything. Glowing penii are so common around here that these particular examples of illuminated manhood really didn't make an impression..." said Aleister in Chains. HELPME had a different outlook on the whole matter: "of course I noticed, how couldn't I? They were everywhere!" he exclusively told our intrepid reporter. Random internet traffic took notice of the infestation as well, with 127.0.0.1 commenting" "Ballsack!!!11 alolololololololooll pasfsdkjfhaelkfjds PENIS PENIS PENIS." He was promptly banned. The infestation passed almost as quickly as it came and a sense of normalcy returned to the main page when the penises retreated into the dark and abysmal graveyard of unused image files. By April 13th, all traces of the Great Penis Invasion of April 11-13 2010 (as it is now being called) were gone. There are, however, unconfirmed reports that the menace still lingers close to the main page, just waiting to strike again soon. I See IC All At Sea
We didn't need to ask the outgoing Admiral for a comment, as he was falling over himself to give us plenty, so we randomly selected the following: "I'm anal for accuracy", he told us. Among other things. Anyway, if you want to follow in Why?'s footsteps, and those of his illustrious predecessors in charge of the Colonization project, you can sign up to be considered for the post here. If it helps, you may wear a nice hat (please provide your own hat). |
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--ChiefjusticeGameCube 21:21, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
I noticed you did a partial archive
Just thought I'd point that out. Nominally Humane! some time Saturday, 10:03, Apr 17 2010 UTC
Double Redirects
I appreciate you letting me know about the double redirects. I honestly checked Special:DoubleRedirects after I redirected Batman to Bruce Wayne because I was concerned that might happen, and the only one it listed was the Redirect page. Have any idea why I didn't see more? King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 17:59, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
- Saw your suggestion that it might have been because I didn't purge my cache. But I hadn't checked the Special:DoubleRedirects page in days, and I purge my cache very regularly. Also I brush my teeth twice a day. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 04:24, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
Thank you for the welcum
I am very new here and I don't know what I'm doing. Can you give me some advice on how to code good? PuppyOnTheRadio16:31, April 22, 2010 PuppyOnTheRadio
UnSignpost 1 May
The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!
April 22nd 1st May, 2010 • Issue 85 • Insert penis joke here
The launch of a new and exciting weekend edition. Maybe. "Where is my signpost?" was the cry heard from the world wide masses this week. "There should have been an issue on the 22nd and on the 29th, and nothing seems to have been done about it." Fear not, gentle reader, for the signpost will not go gentle into the good night. We have instead taken a brief hiatus for no reason that we could conceivably come up with, and now we are back in a blaze of glory. For those who are unaware of our proud history, the next issue, coming out this Thursday, will mark the (roughly) 2 year anniversary of the creation of the UnSignpost, the unperiodic periodical started by Dr. Skullthumper and Cajek. The good doctor, at the time of the first issue, was asked what his feelings were towards creating the first formalised forum for spam within Uncyclopedia. It was from this that we now have the immortal words "Those assholes better appreciate this. They'd BETTER." Now, two years on from those words of wit and wisdom, the UnSignpost is still There have been varied reports as to why the USP has not been released. One suggestion is that regular contributors just "couldn't be bothered writing." Others have suggested that it comes down to the unwillingness of the head editor, who was recently heard to say "I'm so against... this... again... (E)xistence is far more than (it) deserves."[1] One of the more probable reasons for the lack of issues may be that the news has now gone viral, and is available more readily through facebook then it has been previously. One facebook semi-regular, who bears a remarkable resemblance to a Silent Bob inaction figure, has said of this development "Excuse me, but I think your geek is showing." Dexter111344 supported the move to the social networking site by saying "I won't be joining as I don't intend to ever make a Facebook." Another possibility is the number of users now communicating via UnSkypelopedia. When asked for a comment, EMC said "OH FUCKING CHRIST I'VE CUM" Dr.Skullthumper, however, said "I started both of them.", and then wished to make reference to some forum or something. Ethine, however, was somewhat more constructive, informing this reporter that "Since it's getting close to summer, we'll likely have more calls, as most people's schedules are slowing down. As well as calls, we have the neat little chat thing at the bottom, where everyone sexually harasses each other when calls aren't going." Despite several attempts, I still haven't been sexually harassed. One reason why users have not been as distracted recently is due to the enormous amount of work going on at PEE review. At present there are articles waiting for review which have been there for over three weeks. For all those who are looking to get the review process back and alive, please pick up an article for review today. Your time and investment into this proud tradition can create the next great article, like the recently featured A wizard did it or the recently nominated UnNews:Windows 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 came out, hailed by some as "the most profound and groundbreaking article to hit Uncyclopedia in over 50 years" Another reason why many users may be distracted is the number of collaborations that are currently in progress. Of those there is Tim Burton, being cleaned up by the team at ΥΣΣ, lead by the fantastic Skinfan13. Also starting to make some ground in the spread of reliable information is the team at Multiliteralist/Summit of Spin, lead by the wonderful Multiliteralist. And of course, coming out blinking from seeing the light of Discordianism is the ever faithful Imperial colonization, lead by everyone's favourite canine, And of course, another reason might simply be that the team here at USP are all running around arranging bake sales to assist with Poo Lit Surprise, the bi-annual competition that actually gives prizes to the winners. The most likely explanation, however, is that nothing newsworthy ever happens on Uncyclopedia |
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Brought to you by fucking magic. 11:36, 1 May 2010
Best Collab
Where the fuck is it? SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 14:30, May 12, 2010 (UTC)
Missing judge?
Say, I just noticed one of my fellow judges on Best Noob Article hasn't been here for five months. How's that work? King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 03:58, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
- You responded on my talk page so I'll respond to your response on yours. I think that's cool. It's nice to have an old-timer judge, and one that not everyone already knows. Of course many of the noobs don't know any of us anyway. I'm not even sure who I am. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 04:37, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
- Speaking of oldtimers, I just looked you up. you joined on 6-6-6. Such a cool date to start here. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 04:45, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
Thanks for your answers
I still don't understand, though, why there's a part of boys that looks different than girls. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 19:15, May 24, 2010 (UTC)
Noob entry
This edit to a Noob category article was made by an IP, plus this article was in Main Space. How much weight should I give to those factors, or does this simply disqualify it? I'm tempted to simply judge the version before the IP (who may or may not have been the author). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 21:10, May 24, 2010 (UTC)
New Uncyc FB
In the UGotM page, you mentioned "new Uncyc FB." What is that? King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 06:45, May 26, 2010 (UTC)
- It's the Uncyclopedia Facebook page. See here. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 06:50, May 26, 2010 (UTC)
Please keep that anon's edits
An anon just took out a bunch of stuff from your talk page, but before, I couldn't click any links here, so don't hurt him, please! He's just a boy.--On Sunday, 07:15, May 30 2010 UTC
I retained your use of bullet instead of slash but reverted some other stuff. My original goal was that the tabs be about the same width and the background colors would match those of the destination page. Spıke ¬ 22:10 31-May-10
- And it looks fucking dreadful even now. -- Prof. Olipro KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 22:26, May 31, 2010 (UTC)
Happy UnBirthday
I know your birthday isn't for a few days, but if I wait I'll probably forget. Also I think you should know I just saw a chinchilla wearing nothing but its birthday suit, and even watched it take a bath. I took it right out of the bath, and it wasn't even wet. Amazing.
I'll give you a choice of birthday cards.
King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 00:28, June 1, 2010 (UTC)
Congratulations and Condolences
I really wanted to see someone win UOTM and UGotM in the same month, and you're the man. Congratulations on winning Useless Gobshite of the Month, and Condolences on winning Uncyclopedian of the Month. Wait, did I get those backwards? No, that's right. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 19:30, June 2, 2010 (UTC)
adopt me
adopt me
pretty pleas--girl 23:29, June 4, 2010 (UTC)
hey, how do you put a picture on a page? not like the 2 pictures in the section before this, the ones on the side in gray boxes?--girl 00:17, June 5, 2010 (UTC)
Hey, is this an okay place to give a few T-shirt ideas?
Because I have some ideas.
Any User:Prettiestpretty images:
Also, with "I hate the Bermuda Triangle" underneath.
Then of course, there's these two from back when someone was trying to get a merchandise thing started.
Tell me what you think.User:Mrthejazz/sig 05:43, June 7, 2010 (UTC)
Alright. That's a good point. The "no redeeming value one might work though. It probably wouldn't be too tough for someone to design a larger one to go on a shirt, maybe?User:Mrthejazz/sig 06:01, June 7, 2010 (UTC)
PLS
Thanks for all of your work towards PLS. I had the most fun doing my entry since I did Bat Fuck Howitzer. I'm a bit surprised I accumulated 8 points, because I didn't know if the faux vanity would be perceived as such. Sir, you rock! Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 21:44, June 7, 2010 (UTC)
- First, I would like to echo Zim's words of praise: You rock! Second, I have a question that I'm curious about. I saw that you wrote wikia refused to donate any prize money? So, is there any prize money from donations and stuff? It's not that I'm THAT hard up for cash, it's just that if there is money I want to frame it. User:Mrthejazz/sig 16:12, June 8, 2010 (UTC)
- That's a bit of an old gag: bitching at Wikia for no longer funding the PLS. They haven't funded it for a while. My bitching becomes incrementally less relevant every year that I bitch. Anywho, as far as total donations goes, we're received a nice, round $40. Oli and I will be pitching in the rest. --EMC [TALK] 16:52 Jun 8 2010
Sorry I made your border mad. Don't know how to fix it. User:Mrthejazz/sig 05:06, June 10, 2010 (UTC)
PLS illustrated category
Hya EMC, if I'm not mistaken the racoon's article got 4 points and it's not mentioned in the list. Care to take a look? ~ 16:10, June 11, 2010 (UTC)
- Sure. You probably know that I had Oli do the scoring of that category. I was busy at the time. But I'll go have a look. --EMC [TALK] 17:28 Jun 11 2010
PLS?
Hey I was just wondering if there is a way I can move my PLS entry onto the mainspace now it's all over. Good job organising it and everything by the way.--NonchalantCaterpillar 09:51, June 12, 2010 (UTC)
- Yeah. I'll have an admin unprotect everything soon. If it's urgent you can always ask any admin on their talk page. --EMC [TALK] 10:02 Jun 12 2010
- Did you get my email regarding the PLS money? Just
stalkingchecking in. User:Mrthejazz/sig 06:44, June 15, 2010 (UTC)
- Did you get my email regarding the PLS money? Just
Toast
Nice work!!!! Epic win, and sockpuppet of the month/year should be brought back for an encore. And, you know, I did often dream of kissing the tip of your dick, but I still couldn't find the damn thing. Congrats. Aleister 00:49 24 6 MMX
- Thanks. It's kind of a communal sockpuppet I created to curb VFH prejudice. So basically, you can write whatever you want under the account, and not take credit for it or disclose that you wrote it until you want to. We also tried to make the sockpuppet an asshole so people would just leave it alone, but it seems to have garnered more attention than we wanted it to. The password to the account is "oranges" (don't log in for another 24 hours until the ban expires) and the list of people currently using it as a sock are on the page. You can add yourself on there if you like. --EMC [TALK] 02:54 Jun 24 2010
- Uh...You shouldn't do that asshole thing. Seriously. There are a million issues with that. Usually from people who want to help (like me) or noobs who would get offended.--On Thursday, 03:31, June 24 2010 UTC
- Only did it when people tried to leave comments on his talk page. Basically a sort of "keep away from my talk page or be harangued" thing. --EMC [TALK] 03:38 Jun 24 2010
- Well, if you like your sock unbanned, it's really a good idea to not do that... (I do love the idea though. I even admit to voting based on who wrote something once or twice when I was new.)--On Thursday, 03:42, June 24 2010 UTC
- There was a user called staplethetoast too. That wasn't a sock also, was it? By the way, GENIUS.User:Mrthejazz/sig 03:53, June 24, 2010 (UTC)
- Well, if you like your sock unbanned, it's really a good idea to not do that... (I do love the idea though. I even admit to voting based on who wrote something once or twice when I was new.)--On Thursday, 03:42, June 24 2010 UTC
- Only did it when people tried to leave comments on his talk page. Basically a sort of "keep away from my talk page or be harangued" thing. --EMC [TALK] 03:38 Jun 24 2010
- Uh...You shouldn't do that asshole thing. Seriously. There are a million issues with that. Usually from people who want to help (like me) or noobs who would get offended.--On Thursday, 03:31, June 24 2010 UTC
The UnSignpost Is Not Dead!
Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while
Jun 24th, 2010 • Issue 86 • Oh yeah, the UnSignpost, I remember that...
Conservation Week Approaches
Fancy watering Uncyclopedia's forestry? Want to be a good conservationist? Fancy taking up the rewriting sword of justice, and righteously smiting the dragon of shit writing? Actually, the hell with that, do you want to take a bunch of bad articles, and make them suck less? Then you, my friend, are in luck! Conservation Week 2010 starts on July 5th, and actively encourages users to scour the wiki (perhaps through judicious use of Special:Random, or possibly through exploration of Category:Rewrite or Category:Ideas or even Special:Lonelypages), find lame articles that they consider are taking up the very space which could be occupied by something less sucky, and then using their skill and judgement to turn those articles into shining examples of comedic writing. As this is a competition dedicated to simultaneously reducing the number of useless articles on the wiki and increasing the number of good ones, some naysayers believe it to be completely pointless - Uncyclopedia is the worst, they say, and no amount of well-intentioned competitions can change that. But were it to exist, the Cabal would probably beg to differ. They may call it something like "a genuinely good thing", and "a ray of hope, signalling that occasionally, even the most worthless dreck may be redeemed". So if you think what your userpage is missing is a template called the "Greasy Mechanic Award", then prepare to rewrite like you've never re-written before. Just don't forget to make your new version better than the original. Something summarizing the events of the last month or so It has been said by one of our esteemed administrators here at UnSignpost that if it wasn't reported in the UnSignpost, then it didn't happen. As there has been no UnSignpost produced for the last few days, due to one of the editors having a real life, and another one being lazy, there are several things that didn't happen. Yes, the loss of the UnSignpost for so long sent a shiver down the spines of many an Uncyclopedian. So much so that one member of the community decided that it was timely to look at a new way to produce the UnSignpost. One such idea was to release a monthly periodical in the place of USP. Although there has been several attempts by this reporter to obtain a quote from said insurrectional community member, to date no response has been heard. As part of the ongoing struggle to maintain our independent stance from Wikia, several members decided that it would be a wise idea to create a way to cash in on the popularity of the site. As such the UnShoppe has been created, where you may purchase any one of a number of Uncyclopedia-related pieces of merchandise. So far all purchases have been made by the individuals who created the store. However, if you are looking for the place to buy a shirt that shows that your nipples have been featured, that a wizard did something, whatever it was, and that you have an in-depth knowledge of who Dan Kwon is. There was a competition. Congratulations go to mrthejazz, who got the pun. Imperial Colonisation has taken a brief hiatus after the new head of IC became the old head of IC. He was an Australian, and his example has inspired the entire nation so much that the new head of Parliament for the country is now the old head of parliament. Congratulations go out to the new new head of IC. A strange bandwagon has been created by a drunken Bonner, who has challenged all and sundry to ask him anything at all. As such there are various forums dedicated to asking regular Uncyclopedian members things. These previously were known as user talk pages, but who can stand in the way of progress? And that's all that didn't happen. Although now it's listed in UnSignpost that means it actually did happen. Which suggests that by editing UnSignpost I have the power to change the past. If I could change anything about the past, what would it be? I had sex with a real person![1]
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UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox
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A new UnSignpost issue, another template spammed onto your talkpage, enjoy!
16:14, 24 June 2010WE want Benson and Goatse T-shirt!
I got a good idea. How about a thong of Uncyclopedia's Sophia? And another one: I want a "Benson is better than you!" T-shirt! For Uncyclopedia's shop! 05:17, June 25, 2010 (UTC)
- Send me details of what you need and I can create the images... -- Sir Mhaille (talk to me)
- This shall get you started. The T-shirt should be a parody of the IHOP logo, replacing IHOP with BHOP and the words saying Benson's 3D House of Pancakes. 06:06, June 26, 2010 (UTC)
Fast Animals Obese Fetuses
Hi. I may have fixed the lead on that Fast Animals nom, please have another glance. And Dex may have outed your real name in the comments after I played a playa' and called all you guys TOAST. The page itself is by a user named Fattybelly, who died this morning while taking a walk (German Shepard attack, a tragedy, saw it on CNN) Aleister 13:48 30 5 MMX
For your votes
Thanks! I, HELPME, thank you for voting me to be ROTM for June 2010. Your support is appreciated. Now that I have ROTM, I have an excuse to do nothing, so I'm even happier! My master procrastination plan is working! YES!!! |
I didn't know rodents were allowed to vote.--On Thursday, 01:51, July 01 2010 UTC
Thanks!!! <3
Love,
All the news that's unfit to print!
Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!
Jul 1st, 2010 • Issue 87 • More news than something with less news than us
Things getting boring on the wiki? Time to write at speed!
We're still waiting for that, but until it arrives, Skull's hour-long writing contest will do nicely. Shamelessly pinching Cajek's idea of time-limited writing competitions (which brought us such classics as HowTo:Sexually Stimulate an Ant, lest we forget), but putting his own distinct spin on it, Uncyc's own mad Doctor challenged Uncyclopedians to write an article in a single hour that would survive VFD. Given Uncyclopedia's well-known exacting quality standards, this promised to be a tough task, but a surprising number of people were up for it. And so it was that a frenzy erupted across the wiki, and baffled Europeans and other users not around at the time awoke the next day to a slew of brand new articles, not all of which ended up being deleted. They liked the idea so much, they held their own a couple of days later. When asked to comment on his brainchild, the commotion and excitement it had caused, and the size of his penis, Dr. Skullthumper exclusively told us "Sure. I'll get on that. I swear". Things getting boring on the wiki? Time to start pointless drama! Giant evil multinational wiki-hosting conglomerate Wikia won a major victory last month, when a rebellion by a small but dedicated band of anti-capitalist radicals was brutally put down by a bunch of fascistic Wikia-collaborators. Or at least, that's what happened in the heads of Carlb, Roye7777777 and CartoonistHenning after they nailed their anti-Wikia manifesto to the metaphorical door of Uncyclopedia's metaphorical Wittenberg Cathedral. The 1,000-word anti-Wikia tract, despite the shocking and previously unknown revelation that Wikia was not in fact the wiki-hosting charity that it claimed to be, but rather a commercial company, failed to ignite a spontaneous revolt against Wikia among the Uncyclopedia community. A heated and sexually-charge discussion ensued, with strong arguments offered by both sides. However, it seems that some people were unable to grasp the enormity of the revelation that Wikia's motives were less than altruistic. Eventually, the thread descended into an all-out flamewar and a waaaaaaaaaaaaaahmbulance was called to treat the injured. "We may have lost this round," Carlb told UnSignpost reporters "but it is only a temporary setback. One day, the tyranny of Wikia will be no more. Our revenge will be the laughter of our children." It is rumoured that Carlb, Roye7777777 and CartoonistHenning will employ Black Bloc tactics at the next Wikia conference in an attempt to escalate the struggle against Wikia oppression. |
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--ChiefjusticeGameCube 12:21, July 1, 2010 (UTC)
I CAN HAS IDEA!
Now I just need the content to go with it.--Sir Shandon (Talk) (Trophy Room) 22:28, July 1, 2010 (UTC)